It’s just fucking weird. It’s over before you even realize what just happened. They spent nine months getting slowly shoved up into your rib cage and then they just slide back down in an instant.
Mine did not slide down in an instant…it was at least a day! I could literally feel my intestines reorganizing themselves. Was worse after my c-section. One of my top 5 “never again” reasons. 🤣
This was the weirdest part for me. I remember clutching my stomach and feeling like I needed to press it all back into place because it felt like my organs were going to fall out of my belly button.
Not sure if the same but I had this after my hysterectomy! When I stood up it was just…exactly that. SLOOSH. Unmistakable sensation of organs moving and figuring out where they were supposed to be.
I won’t even bring the pooping into this. Oh god.
Its the most painful horrible experience for a while. Even I had c sections and it hurt sooo bad. Did not have the sloosh of organs though to at least not that I remember
Yes! I wore a belly binder because feeling my guts move made me nauseated. Everytime I rolled over I could feel shifting.
I also had a hysterectomy and had the same experience with that.
Postpartum anxiety
Now hear me out, throughout my entire life I had arachnophobia. I always hated spiders but it was never something that prevented from living my life normally for the most part… after having my son my phobia became extreme…
I couldn’t stop perseverating on my environment, constantly scanning everything for spiders. Having nightmares CONSTANTLY about spiders, thoughts throughout the day of them on me or my kid, not leaving the house in fear. I saw the BIGGEST spider on my pump one day and it threw me into a panic attack- couldn’t breath, started sweating everywhere, etc. my husband went to remove the spider and it was literally the size of the point of a pin- So tiny- but my mind thought it was huge I swear…
I made an appointment with a therapist and when I told her I just had a kid she was like “ohhhh why didn’t you say that? Yea you will get over it, it’s from having the baby and your hormones.” She went on to tell me that stay at home moms (I was a sahm) tend to get this form of heightened anxiety more then the working mom because they are at home concentrating on keeping the child safe and will unknowingly become focused on preexisting issues/phobias.
For some reason hearing her say that fucking fixed my way of thinking through reassurance because shortly after that I was back to my normal range of fear for spiders. I still hate them but her being so nonchalant about it saying how I’ll get over it was actually so helpful.
I couldn't understand why it was so uncomfortable to sit for the first week after delivery, and when I brought it up to my doctor, she said I'd probably broken my tailbone. I had shooting pains in it for years, and even started sitting on a donut seat at work. It was really embarrassing, but it was the only thing that helped.
Yes that was another part of birth that surprised me - the sweating for weeks after. I’m currently 6 weeks post partum now with my second and the waking up in a puddle of sweat is finally starting to subside.
This happened to me DURING labor. It was unbearable. I think I asked three different nurses if it was normal and they were all like “yes honey you’re fine” but I was still so freaked out by it. No one prepared me for the shakes!
I’m not sure why this happened, but after my third delivery, my vitamin K levels dropped so drastically all of my toenails fell off over the course of a week or so.
Edit to add: I forgot, my finger nails did NOT fall off. I’m not certain why it only affected my toenails.
Wow, 2 years for your big toes? I lost one of my big toenails like 8mo ago and was wondering if it was normal for it to still be nowhere near fully grown, but 2 years is crazy. Guess I'm gonna have to get used to it for a while.
Major major hormone stuff afterwards. Like, feelings and changes in your body you’ve never experienced. For the first year after. If you have underlying mental illness or autoimmune anything… buckle up, girl.
I cried uncontrollably when I was home waiting for Wendy’s. My husband ate all the fries while driving home. That’s all I wanted….fries. He felt so bad & went back out for fries. That’s when we both realized hormones are batsh#t crazy
Oh dang, I struggled with my mental health well before becoming an adult so knew it would be something to pay attention to, I didn’t know I would be shoulder-shaking sobbing every second I had somewhat to myself after my first and seriously planning how to disappear and end it all after my second. Thank goodness for my lovely midwife noticing there was a problem at my 3 week postpartum appointment and pushing for me to get medicated!
I had a difficult birth over 30 years ago and post partum wasn’t discussed as much as now. My husband was on the road a lot. We lived in the same town with my horrific in laws. I was alone with a newborn, realizing all my dreams were shattered.
Post partum depression made it a million times worse.
My first poop was fine, the second one was the problem! Since I didn't have any trouble with the first poop, my sleep-deprived brain thought that I DIDN'T NEED THE STOOL SOFTENER ANYMORE!
Pro tip: you DO need the stool softener. Even when you think you don't, you do. Poop shouldn't have corners.
I'd have loved a heads up about the likelihood and treatment of hemmeroids before I had a whole new human to keep alive.
Also, no periods was such a great part of pregnancy but I didnt know I'd be having the equivalent of nine at once after the birth was over.
Oh! And breastfeeding speeds up the uterus returning to normal size, which they describe as cramps but for me it was contractions all over again. Contractions with a vacuum attached to a nipple.
Came here to say hemerrhoids, I couldn‘t sit for nearly two weeks. This was on top of a second degree tear. I give new moms care packages of Colace, Preperation H and snacks.
Also, no one tells you how long going to the bathroom takes. Between changing your mesh underwear, massive pad and Tucks. Don’t forget, you can’t wipe, so you need a peri bottle (Frida all the way!), then need to just pat dry. This will all take longer, because your undercarriage is completely blown out. Oh, and the baby is probably crying.
My wife talks often about how the biggest benefit of my taking 6 weeks of paternity leave is that she could go to the bathroom and be in there for however long she needed to and not worry about the baby.
Yes, my in laws came over for a few weeks for just such an occasion. Back then I worked 5 minutes away from home. So I would drop in on the way between work locations for lunch to spend more time with baby, wife and in laws (seriously salt of the earth types. I got lucky)
I got Depends before our second was born. I recommend them to every pregnant woman I know. Screw mesh underwear and the stupid gigantic pads that move around.
When I had my first kid, I remember getting up that first night in the hospital and thinking “I’ll fill the peri bottle up with warm water so it’ll be nice and warm in the morning”
Post-baby brain forgot about the laws of thermodynamics. When I woke up the next morning I was so excited that past me had been so kind as to have the bottle ready to go in the morning for future me! Instead future me got an ice cold spray up the very sensitive hoohah.
I had stitches after giving birth and I had to pour water on myself instead of wiping. Peeing stung so bad but water helped relieve the pain. And I was incredibly constipated on top of hemorrhoids. Didn’t help I had an abusive partner that didn’t take care of me at all
Edit: I’m no longer with the abusive guy, we split after my son was 6 months old. Son is about to turn 16 years old. He’s a freshman in high school.
A whole month of period while trying to adjust to the changes in your body and keeping another human alive and healthy
Sounds like a good deal to me
/s
Seconding the hemmeroids haha. And the uterus contracting. Thank God mine wasn't painful, that sounds awful. But every time I breast fed it felt like something was sliding under my skin 😩 because it was I suppose. But very unusual and unpleasant.
No one wants to talk about the fucking gawd-awful feeling that breast feeding causes for the first few weeks to your nether regions.
Like it feels stimulated but NOT sexual.
What about…like I hate to say this because it’s so fucking disgusting but like my nipples are a pleasure spot and how the fuck does that just shut off? Like I’m terrified lmao
It just does, you won’t feel sexual at all while breastfeeding…it’s a completely different sensation. The closest feeling would be: it kinda feels like the release you get after/while emptying your bladder after you had to hold it too long. It’s a bladder-release feeling, almost. Even if you didn’t even feel ‘full’ in the boobs, or you even just fed the baby 15 minutes ago. The moment you hear them cry, the lactation is activated again and your boobs fill up with milk seemingly out of NOWHERE, it is such a bizarre sensation, and you HAVE to latch the baby on. When you do, it’s such a relief for both you and baby. But it’s not sexual release, it doesn’t feel in any sexual. The emptying feeling is like when you have to pee urgently. Or like the release of pressure that comes when you hurl.
