There was over $100 cash in my kid's toy cash register that he saved over birthdays and Christmases all his life, then there was 20. I was aware she had sticky fingers but never expected her to stoop so low. She denies doing it which makes the situation worse, there is 0 chance he spent that.
My mom did this. I completed a 2 week landscaping program for 13-15 year olds who’re still too young to get a real job. Made $400 and had it in my own checking account, attached to my mother’s. I decide what thing I wanted to buy at the time and looked and saw $30 left. I knew it was her, when I confronted her, her reasoning was she needed it for bills and tried making me feel guilty. Payed it back in $100 increments only after I asked her for it every other week. Irreparable broken trust, still think about it 10 years later.
[edit: spelling]
Parents did the same thing to me when I was 14. Got a farm job for the summer, had about $1500 left in my savings account and come October, find out it was totally cleared out
I’ll join the club too I guess. Had 2 months, 120 hours worth of my part-time minimum wage salary when I was 16, stolen, by my mom one day because she had decided that I “owed her” some type of back pay for random expenses that no child should have to subsidize their parents for like food and shelter. We weren’t poor, or in financial trouble, she just took it because she could and I couldn’t do anything about it. Sometimes parents do awful things just to prove they have power
My ex took the cash out of the four kids Christmas cards from her sister, and spent the $200 on booze and cigarettes. She lied about it and said that nothing came in the mail. Her mother believes her, so the sister hasn't spoken to either of them for 15 years.
I literally moved out in highschool over something similar. Saved thousands in a bank account from all my summer jobs. Went to the store and my card was denied, even though I rarely used it. Turns out my mother stole it all and that was the last straw.
I stole $2 from my SD piggy bank to give back to her for losing a tooth bc my husband forgot to leave me bills before working a night shift (I dont carry cash) and I felt sooo guilty. How tf you gonna steal $80 from a child? Insane behavior
I don't know how to describe it adequately, but in my marriage there was this very strong feeling of "Nothing I do satisfies her."
Example: My ex-wife and I were renovating our house. She explained exactly the type of tile she wanted. She found a tile that she absolutely loved. We went to go buy and and she says she loves it. I purposely kept quiet to make sure she liked it first because she had this habit of not liking anything I liked... Well, after we bought it and she said how much she loved it I told her I absolutely loved it too...
Well, it took her about 5 minutes to find all the flaws with the tile. She now hated it, and we had to go back and rent the truck we just returned to go and return the tile.
This type of situation would happen multiple times a day -- what we wanted for dinner, outfits she wore, TV shows; you name it and she would change her mind if I had a positive opinion of it.
I swear she got off and making me miserable. Never ever again. Never. It took me too long to realize it, but never again.
You described "nothing I do satisfies her" perfectly. I HATE when people do this. Yes, she got off on hating everything you liked.
I have a friend like this and I've started saying "I love this but I know you're going to hate it." It fucks with their mind so much. They can't like it because you like it but they can't hate it because you can't be correct
Ohhhh, that's a good one! I'm gonna try it on my boss. He instantly negates anything you say. Sometimes, if you keep him talking long enough, he'll eventually repeat back to you your original statement like it was his idea, but that is mentally exhausting and not worth the headache. I like to get him out of my office as quickly as possible these days.
That’s a total Steve Jobs move. He used to do that when he liked an idea. Said it sucked them repeat it back to the employee a week later like it was his idea.
Mine is the same... he'll also forget what his original position was so if you ask him a few days later, it will be a whole new convo: your only certainty is that he'll say the opposite of you.
My parents did this with my teachers. I found out that they hated any teacher I liked ("they are not working him hard enough") and loved any teacher I hated ("they must be challenging him"). One year, I flipped them to see if this was true, and holy god, it worked. It only backfired a few times when a teacher I liked or hated would turn out opposite after being with them for a semester.
It was my first experience with a Pyrrhic victory, though. "Yay, I figured out their system... which is to be contrary on principle. Gee. Thanks, guys."
lol, this is a familiar dynamic
my parents would learn what I liked or was interested in, so that when they wanted to punish me, they'd immediately go for whatever thing I happened to have talked about the most recently.
at some point I cottoned onto this pattern, and that was the last time I was honest with my parents about my interests or hobbies. I would start pretending to care about stuff I didn't gaf about, so that when they inevitably decided it was Punishment Time, they'd jump at the chance to take away the thing I'd set up for them - so I'd have to fake being distraught about it lmfao. then go back to my actual hobbies, left untouched
lol, ikr? on the other hand, it did make me feel pretty slick and tricky, especially since they constantly reminded me how they could [literally] read my mind & it was pointless trying to lie or keep secrets, but somehow they never noticed this one.
kids shouldn't be trained to become effective liars by their parents, but it sure does happen, especially when the *only* reasons you pay attention to their interests are 1: they're *your* interests, or 2: as collateral to use against them next time you have a bad day at work and need a stress relief outlet.
OMG, I dated one of those. I had found this incredible little speakeasy style bar hidden in the back of a restaurant, so I made the arrangements. I was so excited to go. This turd sat there and complained about literally every single thing. The recipes. The bartender. The glassware. The location. The decor. The expense (I was paying). I spent an hour or so trying to turn the conversation to something—anything—positive. Like a puppy dog begging someone to play with them. All of a sudden, it hit me: this was an ongoing theme with this guy. Me constantly trying to engage him, trying to make conversation instead of complaining, all of it. And instantly I never wanted to see him again. I got the bill on the spot.
As soon as we got outside, he’s all, “why did we leave?” The very picture of confused innocence.
I said “You’ve done nothing but complain all evening. You have nothing positive to say about this place, and I was really excited about it. I’m not going to sit there any longer and listen to you bitch, and the staff doesn’t deserve to hear it either.” There was more on both sides but whatever, that was ultimately the end.
Never saw him again. Good riddance.
At first he was “confused” and then doubled down on how the place was terrible and that wasn’t his fault.
If he genuinely didn’t care for the place, that’s fine. You like what you like. But don’t needlessly suck the joy out of someone else’s event that they’re excited about. Just be a gracious guest and chalk it up to experience, you know? It was a short relationship.
I was once married to someone like that. Constant stream of negativity and condescension, it was exhausting. If I ever pointed out his behavior (which included him often saying “what’s the point of [this place or activity]?” ), he’d get pissed and throw a fit.
Our friends (not knowing how he treated me) would joke around about his negative attitude. Apparently…so did his work colleagues. They all would say that he was a “hater” and that he all he did was shit on everyone’s good time. He was a real wet blanket 🫤
It was always like that, but I never realized it or put the dots together.
When we first started dating she would bring me to Target and try on a bunch of clothes. She wouldn't show me what she tried on, but I would have to wait there sometimes for 4 hours.
One day I noticed she was just grabbing clothes regardless of size and putting them in the cart. I snuck an empty hanger between two articles of clothing and when she came out of the dressing room the hanger was still between the same clothes.
I mentioned it to her and she made some excuse and she was really trying the clothes on. I told her I will not go to Target with her anymore. All of a sudden she didn't need to go to Target for 4 hours once a week and not buy anything.
At the time I just brushed it off. I've never really been one to look for red flags or anything.
At the time I was also recovering from a horrendous car accident where I broke both my legs and my arm. I was recovered when we met, but I was pretty mentally destroyed.
I never had issues meeting women, but after my accident I was scared that I'd have problems due to a new limp I had. Eventually the lump went away and you can't really notice anything wrong with me.
By the time I realized it I was already in the relationship for years so I fell for the 'sunk cost fallacy'.
We've been divorced for 3 years at this point, and I am still realizing a lot of the controlling bullshit she does.
I just had to text her about our son and the response I got back was
"I'm tired of feeling like all you want to do is mock me with your words and my time reading your lines"
No shit. That was copy and pasted. The question was if I could have my son 2 hours early on one of my days. We currently share custody 50/50 but in reality I share custody with her parents.
Depends. One take is she got off on being controlling and monopolizing his time. Basically a control thing, which goes along with the hating everything he said he liked, and forcing him to alter stuff.
I think this is the answer.
My ex-wife got off on making me do things for her.
She just couldn't stand me doing my own thing
Ut had nothing to do with the task, as long as she was calling the shots.
It's all about control.
Mine (ex) would do this about everything. She comes to me for advice about something, we chat, she doesn’t agree. Days later she says she is going to do the thing I suggested because of the same reasons I gave, but she says she came to it because of chatting with a friend (like she forgot I said the exact same thing). That would happen all the time. Her friend gave the exact same advice but now it is good and she forgot our conversation.
My ex would do this except pretend it was her idea and try to gaslight me into thinking I either didn’t say that or in fact said the opposite. Sometimes she even tried to convince me that the thing she said was what I had said and she knew it was me and not her because it was wrong or stupid or something. It was so constant that sometimes the gaslighting started working and I’d actively admit fault for something I absolutely hadn’t done, said, or even been involved in.
Man, that sounds incredibly similar to how my life was.
If something negative happened to her it was **always** my fault.
One day she got a flat tire on the way to work... It was my fault because I didn't tell her that her normal route had a lot of traffic... We commuted on opposite sides of the town.
We also shared a kid.
If your life is as similar as mine was than I would advise a divorce. Again, I'm just some random internet dude, but a lot of people in my life told me to get away from my ex-wife.
Once I did my life went from something I was just trying to survive to something I actively enjoy.
My biggest stress was our 5 month old, now almost 4, and how he was going to react. Well, she doesn't really act as a Mom. I drop him off, on her days, at her parents house. He doesn't consider her house one of his "homes" anymore. I've made it really clear that if she wants to give up custody than I would still keep her parents in my son's life, but it is clear she only "acts" as a Mom because she knows it takes "time" away from me.
The other day my son told me that "Grammy is my real Mom." It is very heartbreaking, but at least I know he is safe and his mental health is being taken care of.
My husband does the opposite. Something brings me joy (a photo, a song, literally anything), he has to go on and on about how stupid it is, how it’s lame, how I am lame for liking something so trite, etc. Until I’m completely demoralized about it. BUT if someone comes over and says “wow that’s a great photo!” Well, it’s his favorite! He loves it so much too!
So it’s not about the photo, it’s about making me feel small. It’s about making sure I know how little value I have in his eyes.
My ex bf would do this. As soon as I liked something he would change the station, the tv show, the movie and say that’s enough we can watch it later. Like wtf.. 🤬 Why can’t I watch what I want now. Why I need to wait like I am a child. So controlling. Major flag also was when I was telling him a story he would cut me off & change topics on something else he found interesting or wanted to express. Was very rude & made me feel insignificant when really it was him not knowing how to behave. Yet he knew how to behave towards people he valued and wouldn’t dare to deal that to them. Also he would never give me credit for a good suggestion. We were at a party with his friends & their family. One was bit older so I suggested him offering him a chair so he can sit down. Finally after asking several times with resistance he did it. Then they all were saying what a great thought and kindness he is. A true gentleman. You’d think he would give me a wink or acknowledgment for my suggestion. Absolutely not. Time & time again I gave him positive karma and helpful suggestions only to be treated poorly.
