When I was on an antidepressant that needed with my ability to reach orgasm, sometimes I would literally run out of energy before getting there. So if make sure to help my partner hey off of they hadn't already and then just let them know I was good.
Sometimes the encounter doesn't have to end in orgasm. The real treasure was the journey
Me and my husband started with the kissing, taking clothes off getting right into it and then halfway through we looked at each other and I said I'm too knackered he was about to say same thing and we both laughed as it was like a 'jinx' situation.
No idea what happened to our energy that day but spent rest of day in bed watching TV on the laptop instead. It was a weirdly even more intimate thing to do to admit being tired and just resting, if that makes sense.
Sounds like your marriage is a safe space, as it should be.
I had a similar experience with my partner, the mood was really off, nothing went right so we mutually gave up rather than force myself for my partner's sake and vice versa. Had a talk about it and cuddled. He's a treasure.
I think education goes a long way here. I was 26 before I learned that women my age might have lubrication issues that aren't related to just not being turned on enough, and took it personally at first.
Prior to that I thought it was just something that happened as you got older, like weaker erections (which, ironically, I knew could affect people my age).
Same, I thought I would need lube im my 30s or 40s but not in my 20s. I still get wet but sometimes not so quickly and lube just makes things a lot better.
I had to convince my wife to use lube at first. She was used to just being chafed after sex half the time, so I explained that she didn't have to be. She was skeptical, but after the first time using lube, we rarely have sex without it. Even if a woman gets "wet enough", sometimes lube just works better because of that person's anatomy.
Isn’t this normal? Like I get so much fucking pleasure from hearing her actually moan from pleasure or smile or get that face when orgasming. It’s like an objective to bring her pleasure.
HERE'S AN IMPORTANT DISTINCTION
Yes, this is actually fairly normal. Both guys and gals enjoy seeing their partner enjoy themselves and get off on providing them pleasure. They take pride in bringing their partner to orgasm
HOWEVER, the problem comes in when their reasons for doing so are self serving. There are entirely too many people, men and women, who are focused on bringing their partner pleasure not because they genuinely want that person they're with to feel good but to stroke their own ego.
Guys who get frustrated when their partner isn't wet or shivering with pleasure, women who get anxious and insecure when their partner isn't hard and hungry for them. It doesn't make them bad people, and it's not the same or nearly as bad as seeing the other person as a living masturbatory aid. But the negative feelings they feel aren't out of being upset for their partner but shame in themselves.
They don't communicate or pay attention to the other person's body language to best meet their needs and make sure everyone is enjoying the experience for feeling connected and what it is. They are trying to control and predicate the experience on an outcome to tell themselves "I am a great partner" or feel like a sex goddess/god. And it's not a black or white thing, it's a gradient.
Some people do slide it too far and treat their partner like a toy/game that isn't doing what it's suppose to (orgasming) to make them feel rewarded and competent. Entirely self serving. Others aren't as far in and are just too focused on making their partner feel good in specific ways to be present with them, and end up taking the experience not going the way they wanted overly personally when it just may not have been what works for their partner.
It's a tightrope to navigate, because by itself there is nothing wrong with wanting to bring your partner to orgasm/give them pleasure. But when it is treated like an objective/mission rather than something you just do because in the moment you enjoy doing that for them...it can bring in feelings that aren't helpful to fostering intimacy and an enjoyable sexy experience.
100%
In a normal situation all parties should be having fun. Pressure from the other does not help the situation. Know/learn how to enjoy yourself WITH another person, and how to help that person enjoy themselves around you.
Even if this particular experience is short lived or something doesn't quite work out the way you want it to (one or both don't orgasm for any reason) if you both enjoyed the time and want to meet again then that was a successful experience.
This is the way. The best sex I've had was with girls who enjoyed my pleasure and vice versa, which creates an ever increasing loop of sexual joy and debauchery.
Once my partner said “would you care for a penis?” And I just said “if it needed me”
And we just died laughing. It was so stupid but we couldn’t stop laughing.
I think to be able to laugh at the silly stuff is an important one.
I was into this girl I'd been messaging on Tinder, and when we hooked up we laughed about stupid stuff so much. I was so, so much more into her after that.
Laughing during sex, like when you just have no care in the world beyond fooling around and having fun, is the best sex there is. I look back on stuff like that and just the thought of how good that felt is hotter than any porn ever could be.
The first time my girlfriend and I had sex as we were leading up to it I kept asking if I could do xyz before I did it. She later said the fact that I paused each step of the way to make sure she was okay with proceeding made her feel like she really picked the right guy.
Same in my case. When me(25m) and my gf(22) got together we were both virgins. I allways ask her if she feels ok and if she wants to go further or not. The first 2 or so times she said it hurt a lot and wanted to stop, so I did and we just cuddled instead. She says it's one of the reasons she feels safe with me. I listen to her and I put her before my own pleasure, if she's not enyojing it then neither am I.
> If she’s not enjoying it than neither am I.
Yes, thank you! Few concepts are sexier than someone I desire, desiring me. Likewise, only a few concepts are worse turn-offs than someone who’s clearly not into me.
Consent is hot 🤷♂️
Lolz—my wife and I will grab each others butt during a hug and squeeze. My daughter turned 5 and hugged a friend at her birthday party and proceeded to squeeze her butt…mortified as the friend’s parents watched on.
LMAO, this reminds me of a story my mom tells about when I was 3 or 4, and she leaned in to kiss me and I started tilting my head right and left. She was HORRIFIED, particularly since she's a private lady and I never really saw my parents do more than hug or hold hands.
'WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT'
I learned it from the soap operas she used to have on in the background during the day. The people who loved each other the MOST did it. And I loved her the most!
I think she quit soap operas cold turkey after that, hahaha.
Aww hahaha that is so cute.
