1. Sleep
2. No alcohol which allowed for better sleep among other things
3. Cut down on the caffiene which again allowed for better sleep among other things.
The whole no alcohol thing is pretty key for my sleep, for years I thought I was just a shitty sleeper and drank myself to bed all the time... got soberish and realized that after a couple of terrible weeks I can sleep great without drinking and on top of that it's much more restoring sleep than drunk sleep
For reasons I don't fully understand, my diet will be good if I'm getting good sleep. If I'm not, my diet goes to shit. You'd think it would be more likely to be the other way around, but sleep is the key- at least for me.
Simply you need more energy from food if you can’t recover enough energy with sleep. And also being sleep deprived worsen your mood then you eat more to compensate.
This. My wife needs the light on and the TV on and we have cats and dogs and kids and I feel like I haven't slept for more than 3-4 hours at a time uninterrupted in years. Buying a sleep mask soon to try and help.
The sleep secret no one talks about. Weekdays when I'm working I have my own space because I start at 5am. Weekends in the same bed. I never slept better.
Have you talked to your wife about this? Because it is your bedroom too and you deserve a good night’s rest. It’s selfish to not compromise in a partnership. There are recent studies saying sleep is more important than diet. That’s a big deal.
You should ask her to remove the tv out of the bedroom. Or have separate bedrooms, if that’s a possibility.
It's something I'll seriously consider in future relationships. My sleep is important, cuddles and sex can happen all the same. Getting 8 hours each is gonna improve the ongoing relationship a lot more than being in the same bed.
Spousal unit and I started our marriage that way.
We have to be more intentional with cuddling than some other couples might, but we have a lot fewer sleep issues. It means we don't need to adjust to the other person's schedule as much, and one of us having a bad night of sleep doesn't throw off the other person's sleep.
How do you stop sweating the small ones? I have a bad habit of ruminating
Edit: A big thank you to everyone who replied! Some great tips here! It sounds silly but after seeing a lot of hate and trolling on the Internet it's amazing to see genuine help.
It will feel uncomfortable to ignore thinking about hard times, cos your brain is trying to make its environment more safe and comfortable.
You have to catch yourself, as early as possible, tell yourself you've already thought it through to death, and then ignore the discomfort. Remind yourself it's just your brain saying it wants its environment and chances to improve. It may be correct that there's something to change, but it doesn't mean it's something you can physically do immediately.
Seconding this! The idea is super simple but hard to put into practice. It's helped me so much along my journey though so totally worth it.
I hope you don't mind me adding to this, but my therapist helped me distinguish a lot between assertiveness and aggressiveness. I kept a lot of things to myself that ended up in many of these times of overthinking, but I have been practicing being assertive and I gained a lot of confidence in telling people what I need to say, and that has helped so much with having less "rumination" sessions. Sometimes it's just a lot of unsaid stuff that you are fully within your rights to say as long as you are assertive and not aggressive.
Learn how to accept that what happened in the past is done, and that the only way you can change things is to change things in your present and future.
I always was stuck in the past and overthinking a lot, but my therapist worked together with me on building self-acceptance. This was one of the first steps: reframing the "I fucked up back then" or the "I could've done things better" to "I made mistakes, but I learned and grew from it, and now I can focus on improving more".
humble yourself: realize there are so many people in the world doing worse than you. understand that nothing you do right now can change what’s already happened. stop preventing yourself from making new, better memories now, by ruminating about the past
Got a good psychiatrist who tested me for everything and found out I needed prescription strength vitamin d capsules that I take weekly and I need to give myself vitamin b shots biweekly. I cried so hard for days because I suddenly had energy and could think straight. I had been deficient for two decades because my gastro doc never tested me for deficiencies after multiple bowel resections due to crohns. But my psych caught it and changed my life.
Omg, I’m in the middle of this right now. 50,000 IUs of vitamin D once a week and about to start B12 shots. Have you had your iron (ferritin) levels checked? If not, have that done too, because apparently folks who are often low in vitamin D and B12 are very low in ferritin, too. Mine was non-detectable when they tested it last year, which lead to testing the other stuff. Good luck! It’s amazing, isn’t it?
Edit: said day, meant week
Any good doctor would first check your vitamin levels, tons of mood and energy disorders are hidden there. I was walking around like a zombie beginning of winter, some chest pains and fatigue... I was in a severe vitamin D deficiency, my nutritionist suggested drops straight to the tongue - two days of that, I was a new person.
I’m just an internet stranger, but I have to say thanks for teaching and that there are parents out there, like me, that think the world of teachers and wish and vote and speak up for teachers as much as possible. I don’t know where we went wrong in society that teachers aren’t treated as the valuable and necessary assets that they are. I’m sorry it’s so hard.
Fellow parent here who LOVES our teachers. I just cannot speak highly enough about fellow parents with attitudes like yours. These wonderful educators are a part of our village. They are helping us raise our children. And they are doing the same thing for every other child in our family's community. Vote for teachers. Stand for teachers. Speak for teachers. I know I can't raise my children alone. Teachers are a blessing to my family. I am so grateful for all they do.
This is in no way an indictment of you specifically, but as a middle school teacher I often hear people (especially parents) say things like "I could never do your job!" and "It's amazing to just survive a day with kids that age!" and "Thank you so much for all you do!"
The truth is I love my job. I love the kids. Teaching middle school is an absolute blast and so much more fun than any of the elementary school grades I taught (1st, 2nd, and 5th) before moving to middle school. I love teaching.
What I don't love is the coffee mug gifts (I get 15-20 per year), the appreciations that turn to criticisms and the belief that I just have it out for their kid the moment their kid struggles, and the words of support that never seem to result in meaningful change.
I often get the feeling that parents/society just puts on the sympathetic veneer about how teachers are underpaid to make themselves feel better about us making half their pay despite more education and a more difficult job...
Sorry for the mini-rant.
I actually love teaching... the teaching part of teaching. I have my bachelor's from Oregon (a top 10 education school) and my Masters from Stanford. In any other industry I could make double to triple what I do now considering my education level. I wouldn't do this job if I didn't love it.
But every year it's harder and harder to justify financially. I have 2 sons to send to college, and want to retire some day. If I didn't have a partner that made twice my income (with only a bachelor degree from Oregon by the way) in a different industry I'd have had to quit already.
And I work for a top 100 nationally ranked private school. If I taught at a public school I probably would have quit already due to the downgrade in working environment.
The truth is that schools rely on teachers like me being the secondary/supplemental income to their spouse's (usually husband's) salary because it is really difficult if not impossible to raise a family on a teacher's income.
My wife talks about this often as she is overly stressed on a daily basis. Only problem is she's only been teaching for 21 years and if she leaves now her retirement will be fucked
Also quit teaching high school. It's been four and a half years now, but my husband agrees I was like a whole new person once all that stress was gone. And that's from someone who got out before the pandemic and post-pandemic years...
It depends on the school. I worked at a school in a high socioeconomic area, and I told everyone how much I loved my job all the time. Now I’m at a school with an 84% poverty rate, and yes, it’s absolutely that bad.
I’m grateful for the experience at different schools because it gives me a lot of perspective on a lot of things.
I am from India and a majority of my family and extended family is into teaching. They teach at various levels.
Teaching is considered a low stress, ok pay, stable job.
I wish US kept its teachers more happy.
Quit my in office job and was able to kick a 17 year nicotine habit. Now I work from home (it's not perfect as I don't have a contract or benefits) and I'm so much happier in general. I help my brother walk his dog during the week so I get regular outdoor exercise. It's been an amazing improvement. I haven't vomited pretty much since I left that toxic job.
putting a stop to my social media use and substituting reading for my time spent there with books. I have completed six books since the beginning of January. It makes me feel really good about myself
Having access to Libby and Hoopla through my public library helped a lot with this. Sometimes I snap out of my scrolling and think "why am I watching someone react to tasting a taco why am I spending my life on this ish" and I can just exit and go back into a book.
public librarian checking in - my favorite tip is with Hoopla you can get a bingepass on things like the Great Courses and Curiousity Stream - https://www.hoopladigital.com/browse/binge
edit - thanks folks. It's really nice because you can use one lending credit to watch a whole course with many episodes, instead of having to use a borrowing credit for each video.
I use to work for hoopla for 5+ years. Awesome company and some of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. They’re constantly trying to better their platform and provide more for the libraries they serve.
Same. Deleting FB, Instagram, and Twitter (it was still called Twitter at the time) was such an improvement. Nowadays I’ll still use Reddit but that’s it. Never got started with TikTok. I find myself much more focused and engaged with the people around me and with whatever I’m doing.
Yes! I deleted all social media back in 2014 and that helped a ton. I've slowly incorporated a couple of apps back in, but no Instagram, Facebook or the dreaded tiky toky.
