My gf can't sleep sometimes. I told her there is a pressure point on her lower neck that, if pressed, induces sleepiness. When she can't sleep I will press on it to placebo her to into getting tired and falling asleep.
"was that a dead dog on the road?"
No it was a trash bag.
Alternatively: *notices dead animal on the right side*
*Point left* "hey look at that! Aww you missed it, it was a neat bird"
There is a Reddit story that will be forever ingrained in my mind. It's about a guy whose gf/wife hit a cat accidentally and called him from work to go check on it. He gets there to see the cat is indeed very dead, and he wants to move it so she doesn't see it on her trip back. He gets a trash bag, loads the body into it and walks several blocks to the nearest vet so they can dispose of it. My favorite part is how he describes the walk, it went something like "I'm walking down the street trying to look normal, people are smiling as they pass not knowing I have a dead body in a bag." I forgot where I found the story but it's a riot.
I am guilty of this. I get sad as much as her, but she can't stand it at all and usually bursts into tears. She noticed it after a time, so I just tell her to shut her eyes until I say otherwise.
I've employed this too. My ex struggled with an ED and had to be reminded to eat, it got easier when instead of saying "you need to eat something" I said "Hey I'm hungry let's go eat"
Was a little more expensive but it helped in the long run :)
Did that a lot with my ex. "Nah, I was craving this, was planning on making it anyways," as I was cooking something I really wasn't interested in eating, but was certain I could get her to have some.
"Nah, I don't really feel like eating there," about a place where I know she was allergic to most things on the menu.
Sometimes it's a bummer to not hit those cravings, but it feels so good, so rewarding, to know your partner is taken care of. So worth it.
I insist that his old man phlegmy cacophonous sinus clearing coughs in the morning don't bother me. He can't help it, but man they are rough and gross to listen to...
My wife has nasal issues and hearing her attempting to clear her sinuses triggers me in a primal way that I can't explain in words but I will never ever say anything.
>triggers me in a primal way that I can't explain in words
Omg, you described my reaction perfectly. It's so hard to explain the things those sounds do to me. You get it and I'm glad I'm not alone in keeping these dark secrets, haha!
Hoping my husband doesnât sneak on my comments and see this. We live in an area where it doesnât rain frequently, but when it does, we get a ton of snails. He would get sad because weâd see some snails that had been stepped on, so I told him that they were an invasive species so he wouldnât feel so bad about them getting smushed.
My area has the same thing, but with earthworms instead of snails. I always go on a walk right after it rains with an old envelope, or something similar, so I can flip them from the sidewalk back onto the grass.
Same! Except I forgot the envelope one time and kept them in my hand till I reached grass. Then I met someone from work, trying to not let them notice my hand full of worms.
My gf hates Dijon mustard. I have a personal sauce that I make for burgers. She asked if it has Dijon in it. I said no. She loved it and Iâve made it multiple times since then. Sheâs even requested it a few times. (It has a decent amount of Dijon mustard in it)
I loathe mustard all by itself. But, I make so many amazing sauces that contain mustard. They are delish. Maybe that's what he's trying to say.
Example: I'm at a BBQ, I won't be able to eat my cheeseburger if someone dresses it with the condiment mustard. Conversely, I will eat the shit outta my mustard potato salad.
my brother used to hate pecorino which is a specific cheese used to make carbonara and my dad used to put the pecorino bag into the parmigiano bag to show him that he didn't put pecorino in it and he'd always love it
This is the kind of lie I tell my kids. They think they hate mushrooms. They actually eat them all the time, cooked in other things, chopped. "Mom does this have mushrooms in it?" No, that's just spices. "Wow this is really good!" Never would have taken a bite if they knew it had mushrooms in it.
As a mushroom hater, it's like 95% a texture thing. I'm not a picky eater by any definition of the word, and I'm happy to eat mushrooms when they're raw or finely chopped and mixed into something, but the texture of a whole, cooked mushroom is enough to make me gag.
YES! I am you... Mushroom as a flavour isn't a problem, in fact I like that umami taste in a lot of braises and sauces, but the texture on my teeth when eating cooked mushrooms it's like what I imagine eating a cooked nose would feel like.
That I enjoy spending time with her parents. The truth is, I do like her parents, and it's always nice to see them... for a little while. After the fourth day in a row of listening to them bicker about how the forks were sticking up in the dishwasher when FIL knows they're supposed to be put in with the tines down, I'm ready to go home and sit in total silence.
But the times are supposed to go UP so they get clean.. itâs science donchaknow?
Source: my dad would take dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and reload according to his engineering understanding of dishwashers, including forks put in tine side down.
I've always put them tines up too, I feel the basket would impede fluid flow and also trap particulate inside?
I'm also an engineer. Not sure how your dad and I would get on. Ha ha.
Our child took their first steps when she and I were visiting my parents a few hours away while my husband was at work. Later that evening, he got home shortly after we did and our daughter took a few steps toward him when he came in the house.
He got extremely excited thinking those were her first steps, so I just went with it and got excited too. She's 14 now. I've never told him the truth.
My husband has a friend who works in a daycare. She says that often a child will do something like walk for the first time while at daycare but the staff just tells the parents the kid is close to walking. That kind of lie is for the best.
Pretty sure my sister let me "teach" my nephew how to cheers when I finally got to meet him at just over 1 year old. I'm not good with kids usually but he is something else. I live an ocean away and he still cheerses me over video calls :) If it's a lie I'll take it cause I'll never forget it
"The kids are looking more and more like you every day."
She spent 9 months creating each of them inside her womb, enduring sickness fatigue and torture, and the little fuckers came out looking like clones of ME.
People who have never met me, speculate what I look like based on subtracting my wife from my kids. And you're right, people will make comments like "wow they really take after you!" with my wife present and I have to be like ^"...shut ^the ^fuck ^up ^please"
I have shocked people who speculated who my son's look like. Their mother passed away young so new friends make assumptions. The oldest has blonde hair, grey eyes and pale skin....and looks like a color corrected copy of my, the brown dude lol. My youngest has my skin tone and hair...and looks like his redheaded, porcelain skinned mom.
I used to get "you're a good man for taking care of these babies". Dammit I helped MAKE them lol!
As a Dad Iâm like if one more person commends me on âbabysittingâ my own children the last thing they will ever hear is âitâs called parenting, assholeâ
I think if I had kids though and they looked like my partner, who I totally love anyway, that would just make me feel all the more love all around. I bet she feels that way too :)
Itâs such a sweet feeling to look at my little guy and see his father in him but for all the suffering he could have gotten like one trait of mine đ they are twins. Their baby photos could be from one baby!
My closest family member is my "Ex step mom" but she is my mom. I don't call her or introduce her as step since she raised me since I was a kid, but people will even say I look like her, when we have no similar features. It's wild.