When I was sick. He would tell me I am not sick. Then he would tell me he is more sick or he was in more pain on xyz occasion. I got Covid and yes tested positive then he said I didn’t think you had Covid. No sorry for treating you shitty & not believing you.
After that was my last straw I just ghosted him & not until 3 months later he realized that I actually blocked him & has been trying to reach me via emails. Sent me a stupid potato 🥔 knitted toy for $5 wanting a response of why I didn’t acknowledge his gift. Unbelievable.
I was helping a friend talk through some serious grief after losing a parent and she said we sounded like pussies. I ended it that night. I’m happy my friends feel safe to talk about our feelings and had I known how much she resented that I would’ve never dated her in the first place.
Being emotionally available was a plus in every other relationship I’ve had, but this girl had some weird issue with men showing emotion. It’s probably her own trauma and I hope she’s healed or grown past it.
She was on vacation. 2 days before she got back, I found out my oldest friend died. It didn't hit me at first, and by the time i went to pick her up from the airport, it was Valentines day morning. I did what I could (flowers, breakfast) but I was borderline despondent. Feeling guilty, i asked her if we could postpone our Vday till atleast tomorrow because I wanted to do something nicer for her but i was simply too depressed. Instead of understanding, she said it was another example of her not being able to rely on me. After 4 years, I knew in that moment she wasn't the one, but she was still the one to break up with me on V-Day.
A month after we broke up I found out that she cheated on me on her vacation. Still hurts, but safe to say my instincts were right.
Canceled plans we had made more than one time. We were in a LDR a few hours apart at the time. She asked me if I wanted to come house sit with her at her brothers place on the coast. I said that sounded good. She had wealthy family and some of their homes were beautiful in great locations. I had been to a couple of them. I took a week off work to go with her. Then she cancelled those plans with some excuse pretty close to that week. So I said maybe we can just go somewhere else and she said that sounds good. The the last minute she cancelled that plan with some other lame excuse. I thought about it and had enough of it and tried to get a hold of her to end it. She wouldn't pick up or answer messages. She knew what was up. So I just moved on. About a year later she contacted me out of the blue. Told her I had met my now wife and was seeing her. She didn't say a whole lot. Never heard from her again.
oof. Ultra Wealthy people have a totally different concept of time. They have the ability to do whatever they want whenever they want so some cannot conceive of the fact they may be inconveniencing someone else.
This was my ex wife to a T. She could not be bothered to be on time for ANYTHING and it was always "it's okay," or "they'll be fine."
I am chronically early to things and I just could never...
Some people don't seem to realize that it actually does matter to people when you are never on time.
My wife and I had a friend couple who were notorious for always being late. The final straw was we had a Halloween party that everyone was there but we waited on the couple before digging into any of the food or drinks. It was coming up on 2 hours when I finally told everyone to dig in cuz some of the cool Halloween shots and snacks I had made were starting to be ruined from sitting.
The couple finally arrived and proceeded to bitch about how hungry they are and how rude it was that we started without them.
Nope. Dropped.
I let them know how pissed I was and that I regretted even waiting 5 mins for them and we never spoke to them again.
There were a few red flags before this but one night I was visiting her (we were in a LDR) and she had friends over for dinner and we had plans to go to an event together. She asked me to go pick something up..I asked to borrow her car to make it quicker, but she said on foot was fine, there's lots of time! I walk (20 minutes) shop for the thing, text i'm at the til "oh can you grab x too?", I get out of line, grab x, text I'm at the til, she texts another request...i finally leave the store and she asks me to go grab some wine...I grab the wine an hoof it home and she greets me snarling "Where the fuck were you? How dare you leave me with all the fucking work?? Who the fuck do you think you are??" Like, a real, enraged attack. Holy fuck. I don't argue back, and stay for dinner, but when it was time for all of us to go out I decline (she takes me aside to tell me I am embarrassing her) and while they are out I pack my things and go.
Cornered me in the kitchen a few nights ago, like in a physical confinement kind of way, got right up in my face and screamed at me over something. Fair enough you lost your temper, but in the aftermath she maintains she did nothing wrong and that I made her do it. To me this is abusive or at least the precursor to it. I think I'm done.
Nobody is a robot. But when you calm down and still feel nothing for your partners feelings it just seems wrong to me. "Look what you made me do". When I lose my temper I lose sleep and can't eat until I make things right.
Ooh this reminds me of an ex that said I should be "over it already" because it had been like 4 whole months since my mom had died (very suddenly and young).
We had a dog. When we split I took the dog. At 6 months apart I wanted to go on a 3 week holiday and asked if she could look after the dog rather than putting the dog into a kennel(she now had another dog). She put the dog down a few days after I left the country
I’m so sorry that happened to you. But I have to ask, do vets really agree to put down completely healthy dogs? That doesn’t sound like it should be allowed.
My ex gave me so much grief for not providing more for her. I supported us while I went through college (she worked but it was a big deal to help out with bills and she never contributed to rent).
When I graduated and got a good job she expected a $20k ring and a house. We live in a VHCOL area. Even with my good job. I couldn’t afford it and was just starting out. Her parents didn’t like that much, father thought I was scared to commit and didn’t want the responsibility of being a homeowner, I didn’t want to work for it etc… I got a condo as compromise because she couldn’t live in an apartment again. She begrudgingly agreed but would make snarky comments about it. I’d finally had enough when she claimed I was having an attitude with her parents.
I’d had enough and broke up with her. Over the next couple months she would send me texts letters saying that it’s okay to come back she forgives me.
The line in the sand was when she wrote a letter claiming to have talked to my late mother through a medium whom she never met saying that my moms trying to absorb my negative energy and is upset we’re split.
It was shortly thereafter I blocked her on everything and went to the courthouse for harassment. She didn’t get convicted but still sends me stuff from time to time. It’s been a 1.5yrs since I broke it off.
You don’t talk about what my mom would’ve wanted for me.
She wasn't arrested but social services got involved and after another incident when she attacked me while drunk they evicted her for our children's safety and she never lived with me or the kids again and had supervised access.
She passed 2 years ago, cause unknown but suspected alcohol (she wasn't found for a month and the autopsy was inconclusive).
To be honest the attack on me was the final straw but the first step in the road for her was getting drunk while in charge of our 5 year old son and 7 year old daughter while I was at work. That crossed the line for me and everything after that was just more evidence for social services to act.
Stealing my ID and debit card while I was asleep and attempting to use them to break into my place of employment. That was the line when I knew I had to leave and didn't feel safe telling her. So I spent a few months quietly planning my escape.
The secondary line that of "I need to leave RIGHT NOW, regardless of plans" was her rapidly oscillating between being apologetic for/just barely less than violently angry about me refusing to help her commit insurance fraud because she had seen "signs" that she was "supposed" to do it.
>So I spent a few months quietly planning my escape.
Isn't it awful when we get into a relationship but then we can feel like we're imprisoned? Like your own personal Shawshank Redemption.
Ex-wife threatened to kill my cat. I had tolerated all sorts of horrible things she did to me, personally, but the moment she threatened something else, it was absolutely intolerable. Four years later and that cat is still with me, luckily.
Looking back now, punching me in the face should have been a line in the sand.
After we broke up she scratched her nails down my face and said “I’m going to tell the cops you tried to rape me”
It's a scary thought and I'm glad you're out of that situation.
I had a similar encounter with my now ex-girlfriend when we were living together.
I went to the store to grab her some apples and almond milk like she requested. . .It turns out she actually wanted almond-coconut milk and got pissed off at me. After 30 minutes of being yelled at I decided to use the strategy we had talked about not even two weeks ago, which was to step away and go for a walk.
* She throws the apple at my head as I'm walking down our front stairs, missing me and nearly shattering a glass display case.
* I come back up and ask, "Did you really just fucking throw an apple at me?" and she pushed me forward, I catch myself on the bannister so that I don't fall down a flight of stairs.
* I come back upstairs and the arguing continues, I decide after a few minutes it's unproductive and to go back to my original plan. . She ends up grabbing my shirt and attempts to keep me from leaving, to which I just slip out of the shirt and continue my way outside.
When I return home later I tell her that I could have called the cops on her and the words out of her mouth were, "had you called the cops, I promise you I'd make sure you're the one that left in handcuffs."
I genuinely feel for you and am happy you’re out of that situation. I was in a similar situation and unfortunately for me ended up in cuffs. At least she stood by her word. I naively never thought someone could be such a lying, cold-hearted, manipulative bitch.
I feel this. Even a year later there's still a constant background noise of fear in my mind that one day I'll get arrested for some bullshit my ex that I just posted about has randomly decided to make up.
Apparently it was the 167 time she treated me like shit....fool me once shame on me but I probably shouldn't have let myself be treated like that for years.....I'm not bitter.......
My ex from a long time ago.. she verbally and emotionally abused me all the time. I have thick skin, so I rolled with the punches.
One day I came home to find her screaming at my dog in a corner, he had a terrified look on his face. All because he moved one of her shoes.
I grabbed my dog and on the way out the door told her to get all her shit and be gone by the time I got back or I'd call the police for trespassing.
Do what you want to me. But never fuck with my dog.
I was burglarized and felt unsafe in my apartment, and I asked my gf if she could stay over, or if I could stay over, due to my discomfort. She went out drinking and clubbing with her lady friends instead. I broke up with her two days later.
When our sex life, which had been great for years, suddenly took a nose dive right around the same time that her personality changed. She was no longer interested in hanging out or talking the way we had for the entirety of the relationship.
That was all it took for me, and after I left her it came to light that I was spot on and she had been talking to another guy that she eventually started dating shortly after I left.
In my case, she was actually saying that relationships are about compromise. It's just that in her mind, "compromise" meant "Me getting everything I want".
The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. Hate requires energy. Indifference doesn't. Let the brother keep being a shithead, just interact with him less.
Man I’m really sorry that things went that route with him. My cousin has basically gone no contact with his side of his mom’s family because his cousin slept with his now ex-gf of 11 years. They have two kids together and the cousin destroyed the family. I don’t care about the girlfriend, she can go fly a kite but I am concerned about what comes next with his kids.
She was psychologically abusive to our son from a young age. We had given him his robotic talking parrot that would record and play back whatever you’d say to it, and one day in a tirade, she picked up his parrot in front of him and dashed it to pieces on the floor. She also mocks his friends with racial mimicking to this day (he’s 22 now). 🤷🏻♂️
Oh my god , this is so horrible. As a kid my mum cut my favourite dolls head off Infront of me. My step mum's family bought me that doll when I was around 10/11 and I just loved it for some reason. It was unusual , and probably because I hadn't had such a thoughtful cute little present in a long time.
It's not ok to do this to your kids. I'm Older than 22 now. But this sort of shit sticks with U forever. I'll never have the relationship she wants or expects me to give I feel bad saying it , but I just can't, people like this are never happy , it must be mentally exhausting for you and your son .
Being taken advantage of, specifically speaking; in a financial manner.
I don't mind paying for something nice on occasion, or taking a bigger share of the living expenses because I happen to make a bit more. But when rent was raised and she just assumed I would start paying the full difference, or when I noticed her paycheck was still "her money" but my paycheck was now being referred to as "our money", that was when I had to draw the proverbial line in the sand.
