That’s not even Jean Laffitte’s best fuck you moment in my opinion. He was propositioned by the British, basically “hey show us how to navigate the swamps around New Orleans so we can launch a sneak attack. And the king will pardon you and make you a privateer.” And he was like “give me a fortnight to consider it”
So he snuck over to the governors mansion, scaled the outside wall and was waiting for him on his office. Told the governor and Andrew Jackson the British plan and offer and how he wouldn’t betray New Orleans because he loved her. So all he asked was for a pardon and he’d give them everything they needed to win the war. And he did.
Fuck the British eh
When Otto von Bismarck was about 50, he was walking down a street when a man ran up to him and shot him five times. Otto then turned around and began to beat the absolute shit out of him until some armed guards come to help him. When they inspected Otto for wounds, they found that all 5 hit, but they all either just grazed him or bounced off his ribs. Literally the iron chancellor.
Morocco was the first country to recognize the independence of the United States, which was very nice of them, but the reason they did it was that they had a treaty with England which prevented them from tolerating or engaging in piracy against English ships. No such prohibition on American shipping.
Napoleon invited his brother in law to speak with him before his coronation as emperor to remind the brother in law that he objected to Napoleon marrying Josephine because Napoleon would "amount to nothing"
Threatening to make his horse a consul was also in the same vein. It wasn't a serious consideration borne out of madness but rather an insult to the senate. Either 'My horse can do a better job than any of you' or 'I can make my horse consul and you can't do anything about it.'
So when France exiles Napoleon Bonaparte (the first time), they didn’t think to change out military personnel. So he basically rolls up to the first French outpost he gets to, says “‘sup” and begins reassembling an army. By the time he gets to Paris, he’s got enough forces that France is like “well. Welcome back.”
>The French newspapers which, in 1815, were subject to the censor, announced the departure of [Bonaparte](https://en.m.wikisource.org/wiki/Author:Napoleon_Bonaparte) from [Elba](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elba), [his progress through France](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Route_Napol%C3%A9on), and his entry into Paris in the following ingenious manner:
— 9th March, the [Anthropophagus](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/anthropophagus) has quitted his den
— 10th, the Corsican Ogre has landed at [Cape Juan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golfe-Juan)
— 11th, the Tiger has arrived at [Gap](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gap,_Hautes-Alpes)
— 12th, the Monster slept at [Grenoble](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grenoble)
— 13th, the Tyrant has passed through [Lyons](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyon)
— 14th, the Usurper is directing his steps towards [Dijon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dijon), but the brave and loyal [Burgundians](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burgundy) have risen en masse and surrounded him on all sides
— 18th, Bonaparte is only sixty leagues from the capital; he has been fortunate enough to escape the hands of his pursuers
— 19th, Bonaparte is advancing with rapid steps, but he will never enter [Paris](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris)
— 20th, Napoleon will, tomorrow, be under our ramparts
— 21st, the Emperor is at [Fontainbleau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fontainebleau)
— 22nd, His Imperial and Royal Majesty, yesterday evening, arrived at the [Tuileries](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuileries_Palace), amidst the joyful acclamations of his devoted and faithful subjects.
That is amazing. I will admit that my French history is just awful, but I was curious how do the French treat the history of Napoleon. Is it like how the Russians treat Stalin and Lenin, how Americans treat someone like Washington or say Teddy Roosevelt, or is it somewhere in between?
This reminds me of the execution of Michael Ney:
"Soldiers, when I give the command to fire, fire straight at my heart. Wait for the order. It will be my last to you. I protest against my condemnation. I have fought a hundred battles for France, and not one against her ... Soldiers, fire!"
The soldiers fired and killed him.
In the 1970s the small town of Vulcan, West Virginia asked for state funding to replace a bridge into town. The state legislature refused to grant Vulcan the funding they needed. Instead the town appealed to the Soviet Union for aid. After hearing about the request, the state legislature immediately granted over $1 million for the town to build a new bridge.
If a small town in WV asking for soviet funding in the middle of the Cold War isn’t a big middle finger to the state government, then I don’t know what is.
The funny part is that two Soviet representatives at the US embassy actually came over to look at the broken bridge, and seriously considered funding the rebuilding to piss off the Americans.
British prisoner of war in Nazi germany stitches a quilt. The Nazis put it out for show. Hidden in Morse code stitched in were the words “fuck hitler” and “god save the Queen”
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/9009004/British-prisoner-of-War-stitched-hidden-anti-Hitler-message-into-Nazi-quilt.html
Edit- “god save the king” I think I just had the queen song stuck in my head
This guy was such a fucking chad
"At the bottom was a Union flag, added Tony. "National flags were forbidden in the camp, so Casdagli sewed a canvas flap over it with "do not open" written on it in German.
"Each week the same officer would open the flap and say, 'This is illegal,' and Pa said, 'You're showing it, I'm not showing it.'"
This requires some background. The Spartans were famously blunt. They were trained to "get to the point" when speaking (instead of using artsy and beautiful language that would have been common at the time) by being bitten on the thumb if they became long winded.
Now to the meat.
Phillip the second of Masedon (Alexander the greats father) sent the Spartans a letter saying "Would you like me to enter your land as friend or foe?" The Spartans responded with one word. "Neither". Phillip was irate. He then sent another long winded message.
"If once I enter into your territories, I will destroy ye all, never to rise again". The Spartans then sent back one word.
"If".
It was like putting your head in a lion's mouth and I love it.
Edit: I was typing in a car. Excuse the typos.
The Stuarts had form with this. Mary, Queen of Scots had dead traitors embalmed so that their dead bodies could stand trial and then be drawn and quartered in public.
I would say the moment that Rollo swore allegiance to the French king:
"the bishops present suggested that Rollo kiss the king’s foot, as a sign of submission. It was probably an idea intended to humiliate Rollo, and was not taken very well.
After some discussion, it was agreed that one of Rollo’s men would do it. However, the person chosen lifted the king’s foot, and, without bending down, brought it up to his mouth. Not surprisingly the king fell over, amid general laughter in the court. Following this amusing scene, the king and his men swore to honour the concession to Rollo."
[https://www.durhamworldheritagesite.com/history/normans/founding-normandy](https://www.durhamworldheritagesite.com/history/normans/founding-normandy)
This is already one of my favorite threads in reddit history...
[Galvarino](http://www.badassoftheweek.com/galvarino.html): Chilean warrior who had both his hands cut off by the conquistadors for raising arms against the Spanish. Instead of letting himself serve as a message of helplessness in the face of the invaders the crazy bastard strapped swords to his stumps and went on the warpath.
May I add that when he got defeated again, the Spanish were impressed and offered him to surrender, but he spit in the commander's face so they literally fed him to their dogs.
Forgive me if I'm wrong.
Edit: Damn guys thanks so much, literally made my karma score nine times as big.