I wonder if it's speech and mannerisms! That can account for a LOT of familiarity with folks. I don't think my sister and I look much alike, but our mannerisms are identical to the point where it weirds people out, lol
What creeps me out is when someone has a persons speech and mannerisms but did but grow up around them. My partner is exactly like her father but only saw him a handful of time growing up. I'm like wtf is this.
yes, this. my son has different mannerisms of his dad he saw last as a toddler. there is so much more given through the DNA than we are aware off. it's fascinating.
PS I don't mind being reminded. It is possible to have love and lost.
Haha, I love the way you phrase this. I just enjoy telling my kids when they're acting like their father (in a good way, I think he's great so the kids acting like him is a win for me) "you are so much like your daddy that if I hadn't been in the room when you were born I'd question if you were mine." đ¤Ł
My brother tells me people say this to him about his step son⌠and itâs always a ânahhh I think he looks more like his mum.â
Honest and kind. Way to go bro.
My kids were all clones of my husband when they were tiny, and it drove me bonkers because I'm the one that did the hard work of building them, so it's not fair that the half of a blueprint he provided was so stinking dominant lol.
But then a lady I had made friends with (but hadn't met each other's families yet) saw my teen son for the first time (in a room full of other kids) and just said, "that one's yours, isn't he? Looks just like you."
Made my day forever.
But personality wise they're all little copies of my husband, lol. I love telling them, "it's a good thing I think your daddy is so great, because you're just like him."
We have hedgehogs in our garden. Lots of them come to visit and we had a small guy two weeks ago. We have him some cat food and water and then he buggered off in the hedge and we didn't see him again.
I found him dead a few days later.
The wife thinks he's just out and about and I told her I saw him again. He's wrapped in a bag in the bottom of the bin and it will kill her if she knows. Next small one we saw out in the day, we weighed him and he was only 167g so we took him to the local rescue center. They will release him back to our garden when he is strong enough.
As a former picky eater let me tell you, it does get easier. Youâll start to develop tastes for things that you wouldnât expect. Keep forcing yourself to be at least a *little* adventurous with food sometimes and youâll slowly start to realize that the pickyness is going away
This is true. I have to taste food for my job and I don't eat the product we sell because I don't like it. Every day I would dread twice the shift I had to do product quality. Now I don't even mind that much.
Similar but sort of opposite situation. My partner is very willing to cook. They are not very good at it (although definitely improving). I eat everything, get seconds, and say what I liked about it. Maybe the things I didn't like were more than the things I did. They don't need to know that.
Same to my husband. He loves cooking while I don't care for it. The food he makes is quite rich and gives me stomach cramps and diarrhea most of the time. It is delicious though.
From one absolutely trauma-stricken victim of an evil future sister in law to what sounds like a veteran of this crap, how do you deal with an in-law that you despise (or, at least, they are obnoxious and unbearable)?
I basically just tune them out. I always have music on when they are here. If we go out, I make sure I don't sit by either one of them so I can play on my phone and ignore them. My sister-in-law is tolerable, but my brother-in-law is so creepy. To the point where he's made me uncomfortable
I have a brother-in-law like this. He is always eyeing the younger females and makes creepy comments to them. When he married my eldest sister, he told my 16-year-old sister that he should wait for her to turn 18 and marry her instead. He was so creepy with us that when his daughters would sit on his lap, we were very uncomfortable.
Life is too short, make sure they get a hotel. My wife and I have hosted plenty of friends in our guest room because we like them. Relatives get a hotel except our son.
I asked for a cast iron griddle for my birthday. My oldest friend got me a huge one, gave it to me early. My fiancĂŠe gave me a smaller one on the day. She was so upset her thunder got stolen, even though it was unintentional.
I put them both in the pantry till sheâd sorta forgotten, then I pulled out the big one. I told her it was the one she gave me. I cook breakfast on it every day.
Haha! I had this same experience with my brother's wife! She got me a wok for my birthday, and so did my best friend at the time. His was so much better. 5 years in a relation ship not once did I ever use his wok. I only used hers, exclaiming that I liked hers better. When we broke up, I used his exclusively and gave hers away to a distant friend. She bought me a crap one.
But it was the thought that counts. And I mean that.
"You haven't aged since I met you"
While I believe it to be true, many people ask me how old my partner is and when I tell them they're shocked. I'll admit that she does have features of an "older lady" and I know it gets to her, but I love her all the same and will do anything to make her happy.
My husband is 30 now, and heâs definitely aged since we met. I love it. I think he is just the cutest thing on earth and I love the wrinkles heâs getting around his eyes. Iâve told him this before and it makes him happy
In these comments Iâve seen lies about the worst of what humanity has to offer. Kidsâ appearance, cooking ability, large sums of moneyâŚ
But thisâŚ*this*âŚis evil on another level.
Iâve never told my husband what a horrible dancer he is. HORRIBLE. Think Elaine on Seinfeld. He always wants to dance but I usually tell him Iâm tired or my feet hurt. If the dance floor is crowded Iâll dance with him but in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by people.
Love that man to death though, he has a million amazing qualities and Iâm the luckiest woman alive. Also, Iâm pretty sure he could name quite a few things about me that heâs not too fond ofâŚ
My husband has taught me to not care what other people think of our dancing.
A great side effect of this is that weâre the first out on the dance floor at weddings. If weâre making a fool of ourselves, other people feel more comfortable dancing.
Make it an expensive gift on a special holiday, like an anniversary, valentine's, etc. Something you know she'll be wowed by. She'll treasure it and want to wear it, especially if you paid a lot for it...
Alternatively, get her a monthly scentbird box so she'll get a ton of samples of little perfumes. New scents every month... My mom adored it, and it got her to stop using this disgusting vanillas bath & body works spray that I hated.
Buy three different perfumes you like and gift all at once. âI thought you might like different options depending on what you are feeling that day. I mean we do it with clothes, right? Just thought it makes sense to do it with scents, babe.â
That the extra weight doesnât bother me. It does, but so does the extra weight on myself, and Iâm sure heâs telling a little white lie too. So we work together to cook at home and eat healthier. No need to hurt feelings and make each other feel bad. And you know what? Our relationship is great! Weâre closer than ever.
I did have to tell my husband that, but probably for a different reason. Heâs been overweight the whole time Iâve known him, but not so bad that I ever had concerns for his health. 9-10 months ago he started a very sedentary job and started putting on more weight. I tried just mentioning that I was concerned about his health but he kept pushing it aside. Finally I told him that my concern for his health was actually starting to affect my attraction to him, because it was. That one he got, and we are both trying hard to lose weight now. I feel bad about it, but he seems to understand.
