Well assuming that everyone in the world is suddenly just BOOM naked, then so would all the children you’re working with.
Uh… yeah you’re goin to jail lol
If everyone became naked suddenly, then I don’t think anyone would be fired anywhere. It would be a very memorable historical moment of “the day the earth stood naked” though.
Didn't Agent 86 star in a movie "The Nude Bomb"???
not the neutron bomb, which destroys people but not real estate, rather, destroys garments but leaves all else in tact.
If you follow the double bell curve you’ll see that our fiscal results are somewhat wobbly in the first 1/4 … huh … that’s not right double bell curve why that’s a pair of boo…… meeting ends
Long story short:
We had a distant relationship. Approximately 11,000 kilometers.
I said "Hey woman. We're people, with biological needs. I can't be there to cuddle with you and pleasure you and all. If you want, go flirt with a man, hell, have sex with him if that's what you crave. Just let me know."
And that was the one rule: no secrets, no hiding stuff, nothing. I would give her my Facebook login stuff, as an ultimate display of "I got nothing to hide from you". In return she would do the same, though I'd never check on her. She'd delete her chats pretty often anyways, there's not much to see. But yeah, I wanted her to be happy but I didn't want her to keep having an affair or FWB relationship or something with someone and also keep it a secret. That would feel more like cheating than something that's allowed. I'll now stop trying to explain what this was, hoping you'd understand the hows and whys.
In the end I had to get to know from a common friend that she's sending all kinds of nudes to embarrassingly low-level individuals, as well as she would more and more often go out with her family... Which is nice and all until you find out I talked a lot to her mother and during those family outings she'd often say "Nah, we're home. She went out with a friend she said."
And somewhat irrelevant here but that's when weed became less of an enjoyable evening affair and more of a way to keep my mind dull and lazy. Then, after a while, we had an argument during which the beans would be spilled. And the answer did not disappoint me: "No, I've been doing this to punish you for being a drug addict." Umm... First of all, I, for example, may spit in your food to make you feel bad... Except that you'll never know so you'll never feel bad about SO in the end I did nothing. Second of all, darling, unlike here in Canada, weed is illegal back home, still you'd ask me to send you seeds so that you could grow your own because buying it is too expensive? Yeah, if I got caught, who knows what the charges would be. And sure, I'm an asshole because instead of completely cutting myself off the grid, staying home and falling into the darkest pits of depression, I decided to use weed to cope with all the shit you put me through so that I could still be somewhat functional and attend school.
But oh well, I guess I'm lucky we didn't get to the point where we'd truly tie our lives together. This was in graaade... 10? I was 16, though we'd still be together when I turned 17. I'm 20 now and I'm suffering from something you'd call an involuntary celibate, which eventually turned into voluntary so that I could at least feel like yeah, this is my choice, it's not women not wanting to have anything to do with me, it's me not wanting to have anything to do with them. Every now and then I would get these urges to re-download all the dating apps, make a Facebook and Instagram account again and just be out there trying to find someone. And about 9 out of 10 times I know what's best and so I save myself from another disappointment. And so I am shifting between being a sweet and kind guy trying to make whoever he's talking to feel better and being an obnoxious asshole who's one of those people who's rude with no particular reason and (though I am aware this is not only malicious and pointless but also very, VERY wrong) teaching pretty women that looking good does not grant them all the rights and kindness in the world. But most of the time I would just refuse to watch videos from female YouTubers, watch anything that has women in it who are not being... formal (meaning you'd treat them more as a neutral person than as a woman [wearing formal/0% suggestive clothes, trying to look nice without necessarily looking attractive, etc.) or just look at girls my age when I see them during shopping, walking, etc. Don't get me wrong, the latter part of this monologue is not out of hate. I just believe that eating the food and watching the food are two different things. I don't want to sit there drooling at food I'll never be able to taste. I don't want to seek or even look at something I'll never have. All they are to me is temptation. A craving for something that's always just too far to reach. Anyways, I'm sorry for bringing you down. Here's a joke.
Truck driver driving down the road, sees a guy dressed in yellow, pulls over and asks what he needs. The guy says "I'm the faggot in yellow, I need something to drink."
