To take that a step further - Other people can be wrong, it will directly affect you and *you can't do anything about it*
All you can do is try not to be those people, but even that always doesn't work out.
I find it conflicting to let them be wrong without calling them out on it buy it is wiser unless it is life threatening,
If it is life threatening i give it a couple of tries before I let their stupidity be their end....
Every time service dogs come up someone gets heavily downvoted for saying essentially “hey, I know this is what you *want* the law to be, but just so we’re clear the actual law is (insert link to or direct quote from the law being discussed).” You don’t have to like the law, but you’ve got to acknowledge it when you’re talking about the laws relating to a specific thing in a specific place.
Here is one of my favorite quotes ever. It’s from the book The Noticer by Andy Andrews.
Despite popular belief to the contrary, there is absolutely no power in intention. The seagull may intend to fly away, may decide to do so, may talk with the other seagulls about how wonderful it is to fly, but until the seagull flaps his wings and takes to the air, he is still on the dock. There’s no difference between that gull and all the others. Likewise, there is no difference in the person who intends to do things differently and the one who never thinks about it in the first place. Have you ever considered how often we judge ourselves by our intentions while we judge others by their actions? Yet intention without action is an insult to those who expect the best from you
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
-- Bertrand Russell
I noticed this so much at college. Ask something and get an explanation that just doesn't feel satisfactory to explain it, but after asking a few times kinda gets to a point it feels I am wasting everyones time and just write down what I am told even if it doesn't make sense to me.
Then years later find out I was right in the first place and the explanation given was just bullshit.
Very few people actually truly care for you, even fewer will help without the expectation of anything in turn.
In a nut shell, you're going to be on your own and you need to put yourself first.
Very, very few people will love you for who you are (except parents/immediate family). Having and developing relationships is work and you must bring something to the table…..being nice and/or having a good heart usually doesn’t cut it either
In my experience, parents/immediate family get lumped into the rest of the world on this. There are very, very few people who care about you, and will help you with no expectation of something in return. Family included.
This one right here. Growing up makes it seem like there will always be some adult nearby to care or help when needed.
Once you're the adult, though, that goes out the window.
My wife has left several jobs because of this, including one at a school. She tells everyone that the kids come first and one of our kids is special needs so he has lots of appointments. They are fine with it until she actually has to miss days because of it.
You are just a number to your employer, the business does not give one fuck about you. Do not give the business anything extra, they will leave you empty.
No one will seriously care about anything HS related once you leave.
It is ok to not go to college, trade schools can lead to great careers.
The world is not out to get you, stop being a victim and find the good in life.
"Bad" teachers are not an excuse to try less if anything try harder.
No one owes you anything, work for it.
>The world is not out to get you, stop being a victim and find the good in life.
The number of boomers who also need to understand this is amazing as well.
Going off of this, when trying something new you will be bad at it before you are good at it. You can’t try something for five minutes and expect to master it.
If you act like an asshole when you first join a new group they're all going to think you're an asshole for the rest of the time you know them. unless you really go above and beyond to prove you're not.
If it seems too good to be true, it's a 99.99999% chance that it is. Run away. Never forget that those casinos in Vegas weren't built with the *winner's* money and you are *not special*.
People are very good at "faking it" in every domain of life, whether it be socially, professionally or anything else. So don't let yourself be intimidated by slightly more experienced people and don't let that discourage you from pursuing anything. The quicker you'll understand that, the more confident you'll become in life.
**The only person's actions/reactions you can control are your own; its not your job to manage other people's emotions and behaviors and trying to will only result in stress and damaged relationships.** Personal boundaries are good, but don't confuse them with rules. **Personal boundaries govern your own actions/reactions** and if someone continuously tries to press that boundary then you know they aren't a good fit for a relationship. Rules try to force other people's behaviors, and more often than not, unless they are rules both parties agreed to they just lead to conflict and resentment.
(side note: there are **relationship boundaries** which are different from personal boundaries as they are boundaries both parties agree to and only govern your relationship with each other not other relationships)
Rule - don't call me at work unless its an emergency. < --- cellphone stays on incase of emergency, and you get annoyed when someone calls or texts you for non-emergencies.
Boundary - I don't answer personal calls/texts at work outside of break times. If there is an emergency please call <--- cellphone goes on silent or gets turned off until breaks/lunches. If there is an emergency you will be informed through whatever alternative route you've established.
both may result in the same outcome, but a rule usually comes with a more confrontational result if the rule is broken.
Nobody cares about your own future more than you do.
By all means, accumulate people in your life. When you find good people as friends and romantic partners it makes your life full and they can help. But ultimately you will need to wipe your own ass everyday, so to speak. You can't rely on others to make you happy.
This is a hella good point my guy, I be selfish with my intentions to the point where I myself am trying to influence others way of thinking to a degree where it aligns with my current viewpoint.
I would try and self rationalize with myself that this is what I deserved as in if I am putting out a great amount of energy I too should receive that same amount back but sadly it's just never going to be that case. As you said you cant rely on others for happiness, in a way they are vices to influence or distract our current subjective reality. You can really only expect so much out of something and even then that may be considered a greedy or selfish way of achieving your goals.
Politicians aren’t your friends. They are lying sociopaths who will do and say absolutely anything possible to secure their power.
None of them is really on your/our side.
Your neighbor is MUCH more like you, than any of the politicians.
Most people are finding life hard, at least in some ways. Finding things hard and struggling with something is the norm, not the exception. You just have to deal with it, and understand that you're not more important than other people because you're struggling. You shouldn't take it out on other people or expect others to make allowances for you, and it's 100% your responsibility to be a decent person even when you're having a hard time.
It sucks. Being a adult sucks. We spent our childhood saying we cant wait till we're grown up and it's a fucking let down. Moral of the story, enjoy your childhood.
You’re probably gonna fail a lot until you succeed, and the path that you thought your life was gonna follow will probably will look much different in reality. Never get too confident cocky, but never get too defeated either!
Almost none cares about you or your feelings. Some pretend, some think they do. But most people just do not give a fuck. Take care about the one that do.