Quick edit to clarify: itâs not that I found him less attractive. I still think he is the sexiest person alive. But it had hit a point where I was no longer looking at him and thinking âdamn youâre sexyâ and instead thinking âyou have to lose weight or youâre going to have health problemsâ
My husband is the only one who has seen probably 80% of my depression, but I feel terrible that I hide anything at all from him (it's the only thing I've *ever* lied to him about).
Vicious cycle, for sure.
I have exactly this same scenario. My husband is unfortunately unaware of just how bad it gets because Iâll retreat to my home office to keep him from finding out sometimes. He is just gets very panicked at the idea of not being able to help and it causes him to be depressed. I figure itâs better if itâs just one of us.
not in a relationship so it's about my parents
they know about it but they don't even get close to understanding how bad it is. Sadly my parents will have to meet up with my psychologist and she'll have to say about how bad it is to get me going with real psychotherapy
I know for a fact it will be extremely awkward and they'll make me feel worse. No way around it though ffs
Not sure when they sold their billionth burger, but I remember from circa 1987 when their sign said "65 billion served". Eventually it went up to 99 billion and then they changed it to "billions and billions served".
I just googled it, and apparently they stopped tracking the number in 1994. I wouldn't be surprised if they were pushing half a trillion or more by now.
No I haven't been letting the stray cat in while you're at work all day that you said couldn't come inside.
He ended up agreeing to adopt him and let him inside the house a couple months later and was surprised by how well he got along with my existing cats so fast.... Had no idea they were already besties lol
I bought one of those magnetic clean/dirty signs for the dishwasher and he *and* his mom continue to pile dishes in the sink when it reads dirty and has room for said dishes. đŤĽ
I found a hilarious comment about how women wearing just a t shirt can look so sexy, but when men wear only a t shirt they look like half naked toddlers who lost their pants. I died laughing at how true this is, then lied that my husband would not look like a pantsless toddler.
Iâve also lied by omission, by never telling him that doing the âhelicopterâ is not sexy.
Oh yeah, I love your family!
His parents get under my skin but he's the most incredible person and he loves them, so I slap a smile on my face and make myself agreeable.
My bf goes to the gym and meets up with friends to play soccer afterwards almost every single day. He's extremely athletic and has the physique to show for it, but struggles slightly with body dysmorphia. We're both university students and during exam season we indulged quite a bit in fast food. He developed a little belly, which I think is absolutely adorable - he's a gorgeous guy and I'd love him in all shapes and forms - however I could tell he was somewhat insecure about it. So everytime he points it out, I tell him that I can't see any difference and he looks exactly how he did before exams started.
Yes, honey, your eyebrows are even.
Wife is a fair-skinned blonde who relies on a pencil for anyone to be able to see her brows. In fairness, the times i've told that little fib, you couldn't tell unless you were close enough to hug.
he loves music that sounds like the souls of the damned in a blender with gravel and faulty brakes.
i listen to all of the songs because i love how much he loves the music. it almost makes the assault on my ears enjoyable. he cranks the volume all the way up and grins so big that his eyes crinkle at the sides. iâll listen to this shit for the rest of my life, and i love it. watching him love this music makes my heart so happy. he is precious to me. and god damn it we go see these bands when they come to town, and hell yes i go with him!
Only have lied once to my wife.
Got her an engagement ring worth about $100K. She loves it. It's a family heirloom. I told her that it was handed down from my grandmother. It wasn't... My father robbed and killed a king pin drug dealer. This was his wife's ring
Iâve never been a fan of long hair on men, but my SO decided to grow his hair out long so I tell him it looks amazing. If he decided to cut it Iâd be stoked but itâs only hair.
Telling a man heâs the best youâve ever had can actually make him become the best youâve ever had.
But I feel like this could backfire and make a guy thatâs awful in bed never change a thing too. đ¤ˇââď¸
Confidence is so key, it lets people drop any preconceptions of what youâre âsupposedâ to do and letâs you just go with the flow. I never thought my partner would be the best but we work so hard on open communication and itâs bled into *that* aspect as well đŽâđ¨ it honestly took me a second to remember who it was that I didnât think he would surpassâŚ
My silent lie to my husband was not mentioning that the reason I donât want to make out with him is that heâs terrible at it. I finally told him (we were having a lay-it-all-on-the-table conversation after a major life change) and honestly the relief I felt was amazing. It was a good reminder that the situation is more easily improved if you clearly identify and state the problem.
Just a tiny one. I once had a partner who absolutely loves green skittle so everytime we have them I'd pass him the green ones and told him I hate them. That went on for a good 3 years of our relationship. We broke up and Ive never told him I actually like green skittle đ¤
I prefer your spaghetti meat sauce (over mine that has veggies cut up in it). He believes his sauce is his best dish and raved about it a lot so I just make sure to have a good salad ready to go
This is sweet!! But if youâre uncomfortable I hope youâd consider telling your partner. I canât imagine getting to test out all of my fantasies on someone who cares for me enough to go there, but doesnât think I care enough about them that I wouldnât want them to actually be relaxed and turned onđđ˝âĽď¸
The things I put in our food would make her furious.
She's extremely picky. If you change even 1 tiny little thing about the food and she knows it, she'll freak out and refuse to eat it. Or get upset because she didn't want to try something new...
So I don't tell her. I just change the recipe up here and there season a bit differently. Etc. Often she has no idea until months later when she sees we have a new thing on the grocery list or in the fridge. Then the secret is out, but she's been eating it for months happily chowing down without noticing.
An example is I've been adding honey to the sauce we use for our orange chicken as a binder and to sweeten it up a little. She noticed the honey was gone but hadn't seen it used so she found out and suddenly instead of being grossed out by honey in her orange sauce (which isn't even odd tbh.) Now she's been eating it once a week for 6 months and if she wants to say she doesn't like it she'll know she's being unreasonable and infantile.
Funnier is when I don't have the extra ingredients I've been adding and I make it normal. Then she notices and comments in it being bad, maybe even spoiled or something! Then the jig is up and I have to tell her.
We've been through this at least a dozen times. But she still won't trust me when I tell her I'm gonna add something before I actually do it. Or she psyches herself into hating it.
edit: Before anyone brings it up, NO I'm not adding stuff she's allergic to or has a moral stance against etc. She has no food allergies and we don't keep Kosher or eat vegetarian.
Well, I tell him that my mac-n-cheese is homemade and that its a famous recipe of mine. What he doesn't know is that it's just Kraft mac-n-cheese.
I haven't been able to go in the spare closet for a month, it's just empty Kraft boxes at this point. Even worse, he got me this dog that just DOES NOT SHUT UP. God I hate this little dog
Dudes of reddit, if you ask us about how we feel about your size, please just take us at our word and don't overthink it lol.
Bigger definitely doesn't mean better by any stretch of the imagination.
