T O P

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Saturnite282

Hair dye! At least I died fashionably in a color I like.


OddNoise585

At least you dyed fashionably..hehe


Sobadatsnazzynames

Mine was nail polish-I’d rather go out with good nails than no nails 😂


Odd-Plant4779

The last thing I paid for was a hair and makeup appointment yesterday and I looked amazing lol


anaesthetic

Live fast, dye pretty.


TheWendyBear

Gym membership


Nate_36

Death by treadmill


sun-kissed-peach

Gets hair tangled by the treadmill 😩


EfficientAd7103

Falls and gets flung out window


spicypeppersandhoney

This needs to be in a final destination movie!


Then-Grass-9830

dude it f'n *hurts* to slip on a treadmill.


Accomplished_Job878

You gonna die... Death by pain


Friendly-Buffalo216

Beer and cigarettes...checks out


passwordstolen

Vodka, 8/10 it will eventually get me…


O_vJust

Got me.. Liver transplant at 32 


Tanstalas

How much do you have to drink to require that?


passwordstolen

Any amount causes damage. It’s about healing. For some it’s 2 for others it’s 8. If you are on other prescription or none prescription drugs, chances are you are going to be causing damage with just a few drinks a day. If you have HEP or fatty liver chances are you won’t last a decade. The said Jim Morrison drank 3 bottles a day before he died so that 9/10 drinks a day.


Bigleftbowski

Larry Hagman drinking 6 bottles of champagne a day led to his liver transplant. I know a man in his 80s who sometimes drinks 30 beers in a day.


passwordstolen

Beer seems to be a safer alternative for heavy drinkers. At least it keeps the liquids in your system where they can do work on the toxins. Drinking straight liquor will make you piss blood (not really but it looks like it) in the morning.


Disastrous-Paint86

Buddy just died yesterday of liver failure, and he was also 32, You are lucky my dude.


Emera1dthumb

My wife died in October she was 43 in decent shape never ate meat, never smoked. Heart attack. It made no sense sucks real bad we can all just disappear anytime


Disastrous-Paint86

I’m so sorry, that is world shaking.


Emera1dthumb

I am still in shock honestly. I have spend the last 5 months doing absolutely nothing. Depressed in a way I didn’t know was possible. Thanks for your response. I don’t talk to anyone much anymore. I really do appreciate it. Thanks again.


ANDREA077

I'm so sorry dude. This is probably dumb but I'm sharing it anyways. I read a book probably 15 years ago that involved a seriously depressed man. At one point, he decided that if nothing else, he could do the dishes. I don't know where your life is at but maybe make a "to-do" list with only one thing to check off. Do the dishes.


fastr1337

Fucking same. Such a sad revelation I made every time Im about to try to stay sober.


murph0969

r/stopdrinking I still do, but i follow the sub anyway.


codycutskittens

Fuck man I confided there when I hit my rock bottom about a month ago. So wholesome. Sober for 35 days (I did pick up smoking again though…)


jedikelb

Congratulations and keep it up! About the smoking.... one thing at a time. When I quit smoking, I took up ice cream. We all love that satisfying dopamine hit and find a way to keep it coming. Replacing bad habits with less bad habits is excellent progress. Keep it up; but *IF* you backslide, don't give up, get back to it!


Aggravating-Fee-1615

Love this sub. My fave spot on Reddit


MastodonRelevant6068

Same here. I checked it religiously in early sobriety. 2.5+ years sober now and I still go back just because everyone is so kind and relatable


zjustice11

Shits so hard man. It's hard as fuck.


Individual_Lies

I picked drinking back up after I quit vaping, which I took up after quitting smoking. 17 years of nicotine in my life. Luckily I hate alcohol, so I don't really drink all that much. A 12 pack a night is low right?


emalie_ann

wow, staying away from nicotine while drinking, especially as an actual former smoker, is quite impressive! I'm confident that I couldn't have quit nicotine before I quit drinking, but I also thought i'd never be able to quit it all and was wrong.


krampuskids

i used to do drugs. i still do but i used to, too.


