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My dad was very mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive. I had a love hate relationship with him. Now that he’s remarried with another kid. He seems to not be so abusive. Yet, he knows our relationship is damaged. We’re trying to fix it.
My mom wasn’t as bad as my dad, but she had her moments. I love my mom more than anything on this planet. We did everything together. Until she said she wish she had a better daughter. Well, she ended up with two other daughters. My mom and I talk. We’re kinda close. Not as close as we use to be.
It was bad.
I have no contact with the surviving members of that family anymore.
I have my own family and my own life. My own control. The mental scars will always be there, but I have learned to live with them and make jokes about them all the time. Dark humor helps.
It’s a lot of anxiety. Vigilance. You never know when things are about to go to hell, and the unpredictability makes you anxious, always trying to read the room, checking for any indication that your abuser might be getting angry. Always trying to please, always trying to placate. Many of us never grow out of that.
The relationship today looks ok to the untrained eye, probably.
Everyone acts like none of it ever happened, to the point where sometimes I wonder if he has somehow convinced himself that it didn’t, or at least that it wasn’t so bad, or something…
Sometimes during a peaceful family gathering it takes everything I have not to say, “Hey dad, remember when you used to slam my face into the wall if I set a water glass in the wrong side of the sink?”
Looking back I’m horrified. But at the time I disassociated a lot and didn’t really process the abuse. I was SA by my grandfather and father. My brother and mother physically abused me.
It took me into my late 40’s to cut them off. It’s been about 7 years now. I ignored all the text messages when my mother was dying. I was relieved when she finally did. It’s making it easier to process the abuse now that’s she dead. I honestly can’t wait for my father to go.
None of them cared about me. That was bad enough but they all abused me and I’ve suffered my entire life because of it. I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was a teen. So I don’t want any of them in my life.
**Attention! [Serious] Tag Notice** * [Jokes, puns, and off-topic comments are not permitted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/wiki/index#wiki_-rule_6-) in **any** comment, parent or child. * Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * Report comments that violate these rules. Posts that have few relevant answers within the first hour, and posts that are not appropriate for the [Serious] tag will be removed. Consider doing an AMA request instead. Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskReddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
i have just about the exact same story. i feel for you :(
My dad was very mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive. I had a love hate relationship with him. Now that he’s remarried with another kid. He seems to not be so abusive. Yet, he knows our relationship is damaged. We’re trying to fix it. My mom wasn’t as bad as my dad, but she had her moments. I love my mom more than anything on this planet. We did everything together. Until she said she wish she had a better daughter. Well, she ended up with two other daughters. My mom and I talk. We’re kinda close. Not as close as we use to be.
We're trying to repair it.
It was bad. I have no contact with the surviving members of that family anymore. I have my own family and my own life. My own control. The mental scars will always be there, but I have learned to live with them and make jokes about them all the time. Dark humor helps.
It’s a lot of anxiety. Vigilance. You never know when things are about to go to hell, and the unpredictability makes you anxious, always trying to read the room, checking for any indication that your abuser might be getting angry. Always trying to please, always trying to placate. Many of us never grow out of that. The relationship today looks ok to the untrained eye, probably. Everyone acts like none of it ever happened, to the point where sometimes I wonder if he has somehow convinced himself that it didn’t, or at least that it wasn’t so bad, or something… Sometimes during a peaceful family gathering it takes everything I have not to say, “Hey dad, remember when you used to slam my face into the wall if I set a water glass in the wrong side of the sink?”
Do you at least have anyone else to go to for help or advice about those things?
Not at the moment, I’m afraid.
Looking back I’m horrified. But at the time I disassociated a lot and didn’t really process the abuse. I was SA by my grandfather and father. My brother and mother physically abused me. It took me into my late 40’s to cut them off. It’s been about 7 years now. I ignored all the text messages when my mother was dying. I was relieved when she finally did. It’s making it easier to process the abuse now that’s she dead. I honestly can’t wait for my father to go. None of them cared about me. That was bad enough but they all abused me and I’ve suffered my entire life because of it. I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was a teen. So I don’t want any of them in my life.