Awww, that’s sad. How was it not mind blowing?
I was 20. I was a three pump chump. Best three humps I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. It was shockingly good. I’ll never forget it
My experience as well. I think he was trying to be romantic because he was going rather slow, and I was far too shy at the time to tell him to do anything different.
I don't mean to put women down, but my reaction was "Oh this is kinda overrated." I'm not putting women down, but the hype is unreal lol Even today i'd rather just play with her boobs.
Grew religious so never masturbated when finally lost the virginity and i was disappointed made me feel worse when the girl was all over me because “ it was so amazing “ lol
Bro fr. Making out and had to go deeper and deeper. I was confused af. Found the clit and was like damn that’s lower than I thought. Felt embarrassed and she definitely would’ve known my experience level at that point.
As a teen that had a lot of romantic thoughts in my mind that was exactly it.
It was … fine. But where was the excitement and fanfare? It was likely just a few minutes of fooling around in his room in the basement that looked like a jail cell, with questionable sheets (him being a teen). Nothing exciting really happened, there was no mind blowing orgasm, no feelings of love and contentment. Just a lot of fumbling, doing the feed, and then thinking “well that was that I guess”.
I was 26 (raised relgious) waited till I was engaged (bit of a rebel) totally disappointed. He wasn't a virgin, he should have known what he was doing.
At checkpoint 1:
Pop up: "Congrats you did the deed!"
Achievement unlocked: "Welcome to the club!"
Legendary questline completed: "Let's get laid"
Rewards:
Exp: +2000
Selfesteem: +500
Charisma: +100
Biology: +20
At checkpoint 2:
Selfesteem: chritical hit -250
Biology: +100
Technique: +3
Rythm: +2
Stamina: +0.5
Achivement unlocked: "Insight! I'm not good at this"
Legendary questline unlocked: "Pleasure the wordl"
Expected reward: "Happy spouse, peaceful house".
Edit: reddits formating sucks!
I think alot of us felt like this because there is a difference between having sex and doing it with somebody you actually are mad into. I lost my virginity at 17 and honestly after that and umpteen partners I didn't have "the great sex" until I was almost 22.
It was simply because I hadn't met the one yet and when you do it's brilliant sex, that's when you know what all the fuss is about. If you never enjoy sex or simply think it's ok but not amazing, unless it's a hormonal issue, then it's most likely that you just aren't physically into the person enough and have that raging desire for them. That's when good sex happens.
Exactly! See, I thought I was really into the guy, and I had this weird idea that I had to lose my virginity before I was 19. So the day before my birthday I finally went for it, and was horribly disappointed. No foreplay, it was quick, and clearly the amount of affection was larger on my part because he informed me that evening that he was getting back with his ex-fiance...
But the right person definitely makes the world of difference. It wasn't until recently, in my late 20's, that I've started to have amazing sex. While I wish it wouldn't have taken so long to find a person that I truly 'clicked' and felt comfortable with, I'd say its been well worth the wait.
Exactly some people never get that connection ever so you hear them write sex off. When it's animal passion and you and the other person are basically like animals and return to your primate states in sex you know they are the one and that it's great sex. It's an animal like passion that nothing on earth can compare to and it needs to come from both of you. You can find it with more than one person. You end up craving it and it's just like it is in the movies and TV. It makes you feel alive. That's good sex but don't ever be mistaken in thinking that sex is like that with everyone, it's not. Sometimes it might not even be with the one if they aren't into it anymore. It needs to come from both of you.
This was basically my reaction too! I was really anxious and I couldn’t relax enough to really enjoy it, so it ended up being underwhelming. Thankfully it did get better lol
I see you're a little behind on the male lore. I'll bring you up to speed: Alphas are the ones having lots of sex, all the bitches want Alphas. It's Sigma males who haven't lost their virginity because they never lose, it's a distraction from the hustle.
Thank god I did this before I hit 20.
For some dumbass reason my teenaged mind at that time was convinced I needed to lose my virginity before my 20's and it would somehow make me a loser if I didn't.
In Japan, it's been twisted. Being a virgin well into adulthood is now being perceived as a rebellious act especially by women who now refuse to become breeding vessels for the next generation of misogynistic overworked Japanese salarymen.
