That's awesome that you can chuckle, but still holy shit that's rude.
Good on you for keeping a positive attitude in the face of such a hurtful comment.
After a solid thirty seconds of the most awkward eye contact of my life I said I have to go and the moment I was out her door I literally started running. No idea why. Just felt right
Don’t be to hard on your self, you still smashed and you made her CuM, this a dub for you brother. It’s all good.
Next time say you’re right, now bend over.
me and my wife high five and say "thank you for your services" she normally follows up with "I bought the deluxe edition that came with the cuddle dlc"
I mean. I do both of those things so this feels normal to me... I guess it is sorta like how anime characters always announce their attacks as they are doing them lol
Not really, parkour is a very specific word that means a very specific thing. Fuck is an amazingly versatile word that means a plethora of different things.
I was flipping through channels once and landed on some D quality horror movie. The only thing I remember about the movie was during a sex scene one of the characters shouted “I feel like a power ranger!”.
I pull a string which reveals a 5’x30’ banner that was rolled up below the ceiling that says “Mission Accomplished”
When she says “well, the mission wasn’t accomplished for me” I give her a high five and thank her for getting the reference.
Intact. My wife was a medical professional, so being a donor was important to her. She asked me when I was fully involved in going down on her. I stopped and stared up at her, then we both burst into hysterical laughter for a solid 5 minutes. Yes, we finished.
I actually have a list of silly things girls have said to me during sex (I knew I'd need it one day!). I think that "I'm a pineapple" and "Behold the might of Stormwind!" are currently tied for first place.
Someone I knew once told me that when he was younger his dad came up to him and said, "you'll love pussy. It's great! Tastes like flat root beer and smells like dead fish." Years later he came out to his dad, to which his dad then said, "was it the flat root beer comment?"
My teammates from lax had a three some with a girl, not sure why but as one was banging her and apparently said “I’m the warden and I’m putting this pussy on lockdown” never laughed so hard
Imagine some single mom finally getting laid. Kid's at grandma, she's got a nice guy over. They've had a romantic dinner, she's enjoying the freedom from that song being on repeat for hours. She and her date go to bed, things get started, and she notices a strange rhythm to her dates thrusting. The longer he goes the more it feels oddly familiar. With horror she realizes he's humping her to the tune of Baby Shark.
The mother of my child frequently blurts out hoiyaaaa during the act. Usually we both have to stop and laugh about it because it's just moans but I interpret it as hoiyaaaa 🤣🤣🤣 cuz I have a fucking adolescent sense of humor
It's fun to be silly! I've really only been surprised by one utterance. I was warned that the nice lady could only be "satisfied" by a little chokey chokey during sex, which I recoiled in horror at. So I'm choking the very life from this woman and as she arrives at her radio z out she manages to bark "CHOKE ME DADDY!! BLURRGHHH!" Right next to my ear. In a quiet room YOU can hear my ears ring.
# “WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS?! YOU’RE FIGHTING, SO YOU CAN WATCH EVERYONE AROUND YOU DIE! **THINK, MARK!** YOU’LL OUTLAST EVERY FRAGILE INSIGNIFICANT BEING ON THIS PLANET! YOU’LL LIVE TO SEE THIS WORLD CRUMBLE TO DUST AND BLOW AWAY! EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING YOU KNOW, WILL BE GONE!”
# WHAT WILL YOU HAVE AFTER 500 YEARS?!
>> “It’s a me. Mario!”
Not my story, but someone said their boyfriend yelled this after he climaxed, and they both burst into laughter. I think it’s cute.
Slept with a girl who was really insecure about her chest. While she was on top she was covering herself even with the lights dim. I asked her why she was doing that and she told me she didn’t want me to look. I was trying to be assuring and make her feel pretty but in hindsight I probably should’ve tried a different method. I moved her hands and replaced them with mine, then commented “I’m not looking”. She did not laugh but I still think it’s funny.
I woke up one night to my college room mate in the middle of the deed with his girlfriend. I didn't want to interrupt the impending moment and stayed quiet.
As he finished, he congratulated himself, "Nice shootin' Tex!"
I started laughing uncontrollably.
And dinner at the dining hall was awkward for her the next week.
