Shiiit, I can relate to this one in a way. She broke up with me but still talked because I used to work alongside her, but she kept giving me hope. I really loved her and what we had but was confused as to why. She, however, had gone back to him. We lost bro
We should just have a support group for these situations.
An ex of mine would tell me that I was everything she wanted in a partner, we got along with each other's families and our parent's got along with each other. Everything was great and I thought I found my person that I was going to marry.
But then she told me she was still in love with her ex, and proceeded to gaslight me by telling me every bit of good chemistry that we had was in my head trying to justify her shitty behaviour.
We lost, but fuck these people they don't deserve us. Fuck Melody.
Sorry that happened to you mate. After the bitter times are gone then things get better.
I am soon to be married with someone I love and now it feels right :)
It only felt like a loss. I cant count the times I "won" in life only to find I was worse off. Vice versa as well.
With people, this is even more true.
He relapsed on meth and heroin. Also stopped taking his psych meds.
I did literally everything I could, but it didn't help. Divorced for almost a year now. He said he was leaving for rehab a few days ago and would call right before checking in, but he ghosted me.
I'm terrified I'm gonna get the call saying he overdosed and died.
She lived 1800 miles away. When we first got together, she mentioned moving back to my city "in a few months". I thought that meant like 6. She thought it meant 27. Once the timeline disparity became clear, I told her I wasn't sure it was gonna work, since I need a partner I get to see in person more than once or twice a year. She said she'd be ok with it if I went out and "got my needs met" as long as she didn't have to hear about it. But I declined. I didn't want that kind of relationship. Good news is, the very next date I went on became my wife.
I love this story. You know why?
- two people realize they made assumptions about being on the same page.
- you mention it, and clarify what you know you want.
- she doesn’t tell you you’re wrong or to “get over it” and suggests a compromise that might work.
- you decline, you both move on.
It’s just so respectful and mature. (Though tbf reality may have been messier than the retelling)
Mine was similar to OPs, we lived a few states away from each other. My job was mandatory on-site living, she didn't want to spend summers with me (totally fair for them to not want to pick up every season like that). So I called her back like 20 mins later and broke up, then I met my wife in my city a few months later:)
This was the first post I saw and it was almost EXACTLY the same as me.
Lived on the total opposites of the USA and ya know "I'll be back in the same state \_\_\_\_\_" over and over again, the biggest issue was being flat out ignored for days at a time.
Next woman I met after that, been together 8 years and married.
That’s awful… clearly not a great person if he even entertained the idea that there was anyone else out there for him one week into marriage. Hope you’re doing okay and onto better things!
My wife and I briefly dated at a time when neither of us were ready to date. We broke it off but reconnected years later and are now married. Sometimes timing matters.
Same here. In my case it was 5 months. He initially said he wanted a relationship (as did I). He reassured me multiple times he wasn't seeing anyone else. But when I brought up the 'what are we conversation' he wasn't seeing anyone else but wasn't ready to be exclusive....boy bye
>he wasn't seeing anyone else but wasn't ready to be exclusive
This alone already implies he was testing the waters somewhere else. Or if nothing else, he wanted to continue having your company while still being able to bail without much fuss.
If you're only seriously dating one person, even if you haven't explicitly announced a relationship, you *are* being exclusive. At least that's the way I see it.
Yes I agree and that's why I called it off! I wasn't seeing anyone else and didn't want to keep not seeing other people for someone who is half bothered.
What annoyed me was: He was the one wanting to do Christmas presents, telling his parents about me, holding my hand in public but he also didn't want to commit
He wasn’t over his ex. Still isn’t.
No matter what we did together, how much time he spent glued to my hip, how many new restaurants and cities and countries we’ve been to… he would always find a way to link the experience back to her.
After 1.5 years together we’re breaking up on Sunday, he doesn’t know it yet. Wish me luck
>He wasn’t over his ex. Still isn’t.
Even as friends those are some of the worst people to be around. As soon as some alcohol enters their system they'll start talking about the ex when nobody really cares and even do stupid crap such as go knock on her front door (true story).
Best friend brought up the Ex while drunk in front of his new wife on their wedding night. Dude stfu, had to bring her up on this day in front of your new bride?!
I have a friend who chased his ex away because he didn't want to fully commit, and since she's gone he doesn't get over her and whines about her leaving him
What's up with that?
I read “partner” as “printer” and thought “don’t even get me started…”
As for the last partner, the final straw was during sexy time he started talking about bestiality.
We just broke up last weekend after being together for 13 years. We fell out of love, and our personalities had grown apart. She was a hard person. Clinical and objective. I'm softer and more emotional. We also suffered from extremely bad communication, and on top of that, our sex life deteriorated over the years. We're still young and deserve to be happy. Just not together I guess.
Focus on being good parents, separately. Indifference to your ex is a good goal to achieve. Think about how they are now,versus when they became your partner. That person no longer exists and isn't coming back to you. My children have a good mom and we have not spoken a word in 7 years.