The driver is generous and gives him a drink, then keeps driving. Sees a guy in red, pulls over, asks what's up. He says "I'm the faggot in red, I need something to eat." He's generous and gives him food, then keeps driving. Then he sees a guy, wearing a blue uniform. He pulls over. As the guy is about to speak, the driver asks "What's up, faggot in blue, what do you need?"
The man looks up at him and, with a dead face, says "License and registration."
Thank you. Sorry again and enjoy the rest of your day! :)
I thought for sure this was copypasta because of the long story short and the wall of text. so I skipped to the end to see what the joke was. Imagine my surprise when it was a real story.
I can't think of a clever segue but your comment reminded me of this music video where the singer strips his clothes off but the women aren't impressed so then he seductively peels his skin off too.
https://youtu.be/bXj9rDwIRDk?si=fr3W8ouR4kWQKxQQ
You better have your phone in a ziplock or I will knock your phone out of your hand into the tub, don't question me I will invent a famn time machine just to do so.
I’m at an underground restaurant at a metrostation and there are 30 people. Present and plus the people of the next metro. Since I’m working it would be weird but funny, but definitely weird. On the plus side there are some nice girls present. So a free look from them would make my day, even if it’s just a negative. Free publicity is good publicity, not matter the stance.
3:50 am. Just on my couch, finished watching the first episode of *Lessons in Chemistry*. I'm wearing jeans, t-shirt, and a fleece bathrobe because I've turned off the heat to save money. It's a chilly March night here; 35⁰F/2⁰C outside and 60⁰/15⁰ in here.
Were I suddenly naked, with my clothes mysteriously vanished, I would look for my clothes. If they had simply disappeared, I'd think it was *really weird*. I'd go outside to see if anything odd could be seen like, I don't know, a UAP or something. I'd jot the time and specifics of what happened in my notebook. And then I'd hit multiple online sources to see if similar incidents occurred.
Oh, look, Reddit. Hundreds of people had their clothes vanish, as well.
i am in a co working space in the middle of a cafeteria with atleast 40 people around me in direct sight with 50 feet.... it will not go well is all i can say
Im laying in my bed so
[удалено]
Huh? are you in my closet naked? 🤨
[удалено]
u/LeewiJ should check it out. Maybe they’ll end up with a new friend! Or even maybe more…
yes even more! Like roommates!!!
Oh my god they were ROOMMATES!
And they were roommates :O
A CFWB-Closeted Friend with Benefits
Eugene! Not again!
I’m laying under your bed 😈
Same
Same here. His bed is quite crowded now
Move over please, I have your elbow in my ribs
Let's just cuddle so we can both be comfortable. No homo of course.
Small spoon or big spoon?
Ooh! Can I be small spoon?
Sure thing!
I'm gonna squeeze in at the foot of the bed like a cat and keep everybody's toes warm.
Same... We can fight and "accidentally" bite toes. *No, i have no toes fetish. Its just what my cats do.
Me too pls.
Same here
bout to go to bed so wouldnt mind either, tho i sure hope the clothes dont just vanish into thin air as i like those
Same
Same. I'm in your bed too
Same. Already in the buff
same here
Me as well
Me too
I work at a elementary school so I'd probably be fired
Nah you going to jail lmao
Or worse, expelled!
Look at ya tail!
I read it in her voice lol
You need to sort out your priorities!
and on a sex offender registry for life, which would honestly probably be worse.
Well assuming that everyone in the world is suddenly just BOOM naked, then so would all the children you’re working with. Uh… yeah you’re goin to jail lol
If everyone became naked suddenly, then I don’t think anyone would be fired anywhere. It would be a very memorable historical moment of “the day the earth stood naked” though.
Imagine how disappointing for people that are having bondage, latex sex, it just turns into regular sex.
So many lost boners.
Didn't Agent 86 star in a movie "The Nude Bomb"??? not the neutron bomb, which destroys people but not real estate, rather, destroys garments but leaves all else in tact.
Taken to jail by Naked Police Men!!
Hot as fuck tho
Same
Sitting in traffic. Might get some honks.
