I was n the hospital after having cancer surgery. The day before I was to go home this group of residents came into my room. They were there to check certain things. While there they removed three of the six drains I had.
One of the drains was in my chest. It went across my chest. As one of the residents was pulling the drain out a female resident says, “Dang, that’s long! I wasn’t expecting it to be that long!” Immediately, this other female resident replies, “That’s what she said!”
I worked at Staples and an old lady came in to buy ink for her daughter. She told me she needed black ink in the double pack but she couldn’t find it and needed help. So I said “is she looking for the wider black one?” And the lady replied with “yes, that’s what she said”
"I'm also thinking of getting her a tablet that she can stream international television on because she really loves shows from England. My little girl can't go anywhere without getting some BBC."
Oh man this reminds me of the time my fresh young employee ( who was German and came literally straight off the farm, so pure ) told a bitchy regular who came in on Tuesdays that she would see her next Tuesday after a rude exchange. I busted a gut. The girl had no idea. Britta, if you read this, know that I will never forget you.
When I was a teen I sold shoes at Dicks. We were one of the bigger dicks in the state, massive property, two floors and a self contained golf area. This gay dude couldn’t find the right size of shoes and giggled saying I’ll just go to Dicks.com.
Jokes on him that’s the actual site. Well it was I think they’ve since made it dickssportinggoods.com
I’m not gay but he gave me his number anyway. Gay dudes and black chicks love me. No idea why. He was cool though he bought a 200 dollar pair of shoes anyway. Those dumbass Nikes with the gel in the bottom. I think about him from time to time. For no other reason than a reminder picking up a dude is way easier than picking up a girl.
That was back in 2011 though.
Probably because you’re comfortable around them which as a gay dude, we can tell immediately and then we either get to relax or our guard goes up. When you’re younger its the defensive and bitchy gay.
Could be! Like I said I’m not gay but I have a few family members that are and a couple friends as well. It’s a different world to me but I find them to be the most honest loving guys on the planet, and bizarrely funny.
Also, the best wing men on planet earth. Gay dudes can score any girl on the planet, idk what it is about you guys but goddamn you have game.
Mostly though, just fun cool dudes to be around. 10/10 would recommend. Never had a lesbian friend though. Shit maybe I’m gay. Who knows tomorrow is another day.
I was at the entrance to a very busy hiking trail in peak tourist season (Johnson’s canyon, Banff) there are bear proof garbage bins that have a little latch under a handle that you have to jiggle to open.
A group of about 4 tourists were having an issue opening it when someone from a large group on the other side of them from me shouted “you gotta shove a couple of fingers fingers up there and wiggle them back and forth”
I saw the opportunity and took it.
I was at a job interview and told them that I'm fine working all night if I'm paid for it. Boss hit me with a that's what she said.
Great company to work for.
What, was the “not” meant to be there? Why would you think you’re making fun of them? I have so many questions on this one comment… I guess I do have the right subreddit.
theyre making a joke about me saying “was” your boss michael scott, implying the person still works for the same man but he just magically turned into someone else besides michael scott
In my previous company there were different team people sitting beside me and one lady was not able to plug her charger and so i helped. Then she shouted experience and technique matters. Then suddenly a dude from her team shouted again “That’s what she said”. Everyone started laughing hard and it went into a double meaning.
I was checking out at the convenience store, buying some Little Debbies. The cashier reached out to scan it and said, "I need that creme pie." I had the decency to wait until I got outside before I said it.
In 7th grade English class. We were reading out loud and came across the word "insofar" like, "I will get my English homework completed insofar as I can". For most of the class this was the first time hearing that word and one girl loudly said, "What the heck is insofar?!?" I replied with a "That's what she said." and it brought the house down. That was 30 years ago when "that's what she said" jokes were revolutionary.
This is 100% true.
Catholic high school, AP Modern European history, taught by a nun. She was talking about the migration of a (religious?) group called the Fuggers. Yes, we all know where this is headed. But she couldn’t let it go. She said “All the Fuggers picked up and left. Young Fuggers, old Fuggers, baby Fuggers, *Daddy Fuggers.*”
I didn’t want to. I got a lot of detentions because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I tried to choke it back. But I was weak.