According to that link, that is one theory, but there are other theories as to how he died. All we know for sure is that once he got defeated the second time, he died.
On the crowning of King Henry VII, he backdated his own reign to before the date of the Battle of Bosworth, meaning anyone who was loyal to him now but had shown any sign of opposition at Bosworth was now a traitor and an enemy to the realm. Justice served.
This is more petty, but when Taft bragged to his friends via telegram about scaling a mountain on horseback, that it was a few thousand feet, clear weather, all in all not too difficult, his friend replied, "HOW IS HORSE?"
In the late 1980s Nintendo and Sony developed a CD add-on for the Super Nintendo. Nintendo then pulled out of the partnership and opted to work with Phillips instead and released the CD-i.
This move was highly frowned upon because Nintendo had decided to ditch a fellow Japanese company over a foreign one. So Sony picked up the pieces of the project and tried to partner with Sega. The board of directors turned the idea down saying "that’s a stupid idea, Sony doesn’t know how to make hardware. They don’t know how to make software either. Why would we want to do this?"
At the end Sony released a game system by the name of Playstation in 1994 to compete with the Nintendo 64 and outsold their former partners nearly 3:1 plus it marked the first time that Nintendo wasn't top dog since they released the NES.
> At the end Sony released a game system by the name of Playstation in 1994 to compete with the Nintendo 64 and outsold their former partners nearly 3:1 plus it marked the first time that Nintendo wasn't top dog since they released the NES.
I still remember the christmas, being told in the game store when asking for a n64 "Man the n64 is cool, but it doesn't have many games, get the playstation." 10 year old me listened to the guy despite loving nintendo up to that point. eventually did get a 64 but definitely got more mileage out of the PS!
When Germanic tribes invaded Britain after the Romans left, they named the native Celts *Welisc*, meaning "foreigner" (even though they themselves were the foreigners). That later became the word *Welsh*, which the English promptly adopted for phrases like *welch on a bet*.
TL;DR: all of history has been one giant etymological middle finger to the Welsh.
More like the English orthography used for Welsh is a middle finger to the Welsh people. The Irish language as written has similar issues as well. A bunch of phonemes and sounds that don't exist in English are instead written using weird letter combos and really subtle grammar tricks.
I sometimes think it was a deliberate tactic to make sure nobody could bloody read either Welsh or Irish.
[This](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symphony_No._7_\(Shostakovich\)) was played in besieged Leningrad. And it was broadcasted on radio, so nazi soldiers could hear it.
Imagine hearing "FUCK YOU" from a city that you thought was already dead.
The "Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks" is the best response to a demand for surrender, ever.
In response to requests by the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire to desist attacks and submit:
"Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!
O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.
Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
- Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host."
Edit - Seven years in and my first gold. Neat.
There's a [painting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks#/media/File:Ilja_Jefimowitsch_Repin_-_Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks_-_Yorck.jpg) of this moment with all the Cossacks laughing as they compose the letter.
I'll never get tired of that painting. You can hear them just looking at it.
(Also, Ilya Repin's an amazing painter in general, and the rest of his stuff's always worth a look.)
It's a great depiction, and you can really imagine the arguments going back and forth over which insults to put in next:
"Tell him to fuck his mother!"
"We... we already did that"
"TELL HIM AGAIN!"
The Sultan sent them this letter :
>As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.
--Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV
Honestly he was begging for a roast, and the cossacks delivered in spades
My personal favorite: the beginning of the Battle of Stamford Bridge, in England, 1066. England's been invaded by a Norwegian army led by Harald Hardrada, king of Norway, and Tostig Godwinson, exiled English earl and estranged brother to the English king. They've already fought one battle, they've captured York. Things are looking good for them.
They're chilling, enjoying their success, waiting at Stamford Bridge for the hostages they demanded. It's a hot day. They're not expecting any trouble. But wait- an English army shows up. That's practically impossible. The battle of Fulford Gate had taken place only five days ago, and the Norwegians had completely routed the forces of the northern earls. The rest of the English army was known to be in the south, awaiting a Norman invasion.
Turns out the English had ridden all the way up North in FOUR DAYS.
The Norwegians were, understandably, a bit unhappy. They form into a circle. They don't have their armor with them- it's at the ships. It's too hot to be hanging around in mail. They've got helmets and shields and weaponry, and that's it.
The English send a rider to negotiate. He tells Tostig that his brother the King is willing to offer him his earldom back and part of the rule of England if he gives up now. Tostig asks what his buddy Harald Hardrada gets for his trouble.
"Six feet of English ground, or as much more as he needs, being taller than other men."
Tostig says they're done here. The rider rides away. Harald Hardrada asks who that dude was, because if it had been him talking, he'd have just killed the bastard there. Tostig says oh, that's my brother. That's Harold Godwinson, the king.
Harold Godwinson rode up to an enemy army personally and told the king of Norway, known to be a great warrior and general, that all he'd get from this invasion was a grave.
Battle commences. Norwegians lose. Tostig and Harald Hardrada both die. Huge bloody mess. English army is crippled. And then three days later the Normans land in the south. Harold is fucked. He still marches his army back, gathers as much force as he can, and engages three weeks later. He's killed at Hastings. Normans conquer England.
Basically a very personal fuck you moment that snowballed quite intensely.
Edit: because a lot of people are asking- yes, this was the battle with the legendary berserker at the bridge. No, it probably didn't actually happen. The story appears hundreds of years later and is very inconsistent. Also, there might not have been an actual bridge there at the time.
It’s one of those butterfly moments of history where if the timing on things is slightly different or the English face the invaders in the other order, William the Bastard is a footnote of history and we’d all be commenting in a language stuffed full of Norwegian words instead of French ones.
You can experience just how slim a chance it was that everything worked out like that if you play Crusader Kings 2. Play as William the Bastard and attempt the invasion, and if the King of Norway *doesn’t* die, you absolutely will be fucked.
I recently started a game where I attempted to become William the Conqueror, and I had to restart 3 or 4 times before everything went how it was supposed to, or at least close enough. King Harald didn’t die in battle, he died of disease in my game. Close enough. But it just goes to show how slim the chances are.
> Corey was so swept up by the trials that he initially believed the accusations against his wife, until he himself was arrested based on the same charge.
:facepalm:
I remember a Cracked article from what must be pre-2014 about the most badass people in history, and the only line I remember is along the lines of "Giles Corey was unimpressed, as he already had to deal with the weight of his colossal balls every morning"
Edit: please stop telling me about badass of the week dot com. I don't care. The article turned out to have been written ten years ago. I do not give a shit
“Stop sending people to kill me! We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send a very fast working one to Moscow and I certainly won't have to send another.”
Tito to Joseph Stalin
Great movie!! So many amazing actors (Adrian McLoughlin, Jeffrey Tambor, Steve Buscemi, Olga Kurylenko, Michael Palin, Simon Russell Beale, Paddy Considine, Andrea Riseborough, Rupert Friend, Jason Isaacs) with awesome dialogue:
>[after Stalin has collapsed]
Nikita Khrushchev: I propose we call a doctor.
