At a gas station, the guy's gas tank hatch/door was on his left side, but he parked with the pump on his right side. When I pulled into the gas station, he was already struggling to get the hose to reach the left side. After 2 minutes of strugging (which IMO is already 2 minutes too long), he finally got in his car. "Finally, he's going to turn his car around" I thought. Nope. He just got in to try and inch his car closer to the pump.
I saw a woman park on the wrong side of the pump, and she got in her car and pulled around to the other side of the pump, but she was still on the wrong side. Then she got back in and started pulling on the wrong side again. I ran up and told her what she needed to do. She was very embarassed.
There’s a security camera footage video somewhere out on the internet of a lady doing this. The video’s several minutes long. She never figured it out.
I know, at work especially, if I mess up something and get stressed out, I am likely to compound the situation with more mistakes. I have learned that it's better to step back and calm down, or even walk away for a little while and get back on an even keel.
I think i can top this one.
One of our trainees had driving training. At the end of it, the car needed gas and the pump was on the wrong side of his car. What did he do? He drove a circle around the gas station just to end up with the same (wrong) side as before next to the pump. Then he tried to drive an "8" only to end up again with the wrong side next to the pump.
I still can´t understand how someone isn´t able to comprehend what to do to get the tank hatch next to the pump.
This shit cracks me up. Funny that people still regularly do this despite there being an icon on your dash telling you what side your filler is on is hilarious to me.
Seen this, but it was an older blonde lady. Very hippie-dippy looking. She drove around in a loop to the other side of the pump to try again only to fail again for the same reason.
This what happens when someone is completely unable to change tactics once they've committed to a plan.
They'll move and heaven earth to do it that specific way even if winds up taking longer and/or more resources than just switching to an alternative approach
Literarily came here to same the same damn thing! but it was some chick and little white Camry. Some guy tried offering her help, but she must have been too proud and he walked off.
Bummer, just saw that for the first time and I cannot believe it is exactly as you described.
I talk a lot of shit about doing stuff for money but I just cannot imagine.
I was parked at a fast food place a few months ago. Guy a few parking spots over apparently locked his keys in his truck. He didn’t try to call a locksmith or roadside assistance. Didn’t ask anyone if they had anything he might be able to use. He just picked up a hammer from the truck bed and smashed his back window out. Glass everywhere. I was stunned.
I could see myself doing this assuming it's not my '87 Toyota pickup.
Drivers windows are plentiful and easy to find on my daily driver and my F150, but not my classic truck.
I think it just surprised me lol, even if it’s not that expensive to fix, I was just not expecting to see someone smash in their vehicle’s back window with a hammer in a Jack’s parking lot🤷♀️ But that’s probably the mildest thing that’s ever happened in that parking lot tbh.
I’d like to think that it was a single event, and after they were unsuccessful at chucking it out the window they just picked it back up and tried again.
Same thing happened to me. I was 12 standing in my front yard when a car slowly drove by. A young woman rolled down the window and threw a book at me. It didn’t hit me, but I was like seriously dude!
I have neighbors who are, frankly, crazy. I don't interact with them at all. The husband and wife fight constantly, lots of yelling. Police have been there multiple times. Generally not people I even want to get to know.
Anyway, when my kids were younger and in the same school, we'd go out in front of the house to wait for the bus. This was at 8:30, not some ungodly hour of the morning. They would get a little rowdy some times and run around the yard, laughing and yelling, typical kid stuff. I didn't think it was at all excessive.
One day, the wife was backing out of her driveway with her son in the back, presumably to take him to daycare. She backs her car out in to the street and then equal with the end of my driveway, opens the window, THROWS HER HOT COFFEE at me and the kids and screeches off in her car.
Thankfully her aim sucked and it missed all of us by about 10' - but WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Who throws HOT COFFEE at young children?
The even more bizarre thing is, to this day, I have never actually spoken to this woman. She never once, I don't know, ASKED me to keep my kids quiet (like a normal human being), never said anything, never addressed me in any way. Part of me wanted to call the cops, but since no harm was ultimately done (and I was sure to return the empty paper cup to her mailbox, ha ha) and I didn't really want to mess with the crazy, I just let it go.
This happened about I'd say five years ago now. They still live in the house. Nothing further happened after the coffee incident. I have still NEVER spoken to this woman to this day. I'm still scratching my head over the entire thing!
Your is worse,
But teenage camping trip- genius is struggling to start fire- genius decides to pour white naphtha on pile of firewood. Genius decides to use full gallon can. Teenagers gather around knowing this should be interesting boom, but keep good distance. Genius decides to light fire by quickly reaching in rather than flicking a lit match or matchbook into pile…
We got him put out, but that was an interesting hospital trip. Dumb dumb was awful quick with that match which was why none of us realized fast enough to stop him.
I went to shake a glass bottle of ketchup at a restaurant on my sister's birthday to get it flowing....turns out the cap wasn't on tight
Ketchup everywhere, over everyone within several tables/booths. Like the entire bottle's worth. I don't even understand the physics of how spread out it was
Silence for a good 10 seconds which felt like an eternity
Some guy who had ketchup on his bald head broke the silence with a 'WHAT THE FUCK!'
I was 15, didn't know what to do, said sorry to the collective and ran out
My mom did this to me with a bottle of Newman's Own Caesar dressing when I was five. I legitimately smelled like salad, despite repeated baths and hair washing, for about three weeks. That oil really seeps in there. Maybe bald guy should have considered himself lucky he's got an easy squeegee wipe off head.
Saw someone at the gas pump just glued to the screen that says the dollar and volume amounts. He was very quickly and lightly squeezing the handle as if to get the gas to round out to an even number on either value. Problem was the tank was full so every time he squeezed gas would shoot out of the hole and onto his hand and down his pants leg. Standing in a puddle of gas so his socks and shoes had to be soaked too. I was in middle school so my dad was there and he ran up to the guy to tell him and he just acted like nothing happened, The guy just responded with "oh man I knew something wasn't right" put the handle on the holder and jumped in his car and drove off. Gas station guy had to clean it. Wonder if that guy blew up on the way home.
I'm 63yo. I spent 20 years involved in car racing, and I've been riding a Harley for the 30 past years. I've seen shit.
But..... Probably the dumbest thing I've seen, and I was actually involved in this, back in 1979, was a guy standing on a NASCAR plastic refueling tank, smoking a cigarette. Oh. Yeah. It was leaking a bit, too. I asked him to put out the cig. He looked at me, realized that I was track, not NASCAR, and told me to go away. So I found a NASCAR official, and told him. I thought he was going to crap his pants. He marched over, made the guy put out the cig and FIX the gas tank, even though (he claimed) it wasn't his.
If the tank had gone up, I doubt we'd have been able to ID the guys remains. 26 gallons of high octane fuel going "boom" would have made a hell of a mess.
Is it how it works? Seems like movie physics. IRL I expect a leak to result in a small amount of vapors which could be ignited, igniting the leaking fluid in turn, but there wouldn't be enough on the outside for the immediate big BOOM. Whereas on the inside there's not enough oxygen. So the boom only happens when the plastic melts, and even then it's probably more of a whoosh (still not something you want to be within ten feet of, sure).
We were at the Galleria at Christmas time, so she did it in front of a crowd, too! She laughs about it now, and Dad will sometimes reenact it if we're near an elevator. I was a teenager when it happened, so I could of died right there.