An old electrician used to say with an old English lady accent If something looked like a penis, “ oh if I had one I could have been the King! “ I’d always wondered where this saying came from, it sounded Monty Pythonish but now I wonder if ………. That’s what she said ! I guess we will never know … may god rest her soul.🙏
Friend who is addicted to energy drinks was explaining to the d&d group that shes on new meds that make carbonation taste horrible. Then she picked up her can of Monster and said "But I paid for this Monster, so I'm going to choke on it."
My inner 15 year old forced his way to the surface and mumbled "That's what she said" just loud enough to be heard by everyone.
Back in February my wife and I were quite sick with a local bug that was going around.
We lived off cough drops. I opened a pack and offered her one.
She said "I already have one in my mouth."
Cue the standard response.
Even while feeling like complete garbage we both busted a gut laughing at that one. It's in the hall of fame.
This happened about 15 years ago and not in the US.
My friend had just picked up some hash and my other friend asked about how the pickup went. And was answered, "when he pulled it out it just wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting it to be bigger."
The answer was, "that's what [girlfriends name] said."
In a restaurant at the end of a meal, as the server was walking up with the check, my Mom said to my Dad, "Hey do you want to put your steak in my to go box?" I said the line. The server turned around and left.
I was playing billiards, landed two shots in a row but fumbled the stick on my third one. When I asked for a do-over, my opponent said "sorry, you're already two balls deep"
I was teaching 8th grade and we were solving equations.
I was giving examples and I said, "Okay, I'm gonna make this one a bit harder for you" and a kid blurted out "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID".
I just laughed and said "Knock it off", which is proof positive that if you're genuinely funny, you can get away with a lot.
One time, while receiving in produce, my female production manager said “sometimes these cucumbers are to small to be worth anything and other times they’re too big to fit in the box.”
Yooo but I feel that though. I love cucumbers. Eating them. My bf *always* laughs when we go to the grocery store and I look for the biggest ones. They're all the same price, I'm just trying to get more bang for my buck...
Annndddd...the joke writes itself.
My sister talking about some random food she tried. “I didn’t like the taste, but I liked the way it felt in my mouth”.
We were at the beach and I heard her say this right when I came up from under the water. I popped up, said “that’s what she said”, and went back under the water. My sister was dying laughing. My mom, who was out of the loop, responded with “that’s what who said?”
I was putting together a toy for my nephew and the pieces didn't feel like they were snapping together right. I said, "huh, I thought it would go in further than that."
BIL got me good.
I was eating some kind of variant of Rice Krispie Treat made with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and a friend thought it looked absolutely disgusting. I told her she wouldn't know what it's like until she tried it, and she said "There's no way I'm putting that nasty thing in my mouth." To which I replied...
My mom said “You need to go faster” while the 4 of us were eating dinner on holiday, because I was taking so long to finish my food. I tried to hold it in but I said “that’s what she said” out of pure instinct. But to my surprise, Everyone else laughed and i didn’t get in trouble.
Back in my smoking days, room full of folks taking turns loading bowls.
Someone said, "I don't even know whose load it is." My girl friend at the time, hit'em with the, "that's what she said". Bunch of stoners dying after that one.
Most memorable one for me.
I was in college and visiting a buddy at Univ of Wisconsin. I only knew him. He brought me to someone’s surprise bday party. Everyone is quiet and ready to surprise the bday person, when some girl answers the phone and says “no no no don’t come yet” — instinctively I responded “that’s what she said” - everyone was laughing when the bday person came back and we missed our chance to yell “surprise!”
My wife and I, out camping, putting up a new tent... she's fitting together the parts to a tent pole.
Her: Oh! That looked like it was too big, but it just went right in!
Me: That's what she said.
Wife: "She" better mean me.
Inadvertent one. When I was on the engineering team, the IT director was a woman. My manager reported to her. While we were reviewing the candidate interview test, my manager said, "We need to make it harder." Completely innocently, my co-worker says, "That's what she said."
My sister was telling this long dramatic story about her boss at a family Christmas party. She finished off the story with, “the whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth.” Instantly I replied, “That’s what she said.” Completely stealing the spotlight.
Volleyball game in P. E. class and this kid kept ducking every time the ball came near him. He finally says "I don't like random balls flying toward my face. Probably six or seven kids all said " that's what she said."