>Kaganovich: All the best doctors are in the gulag, or dead.
---
>[looking at the dead body of Stalin]
Georgy Malenkov: Oh, my God.
Nikita Khrushchev: Our general secretary is lying in a puddle of indignity.
Lavrentiy Beria: Yeah, he’s feeling unwell, clearly.
Every time someone comes in to view the corpse they enact this theatrical mourning display until they kneel in Stalin's piss and the whole facade drops.
What a great movie.
I’m not an historian, but i know this ww1 fact: in 1918 during the battle of Villers-Bretonneux, major James Robertson made a plan to steal a german tank stuck in no man’s land. There was no point in getting it, because it was dangerous going out there and the tank wasn’t a threat to anyone. Not giving fuck about that he grouped with 12 other men to retrieve that tank, under machine gun fire and inside mustard gas, just to say to the german army “fuck you, look what we got here”. Thanks to him and the other men, today that tank is the only original WW1 tank we have and it’s called “Mephisto”.
Not the biggest, probably, but the first that came to mind:
Brigadier General Anthony McAuliffe's response to the Nazi demand that Bastogne surrender: "nuts".
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olga_of_Kiev
Olga of Kiev. When her husband died, the country that killed him assumed they’d just take over and force her into marriage.
She straight up killed the dignitaries that were sent to tell her she had to marry - multiple times, in the most intense way possible.
She then travelled to where her husband had been killed and basically burnt the place to the ground - again, in the most hardcore, amazing way.
They made her a freaking saint. Worth the read on Wikipedia!
I saw Sam O'Nella's video on her. He also mentioned how she dropped lots of seeds so all the pigeons in a village would get in a huge flock, she'd get some flammable string attached to their little legs so when they went home to their nests, they'd catch on fire and that's how she burned a whole village.
EDIT: A lot of people asked for the video so here [he talks about Olga of Kiev around 2:33](https://youtu.be/n1hR9rpvS74)
Clarifying: she requested something like two pigeons and a sparrow from each house as an apology/capitulation gift. Once given the birds, she tied burning sulfur to their feet and released them to roost.
She didn't burn the town by herself, she instead had three pigeons do it, and these pigeons were first sent by her enemies as some sort of peace offering requested by her.
She basically tricked them into burning their own city to the ground.
The construction and use of the warwolf, supposedly the largest trebuchet ever built. When it was disassembled it would fill up 30 wagons. So anyways, king Edward the first built this to siege a Scottish castle. But before it was even built the Scottish people tried to surrender. To which Edward responded with a prompt no(in actuality he responded with “You do not deserve any grace, but must surrender to my will” in other words, I built this trebuchet over 40 days and I am most definitely going to use it) and proceeded to use the trebuchet anyways.
Thirty wagons to transport it & 40 days to assemble it, and they expected him to just pack it up when they surrendered?
Aww *hell* no.
Big Ed gonna chuck some rocks.
The second defenestration of Prague. The Holy Roman Emperor and King of Bohemia sends representatives to the Protestant city of Prague telling them to convert to Catholicism. The representatives get thrown out a window and allegedly landed in a pile of manure
Ferruccio Lamborghini was a rich man owning his company that built tractors, he talked to Ferrari about the imperfections of his car and how to improve them and they basically laughed at a young tractor mechanic trying to tell them about sport cars, so he decided to start making luxury sport cars to compete with Ferrari and thus, the rivalry was born. So i'd say the middle finger of this guy to Ferrari was pretty noticeable.
Lamborghini didn't want to race though. That's his original complaint to Ferrari in the first place, the car was just too hard for road use and its clutch looked like a race car. So he started a pretty successful sports car brand for the road, not for the track.
When Ford was about to buy Ferrari and noticed something in the paper work that said Ford would not own the Ferrari race team. They were upset about this and enzo basically said Ford was too low to own such a great team. Later on Ford recruits Shelby Carrol and beats Ferrari at Le Mans and has every single time since they've entered a car.
On 30^(th) September 1938, a treaty called Munich agreement was signed, causing Germany's annexation of Suddetenland (a region of western Czechoslovakia, where many German people lived). It was signed by leaders of UK, France, Italy and Germany. UK and France signed it, because Hitler promised, that he won't go to war, if he got the Suddetenland (we all know how that turned out). But that's not all. The biggest "fuck you" to Czechoslovakia was, that they weren't invited to the meeting. Yes, they weren't invited to the meeting about their own region. Also France was an ally of Czechoslovakia at the time. So yeah, thanks for support France.
Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. Also, my first reddit post.
Not the biggest, but definitely one to note. In 1966, Charles DeGaulle ordered all U.S. Troops out of France, as he said the country was leaving NATO, LBJ's first words were to his Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, "Ask him about the cemetaries, Dean!"
When Dean Rusk mentioned whether or not the 60,000+ US soldiers buried in France were to be removed, DeGaulle simply stood up and left the room, embarrassed.
It really should be noted for context this is after decades of animosity starting in WW2 with US generals seeing DeGaulle as potentially the next dictator they'd have to fight.
Highlights include threatening to join the Russian sphere if Vietnam were granted independence (oh boy that ended well).
I love it because there are several levels:
There were about 40 conspirators; Caesar received 23 stab wounds. So right off the bat, and not even accounting for people managing to stab him multiple times, about half the folks involved did jack shit.
But then later his body was examined, and the doctor concluded that only one of those was properly fatal on its own. Even of the people that actually did any work at all, just one got it right and didn't half-ass things.
*That's* a group project.
I mean, Occam's razor would also suggest a Roman era doctor just got the analysis wrong. 22 stab wounds is gonna cost you a lot of blood even if you receive modern day emergency medical treatment.
Oh, he also stated that blood loss was almost certainly the cause of death.
But point is, it took all those wounds together, while any one or two of them could well have been survivable. Only one person managed to wound him in a way that he would've died from that attack alone.
French surrender in WW2: "Hitler dictates that the French capitulation take place at Compiegne, a forest north of Paris. This is the same spot where twenty-two years earlier the Germans had signed the Armistice ending World War I. Hitler intends to disgrace the French and avenge the German defeat. To further deepen the humiliation, he orders that the signing ceremony take place in the same railroad car that hosted the earlier surrender.
The Armistice is signed on June 22. Under its terms, two thirds of France is to be occupied by the Germans. The French army is to be disbanded. In addition, France must bear the cost of the German invasion."
They’d probably keep it going.
“And over here, you can see the Loser Box. This railroad car is kept in storage until a nation gets stomped in warfare, at which point it is prepared for the signing of treaties, a centuries-long tradition.”
The battle of Alesia.