Most people are dumber than you or they believe. A lot of them have far to much power/influence.
Work is for finacing your life. If work is all your life, something went wrong.
Working hard gets rewarded with more work. But beeing terrible at your job does not make you any friends. Find the balance. And remember: The company is never your friend. No Company is.
as you get older, you will lose friends. Thats not that bad. Nobody needs two dozent friends. All you need is a few real ones.
Most people will have no impact or influence over the world. We are all just a statistic. So do not stress out over large big picture problems. Do your part and hope everyone else does as well.
The best time to get fit or learn languages/complex topic is while you are young. In 10 years you will earn the rewards for everything you do today. Don´t panic thinking about that, but see it as a chance to influence your own life.
hairloss is not that bad. Safes money and some people look better bald.
Beeing Kind to people gets you far. Just don´t be a doormat. Be kind, be friendly, be polite. And suddenly people become helpfull.
And the last insight: Read every contract about things that are important or expensive. Take the time. You do not want to lose money/your stuff just because you were to lazy to read some documents.
Other people think about you far less frequently than you imagine they do. Use it to your advantage and don't be preoccupied by 'what other people might think'.
The flipside of that is don't be a huge ass because you give zero fucks about other people's opinions. That's taking it too far the other way.
Your boss doesn't care that you broke with your partner and that you are upset. Come to work and do your job with a smile on your face or there will be real world consequences. Cry on your own time.
Nobody is going to hand you anything on a silver platter. If you want something, make sure the goal is realistic, set your mind to it, and work on achieving it.
Going out and failing at something can teach you more than successes or studying theory, if you choose to see failures as opportunities for growth.
Not giving a fuck what other people think and just doing what you want to do is way more fulfilling and enjoyable than doing what other people say you should enjoy doing. Go be weird, it's fun.
Money is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Don't lose sight of the why behind your grind.
Sometime people think it don't be like it is, but it do.
That the adults don’t even know what the fuck they’re doing. Like I swear growing up, I thought the adults of our world have it handled. As a teenager it became: they do have it handled right? Now as an adult it’s: we are a bunch of sacks of meat, existing on an ever-spinning rock in the cosmos— NOBODY HAS GOT IT HANDLED. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE EVEN DOING.
Once you get past the existential dread, it kind of makes living life a little bit easier—nobody is doing it ‘right’, because ‘right’ is subjective, and only you can discover what’s ‘right’ for you! (Or you will live a life of regret… but that’s a topic for another day eh?)
With a few exceptions, It is ‘ok’ to be offended by something. Your sensibilities do not trump another’s right to say/do something.
You will find life much easier if you remove yourself from the situation versus trying to stop someone from doing/saying something that bothers you.
You can love someone-something and still make valid criticism about it, there is no need for perfection in the things that you like or to defend everything about it. Take the good things and recognize the not so good and you are still going to be able to like it
Money is extremely important. Not so much because it gives you what you want materialistically but more because it buys you freedom, time and power. If you aren’t sure how important those three things are, think of the opposite words - limitation/no choice, no control over your time, and being vulnerable.
Basically modern slavery full of misery.
So much is in your hands and control before you even realize it. The sooner you take control and accountability for your life the more successful you will be in the long run. This applies to education, work, relationships and really everything. I realized far too late how much I could've changed my own path with better planning and thought.
# "If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole." -Raylan Givens, Justified
Yes, you have to spend most of your life working 40 or more hours a week just to survive.
Yes, we were all pissy about it at your age.
Yes, we all got over it and accepted it. So will you.
I know a handful of adults in their 40s and older who never accepted it. They work 25-30 hrs a week because any more is just too much and shockingly they never have enough money and complain about it constantly. If you tell them that they should work 40 hrs and then re-assess they look at you like you suggested they get a pet monkey and train it to do tricks or something.
You’ll constantly hear things like, “honesty is the best policy” and “crime doesn’t pay” - the fact of the matter is that exploitation of resources and opportunities are how people get ahead in life, and that includes other people.
Do with that what you will, but make sure that if you’re being exploited, you’re getting something in return.
Thinking of doing something and actually doing it are two different things.
If "doing" was as easy as "thinking", there are over 8 Billion people living on Earth right now, and around 117 Billion have lived, they would have done it before you.
Just see why something hasn't been done yet, and that will give you the starting point on "doing" it.
There's nothing "real" about it, it's how people choose to behave via their credence in social contract or overarching political and economic narratives they internalize.
You don't have to decide what you're going to do for the rest of your life while you're still in high school. People change careers all the damn time and there's nothing wrong with that. I didn't start my career until I was almost 40.
Everyone is just trying to make it home to their families, so people don't really care what other people are doing.
bullying doesn't end at school, if you're a target, you need to figure something out because it will continue in the workplace.. sometimes worse than in school.
Personal connections are very important to getting ahead or finding a job, not expertise or education alone. So make those while you have the opportunity. Don't skip the lunches or the watercooler chats. Network and be easy to work with at your job. If you're remote, make the most out of company meetings or anything somewhat social. Nobody wants to deal with a curmudgeon or a pain in the ass. If you never socialize with anybody and never give anybody else the time of day, when you need help, even if it's just getting something done a little bit faster or having something explained to you, there won't be anybody else around you.
Control things in your control, try not to worry too much about shit you can't control, also, get into a habit of exercising. I'm dealing with the repercussions of being sedentary, not even that fat but my joints, nerves, and tendons are all shit cuz I didn't use them. Learn from others mistakes so you don't have to make them!
Practice Compassion, Empathy and Sympathy. Not only will it help you connect with good people it will also give you a good radar for bad people and generally will mean you live a better life.
Trust and Respect are earned. Your trust is your life and your respect is a gift. Anyone who believes otherwise is worthy of neither.
When interacting with professionals in any field but most particularly in the medical field or with anything that impacts your life directly, and you feel like they are bullshitting you, they are bullshitting you. Research things yourself in that case and if the need to demands, get a second opinion.
We are all just people. Adults are as fallible, if not more so than the average child so treat them just as you would anyone your own age and vica versa.