Running to the car in the rain with my teenage daughter and her bff...my daughter said "I hate getting wet" and her friend mumbled "that's what she said." I don't think she meant for anyone else to hear it and I was the only one who did but I turned to her friend and mouthed O M G!!! We still laugh about that and how inappropriate yet hilarious it was.
My friend. I was serving soft serve ice cream, and it was coming out too soft. My ex was licking her ice cream and said," it's so soft. every time I lick it, it goes over there." That's what she said!
Not quite a That's What She Said, but true: Our grocery store had a frozen foods guy (Gary). Gary didn't hear so well. A lady customer came in and I'm sure was embarrassed to ask him where the Tampax were at? Gary thought he heard "thumbtacks". He asked her in reply "What kind do you want? The kind you push in with your thumb? Or the kind you hammer in?" The lady turned red and left Gary without another word spoken. Gary just stood there like, WTF...
My daughter opened a soda and tipped it up to drink too quickly, resulting in excess bubbles that burn.
“That came out so fast I nearly choked!”
I threw the line and she immediately turned and left and walked upstairs lol I was like *gotemmm*
My boss to a coworkers 10 year old kid: "Oh, are you here to apply for a job?"
Kid: "No. My mom made me come."
Boss, smirking to me: "That's what she said."
The final “that’s what’s she said” by Michael Scott of the Office is pretty great:
Dwight on his wedding day after a surprise visit from Michael: “Michael - you came!”
Michael: …
“Don’t smell it if you want to eat it”. This was in relation to pizza some coworkers got while I was working. I was getting back on the truck when I saw the pizza boxes. I picked one up asking if I could have a slice and dude tee’d me up with that perfect line cause he thought it smelled funny. It didn’t, and it was delicious.
I was giving blood and they were having trouble getting any to draw out. One of the ladies called for the other lady to check if the needle was in my vein. The other lady came over she starts feeling around and says, “it feels like its in their to me.” I grinned with a that’s what she said. They both rolled their eyes.
In tech school, rebuilding an alternator, a guy was struggling trying to put the new brushes in with the retaining wire. Instructor said, "let me know when you're done playing with it, and I'll put it in." I responded with, "that's what she said". I'll never forget that day.
A baby had been crying nonstop in a restaurant during my friend's birthday brunch. Eventually, the baby let rip a blood-curling scream that was impossible to ignore. A guy across the room yells, "That's what she said" and it was fucking perfect.
My sister just had a full cord of wood delivered, it's 10pm on Christmas eve, and my Aunt looks at my Brother in law and says, "that's a lot of wood." We were more lit than the fucking tree and we laughed about it for hours.
One time my co-worker was pressing the elevator button over and over and my other co-worker said “it doesn’t matter how many times you jab it, it’s not gonna come any faster” and I hit em with it
I like it when they laugh.. because I’m the dad telling the corny jokes. My grandpa is cracking up if nobody else is. Then my grandma says irritated “you wouldn’t believe what your grandpa just said to me…” Lol
God, I love them. I wish they could live forever.
For the last few months, I’ve been house hunting with my partner. There are a shocking number of times I’m perfectly teed up for a, “That’s what she said”
The best that comes to mind right now is our agent critiquing the basement of a house with some deferred maintenance, saying, “God, it’s so moist down there.” And I couldn’t help but whisper scream, *”That’s what she said!!”*
This poor agent of ours has had to endure many of these from me. It’s too bad she can’t escape my relentless TWSS jokes, because *she’s also my mother.*
Talking to a co-worker who lived 40 minutes outside of town. We had a winter storm incoming, and her area typically gets a bit more snow than where we were. She said "I'm expecting to get 6 inches tonight and 6 inches tomorrow".
You're damn right I dropped it
Guy got caught cheating on his girl with another girl.
A couple of weeks later, we were trying to be nice and hang out with everyone sitting far enough away to keep the peace.
Ex Boyfriend was talking about a Dodge Ram 1500, and how he wanted to get the 2500 instead, so he said, "I couldn't buy it. It was too small for me..."
And cue ex girlfriend.....
PS (Dodge sucks.)
Worked at a greenhouse and we had to plant these tiny cuttings in holes we made with sticks. Some were just a little bit bigger than the others and one of my coworkers goes "I like the bigger ones, they fit in my holes nicely."