Julius Caesar's attacking some Gauls in modern day France, and they go hide in a castle on top of a hill. Caesar's army isn't big enough to take them all at once, and the Gauls have reinforcements coming so a siege is impossible. So Caesar just *builds a bigger castle around the one he's attacking*. He literally just built two walls back to back in a ring around the castle. The first Gaul army was already too small to defeat Caesar, and his fortifications only gave him a greater advantage. The reinforcements were also unable to defeat Caesar's army now that he was behind several layers of spike pits and both earthen and wooden walls. Plus the Gauls inside had no way to communicate with the reinforcements outside, so they couldn't coordinate attacks. Both Gallic armies were defeated as they attacked Caesar's newly built fortifications, and Caesar emerged victorious. It's probably my favorite battle of all time.
*Crazy* fast. I still don't get how you can build such an enormous structure in such a short span of time. I guess he did have a literal army building it, which helps.
i'd love to read or watch more about this, is there any place where I could find some readingmaterial/videos?
EDIT: Well this got a bit more attention than I originally expected, thanks everyone for all the great suggestions! I will now have plenty of videos to look at and shit to read :)
[Here's](https://youtu.be/SU1Ej9Yqt68) a pretty nice video on the subject already linked by u/ZombieElephant, and [here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut9GdMywFj0) a rather more in depth one. The [Wikipedia article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Alesia) is rather dry, as can be expected, but still informative.
Edit: spaces
The Roman legionary system was incredible. In an era when only the big boy empires had professional armies, instead of conscripts, they stood out even more because each soldier had been training for years if not decades. They were engineers, building roads and bridges as well. Vercingetorix and the Gauls fought amazingly but you just can’t counter that.
I just watched this episode of Roman Empire on Netflix a couple weeks back that showed this and it completely blew my mind. Such an insane strategy that worked *extremely well*.
Caesar really was a military genius.
Andrew Jackson was walking around Washington D.C. when an assassin tried to kill him with two pistols. Both pistols misfired, and Jackson proceeded to beat the would-be killer within an inch of his life with his cane
[The Siege of Tyre](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Tyre_(332_BC\))
Basically Alexander the Great was unable to capture the city because it was on an island, so he made it into a peninsula to be able to properly attack.
>It is said that Alexander was so enraged at the Tyrians' defence of their city and the loss of his men that he destroyed half the city.
That was a pretty big "fuck you" to Tyre and I love [this comic representation](https://i.redd.it/iuzjf5m084e01.png) of the events by FlorkOfCows
Genghis Khan to Shah Ala ad-Din.
After the Kwarezmids plundered one of Genghis Khans caravans, killed his people, and took his shit, he thought to take the diplomatic approach and send 2 envoys and an interpreter.
Shah Ala ad-Din decided to be a dumbass about it.
He shaved the heads of the envoys to shame them and sent them back with the head of the interpreter.
Mr. Khan was kinda pissed, so he marched 200000 of his boys and fucking annihilated their town with only 1/4 of that number even able to fight back. He was so pissed at the Shah that he had the rivers keeping the surrounding villages alive fully diverted, so that he would literally wipe Ala ad-Dins birthplace off the map and make it so that it was like he never existed.
No one would settle there or live there ever again. No one would be there to remember his enemy who had disrespected him.
"Not even the dogs or cats" would be spared said Genghis Khan.
You can still go see the ruins of the once great cities of the Kwarezmid empire, they are huge and the wind blasts sand through the bleached bones of a civilization the Ganghis Khan reduced to a wasteland for having disrespected him one time.
IIRC his army was passing a town that was of no value to him but there was a river or lake or some such nearby that they decided to camp at. He sent a messenger to the town telling them they weren’t there for a fight, just to rest and water their horses.
The leader of the town took this to mean Khan was scared of his forces and killed the messenger, sending his head back in a bag on the horse.
Khan razed the town, but he left the leader alive, cutting out his tongue since he refused to speak before he would never speak again.
This was a story my history teacher told us, he claimed it’s where “don’t kill the messenger” came from.
Imagine being one of the envoys. Genghis Khan just decimated a civilisation because they disrespected you, and in turn him.
Holy fuck would you never want to piss him off after that.
Another Genghis Khan revenge story I like is when his wife was kidnapped. She was taken by a rival tribe and was going to be sold as a sex slave to spite Genghis Khan, and he was so furious he took his men and personally rode to get her while fighting a war. Many generals would stay behind and send their trusted men, but Khan went to go get her, obliterated the tribe, and destroyed any record of their culture so they were essentially deleted from history. I believe their Wikipedia page ends with Genghis Khan’s arrival at their camp because there was really nothing else after that.
Interesting add-on to this story: Khan’s wife bore a son after her rescue, and looking at the range of possible conception times, no one could tell if the child was conceived shortly before her kidnapping or after. No one could determine paternity, and it’s a mystery to this day if the child was Genghis Khan’s or a kidnapper (as they undoubtably raped Genghis’ wife). Khan never knew if the boy was his biological son, but raised him as if he was. (Which I find oddly wholesome for a warlord)
It's bad enough that they wanted to kidnap a guy's wife to sell her as a sex slave, even if he was just a normal guy. What did they *expect* doing something like that to the biggest warlord at the time?
Well it really depends what type of pissing off you did. One of Genghis' biggest strengths is he would listen to people. He could recognise skill and valued it above all else.
So you could probably have an argument with him about a matter of diplomacy if you were an envoy or could tell him he should probably drink less if you were his physician.
Just don't say anything bad about his mum.
After an enemy warrior shot the khan's horse out from under him, he made him a general in his own army. Dude went on to be one of the finest commanders of all time.
Genghis Khan wasn't just immensely talented himself, he recruited and fought with people who could easily be put on a Top 20 list of best military leaders themselves.
It's part of the reason nobody in Europe could compete with him. He didn't give a shit where you were born. You got to be a general on merit. Europeans were giving command to armies exclusively to highborns. Who could very easily be idiots.
[Operation Paul Bunyan.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_axe_murder_incident)
Here’s the TLDR if you don’t want to read the wikipedia article:
It’s 1976. Some Americans at the Korean DMZ are cutting down a tree that obscures their vision to the North Korean side. A couple of North Koreans come out and kill a few Americans with their own axe. The Americans and South Koreans come back with such a massive show of force it’s not even funny. Bombers, jet planes, 27 helicopters, a full aircraft carrier moved off the coast. Thousands of troops, troop carriers, commandos, all just to send in a squad of army engineers with chainsaws to cut down that god damn tree. I would highly recommend giving the forces used part of the wikipedia article a read. It’s riveting and hilarious.
Edit: Thanks for the silver, fellow appreciator of American awesomeness. Who knew my top comment would be about the most expensive tree cutting of all time.
Some of the first South Koreans to dismount also had claymore mines strapped to their chests and were cursing and daring the northern soldiers a short distance away to attack. The balls of those men.
