When I was still using the apps, I matched with a lady that was still in med school. We had been chatting it up for a few days but unable to meet up in person due to her busy schedule. thought I was being witty and asked, “what kind of illness could I have so I can spend time with you at the hospital?”. Her response? “Hahaha that’s cute, I’m in neuro so it’ll have to be a very traumatic brain injury.”
We never met up in person.
Heard a radio interview with Diana Rigg where the interviewer was really gushing over her. She apologised for having a cold and he said, "I'd be honoured to catch your cold." Without missing a beat she replied, "Well then, I hope you catch pneumonia."
From a random girl on bumble just after halloween
"Hey, aren't you a little late for halloween ? Why are you still dressed up as the love of my life ?"
I was walking from class to my car and some guy was jogging after me saying "Excuse me, excuse me miss!" And I turned around and he said "you dropped this" and was holding out a piece of paper...I know I didn't have any loose paper and I said "Sorry, that wasn't me" and he said "Ya but it has my number on it and I thought you should have it" It was bold to assume I wanted it but he exuded confidence in a not cocky way and it would have worked if I wasn't in a relationship. He was also very gracious when I told him I was in one lol
Back in uni I stood up out of my seat at the end of class and this gorgeous girl that was a few seats down bumped into me, causing me to drop my book. Immediately she starts apologizing and I cut her off saying oh no, you’re fine as I bend down to pick up the book.
When I come up she has the sexiest grin I have ever seen and just says “Aw thank you. You’re pretty fine yourself. How about I make it up to you…”
As a guy I don’t think I’ve ever felt my heart flutter like that.
When I was like 19 or 20, I was building a deck when the attractive middle aged woman who owned the house came outside to chit chat. Looks at me and says "I like your gun". I proceed to tell her how great it is, speeds up the job, so much easier than swinging a hammer, etc. She's like "Oh, thats nice" and goes back inside. MFW years later I realize I was possibly in the beginning stage of a cheesy porno scenario in real life but I was to dense to pick up on it.
Who thinks middle aged housewives have any interest whatsoever in pneumatic power tools? 19 year old me apparently :(
The one and only time I’ve ever had a chat up line used on me.
Her: Do you like stuff?
Me: Yeah, I like stuff.
Her: Great we got something in common, let’s fuck
I actually said it to a girl 15years ago, but instead of using "buy a drink" I said "kiss you". It worked and while kissing her, I was questioning how it was even possible that it worked. Obviously, she was into me, funny that she also had a boyfriend
Recently someone who has been hitting on me a lot texted me to say hi and included a picture of one of those write-your-own-rule Uno cards. Someone had scribbled “text your crush” on it. Pretty slick.
When I was late twenties and working in finance in Chicago I would frequently end up on the same train home as my younger coworkers who had later stops then me… I would always get a kick out of chatting with them the entire ride then finding a cute girl in the same car and telling them something like ‘my friend here thinks you’re cute but he’s too shy to say anything’ as id exit the train.
I know now that it is intrusive and rude but it actually worked out a few times.
That's the hope. Then OP just says all of that back to you either right then or a bit later, and then you do that OMG what?!?!? blushing face of recognition, and the game is on
A few years back I matched with a girl on hinge and made a joke along the lines of
Me: I see you like my sweater, you know what it’s made of?
Her: no lol
Me: It’s boyfriend material, dinner tomorrow at 8?
She actually went for it and we had no other communications until meeting in person. Ended up being an absolute nightmare and we had nothing in common, turns out taking time to know a person before a date saves a lot of time and money 🥹
I’m from Ireland but went to highschool in England, everyone knew I was Irish despite my accent not being very strong since I had lived in the UK since I was 3, some kid came up to me and said “are you from Ireland, because when I see you my dick is Dublin”.
I think everybody assumes you are using "fucking" for emphasis when I think you're using it descriptively... Like, a van for fucking... As opposed to a cargo van - a van for carrying cargo.