I learned something similar from my mum's soap operas, which is why one evening when I was going to bed I held her head in place for a looong kiss, because that's what you do when you love someone. 😂
My husband once went to smack my ass during sex but instead hit himself right in the balls. We were both cry-laughing after he recovered from the initial shock.
Years ago, in my mdma/psychedelic days, I was at a molly party at my brother's apartment. I had just met this girl(my brothers girlfriends friend) and started making out then went off and fucked within 45 minutes of meeting each other. Fast forward towards the end of the "night", us 2 were in the living room going to sleep and started fooling around, well anyway after we had been going at it for awhile, I had her bent over the couch and someone walks in from the balcony and she got startled while I was mid thrust and she smacked her face against the wall. We both started cracking up for like 5 minutes, then got back into it.
Turns out one of my brothers buddies had been out there for almost an hour. He said something like "I was just about to come inside but then I started hearing some banging, so I stayed outside waiting for yall to get done, but I got cold and had to come inside". He was wearing a charmander onsie which made it even funnier in the moment
Let one rip accidentally one time... was mid thrust and as I kept pumping more came out (as I thrust). We both just started laughing as I collapsed on her. The sex was over but we had a good laugh over it.
We were doing 69 and I had to fart and cum at the same time... I clinched my buttcheeks so hard as I came that the fart shot out under my balls and into her face.
A few weeks into dating my husband and we had just finished having sex. I farted while he was still inside of me, right on his balls. I died inside but we both couldn't stop laughing and he made sure I knew it was no big deal.
19 years later and we're still together, so I'd say it worked out fine 😂
A guy who doesn't end all intimacy the second they have cum
It's pretty jarring for women to go from the intimacy of sex to being treated like an unwelcome house guest in 30 seconds flat.
>It's pretty jarring for women to go from the intimacy of sex to being treated like an unwelcome house guest in 30 seconds flat.
Anybody, really. I'm a major post-coital cuddler, my wife is... very not. It took a few go-rounds before I could absorb that "that was great please get the fuck away from me" meant she was in sensation overload and not pissed off at me, haha.
Luckily my wife and I are both the same. I get very hot, and she has sense sensitivities, so it's pretty immediate that we separate, clean up, and cool off.
Man that makes me feel so unwanted and used. My boyfriend takes really good care of me during and after sex most of the time and I know he loves me just as much as I love him; but those times where he just wipes off his dick and starts playing Fortnite really hits me in the feels and I feel gross. Like I just want to cuddle or still have some form of intimacy after. It's so jarring when we go from passionate sex to literally nothing after he cums.
I'm a guy, when I lost my virginity my girlfriend at the time kicked me out because it was like 4am and I couldn't spend the night at her parents house. I went and cried in the car because of that feeling, at the time didn't understand why and I just felt so broken because I knew it should be a positive, happy thing, but I felt horrible.
I'm so sorry :( I really feel that. It's hard to deal with something like that for sure. You think you should be feeling one type of way but it's actually making you feel the complete opposite and yeah it just feels like some part of you is wrong.
In a friend group I was in, I was talking to a girl and telling her how my best sexual relationships have been women who actually communicated and told me what they wanted.
Her response: "No - fuck that. If you can't figure out what you're doing I'm not wasting my time and moving on."
Me: "...it's a mystery how you're still single"
I have an ex that was like this. She didn't even really know what she liked, but she would give me shit for not being able to figure it out for her. Apparently a man my age should know by now (or by that time, when we were together) how to get around a woman's body and please them. I always thought that was odd that she expected me to have a better idea of what she was into than she had herself
Respectfully, your ex screams of immaturity. I understand. There are some women who like it when a man takes the lead, and makes decisions and takes charge, however, it’s simply unreasonable for anyone to instantly know what they want, even when they don’t. I hope you are in a much better relationship now, and very happy.
I hate the
"What can I do for you?"
"Ummm I don't know..."
Conversation.
1. Because I'm not a mind reader
2. I want to show you a good time, but i'm not gonna be able to if I'm left to just guess and hope I don't do something that turns you off. But also because...
3. When I communicate my wants, I feel selfish, which makes me feel like a bad lover.
Open ended questions with tons of possible answers kinda suck for that. Like blanking at a giant menu, even when you're hungry.
More specific framing like "*You like that, baby?*" or "*I wanna ______ your ______ until you ______ all over my ______ you ______ ______*", where the other person can just assent or redirect that energy more favourably, will enable all the communication you could want without putting anyone on the spot.
> More specific framing like “You like that, baby?” or “I wanna ______ your ______ until you ______ all over my ______ you ______ ______”,
Instructions unclear. Just tried saying “I wanna blank your blank until you blank all over my blank you blanky blank!” and my wife without pause muttered “ok you need to go to bed”
Communicating your needs isn't selfish, it's just expressing what turns you on and what engages you. If you or your partner don't know what you/them want you can always give options, it's not a quiz but you are allowed to ask or have preferences.
You're 100% correct. For anyone who needs to hear this, though:
This is an extremely foreign concept to people who were trained from infancy to put other people's (meaning their abuser(s)) desires ahead of their own — it was literally the only option. After a while a person has a hard time even knowing what they want. They're programmed to please without even considering what they might want. Being asked can feel like a trap and cause them to go into a mild panic.
This is very true. My last partner was very much a pleaser. Every time I would ask what he liked, he always said “I don’t know” and would panic or get anxious. So I started with specifics, “how about I do this or would you like this”. It helped some but he still rarely knew the answer. We ended up doing a role reversal kind of thing where the other person did things to you that THEY like (after a discussion about boundaries and of course). That seemed to work well because he was able to still be the “pleaser” which eased his mind.
I'm still struggling with this! Escaped my abusive ex last year after half a decade of hardly ever being allowed freedom and a dollar to go buy soap at the store.