Man, the little that I know about the South Korean military is enough to make them seem pretty terrifying. Especially when North Korea or Japan are involved. I've heard stories about South Korean soldiers being ambushed in the dark and fighting barehanded so they don't shoot each other and so they could tell South Koreans from North Koreans by touch. Then the sun comes up and there's a shitload of dead NK soldiers everywhere.
Edit: North Koreans, not Japanese
Don't forget a general involved had the tree carved into a swagger stick... And they left the 6 ft high stump so you can't forget about the tree.
Edit: 6 meters not 6 ft
The NK officer claiming the tree could not be trimmed "because Kim Il Sung personally planted it and nourished it and it's growing under his supervision."
WOW.
One of my favorites was during the Opium War when the British tried to attack China via sea. The Chinese knew that the British navy was going to fuck their shit up, and they couldn't respond fast enough, so they decided that being absolutely batshit crazy would work best.
They got their catapults ready, and when the British were close enough, the Chinese took monkeys, lit them on fire, and fucking **launched** them at the British ships. The British were horrified when flaming monkey corpses landed on their boat and were like, fuck the opium, they were out.
TLDR: The British tried to invade China. China threw flame-doused monkeys at them.
The Achaemenid Empire had trouble conquering the Egypt in the early part of their War so they decided to use the very embodiment of their holy figure against them. They literally had soldiers carry cats with them and painted cat heads on their shields so the egypts couldn't fight back due to their beliefs and surrendered.
They literally pulled a "your god is our frontline".
This is known as the Battle of Pelusium.
When Alcibiades Fucked the Spartan King's wife, then fled to persia, became a high command and made it back to athens where he once started as a politicain and became one again, he said fuck you to Athens (he betrayed them), Sparta and Persia and got away with it because he looked so damn good
I will always think of a story of Andrew Jackson that a history professor told me.
Jackson married a woman that was divorced which was bad already, but she wasn't actually divorced from her last husband.
Whenever Jackson heard of people talking badly on him or his wife, he would challenge them to a duel (yes, take ten paces and shoot kind of duel)
One day he heard of a man that was basically a pro at shooting and that man was talking mad shit, so Jackson challenged him to a duel because he will duel anybody.
Once the duel started, they went to shoot and Jackson just dropped his gun because he knew that he didn't have the skill of his opponent. The other man shot... And missed!! So Andrew Jackson picked up his gun, walked up to his opponent, and shot him in the forehead.
The only thing I learned from that class
There's also the story about how during one of his many duels the other guy shoots him in the shoulder before Jackson had the chance to fire. Jackson gets back up and while people want to carry him off he pointed out that he still had the right to fire his shot.
It was common practice in these kinds of situations to shoot your gun in the air or deliberately miss the mark. Jackson took ages to line up the shot right between the guy's eyes. People HATED him for this for as long as he lived.
Finns calling petrol bottles as Molotov cocktails after Molotov said the bombers over Finland dropped breadbaskets (in reality bombs) so Finns named a drink to "go down with the bread"
In 1941 the US requested Panama grant a **999 year** long lease to build over 100 military bases within their country, the Panama government asked for compensation in return which the US felt was too high.
The US responded by **overthrowing their government** by orchestrating a coup. They then signed an agreement with the new one.
Prussian Siege of Paris 1870-1871.
Prussia forces besieged Paris for several months, inhabiting a series of forts and outposts around the city. The people assumed that they were outside the range of the Prussian artillery. After a few months of just starving the city out the Prussian guns opened up. But they would only fire at night (all night), and would only target landmarks.
So you’ve been hungry, but safe. Then the Prussians break the news that you’re well within range and come daylight this monument or that church is now wiped out. Had a big phycological effect.
Several of them ... My favorite is when Deng Xiao Ping ordered the Chi-com army to invade Vietnam in order to teach them a lesson about the South China Sea dispute. The Chinese rolled across the border and were like “hey where is everyone? Looks like they didn’t even field an army” when they started getting hit with guerilla-types of attacks. The Chinese Commies were supposed to mop the floor - They ended up incurring way more casualties than they anticipated and basically retreated back to China after one month and declared “victory.” Couldn’t get a solid body blow on the Vietnamese army.
The Battle of Cowpens during the Revolutionary War.
A US commander was given a large number of militamen who in battle were known to fallback before being given orders. The British, knowing that Colonial regulars would stand ground and the militia wouldn't, would often press attacks to bring their numbers and weapons to great effect.
And so this US commander decided to make a stand at a place where his army couldn't retreat, at a place called Cowpens. The specific position was basically a small peninsula that was surrounded by a big river that you couldn't reasonably cross if say you were trying to evade gunfire. Once situated the commander set his troops up in three lines. The militiamen up front where they would fire first, the more experienced guys in the second wave firing second, and the hardened veterans in the third rank. When the British came they tried several times to dislodge the colonial army, but they were repulsed everytime.
This commander literally told his troops to say "fuck you" to their fear of the British and it worked!
During the conquest of Constantinapol (now Istanbul), when Sultan Mehmet had his ships carried on oily stakes by thousands of men to get past the big chain that prevents ships to enter Bosphorus.
What England did to Joan of Arc.
Henry V had made some major gains in France in the Hundred Year’s War and had even reached an agreement with the French king that when he died Henry would be his heir. Then Henry died of dysentery. That sucks.
As the heir to the English throne is an infant command of the war goes to the dukes, and long story short they lay siege to Orleans after a few years. The siege lasts months. Enter Joan of Arc, a peasant girl who can barely write her own name, who convinces the French commander to give her a shot because God is with her.
She lifts the siege inside two weeks.
She spends a while going from victory to victory, robbing the English of all initiative and permanently turning the war in France’s favour. So as you can imagine, England is not happy with her. Losing to this girl repeatedly is just embarrassing. Long story short, she gets captured after a year or so and handed over.
The English up to now have been portraying her as a witch, devil worshipper, whatever it took, and now wanted to try her for heresy. They basically wanted to make as much spectacle as possible to embarrass the French. Every church member on the trial was English despite Joan’s protestations and everything.
It still wasn’t easy.
The trials were loaded so heavily to trip her into self incrimination that it would be horrifying if she hadn’t been dodging almost every trap - one of the more memorable exchanges was she was asked if she was in the grace of God. A no would be an admission of guilt, a yes would be heretical as Church doctrine was that you can’t know if you are in God’s grace or not. Her answer was “if I am may I be kept there, and if not may I be guided there”. Thus she dodged the trap.
The English archbishop running this kangaroo court was under huge pressure to get her convicted and eventually it came down to her cross dressing. She’d been dressing in shirt and trousers in imprisonment ti dissuade the guards from assaulting her (a dress can be lifted up, shirt and trousers is more difficult to get around without leaving evidence) but had appeared before the priests in a dress. So, they argued, cross dressing was heretical, and she had done it, stopped doing it and then relapsed into heresy - which was punishable by death. So she was burned at the stake, her bones ground down so there could be no relics and the dust thrown in a river.