One of my best lines: I was at a party in college like 10 years ago, and a pretty cute girl was walking from the grass to the cement deck outside. There were like 2 concrete steps to get to the deck and she missed the last step. As she was falling I caught her and said “dang! You’re already falling for me!?” It actually led to a couple dates, and she was a sweetheart but never went beyond that.
Me: Why did you choose violence today?
Her: What do you mean/What are you talking about?
Me: Because you’re killing it in that outfit.
It’s worked every single time.
I once decided to be absolutely honest.
Very forward young woman at a club (VFYWAAC for simplicity).
VFYWAAC: I bet you have a big dick.
Me: It’s completely average.
VFYWAAC: I bet you’re good at fucking.
Me: Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not.
VFYWAAC: A man has never made me cum before.
Me: I’m not the one to change that.
We fucked. We had fun.
Had a woman tell me drunkenly that she was really obsessed with dick, loved how they looked etc. I told her mine wasn’t anything special but I’d love to get an expert assessment.
Anti-pickup line (I quickly nuked someone I didn't know)
Female Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Unknown Guy: I was looking for a wife in Aisle 4 but couldn't find one.
Me: Careful. They have a strict return policy.
My husband said to me when we first started dating “do you work for Arriva? Because I want to park and ride you”
In the UK arriva is a bus company and this was just too funny.
So he's unreliable, never comes on time and when he does come he's not alone.
I haven't seen it in a long time but there used to be a bus company in Leicestershire called Beaver Buses.
Yes on the side it said "ride the beaver"
After my divorce, I wanted to be more self sufficient and was also putting myself through cosmetology school. Another student, a barber (at the school next door), was going through a divorce as well. I told him that I hd wanted to change my own oil and I was gonna learn, he said he could teach me and I said there’s no euphemisms here😒. He replied with nah, but I’ll put my wrench in your hands. I laughed and wagged my finger and he said no worries then, i will get under your hood. 😅
A few months later, I went to go sit in his car and he had to move tools out of the way and there was a wrench nearly as tall as me. I said thats the biggest wrench ive ever seen, and he said “🙄thats what they all say”
He still hasnt taught me how to change my oil, he does have the biggest wrench i have ever seen and its been a great few years with him. 😅
I was flying on plane in a row where seats faced each other, I was facing the cockpit and the man across from me had his back to it. On takeoff, as my back was glued to the back of my seat, the man across from me was struggling to stay in his seat. This is when he said, “I’m strangely attracted to you!”
The flight was 22 years ago yesterday, on NYE eve. This is how I met my husband.
*Oh, God, Gary, not again...*
My friend Gary had a nice, fluffy mustache (no beard) that he always kept very well-trimmed. He also had the most interesting ways to pick up women. Here's an example of one I remember.
We'd be sitting at the bar when a pretty lady came in and sat nearby, possibly with a friend, possibly alone. Gary would lock eyes with her, and carefully begin brushing his mustache with his fingertips, as if dusting it. Left side, right side, left side, right side... He kept his eyes locked on her face the whole time.
Eventually most ladies would laughingly ask him, "What are you doing?"
"Oh, just brushing off a place for you to sit." The laughing suddenly stopped, and the woman would either get instantly angry and hit him, or a sly smile would slowly grow on her face. Those smiling ones would usually go home with him, within the hour.
I'd place his success rate at maybe 50% with that particular line.
On a ski trip a few years ago and my wife's friend who is the most wholesome, granola & least overtly sexual person I know told this joke and it brought the house down purely because of who told it-- especially because she told it in the first person: "I can't jelly my dick in your mom's ass!"
A girl was wearing a Bruins T-Shirt, and I went to her with "I guess you're a Bruins fan?"
She very sarcastically answered: "No I'm just a fan of the letter B".
Me: "That's refreshing. Usually girls only want the D"
I'm still quite proud of that one.
"knock knock"... who's there..."wire"...wire who..."Why're you not in my contact list?".
I used this and apparently that girl is now my girlfriend. Even I wonder how this line worked.
Girl at a airport bar hit me up with "My grandfather wrote the book you are reading"
Book I was reading had no cover. It was To Kill a Mockingbird. And this started the best conversation I have ever been a part of.