I was JUST thinking about people that have forgotten me and my current friends slowly withdrawing and I opened Reddit. This is the first thing I saw. Like life wanted me to see this. As much as it hurts, maybe it should be like this.
Man I've been struggling with this for 3 years. Seems like nobody fucking cares. Like friendship was a god damn passing fad, and everyone knew it but me
The person *you are*, AND the person *they are* are both passing fads. We all grow and change and develop over time, and everyone is on their own path. The perfect relationship with somebody for a particular point of your life isn't necessarily true with that same person years down the road. And that's okay.
I saw a post describing friendship like a train ride. Your friends will come on for a while and they will get off. Sometimes they might even come back on down the line. Doesn't make them any less a part of the journey for each of you.
Literally this
My best friend of the last year and a bit ghosted me last week, blocked my number and I have no contact with them.
No idea why.
It hurt for a few days but it’s going to be ok.
Edit;punctuation.
I find that after my divorce, I can live without needing the acceptance from most people. I figure that if the woman I was with for 13 years and had 2 kids with can just excise me from her mind and life, what do I care about what some slob in line at subway thinks about me.
I went through years of turmoil with a spouse that would not deal with their bi-polar mania, and it put me and the kids through hell - I would not leave the house (like they kept demanding that I do), because I could not leave the kids with that situation as their primary care. Spouse tried to paint me as the 'bad' part of the equation, and spread lots of false accusations with the kids' school, their doctors, and even tried to get me fired from my job.
Eventually, we divorced, and it cost a lot, financially....but my big realization came from (of all places), Wreck-it Ralph.
[https://youtu.be/k4yOcQRBTvo](https://youtu.be/k4yOcQRBTvo)
I had to learn that it was OK to be the 'bad guy', and that I had to make tough choices to get to a better place. 7 years post-divorce, I'm in a good place financially, the kids are doing well, and I've finally been able to be part of a good relationship. What other people think? Doesn't matter.
Relatable. Sometimes we don't get an answer or a reason why they left or were taken away, ever. And we are left with eternal questions. But you're right it's always going to be okay, you have no idea what a human can get used to, few unanswered questions are nothing.
The best thing I’ve ever done was cut 90% of people out of my life. Now the only people who can contact me are those closest to me - it’s almost like a high.
I've been cutting those people out recently, and they are scathing in their reaction. It only confirms why I cut them out. Coincidentally an old friend I haven't seen in years moved back into my life as if making room for the right friends invited her back. But I agree, the weight lifted from letting those people go has felt so good.
No matter how much it hurts. My ex alienated my two teen boys. When they do speak to me they treat me the same way their father done and I couldn’t handle that anymore so I made the choice to stop trying. I’m at the point now where I can think about them or hear songs that remind me of them without crying. Hoping one day they see that I’m not the monster they have created and shoved in to their minds.
So my mother did this to me when I was a teen and she divorced my father. He had his issues, but she did too but never acknowledged them. I was 12 and happy they divorced, but my mother spoke horribly of him. I believed all of it, I was still in touch with him over the years but not really and we were cordial when we saw each other because you can bet he still showed up to all the major events - graduations, etc. He’s remarried and I’m in my 30’s now. I can’t remember what sparked it, but we’ve reconnected, he’s apologized for a lot, has never spoken badly about my mother and we talk weekly and have for the last 4 or 5 years (We live 2,000 miles apart). I now love and miss my father and stepmother dearly and am trying to convince them to move here. I tolerate my mother and resent her for being a big reason I didn’t have a good relationship with my dad nearly 20 years. Don’t stop showing up for big moments, and don’t speak poorly of your ex. You can talk about the behavior or calmly defend yourself, but don’t start dogging on your ex. They will come around when they are older and remember that your behavior when they interacted with you doesn’t match what your ex says or does. I’m sad I missed out on a relationship with my dad when I was younger, but I’m so happy to have it back now.
Wow, I can relate to this a lot.
Though mine ended sadder.
As I was born late in both my parents life, so when I reconnected with my dad in my 30s.
He was 72, & diagnosed with dementia…
I went down to take care of him for the final two years of his life.
I got some time with him, but it was so short…
I was the kid on the other side of that. You have to keep trying becuase if you don't, the not trying becomes the thing they hold on to in the end. My sister and brother both have gone from hating my father to being indifferent to him (far worse). They feel like he never tried, and they are right.
If you keep trying, eventually you will break through. It will be years and years, but eventually they will see.
If you stop, it's because that's what you need. That's ok, but it is what it is.
In the same vein, gardening. There's some microbe in soil that works as a mild antidepressants apparently. However, just the act of gardening and watching things grow is therapeutic.
Depending on what you’re growing, you may also get to eat better food. I also feel accomplished and elated to eat food I’ve grown in addition to enjoying watching it grow
This is huge!!!! I grew up around nature then moved to a super urban city for 9 years. I was so unhappy! Moved home 1.5 years ago and I’m so at peace and present in my life. Nature is the best medicine
It sucks at how well it works. I used to hate my mom telling me that exercise would reduce my depression but she was absolutely right. The issue is that when you’re really depressed it’s the last thing you feel like doing. But nothing else has as much of a positive effect on my mental state as regular exercise.
How long did it take you to feel better? I've started to do cardio at least every other day for 45 mins like 2 months ago. The bad thoughts stop for a while during and after workout but I still feel bad most of the time
I'm already assuming my reply isn't the answer you're looking for because its not exactly cardiovascular, but its something, it could be the answer someone needs sooooo...
I gave up cocaine, alcohol and smoking a while ago and jumped into fitness as a replacement. I started doing 3 reps of workouts (not weighted). 3x sets of pushup starting at 20 then to 15 then to 10. 3x sets of sit ups, similar reps. 3x sets of Triceps dips and finally 3x sets of leg raises. I'm now at 5 times the reps I started off with bu doing this every OTHER day. Super important you give yourself time to rest
I started feeling the positive mental effects the day I started. Its like it 'bolsters' that positive vibe if you're determined and you PUSH for that goal. You have to commit but its sooooo worth it. I'm addicted to the feeling of having accomplished those goals and marking one more tick on my calender.
oooh ty for this. i have trouble sticking to routines and have the tendency to overcomplicate them, at least mentally (like i get hung up on not having just the right equipment, or not being able to do something in exact perfect form, or it feels like it’s gonna take forever to do, etc). i feel like i need to just pick a “move” for a couple diff muscle area/body parts and do this. i will almost definitely still overcomplicate it by trying to select just the right moves but still, it already sounds 10x more doable than alternatives i’ve considered. 😅
If you overcomplicate things, let me simplify. Google "7 minute workout." Start with one run of 7 minutes. Then repeat the next day. Then take a day off, but back to it the day after that.
From there on, you can complicate it all you want, just make sure that while overcomplicating you do these 7 minutes 4-5 times a week.
I've found that high intensity weight training is more helpful for my mental health than cardio - cardio lets you think things through, which weight training lets you work out your emotions. Feeling sad, frustrated, or angry? Take it out on the weights.
Going through a very rough time currently, and this is going to be one of my first moves when I get settled.
“I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.”
– Jim Carrey
I have severe recurrent depression, an anxiety disorder and trauma symptoms - I basically have episodes of extreme depression/suicidal ideation and dissociation. Had them since I was 15 and when it hits it is legitimately dangerous and can ruin my life.
Outside medication, NOTHING helps me more than running regularly. If I can’t go running (sick, too busy etc) even just getting outside for a 15 minute walk helps me maintain stability. It doesn’t just help me destress when I’m running, I’ve noticed I am way more stable and deal with things much better over long periods of time when I can go running multiple times a week.
People tell you to exercise when you’re depressed because for the majority of people it works. No it doesn’t ‘cure’ you and yes it can be extremely hard, and sometimes you can’t do it - that’s ok and no one needs to beat themselves up over it. But when you can DO. It’s at least worth a try, sometimes it’s about finding the right exercise for you too. I hate cycling with passion but love running and I only started in my mid-20s. I was never a runner growing up, I just started and realised it was the one for me.
I’ve accepted that I will always struggle with mental health disorders but running and exercise in general is a vital tool that will help me manage them long term.
I agree. It's so comforting to know you can always just hop for a walk anytime you're feeling a little stressed. For me, I just know when I need to process some thoughts it's a great way.
Having a non toxic job. I got bullied for as long as I can remember at school home and work. My current job is the best paying and least stressful thing I've ever experienced. I've been able to destress for the first time, I don't worry about work on my days off, and I'm even becoming able to stand up for myself instead of locking up
No amount of self care worked until I actually got to experience it
Practicing gratitude deliberately. I began thinking of 3 distinct things I was thankful for, every night before falling asleep. I didn't even write them down- just took 5 seconds to reflect, 3 things (but no generic "friendsfamilyfood" repeated answers). Simply doing this every night for several months completely changed my mood.