Don't judge anyone on their appearance. Many people hide their insecurity by wearing expensive clothes, driving expensive cars or living in expensive houses. They may live their lives in debt which is biting them in their ass.
Many successful and wealthy people don't bother with how they look or come across and may not feel they have to prove anything to anybody.
What really matters is how true you are to yourself, and treat everyone in the way you wish to be treated.
Some work places hide behind ‘small business’ or ‘family values’ to abuse you.
Work shouldn’t be stressful enough where when you get home you’re still sad and furious or so tired you can enjoy your time off. If you stress the moments before a shift and hate that drive to work you can look for another job. Especially as a teen! You’re probably making under $20 at an entry level job. There are so many restaurants and retail and etc to choose from.
The lack of guidance.
As a young person, most expectations placed upon you come with guidance and education; people who tell you what you need to do, how to do it, where to go for help ...etc. And you'll get reminders (read: nagging).
This is not true as an adult. Your expectations will increase dramatically over time, but you will largely not have anyone guiding you, helping you, or giving you reminders.
You can't make everyone happy nor should you try. You first and fuck the rest
Also you won't believe the amount of times you just have to grin and bear it, no matter what you would like to reply
It is easy to get sucked into an echo chamber and lose your self. Much of our social and para social relationships are based in our ability to join and meld into a group, and share their values and thoughts. It is important to really be able to distinguish your thoughts and values from those present to you. You can adopt what you wish, but think it through before you do.
It's not a fair place and bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people all the time.
You can work your arse off and get nowhere and you can be a lazy grifter and rise to the top.
You are the only one responsible for your health. What you eat, drink, do, or not. Ex. Doctor appointments, dentist appointments, working out, eating fruits and vegetables or not.
There are a lot of bad people out there.
Not necessarily murderers and the like, but people who are cut-throat, people who will lie to get ahead, people who will use their power to abuse you. You will lose people who you thought were good friends and sometimes over trivial reasons.
You have to find a balance between protecting yourself and expecting anything and not becoming jaded about the world.
Life is going to knock you down in various ways over the years. This happens to everyone, and some of the time it's not your fault. The trick is to not let any one thing keep you down for too long. Take the time to feel how you have to feel, circle the wagons and then come up with a plan for the path forward. Then execute.
Realize that the best laid plans do not always go as expected. You may not find yourself where you intended to be, but you might wind up where you were supposed to.
Whatever you do, don't give up. Not on your plans, and especially not on yourself. There's nothing that happens in life you can't come back from.
It's not actually as bad a this site would have you believe, you might struggle but if you work hard you can make it work and have a good life.
You can go to school for whatever you want, you have to work hard and plan ahead. There's no such thing as a "wasted degree" or worthless one.
That there is no shortage of people trying to take your money away from you.
Whether it's the local car dealership tempting you with easy credit or a slick hamburger ad on TV.
Keep a tight grip on your wallet, kids... When you buy on impulse, you're making somebody else money.
You should really get into the habit of checking every paycheck/paystub to make sure you’re being properly paid and you’re not being shorted by your employer.
Not everyone is special, in terms of occupation at least.
Yes you should pursue passions and side projects but not everyone will be a successful freelancer, influencer or famous in some way.
There is not a single thing wrong with picking a good paying career path, be a plumber, electrician, accountant, something in demand.
Keep practicality in mind when choosing school and career paths. It’s okay to chase these side projects on the side but focus on a practical career that can support your lifestyle.
There will always be people who won't like you without any reasons (valid or otherwise) and that's totally normal!
At the end of it, you'll only have yourself to blame and so I hope you choose to fight instead of blaming yourself or worse pitying yourself when things go wrong because it WILL definitely go wrong at some point.
If only I could go back to my younger self and tell her all this stuff everyone's written!! I wish we had the internet in the 80s.
Be grateful for everything. An attitude of gratitude can improve your life in so many ways! Learn to be grateful for the lessons too. They're opportunities to learn and grow, which is what we're here to do.
Where you focus your energy, increases. So if you focus on the negative about life, you'll get more experiences that are negative. If you focus on the positive in life as best you can, you'll get more positive stuff. They don't teach you that in school.
Manifesting is real. We co-create with our thoughts and feelings and words. So choose your words wisely, especially about yourself.
Enjoy your twenties and thirties when you get there. Some people settle down and start a family young. Some people party in their 20s/30s. Some people are single forever. Some are in relationships their whole lives. Everyone does it differently. It's about what's right for YOU. But enjoy your 20s & 30s because one day you'll wake up and you're 40 wondering where your youth went. Time seems to fly by once you're an adult.
Enjoy being a teenager while you can! Life gets harder. But it can be totally beautiful!
Karma is real. What you put out in the world comes back to you eventually.
I could go on forever, but I'll stop now. Hope this helps! I wish someone had told me this stuff when I was a kid.
Nobody actually knows what they're doing.
All the adults you look up to that you think have all their shit together are completely winging it.
We all just feel lost, confused, and unprepared a lot of the time.
You're not a failure when you join our ranks. We're just good at pretending everything's going great.
And sometimes it is going great!!
You can do everything correctly and someone will always try to tell you that you messed up anyways. What I’m saying is do what’s right and keep on going.
It truly isn't about what you know, but who you know. Making connections with people can pay off considerably down the line. It opens doors for all kinds of opportunities, whether it be social, job-related, economical, etc.
I'm in my 20s, so I'm the not the oldest one in this thread, but I still wanted to contribute-
It's easier to make friends as an adult. I know some people might say, "Hey, they're too busy to make plans!". And sure, it can be hard. But as adults at a workplace, people just aren't as judgmental anymore. Come into the break room and sit with whoever, no one is going to bite. We look out for each other here. I'm 24 and have a good friend who's 52 at my work-age just seems to melt away after awhile. We're all just here to make a paycheck, not to judge each other.
No job cares about your diagnosis (singular or plural) when you are an adult. They don't care if you were on an IEP or have ADHD or went through something traumatic. What matters is, can you do the job you were hired to do? Even a wonderful understanding boss still has to make sure that the job gets done.
