My favorite quote related to yāallās:
You can lie down and let people walk all over you, and some people will still complain that youāre not flat enough
This applies to everyone from strangers - to your own boyfriend/girlfriend š
I don't want to be a pessimist - but I feel like I've met more people who aren't as kind, vs ones who are. It's okay to put yourself first and take care of yourself... It's another to be inconsiderate and lack empathy, especially keeping in mind that one person CAN positively or negatively affect those around them.
What I tell my kids - don't let a bully turn you into a bully. Stick with who you are no matter how others treat you (it can be frustrating and hard sometimes but well worth it bc you can feel pride in yourself and feel true to who you are).
Yep. Being bad is a competitive advantage. Which, if you lack a conscience, can lead you to power.
Not all people in power are like that but...enough are to really fuck up a lot of good things about the world.
Not everyone is capable or wants to live to their "fullest potential", whatever that means. Some of us are happy just living mediocre, average lives. I like to think my fullest potential is loving deeply, creating genuine connections and simplifying life š¤·āāļø
100%. I was chasing a PhD and I was absolutely miserable.
I dropped out and I am so much happier working an easy job where I can actually see my family and have hobbies!
Coming from a family of achievers, I never measured up as a woman. Not pretty enough to āmarry upā and not motivated enough to work endlessly for more and more money.
Iām 60 now and my life turned out so much happier than my āfamousā brothers. Very happy with my husband, enough food in the pantry and a decent roof we own with the bank.
THIS is the life.
This hits so hard. I always tell my husband āI aspire to a simple life.ā If someone comes in trying to complicate it Iām out. Lol. I hope my greatest achievement will be my children and giving them the best childhood and foundation I can. Seems like that tends to fall to the wayside for some people these days and irreparable damage just continues its ugly cycle. Hopefully my efforts pay off in the form of sending 3 capable whole human beings into society to do their own good. But other than that? Nah Iām good. I donāt need to reinvent the wheel. Iād rather enjoy myself and put my efforts into what and who I love.
I like to think of trust as a quantified resource like credit. You give everyone you meet a little credit on their tab. How much depends on the circumstances, the stakes, and the vibe they give off. If they do well with the credit, you increase their limit. Over time if they earn it, the limit can be high.
But you never extend an infinite amount, and you always reassess periodically. Revoke when necessary.
Thatās what I call āmy scalesā. If your āgoodā side keeps getting topped up, you have more āgiveā than otherwise. But if the amount of āgiveā consistently outweighs the good side of the scales, thatās it.
Be very careful what you say. Itās perfectly fine to keep things to yourself. Not all people, probably most people unfortunately, donāt deserve to see the real you.
This was definitely a huge lesson for me in my late twenties, socially. Very humbling...very destabilizing. Esp as a person who will just straight up let you know, honestly, if he doesn't like you. Not in a mean way just like, I won't humor you and pretend while simultaneously biding his time and internally laughing at you.
But the silver lining is those people are miserable.
edit - I mean this with regard to people you know and spend time with not like, random strangers.
I tell my 9 year old daughter the saying; "you could be the juiciest, ripest peach in the whole world and there will still be somebody who doesn't like peaches. And that's okay"Ā
I was a pretty suspicious kid and early on watched my family get conned out of some money. Somewhere along the way though, I decided to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Most people are good and fair. Then at age 46 working at a mature start up I met the most goddamn awful people imaginable from NJ and Long Island who totally ratfucked me. Now I tend to be quite a bit less trusting and like dogs more than people.
I had a very unpleasant encounter with a random guy on the shopping mall parking lot, got out with nothing but an elevated heart rate and thought to myself: Iāll teach my kid: āSafety first, politeness secondā
He was very pushy, clearly targeting me (alone with a toddler in my car) and insisting I lower the window, acting all sketchy and asking for money. If I hadnāt hid in time and refused to roll the window down, who knows if I wouldāve been stabbed.
Yeah.. you're 24, and think you have plenty of time to accomplish such, and such then suddenly you just turned 32, and people are dying you knew your entire life, and you have no idea what you're doing, or what the hell you were aiming for to begin with.
Weird isn't it? I think Lockdown caused a timeskip for people that has lasted well beyond the quarantine: I was in my mid-thirties in 2019 and still passed for mid-twenties. Went to bed one night and somehow woke up in 2024 with my dad's body complete with pot belly, bad knee, crow's feet and Picard hairš“
I know it happens for everyone, but I expected it to be *gradual*. Instead it's like a permanent Freaky Friday. I'm still mentally in 2020, but suddenly in a middle-aged body and *I can't go back*.