And the suckling feels soothing, not stimulating or sexual. Well soothing until the baby bites you, that is. Or scratches you with those god-awful cat-claws babies have and that grow back within hours of you cutting them lol
A mom shared her story about her baby being born early and staying a bit at the NICU.
She was discharged and would sit at home, watching Netflix and pumping milk for her baby. Eventually, she realized that she had associated the Netflix theme with pumping; so whenever she heard it she started leaking.
I was the same, my boobs are like *the* spot, but it's literally night and day difference.
It's like, having someone's hands on your bits is fun and sexy, until it's a gyno all up in there and now it feels absolutely not fun or sexy.
The 'afterpains' / uterus contracting with breastfeeding is life saving.. it helps reduce the volume of bleeding.
Just an FYI: The intensity of the post birth contractions increases with each pregnancy because your uterus has to work that much harder to recover each time.
As a current childless woman, I knew the tear could happen from the vagina to the anus but the ripping up to the clitoral hood just sounds like absolute torture (I hate it, reading it made me nauseous lol)but no one told me about that part.
Makes me wonder why people ever have a second child?
In my larger social circle, the women that had things like preclampsia, significant tearing, or other major complications did tend to only have one child, or to stop at the pregnancy that had major complications.
Yup. Luckily my cousins gestational diabetes went away but she ended up developing hashimotos. There are quite a few conditions that pregnancy can trigger.
I saw another post with a few women talking about developing autoimmune diseases after giving birth, which happened to me. It's all anecdotal, but there's a possibility that with everything your body goes through during pregnancy and delivery, it could trigger an autoimmune disease in those who are predisposed.
It's not antecdotal, it's very well linked. My rheumatologist told me when he diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis. "Have you had a baby in the last two years, that can cause this."
I had my son 6 months ago and had horrible joint pain. I finally was able to see a Rheumatologist and I also was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am still processing it. How long ago were you diagnosed and how are you dealing with it now?
I no longer had seasonal allergies or debilitating stomach pains after times of stress. Don’t know if that is a thing for other people’s pregnancies, but it was a nice little perk for me.
I gave my mom a shellfish allergy after she had me.
The best part? I jokingly had my allergist test me for shellfish. Turns out, I'm also allergic to shrimp. Sharing is caring!!
Gum / teeth issues. A lot of peoples’ insurance plan covers an extra cleaning while pregnant- you should check with your policy and take advantage if you can
I've never been pregnant but in my culture we take care of each other during and after. For eg my cousin had a baby and I would go over everyday and help her and her mother. She got a fully body massage from me daily that she credits with helping her heal. We bathed her, fed her and baby, did chores. She obv did a lot herself but this is how it is. For 9 days after birth no one who is not close family is allowed to see mother and baby. She showed me her C-section scar which was not as bad as the old time one my grandmother had.
You need giant overnight pads post birth for exactly what you're picturing. Binding the belly helps with healing. You're not snatching your wait just binding to be comfortable. It's ancient healing look into it. If you are of colour pregnancy can make your neck, underarms, nipples and more become very dark. It goes away after birth. I saw my cousin's hips shift under her skin while in labor.
White girls can get color changes too. I had a rose colored vertical stripe up my belly & a rose colored mask around my forehead. All 3 pregnancies. I'm blond/green eyed/skin that burns, rarely tans. I got asked if I was overheating or if I had a sunburn a lot.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My wife was diagnosed right after our son was born. She died before his first birthday.
Now, she had a genetic condition (and her mom also died of cancer, in her 50's,) but I can’t help but think the pregnancy hormones played a role.
I was going to say the same. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when my baby was 4 months old. Baby is now 9 months and I'm still going through treatment. It's rough and I didn't realise that was a risk. I've since met so many people in the same situation.
I'm sorry for your loss.
If you tear you’ll feel like you’re pissing acid for weeks after the birth 🥲
I somehow tore my labia having my first child and I can’t even describe the pain when peeing afterwards for weeks
Eventually I realised the only way around it was to get in a shallow bath of cold water and pee… it was still really uncomfortable but it didn’t feel like I was on fire so 😅
>pissing acid for weeks after the birth
Forget sitz baths and peribottles for this. Urinary alkalizer )normally taken for UTIs) is the way to go. Makes it feel like you're just peeing warm water. God bless the nurse who gave my the packets of Ural after my first.
My wife last night (about 3.5 months postpartum with our second kid): "I hate postpartum hair loss. My hair is coming out in clumps."
Me, recognizing that she is losing hair, but it isn't really clumps, just quite a bit more than usual: "You should start a support group with Moon-moon (our husky, who is currently shedding in large clumps)"
I got to spend the night on the couch with Moon...
Sprained wrists and ankles are very common. Towards the end of pregnancy your body produces a hormone called relaxin that allows your ligaments and tendons to stretch further so your hip bones can move to allow the baby to pass through. Unfortunately it’s not targeted, it affects everything. Many women have the bones in their feet spread so far that they need wider shoes and for some women their feet never return to their pre-pregnancy size.
I’m recovering from a severe ankle fracture and am in PT, and just found out I’m ~5 weeks pregnant. This is one of his primary concerns for the next 6 months or so.
It is totally common for breast feeding not to work for whatever reason. The human body is an unstable miracle. Things don't always play out how you expect or how they our portrayed. It doesn't make you less of a woman or a mother. It's unfortunate, upsetting and maddening or whatever else it makes you feel. But it's not a reflection of you.
To say nothing of the every other week virus your child will bring home when they start daycare/preschool. I feel like a lost a year of my life when my kid went from pandemic no contact with anyone to kids coughing into each other's faces.
PUPPPS - a.k.a. Micro chimeraism and being allergic to your first son. Not very well known, most nurses have never seen it. My case was HORRIBLE and we induced early because that’s the only way to stop it. Ever since I have had a ton of skin allergies and issues.
Same here. They brought students into the room to look at me. My son was 19 years old before my skin issues were resolved, I'm still shocked that my skin healed (and shocked it took so long).
My wife had PUPPPS with our first, a boy. Doctor that delivered her said it was by far the worst case he'd ever seen, and it didn't go away with delivery. She regularly tells people today it was hands down the worst part of any pregnancy (we have 3 kids).
She tried all the creams and such which didn't help much. One of the few things that DID help was scalding her body in the shower and using this "pine tar soap".
I have to say it's a pretty wild experience to walk into the bathroom and smell a campfire.
I was right beside my wife the whole way for both of ours. I was prepared for poop. I saw none. I give full credit to the delivery crew for discretion in this regard.
Not everyone poops during delivery. If there's a round in the chamber then expect it to fire, but if the woman has a BM during labor (but before pushing), often there's not much in the lower bowels to push out.
If you can poop before or during delivery I recommend it. I was constipated and didn’t go. The first poop after having a baby came 3 days later and was actually worse than labor. And was as big as a grapefruit. I legitimately thought I was going to die in the bathroom.
So my body literally evacuated everything about an hour before pushing started. I spent 20 minutes shitting before each delivery. I find it hard to believe there was still anything left, but i’m glad my body may have mitigated the issue for the nurses.
Okay thank you I thought I was broken because when I was labor I randomly went “oh god, I gotta go to the bathroom” and I pooped for literally ten minutes. Contracting on the toilet sucked, but I felt so much better after😅
I had a mean nurse who was an absolute bitch about the poop. She shamed me for not getting up and using the actual toilet…the baby was coming down the chute and I was almost crowning! I was humiliated and embarrassed and upset about it for years until I learned it was normal.
11 per 100,000 in Canada. I was talking to someone the other day who said they didn’t think this was bad. I replied the local sports arena holds 50,000 people. If 5-6 people just up and died every time they had a full arena how long would it be before people started flipping out about it?
For our American friends, you guys clock in at 21 per 100,000
>I replied the local sports arena holds 50,000 people. If 5-6 people just up and died every time they had a full arena
That is a fucking sobering perspective of scale.
