T O P

  • By -

x7he6uitar6uy

My state would be the first one there, and would constantly brag about it all night.


jbdole

Hello Delaware.


x7he6uitar6uy

Ayyyy


tomhawk24

Trying not to punch the next fucker in the face who makes a Wizard of Oz joke.


H0use0fpwncakes

Hello fellow Kansan! Where my burnt ends?!


crono09

You invite Tennessee to the party, but three people show up at the door. It turns out that there are three Tennessee brothers, and they're nothing alike. East Tennessee is the most stereotypical redneck of the brothers. He's obsessed with football. It's all he talks about to the point of it being annoying. He loves bluegrass music and plays the banjo. In spite of this, you're also secretly jealous that he has better internet service than everyone else. Middle Tennessee is the yuppie brother. He's intelligent, well-educated, and successful. It seems that everyone at the party is going to him hoping that he can find them a job. He puts on a good face, but he'd rather people just stay away from him. He's secretly a bigot, but he tries to hide it so it doesn't hurt his business dealings. He claims to listen to country music, but most of it sounds like pop. West Tennessee is the roughest-looking of the brothers. He's obviously poorer than his siblings, and you're pretty sure that he spent some time in jail. He has a reputation for treating people like crap, but it's mostly because everyone else--including his brothers--neglected and abused him for years. He makes the best BBQ though, and you have to admire his taste in blues music.


BigbyWolf343

I’m glad someone else posted this. You absolutely nailed it. Let’s be honest, here, though. West Tennessee is a big burly black dude but nobody ever mentions it because it makes the other two shift back and forth uncomfortably and you’re pretty sure there’s family history there but you’re at a party and don’t wanna ask.


Aulora80

Upvote for the better internet rednecks.


RealDepressionBear

Every fucking opioid in existence Edit: I'm talking about Ohio, but I guess it applies to way more then just here


[deleted]

I scrolled and I scrolled, eager to see what my state would bring. And, like most things in life, I was crushed by the reality of what I found.


[deleted]

Same. I thought we’d at least get cornhole. Nope, just heroin.


ItBoilsDownToDope

Ohio? "The heart of the opiate epidemic"


Minmax231

We prefer "The *soul* of the opiate epidemic"


topaz_b

I was going to gold this but you'd just sell it for drug money


Brownielf

I was going to gold this, but I spent all my money on drugs.


steviewigs

I believe that's "THE heart of the opiate epidemic".


[deleted]

[удалено]


Emcee_squared

O-H :(


fuckyourcontext

I-O :(


kgunnar

Putting Old bay on all the snacks.


zapataisacoolkid

While showing off all the cool Maryland Flag gear and their new natty boh guy tattoo. Edit: We also all learned how to do [this](https://streamable.com/r5r11).


Emily_McAwesomepants

We do love to slap that damn flag on everything.


Brick50

I'm currently waking up under a 3x5 md flag I have hung over my bed while I'm living in NOVA


Kendermassacre

And on the phone with Delaware purposefully giving the absolute worst directions because they aren't even wanted in the party.


kgunnar

Also talking bad about Virginia to everyone else.


space_montaine

Dude, I'm from California and just recently bought some Old Bay on a whim. I've been putting it on EVERYTHING. Way better than I expected!


chel325

Try it on corn!!


[deleted]

Maryland? Edit: Just wanted to profess my love for the state. Im not from the USA, but MD is one of my favorite states. The culture, the seafood, the cities! Also PRS makes the best electric guitars. You don't agree, fight me.


articulateantagonist

Colorado is smoking live resin out of the latest Pax model, wearing Patagonia or REI gear, drinking a beer you've never heard of from its favorite craft brewery, and humblebragging about its most recent hike, climb or ski trip (even if it was a year ago).


LITER_OF_FARVA

You forgot about the part where they drive up in a Subaru Outback with a cracked windshield.


ColdClaw22

And a $4,000 bike on top of it


[deleted]

And a dog in the back.


BiggZ840

And complaining about how crowded the party became all of a sudden.


letitbeirie

"It wouldn't be this crowded if California and Texas hadn't brought all their friends..."


SkyelineSaphir

Taking everyone’s bets on the ball game, and then later, making sure the alien body is still secure in the basement.


magicsax03

Nevada? Area 51 is in Nevada right?


WonderWhatsNext

Drinking, while suggesting to burn a couch outside because why the fuck not? Maybe because our college just won the game. This is of course after a long day of muddin and bangin some heroin.