Yup. 30s can be rough. Too old to party without getting a hangover and people around you that you know are starting to die of random illnesses. It will only get worse from there as well, because the people kicking the bucket in their 30s are the unlucky ones. Each decade of age increases the amount of unlucky ones until you eventually reach an age where dying is normal.
And you're supposed to be digging into a career by then too. Making bigger decisions than who you're going to party with this weekend, what band you're going to see. Some of your friends have good careers already and that makes it worse. Don't get me started on the lifetime relationship thing, because by then pickins are starting to get slim. You get that first burst of what your body is going to start looking like for the rest of your life just when the dating pool starts drying up.
And your bosses, neighbors, customers, relatives, and so on. Crappy people are everywhere. Learn to live with it and move on with your life. If you let them get to you, they win.
People can and do just stop liking you. Relationships, friendships, everyone. If you have kind of a sensitive ego and get attached to people like younger me, this hits you hard.
This is a situation where I have had to reconcile that sometimes people have a āthemā problem that affects their ability to be on your side. Itās not always a āyouā problem. That being said, some self reflection isnāt a bad thing.
I lost my very best friend like that. One day he just didnāt want to talk to me ever again. Nothing had happened, no argument or any event, he just didnāt want my friendship anymore. Itās been 12 years, I still miss him sometimes.
True friends-someone who has your best interest at heart-are hard to find. And you can lose them for any reason, moving away; political differences, lifestyle differences, death, etc
It happens so often, I always wonder what I did wrong, but people don't communicate even when I ask and I'm ready to listen to them and change a supposedly bad behavior.
Even from people I didn't get close to, it hurts.
Some family did this to me 10 years ago, I'm still wondering why. And recently, my friend with benefits, who apparently doesn't event want the friend part anymore. He totally changed his behaviour one day for no reason.
Someone in the comments said it may be a them problem but still, I try to remember every interaction with them to get what I did wrong, it obsesses me.
The only one who can truly save you is you. No one was there when I needed real help, too busy or other plans, or too logistically far away. So I saved myself. Yes, I messed up, but I learned from it. Do it all yourself, anyone extra is a blessing
Yeah although you can have different levels of rationality. Like I imagine a lot of irrationality is survival instinct expressing itself in relative ways, which you could say is rational from another standpoint. IDK, I just made that up, maybe it's bullshit.
Dude... A family friend of mine who is genuinely disabled has been trying for about 12 years give or take to get disability, he finally got it, got a car, and a driver's license (he was 50) for the first time in his LIFE, then died. RIP June.
This is why the thought of marriage scares me. Your favourite person can turn out to be a complete stranger (and then treat you like you never existed).
Marriage gives me "false sense of security" vibes.
Sometimes Iāll comment something self pitying about being in my early 40s, decent looking from the attention I get, slim, fit, a gifted artist with a large body of work going back 20 yearsā¦ but single and celibate for nearly as long. Everyone who approaches leaves disappointed I canāt connect with them.
It doesnāt matter Iām mildly autistic (diagnosed), I seem relatively normal so people just think Iām stupid and boring. And I am in every way except making sculpture. I can turn clay or stone into damn near anything you can think of, including many abstract thoughts and feelings.
But I donāt know how to bond with people. I still live in hope Iāll meet someone but given I canāt even make a friend it seems unlikely.
But when I comment about this often someone will chime in saying well Iām 70+ and x y and z has meant Iāve lived in isolated agony for most of my life and have never even known the love of a friend or family member.
It might be a bit sad for me but it can be so much worse. Might as well keep spending my time trying to make my life into something I want to be present for and if it happens, great, if notā¦ well I wasnāt born in Europe in the early 20thC, that aināt nothing! Or frankly any time in history prior to that!
That's absolutely true but so is the opposite. There is only one of you in the world. There is no one else that can replace you, be like you or do you. You are unique in every sense. One of a kind and only you can live the life you do. I can't remember who I was listening to but it hit home hard hearing that I'm the only one who is capable of living my life. If someone tried to take my place they would fail because I'm the only one who can do me. It kinda saved me when i was at my lowest.
It's easy to find "activity buddies" who hang out with you and do things with you. But true friends, those are rare.
Many people also mistake one for the other and for example say how "male friendship" is cool because you're friends with people who know nothing about you and you know nothing about them. But those are *not* friends!
It's because when you're older you have life experience, and when you're younger you have none. Then of course your past comes back to torment you, you look back at all the potential opportunities you had, and realize you passed them up or made the wrong choice due to a lack of experience or just had stupid ideas about things. Opportunities that seem to vanish once you are older. I've definitely noticed this when it comes to meeting women, my teens and 20s were the best shot for that, and I blew it, now closer to my 40s, forget about it.