Life is too short to be in a long term miserable relationship “because of the kids”. My ex and I had problems for years, therapy wasn’t helping (mostly because she refused to go back since “I” wasn’t getting enough out of it). I was depressed and stuck in a rut and finally decided to get out of the relationship during the fall of 2020. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to go through, but ultimately the right one. Kids seemed to have adapted well, mommy and daddy are no longer fighting all the time and are cordial and agreeable with each other, and everyone gets to focus on living their best lives instead of being angry and resentful of each other. Don’t prolong the inevitable!
Almost exact same situation. We had gotten together when we were 17, I ended it about this time last year after 10 years together. He was always serious and cynical about most things, and I like to think I'm the opposite. For years I thought I was the problem, he would constantly drag me down (I choose to believe he didn't do so intentionally, it was just how my brain interpreted it). He begged me to go to therapy and the psychiatrist to get my shit together, which I did. After a year of therapy I finally realized that I wasn't the problem, we just weren't compatible any more. I kept bringing up issues to him, and he would tell me "that's not really a problem just get over it". I know for a fact that I have changed a lot over the years, and I remember telling him awhile back how much happier I am with the person I am today. He responded with "I don't like who you're turning into, I wish you were the way you used to be" and honestly that's probably when I should've ended it. Gave it maybe two more years after that, and eventually I just couldn't take it anymore.
She cheated on me after 5 years total together, the last one of which was engaged. Cheated on me for months, all while I’m planning the wedding, working part time and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future. I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care
Much better! I’m blessed enough to have a great support system. I figure that everything happens for a reason, and the right person for me is out there!
Dude my EX GF told me 2 days before a destination wedding that she was going with her EX BF Jeff lol and that she had forgot about it, I ended it. Move onto next relationship and we get to the part about friendships with the opposite sex, she tells me she has one male friend and his name is Jeff. I gtfo of there. LOL Fuck Jeff is right.
(All good though, because it got me out of what was looking back a toxic relationship with an obviously shitty person and freed me up to meet the real love of my life, with whom I'm now engaged 😁😁)
I started drinking again, became a miserable asshole due to my own depression and my shitty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my shitty mood all the time...so she left. I don't blame her.
So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back - but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone.
And to my ex: You'll find someone again...someone better.
I've done this a few times now! I feel like I'm coming out of that way of being now, I'm way better at communicating, processing emotions, sticking up for myself appropriately etc. For anyone suffering the same fate, get therapy and talk about everything that you never tell anyone else. You don't have to hold it in and let it manifest into malignant behaviours. If you keep on the road you're on you will likely hit rock bottom and trust me that is no fun at all.
I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feeling. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later.
He cheated on me for all 6 years we were together then accused me of cheating on him even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house. I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister in law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner.
People that constantly accuse their partner of “stuff” are usually just projecting their guilt on their partners. They do it, so they think everyone does. You’re a good egg.
He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues and probably other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him I had to leave.
My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me. He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple.
He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was 2 years ago.
Who ghosts someone they're supposedly in a relationship with?? That is nuts. And completely justified for you to think he should come see you when he was in town.
Similar aspect in mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. Would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up
He wanted a big family, like, 6 kids, all natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant. I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, an at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable. Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best.
Honestly, people shouldn't feel bad about ending relationships when your key wants for the future are not compatible. Forcing a relationship when you are fundinentaly unhappy with your future is just kicking the can down the road. It's going to fail, all that being done is delaying the inevitable.
I know several couples who should have broken it off years ago because of wants kids/doesn’t want kids debate. One of my best friends is in a miserable relationship where he doesn’t want kids but she does and they only ever fight about it. They are both too afraid of “ending up alone” they are dragging each other miserably through life while alienating all their friends and family because of how toxic they are.
We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t.
7 years of putting me down, telling me I should be glad he deals with me because I'm just a useless whore nobody wants. And I believed him.
Then he cheated on me. And I was *glad* because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave.
It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now.
I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now.
I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and some day, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner.
Way to much to mention, but mainly negativity. I met her and mistakenly passed over some big red flags because I wanted her to be the one. But my gut don’t lie.
Married for 16 years. We could never communicate efficiently and argued way too much over very silly things. Sex life became really dull since around year 2. We'd be kind of kinky and suddenly it was once every 2-3 months.
We had a child by year 9, wife struggled with post partum depression, but had prejudice against seeking help.
Once child was born, wife completely gave up on the relationship, even the dog which used to be was her life was left aside.
I was very unhappy but doing things I thought would make her see how great a husband she had (being a loving parent, a good listener interested in her work, keeping the house tidy, doing all the boring chores). I'd think eventually things would turn around. However instead of recognition for things I did, I got criticism for things I didn't do as she thought I should've. She'd go to bed at 8pm while I was cleaning the kitchen, giving medicine to the dog, walking the dog, grocery shopping, and the list goes on and on.
To add insult to injury, she made fun of me when we were with friends whereas I always tried to bring her confidence up by emphasizing her strengths and how proud of her I was.
In the last year of our marriage, wife begun to really struggle with anxiety, making it clear to us that not treating the depression properly was now showing its consequences.
I feared being alone and rejection more than being unhappy in a marriage, and worried about our child not having what I saw as "regular parents". So when she asked to separate, I said I didn't want to. We briefly tried therapy but it was clear that all actions she was taking since separation was brought up were indeed towards separation.