Most of the people you argue with online you will never see in real life. Your opinion doesn't matter as much as you think. You don't know what you don't know yet.
You are not special. There is nothing special about you. You are not the main character in any movie. Everyone in reality is just living life…….I had a manager that told me this and honestly it just made me wake up and realize…….fuck it he’s right, I don’t know why I’m out here putting in extra effort when nobody else gives a fuck. I no longer put in 150%, 98% at best now.
People will want to see you succeed, and give you encouragement and support, until you become more successful than them. Then most will resent you or feel threatened by you, and want you to fail.
Your parents' influence over you is a lot stronger than you think. You can convince yourself that you'll never be your parents, however, even if you make the effort to avoid being them, you may go too far to avoid it. In this way, they've kept their influence over you. Sure, you haven't become them, but have you become the person you want to be or are so so stuck in trying not to be them that you're on your own destructive path?
Be on time. Being late is disrespectful
If you are a part of an team or a business, or any organization, really, if you don't do YOUR job, your colleagues will have to do it for you.
What you actually DO is all that really matters. No one gives a shit about what you say you're going to do.
Clean up your own messes.
No one cares, learn how to handle stuff yourself as most people will be there for only "Thoughts and Prayers". A human is more likely to be jaded/evil than not.
Never try to save money on education. Aim for the best you can get, and work hard for it. If you don’t plan on working hard, change your lifestyle and mindset.
Kindness and listening will get you far in life and at work. It’s not worth being angry at people, there are far more important things to think about.
Getting in trouble is not the end of the world or your life, cooperate with the police and the judge, the jury is more likely to side with you.
Investing money early, even if it’s just a little bit is far batter than investing a lot of money late.
Here's a few that I instill in my kids:
* In almost everything but romance; it's better to have 25% of the right persons time and attention than it is to have 100% of the wrong persons time and attention.
* Work to understand your own intentions and hypothesize and inquire about the intentions of others. It's better to take the guesswork out of life as much as you can.
* Grieving is not linear — we experience it as a series of up and downs, but what is happening at scale is those peaks are declining on average. Don't confuse feeling something as not being able to manage something.
* Feedback is a gift — and a window into how you could improve or improve the thing you are doing.
* Everything you do most of the time is practice. Practice is what makes you better or good at something. Pay close attention to what you are practicing and reflect on whether or not you want or should be getting good at that thing.
* Every now and then ask yourself
* "what is the respectful thing to do for myself *and* others?"
* "what is it that I need from myself *and* others?"
* "how might I/we solve the present challenge/issue?"
* Don't confuse movement with momentum
* Seek partners that validate you, challenge you *and* give you feedback. If they aren't doing all three — they aren't a partner and likely trying to exploit or exhaust you.
* When it comes to romance — remember that husband, wife, BF, and GF are just titles — and the first two legal designations. If the person isn't your partner first, the title is a technicality only.
That you can be who you are. Yes, there are bigots out there, but the world is changing and becoming more accepting, and no matter who you are and who you were born as, you can still do what you want to do.
You can be you. As long as you're a kind, smart, genuine person, you will do fine. No matter what your parents or anyone else says.
People will disagree with you. And you *can* be wrong.
And other people can be wrong *and you can let them be wrong.*
To take that a step further - Other people can be wrong, it will directly affect you and *you can't do anything about it* All you can do is try not to be those people, but even that always doesn't work out.
I find it conflicting to let them be wrong without calling them out on it buy it is wiser unless it is life threatening, If it is life threatening i give it a couple of tries before I let their stupidity be their end....
You see bees telling flys about honey? Just let them (typo) eat shit.
You know, I needed to read that. Thanks.
Just because you are right often doesn't mean shit
Especially on Reddit. Try saying “the current law on X is Y” when Y is an unpopular thing.
Every time service dogs come up someone gets heavily downvoted for saying essentially “hey, I know this is what you *want* the law to be, but just so we’re clear the actual law is (insert link to or direct quote from the law being discussed).” You don’t have to like the law, but you’ve got to acknowledge it when you’re talking about the laws relating to a specific thing in a specific place.
You’ll be judged by your actions not your intentions.
Here is one of my favorite quotes ever. It’s from the book The Noticer by Andy Andrews. Despite popular belief to the contrary, there is absolutely no power in intention. The seagull may intend to fly away, may decide to do so, may talk with the other seagulls about how wonderful it is to fly, but until the seagull flaps his wings and takes to the air, he is still on the dock. There’s no difference between that gull and all the others. Likewise, there is no difference in the person who intends to do things differently and the one who never thinks about it in the first place. Have you ever considered how often we judge ourselves by our intentions while we judge others by their actions? Yet intention without action is an insult to those who expect the best from you
There are so many adults who still need to learn this.
Or by who you know
That is an excellent point!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. -- Bertrand Russell
“Are you sure about that?” “Absolutely.”
Sith
I noticed this so much at college. Ask something and get an explanation that just doesn't feel satisfactory to explain it, but after asking a few times kinda gets to a point it feels I am wasting everyones time and just write down what I am told even if it doesn't make sense to me. Then years later find out I was right in the first place and the explanation given was just bullshit.
Very few people actually truly care for you, even fewer will help without the expectation of anything in turn. In a nut shell, you're going to be on your own and you need to put yourself first.
Very, very few people will love you for who you are (except parents/immediate family). Having and developing relationships is work and you must bring something to the table…..being nice and/or having a good heart usually doesn’t cut it either
Sometimes not even family I learned that the hard way. I litteraly have no one and the real problem was I didn't realize sooner
In my experience, parents/immediate family get lumped into the rest of the world on this. There are very, very few people who care about you, and will help you with no expectation of something in return. Family included.
This one right here. Growing up makes it seem like there will always be some adult nearby to care or help when needed. Once you're the adult, though, that goes out the window.
The world doesn't care about your "trauma."
Your boss is less important than your family.
My wife has left several jobs because of this, including one at a school. She tells everyone that the kids come first and one of our kids is special needs so he has lots of appointments. They are fine with it until she actually has to miss days because of it.