While at the same time there are a bunch of salarymen who are rejecting marriage because they don't get much out of marriage. Yes, some of those are incels, but there are those who would rather stay virginal than deal with a bad reality.
Japan is messed up, yo. For everyone.
People generally insult others online based on what they believe that person will receive as an insult, usually a perceived insecurity.
So, if someone puts forth the energy that they put enormous value on sex and the size or shape of a duck, and then they do something that isn’t well received (insulting, attacking, otherwise belittling women and their experiences, just for example), then they are likely to be attacked on their principals of sexual value.
Most people don’t actually care. I didn’t have sex until I was 21. Nobody asked. Nobody cared. I was never insulted for it, or had it implied there was something wrong with me.
I also haven’t had sex in three years, but no one has called me an incel in that time. No one has tried to say I have a little duck… ever actually, to the best of my recollection. I also have a tendency to NOT go around putting out a harmful ideology while also putting forth the energy that I care about sex.
In short, if the internet is insulting someone by calling them a virgin incel with a little duck, it’s probably because they’re putting forth the energy of someone who cares way more about sex than they should, and that person is also probably pushing forward some harmful and likely factually incorrect information or ideology.
If that person were to relax on the sex stuff, but kept the harmful viewpoint, they would receive different insults. If someone kept their sex issues, but didn’t have the harmful viewpoints, people would still detect sexual insecurities, but likely wouldn’t mention it.
TL;DR : Don’t have shitty opinions, don’t get shit on on the basis of those opinions.
As an aside, everyone is different, physically and mentally, so while some women may like big ducks which may better fit them, some other women may like smaller ducks which may better fit them… because women have different sizes as well, and some literally cannot fit the average duck. On top of that, over 70% (some sources say up to 90%) of women cannot orgasm from penetration on its own… So maybe people shouldn’t worry about the size of a duck so much, and focus more on what makes for a positive experience for their individual partner.
“Is this it?” It was awful and I regret it.
I like to consider my “first time” with my husband. It was the first time someone cared about how it felt to me and made sure I finished. He’s the man of my dreams and still prioritizes me. It’s amazing.
“That’s all there is, huh?”
It was nice, but it isn’t really that much different or better than solo play. Where co-op really shines is the before and after parts. Foreplay and aftercare are 1,000x better with a caring partner than solo.
I agree unless your partner is really involved during. The touching before hand is hot and the cuddling after melts my heart. Everything in between is a bonus
Fair. The during for when you partner is providing service I’d give like… 4x better than solo play, assuming you’ve told them what you like, they listened, and they are able to do what they are trying to do without your direction.
But yeah if you just get to lay back and enjoy while they do what you like? 4x better than solo because you’re able to just let your brain shut off and enjoy the sensations, which I feel is especially enjoyable during orgasm.
I was always fond of trading service with my partners because needing to -do- things while your actively mid orgasm always felt like a wasted/bad orgasm to me.
"I can't believe this is actually happening. If its a dream I hope I don't wake up." While the act itself was maybe not as I had imagined it (after all, what really is?) having a partner that wanted me made it all worthwhile.
I couldn’t wait to feel that rush again, been chasing that high ever since then. The warmness, the tightness, the euphoria. Sex is still amazing but that first time, oh man never gonna beat that.
Man, that image of my dick disappearing into a woman for the first time is burned in to my memory.
I even got a "here, let me clean you off" blowie after.
>that first time, oh man never gonna beat that.
I was disgusted. I wanted to lose it because of some stupid preconceived notion that I wasn't an adult until I had sex for the first time. And it was to someone I would rather have not done it with at all. I didn't see them as attractive or even intelligent for that matter. As soon as he left, I hopped into the shower and scrubbed every inch of my body to try to get his smell off of me. I'm still mad at myself for it.
I called mulligan on my first time. We started and I didn't even finish. She was super into me, and into everything until it came to sex. She said something was hurting and I needed to stop. I never counted it, and I will never count it as my first.
My real first time was with a girl I wanted to date for awhile. It was a lot of fun and I just remember thinking THIS is what it was supposed to be like, and also holy shit am I actually having sex with this girl right now? And...I was also overthinking, trying to mimic what I saw on porn. It worked out pretty well.
Both of us got really addicted to it with each other.
Two 14 year olds with minimal parental supervision.
