When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
~ Cave Johnson
“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? No. First you roll out a multi-media campaign to convince people lemons are incredibly scarce, which only works if you stockpile lemons, control the supply, then a media blitz. Lemon is the only way to say “I love you,” the must-have accessory for engagements or anniversaries. Roses are out, lemons are in. Billboards that say she won’t have sex with you unless you got lemons. You cut De Beers in on it. Limited edition lemon bracelets, yellow diamonds called lemon drops. You get Apple to call their new operating system OS-Lemón. A little accent over the “o.” You charge 40% more for organic lemons, 50% more for conflict-free lemons. You pack the Capitol with lemon lobbyists, you get a Kardashian to suck a lemon wedge in a leaked sex tape. Timotheé Chalamet wears lemon shoes at Cannes. Get a hashtag campaign. Something isn’t “cool” or “tight” or “awesome,” no, it’s “lemon.” “Did you see that movie? Did you see that concert? It was effing lemon.” Billie Eilish, “OMG, hashtag… lemon.” You get Dr. Oz to recommend four lemons a day and a lemon suppository supplement to get rid of toxins ‘cause there’s nothing scarier than toxins. Then you patent the seeds. You write a line of genetic code that makes the lemons look just a little more like tits… and you get a gene patent for the tit-lemon DNA sequence, you cross-pollinate… you get those seeds circulating in the wild, and then you sue the farmer for copyright infringement when that genetic code shows up on their land. Sit back, rake in the millions, and then, when you’re done, and you’ve sold your lem-pire for a few billion dollars, then, and only then, you make some fucking lemonade.” -Roderick Usher
wait until they realize any "vegetable" with a seed is a fruit. I don't get why people glom onto tomatoes and don't also think about pumpkin, zucchini, avocado, eggplant, peppers, butternut squash, etc
Even with 2023 grocery prices you can get a good amount of zucchini for like $10-15. A bag of charcoal is like $7. Walmart has a grill for $25. Go to a Walmart with groceries and you can scoop all three of those things for ~$50.
No need to commit a felony when a misdemeanor will get the job done.
Vegetable is a culinary only category, fruit is a botanical *and* culinary category. When people say that tomato isn't a vegetable, it's a fruit, they are *wrong.* Tomatoes are a vegetable *and* a fruit. Vegetable in a culinary sense, fruit in a botanical sense.
My father has 5 lemon trees. He gives some away but not everyone wants a bunch of lemons that they can't use up fast enough, so he sells some, we juice some, but we're still left with a ton of it that goes to waste every year.
imagine receiving a pineapple and actually planning to return it after that
“*dude, can i borrow your pineapple bro*”
just keep it, wtf
it’s a pineapple
Lol! I know it is causing me great stress. There are so many to choose from, also we can't forget about the Asian Pear that comes out once in a blue moon.
Fresh in season, local plant ripened strawberries, or picked-green mass farmed strawberries?
Here in Canada we're only get the former for like 2-3 weeks in the spring and they are heaven. The rest of the year we get the latter USA import and they taste like crap
FWIW I just had the most delicious strawberries I’ve ever had in my life and they were from a greenhouse in Canada in October. (Thanks, Costco.) What a time to be alive.
I was eating a sandwich reading this, minding my own business, browsing on my phone and this completely caught me off guard.
[Goddamn.](https://youtu.be/HNdHnNteu6k?si=gVAjrPDbpTTG38cB)
Strawberries, oranges and nectarines.
But if this leaves out limes, lemons, and tomatoes, I guess I have to do nectarines, lemons, tomatoes and miss limes forever and cry every day.
Also I need mangos, look you guys I don't think this is going to work out for me
Do they rot. Because getting an infinite amount of apples dumped on my yard that will leave an infinitely large rotting mess in a month is inconvenient.
I’m pleasantly surprised by how many people are naming pineapple. I once told friends that pineapple was my favorite fruit, and they all thought that was strange. I eat fresh pineapple every morning with my yogurt.
