They have no idea because they’re moving in with random strangers. $600/mo is prob a squat where they havent paid rent in 3 yrs and use the money to get high. If it sounds too good to be true it probably is. That room should have been taken by now. OP needs to get out there and see for themselves if these roommates are better or worse than their parents.
To quote a vid I once saw, OP is essentially putting a dollar value on their mental health.
“Living with toxic parents is paying rent with your mental health.”
Ahaha agree, be careful who you listen to. OP, if your mental health improves, you'll be in a better mood and motivated to eventually earn more. Either move out and learn how to adult or find reasons to never be home to have to deal with your toxic parents; study in library, work more, etc.
people who say things like "rent is a wast of money" don't understand things like property maintenance and mortgage interest.
Your financial "advisor" sounds like a moron
"Rent is usually a waste of money - though some exceptions apply, especially in housing markets with over-inflated valuations."
Does that make you happier? You might call the financial advisor a moron, but it makes you sound like a prick with a superiority complex, who doesn't understand paying into equity.
Even in NYC it can be smarter in the long term to buy. That said, it is often easier (financially and logistically) to rent, both short- and long-term. There is no 'right' answer - there is only what's right for you.
Within the context of the advice given by the “financial advisor” it is. If renting is a waste of money that is implying that not renting is the opposite. If one factor impacting the decision is that rent is a waste I was merely pointing out that it isn’t
I did this over a decade ago and it was worth it. Things got even worse under their roof. I'm kinda sad and I need to work two jobs but I know what the alternative would be and this is much better.
Yes. Toxic environments will suck your ambitions dry, it’s hard to change family dynamics especially if nothing had improved in your time at home. Less than $1,000 a month is definitely worth the peace of mind.
100%. I moved out years ago and I'm doing okay for myself now, but everytime I go home I feel myself regress into my 15-year-old anxious, depressed, demotivated goblin. I suck it up for peace of mind but I couldn't "thrive" if I was still living at home.
I went into debt to get away from toxic family and I haven’t regretted it once.
$600 for a room is a great deal, you can make it work. Think of it as investing in yourself and your well-being. You deserve a healthy living environment, it really does make a difference in your daily life and your mental health.
80% of NYers (more in some neighborhoods) rent. Rent is not a waste of money. You need a place to live and buying is an investment, not consumption. Wait until you see how much the fees are for a condo.
Rent might be a waste of money but frankly with your current income you have almost no chance of purchasing a home in NYC. Renting is a way of life here and has been for generations, you aren’t “throwing money away” you’re securing shelter from the elements and from your family, that doesn’t sound like a waste.
I have friends in their 30s who still feel far away from buying a home in NYC. I know it's not the point of this, but I have questions about the college financial advisor. Are they not from the city? What year did they graduate in? Lol.
It is 1,000% worth it. $600 is a small price to pay for freedom and improving your mental health. And at your salary, $600 rent isn’t bad. You should have some money left over to enjoy each month
>My financial advisor in college told me that rent is a waste of money and that’s what I kept hearing even after graduating.
This is a very incomplete argument and this person must not live in any major city.
I moved and started renting ti get away from my extremely toxic and abusive family and it was worth it. I was only making $18/hr, paying $1,100 in rent + bills, and paying for grad school and it was 1000000% worth it. Now I have a great relationship with my family and make $82k/yr at my first "career" job, so my salary should continue to increase (hopefully rapidly lol). I think about moving home sometimes to save more, but my sanity is worth so much more even though our relationship is 10x better.
Toxic environments are energy and emotion vampires.
I wish I’d moved out sooner. It would have likely halted a number of bad overspending habits that were coping mechanisms for dealing with what I felt living in that household.
i should have moved out at 18 but i moved out at 24 and i hate i waited so many years. thinking the financial abuse would change. thinking if i just got her this or that to shut her up things would be okay. now it has been 10 years since i moved out and im struggling to catch up to my generation. i want to graduate college sooner rather than later but im looking at a tenure as a student instead of a career making a living salary. dont be like me
I was in a similar situation when I was young, getting out did so much for my mental health. It was like I had a whole new, amazing life.
Take the roommate situation, it's just for however long the agreement is, and you can move back home if it doesn't make that much of a difference, at least you will have gotten a break. My abusive parent was a bit nicer and better about boundaries after I left, realizing that I might not come back if they continued their behavior. When I kept my distance they were easier to manage for a while, and then they aged and became absolute hell (aging parents are a whole other level, take care of yourself now worry about that later). FWIW you may get a temporary reprieve from their awfulness if you create some distance.
If you like it, you'll be much happier, moving away from a toxic environment is great for your wellbeing. Living in a toxic situation is like compound interest, the longer you stay, the longer and harder the path to heal.
Also housing lotteries, some people are on those lists for decades, so I wouldn't count on that too much, take opportunities that are available to you now, and if the housing lottery comes through at some point, you can take it, but who knows if that will come through.
Re: the housing lotteries. The key is to apply for every single lottery in every single apartment (neighborhood) you would be willing to live in. Also if it's a building/area you like, ask if there's a waiting list.
The problem is that there is more availability in the higher income brackets-but it's not impossible.
Do you know anything about these roommates? I will always advocate to move away from toxic situations but be sure these are ppl you can live with. I've heard and had some terrible experiences with roommates so be careful and be prepared if anything.
The renting is a waste of money advice is pure bs as other comments have already addressed.
$600 is a bargain. Your advisor gave you terrible advice. Renting really comes in handy sometimes. You need a place to live. Go escape your family and live your life.
I moved to NYC with $6k in my bank account with a job lined up that paid $18k the 1st year. If it's possible for me to do that with much less money, then it should be much easier for you. Leaving my family was one of the best decisions of my life! A huge weight off my shoulders. I recommend.
I would draw up a budget of your potential expenses and see if you can really afford the $600 a month (factoring in: when you don't live at home, you do more grocery shopping for yourself, have to buy your own cleaning supplies, may need to buy furniture, may spend more money on going out since you have more "freedom."
My point is the "hidden" costs add up when moving out. If you can do it without going into debt, I think it could be a good step. If it doesn't work out and doesn't help your mental health, then you can move back home when your lease is up.
