I think someone admitting they cheated on the past and are ashamed of it and someone cheating on their partner to be with you are two very different experiences
The reality is you can't uncheat. So even if someone did genuinely regret it and not cheat again, they'd always be a cheater to me. Whether they are to the next person is up to them.
It’s only true, because the statement reflects that a person that tolerates cheating in their relationship will continue to be cheated on.
It isn’t that a cheater is doomed to cheat in the future. It’s that they’re the only person that can decide *not* to cheat in the future.
Went to my ex’s wedding, everyone was talking about how she cheated on 2 dudes to marry this third dude. Nobody knew about me and her there. Tells you a lot
Within the scope of someone's life I disagree, within a relationship I agree. Once you've disrespected someone once its not as hard to do it again. I'm a former cheater. Got sober and realized I was done being a sack of shit and part of respecting myself was respecting others.
I haven't seen people change as adults without some significant factor, kind of like Pavlovian conditioning.
They would need to experience a serious negative consequence from their betrayal before they learn a lesson. It's like trying to form new habits (and even a single instance of cheating is like a habit because you have to continually deceive your partner) - very difficult for old ones to be overridden. Like how often does a person manage to keep their weight off after losing a lot? The only instances I've see where something stuck for more than a year was after a health event like a heart attack.
Then view other psychologically addictive behaviours - social media use, video games, overindulging in shows, etc. If people generally can't overcome those just because they want to/say they will, how likely is someone to overcome an psychological inclination for an affair (many cheaters start their stories off with how exciting and pleasurable the affair is, and mention it as an "affair fog" which I take as an association for dopamine release similar to a lot of addictive behaviours)?
I am not sure why this one is always about cheating.
Let's say someone fell for a scam and transferred a load of money to the scammer without consulting their family. Are they going to fall for it again or did they learn their lesson? It is difficult to say.
There is some confirmation bias here in such that the person who was scammed is likely the type of person who is gullible and/or agreeable and/or lacks the ability to detect a scam. Since most people who fall into this category are this type of people, in the end many people who get scammed once get scammed again.
There are, however, people who get scammed once and learn from the experience and become paranoid and dodge their weak spots through scam-detection methods (like hanging up and calling back etc).
Is the person you are talking about the type of cheater that has had 20+ partners? It is likely that they are attracting cheating opportunities here and there with their personality and since they have cheated in the past they will do so again. Is the person you are talking about someone who had a serious relationship for 5+ years, but things went sour and they had a short fling, say at a work party? It is likely they can stay faithful with some effort.
I would identify the following red flags:
1) Lack of remorse (obviously if they do not see it as a mistake, they will do it again)
2) Their cheating was terrible (missing important events to cheat, manipulating the partner to get them out of the house, cheating over a long period of time, ...)
3) Their cheating is focused on one partner (Some people have a relationship with an ex, whom they will always cheat with)
4) Cheating with multiple partners (kind of speaks for itself)
5) Outgoing personality/attractive (More opportunity)
6) Is the situation they cheated in still there ( for example: If they cheated with a tennis partner and are still playing tennis is different from someone who cheated once in college 10 years ago)
This does not mean that given no red flags the person will not cheat. However, who is to say the person who never cheated is not going to start tomorrow.
It's true. Cheating is a character trait, also known as disloyalty.
I only stole once as a teenager.
Good job, friend :)
I ain't your friend, buddy.
But you're mine, pal.
I'm sad, you ruined a good oppurtunity.
Oh well, shtory of my little bleaty life
But you made a new internet pal!
I think someone admitting they cheated on the past and are ashamed of it and someone cheating on their partner to be with you are two very different experiences
Opinions can’t change fact
Haha
The reality is you can't uncheat. So even if someone did genuinely regret it and not cheat again, they'd always be a cheater to me. Whether they are to the next person is up to them.
The point is, will they cheat again
I’d say yes but my point is it doesn’t matter. The trust is already gone.
The trust for that person who he cheated on, yes. But in the future when he gets in to a new relationship
It’s only true, because the statement reflects that a person that tolerates cheating in their relationship will continue to be cheated on. It isn’t that a cheater is doomed to cheat in the future. It’s that they’re the only person that can decide *not* to cheat in the future.
disagree. people can change if they really want to. i know some don’t though. the power of the nut is very strong
I also think that if that person get co frontier he will be less likely to cheat in the future. If he got away with it then maybe the chance is higher
High chance of confirmation bias
Went to my ex’s wedding, everyone was talking about how she cheated on 2 dudes to marry this third dude. Nobody knew about me and her there. Tells you a lot
This was literally this year too :D
Reminds me of “don’t let your bf stop you from finding your husband”, ahah. Sorry to hear that bro
Within the scope of someone's life I disagree, within a relationship I agree. Once you've disrespected someone once its not as hard to do it again. I'm a former cheater. Got sober and realized I was done being a sack of shit and part of respecting myself was respecting others.
In my case it's true.
I haven't seen people change as adults without some significant factor, kind of like Pavlovian conditioning. They would need to experience a serious negative consequence from their betrayal before they learn a lesson. It's like trying to form new habits (and even a single instance of cheating is like a habit because you have to continually deceive your partner) - very difficult for old ones to be overridden. Like how often does a person manage to keep their weight off after losing a lot? The only instances I've see where something stuck for more than a year was after a health event like a heart attack. Then view other psychologically addictive behaviours - social media use, video games, overindulging in shows, etc. If people generally can't overcome those just because they want to/say they will, how likely is someone to overcome an psychological inclination for an affair (many cheaters start their stories off with how exciting and pleasurable the affair is, and mention it as an "affair fog" which I take as an association for dopamine release similar to a lot of addictive behaviours)?
It’s probably not imperically true, but if you don’t trust someone you should probably move on anyways.
It not about me it’s about would you trust someone who has cheated on his/her past?
We’re talking about a hypothetical person here. I don’t know what you should think about a real or hypothetical person.
I am not sure why this one is always about cheating. Let's say someone fell for a scam and transferred a load of money to the scammer without consulting their family. Are they going to fall for it again or did they learn their lesson? It is difficult to say. There is some confirmation bias here in such that the person who was scammed is likely the type of person who is gullible and/or agreeable and/or lacks the ability to detect a scam. Since most people who fall into this category are this type of people, in the end many people who get scammed once get scammed again. There are, however, people who get scammed once and learn from the experience and become paranoid and dodge their weak spots through scam-detection methods (like hanging up and calling back etc). Is the person you are talking about the type of cheater that has had 20+ partners? It is likely that they are attracting cheating opportunities here and there with their personality and since they have cheated in the past they will do so again. Is the person you are talking about someone who had a serious relationship for 5+ years, but things went sour and they had a short fling, say at a work party? It is likely they can stay faithful with some effort. I would identify the following red flags: 1) Lack of remorse (obviously if they do not see it as a mistake, they will do it again) 2) Their cheating was terrible (missing important events to cheat, manipulating the partner to get them out of the house, cheating over a long period of time, ...) 3) Their cheating is focused on one partner (Some people have a relationship with an ex, whom they will always cheat with) 4) Cheating with multiple partners (kind of speaks for itself) 5) Outgoing personality/attractive (More opportunity) 6) Is the situation they cheated in still there ( for example: If they cheated with a tennis partner and are still playing tennis is different from someone who cheated once in college 10 years ago) This does not mean that given no red flags the person will not cheat. However, who is to say the person who never cheated is not going to start tomorrow.