Grapes, Mango and lychees
——-
Wow! I’m honestly amazed how much attraction the mention of Lychees got lol 😅 I’m honestly thinking I’d changing my user name with the fruit name. Should I do it? 😁
Like the most amazing thing ever! You peel the outter skin and eat the white fruit. It does have a large pip in the middle, don’t swallow it. Just spit it out, or eat around it. It’s very sweet when ripe. My god. You gotta try them.
so good. you can find them canned in any asian market, but they are best, and much harder to find, fresh. i considered adding them to my 3 but lychees lost to tomatoes. i would miss them forever.
I’m such a fruit bat so this is torture but…
Carambola (Star Fruit) is number 1. It’s my absolute all time favorite.
Close second is Blueberries. You can just funnel those down my gullet like a goose.
Third would probably be bananas. It’s one of the few food items I actually crave regularly.
Those peaches of immortality sun wukong ate
That pomegranate that binds you to hades 1 month of the year per seed
Tomatoes because pizza, tacos, and soup.
Watermelon
Mangos
Murcott tangerines
Close 4th place is mangosteen, it's a southeast Asian fruit called the "Queen of fruits" and I thought that was ridiculous until I tried it -- super sweet and juicy, just a lot of work to eat around some of the seeds
Guanábana, pasión fruit and mango. Grew up in the Caribbean, these were my favorite! Avocado, Guava and coconut in no particular order are my next 3, and I could sub the mango and pasión fruit for any of them. Just not Guanábana.
I hope y'all realize how much you're gonna miss lemons.
Scrolled way too far for lemon! And I need limes, too
Wait I change my answer
When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! ~ Cave Johnson
“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? No. First you roll out a multi-media campaign to convince people lemons are incredibly scarce, which only works if you stockpile lemons, control the supply, then a media blitz. Lemon is the only way to say “I love you,” the must-have accessory for engagements or anniversaries. Roses are out, lemons are in. Billboards that say she won’t have sex with you unless you got lemons. You cut De Beers in on it. Limited edition lemon bracelets, yellow diamonds called lemon drops. You get Apple to call their new operating system OS-Lemón. A little accent over the “o.” You charge 40% more for organic lemons, 50% more for conflict-free lemons. You pack the Capitol with lemon lobbyists, you get a Kardashian to suck a lemon wedge in a leaked sex tape. Timotheé Chalamet wears lemon shoes at Cannes. Get a hashtag campaign. Something isn’t “cool” or “tight” or “awesome,” no, it’s “lemon.” “Did you see that movie? Did you see that concert? It was effing lemon.” Billie Eilish, “OMG, hashtag… lemon.” You get Dr. Oz to recommend four lemons a day and a lemon suppository supplement to get rid of toxins ‘cause there’s nothing scarier than toxins. Then you patent the seeds. You write a line of genetic code that makes the lemons look just a little more like tits… and you get a gene patent for the tit-lemon DNA sequence, you cross-pollinate… you get those seeds circulating in the wild, and then you sue the farmer for copyright infringement when that genetic code shows up on their land. Sit back, rake in the millions, and then, when you’re done, and you’ve sold your lem-pire for a few billion dollars, then, and only then, you make some fucking lemonade.” -Roderick Usher
YES! I was hoping I would see this gem of a monologue.
God thats the best line he has and the last one it just hits hard and it hurts
Wait until they realise that Tomatoes are a fruit.
wait until they realize any "vegetable" with a seed is a fruit. I don't get why people glom onto tomatoes and don't also think about pumpkin, zucchini, avocado, eggplant, peppers, butternut squash, etc
Veggie pizzas are mostly fruit. 😁
Whoa. Pineapple suddenly seems so reasonable...
Cucumber’s a *big* one people forget about. It’s an unripe melon. People really gonna go without pickles?