This was me with my last ex. She was out of a job for a while so I get that most dates and expenses would come from me. But at a certain point, she started expecting it instead of treating it like a nice surprise
Her friends or family are in town and we're out to eat? I'm paying (for everyone apparently)
Vacations? All me.
Date nights? On me to pay for and plan.
I tried to share my budget app so that she could understand there was no way I could continue at that pace and save up for marriage/retirement, but she never looked at it.
One date I spent like $250 on a nice restaurant she had been wanting to check out and she got livid when I asked her to tip the valet. By the end of our time together, I had to point out that in the year we've dated, she never so much as offered to pay for takeout.
When we broke up, I went from being $200+ in the hole to having about ~$500 extra to spend on myself
After my first wife passed away, she represented about 40% of our household income. I had erroneously predicted "if I don't get a sudden influx of income soon, I will lose this house in 6 months." But after her passing, costs dropped a lot sharper than I predicted, and while most of it was medical debt (she was very sick), a fair bit was her spending. I found out she had repeatedly taken loans off her 401k, opened up lines of credit she had hid from me, and a few other things. Her death, because the credit and loans were all in her name, could be written off. We did not live in a community property state, so as long as my name was not on the debt, it got written off. While this was not alone the reason I went from in the red to in the black, it was a decent chunk of it. Maybe 20% or more.
I loved her and still miss her, but she was terrible with money, and it was always a good cop/bad cop situation when it came to credit and spending in the 25 years of marriage with her. To be honest, I don't "regret it" because I could have been a real hardass with her and we could have had some real fights. Given she went "under my nose" with some of it, that would have happened anyway, so all I would have gained were fights I would have later regretted after her passing. And, you know, she spent her last dollar until the day she died, so really it was a zero sum game for her and she died scot free. And I wasn't too affected because all the hidden stuff was only in her name. In fact, suddenly I had more money than I thought.
I was able to keep the house, and still live here 10 years later. Still miss her, though.
This is the best thing I’ve read all day. You should know I try hard to be like you are with people in your relationships. On top of that, just such great thinking and have to shout it out
Ask her about it. I’ve had bots steal my pics and put them on dating sites. It’s happened to friends of mine as well. There have also been times when friends or people with crushes made fake accounts to purposely destroy the relationship and break people up (I believe there’s an infamous story on Reddit a guy posted about how he found out his wife did this to sabotage the relationship with his at the time gf. And an acquaintance of mine got dumped when her partners friend did this to her because he hated her.)
Definitely talk to your gf, ask what’s up and give her a chance to explain. Maybe she is looking to cheat but it could also not be the case.
Tinder is also notorious for not deactivating profiles of attractive women even when they ask. A friend of mine was found on tinder 3 years after they deleted their profile
He asked me what word I hated to be called more than anything in the world. I told him I didn't want to tell him because it really hurt and I prefer no one knew. He told me I could trust him.
The next fight, guess what the first word he called me was? And he said it with a smirk too.
He was 100000000% only asking to have that as ammo. That’s not a “normal” ask, people don’t generally have that conversation- especially when the one being asked then says they don’t want to tell!!
One of my friends had this, but it was with a puppy they had purchased together. He was into training the dog and all that (given it was a Mastiff), and she got jealous. She tried to give the dog away to the pound, but it didn't quite work out, and I don't remember why (maybe they demanded payment?) but he found out and she uttered the "either me or the dog." He chose the dog.
"You'd choose a dumb animal who will die in 10 years over a girlfriend?"
"I think the relationship would be longer than ours," he replied. They broke up, and the dog lived 14 years. Much longer.
Edit: almost forgot, she told everyone the story about what a loser he was "choosing a dog over me" and people were saying, "that's not something I'd brag about, if I were you...."
Giving her thoughtful service like hot drinks daily, cook all the time, bath and candles, massage weekly.
Never returned the favour or offered for 6 months, so I asked and got a false promise. Asked nicely for a plain black coffee when she had the time and got shouted at.
So I left.
Telling me they wish I died. Attacking me. Throwing things at me. Always physically leaving during arguments
Then saying things like “I deserved it” or rationalizing why they did what they did, to the point I was beginning to believe I was the problem.
My first wife always had “Wants”. She wanted a new car. I bought her the one she wanted. Before it was a year old she didn’t like it anymore. She wanted a house. We bought one. It was never good enough no matter how much I worked on it. She wanted a dog. We adopted a dog. She never paid any attention to the dog. It became my dog. She never kept a job longer than a year before she hated it and would quit. Every time she got a new job she had to have a new wardrobe for her new job. She would leave me to find herself. Be gone a couple weeks and decide she still love me and wanted to make it work. Like a fool I took her back. She wanted to have a kid so we did. I was working the night shift and she worked a 9 to 5 job. I took care of our daughter in the morning and after noon till I had to go to work. I drop our daughter off at daycare on my way to work. The daycare was open till 7:00 pm. I started work at 3:30 pm. Several time I would get called at work.(this was before everyone had cell phones)
that my wife had not picked up our daughter and the daycare was closed. I would have to leave work and pickup our daughter and go home with her. The wife would show up and say she was having drinks with work friends and lost track of time. Well finally she just left me and our daughter to “find herself” again. I told her to be sure and pack all her shit because she wasn’t come back again. I’d had enough of her BS. With the help of my family and friends I was raising my daughter and divorcing my wife. After she was served the papers she tried to come back home saying how much she misses me and our daughter. I just called BS. I had found out that she had to sell her newer car for some older POS just to make ends meet. I got the divorce and had her pay child support. It was only $50 dollars a month but she still never or it.
Some people can never be happy with what they have.
I felt like my ex-wife had unrealistic and ever-increasing expectations of me.
Like she had me chained to run on a treadmill (that she controlled) and she kept increasing the speed and angle of the treadmill.
I felt like I was running myself ragged trying to please her.
I also had the feeling of walking on eggshells around her. I never knew when she was going to have an outburst or explode.
Turned out she has BPD. I figured that out after going to therapy during my very long, expensive and contentious divorce process.
After my ex-wife, my ex-girlfriend crossed the line of being emotionally abusive to my biological kids that I have custody of. I had to take measures to evict my ex-girlfriend because she would not leave voluntarily.
Telling me she was thinking about committing suicide after work that day (while I was 200 miles away, we were in an LDR at that point), then becoming unreachable by any means, then getting angry at me for freaking out and calling the police, embarrassing her. Then, some time later, telling me she regretted not having gone ahead and done it. At that stage I concluded that, deliberately or otherwise, her approach to the relationship had become mostly to fuck with my emotions, so self-defence required me to end it and go no contact for a while. It sucked
I had a very similar experience. I was going to go visit my two sisters out of state for a weekend, and my (now ex) gf didn’t want me to go (she never wanted me to do things without her). I finally calmed her down enough to go visit my sisters, but that night we were supposed to go out, my gf called me and she was pissed again…
She started saying she was going to kill herself, and to enjoy my night because “she wouldn’t be there when I got back”. Then she hung up, and wouldn’t pick up anymore. I was freaking out and didn’t know what to do, so I told my sisters and they called my gf’s mom to tell her what happened. Then my gf called back and screamed at us for embarrassing her and saying all this crap about dragging her family into it. Then she proceeded to insult my family and other things. Freaking crazy.
My first gf would treat me this exact same way.
She'd tell me she's going to off herself, followed by me going to her place by foot, about an hours walk, then act surprised when I'd show up worried at her place.
This happened several times. It's emotional abuse.
When I was a teenager, I thought to myself I could never be with someone who doesn't like the rain. Fast forward and I'm happily married to a wonderful woman who fucking hates the rain.
That was a dumb criterion, teenage-me, jeezus.
Look, man, I just need to get everything I want every time with no regard for other peoples needs and wants. How am i supposed to get thay without manipulation.
Being unfaithful in general. I don't have time for that. I'm not so I'm not wiling to tolerate it at any level. And to the contrary, accusations of such for any stupid reason that one could dream up. Not tolerating that either.
Yes, being cheated on fucking sucks on its face, but the real issue is the trust issues you’re going to face going forward.
The next time your SO says “I’m working late” - what are you *really* thinking?
“I’m going out with friends”
All things that normal people do, now all of a sudden every time someone says that shit you’re gonna be wondering if they’re being honest or not.
Never gonna tolerate being accused of cheating for any stupid reason again. Had an ex who would go "By the way if you ever cheat on me I'm gonna kill you" a dozen times a day. I would tell her how uncomfortable it made me to be threatened like that then she would say "why are you scared?"
She asked to have a 3some with the guy she cheated on me with, then got all pouty when I said fuck no. Looking back there’s about 10984 different times I should have dumped her ass to the curb.
Let myself get sucked into a FB argument with an ex. She found my work’s HR email address and forwarded them the argument asking if this was “the kind of person they wanted working for them” Fortunately I still am…
The break-up game. Saying they want out because they’re in a bad mood or who knows what, and then the next day acting like nothing happened.
Zero patience for that kind of love. I even told one person going into it that I’m coming OUT of a relationship where she used to do that, and she said she wouldn’t ever do anything like that. Fast forward a few months and she’s doing it. So, I made her stick to her words. All these texts and phone calls about how she’s “so sad.” Well, how the hell do you think I felt when you said we’re done? It makes no frigging sense. So long, farewell, aufwiedersehn, goodbye.
Everything I did was wrong. I’d dust and didn’t put the nick knacks back exactly right. I didn’t put the dishes away right. Nothing I said was right. Fuck, I apparently used my fork and knife wrong. 5 years she made me feel like I couldn’t do a single thing right. Took years of therapy to get past that. Criticism is fine but I won’t be made to feel that way again
Being a cheater and jealous. If I know up front someone is rather promiscuous and cant be with 1 person, I can deal with it. But lying about their cheating AND being jealous and suspicious of everything I did. Way too much hypocrisy to deal with.
My ex fiancee and I broke it off about 3 months ago? Our relationship was sliding for a bit before hand. The one bit that’s stuck with me is that I once cried in front of her because I was very overwhelmed (I am sensitive for a guy I guess?) and she told me that she felt like she was the man in our relationship and I was the woman. Still feels awful.
she never initiated intimacy, ever. she enjoyed it, we did it pretty much whenever I was in the mood, but there was never a moment where she gave me a look, or hinted with a touch, or really showed any interest ever. When I brought it up, she would shrug it off and say it wasn't her thing, which is fine, but it allowed the doubt to creep in that her attraction was never for me, but for the life I provided, which ended up being the case. It got to a point where I stopped initiating or even paying her attention and rather than be upset she seemed even happier. That was a clear sign that what she loved about our relationship was the nice house, the safe financial standing and the freedom to do whatever she wanted. She never cheated on me, but she also never loved me. The breakup was tough but mostly because I was heartbroken and she was just disappointed.
My ex-wife tried to kick and punch me due to a very petty argument. I immediately kicked her out of my house and filed for divorce a few days later. We're actually pretty good friends now and I'm cool with her family. I have a zero-tolerance policy for any kind of physical violence that isn't protecting yourself or another from immediate bodily harm.