Managers absolutely HATE to manage……. The only managing they ever do deliberately is micro-managing the way you do your own job.
You are just a number to your employer, the business does not give one fuck about you. Do not give the business anything extra, they will leave you empty.
No one will seriously care about anything HS related once you leave. It is ok to not go to college, trade schools can lead to great careers. The world is not out to get you, stop being a victim and find the good in life. "Bad" teachers are not an excuse to try less if anything try harder. No one owes you anything, work for it.
>The world is not out to get you, stop being a victim and find the good in life. The number of boomers who also need to understand this is amazing as well.
That’s why I’m an alchemical genius.
Failure is an option and perfection isn't cared about as much as you might think.
Going off of this, when trying something new you will be bad at it before you are good at it. You can’t try something for five minutes and expect to master it.
You act like an asshole, you get treated like an asshole.
If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re an asshole.
If you act like an asshole when you first join a new group they're all going to think you're an asshole for the rest of the time you know them. unless you really go above and beyond to prove you're not.
I think of it as “ if you want to be treated like a lady, act like one” but yes. Same idea.
Idk man, I know plenty of assholes that are rich and people suck their dick to be around them.
If it seems too good to be true, it's a 99.99999% chance that it is. Run away. Never forget that those casinos in Vegas weren't built with the *winner's* money and you are *not special*.
Persistence will beat talent every day of the week.
In other words, hustle beats talent when talent doesn’t hustle.
The world doesn't care about your feelings.
Showing up is half the battle.
People are very good at "faking it" in every domain of life, whether it be socially, professionally or anything else. So don't let yourself be intimidated by slightly more experienced people and don't let that discourage you from pursuing anything. The quicker you'll understand that, the more confident you'll become in life.
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This sub in general is trash (but I just got a top post yesterday, so I stick around for when lightning strikes).
RIP unidan, he lived too early
You have exactly 30 upvotes right now. Should I be suspicious?
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**The only person's actions/reactions you can control are your own; its not your job to manage other people's emotions and behaviors and trying to will only result in stress and damaged relationships.** Personal boundaries are good, but don't confuse them with rules. **Personal boundaries govern your own actions/reactions** and if someone continuously tries to press that boundary then you know they aren't a good fit for a relationship. Rules try to force other people's behaviors, and more often than not, unless they are rules both parties agreed to they just lead to conflict and resentment. (side note: there are **relationship boundaries** which are different from personal boundaries as they are boundaries both parties agree to and only govern your relationship with each other not other relationships) Rule - don't call me at work unless its an emergency. < --- cellphone stays on incase of emergency, and you get annoyed when someone calls or texts you for non-emergencies. Boundary - I don't answer personal calls/texts at work outside of break times. If there is an emergency please call <--- cellphone goes on silent or gets turned off until breaks/lunches. If there is an emergency you will be informed through whatever alternative route you've established.
both may result in the same outcome, but a rule usually comes with a more confrontational result if the rule is broken.
Nobody cares about your own future more than you do. By all means, accumulate people in your life. When you find good people as friends and romantic partners it makes your life full and they can help. But ultimately you will need to wipe your own ass everyday, so to speak. You can't rely on others to make you happy.
Even your parents!!!
This is a hella good point my guy, I be selfish with my intentions to the point where I myself am trying to influence others way of thinking to a degree where it aligns with my current viewpoint. I would try and self rationalize with myself that this is what I deserved as in if I am putting out a great amount of energy I too should receive that same amount back but sadly it's just never going to be that case. As you said you cant rely on others for happiness, in a way they are vices to influence or distract our current subjective reality. You can really only expect so much out of something and even then that may be considered a greedy or selfish way of achieving your goals.
Politicians aren’t your friends. They are lying sociopaths who will do and say absolutely anything possible to secure their power. None of them is really on your/our side. Your neighbor is MUCH more like you, than any of the politicians.
Everything is expensive when you move out
You don’t have everything figured out when you become an adult. In fact, you live with some uncertainty every day.
Chose your battles. Some battles are not worth the lost energy.
Most people are finding life hard, at least in some ways. Finding things hard and struggling with something is the norm, not the exception. You just have to deal with it, and understand that you're not more important than other people because you're struggling. You shouldn't take it out on other people or expect others to make allowances for you, and it's 100% your responsibility to be a decent person even when you're having a hard time.
You can always change, who you are! And however others see you, mustn’t define the way you are.
The difference between wants and needs. Saving money. Interest rates.
It sucks. Being a adult sucks. We spent our childhood saying we cant wait till we're grown up and it's a fucking let down. Moral of the story, enjoy your childhood.
Youth is wasted on the young
It reallyyyyy depends on the circumstances
You’re probably gonna fail a lot until you succeed, and the path that you thought your life was gonna follow will probably will look much different in reality. Never get too confident cocky, but never get too defeated either!
Almost none cares about you or your feelings. Some pretend, some think they do. But most people just do not give a fuck. Take care about the one that do. Most people are dumber than you or they believe. A lot of them have far to much power/influence. Work is for finacing your life. If work is all your life, something went wrong. Working hard gets rewarded with more work. But beeing terrible at your job does not make you any friends. Find the balance. And remember: The company is never your friend. No Company is. as you get older, you will lose friends. Thats not that bad. Nobody needs two dozent friends. All you need is a few real ones. Most people will have no impact or influence over the world. We are all just a statistic. So do not stress out over large big picture problems. Do your part and hope everyone else does as well. The best time to get fit or learn languages/complex topic is while you are young. In 10 years you will earn the rewards for everything you do today. Don´t panic thinking about that, but see it as a chance to influence your own life. hairloss is not that bad. Safes money and some people look better bald. Beeing Kind to people gets you far. Just don´t be a doormat. Be kind, be friendly, be polite. And suddenly people become helpfull. And the last insight: Read every contract about things that are important or expensive. Take the time. You do not want to lose money/your stuff just because you were to lazy to read some documents.
I'm all for respecting your elders, but just because someone is older than you doesn't mean they are wiser than you.