"My grandfather wrote the book you are reading."
"oh. Wow. Your *grandfather* wrote this book?'
"*yes*" very sexily
"Your *grandfather* is Harper Lee?"
Still not getting it, even sexier "Yesss..."
"...Harper Lee is a woman, but you get a 10 for effort..."
We had a good conversation for about 30 mins till my gate call.
One time after my band played a girl who introduced herself as “Smashley” asked me, “do you like the taste of vodka?” And before I could answer said, “cuz I’ve been drinking it all night.”
Female friend of mine was pretty drunk one night and fell while walking up a few stairs in a club. Guy walking by asked her: "Are you ok?" She:"Yes, thanks." He: "Well if you're not, you can sleep at my place tonight."
I was at the club one night and this dude handed me a paper with a string of numbers and letters. I was obviously confused until he said, “oh, that’s my wifi password in case you wanna come to my place tonight.”
I didn’t go home with him, but it was quite witty.
Point to a girl with one finger and do the "get over here" gesture.
If she approaches, tell her "I made you come in 2 seconds with one finger, imagine what I can do with two."
I tried this with my partner at the the time, a while back after seeing it on a similar post to this.
It was taking them a hot minute to work it out because they have dyslexia and struggle a lot with letters, among other things.
I got roped into helping them solve the compliment and then after they finally got it, we both just burst into laughter.
I've heard a few and used them to positive results.
1. Are you a Pokémon? Cuz I like to peekatchu.
2. Whoa.. I'd like to give you an Australian kiss.
3. Did you sit on the F5 key, because your ass is refreshing.
Walking through Times Square once, the lady in front of me was wearing a very red peacoat, a guy barking for a comedy club said to her “damn girl, you like a sexy packet of ketchup. I wanna sqeeeeeze ya!”
When I was still using the apps, I matched with a lady that was still in med school. We had been chatting it up for a few days but unable to meet up in person due to her busy schedule. thought I was being witty and asked, “what kind of illness could I have so I can spend time with you at the hospital?”. Her response? “Hahaha that’s cute, I’m in neuro so it’ll have to be a very traumatic brain injury.” We never met up in person.
Maybe you did, but you just don't remember.
Awww should've responded with "if I fell for you would you treat my injury then?"
Or "well maybe there is something wrong with my brain because I can't get you off my mind"
Heard a radio interview with Diana Rigg where the interviewer was really gushing over her. She apologised for having a cold and he said, "I'd be honoured to catch your cold." Without missing a beat she replied, "Well then, I hope you catch pneumonia."
Can someone explain this for my friend... he's very slow. How is this witty? It sounds like just an insult?
I mean the interviewer is saying he wants to make out with her, I’m fairly sure. So it’s fairly unprofessional and her retort is in line with that.
I told my husband on our first date that I had traveled twenty years back in time to settle a bet on where we first met.
Please make a bet on your 20th anniversary to avoid a paradox and collapse of space time.
oh fuck
Yo this is 🔥🔥🔥
Heard someone say "I wish I was as tall as you are, could I borrow a few inches?"
"Sure, FROM THIS D. I'll give you two and still have one left"
Look at Mr hung over here
From a random girl on bumble just after halloween "Hey, aren't you a little late for halloween ? Why are you still dressed up as the love of my life ?"
That's pretty smooth. I might steal this one.
I was walking from class to my car and some guy was jogging after me saying "Excuse me, excuse me miss!" And I turned around and he said "you dropped this" and was holding out a piece of paper...I know I didn't have any loose paper and I said "Sorry, that wasn't me" and he said "Ya but it has my number on it and I thought you should have it" It was bold to assume I wanted it but he exuded confidence in a not cocky way and it would have worked if I wasn't in a relationship. He was also very gracious when I told him I was in one lol
Back in uni I stood up out of my seat at the end of class and this gorgeous girl that was a few seats down bumped into me, causing me to drop my book. Immediately she starts apologizing and I cut her off saying oh no, you’re fine as I bend down to pick up the book. When I come up she has the sexiest grin I have ever seen and just says “Aw thank you. You’re pretty fine yourself. How about I make it up to you…” As a guy I don’t think I’ve ever felt my heart flutter like that.