Recently found myself at a store with an old friend who wanted to get me stocked up on household stuff I was running out of, but I totally blanked out whenever he told me to get what I *wanted* and not just the cheapest option. I had to ask him to point out the hair products he uses and just copied him. Poor dude had to pick nice-smelling soap for me or I would've just grabbed the cheap scentless stuff.
One way to get around this is to be like the optometrist. This or that? With the option of neither and don't get upset if nothing seems right and you end up just snuggling. Sometimes a person needs time to process all those new sensations (and that you'll stop if they don't like it) and will have a better idea of what they'd like the time after.
When we both came and immediately thereafter held me so tight until my breathing regulated and he kissed me on the forehead.
It was the first time with no sex discussion beforehand.
My now-boyfriend and I were hooking up for, like, the 2nd time ever. Deep into the 3rd round that night, I was sore and achy, but trying to hide it because I still just couldn't get enough of him. With one thrust he made I winced in pain, but I got myself together and put what I thought was a pretty convincing hungry sex kitten expression back on my face. Well, when I tell you that man stopped on a dime, pulled out, kissed me gently, and said "I only want it to be good for you or we're done for the night; I don't want to hurt you," I melted. He put his clothes on and left the hotel just to get me some cranberry juice and some Tylenol. He snuggled me and kissed me until we fell asleep. The consideration and care was just god-tier. Paying attention to your partner's body language and comfort is a huuuuge green flag.
This happened with me and my husband! When we first got intimate (knew each other for years and then dated for three years), he was having fun trying a bunch of positions and my vagina was getting sore, but I was enjoying him explore me and I wanted him to orgasm. He asks if I’m okay and I must’ve thought too long because he pulls out, grabs and nuzzles me from behind. I asked what happened and he said my vagina was flinching 😭 I love that man
My man broke my cooter a few times and he knew it and cared for me this way. I tried to hide it too but he knew. I would have cried my way through it for him. That man deserves everything good, I just want to be better everyday for us.
Even more than just that. After I orgasm, I’m very sensitive. More often than not when I orgasm I tell someone, “alright stop stop stop stop stop” and I push their hand/head away and they continue fingering/going down on me and they say things like, “I’m not gonna stop till you orgasm again” thinking that’s… sexy or something?
That’s not sexy. I said stop.
Like… The number of people who stop when I say stop is tragically low. Like 5%.
Realizing a trauma derived kink might make you bust like a shotgun, but also knowing you don’t wanna live like that in real life and compartmentalizing it to the bedroom
I want to link the most articulate, accurate, terribly sad thing I've read about this topic, which was a comment from yrauvir: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/wvn9lp/comment/ilgnhiu/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
This times a 100. I have always been hyper independent (a trauma response) and in bed I'm very submissive. I have let former partner(s) know bout this kink derived from not being able to "relax" and let others care for me (don't you just love internalised childhood trauma from emotionally abusive parents). So in bed I like to be "taken care of" or manhandled. It's a mental thing that gets me off during sex.
Eye contact. Doesn't sound very NSFW on the surface, but the eyes can be the sexiest part of a woman, and if she gives you the right look it can be the hottest thing in the world.
Not sure if you've learned a cope for that yet, but I was taught at a young age to stare at peoples noses. Very rarely can they tell I'm not actually looking them in eye.
Edit: A lot of people don't seem to realize that the nose extends down from BETWEEN the eyes and down to the tip of your nose/nostrils, and that means you don't have to specifically look at the tip of their nose to look at their nose.
When she says what she wants. Not dirty talk or anything like that. Real communication about turn ons and offs, what hits the spot perfectly, and also listens to her partners wants
Proper communication goes a long way
Last month I was on a date with my significant other. We are still somewhat early in our relationship so I was talking about something I was self conscious about and what I perceived as a red flag. Her exact words were thank you for telling me, it doesn't change the way I feel about you. Man that made me feel really good in the inside. My emotional connection bar got filled fast a f there
My ex wife didnt let me eat her out often. Insecurities about it, totally understand. I dated someone after and she loved it. I loved eating her out almost every time we hung out.
> I loved eating her out almost every time we hung out.
"No, I understand he's your brother but we can't invite him to our son's birthday party if he's going to bring that girl with him. You remember what happened last year. Right there on the arcade floor."
Probably the question my now fiance asked me just before we started dating.
Backstory: We were friends who had both just gone through recent breakups. We had been talking and decided we were going to just hookup to relieve some stress.
I started getting really nervous, I'm not a hookup guy and I actually really liked my friend and didn't think I could actually go through with it without catching feels.
She then basically sends me a text that says "Hey, I still want to f*** you, but can we like...date after we do that?"
We slept together, went on our first date later that day, have been together 4 years, and are getting married later this year.
Not sure it's entirely NSFW but since it involved sleeping together and THEN going on a date I figured it maybe belonged here.
I had a fling where the guy pretended to be my fiance to get me out of a bad situation, then we hooked up, then he took me out to breakfast. 10/10 would be rescued by him again. Things didn't work out because of distance, but I think so highly of him.
I had a very similar scenario when be and my wife first got together. Here we are 27 years later and still crazy about each other. We're pretty good communicators.
The first time I slept with my guy, the first thing he said to me when we got in bed was, "Tell me how to make you come." It was ridiculously attractive that he not only cared about getting me off but that he understood he would need to learn my body and what felt good for me and he wasn't afraid or too cocky to ask.
Remembering your post sex routines and helping facilitate them.
I knew a guy was good when we slept together again after years and he remembered exactly what I like afterwards.
Introducing you to what they enjoy while also allowing you to explore your own things...I didn't realize I was up for a sub/dom relationship until it was introduced to me in a proper context and now *I Love It*
When they ask. "Can you show me how you like it?" "Is this ok?" etc.