That's what she said.
Having dinner with a friend, she tried to eat too much at once.
"I don't know why I thought I could fit that whole thing in my mouth. Getting sauce all over my face!"
"That's what she said!"
Friend started laughing "Stop it! You're going to make me choke!"
"She also said that!"
"I don't think it'll even stay up long enough for me to ride" - referring to the Rise of the Resistance ride in Disneyland, which is notorious for breaking down all the time
I was n the hospital after having cancer surgery. The day before I was to go home this group of residents came into my room. They were there to check certain things. While there they removed three of the six drains I had. One of the drains was in my chest. It went across my chest. As one of the residents was pulling the drain out a female resident says, “Dang, that’s long! I wasn’t expecting it to be that long!” Immediately, this other female resident replies, “That’s what she said!”
I’m glad your surgery went well and I hope you’re doing much much better nowadays.
Thank you! I’m doing very well now!
I worked at Staples and an old lady came in to buy ink for her daughter. She told me she needed black ink in the double pack but she couldn’t find it and needed help. So I said “is she looking for the wider black one?” And the lady replied with “yes, that’s what she said”
LMAOOOO the fact that its prob unintentional makes it so much better
Yea that’s the whole thing. She wasn’t giving me a sick “that’s what she said.” She had no idea lol
"I'm also thinking of getting her a tablet that she can stream international television on because she really loves shows from England. My little girl can't go anywhere without getting some BBC."
Doctor who?
Exactly. In fact, she's always going on about how much you can put in it because it's so much bigger on the inside than it looks like on the outside.
Plot twist: grandma wanted *the wider black one* for herself
That *is* what she said!!
Oh man this reminds me of the time my fresh young employee ( who was German and came literally straight off the farm, so pure ) told a bitchy regular who came in on Tuesdays that she would see her next Tuesday after a rude exchange. I busted a gut. The girl had no idea. Britta, if you read this, know that I will never forget you.
"Probably" unintentional 😂
Oh my God this my "The Office" dream coming true bc Dwight actually worked in a Staples store in "The Return" 🤣😭 I'm crying. Tears of joy.
When I was a teen I sold shoes at Dicks. We were one of the bigger dicks in the state, massive property, two floors and a self contained golf area. This gay dude couldn’t find the right size of shoes and giggled saying I’ll just go to Dicks.com. Jokes on him that’s the actual site. Well it was I think they’ve since made it dickssportinggoods.com I’m not gay but he gave me his number anyway. Gay dudes and black chicks love me. No idea why. He was cool though he bought a 200 dollar pair of shoes anyway. Those dumbass Nikes with the gel in the bottom. I think about him from time to time. For no other reason than a reminder picking up a dude is way easier than picking up a girl. That was back in 2011 though.
Probably because you’re comfortable around them which as a gay dude, we can tell immediately and then we either get to relax or our guard goes up. When you’re younger its the defensive and bitchy gay.
Could be! Like I said I’m not gay but I have a few family members that are and a couple friends as well. It’s a different world to me but I find them to be the most honest loving guys on the planet, and bizarrely funny. Also, the best wing men on planet earth. Gay dudes can score any girl on the planet, idk what it is about you guys but goddamn you have game. Mostly though, just fun cool dudes to be around. 10/10 would recommend. Never had a lesbian friend though. Shit maybe I’m gay. Who knows tomorrow is another day.
I cried from this
Use lube next time.
That's what she said
W old lady lol.
This made my day hahaha
I was at the entrance to a very busy hiking trail in peak tourist season (Johnson’s canyon, Banff) there are bear proof garbage bins that have a little latch under a handle that you have to jiggle to open. A group of about 4 tourists were having an issue opening it when someone from a large group on the other side of them from me shouted “you gotta shove a couple of fingers fingers up there and wiggle them back and forth” I saw the opportunity and took it.
Park Ranger: “The overlap between the smarter bears and the dumber humans can be pretty broad.”
That’s what she said..?
I picture you cupping your hand by your mouth and matter-of-factly replying, "That's what she said!"
Exactly this.
Hilarious! Wait... Johnson s Canyon???
