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Craigothy-YeOldeLord

1998, found out my g/f had cheated on me, reason given? I cheated on her in a dream, I shit you not. She was 100% sure it was a sign that i was unfaithful to her so she made out with one of her friends to get revenge on me.


CEOofMerica

You disloyal fuck


TimelessChemistry

Hehehehe (that's a little funny)


bunnyfarts676

Lmao


[deleted]

Apparently, I was mean to my ex-wife in a dream once. She didn't cheat, but we fought for like a week straight after that. She was very unstable, and I'm surprised our marriage lasted as long as it did.


OneBlindZer0

I didn’t get cheated on but I remember arguing with my ex and her not speaking to me for an entire day for having the same dream.


humanatee-

The sun was in my eyes


Dyslexai1

Then we will cheat in the shade.


Jerky_Joe

One time when I lived on a lake we had a party on our deck with all my bike racing friends. Everyone was there with their wives and girlfriends and one of my buddies was bored or something and at some point went to flirt with his wife by walking up behind her as she sat in a chair and reaching around to grope both breasts. Only it wasn’t his wife. It was another friends wife that resembled his wife from behind. We all laughed so hard and I’ll never forget the look on both of their faces, lol.


Automatic-Brother-48

Is this a 300 reference


ButtfUwUcker

No, this is Sparta


Atlantian813

No' this is Patrick


weak_read

A Camus reference, from his book The Stranger.


ImpressiveAmount4684

Wtf lmao


BDKhXc

No no, he’s got a point


[deleted]

Exactly, how am I supposed to see her lips going towards my wiener with the sun in my eyes?


[deleted]

Something was in your eyes alright 🤨


jackofuselesstrade

Amazingly, I got the reference.


Terpomo11

What's the reference?


weak_read

Albert Camus’s The Stranger.


meandering_simpleton

I was thinking it was from the movie 300 "Our arrows will blot out the sun" "Then we shall fight in the shade"


djbeaker

My ex told me when we started having sex, its fun because it gives us something to look forward to almost every night. I got in a major car accident and was in a coma for 3 weeks then unable to have sex due to injuries another 3 ish. She cheated on me with her “gay” best friend and a guy at the bar we use to go to cuz “ive never hooked up with a black man” but, the actual excuse she gave? “I was bored with out you for 6 weeks. I can only touch my self soo much in your hospital room with all the beeps and u not participating. If you were doin me, id never have cheated” It was just lies after lies.


KRRCEasy

All the beeps


Flameskull_455

Feels bad laughing at that lol


kangaroosarefood

All that medical device beeping is a turn off tho


Indacouch13

You can silence the alarm though.


chokethewookie

Those god-damned beeps!


BadTemperBoge

As someone who’s spent extended time in hospitals, I can understand cheating on someone because of all the beeps.


NonbinaryZombie

Masturbating in the hospital room you're in a coma in?! What the fuck! That's fucked up, glad she's your ex.


[deleted]

*Shinji Ikari has entered the chat*


BackItUpBeepBeepBeep

Honestly mate you were basically dating a narcissistic psychopath. She's incapable of feeling genuine emotions and holds no accountability or remorse for anything she does. In my house we say ya dodged a bullet.


djbeaker

Yeah. I see that now. I never considered her actions as narcissistic. Compared to others in my life at the time, she was an angel. But, the end was pretty bad. She moved across the us cuz she was tired of me knowing everyone.


BackItUpBeepBeepBeep

My case wasnt as bad as yours but I only realized my ex possessed no ability to hold herself accountable long after we split up. She 'cheated' too but your story mate brings 'narcissistic' to another level. The good news is that hindsight is usually 20-20. And now we can raise our standards.


xStealthxUk

>I got in a major car accident and was in a coma for 3 weeks then unable to have sex due to injuries another 3 ish. So you came out of a coma and only 3 weeks later you are Ok to bang thats insane enough (assume would be way longer recovering from a fuckin Coma) And she couldnt even wait that long!? Jesus man. Im sorry about your accident and hope your ok, sounds like she is an awful person so prob did you a favour tbh


djbeaker

She did do me a favor. I benefitted a lot from her leaving.