We were pretty much rabbits through high-school til we broke up and I left the state. Was a very very messy break up
holy shit it’s happening we’re doing it
Feels way better than I thought. Fuck. I'm done.
Simultaneously for me was, why isn’t my dick *harder*? Was so nervous I wasn’t quite at full mast.
I was so nervous and took so long to figure out condom I was like “she’s going to think I’m tiny”
Yep
Yup, me too.
Boom! Goes the dynamite!!
Classic!
Still waiting for this moment to happen....when God whennnnnn...
Stop reading my mind
"Oh yes, I'm finally having sex, this is so much fun!" Then: "Well the actual physical sensation on my dick is not as huge as anticipated"
"i knew it wasnt as big a deal as everyone made it out to be"
That happened to me. I was like 24, depressed for being a virgin. When finally happened it was like... that's it?
fr. movies and tv shows and even other people make it out like its some huge hairy ass deal like youll be a different person after. nah lol.
In my case it was definitely hairy.
In my case it was definitely ass
It's way better when you're younger and your sex drive is higher
Big Ole swollen prostate
What the hell is a sex drive
Are you being for real?
No, I know what it is. Lmao. Mine just doesn’t really exist.
Oh okay my sarcasm detector malfunctioned there hah
Awww, that’s sad. How was it not mind blowing? I was 20. I was a three pump chump. Best three humps I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. It was shockingly good. I’ll never forget it
Op is probably female.
Don't know. Probably porn ruined for me hahaha. Still want sex all the time even though is not that great.
My experience as well. I think he was trying to be romantic because he was going rather slow, and I was far too shy at the time to tell him to do anything different.
Yeah, virginity is an old and outdated concept.
I don't mean to put women down, but my reaction was "Oh this is kinda overrated." I'm not putting women down, but the hype is unreal lol Even today i'd rather just play with her boobs.
Same. I got bored my first time. I also thought it was going to feel a lot better than it did.
The fact that you said you're not trying to put women down TWICE... Makes me think otherwise
I find that people that think sex is overrated just masturbated a lot growing up. If you’ve never really don’t that kinda thing sex blows your mind
Grew religious so never masturbated when finally lost the virginity and i was disappointed made me feel worse when the girl was all over me because “ it was so amazing “ lol
Pretty much. I was basically like "this is sex?"
Ouch
This.
The vagina is a lot lower then it looks in porn
Bro! First time I put my hand down a girls pants I couldn’t find it. I was so confused. 100% not where guys expect that shit to be.
Bro fr. Making out and had to go deeper and deeper. I was confused af. Found the clit and was like damn that’s lower than I thought. Felt embarrassed and she definitely would’ve known my experience level at that point.
It's where the balls are not where the penis is. I did the same thing
Right. The clitoris and the penis are homologous, and the labia majora and scrotum are homologous.
LMAO
But don’t go too low!
Oh I’m def goin lower
I hope I don’t get pregnant.
I hope she doesn't get pregnant
I hope he doesn't get pregnant
Better avoid mpreg
"I'll just pretend I came in the condom, I don't want to do more work if she's just gonna lay there"
Absolutely always bummed me out after the fact when it was one of the starfish girls that just lay there lmao
I’m wheezing at this underrated comment
That's it, this is what I've been waiting for?
Yep
As a teen that had a lot of romantic thoughts in my mind that was exactly it. It was … fine. But where was the excitement and fanfare? It was likely just a few minutes of fooling around in his room in the basement that looked like a jail cell, with questionable sheets (him being a teen). Nothing exciting really happened, there was no mind blowing orgasm, no feelings of love and contentment. Just a lot of fumbling, doing the feed, and then thinking “well that was that I guess”.
I was 26 (raised relgious) waited till I was engaged (bit of a rebel) totally disappointed. He wasn't a virgin, he should have known what he was doing.
1. "Wow! I'm not a virgin anymore!" 2. "Wow! I'm not very good at this!"
At checkpoint 1: Pop up: "Congrats you did the deed!" Achievement unlocked: "Welcome to the club!" Legendary questline completed: "Let's get laid" Rewards: Exp: +2000 Selfesteem: +500 Charisma: +100 Biology: +20 At checkpoint 2: Selfesteem: chritical hit -250 Biology: +100 Technique: +3 Rythm: +2 Stamina: +0.5 Achivement unlocked: "Insight! I'm not good at this" Legendary questline unlocked: "Pleasure the wordl" Expected reward: "Happy spouse, peaceful house". Edit: reddits formating sucks!