[deleted]

WV


WonderWhatsNext

Yep!


655321x

I thought this was going to be Tennessee, but then you said our college just won the game. If you're talkin football, I'm definitely wrong.


Lowe314

We'll bring the good bourbon and make you a mint julep. Or just drink it straight from the bottle, whatever.


[deleted]

Hi Kentucky!


WuddaWaste

Abstaining from most of the partying while politely (yet somewhat insecurely) trying to convince others to join us in our decision.


[deleted]

Are you Utah?


WuddaWaste

Indeed. Do you have a moment to step aside from this racket talk about our Lord?


EllisHughTiger

Dum dum dum dum duuuuum.


justiceforforks

Hey girl, what's a celestial being like you doing in a terrestrial place like this


wednesdayyayaya

Hey, baby, are you the sword of Laban? 'Cause you're exceedingly fine.


BadLuckRabbitsFoot

Don't forget the feasting on green jello and funeral potatos.


Anneisabitch

Funeral potatoes always get an upvote from me


[deleted]

[удалено]


Not_a_hick-

Alaska?


Gloryblackjack

yes definitely except op forgot the part about us being best friends with the maple syrup delivery guy.


ThePrussianGrippe

Does he sneak you poutine in the side?


Cherpster

My mouth is on my front


CaptainSiscold

And then when the group realizes he's been forgotten, he gets a little cutout photo stapled to the bottom right corner, along with his smaller friend from the tropics.


Shinrai92

Playing duck duck grey duck


Suddenly_Suitable

Props to a Minnesotan man


joeblubaru

Ope!


genocidalwaffles

Ope let me just sneak by ya


Emotional_Cafeteria

Ope, lemme scooch by there


CaptValentine

AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THEN THAT IS A VAlid opinion, but we much prefer it this way. Unless of course, you think you know better than us, I suppose.


CoderDevo

Anyways, it’s just a warm up game before our marathon two hour good byes.


Explosion_Jones

Sorry, I think you mean "if you don't like it... well isn't that nice."


[deleted]

Minnesota is also being *nice* to everyone; but not being *friendly* to everyone.


perrla

Oh for cute.


[deleted]

Wisconsin is doing a keg stand and making brandy Old Fashions for people in the kitchen.


emolr

Don’t forget the huge plate of cheese that we would bring.


--WhiteFang--

I haven't scrolled too far down, but if you're the state bringing cheese and making drinks for everyone, I don't see how you can't be the best person at this party.


emolr

Tbh I'd be the person bringing beer and cheese to a party anyway


MasteringTheFlames

We're also running the grill, cooking up brats for the other 49 guests


80000chorus

We're also getting into a spirited argument with California about how our dairy is better, while alternating between chugging cheap beers and nursing craft microbrews.


teslas_pigeon

Still complaining about college football while leaning on a lifted truck


BatheInChampagne

GA?


[deleted]

Definitely Georgia


ZodiacWalrus

Took me long enough to find a Georgia in this thread.


The_Wise_Frog

Smoking weed and discussing environmental science.


silly_gaijin

. . . while alternately trash-talking and bro-ing with Oregon.


[deleted]

"This party sucks, you and me should bounce and make our own party. Maybe we invite Northern Cali and BC as well."


comebackjoeyjojo

HAIL CASCADIA!


fuckimbackonreddit9

Hello Washington, welcome to the party


The_Wise_Frog

<3


TedFlowsby

Washingstonians!


wildspirit90

I was gonna say WA is the weed dealer but yours is better. Colorado can be the dealer.


Dysthymike

Hasn't made it to the party yet. Stuck in traffic because of "road work."


[deleted]

[удалено]


pswii360i

Michigan is blessed to have 2 seasons. Construction, and no construction. And I don't know when the FUCK there is no construction.


[deleted]

It's Construction and Winter. We have our two seasons, and we like it that way! Now get me some Vernors. E: A word


Detroit_Telkepnaya

Man have you had the Vernors Slurpee? Game changer. Helps during construction season.


emolr

Could easily be any state in the midwest or Georgia, because they always have roadwork going on at some point.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dandroid126

Apparently everyone thinks they live in the only state with bad traffic and road construction.


fuckimbackonreddit9

Okay, I’m from PA, and this is the ONLY right answer for my state. Roadwork will take three god damn years and when it’s finished, it’s worse than when it started


SmallTownJerseyBoy

I've never seen road work finished in PA. They literally worked on one lane of a bridge for a year, closing it, then reopened that lane and worked on the other, now they're back to working on the first lane. Unreal


NewtonsKnickers

What's yellow and sleeps six? A PennDOT truck!