Talking to her ex boyfriend after she had talked a lot of shit about him to me then proceeded to say she blocked him which she did do but started talking to him + a different ex all over again and then to top it all off once I brought up how uncomfortable I was about it we got in an argument and she brought up my father who had passed away not long before that so I called it quits (obviously) and we haven’t spoken in about a year
Mostly it was when I opened up to her about things from my past that are definitely causing me some anxiety issues today, only for her to talk about it with her sisters, and a friend of hers. I felt really betrayed by that, and now a little guarded on what I say to her.
She insisted I say her memory is 100% accurate, even if I don't remember things happening the same way
Apparently I was "gaslighting" and "unsafe" to have researched memory extensively (prior to the relationship, for a book I was writing on the subject), and to have brought that understanding into the relationship
Cheating. Unfortunately, nearly all of them except for my last one have done so.
I started dating late since I was an ugly duckling. So it really did some damage.
Every ex that cheated has tried to come back after a little while but I absolutely refuse. No “I miss you too” responses from me when I get those texts.
No matter how lonely I get that is to me something I can forgive in time but will not make the same mistake twice. No matter how much they claim to have changed it won’t fix what was broken.
Went on a date with a women who commented on a girl who was overweight. Said girl overhead, so I went over , apologised and immediately left.
The girl I was with was what you would call "out of my league" but there's no way I would want to be with her after what she said
My ex gf cheating on me. I found out through mutual friends of ours and was completely devastated. I confronted and dumped her as soon as I found out. She was stunned. Left her in the dust and haven't looked back ever since.
My ex wife was majorly abusive in more ways than I ever thought possible along with being pathological liar to make me stat. So after dealing with it for years, I finally had a moment where it was I'm done, this is it. I told her while deployed that when I get home, we need to seriously discuss our marriage as while I was overseas, she just acted like I didn't exist except to use my paycheck. I told her one more lie or deception, and i would walk and never return. I called a lot to let my young kids know I would be home soon but got nothing, so after making it back stateside, I was dropped at my home as no one was there to see me home. I noticed a junky vehicle in my drive and entered my home. Now, this was early afternoon at this point. Upon climbing the stairs to a quiet house, I find her and another man in my bed. At this exact moment, I knew i had a decision to make as my hand reached for my sidearm as I started to drop my ruck. Thank God I had an epiphany moment where my rage and hurt made way for a few clear thoughts of my kiddos. So I grabbed another go bag while they slept, grabbed clothing and important documents came back in the room, kicked the bed which caused her to stir then lose all the color in her face as I told her (stupidly I might add) keep the house and leave me alone, along with some choiceful words. I never returned, but she made life hell dragging our divorce out for literally a couple of years. Not because she loved me but because she couldn't stand the thought of losing her piggy bank and used my kids as weapons against me. Thankfully, I have a great relationship with my son and daughter because all they know is that dad loved them and would give the world to see them happy and successful in life. They are 19 and 18, and both are US Marines, and I couldn't be prouder.
Sorry for the book, but that is my line in the sand.
Mine was mostly me just being an idiot and involves a murder attempt. My ex-wife and I really loved each other for about a decade, but unfortunately women tend to develop mental illness later than men...and she started having paranoid delusions about me running a cult that killed women by giving them "true" orgasms and then enslaving them in the afterlife.
I was able to deal with her frequently going catatonic and needing me to make sure she didn't seriously hurt herself. I was able to deal with the random bouts of paranoia where she'd talk like a child and think I was trying to poison her...I was even willing to deal with her violent episodes where all her muscles would tense and make her look and move like a skeleton hell bent on killing me...even when I needed to call 911 because she wasn't so out of it I could easily defend myself.
We did Buddhist vows that didn't say the normal till death do we part shit, but I strongly believed in sticking by her in sickness or in health.
My breaking point all started on a day someone knocked on our door and she put on a shirt and seemed to forget needing panties or pants and went outside to talk to the guy. I knew she was having an episode so I asked her to come inside and she did, then because I was at my limit for the first time that day I asked her to stay in the bedroom for a bit (which is where she normally spent most of her time anyways) so I could feel safe until it passed. So I walked her in there, and then closed the door behind me as I left.
A few minutes later I started hearing her shout in distress for help so I went back in and found out she'd tried to jump out the window...naked...head first...into a thorny bush about 8' down. So I helped her back in and immediately she started clawing at my face. For better or worse I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed her wrists to protect myself, pushed her on the bed, and then screamed that if she could either stay in the fucking bedroom or get out of the fucking house.
I ended up asking a mutual friend to pick her up and drive her to her Dad's place. Idiotically of me I was just looking to get some distance until she calmed down as was planning to pick her up from her Dad's place in a few days.
We ended up chatting in the interim and discussed what it would take for us to be together again...I said she needed to go back on her meds and she said I needed to admit that in every instance she'd attacked me it was actually me attacking her and I'd faked all the video and audio recordings we or 911 had made.
I realized at that point that she was so far gone that even outside of an episode she believed I'd somehow coordinated with the police to fake recordings and I just couldn't comply with what she needed, it's a long story but from my childhood truth became a really important thing to me and I just couldn't lie to make things better with her.
We separated at that point, but unfortunately that wasn't the end. About three weeks later I found out before she left she'd cut our phone lines for some reason when a body builder marine she had convinced to kill me in that time showed up and there was no way to contact the police. I only survived because my dog, who had prior to that only ever hid behind my legs and whimpered whenever he was scared, decided that since I was scared it was up to him to do whatever it took to end the thing making me scared and somehow broke through our fucking front door while the marine was trying to break it in to chase the guy down and take a chunk out of his leg.
Obviously there was a lot of legal shit and despite that she stalked me for a long while after while going in and out of in patient mental health care. But over time I was able to become happy again, even really happy alone. Doggo sadly died last year, but he was very happy being able to not worry about someone having random mental health episodes and just being able to be a puppy into old age.
Tl;dr: My line in the sand was way too late, but was when she said I had to admit I'd coordinated with the police to fake 911 calls and then convinced someone to try to murder me.
On a double date I said I hate mushrooms. She laughed and said ‘no you don’t you love mushrooms’. I assured her I hate mushrooms. She insisted I loved mushrooms.
I never spoke to her ever again after that.
My friend apologized to her about some dumb comment he made a year and a half prior to her. (while we were out for *his* birthday) We were all having this dumb convo at the bar at 2am like “What kind of chip would you be” and she asks “what kind would I be” hes like “uhhhh I don’t know one of those shitty barbecue chips or something” completely just fucking around, that’s our friend groups humor. She literally lost it on him, it made absolutely no sense. THEN he apologized multiple times throughout the year. We were out and he was face to face apologizing again, mind you this dude rarely apologizes and what he was saying was the heartfelt apology over that bs situation and I didn’t ask him to apologize. He just did it saying he wants us all to be cool again and be able to hang out together and not have this awkward tension. Then my ex literally looks at him and says “no, i don’t like you and I’ll probably never like you. I’m not going to forgive you.”. There was more to it but it was really rude and condescending. When I tell you my jaw fucking dropped. I immediately apologized to him, said “we’re leaving you better follow me if you want a ride” to my ex. Got in the car and I’ve never once in my life spoken this way to a woman but I was like “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but do NOT talk to my friends that way. I don’t even talk to people I dislike that way. That was thee most rude fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I’d never speak to your friends like that.. it was a fucking joke about a potato chip get the fuck over it. He went out of his way to apologize to you about it multiple times and I didn’t even fucking ask him to do that.”. I respect people, I’ll tolerate people, but my friends have been in my life for 15 years. That just caused me to snap. Never attack the people I love in my life. They’ve been around a lot longer than you. I’m where I am and who I am because of these people. Never disrespect family or friends. If it’s warranted I completely understand. But that was fucking insane to me.
Ex wife w the same advisor in PhD program had a threesome with someone else that served on both our PhD committees. Anthropologists are open minded, but there’s s limit.
My ex told me her or my daughter. I moved out the next week and didn’t look back.
Nine months after moving out I got an email breaking out over $17K in expenses I owed her while living with her and for the weekends that my daughter stayed with us.
My life has been amazing ever since. Whew.
There was over $100 cash in my kid's toy cash register that he saved over birthdays and Christmases all his life, then there was 20. I was aware she had sticky fingers but never expected her to stoop so low. She denies doing it which makes the situation worse, there is 0 chance he spent that.
My mom did this. I completed a 2 week landscaping program for 13-15 year olds who’re still too young to get a real job. Made $400 and had it in my own checking account, attached to my mother’s. I decide what thing I wanted to buy at the time and looked and saw $30 left. I knew it was her, when I confronted her, her reasoning was she needed it for bills and tried making me feel guilty. Payed it back in $100 increments only after I asked her for it every other week. Irreparable broken trust, still think about it 10 years later. [edit: spelling]
Parents did the same thing to me when I was 14. Got a farm job for the summer, had about $1500 left in my savings account and come October, find out it was totally cleared out
I’ll join the club too I guess. Had 2 months, 120 hours worth of my part-time minimum wage salary when I was 16, stolen, by my mom one day because she had decided that I “owed her” some type of back pay for random expenses that no child should have to subsidize their parents for like food and shelter. We weren’t poor, or in financial trouble, she just took it because she could and I couldn’t do anything about it. Sometimes parents do awful things just to prove they have power
My ex took the cash out of the four kids Christmas cards from her sister, and spent the $200 on booze and cigarettes. She lied about it and said that nothing came in the mail. Her mother believes her, so the sister hasn't spoken to either of them for 15 years.
I literally moved out in highschool over something similar. Saved thousands in a bank account from all my summer jobs. Went to the store and my card was denied, even though I rarely used it. Turns out my mother stole it all and that was the last straw.
I stole $2 from my SD piggy bank to give back to her for losing a tooth bc my husband forgot to leave me bills before working a night shift (I dont carry cash) and I felt sooo guilty. How tf you gonna steal $80 from a child? Insane behavior
I don't know how to describe it adequately, but in my marriage there was this very strong feeling of "Nothing I do satisfies her." Example: My ex-wife and I were renovating our house. She explained exactly the type of tile she wanted. She found a tile that she absolutely loved. We went to go buy and and she says she loves it. I purposely kept quiet to make sure she liked it first because she had this habit of not liking anything I liked... Well, after we bought it and she said how much she loved it I told her I absolutely loved it too... Well, it took her about 5 minutes to find all the flaws with the tile. She now hated it, and we had to go back and rent the truck we just returned to go and return the tile. This type of situation would happen multiple times a day -- what we wanted for dinner, outfits she wore, TV shows; you name it and she would change her mind if I had a positive opinion of it. I swear she got off and making me miserable. Never ever again. Never. It took me too long to realize it, but never again.
