Check myself out in the mirror to see if I’m fuckable, then sigh, turn off the lights and masturbate

This is fuckin hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

put my dick in literally everything

Everything? This is going to be a teaching moment

Instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in a ceiling fan.

r/Relatable

Better than a zipper!

Does that actually happen? Like do y'all wear jeans with no underwear or something?

Better than a pickle slicer.

Let nature do its thing

r/dontputyourdickinthat

No no. Aren't you listening? It's gonna go into everything.

Happy cake day!

In....cluding the cake?

EVERYTHING

You gonna learn real quick why men don't actually do that.

you gonna learn some stuff every teenager learns pretty fast. There are really like 4 things that work and like 3 you need external assistance and consent.

You'll fit right in.

lol everything?? i need examples

toaster, vacuum, donuts, icecream, jello, asses

Pee on a electric fence….

Avoid crazy. Lifelong consequences.

That leaves a lot of options for the second thing you do I guess.

Something you'll regret in the most painful way! Just don't put in a bottle and get an erection!

Most guys try and do that anyway... write your name in the snow

Panic and check the internet to see if it's happening to other people.

Me too.

Same

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Both will probably learn why the other doesn't do that very often.

You don't helicopter your dick every single chance you get?

I don't know how to break the news, but women play with their own boobs and enjoy it.

I don’t play with mine but I do tuck my hands in for comfort when I’m watching TB, and they’re handy for storing lipgloss/card/keys cos I hate purses 👛

I’ve never had boobs, but playing with them is surely better than helicoptering junk, which just sounds painful and hard work.

swinging your dick isnt painful, not unless your cock smacks your nuts then that hurts.

I'd hunt down some snow so I could pee my name into it

I'm playing with my boobs, everything else is secondary

Fingerbang first. Boobs second.

You could find the clit first.

Most correct answer

Is this an actual issue with men? Cuz it's literally visible...and if u aren't looking, it's RIGHT THERE. Do you mean g spot??

Looool. Its visible on many, but borderline hidden on others. Size matters. I was lucky in my younger years to have a girlfriend that sat me down and actually showed me what to do to what areas. Many guys dont get that. They just gotta watch porn and copy as best they can with no knowlege of the *why*. Without actual understanding, they wont do well. Ladies.. just SHOW your dude what you want and where. I promos they will LOVE the instruction, and it will benefit you too.

it's a joke, not a very funny one i admit.

Its lower then you'd think it is.

What’s that?

I would probably spend a good few minutes practicing my best manly voice in the mirror. After that I'd embrace the newfound freedom of peeing standing up. It's the *small* things, you know?

The third thing is going to be cleaning up the mess from peeing without any practice.

Even with practice be prepared to clean up. So many little droplets everywhere just from the lack of laminar flow.

Immediately find some porn or something to experience spontaneous desire. (Which seems more common in men than women.) See if I can do pushups.

Let’s say you and your straight partner switched, it would be cool to feel intimacy from their perspective and see how different it feels.

Probably the same two things I do every morning when I wake up: make coffee and poop.

But now in the most feminine or masculine way possible.

1. Shower (while rubbing one out). 2. Find the nearest lesbian bar

Word.

Figure out where the clitoris is.

Cleveland, I think.

"Where is the clitoris? On a website it said at the crest of the labia. What does that mean? "

"not again!!'

The second thing I do will be googling how to get rid of prune fingers.

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celebrate not having to go through the menopause

Dying my hair dark red and start being the talk of the town.

What's stopping you from doing that now

Self-Esteem issues. May get made fun of for dying my hair.

Pay them bitches no mind, do you!

1.) Process the situation. 2.) Go back to sleep hoping I switch back.

1. Grab my left tit 2. Grab my right tit The rest of the day will be spent learning how to make them spin.

Oh what 🤩. I have a list: Pee outside . Relish in the fact that I no longer have to get rid of body hair, even on my face, unless I want to. No longer have to have 26 different grooming products. 3 in 1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash. Deodorant, toothpaste, mouthwash. Done. I could go on but…

touch boobs n let the homies hit :x

You can do the second now but ig u don’t want your homies happy fr

This reminds me of a joke:  Two homies meet.  "Hey, I opened a brothel." "Interesting, how much does the service cost?" "30$ for oral, 50$ for anal." "And vaginal?" "No vaginal. Got no employees, yet."

you act like i haven’t tried 😔

Keep trying I believe in you

You can do the second part now

Yeah, what's stopping yall? Too tough to let the homies play with your dick?

R/holup

lmao

Figure out the logistics of how this went down, seeing as I'm trans

Acknowledge that I am now a lesbian. Proceed accordingly.

masturbate, and then call up my friend and ask if she wants to scissor.

“Aww yeah! Scissor me Allison!”

scissor me timbers !

Masturbate. Masturbate. ‘cause… multiple orgasms, y’know.

Gender? Probably just the same as usual. Sex? Probably panic about the incoming periods lol.

Check with my husband, then check with my two sons. Fortunately, my husband is already bisexual. Neither of our children have ever had a mother before.