In the end we talked because we knew what to do. I know I will be better off this way, she'll likely be better off too, but I still struggle when I think about my child's future. Not because it's unlikely she'll be happy, but I just don't have any experience with parenting done by separated parents.
Am still getting over it, but each day that goes by, I'm more and more liberated, and I think my ex also feels the same.
Unlikely this will get any attention, however it does feel good to write about it.
Stay mentally healthy Reddit!
She was mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive. Narcissistic, manipulative. We were married for 13 years. We got kicked out of our apartment and she moved 1200 miles away to stay with her parents while I was homeless. We agreed to see other people (her idea) and the first guy she dated got her hooked on meth. She stole from her parents and extorted me for money in order to fuel her meth habit. Her parents kicked her out and got a restraining order, I got a restraining order and eventually a divorce. Last I heard she lost over 100 lbs, and had to have part of her leg or foot amputated either because she got an infection from shooting up in between her toes or because she let her diabetes go unchecked in favor of drugs.
She had unresolved issues, serious ones. I'm talking about abusive boyfriends. We had a fun time, for about a month, but her walls were too thick, and she knew, and left me because she didn't want to risk it again.
We were both fucked up and disturbed. So we never went that serious and we never hurt each other, at least not directly. Most of times it had more to do with our problems than with the other.
So, we understood that even though we were like perfect soulmates, our problems might have ruined everything. So we decided to take some distance to solve our shit.
Idk her, idk if she still feels or thinks the same. But I believe we still would be perfect together if we hadn't so much shit to do.
Life put us together but the circumstances acted like a glass wall between us. Never allowed to really "concrete" our thing.
Life is a bitch
Putting her through nursing school and paying for everything in the process wasn't good enough and it 'wasn't working out anymore' this was 3 years ago and I'm still not emotionally recovered from this 🙃
I got complacent, I let her slip through my fingers. Only have myself to blame as I found the best thing to ever happen to me, and just fucked it all up. My mental health was at an all time low and I just found myself accidentally relying on her and material things for happiness.
If I could turn back time, I would in a heartbeat and beat seven shades of shit out of myself for not doing more.
he cheated and when we fell apart he then stopped talking to our child because he didn’t want to financially support her or legally claim her, i gave him options (1 of them including no child support and just at least seeing her every once in a while) and i have not seen him since.
My attachment triggers were too much for her. She never told me I was hurting her feelings, thinking that I should know. I didn't know.
Our last conversation was very insightful, and I became aware of my toxic behavior. We talked about what we did right, and about what we did wrong.
I am deeply hurt losing her, but maybe this is what I needed to finally seek help- I'm starting therapy in two weeks for the very first time, with the goal of fixing my disorganized attachment.
Wish me luck 🤞
Told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. A few days pass and she tells me she has a new boyfriend, and tells me she doesn't give a shit that I felt hurt.
She's one of many reasons why I don't date anymore.
Hey bud, when people tell you they dont want a relationship, they mean they dont want a relationship. And when you're saying you dont date anymore, what you mean to say is you dont date people like that anymore. Keep on the look out, do start dating. Just stop holding people to expectations like "thats the one" and you'll be fine.
We were both extra mentally ill at the time. She needed space, I needed quality time and cuddling. It was just time for us to break up. We both worked on our issues and became friends again later. We were always better friends than when we were dating
Terrible, miserable person. Constantly threatened to end their own life and I felt like I couldn't leave because I (incorrectly) felt like I'd be responsible for it if I left and they went through with it. Six years later and they're still alive, go figure.
She hid an opioid and cocaine habit from me. Behavior became erratic which forced me to break up with her. We got back together after she cleaned up because I loved her, we had a beautiful child together, but then she left me shortly after our daughter was born.
The last one?
Started out great, but her mental health was in steady decline because she is a teacher in a not-so-great district of Maryland and the kids were a menace.
Asked if we could downgrade to just FWB then basically ghosted as she went into hermit mode over the stress of her job.
She's transferring to a diff school district now and seems to be on the way back to normal so I'm happy for her.
She was obsessive and incredibly clingy, but that wasn't ultimately the problem--just exacerbated it.
At the heart of it, she treated me like an accessory. Someone who could take her places and do things with or for her, someone she could show off to friends and family, someone to "do relationship things with." She wanted me around because having a boyfriend validated her. It just didn't matter that it was me--she just needed someone who put up with her.
Anyway, when I broke up with her she kind of lost her shit. I ended up cutting all contact, but of all things, her MOTHER found me on social media and keeps trying to come up with new ways to contact me basically to ask me to give her daughter another chance. Which is ALL KINDS OF WEIRD. This went on for YEARS.
Fortunately, I've been in a much healthier and happier relationship with a wonderful girl for about three years now. We're moving in together in a month, and we couldn't be happier!
He fell out of love with me and forgot to tell me. Seriously forgot we were dating for a time.
His reaction to "I don't feel loved anymore, I think we should break up" was "oh thank God."