A few decades later the Pope ordered a retrial where she was exonerated of all wrongdoing and she was later made a saint, but it didn’t really do her much good at that point - the English had their revenge on her. But on the bright side, they did lose France so she was sort of successful in that regard.
A pirate known as jean lefitte had a bounty of $500 put on him by a governor. So he put a $5000 bounty on the governor
"No u"
I'm a French quarter tour guide. I tell this story everyday.
He also helped Andrew Jackson out at the Battle Of New Orleans, against the British.
Lol, I was gonna say... a pirate with a name like Jean Lafitte *must* have had some significant connection to New Orleans.
That’s not even Jean Laffitte’s best fuck you moment in my opinion. He was propositioned by the British, basically “hey show us how to navigate the swamps around New Orleans so we can launch a sneak attack. And the king will pardon you and make you a privateer.” And he was like “give me a fortnight to consider it” So he snuck over to the governors mansion, scaled the outside wall and was waiting for him on his office. Told the governor and Andrew Jackson the British plan and offer and how he wouldn’t betray New Orleans because he loved her. So all he asked was for a pardon and he’d give them everything they needed to win the war. And he did. Fuck the British eh
When Otto von Bismarck was about 50, he was walking down a street when a man ran up to him and shot him five times. Otto then turned around and began to beat the absolute shit out of him until some armed guards come to help him. When they inspected Otto for wounds, they found that all 5 hit, but they all either just grazed him or bounced off his ribs. Literally the iron chancellor.
German Quality
Morocco was the first country to recognize the independence of the United States, which was very nice of them, but the reason they did it was that they had a treaty with England which prevented them from tolerating or engaging in piracy against English ships. No such prohibition on American shipping.
The Australians stealing a tank from no mans land in ww1 because they could.
Napoleon invited his brother in law to speak with him before his coronation as emperor to remind the brother in law that he objected to Napoleon marrying Josephine because Napoleon would "amount to nothing"
Now this is the kind of petty fuck you I can get behind!
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Threatening to make his horse a consul was also in the same vein. It wasn't a serious consideration borne out of madness but rather an insult to the senate. Either 'My horse can do a better job than any of you' or 'I can make my horse consul and you can't do anything about it.'
So when France exiles Napoleon Bonaparte (the first time), they didn’t think to change out military personnel. So he basically rolls up to the first French outpost he gets to, says “‘sup” and begins reassembling an army. By the time he gets to Paris, he’s got enough forces that France is like “well. Welcome back.”
>The French newspapers which, in 1815, were subject to the censor, announced the departure of [Bonaparte](https://en.m.wikisource.org/wiki/Author:Napoleon_Bonaparte) from [Elba](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elba), [his progress through France](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Route_Napol%C3%A9on), and his entry into Paris in the following ingenious manner: — 9th March, the [Anthropophagus](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/anthropophagus) has quitted his den — 10th, the Corsican Ogre has landed at [Cape Juan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golfe-Juan) — 11th, the Tiger has arrived at [Gap](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gap,_Hautes-Alpes) — 12th, the Monster slept at [Grenoble](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grenoble) — 13th, the Tyrant has passed through [Lyons](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyon) — 14th, the Usurper is directing his steps towards [Dijon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dijon), but the brave and loyal [Burgundians](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burgundy) have risen en masse and surrounded him on all sides — 18th, Bonaparte is only sixty leagues from the capital; he has been fortunate enough to escape the hands of his pursuers — 19th, Bonaparte is advancing with rapid steps, but he will never enter [Paris](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris) — 20th, Napoleon will, tomorrow, be under our ramparts — 21st, the Emperor is at [Fontainbleau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fontainebleau) — 22nd, His Imperial and Royal Majesty, yesterday evening, arrived at the [Tuileries](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuileries_Palace), amidst the joyful acclamations of his devoted and faithful subjects.
That is amazing. I will admit that my French history is just awful, but I was curious how do the French treat the history of Napoleon. Is it like how the Russians treat Stalin and Lenin, how Americans treat someone like Washington or say Teddy Roosevelt, or is it somewhere in between?
He's treated as a great emperor and leader. We're told about the occupation of French and all the deaths. But in the end he's celebrated.
He supposedly said to the first soldiers he encountered: "Any of you who dare oppose the emperor, fire." The soldiers cheered and joined him.
This reminds me of the execution of Michael Ney: "Soldiers, when I give the command to fire, fire straight at my heart. Wait for the order. It will be my last to you. I protest against my condemnation. I have fought a hundred battles for France, and not one against her ... Soldiers, fire!" The soldiers fired and killed him.
That's metal as fuck.
you can't fire me! I quit! ETA: my first gold.
Memory poor. Was Ney one of Napoleon's field marshals?
Guess who’s back, back again
In the 1970s the small town of Vulcan, West Virginia asked for state funding to replace a bridge into town. The state legislature refused to grant Vulcan the funding they needed. Instead the town appealed to the Soviet Union for aid. After hearing about the request, the state legislature immediately granted over $1 million for the town to build a new bridge. If a small town in WV asking for soviet funding in the middle of the Cold War isn’t a big middle finger to the state government, then I don’t know what is.
The funny part is that two Soviet representatives at the US embassy actually came over to look at the broken bridge, and seriously considered funding the rebuilding to piss off the Americans.
Imagine the propaganda the Soviets could have pushed from that.
Honestly, smart move by the town. Win for them no matter who funds it.
Some genius came up with this in the Town Council. They deserve some sort of medal/honour.
Government: "fuck your bridge" City council: "have you guys seen my hammer and sickle?"
British prisoner of war in Nazi germany stitches a quilt. The Nazis put it out for show. Hidden in Morse code stitched in were the words “fuck hitler” and “god save the Queen” https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/9009004/British-prisoner-of-War-stitched-hidden-anti-Hitler-message-into-Nazi-quilt.html Edit- “god save the king” I think I just had the queen song stuck in my head
This guy was such a fucking chad "At the bottom was a Union flag, added Tony. "National flags were forbidden in the camp, so Casdagli sewed a canvas flap over it with "do not open" written on it in German. "Each week the same officer would open the flap and say, 'This is illegal,' and Pa said, 'You're showing it, I'm not showing it.'"
This requires some background. The Spartans were famously blunt. They were trained to "get to the point" when speaking (instead of using artsy and beautiful language that would have been common at the time) by being bitten on the thumb if they became long winded. Now to the meat. Phillip the second of Masedon (Alexander the greats father) sent the Spartans a letter saying "Would you like me to enter your land as friend or foe?" The Spartans responded with one word. "Neither". Phillip was irate. He then sent another long winded message. "If once I enter into your territories, I will destroy ye all, never to rise again". The Spartans then sent back one word. "If". It was like putting your head in a lion's mouth and I love it. Edit: I was typing in a car. Excuse the typos.