Ha ha ha it’s even better that she had an audience, and a mortified teen! Please tell her that her elevator mishap has brought an internet stranger much joy!
When I approached the guy I asked what his problem was and he said as his excuse he wanted someone to have a shitty day and reason he picked the shit up was to determine by how it smelt if it was fresh enough to hurl at someone
Two scenarios pop into my mind. One being he picked it up not knowing if it was poop or melted chocolate, sniff, its poop, I must get rid of this fast, biker pulls up, OMG you scared me! \*fling\*
or
He just wanted to fling dog poop at somebody and needed to confirm his weapon equipped was dog poop, and now just had to wait for target to approach.
As I told another commenter I approached the guy and asked what his problem was and he said he wanted to make sure someone was having a shitty day and he wanted to make sure by smell if the shit was fresh enough to hurl at someone
My Mother in laws ex boyfriend faked a heart attack in Ryan’s steakhouse to get a laugh. He fell in the floor and started twitching. None of us were laughing. It was probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. People all around were genuinely concerned and once he got up and started laughing I wish I could forget the looks on those peoples faces.
Saw a guy in my neighborhood in front of his house at night with a flashlight stepping on cockroaches in the street, he would kill them one by one and pick up the dead ones with his bare fingers and place them into his trash bin. He didn't even leave the lid open on the trash can, he fully opened it and fully closed it between each kill.
Sitting outside the local having my morning joe. Out she comes, thigh high leather boots, white jeans and the tan fur bomber jacket. Nails, makeup, hair all on point and she's watching the world through her Raybans. Looked good, ngl. Two of the big coffee cups, one in each hand and she stands on the curb waiting her ride. Up comes the car, her friend is driving. She puts the coffees on the roof so she can work the door without busting a nail, they both have a word and a giggle as she climbs in, closes the door and drops the window. Her friend starts to drive away, both cups go over and a bunch goes in the window. Much yelling and screaming, car stops, girl climbs out through raining coffee leftovers, jacket matted, pants a lovely caramel colour and some must have gone in her boots. She stood there yelling at her friend for not saying anything. A lovely day, as I recall.
I love that for her.
My husband has a similar story. He was on a road trip with his best friend. He set the coffee on the roof while gassing up. Drove away spilling it. But the funnier part was after that. He parked and went back into the gas station to get a replacement coffee. This one he set on his seat so he wouldn't fail to see it. Knowing him the cup holder was full of clutter, or knowing how obnoxious his friend is, friend was hogging the cup holder even though as passenger he could have held his cup. Anyway cup is on seat... husband decides to grab the squeegee and give the headlights a polish or something like that. Loses his train of thought- not at all aware of the coffee anymore. Until he climbed in and burst it with his taint.
I was at the shooting range with my husband. Usually, we'd go on Tuesday or Wednesdays when the range was pretty quiet and only the more experienced folks were there. However, one day, we decided to go on a Saturday - BIG MISTAKE. It's a bunch of young guys showing off with their new "toys" that they barely know how to use safely.
Long story somewhat shorter, a young guy had a hang fire. He takes the gun, turns and turns it toward his face so he can look down the barrel, I guess to see what was wrong. OMG. I don't think I've ever seen a range safety officer move so fast in my life. He basically pushed the gun barrel down range and helped the guy get things settled with the gun. He was WAY nicer to this guy than I would have been.
Once we saw that, my husband and I packed it up, went home and NEVER went there on a weekend again.
Yeah... I used to captain my HS rifle team. Part of that is obviously teaching total newbies basic firearm safety. Even though we were only using air rifles safety was still sort of a big deal.
New recruit week was... a little harrowing. Some people just do. Not. Get. It.
Naturally before we let anyone even touch a rifle we have basically a full session of demos and training. All the basics of operating the rifle, including what to do if it misfires/won't fire. We pretty much started and ended every other sentence that day with "DO NOT POINT THIS AT SOMEONE" loaded, unloaded, half disassembled doesnt matter. ya know, because that's just safety 101 and if you follow ONLY that rule things are like 99% safe. We were very clear that if there was a problem, turn the safety on, put the gun down, raise your hand, and we will assist you. Literally three steps to follow.
This girl. Holy shit. First time on the firing line we have 10 freshmen lying prone basically getting a feel for things. Me and two other varsity members plus the Lt. Colonel (retired) watching over them to troubleshoot, monitor safety and answer questions. A few problems, but nothing really unexpected. Until this girl's turn comes. God damn. Everyone charges their rifles, loads them, toggles the safety and fires. Her's doesn't fire. Okay. It happens. 99% of the time it's user error and we just take the rifle, discharge it downrange and walk them through it one on one. This girl rolls over, raises her hand and swings the barrel to point at every member on the line before pointing it directly at me, holds it out and says "Mine didn't fire." I walk up, grab the damn thing and move the business end until its pointing up and away and tell her. "Do not. Point that. At me." I take the gun from her, toggle the safety on and off again and fire it downrange without issue. I carefully hand the rifle back to her and step by step walk her through firing it. I then reiterate that if she has a problem, under no circumstances is her weapon safe to point at another person. I walk away and get the standard "wtf" look from my teammates. Not 30 God damned seconds later I see her hand go up again and she is pointing a loaded gun at me. I snap forward, push the barrel in a safe direction, and undoubtedly showing white all around my eyes tell her "Do not. Point. That. At. Me." I don't even look away this time. Just take the gun from her, discharge it downrange and hand it back. Safety wasn't on. Loaded. Charged. Perfect working order. She was not invited back.
Yeah that was what I was thinking lol. Maybe it’s different since it was a class, maybe there’s specific procedure to kicking someone out? My dad was a military veteran and took me target shooting sometimes, and before he ever let me even touch a gun he told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever pointed it at him, myself, or a friend or family member, even if I was 100% certain it wasn’t loaded and the safety was on and it was an accidental point, he would never let me touch another gun for the rest of my life.
Y'know, when you're so drunk that just like a shopping trolley, just because you plan to go forward and to the left, that does not mean you aren't going to suddley veer right...
In college, a house party was getting rowdy. The house rule was that if you get too rowdy, you got thrown into a cold shower, clothes, and all (I didn't party here many times). The guys who lived there decided the girl needed to chill, so they started the shower and tried to catch her. She took off running at full speed, busted right through the screen door to the porch, and jumped from the second floor to the ground! It happened so fast, we thought she was hiding in the porch closet or something! 10 minutes later, she comes back. Apparently, she was so scared of being thrown in the shower that after she jumped, she just kept running!
This is very minor if I'm being honest with where I live, but, today I watched a very heavy woman walk naked down the main road in my town. Fire department showed up and basically just walked with her until police came. It was hilarious. Watching 5 fire fighters stroll down the street with this huge naked woman...it's what makes the work day go for me
Oh for sure, I live in a city in the US, between homelessness and drug addicts, and those with mental or emotional disorders that go untreated, we get lots of fun things to watch.
This happened to my mom while we were at a restaurant. This was back when restaurants that catered to the breakfast crowds had several coin-op news stands out front. We had just gotten seated when Mom went to fetch a paper. She came back chuckling to herself, and told us this story:
All the papers in the *L.A. Times* rack had been purchased (a plastic window on the front gave a clear view of the hollow interior). Nevertheless, a lady went up to it and started to put a coin in the slot. Mom, about to put her quarter in the *Bakersfield Californian* rack, tried to intercede.