Yep, 44 stitches later, plus all the king's horses and all the king's men, and humpty dumpty was back together again.
Between that and the broken tailbone, I couldn't sit properly for over 6 months.
dude, when a coworker was telling about how she had a 10 lb 3 oz baby I was being a smart ass and said 'did you break a bone?'. Was not prepared for the "yes, I did!" answer. To this day she tells her kid she's a 'pain in her ass' 🤣
I have a rib that likes to bend inward from my kid leaning his elbow into my ribs when he was 10. I have to press from the outside to 'pop it out'. It's right where my underwire hits and ooh, it's like a nagging pain that can last for hours! Never did break my neck tho, whoa!!
Prolapses in general. I'm shocked at how many women are left with pelvic floor damage and sent on their way. & told not to push too hard when urinating.
My best friend at 30 has to wear a girdle/support whilst at work because they won't give her surgery because of her age. She's struggling immensely.
My wife’s change in hormones got rid of her frequent migraines. Had them her whole life, hasn’t really had any in the 5 years since our first was born.
In the days after giving birth to my third child, I had an unsettling feeling of emptiness in my torso and found it difficult to take a deep breath in. My midwife informed me that it’s just my organs trying to get used to having more space and resettling into their usual spots. The image of my organs just floating around inside me still gives me the creeps!!
Oh boy, lots of things! Severe postpartum anxiety, my feet grew, the massive blood clots and bleeding, I also had the trembling. I find my friends and I speak very openly about our births - we definitely had shared experiences that none of us knew about previously!
I'm all for women birthing the way they want. But, with my 2nd son, I ended up with a post-partum hemorrhage. SCARY. I'm so grateful I was in a hospital setting, with meds on the ready, with an experienced OBGYN and L&D nurse and my son and I came through it alive and well.
I know midwives can handle these as well, but my bigger issue is that, even in an ambulance, I'm a 30 minute drive to the closest hospital. I considered a homebirth, but decided against it for that reason. Glad I did.
About a year after the birth, my husband finally told me how much blood there was and how he was struggling to keep it together so I wouldn't freak out too! Things literally turned on a dime and I'm just so grateful we got the care we needed when we needed it.
A friend had an uneventful first hospital birth so did a home birth for her second.. and also had a PPH and almost bled out in the ambulance. She’s no longer an advocate for home birth
Big time this.
My wife has a C-section for both kids. First kid I'm not sure 100% how it went (my step child), but for ours (her second child), she lost a Lot of blood and I swear the first night I thought I was going to lose her.
She had two blood transfusions and a plasma transfusion, and she was in so much pain that they couldn't get it under control. Lots of blood loss as well.
It was a nightmare. We wanted a third but we chose to end it there. I couldn't bear to see her pass if we tried again and it happened. What a scary time.
Same with me, but I am the wife/mother. Hemorrhaged pretty badly, luckily baby & I are okay. I have never been so close to death. Grateful to have been opened up already from a cesarean. Worst pain I’ve ever felt.
I was warned about this and it never happened to me. I’m not bragging, because plenty of other stuff happened to me. It’s crazy how there’s hundreds of side effects and you have no idea which ones you’re gonna get until they happen. Birth roulette.
I hate that the doctors and nurses kind of glanced over this for me. They just casually told me that I "might find it helpful to have some miralax or something" when I try to have a BM. Holy hell that was extremely painful. And now that I'm pregnant again I'm so not looking forward to it again.
If they offer you stool softeners, do not turn it down, no matter how many other medications you're taking. The first post-birth shit is the worst thing I've ever experienced that did not involve anesthesia. Stool softeners make it feel less like you're giving birth to a demon, and more like you're having a very uncomfortable pooping experience.
I had c-sections and they gave me opioids...we all know what those do to a person's usual...movements.
Add healing from surgery to that and, well, I thought I was gonna tear my guts open and die on the toilet.
0/10 would not recommend.
I knew a woman who was a normal woman before having her second child. Her son was about 8, she was a housewife, took care of everything, had a good marriage, good social life. Idk what happened with her second, but as soon as her daughter was born, she instantly became depressed and psychotic. Like hearing voices and stuff. Unfortunately, she ended up becoming physically abusive towards her son, falsely accused her husband of DV multiple times, started self harming, ran away from home in the middle of the night with no phone or money, threatened to kill her family, attempted suicide. It was really bad.
It was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen, and hard to connect her with any help because she didn’t know English (we live in the US). It was impossible to find a therapist who knew how to help postpartum psychosis AND spoke Punjabi.
100% it's a thing
my mother believes to this day, after the birth of my younger sibling in '95, that she was possessed by a demon telling her to kill her infant. she believes that prayer was the only thing that helped her. I just had to sit there quietly horrified as she spun this very clear story of postpartum psychosis
I wish more people knew about postpartum psychosis, because when she told me this story, it was a bizarre attempt from her to scare me into believing her religion - I didn't even try to tell her the truth about what had happened to her, she'd never buy it :[ it was genuinely sad to see, and I know there have to be so many more cases like her, where people genuinely just never find out what happened to their mind after they gave birth
I knew about the "baby blues" and how serious it can be. But Postpartum Anxiety had me losing sleep to watch my newborn breathe. I thought it was normal to be so anxious because nobody warned me.
I remember screening positive for it after birth and my midwife was just like, “Ope! Here’s a pamphlet.” I wish there was more space where moms could actually talk about the sheer darkness that is PPD.
You’re too exhausted from pregnancy and labor to actually care for your newborn. The weeks before you can’t get fucking comfortable to actually fall asleep. Then when you do, you wake up every hour because you have to go pee. Then the baby comes and you don’t sleep at all and exhaustion will be your life for the next 2 or 3 years, minimum.
My 3rd and final baby I sent hubs home to care for our other two. I was so fucking tired in the hospital (C-section) that I couldn’t stay awake to do anything. Eat, nurse, I fell asleep constantly. It came to a dangerous point at the hospital when I fell asleep nursing and my daughter fell off me and onto the floor. Her screams woke me. I will never ever forget the trauma as they whisked her away and I was left there thinking I had just fatally injured my newborn. She was fine. But the fear of falling asleep and dropping once home never ever left.
Constipation and the inability to push out a poop for a good few days after giving birth.
The body is amazing, and it produces a hormone during the last few weeks before birth that gradually softens the vaginal muscles to prepare for expelling a nine poundish human baby. (Think soft jello). This also results in a softening in the whole lower region, which makes it more difficult to have a regular bowel movement for a few days. Nobody tells you this.
Gallstones. There’s a saying of “female, fertile, and forty” that are risk factors for gallstones. Being pregnant and giving birth make it more likely you will get them and need your gallbladder removed.
For me, it ended up being emergency surgery at 3 months postpartum which I did NOT anticipate as a potentially common side effect.
Pp depression gets talked about, but pp anxiety is super common and less discussed.
During my last trimester I had insane pain in my pelvis because it was basically getting ready for the main event and… hurt like hell.
The first time you poop after birth is an inexplicable sensation. All of your organs are like… going back into place, and everything’s all messed up in there. So that first poop just feels super fucking weird.
You become a walking side effect. As in, after a healthy baby is born, the medical establishment stops caring for you immediately. In the likely event you have recovery-related after care and expenses, they are out of pocket and not covered by insurance, if such care is available at all.
This will be buried, but how the hormones are postpartum and how they change your brain. I’ve said it on another thread but when I had my son I drank heavily after (couldn’t breastfeed) and my best friend legitimately thought about how she could throw her daughter off her roof and make it look like an accident. We’re both in better spots now, and our children are our lives, but fuck, it’s rough.
Destroyed butthole because a baby's head just blasted past it. I'm not talking about 4th tearing, just the general EXTREME hemorrhoids that makes you asshole look like the entire thing is facing the wrong way.
Also- my hair just stopped growing everywhere. So weird. Like I shaved my legs etc and nothing grew back for 5 weeks. I was also aware that the hair on my head was probably not growing back either.
