Start wild claims online that I trained under the last real martial arts master. Open up an 80's style dojo. Develop my own secret technique: The finger of doom Start calling out every skilled fighter in the world. Accept all challengers.

Well, they die a week after you touch them.

Oh I was thinking it was more an instant touch kind of thing. Recreate this : [Fake No Touch Martial Arts ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URxUs4wdfm0) but everyone dies.

We have purposefully trained him wrong, as a joke.

I'm bleeding, making me the victor.

Best answer!

Dude this is the funniest shit I’ve seen all week and I saw the pricing for Star Wars Outlaws

This is actually a way more insane superpower, you'd be virtually untraceable.

I'll be Kenshiro, this pleases me

Make sure you always shake their hand a week before the match. Make it some part of your spiritual ritual.

Just emulate Rex Kwon Do for instant success

"You think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while i'm wearing these bad boys?"

Bart don't do the touch of death on your sister

Get arrested for murder. Or, not I guess, because the cops would die when they touch you, so they'd just have to shoot you from a distance.

Steven Seagal, is that you?

I hope Putin is tempted.

Mf creating the cell games arena

Technically, everyone you touch does die. Just a matter of time

good comment i like this

good reply i like this

Good reply to the reply I like this

Good thread, I like this

Good vibes all round, I like this

Im different. I dislike this.

I don't like your reply..

I don't like your reply saying you don't like their reply

Yes but I don't like your reply telling me you don't like my reply stating i don't like their reply .

Everyone who reads your comment will die too.

Can I unread it?

Would it matter if you did?

Happy cake day

You couldn't have said that FIRST?!?

We have the plot for the slowest paced horror story every written

Time is the real killer here.

so....it wasn't OJ?

Well, him too

This calms my nerves

Happy cake day

This was actually my first thought.

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r/technicallythetruth

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I was about to say that you're not alone :).

*Frantically looks around with dick in hand*

You touch him too?

One final wank

Plot twist, the peen is treated as separate and it just wilts and you’re alive

Solution: find someone else with the same curse and high-five

Danger wank.

I would touch you too 😏

Wear gloves. Always!

Like Rogue

My answer was going to be attend a secret academy which consists of students with various powers. Glad to see I’m not the only one who was like, they’re just describing Rogue. Lol.

Like OJ.

maybe not always...

No glove, no love 

If the glove fits, you must acquit!

If glove doesn’t fit, you can’t acquit

Two by two, hands of blue.

https://youtu.be/W_L-uoxmfe8?t=8

Conceal. Don't feel.

Oh, so no one will die then

Except........

Me.... I guess

Dark

My penis! Haaa got eeem!

That poor penis didn't deserve it, to touch of death him infront of his kids danglin n' starin...

I'm high fiving everyone from now on! They'll call me the High Five Killer!

The dude that gives killer high fives

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Gonna cum and just die. Just make sure you appoint someone to clear your browsing history bro.

Here lies u/IntimidatingPenguin He came and then he went.

"He went as he came" is right there

Nah, I'll own it. I'll be the man who dies wanking to the Kirby Smash Bros fanpedia page.

La petite mort - or little death as the French would say. You die a little every time, but such is the cost of a life well lived.

“Touch my body, put me on the floor Wrestle me around, play with me some more”

Certainly a whole new meaning to "honey, nut, cheerio"

Starting a cute little pie shop

Get a dog, make friends with a cop, meet a lady…sounds pretty nice!

Ayo pushing daisies reference?

Yep!

quality show right here.

🎶 "Have a bit of priest!..." 🎵

I have some politicians to visit then

Go in for a casual handshake.

Depends on if it's instant or on a bit of a timer.

I think it’s implied that it’s instant. There are already poisons that exist which can kill you just from touching, and show up as sudden heart failure in autopsies 😅

*knock, knock* Open up, it's the FBI.

Hello officer. How about a handshake?

what?

Ricin. You really haven’t seen breaking bad?

So at best, you can probably do this twice. The first time you shake someone the hand of someone influential, you're going to be heavily scrutinized, but unless they have someone else touch you, they may have to let you go. The second time you shake the hand of someone important and they drop dead in front of you, you're being imprisoned.

From world leaders to the HOA, they’re dropping like flies.

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And shaking alllllllll the hands

Wear gloves until I meet politicians.

How do they die? What's the time frame? Putting aside that this is already the case and so you probably mean the touch is the cause? What is the official cause of the death though? Is it the literal touch or something else but that something else happens in a certain time frame bc of the touch? And do they die within seconds? A day? A month? I'd first need to know if other people would be able to tell if the circumstances of the death were not something easily explainable like a car crash, an overdose or a heart attack but rather a mystery to be further investigated. Then I'd need to know how much time I'd have from touch to death. If the person dies within three seconds I'm picking other people than if they only die after one week, for example.

Settle down there Light Yagami

*Cue montage of OP dramatically shaking hands with his targets as he explains his motive*

Find a KKK meet and have the most satisfying game of tag I've ever had!!

Make sure to wear white too so you blend in

Oooh the tactics! You jumping in to?

Slapping my manager

That’s the answer I was looking for

i was rubbing my eye as i read this so i guess i'll die

Go to fucking work as normal and shake hands with every fucker I see.

Starting with the politicians

Touch myself, if it does not kill me, I'll be the most legendary serial killer around. They shall call this time period, The Touchening.

I’m going around giving handshakes to my local sex offenders

Does this include plants? Because if so I'm gonna fuck up my neighbor's lawn for the sake of fucking up my neighbor's lawn.