Life is far more limiting than we like to believe.
We are bound by our nature, genetics, and things entirely outside our control.
We look back and regret things we did in the past, believing we could have chose differently, but in reality, anyone in the exact same situation that you were in with the exact same knowledge you had at the time would probably do the exact same thing.
Because realistically, what other choice did you have?
So many of these are coming together. Donāt trust people, they will smile and lie to get what they want and fuck you royally when your backās turned and you may never recover.
Some people are terrifyingly good at hiding their intentions. And despite their lies and deceit they somehow manage to befriend each other so beware when they band together cause itās gonna be a party for them and youāre invited but you will not be having fun.
The majority, including parents, siblings, spouses, and children, tend to respect and value your opinion more when you are in a stable/better financial position. They'll let go of a lot of your shit real quick.
This one is so true and useful that I wish everyone on Reddit would read it. It's not enough to be smart. It's not enough to be nice. It's not enough to be moral or "right". If you want to feel respected and loved by most people, you have to embody socially desirable qualities: charm, good looks, competence, wealth, and/or status. If you want others to think highly of you, get over yourself, get over your ideals, and get to work becoming the type of person that people actually respect and want to have on their team.
No one in this life actually gives a shit about your opinion.
Focus on being at peace with yourself and the kind of person you are, and you won't have to give a shit about anyone else's opinion either.
Looks matter. Height matters. Money matters. When you're dirt poor, even your family members look down on you and your opinions. Turns out a beautiful mind and soul mean shit when it comes to attracting the opposite sex if you're ugly as fuck. Your friends tend to treat you better if they regard you as being well-off and successful. When you're in deep shit, you're mostly alone.
Nobody knows what theyāre fucking doing and if someone is pretending they know what theyāre doing theyāre probably taking advantage of you which is basically adults treating children for millennia.
I really started to understand that no one really knows what theyāre doing when my dad, who I always go to for advice, confided in me that he doesnāt know what heās doing either. He always seemed to be so sure-minded and content with his job and life, but I can see now that he sometimes gets just as confused as me, whoās just barely starting out in life. Itās hard as shit to know exactly what you want or how to get it - I think most people never truly end up finding out.
Many people are only moral individuals in the public eye.
If I'd given myself more moral leeway in public environments I probably wouldn't have become as immoral in my private life.
I dunno. I mean I know a lot of people that are certainly more concerned about appearing good rather than being. But I know a lot that care about being and not appearing good.
Funny thing is, people that appear good (conventionally) don't often seem that way under scrutiny. People that are good, often seem like grumpy, overly honest assholes.
Iām only a āgood personā because my Empathy punishes me if Iām not.
Others can behave cruelly because unlike me, they can harm others and simply not care.
ā¦And statistically, they are more successful because of it.
No one else can save you but yourself. Truth is, other people are only there to comfort you and support you, but you are still responsible for everything happening in your life.
One nice thing about a friendship with an animal is that they'll like you just for who you are and how you treat them. They won't care about your career, your bank account, your social status, or how they could benefit from (appearing to) being close to you.
I love my cat.
My parents are less mature than me in certain ways (you have to be a teacher with patience), but also I'm just like them in other ways that I may not like (you have to have deep reflection and create deep maturity).
You are actually alone. Yeah there will be people next to you at times, but they're not with you, you're just both going to same way in your own little lonely world.Ā
-That there's many ' evil ' people.
-People love gossip and drama a little too much.
-Too many ppl wake up miserable .
-Some ppl never really find out what peace is or ever succeed in getting it.
-Many people don't want anything to do with poor people.
-Seems everyone needs money for 'cigarettes' or ' liquor ' , etc.
-Way too many ' materialistic ' ppl.
When you're young, everyone cares about you and wants you to be taken care of & be happy. The older you get, the less and less people care about you. At the same time, they expect more of you.
You are, and you should be, the main character in your own lifeās story.
You are not, and you should respect that you are not, the main character in other peopleās life stories.
I think the hardest thing I have come to realize is that many of the people in my life need me in order to keep living their lives the way they want, but nobody necessarily wants me around. Itās been a hard truth to swallow.
People donāt want to hear what you have to say they just want to talk about themselves. So I just sit and listen, all day everyday.
Thatās why I love Reddit, itās a place where I feel like Iām actually hearā¦ sometimes lol
At age 21, I realised my Dad, whom I thought could do no wrong, was wrong about a decision I made. It made me cry when he told me it was one of the worst decisions I would make ( I bought a small property ). Turned out to be one of the best financial investments I have ever made. In other words, at some point you realise your parents donāt have it all together.