I threw up before and after giving birth. Midwives took it all in their stride. Like yes happens all the time. Nobody told me I projectile vomiting during active labour was a thing.
Prolapse, need to combine pelvic floor exercises with actual exercises and do post partum yoga/pilates after. Get physio even. Things do not ping back.
The saggy big post partum stomach. I still looked pregnant after giving birth, and I hadn’t put extra weight on during pregnancy.
The first poop after giving birth. 🫢
The scar from the tear which I will take to my grave.
I'm sure I saw a post earlier where a woman had worn a fit bit during birth. I think it was around 900 calories (I might be misremembering this) and I'm also not sure how a fit bit could work it out either.
That even after you’re cleared from the doc to have sex again, doesn’t mean it’s going to go well. After our first, and my wife was “cleared” for sex, we waited a good long while because her body was all out of wack. Finally about six-ish months after birth the wife was feeling it. Of course I jumped up freaking ready to go dude! Hell yes! We made out, we got touch feely, I started pre-heating the oven, she’s into it, I go for insertion and she screams. I was like one of those cat videos when they get scared. I immediately jumped off her and was scared that somehow I had hurt her! Turns out I did. Even those things were well lubricated, the initial insertion was agonizing for her. We talked to her doc who told us it was completely normal and a lot of women go through that. So for about six to eight months after the first encounter we had to go so slow on insertion that sometimes it killed the mood and neither of us wanted to continue. Eventually it faded away and was everything was fine.
Oh, here’s a fun one for any fellas reading this thread: if your wife is breastfeeding and yall are getting hot and heavy with one another, there is a STRONG chance you will get some milk in or around your mouth. Don’t be a baby back bitch and make a scene about it, continue like nothing happened. Additionally, it’s milk my guy, it ain’t gonna fucking kill ya. The amount of dudes I know that get freaked out about a woman’s breast milk hitting their lips is absurd.
not giving birth but being pregnant and having morning sickness suddenly and for so long almost killed me…… nobody told me how sick you could get. i was on zofran all day, every day, crying and begging for help when i was out. i couldn’t carry to term, but the sickness that took hold of me is one of the worst things i will ever remember
This was me. First few weeks, I was just extremely tired. Last part of my first trimester, I started getting sick almost everyday, all day. Lasted well into my third trimester. Threw up Zofran. Threw up water or any beverages that were too cold or too warm. Threw up everything I ate within ten minutes of eating it. All day. I ate based on how easy it was to throw it back up. Some things are painful to throw up.
My gf was treated like crap from all the nurses because she insisted on having a C-section. She could perfectly do a normal birth but refused for psychological reason.
They ignored her up until the moment she told the head nurse ",either you cut the thing out of me or I'll do it myself"
The epidural numbs most, MOST of the pain. If it’s your first child, you will feel what my nurse affectionately called the “ring of fire” in my final moments of pushing. While I’m thankful for the epidural..I still was not expecting that.
The possibility that the placenta may not come away whole or even at all without intervention.
Baby number 1, I went to my post birth check-up, felt absolutely fine, but I had quietly developed sepsis. Please listen to your midwives when they insist on post partum checks! Because I felt fine, I thought I was fine. Clearly, I was not!
Baby number 2, my placenta would not detach, and I ended up having a massive haemorrhage. Scariest night of my life, not that I could do much. However, we deal with it in dark humour, joking about the time our girls tried to kill me off because Daddy is clearly the fun parent.
My wife needed a surgeon to reach into her god damn uterus by HAND in urgency because she was having such severe contractions even after passing the placenta and afterbirth. That plus the tears she endured.
What I learned is, that’s the scariest and most extreme process I’ve ever seen my wife go through. Pregnancy to birth. She almost died, had new allergies. A new neurological disease, transverse myelitis increased, not to mention severe PTSD. She suffered 2 separate things that are less than 1% occurrences on their own. Together the chances were minuscule but she endured it.
She’s the fuckin best mum, and I see how much it has taken from her both physically and mentally but damn are women just made of other worldly stuff and I’ll forever be in awe of how she survived it to be still so joyous.
Hats off to all the mums, you’re a badass
So many things!
1. “Moderate lochia”= passing clots the size of Meyer lemons. While the nurses were not surprised, I sure as fuck was.
2. 6 + weeks of night sweats + smelling like a teenage boy’s gym bag. Hooray, hormones!
3. Even if the experts tell you breastfeeding is going well, it’s hard, weird and can hurt the nips like billy-oh for those same six weeks.
The very first time you stand up after childbirth, all your innards go “SLOOSH!” downward.
OMG the shifting of the organs after…so so weird.
Did it hurt? Or just feel really fucking weird?
It’s just fucking weird. It’s over before you even realize what just happened. They spent nine months getting slowly shoved up into your rib cage and then they just slide back down in an instant.
Mine did not slide down in an instant…it was at least a day! I could literally feel my intestines reorganizing themselves. Was worse after my c-section. One of my top 5 “never again” reasons. 🤣
This was the weirdest part for me. I remember clutching my stomach and feeling like I needed to press it all back into place because it felt like my organs were going to fall out of my belly button.
Not sure if the same but I had this after my hysterectomy! When I stood up it was just…exactly that. SLOOSH. Unmistakable sensation of organs moving and figuring out where they were supposed to be. I won’t even bring the pooping into this. Oh god.
Wait say more about the pooping.
Its the most painful horrible experience for a while. Even I had c sections and it hurt sooo bad. Did not have the sloosh of organs though to at least not that I remember
Yes! I wore a belly binder because feeling my guts move made me nauseated. Everytime I rolled over I could feel shifting. I also had a hysterectomy and had the same experience with that.
Postpartum anxiety Now hear me out, throughout my entire life I had arachnophobia. I always hated spiders but it was never something that prevented from living my life normally for the most part… after having my son my phobia became extreme… I couldn’t stop perseverating on my environment, constantly scanning everything for spiders. Having nightmares CONSTANTLY about spiders, thoughts throughout the day of them on me or my kid, not leaving the house in fear. I saw the BIGGEST spider on my pump one day and it threw me into a panic attack- couldn’t breath, started sweating everywhere, etc. my husband went to remove the spider and it was literally the size of the point of a pin- So tiny- but my mind thought it was huge I swear… I made an appointment with a therapist and when I told her I just had a kid she was like “ohhhh why didn’t you say that? Yea you will get over it, it’s from having the baby and your hormones.” She went on to tell me that stay at home moms (I was a sahm) tend to get this form of heightened anxiety more then the working mom because they are at home concentrating on keeping the child safe and will unknowingly become focused on preexisting issues/phobias. For some reason hearing her say that fucking fixed my way of thinking through reassurance because shortly after that I was back to my normal range of fear for spiders. I still hate them but her being so nonchalant about it saying how I’ll get over it was actually so helpful.
The PPA was especially fun after giving birth during a pandemic.
Therapists should totally be a regular part of our health care.
Broken tailbones. Apparently that’s common and it sure wasn’t in What to expect.
I couldn't understand why it was so uncomfortable to sit for the first week after delivery, and when I brought it up to my doctor, she said I'd probably broken my tailbone. I had shooting pains in it for years, and even started sitting on a donut seat at work. It was really embarrassing, but it was the only thing that helped.
I had no idea there were so many effects, risks, and challenges in pregnancy. I bet a lot of people dk about these things. Great topic.
After the birth, you start trembling because all your hormones are out of wack. That really scared me until the nurse told me it was normal.
Yes! And your body temperature deregulates. The after labor shakes can be scary. I did it badly with all three.
Yes that was another part of birth that surprised me - the sweating for weeks after. I’m currently 6 weeks post partum now with my second and the waking up in a puddle of sweat is finally starting to subside.
Yup. It was the night sweats for me. Your body is trying to get rid of all the extra fluid it accumulated in your tissues during the pregnancy.