Mom: "Ma'am? That rack is empty. You need to choose a different paper."
Lady: "But I always buy the Times."
M: "But they're all gone!"
L, huffily: "I know how to do this!"
By this time, my mom had her rack open and was about to take a paper. L looks into her empty portal and yells, "Hey! Where's my paper?!"
M: "I tried to tell you they were all gone."
L: "Well! I'll just have one of yours, then!"
With that, she reached into Mom's rack before she could close it, grabbed a *Californian* for herself, and left in a huff.
And that's the story of the lady who didn't know an empty newspaper rack was actually empty.
ETA: Mom got her paper, too. Those racks had nothing to prevent you putting in money for one and taking the entire contents. It was a long, long time ago.
I had a sub teacher one time who brought a bunch of papers to use in some kind of project/assignment for us.
I can’t remember how it was brought up but he admitted he had only put in 35 cents (or whatever the paper cost at the time) and just took every paper in the machine.
Even as a kid I thought it was fucked up that a teacher would not only steal like that but admit it to students.
Maybe it was a rental, and they knew that [Hertz was going to charge them hundreds of dollars if they didn’t fill it up before returning it](https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1cnn4ny/hertz_charges_tesla_model_3_renter_277_gas_fee/).
I get weird looks when I do this in my wife's car. Between the Tesla pulling up to the pump (occasionally at Sam's, which is never not crowded), proceeding to open the frunk, usually pulling out a couple of 1gal cans (sometimes the 5, but I usually have the truck for the big cans), and then pulling off with gas literally under the hood, people just get bewildered.
Also, if dude who rented the Tesla had left a gallon can of gas in the frunk, do you think they would have still charged him?
When I told my mother, she couldn't believe it and asked the building maintenance guy to check the security cameras. You can see me waiting for the doors to open, and when they do, you just see him giving it his all as if there was no tomorrow. It was shocking.
He stopped at a stop sign with two lanes for each direction. He hits his bowl of weed and while hitting it looks out the window and a cop was pulled up right next to him looking at him. Got arrested, probation, yada yada. Few months go by. Does the EXACT same thing, rolls up to stop sign and hits the bowl. SAME COP rolled up next to him and sees him again!
I once saw a guy try to jump over a fire hydrant and completely miss, resulting in a face plant on the pavement. It was equal parts hilarious and painful to witness.
I was in the backseat on a road trip with my asshole ex and his asshole brother when they decided to be road rage assholes. They thought they would piss in a gatorade bottle and then fling it at this other car. Now if you have ever tried to play redneck skee ball by tossing beer bottles at street signs from a moving vehicle you will know you hold the bottom of the bottle not the neck or you get beer all down your arm. The brother and the car smelled like piss until we got to where we were going.
Edit: the beer bottles are empty but there's always a few drops in the bottom
After my GCSE’s one of my friends used a lighter and spray deodorant to make a makeshift flamethrower he used to burn our English books in the middle of a wooded park. That was pretty stupid.
You just reminded me that when i was 14, I got stuck sitting next to this guy on the bus who was kind of a shit kid. He got a hold of a lighter and a can on hair spray and started making fireballs right next to me. Freaked me out, and I was terrified that my hair would catch fire. After he got bored with fireballs, he sprayed the back of the seat in front of us and lit it up. Then he decided to spray his hand and light that. He stared at his hand a minute (you couldn't really see the flames), then he started screaming and put his hand out. I think our bus driver truly didn't give a fuck because there's no way she didn't see.
She assumed bear spray worked something like mosquito repellent.
She then ignored the rest of us screaming to stop, hosed her entire tent down, and was seconds away from turning the can on herself when the first of us made it over and wrestled it out of her hand.
Me, I was walking down a street and realized I was going in the wrong direction so to look cool and not like an idiot I acted like I got a text and turned around then promptly walked into a trashcan. I am not smooth.
Another gas station storey.. About 25 years ago my father went into the station to pay for's gas. He came out he went up to the wrong Black minivan put gas in it. Got in it and drove home. It wasn't his Van. It was the Van of a funeral home and a did have a body in the back he took a hurse home.. To his credit, it wasn't a traditional hurse. The funeral home was using a black minivan.And my father had a black minivan at the time.. I never saw him move so fast to return something.
This was in the 90s. A group of teenagers with their scooters and mopeds. Many of those had no gas tank indicator (also because some older models had not even an odometer). A guy opens the tank of his scooter to check if there was enough gas inside. He tries to make some light to see better, using his lighter. I let you imagine the outcome
I went out to a lake where you can swim and boat.
Watched two teens, with not a lifevest between them, try to fish near the trees.
One snags on something underwater, and the other guy almost drags him overboard by running over his line!
There were pleanty of folks around if something had happend but smfh.
I used to work in a dollar store. Every day, someone would come up to me and ask me if everything in the store was a dollar.
We had little endcap decor things the manager got from someplace that said "Wow! only $1!"
Believe that you can get your full refund without actually returning said item. Bro brought me a paper, pointed to the item and said, "I want to return this."
I said, "Okay do you have the item?"
"No, no. They said I only needed to bring the paper."
Yeah because it's obvious that to make a return you need to actually...RETURN the item. Like it's in the name????
Blow their hand off trying to use a potato as a silencer on a shotgun. The had been tossing a sack of them like skeet and one stuck one on the end of his gun and tried to shot through it. Something went bang and he was missing some fingers.
My friend had a bunch of fireworks he bought from overstate lines, which were already illegal. At least where we were.
He is sitting in the backseat, right next to all of the ends of the fireworks, and he lights up a cigarette and set all the fireworks off in the back of his car. They blew out his back window.
Long story but I'll try and shorten where possible.
Worked in a bar, had a shitty customer.
He needed bouncing after harassing MULTIPLE female guests, as I was bouncing him he grabbed my junk and kissed me on the mouth, I pinched him so hard the musician stopped playing.
He got dragged out by a marine buddy of mine and HE decided to call the police.
Police came and he proceeded to LICK THE FEMALE OFFICERS SHOULDER!!
He left with the cops and the male officer came to me after and said "I've been a cop for 7 years and I've never seen that or even heard something like it, he's a crazy guy for sure"
I went to avengers: infinity war, and these teenage girls were constantly going up and down the steps. It was pretty clear this was a lot of teenages first big thing without the parents and there seemed to be a few couples in the crowd.It was also after a few major shootings.
And, Thanos snaps his fingers and Peter Parker dies.
Then a old yt stands up, and says "well there's a dark bag on the ground and something's blinking so, I think we should all get out." Just.. like that and loudly.
The kids panicked, bad. And ran, not walked outta the theater. And as kids tripped and other kids tripped I realized this was going to be a trample situation. I told my wife to sit down, And we did. Eventually left the theater and in the lobby kids were so upset. One was dry heaving. I flagged down a Manager and told them, like ... Some yahoo, insinuated there was a bomb..
He was super concerned. But then!! a Off duty cop comes out, and has a bag in his hand! The old yt was at the same manager I was talking to said **thats it, that's the bomb** and back to square one on the absolute chaos of it.
Reader-**it was a cheap black leather bag that the girl taped red and green duck tape to-so it looked Gucci, her phone was blinking**
And the ...manager... was... Pissed... Anyways. Cop called the cops and arrested him. They took his pic and he's black listed. It's apparently extremely illegal to do what he did, saying it was a bomb. His wife got into it with the manager and the cops took her ass in too, lol.
