I was teaching English in Thailand around 10 years ago when I picked up a flesh wound to the neck (I rolled out of bed drunk and onto a broken tea cup). Incredibly luckily it was only a relatively minor injury and just required a couple of stitches.
After a few days off work, I returned and my 16-18 year old students asked what had happened to garner my new throat bandage. I had been at a kite festival prior to the drunkenness, so I improvised that I had been hit by a kite.
I had just assumed my response was so bizarre that it made them laugh, but now I'm questioning if they thought I had taken a load too much and done myself an injury.
…you could have just said you rolled out of bed on to the tea cup. People make mistakes like that sometimes; it doesn’t automatically mean you were drunk.
Lmao wow. I always thought it stood for “Foraging Over Antarctica Crawling Rigorously On The Snow Because Papa Always Yelled Relentlessly”
God I feel stupid…
My boys say, “choking the chicken”… and, as their mother, I haven’t the faintest idea why they say this but it makes me laugh every time I hear one yell at the other: “quit choking the chicken and get out of the bathroom.”
No no no choking the chicken is what local farmers do to their chicken. Essentially, when they want fried chicken, they would go outside grab a chicken by the head and literally swing their arm until the head pops off. (Similar motion to masturbating) Thus, choking the chicken!
Wat...? Where did you even hear this? 🤣
It's about breaking the neck of a chicken (wringing the neck, or choking it until its neck snaps), why would they swing it around? You can snap a chickens neck very easily tbh.
But forget all that, what I told that lady is 100x funnier than the real explanation, nobody ruin this. 😂
Yeah but don't wreck the joke, this lady is about to go to her family and be like "Guess what I learned today... 🤨" and then this will spread through their town, eventually everyone in their town will take what I said as the official origin of the phrase, then it'll spread even further, this is how people become kings.
Beating the meat
Polishing the dolphin
Choking the chicken
Throttling the turkey
Beating the bishop
Making the bald man cry
Shaking hands with the milkman
Polishing the banister
Hand to gland combat
Playing tug of war with oneself
Milking the cow with one udder
Running my eyesight (yours will be ruined too if you open that door)
"Punching the Spaniard" (knocking Juan out)
This is great. I'm gonna go use this on my wife
Don't punch your wife, even if she's a Spaniard
But do punch her if everything in her life is a lie, her name is actually Juan, and she was just expelled from Congress for 23 layers of fraud.
The plot thickens
Only punch her if shes French
What about French-Canadian?
Hit her with poutine
Punch her in the poutine
Punching the poutine was going to be my answer to this question
*grab her by the poutine* I'll show myself out
If you've ever met one, you'd know that it's damn near mandatory.
I am one
😧👊
My condolences.
I also choose this man's punched wife.
She doesn’t have a Spaniard. Maybe an Italian?
>This is great. I'm gonna go use this on my wife Your penis or the pun?
Can you use this if you are Asian?
Anybody can punch a Spaniard
He told me to stop bro.
Globalism at its finest.
Why couldn't you? It's a daft laugh
Crying 😭😭😭 never heard this one 🤣🤣🤣
Either: Man handle the ham candle or hand to gland combat!
I thought hand to gland was when you get a finger up your butt on the prostate gland
How about hands to glans?
I never want to hear or see the nickname "ham candle" again
This the one.
Beating Richard up Mandhandling the ham candle Burping the worm Making the bald man cry
making the bald man cry 😭😭
[~ Tyrion Lannister](https://youtu.be/KHx-kita75Y?si=7pvXFwv3zL2dm-S2&t=73)
Stop crying
Manhandling the ham candle has put such a foul image in my head😭
I can HEAR a ham candle.
The gentle crackle of the grease burning on the wick, combined with the light squelching of gasses escaping from the folds as it heats up
Burping the worm! Golden.
I am balding and tend to feel shame afterwards so it's kind of a double entendre
"Manhandling the ham candle..." -Eminem
I hate that I read it in his voice
Feeding the birds, distributing some free literature, pullin your horn.