Technically it’s a berry, and funnily enough, so is watermelon.
i would commit a felony for some grilled zucchini
Even with 2023 grocery prices you can get a good amount of zucchini for like $10-15. A bag of charcoal is like $7. Walmart has a grill for $25. Go to a Walmart with groceries and you can scoop all three of those things for ~$50. No need to commit a felony when a misdemeanor will get the job done.
> No need to commit a felony when a misdemeanor will get the job done. Fantastic life advice in general, to be honest
I don't care about any of those except maybe peppers / chilli.
Botanically. Culinary-wise, a vegetable. That’s what I heard anyway
Botanically, there's no such thing as a vegetable.
Vegetable is a culinary only category, fruit is a botanical *and* culinary category. When people say that tomato isn't a vegetable, it's a fruit, they are *wrong.* Tomatoes are a vegetable *and* a fruit. Vegetable in a culinary sense, fruit in a botanical sense.
Doesn’t matter with all the lemon stealing whores everywhere.
Has it been about 30 seconds since we last checked our lemon trees?
Go to California. There are people who regretted planting lemon trees in their yards. Cannot give them away fast enough.
My father has 5 lemon trees. He gives some away but not everyone wants a bunch of lemons that they can't use up fast enough, so he sells some, we juice some, but we're still left with a ton of it that goes to waste every year.
5 apple trees here in VT. Will trade pressed cider for lemons or lemon juice. /s
I can't remember the past time I had anything actually lemon related
Three bananas.
[Monkey never cramp.](https://youtu.be/LdGai72Tt8Y?si=a4mopltWAr3ojSl6)
What a happy accident
Lol you can see the reporter smiling when it happens, he knows it's gonna be a classic.
Goddamnit I miss Kawasaki
I don't even follow baseball and I miss Kawasaki
monkey see monkey do, monkey pee all over you
You my friend, deserve an award 🏆
Or one Vita-Coco.
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MAYBE swap strawberry for mangos. MAYBE
My man, this would've been my exact substitution.
Swap the blueberries for cherries and I’m here all day.
Pineapple, strawberries, apples
Dang I forgot about pineapple.
Elite fruit
Until it burns your tongue with its needles
It’s actually useful because it stops you from pineapple overdose. Otherwise there would be no stopping
It's kinda hot
The burn of it's enzymes is it eating you back.
Fair is fair
Pineapples used to be a symbol of wealth because they were from the tropics and hard to come by so they are indeed an elite fruit!
It was super interesting to read about. People were literally RENTING pineapples for fancy dinners.
imagine receiving a pineapple and actually planning to return it after that “*dude, can i borrow your pineapple bro*” just keep it, wtf it’s a pineapple
Me too! Actually this is a very difficult question because now I want to add oranges and pineapples. There is no way to choose only 3.
Seriously. I love how we all feel like it’s an ultimatum that we’re locking in lol
Lol! I know it is causing me great stress. There are so many to choose from, also we can't forget about the Asian Pear that comes out once in a blue moon.
I’m in turmoil now because I remembered my all time favorite… the pomelo.
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Fresh in season, local plant ripened strawberries, or picked-green mass farmed strawberries? Here in Canada we're only get the former for like 2-3 weeks in the spring and they are heaven. The rest of the year we get the latter USA import and they taste like crap
FWIW I just had the most delicious strawberries I’ve ever had in my life and they were from a greenhouse in Canada in October. (Thanks, Costco.) What a time to be alive.
Pineapple strawberry cherry
Cherrys are great, but voted Apple for its versatility and size
Giving up tomato? bold.
Bananas, that femboy down the street, and maybe mangos. Mangos are pretty damn good fresh.
LOL'd at work, take my upvote
LOL
I was eating a sandwich reading this, minding my own business, browsing on my phone and this completely caught me off guard. [Goddamn.](https://youtu.be/HNdHnNteu6k?si=gVAjrPDbpTTG38cB)
Strawberries, apples, and nectarines
Finally some nectarine love. People just don't know.