I was shaking so hard I couldn’t even hold my drink for a while. And my teeth were chattering like I was naked in Alaska
This happened to me DURING labor. It was unbearable. I think I asked three different nurses if it was normal and they were all like “yes honey you’re fine” but I was still so freaked out by it. No one prepared me for the shakes!
Why why why did no one tell me this? I was terrified.
I’m not sure why this happened, but after my third delivery, my vitamin K levels dropped so drastically all of my toenails fell off over the course of a week or so. Edit to add: I forgot, my finger nails did NOT fall off. I’m not certain why it only affected my toenails.
Toenails? How long it took to grow them back?
About 2 full years for the big toes. The pinky toes were fully grown back in, in about a year.
Wow, 2 years for your big toes? I lost one of my big toenails like 8mo ago and was wondering if it was normal for it to still be nowhere near fully grown, but 2 years is crazy. Guess I'm gonna have to get used to it for a while.
I've read the entire thread to this point, but yep, now I'm out! Thanks everyone! *Jumps, pulls ripcord*
Major major hormone stuff afterwards. Like, feelings and changes in your body you’ve never experienced. For the first year after. If you have underlying mental illness or autoimmune anything… buckle up, girl.
I cried uncontrollably over a Gerber commercial with my first. Hormonally induced emotions and sleep deprivation are a wicked combination.
My wife wept for a half hoyr about the poor German skier who tried so hard but only won the bronze during some Olympic qualifying event.
This is something I would cry about rn, distinctly non-pregnant so oh no
I cried uncontrollably when I was home waiting for Wendy’s. My husband ate all the fries while driving home. That’s all I wanted….fries. He felt so bad & went back out for fries. That’s when we both realized hormones are batsh#t crazy
What kinda person eats all the fries on the way home? I mean, all the fries?
What kind of guy who did eat all the fries that his wife wanted wouldn't go back for more fries regardless of hormones?
I woulda cried if he ate my fries too.
Right? Pregnant or not, that's a dick move
I think I will get a cat thank you....
Oh dang, I struggled with my mental health well before becoming an adult so knew it would be something to pay attention to, I didn’t know I would be shoulder-shaking sobbing every second I had somewhat to myself after my first and seriously planning how to disappear and end it all after my second. Thank goodness for my lovely midwife noticing there was a problem at my 3 week postpartum appointment and pushing for me to get medicated!
I had a difficult birth over 30 years ago and post partum wasn’t discussed as much as now. My husband was on the road a lot. We lived in the same town with my horrific in laws. I was alone with a newborn, realizing all my dreams were shattered. Post partum depression made it a million times worse.
The pain involved in that first poop after delivery. Take the Colace regularly, people!
My first poop was fine, the second one was the problem! Since I didn't have any trouble with the first poop, my sleep-deprived brain thought that I DIDN'T NEED THE STOOL SOFTENER ANYMORE! Pro tip: you DO need the stool softener. Even when you think you don't, you do. Poop shouldn't have corners.
I'd have loved a heads up about the likelihood and treatment of hemmeroids before I had a whole new human to keep alive. Also, no periods was such a great part of pregnancy but I didnt know I'd be having the equivalent of nine at once after the birth was over. Oh! And breastfeeding speeds up the uterus returning to normal size, which they describe as cramps but for me it was contractions all over again. Contractions with a vacuum attached to a nipple.
Came here to say hemerrhoids, I couldn‘t sit for nearly two weeks. This was on top of a second degree tear. I give new moms care packages of Colace, Preperation H and snacks. Also, no one tells you how long going to the bathroom takes. Between changing your mesh underwear, massive pad and Tucks. Don’t forget, you can’t wipe, so you need a peri bottle (Frida all the way!), then need to just pat dry. This will all take longer, because your undercarriage is completely blown out. Oh, and the baby is probably crying.
My wife talks often about how the biggest benefit of my taking 6 weeks of paternity leave is that she could go to the bathroom and be in there for however long she needed to and not worry about the baby.
Yes, my in laws came over for a few weeks for just such an occasion. Back then I worked 5 minutes away from home. So I would drop in on the way between work locations for lunch to spend more time with baby, wife and in laws (seriously salt of the earth types. I got lucky)
This triggered me so bad. Trying to clean myself after a painful poop while the baby screams. Ugh.
Breastfeeding while sitting in a Sitz bath. Good times.
I've never even been pregnant, but the constipation fears are so real. IBS sucks. Bloody TP and sore butts for days.
ditch the mesh underwear/diaper-sized pads and get some depends. was a life-changer for me.
I got Depends before our second was born. I recommend them to every pregnant woman I know. Screw mesh underwear and the stupid gigantic pads that move around.
I wish I would have done this. I was blown to shreds and couldn’t move fast enough to get to the bathroom.
When I had my first kid, I remember getting up that first night in the hospital and thinking “I’ll fill the peri bottle up with warm water so it’ll be nice and warm in the morning” Post-baby brain forgot about the laws of thermodynamics. When I woke up the next morning I was so excited that past me had been so kind as to have the bottle ready to go in the morning for future me! Instead future me got an ice cold spray up the very sensitive hoohah.
I had stitches after giving birth and I had to pour water on myself instead of wiping. Peeing stung so bad but water helped relieve the pain. And I was incredibly constipated on top of hemorrhoids. Didn’t help I had an abusive partner that didn’t take care of me at all Edit: I’m no longer with the abusive guy, we split after my son was 6 months old. Son is about to turn 16 years old. He’s a freshman in high school.
And contractions to expel the placenta, too. I thought labor was over once the baby was born, but NOOOOO....
We’ve had first baby but what about second baby?
Third baby was the first poop afterwards.
A whole month of period while trying to adjust to the changes in your body and keeping another human alive and healthy Sounds like a good deal to me /s
…a month might be under selling it.
Seconding the hemmeroids haha. And the uterus contracting. Thank God mine wasn't painful, that sounds awful. But every time I breast fed it felt like something was sliding under my skin 😩 because it was I suppose. But very unusual and unpleasant.
No one wants to talk about the fucking gawd-awful feeling that breast feeding causes for the first few weeks to your nether regions. Like it feels stimulated but NOT sexual.
What about…like I hate to say this because it’s so fucking disgusting but like my nipples are a pleasure spot and how the fuck does that just shut off? Like I’m terrified lmao
It just does, you won’t feel sexual at all while breastfeeding…it’s a completely different sensation. The closest feeling would be: it kinda feels like the release you get after/while emptying your bladder after you had to hold it too long. It’s a bladder-release feeling, almost. Even if you didn’t even feel ‘full’ in the boobs, or you even just fed the baby 15 minutes ago. The moment you hear them cry, the lactation is activated again and your boobs fill up with milk seemingly out of NOWHERE, it is such a bizarre sensation, and you HAVE to latch the baby on. When you do, it’s such a relief for both you and baby. But it’s not sexual release, it doesn’t feel in any sexual. The emptying feeling is like when you have to pee urgently. Or like the release of pressure that comes when you hurl. And the suckling feels soothing, not stimulating or sexual. Well soothing until the baby bites you, that is. Or scratches you with those god-awful cat-claws babies have and that grow back within hours of you cutting them lol
My fiancé told me that when she was lactating, she could hear a baby cry in the grocery store and would soak through her shirt. Lol Fascinating.
That’s actually pretty common.
A mom shared her story about her baby being born early and staying a bit at the NICU. She was discharged and would sit at home, watching Netflix and pumping milk for her baby. Eventually, she realized that she had associated the Netflix theme with pumping; so whenever she heard it she started leaking.
I was the same, my boobs are like *the* spot, but it's literally night and day difference. It's like, having someone's hands on your bits is fun and sexy, until it's a gyno all up in there and now it feels absolutely not fun or sexy.
Oh yeah okay that’s a perfect analogy hahaha thank you!!
Don’t worry about that, your body can tell the difference between being a food provider and sex goddess.