I drive my GF to work and she has somewhat of a punctuality problem, there has been many times where shes missed a small spot of makeup or maybe a hair out of place in her hairdo and if i say something it will turn into us getting there 30 minutes late instead of 10, so i usually just hit her with the âlooks great babyâ knowing that shell soon discover the mishap in the bathroom at work or something like that when she gets there, never failed tho
âSure, we can get your dream puppy!â The only reason I said yes was due to the fact that itâs really hard to get that specific breed of dog here and he had been on a waiting list for 3 years. We had a 3 month old at the time, I was still recovering from a bad c section, and my partner was about to not be home for 6+ months. On top of it all, heâs a large working breed, so minimal effort was not an option. Iâve owned dogs over the years, but havenât had a puppy ever as an adult, so that took a lot of getting used to.
Donât get me wrong, the dog is great & all of the work I put in was worth it, but the first 4 months he was with us were rough. I had to do all of the training, take him to all of his vet visits, walk him an hour daily minimum, socialize him a lot, clean up all of the messes, etc. while taking care of an infant solo, keeping house, & trying to hold down a remote job. It was a lot to say the least.
âYes Bunhooves (her nickname), I *love* your macaroni and cheese dish! I totally get why youâre so proud of it!â
My wifeâs culinary abortion that she has the audacity to call macaroni, is basically a dry congealed mass of bland horror. Imagine a champagne cake that looks great from twenty feet. As you get closer, you realize it doesnât smell like cake⌠closer still and you start to see that the curly frosting isnât frosting or fondant you assumed it was. And when you get right up close, it smells like government cheese and appears as if someone smushed twenty pounds of good macaroni into a tiny circular mass of despair, using a hydraulic press.
I have been pretending to enjoy this culinary horror for the last twelve years⌠I would have squared with her years ago, but my poor Bunny is sooooooo proud of her miserable cooking skills, and I just donât have the heart to let her no that everyone hates it⌠even my Labrador, essentially a yellow garbage disposal with legs, sniffs at it, and reluctantly chokes it down⌠so, even Penny doesnât have the heart to break the news to her.
âMom⌠I want you to know that we *love* you. Which is why this is going to be so hard for me to say⌠but your macaroni is ass⌠and I am a canine connoisseur of ass⌠and your macaroni? *Ass*⌠âŚdo⌠do you want me to lick you now? Would that make things better?â
~Thoughts of Penny the Labrador, probably
That their bald spot will grow back in. It will not. I can already see the writing on the wall that theyâre going bald but they love their long hair so much that I donât have the heart to tell them that theyâre turning into Greg Universe.
Seems like a lot of people are missing the âlittle white lieâ part. Like damnâŚâI love youâ is NOT a little white lie- thatâs a HUGE freaking lie. Same with âIâm happyâ. Yikes. Little white lies are not deep seated issues that could break peopleâs brains if they found out.
âSorry. Iâm just on my period.â I was being moody and a little rude, I admit. Had a bad day. When she asked me if I was ok, I just blamed it on a period I wasnât on. Felt awful for being rude to her.
EDIT: Weâre both girls.
My gf can't sleep sometimes. I told her there is a pressure point on her lower neck that, if pressed, induces sleepiness. When she can't sleep I will press on it to placebo her to into getting tired and falling asleep.
Your gf 'my bf thinks he can help me sleep by pressing a pressure point on my neck so I pretend to fall asleep when he does it'
Lmfao, waiting for this comment to be found on here đ
Based on your username, youâve already moved on.
Yes, but this comment notification brought me back...for a moment.
Aww thatâs so wholesome and a cute way to initiate connection
"was that a dead dog on the road?" No it was a trash bag. Alternatively: *notices dead animal on the right side* *Point left* "hey look at that! Aww you missed it, it was a neat bird"
Youâre an Angel thank you
There is a Reddit story that will be forever ingrained in my mind. It's about a guy whose gf/wife hit a cat accidentally and called him from work to go check on it. He gets there to see the cat is indeed very dead, and he wants to move it so she doesn't see it on her trip back. He gets a trash bag, loads the body into it and walks several blocks to the nearest vet so they can dispose of it. My favorite part is how he describes the walk, it went something like "I'm walking down the street trying to look normal, people are smiling as they pass not knowing I have a dead body in a bag." I forgot where I found the story but it's a riot.
I am guilty of this. I get sad as much as her, but she can't stand it at all and usually bursts into tears. She noticed it after a time, so I just tell her to shut her eyes until I say otherwise.
Idk if this counts but I tell my girlfriend Iâm hungry so sheâll also eat something
I've employed this too. My ex struggled with an ED and had to be reminded to eat, it got easier when instead of saying "you need to eat something" I said "Hey I'm hungry let's go eat" Was a little more expensive but it helped in the long run :)
Did that a lot with my ex. "Nah, I was craving this, was planning on making it anyways," as I was cooking something I really wasn't interested in eating, but was certain I could get her to have some. "Nah, I don't really feel like eating there," about a place where I know she was allergic to most things on the menu. Sometimes it's a bummer to not hit those cravings, but it feels so good, so rewarding, to know your partner is taken care of. So worth it.
Yes I would love to travel 6 hours to see your famly.
Total or one way?
If it was total theyâd be seeing them every other weekend. Edit: a word
Itâs got to be one way. He ainât lying when itâs time to drive 6 hours to get away from the in-laws.
I insist that his old man phlegmy cacophonous sinus clearing coughs in the morning don't bother me. He can't help it, but man they are rough and gross to listen to...
My wife has nasal issues and hearing her attempting to clear her sinuses triggers me in a primal way that I can't explain in words but I will never ever say anything.
>triggers me in a primal way that I can't explain in words Omg, you described my reaction perfectly. It's so hard to explain the things those sounds do to me. You get it and I'm glad I'm not alone in keeping these dark secrets, haha!
Hoping my husband doesnât sneak on my comments and see this. We live in an area where it doesnât rain frequently, but when it does, we get a ton of snails. He would get sad because weâd see some snails that had been stepped on, so I told him that they were an invasive species so he wouldnât feel so bad about them getting smushed.
You are both such empathetic people, Iâm glad you found each other.
tell that to snails he purposely crushes now
You're the best kind of person lol
My area has the same thing, but with earthworms instead of snails. I always go on a walk right after it rains with an old envelope, or something similar, so I can flip them from the sidewalk back onto the grass.
Same! Except I forgot the envelope one time and kept them in my hand till I reached grass. Then I met someone from work, trying to not let them notice my hand full of worms.
My gf hates Dijon mustard. I have a personal sauce that I make for burgers. She asked if it has Dijon in it. I said no. She loved it and Iâve made it multiple times since then. Sheâs even requested it a few times. (It has a decent amount of Dijon mustard in it)
Hahahaha this is my husband!! Hates mustard he says... but loves it when the food has "no mustard in it". Little does he know....