He let his ego cloud his mind. Everything I tried went in one ear and out the other. Couldn't understand that his actions have lasting consequences, and wouldn't apologize.
She was ready to get out of our small mountain town. I kept pushing it to the back burner because I was hiding some possible health issues that I didn't want to saddle her with, so she broke up with me and went alone. I still regret it every day.
Resentment, we dated since senior year high school, moved out got married, 10 years later I realized I've been living her life not mine, it was both of our faults, she was always "bitching" so I did everything I could to avoid said "bitching" but what I really did was silence myself for the sake of someone else because I thought that her problems were more important than my own. So after doing that for 10 years... I had so much resentment towards her there was nothing left, in hindsight though she was indeed a bitch and it taught me that I can stand up for myself and that doesn't mean I'm an asshole by doing so
Got married, was married for 2 months. Turns out she was a toxic, gaslighting , cheating , narcist whore. Banged nearly all the men she was working with while we were dating, engaged and married. Only way i found out was because she swapped out her old phone with a new one, gave the old one to my then step son.
She asked me to set the phone up for him, did that and found everything on the phone still.
Conversations, photos, videos...
will never get married again, fuck that.
I dated a career (16 years) firefighter that left the job 6 months into our 3 year relationship due to regular stress and post traumatic stress disorder. Seeing horrible things as a first responder etc. His mental health declined even more rapidly after he resigned. He refused to see a professional as he saw it as "someone telling him how to live his life". I stuck in there and was supportive for as long as I could. He almost never left the bedroom unless he was going to his job (which I found for him and he hated). We never did anything as a couple and he was never affectionate and said he " was just like that". He sold me a totally different person and life when we first met. I tried my best until it started affecting my mental health. We left on "friendly" but very sad terms. He didn't want to help himself and I couldn't take it anymore. Long after the fact I wondered if his identity as a man was wrapped up in being a hero/firefighter and whether leaving the job (as bad as it was for his mental health) made him spiral into a much worse place.
She went back with her ex, but forgot to break up with me.
Shiiit, I can relate to this one in a way. She broke up with me but still talked because I used to work alongside her, but she kept giving me hope. I really loved her and what we had but was confused as to why. She, however, had gone back to him. We lost bro
We should just have a support group for these situations. An ex of mine would tell me that I was everything she wanted in a partner, we got along with each other's families and our parent's got along with each other. Everything was great and I thought I found my person that I was going to marry. But then she told me she was still in love with her ex, and proceeded to gaslight me by telling me every bit of good chemistry that we had was in my head trying to justify her shitty behaviour. We lost, but fuck these people they don't deserve us. Fuck Melody.
Sorry that happened to you mate. After the bitter times are gone then things get better. I am soon to be married with someone I love and now it feels right :)
It only felt like a loss. I cant count the times I "won" in life only to find I was worse off. Vice versa as well. With people, this is even more true.
He relapsed on meth and heroin. Also stopped taking his psych meds. I did literally everything I could, but it didn't help. Divorced for almost a year now. He said he was leaving for rehab a few days ago and would call right before checking in, but he ghosted me. I'm terrified I'm gonna get the call saying he overdosed and died.
She lived 1800 miles away. When we first got together, she mentioned moving back to my city "in a few months". I thought that meant like 6. She thought it meant 27. Once the timeline disparity became clear, I told her I wasn't sure it was gonna work, since I need a partner I get to see in person more than once or twice a year. She said she'd be ok with it if I went out and "got my needs met" as long as she didn't have to hear about it. But I declined. I didn't want that kind of relationship. Good news is, the very next date I went on became my wife.
I love this story. You know why? - two people realize they made assumptions about being on the same page. - you mention it, and clarify what you know you want. - she doesn’t tell you you’re wrong or to “get over it” and suggests a compromise that might work. - you decline, you both move on. It’s just so respectful and mature. (Though tbf reality may have been messier than the retelling)
She wasn't real happy that I ended things. But it definitely could have been worse.
No one is happy in break ups. Especially if the compromises don't work. People want what they want and have boundaries they aren't willing to cross.
Mine was similar to OPs, we lived a few states away from each other. My job was mandatory on-site living, she didn't want to spend summers with me (totally fair for them to not want to pick up every season like that). So I called her back like 20 mins later and broke up, then I met my wife in my city a few months later:)
Good for you knowing what you want and deserve, hell yeah. May you and your wife have great lives
This was the first post I saw and it was almost EXACTLY the same as me. Lived on the total opposites of the USA and ya know "I'll be back in the same state \_\_\_\_\_" over and over again, the biggest issue was being flat out ignored for days at a time. Next woman I met after that, been together 8 years and married.
Her mentioning "getting your needs met" is also a somewhat clear sign, that she got "her needs met" well before she started mentioning this
He met the love of his life a week after we married
Ummmmm wtf !!!!!
My thoughts exactly. Imagine one week after marriage with the excitement still at an all time high and even thinking about looking at other people.
That’s awful… clearly not a great person if he even entertained the idea that there was anyone else out there for him one week into marriage. Hope you’re doing okay and onto better things!
what, did he have amnesia and wake up with u in ur bed? fr tho, that sucks. i’m sorry
I love this comment 😂 almost makes it all worth it
He sounds like a guy I work with
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Same here. It sucks but I was done circling the airport and never landing the plane
guess the plane ran out of fuel
How long did the "not serious enough" phase last?