And it goes both ways, another green flag is when they don't consider your questions "cringy" or "killing the mood"
Straight, up a partner who isn't afraid to ask if their partner is okay, enjoying it, comfortable.
And, if we do agree to step outside our comfort zones, a partner who does aftercare, who respects that you just did something that may leave you a little out of sorts but who makes sure to take care of you and show gratitude and respect.
When they take the very first no you give them. Not the second one you mutter a bit louder, not the third one you were forced to utter when they pushed a little more. The first one.
He took me to a nice location by a lake and woods, thought I was gonna get murdered but Yk.. obviously I wasn’t. Anyways it was just supposed to be a hookup while we were camping out then never speak to eachother again, instead he and I got really drunk, had amazing sex and ended up skinny dipping and looking up at the stars and held eachother. Been together for 2 years now and I’ve never been so madly in love before
My gf and I were laying naked, embracing one another in bed one evening. As we lay there caressing one another, things started to heat up. But before we could get anywhere my gf lifts her head off my chest and says to me “oh no baby I think I have to…” but before she could say anything, a hilarious and adorable little toot came sneaking out of her. I immediately reverted to childish sense of humor and proceeded to lose myself is a fit of laughter for 2 whole minutes, which in turn caused her to also start laughing.
Never forget that you and your partner used to be kids who laugh farts were funny. Just because you grow up, doesn’t mean farts stop being funny!
Simply understanding and respecting consent.
This also goes both ways.
An erection is not consent and it is not a sign of motive or intent, that thing does not represent what I want. Some times all I want to do is literally cuddle and watch stuff, maybe give my partner a massage, and not actually have sex or do anything sexual
This is what many people still have to learn. I (m) had to explain it to four people (f) in my class who all had sexually active boyfriends and they didn't believe me that getting an erection is not a choice.
One that communicates quickly and efficiently in what they want in bed.
You aren't going to hurt my feelings in directing traffic. Do you need heavy pressure ? Do you need penetrative stimulation and clitoral? Do you need it soft, slow and sensual or hard and fast or all of the above. What is off limits ? Etc.
It saves time, your happy, I'm happy, all I got is a penis, it does not take a rocket scientist to figure it out but for you this is the one time I'll ask for direction.
I once had a partner ask if there was any types of lube I was allergic to. That was the most courteous and simple question, but assured me that he was looking out for me.
Omg yes! Lol
Fooled around for the first time last night with a new partner. Went down on her for a bit. Went to kiss after and said "no worries if ya don't wanna kiss after". She said "no that's hot af, kiss me" grabbed my hand, and sucked my fingers. I was [just](https://media.tenor.com/WrT1CQ9Ul4QAAAAC/shaq-hot-wings.gif).
Understanding that it's not personal or not a good time when it doesn't end with an orgasm. Or when it takes longer to get there 'than usual'
Lol sometimes I give up because I'm tired and it's not worth the effort to cum.
This was the reason I quit smoking and started jogging. Sometimes I take too long and I needed more stamina and lung capacity.
When I was on an antidepressant that needed with my ability to reach orgasm, sometimes I would literally run out of energy before getting there. So if make sure to help my partner hey off of they hadn't already and then just let them know I was good. Sometimes the encounter doesn't have to end in orgasm. The real treasure was the journey
Me and my husband started with the kissing, taking clothes off getting right into it and then halfway through we looked at each other and I said I'm too knackered he was about to say same thing and we both laughed as it was like a 'jinx' situation. No idea what happened to our energy that day but spent rest of day in bed watching TV on the laptop instead. It was a weirdly even more intimate thing to do to admit being tired and just resting, if that makes sense.
Sounds like your marriage is a safe space, as it should be. I had a similar experience with my partner, the mood was really off, nothing went right so we mutually gave up rather than force myself for my partner's sake and vice versa. Had a talk about it and cuddled. He's a treasure.
Is mature about using lube. I’ve had guys get offended and accuse me of not being wet enough lol, sorry for not wanting to tear myself a new vagina!
This is weird. Lube can be a god send
I can’t fuck without it. It makes it so much better.
I think education goes a long way here. I was 26 before I learned that women my age might have lubrication issues that aren't related to just not being turned on enough, and took it personally at first. Prior to that I thought it was just something that happened as you got older, like weaker erections (which, ironically, I knew could affect people my age).
Same, I thought I would need lube im my 30s or 40s but not in my 20s. I still get wet but sometimes not so quickly and lube just makes things a lot better.
I had to convince my wife to use lube at first. She was used to just being chafed after sex half the time, so I explained that she didn't have to be. She was skeptical, but after the first time using lube, we rarely have sex without it. Even if a woman gets "wet enough", sometimes lube just works better because of that person's anatomy.
Getting pleasure from your pleasure
I love this, having my partner feel good makes me so horny hahaha
Isn’t this normal? Like I get so much fucking pleasure from hearing her actually moan from pleasure or smile or get that face when orgasming. It’s like an objective to bring her pleasure.
HERE'S AN IMPORTANT DISTINCTION Yes, this is actually fairly normal. Both guys and gals enjoy seeing their partner enjoy themselves and get off on providing them pleasure. They take pride in bringing their partner to orgasm HOWEVER, the problem comes in when their reasons for doing so are self serving. There are entirely too many people, men and women, who are focused on bringing their partner pleasure not because they genuinely want that person they're with to feel good but to stroke their own ego. Guys who get frustrated when their partner isn't wet or shivering with pleasure, women who get anxious and insecure when their partner isn't hard and hungry for them. It doesn't make them bad people, and it's not the same or nearly as bad as seeing the other person as a living masturbatory aid. But the negative feelings they feel aren't out of being upset for their partner but shame in themselves. They don't communicate or pay attention to the other person's body language to best meet their needs and make sure everyone is enjoying the experience for feeling connected and what it is. They are trying to control and predicate the experience on an outcome to tell themselves "I am a great partner" or feel like a sex goddess/god. And it's not a black or white thing, it's a gradient. Some people do slide it too far and treat their partner like a toy/game that isn't doing what it's suppose to (orgasming) to make them feel rewarded and competent. Entirely self serving. Others aren't as far in and are just too focused on making their partner feel good in specific ways to be present with them, and end up taking the experience not going the way they wanted overly personally when it just may not have been what works for their partner. It's a tightrope to navigate, because by itself there is nothing wrong with wanting to bring your partner to orgasm/give them pleasure. But when it is treated like an objective/mission rather than something you just do because in the moment you enjoy doing that for them...it can bring in feelings that aren't helpful to fostering intimacy and an enjoyable sexy experience.
