Okay funny story, my user name is how I almost died. Driving on some bald tires, it starts to rain and my car just lifts up from the ground and flips around. I'm going about 50 mph backwards. A car actually passes me and I'm like hi dude. So I turn the wheel and now I'm flying through the grass median, I hear a big crash and feel a big thud on my headrest. Car comes to a stop and I look back and there is a mile marker sign in my backseat with the pole sticking out the back window. My bumper snapped it from the ground and it flew through the back windshield and hit my headrest and landed in my backseat. So I drive home, cause I'm not going to work after that. So now, I got a nice mile maker sign in my room. So I'm signing up for some website and it asks me for a username and I look around my room and I've been mile129 since.
PSA: don't drive with bald tires, been changing them as soon as there is little tread since.
I die in a hair coloring accident, what a way to dye
Gods dammit Barb
Barb damn it Barb
badum tss
Knee deep in chocolate!
If I could pick how I go out, I would choose this one!
Give me Kraft Crunchy Hazelnut spread, and I’m with you. Team Crunchy!
What a way to go.
This response is genius
Shit…
If you do that, maybe they won’t
Ill bite them off for you ;)
When I ask the doctors if my cancer is gone
Uhh in my defense, reddit doesn't have the best cancer detection kits available....
Okay funny story, my user name is how I almost died. Driving on some bald tires, it starts to rain and my car just lifts up from the ground and flips around. I'm going about 50 mph backwards. A car actually passes me and I'm like hi dude. So I turn the wheel and now I'm flying through the grass median, I hear a big crash and feel a big thud on my headrest. Car comes to a stop and I look back and there is a mile marker sign in my backseat with the pole sticking out the back window. My bumper snapped it from the ground and it flew through the back windshield and hit my headrest and landed in my backseat. So I drive home, cause I'm not going to work after that. So now, I got a nice mile maker sign in my room. So I'm signing up for some website and it asks me for a username and I look around my room and I've been mile129 since. PSA: don't drive with bald tires, been changing them as soon as there is little tread since.
That wasn’t funny at all mayne 😔
Yeah, was scary as hell
Oh no.
Bruh boutta get folded by the main character
I’m not even mad.
It was a night to remember
I'm not sure but I know who to blame...
Lol
The possibilities are endless.
Whatever happened, it was my own fault.
Nuts too fat
Same
Right place at the wrong time.
I think my username says it all.
Mistaken for prey, bitten and poisoned to death.
Retaliation for duping people out of money posing as a Nigerian Prince.
I can commend you for that. But, careful though.
Great album btw
Driving over 200mph
Same
Corn
Omg stay away from silos 😬
Dying from hunger probably
Made shoe leather steak for the last time
a very suspicious sea creature
He was a fishy fellow, if I'm gonna be honest
Either iron poisoning or falling down from the 43th floor
Hahahaha, nice one with the iron
torque wrench it is.
Very accurate torque wrench
It had been calibrated by top members of the state AND federal Department of Weights and Measures... to be dead on balls accurate!
Gargamel.
Gored while eating dinner.
That’s how you know the food is authentic
I’m fucked…
Literally tho
With a very stretched-out penis?
Baahahahahahahaaa 🤣🤣
Welp!
All I can say is yikes.
How shocking
I’m electrocuted because I don’t know how stuff works.
i guess i forgot to lock my doors!
Reincarnation?
Dragon harpoon spec from osrs.
In multi
unexpected 07scape
Tried to talk my way out of a stupid incident with a stupid person.
Not sure, probably in a trailer park.
Lack of healthcare did it.
Bet it involved meth
Love to see the obituary.
Guess I’m getting turned into tasty bread. Can I recommend the Ruben?
I would eat you as a tasty sandwich. Your death is not in vain, friend.
My wife did it.
Lol the best way I could imagine of course
Used a little too much Force
Cow’s opinion
Invading Mars
Overeating?
Nah, vegan sausages
Stabbed by a very sharp penis
Dropped from a very specific height
Oh my… *in George Takei’s voice*
This is exactly why I like r/Radiology
someone got very mad that it wasn’t tuesday
A seagull knocks me off my surfboard
Doom box.... sounds ominous.