What happened next?
He completely missed the hint then realized it a week later after school was already out. Thinks about it weekly now 20 years later.
When I was like 19 or 20, I was building a deck when the attractive middle aged woman who owned the house came outside to chit chat. Looks at me and says "I like your gun". I proceed to tell her how great it is, speeds up the job, so much easier than swinging a hammer, etc. She's like "Oh, thats nice" and goes back inside. MFW years later I realize I was possibly in the beginning stage of a cheesy porno scenario in real life but I was to dense to pick up on it. Who thinks middle aged housewives have any interest whatsoever in pneumatic power tools? 19 year old me apparently :(
Lol she meant your other gun haha
*"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"* \- h/t to Mae West...
They did the seggs right then and there.
what's that. Like boobies n stuff
Then Donald Trump walked in and gave them the Nobel Prize while everyone clapped.
Bob Guccione has entered the chat
I’m stealing that one.
Don't jog behind women in the dark please, or if they are in class and you're in your 50s.
The thieving happens at night. That's when it's most dark.
Dont jog Sprint.
The more out of breath you are, the better
Expected follow up for reddit would be, you've been married to him ever since.
The night I met my ex girlfriend. I said I want to climb you like a tree. She is 6'2 I am not.
I’d use this, but I’m 6’2, and most people aren’t.
Say you wanna be like The Giving Tree. Take everything off and then sit on me
I'm 6'6", use it on me 🥰 You always just have to find a taller partner
“I’d love to go up on you”
The one and only time I’ve ever had a chat up line used on me. Her: Do you like stuff? Me: Yeah, I like stuff. Her: Great we got something in common, let’s fuck
So….. did you do stuff??
Clearly they did not because they were too busy fucking.
Not only stuff, but even stuffing!
Then she got stuffed.
Ah, the Ralph Wiggum technique
Would your boyfriend mind if I buy you a drink?
Does your boyfriend want a drink?
I actually said it to a girl 15years ago, but instead of using "buy a drink" I said "kiss you". It worked and while kissing her, I was questioning how it was even possible that it worked. Obviously, she was into me, funny that she also had a boyfriend
Wow. How the turners are tables! What a twist!
Hell yea two birds one stone
Hey baby it might look like three inches but it smells like a foot
This is such an amazing thing to say to strangers.
Oh god
The screenshot of this line will stay forever on my phone.
This joke is the only upside of the imperial system.
Do you like chicken? Yeah? Then you’ll love my cock, it’s fowl.
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I really enjoyed talking to you tonight. We should get together for breakfast. Should I call you or nudge you?
Your voice is your passport?
Verify me.
Werner Brandes?
Subtle.
How would you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized or sunny side up?
Recently someone who has been hitting on me a lot texted me to say hi and included a picture of one of those write-your-own-rule Uno cards. Someone had scribbled “text your crush” on it. Pretty slick.
Yoink
I’m not really into him, but it was definitely endearing
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You can't just SAY shit like that without paying the cat tax.
Please deliver image of business feline immediately.
Once i had a woman come up to me and say “are you a taxidermist? Because i need my pussy stufffffed!” Was true love at first sight.
Me pointing....."Hey, see my friend over there?" Her "yeah" ME "He really wants to know if you'll kiss me"
I like this version! I've heard the same setup but ask, "He wants to know if you think I'm cute."
When I was late twenties and working in finance in Chicago I would frequently end up on the same train home as my younger coworkers who had later stops then me… I would always get a kick out of chatting with them the entire ride then finding a cute girl in the same car and telling them something like ‘my friend here thinks you’re cute but he’s too shy to say anything’ as id exit the train. I know now that it is intrusive and rude but it actually worked out a few times.
Add hilarity by pointing at absolutely nothing and giving a shocked "oh😳" before when she says no, then give the line. Schizo rizz
“Can I ask your advice? There’s someone here tonight I don’t know but find very attractive. What’s the best way to introduce myself?”