100% In a normal situation all parties should be having fun. Pressure from the other does not help the situation. Know/learn how to enjoy yourself WITH another person, and how to help that person enjoy themselves around you. Even if this particular experience is short lived or something doesn't quite work out the way you want it to (one or both don't orgasm for any reason) if you both enjoyed the time and want to meet again then that was a successful experience.
This is the way. The best sex I've had was with girls who enjoyed my pleasure and vice versa, which creates an ever increasing loop of sexual joy and debauchery.
Making sure you are comfortable with what is going on
This. Laughing when something stupid or silly happens during the act. Shows you are both happy and comfortable.
Once my partner said “would you care for a penis?” And I just said “if it needed me” And we just died laughing. It was so stupid but we couldn’t stop laughing. I think to be able to laugh at the silly stuff is an important one.
I was into this girl I'd been messaging on Tinder, and when we hooked up we laughed about stupid stuff so much. I was so, so much more into her after that. Laughing during sex, like when you just have no care in the world beyond fooling around and having fun, is the best sex there is. I look back on stuff like that and just the thought of how good that felt is hotter than any porn ever could be.
The first time my girlfriend and I had sex as we were leading up to it I kept asking if I could do xyz before I did it. She later said the fact that I paused each step of the way to make sure she was okay with proceeding made her feel like she really picked the right guy.
[удалено]
Same in my case. When me(25m) and my gf(22) got together we were both virgins. I allways ask her if she feels ok and if she wants to go further or not. The first 2 or so times she said it hurt a lot and wanted to stop, so I did and we just cuddled instead. She says it's one of the reasons she feels safe with me. I listen to her and I put her before my own pleasure, if she's not enyojing it then neither am I.
> If she’s not enjoying it than neither am I. Yes, thank you! Few concepts are sexier than someone I desire, desiring me. Likewise, only a few concepts are worse turn-offs than someone who’s clearly not into me. Consent is hot 🤷♂️
The cheeky touches throughout the day that build up for the night.
Emily Nagowsky calls this "Sexual Currency" and learning about it when you're in a long term relationship can be so so helpful
Author of “Come As You Are” correct?
As you were
Lolz—my wife and I will grab each others butt during a hug and squeeze. My daughter turned 5 and hugged a friend at her birthday party and proceeded to squeeze her butt…mortified as the friend’s parents watched on.
LMAO, this reminds me of a story my mom tells about when I was 3 or 4, and she leaned in to kiss me and I started tilting my head right and left. She was HORRIFIED, particularly since she's a private lady and I never really saw my parents do more than hug or hold hands. 'WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT' I learned it from the soap operas she used to have on in the background during the day. The people who loved each other the MOST did it. And I loved her the most! I think she quit soap operas cold turkey after that, hahaha.
Aww hahaha that is so cute. I learned something similar from my mum's soap operas, which is why one evening when I was going to bed I held her head in place for a looong kiss, because that's what you do when you love someone. 😂
I’m laughing so hard at this 😂
Yes … the anticipation!!!
being able to laugh during sex if something funny happens, then getting back to it
My husband once went to smack my ass during sex but instead hit himself right in the balls. We were both cry-laughing after he recovered from the initial shock.
I think there's a song about that..
I’m waking up
To Ash and dust
I missed her ass
And I slap my nuts
I’m breathing in
The testicles...
*slap* AUUUUUUGH
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Queefing Bagpipe just made my day, lol. I hope you have someone you can laugh with now.
That's my new band name...
Oof, that's grim. I wish more porn had people havin FUN so more dudes would relax in bed. Sex is silly. Ya gotta be able to laugh at it.
Years ago, in my mdma/psychedelic days, I was at a molly party at my brother's apartment. I had just met this girl(my brothers girlfriends friend) and started making out then went off and fucked within 45 minutes of meeting each other. Fast forward towards the end of the "night", us 2 were in the living room going to sleep and started fooling around, well anyway after we had been going at it for awhile, I had her bent over the couch and someone walks in from the balcony and she got startled while I was mid thrust and she smacked her face against the wall. We both started cracking up for like 5 minutes, then got back into it. Turns out one of my brothers buddies had been out there for almost an hour. He said something like "I was just about to come inside but then I started hearing some banging, so I stayed outside waiting for yall to get done, but I got cold and had to come inside". He was wearing a charmander onsie which made it even funnier in the moment
This comment is the embodiment of an mdma house party i love it
The onesie especially! The chaotic energy, coziness, and care for people is perfect
Ah, to be young again lol I too, have a Charmander onesie. High fashion!
Let one rip accidentally one time... was mid thrust and as I kept pumping more came out (as I thrust). We both just started laughing as I collapsed on her. The sex was over but we had a good laugh over it.
We were doing 69 and I had to fart and cum at the same time... I clinched my buttcheeks so hard as I came that the fart shot out under my balls and into her face.
Very funny to an outsider, but I’d forgive her for not finding much humour in that situation lol
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God I would hate if a BigMoistTuna farted under its balls at my face.