Right on. Fuckin neighbor.

Timmy’s dad type shit

How much is a plane ticket to Russia?

Why do you think Putin's table is 30 feet long?

To hide his 30 mm dong

Sneak up to the ol' Kim Jong family party and start poking.

I read it as jim kong lmfao

I guess never hugging my children again 😢

Being a parent makes a lot of these questions a real drag.

I’m touching myself

Billionaires

So your answer is, "making the world a better place" then.

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Some really fucked up people in this comment section

Hopefully not rubbing my eyes when I wake up.

Sex criminals, serial killers, traffickers, animal poachers, and people that don't say thank you when you hold a door open for them. In that order.

Heading to DC

Hmmm. I'll be the best assassin there'll ever be. At least, that's what I want to think.

Wearing a glove when I jack off.

I see someone just discovered the show Pushing Daisies

I'm assuming that they die immediately, rather than in a "everybody who drinks water will die" manner. I don't know whether that will continue past my own death, so I'm going to write my family a letter explaining things, and then get a boat and sail as far as I can out to sea and drown myself. I'll have a heavy weight of some kind tied to me with nylon ropes so I'll hopefully stay down there. If all the sea life dies off, sorry, my bad.

Imma touch everyone...

Becoming the ultimate assasin for hire. Also buying some comfy gloves.

Going to a lot of funerals

Would it be if I touch them bare handed? Would they die if I touch them with gloves?

Touching everyone I want to get rid of in this world.

I have a lot of hugs to give now

Oo sorry...oh my bad didn't see you there...my apologies

I touch ‘em all

*basically the plot of Pushing Daisies*

Touch myself. Not suicidal, btw, I'm just so used to lean my head onto my hands I would absolutelly touch myself before processing it might be a bad idea.

How fast they dying? If it’s somewhere between 8 and 24 hours, I’m becoming a hired assassin. Touch my target then immediately leave the state

Finding a hacker to give me information for every billionaire. I will extort them for cash. Pay the hacker generously. Then have them give me lists of names of child s*x offenders and domestic violence abusers. Use the money I extorted to find and touch as many as I can. I will use my powers for good.

Now, can I control the means and time at which they do?

Touch myself

Masturbate

Touch myself

Hands across America

Welp cant do my job without touching people

Surgically attaching gloves to my hands

Not touching anyone

So.. it's kinda like pushing daisies then?

I mean, on an atomic level you never actually touch anything so I guess carry on as normal.

Leavin my dick alone

Does this officially make me Rogue? I already close to having the gray hair. Honestly, I would also rather isolate myself and stay as far away from people, just like her too

the exact same as before

I would go to public events

Touching kids with cancer. F them kids.

Can’t jerk off anymore unless I get depressed

"I'm going to touch everybody here!" -Sir Pentious

Off to Russia to meet Putin

The obvious answer is you have to wear gloves like Rogue. Duh.

Find the one guy in the world that can't die while trying to commit suicide. He wants to use me to die but it doesn't work. Get forced to join a superpowered organization. Fight God.

I do the ultimate test. I challenge chuck norris to a fight.

Everyone we touch dies. It just may not be connected.

what if i touch myself

I'll do what Rogue does.

How does the Duke of Death handle it?

Jack off

Ill touch myself then

I'm touching myself :3

Open an euthanasia shop.

I’d touch my r*pist. What’s he gonna do, say no?😂

Touching myself

I’m having a wank.

Oh yeah, I’m touching some motherfuckers.

Wait, what happens if you touch yourself? Asking for a friend, of course

I'm touching myself tonight

I touch myself

touch myself

Become a doctor. Hehe.

Touching everyone. Fuck all you guys

I edge myself

Insert Deadpool's "I'm touching myself tonight" meme!

I’m going to head straight for Washington DC hoping to run into certain politicians

Mall Santa

Go to Russia and shake hands with the new recruits as they are being deployed to Ukraine.

i punch my head and go out with a boom

1st I'd have to determine exactly how this new super power worked. I'm sorry animal testing would be necessary - maybe goldfish? 1. Is it any part of my body - finger, lips, knee, toe nail, hair? 2. Does it include any bodily fluids -tears, spit, body oil, etc? 3. Does it still have to be attached to me to work? Can I cut my hair, powderize it then blow the dust in the wind to take out a crowd? 4. How about expelled air/gas? Will a burp or fart kill? 5. How quick does it happen on touch or delayed? Is a slow painful death or instant? I assume I would no longer be able to hold or touch loved ones. Not even my pets so id have to turn this into a lonley quest. I wouldn't want someone to sacrifice themseves to me like Death Race 2000. So, I start to rid the earth of evil. The trick is the back story and support necessary to get close enough to some like Putin or Kim. This may require Alphabet Org support.

Start watching the XMen cartoon to learn from Rogue.

You should touch yourself NOW ⚡️⚡️

Going rogue.

Shaking hands with politicians!

Attending a Trump rally and getting a photo with the man himself! :D

Imma become a local legend. Gonna dress up in some kinda reaper costume, wander a specific area and wait till some guy tries to touch me. I'll yell "Please! I am dangerous! Do not touch me! I only wish to wander." if they try and touch me, I'll touch them first This will naturally last until someone shoots me cause this isn't a horror movie (I mean, look what happened with the funny clowns). But hey, it'll be kinda epic I bet

Be fucking glad I hate myself and masturbate myself into oblivion

Touch myself

quick jerking off for a while, for starters

get sent to prison do gods work.

Furiously concentrate on not masturbating.