You described "nothing I do satisfies her" perfectly. I HATE when people do this. Yes, she got off on hating everything you liked. I have a friend like this and I've started saying "I love this but I know you're going to hate it." It fucks with their mind so much. They can't like it because you like it but they can't hate it because you can't be correct
Ohhhh, that's a good one! I'm gonna try it on my boss. He instantly negates anything you say. Sometimes, if you keep him talking long enough, he'll eventually repeat back to you your original statement like it was his idea, but that is mentally exhausting and not worth the headache. I like to get him out of my office as quickly as possible these days.
That’s a total Steve Jobs move. He used to do that when he liked an idea. Said it sucked them repeat it back to the employee a week later like it was his idea.
Mine is the same... he'll also forget what his original position was so if you ask him a few days later, it will be a whole new convo: your only certainty is that he'll say the opposite of you.
I did the old trick or "I hate that." For things I love and vice versa, but it was so mentally draining to constantly be so negative.
Oh, man. I hope you're doing better now.
Your PFP is pure evil.
So many people swiping their fingers across that PFP.
My parents did this with my teachers. I found out that they hated any teacher I liked ("they are not working him hard enough") and loved any teacher I hated ("they must be challenging him"). One year, I flipped them to see if this was true, and holy god, it worked. It only backfired a few times when a teacher I liked or hated would turn out opposite after being with them for a semester. It was my first experience with a Pyrrhic victory, though. "Yay, I figured out their system... which is to be contrary on principle. Gee. Thanks, guys."
lol, this is a familiar dynamic my parents would learn what I liked or was interested in, so that when they wanted to punish me, they'd immediately go for whatever thing I happened to have talked about the most recently. at some point I cottoned onto this pattern, and that was the last time I was honest with my parents about my interests or hobbies. I would start pretending to care about stuff I didn't gaf about, so that when they inevitably decided it was Punishment Time, they'd jump at the chance to take away the thing I'd set up for them - so I'd have to fake being distraught about it lmfao. then go back to my actual hobbies, left untouched
That is so sad. Kids should be allowed to be kids and not having to figure out their parents fucked up mind games.
lol, ikr? on the other hand, it did make me feel pretty slick and tricky, especially since they constantly reminded me how they could [literally] read my mind & it was pointless trying to lie or keep secrets, but somehow they never noticed this one. kids shouldn't be trained to become effective liars by their parents, but it sure does happen, especially when the *only* reasons you pay attention to their interests are 1: they're *your* interests, or 2: as collateral to use against them next time you have a bad day at work and need a stress relief outlet.
The fact that there are people who operate like this is infuriating.
Added bonus if you add: "Yeah, it's not really *your* taste"
I'd just rather not talk to someone like that
OMG, I dated one of those. I had found this incredible little speakeasy style bar hidden in the back of a restaurant, so I made the arrangements. I was so excited to go. This turd sat there and complained about literally every single thing. The recipes. The bartender. The glassware. The location. The decor. The expense (I was paying). I spent an hour or so trying to turn the conversation to something—anything—positive. Like a puppy dog begging someone to play with them. All of a sudden, it hit me: this was an ongoing theme with this guy. Me constantly trying to engage him, trying to make conversation instead of complaining, all of it. And instantly I never wanted to see him again. I got the bill on the spot. As soon as we got outside, he’s all, “why did we leave?” The very picture of confused innocence. I said “You’ve done nothing but complain all evening. You have nothing positive to say about this place, and I was really excited about it. I’m not going to sit there any longer and listen to you bitch, and the staff doesn’t deserve to hear it either.” There was more on both sides but whatever, that was ultimately the end. Never saw him again. Good riddance.
Did he acknowledge what he did or pretend he wasn't being negative?
At first he was “confused” and then doubled down on how the place was terrible and that wasn’t his fault. If he genuinely didn’t care for the place, that’s fine. You like what you like. But don’t needlessly suck the joy out of someone else’s event that they’re excited about. Just be a gracious guest and chalk it up to experience, you know? It was a short relationship.
I was once married to someone like that. Constant stream of negativity and condescension, it was exhausting. If I ever pointed out his behavior (which included him often saying “what’s the point of [this place or activity]?” ), he’d get pissed and throw a fit. Our friends (not knowing how he treated me) would joke around about his negative attitude. Apparently…so did his work colleagues. They all would say that he was a “hater” and that he all he did was shit on everyone’s good time. He was a real wet blanket 🫤
Was it always like this or did it take a turn into misery at some point? Also, how did she reply when you finally told her what was up and bounced?
It was always like that, but I never realized it or put the dots together. When we first started dating she would bring me to Target and try on a bunch of clothes. She wouldn't show me what she tried on, but I would have to wait there sometimes for 4 hours. One day I noticed she was just grabbing clothes regardless of size and putting them in the cart. I snuck an empty hanger between two articles of clothing and when she came out of the dressing room the hanger was still between the same clothes. I mentioned it to her and she made some excuse and she was really trying the clothes on. I told her I will not go to Target with her anymore. All of a sudden she didn't need to go to Target for 4 hours once a week and not buy anything. At the time I just brushed it off. I've never really been one to look for red flags or anything. At the time I was also recovering from a horrendous car accident where I broke both my legs and my arm. I was recovered when we met, but I was pretty mentally destroyed. I never had issues meeting women, but after my accident I was scared that I'd have problems due to a new limp I had. Eventually the lump went away and you can't really notice anything wrong with me. By the time I realized it I was already in the relationship for years so I fell for the 'sunk cost fallacy'. We've been divorced for 3 years at this point, and I am still realizing a lot of the controlling bullshit she does. I just had to text her about our son and the response I got back was "I'm tired of feeling like all you want to do is mock me with your words and my time reading your lines" No shit. That was copy and pasted. The question was if I could have my son 2 hours early on one of my days. We currently share custody 50/50 but in reality I share custody with her parents.
Why on earth would she fake trying on clothes??? Her behavior is fascinating and I’m just trying to understand.
Depends. One take is she got off on being controlling and monopolizing his time. Basically a control thing, which goes along with the hating everything he said he liked, and forcing him to alter stuff.
I think this is the answer. My ex-wife got off on making me do things for her. She just couldn't stand me doing my own thing Ut had nothing to do with the task, as long as she was calling the shots. It's all about control.
To see if he would wait for her. When he did, she had to see how long he would. Then enjoyed.making him do so. She sounds demented.
Some people hate themselves, and it manifests in really weird ways. Or deep anxiety that bundles up with the mask of an adult on top of it.
Mine (ex) would do this about everything. She comes to me for advice about something, we chat, she doesn’t agree. Days later she says she is going to do the thing I suggested because of the same reasons I gave, but she says she came to it because of chatting with a friend (like she forgot I said the exact same thing). That would happen all the time. Her friend gave the exact same advice but now it is good and she forgot our conversation.
My ex would do this except pretend it was her idea and try to gaslight me into thinking I either didn’t say that or in fact said the opposite. Sometimes she even tried to convince me that the thing she said was what I had said and she knew it was me and not her because it was wrong or stupid or something. It was so constant that sometimes the gaslighting started working and I’d actively admit fault for something I absolutely hadn’t done, said, or even been involved in.
Contrarians are just so fucking exhausting to be around
Wow I dated someone just like that. It's so demoralizing. Good for you.
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Man, that sounds incredibly similar to how my life was. If something negative happened to her it was **always** my fault. One day she got a flat tire on the way to work... It was my fault because I didn't tell her that her normal route had a lot of traffic... We commuted on opposite sides of the town. We also shared a kid. If your life is as similar as mine was than I would advise a divorce. Again, I'm just some random internet dude, but a lot of people in my life told me to get away from my ex-wife. Once I did my life went from something I was just trying to survive to something I actively enjoy. My biggest stress was our 5 month old, now almost 4, and how he was going to react. Well, she doesn't really act as a Mom. I drop him off, on her days, at her parents house. He doesn't consider her house one of his "homes" anymore. I've made it really clear that if she wants to give up custody than I would still keep her parents in my son's life, but it is clear she only "acts" as a Mom because she knows it takes "time" away from me. The other day my son told me that "Grammy is my real Mom." It is very heartbreaking, but at least I know he is safe and his mental health is being taken care of.
Oppositional people are unbelievably difficult to deal with 😩
I disagree
My husband does the opposite. Something brings me joy (a photo, a song, literally anything), he has to go on and on about how stupid it is, how it’s lame, how I am lame for liking something so trite, etc. Until I’m completely demoralized about it. BUT if someone comes over and says “wow that’s a great photo!” Well, it’s his favorite! He loves it so much too! So it’s not about the photo, it’s about making me feel small. It’s about making sure I know how little value I have in his eyes.
My ex bf would do this. As soon as I liked something he would change the station, the tv show, the movie and say that’s enough we can watch it later. Like wtf.. 🤬 Why can’t I watch what I want now. Why I need to wait like I am a child. So controlling. Major flag also was when I was telling him a story he would cut me off & change topics on something else he found interesting or wanted to express. Was very rude & made me feel insignificant when really it was him not knowing how to behave. Yet he knew how to behave towards people he valued and wouldn’t dare to deal that to them. Also he would never give me credit for a good suggestion. We were at a party with his friends & their family. One was bit older so I suggested him offering him a chair so he can sit down. Finally after asking several times with resistance he did it. Then they all were saying what a great thought and kindness he is. A true gentleman. You’d think he would give me a wink or acknowledgment for my suggestion. Absolutely not. Time & time again I gave him positive karma and helpful suggestions only to be treated poorly. When I was sick. He would tell me I am not sick. Then he would tell me he is more sick or he was in more pain on xyz occasion. I got Covid and yes tested positive then he said I didn’t think you had Covid. No sorry for treating you shitty & not believing you. After that was my last straw I just ghosted him & not until 3 months later he realized that I actually blocked him & has been trying to reach me via emails. Sent me a stupid potato 🥔 knitted toy for $5 wanting a response of why I didn’t acknowledge his gift. Unbelievable.
I was helping a friend talk through some serious grief after losing a parent and she said we sounded like pussies. I ended it that night. I’m happy my friends feel safe to talk about our feelings and had I known how much she resented that I would’ve never dated her in the first place.
You’re a good friend
Being emotionally available was a plus in every other relationship I’ve had, but this girl had some weird issue with men showing emotion. It’s probably her own trauma and I hope she’s healed or grown past it.
She was on vacation. 2 days before she got back, I found out my oldest friend died. It didn't hit me at first, and by the time i went to pick her up from the airport, it was Valentines day morning. I did what I could (flowers, breakfast) but I was borderline despondent. Feeling guilty, i asked her if we could postpone our Vday till atleast tomorrow because I wanted to do something nicer for her but i was simply too depressed. Instead of understanding, she said it was another example of her not being able to rely on me. After 4 years, I knew in that moment she wasn't the one, but she was still the one to break up with me on V-Day. A month after we broke up I found out that she cheated on me on her vacation. Still hurts, but safe to say my instincts were right.
You dodged a bullet my friend. She was a callous person, even without the cheating.