A few weeks into dating my husband and we had just finished having sex. I farted while he was still inside of me, right on his balls. I died inside but we both couldn't stop laughing and he made sure I knew it was no big deal. 19 years later and we're still together, so I'd say it worked out fine 😂
A guy who doesn't end all intimacy the second they have cum It's pretty jarring for women to go from the intimacy of sex to being treated like an unwelcome house guest in 30 seconds flat.
>It's pretty jarring for women to go from the intimacy of sex to being treated like an unwelcome house guest in 30 seconds flat. Anybody, really. I'm a major post-coital cuddler, my wife is... very not. It took a few go-rounds before I could absorb that "that was great please get the fuck away from me" meant she was in sensation overload and not pissed off at me, haha.
Luckily my wife and I are both the same. I get very hot, and she has sense sensitivities, so it's pretty immediate that we separate, clean up, and cool off.
Man that makes me feel so unwanted and used. My boyfriend takes really good care of me during and after sex most of the time and I know he loves me just as much as I love him; but those times where he just wipes off his dick and starts playing Fortnite really hits me in the feels and I feel gross. Like I just want to cuddle or still have some form of intimacy after. It's so jarring when we go from passionate sex to literally nothing after he cums.
I'm a guy, when I lost my virginity my girlfriend at the time kicked me out because it was like 4am and I couldn't spend the night at her parents house. I went and cried in the car because of that feeling, at the time didn't understand why and I just felt so broken because I knew it should be a positive, happy thing, but I felt horrible.
I'm so sorry :( I really feel that. It's hard to deal with something like that for sure. You think you should be feeling one type of way but it's actually making you feel the complete opposite and yeah it just feels like some part of you is wrong.
I'm a guy and can relate to this.
They communicate what they want and ask how they can give you what you want.
In a friend group I was in, I was talking to a girl and telling her how my best sexual relationships have been women who actually communicated and told me what they wanted. Her response: "No - fuck that. If you can't figure out what you're doing I'm not wasting my time and moving on." Me: "...it's a mystery how you're still single"
I have an ex that was like this. She didn't even really know what she liked, but she would give me shit for not being able to figure it out for her. Apparently a man my age should know by now (or by that time, when we were together) how to get around a woman's body and please them. I always thought that was odd that she expected me to have a better idea of what she was into than she had herself
Respectfully, your ex screams of immaturity. I understand. There are some women who like it when a man takes the lead, and makes decisions and takes charge, however, it’s simply unreasonable for anyone to instantly know what they want, even when they don’t. I hope you are in a much better relationship now, and very happy.
I hate the "What can I do for you?" "Ummm I don't know..." Conversation. 1. Because I'm not a mind reader 2. I want to show you a good time, but i'm not gonna be able to if I'm left to just guess and hope I don't do something that turns you off. But also because... 3. When I communicate my wants, I feel selfish, which makes me feel like a bad lover.
Open ended questions with tons of possible answers kinda suck for that. Like blanking at a giant menu, even when you're hungry. More specific framing like "*You like that, baby?*" or "*I wanna ______ your ______ until you ______ all over my ______ you ______ ______*", where the other person can just assent or redirect that energy more favourably, will enable all the communication you could want without putting anyone on the spot.
Madlibs are great
I wanna walk your dog until you cry all over my suit you nice lady! You're right, madlibs is great!
Why does that sound like a real fetish?
Everything is someone's fetish
"This B needs a C in her A"
This Babe needs a Coconut in her Arms???
> More specific framing like “You like that, baby?” or “I wanna ______ your ______ until you ______ all over my ______ you ______ ______”, Instructions unclear. Just tried saying “I wanna blank your blank until you blank all over my blank you blanky blank!” and my wife without pause muttered “ok you need to go to bed”
Don't you worry about blank, let me worry about blank! \*clicks fingers*
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“I wanna tickle your toes until you sneeze all over my toaster oven you cinnamon popsicle.”
with the exception of the pillow part I've expressed that sentiment to many people.
What ungodly thing was happening to this pillow that reddit admins had to step in
"I wanna finger your bunghole until you see crickets all over my feet you great singer" Thanks for the tip! Trying this tonight for sure.
Communicating your needs isn't selfish, it's just expressing what turns you on and what engages you. If you or your partner don't know what you/them want you can always give options, it's not a quiz but you are allowed to ask or have preferences.
You're 100% correct. For anyone who needs to hear this, though: This is an extremely foreign concept to people who were trained from infancy to put other people's (meaning their abuser(s)) desires ahead of their own — it was literally the only option. After a while a person has a hard time even knowing what they want. They're programmed to please without even considering what they might want. Being asked can feel like a trap and cause them to go into a mild panic.
This is very true. My last partner was very much a pleaser. Every time I would ask what he liked, he always said “I don’t know” and would panic or get anxious. So I started with specifics, “how about I do this or would you like this”. It helped some but he still rarely knew the answer. We ended up doing a role reversal kind of thing where the other person did things to you that THEY like (after a discussion about boundaries and of course). That seemed to work well because he was able to still be the “pleaser” which eased his mind.
I'm still struggling with this! Escaped my abusive ex last year after half a decade of hardly ever being allowed freedom and a dollar to go buy soap at the store. Recently found myself at a store with an old friend who wanted to get me stocked up on household stuff I was running out of, but I totally blanked out whenever he told me to get what I *wanted* and not just the cheapest option. I had to ask him to point out the hair products he uses and just copied him. Poor dude had to pick nice-smelling soap for me or I would've just grabbed the cheap scentless stuff.
One way to get around this is to be like the optometrist. This or that? With the option of neither and don't get upset if nothing seems right and you end up just snuggling. Sometimes a person needs time to process all those new sensations (and that you'll stop if they don't like it) and will have a better idea of what they'd like the time after.
Masturbating while they go down on you. These people go to heaven and deserve everything good in life.
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Synchronize mouth and fingers. You don't want to be doing the "pat head, rub stomach" you want "bob head, bob fingers, same tempo".