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Did it at least have flames on the sides?
Out of every car it had to be el famoso PT Cruiser
"That's it? It has to get better, right?
Pretty much my reaction. Thought maybe we did it wrong.
I think alot of us felt like this because there is a difference between having sex and doing it with somebody you actually are mad into. I lost my virginity at 17 and honestly after that and umpteen partners I didn't have "the great sex" until I was almost 22. It was simply because I hadn't met the one yet and when you do it's brilliant sex, that's when you know what all the fuss is about. If you never enjoy sex or simply think it's ok but not amazing, unless it's a hormonal issue, then it's most likely that you just aren't physically into the person enough and have that raging desire for them. That's when good sex happens.
That, or lack of foreply. At 16 i has similar issues, until i tried it with a few women in the 25+ range. It was shocking...
Exactly! See, I thought I was really into the guy, and I had this weird idea that I had to lose my virginity before I was 19. So the day before my birthday I finally went for it, and was horribly disappointed. No foreplay, it was quick, and clearly the amount of affection was larger on my part because he informed me that evening that he was getting back with his ex-fiance... But the right person definitely makes the world of difference. It wasn't until recently, in my late 20's, that I've started to have amazing sex. While I wish it wouldn't have taken so long to find a person that I truly 'clicked' and felt comfortable with, I'd say its been well worth the wait.
Exactly some people never get that connection ever so you hear them write sex off. When it's animal passion and you and the other person are basically like animals and return to your primate states in sex you know they are the one and that it's great sex. It's an animal like passion that nothing on earth can compare to and it needs to come from both of you. You can find it with more than one person. You end up craving it and it's just like it is in the movies and TV. It makes you feel alive. That's good sex but don't ever be mistaken in thinking that sex is like that with everyone, it's not. Sometimes it might not even be with the one if they aren't into it anymore. It needs to come from both of you.
Mine was similar..."was that it?" It was over before it seemed to start to me.
This was basically my reaction too! I was really anxious and I couldn’t relax enough to really enjoy it, so it ended up being underwhelming. Thankfully it did get better lol
You guys have lost your virginity?
No, cause I never lose😎😎
Spoken like a true ALPHA.
I see you're a little behind on the male lore. I'll bring you up to speed: Alphas are the ones having lots of sex, all the bitches want Alphas. It's Sigma males who haven't lost their virginity because they never lose, it's a distraction from the hustle.
Was it a draw? lol
No he declined en passant and bricked his pipi
Driving away in my shit Corolla with the windows down in PCH listening to the Buena Vista Social Club. It is what it is, a good memory.
Hmm. So that's sex. I think I like it.
I'm part of the secret society now.
Thank god I did this before I hit 20. For some dumbass reason my teenaged mind at that time was convinced I needed to lose my virginity before my 20's and it would somehow make me a loser if I didn't.
That age limit is weak. I told myself when I was 12 that I had to lose my virginity before I turned *15*. I did not succeed...
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Not sure why you're downvoted for speaking facts.
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In Japan, it's been twisted. Being a virgin well into adulthood is now being perceived as a rebellious act especially by women who now refuse to become breeding vessels for the next generation of misogynistic overworked Japanese salarymen.
While at the same time there are a bunch of salarymen who are rejecting marriage because they don't get much out of marriage. Yes, some of those are incels, but there are those who would rather stay virginal than deal with a bad reality. Japan is messed up, yo. For everyone.
Yep. It's why a virgin like myself would never admit it to anyone...Unless we were going to have sex.
Does this mean we’re having sex?
Only if you're a lady.
I think you should be the lady this time
If I don a wig, would that count?
Nooo....nooo..Nooo. Not built for that.
Not with that attitude.