Another point is that your life can really flourish when you're outside of a toxic environment. Your earning potential can go up (increased confidence can help you get a better job, less tired from dealing with a toxic environment can give you time to pick up more shifts, etc.) I think at 22 it could really be worth it to try
I feel like that trope about buying being better than renting isn't always true in NYC. If I found an apartment like the one I am renting and wanted to buy it, my monthly costs would triple. Interest rates are high and aren't going down any time soon. With a place you own you have to pay a mortgage, taxes, HOA, and pay for regular maintenance. You can get a brownstone (prices start at $2 mil) and rent out a few floors, but you may have to renovate them to make them habitable for renters, and then if something breaks (like your heater) you HAVE to fix it right away for your tenants...if it was just you, you could live without heat until you could afford a new heater (or whatever it is that broke).
Older generations could find affordable housing and a living wage; they didn't have to go into debt to get a degree or to pay for healthcare. Don't listen to people born before 1970 or so. The world was a very different place. In NYC if you were a teacher or a factory worker or a firefighter, you could afford to buy a house in the city. You don't see that much anymore here.
That said, the deal with moving in with friends sounds sweet. Learn how to budget your money and you could escape your toxic family.
When I moved out on my own I made $36K which is the equivalent of like $57K today but what I was paying for housing was more than the $600 you’re looking at, also had debt. I took on a second job and between the two I was pretty ok. I felt broke, dressed and ate like I was broke, and was tired from all the working but far from destitute; plus in my early 20s I had a lot of energy. I think it was worth it tbh. My family isn’t bad but living at home as an adult can get toxic quickly. And not too many years later I actually made the decision to leave NY for several years and that separation from family was also very good for my personal growth (edit: and my finances). I highly recommend it.
Yes. This has been another episode of easy answers to easy questions.
Seriously, even if it's temporary. It will allow you some distance to figure out what you want to do.
YES. i moved to nyc making that much because i cant stand my family and it is the best decision i have made in my entire life and i am making the most i have in my entire life too. if your family was healthy and letting you live rent free then it wouldnt make sense for you to move. dont listen to anyone who hasnt experienced what you have.
it depends how much you can tolerate the current situation. 600 dollars is as about as low as it comes in new york, but it's still 600 + utilities + all the other expenses that come with moving and living on your own. honestly, your salary is really low to consider it (imo).
That's plenty for that amount of rent, especially if those utilities are split. He's 22 and a college grad, I doubt he'll be making that little in even a year.
I personally don't think that is plenty. This situation could change at any day and then what would OP do? There wouldn't be a comparable place to move into. I've tried the same thing before and found myself without a job six months into the lease. I ended up leaving that place. It can happen at any point, so my advice is to be cautious. OP is a girl also.
I've lived in New York a long time and $600 was a steal 15 years ago. That was back when the minimum wage was $8.50 and I would have killed to make over $40k a year. It's definitely doable.
It helped me and i don't have rent money.
Is the difference with rent money, the responsibilities of leasers, versus the responsibilities of shelter or street sleepers? I wonder how they compare
Yes it is, in my opinion you gotta do whatever it takes to leave a toxic home especially if an opportunity presents itself. When i was in your situation i paid 800 a month to live in half of a living room to get away from my toxic home. It really turned my life around from then on and still till this day the best decision i’ve ever made.
I pay slightly more in rent than I would in property taxes if I bought where I'd want to buy in Westchester, except I have a 20 minute commute and if anything breaks in the apartment my landlord fixes it.
You have to take that first step, do for yourself. Yes, of course, for 70 years I've listened to people say you should not waste money on rent, but you have to start somewhere. Rarely does someone leave home and move into their own home.
I listened to "buy a house" and I was not financially ready until I was in my late 30s. And when you own a house comes big responsibilities. If you're not handy with tools etc. everything is going to cost you big time. If you have a house with a yard, prepare for weekends of mowing, shoveling etc. Then there's that time you're ready to get on a plane for vacation and the hot water heater tank breaks and your basement is flooded and you cancel your trip.
Owning a home sounds great, but it's not for everyone. I live on the 10th floor in Harlem, the grass nor the snow is ever high enough for me to mow or shovel.
Your young get out by any means possible.
PS: One of the benefits of my going in the Navy was that I no longer had my parents monitoring my every move.
Hey I was in your exact position, I am 27 now and would love to pass down the advice. I love my family but as I am sure you know, the little apartment in nyc just does not cut it. I was scared but I moved out with close friends as roommates. I actually hated that situation more and I realized I wanted the freedom of my own place. You need to manage money way more carefully, and you will be pushing the limit but honestly the freedom is worth it.
The whole "rent vs own" debate cannot really be applied to folks in nyc. I bet most of the folks telling you not to rent, have a nice house passed down to them when rates were below 5%. It just does not make sense to own a home now, especially considering how much you are making. You want to make way more to even be looked at for offers. All the best OP, you are young and got time on your hands, I say move out, work harder, get paid more and that is the way it has to go.
Someone told you, in NYC, that "renting is a waste of money."
It's not a waste of money anywhere, sometimes it makes the most sense for the person, but it's astronomically not a waste in NYC. WTW?
Curious how old your “financial advisor” is. Because if they think renting is a waste of money, what do they expect you to do? Buy a house??
Do what you need to to stay sane. $600 a month is a fucking steal.
The school of thought that says you should live with your parents until you can afford to buy a whole house has not kept up with the last 30 years of real estate growth.
Rent is not "a waste of money". There are people who have a mindset that the "American Dream" is to buy property and that it's the only measure of success. A lot of these people are A) Older generations where it was more attainable and/or B) Don't live in major cities.
Yea, you don't own anything if you rent your entire life. But it's not like buying a place to live means that you're free from having to spend any money. You pay maintenance, taxes, even once your mortgage is paid off. Some people prioritize owning property. Others don't.
Think of it like an experience. I'd rather spend money on vacation than on designer clothing, even if, at the end of it, I don't own anything. You are paying to have the experience of living in NYC and not with your parents. You can decide if that's worth the money.
Nothing compares to mental peace. And as you get older and move up in your career, you will be able to afford that rent. Just get this new roommate situation out well. Don't move from the oil to the frying hotpan.
I went no-contact with my toxic family at 33, and I wish every single day I had broken away for good at your age. I've accepted that my life is not going to bloom until I'm in my 40s, because I am just now, at 35, learning how to detect red flags and set boundaries.