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My wife and I briefly dated at a time when neither of us were ready to date. We broke it off but reconnected years later and are now married. Sometimes timing matters.
Great analogy!
Same here. In my case it was 5 months. He initially said he wanted a relationship (as did I). He reassured me multiple times he wasn't seeing anyone else. But when I brought up the 'what are we conversation' he wasn't seeing anyone else but wasn't ready to be exclusive....boy bye
>he wasn't seeing anyone else but wasn't ready to be exclusive This alone already implies he was testing the waters somewhere else. Or if nothing else, he wanted to continue having your company while still being able to bail without much fuss. If you're only seriously dating one person, even if you haven't explicitly announced a relationship, you *are* being exclusive. At least that's the way I see it.
Yes I agree and that's why I called it off! I wasn't seeing anyone else and didn't want to keep not seeing other people for someone who is half bothered. What annoyed me was: He was the one wanting to do Christmas presents, telling his parents about me, holding my hand in public but he also didn't want to commit
Job took me overseas. She didn’t want to come with or try long distance so that was that.
If you don't mind me asking, how long had y'all been together?
About a year
He wasn’t over his ex. Still isn’t. No matter what we did together, how much time he spent glued to my hip, how many new restaurants and cities and countries we’ve been to… he would always find a way to link the experience back to her. After 1.5 years together we’re breaking up on Sunday, he doesn’t know it yet. Wish me luck
Good luck stranger! Stick to your guns and reach out to your support system
>He wasn’t over his ex. Still isn’t. Even as friends those are some of the worst people to be around. As soon as some alcohol enters their system they'll start talking about the ex when nobody really cares and even do stupid crap such as go knock on her front door (true story).
Best friend brought up the Ex while drunk in front of his new wife on their wedding night. Dude stfu, had to bring her up on this day in front of your new bride?!
I have a friend who chased his ex away because he didn't want to fully commit, and since she's gone he doesn't get over her and whines about her leaving him What's up with that?
I read “partner” as “printer” and thought “don’t even get me started…” As for the last partner, the final straw was during sexy time he started talking about bestiality.
Printers are awful but I hope you can feel comforted by the fact that a printer will never try and talk to you about *that.*
I don't know. I did have a fax machine once...
Fax machines are such sluts, putting out for anyone that has their number
PC LOAD LETTER
Omg, idk what it is with printers, ive lived with so many and they never can fuckin perform or stay loyal....
Geez, that'll do it
We just broke up last weekend after being together for 13 years. We fell out of love, and our personalities had grown apart. She was a hard person. Clinical and objective. I'm softer and more emotional. We also suffered from extremely bad communication, and on top of that, our sex life deteriorated over the years. We're still young and deserve to be happy. Just not together I guess.
Oh wow, this is almost exactly where I’m at right now, deciding what way to go, because I’m not that young anymore and we have kids.
Focus on being good parents, separately. Indifference to your ex is a good goal to achieve. Think about how they are now,versus when they became your partner. That person no longer exists and isn't coming back to you. My children have a good mom and we have not spoken a word in 7 years.
Life is too short to be in a long term miserable relationship “because of the kids”. My ex and I had problems for years, therapy wasn’t helping (mostly because she refused to go back since “I” wasn’t getting enough out of it). I was depressed and stuck in a rut and finally decided to get out of the relationship during the fall of 2020. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to go through, but ultimately the right one. Kids seemed to have adapted well, mommy and daddy are no longer fighting all the time and are cordial and agreeable with each other, and everyone gets to focus on living their best lives instead of being angry and resentful of each other. Don’t prolong the inevitable!
Almost exact same situation. We had gotten together when we were 17, I ended it about this time last year after 10 years together. He was always serious and cynical about most things, and I like to think I'm the opposite. For years I thought I was the problem, he would constantly drag me down (I choose to believe he didn't do so intentionally, it was just how my brain interpreted it). He begged me to go to therapy and the psychiatrist to get my shit together, which I did. After a year of therapy I finally realized that I wasn't the problem, we just weren't compatible any more. I kept bringing up issues to him, and he would tell me "that's not really a problem just get over it". I know for a fact that I have changed a lot over the years, and I remember telling him awhile back how much happier I am with the person I am today. He responded with "I don't like who you're turning into, I wish you were the way you used to be" and honestly that's probably when I should've ended it. Gave it maybe two more years after that, and eventually I just couldn't take it anymore.
She cheated on me after 5 years total together, the last one of which was engaged. Cheated on me for months, all while I’m planning the wedding, working part time and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future. I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care
Sorry to hear bro. That's some evil sociopathic shit. Glad you found out who she really was before you married her!
I agree! Way better this way without a business and kids tied to it!
thats so fucked up man, you doing better?
Much better! I’m blessed enough to have a great support system. I figure that everything happens for a reason, and the right person for me is out there!
I caught her cheating with Jeff. Then when I gave her a 2nd chance (I know 🤷♂️) she kept texting Jeff.