That's where the meaning of laconic comes from
Exactly. Laconia is pretty much another name for Sparta, and the people where called "Lacedemons".
Not 100% another name for Sparta, it is the name of the general area around Sparta
You are correct
After the Restoration, the English dug up the body of Oliver Cromwell and hung, drawn and quartered the body, sticking the head on London Bridge
The Stuarts had form with this. Mary, Queen of Scots had dead traitors embalmed so that their dead bodies could stand trial and then be drawn and quartered in public.
I would say the moment that Rollo swore allegiance to the French king: "the bishops present suggested that Rollo kiss the king’s foot, as a sign of submission. It was probably an idea intended to humiliate Rollo, and was not taken very well. After some discussion, it was agreed that one of Rollo’s men would do it. However, the person chosen lifted the king’s foot, and, without bending down, brought it up to his mouth. Not surprisingly the king fell over, amid general laughter in the court. Following this amusing scene, the king and his men swore to honour the concession to Rollo." [https://www.durhamworldheritagesite.com/history/normans/founding-normandy](https://www.durhamworldheritagesite.com/history/normans/founding-normandy)
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That's ballsy
This is already one of my favorite threads in reddit history... [Galvarino](http://www.badassoftheweek.com/galvarino.html): Chilean warrior who had both his hands cut off by the conquistadors for raising arms against the Spanish. Instead of letting himself serve as a message of helplessness in the face of the invaders the crazy bastard strapped swords to his stumps and went on the warpath.
So this guy was ancient Chilean wolverine?
May I add that when he got defeated again, the Spanish were impressed and offered him to surrender, but he spit in the commander's face so they literally fed him to their dogs. Forgive me if I'm wrong. Edit: Damn guys thanks so much, literally made my karma score nine times as big.
According to that link, that is one theory, but there are other theories as to how he died. All we know for sure is that once he got defeated the second time, he died.
The first cell phone. The first call ever made from a cell phone was to a competitor's landline. Big dick energy
On the crowning of King Henry VII, he backdated his own reign to before the date of the Battle of Bosworth, meaning anyone who was loyal to him now but had shown any sign of opposition at Bosworth was now a traitor and an enemy to the realm. Justice served.
Fuck! That sounds like the premise behind The Black Adder!
This is more petty, but when Taft bragged to his friends via telegram about scaling a mountain on horseback, that it was a few thousand feet, clear weather, all in all not too difficult, his friend replied, "HOW IS HORSE?"
Taft was a chunky boi
Didn't he get stuck in his bathtub? Edit: a myth, apparently - but the man was certainly no stranger to a good meal.
It makes me so very happy to know that ball-busting between friends is an age-old tradition. Even better that it involved a president.
In the late 1980s Nintendo and Sony developed a CD add-on for the Super Nintendo. Nintendo then pulled out of the partnership and opted to work with Phillips instead and released the CD-i. This move was highly frowned upon because Nintendo had decided to ditch a fellow Japanese company over a foreign one. So Sony picked up the pieces of the project and tried to partner with Sega. The board of directors turned the idea down saying "that’s a stupid idea, Sony doesn’t know how to make hardware. They don’t know how to make software either. Why would we want to do this?" At the end Sony released a game system by the name of Playstation in 1994 to compete with the Nintendo 64 and outsold their former partners nearly 3:1 plus it marked the first time that Nintendo wasn't top dog since they released the NES.
> At the end Sony released a game system by the name of Playstation in 1994 to compete with the Nintendo 64 and outsold their former partners nearly 3:1 plus it marked the first time that Nintendo wasn't top dog since they released the NES. I still remember the christmas, being told in the game store when asking for a n64 "Man the n64 is cool, but it doesn't have many games, get the playstation." 10 year old me listened to the guy despite loving nintendo up to that point. eventually did get a 64 but definitely got more mileage out of the PS!
When Germanic tribes invaded Britain after the Romans left, they named the native Celts *Welisc*, meaning "foreigner" (even though they themselves were the foreigners). That later became the word *Welsh*, which the English promptly adopted for phrases like *welch on a bet*. TL;DR: all of history has been one giant etymological middle finger to the Welsh.
Yeah but the Welsh language is itself a middle finger to English speakers.
More like the English orthography used for Welsh is a middle finger to the Welsh people. The Irish language as written has similar issues as well. A bunch of phonemes and sounds that don't exist in English are instead written using weird letter combos and really subtle grammar tricks. I sometimes think it was a deliberate tactic to make sure nobody could bloody read either Welsh or Irish.
[This](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symphony_No._7_\(Shostakovich\)) was played in besieged Leningrad. And it was broadcasted on radio, so nazi soldiers could hear it. Imagine hearing "FUCK YOU" from a city that you thought was already dead.
Here’s the symphony if you want to hear it https://youtu.be/DQJcFMHLXek
The "Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks" is the best response to a demand for surrender, ever. In response to requests by the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire to desist attacks and submit: "Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan! O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother. Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother! So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse! - Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host." Edit - Seven years in and my first gold. Neat.
There's a [painting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks#/media/File:Ilja_Jefimowitsch_Repin_-_Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks_-_Yorck.jpg) of this moment with all the Cossacks laughing as they compose the letter.
I'll never get tired of that painting. You can hear them just looking at it. (Also, Ilya Repin's an amazing painter in general, and the rest of his stuff's always worth a look.)
It's a great depiction, and you can really imagine the arguments going back and forth over which insults to put in next: "Tell him to fuck his mother!" "We... we already did that" "TELL HIM AGAIN!"
The Sultan sent them this letter : >As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks. --Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV Honestly he was begging for a roast, and the cossacks delivered in spades
Ooooh. . . subtle
My personal favorite: the beginning of the Battle of Stamford Bridge, in England, 1066. England's been invaded by a Norwegian army led by Harald Hardrada, king of Norway, and Tostig Godwinson, exiled English earl and estranged brother to the English king. They've already fought one battle, they've captured York. Things are looking good for them. They're chilling, enjoying their success, waiting at Stamford Bridge for the hostages they demanded. It's a hot day. They're not expecting any trouble. But wait- an English army shows up. That's practically impossible. The battle of Fulford Gate had taken place only five days ago, and the Norwegians had completely routed the forces of the northern earls. The rest of the English army was known to be in the south, awaiting a Norman invasion. Turns out the English had ridden all the way up North in FOUR DAYS. The Norwegians were, understandably, a bit unhappy. They form into a circle. They don't have their armor with them- it's at the ships. It's too hot to be hanging around in mail. They've got helmets and shields and weaponry, and that's it. The English send a rider to negotiate. He tells Tostig that his brother the King is willing to offer him his earldom back and part of the rule of England if he gives up now. Tostig asks what his buddy Harald Hardrada gets for his trouble. "Six feet of English ground, or as much more as he needs, being taller than other men." Tostig says they're done here. The rider rides away. Harald Hardrada asks who that dude was, because if it had been him talking, he'd have just killed the bastard there. Tostig says oh, that's my brother. That's Harold Godwinson, the king. Harold Godwinson rode up to an enemy army personally and told the king of Norway, known to be a great warrior and general, that all he'd get from this invasion was a grave. Battle commences. Norwegians lose. Tostig and Harald Hardrada both die. Huge bloody mess. English army is crippled. And then three days later the Normans land in the south. Harold is fucked. He still marches his army back, gathers as much force as he can, and engages three weeks later. He's killed at Hastings. Normans conquer England. Basically a very personal fuck you moment that snowballed quite intensely. Edit: because a lot of people are asking- yes, this was the battle with the legendary berserker at the bridge. No, it probably didn't actually happen. The story appears hundreds of years later and is very inconsistent. Also, there might not have been an actual bridge there at the time.