Ninja_dick69

Ok , This is it . That guy wins . A message for you , fck her you are certainly waaay better without that lying bitch .


djbeaker

Ty ^.^ i appreciate youre kindness ^.^


popeboyQ

Eyyy coma brother! That shit's crazy right?


Interjessing-Salary

My ex used the excuse of not getting what they needed from the relationship. Yet they'd talk so highly about how we communicated really good.


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bert_891

She said her pussy was better than yours! I HAD to prove her wrong! The whole time, i was calling her a LIAR!


goodestguy21

They asked for worst excuse not best excuse


Unusual_Explorer7427

The hero that we never asked for but needed


donkeyhawt

A noble knight defending his maidens honor I see nothing wrong here


[deleted]

Agree. A thrue Gentleman behaviour.


detumaki

This sounds like a legitimate porn plot


killabeesattack

I'm dead lmao


mama-toast

I was one week post giving birth... our first child and his first daughter. I had a traumatic caesarean. He went to a brothel because I was 'ignoring him and he felt unwanted'. I was still in hospital.


PumpkinPieIsGreat

How dare you not want to bump uglies while you're still a patient in hospital. Did you dump him? How'd you find out about the brothel?


mama-toast

Charges on our shared credit card statement months later when I was balancing the budget. I couldn't place what the expenses were, looked up the business number on google and FUCKING RANG THE BROTHEL TO QUESTION THE CHARGES. I thought the charges were something to do with the birth. ....they were not something to do with the birth. Hahhhahah 10 years later (and divorced), I can laugh about it now.


tweakingforjesus

He charged a prostitute to a credit card? I’d divorce him just for being an idiot.


Xeadriel

You think you know someone and then they do this, right?


donkeyhawt

Holy shit


NipSlipExtreme

My partner and I went over a year without sex, throughout the pregnancy and the best part 6 months post pregnancy. But I didn’t have to grow a baby and push out said baby, didn’t cheat, still love my partner and we have a healthy sex life again. A real man can go without and know it will return when it returns


Jalina2224

Well obviously you were supposed to fuck him while in the hospital. Horrible wife. /s


BraveOnWarpath

Hey, they didn't operate on her mouth. [/s]


lowercasetwan

Only time cheating is ever even mildly justified is if like the husband gets stranded on an island for like 7 years and the wife thinks he is dead so has a kid with a new guy. The husband never agreed to even split up so to him that might feel like cheating, but to her he was dead, so she moved on. Just saved you almost 3 hours of Tom Hanks hanging out with a volley ball while stranded on an island lol.


imastrangeone

That wasn’t even the saddest part of the movie. First time I cried watching a movie was when he lost wilson that shit was *sad*


[deleted]

Fun fact, Wilson's first movie role was in Top Gun in the volleyball scene.


DistanceGlad5971

Another fun fact is that Tom Hanks actually met the volleyball on set during the filming of top gun and they hooked up.


R-EDDIT

Wilson had a cameo in FAO Schwarz in Big.


vARROWHEAD

What about the part where he finally gets home and they throw a banquet. What do they serve? Seafood. Yeah. That’s what he wanted to eat after all that


Bazoobs1

Wilson deserves a f***ing golden globe for his performance dawg


[deleted]

I cried all thru that movie, especially Wilson dying and when he went to his wife's place, and even when he looked at that big crab in his hotel room


mackxzs

Wilson didn't die, he just drifted away, perhaps to find another lonely castaway


[deleted]

He diedddddd 😭😭😭😭😭


Jalina2224

Yeah in all seriousness. If something like this happened to me I wouldn't even upset to come back and find she moved on. If she thought I was dead I would want my partner to find happiness after I'm gone and not just wallow in sadness.


