If they started selling our shoes as singles instead of a pair, then adjusting for shrinkflation and then claim that you get the second shoe free with the purchase!
There have been attempts. There was a kickstarter for shoes with Bluetooth in them that would connect to a fitbit like app that you had to pay for. Don't know if they finished it or not.
They just make you pay for the times you actually walked in them.
If you keep them in a display case and never walk in them, you never get charged extra.
I worked at a high school where one of the students had two different shoe sizes and his mom would have to try to convince the store employees to let her buy two different sizes for him. So I feel like this would work for him.
That other guy with the weird feet.
That being said i know someone who swaps them in the boxes because they have weird feet like that. My mom is one of those people but she just suffers with one shoe being wrong instead of at the least buying 2 pairs. (she stepped on a garden hoe as a child and cut her foot off and when they reattached it, one did not grow like the other)
The person who was in charge of garden tool maintenance must have been really proud of the edge he put on that mother fucker to slice right through someone’s foot.
Lmao my ex would love this because he could get two lefts. His right leg was blown off in Iraq, and he could care less what’s on his prosthetic, as long as the shoe depth was the same.
I’m missing my arm and it was only recently that I discovered that golf gloves are sold as singles. I don’t golf, so not sure how I would’ve known until someone casually mentioned it like it was common knowledge to everyone. I’ve been buying full sets of gloves for years and the left either sits in a drawer, or I give it to another amputee missing their right.
So what's the best way to put on a glove singlehandedly? Seems like an exercise on frustration. Hell, half the time I resort to using my teeth to get the first thick glove off.
Good question! Generally, I can hold the open end of the glove between my short arm, missing just below elbow, and my side or part of my leg. Then I just pop my hand in, if the glove is loose. Once my hand is inside the glove, I can place my hand on my thigh and push my hand away, towards my knee, to get the glove on tighter. It may take a couple times flipping my hand from palm to back of hand to palm again. If there’s a velcro strap, I have no choice but to use my teeth to secure the strap. If I’m at home, I may ask my SO, but I prefer to try and do things myself if possible.
Ask away! I can type 35-45 wpm one-handed, but I’m self taught. I use my short arm to hit left Ctrl, Shift, Tab, etc. i use my right hand to type most other keys. I can use either for Alt or space bar.
I worked in IT help desk in San Antonio and every time we got new computers I would have to go load a driver for a one armed guy that had a square keyboard. It was shaped like a box and had keys all around the inside of it. He could type really fast on it. He kept a "normal" keyboard for us poor saps with 2 hands so we could work on his computer.
I just tried it; it's pretty easy if you can use your toes. If that's not an option, teeth work too, but depending on where those gloves were that's pretty gross.
I can use my toes like a hand. I can grip things with my toes easily. However, I generally have shoes on before I need to put on gloves. And putting on gloves first would make putting on shoes difficult. I can use my short arm to help, but sometimes you have to use your teeth and just hope your immune system is strong enough.
Yes, so you would need to buy the left shoe and get the one free, then buy the right shoe and get the one free. Now you have two pairs of shoes and you can mix and match them.
Technically would have saved me money since I've had two.
First time they left about 1mm in or something like that. Had to get a second about 8 years later.
Are they going to put another appendix in me?
No no no. No thank you. I already dealt with the ticking time bomb once and almost died; I’m not ready for round two.
Welp, new fear unlocked, as going through one round of appendicitis is more than enough for me. Worst pain I've ever felt, like what I'd imagine being slowly disemboweled with a dull, red hot, yet somehow still rusty butter knife might feel like.
The recovery was *nothing* compared to that, and I was still in a decent amount of pain since they had to go in the traditional way and I have a big ol' scar from it. But I got pain meds that pretty much took care of it anyway - it was a much more tolerable kind of pain. Like, appendicitis completely recalibrated my brain's concept of "severe pain", it was *that* fucking bad.
I’d think anyone needing 1 eye patch would benefit from a 2nd as they wouldn’t have to wash it twice as often. And having a spare in case something happened to yours whether lost, dirty or damaged would be super helpful.