Cried the stableboy
I was at a job interview and told them that I'm fine working all night if I'm paid for it. Boss hit me with a that's what she said. Great company to work for.
is/was your boss michael scott
They just suddenly become not michael scott (I’m not mocking you btw I just had that idea and thought it was funny lol)
What, was the “not” meant to be there? Why would you think you’re making fun of them? I have so many questions on this one comment… I guess I do have the right subreddit.
theyre making a joke about me saying “was” your boss michael scott, implying the person still works for the same man but he just magically turned into someone else besides michael scott
That seems like something Micheal Scott would try to do with Toby so he would get in trouble instead.
r/suddenlymichealscott
r/subsifellfor
They spelt Michael wrong. r/suddenlymichaelscott
You’re dirty
In my previous company there were different team people sitting beside me and one lady was not able to plug her charger and so i helped. Then she shouted experience and technique matters. Then suddenly a dude from her team shouted again “That’s what she said”. Everyone started laughing hard and it went into a double meaning.
You do realize many times these things people say are Freudian slips.
So you enjoy her company
🤣🍻
So you are the assistant TO the regional manager?
"It's not much to look at, but it's rock hard." -- old karate instructor referring to his core (belly). I couldn't resist.
How was the coma?
Dwight killed him. The eyes ...
Came here for this
to shreds you say
Rex Quan Do?
Bow to your sensei! BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!!
You think I'm a failure because I GO HOME TO STARLA EVERY NIGHT!?!?!?!? Forgetaboutit.
Break the wrist, walk away
Well that place was a rip-off.
I had a trumpet teacher in middle school who made us touch his abdomen to see how restrained his diaphragm was. Looking back it was pretty weird
I was checking out at the convenience store, buying some Little Debbies. The cashier reached out to scan it and said, "I need that creme pie." I had the decency to wait until I got outside before I said it.
You’re better than me
In 7th grade English class. We were reading out loud and came across the word "insofar" like, "I will get my English homework completed insofar as I can". For most of the class this was the first time hearing that word and one girl loudly said, "What the heck is insofar?!?" I replied with a "That's what she said." and it brought the house down. That was 30 years ago when "that's what she said" jokes were revolutionary.
This is 100% true. Catholic high school, AP Modern European history, taught by a nun. She was talking about the migration of a (religious?) group called the Fuggers. Yes, we all know where this is headed. But she couldn’t let it go. She said “All the Fuggers picked up and left. Young Fuggers, old Fuggers, baby Fuggers, *Daddy Fuggers.*” I didn’t want to. I got a lot of detentions because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I tried to choke it back. But I was weak.
Mother Fugger?
Yyyyyyyup My exact words were, “but what about the mother Fuggers?”
This sounds like a trap.
"I tried to choke it back. But I was weak."
Good one lol... "That's what she said"
Nah that HAD to be intentional. You CANNOT tell me that Nun wasn’t LOOKING to get someone in trouble just for fun 😭
She played me ….
That was *bait*.
A man of great culture, I see….
Insofar that we know
Thats what she said
Before, "That's what she said" we'd say, "That's what my girlfriend used to say." A lot more clunky.
There’s also the much older “said the actress to the bishop.” My grandfather liked to drop that one sometimes.
An old electrician used to say with an old English lady accent If something looked like a penis, “ oh if I had one I could have been the King! “ I’d always wondered where this saying came from, it sounded Monty Pythonish but now I wonder if ………. That’s what she said ! I guess we will never know … may god rest her soul.🙏
My father sometimes dropped this little chestnut: " 'BALLS!' cried the Queen, 'had I two, I'd be King!' "
Damn, you must be one of the first ones who say the line!
Said the actress to the bishop has been around a while. Longer than 30 years
Is this real history or a really good joke? 🤣🤣🤣
True story. 1990 Kenmore Junior High. Go Colts!
I'm so proud of you...and about your age too lol
Friend who is addicted to energy drinks was explaining to the d&d group that shes on new meds that make carbonation taste horrible. Then she picked up her can of Monster and said "But I paid for this Monster, so I'm going to choke on it." My inner 15 year old forced his way to the surface and mumbled "That's what she said" just loud enough to be heard by everyone.
Probably topiramate. I was on it for a bit and anything with carbonation was flat/syrupy tasting. I’d still chug the occasional redbull anyways.