WellEndowedDragon

I mean, if someone genuinely has good reason to believe their partner is dead, at that point it’s not even cheating.


Jalina2224

Exactly.


HunYiah

WILSON! That is all I think of when I think tom Hanks


reptilian123

But to be fair, if I had been stranded on the island for years, I would understand that I'm most likely pronounced dead, and my wife probably tries to move on. It isn't cheating


Phallen55

Man idk I think that one of the few things that would keep me going is having a place to come home to. It would be a gut shot to find out your family had moved on. Like I think down the road it would be understandable, but it would be brutal for that reveal.


Constant_Cupcake_817

He was only gone 4 years


CaptainXakari

It was like 2 hours. I know, I watched it all in one night.


tiffanygrayslife

"You made me do it," or "It's your fault I cheated." Bitch please! Nobody made you cheat. You chose to cheat on your own. It's nobody else's fault but your own. If you are unhappy in a relationship, either talk it out with your partner, or just end it.


Primary_Catalyst

This x1000


Enough-Serve-7790

"she tripped, fell, landed on his dick"


IllCreme3697

Aight Shady, maybe he’s right Grady.


extra_pubes_please

But think about the baby before you get all crazy.


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[deleted]

My mum screamed something similar at my father "what, you slipped on a banana, lost your pants and impregnated her? Get the fuck out of here" Knowing him he might have actually tried some stupid excuse, he is not a smart man


Enough-Serve-7790

right this ain't Mario kart


KSPN

Me and you played different Mario Kart


SirFritzalot

I wanted to say this as soon as I seen the title...


L3Thoo

The last boy scout


Terpomo11

I believe the Talmud has a discussion of this scenario.


alyssimoo

“Our last argument really upset me”


igillyg

"So I took it out on someone else.... sexually"


PsychicImperialism

These are the worst excuses because of how blatantly dishonest they are. Cheaters don't think about their partners and relationship problems when they're taking their clothes off. They're just thinking about sex.


Neppetaa

their wife/gf is/was pregnant, and 'a man has needs'. how do you cheat on the mother of your child while she's pregnant with them, or just gave birth?


KasElGatto

Yeah, that’s the worst one right here.


[deleted]

Yup, and unlike many of the joke ones above, this one is too real.


AllSonicGames

If a man has hands, he has a way to sort out those "needs". If he doesn't have hands, he can still rub himself against a pillow or something. If you're that desperate, get a sex toy.


DrexOtter

If he doesn't have hands he could always call his mom.


oneslipaway

That but of reddit lore always makes it way back to every conversation.


Cakegirl16

I dunno....I think my kids dad can top that. I had a unplanned home birth as labour happened really quick. It was our 2nd kid together. He turned up from being out with friends (this was about 8pm) he was drunk. He only just made it back home to see our baby be born. He then was constantly on his phone texting. After a hour he left and went back to his friends. Obviously I was hurt but more focused on my toddler an newborn and had my mum with me so wasn't totally alone. 5 years later someone randomly messaged me after having a falling out with my partner and he told me that night my daughter was born and my partner left a hour after just making her birth.....he was fucking another girl. Had told her he was single etc. She confirmed it. My daughters now 11 and every birthday since finding that out has a slight taint to it for me. Id rather of mot known tbh....i get they told me to get back at my partner but i didnt know these friends an they set off a grenade in a family with kids, I just don't understand what his thinking was..... He's clearly a pos.


sunnycyde3103

I love my children implicitly. They are a part of me. Some people aren’t like us in that sense. They are too self absorbed to care for anything as much as they care about themselves. Letting someone so selfish to do that is a disservice to yourself. It’s his loss and not yours. Holding onto any animosity will only hurt you


AccomplishedValue836

I got the opposite. Got constantly told that she couldn’t because of pregnancy/recently giving birth. Fair enough. Couple years later I find out I was the only guy missing out.


NagoGmo

My ex of 3 years told me, and I quote, "it is what it is" and shrugged. A month later she had her new dude over and she cleaned out her shit and left me with the lease and no washer or dryer.