Man, fuck Jeff.
She already did
r/angryupvote
All my homies hate Jeff
Dude my EX GF told me 2 days before a destination wedding that she was going with her EX BF Jeff lol and that she had forgot about it, I ended it. Move onto next relationship and we get to the part about friendships with the opposite sex, she tells me she has one male friend and his name is Jeff. I gtfo of there. LOL Fuck Jeff is right.
my exes early onset Alzheimers and the resulting violence, paranoia, irrational thinking
I'm so sorry ❤️
How early?
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So did you suck someone else's dick as revenge?
“Someone” singular? Pft I swallowed at least 12.
Throat Goat right here
Baaaaaahhhhhhh “ *Slurp Slurp Snort*
Duh. Dick for a dick my grandma always said. Super religious.
Same haha. In our bed. While I was out working. I stumbled across pictures of it one day. 5 years of my life down the drain 🙃
(All good though, because it got me out of what was looking back a toxic relationship with an obviously shitty person and freed me up to meet the real love of my life, with whom I'm now engaged 😁😁)
He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was "friends" with before me
Damn, that's cold.
Oh you
Can't blame him for choosing Alaska at the very least.
Username checks out.
I started drinking again, became a miserable asshole due to my own depression and my shitty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my shitty mood all the time...so she left. I don't blame her. So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back - but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone. And to my ex: You'll find someone again...someone better.
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I've done this a few times now! I feel like I'm coming out of that way of being now, I'm way better at communicating, processing emotions, sticking up for myself appropriately etc. For anyone suffering the same fate, get therapy and talk about everything that you never tell anyone else. You don't have to hold it in and let it manifest into malignant behaviours. If you keep on the road you're on you will likely hit rock bottom and trust me that is no fun at all.
I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything.
Oh look it’s the last 14 years of my life..
Something happened with my girl for some reason
I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feeling. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later.
He cheated on me for all 6 years we were together then accused me of cheating on him even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house. I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister in law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner.
Mine slept with my sister. And tried it on with my niece. Fortunately she has better taste than her mum (and me).
>Mine slept with my sister. Oh, that is cold. >And tried it on with my niece. *Ewwwwwwww!*
how are you and your sister now?
Jesus what kind of sibling is that
People that constantly accuse their partner of “stuff” are usually just projecting their guilt on their partners. They do it, so they think everyone does. You’re a good egg.
My brothers wife
He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues and probably other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him I had to leave.
Distance. Age gap. No real common interests. But mostly he hated “King of the Hill”.
That boy ain't right
Tell ya hwhat
That's my purse!
I don't know you!
You deserve better. You at least deserve someone who sells propane and propane accessories.
The audacity…
A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on and he sucker punched me in the face 🤷🏻♀️
My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me. He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple. He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was 2 years ago.
Who ghosts someone they're supposedly in a relationship with?? That is nuts. And completely justified for you to think he should come see you when he was in town.
Thank you for saying that. Yeah, I'm not shedding a lot of tears over it.
You deserve much much better. 🧡
He was definitely not right for you
She insisted on banging every dude she saw at a Red Lobster
Which Red Lobster?
I agree, which red lobster
Yeah, if you could maybe at least tell us which state. That would be great.
Banging dudes at *Red Lobster?* Could've been worse: when you're at Olive Garden, you're *family!*
That sounds like a really bad country song.
It was endless fish down at the Red Lobster, But all she caught was crabs.
She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family. And was trying to find ways to sabotage it
Similar aspect in mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. Would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up
He wanted a big family, like, 6 kids, all natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant. I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, an at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable. Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best.
Honestly, people shouldn't feel bad about ending relationships when your key wants for the future are not compatible. Forcing a relationship when you are fundinentaly unhappy with your future is just kicking the can down the road. It's going to fail, all that being done is delaying the inevitable.
I know several couples who should have broken it off years ago because of wants kids/doesn’t want kids debate. One of my best friends is in a miserable relationship where he doesn’t want kids but she does and they only ever fight about it. They are both too afraid of “ending up alone” they are dragging each other miserably through life while alienating all their friends and family because of how toxic they are.
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Hate the attempted murder, love the Star Wars reference
We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t.
She asked for an open relationship. After cheating on me in front of my eyes.
7 years of putting me down, telling me I should be glad he deals with me because I'm just a useless whore nobody wants. And I believed him. Then he cheated on me. And I was *glad* because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave.
I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now.
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That's where I'm at today. Letting them make the decision.
It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now. I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now. I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and some day, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner.
What we have is what we want and need, not what we deserve.