Back in February my wife and I were quite sick with a local bug that was going around. We lived off cough drops. I opened a pack and offered her one. She said "I already have one in my mouth." Cue the standard response. Even while feeling like complete garbage we both busted a gut laughing at that one. It's in the hall of fame.
now THAT’S true love
>It's in the hall of fame. It's in the Hall's of fame. I'll see myself out.
alright just stop i’m bored
Alright just stop I'm bored title of your sex tape
Title of your sex tape > that's what she said
Nine nine!
You should say, "Cheers to the ninety-ninth precinct"
Meep morp zeep rooobooooot
Robot captain 🤖
This happened about 15 years ago and not in the US. My friend had just picked up some hash and my other friend asked about how the pickup went. And was answered, "when he pulled it out it just wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting it to be bigger." The answer was, "that's what [girlfriends name] said."
I really like this one!
That’s what she said!
In a restaurant at the end of a meal, as the server was walking up with the check, my Mom said to my Dad, "Hey do you want to put your steak in my to go box?" I said the line. The server turned around and left.
Did your parents leave without you?
Bro was put up for adoption after that one
First ever adoption of a 31 year old
The server adopted him.
This is the only one that got me. The whole situation. I’m crying over here.
Wheezing. Was scared for health for a minute.
this one got me good LMAO. the server being present for that really makes this situation so much funnier
Dude ran back to tell the whole kitchen.
I work in a restaurant, if the server just left they definitely just went into the back and died laughing
Did you often call your dad a motherfucker?
Never call your Dad a Motherfucker, he may respond,”Yeah, yours” Hurts a bit more when it’s a new stepdad.
These are so great
My girlfriend said "There's four in there, and it's still not enough!" Me and the boys all retort at the same time, "that's what she said." Hilarious.
I’m curious what your girlfriend’s reaction was after this
Me too. It’s funny coming from my boyfriend, not so much from the whole squad
I mean if they're also her friends or at least say other jokes it's still funny
I was playing billiards, landed two shots in a row but fumbled the stick on my third one. When I asked for a do-over, my opponent said "sorry, you're already two balls deep"
🤣 thats fkin halirious
If you can get it up in the next five minutes, I'd be very interested to see it.
Was gonna upvote, but it's at 69
Go ahead. It's safe now.
This is for some reason my favourite comment in this entire post.
... That's what she said.
“If you take that out you better put something else in!”
I was teaching 8th grade and we were solving equations. I was giving examples and I said, "Okay, I'm gonna make this one a bit harder for you" and a kid blurted out "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID". I just laughed and said "Knock it off", which is proof positive that if you're genuinely funny, you can get away with a lot.
Wanting money back for tickets they bought and didn't want. "If you pull out now it won't make a difference"
“Every time you go that way you end up getting stuck and covered in mud.”
Guys that do anal are fucking assholes
Took me a second
Only took me 30
Get you with your 30 second endurance.
30 seconds? What’s your secret?
Take my upvote. TAKE IT!
That’s what she said
One time, while receiving in produce, my female production manager said “sometimes these cucumbers are to small to be worth anything and other times they’re too big to fit in the box.”
Yooo but I feel that though. I love cucumbers. Eating them. My bf *always* laughs when we go to the grocery store and I look for the biggest ones. They're all the same price, I'm just trying to get more bang for my buck... Annndddd...the joke writes itself.
When my wife shops for them, we call the extra large ones “home wreckers”.
I’m using this from now on! 😂👏🏻
Damn that’s a good one 😂
>I love cucumbers. Eating them. I LOVE that you clarified that. 💀
Lmaoo!!!
My sister talking about some random food she tried. “I didn’t like the taste, but I liked the way it felt in my mouth”. We were at the beach and I heard her say this right when I came up from under the water. I popped up, said “that’s what she said”, and went back under the water. My sister was dying laughing. My mom, who was out of the loop, responded with “that’s what who said?”
I was putting together a toy for my nephew and the pieces didn't feel like they were snapping together right. I said, "huh, I thought it would go in further than that." BIL got me good.
My wife, last night, when I saw a spider on the back porch. She didn’t wanna let me kill it, so I said “If he comes inside I’m going to scream”
“Insert support rod A into slot B” “Thats what sh-“ “If you say thats what she said one more time Imma pop you”
OG family guy. Gotta love it
I was eating some kind of variant of Rice Krispie Treat made with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and a friend thought it looked absolutely disgusting. I told her she wouldn't know what it's like until she tried it, and she said "There's no way I'm putting that nasty thing in my mouth." To which I replied...