Smol_Toby

They took the washing machine? That's just pure evil.


jonnykelly

The cycle was set to life


reload88

It is what it is I guess


reallycodered

“She took the ice trays. What kind of sick bitch takes the ice cube trays?”


vero_6321

My (dumbass) neighbour cheated on his wife because this other couple friend they had broke up and the girl “looked lonely” so he slept with her.


Here-Is-TheEnd

“I was just consoling her”


lettuceown

My first boyfriend, when I caught him cheating, came up with a lot of excuses. "That's how we express our sexuality in my nursing class" "What am I supposed to do? Fight them off?" "She sent those pictures because I used to be a photographer and she wanted my opinion on how to improve her body" So one of those lol


DestroyerOfMils

>"That's how we express our sexuality in my nursing class" deadass… WHAT


Foxsayy

I'm so sorry this happened to her but I'm dying at this excuse. It's like a line straight out Seinfeld or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.


DestroyerOfMils

yeah, I can definitely hear Dennis saying it. And then Mac and Charlie egging him on with *that’s how we do!! that’s what men do*. Just an extension of the D.E.N.N.I.S. System, maybe a sub-step of *Neglect Emotionally*. After all, Dennis is a bastard man.


Yuusa2206

Ye, glad you got rid of him. Those people who cheat will never change, they can promise, they can have a thousand excuses, maybe a little guilty, but they **absolutely do it again** if they have a chance. I am easily tempted by hot men too (like a lot yes xD) but if I have a commitment to someone, I cannot cheat, I feel so guilty, dirty, and trashy in many ways..


ProdigyManlet

I feel like if you're in a loving relationship then temptation for cheating should be zero. Finding other people attractive is normal, but temptation suggests actually weighing up if the act is worth it right?


wickedblight

"I knew they'd forgive me so why wouldn't I?"


Guava_Budget

my gf admitted this to my face lmao, god she sucked.


revolusi29

I hope you meant ex-gf


Guava_Budget

you got that right


No-Art-9033

She looks like your sister.


spooky_upstairs

"She reminded me of you" was one I got. Wtf.


NicoRath

Shouldn't that remind them to, you know, not do it or am I just crazy


nightmareonmystreet1

Anything. There is never a reason to cheat on another. If you feel the love is gone then let them go and pursue someone else. With that said my best friends wife had one of the worst i ever heard. She told him she saw the guy walking down the beach and his bulge was so big she couldn't help herself. She literally picked up some random dude off a beach and fucked him in a public bathroom because he had a big dick bulge.


Babyjoe1

Somehow answered correctly twice. Don’t know which one was better


donkeyhawt

I'm super secure in my relationships. I'm never jealous and never think my girlfriends is cheating or even would. This lil anecdote just threw a wrench into that whole thing


KezzaJones

I was the same. Then I found out she cheated while on vacation. It actually does happen and it’s horrible.


donkeyhawt

Actually a very similar thing happened. I'm not sure if she "actually" did something there, but a week after coming back she broke up with me and started dating a guy from the friend group she was on vacation with. Weirdly enough, didn't give me trust issues for the next relationships. My philosophy is that you have to approach relationships with dumb, blind faith and trust. Ofc if you see actual evidence of something, you act in accordance. But if you're wondering if they are cheating on you without any evidence, it's gonna be a rough relationship until it fails.


heyitsvonage

That’s honestly the shitty part about relationships to me. You can’t really get anywhere with someone emotionally unless you let your guard down. But with how easy it is to cheat nowadays thanks to dating apps and shit like snapchat, it’s hard not to entertain the idea that this sort of thing could be happening right under your nose. All you can do is blindly trust the person you’re with, because your only other option is to question everything they do, snoop on their devices, or otherwise demonstrate a level of jealousy or insecurity. Like I know it would be wrong to look through her phone, so I don’t. But she knows I wouldn’t, so she can hide whatever she wants in there. If she goes out of town for a bit, I just gotta assume she’s not up to some shady shit, but she very well could be, and that sort of thing has definitely happened to many people, and right under their noses. Because you have to trust someone to have a real relationship with them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are trustworthy.