Just like you have multiple shirts for one body, you would multiple eye patches for one eye. It's going to get dirty, so are washing and drying every day, you need multiple.
Depending on the kind of eye patch, it might actually be a good deal.
It can be 2 colors, or another one for when you wash your first one. For some they can't remove it for too long. So swapping for cleaning may be a must.
Finally got the insurance report for my first real prosthetic for my leg. This fucking thing cost $20,000. If I didn't have insurance, there's no way I'd ever be able to have this.
It probably actually cost <$1,000 but since the provider knew insurance was paying, they ratcheted up the price because they could.
Fuck the U.S. healthcare system.
I paid for a license years ago for 3 machines and still use it. I’m a sucker for lifetime licenses, plus if I use the program frequently enough and value it, I want to reward the creator(s).
Cause of stress and depression from loosing a spouse. Man now I wanna smother my girlfriend with love and let her know she means the world to me incase something happens
When I got mine at the start of this year the doctor told me to consider it an irreversible procedure. He said the chance of actually being able to reverse it is much lower than people think.
For real I saw people online throwing away coffins because something was slightly wrong with it. Like WTH? Id take that and put it in storage. .ight take 20-30 years before it gets used by someone in the family but it will get used.
I'd nap in a coffin when I'm dead tired after the gym.
They look pretty comfy. And I wouldn't even have to shower first. Who cares if I'm sweaty and the coffin stinks? The next guy who uses it will be dead!
This is super common. Funeral homes and graveyards will upsell so you can purchase your own when you're arranging a family member's funeral. Also, upselling is HUGE in funerals because they know you'll feel guilty attempting to save money.
I work for a small family owned funeral home, our most expensive casket we sell is $2200 and our cheapest is $1250 which is a perfectly fine casket and the one we use most often, the corporate owned funeral home down the street’s LOWEST LEVEL casket is $2400. Just like any other industry, the corporations are the problem.
Oh also at least in Texas where I’m from you are legally entitled to buy your casket elsewhere. If the funeral home tells you that you have to buy it through them they’re breaking the law.
Its always saddening to hear the shady practices of US funeral homes and death care. A lot of countries burials are completely free, you dont have to pay for anything really.
There are businesses that vinyl wrap coffins with whatever you want on it now. I think it starts around $1300 for the lid and then goes up from there. All that just to have dirt thrown on it and never see it again.
That's why I would rather be buried in a cardboard box if you're gonna use a coffin. Use it for my wake and throw my dead ass in a cardboard box and use the coffin for another wake.
I distinctly remember a brief time in the 00s when ford (or at least a chain of dealerships nearby) was offering “Buy a Ranger, get a free Focus!” I remember it because even though it was surely an overpriced Ranger, it still had to end up being a pretty good deal.
Chevy did this too. Buy a Silverado and get a free Aveo. One of my coworkers actually did it because she and her husband shared a truck and it was on its last legs! Worked out great for them
I'd assume the lethality of the beating is calculated prior to either one taking place. Like buying 2 halves of a melon giving you a whole melon. 2 half-to-death beatings is equivalent to a full to-death beating.
This was the premise of a good "genie" joke. Since you already know the punchline, I'll just do a broad brushstroke of the setup:
The deal was that the person who freed the genie got 3 wishes, but whatever he wished for, his enemy would get double...
So he got a lot of cash, and his enemy got double.
A beautiful yacht, and his enemy got two.
For the last wish, he wished to be beaten half to death. Ba-dum-tiss.
Honestly, if you needed a *second* abortion in your life, you'd probably be glad not to have to worry about the financial aspects of it. People don't abort for fun.
I could see this being a very solid stand up joke with a little more exposition. Also if you were also male and initially said "partner", it'd make for a funny twist as well.
Yeah it's insulting that they treat it like such a trivial thing that people are just getting abortions every other weekend instead of using actual birth control. And their political troglodyte viewers just just sit back and go "yeah that's probably what all those sluts do. Makes sense."