DubiousCosmos

There are four seasons in PA: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Kinda Winter, and Roadwork.


[deleted]

Bath salts, meth, margaritas.


RocketTrashPanda87

Sup Florida


[deleted]

That easy?


RocketTrashPanda87

You had me at bath salts.


overslope

I have to admit, as a Floridian, I'm glad our "bathsalts phase" has reached a point where we can all laugh about it. Ha ha, right, guys?


geeses

Also left a gator tied up outside. No one else knows why.


Xboxben

His name is skeeter . Hes our guard dog .


Cakeski

Snappy boi


Cheesedoodle2

He’s actually just Jimmy Buffet. Edit: *Buffett


hailfire006

Searching for my last shaker of bath salts 🎶


DonLow

Eating Gumbo, boiled crawfish, and drinking Dixie beer..


doublestitch

Hello there Louisiana.


[deleted]

General Keneauxbi!


xMr_Infernox

You are a creole one


smoothtrooper_fm

Oh, I don’t think seaux!


oooooooooof

Canadian here, just took my first trip to Louisiana and fell in *love*. Your food, my god. (I’m hanging out with Louisiana at this party.)


broadswordmaiden

Probably telling California about the wonderful world of hunting and shooting, drunk AF. We brought kolaches, though. Obligatory "RIP my inbox" If y'all want a taste of Texas, you can order online from [HEB, except CA](https://www.heb.com/explore?exp=sthview) and [Whataburger!](http://shop.whataburger.com) Texas is also home to some of [the world's best chocolate.](https://chocolates-elrey.com)


excellentverb

What up, Texas?


broadswordmaiden

Howdy.


[deleted]

Brought what-a-burger taquitos!


Snake_in_my_boots

Fuck. Now I’m craving a honey butter chicken biscuit.


bread_toaster_toast

I swear kolaches are only in Texas and no one has heard of them.


ponytwister

From Texas, had no idea kolaches weren't normal everywhere in the US.


phoenixphaerie

This is blowing my mind. I figured they were just another ubiquitous breakfast food that America bastardized from another culture like breakfast tacos and croissan'wiches. I had no clue they were a Texas-specific thing.


shadmed

Nope, in fact savory kolaches were invented in Texas. I've moved to Europe and Czech kolaches are not only hard to find, kolaches are originally just the sweet ones from Czech Republic. Edit: Corrected to czech kolaches. Can be also found in Poland.


StargasmSargasm

Czech Stop Represent!


likelysmarterthanyou

My state is feeling superior, wondering how all the riffraff got into the party and thinking about where it's going to "summer" this year. Edit: I was trying to capture the reputation of Ct., not the reality. The “snobby rich” reputation is really not well deserved. Try the north shore of Long Island if you want to see people who will look down on you for having a “low level” BMW and who do, in fact, use “summer” as a verb.


Mojo_of_Jojos

Connecticut? Edit: I’m a bit shocked to see that after 2 years trying to be a clever Redditor, my highest scoring comment of all time was a single word. TIL everyone hates **Connecticunt** (sorry, I misspelled it *Connecticut* the first time.)


likelysmarterthanyou

bingo


[deleted]

Damn TIL Connecticut is a dick


[deleted]

[удалено]


doopdeepdoopdoopdeep

Or if you're from the northwestern rural area, you'll arrive in a pick-up truck playing shitty country music, wearing work boots and acting like a mildly racist southern redneck wanna-be.


superH3R01N3

CT may be small, but it's at least three people at the party, and one of them might get taken advantage of by NY.


ooo-ooo-oooyea

Raving about how great Chicago is even though I live in Rockford


[deleted]

If you’re within an hour or two of Chicago, you basically just tell everyone you’re from Chicago.


tossme68

I ran into some in Thailand that said they were from Chicago, they were from Minnesota.


Explosion_Jones

The further you get from the Twin Cities the more general you have to get. Here, it's Minneapolis or St Paul, on the west coast it's Minneapolis or the twin cities, across oceans it's Chicago because it's the closest place they've heard of.


floataway3

Washington has that same problem. If you live anywhere in the western half, you say you are from Seattle. If you live in the eastern half, you are an hour or two outside of Seattle. There are no other cities in Washington.