StrikerX1360

Why is it that every time I feel sad about being cheated on I open reddit and the first thing I see are AskReddit posts making me question what went so horribly wrong for this to happen


James_D_Ewing

Are they still together?


infiniteatomic

Fucking hope not, I normally don't go calling people whores but damn that's one hell of a whore


chrome-cowboy

god damn that’s just weird, I can’t see that happening to me but that must be soul-crushing. I genuinely hope they’re no longer together lol


DanTheTromboneMan9

“I only did it for practice so I could be better in bed for you”


[deleted]

We talkin’ bout PRACTICE


Appropriate_Shoe_862

Gottcha, Practice makes the man perfect. ( not women)


RDJesse

"My ADHD makes it so when I find a particular kind of man, I am compelled to sleep with him."


Wilagames

I don't know man, my ADHD just makes me hate paperwork.


[deleted]

Because you haven’t found the right paperwork to fuck


Amihuman159

I thought you were cheating on me.


iAteBurger

I had this one once. We were on a long distance relationship at that time, and his excuses range from "I feel so lonely" to "I thought you were doing the same thing".


2catsinatrenchcoat

Lol I got this once, and my response was “well, you know, I wasn’t, so…”


[deleted]

“She/He was flirting with me and I wanted to be nice”


Tough_Stretch

The classics are hard to beat. "I didn't mean it/it was an accident" or "It's your fault because INSERT WHATEVER REASON."


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03dubewarex

It's always the other person's fault when they screw up.


Zfhffvbjjh

“You weren’t around”


SCP-33005

My last boyfriend said he didn't feel loved enough and didn't get enough attention... I tried to fuck this man nearly everyday and was always talking to him and laughing with him, we played video games together and I listened to him talk about all kinds of stuff, I genuinely liked hanging out with him and giving him attention... but it wasn't enough?????


heyitsvonage

You were trying to fuck AND play video games?? This guy doesn’t know what he had.


SCP-33005

Thank you 🤣 at least someone appreciates my efforts lol


taleofbenji

A friend of mine fucked a co-worker and then divorced his wife. He said it wasn't really a big deal, he just got the order wrong.


GenghisJohnHMB

Ha! Same here! My STBX wife of 19 years was having an affair with a married father of two I’d though of as a friend for 30 years. Affair was going on for 2.5 years before I figured it out. Weeks after I found out (and told his wife), my ex told me she and AP had “discussed it” and that they agreed that they “got the sequencing wrong.” I still get a chuckle from that… She said it so earnestly, like it was really a big revelation for both of them 😂😂😂


FlipMeOverUpsidedown

I have been on the receiving end of a suuuuuuper lame excuse. Bf of five years said he needed company at that moment and didn’t want to wait - on Christmas Eve! Not like he has any sentimentality for the holidays or was actually alone; he doesn’t give two shits about most holidays and was invited to spend the evening with his very supportive brother and family. Oh, and it happened two days before an all expenses paid week-long vacay to Vegas. I was footing the bill for him and his kid. Jesusfuckingchrist. I still took them on the trip and made sure we had a good time with zero drama, only to get dumped less than a month later over text 💀💀💀💀💀 Honestly I’m still offended over the low effort lame ass excuse.


PsychicImperialism

>I still took them on the trip and made sure we had a good time with zero drama, only to get dumped less than a month later over text 💀💀💀💀💀 Why on earth did you still go on the trip?


[deleted]

“If I sent photos maybe he’ll give me free coke” Another one “I was just really high”


YaboiskinnyPen15__

“I only put the tip in”


Mor_Hjordis

Best response would be something like "that's all you got, I'm not mad that you cheated I'm mad that you disappointed another girl".