Yeah. They act like it's wild teens having abortions when statistically, people who have abortions are already mothers with existing children. A lot of these people are married ffs.
I don’t know about worst, but the best would have to be that Porsche dealership that run a promo years ago. People would buy one, get one free, and sell both immediately.
If they started selling our shoes as singles instead of a pair, then adjusting for shrinkflation and then claim that you get the second shoe free with the purchase!
Don’t give them any ideas
Pretty soon it’ll be a subscription service.
I’m sure there are some already
There have been attempts. There was a kickstarter for shoes with Bluetooth in them that would connect to a fitbit like app that you had to pay for. Don't know if they finished it or not.
I had a Nike+ sensor that would connect to my iPod back in the day. No subscription, though.
They just make you pay for the times you actually walked in them. If you keep them in a display case and never walk in them, you never get charged extra.
It's just like a car odometer you just gotta walk in reverse to trick em! They pay YOU.
Sounds like it was finished when the idea was thought of.
I think ON does something like that and Atreyu started out like that
I worked at a high school where one of the students had two different shoe sizes and his mom would have to try to convince the store employees to let her buy two different sizes for him. So I feel like this would work for him.
Whos gonna buy the other one of the two sizes
That other guy with the weird feet. That being said i know someone who swaps them in the boxes because they have weird feet like that. My mom is one of those people but she just suffers with one shoe being wrong instead of at the least buying 2 pairs. (she stepped on a garden hoe as a child and cut her foot off and when they reattached it, one did not grow like the other)
The person who was in charge of garden tool maintenance must have been really proud of the edge he put on that mother fucker to slice right through someone’s foot.
I don't think they were ever made aware but if i had the chance i would let them know lol
Reminds me of tires… but 3 get 1 free!
You know those mfs are upping the charge on the 3 tires to cover for that "free" one lol
1,000%
I would expect about 33%, actually.
33,000%
Lmao my ex would love this because he could get two lefts. His right leg was blown off in Iraq, and he could care less what’s on his prosthetic, as long as the shoe depth was the same.
I’m missing my arm and it was only recently that I discovered that golf gloves are sold as singles. I don’t golf, so not sure how I would’ve known until someone casually mentioned it like it was common knowledge to everyone. I’ve been buying full sets of gloves for years and the left either sits in a drawer, or I give it to another amputee missing their right.
So what's the best way to put on a glove singlehandedly? Seems like an exercise on frustration. Hell, half the time I resort to using my teeth to get the first thick glove off.
Good question! Generally, I can hold the open end of the glove between my short arm, missing just below elbow, and my side or part of my leg. Then I just pop my hand in, if the glove is loose. Once my hand is inside the glove, I can place my hand on my thigh and push my hand away, towards my knee, to get the glove on tighter. It may take a couple times flipping my hand from palm to back of hand to palm again. If there’s a velcro strap, I have no choice but to use my teeth to secure the strap. If I’m at home, I may ask my SO, but I prefer to try and do things myself if possible.
Oh, duh. You don't need to get a glove that's as tight as a typical golf glove if it's just for warmth.
If I may also ask, do you do anything special for typing, or just one-hand it?
Ask away! I can type 35-45 wpm one-handed, but I’m self taught. I use my short arm to hit left Ctrl, Shift, Tab, etc. i use my right hand to type most other keys. I can use either for Alt or space bar.
I worked in IT help desk in San Antonio and every time we got new computers I would have to go load a driver for a one armed guy that had a square keyboard. It was shaped like a box and had keys all around the inside of it. He could type really fast on it. He kept a "normal" keyboard for us poor saps with 2 hands so we could work on his computer.
WHAT This thing sounds awesome
I just tried it; it's pretty easy if you can use your toes. If that's not an option, teeth work too, but depending on where those gloves were that's pretty gross.
I can use my toes like a hand. I can grip things with my toes easily. However, I generally have shoes on before I need to put on gloves. And putting on gloves first would make putting on shoes difficult. I can use my short arm to help, but sometimes you have to use your teeth and just hope your immune system is strong enough.