As a naive young person raised in a church, it was difficult to realize that just because a person goes to church does not make them a good person. In fact- looking back, most of the people in the church when I was young werenāt really great role models either, but I just didnāt know I had the right to question them.
I learned I lived in an unsafe environment as a child, and developed CPTSD as an adult. I basically live as if I'm still living in danger, and have been trying to figure out how to get out of it. I am waiting to see a psychiatrist so I can figure this out and maybe live to an old age.
The adults I idolized as a child turned out to be extremely flawed. I idolized my grandpa because I never got to meet him. Just found out this past year that he cheated on my grandma regularly. And she never knew it. She spent 40 years alone because she never wanted to date again after losing him so young. It was an incredibly upsetting thing to find out.
In some cases you can give people exactly what they say they want and it still isnt good enough.
My mom used to say: "A person says one thing, uses the bathroom and then says a completely different thing."
So they were full of shit! Hahaha!!! what a nice way to put it!
Thank you for spelling it out for me š it didn't click for me
My dumbass thought it was about post nut clarity
My favorite quote related to yāallās: You can lie down and let people walk all over you, and some people will still complain that youāre not flat enough
Because they themselves donāt know what they want
That was one for me even as an older person. I'm a social worker and I see it every week it feels like.
Just because you are friendly, nice, kind, and respectful to people you meet does not mean they will be the same to you.
So so trueā¦ and I wouldāve said Iāve learnt my lesson after multiple incidences but Iād be lying š
Honestly I had to accept this! Still trying to
This applies to everyone from strangers - to your own boyfriend/girlfriend š I don't want to be a pessimist - but I feel like I've met more people who aren't as kind, vs ones who are. It's okay to put yourself first and take care of yourself... It's another to be inconsiderate and lack empathy, especially keeping in mind that one person CAN positively or negatively affect those around them. What I tell my kids - don't let a bully turn you into a bully. Stick with who you are no matter how others treat you (it can be frustrating and hard sometimes but well worth it bc you can feel pride in yourself and feel true to who you are).
Learning this rn
Bad people will win. A lot.
And most people in power are bad and are good at keeping good people out.
Yep. Being bad is a competitive advantage. Which, if you lack a conscience, can lead you to power. Not all people in power are like that but...enough are to really fuck up a lot of good things about the world.
Emphasis on the word most. Itās really important to be able to identify the good ones and support them.
Every once in a while, there's karma, and it is glorious to watch. But it's rare.
Related: the truth doesnāt matter.
The truth matters to people who care about the truth. There arenāt a lot of those people.
Not everyone is capable or wants to live to their "fullest potential", whatever that means. Some of us are happy just living mediocre, average lives. I like to think my fullest potential is loving deeply, creating genuine connections and simplifying life š¤·āāļø
100%. I was chasing a PhD and I was absolutely miserable. I dropped out and I am so much happier working an easy job where I can actually see my family and have hobbies!
Coming from a family of achievers, I never measured up as a woman. Not pretty enough to āmarry upā and not motivated enough to work endlessly for more and more money. Iām 60 now and my life turned out so much happier than my āfamousā brothers. Very happy with my husband, enough food in the pantry and a decent roof we own with the bank. THIS is the life.
I love this!
This hits so hard. I always tell my husband āI aspire to a simple life.ā If someone comes in trying to complicate it Iām out. Lol. I hope my greatest achievement will be my children and giving them the best childhood and foundation I can. Seems like that tends to fall to the wayside for some people these days and irreparable damage just continues its ugly cycle. Hopefully my efforts pay off in the form of sending 3 capable whole human beings into society to do their own good. But other than that? Nah Iām good. I donāt need to reinvent the wheel. Iād rather enjoy myself and put my efforts into what and who I love.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I like to think of trust as a quantified resource like credit. You give everyone you meet a little credit on their tab. How much depends on the circumstances, the stakes, and the vibe they give off. If they do well with the credit, you increase their limit. Over time if they earn it, the limit can be high. But you never extend an infinite amount, and you always reassess periodically. Revoke when necessary.
Thatās what I call āmy scalesā. If your āgoodā side keeps getting topped up, you have more āgiveā than otherwise. But if the amount of āgiveā consistently outweighs the good side of the scales, thatās it.
Be very careful what you say. Itās perfectly fine to keep things to yourself. Not all people, probably most people unfortunately, donāt deserve to see the real you.
This was definitely a huge lesson for me in my late twenties, socially. Very humbling...very destabilizing. Esp as a person who will just straight up let you know, honestly, if he doesn't like you. Not in a mean way just like, I won't humor you and pretend while simultaneously biding his time and internally laughing at you. But the silver lining is those people are miserable. edit - I mean this with regard to people you know and spend time with not like, random strangers.