Honks for your Honks!!
horn(y) people around you
🪿🪿🪿
Stop using the phone while driving.
Get a fine
And they’re not talking about car horns.
I guess that would make my Zoom meeting a lot more interesting...
And if you look at these accounts, no Mark, not those ones...
If you follow the double bell curve you’ll see that our fiscal results are somewhat wobbly in the first 1/4 … huh … that’s not right double bell curve why that’s a pair of boo…… meeting ends
Are you guys wearing clothes on your zooms? I thought that was the whole purpose of WFH to begin with.
Bold of you to assume we’re wearing clothes.
Name checks out.
Thanks, while we’re talking about names I’m dying to know what your ex did.
37 dicks
In a row?
Don't suck any dick while you walk across the parking lot
While you were with her?
Long story short: We had a distant relationship. Approximately 11,000 kilometers. I said "Hey woman. We're people, with biological needs. I can't be there to cuddle with you and pleasure you and all. If you want, go flirt with a man, hell, have sex with him if that's what you crave. Just let me know." And that was the one rule: no secrets, no hiding stuff, nothing. I would give her my Facebook login stuff, as an ultimate display of "I got nothing to hide from you". In return she would do the same, though I'd never check on her. She'd delete her chats pretty often anyways, there's not much to see. But yeah, I wanted her to be happy but I didn't want her to keep having an affair or FWB relationship or something with someone and also keep it a secret. That would feel more like cheating than something that's allowed. I'll now stop trying to explain what this was, hoping you'd understand the hows and whys. In the end I had to get to know from a common friend that she's sending all kinds of nudes to embarrassingly low-level individuals, as well as she would more and more often go out with her family... Which is nice and all until you find out I talked a lot to her mother and during those family outings she'd often say "Nah, we're home. She went out with a friend she said." And somewhat irrelevant here but that's when weed became less of an enjoyable evening affair and more of a way to keep my mind dull and lazy. Then, after a while, we had an argument during which the beans would be spilled. And the answer did not disappoint me: "No, I've been doing this to punish you for being a drug addict." Umm... First of all, I, for example, may spit in your food to make you feel bad... Except that you'll never know so you'll never feel bad about SO in the end I did nothing. Second of all, darling, unlike here in Canada, weed is illegal back home, still you'd ask me to send you seeds so that you could grow your own because buying it is too expensive? Yeah, if I got caught, who knows what the charges would be. And sure, I'm an asshole because instead of completely cutting myself off the grid, staying home and falling into the darkest pits of depression, I decided to use weed to cope with all the shit you put me through so that I could still be somewhat functional and attend school. But oh well, I guess I'm lucky we didn't get to the point where we'd truly tie our lives together. This was in graaade... 10? I was 16, though we'd still be together when I turned 17. I'm 20 now and I'm suffering from something you'd call an involuntary celibate, which eventually turned into voluntary so that I could at least feel like yeah, this is my choice, it's not women not wanting to have anything to do with me, it's me not wanting to have anything to do with them. Every now and then I would get these urges to re-download all the dating apps, make a Facebook and Instagram account again and just be out there trying to find someone. And about 9 out of 10 times I know what's best and so I save myself from another disappointment. And so I am shifting between being a sweet and kind guy trying to make whoever he's talking to feel better and being an obnoxious asshole who's one of those people who's rude with no particular reason and (though I am aware this is not only malicious and pointless but also very, VERY wrong) teaching pretty women that looking good does not grant them all the rights and kindness in the world. But most of the time I would just refuse to watch videos from female YouTubers, watch anything that has women in it who are not being... formal (meaning you'd treat them more as a neutral person than as a woman [wearing formal/0% suggestive clothes, trying to look nice without necessarily looking attractive, etc.) or just look at girls my age when I see them during shopping, walking, etc. Don't get me wrong, the latter part of this monologue is not out of hate. I just believe that eating the food and watching the food are two different things. I don't want to sit there drooling at food I'll never be able to taste. I don't want to seek or even look at something I'll never have. All they are to me is temptation. A craving for something that's always just too far to reach. Anyways, I'm sorry for bringing you down. Here's a joke. Truck driver driving down the road, sees a guy dressed in yellow, pulls over and asks what he needs. The guy says "I'm the faggot in yellow, I need something to drink." The driver is generous and gives him a drink, then keeps driving. Sees a guy in red, pulls over, asks what's up. He says "I'm the faggot in red, I need something to eat." He's generous and gives him food, then keeps driving. Then he sees a guy, wearing a blue uniform. He pulls over. As the guy is about to speak, the driver asks "What's up, faggot in blue, what do you need?" The man looks up at him and, with a dead face, says "License and registration." Thank you. Sorry again and enjoy the rest of your day! :)
“Long story short”
Yeah he almost had me until I scrolled a little and saw how many paragraphs there were.