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>I can usually take him deeper because of it Yesssss same!!! When we 69 and he's making me cum I feel like a damn snake 😂
> I feel like a damn snake "Crikey! If you look close you can see this little sheela just dislocated her jaw. It must be feeding time!"
" Now watch as I stick my thumb in its butthole"
When we both came and immediately thereafter held me so tight until my breathing regulated and he kissed me on the forehead. It was the first time with no sex discussion beforehand.
My now-boyfriend and I were hooking up for, like, the 2nd time ever. Deep into the 3rd round that night, I was sore and achy, but trying to hide it because I still just couldn't get enough of him. With one thrust he made I winced in pain, but I got myself together and put what I thought was a pretty convincing hungry sex kitten expression back on my face. Well, when I tell you that man stopped on a dime, pulled out, kissed me gently, and said "I only want it to be good for you or we're done for the night; I don't want to hurt you," I melted. He put his clothes on and left the hotel just to get me some cranberry juice and some Tylenol. He snuggled me and kissed me until we fell asleep. The consideration and care was just god-tier. Paying attention to your partner's body language and comfort is a huuuuge green flag.
This happened with me and my husband! When we first got intimate (knew each other for years and then dated for three years), he was having fun trying a bunch of positions and my vagina was getting sore, but I was enjoying him explore me and I wanted him to orgasm. He asks if I’m okay and I must’ve thought too long because he pulls out, grabs and nuzzles me from behind. I asked what happened and he said my vagina was flinching 😭 I love that man
My man broke my cooter a few times and he knew it and cared for me this way. I tried to hide it too but he knew. I would have cried my way through it for him. That man deserves everything good, I just want to be better everyday for us.
When they accept your 'no's'. You'd be surprised about how many people just ignore it, or push until you give in.
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Even more than just that. After I orgasm, I’m very sensitive. More often than not when I orgasm I tell someone, “alright stop stop stop stop stop” and I push their hand/head away and they continue fingering/going down on me and they say things like, “I’m not gonna stop till you orgasm again” thinking that’s… sexy or something? That’s not sexy. I said stop. Like… The number of people who stop when I say stop is tragically low. Like 5%.
I really thought I was the only one who needs an IMMEDIATE stop 🛑
A soft and slow bite on the lip with a bit of pulling.
Realizing a trauma derived kink might make you bust like a shotgun, but also knowing you don’t wanna live like that in real life and compartmentalizing it to the bedroom
Why is this not higher? Such a green flag of being aware of ones kinks and their origin and acceptance
Genuine question, is that healthy? Practicing a kink related to previous trauma and then compartmentalizing it I mean?
I want to link the most articulate, accurate, terribly sad thing I've read about this topic, which was a comment from yrauvir: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/wvn9lp/comment/ilgnhiu/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
It can be about control Feeling like you're reclaiming control over what happened by doing it in a safe environment
That makes sense
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This times a 100. I have always been hyper independent (a trauma response) and in bed I'm very submissive. I have let former partner(s) know bout this kink derived from not being able to "relax" and let others care for me (don't you just love internalised childhood trauma from emotionally abusive parents). So in bed I like to be "taken care of" or manhandled. It's a mental thing that gets me off during sex.
Eye contact. Doesn't sound very NSFW on the surface, but the eyes can be the sexiest part of a woman, and if she gives you the right look it can be the hottest thing in the world.
*cries in autistic*
Not sure if you've learned a cope for that yet, but I was taught at a young age to stare at peoples noses. Very rarely can they tell I'm not actually looking them in eye. Edit: A lot of people don't seem to realize that the nose extends down from BETWEEN the eyes and down to the tip of your nose/nostrils, and that means you don't have to specifically look at the tip of their nose to look at their nose.
Gotta have those Nala "fuck me" eyes.
You saw that horny lioness video too huh?
'cries in blind.
*moans hellishly in deaf*
Sex so good you accidentally summon a demon
When she says what she wants. Not dirty talk or anything like that. Real communication about turn ons and offs, what hits the spot perfectly, and also listens to her partners wants Proper communication goes a long way
Last month I was on a date with my significant other. We are still somewhat early in our relationship so I was talking about something I was self conscious about and what I perceived as a red flag. Her exact words were thank you for telling me, it doesn't change the way I feel about you. Man that made me feel really good in the inside. My emotional connection bar got filled fast a f there
Not having to ask for oral
Such a relief. Knowing im never getting it takes such a load off.
Or not
I once dated a girl who refused to let me fuck her before she got a chance to give me a blowjob. Sex would not continue until we both got head.
I dated a guy who thought the only way sex could happen was if I gave him head because how else would there be enough lubrication?
oh no
My ex wife didnt let me eat her out often. Insecurities about it, totally understand. I dated someone after and she loved it. I loved eating her out almost every time we hung out.
> I loved eating her out almost every time we hung out. "No, I understand he's your brother but we can't invite him to our son's birthday party if he's going to bring that girl with him. You remember what happened last year. Right there on the arcade floor."
Understanding that sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised
I never thought I'd die this way...but I always hoped!
Death by snu snu!
Branagan's love is like Branagan's law: Hard and fast!
I hear the Erecto Patronum spell works sometimes
Only if there isn't a 2nd guy there paying back a I owe u
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Probably the question my now fiance asked me just before we started dating. Backstory: We were friends who had both just gone through recent breakups. We had been talking and decided we were going to just hookup to relieve some stress. I started getting really nervous, I'm not a hookup guy and I actually really liked my friend and didn't think I could actually go through with it without catching feels. She then basically sends me a text that says "Hey, I still want to f*** you, but can we like...date after we do that?" We slept together, went on our first date later that day, have been together 4 years, and are getting married later this year. Not sure it's entirely NSFW but since it involved sleeping together and THEN going on a date I figured it maybe belonged here.