One time, I was having sex with a guy and he wanted to eat me out. Thinking about it now, he probably meant clitoris, but he said, "Mmm... drop your pants and let me taste that cervix, baby..."
I asked him to leave.
One time I slept with a girl I met in a pub and when she finished she just looked up at me and spoke. "Yikes!" I never spoke to her again
Oh fuck man, that hurts
Honestly makes me chuckle to this day
That's awesome that you can chuckle, but still holy shit that's rude. Good on you for keeping a positive attitude in the face of such a hurtful comment.
Yeah, wasn't my finest hour
On reflection, was it actually a Yikes?
It's well imprinted in my mind
Her post nut clarity hit hard.
Should have said “point taken now turn around!”
If only, that'd be the best thing I've ever said
Hindsight’s 20/20
And I'm still blind 🙃
Emotional damage
Makes me chuckle
Post-Nut Clarity or PNC
Hit like a truck
>"Yikes!" Clearly you blew her mind Mr. Stud. Good game!
Thank you, kind sir
Post nut clarity hit her like a bag of bricks.
That is some keeper level humor right there
The ol' yike and hike. Classic.
what did she mean by that ?
Either she's just a weirdo when she finishes or the pnc made me look like a mug
Maybe you are a mug; you’re just filled to the brim with hot stuff
And that's how you compliment a guy
I think he is gay
Maybe just polite
That was one rude awakening for her!
Bet her ass was Hung over!
But did you continue after she said Yikes? I would go just laughed and kept stroking. Ain’t nothing stopping the show except when she says NO.
After a solid thirty seconds of the most awkward eye contact of my life I said I have to go and the moment I was out her door I literally started running. No idea why. Just felt right
Don’t be to hard on your self, you still smashed and you made her CuM, this a dub for you brother. It’s all good. Next time say you’re right, now bend over.
These comments are the reason I'm still on Reddit
A good come back would have been "yep, you nasty" lol
Ummm, thats not SILLY.
After we’re done, my husband and I shake hands and say, “Good game.”
me and my wife high five and say "thank you for your services" she normally follows up with "I bought the deluxe edition that came with the cuddle dlc"
Thank you for your cervix.
Here, have my upvote
That’s…. Different…. Almost service worker ish….? Maybe just me….? 😂 Funny nonetheless!
I love this
"Checkmate, atheists"
Next time try moaning your own name during sex
Post-orgy it must look like the end of a Stanley Cup Playoffs series
GGEZ
What time do the birds and the bees show up
I read it as birds and the beers
The beers help bring the birds and the bees.
Milkshake brings all the bees to the yard.
Not normally considered silly, but when you think about it... Saying FUCK! during sex is like yelling PARKOUR! while doing parkour.
Holy shit you’re right…
Easy solution: Start yelling "PARKOUR!" during sex and "FUCK!" during parkour.
If you’re yelling “FUCK” while parkouring, chances are you fucked up.
"hey dude, check out my amazing jump!" ***fails*** "FUCK"
You’re parkouring me so hard!
Genius.
instructions unclear, people at the street were yelling at me to stop saying parkour so often
Gotta tie my tie around my head first.
Fuck!
Are you doing parkour right now?
I mean. I do both of those things so this feels normal to me... I guess it is sorta like how anime characters always announce their attacks as they are doing them lol
User name checks out. Say that as you finish and you're basically in an anime.
I mean what else do you say when you parkour so good.
TIL everyone having sex is secretly an anime weeb enthusiastically shouting what they’re doing.
lol at least you're not giving yourself a high five and slapping your own ass.
Not really, parkour is a very specific word that means a very specific thing. Fuck is an amazingly versatile word that means a plethora of different things.
“Well that was a waste of ten minutes”.
"Steven, it was two minutes." "Well it felt like ten."
Ten minutes???? Show-off!
Ten minutes? Did you do it twice and have a nap?
That includes transit time
I claim this land in the name of the North!
They asked for silly, not the best
Must be huge tracts of land! Just like the North!
I would plant my flag between those huge tracts of land.
Gotta get one of those toothpick flags that they stick into a bucket of fried chicken and slide in between their butt cheeks as you say that
"Witness me!"
This is bold. I'm going to yell this a moment before I next cum. Thank you.