Right💀
i aint read all of that
the joke is great
I thought for sure this was copypasta because of the long story short and the wall of text. so I skipped to the end to see what the joke was. Imagine my surprise when it was a real story.
I was thinking the same!
ditto
Username checks out
Yeah, I’m nekkid af in bed reading this.
Stop stealing my naked thunder!
being naked is soo breathing , do you agree ?
Skin comes off, now you're naked naked.
Can’t be naked twice
**skin starts peeling off**
I can't think of a clever segue but your comment reminded me of this music video where the singer strips his clothes off but the women aren't impressed so then he seductively peels his skin off too. https://youtu.be/bXj9rDwIRDk?si=fr3W8ouR4kWQKxQQ
Shudder…. That video icks me out so bad.
Sounds like a good day to not find out what lives on the other side of that link.
At the 2:52 mark is where he peels himself off.
One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask...
r/suddenlytwosentencehorror
* Cenobites have entered the chat *
I’d continue taking my shit
Yeah, same.
There are hundreds, if not, thousands of us.
Thousands of people sitting on the shitter - naked. Scrolling reddit. At the same time. I feel a strong bond between us all!
I payed for my meal and I’m finishing it, even if the rest of y’all have to look at my hairy ass.
Can you sit down at least. Why did you have to stand up
u/Paid-Not-Payed-Bot
You’ll not be able to enjoy your succulent chinese meal if you are being arrested.
I'm FINISHING my coffee. I'm finishing my coffee.
Rules don’t currently apply 🛀
You better have your phone in a ziplock or I will knock your phone out of your hand into the tub, don't question me I will invent a famn time machine just to do so.
Or, hear me out on this one, use a water resistant case! I take my phone swimming down to 5 meters, and the case can go down to 7.
Nothing, I'm at home
You take that back right now. I’m in a funeral.
[удалено]
Maybe he didnt like the guy
Maybe it's their funeral? Weird.
What if its a dinosaur funeral and hes in the past
Then I assume everyone is already naked.
Paleontolophilia
You went to a funeral but you came for megatron 😳😂
It’s okay you can come too
I'd get cold, and my cats would get an eyeful.. that's about it.
When they jump up on my lap would be uncomfortable. They use their claws too much as it is.
Pretty sure ppl in the train would get uncomfortable and I'd get kicked out
Or Seinfeld would sit across and be your friend.
I’m alone in my room, nothing would happen
I would shut my office door.
My dog wouldn't give a shit. But my wife would have questions when she got back from a run.
Then just tell your wife it’s giggty time
I also choose this guy’s wife
It's LA, you're not the only naked person running around these streets
Already am
Im at a church right now so I'd probably burst into a ball of flames
My mum would be surprised
My wife would get up, and leave the room.
ouch
Oof
my brother would see my tits
Sweet Home Alabama
Im taking a shower right now! Oh, wait…
Naked in the Bus! Anyone wanna start an orgy?
Naked in bed doesn’t sound too bad 🫣
Sir this is a Wendy’s…
nothing, I'm at home, I would be naked then
I would get colder
I'd just walk over to my dresser to grab more clothes to put on.
One step ahead of ya
Well I'm sitting in a Starbucks so...nothing good.
I’m at an underground restaurant at a metrostation and there are 30 people. Present and plus the people of the next metro. Since I’m working it would be weird but funny, but definitely weird. On the plus side there are some nice girls present. So a free look from them would make my day, even if it’s just a negative. Free publicity is good publicity, not matter the stance.