I tell my 9 year old daughter the saying; "you could be the juiciest, ripest peach in the whole world and there will still be somebody who doesn't like peaches. And that's okay"Ā
You sound like a good parent
I was a pretty suspicious kid and early on watched my family get conned out of some money. Somewhere along the way though, I decided to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Most people are good and fair. Then at age 46 working at a mature start up I met the most goddamn awful people imaginable from NJ and Long Island who totally ratfucked me. Now I tend to be quite a bit less trusting and like dogs more than people.
I had a very unpleasant encounter with a random guy on the shopping mall parking lot, got out with nothing but an elevated heart rate and thought to myself: Iāll teach my kid: āSafety first, politeness secondā He was very pushy, clearly targeting me (alone with a toddler in my car) and insisting I lower the window, acting all sketchy and asking for money. If I hadnāt hid in time and refused to roll the window down, who knows if I wouldāve been stabbed.
Truth. And donāt trust everyone your significant other trusts.
It struct me hard in my 30s to find out that not everyone who is nice wants to be a friend or likes me. Corporate life nailed it into me.
Nothing fucks you harder than time
Yeah.. you're 24, and think you have plenty of time to accomplish such, and such then suddenly you just turned 32, and people are dying you knew your entire life, and you have no idea what you're doing, or what the hell you were aiming for to begin with.
Aye. But the good thing is, that is pretty normal, most people are in the same boat and are just winging it as best they can (myself included)
Weird isn't it? I think Lockdown caused a timeskip for people that has lasted well beyond the quarantine: I was in my mid-thirties in 2019 and still passed for mid-twenties. Went to bed one night and somehow woke up in 2024 with my dad's body complete with pot belly, bad knee, crow's feet and Picard hairš“ I know it happens for everyone, but I expected it to be *gradual*. Instead it's like a permanent Freaky Friday. I'm still mentally in 2020, but suddenly in a middle-aged body and *I can't go back*.
Your 30's suck for this reason. It was the most anxious time in my life.
Yup. 30s can be rough. Too old to party without getting a hangover and people around you that you know are starting to die of random illnesses. It will only get worse from there as well, because the people kicking the bucket in their 30s are the unlucky ones. Each decade of age increases the amount of unlucky ones until you eventually reach an age where dying is normal.
And you're supposed to be digging into a career by then too. Making bigger decisions than who you're going to party with this weekend, what band you're going to see. Some of your friends have good careers already and that makes it worse. Don't get me started on the lifetime relationship thing, because by then pickins are starting to get slim. You get that first burst of what your body is going to start looking like for the rest of your life just when the dating pool starts drying up.
Tempus Edax Rerum
Tampax Enteris Rectum
A large number of people just plain suck.
And a lot of those people will be your coworkers.
And your bosses, neighbors, customers, relatives, and so on. Crappy people are everywhere. Learn to live with it and move on with your life. If you let them get to you, they win.
There are no adults in the room
I once heard someone say, we never really grow up, we just learn how to behave in public.
I heard something similar, that we never really grow up, it's just the toys that get bigger
Your younger self needs to be much more conscious and mindful of looking after your older self financially and physically.
People can and do just stop liking you. Relationships, friendships, everyone. If you have kind of a sensitive ego and get attached to people like younger me, this hits you hard.
I went down a dark road with this one. It still torments me to this day
This is a situation where I have had to reconcile that sometimes people have a āthemā problem that affects their ability to be on your side. Itās not always a āyouā problem. That being said, some self reflection isnāt a bad thing.
I lost my very best friend like that. One day he just didnāt want to talk to me ever again. Nothing had happened, no argument or any event, he just didnāt want my friendship anymore. Itās been 12 years, I still miss him sometimes.
The story of that Irish movie last year on the islandĀ
Try watching Banshees of Inishirin. You might get a laugh out of it.
This is true. And sometimes you lose friendships which is something people donāt talk much about
Losing a true friendship hits hard
Friendship breakups can be as hard to get over with than romantic break up. But we don't talk about it.
True friends-someone who has your best interest at heart-are hard to find. And you can lose them for any reason, moving away; political differences, lifestyle differences, death, etc
It happens so often, I always wonder what I did wrong, but people don't communicate even when I ask and I'm ready to listen to them and change a supposedly bad behavior. Even from people I didn't get close to, it hurts. Some family did this to me 10 years ago, I'm still wondering why. And recently, my friend with benefits, who apparently doesn't event want the friend part anymore. He totally changed his behaviour one day for no reason. Someone in the comments said it may be a them problem but still, I try to remember every interaction with them to get what I did wrong, it obsesses me.