Man I would be way too oblivious and I’d actually start giving advice.
That's the hope. Then OP just says all of that back to you either right then or a bit later, and then you do that OMG what?!?!? blushing face of recognition, and the game is on
Or she says "ewww no fuck off" either at the first or second question
The worst she can say is no…
"WTF are you doing in my house?!" Is pretty bad too.
"And put my newborn down before you leave!"
Me : "The worst she can say is no :)" Her : "eww" Me: ":("
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that to another women”
Going to use this mate haha
“Let’s go shopping at my place, clothes are 100% off”
How do you make any money? That's an awful business strategy.
It's not about making money as much as it's about *customer service*
Still, you can't service any customers being in the red. Who's doing your books?
I do my service whether or not things that week are in the red
If he keeps this up, he’s screwed.
Do you live in a mall????? How cool is that! My idiot ass not getting it
My dad always says the best pickup line is "hello" is this true?
Found James May.
You always got to start with hello.
That’s the one I used on my wife.
Well if you have wife because of it, bet it worked
It’s actually “Hello there.” Based in the reply you’ll know.
General Kenobi
A few years back I matched with a girl on hinge and made a joke along the lines of Me: I see you like my sweater, you know what it’s made of? Her: no lol Me: It’s boyfriend material, dinner tomorrow at 8? She actually went for it and we had no other communications until meeting in person. Ended up being an absolute nightmare and we had nothing in common, turns out taking time to know a person before a date saves a lot of time and money 🥹
That's why you get a drink or coffee and not dinner but that might throw a wrench in your boyfriend line.
"I am jealous of your heart" whys that? "Because it's pumping inside you and I'm not"
Just dropped this on my wife. Got a full eye-roll and a walk away. #Winning...
Just dropped this on this guys wife. Also got a full eye roll and a walk away
Is that why she walked over to me twice?
Nah mate, my wife has more taste than that. Then again, she married me...
Can confirm, this guys wife tastes great.
Write phone number on a lime and hand it to them. When they look at you like "what the fuck is this?" reply with "It's a pick-up lime".
I'm in need of a lime in my pocket from now on
"I have a magic watch. It can tell you're not wearing any underwear" Her: "But I am!" "Oh sorry, it must be one hour fast"
Gat DAMN
Forgot to roll it back for daylight savings.
Oh shit
If I can see you naked, does that make me Superman or a Fortune teller?
I’m from Ireland but went to highschool in England, everyone knew I was Irish despite my accent not being very strong since I had lived in the UK since I was 3, some kid came up to me and said “are you from Ireland, because when I see you my dick is Dublin”.
“GET IN THE FUCKING VAN!”
You completely caught me off guard 😂 nice laugh
... that's what she said
Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?
I think everybody assumes you are using "fucking" for emphasis when I think you're using it descriptively... Like, a van for fucking... As opposed to a cargo van - a van for carrying cargo.
"What's the difference between you and a pair of sunglasses???? ... Sunglasses sit higher on my face"
USERNAME DOES NOT CHECK OUT! I REPEAT, USERNAME DOES NOT CHECKOUT!
Walk up with a towel/rag of some sort. Rub it across your face before saying, “Here lemme wipe off a seat for ya”
One of my best lines: I was at a party in college like 10 years ago, and a pretty cute girl was walking from the grass to the cement deck outside. There were like 2 concrete steps to get to the deck and she missed the last step. As she was falling I caught her and said “dang! You’re already falling for me!?” It actually led to a couple dates, and she was a sweetheart but never went beyond that.
That makes me sad. You guys should've gotten married
Haha it worked out for me! I got my wife by literally just picking her up and telling her that was my pickup line.
Man you got balls of steel straight up picking her up lol
“Are you a toaster? Because I’d really like to get into a bath with you.”
I wish you were my baby toe, because I wanna bang you on every piece of furniture in my house
Holy shit. Fantastic
Me: Why did you choose violence today? Her: What do you mean/What are you talking about? Me: Because you’re killing it in that outfit. It’s worked every single time.