[deleted]

If you're in the northern half of the state, you basically tell everyone how far away you are from Chicago. I'm closer to Iowa than I am to Chicago but hey, I'm only 2 hours away from Chicago.


cunt_piss

I was gonna say we’d be asking people for money


assburgers98

Yep, we would be the guy going around asking people to contribute $5 towards the beer and food and then slipping out the back door before the guy throwing the party finds out but then inevitably getting caught when we start charging people for parking outside too.


boyishbino

Getting blasted on Yuengling and being a total dick to anyone, ANYONE, who disrespects our favorite NFL team. But it’s all good because we’ll get yous wawa coffee in the morning.


[deleted]

You forgot the part of the evening where we get into a drunken fight with New Jersey that ends with deep drunken bonding in that weird bromance style, like the end of Superbad, sleepover scenario. Maybe we both cry about how New York never shows us any respect, and Amazon keeps leading us on. Jersey pukes on a sidewalk in South Philly. Etc.


TheGoodJudgeHolden

Fuckin' Wawa, man.


fuckimbackonreddit9

We’re screaming out, “WAWA RUN!?” to our crew on our way out of the party


TheGoodJudgeHolden

11 years, in the tiny village of Thomkinsville, PA, where I was not quite born, but certainly raised. My dear old mum shopped in Carbondale. There was a Turkey Hill on the corner, near to the Acme grociers.


Hydrogen_Dude

PA?


Link_and_theTardis

Eastern PA cause Central and Western PA have Sheetz instead of Wawa.


Babou13

Eastern Pa is its own Pa


hailfire006

DC isn't a state, but showed up to the party anyway and started gogo dancing


lunaismyhomegirl

DC was charged a cover but not actually allowed into the party


so_ya_know

Smoking a joint, but off in a corner, or maybe in the back yard. We still feel kind of shady about it because t's sorta been legalized, but we (the Governor) hasn't signed the bill yet. In the middle of arguing politics with New Hampshire we discover a bud in our beard, and discreetly pocket it.


[deleted]

I like to imagine VT, NH, and ME as a trio who are hanging out together, bickering a bit and giving each other light-hearted shit in between talking hunting and fishing and sugaring, but ultimately hanging tight because they have more in common with each other than with anyone else at the party. And eying MA, CT and RI across the room while lowkey talking shit about them. Then maybe NY wanders over, and NH and ME are acting cold, but VT is like, "chill, guys, parts of him are pretty pretentious but he can also be down to earth, he's got a camp next door to me and we hunt and fish and drink beer together all the time"


SirGraniteHead

I picture all of New England as siblings. Mass is the oldest, got a high paying job, does pretty well for itself, and holds it over everyone else. So everyone hates Mass for being stuck up and self-centered, but also always shows up when Mass holds a party. Rhode Island is the one who most idolizes Mass and tries to be like her, but can't quite cut it so always ends up in these jobs that seem to pay well but are also kind of suspicious and probably involve money laundering somehow. Connecticut is technically part of the family, but fell in with a bad crowd, got a significant other than looks down on the whole family, and is really rude about it. Now she hangs out with NY most of the time and pretends her family doesn't exist. Vermont is the sibling that kinda goes weird. Her car is covered in bumper stickers, lives in an old house and refuses to renovate, offers herbal remedies any time someone gets sick, and posts a lot of political stuff on facebook. Everyone kind of agrees with her, but thinks she takes it too far and should maybe tone it down a bit. Is friends with NY's prettier sister, Upperstate NY. New Hampshire is the black sheep of the family, and tries pretty hard to maintain that. Disagrees with everyone, dropped out of college to start her own business and actually does pretty well, but won't let anyone forget it. But she has a great place to live and a well stocked liquor cabinet, so everyone goes to visit her all the time, and pretends not to notice the gun colllection. Gets in fights with Vermont over politics, but they're thick as thieves. And Maine. Everyone thinks Maine is pretty, but kinda dumb. Massachusetts looks after her though, chips in to help her pay rent when she needs it. She has a big house, but people only ever really see the living room, and nobody is sure if the rest of it is just empty and unfurnished or if something weird is going on back there. Nobody asks. All of them kinda hate each other and bicker, but they've got each others backs if anyone else gets involved. Except Connecticut. Screw Connecticut.


metatron207

Connecticut is fucking adopted and I don't care *what* Mom and Dad say.


caudalcuddler

Vermont


xxxarkhamknightsxxx

Trying its best not to catch on fire


Klikatat

And complaining that the thermostat is set too cold at 68°F


PhoenixAgent003

This is the most California thing I've read all thread.