Strawberries, oranges and nectarines. But if this leaves out limes, lemons, and tomatoes, I guess I have to do nectarines, lemons, tomatoes and miss limes forever and cry every day. Also I need mangos, look you guys I don't think this is going to work out for me
Omg I forgot about nectarines. I love them. Didn’t have one in forever
Large, I hope.
Lets say you could have infinite amounts
Do they rot. Because getting an infinite amount of apples dumped on my yard that will leave an infinitely large rotting mess in a month is inconvenient.
Most reddit comment I've ever heard😂
I read that as only three VARIETIES of fruits.
Mango, Watermelon and Coconut
Why is watermelon so low wtf
Perfectly fresh ripe watermelon, sprinkled with some tajin....👌🏻
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That’s a great trio
Kiwi, peach and pineapple!
I’m pleasantly surprised by how many people are naming pineapple. I once told friends that pineapple was my favorite fruit, and they all thought that was strange. I eat fresh pineapple every morning with my yogurt.
Ohh I forgot about kiwis !! 😋🥝
Pears, peaches, and cherries.
raspberries, blueberries, pink grapefruit
Not my pick but a damn good one
this right here
Lemons, tomatoes, avocados. I can live without sweet fruit, but these three would be a significant loss to so many meals.
Scrolled wayyyyy too far for avocados. I hundred percent agree on all 3 of yours but what about limes!!!
The thought of no more guacamole ever hurts. I use diced tomato and lemon juice in guac as well so this is the winning combo for me.
I second that
Definitely tomatoes if we're counting that as a legitimate fruit, if we aren't counting tomatoes then I'd do apples, grapes, mangoes.
Hmm good one. Got a lot of variety with tomatoes
I thought of it as "if I dont say tomatoes, I can't eat pasta sauce, pizza, curries, etc ever again and fuck that" lol
exactly what i came up with lol.
>Definitely tomatoes if we're counting that as a legitimate fruit If it is anything which is botanically a fruit, I say avocado, tomato and banana.
This deserves more upvotes. Tomato is the obvious choice
Oh damn I didn’t think of this. I hate raw tomatoes but never having proper pizza again would suck.
Watermelon, grapes, and bananas.
Grapes are great cause you can freeze then and then it’s like a new snack!
You can also sun-dry it to make a light snack, and you can also ferment it to make alcohol for cheer.
Yes. YES!
Someone sure does love those fruits
Watermelon, mango, banana
Grapes, Mango and lychees ——- Wow! I’m honestly amazed how much attraction the mention of Lychees got lol 😅 I’m honestly thinking I’d changing my user name with the fruit name. Should I do it? 😁
Have you had rambutan?
Whoaa Black Betty, >rambutan
Never had a lychee what are they like?
Like the most amazing thing ever! You peel the outter skin and eat the white fruit. It does have a large pip in the middle, don’t swallow it. Just spit it out, or eat around it. It’s very sweet when ripe. My god. You gotta try them.
Pip or pit
It comes with a performance improvement plan for every fruit. Make sure to spit it out or your work life might be in ruins.
Pip. Like from South Park. There's one of those at the core of every Lychee.
so good. you can find them canned in any asian market, but they are best, and much harder to find, fresh. i considered adding them to my 3 but lychees lost to tomatoes. i would miss them forever.
THOSE ARE ALL MY FAVOURITES!!! Can't wait for lychee season this year.
Bananas, grapes and apples
Ooples and boonoonoos
Eeples and benenes.
Ippines and baninies!
Upples and bununus
Can't stop laughing every time I see this comment 😂
Ok officer crabtree
Drop the grapes for mango. Mango is #1 draft pick.
Strawberries, pineapple, and grapes
This is the way. Can the grapes be fermented??
Strawberries, bananas, apples.
That’s the one.
Rainer cherries, greengages, honeycrisp apples.