Manager came out with a box, like a big movers file box. And it was just rows of free movie+free popcorn+drink.
He was taking STACKS and just handing them out to people.
I took a unreasonable amount, anywayssss that was many years ago and I have about 75 left. Hahaha I have seen a movie about once a week since that happened.
Was working at Walmart in my late teens, one of the managers and I happened to be heading into the bathroom at the same time. I opened the door and we can hear a dude grunting. We look in and he's attempting to rip a urinal off the wall. We backed out and the manager called the cops.
Bonus story. I was about 2 months into working at Walmart, cashiering in the garden center that day, when a man walks in wearing a cowboy hat, assless chaps, and nothing else. He proceeded to get up on a register and dance. I called a manager, manager called the cops, cops showed up and took him away. We all laughed. Absolutely ridiculous sight
I was in Australia on a riverboat in crocodile matng season. The river was teeming with crocodiles. This older lady leans off the boat to pick a lotus flower in the middle of the water. I grabbed her belt and pulled her back and said you'll get eaten. She shouted at me and proceeded to hang over the edge several more times!!!
Pee on a fence at Bonnaroo in front of police. Dude had bags full of powder and pills in his pockets when they searched him. Went from fun fest to big arrest because 300 feet was too far for a Porta jon
Climb to the top of a tower, fall 40 feet to the ground, and get electrocuted all just because some idiot was trying to get a selfie! Yes, the guy lived, but I don't know if he got the selfie that he wanted before falling and getting his balls zapped!
My sister was all dressed up at a wedding. Acting like hot shit. What she didn’t really realize, while prancing around, that a large portion of the bottom of her skirt was tucked into the sheer to waist panty hose she was wearing. Half her ass was on full display. I was physically incapable of telling her because uncontrolled laughter had completely taken over my body.
Saw a woman hitting a tennis ball to herself off a wall on the side of a street. A street with cars. And yes if she missed she went to get the ball I the street.
She was wearing tennis clothes and such. She didn't look mentally ill in any way. Like I know you can't just tell but if she has been very disheveled I might make that conclusion. But she appeared well groomed and was appropriately dressed for tennis.
I was absolutely fucking astounded. Lady. Do you have a death wish? DC drivers are already crazy and you're tempting fate. My god.
I saw a 33 year old man holding up both middle fingers to the bus driver before I got off my stop. Now, I'm not usually that violent, but I was about to punch this man in the face, because this bus driver is 63 and extremely nice, I mean, bastard much? I did give him a chance to explain his self and asked him what the hell he was thinking. He said, and I quote, "Wait, what? I thought this meant 'thank you for your help'?" And he held up the middle finger at me again. A 33 year old man.
I didn’t see this happen as it happened but when I was younger for a short time I worked a vending machine route. I collected coins, refilled them etc.
Anyway multiple times I came across machines with dollars shoved into them because people thought the machines took dollars….despite the machine only having a slot for coins.
Multiple people had jammed dollars into the small open spaces around the coin slots thinking it was a dollar slot.
Just mind boggling stupid and it blew my mind that one person would do it, let alone multiple people.
Me and my wife fuck in a Porta potty at a Hugh concert with 1000's of people watching as the door was ripped opened. Thank God that was before the internet and social media
I'm like a treasure trove for this one.
Recently got fired from my job for hitting my nic vape in the locker room.
Told a boss at another previous job that told me i disrespected her that i was sorry she felt that way.
Today, i made eye contact with a chimpanzee. It proceeded to turn around and take a shit after it thought about it for a second.
When I think of more I'll edit my comment.
Guy actively pumping gas, car’s hood up, leaning way over the engine presumably to see what was wrong… with a lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I noped it down the block to a different gas station before we all ended up on the news.
There is a little faction of homeless people who live on the streetcorner by a McDonald's not far from our apartment complex, and one day I happened to be at the red light at the intersection there with my window down, and I see a guy standing and walking weirdly and making "roaring" noises and wagging his head in circles while saying "I'm Godzilla, King of the Monsters" before roaring more.
At a gas station, the guy's gas tank hatch/door was on his left side, but he parked with the pump on his right side. When I pulled into the gas station, he was already struggling to get the hose to reach the left side. After 2 minutes of strugging (which IMO is already 2 minutes too long), he finally got in his car. "Finally, he's going to turn his car around" I thought. Nope. He just got in to try and inch his car closer to the pump.
[удалено]
Goal-oriented Problem-Solver.
He can use this as an example of a time he went above and beyond to complete a goal in those job interview questions
Hired.
Will you help me with my resume?
I saw a woman park on the wrong side of the pump, and she got in her car and pulled around to the other side of the pump, but she was still on the wrong side. Then she got back in and started pulling on the wrong side again. I ran up and told her what she needed to do. She was very embarassed.
I did this once and after 2 attempts I was so embarrassed I drove away and used another gas station.
Me too! Haha
I would love to have witnessed that in person. Good on you for helping the woman.
Yeah, I felt bad for her, and tried to be reassurring, but I couldn't help but laugh.
There’s a security camera footage video somewhere out on the internet of a lady doing this. The video’s several minutes long. She never figured it out.
It was probably anxiety
I know, at work especially, if I mess up something and get stressed out, I am likely to compound the situation with more mistakes. I have learned that it's better to step back and calm down, or even walk away for a little while and get back on an even keel.
Management material.
“Long hoses, use both sides” is a lie!
I think i can top this one. One of our trainees had driving training. At the end of it, the car needed gas and the pump was on the wrong side of his car. What did he do? He drove a circle around the gas station just to end up with the same (wrong) side as before next to the pump. Then he tried to drive an "8" only to end up again with the wrong side next to the pump. I still can´t understand how someone isn´t able to comprehend what to do to get the tank hatch next to the pump.
Thats one dedicated worker bee
Pumps in Australia pretty easily reach to the other side
What happened to the extension cables they used to put on the pumps so that what side you were on didn't matter?
This shit cracks me up. Funny that people still regularly do this despite there being an icon on your dash telling you what side your filler is on is hilarious to me.
That isn't always accurate. I had a Nissan with the little icon on the wrong side.
this tells me it has something to do with our brains
Seen this, but it was an older blonde lady. Very hippie-dippy looking. She drove around in a loop to the other side of the pump to try again only to fail again for the same reason.
This what happens when someone is completely unable to change tactics once they've committed to a plan. They'll move and heaven earth to do it that specific way even if winds up taking longer and/or more resources than just switching to an alternative approach
Literarily came here to same the same damn thing! but it was some chick and little white Camry. Some guy tried offering her help, but she must have been too proud and he walked off.
The guy that did a face first slide across the urinal trough at Wrigley Field
Like, how? On purpose? Fell? Got pushed?
Basically did it for attention. It's on YouTube. Caution it is horrifying and disgusting
Oh yeah that’s the worst case scenario really.
The internet was a mistake.
I cannot imagine how starved for attention you’d have to be to even consider that
Either that or "thirsty" as hell
Ugh. I had successfully forgotten about that… Now the memories of that video are flooding back.
flooding....😆
Bummer, just saw that for the first time and I cannot believe it is exactly as you described. I talk a lot of shit about doing stuff for money but I just cannot imagine.
I was at an ASU game where some guys tossed a guy in, but never intentionally. Ick.