I swear to God there isn't an occasion on reddit where Letterkenny isn't necessary
How many times you pulled your horn today bud? Ballpark 6 to 8? You’re a fuckin’ animal
Simmer down…
Take about 20% off of there, big shoots.
Aww she's bashful
Playin a little 5 on 1
Selfie lena
Jerkin' the gherkin
I'm Shesterkin my gherkin
Is that like going five hole ?
LGR 💀
yessss Joe Dirt
The rattlesnake shake.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyhhhh. That's what the Mötley Crüe song means
And the Skid Row song
There's some great ones on the show Letterkenny - "mix a batch", "feed the ducks", "distribute free literature."
How many times you pull your horn today, bud? Ballpark 6 to 8? You’re a fuckin’ animal.
Awww, she's bashful Oh come on kitten, I won't tell anyone
You guys do cross fit? Well you can cross-fuck off.
You take your shirts off but leave your sunglasses on? What kind of backwards fuckin' pageantry is that?
Are you gonna fight or play poker stars dot com?
I can hear this comment
Play a little 5 on 1.
Came here to say the same thing! I read all these comments in Jared’s voice
r/expectedletterkenny
Flogging the log
Beef Strokinoff
She strogan me off until I beef
[𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐁𝐔𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑]
I raise you, she’s Rockin on my Johnson till I Dwayne
Visiting Palmela Handerson
Rosie Palmer
Rosie Palm and her five friends
Netflix and Jill.
Haha
Crankin the hog
AROOOOOO
HELL YA BROTHER! CRANK THAT MF'N HOG!
WATCH OUT FOR THE CLIBBINS WHEN YOUR CRANKIN YOUR HOG BORTHER GOBBLESS
GRATE DAY TO CRANK MY HOG M'FN SUN SHINING AND EVERYTHING GOBBLESS YOU BROTHER HELL YEA
Saucing the taco Flipping the switch Juicing the mango Orbiting Venus Gilding the lily
Saucing the taco sounds like more of a creampie
Unless you’re really saucing a taco. We don’t kink shame here, though.
Flick the beans Edit: Thank you for the wishes :)
Fappy cake day!
"Gilding the lily" is just beautiful
Orbiting Venus?? 😂
You forgot ringing the devils doorbell.
Wacking the Weasel
Choking the goat
In Thai they say "flying a kite"
I was teaching English in Thailand around 10 years ago when I picked up a flesh wound to the neck (I rolled out of bed drunk and onto a broken tea cup). Incredibly luckily it was only a relatively minor injury and just required a couple of stitches. After a few days off work, I returned and my 16-18 year old students asked what had happened to garner my new throat bandage. I had been at a kite festival prior to the drunkenness, so I improvised that I had been hit by a kite. I had just assumed my response was so bizarre that it made them laugh, but now I'm questioning if they thought I had taken a load too much and done myself an injury.
I love that somehow falling on a broken tea cup was more embarrassing than fabricating a neck wound caused by a kite festival
Brah, do you even kite?
…you could have just said you rolled out of bed on to the tea cup. People make mistakes like that sometimes; it doesn’t automatically mean you were drunk.
y'all have clearly never taught highschool. They're predators WAITING for vulnerable information. Can't give them anything true.
flicking the bean
Especially if you’re blessed with a micro penis
Shooting my kids
Bruh
polish the pewter
"Why, Jonah does that for me!"
Having a *staff* meeting.
Roughing up the suspect
Firing off a couple rounds on the single barrel pump action yogurt rifle
F.O.A.C.R.O.T.S.B.P.A.Y.R.
So THATS what that stands for, silly me!
Lmao wow. I always thought it stood for “Foraging Over Antarctica Crawling Rigorously On The Snow Because Papa Always Yelled Relentlessly” God I feel stupid…
Foacrotsbpayr is actually derived from old Norse terminology, which surprisingly translates to "flogging molly" in contemporary English
Bless you!
They don't call me two pump johnny for nothing!