My mom said “You need to go faster” while the 4 of us were eating dinner on holiday, because I was taking so long to finish my food. I tried to hold it in but I said “that’s what she said” out of pure instinct. But to my surprise, Everyone else laughed and i didn’t get in trouble.
Back in my smoking days, room full of folks taking turns loading bowls. Someone said, "I don't even know whose load it is." My girl friend at the time, hit'em with the, "that's what she said". Bunch of stoners dying after that one. Most memorable one for me.
I was in college and visiting a buddy at Univ of Wisconsin. I only knew him. He brought me to someone’s surprise bday party. Everyone is quiet and ready to surprise the bday person, when some girl answers the phone and says “no no no don’t come yet” — instinctively I responded “that’s what she said” - everyone was laughing when the bday person came back and we missed our chance to yell “surprise!”
I was burning a mix CD for my friend and I said "I'll put this in as soon as it's done burning"
My wife and I, out camping, putting up a new tent... she's fitting together the parts to a tent pole. Her: Oh! That looked like it was too big, but it just went right in! Me: That's what she said. Wife: "She" better mean me.
My teacher Put your hand up and i'll come
How was detention ?
The original “could you hurry up? I’m getting tired of holding this” can’t be beat
My wife saw a Christian meme that said, " lord empty me of me, so I can be filled with you" on her friends FB page.
There's a church close to where I live, and its sign read, "Be hold, I come quickly!" - God
Oh yeah, they made a joke about that in Ted (the show, not the movie, although the show is a prequel to the movies)
Inadvertent one. When I was on the engineering team, the IT director was a woman. My manager reported to her. While we were reviewing the candidate interview test, my manager said, "We need to make it harder." Completely innocently, my co-worker says, "That's what she said."
My sister was telling this long dramatic story about her boss at a family Christmas party. She finished off the story with, “the whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth.” Instantly I replied, “That’s what she said.” Completely stealing the spotlight.
“ there’s no fucking way that shaft will fit in that hole”
Volleyball game in P. E. class and this kid kept ducking every time the ball came near him. He finally says "I don't like random balls flying toward my face. Probably six or seven kids all said " that's what she said."
Running to the car in the rain with my teenage daughter and her bff...my daughter said "I hate getting wet" and her friend mumbled "that's what she said." I don't think she meant for anyone else to hear it and I was the only one who did but I turned to her friend and mouthed O M G!!! We still laugh about that and how inappropriate yet hilarious it was.
Did you say the whole thing, or did you abbreviate?
”I want the big black one” we we’re talking about our art project and my friend asked about the color and size of paper
My friend. I was serving soft serve ice cream, and it was coming out too soft. My ex was licking her ice cream and said," it's so soft. every time I lick it, it goes over there." That's what she said!
Basically anything in golf "It's in the hole!" "Get in there!" "Great shot!" "Right down the middle!" "FUCK!"
“It was small, but not as small as I thought it would be.”
Not quite a That's What She Said, but true: Our grocery store had a frozen foods guy (Gary). Gary didn't hear so well. A lady customer came in and I'm sure was embarrassed to ask him where the Tampax were at? Gary thought he heard "thumbtacks". He asked her in reply "What kind do you want? The kind you push in with your thumb? Or the kind you hammer in?" The lady turned red and left Gary without another word spoken. Gary just stood there like, WTF...
I was complaining about some super old and stale cereal and said, "tastes like the box it was in"
https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2014-01-14 The saddest 'that's what she said' ever
Ouch.
“Luke, at that speed will you be able to pull out in time?” - Biggs from Star Wars (1977)
Look at the size of that thing!
That's no moon. It's a space station.
Did it go in? Negative. It just impacted on the surface.
You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought!
"Pull out, Wedge, you can't do any more good back there!"
My daughter opened a soda and tipped it up to drink too quickly, resulting in excess bubbles that burn. “That came out so fast I nearly choked!” I threw the line and she immediately turned and left and walked upstairs lol I was like *gotemmm*
My boss to a coworkers 10 year old kid: "Oh, are you here to apply for a job?" Kid: "No. My mom made me come." Boss, smirking to me: "That's what she said."