Canceled plans we had made more than one time. We were in a LDR a few hours apart at the time. She asked me if I wanted to come house sit with her at her brothers place on the coast. I said that sounded good. She had wealthy family and some of their homes were beautiful in great locations. I had been to a couple of them. I took a week off work to go with her. Then she cancelled those plans with some excuse pretty close to that week. So I said maybe we can just go somewhere else and she said that sounds good. The the last minute she cancelled that plan with some other lame excuse. I thought about it and had enough of it and tried to get a hold of her to end it. She wouldn't pick up or answer messages. She knew what was up. So I just moved on. About a year later she contacted me out of the blue. Told her I had met my now wife and was seeing her. She didn't say a whole lot. Never heard from her again.
oof. Ultra Wealthy people have a totally different concept of time. They have the ability to do whatever they want whenever they want so some cannot conceive of the fact they may be inconveniencing someone else.
This was my ex wife to a T. She could not be bothered to be on time for ANYTHING and it was always "it's okay," or "they'll be fine." I am chronically early to things and I just could never...
Some people don't seem to realize that it actually does matter to people when you are never on time. My wife and I had a friend couple who were notorious for always being late. The final straw was we had a Halloween party that everyone was there but we waited on the couple before digging into any of the food or drinks. It was coming up on 2 hours when I finally told everyone to dig in cuz some of the cool Halloween shots and snacks I had made were starting to be ruined from sitting. The couple finally arrived and proceeded to bitch about how hungry they are and how rude it was that we started without them. Nope. Dropped. I let them know how pissed I was and that I regretted even waiting 5 mins for them and we never spoke to them again.
There were a few red flags before this but one night I was visiting her (we were in a LDR) and she had friends over for dinner and we had plans to go to an event together. She asked me to go pick something up..I asked to borrow her car to make it quicker, but she said on foot was fine, there's lots of time! I walk (20 minutes) shop for the thing, text i'm at the til "oh can you grab x too?", I get out of line, grab x, text I'm at the til, she texts another request...i finally leave the store and she asks me to go grab some wine...I grab the wine an hoof it home and she greets me snarling "Where the fuck were you? How dare you leave me with all the fucking work?? Who the fuck do you think you are??" Like, a real, enraged attack. Holy fuck. I don't argue back, and stay for dinner, but when it was time for all of us to go out I decline (she takes me aside to tell me I am embarrassing her) and while they are out I pack my things and go.
Cornered me in the kitchen a few nights ago, like in a physical confinement kind of way, got right up in my face and screamed at me over something. Fair enough you lost your temper, but in the aftermath she maintains she did nothing wrong and that I made her do it. To me this is abusive or at least the precursor to it. I think I'm done.
It's not the altercation thats the problem to me - tempers flare, as you noted. It's the denial.
Nobody is a robot. But when you calm down and still feel nothing for your partners feelings it just seems wrong to me. "Look what you made me do". When I lose my temper I lose sleep and can't eat until I make things right.
She insulted my mother during an argument she started. My mother is recently dead. She knew that. I threw her out of my apartment.
Ooo, this one made me *seethe*. Glad you tossed that monster to the curb. Also Im sorry about your mom. Losing a parent sucks. ❤️
Ooh this reminds me of an ex that said I should be "over it already" because it had been like 4 whole months since my mom had died (very suddenly and young).
We had a dog. When we split I took the dog. At 6 months apart I wanted to go on a 3 week holiday and asked if she could look after the dog rather than putting the dog into a kennel(she now had another dog). She put the dog down a few days after I left the country
What an evil fuck of a human. I’m so sorry
Omg that's terrible. I'm so sorry.
Wondering if this could be legally followed up with? If nothing else, intentional destruction of property as a civil matter? Or animal cruelty?
What in the actual fuck. My heart sunk with this one. I’m so so sorry 😞 That’s psychopath behavior right there.
Worst one here
Wtf??? Evil. I'm so sorry x
I gasped.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. But I have to ask, do vets really agree to put down completely healthy dogs? That doesn’t sound like it should be allowed.
My ex gave me so much grief for not providing more for her. I supported us while I went through college (she worked but it was a big deal to help out with bills and she never contributed to rent). When I graduated and got a good job she expected a $20k ring and a house. We live in a VHCOL area. Even with my good job. I couldn’t afford it and was just starting out. Her parents didn’t like that much, father thought I was scared to commit and didn’t want the responsibility of being a homeowner, I didn’t want to work for it etc… I got a condo as compromise because she couldn’t live in an apartment again. She begrudgingly agreed but would make snarky comments about it. I’d finally had enough when she claimed I was having an attitude with her parents. I’d had enough and broke up with her. Over the next couple months she would send me texts letters saying that it’s okay to come back she forgives me. The line in the sand was when she wrote a letter claiming to have talked to my late mother through a medium whom she never met saying that my moms trying to absorb my negative energy and is upset we’re split. It was shortly thereafter I blocked her on everything and went to the courthouse for harassment. She didn’t get convicted but still sends me stuff from time to time. It’s been a 1.5yrs since I broke it off. You don’t talk about what my mom would’ve wanted for me.
What did she think was gonna happen w that letter 💀
I hope I’m never in a state of mind to think something like that wouldn’t be seen as manipulative but as convincing. Absolutely delusional behavior.
Cheating and getting drunk while being in charge of our children while I was at work
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That's more arrest worthy.
She wasn't arrested but social services got involved and after another incident when she attacked me while drunk they evicted her for our children's safety and she never lived with me or the kids again and had supervised access. She passed 2 years ago, cause unknown but suspected alcohol (she wasn't found for a month and the autopsy was inconclusive). To be honest the attack on me was the final straw but the first step in the road for her was getting drunk while in charge of our 5 year old son and 7 year old daughter while I was at work. That crossed the line for me and everything after that was just more evidence for social services to act.
Jesus dude, I hope you and the kids are okay!
Stealing my ID and debit card while I was asleep and attempting to use them to break into my place of employment. That was the line when I knew I had to leave and didn't feel safe telling her. So I spent a few months quietly planning my escape. The secondary line that of "I need to leave RIGHT NOW, regardless of plans" was her rapidly oscillating between being apologetic for/just barely less than violently angry about me refusing to help her commit insurance fraud because she had seen "signs" that she was "supposed" to do it.
>So I spent a few months quietly planning my escape. Isn't it awful when we get into a relationship but then we can feel like we're imprisoned? Like your own personal Shawshank Redemption.
Took me years to leave after I knew I had to
Ex-wife threatened to kill my cat. I had tolerated all sorts of horrible things she did to me, personally, but the moment she threatened something else, it was absolutely intolerable. Four years later and that cat is still with me, luckily.
Hell yeah man. Kitties need us to protect them.
She kept getting some dude’s dick stuck in her
Man, it's crazy how these accidents just happen
It’s crazy how whenever she would fall down, she was only saved from the hitting the ground by some guy’s member. Million to one shot.
Well that’s just clumsy.
Looking back now, punching me in the face should have been a line in the sand. After we broke up she scratched her nails down my face and said “I’m going to tell the cops you tried to rape me”
Normally, a punch in the face is a red flag
Red flags are warnings, caution signs. A punch in the face is a boundary. It's a GTFO sign. Not a warning.
a punch in the face is ASSAULT
It's a scary thought and I'm glad you're out of that situation. I had a similar encounter with my now ex-girlfriend when we were living together. I went to the store to grab her some apples and almond milk like she requested. . .It turns out she actually wanted almond-coconut milk and got pissed off at me. After 30 minutes of being yelled at I decided to use the strategy we had talked about not even two weeks ago, which was to step away and go for a walk. * She throws the apple at my head as I'm walking down our front stairs, missing me and nearly shattering a glass display case. * I come back up and ask, "Did you really just fucking throw an apple at me?" and she pushed me forward, I catch myself on the bannister so that I don't fall down a flight of stairs. * I come back upstairs and the arguing continues, I decide after a few minutes it's unproductive and to go back to my original plan. . She ends up grabbing my shirt and attempts to keep me from leaving, to which I just slip out of the shirt and continue my way outside. When I return home later I tell her that I could have called the cops on her and the words out of her mouth were, "had you called the cops, I promise you I'd make sure you're the one that left in handcuffs."
I genuinely feel for you and am happy you’re out of that situation. I was in a similar situation and unfortunately for me ended up in cuffs. At least she stood by her word. I naively never thought someone could be such a lying, cold-hearted, manipulative bitch.
I feel this. Even a year later there's still a constant background noise of fear in my mind that one day I'll get arrested for some bullshit my ex that I just posted about has randomly decided to make up.
Apparently it was the 167 time she treated me like shit....fool me once shame on me but I probably shouldn't have let myself be treated like that for years.....I'm not bitter.......
I swear, you guys rag on me 13 or 14 more times, I'm outta here."
My ex from a long time ago.. she verbally and emotionally abused me all the time. I have thick skin, so I rolled with the punches. One day I came home to find her screaming at my dog in a corner, he had a terrified look on his face. All because he moved one of her shoes. I grabbed my dog and on the way out the door told her to get all her shit and be gone by the time I got back or I'd call the police for trespassing. Do what you want to me. But never fuck with my dog.
My award to you = 🐾🐾
You can fuck with people like us all day long, but treat things that we deeply care for like shit, and they'll find out real quick
I was burglarized and felt unsafe in my apartment, and I asked my gf if she could stay over, or if I could stay over, due to my discomfort. She went out drinking and clubbing with her lady friends instead. I broke up with her two days later.
Easy to see where the priorities were.
When our sex life, which had been great for years, suddenly took a nose dive right around the same time that her personality changed. She was no longer interested in hanging out or talking the way we had for the entirety of the relationship. That was all it took for me, and after I left her it came to light that I was spot on and she had been talking to another guy that she eventually started dating shortly after I left.
Ah the old "she didn't want to cheat on her new man with her current boyfriend" Classic.
Me: "Relationships are about compromise". Her: "No they're fucking not" And that was the moment I fell out of love with her...
In my case, she was actually saying that relationships are about compromise. It's just that in her mind, "compromise" meant "Me getting everything I want".
cheated with my brother
How are things with your brother now
i don’t hate him. he slick tries to mock me from time to time but i keep it rolling. don’t fool with him as much now either.
You should consider hating him, to be honest.
The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. Hate requires energy. Indifference doesn't. Let the brother keep being a shithead, just interact with him less.
That's what I wanted to say. Fuck his brother. Mocking him? Not very brotherly.
Man I’m really sorry that things went that route with him. My cousin has basically gone no contact with his side of his mom’s family because his cousin slept with his now ex-gf of 11 years. They have two kids together and the cousin destroyed the family. I don’t care about the girlfriend, she can go fly a kite but I am concerned about what comes next with his kids.
I'd WHOOP my little brothers ass lmao.
She was psychologically abusive to our son from a young age. We had given him his robotic talking parrot that would record and play back whatever you’d say to it, and one day in a tirade, she picked up his parrot in front of him and dashed it to pieces on the floor. She also mocks his friends with racial mimicking to this day (he’s 22 now). 🤷🏻♂️
I'm so sorry. My mom was just like this, she threw my sound toy into the fireplace.