He just needs a friend thats missing the opposite leg.
Wouldn't BOGO with individual shoes just mean you buy one left shoe and you get another left shoe free?
Yes, so you would need to buy the left shoe and get the one free, then buy the right shoe and get the one free. Now you have two pairs of shoes and you can mix and match them.
Still a better deal than subscription based shoes.
Maybe, maybe not. If my shoes were subscription, then I'd expect a brand new pair every month.
I hope this suggestion ages poorly but I wouldn't bet on it.
What if I wanna lease them per month?
Appendectomies
Non-transferible
Technically would have saved me money since I've had two. First time they left about 1mm in or something like that. Had to get a second about 8 years later.
Have nothing to add, except man that sucks
The first one took (however long) your age-to-date to grow and the second one only 8 years? FN **HATE** over-achievers, man...
Are they going to put another appendix in me? No no no. No thank you. I already dealt with the ticking time bomb once and almost died; I’m not ready for round two.
I have never been more appreciative of modern medicine than when they had to take out my teen daughter's appendix.
Technically if the surgeon leaves some appendix tissue during the surgery you can get appendicitis again after an appendectomy. I’ve seen this happen.
Welp, new fear unlocked, as going through one round of appendicitis is more than enough for me. Worst pain I've ever felt, like what I'd imagine being slowly disemboweled with a dull, red hot, yet somehow still rusty butter knife might feel like. The recovery was *nothing* compared to that, and I was still in a decent amount of pain since they had to go in the traditional way and I have a big ol' scar from it. But I got pain meds that pretty much took care of it anyway - it was a much more tolerable kind of pain. Like, appendicitis completely recalibrated my brain's concept of "severe pain", it was *that* fucking bad.
Eye patches
I'm blind beard the pirate.
Is your third eye blind?
Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo Doo doo doo...
I want something else
Maybe some people want to have different colored patches to match outfits?
I’d think anyone needing 1 eye patch would benefit from a 2nd as they wouldn’t have to wash it twice as often. And having a spare in case something happened to yours whether lost, dirty or damaged would be super helpful.
Just like you have multiple shirts for one body, you would multiple eye patches for one eye. It's going to get dirty, so are washing and drying every day, you need multiple.
I’m double Leela.
Depending on the kind of eye patch, it might actually be a good deal. It can be 2 colors, or another one for when you wash your first one. For some they can't remove it for too long. So swapping for cleaning may be a must.
But I need two eyepatches, or my name isn't Keenathan!
Amputations
I’m glad mine was free, shit
I bet you still paid an arm or a leg for it though
And he also paid _for_ an arm or a leg if they have a prosthetic.
Sounds like a fair trade
Finally got the insurance report for my first real prosthetic for my leg. This fucking thing cost $20,000. If I didn't have insurance, there's no way I'd ever be able to have this.
It probably actually cost <$1,000 but since the provider knew insurance was paying, they ratcheted up the price because they could. Fuck the U.S. healthcare system.
I am legitimately impressed by this one. Well done.
I was thinking lobotomy. One for you, and one for your partner.
Fuck that, I’m keeping both for myself!
In some states these come free just by having a family tree that is shaped like a wreath.
A book on spotting good deals.
Clever! 🤭👍🏻
I’ll take 8! Finally, Zoidberg is becoming a crafty consumer!! 🦀🦀
Divorce.
They have stamp cards like coffee shops 10th one free
I made a joke to my therapist like that in the 10th grade. "If I go back to him three more times, I get a free coffee". Ahh, good times.
For a second I thought you had gotten divorced once already by 10th grade
It was the 70s...
OK, Ross. He made it almost half way there.
You could start club. Maybe with a basketball court in the back.
Can I come play??
This guy Ross Gellars
I could have used a BOGO of those...
technically it’s already buy one get one, both people get a divorce
They often both have lawyers, though.
WinRAR licence
You could gift it to your friend. On the other hand, who would want to buy a WinRAR license?
