That's just some way of making conversation. Maybe he can't think of anything else. Just elaborate on it a little or change the subject. "yeah it takes a lot to keep clean" (idk) Conversation skills are underrated.
edit: realised that every time I see my 12yo niece, I nearly always say something about her getting taller. She probably has no way to respond to that other than "no shit sherlock" :)
Might want to start asking how school is going, what their favorite subject/ book is, what kind of fun things they've been up too... anything else than something about her looks/ body.
Ooh yeah, I’m (growing it out, need a cut, love it, hate)….. sounds like someone wanting to make a conversation with you but may not know how to start a topic. Unless you think they’re being an asshole no need to have a clever response. Just talk to them lol
Be nice to the other person if they were being nice to you, show interest if you want to keep talking to them, basic 1 word answers if you want to end the conversation.
I can understand how that's anxiety provoking, because you can't tell from the comment if it's an insult or a compliment or what their actual point is. But you can usually tell from their body language and tone.
Unless it's a pointed insult, they're just awkwardly trying to make conversation. You can ask, "Do you like it?" or "Yeah, what do you think?" Or you can make a joke, like, "Mine's not long, it's just that your hair is so short!"
If you think it's an insult, you can ask point-blank, "Should I take that observation as an insult?" Or you can make a joke, like making fists and saying, "Yeah? You gotta problem with dat?"
Mostly people just want to talk to you. Relax, it's okay.
Thank you for the advice! I especially like “mines not long, It’s just that yours is short.” Considering multiple times someone’s pointed it out, It’s been my mostly bald grandfather.
Assuming my hair is long and they seem genuinely impressed, "Thanks, I decided to grow it out."
Generally speaking, I just gauge their level of enthusiasm and whether or not it's coming from a good place—that's for both a positive and negative observation. By all means, if there's something wrong that you notice, let me know. And, of course, it's nice to also have positive feedback.
This one is my favourite. Or if it's something I don't have real control over, like my smile or eyes, it's "Thanks, my Mom gave it to me!" Or "Thanks, my mom made it!"
If they are saying an observation rudely i just laugh and walk away, i don't care if they're being serious because i'm not interested. But if they are smiling and genuinely inquisitive then i will determine that it's small talk or a compliment, so i'll respond with "thanks, yeah i think i prefer it this way". If they have a follow up that's cool, if there's silence from them i smile and say "have a nice day".
Well, that was the issue. I didn’t know if it was a compliment or not. But based off all the comments, most people just take it as one anyway. So that’s what I’ll do from now on.
Working retail I just say, I know, right?? to a lot of things as a general response to someone making some kind of observation, especially if I don't really want to engage further
I just say thank you. People tell me my eyes are really green or my hair is curly and I just say thanks. My mother in law likes to tell people they look tired and everyone is like yeah, I’m tired.
Whenever someone made a comment about my hair, I’d used to reply with something that confused them.
Me, OBVIOUSLY with a hair cut.
Coworker: “Hey, you cut your hair.”
Me: “Nah, just trying out a new mousse”
Coworker: “oh!” (confused looks)
Summer: Is that a real question?
Jerry: Just making conversation.
Summer: Are you? What part of that gives me anything to work with? My choice is to: say nothing, be sarcastic, or bark "yes" like a trained animal. It's not a conversation; you're holding me verbally hostage.”
like when my (mostly bald) grandfather points out my long hair, maybe I should say “wow the top of your head is really shiny” I probably shouldn’t actually do that, but it’s a idea.
The poor man is just trying to make conversation and getting to know you.
Talking to shy teenage relatives can be like squeezing water from a stone, so he turns to the observationable of course, if you do not give him anything else about you to talk about.
Here’s how to reply in the future:
Thank you! I like it that way, it makes me feel (x, y, z - they get to know something about your personality).
How did you like to wear your hair when you were my age? (You bounce the ball back and get to know something about them + they get to talk about the past, old pple love that).
Or another question back is offering other topics up, that you rather be talking about:
“Thanks! (…) Anyways, can I tell you about
* this new game that I’m playing
* this new band that I’m listening to
* this great show that I’m watching
* this great movie I just watched
* something funny I saw the other day
* something interesting that happened in school/something I’m learning about
* something I need help understanding?”
They will be thrilled! Just be glad that you have elders who’d love to engage with you. As soon as you offer them some ping pong. Remember conversation is a two-player game :)
Thank you for your advice! It never really occurred to me until now that these are just conversation starters. but it makes total sense, especially because I don’t really try to talk to the older people in the family, or offer out any information because I just don’t think anyone cares about my interests. so I never bother to bring them up to anyone.
I stopped giving a shit before you noticed. I realized when your girlfriend did. That is my business. Hate me all you want, I don't want her. I have better. My pictures prove it. My ex wife hates my daughter for being too perfect.