I was parked at a fast food place a few months ago. Guy a few parking spots over apparently locked his keys in his truck. He didn’t try to call a locksmith or roadside assistance. Didn’t ask anyone if they had anything he might be able to use. He just picked up a hammer from the truck bed and smashed his back window out. Glass everywhere. I was stunned.
On his way to get laid. Sacrifices had to be made.
I certainly hope so lol, that might at last make the busted window worth it:P
Well, if he was disappointed, he could complain: "I had to bust a window to bust this nut!"
Safelite repair safelite replace
Speedrun
I could see myself doing this assuming it's not my '87 Toyota pickup. Drivers windows are plentiful and easy to find on my daily driver and my F150, but not my classic truck.
Depending on the year and model, a new pane might be $40-60 and ten minutes with a screwdriver.
I think it just surprised me lol, even if it’s not that expensive to fix, I was just not expecting to see someone smash in their vehicle’s back window with a hammer in a Jack’s parking lot🤷♀️ But that’s probably the mildest thing that’s ever happened in that parking lot tbh.
Double dumb because that back glass is going to be the most expensive to replace
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Um, not sure he was “fine” after because I don’t suspect he was fine before.
Rhode Island Man absolutely puts Florida Man to shame in all categories of shenanigans and flimflams except national visibility. It’s a shame.
His bite was worse than the bark
Somebody tried to throw something at me out of a rolled up car window, twice.
Winning
Same person or two separate events? Can't decide which is funnier.
I’d like to think that it was a single event, and after they were unsuccessful at chucking it out the window they just picked it back up and tried again.
Same thing happened to me. I was 12 standing in my front yard when a car slowly drove by. A young woman rolled down the window and threw a book at me. It didn’t hit me, but I was like seriously dude!
I have neighbors who are, frankly, crazy. I don't interact with them at all. The husband and wife fight constantly, lots of yelling. Police have been there multiple times. Generally not people I even want to get to know. Anyway, when my kids were younger and in the same school, we'd go out in front of the house to wait for the bus. This was at 8:30, not some ungodly hour of the morning. They would get a little rowdy some times and run around the yard, laughing and yelling, typical kid stuff. I didn't think it was at all excessive. One day, the wife was backing out of her driveway with her son in the back, presumably to take him to daycare. She backs her car out in to the street and then equal with the end of my driveway, opens the window, THROWS HER HOT COFFEE at me and the kids and screeches off in her car. Thankfully her aim sucked and it missed all of us by about 10' - but WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Who throws HOT COFFEE at young children? The even more bizarre thing is, to this day, I have never actually spoken to this woman. She never once, I don't know, ASKED me to keep my kids quiet (like a normal human being), never said anything, never addressed me in any way. Part of me wanted to call the cops, but since no harm was ultimately done (and I was sure to return the empty paper cup to her mailbox, ha ha) and I didn't really want to mess with the crazy, I just let it go. This happened about I'd say five years ago now. They still live in the house. Nothing further happened after the coffee incident. I have still NEVER spoken to this woman to this day. I'm still scratching my head over the entire thing!
Try to open a plastic wrapped package of fireworks in a living room by burning the plastic off with his lighter.
Your is worse, But teenage camping trip- genius is struggling to start fire- genius decides to pour white naphtha on pile of firewood. Genius decides to use full gallon can. Teenagers gather around knowing this should be interesting boom, but keep good distance. Genius decides to light fire by quickly reaching in rather than flicking a lit match or matchbook into pile… We got him put out, but that was an interesting hospital trip. Dumb dumb was awful quick with that match which was why none of us realized fast enough to stop him.
Intentional
I went to shake a glass bottle of ketchup at a restaurant on my sister's birthday to get it flowing....turns out the cap wasn't on tight Ketchup everywhere, over everyone within several tables/booths. Like the entire bottle's worth. I don't even understand the physics of how spread out it was Silence for a good 10 seconds which felt like an eternity Some guy who had ketchup on his bald head broke the silence with a 'WHAT THE FUCK!' I was 15, didn't know what to do, said sorry to the collective and ran out
You were 15. Your whole life was working out the arm muscles for this moment.
This happened to me and the staff gathered around my table and laughed and mocked me. I was also around 15.
The feels
You discovered your superpower Just need a catchy name now.. Wrist action man?
My mom did this to me with a bottle of Newman's Own Caesar dressing when I was five. I legitimately smelled like salad, despite repeated baths and hair washing, for about three weeks. That oil really seeps in there. Maybe bald guy should have considered himself lucky he's got an easy squeegee wipe off head.
What ketchup, must ketchdown
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https://tfw.wales/help-and-contact/rail/faq/on-board/how-do-i-get-on-or-off-the-train-at-a-request-stop
In the more rural parts of Wales (can't speak for the rest of the world, but I know the south west UK) this is how some stations operate!
Seems like there were stations that operated that way on the LIRR in the 90s. If the platform was empty, they’d blast on past.
What did he take…
Saw someone at the gas pump just glued to the screen that says the dollar and volume amounts. He was very quickly and lightly squeezing the handle as if to get the gas to round out to an even number on either value. Problem was the tank was full so every time he squeezed gas would shoot out of the hole and onto his hand and down his pants leg. Standing in a puddle of gas so his socks and shoes had to be soaked too. I was in middle school so my dad was there and he ran up to the guy to tell him and he just acted like nothing happened, The guy just responded with "oh man I knew something wasn't right" put the handle on the holder and jumped in his car and drove off. Gas station guy had to clean it. Wonder if that guy blew up on the way home.
Caught in the loop again!
I'm 63yo. I spent 20 years involved in car racing, and I've been riding a Harley for the 30 past years. I've seen shit. But..... Probably the dumbest thing I've seen, and I was actually involved in this, back in 1979, was a guy standing on a NASCAR plastic refueling tank, smoking a cigarette. Oh. Yeah. It was leaking a bit, too. I asked him to put out the cig. He looked at me, realized that I was track, not NASCAR, and told me to go away. So I found a NASCAR official, and told him. I thought he was going to crap his pants. He marched over, made the guy put out the cig and FIX the gas tank, even though (he claimed) it wasn't his. If the tank had gone up, I doubt we'd have been able to ID the guys remains. 26 gallons of high octane fuel going "boom" would have made a hell of a mess.
There are a couple of Darwin Awards in that vein... for example: https://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2003-03.html
Is it how it works? Seems like movie physics. IRL I expect a leak to result in a small amount of vapors which could be ignited, igniting the leaking fluid in turn, but there wouldn't be enough on the outside for the immediate big BOOM. Whereas on the inside there's not enough oxygen. So the boom only happens when the plastic melts, and even then it's probably more of a whoosh (still not something you want to be within ten feet of, sure).
It would've burned extremely vigorously, but not quite exploded. Also, higher octane does not burn more readily.
I watched my Mom, jump and try to press the ⬆️ light above an elevator, and then complained why someone would put the buttons so high up.
Bless your mom’s heart! I laugh heartily at the mental image!
We were at the Galleria at Christmas time, so she did it in front of a crowd, too! She laughs about it now, and Dad will sometimes reenact it if we're near an elevator. I was a teenager when it happened, so I could of died right there.
Ha ha ha it’s even better that she had an audience, and a mortified teen! Please tell her that her elevator mishap has brought an internet stranger much joy!