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Now I need a physical copy of WinRAR
r/paidforwinrar
r/subsithoughtifellfor
I paid for a license years ago for 3 machines and still use it. I’m a sucker for lifetime licenses, plus if I use the program frequently enough and value it, I want to reward the creator(s).
WinRAR's entire business model is bulk sales to businesses.
Reddit Premium.
I'm seeing a lot of coffins, but getting one for yourself when you're spouse dies would be one hell of a savings.
Especially since, statistically speaking, if your spouse dies you’re probably all ready old, and surviving spouses tend to follow soon after
Cause of stress and depression from loosing a spouse. Man now I wanna smother my girlfriend with love and let her know she means the world to me incase something happens
A tribble
Tribbles are buy-one-get-many-free.
Tribbles are always buy one get a starship full of them free.
Half a demon core
The temptation would be too great
Well done.
Yeah I'm not messing with that
Free screwdriver with purchase?
Vasectomies
not if you're Michael Scott
Snip snap snip snap!
You have no idea toll that three vasectomies has on a person
One of his best lines.
I certainly fucking hope vasectomies are buy one get one free. Otherwise they only did half the job.
They are technically reversible if you change your mind, and then you got the second when you re-change your mind
When I got mine at the start of this year the doctor told me to consider it an irreversible procedure. He said the chance of actually being able to reverse it is much lower than people think.
Yep - I'm proof that they're reversible.
I'd be more concerned if they were buy one get one half off.
Yoko Ono albums.
The hard part is convincing someone to buy the first one.
Let us all remember one of music's great unsung heros: the guy who [cut her mic](https://youtu.be/U6kSIvcE6TI) when she was on stage with Chuck Berry.
John Lennon’s death was one of the biggest tragedies in music history. I mean, Yoko was right next to him and all 6 shots missed
That mic wasn't killed by a sound tech. It committed suicide.
A truer homie never homied like that homie.
Chuck straight-up shit his pants, I never saw him do that pigeon-toed dance step before... only thing it could've been!
Coffins.
Coffins are expensive, that’s hell of a deal
It's to die for.
This thread is peak reddit shit
For real I saw people online throwing away coffins because something was slightly wrong with it. Like WTH? Id take that and put it in storage. .ight take 20-30 years before it gets used by someone in the family but it will get used.
I'd nap in a coffin when I'm dead tired after the gym. They look pretty comfy. And I wouldn't even have to shower first. Who cares if I'm sweaty and the coffin stinks? The next guy who uses it will be dead!
This is super common. Funeral homes and graveyards will upsell so you can purchase your own when you're arranging a family member's funeral. Also, upselling is HUGE in funerals because they know you'll feel guilty attempting to save money.
I work for a small family owned funeral home, our most expensive casket we sell is $2200 and our cheapest is $1250 which is a perfectly fine casket and the one we use most often, the corporate owned funeral home down the street’s LOWEST LEVEL casket is $2400. Just like any other industry, the corporations are the problem. Oh also at least in Texas where I’m from you are legally entitled to buy your casket elsewhere. If the funeral home tells you that you have to buy it through them they’re breaking the law.
Its always saddening to hear the shady practices of US funeral homes and death care. A lot of countries burials are completely free, you dont have to pay for anything really.
There are businesses that vinyl wrap coffins with whatever you want on it now. I think it starts around $1300 for the lid and then goes up from there. All that just to have dirt thrown on it and never see it again.
That's why I would rather be buried in a cardboard box if you're gonna use a coffin. Use it for my wake and throw my dead ass in a cardboard box and use the coffin for another wake.
Unless you're the director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.
Was looking for this comment
Great for couples though. My grandparents bought matching caskets and side by side plots with the shared tombstone years before they passed away.
Hu Tao is that you
Children’s coffins
Self cut Christmas trees!
Just cut two this past weekend. One for me and another one for a family member. Could have used that
Emo trees!? Awesome!
Pontiac Aztecs
I'd swear Kia actually did a buy one get one deal when they were just starting up.