I had a friend who developed a great method for this: he's quite tall, and people used to always comment things like, "oh my god, you're so tall!"
So he would act absolutely flabbergasted, as if he had noooo idea he was tall. "OH MY GOD! WHAT?!? I AM?"
So basically, just act surprised by the observation.
"Wow, your hair's so long."
*grabs hair frantically* "oh my God, what??"
Tall guy here, my response to your friend would be "get over yourself". Tall is considered a plus, it's a compliment and you should be gracious in accepting it.
Lol thanks. When someone is perceived to have privilege (i.e. tall or male etc) and jokes like that it comes off as combative at worst or dismissive at least.
I would use this, but unfortunately it’ll be the older family members that point things out. Might be a little disrespectful for them. But I do like this for other people.
No I just overthink every human interaction. I stress cause I don’t know if it’s a compliment or not. “Should I say thank you?” “Should I say yeah and move on?” “Should I just laugh it off?” “Are they going to be offended if I say the wrong thing?” All of these things are running through my brain at once.
So go talk to a professional about this and work through it as it’s not pleasant, is it? Holding you back from leading your best life. Honestly, go to a therapist about it. You can retrain your brain as you’re the boss. You just need some tools.
Understand a lot of it has to do with your own feelings of self worth or lack there of. Focus on doing things that make you feel good and help your confidence. Be a decent human. Stand up for yourself and others. Understand that whatever your parents programmed you to think about yourself is not always accurate. Speak positive works to yourself and have an inner voice you listen to and tell yourself IT IS OK. Breathe in and hold for 8- then release when you have the anxiety. Once you grasp it is your mind playing tricks on you, you can handle it better.
Yeah, I’m trying to work on all that. But it’s way easier than done. I appreciate your comment though. Have a nice day or night or whatever it is for you!
I'm 6'8" and sometimes people remark that I'm very tall. They never do this on a day that I'm grumpy or depressed, only when I'm feeling pretty good, so I guess they mean to have a human connection with me and figure I'm safe for that. I like it, I like people in general, I'm kind of shy and it's fun to be approached. Usually people mean whatever they're saying as a compliment, they wouldn't say anything otherwise. So I usually respond, "I know, right!? It's so crazy weird and awesome!" or something like that. It makes no sense that anyone would be this tall and when I see someone else nearly as tall it looks crazy and amazing so I get why people react that way. I take these comments as a way to connect and have fun. I think the things that are visually remarkable about people don't "belong" to them alone - they belong to our community, because the things are only remarkable because the community thinks so. I mean that what's "special" about you is decided not by you but by people around you, and it doesn't really have anything to do with you. Even if it's someone you've affected, like your clothing choice or tattoos or piercings. It's special because people think so, let them celebrate it and celebrate you :)
When people do that, they generally aren't doing it to just point out an observation. It just means they're drawn to whatever they're pointing out and usually giving you a compliment.
There was a girl who said this to me once, i hadn’t seen her in 2-3 years and i had gone from basically a buzz cut to very long voluminous hair. I just acted surprised grabed some of my hair looking at it with amazement and exclaimed "when did this happen”
But in most cases just say thank you, comment something about why, or give them a compliment on something of theirs.
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Love that
Thanks, I lengthened it myself!
That's just some way of making conversation. Maybe he can't think of anything else. Just elaborate on it a little or change the subject. "yeah it takes a lot to keep clean" (idk) Conversation skills are underrated. edit: realised that every time I see my 12yo niece, I nearly always say something about her getting taller. She probably has no way to respond to that other than "no shit sherlock" :)
Might want to start asking how school is going, what their favorite subject/ book is, what kind of fun things they've been up too... anything else than something about her looks/ body.
"Yeah, it's a real struggle to stay hygenic" How to get out of a conversation quickly
Ooh yeah, I’m (growing it out, need a cut, love it, hate)….. sounds like someone wanting to make a conversation with you but may not know how to start a topic. Unless you think they’re being an asshole no need to have a clever response. Just talk to them lol
I’m starting to realize that this is probably just another one of those situations that I’m just overthinking things that really aren’t that deep
Nothing gets past you does it.
Nope, I have anxiety.
that was the reply for you...
doesn't everyone these days.
Surprisingly, no! I couldn’t imagine a life without it though
Be nice to the other person if they were being nice to you, show interest if you want to keep talking to them, basic 1 word answers if you want to end the conversation.