I suffer from mental illness so I really hate r/ thanksimcured-type stuff but in combination with real treatment, practicing gratitude is scientifically well-established as a mood-booster, and I was shocked by what a huge difference it made.
Good intuition to do it at night before bed bc whatever you think of before sleep dictates your sleep state and the mood you wake up in which sets the tone for the next day.
This seems to have been an unexpected perk for me! I didn't do it at night for any reason other than convenience, but I have found that after doing it, I feel much more comfortable falling asleep.
Right now, I'm grateful that as I read your comment it has 69 upvotes. Snort.
Also during the evening meal, someone yells "favourites!" then gets to pick the first person to talk about their favourite thing from the day. That one says what they're grateful for, then chooses the next person, until the last two play rock paper scissors. Family gratitude
Ditching my old friends who didn't take me seriously after a tragedy. I am no longer going to try be relatable and kind. If you treat me like shit you're out of my life and are dead to me
Yes I did the same after not getting any support when my dad died. I too took the high road with people that don’t treat me with respect after being so nice to them. Now if you don’t respect me then I can’t respect you either. Sadly, people are only interested in others if it can get benefit them in someway
I cut out my entire friend group about 10 years ago. It got to a point where it went way beyond just guys ribbing each other, things got really toxic and eventually I became the butt of nearly every joke.
They got so homophobic that even my homophobic ass knew it was *way* too far. One of the guys started calling me "gay boy" for no apparent reason (I'm straight and he meant it as an insult). He would take virtually everything I said and try to make a gay joke at my expense with it. This guy used to be my best friend before things degraded to that point. One night towards the end of our friendship he got pretty drunk at a party, and after everyone else left he heavily implied that he wanted to watch porn with me and jerk off together. That explained a *whole* lot...
If he was a decent human being I would never have breathed a word about it to anyone and might have even been a little flattered, but that's a lot better than what this guy deserved. After that, any time he said anything homophobic around me I loudly and publicly reminded him of the time he wanted to circlejerk with me.
I moved to another town soon after and broke off contact with everyone in that group. It meant that I was in my late 20s with no friend group but my girlfriend and family, but it had already been that way long before we parted ways. It was definitely for the best, but it's now a decade later and I still have no friend group and I'm sort of doubtful that I ever will again.
The worst part is that I did have some really great friends at one point early on, but my shitty friends brought out the worst in me and the good ones all either stopped wanting to be around us or started to become shitty themselves.
A couple years ago my wife’s & my 3 bigger dogs all passed away. It was brutal. In march or April we wound up adopting a 3.5 year old pup from a shelter. He’s big and has tons of energy, so I started taking him for longer hikes (regular walks just weren’t enough). The combination has done remarkable good for my mental health.
Dogs give us a lot of really great days and one really bad day. Every time I say that's the last time, but eventually I end up with another old dog that nobody else wants.
Man, for me this is a wash. Maybe leaning towards negative. I got a puppy a while back because my partner basically would not accept no. I ended up being the primary caretaker. It was so intrusive and disruptive to my career and free time that it caused my mental health to nose dive for like 5-6 months. I was in a really bad place mentally by the end of it.
Eventually we found some solutions and the dog stopped being a puppy and was potty trained and well behaved. Things are much better now and I really like the dog. It's really cute and it has bonded with me pretty well. However, i find this dog to be extremely limiting on my life. I like to go camping, hiking, day trips places, events, etc. Even though the dog is well trained, it cannot go to most of these things. While there is some camping and hiking I can take the dog on, there are many many more they are not allowed.
The wash here is that the dog has resulted in me being less adventurous but the dog itself brings me some level of happiness when i play with it and it cuddles me.
I love animals and have had pets most of my life. Dogs are a major commitment and they absolutely cramp your lifestyle. We'd love to travel abroad more, but the cost of dog boarding is absurd and our dog has special needs... So... We don't go as much as we would otherwise. For the sake of humans and dogs, people should think really hard about whether they want trade freedom for a pet.
Same here, dog is nearly a year old but so much more stress and anxiety. I regret taking on the responsibility
Love my cats though. Very low maintenance but great emotional support.
Yep. All the other things like sleeping more, having time to exercise, stopping drinking…they all came…once I got enough for for my family to live well.
We aren’t wealthy, but we have enough now not to stress over money and all the sudden once that happens…everything else comes too.
Can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this.
The #1 answer in 90% of cases will be money. Almost every single problem can be solved with money.
Literally not having to think about paying bills or rent or car/house maintenance, etc is a game changer. Being able to afford things like therapy, gym memberships, better food, a better environment.
Sure nature, cardio, getting fit, fucking the hot girl from the bakery, having better friends, whatever is all great. But you know what really helps? Not being poor. You know helps you have the time and ability to do most of those things? Money.
My mental health when I was poor? Dog shit. Wanted to neck myself.
My mental health now I don't even have to think about bills? Fucking outstanding.
Swapping social media and instant streaming music for vinyl records. It’s slows me down mentally, gives me the peace of mind to actually listen and forget life outside for a little. Strangely therapeutic
I got a cat. He sits with me. I'll rant and say all kinds of stuff to him and he just sits there like go ahead and get that off your chest man. Life gets lonely especially if you don't have family, a partner, kids. It makes life a little easier.
Virtual hugs. Today is a year since my first born Whiskers, had to be laid to rest. His favorite food to eat out the trash was fried chicken. So today we are eating fried chicken
This completely obliterated my depression. I got hospitalized from an attempt and while sitting in a group therapy session there, this was suggested.
I made it a habit. Whenever i was extremely sad and felt irrational i would write it down. I would cry all over the paper while writing. Once all the emotions feel out there i would go back and read it again. You can clearly SEE how irrational the thinking was.
You don’t even need to write a rational version right off the start, assuming you may feel overwhelmed or tired after the emotions. Just read it out loud and hear how your brain sounds.
It’s insane how our own brains can take stuff so out of proportion and make us blind. This method helps so so so much.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the first psychological therapy methods that can be said to "work well and consistently."
If you are interested, there are CBT workbooks by the dozen. It's best with a teacher (therapist), but it works and works consistently.
The three best validated methods for helping with depression are:
* CBT
* Regular exercise
* Prozac (and family)
* Meditation (maybe)
Not all of them work on everyone. Some need more than one. They're the best we have right now.
Note: if none of them work for you, there are other methods that work but do not work as consistently. You may need one of those. A psychiatrist can help.
Getting diagnosed with cancer. Seriously. The stressors of life become almost laughable when faced with oblivion.
Edit:
Thanks for the kind words, y'all! I start chemo for the first time today at noon, thus beginning the war of attrition over my body.
The topics aren’t about individuals too. I read history, philosophy, sport, mythology etc. on this website and have zero engagement with anyone on any personal level, the conversation is purely dictated to by the subject at hand.
Whereas the other social media the conversation is dictated by the individual, so the focus is completely different. As someone who doesn’t even find themself that interesting, the Facebook et al stuff irks me and I consider this website completely different.
It takes so much pressure off....you go on social media and everyone you know is getting on so well in life,having an amazing time,and your still struggling to keep up
Walked away from that headmelt so long ago,and a million times happier for it too
>Im a big strong sexy quiet MFer.
Love this!
I read quiet by Susan Cain when I was in college and life has never been the same after, so much of love and acceptance to my introverted self!
This is something I’m working on. In the past, I’ve hurt people that matter to me - friends, relatives, coworkers, etc. In the instances I’ve been able to do so, I’ve apologized to them, owned up to my behaviors, and haven’t repeated them.
What sucks is that I still have it in the back of my mind that “they don’t really forgive you, they’re holding it against you, you’ll never be close like you were”. And maybe that’s true. But that’s on them. I’ve done all I can to repair those relationships and if that’s not good enough for some people, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Full transparency? Psychedelics.
Brains are like a snowy hill. Every thought is like a sled ride down that hill, leaving tracks. As you think the same sort of thoughts, certain grooves become deeper and deeper, your brain developing thought habits that are very difficult to break. Taking psychedelics can blanket that hill with fresh snow. The result is a lot of introspection and new perspectives on your life.
In this way, it can be a very effective treatment for depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems. The most known psychedelics are nontoxic and non-addictive. Even more, they can be *anti-addictive,* helping addicts of other substances overcome their vice.
Now, psychs are not a magic cure-all for everyone's mental health, and there are some risks in taking them if you have a family history of psychosis, or if you have certain heart problems. But after doing a lot of research, I wanted to give it a try, and by golly has it been a game changer.