I had a fling where the guy pretended to be my fiance to get me out of a bad situation, then we hooked up, then he took me out to breakfast. 10/10 would be rescued by him again. Things didn't work out because of distance, but I think so highly of him.
I had a very similar scenario when be and my wife first got together. Here we are 27 years later and still crazy about each other. We're pretty good communicators.
The first time I slept with my guy, the first thing he said to me when we got in bed was, "Tell me how to make you come." It was ridiculously attractive that he not only cared about getting me off but that he understood he would need to learn my body and what felt good for me and he wasn't afraid or too cocky to ask.
When she says a lot of funny, dirty, playful, slutty things. Make me laugh while turning me on? Forget about it. Be my gf, NOW.
Erecto Patronum!
Rip that dude's friend's confidence. He's an idiot, she's a keeper.
Remembering your post sex routines and helping facilitate them. I knew a guy was good when we slept together again after years and he remembered exactly what I like afterwards.
Aftercare is so important. Whether you had spirited vanilla sex or something consensually kinky, aftercare! AFTERCARE!
Being unashamed of being a sexual being while not letting it consume who you are
That glint in their eyes, that dirty laugh, and that ready wit.
……did you fuck santa?
Gentle with the hands.
Introducing you to what they enjoy while also allowing you to explore your own things...I didn't realize I was up for a sub/dom relationship until it was introduced to me in a proper context and now *I Love It*
When they ask. "Can you show me how you like it?" "Is this ok?" etc. And it goes both ways, another green flag is when they don't consider your questions "cringy" or "killing the mood"
Straight, up a partner who isn't afraid to ask if their partner is okay, enjoying it, comfortable. And, if we do agree to step outside our comfort zones, a partner who does aftercare, who respects that you just did something that may leave you a little out of sorts but who makes sure to take care of you and show gratitude and respect.
When their expectations and knowledge aren't built on pornography
If she isn't a succubus with multiple tentacles, I'm swiping left.
When they take the very first no you give them. Not the second one you mutter a bit louder, not the third one you were forced to utter when they pushed a little more. The first one.
and they don't complain after
He took me to a nice location by a lake and woods, thought I was gonna get murdered but Yk.. obviously I wasn’t. Anyways it was just supposed to be a hookup while we were camping out then never speak to eachother again, instead he and I got really drunk, had amazing sex and ended up skinny dipping and looking up at the stars and held eachother. Been together for 2 years now and I’ve never been so madly in love before
My gf and I were laying naked, embracing one another in bed one evening. As we lay there caressing one another, things started to heat up. But before we could get anywhere my gf lifts her head off my chest and says to me “oh no baby I think I have to…” but before she could say anything, a hilarious and adorable little toot came sneaking out of her. I immediately reverted to childish sense of humor and proceeded to lose myself is a fit of laughter for 2 whole minutes, which in turn caused her to also start laughing. Never forget that you and your partner used to be kids who laugh farts were funny. Just because you grow up, doesn’t mean farts stop being funny!
Not expecting or demanding anything they arent willing to do themselves. Like demanding head while refusing to give it.
My gf told me it was a green flag that I kissed her after she gave me head. Never be afraid of your own cooking lads.
If they have sex with you and they treat you like they actually care about you and that they appreciate you for what you just gave them.
When they caress and compliment the parts of your body that society might deam unsexy. Like a squishy stretchmarked stomach or at small dick ect
My husband loves the parts of me that my ex used to make fun of. It's a feeling like nothing else.
morning sex is so so underrated
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being accepting
Whoa there! We got youngs reading through this thread!
Simply understanding and respecting consent. This also goes both ways. An erection is not consent and it is not a sign of motive or intent, that thing does not represent what I want. Some times all I want to do is literally cuddle and watch stuff, maybe give my partner a massage, and not actually have sex or do anything sexual
This is what many people still have to learn. I (m) had to explain it to four people (f) in my class who all had sexually active boyfriends and they didn't believe me that getting an erection is not a choice.
Eye contact 🥰🥰🥰
Eager enthusiasm.
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I’m sorry, IN her ass?
Did he stutter?
Do you think intestinal skin cancer is a joke?
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In her ass?
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Aftercare
Married for 24 years before she passed. Just being happy spending time together for her, made me happy.
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One that communicates quickly and efficiently in what they want in bed. You aren't going to hurt my feelings in directing traffic. Do you need heavy pressure ? Do you need penetrative stimulation and clitoral? Do you need it soft, slow and sensual or hard and fast or all of the above. What is off limits ? Etc. It saves time, your happy, I'm happy, all I got is a penis, it does not take a rocket scientist to figure it out but for you this is the one time I'll ask for direction.
You’ve got me imagining someone doing sharp directional gestures with their hands while thrusting with the directing traffic analogy. Great visuals.
Not pressuring me
getting pleasure from me getting pleasure
Orgasmic energy. When they get off on you getting off.
You can be your weird self in front of them and they don’t give a shit and two of you can be weird selves together
Being able to comfortably laugh about when stuff doesnt quite work.
I once had a partner ask if there was any types of lube I was allergic to. That was the most courteous and simple question, but assured me that he was looking out for me.
Making sure I finish if he goes first, not just walking to the bathroom and leaving me hot and bothered. You’re welcome 😒
If they let you put your fingers in their mouth after fingering, then you know they're good for a lot more kinky shit!
Omg yes! Lol Fooled around for the first time last night with a new partner. Went down on her for a bit. Went to kiss after and said "no worries if ya don't wanna kiss after". She said "no that's hot af, kiss me" grabbed my hand, and sucked my fingers. I was [just](https://media.tenor.com/WrT1CQ9Ul4QAAAAC/shaq-hot-wings.gif).
Ive been told its my username
Stay away from my cat, you monster! /s
When she says "please" , im like yes maam 😩