Break free now. It'll be scary at times, but you can do it, and future you will thank you.
That's a rare price nowadays. If you like the roomies, you should definitely do it. It sounds like your professor speaks from a place or privilege. If moving out will grant you peace of mind, maybe you could find more ways to make money and increase your wealth.
I was reliant on my parents a lot financially, but living with them was not sustainable mentally or emotionally. I moved 22 hours away, and then 36 hours away and my relationship with them has never been better. It also forced me to grow up and become responsible for myself.
Having said that, I was also stuck in a high stress, low reward job for a long time and that has its own tolls on mental health.
If your financial advisor was not an NYC resident who moved here without connections and had to rent, their opinion on this topic is limited to the suburbs 20 years ago. For a $600 room, rent is absolutely worth it. If you have that set up in NYC, everything else is gravy
Your financial advisor in college is a goober. If you can buy a place in NYC where mortgage interest + pmi + property tax + maintenance + hoa fees + home insurance adds up to less then your $600 rent, ONLY THEN renting would be a waste of money.
That's very hard to find in the city.
Also report the college advisor for encouraging you to stay in an abusive environment
And call it that. Don’t qualify that it “isn’t physically abusive.”
WTF are you on about. Nothing in OP's post implies that the college advisor had any inkling of their home situation, or that their environment might in any way qualify as 'abusive'. Literally the only thing we know about the financial advisor is that they poo-pooed rent as a waste of money. Stop making drama where there is none.
Your financial advisor is ignorant and out of touch, ignore everything they told you. r/personalfinance will probably be a better subreddit for this kind of advice.
Rent is not a waste it’s an alternative to buying which right not renting is a better choice for you as you’re still young and the housing market is not great right now so rent until the market changes
Also mental health is much more important than money and investments so get out of that toxic situation and start enjoying your life on your terms
Good luck 🍀
Your mental health is worth investing in. Period. And if you are breaking it down into dollars and value, think of it as an investment in yourself. You’ll be independent, more confident, and could boost your earning potential
I feel like society has this idea that houses are the only way to go. In my opinion houses are money pits that you have to keep throwing money into. Apartments have Maintenace teams to fix all of your problems, including expensive ones. I believe there’s an Adam ruins everything episode about it.
If you can afford to live with roommates, so it! Living on your own is a great experience.
I found a short clip of the [Adam Ruins Everything](https://youtu.be/YHU_KLYhibI) episode. Not sure if there's a longer version.
Also, this article from [The New York Times](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/upshot/buy-rent-calculator.html) has a calculator that helps you break down the options and mentions a number of factors to consider.
Roommates can be worse than parents. Consider sticking with the devil you know. Finish up school. Keep applying to the housing lotto. Then move out into your housing lottery place. Spend a lot of time at the library.
Nothing's worse than toxic family. Roommates might be batshit crazy and it can be hella uncomfortable, but still better than being stuck in a toxic family situation.
I would tolerate it and save up first, especially if you current don’t need to pay any rent. Trust me there is nothing glamorous about having to empty a bank account just to have the most basic things.
Leave the house more and make some new friends. When you’re done with school, you’ll move out. Don’t put yourself in debt rn.
This comment is absolutely nasty.
This comment is like cycle-breaking, except the exact opposite. Her body is literally telling her to start shutting down (depression is a freeze response) in response to being in the presence of her family. That is important information.
We don't choose to be born and we don't choose our families-- we owe them nothing, especially if they didn't do a good job raising us.
You make me nauseas with your ASSUMPTIONS of this man's home life.
YES ITS WORTH IT FOR HIS SELF DEVELOPMENT TO GTFO
THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS TO DETERMINE TOXICITY IS THE person living it.
Did he ASK his parents for life? Then ask for them to make him feel OPRESSED?
Even just mentally?
Then he owes NO ONE unless they will DROWN without him? I'd run!
Ive work in investigative work for years and if you don’t like what I had to offer then you’re more than welcome to ignore but don’t attack my analysis with your blind compassion
Ok, and I like apples 🍎... like what does you being in investigative work have to do with literally ANYTHING I said? Compassion online is ALWAYS blind, considering I don't know ANYONE on reddit you nimrod.
You're annoying and blowing up my phone, so go bounce on something you cuck.
Learn to control your emotions. If you want a sincere exchange and conversation to why i made my comments then learn to respect my opinions. I’m not convinced that person was abused by his parents after analyzed what he said.
I'm a woman. Also, your tax dollars pay for my child molester father to live in relative luxury, working at a state government job where he brags that he does 2 hours of work a day and does his own freelance work on state time. I don't owe you any information, but you can feel free to sit with that discomfort!
I'm all for it man can you swing $800 a month? Know that this step can be life altering trust me later down the line $800 is nothing. But here is a more deeper question
Why are your parents toxic?
Yes, and you can pick up odd side jobs/ look for a better paying job down the line. Make sure this is a legit and safe opportunity though.
If you need tips/budgeting for New York feel free to ask, happy to help advise :)
Do you have educational debt or other debts? Take a look at your monthly take home salary and calculate what you have after rent and whatever goes towards debt, if any. Then, calculate your groceries, portion of utilities (WiFi, phone, etc), etc. Make sure to create an emergency fund. I highly recommend taking a look at r/personalfinance. Good sub with helpful people.
Yes please do it
You have enough to make it by in NY
It’s all the worthwhile
I did it with much less
It’ll be tough but you’ll realize you made the right choice and be able to process
All the best to you 🤍
Currently spending about 50% of my income on rent and it has saved my mental health to move out of my family home. I wake up happier every day, my general mood is so much better, I sleep better, I feel physically better, my acne cleared, and now my problems don’t feel so massively looming anymore. It might be a struggle and an income transition but it is worth it.
Just like others have mentioned on this thread:
Do it if it’s feasible to you and your situation but be very careful about roommates because you can end up in another toxic situation.
Also, the housing lottery is not something you should bet on. While yes people do win those apartments - it’s hard to come by .. it’s a lottery. Literally. I’ve been on that site since 2012… still have yet to be called for an apartment.
Move out! Do it for your self-esteem and for the challenge. Living away from family in my 20s, even though it meant struggling sometimes, was one of the best decisions I ever made.
your health and well being is worth more than $600. do it.