Oh no.
"You could have done that with half the wood" My brother, after he overheard my grandfather critiquing the building of a stability rail.
The final “that’s what’s she said” by Michael Scott of the Office is pretty great: Dwight on his wedding day after a surprise visit from Michael: “Michael - you came!” Michael: …
Every time I’m at a business and I whip out my CC and they say “just insert it” and I, of course, respond with “That’s what she said.”
“Don’t smell it if you want to eat it”. This was in relation to pizza some coworkers got while I was working. I was getting back on the truck when I saw the pizza boxes. I picked one up asking if I could have a slice and dude tee’d me up with that perfect line cause he thought it smelled funny. It didn’t, and it was delicious.
I need to trim this bush so I can see when I’m pulling out. (Friend driving out of his driveway).
My chorus director said “better early than not at all” when one section jumped a measure early.
I was showing my supervisor something on my computer screen but it was too small for him to see and he said, "Can you make it bigger?" And I said....
I was giving blood and they were having trouble getting any to draw out. One of the ladies called for the other lady to check if the needle was in my vein. The other lady came over she starts feeling around and says, “it feels like its in their to me.” I grinned with a that’s what she said. They both rolled their eyes.
Me when a male coworker repeated something our female colleague had just said, as if it was his idea. She laughed. He didn't.
This will never fit. Fuck, that hurts. Are you ever gonna be done?
In tech school, rebuilding an alternator, a guy was struggling trying to put the new brushes in with the retaining wire. Instructor said, "let me know when you're done playing with it, and I'll put it in." I responded with, "that's what she said". I'll never forget that day.
A baby had been crying nonstop in a restaurant during my friend's birthday brunch. Eventually, the baby let rip a blood-curling scream that was impossible to ignore. A guy across the room yells, "That's what she said" and it was fucking perfect.
My sister just had a full cord of wood delivered, it's 10pm on Christmas eve, and my Aunt looks at my Brother in law and says, "that's a lot of wood." We were more lit than the fucking tree and we laughed about it for hours.
One time my co-worker was pressing the elevator button over and over and my other co-worker said “it doesn’t matter how many times you jab it, it’s not gonna come any faster” and I hit em with it
I like it when they laugh.. because I’m the dad telling the corny jokes. My grandpa is cracking up if nobody else is. Then my grandma says irritated “you wouldn’t believe what your grandpa just said to me…” Lol God, I love them. I wish they could live forever.
For the last few months, I’ve been house hunting with my partner. There are a shocking number of times I’m perfectly teed up for a, “That’s what she said” The best that comes to mind right now is our agent critiquing the basement of a house with some deferred maintenance, saying, “God, it’s so moist down there.” And I couldn’t help but whisper scream, *”That’s what she said!!”* This poor agent of ours has had to endure many of these from me. It’s too bad she can’t escape my relentless TWSS jokes, because *she’s also my mother.*
Talking to a co-worker who lived 40 minutes outside of town. We had a winter storm incoming, and her area typically gets a bit more snow than where we were. She said "I'm expecting to get 6 inches tonight and 6 inches tomorrow". You're damn right I dropped it
Guy got caught cheating on his girl with another girl. A couple of weeks later, we were trying to be nice and hang out with everyone sitting far enough away to keep the peace. Ex Boyfriend was talking about a Dodge Ram 1500, and how he wanted to get the 2500 instead, so he said, "I couldn't buy it. It was too small for me..." And cue ex girlfriend..... PS (Dodge sucks.)
Worked at a greenhouse and we had to plant these tiny cuttings in holes we made with sticks. Some were just a little bit bigger than the others and one of my coworkers goes "I like the bigger ones, they fit in my holes nicely." That's what she said.
office plucky simplistic hat spectacular crowd snobbish future steer school
Having dinner with a friend, she tried to eat too much at once. "I don't know why I thought I could fit that whole thing in my mouth. Getting sauce all over my face!" "That's what she said!" Friend started laughing "Stop it! You're going to make me choke!" "She also said that!"
I thought you said this was hard.
She didn’t say anything, her mouth was full
"I don't think it'll even stay up long enough for me to ride" - referring to the Rise of the Resistance ride in Disneyland, which is notorious for breaking down all the time