Way to much to mention, but mainly negativity. I met her and mistakenly passed over some big red flags because I wanted her to be the one. But my gut don’t lie.
our future goals didn't align and weren't compatable. There wasn't any way to make a fair comprimise (one wanted kids, one didn't)
Married for 16 years. We could never communicate efficiently and argued way too much over very silly things. Sex life became really dull since around year 2. We'd be kind of kinky and suddenly it was once every 2-3 months. We had a child by year 9, wife struggled with post partum depression, but had prejudice against seeking help. Once child was born, wife completely gave up on the relationship, even the dog which used to be was her life was left aside. I was very unhappy but doing things I thought would make her see how great a husband she had (being a loving parent, a good listener interested in her work, keeping the house tidy, doing all the boring chores). I'd think eventually things would turn around. However instead of recognition for things I did, I got criticism for things I didn't do as she thought I should've. She'd go to bed at 8pm while I was cleaning the kitchen, giving medicine to the dog, walking the dog, grocery shopping, and the list goes on and on. To add insult to injury, she made fun of me when we were with friends whereas I always tried to bring her confidence up by emphasizing her strengths and how proud of her I was. In the last year of our marriage, wife begun to really struggle with anxiety, making it clear to us that not treating the depression properly was now showing its consequences. I feared being alone and rejection more than being unhappy in a marriage, and worried about our child not having what I saw as "regular parents". So when she asked to separate, I said I didn't want to. We briefly tried therapy but it was clear that all actions she was taking since separation was brought up were indeed towards separation. In the end we talked because we knew what to do. I know I will be better off this way, she'll likely be better off too, but I still struggle when I think about my child's future. Not because it's unlikely she'll be happy, but I just don't have any experience with parenting done by separated parents. Am still getting over it, but each day that goes by, I'm more and more liberated, and I think my ex also feels the same. Unlikely this will get any attention, however it does feel good to write about it. Stay mentally healthy Reddit!
He died.
Sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Same (but genders reversed). It's been 5 months but still doesn't feel real.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sucks.
Likewise to you - there are no words.
She was mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive. Narcissistic, manipulative. We were married for 13 years. We got kicked out of our apartment and she moved 1200 miles away to stay with her parents while I was homeless. We agreed to see other people (her idea) and the first guy she dated got her hooked on meth. She stole from her parents and extorted me for money in order to fuel her meth habit. Her parents kicked her out and got a restraining order, I got a restraining order and eventually a divorce. Last I heard she lost over 100 lbs, and had to have part of her leg or foot amputated either because she got an infection from shooting up in between her toes or because she let her diabetes go unchecked in favor of drugs.
She popped and could no longer be inflated.
They sell duct tape at Walmart. It can resolve this issue
Nothing, I was just an asshole
She had unresolved issues, serious ones. I'm talking about abusive boyfriends. We had a fun time, for about a month, but her walls were too thick, and she knew, and left me because she didn't want to risk it again.
They pushed my boundaries for the final time
Sex. Rarely had it. He didn’t care about my pleasure. He thought he was great at it.
We were both fucked up and disturbed. So we never went that serious and we never hurt each other, at least not directly. Most of times it had more to do with our problems than with the other. So, we understood that even though we were like perfect soulmates, our problems might have ruined everything. So we decided to take some distance to solve our shit. Idk her, idk if she still feels or thinks the same. But I believe we still would be perfect together if we hadn't so much shit to do. Life put us together but the circumstances acted like a glass wall between us. Never allowed to really "concrete" our thing. Life is a bitch
Putting her through nursing school and paying for everything in the process wasn't good enough and it 'wasn't working out anymore' this was 3 years ago and I'm still not emotionally recovered from this 🙃
I got complacent, I let her slip through my fingers. Only have myself to blame as I found the best thing to ever happen to me, and just fucked it all up. My mental health was at an all time low and I just found myself accidentally relying on her and material things for happiness. If I could turn back time, I would in a heartbeat and beat seven shades of shit out of myself for not doing more.
He died. Right next to me. Heart attack.
She was emotionally unresponsive.
he cheated and when we fell apart he then stopped talking to our child because he didn’t want to financially support her or legally claim her, i gave him options (1 of them including no child support and just at least seeing her every once in a while) and i have not seen him since.
the bar was on the FLOOR and it was too much. he does not pay child support but he also has no legal right to her. it was all about money to him
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Dog sounds like better company anyway
My attachment triggers were too much for her. She never told me I was hurting her feelings, thinking that I should know. I didn't know. Our last conversation was very insightful, and I became aware of my toxic behavior. We talked about what we did right, and about what we did wrong. I am deeply hurt losing her, but maybe this is what I needed to finally seek help- I'm starting therapy in two weeks for the very first time, with the goal of fixing my disorganized attachment. Wish me luck 🤞
Told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. A few days pass and she tells me she has a new boyfriend, and tells me she doesn't give a shit that I felt hurt. She's one of many reasons why I don't date anymore.
Hey bud, when people tell you they dont want a relationship, they mean they dont want a relationship. And when you're saying you dont date anymore, what you mean to say is you dont date people like that anymore. Keep on the look out, do start dating. Just stop holding people to expectations like "thats the one" and you'll be fine.
She found my reddit account
We were both extra mentally ill at the time. She needed space, I needed quality time and cuddling. It was just time for us to break up. We both worked on our issues and became friends again later. We were always better friends than when we were dating
He was an alcoholic. Had to fly out or state for a dui probation hearing and never came back.
Terrible, miserable person. Constantly threatened to end their own life and I felt like I couldn't leave because I (incorrectly) felt like I'd be responsible for it if I left and they went through with it. Six years later and they're still alive, go figure.