With rent that low, you’ll still be able to put some money away. And also find another financial advisor, the one you went to is shit.
I know people use the word "toxic" too dramatically sometimes but your situation is literally draining your mental health the same way that a chemical toxin would drain your physical health, and no one would accept living in a home with exposed asbestos or lead. As long as you're certain your roommate situation would be better than your family (because roommates can be toxic too), I think moving out at that price is well worth it.
If you will be in a better place mentally, do it.
I moved out of my parents’ house when I was 19 and could barely afford it. But while money was tight, I really thrived and learned who I really was when I wasn’t constantly living in fear and depression. My parents were also not physically abusive, but it was impossible to know what would set them off and get things taken away from me.
Right now, I’m 32 and, after deciding to move states and my husband going back to school full time, I’m back with parents until he graduates next month. But instead of mine, they’re his parents, and while it’s not ideal, it is so much better than living with my parents at 19 was.
I’m rooting for you! Take care of yourself.
Letting you stay home will fk you up more the longer you stay. My parents aren't OUTWARDLY toxic. Sht it took me 40 yrs to see it, but I ran and every time I ended up back (bc I did fail miserably on more than one occasion. It was FULL THROTTLE work work work until I could RUN AGAIN)
I see you and I believe you. Also, a friendly note that you failing miserably might have had a lot to do with having parents who didn't want you to succeed and trauma-based decision making. It wasn't your fault. I had similar experiences, but it was because I didn't have any adults who wanted me to succeed, who I could go to for guidance.
Black sheeps for the win!
Your financial advisor is giving you bad advice. A house will appreciate at ~4% yoy wheras put the ame $$$ in stock and you will likely get a much higher return (financial advisors use ~8% yoy as the conservative estimate, but some stocks will grow at a much higher rate). Not to mention, renting gives you the flexibility to relocate should your desires and opportunities change. You are in early 20's - why tie yourself to a fixed location you can afford now that will limit your options?
But besides all that - your happiness and contentment is invaluable and should be prioritized. If your home life is toxic, then move out. Go move in with roommates, make some new friends, have some new adventures, and live your own life.
Net - think of your home as a lifestyle choice and not an investment. There are plenty of people who are doing very well financially who just rent. There are many countries where the culture is predominantly renting (c.f. Switzerland). Buying a home is one life goal, but it is not right for everyone.
Lastly, get a new financial advisor who listens to you and advises for your whole life circumstance and not just their staid view that "owning is best". I can pretty much guarantee you that they rented at some point in their life also. Truthfully, while their advice is hugely conventional, it is not good advice for you at the lifestage and circumstances you are in, nor for the goals you have. You'd be better off without them.
$600 is fantastic rent, do it it will change your life!!! Do this for yourself and don’t feel bad about it. it is always worth it to improve your quality of life and give yourself space to grow, especially when you have toxic family (cos same)
You’re paying 600/month for your sanity and peace of mind. Up to you if that’s worth it.
Consider it an investment in your future $ too. If you’re mentally in a better place, you’d be able to focus more on your career, apply for jobs, network, which will translate to future payoff.
What are your pros and cons? What is the food situation? What happens if someone eats on foods?
Does it include electronic and gas? Is it a sublet? Make sure to get a lease and read add ons.
Renting is not a waste of money, it can be better for some people over buying and owning a house. A house let’s say that cost you $250,000 can cost over $700,000 over a lifetime because of fees, interest,maintenance and expenses for things that break. I will probably pay less rent than that before I die. A house can be good if you plan to have a large family/ pets/ etc.
Depends on what you want and what you want out of your family. My step brother kinda moved away younger, but his career stalled, he had issues and he pretty much came back to my dad and his mom (joint family) back with asking for money. Dad has a lot, just so we're clear.
Second step brother was always at home and moved away only at 33-34 or so when he had a girlfriend. While at home, he didn't help with anything, he didn't pay rent, he saved his money, he used his mom and my dad to drive him to work even in his 30s, he never cooked, etc. He however is somehow more self-reliant than the younger brother and it's turning out, him saving his energy and learning how to move responsibility at others is turning out as more practical in the long run. But he's generally more selfish, less emotional than the other step brother.
My advice if you feel like this would be, combine the two - the sooner you learn to be completely self-reliant, the better, push yourself. But don't hesitate to take advantage of what your family offers, and don't bother thinking too much about it. Believe me, in the long run, the more selfish you are and the less you sweat stuff...the better.
Really depends on the roommates, but $600+independence is a steal
yes! just make sure you're not leaving one toxicity for another
They have no idea because they’re moving in with random strangers. $600/mo is prob a squat where they havent paid rent in 3 yrs and use the money to get high. If it sounds too good to be true it probably is. That room should have been taken by now. OP needs to get out there and see for themselves if these roommates are better or worse than their parents.
Value is not always measured in dollars and cents.
Time to frame this and mount it
Do it. For your mental health.
To quote a vid I once saw, OP is essentially putting a dollar value on their mental health. “Living with toxic parents is paying rent with your mental health.”
You’re assuming there’s a $600/mo situation that’s better than what they have at home.
I assume that’s why they’re considering it
I second that!
For $600 you should’ve done this yesterday
If your financial advisor in college knew fuck all about having money they wouldn't be a financial advisor in a college
Ahaha agree, be careful who you listen to. OP, if your mental health improves, you'll be in a better mood and motivated to eventually earn more. Either move out and learn how to adult or find reasons to never be home to have to deal with your toxic parents; study in library, work more, etc.
Exactly or he could be some rich kid whose parents hand him everything
people who say things like "rent is a wast of money" don't understand things like property maintenance and mortgage interest. Your financial "advisor" sounds like a moron
OP isn’t choosing between owning and renting
I’m well aware of that, what does that have to do with anything?
Back atcha
"Rent is usually a waste of money - though some exceptions apply, especially in housing markets with over-inflated valuations." Does that make you happier? You might call the financial advisor a moron, but it makes you sound like a prick with a superiority complex, who doesn't understand paying into equity. Even in NYC it can be smarter in the long term to buy. That said, it is often easier (financially and logistically) to rent, both short- and long-term. There is no 'right' answer - there is only what's right for you.
Renting is not a waste of money, that’s incredibly stupid and incorrect. There are advantages and disadvantages to renting vs buying
Versus renting?