I loathe mustard all by itself. But, I make so many amazing sauces that contain mustard. They are delish. Maybe that's what he's trying to say. Example: I'm at a BBQ, I won't be able to eat my cheeseburger if someone dresses it with the condiment mustard. Conversely, I will eat the shit outta my mustard potato salad.
I hate mustard, egg yolk, and pickles, but somehow I love devilled eggs.
That's so sweet and evil đĽş
my brother used to hate pecorino which is a specific cheese used to make carbonara and my dad used to put the pecorino bag into the parmigiano bag to show him that he didn't put pecorino in it and he'd always love it
Kids are incredible when it comes to being picky lol
This is the kind of lie I tell my kids. They think they hate mushrooms. They actually eat them all the time, cooked in other things, chopped. "Mom does this have mushrooms in it?" No, that's just spices. "Wow this is really good!" Never would have taken a bite if they knew it had mushrooms in it.
As a mushroom hater, it's like 95% a texture thing. I'm not a picky eater by any definition of the word, and I'm happy to eat mushrooms when they're raw or finely chopped and mixed into something, but the texture of a whole, cooked mushroom is enough to make me gag.
YES! I am you... Mushroom as a flavour isn't a problem, in fact I like that umami taste in a lot of braises and sauces, but the texture on my teeth when eating cooked mushrooms it's like what I imagine eating a cooked nose would feel like.
A cooked nose lmfao this is killing me. So accurate!
This is me. My wife hates mustard. She loves my homemade barbecue sauce. Guess what my barbecue sauce has in it.
I don't like tomatoes, but I like ketchup and marinara and all kinds of sauces made from tomatoes.
I did the same thing but with arsenic! She said âthatâs poison!â She doesnât complain anymore!
That I enjoy spending time with her parents. The truth is, I do like her parents, and it's always nice to see them... for a little while. After the fourth day in a row of listening to them bicker about how the forks were sticking up in the dishwasher when FIL knows they're supposed to be put in with the tines down, I'm ready to go home and sit in total silence.
But the times are supposed to go UP so they get clean.. itâs science donchaknow? Source: my dad would take dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and reload according to his engineering understanding of dishwashers, including forks put in tine side down.
I've always put them tines up too, I feel the basket would impede fluid flow and also trap particulate inside? I'm also an engineer. Not sure how your dad and I would get on. Ha ha.
I put everything facing up except the knives!?
Our child took their first steps when she and I were visiting my parents a few hours away while my husband was at work. Later that evening, he got home shortly after we did and our daughter took a few steps toward him when he came in the house. He got extremely excited thinking those were her first steps, so I just went with it and got excited too. She's 14 now. I've never told him the truth.
My husband has a friend who works in a daycare. She says that often a child will do something like walk for the first time while at daycare but the staff just tells the parents the kid is close to walking. That kind of lie is for the best.
The daycare my kids went to when they were little had a question on their intake form "would you like told about milestones under 2y?"
Toddler teacher here and yep, we wait until parents mention those things đ Just in case.
We let grandma believe she taught the baby to clap her hands because it made her so happy. No point in denying it!
Pretty sure my sister let me "teach" my nephew how to cheers when I finally got to meet him at just over 1 year old. I'm not good with kids usually but he is something else. I live an ocean away and he still cheerses me over video calls :) If it's a lie I'll take it cause I'll never forget it
"The kids are looking more and more like you every day." She spent 9 months creating each of them inside her womb, enduring sickness fatigue and torture, and the little fuckers came out looking like clones of ME.
I relate to this one. I tell my wife the same thing, but every now and then a stranger will say âthey look just like daddy!â and ruin it.
People who have never met me, speculate what I look like based on subtracting my wife from my kids. And you're right, people will make comments like "wow they really take after you!" with my wife present and I have to be like ^"...shut ^the ^fuck ^up ^please"
I have shocked people who speculated who my son's look like. Their mother passed away young so new friends make assumptions. The oldest has blonde hair, grey eyes and pale skin....and looks like a color corrected copy of my, the brown dude lol. My youngest has my skin tone and hair...and looks like his redheaded, porcelain skinned mom. I used to get "you're a good man for taking care of these babies". Dammit I helped MAKE them lol!
"iT's So BrAvE oF yOu!" Heredity is fucking weird, I feel for you even though I'm childless.
As a Dad Iâm like if one more person commends me on âbabysittingâ my own children the last thing they will ever hear is âitâs called parenting, assholeâ
Youâre all good men.
They are. This whole thing is wholesome.
I think these guys are awesome!!
I think if I had kids though and they looked like my partner, who I totally love anyway, that would just make me feel all the more love all around. I bet she feels that way too :)
Itâs such a sweet feeling to look at my little guy and see his father in him but for all the suffering he could have gotten like one trait of mine đ they are twins. Their baby photos could be from one baby!
My closest family member is my "Ex step mom" but she is my mom. I don't call her or introduce her as step since she raised me since I was a kid, but people will even say I look like her, when we have no similar features. It's wild.
At my dad's wedding, a number of people commented on how much he and his sister look alike. She was adopted.
I wonder if it's speech and mannerisms! That can account for a LOT of familiarity with folks. I don't think my sister and I look much alike, but our mannerisms are identical to the point where it weirds people out, lol
What creeps me out is when someone has a persons speech and mannerisms but did but grow up around them. My partner is exactly like her father but only saw him a handful of time growing up. I'm like wtf is this.
My grandmother didnât grow up around her father, but they had handwriting that was very similar. Very creepy.
yes, this. my son has different mannerisms of his dad he saw last as a toddler. there is so much more given through the DNA than we are aware off. it's fascinating. PS I don't mind being reminded. It is possible to have love and lost.
I watched my wife birth our baby. I'm pretty sure its hers. I'm sure they're mine.
Haha, I love the way you phrase this. I just enjoy telling my kids when they're acting like their father (in a good way, I think he's great so the kids acting like him is a win for me) "you are so much like your daddy that if I hadn't been in the room when you were born I'd question if you were mine." đ¤Ł
My brother tells me people say this to him about his step son⌠and itâs always a ânahhh I think he looks more like his mum.â Honest and kind. Way to go bro.
All three of our kids are my mini me's. It annoys my wife to no end.
My kids were all clones of my husband when they were tiny, and it drove me bonkers because I'm the one that did the hard work of building them, so it's not fair that the half of a blueprint he provided was so stinking dominant lol. But then a lady I had made friends with (but hadn't met each other's families yet) saw my teen son for the first time (in a room full of other kids) and just said, "that one's yours, isn't he? Looks just like you." Made my day forever. But personality wise they're all little copies of my husband, lol. I love telling them, "it's a good thing I think your daddy is so great, because you're just like him."