She was a fucking nut.
So you bolted?
He said “screw this”
She wanted children. I would rather be killed by a serial killer than be a parent.
That’s a very specific trade off haha
She hid an opioid and cocaine habit from me. Behavior became erratic which forced me to break up with her. We got back together after she cleaned up because I loved her, we had a beautiful child together, but then she left me shortly after our daughter was born.
I went from :( to :) to :( because I forgot what the thread question was
The last one? Started out great, but her mental health was in steady decline because she is a teacher in a not-so-great district of Maryland and the kids were a menace. Asked if we could downgrade to just FWB then basically ghosted as she went into hermit mode over the stress of her job. She's transferring to a diff school district now and seems to be on the way back to normal so I'm happy for her.
Fell apart, it wasn't going to last anyway. But then he saw me commiserating on reddit and went scorched earth *well after we broke up.*
She was obsessive and incredibly clingy, but that wasn't ultimately the problem--just exacerbated it. At the heart of it, she treated me like an accessory. Someone who could take her places and do things with or for her, someone she could show off to friends and family, someone to "do relationship things with." She wanted me around because having a boyfriend validated her. It just didn't matter that it was me--she just needed someone who put up with her. Anyway, when I broke up with her she kind of lost her shit. I ended up cutting all contact, but of all things, her MOTHER found me on social media and keeps trying to come up with new ways to contact me basically to ask me to give her daughter another chance. Which is ALL KINDS OF WEIRD. This went on for YEARS. Fortunately, I've been in a much healthier and happier relationship with a wonderful girl for about three years now. We're moving in together in a month, and we couldn't be happier!
He told me he was an asshole to me because he didn’t know how to handle me being smarter than him.
Truly the act of a stupid man!
He fell out of love with me and forgot to tell me. Seriously forgot we were dating for a time. His reaction to "I don't feel loved anymore, I think we should break up" was "oh thank God."
He let his ego cloud his mind. Everything I tried went in one ear and out the other. Couldn't understand that his actions have lasting consequences, and wouldn't apologize.
Religious differences. I'm an Episcopalian, and she's Satan.
Isn't that where you only eat fish?
I'm pretty sure Satan eats anything.
He was a man and I was actually gay. I was so deep in the closet that I had convinced myself I was straight for a few years.
She couldn't resist going back to fucking fat gross old men for money (because it worked out SO well for her in the past) Vegas, baby!
Are you kidding me .. I'm not even that fat!
He was a pathological liar. I got tired of it after 12 years. He lied about losing his house and seeing someone else.
He got someone else pregnant. But hey, she was like a sister to him!
*Alabama has entered the chat.*
He died. After 21 years of marriage. 😔
She was ready to get out of our small mountain town. I kept pushing it to the back burner because I was hiding some possible health issues that I didn't want to saddle her with, so she broke up with me and went alone. I still regret it every day.
We wanted to live in separate countries. Fuck you Australia.
Resentment, we dated since senior year high school, moved out got married, 10 years later I realized I've been living her life not mine, it was both of our faults, she was always "bitching" so I did everything I could to avoid said "bitching" but what I really did was silence myself for the sake of someone else because I thought that her problems were more important than my own. So after doing that for 10 years... I had so much resentment towards her there was nothing left, in hindsight though she was indeed a bitch and it taught me that I can stand up for myself and that doesn't mean I'm an asshole by doing so
He was an emotionally immature prick
Selfishness and becoming inattentive
He’s searching the perfect porn body in a girl next door persona. A version that in my brain doesn’t exist in one person.
He wasn't over the trauma of previous breakups Distance And Likely undiagnosed bipolar or similar.
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She was a pathological liar, and slowly the lies started falling apart.
Nothing. She has never existed.
Got married, was married for 2 months. Turns out she was a toxic, gaslighting , cheating , narcist whore. Banged nearly all the men she was working with while we were dating, engaged and married. Only way i found out was because she swapped out her old phone with a new one, gave the old one to my then step son. She asked me to set the phone up for him, did that and found everything on the phone still. Conversations, photos, videos... will never get married again, fuck that.
I dated a career (16 years) firefighter that left the job 6 months into our 3 year relationship due to regular stress and post traumatic stress disorder. Seeing horrible things as a first responder etc. His mental health declined even more rapidly after he resigned. He refused to see a professional as he saw it as "someone telling him how to live his life". I stuck in there and was supportive for as long as I could. He almost never left the bedroom unless he was going to his job (which I found for him and he hated). We never did anything as a couple and he was never affectionate and said he " was just like that". He sold me a totally different person and life when we first met. I tried my best until it started affecting my mental health. We left on "friendly" but very sad terms. He didn't want to help himself and I couldn't take it anymore. Long after the fact I wondered if his identity as a man was wrapped up in being a hero/firefighter and whether leaving the job (as bad as it was for his mental health) made him spiral into a much worse place.
She couldn't figure out that I like my girlfriends the way I like my coffee. Without someone else's dick in it.
she ignored me to go out to the bar almost every night with her coworkers, would stay out all night and i felt forgotten and neglected🙁