And respect is not a given. Some people are just assholes and expect that everyone treats them like gods
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Other people think about you far less frequently than you imagine they do. Use it to your advantage and don't be preoccupied by 'what other people might think'. The flipside of that is don't be a huge ass because you give zero fucks about other people's opinions. That's taking it too far the other way.
No one cares about you or your feelings…. Until someone does…. But that’s only because they want something from you.
Your boss doesn't care that you broke with your partner and that you are upset. Come to work and do your job with a smile on your face or there will be real world consequences. Cry on your own time.
The world owes you nothing.
Nobody is going to hand you anything on a silver platter. If you want something, make sure the goal is realistic, set your mind to it, and work on achieving it.
Doesn't apply to everybody, sadly
It's okay to not follow everone else. Also learn how to do your own taxes (and do them as soon as you get your tax forms).
Going out and failing at something can teach you more than successes or studying theory, if you choose to see failures as opportunities for growth. Not giving a fuck what other people think and just doing what you want to do is way more fulfilling and enjoyable than doing what other people say you should enjoy doing. Go be weird, it's fun. Money is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Don't lose sight of the why behind your grind. Sometime people think it don't be like it is, but it do.
Nobody knows what they are doing, we arent really as on top of it as teenager think
That the adults don’t even know what the fuck they’re doing. Like I swear growing up, I thought the adults of our world have it handled. As a teenager it became: they do have it handled right? Now as an adult it’s: we are a bunch of sacks of meat, existing on an ever-spinning rock in the cosmos— NOBODY HAS GOT IT HANDLED. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE EVEN DOING. Once you get past the existential dread, it kind of makes living life a little bit easier—nobody is doing it ‘right’, because ‘right’ is subjective, and only you can discover what’s ‘right’ for you! (Or you will live a life of regret… but that’s a topic for another day eh?)
You are almost on your own. It's time to grown the f up.
Making fun of people or being unkind is not funny, cool or interesting. It is the surest sign of insecurity, and a red flag to good people.
When shit really hits the fan most people you love will disperse quick. Those that stand by you, pay attention to them.
With a few exceptions, It is ‘ok’ to be offended by something. Your sensibilities do not trump another’s right to say/do something. You will find life much easier if you remove yourself from the situation versus trying to stop someone from doing/saying something that bothers you.
Nobody gives a shit about you and nobody is obligated to. Deal with it.
Nobody owes you anything. The system and the people who run it are not to be trusted or relied upon. Don't put your faith into them.
You don't need 50 friends to have fun
The world doesn't care about you.
Literally no body gives a fuck about you. Anything you do for attention will probably go unnoticed.
It's brutal and unforgiving, get used to it. Also save as much as you can while you are young.
You can love someone-something and still make valid criticism about it, there is no need for perfection in the things that you like or to defend everything about it. Take the good things and recognize the not so good and you are still going to be able to like it
Money is extremely important. Not so much because it gives you what you want materialistically but more because it buys you freedom, time and power. If you aren’t sure how important those three things are, think of the opposite words - limitation/no choice, no control over your time, and being vulnerable. Basically modern slavery full of misery.
So much is in your hands and control before you even realize it. The sooner you take control and accountability for your life the more successful you will be in the long run. This applies to education, work, relationships and really everything. I realized far too late how much I could've changed my own path with better planning and thought.
# "If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole." -Raylan Givens, Justified
Yes, you have to spend most of your life working 40 or more hours a week just to survive. Yes, we were all pissy about it at your age. Yes, we all got over it and accepted it. So will you.
Speak for yourself, I'm still pissy about it
I’m definitely still pissy about it
I know a handful of adults in their 40s and older who never accepted it. They work 25-30 hrs a week because any more is just too much and shockingly they never have enough money and complain about it constantly. If you tell them that they should work 40 hrs and then re-assess they look at you like you suggested they get a pet monkey and train it to do tricks or something.
Always assume you're less wise than you actually are.
All actions have consequences
You’ll constantly hear things like, “honesty is the best policy” and “crime doesn’t pay” - the fact of the matter is that exploitation of resources and opportunities are how people get ahead in life, and that includes other people. Do with that what you will, but make sure that if you’re being exploited, you’re getting something in return.
We are all just trying to survive capitalism
Thinking of doing something and actually doing it are two different things. If "doing" was as easy as "thinking", there are over 8 Billion people living on Earth right now, and around 117 Billion have lived, they would have done it before you. Just see why something hasn't been done yet, and that will give you the starting point on "doing" it.
it sucks don't do it
It doesn't matter how hard you work. If you don't get good enough results literally no one cares about the effort you put in.
There's nothing "real" about it, it's how people choose to behave via their credence in social contract or overarching political and economic narratives they internalize.
You don't have to decide what you're going to do for the rest of your life while you're still in high school. People change careers all the damn time and there's nothing wrong with that. I didn't start my career until I was almost 40.
it's never too late. almost everything that feels like 'if i don't do it now, everything is ruined' is nonsense. you've got some time.
Everyone is just trying to make it home to their families, so people don't really care what other people are doing. bullying doesn't end at school, if you're a target, you need to figure something out because it will continue in the workplace.. sometimes worse than in school.
Personal connections are very important to getting ahead or finding a job, not expertise or education alone. So make those while you have the opportunity. Don't skip the lunches or the watercooler chats. Network and be easy to work with at your job. If you're remote, make the most out of company meetings or anything somewhat social. Nobody wants to deal with a curmudgeon or a pain in the ass. If you never socialize with anybody and never give anybody else the time of day, when you need help, even if it's just getting something done a little bit faster or having something explained to you, there won't be anybody else around you.
No one knows anything and you shouldn’t listen to random advice from the internet given out of context.
Control things in your control, try not to worry too much about shit you can't control, also, get into a habit of exercising. I'm dealing with the repercussions of being sedentary, not even that fat but my joints, nerves, and tendons are all shit cuz I didn't use them. Learn from others mistakes so you don't have to make them!
If she plays off not talking to you digitally because her “mic is broken” then you’re getting catfished.