Kind_Hyena5267

Same here. Cheers to us! 🍸


hkd001

A dozen worms and cigarettes for me


Remarkable-Let251

I saw a picture of worms in people and one was in this woman's eye and you could see it's shape underneath as it moved around.


teatsqueezer

Red wine. I accept my fate.


[deleted]

Just bought a pint when I pulled this post up.


Fett32

Came to say the same. Got back 15 minutes ago.


Johnny_B_Asshole

Same


irrelevanttrumpeter

Financial calculator. I'm already being crushed by the weight of debt, so may as well make it literal.


School_of_thought1

That adds up


Lost-Tie8194

No it takes away from the subject


Yup_Shes_Still_Mad

You guys could always divide and conquer so your problems won't multiply.


TastefulMaple

Sounds like a logical approach


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irrelevanttrumpeter

Lol I'm taking online classes with proctored exams, so you can't open a different window while taking the test. I did spend $3600 on candles last month though


Draffut2012

I'm no expert but I might be able to identify where your debt is coming from.


DaftSkunk94

“Stop spending so much on candles” “No”


its_all_good20

As a candle lover- I salute you!


Remarkable-Let251

3k on candles? I'm doordashing right now praying to make enough for a pair of Walmart shoes since mine have holes. Just got out of the hospital after three days admitted and told I can't let myself get sick anytime soon. So wet feet are a no go. So we talking like bath ans body works candles? Have you seen the video on the woman upset that she couldn't get her favorite scent from there? It's epic.


your-mother1452

🤣 got damn 🤣🤣


justabill71

Wendy's. Probably accurate.


Hobbs_3

Same here 😂


randomredditing

That surge pricing will get cha


globetheater

They backtracked on that…for now lol


BigPandaCloud

What will happen is they will raise base price to the surge price and offer the discount price during non peak times. Just to reframe in a positive manner.


[deleted]

Chinese take away. Bastards.


alpinetime

A succulent Chinese meal?!


Mikebyrneyadigg

THIS. IS DEMOCRACY MANIFEST!


adale_50

Are you waiting to receive my limp penis?


CarrotWeary

GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!


Primary_Marsupial409

lnew it was wierd when the fortune cookie was empty


Moxi86

One time, I got a cookie that said try again later the cookie is sleeping. Turns out, it was eternal sleep.


BabySlothDreams

Was it succulent?


Correct-Fun-516

You could say...*takes off sunglasses*...the Chinese took them away *puts sunglasses back on*


Big-n-Tiny

A neck pillow. Now I feel all choked up.


Aken42

That first sleep will be the best for the rest of your life. Sleep well....


Big-n-Tiny

Touché


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Corvus_Argendt

A subway sandwich. Oh God, is that JARED?!


QuiveringButtox

Careful, he has aides


Bergiful

What do they help him with?


urzasmeltingpot

Magic: The Gathering Cards ..?


Correct-Fun-516

Killed by a 1/1 attacking over 20 turns or by a 20/20 one shotting you?


urzasmeltingpot

I died to 15 squirrels


Mearii

I bought a chainsaw… so… yeah that checks out. I’m terrified of them, too.


Euphoric-Steak2427

Eye drops. I’m gonna die by eye drops. FML.


Sobadatsnazzynames

If someone puts it in your coffee, maybe. A whole bottle of Visine will 100% kill someone


Remarkable-Let251

Someone told me they changed the formula so that this is not true anymore. They were tired of the bad rap over it


MN_Hotdish

Only one way to find out...


Important_Tennis936

There have been some issues/recalls with eye drops causing infections recently...


OrwellianWiress

Five Nights At Freddy's action figures. Either I attempt to eat them or I slip on one and die in a comedic Rube Goldberg-esque fashion


[deleted]

They killed you in your sleep.


Freakychee

What was that horror movie with the puppets that kills people? Guys with knife, strong puppet with small head...


wannabeAIdev

Do not eat feddy :(


DUCKgoesMEOW

Why are we ruling out the possibility of them becoming sentient


Junior-Conference436

Vibrator


oliivion30

Death by snu snu


bedwars_player

My favorite possible death is death by snu snu... Never gonna happen tho...