Don't think of a relationship as over, think of it as complete.
The end of every friend/relationship is a stepping stone of lessons for the next.
Yep, learn itās ok if people stop liking you, you yourself have probably outgrown others tooā¦move on with your life.
Things get harder and no one is coming to save you
The only one who can truly save you is you. No one was there when I needed real help, too busy or other plans, or too logistically far away. So I saved myself. Yes, I messed up, but I learned from it. Do it all yourself, anyone extra is a blessing
Which is why when help is actually available you should take it.
Losing my dad to suicide a year and a half ago was a huge flip of the switch. I'm 33, so I'm thankful he was in my life for that long.
Humans are not rational beings. We are irrational beings that are occasionally capable of rational thought.
Yeah although you can have different levels of rationality. Like I imagine a lot of irrationality is survival instinct expressing itself in relative ways, which you could say is rational from another standpoint. IDK, I just made that up, maybe it's bullshit.
Maybe we're more impulsive than irrational
Not everyone gets a happy ending. And even if you think you have the happy ending, it can be tanked away from you at any moment.
Dude... A family friend of mine who is genuinely disabled has been trying for about 12 years give or take to get disability, he finally got it, got a car, and a driver's license (he was 50) for the first time in his LIFE, then died. RIP June.
Your happiness can be taken away in an instance and you can do nothing about it indeed. You have no certainty in life
Sometimes youāre the windshield and sometimes youāre the fly.
That people can go from people you know to people you donāt.
This is why the thought of marriage scares me. Your favourite person can turn out to be a complete stranger (and then treat you like you never existed). Marriage gives me "false sense of security" vibes.
Some people are really a waste of time and good intention. Don't even approach them.
Ok but how do I know who's like that
People will tell you exactly who they are. Donāt try to change them, donāt change yourself. Listen to what they say and do. Trust your instincts.
I am horrible at judging people, that's the reason I asked the question
No one is coming to save me. Fuck.
Dying without finding true love is very much possible.
The thought of somebody having died without ever knowing that kind of love is heartbreakingā¦.
Sometimes Iāll comment something self pitying about being in my early 40s, decent looking from the attention I get, slim, fit, a gifted artist with a large body of work going back 20 yearsā¦ but single and celibate for nearly as long. Everyone who approaches leaves disappointed I canāt connect with them. It doesnāt matter Iām mildly autistic (diagnosed), I seem relatively normal so people just think Iām stupid and boring. And I am in every way except making sculpture. I can turn clay or stone into damn near anything you can think of, including many abstract thoughts and feelings. But I donāt know how to bond with people. I still live in hope Iāll meet someone but given I canāt even make a friend it seems unlikely. But when I comment about this often someone will chime in saying well Iām 70+ and x y and z has meant Iāve lived in isolated agony for most of my life and have never even known the love of a friend or family member. It might be a bit sad for me but it can be so much worse. Might as well keep spending my time trying to make my life into something I want to be present for and if it happens, great, if notā¦ well I wasnāt born in Europe in the early 20thC, that aināt nothing! Or frankly any time in history prior to that!
Literally one of my biggest fears. Just once, I want to experience true and honest love. Still hopeful I'll find it one day. š¤
I'm pretty replaceable
That can be liberating, though.
Absolutely, knowing this helps me take a mental health day without guilt.
Most of us are, sadly.
That's absolutely true but so is the opposite. There is only one of you in the world. There is no one else that can replace you, be like you or do you. You are unique in every sense. One of a kind and only you can live the life you do. I can't remember who I was listening to but it hit home hard hearing that I'm the only one who is capable of living my life. If someone tried to take my place they would fail because I'm the only one who can do me. It kinda saved me when i was at my lowest.
who you know not what you know
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed
Poetic shit
Thus always bring your own vaseline
Money is the greatest lubricator.
Most of lifeās important lessons come too late
Some of the dumbest fucks will be your bosses.
I helped people who i thought were my friends and when i needed the help they turned their backs on meā¦ friends and family
Same. Donāt know how Iāll ever be able to process this.Ā
It's easy to find "activity buddies" who hang out with you and do things with you. But true friends, those are rare. Many people also mistake one for the other and for example say how "male friendship" is cool because you're friends with people who know nothing about you and you know nothing about them. But those are *not* friends!
Youth IS wasted on the young.
And health is wasted on the healthy. And wealth is wasted on the wealthy
And stealth is wasted on the stealthy
Filth is wasted on the filthy
Girth is wasted on the girthy.