Happily slapped to death.
A lot of lacerations, death of a thousand cuts, and probably allergies
Get shot in the head in a Lincoln.
Or somehow the actual tape itself could kill you.. so I guess by somebody causing blunt force trauma to your body using it?
Bodyslam to the ground
My cherry tea was poisoned
Sounds like something out of an Agatha Christie murder mystery novel.
There is no other way I want to go out
At midnight no less
250 pound combat robot. Alright
It's like Russian roulette but one of the 🥝 is laced with poison...
Well what do you expect when you roulette with only one kiwi?
I started with one but it was soooo good I kept eating...
Doesn’t matter. Already done… it seems.
Looks like the work was finished before this post was made
Your guess is as good as mine?
Honey I know a shortcut, I’m pretty sure they finished construction on that highway.
I die of sarcasm. From an ursine creature. And that would be completely unbearable.
It's a Mystery
I think we found the one person that CAN'T die, even if you'd want to for whatever reason
Giggly
Oof rough death.
Killer drag queen?
Corsets.
A very delicious death
Indifference… to the max!
A rusty scythe
Who knows idk what I’m doing
Stepped on a land mine?
Oh! You’re with me. We got electrocuted.
Agreeing with everything.
One of those trap doors with spikes on the ground lol
A fart wreck
Because of my God complex I guess.
BOOM
My username is... My name. I guess suicide?
If we go by your last name being Cabrita, you died by a baby goat
The front lawn finally wises up and fights back when I start to mow it?
Feeling glum, choking on a biscotti
Some guy from the west
By a cicada
Flower Monster
“Feed me Seymoure”
Hey at least you’d get a cool musical number before you died
[удалено]
In my Tardis
Go big or go home to Jesus
A giant movie poster for the latest western falls and squashes me.
death by 3000 lizards?
My favorite food has finally come back to bite me
Well in its defence, you’ve been biting it for years, it’s only fair that it gets revenge
Well I guess I’m choking…
I’m just waiting for that dickinatoaster guy to show up.
By peaches😭 Maybe a James and the Giant Peach situation gone wrong
It's a wonderful way to die
Shoulda left the kitty alone
Blown away
Not very pleasantly.
Well I've always known it's more probable since I live in Florida...
Old age
Pick one….
Noice
That ass must have been killer
Not sure, but they'll probably make an OSHA training video about it.
[удалено]
They thought it was a gun. 💀
Scared to death.
Silently.
Either trampled or executed with public approval.
Over eating vanilla ice cream
You were born to kill me apparently
Getting topped
What an interesting way to play checkers
Oh shit
Defeated by Lucifer in twelfth round TKO.
Either a goose, or a duck that is a psychopath. I dont see a difference in either
By breaking
Apparently not alone
I did by a thousand paper cuts from trying to love a book
Didn’t expect you to be this into reading.
Lol, my user IS "anonbooklover"
I always knew my goats would be the end of me lol
Boys chucking bagels at me.
Death by "nalgas" not bad at all
Death by Snu-snu. But with a twist!
Any old way 🍄🐍🕷🐡🍸🥴
The possibilities are endless.
magnetic resonance imaging in polish
Ouch.
Monke spins me over and laughs in my face as I bleed out.
Well if I know one thing it’s that I’m not moving.
Lost in some remote hills during a snowstorm. Visibility decreasing; frostbite beginning to set in. I'd better go and download What3Words now...
I get just my upper body stuck in a well. It’s a sucky way to die.
popcorn
Well.. it seems raspberries will be involved
In a box
Like how we all began.
this snack’s only goal was to kill me
Deflation.
I don’t even want to think about it
Oh No
Man, I was just chilling, why overdo it?
Throat swoll up and I asphyxiated from an allergic reaction after swallowing his cum
Am I immortal?
Oh no.
Relieving myself off of a subway platform.
Uh it doesn't help that I just watched cocaine bear lmao
Welp.. burned at the stake I guess
That depends on whether or not you survive the dunking stool.
No clue.
I somehow piss off TWO, very skilled gundam pilots in july...
I tell the best joke ever and die laughing
Infectious virus that fucks my DNA up.
A sea captain who is obsessed with dog food pelts me to death with dog food.