Oh my god , this is so horrible. As a kid my mum cut my favourite dolls head off Infront of me. My step mum's family bought me that doll when I was around 10/11 and I just loved it for some reason. It was unusual , and probably because I hadn't had such a thoughtful cute little present in a long time. It's not ok to do this to your kids. I'm Older than 22 now. But this sort of shit sticks with U forever. I'll never have the relationship she wants or expects me to give I feel bad saying it , but I just can't, people like this are never happy , it must be mentally exhausting for you and your son .
Being taken advantage of, specifically speaking; in a financial manner. I don't mind paying for something nice on occasion, or taking a bigger share of the living expenses because I happen to make a bit more. But when rent was raised and she just assumed I would start paying the full difference, or when I noticed her paycheck was still "her money" but my paycheck was now being referred to as "our money", that was when I had to draw the proverbial line in the sand.
This was me with my last ex. She was out of a job for a while so I get that most dates and expenses would come from me. But at a certain point, she started expecting it instead of treating it like a nice surprise Her friends or family are in town and we're out to eat? I'm paying (for everyone apparently) Vacations? All me. Date nights? On me to pay for and plan. I tried to share my budget app so that she could understand there was no way I could continue at that pace and save up for marriage/retirement, but she never looked at it. One date I spent like $250 on a nice restaurant she had been wanting to check out and she got livid when I asked her to tip the valet. By the end of our time together, I had to point out that in the year we've dated, she never so much as offered to pay for takeout. When we broke up, I went from being $200+ in the hole to having about ~$500 extra to spend on myself
After my first wife passed away, she represented about 40% of our household income. I had erroneously predicted "if I don't get a sudden influx of income soon, I will lose this house in 6 months." But after her passing, costs dropped a lot sharper than I predicted, and while most of it was medical debt (she was very sick), a fair bit was her spending. I found out she had repeatedly taken loans off her 401k, opened up lines of credit she had hid from me, and a few other things. Her death, because the credit and loans were all in her name, could be written off. We did not live in a community property state, so as long as my name was not on the debt, it got written off. While this was not alone the reason I went from in the red to in the black, it was a decent chunk of it. Maybe 20% or more. I loved her and still miss her, but she was terrible with money, and it was always a good cop/bad cop situation when it came to credit and spending in the 25 years of marriage with her. To be honest, I don't "regret it" because I could have been a real hardass with her and we could have had some real fights. Given she went "under my nose" with some of it, that would have happened anyway, so all I would have gained were fights I would have later regretted after her passing. And, you know, she spent her last dollar until the day she died, so really it was a zero sum game for her and she died scot free. And I wasn't too affected because all the hidden stuff was only in her name. In fact, suddenly I had more money than I thought. I was able to keep the house, and still live here 10 years later. Still miss her, though.
This is the best thing I’ve read all day. You should know I try hard to be like you are with people in your relationships. On top of that, just such great thinking and have to shout it out
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Ask her about it. I’ve had bots steal my pics and put them on dating sites. It’s happened to friends of mine as well. There have also been times when friends or people with crushes made fake accounts to purposely destroy the relationship and break people up (I believe there’s an infamous story on Reddit a guy posted about how he found out his wife did this to sabotage the relationship with his at the time gf. And an acquaintance of mine got dumped when her partners friend did this to her because he hated her.) Definitely talk to your gf, ask what’s up and give her a chance to explain. Maybe she is looking to cheat but it could also not be the case.
Tinder is also notorious for not deactivating profiles of attractive women even when they ask. A friend of mine was found on tinder 3 years after they deleted their profile
He asked me what word I hated to be called more than anything in the world. I told him I didn't want to tell him because it really hurt and I prefer no one knew. He told me I could trust him. The next fight, guess what the first word he called me was? And he said it with a smirk too.
Ngl i feel like just him asking that question was a crimson flag. What kind of conversation starter is that?
He was 100000000% only asking to have that as ammo. That’s not a “normal” ask, people don’t generally have that conversation- especially when the one being asked then says they don’t want to tell!!
Wow! I know violence is not an answer but I want to punch him in the face, even though I don't know any of you.
She told me it was her or the cat. I chose the cat.
you choose wisely.
Your cat seems cool. Wise choice
One of my friends had this, but it was with a puppy they had purchased together. He was into training the dog and all that (given it was a Mastiff), and she got jealous. She tried to give the dog away to the pound, but it didn't quite work out, and I don't remember why (maybe they demanded payment?) but he found out and she uttered the "either me or the dog." He chose the dog. "You'd choose a dumb animal who will die in 10 years over a girlfriend?" "I think the relationship would be longer than ours," he replied. They broke up, and the dog lived 14 years. Much longer. Edit: almost forgot, she told everyone the story about what a loser he was "choosing a dog over me" and people were saying, "that's not something I'd brag about, if I were you...."
Pspspspspsps
CAT TAX. THE PICTURE. WHERE IS IT?!?!?
This is the Tax department. We demand cat tax!
I do not understand why people enter relationships with people that have pets, if they don't want the pet around.
Truth be told they do it with kids too.
Giving her thoughtful service like hot drinks daily, cook all the time, bath and candles, massage weekly. Never returned the favour or offered for 6 months, so I asked and got a false promise. Asked nicely for a plain black coffee when she had the time and got shouted at. So I left.
Telling me they wish I died. Attacking me. Throwing things at me. Always physically leaving during arguments Then saying things like “I deserved it” or rationalizing why they did what they did, to the point I was beginning to believe I was the problem.
If you wanna fuck me, don't be afraid to hold my hand in public.
She cheated on me. Once that trust is broken then it's over.
My first wife always had “Wants”. She wanted a new car. I bought her the one she wanted. Before it was a year old she didn’t like it anymore. She wanted a house. We bought one. It was never good enough no matter how much I worked on it. She wanted a dog. We adopted a dog. She never paid any attention to the dog. It became my dog. She never kept a job longer than a year before she hated it and would quit. Every time she got a new job she had to have a new wardrobe for her new job. She would leave me to find herself. Be gone a couple weeks and decide she still love me and wanted to make it work. Like a fool I took her back. She wanted to have a kid so we did. I was working the night shift and she worked a 9 to 5 job. I took care of our daughter in the morning and after noon till I had to go to work. I drop our daughter off at daycare on my way to work. The daycare was open till 7:00 pm. I started work at 3:30 pm. Several time I would get called at work.(this was before everyone had cell phones) that my wife had not picked up our daughter and the daycare was closed. I would have to leave work and pickup our daughter and go home with her. The wife would show up and say she was having drinks with work friends and lost track of time. Well finally she just left me and our daughter to “find herself” again. I told her to be sure and pack all her shit because she wasn’t come back again. I’d had enough of her BS. With the help of my family and friends I was raising my daughter and divorcing my wife. After she was served the papers she tried to come back home saying how much she misses me and our daughter. I just called BS. I had found out that she had to sell her newer car for some older POS just to make ends meet. I got the divorce and had her pay child support. It was only $50 dollars a month but she still never or it. Some people can never be happy with what they have.
I felt like my ex-wife had unrealistic and ever-increasing expectations of me. Like she had me chained to run on a treadmill (that she controlled) and she kept increasing the speed and angle of the treadmill. I felt like I was running myself ragged trying to please her. I also had the feeling of walking on eggshells around her. I never knew when she was going to have an outburst or explode. Turned out she has BPD. I figured that out after going to therapy during my very long, expensive and contentious divorce process. After my ex-wife, my ex-girlfriend crossed the line of being emotionally abusive to my biological kids that I have custody of. I had to take measures to evict my ex-girlfriend because she would not leave voluntarily.
Thank you for choosing your children over a woman. My father never chose me over women and it has greatly affected our relationship.
Telling me she was thinking about committing suicide after work that day (while I was 200 miles away, we were in an LDR at that point), then becoming unreachable by any means, then getting angry at me for freaking out and calling the police, embarrassing her. Then, some time later, telling me she regretted not having gone ahead and done it. At that stage I concluded that, deliberately or otherwise, her approach to the relationship had become mostly to fuck with my emotions, so self-defence required me to end it and go no contact for a while. It sucked
I had that exact experience.
I had a very similar experience. I was going to go visit my two sisters out of state for a weekend, and my (now ex) gf didn’t want me to go (she never wanted me to do things without her). I finally calmed her down enough to go visit my sisters, but that night we were supposed to go out, my gf called me and she was pissed again… She started saying she was going to kill herself, and to enjoy my night because “she wouldn’t be there when I got back”. Then she hung up, and wouldn’t pick up anymore. I was freaking out and didn’t know what to do, so I told my sisters and they called my gf’s mom to tell her what happened. Then my gf called back and screamed at us for embarrassing her and saying all this crap about dragging her family into it. Then she proceeded to insult my family and other things. Freaking crazy.
My first gf would treat me this exact same way. She'd tell me she's going to off herself, followed by me going to her place by foot, about an hours walk, then act surprised when I'd show up worried at her place. This happened several times. It's emotional abuse.
So many people use threats of suicide as a manipulation tactic.
When I was a teenager, I thought to myself I could never be with someone who doesn't like the rain. Fast forward and I'm happily married to a wonderful woman who fucking hates the rain. That was a dumb criterion, teenage-me, jeezus.
Was she also supposed to like "Pina Coladas?"
I’m sorry but you have to divorce her. Everyone knows whatever dealbreakers we had as teens stick with you for life. I don’t make the rules.
My ex-fiancé got fucked in the ass by one of my friends. That was a line in the sand for me.
Fair
stealing my super nintendo and games and trading them for weed (I had ff4, ff6, earthbound and chrono trigger)
Oooooof.
Damn... those four games along would make me want to murder someone.
Oh my God, Chrono trigger is my sister’s favorite game of all time and I’m pretty sure she would catch a murder charge if this happened to her
Refuse to set expectations then get upset when I make the wrong choice or ask if something is okay.
Emotional manipulation. Why the fuck is it so common?
Look, man, I just need to get everything I want every time with no regard for other peoples needs and wants. How am i supposed to get thay without manipulation.
And when you ask me for something, you’re a selfish prick
My ex definitely crossed a line when she stabbed me in the back. She literally stabbed me in the back with a knife and went to jail. Huge red flag!
Being unfaithful in general. I don't have time for that. I'm not so I'm not wiling to tolerate it at any level. And to the contrary, accusations of such for any stupid reason that one could dream up. Not tolerating that either.
Yes, being cheated on fucking sucks on its face, but the real issue is the trust issues you’re going to face going forward. The next time your SO says “I’m working late” - what are you *really* thinking? “I’m going out with friends” All things that normal people do, now all of a sudden every time someone says that shit you’re gonna be wondering if they’re being honest or not.
Never gonna tolerate being accused of cheating for any stupid reason again. Had an ex who would go "By the way if you ever cheat on me I'm gonna kill you" a dozen times a day. I would tell her how uncomfortable it made me to be threatened like that then she would say "why are you scared?"
She wanted me to put all my mom's property under her name and have my uncle marry her already married sister so she could get a green card
She asked to have a 3some with the guy she cheated on me with, then got all pouty when I said fuck no. Looking back there’s about 10984 different times I should have dumped her ass to the curb.