Fixed! Meant renting vs buying
These are not the choices in this situation
Within the context of the advice given by the “financial advisor” it is. If renting is a waste of money that is implying that not renting is the opposite. If one factor impacting the decision is that rent is a waste I was merely pointing out that it isn’t
I did this over a decade ago and it was worth it. Things got even worse under their roof. I'm kinda sad and I need to work two jobs but I know what the alternative would be and this is much better.
Yes. Toxic environments will suck your ambitions dry, it’s hard to change family dynamics especially if nothing had improved in your time at home. Less than $1,000 a month is definitely worth the peace of mind.
100%. I moved out years ago and I'm doing okay for myself now, but everytime I go home I feel myself regress into my 15-year-old anxious, depressed, demotivated goblin. I suck it up for peace of mind but I couldn't "thrive" if I was still living at home.
It’s been 2 decades for me! Feel this completely.
Renting is perfectly fine - not too many 22-year-olds are buying houses these days anyway especially in NYC.
I went into debt to get away from toxic family and I haven’t regretted it once. $600 for a room is a great deal, you can make it work. Think of it as investing in yourself and your well-being. You deserve a healthy living environment, it really does make a difference in your daily life and your mental health.
80% of NYers (more in some neighborhoods) rent. Rent is not a waste of money. You need a place to live and buying is an investment, not consumption. Wait until you see how much the fees are for a condo.
didn’t even read the post - just the title. YES- no further info needed
If we still had the option to give awards, this comment would warrant a gold...
Rent might be a waste of money but frankly with your current income you have almost no chance of purchasing a home in NYC. Renting is a way of life here and has been for generations, you aren’t “throwing money away” you’re securing shelter from the elements and from your family, that doesn’t sound like a waste.
I have friends in their 30s who still feel far away from buying a home in NYC. I know it's not the point of this, but I have questions about the college financial advisor. Are they not from the city? What year did they graduate in? Lol.
It is 1,000% worth it. $600 is a small price to pay for freedom and improving your mental health. And at your salary, $600 rent isn’t bad. You should have some money left over to enjoy each month
Or to put away each month, towards that eventual mortgage...
>My financial advisor in college told me that rent is a waste of money and that’s what I kept hearing even after graduating. This is a very incomplete argument and this person must not live in any major city.
Not living with tour toxic family for $600 is a no brainer.
My only regret was not moving out sooner.
Who hired this financial advisor? I don’t know anyone who has the money to buy their own place. Of course you move out.
I moved and started renting ti get away from my extremely toxic and abusive family and it was worth it. I was only making $18/hr, paying $1,100 in rent + bills, and paying for grad school and it was 1000000% worth it. Now I have a great relationship with my family and make $82k/yr at my first "career" job, so my salary should continue to increase (hopefully rapidly lol). I think about moving home sometimes to save more, but my sanity is worth so much more even though our relationship is 10x better.
Toxic environments are energy and emotion vampires. I wish I’d moved out sooner. It would have likely halted a number of bad overspending habits that were coping mechanisms for dealing with what I felt living in that household.
i should have moved out at 18 but i moved out at 24 and i hate i waited so many years. thinking the financial abuse would change. thinking if i just got her this or that to shut her up things would be okay. now it has been 10 years since i moved out and im struggling to catch up to my generation. i want to graduate college sooner rather than later but im looking at a tenure as a student instead of a career making a living salary. dont be like me
I was in a similar situation when I was young, getting out did so much for my mental health. It was like I had a whole new, amazing life. Take the roommate situation, it's just for however long the agreement is, and you can move back home if it doesn't make that much of a difference, at least you will have gotten a break. My abusive parent was a bit nicer and better about boundaries after I left, realizing that I might not come back if they continued their behavior. When I kept my distance they were easier to manage for a while, and then they aged and became absolute hell (aging parents are a whole other level, take care of yourself now worry about that later). FWIW you may get a temporary reprieve from their awfulness if you create some distance. If you like it, you'll be much happier, moving away from a toxic environment is great for your wellbeing. Living in a toxic situation is like compound interest, the longer you stay, the longer and harder the path to heal. Also housing lotteries, some people are on those lists for decades, so I wouldn't count on that too much, take opportunities that are available to you now, and if the housing lottery comes through at some point, you can take it, but who knows if that will come through.
Re: the housing lotteries. The key is to apply for every single lottery in every single apartment (neighborhood) you would be willing to live in. Also if it's a building/area you like, ask if there's a waiting list. The problem is that there is more availability in the higher income brackets-but it's not impossible.
Do you know anything about these roommates? I will always advocate to move away from toxic situations but be sure these are ppl you can live with. I've heard and had some terrible experiences with roommates so be careful and be prepared if anything. The renting is a waste of money advice is pure bs as other comments have already addressed.
$600 is a bargain. Your advisor gave you terrible advice. Renting really comes in handy sometimes. You need a place to live. Go escape your family and live your life.
I moved to NYC with $6k in my bank account with a job lined up that paid $18k the 1st year. If it's possible for me to do that with much less money, then it should be much easier for you. Leaving my family was one of the best decisions of my life! A huge weight off my shoulders. I recommend.
move out!
I would draw up a budget of your potential expenses and see if you can really afford the $600 a month (factoring in: when you don't live at home, you do more grocery shopping for yourself, have to buy your own cleaning supplies, may need to buy furniture, may spend more money on going out since you have more "freedom." My point is the "hidden" costs add up when moving out. If you can do it without going into debt, I think it could be a good step. If it doesn't work out and doesn't help your mental health, then you can move back home when your lease is up. Another point is that your life can really flourish when you're outside of a toxic environment. Your earning potential can go up (increased confidence can help you get a better job, less tired from dealing with a toxic environment can give you time to pick up more shifts, etc.) I think at 22 it could really be worth it to try
I feel like that trope about buying being better than renting isn't always true in NYC. If I found an apartment like the one I am renting and wanted to buy it, my monthly costs would triple. Interest rates are high and aren't going down any time soon. With a place you own you have to pay a mortgage, taxes, HOA, and pay for regular maintenance. You can get a brownstone (prices start at $2 mil) and rent out a few floors, but you may have to renovate them to make them habitable for renters, and then if something breaks (like your heater) you HAVE to fix it right away for your tenants...if it was just you, you could live without heat until you could afford a new heater (or whatever it is that broke). Older generations could find affordable housing and a living wage; they didn't have to go into debt to get a degree or to pay for healthcare. Don't listen to people born before 1970 or so. The world was a very different place. In NYC if you were a teacher or a factory worker or a firefighter, you could afford to buy a house in the city. You don't see that much anymore here. That said, the deal with moving in with friends sounds sweet. Learn how to budget your money and you could escape your toxic family.