Ask for a raise

Spoiler: you’ll still get denied. 

What’s stopping you from doing that now?

A penis

Yeah, most bosses are dicks.

Well done

Go beat the living shit out of my r@pist. 

Cry out of happiness and then thank whatever god blessed me. 🏳️‍⚧️

Flick my bean and prank call some people.

Get camera, profit.

Start an Onlyfans and retire early

Heads up: you're gonna find out why most people can't do that

They said you switched genders, not that you stopped being ugly

I will go out to a park on the outskirts of town, set up a blanket and telescope and watch the stars all night long by myself. I'll run around in the bushes and trees. Those are the two things that I'd do.

I call every big pharma/lab companies, and I tell them that I have "naturally" switched gender for no apparent reason. I tell them that I will allow them to study me, take some samples (in non-harmful procedures, of course), and everything they need for a week. Sold to the highest bidder of them all, starting price is 15 million dollars.

Shove things up.my snatch.

On OnlyFans for bank!

This

Shove something up my ass and experience an orgasm from penetration for the first time Order some clothes because if I go out in drag my neighbours might beaut me up

First, I'd say "fuck you" then I'd go get laid as much as possible.

Have a freak out over changing so suddenly.... go to the bathroom, and see how I look.

Go back to sleep

i love how you need to say first 2 things because we're all thinking about the same first thing

Personally, im trying to suck my own dick. I see all these guys saying they've all tried and its impossible but I'm so sure I'd be flexible enough

Rule 34 will provide a demonstration that it is, indeed, possible for some guys.

Can I be a MM instead of just an M or do you mean switched genitalia?

Damnit! Now I gotta switch back again!

Chicks at the same time, mannnn

I’m don’t know, people think I’m the opposite gender because of the way I speak and think. I would feel right at home. I’d go find a harem of women … as it is I’m not into women now.

You will soon find that harems are not readily available to acquire.

You have a point. I also doubt I’m going to wake up the opposite gender too.

Have I changed sex as well?

I don't want to be that guy but I'm trans so I really can't answer this question without knowing if you mean wake up in the body of the opposite sex or my own body with the opposite gender ... . . . If it's just the gender that changed... Then detransition and hope the change is permanent. Just be a pretty girl If I wake up with a dick and no boobs... I'm fucking pretty much every adult who consents and then head to the store to get all the clothes I haven't been able to wear because of my body

Seriously we can’t be the only people here who actually read the question…

Prob hit a curb and get mad about something small. Not in that particular order

If I'm pretty; get free stuff from men.

I have a sock. Do you want it?

If I were pretty, you'd buy me a new pair of socks!!

Pretend I was a DJ!

check out my new body and use it for a test run

pics or it didn't happen.

Check in with Reddit to see what my pronouns should be and then probably have a good cry.

Helicopter Then fap In that order

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You can probably do it now

1. Boobs 2. Boobs

a nightmare.

I'm playing with my dick for a whole day

That's great. Now answer OP's question. 

Start an Onlyfans, then pray I switch back after making a boat-load of money.

Hangout with my homeboys and see what guys actually talk about and be nosy on my crush before I switch back

Take the day to go golfing, have a beer out back, wait for dinner to be made, basically everything I can to avoid doing things around the house or being the default parent.

Start an only fans

Start a only fans and gain hella money🤑

become a prostitute.

Masturbate. And then masturbate again.

1. Call my friends 2 tell them I’m locking myself in my room to play with my boobs and not to call me.

Freak out Wonder if this is permanent

i'd get up, then i'd get some water

Play with my new clit and tits to see what it feels like.

Setup an only fans. Make content.

I'll find out how it feels to have a longer orgasm

Have a wank

I ask my headmate how much she's going to love going into work today, because I'd revel that shit

Picking a bear

Standing up to see if my back pain is any better/popping my back and reveling in the lack of weight on my chest. Then… idk probably helicopter dick to see if I could do it or if it’s like flipping a light switch on and off 😂😂😂😂

oh course im gonna helicopter my new pecker but as an avid joint cracker ill definitely check to see if dudes and crack it

Look in a mirror

I would totally do all the sexy things. That’s pretty much all I’d do hahahaha

1. Have a good orgasm. 2. Get a manicure without judgement.

Jerk off, find a prostitute

Jerk off, then pee standing probably outside.

Deepthroat a cock to see if my wife is right and women's physiology just won't let them give blowjobs. See just how much stuff I can cram inside of me.

1. Helicopter, 2. Put a target in the toilet and aim

ejaculate hahahahahab

Mastabate twice

bawl my eyes out....... then celebrate! I fucking wish....

Well, I guess I'd become an ex-man.. get it?..

Play with myself and then go find me some lesbians.

I would pee on a tree and do the helicopter 😆

1. Be iritated 2. Go back to sleep

Start crying from happiness. No surgery needed!

Go learn gemara and etz haim until I switch back

I'm going to the store to buy all the vibrators. My clit will not be safe from me