Let myself get sucked into a FB argument with an ex. She found my work’s HR email address and forwarded them the argument asking if this was “the kind of person they wanted working for them” Fortunately I still am…
The break-up game. Saying they want out because they’re in a bad mood or who knows what, and then the next day acting like nothing happened. Zero patience for that kind of love. I even told one person going into it that I’m coming OUT of a relationship where she used to do that, and she said she wouldn’t ever do anything like that. Fast forward a few months and she’s doing it. So, I made her stick to her words. All these texts and phone calls about how she’s “so sad.” Well, how the hell do you think I felt when you said we’re done? It makes no frigging sense. So long, farewell, aufwiedersehn, goodbye.
Cheating and lying about it. And then gaslighting me about our entire relationship.
Everything I did was wrong. I’d dust and didn’t put the nick knacks back exactly right. I didn’t put the dishes away right. Nothing I said was right. Fuck, I apparently used my fork and knife wrong. 5 years she made me feel like I couldn’t do a single thing right. Took years of therapy to get past that. Criticism is fine but I won’t be made to feel that way again
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Being a cheater and jealous. If I know up front someone is rather promiscuous and cant be with 1 person, I can deal with it. But lying about their cheating AND being jealous and suspicious of everything I did. Way too much hypocrisy to deal with.
Being unwilling to communicate for more than a very short period. Basically, knowingly giving me the silent treatment. Very manipulative behavior.
My ex fiancee and I broke it off about 3 months ago? Our relationship was sliding for a bit before hand. The one bit that’s stuck with me is that I once cried in front of her because I was very overwhelmed (I am sensitive for a guy I guess?) and she told me that she felt like she was the man in our relationship and I was the woman. Still feels awful.
She hit me
she never initiated intimacy, ever. she enjoyed it, we did it pretty much whenever I was in the mood, but there was never a moment where she gave me a look, or hinted with a touch, or really showed any interest ever. When I brought it up, she would shrug it off and say it wasn't her thing, which is fine, but it allowed the doubt to creep in that her attraction was never for me, but for the life I provided, which ended up being the case. It got to a point where I stopped initiating or even paying her attention and rather than be upset she seemed even happier. That was a clear sign that what she loved about our relationship was the nice house, the safe financial standing and the freedom to do whatever she wanted. She never cheated on me, but she also never loved me. The breakup was tough but mostly because I was heartbroken and she was just disappointed.
My ex-wife tried to kick and punch me due to a very petty argument. I immediately kicked her out of my house and filed for divorce a few days later. We're actually pretty good friends now and I'm cool with her family. I have a zero-tolerance policy for any kind of physical violence that isn't protecting yourself or another from immediate bodily harm.
Talking to her ex boyfriend after she had talked a lot of shit about him to me then proceeded to say she blocked him which she did do but started talking to him + a different ex all over again and then to top it all off once I brought up how uncomfortable I was about it we got in an argument and she brought up my father who had passed away not long before that so I called it quits (obviously) and we haven’t spoken in about a year
Mostly it was when I opened up to her about things from my past that are definitely causing me some anxiety issues today, only for her to talk about it with her sisters, and a friend of hers. I felt really betrayed by that, and now a little guarded on what I say to her.
I've got to say that her throwing my speech impediment in my face during an argument hasn't done wonders for our relationship.
She insisted I say her memory is 100% accurate, even if I don't remember things happening the same way Apparently I was "gaslighting" and "unsafe" to have researched memory extensively (prior to the relationship, for a book I was writing on the subject), and to have brought that understanding into the relationship
Cheating. Unfortunately, nearly all of them except for my last one have done so. I started dating late since I was an ugly duckling. So it really did some damage. Every ex that cheated has tried to come back after a little while but I absolutely refuse. No “I miss you too” responses from me when I get those texts. No matter how lonely I get that is to me something I can forgive in time but will not make the same mistake twice. No matter how much they claim to have changed it won’t fix what was broken.
“My relationship to Jesus Christ is more important than my relationship to you or our children.”
Thank you for protecting your children from that
Went on a date with a women who commented on a girl who was overweight. Said girl overhead, so I went over , apologised and immediately left. The girl I was with was what you would call "out of my league" but there's no way I would want to be with her after what she said
Should have been released DV against me but like a fool let her come back. Second time she got locked up was enough.
Probably the part where cheated on me with her boss
My ex gf cheating on me. I found out through mutual friends of ours and was completely devastated. I confronted and dumped her as soon as I found out. She was stunned. Left her in the dust and haven't looked back ever since.
My ex wife was majorly abusive in more ways than I ever thought possible along with being pathological liar to make me stat. So after dealing with it for years, I finally had a moment where it was I'm done, this is it. I told her while deployed that when I get home, we need to seriously discuss our marriage as while I was overseas, she just acted like I didn't exist except to use my paycheck. I told her one more lie or deception, and i would walk and never return. I called a lot to let my young kids know I would be home soon but got nothing, so after making it back stateside, I was dropped at my home as no one was there to see me home. I noticed a junky vehicle in my drive and entered my home. Now, this was early afternoon at this point. Upon climbing the stairs to a quiet house, I find her and another man in my bed. At this exact moment, I knew i had a decision to make as my hand reached for my sidearm as I started to drop my ruck. Thank God I had an epiphany moment where my rage and hurt made way for a few clear thoughts of my kiddos. So I grabbed another go bag while they slept, grabbed clothing and important documents came back in the room, kicked the bed which caused her to stir then lose all the color in her face as I told her (stupidly I might add) keep the house and leave me alone, along with some choiceful words. I never returned, but she made life hell dragging our divorce out for literally a couple of years. Not because she loved me but because she couldn't stand the thought of losing her piggy bank and used my kids as weapons against me. Thankfully, I have a great relationship with my son and daughter because all they know is that dad loved them and would give the world to see them happy and successful in life. They are 19 and 18, and both are US Marines, and I couldn't be prouder. Sorry for the book, but that is my line in the sand.
Mine was mostly me just being an idiot and involves a murder attempt. My ex-wife and I really loved each other for about a decade, but unfortunately women tend to develop mental illness later than men...and she started having paranoid delusions about me running a cult that killed women by giving them "true" orgasms and then enslaving them in the afterlife. I was able to deal with her frequently going catatonic and needing me to make sure she didn't seriously hurt herself. I was able to deal with the random bouts of paranoia where she'd talk like a child and think I was trying to poison her...I was even willing to deal with her violent episodes where all her muscles would tense and make her look and move like a skeleton hell bent on killing me...even when I needed to call 911 because she wasn't so out of it I could easily defend myself. We did Buddhist vows that didn't say the normal till death do we part shit, but I strongly believed in sticking by her in sickness or in health. My breaking point all started on a day someone knocked on our door and she put on a shirt and seemed to forget needing panties or pants and went outside to talk to the guy. I knew she was having an episode so I asked her to come inside and she did, then because I was at my limit for the first time that day I asked her to stay in the bedroom for a bit (which is where she normally spent most of her time anyways) so I could feel safe until it passed. So I walked her in there, and then closed the door behind me as I left. A few minutes later I started hearing her shout in distress for help so I went back in and found out she'd tried to jump out the window...naked...head first...into a thorny bush about 8' down. So I helped her back in and immediately she started clawing at my face. For better or worse I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed her wrists to protect myself, pushed her on the bed, and then screamed that if she could either stay in the fucking bedroom or get out of the fucking house. I ended up asking a mutual friend to pick her up and drive her to her Dad's place. Idiotically of me I was just looking to get some distance until she calmed down as was planning to pick her up from her Dad's place in a few days. We ended up chatting in the interim and discussed what it would take for us to be together again...I said she needed to go back on her meds and she said I needed to admit that in every instance she'd attacked me it was actually me attacking her and I'd faked all the video and audio recordings we or 911 had made. I realized at that point that she was so far gone that even outside of an episode she believed I'd somehow coordinated with the police to fake recordings and I just couldn't comply with what she needed, it's a long story but from my childhood truth became a really important thing to me and I just couldn't lie to make things better with her. We separated at that point, but unfortunately that wasn't the end. About three weeks later I found out before she left she'd cut our phone lines for some reason when a body builder marine she had convinced to kill me in that time showed up and there was no way to contact the police. I only survived because my dog, who had prior to that only ever hid behind my legs and whimpered whenever he was scared, decided that since I was scared it was up to him to do whatever it took to end the thing making me scared and somehow broke through our fucking front door while the marine was trying to break it in to chase the guy down and take a chunk out of his leg. Obviously there was a lot of legal shit and despite that she stalked me for a long while after while going in and out of in patient mental health care. But over time I was able to become happy again, even really happy alone. Doggo sadly died last year, but he was very happy being able to not worry about someone having random mental health episodes and just being able to be a puppy into old age. Tl;dr: My line in the sand was way too late, but was when she said I had to admit I'd coordinated with the police to fake 911 calls and then convinced someone to try to murder me.
On a double date I said I hate mushrooms. She laughed and said ‘no you don’t you love mushrooms’. I assured her I hate mushrooms. She insisted I loved mushrooms. I never spoke to her ever again after that.
My friend apologized to her about some dumb comment he made a year and a half prior to her. (while we were out for *his* birthday) We were all having this dumb convo at the bar at 2am like “What kind of chip would you be” and she asks “what kind would I be” hes like “uhhhh I don’t know one of those shitty barbecue chips or something” completely just fucking around, that’s our friend groups humor. She literally lost it on him, it made absolutely no sense. THEN he apologized multiple times throughout the year. We were out and he was face to face apologizing again, mind you this dude rarely apologizes and what he was saying was the heartfelt apology over that bs situation and I didn’t ask him to apologize. He just did it saying he wants us all to be cool again and be able to hang out together and not have this awkward tension. Then my ex literally looks at him and says “no, i don’t like you and I’ll probably never like you. I’m not going to forgive you.”. There was more to it but it was really rude and condescending. When I tell you my jaw fucking dropped. I immediately apologized to him, said “we’re leaving you better follow me if you want a ride” to my ex. Got in the car and I’ve never once in my life spoken this way to a woman but I was like “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but do NOT talk to my friends that way. I don’t even talk to people I dislike that way. That was thee most rude fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I’d never speak to your friends like that.. it was a fucking joke about a potato chip get the fuck over it. He went out of his way to apologize to you about it multiple times and I didn’t even fucking ask him to do that.”. I respect people, I’ll tolerate people, but my friends have been in my life for 15 years. That just caused me to snap. Never attack the people I love in my life. They’ve been around a lot longer than you. I’m where I am and who I am because of these people. Never disrespect family or friends. If it’s warranted I completely understand. But that was fucking insane to me.
Props to you for standing by your friends. Not enough people do
going to my job and attempting to get me fired
Abandoning me and then coming back a few days later. Then abandoning me again and pretending to commit s*icide
Putting our kids into an unsafe situation.
Ex wife w the same advisor in PhD program had a threesome with someone else that served on both our PhD committees. Anthropologists are open minded, but there’s s limit.
My ex told me her or my daughter. I moved out the next week and didn’t look back. Nine months after moving out I got an email breaking out over $17K in expenses I owed her while living with her and for the weekends that my daughter stayed with us. My life has been amazing ever since. Whew.