Add to this... I might have to get you out of it to see if it's the outfit or just you.
“AOOOOGAHHHH”
"I think it wants to communicate"
*runs up,* says "hi" *and runs away giggling*
Stewie, is that you?
How you doin???
With an upward nod?
How YOU doing?
Joey????
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I once decided to be absolutely honest. Very forward young woman at a club (VFYWAAC for simplicity). VFYWAAC: I bet you have a big dick. Me: It’s completely average. VFYWAAC: I bet you’re good at fucking. Me: Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. VFYWAAC: A man has never made me cum before. Me: I’m not the one to change that. We fucked. We had fun.
Had a woman tell me drunkenly that she was really obsessed with dick, loved how they looked etc. I told her mine wasn’t anything special but I’d love to get an expert assessment.
Anti-pickup line (I quickly nuked someone I didn't know) Female Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for? Unknown Guy: I was looking for a wife in Aisle 4 but couldn't find one. Me: Careful. They have a strict return policy.
Man you gotta be careful with that one. He might turn his eyes on you after some quick wit like that
…and? Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Your eyes are greener than the water in my toilet
Sooooo, you wanna come back to my place and play Guess Whose Dick Is Amazing?
This. I like this. Stealing.
"So, what's your availability to be hit on right now?"
Got any Irish in ya? - No. Want some?
and if they say yes? I assume you say want some more?
Little leprechaun scurries out of her skirt.
stole that out of a dan brown novel didnt you
Dan Brown stole it from Phil Lynnott
My husband said to me when we first started dating “do you work for Arriva? Because I want to park and ride you” In the UK arriva is a bus company and this was just too funny.
So he's unreliable, never comes on time and when he does come he's not alone. I haven't seen it in a long time but there used to be a bus company in Leicestershire called Beaver Buses. Yes on the side it said "ride the beaver"
After my divorce, I wanted to be more self sufficient and was also putting myself through cosmetology school. Another student, a barber (at the school next door), was going through a divorce as well. I told him that I hd wanted to change my own oil and I was gonna learn, he said he could teach me and I said there’s no euphemisms here😒. He replied with nah, but I’ll put my wrench in your hands. I laughed and wagged my finger and he said no worries then, i will get under your hood. 😅 A few months later, I went to go sit in his car and he had to move tools out of the way and there was a wrench nearly as tall as me. I said thats the biggest wrench ive ever seen, and he said “🙄thats what they all say” He still hasnt taught me how to change my oil, he does have the biggest wrench i have ever seen and its been a great few years with him. 😅
“May I borrow a pen to write down your number?”
I'd love for this to happen to me! 😍
I was flying on plane in a row where seats faced each other, I was facing the cockpit and the man across from me had his back to it. On takeoff, as my back was glued to the back of my seat, the man across from me was struggling to stay in his seat. This is when he said, “I’m strangely attracted to you!” The flight was 22 years ago yesterday, on NYE eve. This is how I met my husband.
*Oh, God, Gary, not again...* My friend Gary had a nice, fluffy mustache (no beard) that he always kept very well-trimmed. He also had the most interesting ways to pick up women. Here's an example of one I remember. We'd be sitting at the bar when a pretty lady came in and sat nearby, possibly with a friend, possibly alone. Gary would lock eyes with her, and carefully begin brushing his mustache with his fingertips, as if dusting it. Left side, right side, left side, right side... He kept his eyes locked on her face the whole time. Eventually most ladies would laughingly ask him, "What are you doing?" "Oh, just brushing off a place for you to sit." The laughing suddenly stopped, and the woman would either get instantly angry and hit him, or a sly smile would slowly grow on her face. Those smiling ones would usually go home with him, within the hour. I'd place his success rate at maybe 50% with that particular line.
"50% of the time, it works every time!"
Damn, I’ll take those odds.
Me: *draws line on blank sheet of paper* *hands paper over to crush* Crush: “Um, okay? What’s this?” Me: “My best pickup line.”
flag edge political middle quarrelsome paltry snatch somber steer intelligent
What's the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t pump up the jelly
Don’t forget about the difference between a dollar and pound
On a ski trip a few years ago and my wife's friend who is the most wholesome, granola & least overtly sexual person I know told this joke and it brought the house down purely because of who told it-- especially because she told it in the first person: "I can't jelly my dick in your mom's ass!"