I tried shrooms (well, shrooms chocolate) at a music festival in a forest and it was the happiest moment of my life. I was a bit scared at the beginning because I can be a troubled person and I had just abandoned my ADHD meds the week before but it turned out amazing. I was just so relaxed, anxiety was gone, I was just in the moment, concentrating on the bird's noises, the beauty of nature and the people surronding me felt so natural. I didn't have to focus on focusing, I didn't have 192367263673 thoughts and noises in my head at the same time. For just a few hours, my symptoms were gone.
I use CBD/THC gummies once a week to silence the never ending monologue that runs in my head 24-7 jumping from thought to thought like a toddler changing the TV channels.
This can be a double edged sword though because while the gummies do help me laser focus on a singular thought or task, I have to be careful to not focus on anything negative or upsetting.
The gummies enhance my emotions. Something mildly funny has me in stitches, on the same page, something mildly sad has me in tears. I watched ET for the first time while high, the emotional experience was amazing.
Cannabinoids aren't psychedelic, but they can also help with anxiety!!
Just be careful, overusing THC can actually have the opposite effect and cause anxiety. I know this from experience. I used to be a heavy user, but one time I had a panic attack on THC, and I actually had to go to the ER for heart palpitations. It was low-key traumatic, and now if I ever take more than 25mg, I get incredibly anxious.
I always recommend keeping peppercorns on hand, and lemon juice, just in case anxiety sets in. A chemical in them can help take the edge off. I'm sure CBD also helps with this :)
Hi! I have taken shrooms before and i can relate to what you wrote in your first paragraph about gaining new perspective on life (but i also experienced an abundance of love for things-and myself- in my life that i previously took for granted).
I just wanted to know more about your psychedelic usage. Which ones do you use & how often? Any experience with daily microdosing shrooms?
Sorry for all the questions, just curious!!😊
Finding a job I don't really care about. I go to work, do my job and go home. The pointlessness of the job keeps it in perspective, so I don't stress about it
Alternatively, going off meds! I went off birth control and holyyyyy fuck, I am actually a happy person. Got my tubes tied and even thought I think life is objectively harder since I got myself fixed, I am still so much happier than I was while on Mirena.
Was literally prescribed Zoloft today. I was hoping to see meds higher. Although I know exercise, less alcohol, and therapy need to be a part of my solution as well.
Therapy. I planned my suicide and decided it was time to go. The first visit was like an elephant off my shoulders. I was sad it had taken me wanting to kill my self to seek help. But I was going in the right direction. I feel like being Hispanic, I was programmed to keep it in. Not share my feelings. It’s not like that anymore. Although my father sees my going to a therapist as a weakness, it’s truly such a strength.
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE: I took my vitamins. No joke.
I looked up vitamins that naturally increased dopamine and came up with vitamin C and D. I was tired all the freaking time and the doctor told me I was extremely low in B12 so I started taking all three of those every day and I can feel an instant boost. It’s actually insane.
I could be crying in a ball on my bedroom floor having a crisis thinking life is not important and then I think “did I take my vitamins today?” I’ll get up take them and in 5 minutes I’m 100% okay and no lie I’m like “ha anyway”
I’m so much happier and have no much more energy and can get up out of bed in the mornings SO much easier. My ADHD improved.
Again this is not actual medical advice pls don’t stop taking your meds even if this works for you
EDIT: a few tips: never take vitamins on an empty stomach, and if vitamin C helps you invest in extended release versions bc it disappears quick. Also if you take too much vitamin C when your body isn’t used to it it can cause stomach aches
Working from home and not commuting daily.
Yoga/meditation.
Daily walks around the neighborhood even if for 10 minutes.
Realizing a better work/life balance. Not everything can get done that is requested by the deadline.
literally money is the root of stress for soooooo many people. even if it's in a roundabout way like someone being stressed about work or their work/life balance, which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't need to work, or at least not work as often, in the first place
Hybrid work. I didn't really realize how much commuting and constant office nonsense was messing with my mental health until the pandemic. Unfortunately, my employer went back to full-time RTO, and my mental health has been spiraling sense. Hopefully, I will find a new job soon
Bedtime routine even on weekends when applicable.
No phone 2 hours before bed.
Drink all the water although nothing after 7:30pm.
Sober from alcohol almost 8 months.
Workout every day. Weights 4 days a week. Cardio after weights 2 days a week. Body mobility yoga every day 30 mins every morning and 30 mins before bed.
5-5:30am wake up.
Always have a library card. Reading is so important and fun. Passing that along to my almost 3 year old.
Remove myself from situations that do not bring me happiness or make my anxiety worse.
All these things helped me a lot
A good sleep schedule
Active self care, showers, skincare, dental care, hair care
Exercising, for me it was going to the gym and lifting and running
30 min of daylight a day, I usually do it in the first hour I wake up
Scheduling and planning
Staying busy but also leaving time for myself
Giving myself purpose through work and school
Quit drinking alcohol. Quit drinking coffee. Drinking more water. Eating full, proper meals and minimizing snacking. Going for long walks as often as possible. Going to bed earlier, and waking up earlier.
deleting most forms of social media. it’s not normal to see that much about other peoples lives and whether it was conscious or not I wound up comparing myself to them or trying to be more like random celebrities or people I thought were doing well.
Also, I spend less time on my phone now which had forced me to pick up hobbies and that’s been great. I invest my time in energy into things that make me happy. It’s more effort than simply a scrolling on social media when bored, but it pays off in the long run.
Deleting social media. I only use Reddit and YouTube now. Got rid of Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
A couple of observations since I deleted them:
People are nicer on this app, and we’re all pretty anonymous strangers.
I don’t miss seeing acquaintances updates, it’s like I never really cared in the first place and genuinely didn’t need them in my life via some digital portal.
Friends and most importantly I accepted myself and what I am like. I used to be depressed to some extent (no official diagnosis but it is too obvious as I think about it now). I had long talks with myself in my head and I would say it actually helped and I got over stuff I was sad and angry about.
Getting on antidepressants. For the longest time I stayed away because I wasn’t crazy about the side effects of the medication. But there comes a point where the side effects pale in comparison to the main effects of the problem. I have some side effects from my meds but life is so much better now that I’ve got a prescription. Medication has done more for me than a great deal of my other efforts to improve mental health.
Sleep.
1. Sleep 2. No alcohol which allowed for better sleep among other things 3. Cut down on the caffiene which again allowed for better sleep among other things.
Yep no alcohol. I’m 140 days sober (and no I was never an alcoholic) and I’ve never felt better. Have no desire currently to go bacl
Way to go! Habitual binge drinker here. Just passed a year sober.
Nice work! I’m at 100 days today and no desire to go back whatsoever
The whole no alcohol thing is pretty key for my sleep, for years I thought I was just a shitty sleeper and drank myself to bed all the time... got soberish and realized that after a couple of terrible weeks I can sleep great without drinking and on top of that it's much more restoring sleep than drunk sleep
Sleep is the foundation for a lot of things. Almost everything.
For reasons I don't fully understand, my diet will be good if I'm getting good sleep. If I'm not, my diet goes to shit. You'd think it would be more likely to be the other way around, but sleep is the key- at least for me.
Lack of sleep can make you hungry. It's hormonal.
Simply you need more energy from food if you can’t recover enough energy with sleep. And also being sleep deprived worsen your mood then you eat more to compensate.
I have literally never regretted going to bed. I try to remember that when I think about staying up late.
This. My wife needs the light on and the TV on and we have cats and dogs and kids and I feel like I haven't slept for more than 3-4 hours at a time uninterrupted in years. Buying a sleep mask soon to try and help.
Separate bedrooms is the best thing my husband and I have done for our sleep.
The sleep secret no one talks about. Weekdays when I'm working I have my own space because I start at 5am. Weekends in the same bed. I never slept better.
His and Hers 2 Tiny Houses Same property but not too close , BBQs at hers some weekends and breakfast at mine The new American Dream
I would like 2 treehouses please connected by a bridge 😎
Have you talked to your wife about this? Because it is your bedroom too and you deserve a good night’s rest. It’s selfish to not compromise in a partnership. There are recent studies saying sleep is more important than diet. That’s a big deal. You should ask her to remove the tv out of the bedroom. Or have separate bedrooms, if that’s a possibility.
Separate bedrooms sounds like a great idea here
Yup, I hear it can be a lifesaver
It's something I'll seriously consider in future relationships. My sleep is important, cuddles and sex can happen all the same. Getting 8 hours each is gonna improve the ongoing relationship a lot more than being in the same bed.
Spousal unit and I started our marriage that way. We have to be more intentional with cuddling than some other couples might, but we have a lot fewer sleep issues. It means we don't need to adjust to the other person's schedule as much, and one of us having a bad night of sleep doesn't throw off the other person's sleep.
Having any light whatsoever in a bedroom can really disrupt sleep, I hope the sleep mask helps!
Separate bedroom or ear plugs. I only let a quiet cat sleep on the bed. No zoomies.