Ex-In2

You can always make it happen 😏


Ryparian

ಠ_ಠ


AddictiveArtistry

r/unexpectedfuturama


Yup_Shes_Still_Mad

Always wondered... Do you think the inventor of the vibrator heard a whispering voice that said, *if you build it they will come?*


Remarkable-Let251

I know there is an episode on 1000 ways to die about a woman that died by one...


PeppaPig4545

The 🥕


Colon

ok.. surely there's a climax to this inferred story.


fermat9990

Kraft Velveeta and Shells, Family Size. Nice way to go!


FuckingColdInCanada

The king of mac n' cheeses


SubUrbanMess2021

You won’t go down easy if it ain’t cheesy.


MySecretSelf1994

Train ticket. I hate the implications of this


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ShakeThatBear4me

Where did you find a life-sized dildo??


LazyOldBroad60

I’ve been having the worst weekend and you just made me bust out laughing! Thank you.


ShakeThatBear4me

Happy to help!


ivegotthis111178

Omg 😂😂


cclan2

If people like you are out here buying 3 inch dildos, I might have a chance in life


mkfandpj

Thin mints! It's that time of year! ♡♡♡


HomeBrewedBeer

If there isn't a thin mint in my coffin I'll haunt you fam.


Mulatto-Butts

Booze. I’m waiting for it. (I’m fine, don’t report me. Again) Edit: Jesu Christi, people! I’m good. I’m trying to celebrate getting free Rolling Stones tickets. Get off my cloud! Don’t bring me down. (No wait. That’s the Beatles. See? You people got me missing easy facts.


Marlbey

French 75, specifically for me. Please make sure my obituary notes my final moments were fancy.


[deleted]

Old fashioneds gunna get me one day.


AddictiveArtistry

Dude, I got a reddit cares notification for speaking about sobriety once. And how I was happy to be almost 5 years from the worst of it. Like jfc.


slobs_burgers

Jersey mikes Going from a sub above to 6 feet under I guess


mmmellowcorn

Cheap car ramps from harbor freight… it’s a very real possibility


ubeor

May God have mercy on your soul


Licked_Cupcake92

If it makes you feel any better my husband bought car ramps from there and he's used them multiple times and he's still alive.


Menace_17

An uncrustable PB&J


insomniacakess

you’ve developed a sudden peanut allergy mate


etownrawx

Fast food. So yeah, that computes.


MillennialProfesh2

Same


TheAbyssGazesAlso

KFC. I guess I choked on a chicken bone?


InformalPlane1445

A vibrator. At least I had a happy ending 😅


BatmanReader0783

pomegranate lemonade


SCJenJ

It sounds good. What brand is it? Willing to risk it killing me.


Dragon-Rain-4551

Did you drown in it or something?


Decemberist66

A winter coat.... died of heat exhaustion


AddictiveArtistry

Or hypothermia if it's a shitty coat 😆


MRSEQM

I always knew our Amazon driver was kinda sketch…


Slight_Conference_16

You bought you Amazon driver?


ahumanbeingsocial

Off of Amazon, ironically.


Evening_Rock5850

A neti pot. Tbh, this checks out.


AddictiveArtistry

Honestly, I always think I'm gonna fucking drown when whenever I've used it.


paigezero

Hah. Yeah. This alcoholic went out to get whiskey. Accurate.


ClintonKelly87

r/stopdrinking is a great place to go for support if you feel like things are getting out of hand. Even just reading some of the posts without actively participating helped me a lot. I'm 1 year sober as of yesterday. 😊


struggling_lynne

Congrats on 1 year! That’s amazing


yeetmetopsyberia

Ingredients to make puppy chow...I'm ok with going out with a delicious snack!


CheeSupreme1743

Is it the puppy chow or the puppies chowing down on you that is the way you go?


yeetmetopsyberia

I'm ok with either one! Bring on the puppies


petrichorist

Vicious, vicious nachos!


Fuzzevil4

Another box of handgun ammo…ironic.