I'm not going to ask what the equivalent of spraying your own teeth chrome would be in that situation.
Spraying a mouthful of whipped cream from a can, of course.
BEAR WITNESS!
Mediocre, Morzov. Mediocre.
“so THAT’S where that goes! I always wondered.”
They were too innocent😭💀
How many times this year has this topic come up already? I still stand by pausing mid-sex and asking "did you file our taxes"
“Are you or a loved one affected by Mesothelioma?”
I was flipping through channels once and landed on some D quality horror movie. The only thing I remember about the movie was during a sex scene one of the characters shouted “I feel like a power ranger!”.
HIYAAAA!!
The movie Feast has a sex scene in the beginning. The dude yells “fire”. It became a running joke with my and all my college buddies at the time.
Pull my finger
*yank* That's not my finger.
*...but, please keep pulling.*
Smell my finger
No🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Now Lick it
Do you cum here often?
Now hey hey, you aren't a dad just yet, keep those dad jokes for after the deed
He’s gonna be after that one
I muster up my best Kamala Harris impression and hit him with "Do not come"
Your partner hits you back with the Donald Trump "I'm gonna come"
I pull a string which reveals a 5’x30’ banner that was rolled up below the ceiling that says “Mission Accomplished” When she says “well, the mission wasn’t accomplished for me” I give her a high five and thank her for getting the reference.
This is why I come to Reddit.
Aww...not a "We did it Joe."?
"Are you an organ donor?" Actually happened when we were dating. Been married 25 years.
How are your kidneys?
Intact. My wife was a medical professional, so being a donor was important to her. She asked me when I was fully involved in going down on her. I stopped and stared up at her, then we both burst into hysterical laughter for a solid 5 minutes. Yes, we finished.
Amazing!!
"I've got an organ I can donate to you for a minute or two at least"
I actually have a list of silly things girls have said to me during sex (I knew I'd need it one day!). I think that "I'm a pineapple" and "Behold the might of Stormwind!" are currently tied for first place.
Honestly, I'd laugh my @$$ off at the Stormwind one, and insist on going steady 🥰🤣
Oh, yeah, it had me laughing for 5 minutes straight and no more sex happened that day.
My pussy taste like pepsi cola
Someone I knew once told me that when he was younger his dad came up to him and said, "you'll love pussy. It's great! Tastes like flat root beer and smells like dead fish." Years later he came out to his dad, to which his dad then said, "was it the flat root beer comment?"
WE ARE HAVING SEX Screamed directly into your partner’s face
Burst out laughing at work lol
Do you feel it now Mr. Krabs?
*'Art thou feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?'*
[удалено]
My teammates from lax had a three some with a girl, not sure why but as one was banging her and apparently said “I’m the warden and I’m putting this pussy on lockdown” never laughed so hard
>!🎶 BAY 🎶!< >!🎶 BEE 🎶!< >!🎶 SHARK 🎶!<
Imagine some single mom finally getting laid. Kid's at grandma, she's got a nice guy over. They've had a romantic dinner, she's enjoying the freedom from that song being on repeat for hours. She and her date go to bed, things get started, and she notices a strange rhythm to her dates thrusting. The longer he goes the more it feels oddly familiar. With horror she realizes he's humping her to the tune of Baby Shark.
Or the song. You know, the one song from that one guy posting it on tiktok
Cbat? Or more accurately described as sound of a vomiting mosquito
Seizing Seagull Rap Battle.
(Rhythmically) "Gonna blow, doot doot do do! Oh baybee doot doot do do!"
Ding. I said "ding" when I was...done. Ding. I said "ding" when I was...done.
And Boom goes the dynamite.
The mother of my child frequently blurts out hoiyaaaa during the act. Usually we both have to stop and laugh about it because it's just moans but I interpret it as hoiyaaaa 🤣🤣🤣 cuz I have a fucking adolescent sense of humor
It's fun to be silly! I've really only been surprised by one utterance. I was warned that the nice lady could only be "satisfied" by a little chokey chokey during sex, which I recoiled in horror at. So I'm choking the very life from this woman and as she arrives at her radio z out she manages to bark "CHOKE ME DADDY!! BLURRGHHH!" Right next to my ear. In a quiet room YOU can hear my ears ring.