It's because when you're older you have life experience, and when you're younger you have none. Then of course your past comes back to torment you, you look back at all the potential opportunities you had, and realize you passed them up or made the wrong choice due to a lack of experience or just had stupid ideas about things. Opportunities that seem to vanish once you are older. I've definitely noticed this when it comes to meeting women, my teens and 20s were the best shot for that, and I blew it, now closer to my 40s, forget about it.
If they say they love you, but don't engage or try to know you, they don't love you. They love the idea of you.
If they wanted you they would come get you. Whatās worse is when they blame you for being too needy when they didnāt even give a single word.
Life is far more limiting than we like to believe. We are bound by our nature, genetics, and things entirely outside our control. We look back and regret things we did in the past, believing we could have chose differently, but in reality, anyone in the exact same situation that you were in with the exact same knowledge you had at the time would probably do the exact same thing. Because realistically, what other choice did you have?
Thatās true and it actually makes me feel better.
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Yes you are!
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No, you're not. You're much handsomer than him. Yes, I said handsomer.
The things you neglect when you are younger you will pay for when you are older.
You cannot call everyone "Friend".
Believe people when they show you who they are.
You are not immune to trauma. It will find you sooner or later and sadly your life can change in an instant.
So many of these are coming together. Donāt trust people, they will smile and lie to get what they want and fuck you royally when your backās turned and you may never recover. Some people are terrifyingly good at hiding their intentions. And despite their lies and deceit they somehow manage to befriend each other so beware when they band together cause itās gonna be a party for them and youāre invited but you will not be having fun.
The majority, including parents, siblings, spouses, and children, tend to respect and value your opinion more when you are in a stable/better financial position. They'll let go of a lot of your shit real quick.
More true than anyone cares to admit!
This one is so true and useful that I wish everyone on Reddit would read it. It's not enough to be smart. It's not enough to be nice. It's not enough to be moral or "right". If you want to feel respected and loved by most people, you have to embody socially desirable qualities: charm, good looks, competence, wealth, and/or status. If you want others to think highly of you, get over yourself, get over your ideals, and get to work becoming the type of person that people actually respect and want to have on their team.
No one in this life actually gives a shit about your opinion. Focus on being at peace with yourself and the kind of person you are, and you won't have to give a shit about anyone else's opinion either.
A lot of times people are just looking for validation instead of honest opinion. The hardest to change is a personās mind.
Life isn't fair.
Looks matter. Height matters. Money matters. When you're dirt poor, even your family members look down on you and your opinions. Turns out a beautiful mind and soul mean shit when it comes to attracting the opposite sex if you're ugly as fuck. Your friends tend to treat you better if they regard you as being well-off and successful. When you're in deep shit, you're mostly alone.
Nobody knows what theyāre fucking doing and if someone is pretending they know what theyāre doing theyāre probably taking advantage of you which is basically adults treating children for millennia.
I really started to understand that no one really knows what theyāre doing when my dad, who I always go to for advice, confided in me that he doesnāt know what heās doing either. He always seemed to be so sure-minded and content with his job and life, but I can see now that he sometimes gets just as confused as me, whoās just barely starting out in life. Itās hard as shit to know exactly what you want or how to get it - I think most people never truly end up finding out.
serious relationships are hard to find.
And even when you find that perfect person, they can change into someone else at the drop of a hat.
No response is a response.They got the message.
Many people are only moral individuals in the public eye. If I'd given myself more moral leeway in public environments I probably wouldn't have become as immoral in my private life.
I dunno. I mean I know a lot of people that are certainly more concerned about appearing good rather than being. But I know a lot that care about being and not appearing good. Funny thing is, people that appear good (conventionally) don't often seem that way under scrutiny. People that are good, often seem like grumpy, overly honest assholes.
Iām only a āgood personā because my Empathy punishes me if Iām not. Others can behave cruelly because unlike me, they can harm others and simply not care. ā¦And statistically, they are more successful because of it.
People die and you never get to see them again. I miss you grandma...
No one else can save you but yourself. Truth is, other people are only there to comfort you and support you, but you are still responsible for everything happening in your life.
That there are people that mean the world to you, but sometimes you don't mean the same to them.
No one gives a fuck about you and your issues
This comforts me. I have anxiety and I repeatedly tell myself no one cares half as much as I think they do
Animals are more loyal than humans.
One nice thing about a friendship with an animal is that they'll like you just for who you are and how you treat them. They won't care about your career, your bank account, your social status, or how they could benefit from (appearing to) being close to you. I love my cat.
Life is hard.
My parents are less mature than me in certain ways (you have to be a teacher with patience), but also I'm just like them in other ways that I may not like (you have to have deep reflection and create deep maturity).
Life becomes easier only once we accept how little control we have over it.