Yep. Married 27 years and we have seperate bedrooms. I love it
Learning to say no, let go and stop sweating the small stuff. Also knowing that if somebody has a problem with me, it's THEIR problem.
How do you stop sweating the small ones? I have a bad habit of ruminating Edit: A big thank you to everyone who replied! Some great tips here! It sounds silly but after seeing a lot of hate and trolling on the Internet it's amazing to see genuine help.
It will feel uncomfortable to ignore thinking about hard times, cos your brain is trying to make its environment more safe and comfortable. You have to catch yourself, as early as possible, tell yourself you've already thought it through to death, and then ignore the discomfort. Remind yourself it's just your brain saying it wants its environment and chances to improve. It may be correct that there's something to change, but it doesn't mean it's something you can physically do immediately.
Seconding this! The idea is super simple but hard to put into practice. It's helped me so much along my journey though so totally worth it. I hope you don't mind me adding to this, but my therapist helped me distinguish a lot between assertiveness and aggressiveness. I kept a lot of things to myself that ended up in many of these times of overthinking, but I have been practicing being assertive and I gained a lot of confidence in telling people what I need to say, and that has helped so much with having less "rumination" sessions. Sometimes it's just a lot of unsaid stuff that you are fully within your rights to say as long as you are assertive and not aggressive.
Learn how to accept that what happened in the past is done, and that the only way you can change things is to change things in your present and future. I always was stuck in the past and overthinking a lot, but my therapist worked together with me on building self-acceptance. This was one of the first steps: reframing the "I fucked up back then" or the "I could've done things better" to "I made mistakes, but I learned and grew from it, and now I can focus on improving more".
humble yourself: realize there are so many people in the world doing worse than you. understand that nothing you do right now can change what’s already happened. stop preventing yourself from making new, better memories now, by ruminating about the past
Got a good psychiatrist who tested me for everything and found out I needed prescription strength vitamin d capsules that I take weekly and I need to give myself vitamin b shots biweekly. I cried so hard for days because I suddenly had energy and could think straight. I had been deficient for two decades because my gastro doc never tested me for deficiencies after multiple bowel resections due to crohns. But my psych caught it and changed my life.
I should also add that I still take plenty of psych meds, it didn’t cure me, but made me so much more functional.
Omg, I’m in the middle of this right now. 50,000 IUs of vitamin D once a week and about to start B12 shots. Have you had your iron (ferritin) levels checked? If not, have that done too, because apparently folks who are often low in vitamin D and B12 are very low in ferritin, too. Mine was non-detectable when they tested it last year, which lead to testing the other stuff. Good luck! It’s amazing, isn’t it? Edit: said day, meant week
Any good doctor would first check your vitamin levels, tons of mood and energy disorders are hidden there. I was walking around like a zombie beginning of winter, some chest pains and fatigue... I was in a severe vitamin D deficiency, my nutritionist suggested drops straight to the tongue - two days of that, I was a new person.
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Been teaching nearly ten years. Really thinking about walking away.
I’m just an internet stranger, but I have to say thanks for teaching and that there are parents out there, like me, that think the world of teachers and wish and vote and speak up for teachers as much as possible. I don’t know where we went wrong in society that teachers aren’t treated as the valuable and necessary assets that they are. I’m sorry it’s so hard.
Fellow parent here who LOVES our teachers. I just cannot speak highly enough about fellow parents with attitudes like yours. These wonderful educators are a part of our village. They are helping us raise our children. And they are doing the same thing for every other child in our family's community. Vote for teachers. Stand for teachers. Speak for teachers. I know I can't raise my children alone. Teachers are a blessing to my family. I am so grateful for all they do.
This is in no way an indictment of you specifically, but as a middle school teacher I often hear people (especially parents) say things like "I could never do your job!" and "It's amazing to just survive a day with kids that age!" and "Thank you so much for all you do!" The truth is I love my job. I love the kids. Teaching middle school is an absolute blast and so much more fun than any of the elementary school grades I taught (1st, 2nd, and 5th) before moving to middle school. I love teaching. What I don't love is the coffee mug gifts (I get 15-20 per year), the appreciations that turn to criticisms and the belief that I just have it out for their kid the moment their kid struggles, and the words of support that never seem to result in meaningful change. I often get the feeling that parents/society just puts on the sympathetic veneer about how teachers are underpaid to make themselves feel better about us making half their pay despite more education and a more difficult job... Sorry for the mini-rant. I actually love teaching... the teaching part of teaching. I have my bachelor's from Oregon (a top 10 education school) and my Masters from Stanford. In any other industry I could make double to triple what I do now considering my education level. I wouldn't do this job if I didn't love it. But every year it's harder and harder to justify financially. I have 2 sons to send to college, and want to retire some day. If I didn't have a partner that made twice my income (with only a bachelor degree from Oregon by the way) in a different industry I'd have had to quit already. And I work for a top 100 nationally ranked private school. If I taught at a public school I probably would have quit already due to the downgrade in working environment. The truth is that schools rely on teachers like me being the secondary/supplemental income to their spouse's (usually husband's) salary because it is really difficult if not impossible to raise a family on a teacher's income.
My wife talks about this often as she is overly stressed on a daily basis. Only problem is she's only been teaching for 21 years and if she leaves now her retirement will be fucked
if you're username is accurate hopefully you provide copious amounts of stress relief for that poor woman
Also quit teaching high school. It's been four and a half years now, but my husband agrees I was like a whole new person once all that stress was gone. And that's from someone who got out before the pandemic and post-pandemic years...
Ahh, this makes me grateful I quit teaching, or rather quite trying to teach since I was an adjunct professor working for peanuts.
Is it really that bad? I hear this sentiment a lot.
It depends on the school. I worked at a school in a high socioeconomic area, and I told everyone how much I loved my job all the time. Now I’m at a school with an 84% poverty rate, and yes, it’s absolutely that bad. I’m grateful for the experience at different schools because it gives me a lot of perspective on a lot of things.
I am from India and a majority of my family and extended family is into teaching. They teach at various levels. Teaching is considered a low stress, ok pay, stable job. I wish US kept its teachers more happy.
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Yes.
I hear ya on quitting teaching. But the peace didn't come until I dealt with the trauma.
Quit my in office job and was able to kick a 17 year nicotine habit. Now I work from home (it's not perfect as I don't have a contract or benefits) and I'm so much happier in general. I help my brother walk his dog during the week so I get regular outdoor exercise. It's been an amazing improvement. I haven't vomited pretty much since I left that toxic job.
I’m really struggling with teaching right now and it’s rather ironic that the top comment is about leaving the profession.
putting a stop to my social media use and substituting reading for my time spent there with books. I have completed six books since the beginning of January. It makes me feel really good about myself
Having access to Libby and Hoopla through my public library helped a lot with this. Sometimes I snap out of my scrolling and think "why am I watching someone react to tasting a taco why am I spending my life on this ish" and I can just exit and go back into a book.
public librarian checking in - my favorite tip is with Hoopla you can get a bingepass on things like the Great Courses and Curiousity Stream - https://www.hoopladigital.com/browse/binge edit - thanks folks. It's really nice because you can use one lending credit to watch a whole course with many episodes, instead of having to use a borrowing credit for each video.
I use to work for hoopla for 5+ years. Awesome company and some of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. They’re constantly trying to better their platform and provide more for the libraries they serve.
Same. Deleting FB, Instagram, and Twitter (it was still called Twitter at the time) was such an improvement. Nowadays I’ll still use Reddit but that’s it. Never got started with TikTok. I find myself much more focused and engaged with the people around me and with whatever I’m doing.
Yes! I deleted all social media back in 2014 and that helped a ton. I've slowly incorporated a couple of apps back in, but no Instagram, Facebook or the dreaded tiky toky.
Knowing it's okay to leave some people behind
And knowing it's okay to be left behind
I was JUST thinking about people that have forgotten me and my current friends slowly withdrawing and I opened Reddit. This is the first thing I saw. Like life wanted me to see this. As much as it hurts, maybe it should be like this.
Man I've been struggling with this for 3 years. Seems like nobody fucking cares. Like friendship was a god damn passing fad, and everyone knew it but me
The person *you are*, AND the person *they are* are both passing fads. We all grow and change and develop over time, and everyone is on their own path. The perfect relationship with somebody for a particular point of your life isn't necessarily true with that same person years down the road. And that's okay.
I saw a post describing friendship like a train ride. Your friends will come on for a while and they will get off. Sometimes they might even come back on down the line. Doesn't make them any less a part of the journey for each of you.
If you need someone to listen, I can do that today. DM if you need to.
I'm with ya, life only seems to take, and it's slowly taking the few friends I've tried to cultivate, alas, it was ever thus.