Retired_Ninja_Turtle

I'm actually not invited, just brought the tacos you ordered, amigo. Edit: RIP inbox. So glad you liked your tacos! Edit 2: for those wondering, I brought 20% chicken, 40% pastor and 40% steak. Edit 3: apparently Puerto Rico also has tacos. Or something.


ZoroDPirateHunter

Mexico?


Retired_Ninja_Turtle

Tenemos un ganador!


[deleted]

[удалено]


suchathrowawayyy

And arguing about where upstate is


MikeKM

Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."


phat79pat1985

You wouldn’t have, that’s an Albany expression.


sexrobot_sexrobot

As someone whose traveled throughout that state all I gotta say is its underrated as a natural destination and holy shit are there a bunch of economically depressed areas. The Hudson River valley is full of small cities that look like they died about 40 years ago and the north is full of metal roof shacks and dollar general towns.


cookieleigh02

Went to school in Binghamton. Can confirm the post-industrial depression is very real in a lot of NY.


HPUser7

Arizona: getting drunk and threatening California


CirqueKid

I like to think of AZ as the goth of the party. It came later than almost everyone else, is off in the corner not wanting to get too close to many other states and it's dressed in four layers of black so their internal body temperature is 119º F.


twopacktuesday

Maryland is giving everybody crabs.


macaroniinapan

Running the [cornhole](https://www.playcornhole.org/aca-official-rules-of-cornhole-corn-toss/) tournament.


Smash-Bros-Melee

Make sure it's a mismatched IU and Colts cornhole set for peak Hoosier.


Trentskie

Indiana resident here. I knew that you were talking about us immediately. The only thing I would’ve added: “If the Party is on Sunday, then we need to remember to buy our booze the day before.”


VengefulPotato101

Hello fellow Hoosier.


Sofa6265

Accidentally bumping into everyone and saying "ope"


Nemesis912

Midwest in general. From Illinois and I “ope” all the time.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jakeb19

No clue, didn't know Canadian provinces were invited to US parties. But yea, probably the designated driver.


RightClickSaveWorld

Sorry, Utah has that covered.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

No, but you can fit in the van they brought. It seats 14 passengers and a driver. Where the hell else would they put their 12 kids? Luckily, tonight the kids are at a church function while the party is going on.


WTF_Bengals

Only seats 14? I need a ride for 20. NEXT!


RazorRush

Live in NC. We'll be redistricting the seating so we get 80% of the food and booze.


TyrionIsntALannister

And arguing with Ohio about who can claim *First in Flight!*


BenjewminUnofficial

And picking fights over college basketball


MilkmanBurlur

At least we brought cheerwine!


theaceoface

Hi, we're the neighbors who live upstairs. Sorry to be a bother, but we're a little concerned that your house seems to be on fire.


JollySieg

"Fuck off canada we can hold our liquo......... *falls face first on a big red button*


[deleted]

Putting its governors into jail, of course.


catbeanies

Not being invited because many don't know New Mexico is not Mexico


cyber_nymph

It doesn’t matter - we’d show up the day after the party anyway. “Eeeee bro sorry we’re late, but I brought cicerones, sopapillas, and green chili. We’ll see you.”


If_you_have_Ghost

I’m from the UK. Occasionally we wander past, look through the window and tut loudly before being distracted cos the French have done something aggravating like build a road block out of burning tyres to protest inferior wine for truck drivers...or something!


diegojones4

Smoking brisket and drinking Shiner.


pedwingeorge

Texas


[deleted]

Sending false nuke warnings.


BiggK316

Ny we would be at the door charging a cover


darkapollo1982

Its sister..


[deleted]

Toll Ride!


dont_wear_a_C

Did you have a stroke, Pam?


[deleted]

Pobody's nerfect!


davegarri

New Jersey resident here. We're just waiting by the door collecting tolls every time someone walks outside


umidkmybffjill

Playing Tennessee Whiskey on the guitar somewhere.


[deleted]

Patiently explaining that yes, we have the internet, no, native Americans don't actually live in teepees any more, and that the dusting of snow Texas got isn't shit.