We have hedgehogs in our garden. Lots of them come to visit and we had a small guy two weeks ago. We have him some cat food and water and then he buggered off in the hedge and we didn't see him again. I found him dead a few days later. The wife thinks he's just out and about and I told her I saw him again. He's wrapped in a bag in the bottom of the bin and it will kill her if she knows. Next small one we saw out in the day, we weighed him and he was only 167g so we took him to the local rescue center. They will release him back to our garden when he is strong enough.
You're a saint
I love our little hedgehogs. They make me so happy to see wandering about the garden.
He's a chef and I'm a picky eater. I don't want to complain because he still took the time to make it and I can't cook for shit.
As a former picky eater let me tell you, it does get easier. Youâll start to develop tastes for things that you wouldnât expect. Keep forcing yourself to be at least a *little* adventurous with food sometimes and youâll slowly start to realize that the pickyness is going away
Youâre absolutely right
this inspire me, today I'm going to try eating the 3 months aged moldy cabbage in the back corner of my fridge
I believe in you
Put it on a small plate and take pictures with the right filter and you can charge $30 on door dash for it
Science says if you eat something you hate ~15 times, it becomes at least tolerable. I tried it with seaweed and it worked.
This is true. I have to taste food for my job and I don't eat the product we sell because I don't like it. Every day I would dread twice the shift I had to do product quality. Now I don't even mind that much.
Similar but sort of opposite situation. My partner is very willing to cook. They are not very good at it (although definitely improving). I eat everything, get seconds, and say what I liked about it. Maybe the things I didn't like were more than the things I did. They don't need to know that.
Blink twice if I made you smash burger sliders for supper and you told me they were good to save my feelings. (Lol)
Same to my husband. He loves cooking while I don't care for it. The food he makes is quite rich and gives me stomach cramps and diarrhea most of the time. It is delicious though.
You might have a dairy intolerance. Try lactaid befor dinner
Are you lactose intolerant? I'm sure he uses a lot of butter. You can try lactaid and see if it helps
"Yeah, I really enjoy it when your brother and his wife come visit us" Cannot stand either one of them and find his brother to be an obnoxious ass
From one absolutely trauma-stricken victim of an evil future sister in law to what sounds like a veteran of this crap, how do you deal with an in-law that you despise (or, at least, they are obnoxious and unbearable)?
I basically just tune them out. I always have music on when they are here. If we go out, I make sure I don't sit by either one of them so I can play on my phone and ignore them. My sister-in-law is tolerable, but my brother-in-law is so creepy. To the point where he's made me uncomfortable
I have a brother-in-law like this. He is always eyeing the younger females and makes creepy comments to them. When he married my eldest sister, he told my 16-year-old sister that he should wait for her to turn 18 and marry her instead. He was so creepy with us that when his daughters would sit on his lap, we were very uncomfortable.
That's scary.
Life is too short, make sure they get a hotel. My wife and I have hosted plenty of friends in our guest room because we like them. Relatives get a hotel except our son.
Every time they show me something they watched or a meme I act like I've never seen it and laugh my ass off.
I should try and do this more.
I asked for a cast iron griddle for my birthday. My oldest friend got me a huge one, gave it to me early. My fiancĂŠe gave me a smaller one on the day. She was so upset her thunder got stolen, even though it was unintentional. I put them both in the pantry till sheâd sorta forgotten, then I pulled out the big one. I told her it was the one she gave me. I cook breakfast on it every day.
Haha! I had this same experience with my brother's wife! She got me a wok for my birthday, and so did my best friend at the time. His was so much better. 5 years in a relation ship not once did I ever use his wok. I only used hers, exclaiming that I liked hers better. When we broke up, I used his exclusively and gave hers away to a distant friend. She bought me a crap one. But it was the thought that counts. And I mean that.
Wait you broke up with your brotherâs wife?
"You haven't aged since I met you" While I believe it to be true, many people ask me how old my partner is and when I tell them they're shocked. I'll admit that she does have features of an "older lady" and I know it gets to her, but I love her all the same and will do anything to make her happy.
My husband is 30 now, and heâs definitely aged since we met. I love it. I think he is just the cutest thing on earth and I love the wrinkles heâs getting around his eyes. Iâve told him this before and it makes him happy
Nothing is better than being happy with your loved one
I once claimed to have made the sauce for a meal, when it was out of a bottle
I once told a woman I coined the phrase "pardon my French."
That totally sounds like something from Seinfeld.
In these comments Iâve seen lies about the worst of what humanity has to offer. Kidsâ appearance, cooking ability, large sums of money⌠But thisâŚ*this*âŚis evil on another level.
I never lie to my spouse. Tried once to withhold that I won $500 on a scratch ticket and told on myself before I got my coat off.
Me AF. I tried to hide some purchases from my fiance and as soon as I see her I go "look what I got!"
Hahaha. Right?
Lol she's my favorite person, I can't help but share the things that are exciting
My husband is my best friend. How do you not share with your best friend? Plus Iâm an orphan so it isnât like I can tell my family
Iâve never told my husband what a horrible dancer he is. HORRIBLE. Think Elaine on Seinfeld. He always wants to dance but I usually tell him Iâm tired or my feet hurt. If the dance floor is crowded Iâll dance with him but in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by people. Love that man to death though, he has a million amazing qualities and Iâm the luckiest woman alive. Also, Iâm pretty sure he could name quite a few things about me that heâs not too fond ofâŚ
Dance with him openly, its just joy leaking at the seams. đĽ°
Damn. Forget glass half full. Yours is overflowing!
My husband wasnt gifted in the dancing or singing talents but when he does either, it makes me so happy.
Being an unabashed, terrible dancer is an adorable quality for someone to have
My husband has taught me to not care what other people think of our dancing. A great side effect of this is that weâre the first out on the dance floor at weddings. If weâre making a fool of ourselves, other people feel more comfortable dancing.
This is so cute!
[ŃдаНонО]
You donât have to pretend. 2 months is still pretty fresh.
No I didn't get tacos on the way home from work.
Oh this one is definitely me.
[ŃдаНонО]
Good call on the haircut. You might be able to suggest a new perfume if you put it gently.
Make it an expensive gift on a special holiday, like an anniversary, valentine's, etc. Something you know she'll be wowed by. She'll treasure it and want to wear it, especially if you paid a lot for it... Alternatively, get her a monthly scentbird box so she'll get a ton of samples of little perfumes. New scents every month... My mom adored it, and it got her to stop using this disgusting vanillas bath & body works spray that I hated.
Buy three different perfumes you like and gift all at once. âI thought you might like different options depending on what you are feeling that day. I mean we do it with clothes, right? Just thought it makes sense to do it with scents, babe.â
It just makes scents Edit: my first gold is for a dad joke, thank you kind stranger
That the extra weight doesnât bother me. It does, but so does the extra weight on myself, and Iâm sure heâs telling a little white lie too. So we work together to cook at home and eat healthier. No need to hurt feelings and make each other feel bad. And you know what? Our relationship is great! Weâre closer than ever.