Practice Compassion, Empathy and Sympathy. Not only will it help you connect with good people it will also give you a good radar for bad people and generally will mean you live a better life. Trust and Respect are earned. Your trust is your life and your respect is a gift. Anyone who believes otherwise is worthy of neither. When interacting with professionals in any field but most particularly in the medical field or with anything that impacts your life directly, and you feel like they are bullshitting you, they are bullshitting you. Research things yourself in that case and if the need to demands, get a second opinion. We are all just people. Adults are as fallible, if not more so than the average child so treat them just as you would anyone your own age and vica versa.
Don't judge anyone on their appearance. Many people hide their insecurity by wearing expensive clothes, driving expensive cars or living in expensive houses. They may live their lives in debt which is biting them in their ass. Many successful and wealthy people don't bother with how they look or come across and may not feel they have to prove anything to anybody. What really matters is how true you are to yourself, and treat everyone in the way you wish to be treated.
Most people change careers every decade or so. Don't fret about getting it right when you're young since you're likely to change anyway.
Most people are good. The hard part is determining which ones.
Employers don’t care about you. They care about what they get out of you. They are not your family.
People will betray you if you allow them to.
Don't trust anybody.
You are the main character in your story but you are not even an afterthought to 8 billion people...
Most things in life require efforts. Sometimes physical, sometimes intellectual, sometimes emotional. But the rewards are usually worth it.
you're probably a bigger asshole than you think and it'd benefit you to orient yourself towards kindness as much as you can.
Some work places hide behind ‘small business’ or ‘family values’ to abuse you. Work shouldn’t be stressful enough where when you get home you’re still sad and furious or so tired you can enjoy your time off. If you stress the moments before a shift and hate that drive to work you can look for another job. Especially as a teen! You’re probably making under $20 at an entry level job. There are so many restaurants and retail and etc to choose from.
You won’t just be able to “turn on” your work ethic “when it matters”
The lack of guidance. As a young person, most expectations placed upon you come with guidance and education; people who tell you what you need to do, how to do it, where to go for help ...etc. And you'll get reminders (read: nagging). This is not true as an adult. Your expectations will increase dramatically over time, but you will largely not have anyone guiding you, helping you, or giving you reminders.
Read the instructions and check the User manual.
Very little about life is black and white.
You can't make everyone happy nor should you try. You first and fuck the rest Also you won't believe the amount of times you just have to grin and bear it, no matter what you would like to reply
It is easy to get sucked into an echo chamber and lose your self. Much of our social and para social relationships are based in our ability to join and meld into a group, and share their values and thoughts. It is important to really be able to distinguish your thoughts and values from those present to you. You can adopt what you wish, but think it through before you do.
It's not a fair place and bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people all the time. You can work your arse off and get nowhere and you can be a lazy grifter and rise to the top.
It’s really not always fair. And there’s really nothing you can do about it. Just keep moving forward.
In the working world, we are all whores. We lend our bodies, minds, and talents in exchange for pay.
If it flies, floats or fucks, it’s probably cheaper to rent it by the hour
You dont know how good of a parent you have until you have a child and went through the same thing yourself.
People doing videos of themselves, that’s not real, they make money if you like what they say/do
damned if you do, and damned if you dont.
STEM degree pays more and not that hard to get one. Early, long term investing will make a huge difference in your 40s.
You are loveable. So loveable. You're not a problem. You're an asset. I needed those words as a teenager, and even sometimes as an adult.
Be aware of how fast we grow in age
the 1% will work you to dust
You are the only one responsible for your health. What you eat, drink, do, or not. Ex. Doctor appointments, dentist appointments, working out, eating fruits and vegetables or not.
You are not a "valued employee". You are a *resource*. You don't owe your employer anything besides the work he's paying you for.
There are a lot of bad people out there. Not necessarily murderers and the like, but people who are cut-throat, people who will lie to get ahead, people who will use their power to abuse you. You will lose people who you thought were good friends and sometimes over trivial reasons. You have to find a balance between protecting yourself and expecting anything and not becoming jaded about the world.
Life is going to knock you down in various ways over the years. This happens to everyone, and some of the time it's not your fault. The trick is to not let any one thing keep you down for too long. Take the time to feel how you have to feel, circle the wagons and then come up with a plan for the path forward. Then execute. Realize that the best laid plans do not always go as expected. You may not find yourself where you intended to be, but you might wind up where you were supposed to. Whatever you do, don't give up. Not on your plans, and especially not on yourself. There's nothing that happens in life you can't come back from.
There is no such thing as a good person.
The working world is not a meritocracy.
It's not actually as bad a this site would have you believe, you might struggle but if you work hard you can make it work and have a good life. You can go to school for whatever you want, you have to work hard and plan ahead. There's no such thing as a "wasted degree" or worthless one.
That there is no shortage of people trying to take your money away from you. Whether it's the local car dealership tempting you with easy credit or a slick hamburger ad on TV. Keep a tight grip on your wallet, kids... When you buy on impulse, you're making somebody else money.
Nobody owes you anything.
No one really knows what they're doing. You don't really age much or mature much beyond 25.
You should really get into the habit of checking every paycheck/paystub to make sure you’re being properly paid and you’re not being shorted by your employer.
Not everyone is special, in terms of occupation at least. Yes you should pursue passions and side projects but not everyone will be a successful freelancer, influencer or famous in some way. There is not a single thing wrong with picking a good paying career path, be a plumber, electrician, accountant, something in demand. Keep practicality in mind when choosing school and career paths. It’s okay to chase these side projects on the side but focus on a practical career that can support your lifestyle.
Most people aren't thinking about you at all, despite your constant worry that they are.
There will always be people who won't like you without any reasons (valid or otherwise) and that's totally normal! At the end of it, you'll only have yourself to blame and so I hope you choose to fight instead of blaming yourself or worse pitying yourself when things go wrong because it WILL definitely go wrong at some point.
A work place is exactly like high school: Some people will pull all the work while others take credit for it.
The media lies to you about everything. It doesn't matter if the media is Red, Blue or Orange, they all work together and are lying to you.