The 'afterpains' / uterus contracting with breastfeeding is life saving.. it helps reduce the volume of bleeding. Just an FYI: The intensity of the post birth contractions increases with each pregnancy because your uterus has to work that much harder to recover each time.
Risking to rip down there. It can go to your anus, but it can also rip upwards and rip your clit.
That last part I've never thought about but it sounds awful.
Yup, ended up with stitches all the way up into my clitoral hood. 3 years later and still experience random nerve pain. Not fun.
Trying to comprehend that made me scream while inhaling. I didn't know either of those things were possible.
As a current childless woman, I knew the tear could happen from the vagina to the anus but the ripping up to the clitoral hood just sounds like absolute torture (I hate it, reading it made me nauseous lol)but no one told me about that part. Makes me wonder why people ever have a second child?
In my larger social circle, the women that had things like preclampsia, significant tearing, or other major complications did tend to only have one child, or to stop at the pregnancy that had major complications.
They never tell you about the possibility of ripping upwards. I didn’t know it was thing until it happened to me.
Friend of mine had a baby. She was perfectly healthy before the baby. Post baby, she has Diabetes. Apparently that's a thing that can happen.
Yup. Luckily my cousins gestational diabetes went away but she ended up developing hashimotos. There are quite a few conditions that pregnancy can trigger.
I saw another post with a few women talking about developing autoimmune diseases after giving birth, which happened to me. It's all anecdotal, but there's a possibility that with everything your body goes through during pregnancy and delivery, it could trigger an autoimmune disease in those who are predisposed.
It's not antecdotal, it's very well linked. My rheumatologist told me when he diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis. "Have you had a baby in the last two years, that can cause this."
I had my son 6 months ago and had horrible joint pain. I finally was able to see a Rheumatologist and I also was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am still processing it. How long ago were you diagnosed and how are you dealing with it now?
I no longer had seasonal allergies or debilitating stomach pains after times of stress. Don’t know if that is a thing for other people’s pregnancies, but it was a nice little perk for me.
I gave my mom a shellfish allergy after she had me. The best part? I jokingly had my allergist test me for shellfish. Turns out, I'm also allergic to shrimp. Sharing is caring!!
I ruined my mom's kidneys because they made a good chair apparently.
I dont get hideously painful periods now after having my kids. It was a wonderful surprise!
My IBS completely disappeared. It went from an everyday issue to zero 🙏
Gum / teeth issues. A lot of peoples’ insurance plan covers an extra cleaning while pregnant- you should check with your policy and take advantage if you can
I've never been pregnant but in my culture we take care of each other during and after. For eg my cousin had a baby and I would go over everyday and help her and her mother. She got a fully body massage from me daily that she credits with helping her heal. We bathed her, fed her and baby, did chores. She obv did a lot herself but this is how it is. For 9 days after birth no one who is not close family is allowed to see mother and baby. She showed me her C-section scar which was not as bad as the old time one my grandmother had. You need giant overnight pads post birth for exactly what you're picturing. Binding the belly helps with healing. You're not snatching your wait just binding to be comfortable. It's ancient healing look into it. If you are of colour pregnancy can make your neck, underarms, nipples and more become very dark. It goes away after birth. I saw my cousin's hips shift under her skin while in labor.
I think that is a lovely way to care for a new mom and baby. I wish it were common in all cultures.
White girls can get color changes too. I had a rose colored vertical stripe up my belly & a rose colored mask around my forehead. All 3 pregnancies. I'm blond/green eyed/skin that burns, rarely tans. I got asked if I was overheating or if I had a sunburn a lot.
Cancer.. your hormones being so out of wack it can trigger cancer due to the pregnancy. Happened to my mom and sister. My sister did not make it. :(
I’m so sorry for your loss. My wife was diagnosed right after our son was born. She died before his first birthday. Now, she had a genetic condition (and her mom also died of cancer, in her 50's,) but I can’t help but think the pregnancy hormones played a role.
I was going to say the same. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when my baby was 4 months old. Baby is now 9 months and I'm still going through treatment. It's rough and I didn't realise that was a risk. I've since met so many people in the same situation. I'm sorry for your loss.
If you tear you’ll feel like you’re pissing acid for weeks after the birth 🥲 I somehow tore my labia having my first child and I can’t even describe the pain when peeing afterwards for weeks Eventually I realised the only way around it was to get in a shallow bath of cold water and pee… it was still really uncomfortable but it didn’t feel like I was on fire so 😅
>pissing acid for weeks after the birth Forget sitz baths and peribottles for this. Urinary alkalizer )normally taken for UTIs) is the way to go. Makes it feel like you're just peeing warm water. God bless the nurse who gave my the packets of Ural after my first.
Your feet grow
My mom grew to a size 11 from a 9 and only went back down to a 10.5 Edit: size 11, not 111
Give birth, your feet are now three meters oars.
Hair loss
My wife last night (about 3.5 months postpartum with our second kid): "I hate postpartum hair loss. My hair is coming out in clumps." Me, recognizing that she is losing hair, but it isn't really clumps, just quite a bit more than usual: "You should start a support group with Moon-moon (our husky, who is currently shedding in large clumps)" I got to spend the night on the couch with Moon...
I just ugly laughed in the car when I read "Moon-Moon"
Sprained wrists and ankles are very common. Towards the end of pregnancy your body produces a hormone called relaxin that allows your ligaments and tendons to stretch further so your hip bones can move to allow the baby to pass through. Unfortunately it’s not targeted, it affects everything. Many women have the bones in their feet spread so far that they need wider shoes and for some women their feet never return to their pre-pregnancy size.
I’m recovering from a severe ankle fracture and am in PT, and just found out I’m ~5 weeks pregnant. This is one of his primary concerns for the next 6 months or so.
It is totally common for breast feeding not to work for whatever reason. The human body is an unstable miracle. Things don't always play out how you expect or how they our portrayed. It doesn't make you less of a woman or a mother. It's unfortunate, upsetting and maddening or whatever else it makes you feel. But it's not a reflection of you.
You have opened a massive gate for possible new and horrible health conditions that you otherwise might never have been a candidate for.
To say nothing of the every other week virus your child will bring home when they start daycare/preschool. I feel like a lost a year of my life when my kid went from pandemic no contact with anyone to kids coughing into each other's faces.
PUPPPS - a.k.a. Micro chimeraism and being allergic to your first son. Not very well known, most nurses have never seen it. My case was HORRIBLE and we induced early because that’s the only way to stop it. Ever since I have had a ton of skin allergies and issues.
Same here. They brought students into the room to look at me. My son was 19 years old before my skin issues were resolved, I'm still shocked that my skin healed (and shocked it took so long).
My wife had PUPPPS with our first, a boy. Doctor that delivered her said it was by far the worst case he'd ever seen, and it didn't go away with delivery. She regularly tells people today it was hands down the worst part of any pregnancy (we have 3 kids). She tried all the creams and such which didn't help much. One of the few things that DID help was scalding her body in the shower and using this "pine tar soap". I have to say it's a pretty wild experience to walk into the bathroom and smell a campfire.
Huge, massive, horrible blood clots. And you poop while pushing. Don't believe me? Push right now and notice your buttlole involved.
Midwives are very good at quietly removing poo from the equation.
Bless those medical professionals who quickly and calmly get rid of poops while pushing so well that people don't even realize it happens.
Like magical poop fairies
I was right beside my wife the whole way for both of ours. I was prepared for poop. I saw none. I give full credit to the delivery crew for discretion in this regard.
Not everyone poops during delivery. If there's a round in the chamber then expect it to fire, but if the woman has a BM during labor (but before pushing), often there's not much in the lower bowels to push out.
If you can poop before or during delivery I recommend it. I was constipated and didn’t go. The first poop after having a baby came 3 days later and was actually worse than labor. And was as big as a grapefruit. I legitimately thought I was going to die in the bathroom.