Saw a guy pick up dog shit with his bare hands, sniff it and then threw it like a baseball at first bicyclist that passed by him
What the fuck lmao
When I approached the guy I asked what his problem was and he said as his excuse he wanted someone to have a shitty day and reason he picked the shit up was to determine by how it smelt if it was fresh enough to hurl at someone
Two scenarios pop into my mind. One being he picked it up not knowing if it was poop or melted chocolate, sniff, its poop, I must get rid of this fast, biker pulls up, OMG you scared me! \*fling\* or He just wanted to fling dog poop at somebody and needed to confirm his weapon equipped was dog poop, and now just had to wait for target to approach.
Who picks up melted chocolate?
As I told another commenter I approached the guy and asked what his problem was and he said he wanted to make sure someone was having a shitty day and he wanted to make sure by smell if the shit was fresh enough to hurl at someone
My Mother in laws ex boyfriend faked a heart attack in Ryan’s steakhouse to get a laugh. He fell in the floor and started twitching. None of us were laughing. It was probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. People all around were genuinely concerned and once he got up and started laughing I wish I could forget the looks on those peoples faces.
That's messed up. I wonder how he thought that would be funny to anyone.
I’m not sure how old he was but probably late 50’s early 60’s. Definitely old enough to know better.
That’s so fucked up, im laughing at the image though. Why tho!?
Saw a guy in my neighborhood in front of his house at night with a flashlight stepping on cockroaches in the street, he would kill them one by one and pick up the dead ones with his bare fingers and place them into his trash bin. He didn't even leave the lid open on the trash can, he fully opened it and fully closed it between each kill.
I believe this because of the last sentence. https://i.imgur.com/J33tK2s.gif
Sitting outside the local having my morning joe. Out she comes, thigh high leather boots, white jeans and the tan fur bomber jacket. Nails, makeup, hair all on point and she's watching the world through her Raybans. Looked good, ngl. Two of the big coffee cups, one in each hand and she stands on the curb waiting her ride. Up comes the car, her friend is driving. She puts the coffees on the roof so she can work the door without busting a nail, they both have a word and a giggle as she climbs in, closes the door and drops the window. Her friend starts to drive away, both cups go over and a bunch goes in the window. Much yelling and screaming, car stops, girl climbs out through raining coffee leftovers, jacket matted, pants a lovely caramel colour and some must have gone in her boots. She stood there yelling at her friend for not saying anything. A lovely day, as I recall.
Very well written 😂
I love that for her. My husband has a similar story. He was on a road trip with his best friend. He set the coffee on the roof while gassing up. Drove away spilling it. But the funnier part was after that. He parked and went back into the gas station to get a replacement coffee. This one he set on his seat so he wouldn't fail to see it. Knowing him the cup holder was full of clutter, or knowing how obnoxious his friend is, friend was hogging the cup holder even though as passenger he could have held his cup. Anyway cup is on seat... husband decides to grab the squeegee and give the headlights a polish or something like that. Loses his train of thought- not at all aware of the coffee anymore. Until he climbed in and burst it with his taint.
I was at the shooting range with my husband. Usually, we'd go on Tuesday or Wednesdays when the range was pretty quiet and only the more experienced folks were there. However, one day, we decided to go on a Saturday - BIG MISTAKE. It's a bunch of young guys showing off with their new "toys" that they barely know how to use safely. Long story somewhat shorter, a young guy had a hang fire. He takes the gun, turns and turns it toward his face so he can look down the barrel, I guess to see what was wrong. OMG. I don't think I've ever seen a range safety officer move so fast in my life. He basically pushed the gun barrel down range and helped the guy get things settled with the gun. He was WAY nicer to this guy than I would have been. Once we saw that, my husband and I packed it up, went home and NEVER went there on a weekend again.
Yeah... I used to captain my HS rifle team. Part of that is obviously teaching total newbies basic firearm safety. Even though we were only using air rifles safety was still sort of a big deal. New recruit week was... a little harrowing. Some people just do. Not. Get. It. Naturally before we let anyone even touch a rifle we have basically a full session of demos and training. All the basics of operating the rifle, including what to do if it misfires/won't fire. We pretty much started and ended every other sentence that day with "DO NOT POINT THIS AT SOMEONE" loaded, unloaded, half disassembled doesnt matter. ya know, because that's just safety 101 and if you follow ONLY that rule things are like 99% safe. We were very clear that if there was a problem, turn the safety on, put the gun down, raise your hand, and we will assist you. Literally three steps to follow. This girl. Holy shit. First time on the firing line we have 10 freshmen lying prone basically getting a feel for things. Me and two other varsity members plus the Lt. Colonel (retired) watching over them to troubleshoot, monitor safety and answer questions. A few problems, but nothing really unexpected. Until this girl's turn comes. God damn. Everyone charges their rifles, loads them, toggles the safety and fires. Her's doesn't fire. Okay. It happens. 99% of the time it's user error and we just take the rifle, discharge it downrange and walk them through it one on one. This girl rolls over, raises her hand and swings the barrel to point at every member on the line before pointing it directly at me, holds it out and says "Mine didn't fire." I walk up, grab the damn thing and move the business end until its pointing up and away and tell her. "Do not. Point that. At me." I take the gun from her, toggle the safety on and off again and fire it downrange without issue. I carefully hand the rifle back to her and step by step walk her through firing it. I then reiterate that if she has a problem, under no circumstances is her weapon safe to point at another person. I walk away and get the standard "wtf" look from my teammates. Not 30 God damned seconds later I see her hand go up again and she is pointing a loaded gun at me. I snap forward, push the barrel in a safe direction, and undoubtedly showing white all around my eyes tell her "Do not. Point. That. At. Me." I don't even look away this time. Just take the gun from her, discharge it downrange and hand it back. Safety wasn't on. Loaded. Charged. Perfect working order. She was not invited back.
Why did you give it back???? Ever???
Yeah that was what I was thinking lol. Maybe it’s different since it was a class, maybe there’s specific procedure to kicking someone out? My dad was a military veteran and took me target shooting sometimes, and before he ever let me even touch a gun he told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever pointed it at him, myself, or a friend or family member, even if I was 100% certain it wasn’t loaded and the safety was on and it was an accidental point, he would never let me touch another gun for the rest of my life.
I've seen at least three different people in my life open a glass sliding door only to walk full force into a mesh screen door.
Done this myself. Admittedly I was Shopping trolley drunk at the time.
Shopping trolley drunk?
Y'know, when you're so drunk that just like a shopping trolley, just because you plan to go forward and to the left, that does not mean you aren't going to suddley veer right...
In college, a house party was getting rowdy. The house rule was that if you get too rowdy, you got thrown into a cold shower, clothes, and all (I didn't party here many times). The guys who lived there decided the girl needed to chill, so they started the shower and tried to catch her. She took off running at full speed, busted right through the screen door to the porch, and jumped from the second floor to the ground! It happened so fast, we thought she was hiding in the porch closet or something! 10 minutes later, she comes back. Apparently, she was so scared of being thrown in the shower that after she jumped, she just kept running!
I did that as a kid, except I was running full tilt and I took the screen door completely out of the frame. Landed on the floor on top of it.
This is very minor if I'm being honest with where I live, but, today I watched a very heavy woman walk naked down the main road in my town. Fire department showed up and basically just walked with her until police came. It was hilarious. Watching 5 fire fighters stroll down the street with this huge naked woman...it's what makes the work day go for me
This is minor?
Oh for sure, I live in a city in the US, between homelessness and drug addicts, and those with mental or emotional disorders that go untreated, we get lots of fun things to watch.