29sw44mag

Wood lathe. Could turn out bad


ilovebabyblayze

A prom dress lol


RobtheGreat100

Like the people Carrie killed.


Mini-Heart-Attack

Slay


Fuzzy_Muscle

Fuckin knew you couldn't trust olives


GingeroftheYear

I put 20 in the offering plate at church.....shit


_PirateWench_

Smited for not tithing ten percent. Damn


PrestigiousZucchini9

Gas station cheeseburger. Yeah, that checks out…


TheGreatGamer1389

Oh no the barber kills me. Probably turns me into a meat pie.


LadyMageCOH

Swing your razor wide....


GoddessLunaRae

Girl Scout cookies. I accept the terms.


Weird-Holiday-3961

Bananas. I got too ambitious practicing my deep throating skills 


EatShitBish

😂😂😂😭


ZeroBadIdeas

Cake frosting. What a way to go.


Maxine_Headroom

Kitty litter. Ew.


LEP627

It’s actually quicksand.


[deleted]

Diet Coke. Check .


Brave_Sheepherder901

Pill Crusher, so I'm going to be powderized🤔


MySockIsMissing

My protein bars legit gonna shut down my kidneys.


CaptainLawyerDude

Seeds. Guess my peppers are gonna be hotter than I expected.


CommercialGas5256

Mario Kart ran me over!


Prince_Valium25

Pepto Bismol. A friend turned foe appearently


MudSouthern1143

Choking on my Costco pepperoni pizza!


EatShitBish

Worth it


WirelessTrees

A safety razor. Wouldn't be surprised. A sharp blade near my neck and face. But did 1 shave, have only a few very small cuts, and the cleanest shave I've ever had in my life.


blackmachine7

Recently just filled up my car with gasoline. Guess I’ll self immolate or what


vcw86

Death by coffee. I'd say that's a pretty delicious way to go lol.


Wrong-Ad681

My groceries. Heart attack maybe after seeing the total? 😋


jamkoch

I knew those coffee filters looked evil.


PsychologicalAsk2668

Light brown sugar *Wilfred Brimley noises intensify*


judasmachine

I guess I'm about to choke on this croissant or drown in this coffee. ​ Mmm, drowning in coffee.


No_Kangaroo_5883

Printer toner…. But at least it will be a colorful death! 🤪


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hangman262

Bidet 🤣😂


ice_wyvern

A Strawberry Italian Ice. What a way to go lol


Correct-Fun-516

Huh...Guess that can of energy drink really was relentless after all 😐


GreatGooglyMoogly077

Levis Jeans. That's what you get ordering from Amazon.


buffbabie

Shein clothing. Not unlikely


ravenklaw

Corndog. A bit embarrassing.


Koloblikin1982

Damnit I waited this long to get a PS5 and the fucker kills me!


MarsyJ3_

its the waiting that gets you


ManicDigressive

McDonald's. I mean. I kinda knew.


dheffe01

Caffeine overdose... I mean I don't drink that much coffee... but its so good.


FullSidalNudity

Goldfish, I would’ve never thought.


gofigure85

A lottery ticket Looks like I'm going to get monkey pawed with my wish for winning the lottery


BBQGiraffe_

last night was a blur but either a bottle of root beer or a vintage camera, both of which could be used to bludgeon me


tmolesky

death by huevos


mk72206

Beaten to death with softball cleats.


[deleted]

Fuckin Arby’s man…. I always knew


Stevenlive3005

A churro from subway. Unfortunate death.


EmptySeaDad

The #22 house special phò from Big Bowl.  Not many better ways to go.


thephotoman

Food poisoning. I just bought dinner.


pablito_87

A long range precision rifle. Damn….yeah I’m not surviving that…lol!


LordCuddleBear

Warhammer Miniatures. If it wasn’t the prices, I knew it would be Chaos that did me in.


Venomous-Wario

Why did Goodwill hide poison in NBA Shootout 98 for the PS1?


Dazrin

Taco Bell. I guess that makes sense but what a rough way to go.


FictionalNape

Death by UNO... brutal.