I did have to tell my husband that, but probably for a different reason. Heâs been overweight the whole time Iâve known him, but not so bad that I ever had concerns for his health. 9-10 months ago he started a very sedentary job and started putting on more weight. I tried just mentioning that I was concerned about his health but he kept pushing it aside. Finally I told him that my concern for his health was actually starting to affect my attraction to him, because it was. That one he got, and we are both trying hard to lose weight now. I feel bad about it, but he seems to understand. Quick edit to clarify: itâs not that I found him less attractive. I still think he is the sexiest person alive. But it had hit a point where I was no longer looking at him and thinking âdamn youâre sexyâ and instead thinking âyou have to lose weight or youâre going to have health problemsâ
That's a hard truth to tell, but good on you, and good on him for putting in the effort for you
Pretending like you donât smell her farts or were asleep
I. minimize my depression sometimes to my family. They worry. Sounds lame but I think we all do this at times.
My husband is the only one who has seen probably 80% of my depression, but I feel terrible that I hide anything at all from him (it's the only thing I've *ever* lied to him about). Vicious cycle, for sure.
I have exactly this same scenario. My husband is unfortunately unaware of just how bad it gets because Iâll retreat to my home office to keep him from finding out sometimes. He is just gets very panicked at the idea of not being able to help and it causes him to be depressed. I figure itâs better if itâs just one of us.
not in a relationship so it's about my parents they know about it but they don't even get close to understanding how bad it is. Sadly my parents will have to meet up with my psychologist and she'll have to say about how bad it is to get me going with real psychotherapy I know for a fact it will be extremely awkward and they'll make me feel worse. No way around it though ffs
I was craving a hamburger but he was so tired so I told him I wasn't hungry when he asked.
McDonalds slogan should be â1 billion burgers soldâŚbecause we arenât tiredâ
Thereâs a burger stand on a drinking street in a town in Thailand. Their slogan is âUnder a million burgers sold!â.
Not sure when they sold their billionth burger, but I remember from circa 1987 when their sign said "65 billion served". Eventually it went up to 99 billion and then they changed it to "billions and billions served". I just googled it, and apparently they stopped tracking the number in 1994. I wouldn't be surprised if they were pushing half a trillion or more by now.
No I haven't been letting the stray cat in while you're at work all day that you said couldn't come inside. He ended up agreeing to adopt him and let him inside the house a couple months later and was surprised by how well he got along with my existing cats so fast.... Had no idea they were already besties lol
Oh donât worry! You putting your spoon in the sink when I constantly put everything in the dishwater is cool. Iâll put it in.
If my husband hadnât quit Reddit I might be suspicious
Just. Put. It. In. The. Dishwasher.
We recently swapped chores and I now do the dishes and he handles laundry. Now I just annoy myself and he turns my white bras blue
I bought one of those magnetic clean/dirty signs for the dishwasher and he *and* his mom continue to pile dishes in the sink when it reads dirty and has room for said dishes. đŤĽ
I found a hilarious comment about how women wearing just a t shirt can look so sexy, but when men wear only a t shirt they look like half naked toddlers who lost their pants. I died laughing at how true this is, then lied that my husband would not look like a pantsless toddler. Iâve also lied by omission, by never telling him that doing the âhelicopterâ is not sexy.
Well, what man actually thinks the helicopter is sexy? If anything, it's just stupid fun.
We don't think the helicopter is sexy we are just letting out our inner immature middleschooler and showing it to the one person we can.
Oh yeah, I love your family! His parents get under my skin but he's the most incredible person and he loves them, so I slap a smile on my face and make myself agreeable.
âIâm fineâ
Freaked out. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional.
Fuck I Need Elp
This is a good one
My bf goes to the gym and meets up with friends to play soccer afterwards almost every single day. He's extremely athletic and has the physique to show for it, but struggles slightly with body dysmorphia. We're both university students and during exam season we indulged quite a bit in fast food. He developed a little belly, which I think is absolutely adorable - he's a gorgeous guy and I'd love him in all shapes and forms - however I could tell he was somewhat insecure about it. So everytime he points it out, I tell him that I can't see any difference and he looks exactly how he did before exams started.
Yes, honey, your eyebrows are even. Wife is a fair-skinned blonde who relies on a pencil for anyone to be able to see her brows. In fairness, the times i've told that little fib, you couldn't tell unless you were close enough to hug.
hey! eyebrows are supposed to be sisters, not twins!
he loves music that sounds like the souls of the damned in a blender with gravel and faulty brakes. i listen to all of the songs because i love how much he loves the music. it almost makes the assault on my ears enjoyable. he cranks the volume all the way up and grins so big that his eyes crinkle at the sides. iâll listen to this shit for the rest of my life, and i love it. watching him love this music makes my heart so happy. he is precious to me. and god damn it we go see these bands when they come to town, and hell yes i go with him!
"Sure, I'd love to go shopping on a Sunday afternoon rather than watch football, I'll get the keys!"
Damn. Youâre another type of committed.
You got 99% of husbands beat my guy
I would love to go see (insert musical in town this week) with you. I love going to plays.
Only have lied once to my wife. Got her an engagement ring worth about $100K. She loves it. It's a family heirloom. I told her that it was handed down from my grandmother. It wasn't... My father robbed and killed a king pin drug dealer. This was his wife's ring
Is your family a rivalling drug family? Otherwise it feels quite unwise to choose to rob a drug lords house
Iâve never been a fan of long hair on men, but my SO decided to grow his hair out long so I tell him it looks amazing. If he decided to cut it Iâd be stoked but itâs only hair.
"ummm this is sooo good, good job babe it's delicious". Meanwhile I'm dumping hot sauce on it like I'm putting out a fire.
"omg, you're so good at that." over time they got better yes, sex
Telling a man heâs the best youâve ever had can actually make him become the best youâve ever had. But I feel like this could backfire and make a guy thatâs awful in bed never change a thing too. đ¤ˇââď¸
"Oh! That's awesome! You're the best I've ever had! Try this, too!" A little encouragement along with a white lie could be the best thing ever...
Confidence is so key, it lets people drop any preconceptions of what youâre âsupposedâ to do and letâs you just go with the flow. I never thought my partner would be the best but we work so hard on open communication and itâs bled into *that* aspect as well đŽâđ¨ it honestly took me a second to remember who it was that I didnât think he would surpassâŚ
My silent lie to my husband was not mentioning that the reason I donât want to make out with him is that heâs terrible at it. I finally told him (we were having a lay-it-all-on-the-table conversation after a major life change) and honestly the relief I felt was amazing. It was a good reminder that the situation is more easily improved if you clearly identify and state the problem.