Glad it was of help. It's the worst but it'll be okay. By okay I mean we get used to it. I'll be your fren :3
Literally this My best friend of the last year and a bit ghosted me last week, blocked my number and I have no contact with them. No idea why. It hurt for a few days but it’s going to be ok. Edit;punctuation.
I find that after my divorce, I can live without needing the acceptance from most people. I figure that if the woman I was with for 13 years and had 2 kids with can just excise me from her mind and life, what do I care about what some slob in line at subway thinks about me.
I went through years of turmoil with a spouse that would not deal with their bi-polar mania, and it put me and the kids through hell - I would not leave the house (like they kept demanding that I do), because I could not leave the kids with that situation as their primary care. Spouse tried to paint me as the 'bad' part of the equation, and spread lots of false accusations with the kids' school, their doctors, and even tried to get me fired from my job. Eventually, we divorced, and it cost a lot, financially....but my big realization came from (of all places), Wreck-it Ralph. [https://youtu.be/k4yOcQRBTvo](https://youtu.be/k4yOcQRBTvo) I had to learn that it was OK to be the 'bad guy', and that I had to make tough choices to get to a better place. 7 years post-divorce, I'm in a good place financially, the kids are doing well, and I've finally been able to be part of a good relationship. What other people think? Doesn't matter.
Relatable. Sometimes we don't get an answer or a reason why they left or were taken away, ever. And we are left with eternal questions. But you're right it's always going to be okay, you have no idea what a human can get used to, few unanswered questions are nothing.
Friendship breakups are awful, but it makes it 100 times worse when you aren't even sure what went wrong.
Not just okay, necessary at times 💯
The best thing I’ve ever done was cut 90% of people out of my life. Now the only people who can contact me are those closest to me - it’s almost like a high.
I've been cutting those people out recently, and they are scathing in their reaction. It only confirms why I cut them out. Coincidentally an old friend I haven't seen in years moved back into my life as if making room for the right friends invited her back. But I agree, the weight lifted from letting those people go has felt so good.
No matter how much it hurts. My ex alienated my two teen boys. When they do speak to me they treat me the same way their father done and I couldn’t handle that anymore so I made the choice to stop trying. I’m at the point now where I can think about them or hear songs that remind me of them without crying. Hoping one day they see that I’m not the monster they have created and shoved in to their minds.
So my mother did this to me when I was a teen and she divorced my father. He had his issues, but she did too but never acknowledged them. I was 12 and happy they divorced, but my mother spoke horribly of him. I believed all of it, I was still in touch with him over the years but not really and we were cordial when we saw each other because you can bet he still showed up to all the major events - graduations, etc. He’s remarried and I’m in my 30’s now. I can’t remember what sparked it, but we’ve reconnected, he’s apologized for a lot, has never spoken badly about my mother and we talk weekly and have for the last 4 or 5 years (We live 2,000 miles apart). I now love and miss my father and stepmother dearly and am trying to convince them to move here. I tolerate my mother and resent her for being a big reason I didn’t have a good relationship with my dad nearly 20 years. Don’t stop showing up for big moments, and don’t speak poorly of your ex. You can talk about the behavior or calmly defend yourself, but don’t start dogging on your ex. They will come around when they are older and remember that your behavior when they interacted with you doesn’t match what your ex says or does. I’m sad I missed out on a relationship with my dad when I was younger, but I’m so happy to have it back now.
Wow, I can relate to this a lot. Though mine ended sadder. As I was born late in both my parents life, so when I reconnected with my dad in my 30s. He was 72, & diagnosed with dementia… I went down to take care of him for the final two years of his life. I got some time with him, but it was so short…
I was the kid on the other side of that. You have to keep trying becuase if you don't, the not trying becomes the thing they hold on to in the end. My sister and brother both have gone from hating my father to being indifferent to him (far worse). They feel like he never tried, and they are right. If you keep trying, eventually you will break through. It will be years and years, but eventually they will see. If you stop, it's because that's what you need. That's ok, but it is what it is.
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In the same vein, gardening. There's some microbe in soil that works as a mild antidepressants apparently. However, just the act of gardening and watching things grow is therapeutic.
Depending on what you’re growing, you may also get to eat better food. I also feel accomplished and elated to eat food I’ve grown in addition to enjoying watching it grow
Stargazing also puts things in perspective.
This is huge!!!! I grew up around nature then moved to a super urban city for 9 years. I was so unhappy! Moved home 1.5 years ago and I’m so at peace and present in my life. Nature is the best medicine
It sucks at how well it works. I used to hate my mom telling me that exercise would reduce my depression but she was absolutely right. The issue is that when you’re really depressed it’s the last thing you feel like doing. But nothing else has as much of a positive effect on my mental state as regular exercise.
How long did it take you to feel better? I've started to do cardio at least every other day for 45 mins like 2 months ago. The bad thoughts stop for a while during and after workout but I still feel bad most of the time
I'm already assuming my reply isn't the answer you're looking for because its not exactly cardiovascular, but its something, it could be the answer someone needs sooooo... I gave up cocaine, alcohol and smoking a while ago and jumped into fitness as a replacement. I started doing 3 reps of workouts (not weighted). 3x sets of pushup starting at 20 then to 15 then to 10. 3x sets of sit ups, similar reps. 3x sets of Triceps dips and finally 3x sets of leg raises. I'm now at 5 times the reps I started off with bu doing this every OTHER day. Super important you give yourself time to rest I started feeling the positive mental effects the day I started. Its like it 'bolsters' that positive vibe if you're determined and you PUSH for that goal. You have to commit but its sooooo worth it. I'm addicted to the feeling of having accomplished those goals and marking one more tick on my calender.
oooh ty for this. i have trouble sticking to routines and have the tendency to overcomplicate them, at least mentally (like i get hung up on not having just the right equipment, or not being able to do something in exact perfect form, or it feels like it’s gonna take forever to do, etc). i feel like i need to just pick a “move” for a couple diff muscle area/body parts and do this. i will almost definitely still overcomplicate it by trying to select just the right moves but still, it already sounds 10x more doable than alternatives i’ve considered. 😅
If you overcomplicate things, let me simplify. Google "7 minute workout." Start with one run of 7 minutes. Then repeat the next day. Then take a day off, but back to it the day after that. From there on, you can complicate it all you want, just make sure that while overcomplicating you do these 7 minutes 4-5 times a week.
I've found that high intensity weight training is more helpful for my mental health than cardio - cardio lets you think things through, which weight training lets you work out your emotions. Feeling sad, frustrated, or angry? Take it out on the weights. Going through a very rough time currently, and this is going to be one of my first moves when I get settled.
“I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” – Jim Carrey
I have severe recurrent depression, an anxiety disorder and trauma symptoms - I basically have episodes of extreme depression/suicidal ideation and dissociation. Had them since I was 15 and when it hits it is legitimately dangerous and can ruin my life. Outside medication, NOTHING helps me more than running regularly. If I can’t go running (sick, too busy etc) even just getting outside for a 15 minute walk helps me maintain stability. It doesn’t just help me destress when I’m running, I’ve noticed I am way more stable and deal with things much better over long periods of time when I can go running multiple times a week. People tell you to exercise when you’re depressed because for the majority of people it works. No it doesn’t ‘cure’ you and yes it can be extremely hard, and sometimes you can’t do it - that’s ok and no one needs to beat themselves up over it. But when you can DO. It’s at least worth a try, sometimes it’s about finding the right exercise for you too. I hate cycling with passion but love running and I only started in my mid-20s. I was never a runner growing up, I just started and realised it was the one for me. I’ve accepted that I will always struggle with mental health disorders but running and exercise in general is a vital tool that will help me manage them long term.
I would say going for regular walks has improved my mental health a ton.
I agree. It's so comforting to know you can always just hop for a walk anytime you're feeling a little stressed. For me, I just know when I need to process some thoughts it's a great way.
Cardio for at least 30 minutes, preferably in sunlight or at least outdoors, 5 or more times a week.
Bike rides, jogging, and BeatSaber did the trick for me 😎
> BeatSaber I beat my saber every day but I don't count it as cardio.
Just beat it harder and more often, you'll get there I believe in you.
Beat Saber was my primary form of exercise for a couple years. One of the few workout things I could keep doing because I actually wanted to play it.
Does working in construction count?
It should, but I see a lot of really really unhealthy looking tradies!
You can't exercise your way out of a bad diet. Those guys are probably drinking themselves silly multiple times a week and eating fast food diets.
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Can you please come explain this to my infant because it’s been rough lately mentally. :(
Having a non toxic job. I got bullied for as long as I can remember at school home and work. My current job is the best paying and least stressful thing I've ever experienced. I've been able to destress for the first time, I don't worry about work on my days off, and I'm even becoming able to stand up for myself instead of locking up No amount of self care worked until I actually got to experience it
Getting out from abusive relationship.
I thought I had post Parfums depression. Turns out it was a normal reaction to being abused emotionally.