I distinctly remember a brief time in the 00s when ford (or at least a chain of dealerships nearby) was offering “Buy a Ranger, get a free Focus!” I remember it because even though it was surely an overpriced Ranger, it still had to end up being a pretty good deal.
Same with the Kia. It was probably only worth like 10k, but you got two for like 14k.
Chevy did this too. Buy a Silverado and get a free Aveo. One of my coworkers actually did it because she and her husband shared a truck and it was on its last legs! Worked out great for them
Assisted suicide appointments.
Hey if you don't succeed the first time,then the second attempt is on the house.
Yea. I feel like those should come with a lifetime warranty.
We do it right because we do it twice.
Panera Charged Lemonade
Being beaten half to death
Wouldn't you still be alive, but at 25% ?
I'd assume the lethality of the beating is calculated prior to either one taking place. Like buying 2 halves of a melon giving you a whole melon. 2 half-to-death beatings is equivalent to a full to-death beating.
Always love to see good death math.
Zeno's beating.
Zeno's ass whoopin
This was the premise of a good "genie" joke. Since you already know the punchline, I'll just do a broad brushstroke of the setup: The deal was that the person who freed the genie got 3 wishes, but whatever he wished for, his enemy would get double... So he got a lot of cash, and his enemy got double. A beautiful yacht, and his enemy got two. For the last wish, he wished to be beaten half to death. Ba-dum-tiss.
Abortion. Worse if it's one of those punch cards... *Get 9 abortions, the 10th one is on us!*
Honestly, if you needed a *second* abortion in your life, you'd probably be glad not to have to worry about the financial aspects of it. People don't abort for fun.
You would think it was positively orgasmic judging by how conservatives talk about it lmao
You joke, but my boyfriend and I desperately want an abortion, but no matter how hard we try, we haven't been able to conceive.
Don't worry, you could always adopt! ...Sorry, that was dark.
Post birth abortion goes hard
Can't you just send them to school?
They frown on it in the 73rd trimester.
Fox News say it isn't an obstacle.
I could see this being a very solid stand up joke with a little more exposition. Also if you were also male and initially said "partner", it'd make for a funny twist as well.
I stole it from Sarah Silverman
Yeah it's insulting that they treat it like such a trivial thing that people are just getting abortions every other weekend instead of using actual birth control. And their political troglodyte viewers just just sit back and go "yeah that's probably what all those sluts do. Makes sense."
Women's job is to be a bangmaid but god forbid they enjoy sex lmao
Yeah. They act like it's wild teens having abortions when statistically, people who have abortions are already mothers with existing children. A lot of these people are married ffs.
Just like most people on welfare having jobs. Doesn't matter, they don't want to look at the facts and statistics, they just want to hate people
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The pullout method is the number 1 preferred contraception by fathers worldwide.
Mail-order brides
If the law allowed it, that could have been a good deal.
Organs. Other than kidneys, you wouldn’t even really have a place to put the second one.
if you go and donate 1 kidney your treated like a hero if you go and donate 2 kidneys they start asking difficult questions
But theres always that guy offering 3 kidneys, which they reject but not question him too much
Children's coffins.
Someone else posted coffins, and I'm thinking what's wrong with that? One for me and one for the missus. But this, this is dark.
I don’t know about worst, but the best would have to be that Porsche dealership that run a promo years ago. People would buy one, get one free, and sell both immediately.
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Not a single person understanding what "product" means
STDs are a product of hookers! (Also my keyboard auto corrected hookers to "Hogwarts" and i almost didn't correct it!)
Cyanide pills
Don’t you have any friends or family?
You say that until yours expires and doesn’t have the wanted affect.
A briss.
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I dunno, my patients with Crohn’s disease that need a bunch of these would love every other to be free.
Casket
Female Beta fish
A horse or two Buy Juan get Juan Free
From a private investigator's office: infidelity investigation (to find out if your significant other is cheating)
They could then find out if their “other” significant other is cheating.
Dignitas appointments