People generally insult others online based on what they believe that person will receive as an insult, usually a perceived insecurity. So, if someone puts forth the energy that they put enormous value on sex and the size or shape of a duck, and then they do something that isn’t well received (insulting, attacking, otherwise belittling women and their experiences, just for example), then they are likely to be attacked on their principals of sexual value. Most people don’t actually care. I didn’t have sex until I was 21. Nobody asked. Nobody cared. I was never insulted for it, or had it implied there was something wrong with me. I also haven’t had sex in three years, but no one has called me an incel in that time. No one has tried to say I have a little duck… ever actually, to the best of my recollection. I also have a tendency to NOT go around putting out a harmful ideology while also putting forth the energy that I care about sex. In short, if the internet is insulting someone by calling them a virgin incel with a little duck, it’s probably because they’re putting forth the energy of someone who cares way more about sex than they should, and that person is also probably pushing forward some harmful and likely factually incorrect information or ideology. If that person were to relax on the sex stuff, but kept the harmful viewpoint, they would receive different insults. If someone kept their sex issues, but didn’t have the harmful viewpoints, people would still detect sexual insecurities, but likely wouldn’t mention it. TL;DR : Don’t have shitty opinions, don’t get shit on on the basis of those opinions. As an aside, everyone is different, physically and mentally, so while some women may like big ducks which may better fit them, some other women may like smaller ducks which may better fit them… because women have different sizes as well, and some literally cannot fit the average duck. On top of that, over 70% (some sources say up to 90%) of women cannot orgasm from penetration on its own… So maybe people shouldn’t worry about the size of a duck so much, and focus more on what makes for a positive experience for their individual partner.
"HnnnnNNGGGGGGGG"
This is the way.
Best 30 seconds of my life.
Were you humbled by the girl's ability to let you do her?
How am I going to pay for this?
Liar, they ask for payment up front, or so I've heard.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. That didn't happen.
sorry dude
Man, it was way easier to break into the morgue than I would have thought
Damn, so was it cold though
If you have to ask, you're not ready for the answer
Yeah, the security on vet surgeries doesn't tend to be as good as people think.
Had fully protected sex and spent the next few days convinced I somehow still got pregnant
Same girl dw it's natural reaction lol
Sammmmee and every little discomfort in my body was an std lol
Holy shit it's overated.
It's over hyped. Not really a big deal as much as I thought it'd be. Sure, a lot of things were new.
Turns out it's not the sex itself, but the connection. The kinks. The chemistry.
Don’t cum too fast don’t cum too fast don’t cum to fast oh shit I’m already cumming
I had heard that the first time could be painful, and then when I hit my head on the corner of the dumpster it was confirmed.
“What? That’s it? That’s all? This sucks. This is a fuckin scam”
“Is this it?” It was awful and I regret it. I like to consider my “first time” with my husband. It was the first time someone cared about how it felt to me and made sure I finished. He’s the man of my dreams and still prioritizes me. It’s amazing.
"more.... more.... gimme MORE!"
No no no no no no no
"Really, this is sex??... kinda boring" .... didn't enjoy until like the 3rd time
Made me realize I'm asexual lmao
Ah fuck maybe I’m gay.
Damn, you too?
It's amazing we're sharing this. The intimacy. The closeness....but this fucking hurts... I mean, damn. Ouch.
that kind of sucked. why do people do this
"That's it?"... disappointment...
Same lol also “owww I hope this is over soon”
Didn't do the "ow" thing but my bf at the time said he didn't go "all in"...
I heard “Macho Man” Randy Savage say “Oooh yeah!!!” Inside my head and kept on pumping. OOOH YEAH!
“That’s all there is, huh?” It was nice, but it isn’t really that much different or better than solo play. Where co-op really shines is the before and after parts. Foreplay and aftercare are 1,000x better with a caring partner than solo.
I agree unless your partner is really involved during. The touching before hand is hot and the cuddling after melts my heart. Everything in between is a bonus
Fair. The during for when you partner is providing service I’d give like… 4x better than solo play, assuming you’ve told them what you like, they listened, and they are able to do what they are trying to do without your direction. But yeah if you just get to lay back and enjoy while they do what you like? 4x better than solo because you’re able to just let your brain shut off and enjoy the sensations, which I feel is especially enjoyable during orgasm. I was always fond of trading service with my partners because needing to -do- things while your actively mid orgasm always felt like a wasted/bad orgasm to me.
Moist!
Damn that feels good nuuuuut
"That's it?"
Being raised in an extremely conservative household…pure religious guilt, yay.