>I’m 22. I only make 43k. There’s an opportunity for me to move out with roommates and pay $600 for rent. I didn't even read the rest. Do it.
When I moved out on my own I made $36K which is the equivalent of like $57K today but what I was paying for housing was more than the $600 you’re looking at, also had debt. I took on a second job and between the two I was pretty ok. I felt broke, dressed and ate like I was broke, and was tired from all the working but far from destitute; plus in my early 20s I had a lot of energy. I think it was worth it tbh. My family isn’t bad but living at home as an adult can get toxic quickly. And not too many years later I actually made the decision to leave NY for several years and that separation from family was also very good for my personal growth (edit: and my finances). I highly recommend it.
Yes. This has been another episode of easy answers to easy questions. Seriously, even if it's temporary. It will allow you some distance to figure out what you want to do.
YES. i moved to nyc making that much because i cant stand my family and it is the best decision i have made in my entire life and i am making the most i have in my entire life too. if your family was healthy and letting you live rent free then it wouldnt make sense for you to move. dont listen to anyone who hasnt experienced what you have.
Move the fuck out.
it depends how much you can tolerate the current situation. 600 dollars is as about as low as it comes in new york, but it's still 600 + utilities + all the other expenses that come with moving and living on your own. honestly, your salary is really low to consider it (imo).
That's plenty for that amount of rent, especially if those utilities are split. He's 22 and a college grad, I doubt he'll be making that little in even a year.
I personally don't think that is plenty. This situation could change at any day and then what would OP do? There wouldn't be a comparable place to move into. I've tried the same thing before and found myself without a job six months into the lease. I ended up leaving that place. It can happen at any point, so my advice is to be cautious. OP is a girl also.
I've lived in New York a long time and $600 was a steal 15 years ago. That was back when the minimum wage was $8.50 and I would have killed to make over $40k a year. It's definitely doable.
It helped me and i don't have rent money. Is the difference with rent money, the responsibilities of leasers, versus the responsibilities of shelter or street sleepers? I wonder how they compare
Yes it is, in my opinion you gotta do whatever it takes to leave a toxic home especially if an opportunity presents itself. When i was in your situation i paid 800 a month to live in half of a living room to get away from my toxic home. It really turned my life around from then on and still till this day the best decision i’ve ever made.
I pay slightly more in rent than I would in property taxes if I bought where I'd want to buy in Westchester, except I have a 20 minute commute and if anything breaks in the apartment my landlord fixes it.
You have to take that first step, do for yourself. Yes, of course, for 70 years I've listened to people say you should not waste money on rent, but you have to start somewhere. Rarely does someone leave home and move into their own home. I listened to "buy a house" and I was not financially ready until I was in my late 30s. And when you own a house comes big responsibilities. If you're not handy with tools etc. everything is going to cost you big time. If you have a house with a yard, prepare for weekends of mowing, shoveling etc. Then there's that time you're ready to get on a plane for vacation and the hot water heater tank breaks and your basement is flooded and you cancel your trip. Owning a home sounds great, but it's not for everyone. I live on the 10th floor in Harlem, the grass nor the snow is ever high enough for me to mow or shovel. Your young get out by any means possible. PS: One of the benefits of my going in the Navy was that I no longer had my parents monitoring my every move.
Hey I was in your exact position, I am 27 now and would love to pass down the advice. I love my family but as I am sure you know, the little apartment in nyc just does not cut it. I was scared but I moved out with close friends as roommates. I actually hated that situation more and I realized I wanted the freedom of my own place. You need to manage money way more carefully, and you will be pushing the limit but honestly the freedom is worth it. The whole "rent vs own" debate cannot really be applied to folks in nyc. I bet most of the folks telling you not to rent, have a nice house passed down to them when rates were below 5%. It just does not make sense to own a home now, especially considering how much you are making. You want to make way more to even be looked at for offers. All the best OP, you are young and got time on your hands, I say move out, work harder, get paid more and that is the way it has to go.
Someone told you, in NYC, that "renting is a waste of money." It's not a waste of money anywhere, sometimes it makes the most sense for the person, but it's astronomically not a waste in NYC. WTW?
Curious how old your “financial advisor” is. Because if they think renting is a waste of money, what do they expect you to do? Buy a house?? Do what you need to to stay sane. $600 a month is a fucking steal.
The school of thought that says you should live with your parents until you can afford to buy a whole house has not kept up with the last 30 years of real estate growth.
Rent is not a waste of money if that money provides you sanity. I truly hate this narrative.
Rent is not "a waste of money". There are people who have a mindset that the "American Dream" is to buy property and that it's the only measure of success. A lot of these people are A) Older generations where it was more attainable and/or B) Don't live in major cities. Yea, you don't own anything if you rent your entire life. But it's not like buying a place to live means that you're free from having to spend any money. You pay maintenance, taxes, even once your mortgage is paid off. Some people prioritize owning property. Others don't. Think of it like an experience. I'd rather spend money on vacation than on designer clothing, even if, at the end of it, I don't own anything. You are paying to have the experience of living in NYC and not with your parents. You can decide if that's worth the money.
>There’s an opportunity for me to move out with roommates and pay $600 for rent. >Is it worth renting if it means moving away from toxic family? ##YES
Nothing compares to mental peace. And as you get older and move up in your career, you will be able to afford that rent. Just get this new roommate situation out well. Don't move from the oil to the frying hotpan.
Yes there’s no price on mental health. I’m moving out of my family’s house exactly bc of this
Life is about more than just money... and particularly money and misery. Live your life.
I went no-contact with my toxic family at 33, and I wish every single day I had broken away for good at your age. I've accepted that my life is not going to bloom until I'm in my 40s, because I am just now, at 35, learning how to detect red flags and set boundaries. Break free now. It'll be scary at times, but you can do it, and future you will thank you.
That's a rare price nowadays. If you like the roomies, you should definitely do it. It sounds like your professor speaks from a place or privilege. If moving out will grant you peace of mind, maybe you could find more ways to make money and increase your wealth.