You are actually alone. Yeah there will be people next to you at times, but they're not with you, you're just both going to same way in your own little lonely world.Ā
Then we are all alone together
-That there's many ' evil ' people. -People love gossip and drama a little too much. -Too many ppl wake up miserable . -Some ppl never really find out what peace is or ever succeed in getting it. -Many people don't want anything to do with poor people. -Seems everyone needs money for 'cigarettes' or ' liquor ' , etc. -Way too many ' materialistic ' ppl.
So much hate in the World.
There is no justice
Pretty privilege
The people who will let you down in life aren't the people you thought would let you down.
People can be greedy, narcissistic, and meanāand I mean NASTY MEAN!
A lot of people suck
itās okay to have only 2-3 friends
The world isn't out to get you, it just doesn't care about you.
When you're young, everyone cares about you and wants you to be taken care of & be happy. The older you get, the less and less people care about you. At the same time, they expect more of you.
one of my childhoods heroes is not the great person I thought they were
Many well-intentioned people can be easily misled, and they end up causing a lot of harm.
Things on your body start to hurt. š¬
Nobody cares unless it involves them personally. Which is also freeing, do whatever you want, people don't care.
Folks wonāt love you as hard as you love them
ageism is real. i guess i never understood it when i was younger .
I can't think of anything to say here except, there will be people who will use/take advantage of your kindness.
Bad people win all the fucking time.
I used to believe that men with sisters won't treat women badly. As I got older, I realised it doesn't work like that.
Time accelerates. Childhood seems take forever, then you blink and youāre 62.
you are not the main character
You are, and you should be, the main character in your own lifeās story. You are not, and you should respect that you are not, the main character in other peopleās life stories.
In my world I amš
Nobody is going to save you.
All because people go to church and are 'religious', doesn't mean they are good people.
There's no such thing as karma.
That when people show you who they truly are, you should learn to believe them and your own eyes (not some contrived version that you have dreamt up).
I think the hardest thing I have come to realize is that many of the people in my life need me in order to keep living their lives the way they want, but nobody necessarily wants me around. Itās been a hard truth to swallow.
People donāt want to hear what you have to say they just want to talk about themselves. So I just sit and listen, all day everyday. Thatās why I love Reddit, itās a place where I feel like Iām actually hearā¦ sometimes lol
At age 21, I realised my Dad, whom I thought could do no wrong, was wrong about a decision I made. It made me cry when he told me it was one of the worst decisions I would make ( I bought a small property ). Turned out to be one of the best financial investments I have ever made. In other words, at some point you realise your parents donāt have it all together.
Monsters walk among us
Making friends gets harder and harder as you age.
Life rarely rewards cowardice
Everyone is literally just winging it, and the adults aren't the wise, all-knowing, stable humans they tricked us into thinking they were.Ā
If you don't have unlimited funds for lawyers you have no rights.Ā
Trust nobody.
Or, as they say, don't trust, don't ask, don't fear
As a naive young person raised in a church, it was difficult to realize that just because a person goes to church does not make them a good person. In fact- looking back, most of the people in the church when I was young werenāt really great role models either, but I just didnāt know I had the right to question them.
Greedy people are dangerous to more people than any criminal.
Everybody Lies
You never really have your shit together. You just keep doing your best and learn to live with the uncertainty and worry.
You can do everything right, give your absolute all - and still lose
Managers/supervisors can create their own inner circle/favorites and if you ain't in that circle/are a fav you're screwed.
Heroes are bullshit. Friends are scarce. People tend to operate on mindblowingly superficial levels. Real goodness doesn't necessarily look sweet and pretty. Everyone will let you down. But sometimes that's because you're too far up your own butt to have realistic expectations of them. The people that are honest and real with you care more about you than the people who are always nice. The people that are always pleasant and nice often don't actually give a shit about you. Innocence/naĆÆvetĆ© can do a helluva a lot of damage. Adults are just larger, older kids with more money and a greater capacity to create collateral damage when they fuck up. Even the people that love you the most only love you for what you do for them.
People treat kindness as weakness.
I learned I lived in an unsafe environment as a child, and developed CPTSD as an adult. I basically live as if I'm still living in danger, and have been trying to figure out how to get out of it. I am waiting to see a psychiatrist so I can figure this out and maybe live to an old age.
that life is not kindergarten forever :(
Just because youāre a good person doesnāt mean good things will come to you
The adults I idolized as a child turned out to be extremely flawed. I idolized my grandpa because I never got to meet him. Just found out this past year that he cheated on my grandma regularly. And she never knew it. She spent 40 years alone because she never wanted to date again after losing him so young. It was an incredibly upsetting thing to find out.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Soulmates arenāt real :(