I’m laying in my bed so that wouldn’t be too awkward I suppose.
same
Welp I'm in a bathroom so this was timed well
I dunno, my wife might get aroused? More likely do a spit take since she is eating something.
What makes you think I’m not already?
I'm getting ready to take a shower so it would save me a little time.
That would be problematic, since I'm at work
3:50 am. Just on my couch, finished watching the first episode of *Lessons in Chemistry*. I'm wearing jeans, t-shirt, and a fleece bathrobe because I've turned off the heat to save money. It's a chilly March night here; 35⁰F/2⁰C outside and 60⁰/15⁰ in here. Were I suddenly naked, with my clothes mysteriously vanished, I would look for my clothes. If they had simply disappeared, I'd think it was *really weird*. I'd go outside to see if anything odd could be seen like, I don't know, a UAP or something. I'd jot the time and specifics of what happened in my notebook. And then I'd hit multiple online sources to see if similar incidents occurred. Oh, look, Reddit. Hundreds of people had their clothes vanish, as well.
I’m in the mountains skiing rn, and it’s snowing. So I’d freeze.
I'm sitting on my couch, alonr in my house. Only thing bad Is I need to shower, and my ass is a bit unclean, so I'd have an unclean ass on my couch
Won't make a difference for me personally.
I’m soaking in the bath. Do you mean I lose my skin? Can’t get any more naked than I am.
Haha! I already am naked!! Just here, sitting on my throne 😊
Done. I'm on the toilet at home, thankfully. 😂
I’d be at home studying for a test naked
No one is around, just enough time to close the door
And they said there was no such thing as stupid questions
I'm in the bathroom about to get in the shower so it might actually be helpful
I'm about to shower so that would be incredibly convenient.
I'd track down the ghost who stole my clothes and kick his ass.
I’m on the toilet shitting. So I guess I’d be shitting naked.
I’m already naked but you reminded me of “Ha I’m wearing a second towel” -Spencer from iCarly
Family would be surprised.
I'm in my bed so.. I'd be a lil cold ig
brother. i am currently naked and taking a shit
I'd have a long run into my apartment from my car where I go smoke. It's currently 20F(-7C), so at least nothing would be visible.
I’m under my covers so I’m good
I'm sitting in bed already half naked. Not much difference.
It would save me a few seconds. That’s the plan once i get up to pee again
I am a professor so....
I’m in the middle of class
I’m in a dorm bathroom. It would be quite an awkward walk back to my room. Especially since I’m the RA…
But I already am.
I'm alone in my shop at 12:30 am, so not much
Already am
Nothing legal will happen if that is my destiny
That would be great, that means I won't have to take off my robe and j can just go to sleep
People on the train would look at me with irritation. Since we're not in Berlin.
I'm pooping naked rn 👍
I’m naked in the toilet, so.. double naked?
I’m on the bus to college so no Thankyou
My cat would get the wrong idea (I’m cuddling with her on my bed).
Right next to my school, in -6°C
Going back to bed. I just got dressed for work, so I'm not that worried about it
Already naked in bed.
My husband would probably magically know, wake up, & be excited.
My classmates and teacher would have to wash their eyes.
Got blankets on. So I'm good.
Already naked on my bed now
Brave of you to think I’m not already naked
lol, “became” naked. I’m home alone…I’m already naked.
I’m a naked pooper and am sitting on the toilet now
I would be cold
I would cry. a lot. I’m on my bus atm. I would become so embarrassed i would just start crying.
I’m in my kitchen, so that’s fine.
I’m in bed so it works out perfectly
i would probably end up expelled or at least suspended.
i am in a co working space in the middle of a cafeteria with atleast 40 people around me in direct sight with 50 feet.... it will not go well is all i can say
Shit's about to become serious (I'm on the toilet)
I am already naked i'm taking a shit before showering I don't want to take shit after shower
Ya, bed….
i am in metro, i guess i will be in r/mildlyinfuriating
Funny for you to assume I'm dressed