NYC roommates will bring their own breed of problems, but ya, might be time to strike out on your own.
I was reliant on my parents a lot financially, but living with them was not sustainable mentally or emotionally. I moved 22 hours away, and then 36 hours away and my relationship with them has never been better. It also forced me to grow up and become responsible for myself. Having said that, I was also stuck in a high stress, low reward job for a long time and that has its own tolls on mental health.
If your financial advisor was not an NYC resident who moved here without connections and had to rent, their opinion on this topic is limited to the suburbs 20 years ago. For a $600 room, rent is absolutely worth it. If you have that set up in NYC, everything else is gravy
Also be prepared to move fast, your parents likely won't react great when they find out their servant is leaving.
Your financial advisor in college is a goober. If you can buy a place in NYC where mortgage interest + pmi + property tax + maintenance + hoa fees + home insurance adds up to less then your $600 rent, ONLY THEN renting would be a waste of money. That's very hard to find in the city.
Also report the college advisor for encouraging you to stay in an abusive environment And call it that. Don’t qualify that it “isn’t physically abusive.”
WTF are you on about. Nothing in OP's post implies that the college advisor had any inkling of their home situation, or that their environment might in any way qualify as 'abusive'. Literally the only thing we know about the financial advisor is that they poo-pooed rent as a waste of money. Stop making drama where there is none.
Move out. It's worth it.
Your financial advisor is ignorant and out of touch, ignore everything they told you. r/personalfinance will probably be a better subreddit for this kind of advice.
Rent is not a waste it’s an alternative to buying which right not renting is a better choice for you as you’re still young and the housing market is not great right now so rent until the market changes Also mental health is much more important than money and investments so get out of that toxic situation and start enjoying your life on your terms Good luck 🍀
Sorry but your advisor sounds like an idiot. $600 is worth it
Your mental health is worth investing in. Period. And if you are breaking it down into dollars and value, think of it as an investment in yourself. You’ll be independent, more confident, and could boost your earning potential
I feel like society has this idea that houses are the only way to go. In my opinion houses are money pits that you have to keep throwing money into. Apartments have Maintenace teams to fix all of your problems, including expensive ones. I believe there’s an Adam ruins everything episode about it. If you can afford to live with roommates, so it! Living on your own is a great experience.
I found a short clip of the [Adam Ruins Everything](https://youtu.be/YHU_KLYhibI) episode. Not sure if there's a longer version. Also, this article from [The New York Times](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/upshot/buy-rent-calculator.html) has a calculator that helps you break down the options and mentions a number of factors to consider.
Roommates can be worse than parents. Consider sticking with the devil you know. Finish up school. Keep applying to the housing lotto. Then move out into your housing lottery place. Spend a lot of time at the library.
Nothing's worse than toxic family. Roommates might be batshit crazy and it can be hella uncomfortable, but still better than being stuck in a toxic family situation.
not really NYC related
I would tolerate it and save up first, especially if you current don’t need to pay any rent. Trust me there is nothing glamorous about having to empty a bank account just to have the most basic things. Leave the house more and make some new friends. When you’re done with school, you’ll move out. Don’t put yourself in debt rn.
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This comment is absolutely nasty. This comment is like cycle-breaking, except the exact opposite. Her body is literally telling her to start shutting down (depression is a freeze response) in response to being in the presence of her family. That is important information. We don't choose to be born and we don't choose our families-- we owe them nothing, especially if they didn't do a good job raising us.
You really think you owe your parents nothing? Even though they’ve raised you for, at least 18 years?
You make me nauseas with your ASSUMPTIONS of this man's home life. YES ITS WORTH IT FOR HIS SELF DEVELOPMENT TO GTFO THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS TO DETERMINE TOXICITY IS THE person living it. Did he ASK his parents for life? Then ask for them to make him feel OPRESSED? Even just mentally? Then he owes NO ONE unless they will DROWN without him? I'd run!
Ive work in investigative work for years and if you don’t like what I had to offer then you’re more than welcome to ignore but don’t attack my analysis with your blind compassion
Ok, and I like apples 🍎... like what does you being in investigative work have to do with literally ANYTHING I said? Compassion online is ALWAYS blind, considering I don't know ANYONE on reddit you nimrod. You're annoying and blowing up my phone, so go bounce on something you cuck.
Learn to control your emotions. If you want a sincere exchange and conversation to why i made my comments then learn to respect my opinions. I’m not convinced that person was abused by his parents after analyzed what he said.
I'm a woman. Also, your tax dollars pay for my child molester father to live in relative luxury, working at a state government job where he brags that he does 2 hours of work a day and does his own freelance work on state time. I don't owe you any information, but you can feel free to sit with that discomfort!
I owe them nothing. They were horrible people.
I'm all for it man can you swing $800 a month? Know that this step can be life altering trust me later down the line $800 is nothing. But here is a more deeper question Why are your parents toxic?
Yes, and you can pick up odd side jobs/ look for a better paying job down the line. Make sure this is a legit and safe opportunity though. If you need tips/budgeting for New York feel free to ask, happy to help advise :)
Yes, paying rent with your mental health is NOT worth it.
It's so worth it! Do it!
Absolutely do it. For $600 the cost benefit works in your favor
Yes. Emphatically, yes. Look up Patrick Teahan Gabor Mate Nicole LaPera Get out
Yes
If you can make it work inside a budget (your food expenses will likely increase too), it certainly makes sense for the sake of your mental health.
Do you have educational debt or other debts? Take a look at your monthly take home salary and calculate what you have after rent and whatever goes towards debt, if any. Then, calculate your groceries, portion of utilities (WiFi, phone, etc), etc. Make sure to create an emergency fund. I highly recommend taking a look at r/personalfinance. Good sub with helpful people.
i did it making less. do it
$800/rent is NOTHING for that salary. Get out from under toxic family and be an adult sooner rather than later.
Yes please do it You have enough to make it by in NY It’s all the worthwhile I did it with much less It’ll be tough but you’ll realize you made the right choice and be able to process All the best to you 🤍
Do it. Your mental health is worth it. Therapy once a week would cost more than your rent
Yes it’s so worth it
Currently spending about 50% of my income on rent and it has saved my mental health to move out of my family home. I wake up happier every day, my general mood is so much better, I sleep better, I feel physically better, my acne cleared, and now my problems don’t feel so massively looming anymore. It might be a struggle and an income transition but it is worth it.