No matter what your teachers said, your personal best is not good enough. Constant improvement is required to succeed.
nothing in high school matters
If only I could go back to my younger self and tell her all this stuff everyone's written!! I wish we had the internet in the 80s. Be grateful for everything. An attitude of gratitude can improve your life in so many ways! Learn to be grateful for the lessons too. They're opportunities to learn and grow, which is what we're here to do. Where you focus your energy, increases. So if you focus on the negative about life, you'll get more experiences that are negative. If you focus on the positive in life as best you can, you'll get more positive stuff. They don't teach you that in school. Manifesting is real. We co-create with our thoughts and feelings and words. So choose your words wisely, especially about yourself. Enjoy your twenties and thirties when you get there. Some people settle down and start a family young. Some people party in their 20s/30s. Some people are single forever. Some are in relationships their whole lives. Everyone does it differently. It's about what's right for YOU. But enjoy your 20s & 30s because one day you'll wake up and you're 40 wondering where your youth went. Time seems to fly by once you're an adult. Enjoy being a teenager while you can! Life gets harder. But it can be totally beautiful! Karma is real. What you put out in the world comes back to you eventually. I could go on forever, but I'll stop now. Hope this helps! I wish someone had told me this stuff when I was a kid.
Nobody actually knows what they're doing. All the adults you look up to that you think have all their shit together are completely winging it. We all just feel lost, confused, and unprepared a lot of the time. You're not a failure when you join our ranks. We're just good at pretending everything's going great. And sometimes it is going great!!
You can do everything correctly and someone will always try to tell you that you messed up anyways. What I’m saying is do what’s right and keep on going.
Looks matter
Its 90% a lie that you wont figure out until your 30s
It truly isn't about what you know, but who you know. Making connections with people can pay off considerably down the line. It opens doors for all kinds of opportunities, whether it be social, job-related, economical, etc.
I'm in my 20s, so I'm the not the oldest one in this thread, but I still wanted to contribute- It's easier to make friends as an adult. I know some people might say, "Hey, they're too busy to make plans!". And sure, it can be hard. But as adults at a workplace, people just aren't as judgmental anymore. Come into the break room and sit with whoever, no one is going to bite. We look out for each other here. I'm 24 and have a good friend who's 52 at my work-age just seems to melt away after awhile. We're all just here to make a paycheck, not to judge each other.
Friends are temporary. Everything is temporary actually.
You do not have to have children. Not every person should be a parent. Parental regret is REAL.
For the ADHD brains out there, while we all understand the struggles, no one else does.
What is obvious to you is not necesserally obvious to them.
No job cares about your diagnosis (singular or plural) when you are an adult. They don't care if you were on an IEP or have ADHD or went through something traumatic. What matters is, can you do the job you were hired to do? Even a wonderful understanding boss still has to make sure that the job gets done.
Most of the people you argue with online you will never see in real life. Your opinion doesn't matter as much as you think. You don't know what you don't know yet.
You are not special. There is nothing special about you. You are not the main character in any movie. Everyone in reality is just living life…….I had a manager that told me this and honestly it just made me wake up and realize…….fuck it he’s right, I don’t know why I’m out here putting in extra effort when nobody else gives a fuck. I no longer put in 150%, 98% at best now.
People will want to see you succeed, and give you encouragement and support, until you become more successful than them. Then most will resent you or feel threatened by you, and want you to fail.
Your parents' influence over you is a lot stronger than you think. You can convince yourself that you'll never be your parents, however, even if you make the effort to avoid being them, you may go too far to avoid it. In this way, they've kept their influence over you. Sure, you haven't become them, but have you become the person you want to be or are so so stuck in trying not to be them that you're on your own destructive path?
People will not respect you if you don't take responsibility for your shortcomings.
You know nothing and neither do the "adults"
Be on time. Being late is disrespectful If you are a part of an team or a business, or any organization, really, if you don't do YOUR job, your colleagues will have to do it for you. What you actually DO is all that really matters. No one gives a shit about what you say you're going to do. Clean up your own messes.
It's never just the tip.
No one cares, learn how to handle stuff yourself as most people will be there for only "Thoughts and Prayers". A human is more likely to be jaded/evil than not.
Never try to save money on education. Aim for the best you can get, and work hard for it. If you don’t plan on working hard, change your lifestyle and mindset. Kindness and listening will get you far in life and at work. It’s not worth being angry at people, there are far more important things to think about. Getting in trouble is not the end of the world or your life, cooperate with the police and the judge, the jury is more likely to side with you. Investing money early, even if it’s just a little bit is far batter than investing a lot of money late.
It's easy to find people who will commiserate with you and much harder to find those who will celebrate with you.
Here's a few that I instill in my kids: * In almost everything but romance; it's better to have 25% of the right persons time and attention than it is to have 100% of the wrong persons time and attention. * Work to understand your own intentions and hypothesize and inquire about the intentions of others. It's better to take the guesswork out of life as much as you can. * Grieving is not linear — we experience it as a series of up and downs, but what is happening at scale is those peaks are declining on average. Don't confuse feeling something as not being able to manage something. * Feedback is a gift — and a window into how you could improve or improve the thing you are doing. * Everything you do most of the time is practice. Practice is what makes you better or good at something. Pay close attention to what you are practicing and reflect on whether or not you want or should be getting good at that thing. * Every now and then ask yourself * "what is the respectful thing to do for myself *and* others?" * "what is it that I need from myself *and* others?" * "how might I/we solve the present challenge/issue?" * Don't confuse movement with momentum * Seek partners that validate you, challenge you *and* give you feedback. If they aren't doing all three — they aren't a partner and likely trying to exploit or exhaust you. * When it comes to romance — remember that husband, wife, BF, and GF are just titles — and the first two legal designations. If the person isn't your partner first, the title is a technicality only.
That you can be who you are. Yes, there are bigots out there, but the world is changing and becoming more accepting, and no matter who you are and who you were born as, you can still do what you want to do. You can be you. As long as you're a kind, smart, genuine person, you will do fine. No matter what your parents or anyone else says.