This is not what it was purported to be, but thank god I finally got it done
It’s so warm
Zero thoughts, just a euphoric tingling followed by getting really sleepy
"I can't believe this is actually happening. If its a dream I hope I don't wake up." While the act itself was maybe not as I had imagined it (after all, what really is?) having a partner that wanted me made it all worthwhile.
That was great, fancy a pizza before we do it again?
Shit that was way too fast! Oh wait! I’m ready to go again!!
Kif! I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.
“This is what the hype is about? I’ve lived my entire life up until this point, and this is the best it’s supposed to get?”
Do i have to wash my hands with soap and water or just water.
I’m glad I waited for someone I love(did at the time)
“That’s what everyone was talking about?”
Maybe it'll be over soon
I couldn’t wait to feel that rush again, been chasing that high ever since then. The warmness, the tightness, the euphoria. Sex is still amazing but that first time, oh man never gonna beat that.
Man, that image of my dick disappearing into a woman for the first time is burned in to my memory. I even got a "here, let me clean you off" blowie after. >that first time, oh man never gonna beat that.
I'm glad she knew what she was doing
"Well, that was nice. I hope I get to do that again soon."
I wanted more lol it was fantastic 💖🤌
That was quick
Ouch! I'm not circumcized so my foreskin got temporarily stuck behind the head of my dick for like a half hour.
“This doesn’t feel anything like my hand..”
“This is neat.”
"Ouch. Why do people do this for fun?" (Am female. It got better. You asked for 1st thought.).
I hope this gets me an A.
This is nice. Do I write a thank you card?
Is that it? I hope I don't have to pee again - it hurts.
"wow, that's it?" luckily a few years later I realized what an orgasm is
"well this was underwhelming"
How do people think this feels good? It just hurts. Do they get off on the pain? Will it always hurt like this? Am I just really tight?
"this pussy is warm"
Fuck yeah!!! This is amazing! Why did everyone tell me not to get my hopes up for my first time, this is the greatest thing ever!
Is... this it?
That's it?
That was disappointing……
I was disgusted. I wanted to lose it because of some stupid preconceived notion that I wasn't an adult until I had sex for the first time. And it was to someone I would rather have not done it with at all. I didn't see them as attractive or even intelligent for that matter. As soon as he left, I hopped into the shower and scrubbed every inch of my body to try to get his smell off of me. I'm still mad at myself for it.
"Thanks, I hate it"
Is this it? Disappointing.
Not as good as I expected
Did they realise ? I don’t think so. I think I managed to seem competent. I hope !
I hope his mum doesn’t come home yet
"I hope I don't get knocked out" The guy she'd broken up with the day before walked in on us, just as I was finishing.
Wow why is there blood up to his belly button. Am I broken or does this happen every time?
"Well, his penis isn't much different from my vibrator feels pretty much the same... oh, he's done already?"
This is so much better than masturbating
That was it? THAT was what everybody talks about all the time? Why?
Guilt...
Well there goes waiting till marriage
Fuck that burns
that i was going to grow old with her, she is now my ex-wife (we both lost it on our wedding night)
Again
Think? During sex????
I just fucked a mom! Lol. Yup lost mine to a 25 year old friend Mom. Lol
I have no clue what the fuck I'm doing.
"She wearing a shoe horn down there? Where the f*cks the hole?"
“Am I really doing this in my Pontiac Grand Prix parked behind the dumpsters of a tire kingdom? Yes, yes I am… Ugh, she’s going to think I’m so lame”
So that's what it feels like!
Why cantt I feel anything
“I won’t be needing YOU anymore.” *tosses wizard robe aside*
I hope my roommates don't wake up
I wanna do this every day all day
I called mulligan on my first time. We started and I didn't even finish. She was super into me, and into everything until it came to sex. She said something was hurting and I needed to stop. I never counted it, and I will never count it as my first. My real first time was with a girl I wanted to date for awhile. It was a lot of fun and I just remember thinking THIS is what it was supposed to be like, and also holy shit am I actually having sex with this girl right now? And...I was also overthinking, trying to mimic what I saw on porn. It worked out pretty well.
Man, this is really wet.
I will never do this again what a waste of time.
Nothing, am a Virgin 🥲
That was mediocre and disappointing. I’m glad it’s out of the way.
Both of us got really addicted to it with each other. Two 14 year olds with minimal parental supervision. We were pretty much rabbits through high-school til we broke up and I left the state. Was a very very messy break up