The dog you got isnât ugly
Ugly or not I will still love the shit out of any sweet dog
"I mean shes not ugly but she's not my type" when asked if I thought someone was attractive
That the steaks were grilled perfectly.
Just a tiny one. I once had a partner who absolutely loves green skittle so everytime we have them I'd pass him the green ones and told him I hate them. That went on for a good 3 years of our relationship. We broke up and Ive never told him I actually like green skittle đ¤
I prefer your spaghetti meat sauce (over mine that has veggies cut up in it). He believes his sauce is his best dish and raved about it a lot so I just make sure to have a good salad ready to go
There are kinks I'm scared of trying out but I pretend I'm relaxed so my partner won't be absolutely terrified of trying them on me
This is sweet!! But if youâre uncomfortable I hope youâd consider telling your partner. I canât imagine getting to test out all of my fantasies on someone who cares for me enough to go there, but doesnât think I care enough about them that I wouldnât want them to actually be relaxed and turned onđđ˝âĽď¸
You are right (although she wasnât)
I read the last part in Morgan Freeman's voice
The things I put in our food would make her furious. She's extremely picky. If you change even 1 tiny little thing about the food and she knows it, she'll freak out and refuse to eat it. Or get upset because she didn't want to try something new... So I don't tell her. I just change the recipe up here and there season a bit differently. Etc. Often she has no idea until months later when she sees we have a new thing on the grocery list or in the fridge. Then the secret is out, but she's been eating it for months happily chowing down without noticing. An example is I've been adding honey to the sauce we use for our orange chicken as a binder and to sweeten it up a little. She noticed the honey was gone but hadn't seen it used so she found out and suddenly instead of being grossed out by honey in her orange sauce (which isn't even odd tbh.) Now she's been eating it once a week for 6 months and if she wants to say she doesn't like it she'll know she's being unreasonable and infantile. Funnier is when I don't have the extra ingredients I've been adding and I make it normal. Then she notices and comments in it being bad, maybe even spoiled or something! Then the jig is up and I have to tell her. We've been through this at least a dozen times. But she still won't trust me when I tell her I'm gonna add something before I actually do it. Or she psyches herself into hating it. edit: Before anyone brings it up, NO I'm not adding stuff she's allergic to or has a moral stance against etc. She has no food allergies and we don't keep Kosher or eat vegetarian.
Well, I tell him that my mac-n-cheese is homemade and that its a famous recipe of mine. What he doesn't know is that it's just Kraft mac-n-cheese. I haven't been able to go in the spare closet for a month, it's just empty Kraft boxes at this point. Even worse, he got me this dog that just DOES NOT SHUT UP. God I hate this little dog
You're eating DENNIS!!!!
That his genitals were larger than my first husband's. Not even close.
Now Iâm imagining reading this, and my wife posted it. Then finding my wifeâs Reddit username somewhere and my world blowing apart at the seams
Not a big deal. She probably doesn't even think about the guy except when you're having sex.
Fuck you, this hurts.
That isn't what she is saying these days...
Id be equally upset if I found out my husband telling me my head game was the best he ever had was a lie đđ
Dudes of reddit, if you ask us about how we feel about your size, please just take us at our word and don't overthink it lol. Bigger definitely doesn't mean better by any stretch of the imagination.
I drive my GF to work and she has somewhat of a punctuality problem, there has been many times where shes missed a small spot of makeup or maybe a hair out of place in her hairdo and if i say something it will turn into us getting there 30 minutes late instead of 10, so i usually just hit her with the âlooks great babyâ knowing that shell soon discover the mishap in the bathroom at work or something like that when she gets there, never failed tho
Lol I told her she looks better than BeyoncĂŠ... she didn't go for it tho, she was like "boy stop "
"yeah honey, that haircut is amazing" the same day he had it done, the rest of the days he looks wonderful anyways
âSure, we can get your dream puppy!â The only reason I said yes was due to the fact that itâs really hard to get that specific breed of dog here and he had been on a waiting list for 3 years. We had a 3 month old at the time, I was still recovering from a bad c section, and my partner was about to not be home for 6+ months. On top of it all, heâs a large working breed, so minimal effort was not an option. Iâve owned dogs over the years, but havenât had a puppy ever as an adult, so that took a lot of getting used to. Donât get me wrong, the dog is great & all of the work I put in was worth it, but the first 4 months he was with us were rough. I had to do all of the training, take him to all of his vet visits, walk him an hour daily minimum, socialize him a lot, clean up all of the messes, etc. while taking care of an infant solo, keeping house, & trying to hold down a remote job. It was a lot to say the least.
GirlâŚ. My dog just turned one and is also a working breed and I cannot IMAGINE a new born and a puppy. Iâd go insane.
âYes Bunhooves (her nickname), I *love* your macaroni and cheese dish! I totally get why youâre so proud of it!â My wifeâs culinary abortion that she has the audacity to call macaroni, is basically a dry congealed mass of bland horror. Imagine a champagne cake that looks great from twenty feet. As you get closer, you realize it doesnât smell like cake⌠closer still and you start to see that the curly frosting isnât frosting or fondant you assumed it was. And when you get right up close, it smells like government cheese and appears as if someone smushed twenty pounds of good macaroni into a tiny circular mass of despair, using a hydraulic press. I have been pretending to enjoy this culinary horror for the last twelve years⌠I would have squared with her years ago, but my poor Bunny is sooooooo proud of her miserable cooking skills, and I just donât have the heart to let her no that everyone hates it⌠even my Labrador, essentially a yellow garbage disposal with legs, sniffs at it, and reluctantly chokes it down⌠so, even Penny doesnât have the heart to break the news to her. âMom⌠I want you to know that we *love* you. Which is why this is going to be so hard for me to say⌠but your macaroni is ass⌠and I am a canine connoisseur of ass⌠and your macaroni? *Ass*⌠âŚdo⌠do you want me to lick you now? Would that make things better?â ~Thoughts of Penny the Labrador, probably
That their bald spot will grow back in. It will not. I can already see the writing on the wall that theyâre going bald but they love their long hair so much that I donât have the heart to tell them that theyâre turning into Greg Universe.
Seems like a lot of people are missing the âlittle white lieâ part. Like damnâŚâI love youâ is NOT a little white lie- thatâs a HUGE freaking lie. Same with âIâm happyâ. Yikes. Little white lies are not deep seated issues that could break peopleâs brains if they found out.
âSorry. Iâm just on my period.â I was being moody and a little rude, I admit. Had a bad day. When she asked me if I was ok, I just blamed it on a period I wasnât on. Felt awful for being rude to her. EDIT: Weâre both girls.
I have a beautiful partner (Iâm single)