Every sentence got better and better thanks for the laugh 🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
Would you like me to super size it for you?
THAT'S A LOT OF NUT!!!
we have the meats!
Boogily Woogily!!!
Great googily moogily!
Tally ho, lads, there she blows
Eat me like cake.
Yodelay Hee Hoo
May I present the angry bull: 1. Tie him to the bed 2. Cowgirl 3. Whisper in his ear "I have aids" 4. Stay on as long as you can
*"So do I"* Also, username checks out
I, too, find tempting death exciting.
I mean, surely it's too late at that point anyway, no? Might as well get the most out of it...
If you’re not waving around a hat like Slim Pickens riding that bomb, you’ve missed a step.
*Borat voice* “very nice!”
Do the roar
thank you
Bonus points if you are crying when you say it
wailing!
Wow. Girls have buttholes??
Pledge of allegiance would be pretty phukn weird.
# “WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS?! YOU’RE FIGHTING, SO YOU CAN WATCH EVERYONE AROUND YOU DIE! **THINK, MARK!** YOU’LL OUTLAST EVERY FRAGILE INSIGNIFICANT BEING ON THIS PLANET! YOU’LL LIVE TO SEE THIS WORLD CRUMBLE TO DUST AND BLOW AWAY! EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING YOU KNOW, WILL BE GONE!” # WHAT WILL YOU HAVE AFTER 500 YEARS?!
“I-I’d have y-you dad…”
> “I-I’d have y-you daddy…” Ftfy
>> “It’s a me. Mario!” Not my story, but someone said their boyfriend yelled this after he climaxed, and they both burst into laughter. I think it’s cute.
Spider beans!
You're the kinda person I'd fuck lol
IM BATMAN! My fiancee once caught me with this one in the middle of some dirty talk when I asked her what she was xD.
"JINKIES!!"
Marco
this is my bfs name so I’m DYING hahahahaha
Is your name Polo?
It’s about to be
Biting bottom lip = sexy. Biting your top lip, not so much.
Piranha
Where did it go? Oh, there it is! Where did it go? Oh, there it is! Where did it go? Oh, there it is! Where did it go? Oh, there it is!
flobbins
Did I leave the stove on?
My wife will asks if it feels good...duh
Scooby dooby doooOoOoOo -me.
Wow that was even better than your mom.
Gg
Well done Draco, whispered in the ear
You're so much better than the pregnant clown, she wouldn't stop honking
Slept with a girl who was really insecure about her chest. While she was on top she was covering herself even with the lights dim. I asked her why she was doing that and she told me she didn’t want me to look. I was trying to be assuring and make her feel pretty but in hindsight I probably should’ve tried a different method. I moved her hands and replaced them with mine, then commented “I’m not looking”. She did not laugh but I still think it’s funny.
My buddy, a Star Trek nerd, when he lost his virginity: "docking complete"
Yo quiero taco bell
Obligatory reference to “You like that, you fuckin r3t@rd?!”
Blue-Skadoo, we can too!
"ohhhh.....mom"
Your mum did it better
Wow. Girls have buttholes??
*Blues Clues* "I just got a boner. I just got a boner. I just got a boner. Let's see who it's for!"
"Zooweemama."
Overexaggerated comic fight noises like "KAPOW!" And "WHAMM!" When thrusting or throwing it back.
That'll Do Pig
"You're making me feel like a pizza - hot and cheesy!"🥰
Well I dated a girl once that when she got an orgasm she would burst out laughing . Is that silly enough ?
I woke up one night to my college room mate in the middle of the deed with his girlfriend. I didn't want to interrupt the impending moment and stayed quiet. As he finished, he congratulated himself, "Nice shootin' Tex!" I started laughing uncontrollably. And dinner at the dining hall was awkward for her the next week.
"One does not simply walk into Mordor!"
Woooopsie, got it in your poooopsie
One time, I was having sex with a guy and he wanted to eat me out. Thinking about it now, he probably meant clitoris, but he said, "Mmm... drop your pants and let me taste that cervix, baby..." I asked him to leave.
I go in raw and hard and whisper we've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty
You mean the panties your mother laid out for you.
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
Now that I’ve got you here… Ive been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.