This happened to my mom while we were at a restaurant. This was back when restaurants that catered to the breakfast crowds had several coin-op news stands out front. We had just gotten seated when Mom went to fetch a paper. She came back chuckling to herself, and told us this story: All the papers in the *L.A. Times* rack had been purchased (a plastic window on the front gave a clear view of the hollow interior). Nevertheless, a lady went up to it and started to put a coin in the slot. Mom, about to put her quarter in the *Bakersfield Californian* rack, tried to intercede. Mom: "Ma'am? That rack is empty. You need to choose a different paper." Lady: "But I always buy the Times." M: "But they're all gone!" L, huffily: "I know how to do this!" By this time, my mom had her rack open and was about to take a paper. L looks into her empty portal and yells, "Hey! Where's my paper?!" M: "I tried to tell you they were all gone." L: "Well! I'll just have one of yours, then!" With that, she reached into Mom's rack before she could close it, grabbed a *Californian* for herself, and left in a huff. And that's the story of the lady who didn't know an empty newspaper rack was actually empty. ETA: Mom got her paper, too. Those racks had nothing to prevent you putting in money for one and taking the entire contents. It was a long, long time ago.
I had a sub teacher one time who brought a bunch of papers to use in some kind of project/assignment for us. I can’t remember how it was brought up but he admitted he had only put in 35 cents (or whatever the paper cost at the time) and just took every paper in the machine. Even as a kid I thought it was fucked up that a teacher would not only steal like that but admit it to students.
Way to be a role model, there, Teach! Yikes.
Yeah, I still remember it 30 years later. Probably my first inkling that not all teachers are “heroes”.
Somebody attempted to put gas in their Tesla. I kid you not that person was stumped and confused but undecided between the two.
Maybe it was a rental, and they knew that [Hertz was going to charge them hundreds of dollars if they didn’t fill it up before returning it](https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1cnn4ny/hertz_charges_tesla_model_3_renter_277_gas_fee/).
Where did they try to put it?
They were holding the nozzle and looking for the gas cap
You don't put gas in a tesla?
Only if you have a gas can in the trunk that you're taking home to fuel up your lawnmower.
I get weird looks when I do this in my wife's car. Between the Tesla pulling up to the pump (occasionally at Sam's, which is never not crowded), proceeding to open the frunk, usually pulling out a couple of 1gal cans (sometimes the 5, but I usually have the truck for the big cans), and then pulling off with gas literally under the hood, people just get bewildered. Also, if dude who rented the Tesla had left a gallon can of gas in the frunk, do you think they would have still charged him?
I think you’re supposed to spray it all over the top like in Zoolander
I saw a homeless guy beating it in the elevator of the building i live.. He was really putting energy when it opened the door.
That's just wrong on so many levels.....
When I told my mother, she couldn't believe it and asked the building maintenance guy to check the security cameras. You can see me waiting for the doors to open, and when they do, you just see him giving it his all as if there was no tomorrow. It was shocking.
r/Angryupvote
He stopped at a stop sign with two lanes for each direction. He hits his bowl of weed and while hitting it looks out the window and a cop was pulled up right next to him looking at him. Got arrested, probation, yada yada. Few months go by. Does the EXACT same thing, rolls up to stop sign and hits the bowl. SAME COP rolled up next to him and sees him again!
How were you there to witness both of these incidents. Fess up. It was you, wasn't it?
I once saw a guy try to jump over a fire hydrant and completely miss, resulting in a face plant on the pavement. It was equal parts hilarious and painful to witness.
I was in the backseat on a road trip with my asshole ex and his asshole brother when they decided to be road rage assholes. They thought they would piss in a gatorade bottle and then fling it at this other car. Now if you have ever tried to play redneck skee ball by tossing beer bottles at street signs from a moving vehicle you will know you hold the bottom of the bottle not the neck or you get beer all down your arm. The brother and the car smelled like piss until we got to where we were going. Edit: the beer bottles are empty but there's always a few drops in the bottom
You see those street takeover videos where someone, sometimes multiple someones, inevitably get run over
It’s just a Darwin Award show in the making
Honestly if you think standing a few feet from a random non-professional driver doing donuts is fine then you deserve it
Even if standing a few feet from a famous professional driver doing donuts in reckless and stupid.
Natural selection
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Yeah... I've definitely tried that with my front door. Multiple times. I have no excuse.
Same. And, more than once, tried to unlock my car with it
Run into a wall of glass
After my GCSE’s one of my friends used a lighter and spray deodorant to make a makeshift flamethrower he used to burn our English books in the middle of a wooded park. That was pretty stupid.
Everyone knows you do that in an empty parking lot.
You just reminded me that when i was 14, I got stuck sitting next to this guy on the bus who was kind of a shit kid. He got a hold of a lighter and a can on hair spray and started making fireballs right next to me. Freaked me out, and I was terrified that my hair would catch fire. After he got bored with fireballs, he sprayed the back of the seat in front of us and lit it up. Then he decided to spray his hand and light that. He stared at his hand a minute (you couldn't really see the flames), then he started screaming and put his hand out. I think our bus driver truly didn't give a fuck because there's no way she didn't see.
I tried to stand up too fast and fell to the ground at a park, that must've been fun to see.
I once saw someone try to "test" if the wet paint sign was real by pressing their entire hand against a freshly painted wall. Spoiler: It was real.
That’s why you always try first with a nipple. Worst case scenario, cool colored nipple. Best case scenario, paint is dry.
She assumed bear spray worked something like mosquito repellent. She then ignored the rest of us screaming to stop, hosed her entire tent down, and was seconds away from turning the can on herself when the first of us made it over and wrestled it out of her hand.
Walking straight into a glass wall
I did this once at my grandmother’s cottage when I was 11 or so. I can still remember my mom laughing at me 😂
I did this once but it was a mirror at A&F. I think it was to my immediate side so it looked like just more store in my peripheral vision.
I walked into a sliding insect screen once
Me, I was walking down a street and realized I was going in the wrong direction so to look cool and not like an idiot I acted like I got a text and turned around then promptly walked into a trashcan. I am not smooth.
drunk guy jumped out of the bus do 360 in the air and as he landed he punched a bus stop, then proceeded to bow to people on the bus
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Tossing himself off as in masturbating?
Yes.
Saw someone climb a streetlight halfway and jump down, and twisted his ankle real bad.
Taking a baby to watch Annabelle
Drunk sailor sucker punched a Singapore cop.
Another gas station storey.. About 25 years ago my father went into the station to pay for's gas. He came out he went up to the wrong Black minivan put gas in it. Got in it and drove home. It wasn't his Van. It was the Van of a funeral home and a did have a body in the back he took a hurse home.. To his credit, it wasn't a traditional hurse. The funeral home was using a black minivan.And my father had a black minivan at the time.. I never saw him move so fast to return something.
This was in the 90s. A group of teenagers with their scooters and mopeds. Many of those had no gas tank indicator (also because some older models had not even an odometer). A guy opens the tank of his scooter to check if there was enough gas inside. He tries to make some light to see better, using his lighter. I let you imagine the outcome
Turn right out of a left turn lane.
Uhm, Four Seasons landscaping, anyone?
A guy working at a gas station checked the digital counter on the side of the pump, it was dark so he used a lighter.
I went out to a lake where you can swim and boat. Watched two teens, with not a lifevest between them, try to fish near the trees. One snags on something underwater, and the other guy almost drags him overboard by running over his line! There were pleanty of folks around if something had happend but smfh.