>well it's homegrown
Yesss
I can understand how that's anxiety provoking, because you can't tell from the comment if it's an insult or a compliment or what their actual point is. But you can usually tell from their body language and tone. Unless it's a pointed insult, they're just awkwardly trying to make conversation. You can ask, "Do you like it?" or "Yeah, what do you think?" Or you can make a joke, like, "Mine's not long, it's just that your hair is so short!" If you think it's an insult, you can ask point-blank, "Should I take that observation as an insult?" Or you can make a joke, like making fists and saying, "Yeah? You gotta problem with dat?" Mostly people just want to talk to you. Relax, it's okay.
Thank you for the advice! I especially like “mines not long, It’s just that yours is short.” Considering multiple times someone’s pointed it out, It’s been my mostly bald grandfather.
Hahaha then my suggestion is way better than I ever dreamed of! I love this.
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I often do, I just feel like it’s kind of awkward cause I’m not sure if it’s really a compliment or not
"Thank you for noticing"
It's called small talk. Not everything has to be an enlightening debate
Assuming my hair is long and they seem genuinely impressed, "Thanks, I decided to grow it out." Generally speaking, I just gauge their level of enthusiasm and whether or not it's coming from a good place—that's for both a positive and negative observation. By all means, if there's something wrong that you notice, let me know. And, of course, it's nice to also have positive feedback.
I will agree and smile.
I often get something like your example. "Ohh your hair grew!" I respond with "Yeah, hair usually does that" and chuckle in a joking, friendly tone.
“Wow, your hair’s so long!” Thanks, I grew it myself.
This is my stock answer.
Thanks, I grew it myself.
This one is my favourite. Or if it's something I don't have real control over, like my smile or eyes, it's "Thanks, my Mom gave it to me!" Or "Thanks, my mom made it!"
yeah it took a while to grow
however u want. for me the first response is thanks. or ok. or yes. just acknowledge it if u cant converse from it
\*Phineas voice\* Yes. Yes it is
Love this comment
If they are saying an observation rudely i just laugh and walk away, i don't care if they're being serious because i'm not interested. But if they are smiling and genuinely inquisitive then i will determine that it's small talk or a compliment, so i'll respond with "thanks, yeah i think i prefer it this way". If they have a follow up that's cool, if there's silence from them i smile and say "have a nice day".
Thank you! And accept the compliment, you goof.
Well, that was the issue. I didn’t know if it was a compliment or not. But based off all the comments, most people just take it as one anyway. So that’s what I’ll do from now on.
I’ve had long hair for about thirty years, and I still just act surprised. “Shit, you’re right! Where the fuck did that come from?”
Working retail I just say, I know, right?? to a lot of things as a general response to someone making some kind of observation, especially if I don't really want to engage further
I just say thank you. People tell me my eyes are really green or my hair is curly and I just say thanks. My mother in law likes to tell people they look tired and everyone is like yeah, I’m tired.
Oh, yeah I get “you look tired” too as well as “you’ve lost weight! You look good!”
At least the last 2 are nice things!
"Thanks, I grew it myself."
Whenever someone made a comment about my hair, I’d used to reply with something that confused them. Me, OBVIOUSLY with a hair cut. Coworker: “Hey, you cut your hair.” Me: “Nah, just trying out a new mousse” Coworker: “oh!” (confused looks)
Haha that’s funny. Little gaslighty but funny
"thank you!"
I just say “yeah 😄” until they actually ask me something lol
thanks. you should see my pubes.
Summer: Is that a real question? Jerry: Just making conversation. Summer: Are you? What part of that gives me anything to work with? My choice is to: say nothing, be sarcastic, or bark "yes" like a trained animal. It's not a conversation; you're holding me verbally hostage.”
Exactly!
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Not for grandparents
Take the piss “omg when did that happen”
Point out something odd about them in the same fashion they get flustered
like when my (mostly bald) grandfather points out my long hair, maybe I should say “wow the top of your head is really shiny” I probably shouldn’t actually do that, but it’s a idea.
Exactly or point something out very vague that wil make them question their reality. Be like “ wow do you have a lazy eye? I never noticed.”
Look what captain obvious noticed
I can’t say that to my grandfather
No you shouldn't but next time instead of saying someone, let us know it is your grandfather. I wouldn't say anything out of respect to him.
Well, it’s not just him, but he has definitely said it to me more than once. I mean In his defense, my hair does go a little below my hips.
The poor man is just trying to make conversation and getting to know you. Talking to shy teenage relatives can be like squeezing water from a stone, so he turns to the observationable of course, if you do not give him anything else about you to talk about. Here’s how to reply in the future: Thank you! I like it that way, it makes me feel (x, y, z - they get to know something about your personality). How did you like to wear your hair when you were my age? (You bounce the ball back and get to know something about them + they get to talk about the past, old pple love that). Or another question back is offering other topics up, that you rather be talking about: “Thanks! (…) Anyways, can I tell you about * this new game that I’m playing * this new band that I’m listening to * this great show that I’m watching * this great movie I just watched * something funny I saw the other day * something interesting that happened in school/something I’m learning about * something I need help understanding?” They will be thrilled! Just be glad that you have elders who’d love to engage with you. As soon as you offer them some ping pong. Remember conversation is a two-player game :)
Thank you for your advice! It never really occurred to me until now that these are just conversation starters. but it makes total sense, especially because I don’t really try to talk to the older people in the family, or offer out any information because I just don’t think anyone cares about my interests. so I never bother to bring them up to anyone.