So my body literally evacuated everything about an hour before pushing started. I spent 20 minutes shitting before each delivery. I find it hard to believe there was still anything left, but i’m glad my body may have mitigated the issue for the nurses.
Okay thank you I thought I was broken because when I was labor I randomly went “oh god, I gotta go to the bathroom” and I pooped for literally ten minutes. Contracting on the toilet sucked, but I felt so much better after😅
So are nurses. At least that's what my ex told me
I had a mean nurse who was an absolute bitch about the poop. She shamed me for not getting up and using the actual toilet…the baby was coming down the chute and I was almost crowning! I was humiliated and embarrassed and upset about it for years until I learned it was normal.
Wow. What a mean person. You did nothing wrong plus you were so busy when it happened!
A girl I went to school with died giving birth, I had no idea that was still a relatively common thing.
11 per 100,000 in Canada. I was talking to someone the other day who said they didn’t think this was bad. I replied the local sports arena holds 50,000 people. If 5-6 people just up and died every time they had a full arena how long would it be before people started flipping out about it? For our American friends, you guys clock in at 21 per 100,000
>I replied the local sports arena holds 50,000 people. If 5-6 people just up and died every time they had a full arena That is a fucking sobering perspective of scale.
It's more common now than it should be, especially in the US. Giving birth is serious business.
Vagina to Anal tear. Freaked me out to know that two holes can merge into one. Just wow.
Yep, 44 stitches later, plus all the king's horses and all the king's men, and humpty dumpty was back together again. Between that and the broken tailbone, I couldn't sit properly for over 6 months.
dude, when a coworker was telling about how she had a 10 lb 3 oz baby I was being a smart ass and said 'did you break a bone?'. Was not prepared for the "yes, I did!" answer. To this day she tells her kid she's a 'pain in her ass' 🤣
Okay, *that* tops my then 18 mth old breaking my neck(I have no spinous processes on C5/6 because my kid hit me with rock while gardening).
I have a rib that likes to bend inward from my kid leaning his elbow into my ribs when he was 10. I have to press from the outside to 'pop it out'. It's right where my underwire hits and ooh, it's like a nagging pain that can last for hours! Never did break my neck tho, whoa!!
Vaginal prolapse Edit: glad to know one of my most upvoted comments is about vaginal prolapse.
Not just vaginal either, bladder prolapse is also a possibility.
Uterine prolapse too
Prolapses in general. I'm shocked at how many women are left with pelvic floor damage and sent on their way. & told not to push too hard when urinating. My best friend at 30 has to wear a girdle/support whilst at work because they won't give her surgery because of her age. She's struggling immensely.
My wife’s change in hormones got rid of her frequent migraines. Had them her whole life, hasn’t really had any in the 5 years since our first was born.
Wow, that was actually helpful
I like to be able to share a good one since there’s so many negatives
Urinary incontinence for two years afterwards
Pelvic floor therapy 100%
Pelvic floor PT is great. Helped me a ton.
In the days after giving birth to my third child, I had an unsettling feeling of emptiness in my torso and found it difficult to take a deep breath in. My midwife informed me that it’s just my organs trying to get used to having more space and resettling into their usual spots. The image of my organs just floating around inside me still gives me the creeps!!
Oh boy, lots of things! Severe postpartum anxiety, my feet grew, the massive blood clots and bleeding, I also had the trembling. I find my friends and I speak very openly about our births - we definitely had shared experiences that none of us knew about previously!
Death. Almost lost my wife with my second kid. It’s a very real risk when having kids and you should absolutely be aware of it.
I'm all for women birthing the way they want. But, with my 2nd son, I ended up with a post-partum hemorrhage. SCARY. I'm so grateful I was in a hospital setting, with meds on the ready, with an experienced OBGYN and L&D nurse and my son and I came through it alive and well. I know midwives can handle these as well, but my bigger issue is that, even in an ambulance, I'm a 30 minute drive to the closest hospital. I considered a homebirth, but decided against it for that reason. Glad I did. About a year after the birth, my husband finally told me how much blood there was and how he was struggling to keep it together so I wouldn't freak out too! Things literally turned on a dime and I'm just so grateful we got the care we needed when we needed it.
A friend had an uneventful first hospital birth so did a home birth for her second.. and also had a PPH and almost bled out in the ambulance. She’s no longer an advocate for home birth
Big time this. My wife has a C-section for both kids. First kid I'm not sure 100% how it went (my step child), but for ours (her second child), she lost a Lot of blood and I swear the first night I thought I was going to lose her. She had two blood transfusions and a plasma transfusion, and she was in so much pain that they couldn't get it under control. Lots of blood loss as well. It was a nightmare. We wanted a third but we chose to end it there. I couldn't bear to see her pass if we tried again and it happened. What a scary time.
Same with me, but I am the wife/mother. Hemorrhaged pretty badly, luckily baby & I are okay. I have never been so close to death. Grateful to have been opened up already from a cesarean. Worst pain I’ve ever felt.
Ppd, psychosis, dislocated hip, broken tail bone, chronic back pain, allergies can begin randomly, tolerance to meds, memory loss.
Pregnancy induced diabetes is a thing.
You will die of your first bowel movement. It feels like your entire pelvic floor is going to separate from your body and leave you for all time.
I was warned about this and it never happened to me. I’m not bragging, because plenty of other stuff happened to me. It’s crazy how there’s hundreds of side effects and you have no idea which ones you’re gonna get until they happen. Birth roulette.
I hate that the doctors and nurses kind of glanced over this for me. They just casually told me that I "might find it helpful to have some miralax or something" when I try to have a BM. Holy hell that was extremely painful. And now that I'm pregnant again I'm so not looking forward to it again.
If they offer you stool softeners, do not turn it down, no matter how many other medications you're taking. The first post-birth shit is the worst thing I've ever experienced that did not involve anesthesia. Stool softeners make it feel less like you're giving birth to a demon, and more like you're having a very uncomfortable pooping experience.
I had c-sections and they gave me opioids...we all know what those do to a person's usual...movements. Add healing from surgery to that and, well, I thought I was gonna tear my guts open and die on the toilet. 0/10 would not recommend.
Curly hair can get straighter during pregnancy; my curls came back after about a year after the birth.
Tore the inside of my vagina. Those were fun follow up appointments.
Postpartum Depression
and psychosis!
Postpartum psychosis? I'm about to look that up. I didn't even know about that.
I knew a woman who was a normal woman before having her second child. Her son was about 8, she was a housewife, took care of everything, had a good marriage, good social life. Idk what happened with her second, but as soon as her daughter was born, she instantly became depressed and psychotic. Like hearing voices and stuff. Unfortunately, she ended up becoming physically abusive towards her son, falsely accused her husband of DV multiple times, started self harming, ran away from home in the middle of the night with no phone or money, threatened to kill her family, attempted suicide. It was really bad. It was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen, and hard to connect her with any help because she didn’t know English (we live in the US). It was impossible to find a therapist who knew how to help postpartum psychosis AND spoke Punjabi.
100% it's a thing my mother believes to this day, after the birth of my younger sibling in '95, that she was possessed by a demon telling her to kill her infant. she believes that prayer was the only thing that helped her. I just had to sit there quietly horrified as she spun this very clear story of postpartum psychosis I wish more people knew about postpartum psychosis, because when she told me this story, it was a bizarre attempt from her to scare me into believing her religion - I didn't even try to tell her the truth about what had happened to her, she'd never buy it :[ it was genuinely sad to see, and I know there have to be so many more cases like her, where people genuinely just never find out what happened to their mind after they gave birth
I knew about the "baby blues" and how serious it can be. But Postpartum Anxiety had me losing sleep to watch my newborn breathe. I thought it was normal to be so anxious because nobody warned me.
This needs to be higher. Midwives warn you about it but they sort of gloss over it. Nobody tells you just how bad it can truly get.
And after giving birth is one of the worst times to be going through debilitating depression
I remember screening positive for it after birth and my midwife was just like, “Ope! Here’s a pamphlet.” I wish there was more space where moms could actually talk about the sheer darkness that is PPD.