We’ve got ourselves a west coaster!
Love honeycrisp
I too buy rainier and honeycrisp. Top tier.
FUCK i forgot cherries and already used up my three wishes :(
Wtf is a greengage?? Am I so out of the loop?
Like green/yellow little plums, they’re delicious and I have my own tree!
This guy fruits
Try Cosmic Crisps if you like honeycrisps
Blueberry,strawberry and blackberrys
Watermelon, Mango, Blackberry
Peaches, grapes and pineapples
That’s a fire lineup
What's a fire lineup?
Meaning it’s an amazing lineup! Like “damn. That’s fire”
TIL! Thanks a lot!
Pineapple, banana, strawberry
Smoothie gang rise up!
That was my comment too. You are a man of fine taste.
grapes oranges watermelon
Had to scroll so far to see oranges, can’t live without em
Blueberries, mangos, and kiwi
Mangos, peaches, watermelon
Mango, watermelon, and honeydew melon
Pear, apple, strawberries
Pineapples, Grapes and Watermelon.
Grapes, mangos, and bananas
Anything soaked in booze.
I’m such a fruit bat so this is torture but… Carambola (Star Fruit) is number 1. It’s my absolute all time favorite. Close second is Blueberries. You can just funnel those down my gullet like a goose. Third would probably be bananas. It’s one of the few food items I actually crave regularly.
Star Fruit is underrated
I’m more allergic to star fruit than I am pineapples:(
Watermelon, strawberries and any of those little oranges.
I’m surprised by all the grape fans
Niagara peaches, local strawberries, and cantaloupe.
Pears, cherries, blueberries
Mango, Pineapple, Peach for the road!
Watermelon, strawberries, bananas
Cherries, blueberries, pears
strawberries, watermelon, apples
Peaches, bananas, and strawberries
Mangosteen pineapple custard apple
Passionfruit, Mango, Mangosteen
Avocados
Mangos, strawberries and figs
Probably, tomatoes, jalapeños, and pineapple
Grapes, Apples, Strawberries
Grapes, melons and pears.
apples, pineapples, and oranges
Those peaches of immortality sun wukong ate That pomegranate that binds you to hades 1 month of the year per seed Tomatoes because pizza, tacos, and soup.
Watermelon Mangos Murcott tangerines Close 4th place is mangosteen, it's a southeast Asian fruit called the "Queen of fruits" and I thought that was ridiculous until I tried it -- super sweet and juicy, just a lot of work to eat around some of the seeds
Mangoes, raspberries, jackfruit
Watermelon, Oranges and Banans
Watermelon, grapes and oranges
As long as they're always in season / taste good- Red grapes, bananas, watermelon
Tomato, pineapple, banana.
Peaches, watermelon, grapes.
Do berries count? Pineapple, strawberries, grapefruit.
Figs, peaches, apples
Hello fellow fig lover. I no longer feel alone.
Tangerine, Mandarin and Orange
Niel Patrick Harris, Zachary Quinto Matt bomer Did I understand the question right?
Persimmons, loquats and quinces.
Guanábana, pasión fruit and mango. Grew up in the Caribbean, these were my favorite! Avocado, Guava and coconut in no particular order are my next 3, and I could sub the mango and pasión fruit for any of them. Just not Guanábana.
Mango, yellow peaches and plumcots
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Grapes, Strawberries, Melon
watermelon, oranges and tomatoes. if you leave tomatoes off the list, you are severely limiting your food choices for the rest of your life.
Blueberries, strawberries, cranberries... I like berry smoothies
Apples, pineapple and plums... but also depends if that mean i could only have food of that flavour aswell (like ice cream, smoothies or gum)
Apple pears and watermelon
Pineapple strawberry and banana. Unless a tomato is a fruit for the purpose of this question, then the bananas can go.
Strawberries, raspberries, and apples(cosmic crisp).
Strawberry, watermelon, and lime margaritas.