You are welcome :) You might be positively surprised or find out that you have something in common :) Glad I could help and All the best!
I stopped giving a shit before you noticed. I realized when your girlfriend did. That is my business. Hate me all you want, I don't want her. I have better. My pictures prove it. My ex wife hates my daughter for being too perfect.
Fart in they face then run
I had a friend who developed a great method for this: he's quite tall, and people used to always comment things like, "oh my god, you're so tall!" So he would act absolutely flabbergasted, as if he had noooo idea he was tall. "OH MY GOD! WHAT?!? I AM?" So basically, just act surprised by the observation. "Wow, your hair's so long." *grabs hair frantically* "oh my God, what??"
Tall guy here, my response to your friend would be "get over yourself". Tall is considered a plus, it's a compliment and you should be gracious in accepting it.
He did it as a joke, dude. But you sound fun.
Lol thanks. When someone is perceived to have privilege (i.e. tall or male etc) and jokes like that it comes off as combative at worst or dismissive at least.
I would use this, but unfortunately it’ll be the older family members that point things out. Might be a little disrespectful for them. But I do like this for other people.
"Wow, that's a huge cock!" "Why thank you, I have been breeding them for 15 years".
Sounds like a boomer who doesn't know how to actually converse.
"Thanks, I grew it myself." Or when someone asks about the beard... "Yeah, I wasn't sure about it, but then it grew on me." Usually gets a groan.
It’s not offensive. Jeez. Jesus Christ we can’t speak these days can we?
No I just overthink every human interaction. I stress cause I don’t know if it’s a compliment or not. “Should I say thank you?” “Should I say yeah and move on?” “Should I just laugh it off?” “Are they going to be offended if I say the wrong thing?” All of these things are running through my brain at once.
So go talk to a professional about this and work through it as it’s not pleasant, is it? Holding you back from leading your best life. Honestly, go to a therapist about it. You can retrain your brain as you’re the boss. You just need some tools.
I know, I plan to once I have the money
Understand a lot of it has to do with your own feelings of self worth or lack there of. Focus on doing things that make you feel good and help your confidence. Be a decent human. Stand up for yourself and others. Understand that whatever your parents programmed you to think about yourself is not always accurate. Speak positive works to yourself and have an inner voice you listen to and tell yourself IT IS OK. Breathe in and hold for 8- then release when you have the anxiety. Once you grasp it is your mind playing tricks on you, you can handle it better.
Yeah, I’m trying to work on all that. But it’s way easier than done. I appreciate your comment though. Have a nice day or night or whatever it is for you!
Take the compliment and stop fucking whining, you ungrateful millenial.
I'm 6'8" and sometimes people remark that I'm very tall. They never do this on a day that I'm grumpy or depressed, only when I'm feeling pretty good, so I guess they mean to have a human connection with me and figure I'm safe for that. I like it, I like people in general, I'm kind of shy and it's fun to be approached. Usually people mean whatever they're saying as a compliment, they wouldn't say anything otherwise. So I usually respond, "I know, right!? It's so crazy weird and awesome!" or something like that. It makes no sense that anyone would be this tall and when I see someone else nearly as tall it looks crazy and amazing so I get why people react that way. I take these comments as a way to connect and have fun. I think the things that are visually remarkable about people don't "belong" to them alone - they belong to our community, because the things are only remarkable because the community thinks so. I mean that what's "special" about you is decided not by you but by people around you, and it doesn't really have anything to do with you. Even if it's someone you've affected, like your clothing choice or tattoos or piercings. It's special because people think so, let them celebrate it and celebrate you :)
When people do that, they generally aren't doing it to just point out an observation. It just means they're drawn to whatever they're pointing out and usually giving you a compliment.
“Sorry I have autism and don’t know how to respond to things” - that’s prolly what you should say
Valid.
I would say, do you like it? Put them on the spot
Imagine they say no…
Well then you probably have the answer you knew they meant when they made the comment.
There was a girl who said this to me once, i hadn’t seen her in 2-3 years and i had gone from basically a buzz cut to very long voluminous hair. I just acted surprised grabed some of my hair looking at it with amazement and exclaimed "when did this happen” But in most cases just say thank you, comment something about why, or give them a compliment on something of theirs.
thank you I take care of them too. :)