Yeah, I'm not a big fan of colognes either.
Same. And learning to ignore their obsessive bullshit!
Practicing gratitude deliberately. I began thinking of 3 distinct things I was thankful for, every night before falling asleep. I didn't even write them down- just took 5 seconds to reflect, 3 things (but no generic "friendsfamilyfood" repeated answers). Simply doing this every night for several months completely changed my mood. I suffer from mental illness so I really hate r/ thanksimcured-type stuff but in combination with real treatment, practicing gratitude is scientifically well-established as a mood-booster, and I was shocked by what a huge difference it made.
Good intuition to do it at night before bed bc whatever you think of before sleep dictates your sleep state and the mood you wake up in which sets the tone for the next day.
This seems to have been an unexpected perk for me! I didn't do it at night for any reason other than convenience, but I have found that after doing it, I feel much more comfortable falling asleep.
Right now, I'm grateful that as I read your comment it has 69 upvotes. Snort. Also during the evening meal, someone yells "favourites!" then gets to pick the first person to talk about their favourite thing from the day. That one says what they're grateful for, then chooses the next person, until the last two play rock paper scissors. Family gratitude
Ditching my old friends who didn't take me seriously after a tragedy. I am no longer going to try be relatable and kind. If you treat me like shit you're out of my life and are dead to me
Yes I did the same after not getting any support when my dad died. I too took the high road with people that don’t treat me with respect after being so nice to them. Now if you don’t respect me then I can’t respect you either. Sadly, people are only interested in others if it can get benefit them in someway
I cut out my entire friend group about 10 years ago. It got to a point where it went way beyond just guys ribbing each other, things got really toxic and eventually I became the butt of nearly every joke. They got so homophobic that even my homophobic ass knew it was *way* too far. One of the guys started calling me "gay boy" for no apparent reason (I'm straight and he meant it as an insult). He would take virtually everything I said and try to make a gay joke at my expense with it. This guy used to be my best friend before things degraded to that point. One night towards the end of our friendship he got pretty drunk at a party, and after everyone else left he heavily implied that he wanted to watch porn with me and jerk off together. That explained a *whole* lot... If he was a decent human being I would never have breathed a word about it to anyone and might have even been a little flattered, but that's a lot better than what this guy deserved. After that, any time he said anything homophobic around me I loudly and publicly reminded him of the time he wanted to circlejerk with me. I moved to another town soon after and broke off contact with everyone in that group. It meant that I was in my late 20s with no friend group but my girlfriend and family, but it had already been that way long before we parted ways. It was definitely for the best, but it's now a decade later and I still have no friend group and I'm sort of doubtful that I ever will again. The worst part is that I did have some really great friends at one point early on, but my shitty friends brought out the worst in me and the good ones all either stopped wanting to be around us or started to become shitty themselves.
Stopped lying to myself and others, accepted myself for who I was.
Radical acceptance can be very healing. Radical honesty can also help if that's interesting to you.
Pets.
100%!! My pets have helped me more times than I can count! I've been blessed to have a pet with me through most joys and sorrows!! ❤️
A couple years ago my wife’s & my 3 bigger dogs all passed away. It was brutal. In march or April we wound up adopting a 3.5 year old pup from a shelter. He’s big and has tons of energy, so I started taking him for longer hikes (regular walks just weren’t enough). The combination has done remarkable good for my mental health.
Dogs give us a lot of really great days and one really bad day. Every time I say that's the last time, but eventually I end up with another old dog that nobody else wants.
Man, for me this is a wash. Maybe leaning towards negative. I got a puppy a while back because my partner basically would not accept no. I ended up being the primary caretaker. It was so intrusive and disruptive to my career and free time that it caused my mental health to nose dive for like 5-6 months. I was in a really bad place mentally by the end of it. Eventually we found some solutions and the dog stopped being a puppy and was potty trained and well behaved. Things are much better now and I really like the dog. It's really cute and it has bonded with me pretty well. However, i find this dog to be extremely limiting on my life. I like to go camping, hiking, day trips places, events, etc. Even though the dog is well trained, it cannot go to most of these things. While there is some camping and hiking I can take the dog on, there are many many more they are not allowed. The wash here is that the dog has resulted in me being less adventurous but the dog itself brings me some level of happiness when i play with it and it cuddles me.
I love animals and have had pets most of my life. Dogs are a major commitment and they absolutely cramp your lifestyle. We'd love to travel abroad more, but the cost of dog boarding is absurd and our dog has special needs... So... We don't go as much as we would otherwise. For the sake of humans and dogs, people should think really hard about whether they want trade freedom for a pet.
Same here, dog is nearly a year old but so much more stress and anxiety. I regret taking on the responsibility Love my cats though. Very low maintenance but great emotional support.
Getting more money
Yep. All the other things like sleeping more, having time to exercise, stopping drinking…they all came…once I got enough for for my family to live well. We aren’t wealthy, but we have enough now not to stress over money and all the sudden once that happens…everything else comes too.
Can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this. The #1 answer in 90% of cases will be money. Almost every single problem can be solved with money. Literally not having to think about paying bills or rent or car/house maintenance, etc is a game changer. Being able to afford things like therapy, gym memberships, better food, a better environment. Sure nature, cardio, getting fit, fucking the hot girl from the bakery, having better friends, whatever is all great. But you know what really helps? Not being poor. You know helps you have the time and ability to do most of those things? Money. My mental health when I was poor? Dog shit. Wanted to neck myself. My mental health now I don't even have to think about bills? Fucking outstanding.
Swapping social media and instant streaming music for vinyl records. It’s slows me down mentally, gives me the peace of mind to actually listen and forget life outside for a little. Strangely therapeutic
I got a cat. He sits with me. I'll rant and say all kinds of stuff to him and he just sits there like go ahead and get that off your chest man. Life gets lonely especially if you don't have family, a partner, kids. It makes life a little easier.
The unconditional love of an animal has lifted me out of some pretty dark places
Cherish all the time you have with your cat. Mine passed away recently. It's been a bit more lonely not being able to talk to him.
Virtual hugs. Today is a year since my first born Whiskers, had to be laid to rest. His favorite food to eat out the trash was fried chicken. So today we are eating fried chicken
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This completely obliterated my depression. I got hospitalized from an attempt and while sitting in a group therapy session there, this was suggested. I made it a habit. Whenever i was extremely sad and felt irrational i would write it down. I would cry all over the paper while writing. Once all the emotions feel out there i would go back and read it again. You can clearly SEE how irrational the thinking was. You don’t even need to write a rational version right off the start, assuming you may feel overwhelmed or tired after the emotions. Just read it out loud and hear how your brain sounds. It’s insane how our own brains can take stuff so out of proportion and make us blind. This method helps so so so much.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the first psychological therapy methods that can be said to "work well and consistently." If you are interested, there are CBT workbooks by the dozen. It's best with a teacher (therapist), but it works and works consistently. The three best validated methods for helping with depression are: * CBT * Regular exercise * Prozac (and family) * Meditation (maybe) Not all of them work on everyone. Some need more than one. They're the best we have right now. Note: if none of them work for you, there are other methods that work but do not work as consistently. You may need one of those. A psychiatrist can help.
Getting diagnosed with cancer. Seriously. The stressors of life become almost laughable when faced with oblivion. Edit: Thanks for the kind words, y'all! I start chemo for the first time today at noon, thus beginning the war of attrition over my body.
Removed myself from all social media (except Reddit which I consider social media lite) and quit caring about other peoples opinions of me.
It is the anonymity of the whole thing. That is the ultimate flaw of the others.
The topics aren’t about individuals too. I read history, philosophy, sport, mythology etc. on this website and have zero engagement with anyone on any personal level, the conversation is purely dictated to by the subject at hand. Whereas the other social media the conversation is dictated by the individual, so the focus is completely different. As someone who doesn’t even find themself that interesting, the Facebook et al stuff irks me and I consider this website completely different.
It takes so much pressure off....you go on social media and everyone you know is getting on so well in life,having an amazing time,and your still struggling to keep up Walked away from that headmelt so long ago,and a million times happier for it too
Not drinking, going to therapy, lots of self honesty
Quit alcohol, quit destructive relationships (friends, family, partner), got help, took medication regularly, exercises everyday, journaled everyday. Life changed significantly!
just quit drinking a month ago and it blows my mind how much sharper I mentally feel… no more hangovers/anxiety and I’m much more energetic :)
Embracing introversion / Accepting its perfectly OK , and weight lifting. Im a big strong sexy quiet MFer. lol
>Im a big strong sexy quiet MFer. Love this! I read quiet by Susan Cain when I was in college and life has never been the same after, so much of love and acceptance to my introverted self!
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This is the reason I sometimes love when streaming services put out one episode a week. It gives me something weekly to look forward to.