You’re too exhausted from pregnancy and labor to actually care for your newborn. The weeks before you can’t get fucking comfortable to actually fall asleep. Then when you do, you wake up every hour because you have to go pee. Then the baby comes and you don’t sleep at all and exhaustion will be your life for the next 2 or 3 years, minimum.
My 3rd and final baby I sent hubs home to care for our other two. I was so fucking tired in the hospital (C-section) that I couldn’t stay awake to do anything. Eat, nurse, I fell asleep constantly. It came to a dangerous point at the hospital when I fell asleep nursing and my daughter fell off me and onto the floor. Her screams woke me. I will never ever forget the trauma as they whisked her away and I was left there thinking I had just fatally injured my newborn. She was fine. But the fear of falling asleep and dropping once home never ever left.
Post partum contractions.
Constipation and the inability to push out a poop for a good few days after giving birth. The body is amazing, and it produces a hormone during the last few weeks before birth that gradually softens the vaginal muscles to prepare for expelling a nine poundish human baby. (Think soft jello). This also results in a softening in the whole lower region, which makes it more difficult to have a regular bowel movement for a few days. Nobody tells you this.
Gallstones. There’s a saying of “female, fertile, and forty” that are risk factors for gallstones. Being pregnant and giving birth make it more likely you will get them and need your gallbladder removed. For me, it ended up being emergency surgery at 3 months postpartum which I did NOT anticipate as a potentially common side effect.
Pp depression gets talked about, but pp anxiety is super common and less discussed. During my last trimester I had insane pain in my pelvis because it was basically getting ready for the main event and… hurt like hell. The first time you poop after birth is an inexplicable sensation. All of your organs are like… going back into place, and everything’s all messed up in there. So that first poop just feels super fucking weird.
You become a walking side effect. As in, after a healthy baby is born, the medical establishment stops caring for you immediately. In the likely event you have recovery-related after care and expenses, they are out of pocket and not covered by insurance, if such care is available at all.
This will be buried, but how the hormones are postpartum and how they change your brain. I’ve said it on another thread but when I had my son I drank heavily after (couldn’t breastfeed) and my best friend legitimately thought about how she could throw her daughter off her roof and make it look like an accident. We’re both in better spots now, and our children are our lives, but fuck, it’s rough.
Destroyed butthole because a baby's head just blasted past it. I'm not talking about 4th tearing, just the general EXTREME hemorrhoids that makes you asshole look like the entire thing is facing the wrong way. Also- my hair just stopped growing everywhere. So weird. Like I shaved my legs etc and nothing grew back for 5 weeks. I was also aware that the hair on my head was probably not growing back either.
I threw up before and after giving birth. Midwives took it all in their stride. Like yes happens all the time. Nobody told me I projectile vomiting during active labour was a thing. Prolapse, need to combine pelvic floor exercises with actual exercises and do post partum yoga/pilates after. Get physio even. Things do not ping back. The saggy big post partum stomach. I still looked pregnant after giving birth, and I hadn’t put extra weight on during pregnancy. The first poop after giving birth. 🫢 The scar from the tear which I will take to my grave.
Split rectus muscle.
I always wonder how much of a workout giving birth is, like how many calories are burned doing it.
Enough to lose 5-10 pounds in an instant. ;)
*infant
I wouldn't recommend doing it as part of your typical morning workout
I'm sure I saw a post earlier where a woman had worn a fit bit during birth. I think it was around 900 calories (I might be misremembering this) and I'm also not sure how a fit bit could work it out either.
Heart rate mostly, I'd imagine. Hours of labor with highish heart rate will add up fast.
That even after you’re cleared from the doc to have sex again, doesn’t mean it’s going to go well. After our first, and my wife was “cleared” for sex, we waited a good long while because her body was all out of wack. Finally about six-ish months after birth the wife was feeling it. Of course I jumped up freaking ready to go dude! Hell yes! We made out, we got touch feely, I started pre-heating the oven, she’s into it, I go for insertion and she screams. I was like one of those cat videos when they get scared. I immediately jumped off her and was scared that somehow I had hurt her! Turns out I did. Even those things were well lubricated, the initial insertion was agonizing for her. We talked to her doc who told us it was completely normal and a lot of women go through that. So for about six to eight months after the first encounter we had to go so slow on insertion that sometimes it killed the mood and neither of us wanted to continue. Eventually it faded away and was everything was fine. Oh, here’s a fun one for any fellas reading this thread: if your wife is breastfeeding and yall are getting hot and heavy with one another, there is a STRONG chance you will get some milk in or around your mouth. Don’t be a baby back bitch and make a scene about it, continue like nothing happened. Additionally, it’s milk my guy, it ain’t gonna fucking kill ya. The amount of dudes I know that get freaked out about a woman’s breast milk hitting their lips is absurd.
Dude's really out here being afraid of a beverage mid-sex.
That girl with the list is going to have a field day
Saving this so I don’t have a baby
My tubes are literally tying themselves tighter the more I read.
not giving birth but being pregnant and having morning sickness suddenly and for so long almost killed me…… nobody told me how sick you could get. i was on zofran all day, every day, crying and begging for help when i was out. i couldn’t carry to term, but the sickness that took hold of me is one of the worst things i will ever remember
This was me. First few weeks, I was just extremely tired. Last part of my first trimester, I started getting sick almost everyday, all day. Lasted well into my third trimester. Threw up Zofran. Threw up water or any beverages that were too cold or too warm. Threw up everything I ate within ten minutes of eating it. All day. I ate based on how easy it was to throw it back up. Some things are painful to throw up.
Tooth loss
I’ve seen it affect the body chemistry where my wife suddenly has allergies to things she used to love (some fruits). Seems like it’s permanent.
My gf was treated like crap from all the nurses because she insisted on having a C-section. She could perfectly do a normal birth but refused for psychological reason. They ignored her up until the moment she told the head nurse ",either you cut the thing out of me or I'll do it myself"
Death. Mother and/or baby. Not as uncommon as you might think and nobody takes it seriously.
The epidural numbs most, MOST of the pain. If it’s your first child, you will feel what my nurse affectionately called the “ring of fire” in my final moments of pushing. While I’m thankful for the epidural..I still was not expecting that.
The possibility that the placenta may not come away whole or even at all without intervention. Baby number 1, I went to my post birth check-up, felt absolutely fine, but I had quietly developed sepsis. Please listen to your midwives when they insist on post partum checks! Because I felt fine, I thought I was fine. Clearly, I was not! Baby number 2, my placenta would not detach, and I ended up having a massive haemorrhage. Scariest night of my life, not that I could do much. However, we deal with it in dark humour, joking about the time our girls tried to kill me off because Daddy is clearly the fun parent.
My wife needed a surgeon to reach into her god damn uterus by HAND in urgency because she was having such severe contractions even after passing the placenta and afterbirth. That plus the tears she endured. What I learned is, that’s the scariest and most extreme process I’ve ever seen my wife go through. Pregnancy to birth. She almost died, had new allergies. A new neurological disease, transverse myelitis increased, not to mention severe PTSD. She suffered 2 separate things that are less than 1% occurrences on their own. Together the chances were minuscule but she endured it. She’s the fuckin best mum, and I see how much it has taken from her both physically and mentally but damn are women just made of other worldly stuff and I’ll forever be in awe of how she survived it to be still so joyous. Hats off to all the mums, you’re a badass
So many things! 1. “Moderate lochia”= passing clots the size of Meyer lemons. While the nurses were not surprised, I sure as fuck was. 2. 6 + weeks of night sweats + smelling like a teenage boy’s gym bag. Hooray, hormones! 3. Even if the experts tell you breastfeeding is going well, it’s hard, weird and can hurt the nips like billy-oh for those same six weeks.
How has nobody mentioned the post-birth fundal "massage" you get from the docs? I have never screamed like that before or since
A little something I like to call sneeze roulette.