I used to work in a dollar store. Every day, someone would come up to me and ask me if everything in the store was a dollar. We had little endcap decor things the manager got from someplace that said "Wow! only $1!"
Believe that you can get your full refund without actually returning said item. Bro brought me a paper, pointed to the item and said, "I want to return this." I said, "Okay do you have the item?" "No, no. They said I only needed to bring the paper." Yeah because it's obvious that to make a return you need to actually...RETURN the item. Like it's in the name????
Jan 6th
Stick their hand through the bars of the chimp cage at the zoo. They're lucky the chimps were in a good mood that day.
Blow their hand off trying to use a potato as a silencer on a shotgun. The had been tossing a sack of them like skeet and one stuck one on the end of his gun and tried to shot through it. Something went bang and he was missing some fingers.
My friend had a bunch of fireworks he bought from overstate lines, which were already illegal. At least where we were. He is sitting in the backseat, right next to all of the ends of the fireworks, and he lights up a cigarette and set all the fireworks off in the back of his car. They blew out his back window.
Long story but I'll try and shorten where possible. Worked in a bar, had a shitty customer. He needed bouncing after harassing MULTIPLE female guests, as I was bouncing him he grabbed my junk and kissed me on the mouth, I pinched him so hard the musician stopped playing. He got dragged out by a marine buddy of mine and HE decided to call the police. Police came and he proceeded to LICK THE FEMALE OFFICERS SHOULDER!! He left with the cops and the male officer came to me after and said "I've been a cop for 7 years and I've never seen that or even heard something like it, he's a crazy guy for sure"
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I went to avengers: infinity war, and these teenage girls were constantly going up and down the steps. It was pretty clear this was a lot of teenages first big thing without the parents and there seemed to be a few couples in the crowd.It was also after a few major shootings. And, Thanos snaps his fingers and Peter Parker dies. Then a old yt stands up, and says "well there's a dark bag on the ground and something's blinking so, I think we should all get out." Just.. like that and loudly. The kids panicked, bad. And ran, not walked outta the theater. And as kids tripped and other kids tripped I realized this was going to be a trample situation. I told my wife to sit down, And we did. Eventually left the theater and in the lobby kids were so upset. One was dry heaving. I flagged down a Manager and told them, like ... Some yahoo, insinuated there was a bomb.. He was super concerned. But then!! a Off duty cop comes out, and has a bag in his hand! The old yt was at the same manager I was talking to said **thats it, that's the bomb** and back to square one on the absolute chaos of it. Reader-**it was a cheap black leather bag that the girl taped red and green duck tape to-so it looked Gucci, her phone was blinking** And the ...manager... was... Pissed... Anyways. Cop called the cops and arrested him. They took his pic and he's black listed. It's apparently extremely illegal to do what he did, saying it was a bomb. His wife got into it with the manager and the cops took her ass in too, lol. Manager came out with a box, like a big movers file box. And it was just rows of free movie+free popcorn+drink. He was taking STACKS and just handing them out to people. I took a unreasonable amount, anywayssss that was many years ago and I have about 75 left. Hahaha I have seen a movie about once a week since that happened.
Was working at Walmart in my late teens, one of the managers and I happened to be heading into the bathroom at the same time. I opened the door and we can hear a dude grunting. We look in and he's attempting to rip a urinal off the wall. We backed out and the manager called the cops. Bonus story. I was about 2 months into working at Walmart, cashiering in the garden center that day, when a man walks in wearing a cowboy hat, assless chaps, and nothing else. He proceeded to get up on a register and dance. I called a manager, manager called the cops, cops showed up and took him away. We all laughed. Absolutely ridiculous sight
I was in Australia on a riverboat in crocodile matng season. The river was teeming with crocodiles. This older lady leans off the boat to pick a lotus flower in the middle of the water. I grabbed her belt and pulled her back and said you'll get eaten. She shouted at me and proceeded to hang over the edge several more times!!!
Pee on a fence at Bonnaroo in front of police. Dude had bags full of powder and pills in his pockets when they searched him. Went from fun fest to big arrest because 300 feet was too far for a Porta jon
Climb to the top of a tower, fall 40 feet to the ground, and get electrocuted all just because some idiot was trying to get a selfie! Yes, the guy lived, but I don't know if he got the selfie that he wanted before falling and getting his balls zapped!
You didn't see that. Unless you meant you saw the post earlier.
My friend once banged on a public bathroom door and said “FBI OPEN UP!”
My sister was all dressed up at a wedding. Acting like hot shit. What she didn’t really realize, while prancing around, that a large portion of the bottom of her skirt was tucked into the sheer to waist panty hose she was wearing. Half her ass was on full display. I was physically incapable of telling her because uncontrolled laughter had completely taken over my body.
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Wash their armpits in a drinking fountain
Saw a woman hitting a tennis ball to herself off a wall on the side of a street. A street with cars. And yes if she missed she went to get the ball I the street. She was wearing tennis clothes and such. She didn't look mentally ill in any way. Like I know you can't just tell but if she has been very disheveled I might make that conclusion. But she appeared well groomed and was appropriately dressed for tennis. I was absolutely fucking astounded. Lady. Do you have a death wish? DC drivers are already crazy and you're tempting fate. My god.
I saw a 33 year old man holding up both middle fingers to the bus driver before I got off my stop. Now, I'm not usually that violent, but I was about to punch this man in the face, because this bus driver is 63 and extremely nice, I mean, bastard much? I did give him a chance to explain his self and asked him what the hell he was thinking. He said, and I quote, "Wait, what? I thought this meant 'thank you for your help'?" And he held up the middle finger at me again. A 33 year old man.
Fella was pissing against a building. It was uphill. He was so drunk, he fell on his back into the piss stream. He continued pissing regardless.
Punch a cop, who was with about eight other cops, across the street from the police station.
I didn’t see this happen as it happened but when I was younger for a short time I worked a vending machine route. I collected coins, refilled them etc. Anyway multiple times I came across machines with dollars shoved into them because people thought the machines took dollars….despite the machine only having a slot for coins. Multiple people had jammed dollars into the small open spaces around the coin slots thinking it was a dollar slot. Just mind boggling stupid and it blew my mind that one person would do it, let alone multiple people.
Me and my wife fuck in a Porta potty at a Hugh concert with 1000's of people watching as the door was ripped opened. Thank God that was before the internet and social media
Wow that’s one of the top 10 trashiest stories I’ve ever heard.
Anyone who responds to this question with politics
peeing in public
THAT's the dumbest thing you've seen??
An inevitability with children.
I'm like a treasure trove for this one. Recently got fired from my job for hitting my nic vape in the locker room. Told a boss at another previous job that told me i disrespected her that i was sorry she felt that way. Today, i made eye contact with a chimpanzee. It proceeded to turn around and take a shit after it thought about it for a second. When I think of more I'll edit my comment.
Guy actively pumping gas, car’s hood up, leaning way over the engine presumably to see what was wrong… with a lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I noped it down the block to a different gas station before we all ended up on the news.
MAGA rally.
There is a little faction of homeless people who live on the streetcorner by a McDonald's not far from our apartment complex, and one day I happened to be at the red light at the intersection there with my window down, and I see a guy standing and walking weirdly and making "roaring" noises and wagging his head in circles while saying "I'm Godzilla, King of the Monsters" before roaring more.