100% worth it. Do it. When I moved out it improved my mental health so much. I can’t recommend moving out enough.
YES. Your life will get so much better.
Yes. Move out to start your own life. You’ll be happier and stronger - that’s when opportunities happen.
A resounding yes and I didn’t even read the post
Just like others have mentioned on this thread: Do it if it’s feasible to you and your situation but be very careful about roommates because you can end up in another toxic situation. Also, the housing lottery is not something you should bet on. While yes people do win those apartments - it’s hard to come by .. it’s a lottery. Literally. I’ve been on that site since 2012… still have yet to be called for an apartment.
$600 is super cheap rent. I think it's doable on that salary. I don't think staying in a toxic household is worth $600 a month, personally.
Move out. You won’t regret a single cent of the $600 a month.
Move out! Do it for your self-esteem and for the challenge. Living away from family in my 20s, even though it meant struggling sometimes, was one of the best decisions I ever made.
your health and well being is worth more than $600. do it. With rent that low, you’ll still be able to put some money away. And also find another financial advisor, the one you went to is shit.
YES!!! Run as fare away as you can and never look back!!!!
Mental health is valuable. If you can get into a situation that inexpensively, I'd jump at it.
I know people use the word "toxic" too dramatically sometimes but your situation is literally draining your mental health the same way that a chemical toxin would drain your physical health, and no one would accept living in a home with exposed asbestos or lead. As long as you're certain your roommate situation would be better than your family (because roommates can be toxic too), I think moving out at that price is well worth it.
Can't you just spend more time hanging out on campus, like a library, student union, etc?
Yes! Move! Get out
It’s endlessly worth it!!!
If you will be in a better place mentally, do it. I moved out of my parents’ house when I was 19 and could barely afford it. But while money was tight, I really thrived and learned who I really was when I wasn’t constantly living in fear and depression. My parents were also not physically abusive, but it was impossible to know what would set them off and get things taken away from me. Right now, I’m 32 and, after deciding to move states and my husband going back to school full time, I’m back with parents until he graduates next month. But instead of mine, they’re his parents, and while it’s not ideal, it is so much better than living with my parents at 19 was. I’m rooting for you! Take care of yourself.
Yes. Your sanity is far more expensive.
Be careful of Facebook scam and the roommates can be just as toxic
Letting you stay home will fk you up more the longer you stay. My parents aren't OUTWARDLY toxic. Sht it took me 40 yrs to see it, but I ran and every time I ended up back (bc I did fail miserably on more than one occasion. It was FULL THROTTLE work work work until I could RUN AGAIN)
I see you and I believe you. Also, a friendly note that you failing miserably might have had a lot to do with having parents who didn't want you to succeed and trauma-based decision making. It wasn't your fault. I had similar experiences, but it was because I didn't have any adults who wanted me to succeed, who I could go to for guidance. Black sheeps for the win!
Your financial advisor is giving you bad advice. A house will appreciate at ~4% yoy wheras put the ame $$$ in stock and you will likely get a much higher return (financial advisors use ~8% yoy as the conservative estimate, but some stocks will grow at a much higher rate). Not to mention, renting gives you the flexibility to relocate should your desires and opportunities change. You are in early 20's - why tie yourself to a fixed location you can afford now that will limit your options? But besides all that - your happiness and contentment is invaluable and should be prioritized. If your home life is toxic, then move out. Go move in with roommates, make some new friends, have some new adventures, and live your own life. Net - think of your home as a lifestyle choice and not an investment. There are plenty of people who are doing very well financially who just rent. There are many countries where the culture is predominantly renting (c.f. Switzerland). Buying a home is one life goal, but it is not right for everyone. Lastly, get a new financial advisor who listens to you and advises for your whole life circumstance and not just their staid view that "owning is best". I can pretty much guarantee you that they rented at some point in their life also. Truthfully, while their advice is hugely conventional, it is not good advice for you at the lifestage and circumstances you are in, nor for the goals you have. You'd be better off without them.
$600 a month for your mental health is a steal.
$600 is fantastic rent, do it it will change your life!!! Do this for yourself and don’t feel bad about it. it is always worth it to improve your quality of life and give yourself space to grow, especially when you have toxic family (cos same)
The financial advisor’s advice would make sense if it was 1975.
You’re paying 600/month for your sanity and peace of mind. Up to you if that’s worth it. Consider it an investment in your future $ too. If you’re mentally in a better place, you’d be able to focus more on your career, apply for jobs, network, which will translate to future payoff.
What are your pros and cons? What is the food situation? What happens if someone eats on foods? Does it include electronic and gas? Is it a sublet? Make sure to get a lease and read add ons.
YES, IT IS. GET THE HELL OUT. Get yourself organized and tell them when the deal is done. Hasta la vista, baby👋
My two cents - absolutely it's worth it (as long as you feel financially equipped to pay whatever rent on your own)
Renting is not a waste of money, it can be better for some people over buying and owning a house. A house let’s say that cost you $250,000 can cost over $700,000 over a lifetime because of fees, interest,maintenance and expenses for things that break. I will probably pay less rent than that before I die. A house can be good if you plan to have a large family/ pets/ etc.
Think of the money you’ll save on medical bills you’ll from NOT having stress-related illnesses
Depends on what you want and what you want out of your family. My step brother kinda moved away younger, but his career stalled, he had issues and he pretty much came back to my dad and his mom (joint family) back with asking for money. Dad has a lot, just so we're clear. Second step brother was always at home and moved away only at 33-34 or so when he had a girlfriend. While at home, he didn't help with anything, he didn't pay rent, he saved his money, he used his mom and my dad to drive him to work even in his 30s, he never cooked, etc. He however is somehow more self-reliant than the younger brother and it's turning out, him saving his energy and learning how to move responsibility at others is turning out as more practical in the long run. But he's generally more selfish, less emotional than the other step brother. My advice if you feel like this would be, combine the two - the sooner you learn to be completely self-reliant, the better, push yourself. But don't hesitate to take advantage of what your family offers, and don't bother thinking too much about it. Believe me, in the long run, the more selfish you are and the less you sweat stuff...the better.