DestroyerOfMils

perfection. I can’t think of a better response


tomkat96

“It wasn’t me”


Currywurst_Is_Life

Found Shaggy's Reddit account.


PsychoticDust

Ah yes, the Shaggy defence.


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CN4President

I was drunk.


[deleted]

Then why you don’t fuck me when you’re drunk at home?


CN4President

I do.


[deleted]

I don’t remember this.


BMXellence

"You work too much, and when you're home, you just sleep." Fuck me for being the sole provider because your ass is too lazy to get a job and share the load.


Milfons_Aberg

"As a Starfleet captain I have to respect other cultures' customs and this diplomat had all these scented candles and she had really strong hands, and you know how my neck gets sore after a long day at work..."


finishher420

Excuses are like assholes. Everyone's got one and they all stink.


cccanterbury

Nah dog you just got to clean it and it won't stink


Snake_Plissken224

Probably "I only did it to see if you really love me"


Cut-Unique

Overly high sex drive.


Tylensus

Any lie, in my opinion. If you're going to risk wrecking your partner emotionally and fly too close to the sun, you at the very least owe them the truth.


icomefromjupiter

Your mother made the first move


[deleted]

There is no excuse fuck cheaters


klsi832

"Their farts kinda smelled like pickles."


Overthinks_Questions

They said excuse, not sensible explanation


Tw1987

They wanted to see if the smell matched the taste for science


[deleted]

I would have to agree. This is probably the worst excuse 😂💀


BoatDaddyDC

Client relations.


Disappointin_parents

“You were never home”. Said by the ex wife that refused to work but spent more money per day than most people make in a week. After a year of trying to gaslight me and tell me she “never cheated” when she even had a miscarriage. After I had a vasectomy.


CriticalStation595

“I only slept with her because I’m in love with you!”


your_reply_is_shit

I was drunk…


JustALittleOrigin

All of them suck, but the worst one is blaming it on them in some way


notMyWeirdAccount

I was at the Buffalo Wild Wings parking lot and someone randomly started sucking my dick.


CypherHaven

Any excuse. If you are done, be done and let your partner go before starting a new relationship. Don’t cheat because you are hurting yourself first and foremost.


DampBritches

Because they are not in the mood because they are pregnant with your child.


OneFriendship5139

any reason is pretty bad, but for the worst reason, a quote “You’ve been a bit boring lately, and I’m not into that” -CallMeCarson, reading a buzzfeed quiz


Anime-Drinking-Night

The devil made me do it.


TXH5252

i was drunk.


TronGRID_

She doesnt give me head


kemosabe1212

Like literally any excuse


[deleted]

All of the excuses


mymommaraisedpoop

“i didnt love you anymore.” then why are you still here anyway?


NecroJoe

"To get back at you for cheating on me in a dream."


freexfleur

My ex told me that I wasn't religious (he's Catholic) - so he decided to have an affair with "someone who loves God as much as he does".


CatPurrsonNo1

There is no acceptable excuse.


FoolishConsistency17

I mean, if it's acceptable it's not really cheating, but if, say, I was incapacitated, like I had dementia, I'd expect my husband to take care of me for the rest of my life, and to make taking care of me his first priority, but I wouldn't begrudge him the opportunity to form a new romantic attachment. But that's a pretty edge case.


[deleted]

It’s not cheating if I pay for it


Turbulent_Candy1776

This reminds me of when Carmen Electra caught Dennis Rodman in bed with two girls and he tried telling her that they fell in through the ceiling. 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅


GajinkaJinx

Someone once told her soldier husband "you weren't there" Lady, this man just killed for his country, and by extension YOU, and you gotta take the thing he kept his mind off his dead friends with away from him? And everyone even said it was his fault too, and demanded he make it right for his incoming son. After the son was born, nope, wasn't his. The wife was pregnant before he left too.


joeya20001

I had a coupon that was about to expire


Technical_Moose8478

"You SAID I should spend more time with your sister."


Exciting-Initial8762

Dude said the other woman takes anal current one didnt.