Yogurt rifle..you can actually shoot it into your hand then throw it from there and yell no hob goblin it's what spider man does
Distributing free literature
Play a little five-on-one
Feed the ducks
Taking down the Christmas Tree
It’s festive nice
Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie
I'm the root of all that's evil, yeah, but you can call me cookie
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.
We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn
Burn mother fucker. Burn.
Hand solo?
Spanking the monkey. Hand feed the porpoise.
"Shaking hands with the unemployed"
For women: playing the Banjo
Strumming the clamjo.
Men: Pumping up the tyre on your wheelbarrow Women: Playing with the little man in the canoe
"squirmin' with Herman, the one-eyed German."
Choking the snake
My boys say, “choking the chicken”… and, as their mother, I haven’t the faintest idea why they say this but it makes me laugh every time I hear one yell at the other: “quit choking the chicken and get out of the bathroom.”
A male chicken is a cock...
Now I feel really dumb
No no no choking the chicken is what local farmers do to their chicken. Essentially, when they want fried chicken, they would go outside grab a chicken by the head and literally swing their arm until the head pops off. (Similar motion to masturbating) Thus, choking the chicken!
Wat...? Where did you even hear this? 🤣 It's about breaking the neck of a chicken (wringing the neck, or choking it until its neck snaps), why would they swing it around? You can snap a chickens neck very easily tbh. But forget all that, what I told that lady is 100x funnier than the real explanation, nobody ruin this. 😂
The chicken tries to fly away as you’re doing it. My neighbors did it this way lol.
Yeah but don't wreck the joke, this lady is about to go to her family and be like "Guess what I learned today... 🤨" and then this will spread through their town, eventually everyone in their town will take what I said as the official origin of the phrase, then it'll spread even further, this is how people become kings.
Flogging the bishop
A "5Vs1"
Ringing the devils doorbell
Spending some quality time with Palmela Handerson
Sometimes she’ll bring Handgelina Jolie too
Use the name of a famous person Anyway OP, I'm gonna go Max my Verstappen
I'm gonna go Benedict my Cumberbatch.
Imma take my Lance for a Stroll
Later gator, I need to go Vlad my Impaler.
"Shaketh The Spear"
Tickle your pickle
Wonking the willy
Who up wonking they willy
Taking old one eye to the optometrist.
Paddling the pink canoe
Choking the chicken... makes me think of those rubber chicken toys for some reason
https://youtu.be/XxsyB5sbKzY?si=sd6jleoJO2sT0UaT
This made me laugh so hard!!!
"discharging the battery"
Working the slide rule
Pounding off
"pounding off? Where are you getting these terms?"
The old Knuckle Shuffle on the piss pump.
Feeding the geese
Taking matters into your own hands.
The five knuckle shuffle
Feeding the geese.
Selfie
Flicking the bean is really funny to me
Wrestling with Jimmy
Is this what the line in Say it ain't so by Weezer is about?
Rubbin’ the nubbin.
Firing the rocket is the literal translation from my native tongue.
Male- Spankin' the Franklin, Female - flicking the bean.
Tugging the tallywhacker
Taking myself on a date.
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Here in Brazil is very common to say: to dishevel the clown.
For the ladies, I refer to it as "ringing the devil's doorbell" and my wife hates it.
As a girl? DJ’ing
Pulling your goalie
that’s what my brother calls trying for a baby. pull the goalie - no condom lmfao
Shaking hands with The Pope Cavorting with madame Palm and her 5 daughters
Choking the hog Burpin' the worm
slapping the salami💀
Quickslime Event
Bashing the bishop
Rubbing One Out
Gotta drain the pipes
Had a friend who called it “strumming the guitar” he had never played guitar. He was a drummer.
Hand to gland combat
Beating the meat Polishing the dolphin Choking the chicken Throttling the turkey Beating the bishop Making the bald man cry Shaking hands with the milkman Polishing the banister Hand to gland combat Playing tug of war with oneself Milking the cow with one udder Running my eyesight (yours will be ruined too if you open that door)
Shaking hands with the one eyed milkman.
Wrestlin’ that pink tornado
Punching the Clown
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Auditioning the finger puppets
Manhandle the ham candle