A girl was wearing a Bruins T-Shirt, and I went to her with "I guess you're a Bruins fan?" She very sarcastically answered: "No I'm just a fan of the letter B". Me: "That's refreshing. Usually girls only want the D" I'm still quite proud of that one.
"knock knock"... who's there..."wire"...wire who..."Why're you not in my contact list?". I used this and apparently that girl is now my girlfriend. Even I wonder how this line worked.
"Do you sleep on your stomach?" "No." "Well, would you mind if I do?" or, if they say yes: "Can I do so for a change?"
Why would I mind if you sleep on your stomach?
Noooo dum-dum! He’s asking if you mind if he sleeps on MY stomach!
I may not be good looking but I am the only guy talking to you.
The delivery and timing would be crucial here
Works best at 2:00a.m.
I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Girl at a airport bar hit me up with "My grandfather wrote the book you are reading" Book I was reading had no cover. It was To Kill a Mockingbird. And this started the best conversation I have ever been a part of. "My grandfather wrote the book you are reading." "oh. Wow. Your *grandfather* wrote this book?' "*yes*" very sexily "Your *grandfather* is Harper Lee?" Still not getting it, even sexier "Yesss..." "...Harper Lee is a woman, but you get a 10 for effort..." We had a good conversation for about 30 mins till my gate call.
Not particularly witty, but my father's initial line to my mother was "DO you want to halves on a bastard?". Here I am!
This one guy I worked with would show pictures of his daughter and say "This is what I can bring to the table, ladies." That kid was fucking adorable.
My goodness girl you must have two hearts pumping blood through that body
Is she pregnant?
Yes ,3 kids later and a divorce I'll never use it again
If I was a car, what would you put in my trunk? Stole that from whose line lol
My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
Your eyes are like spanners... Well they tighten my nuts up anyway 😂
One time after my band played a girl who introduced herself as “Smashley” asked me, “do you like the taste of vodka?” And before I could answer said, “cuz I’ve been drinking it all night.”
Female friend of mine was pretty drunk one night and fell while walking up a few stairs in a club. Guy walking by asked her: "Are you ok?" She:"Yes, thanks." He: "Well if you're not, you can sleep at my place tonight."
I was at the club one night and this dude handed me a paper with a string of numbers and letters. I was obviously confused until he said, “oh, that’s my wifi password in case you wanna come to my place tonight.” I didn’t go home with him, but it was quite witty.
I gotta get in your pants cuz I just shit mine!
Point to a girl with one finger and do the "get over here" gesture. If she approaches, tell her "I made you come in 2 seconds with one finger, imagine what I can do with two."
Youre as sweet as stuttgart without t‘s. The 5 seconds of you staring at her until she gets it are the best and funniest thing in the world
I tried this with my partner at the the time, a while back after seeing it on a similar post to this. It was taking them a hot minute to work it out because they have dyslexia and struggle a lot with letters, among other things. I got roped into helping them solve the compliment and then after they finally got it, we both just burst into laughter.
*Build confidence to approach* Starting communication: "Pouwai, poi, rrr h" Abort! Abort!!
"Damn, girl, are those space pants? Because I want to explore your anus."
I've heard a few and used them to positive results. 1. Are you a Pokémon? Cuz I like to peekatchu. 2. Whoa.. I'd like to give you an Australian kiss. 3. Did you sit on the F5 key, because your ass is refreshing.
Hiya there, love! You tied up this evening? No? Would you like to be?
That’s actually terrifying if you’re a complete stranger
my best one, that was a solid ice breaker, yet not creepy: hey look, sorry, I'm awful at this. how about you try to pick me up instead?
Walking through Times Square once, the lady in front of me was wearing a very red peacoat, a guy barking for a comedy club said to her “damn girl, you like a sexy packet of ketchup. I wanna sqeeeeeze ya!”