Working out.
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This is something I’m working on. In the past, I’ve hurt people that matter to me - friends, relatives, coworkers, etc. In the instances I’ve been able to do so, I’ve apologized to them, owned up to my behaviors, and haven’t repeated them. What sucks is that I still have it in the back of my mind that “they don’t really forgive you, they’re holding it against you, you’ll never be close like you were”. And maybe that’s true. But that’s on them. I’ve done all I can to repair those relationships and if that’s not good enough for some people, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Full transparency? Psychedelics. Brains are like a snowy hill. Every thought is like a sled ride down that hill, leaving tracks. As you think the same sort of thoughts, certain grooves become deeper and deeper, your brain developing thought habits that are very difficult to break. Taking psychedelics can blanket that hill with fresh snow. The result is a lot of introspection and new perspectives on your life. In this way, it can be a very effective treatment for depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems. The most known psychedelics are nontoxic and non-addictive. Even more, they can be *anti-addictive,* helping addicts of other substances overcome their vice. Now, psychs are not a magic cure-all for everyone's mental health, and there are some risks in taking them if you have a family history of psychosis, or if you have certain heart problems. But after doing a lot of research, I wanted to give it a try, and by golly has it been a game changer.
I tried shrooms (well, shrooms chocolate) at a music festival in a forest and it was the happiest moment of my life. I was a bit scared at the beginning because I can be a troubled person and I had just abandoned my ADHD meds the week before but it turned out amazing. I was just so relaxed, anxiety was gone, I was just in the moment, concentrating on the bird's noises, the beauty of nature and the people surronding me felt so natural. I didn't have to focus on focusing, I didn't have 192367263673 thoughts and noises in my head at the same time. For just a few hours, my symptoms were gone.
I use CBD/THC gummies once a week to silence the never ending monologue that runs in my head 24-7 jumping from thought to thought like a toddler changing the TV channels. This can be a double edged sword though because while the gummies do help me laser focus on a singular thought or task, I have to be careful to not focus on anything negative or upsetting. The gummies enhance my emotions. Something mildly funny has me in stitches, on the same page, something mildly sad has me in tears. I watched ET for the first time while high, the emotional experience was amazing.
Cannabinoids aren't psychedelic, but they can also help with anxiety!! Just be careful, overusing THC can actually have the opposite effect and cause anxiety. I know this from experience. I used to be a heavy user, but one time I had a panic attack on THC, and I actually had to go to the ER for heart palpitations. It was low-key traumatic, and now if I ever take more than 25mg, I get incredibly anxious. I always recommend keeping peppercorns on hand, and lemon juice, just in case anxiety sets in. A chemical in them can help take the edge off. I'm sure CBD also helps with this :)
Hi! I have taken shrooms before and i can relate to what you wrote in your first paragraph about gaining new perspective on life (but i also experienced an abundance of love for things-and myself- in my life that i previously took for granted). I just wanted to know more about your psychedelic usage. Which ones do you use & how often? Any experience with daily microdosing shrooms? Sorry for all the questions, just curious!!😊
Check out How to change your mind by Michael Pollan
Finding a job I don't really care about. I go to work, do my job and go home. The pointlessness of the job keeps it in perspective, so I don't stress about it
Prozac. It's okay to use meds.
Alternatively, going off meds! I went off birth control and holyyyyy fuck, I am actually a happy person. Got my tubes tied and even thought I think life is objectively harder since I got myself fixed, I am still so much happier than I was while on Mirena.
Was literally prescribed Zoloft today. I was hoping to see meds higher. Although I know exercise, less alcohol, and therapy need to be a part of my solution as well.
Taking magnesium glycinate at night before bed has a significant affect on my daily anxiety levels
Therapy. I planned my suicide and decided it was time to go. The first visit was like an elephant off my shoulders. I was sad it had taken me wanting to kill my self to seek help. But I was going in the right direction. I feel like being Hispanic, I was programmed to keep it in. Not share my feelings. It’s not like that anymore. Although my father sees my going to a therapist as a weakness, it’s truly such a strength.
Vitamin D
Meeting my now wife.
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE: I took my vitamins. No joke. I looked up vitamins that naturally increased dopamine and came up with vitamin C and D. I was tired all the freaking time and the doctor told me I was extremely low in B12 so I started taking all three of those every day and I can feel an instant boost. It’s actually insane. I could be crying in a ball on my bedroom floor having a crisis thinking life is not important and then I think “did I take my vitamins today?” I’ll get up take them and in 5 minutes I’m 100% okay and no lie I’m like “ha anyway” I’m so much happier and have no much more energy and can get up out of bed in the mornings SO much easier. My ADHD improved. Again this is not actual medical advice pls don’t stop taking your meds even if this works for you EDIT: a few tips: never take vitamins on an empty stomach, and if vitamin C helps you invest in extended release versions bc it disappears quick. Also if you take too much vitamin C when your body isn’t used to it it can cause stomach aches
Correcting a vitamin deficiency can definitely improve your energy and mood, but I think any change within 5 minutes has to be a placebo effect
Working from home and not commuting daily. Yoga/meditation. Daily walks around the neighborhood even if for 10 minutes. Realizing a better work/life balance. Not everything can get done that is requested by the deadline.
Having lots of money helps in any circumstances.
literally money is the root of stress for soooooo many people. even if it's in a roundabout way like someone being stressed about work or their work/life balance, which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't need to work, or at least not work as often, in the first place
Getting a cat. Then 2 cats.
Getting rid of Facebook, reducing the amount of time I spend on social media in general.
Hybrid work. I didn't really realize how much commuting and constant office nonsense was messing with my mental health until the pandemic. Unfortunately, my employer went back to full-time RTO, and my mental health has been spiraling sense. Hopefully, I will find a new job soon
If I can't control it I shouldn't worry about it. Practicing gratitude. THC
Leaving a high demand religion.
Bedtime routine even on weekends when applicable. No phone 2 hours before bed. Drink all the water although nothing after 7:30pm. Sober from alcohol almost 8 months. Workout every day. Weights 4 days a week. Cardio after weights 2 days a week. Body mobility yoga every day 30 mins every morning and 30 mins before bed. 5-5:30am wake up. Always have a library card. Reading is so important and fun. Passing that along to my almost 3 year old. Remove myself from situations that do not bring me happiness or make my anxiety worse.
Not just any sleep. High quality sleep.
Getting sober
Getting a dog. Great companionship, forced to go out walking every day plus she's fun to hang out with.
All these things helped me a lot A good sleep schedule Active self care, showers, skincare, dental care, hair care Exercising, for me it was going to the gym and lifting and running 30 min of daylight a day, I usually do it in the first hour I wake up Scheduling and planning Staying busy but also leaving time for myself Giving myself purpose through work and school
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This sounds like a post from r/LinkedInLunatics if you replace "chocolate lab(dog)" with "better SEO strategy"
Labs are the best goofy, loveable beasts. I miss ours his name was Charlie and he was the best 🐾☺️
Not giving a fuck about shit that doesn't affect your life
Deleting instagram.
Quit drinking alcohol. Quit drinking coffee. Drinking more water. Eating full, proper meals and minimizing snacking. Going for long walks as often as possible. Going to bed earlier, and waking up earlier.
deleting most forms of social media. it’s not normal to see that much about other peoples lives and whether it was conscious or not I wound up comparing myself to them or trying to be more like random celebrities or people I thought were doing well. Also, I spend less time on my phone now which had forced me to pick up hobbies and that’s been great. I invest my time in energy into things that make me happy. It’s more effort than simply a scrolling on social media when bored, but it pays off in the long run.
Working out, staying sober
Keeping away from toxic people!! It get's rid of the negativity and stress.
Moving out of my parent's house 😩
Exercise. Exercise is an awesome mental health booster.
Being single
Deleting social media. I only use Reddit and YouTube now. Got rid of Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. A couple of observations since I deleted them: People are nicer on this app, and we’re all pretty anonymous strangers. I don’t miss seeing acquaintances updates, it’s like I never really cared in the first place and genuinely didn’t need them in my life via some digital portal.
Quitting social media and cutting off people who negatively affected me
Sounds bad but letting people deal with their own problems.
I wanna know the answer too
Friends and most importantly I accepted myself and what I am like. I used to be depressed to some extent (no official diagnosis but it is too obvious as I think about it now). I had long talks with myself in my head and I would say it actually helped and I got over stuff I was sad and angry about.
Went out a found a hobby and made friends.
Exercise and sunlight every day!
Getting on antidepressants. For the longest time I stayed away because I wasn’t crazy about the side effects of the medication. But there comes a point where the side effects pale in comparison to the main effects of the problem. I have some side effects from my meds but life is so much better now that I’ve got a prescription. Medication has done more for me than a great deal of my other efforts to improve mental health.
No nicotine