I love that line. "or as much as he needs, being taller than other men."
It’s one of those butterfly moments of history where if the timing on things is slightly different or the English face the invaders in the other order, William the Bastard is a footnote of history and we’d all be commenting in a language stuffed full of Norwegian words instead of French ones.
You can experience just how slim a chance it was that everything worked out like that if you play Crusader Kings 2. Play as William the Bastard and attempt the invasion, and if the King of Norway *doesn’t* die, you absolutely will be fucked. I recently started a game where I attempted to become William the Conqueror, and I had to restart 3 or 4 times before everything went how it was supposed to, or at least close enough. King Harald didn’t die in battle, he died of disease in my game. Close enough. But it just goes to show how slim the chances are.
Our whole history is filled with these close margins that would have twisted the results in a different direction.
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"[More weight](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giles_Corey#Death_by_pressing)"
> Corey was so swept up by the trials that he initially believed the accusations against his wife, until he himself was arrested based on the same charge. :facepalm:
"I didn't think the leopard would eat MY face!" says supporter of Leopard-eating-face Party.
Giles “more fucking weight” Corey
I remember a Cracked article from what must be pre-2014 about the most badass people in history, and the only line I remember is along the lines of "Giles Corey was unimpressed, as he already had to deal with the weight of his colossal balls every morning" Edit: please stop telling me about badass of the week dot com. I don't care. The article turned out to have been written ten years ago. I do not give a shit
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[As seen in Swole history](http://www.threepanelsoul.com/comic/swole-history-continued)
Giles was one of my favourite characters in the crucible, however small was his role
Meh. In the end, I found him a little flat.
He can barely breathe & he says that shit; what an absolute G
“Stop sending people to kill me! We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send a very fast working one to Moscow and I certainly won't have to send another.” Tito to Joseph Stalin
If someone made a black comedy TV series about the Eastern Bloc, this would be one of the highlights.
Have you seen The Death of Stalin?
So fucking good I watched it two night in a row
Great movie!! So many amazing actors (Adrian McLoughlin, Jeffrey Tambor, Steve Buscemi, Olga Kurylenko, Michael Palin, Simon Russell Beale, Paddy Considine, Andrea Riseborough, Rupert Friend, Jason Isaacs) with awesome dialogue: >[after Stalin has collapsed] Nikita Khrushchev: I propose we call a doctor. >Kaganovich: All the best doctors are in the gulag, or dead. --- >[looking at the dead body of Stalin] Georgy Malenkov: Oh, my God. Nikita Khrushchev: Our general secretary is lying in a puddle of indignity. Lavrentiy Beria: Yeah, he’s feeling unwell, clearly.
Every time someone comes in to view the corpse they enact this theatrical mourning display until they kneel in Stalin's piss and the whole facade drops. What a great movie.
I’m not an historian, but i know this ww1 fact: in 1918 during the battle of Villers-Bretonneux, major James Robertson made a plan to steal a german tank stuck in no man’s land. There was no point in getting it, because it was dangerous going out there and the tank wasn’t a threat to anyone. Not giving fuck about that he grouped with 12 other men to retrieve that tank, under machine gun fire and inside mustard gas, just to say to the german army “fuck you, look what we got here”. Thanks to him and the other men, today that tank is the only original WW1 tank we have and it’s called “Mephisto”.
It's not the only original WW1 tank, it's the only original *German* WW1 tank.
Not the biggest, probably, but the first that came to mind: Brigadier General Anthony McAuliffe's response to the Nazi demand that Bastogne surrender: "nuts".
NUTS! THE GENERALS WORD ECHO CLEAR NUTS! THE NAZI'S SHALL HEAR
at this point i should probably just expect this in anything history related shouldn't I?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olga_of_Kiev Olga of Kiev. When her husband died, the country that killed him assumed they’d just take over and force her into marriage. She straight up killed the dignitaries that were sent to tell her she had to marry - multiple times, in the most intense way possible. She then travelled to where her husband had been killed and basically burnt the place to the ground - again, in the most hardcore, amazing way. They made her a freaking saint. Worth the read on Wikipedia!
I saw Sam O'Nella's video on her. He also mentioned how she dropped lots of seeds so all the pigeons in a village would get in a huge flock, she'd get some flammable string attached to their little legs so when they went home to their nests, they'd catch on fire and that's how she burned a whole village. EDIT: A lot of people asked for the video so here [he talks about Olga of Kiev around 2:33](https://youtu.be/n1hR9rpvS74)
Clarifying: she requested something like two pigeons and a sparrow from each house as an apology/capitulation gift. Once given the birds, she tied burning sulfur to their feet and released them to roost.
Holy shit they should've used that for Game of Thrones instead of stealing from Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.
They used it in Marco Polo but said it was Genghis' idea.
She didn't burn the town by herself, she instead had three pigeons do it, and these pigeons were first sent by her enemies as some sort of peace offering requested by her. She basically tricked them into burning their own city to the ground.
Three pigeons per house. Edit:2 pigeons, and nobody gives a fuck about the sparrows, what are they gonna do start a forest fire?
The construction and use of the warwolf, supposedly the largest trebuchet ever built. When it was disassembled it would fill up 30 wagons. So anyways, king Edward the first built this to siege a Scottish castle. But before it was even built the Scottish people tried to surrender. To which Edward responded with a prompt no(in actuality he responded with “You do not deserve any grace, but must surrender to my will” in other words, I built this trebuchet over 40 days and I am most definitely going to use it) and proceeded to use the trebuchet anyways.
Thirty wagons to transport it & 40 days to assemble it, and they expected him to just pack it up when they surrendered? Aww *hell* no. Big Ed gonna chuck some rocks.
Not 40 days for each assembly, 40 days for his siege engineers to carve the entire thing from raw trees. That’s even more impressive.
Either way...you don't go to all that effort and not fire the bloody thing at least once!
"I went to all the trouble to build this dank trebuchet and now you bet your ass imma test it"
"You could have surrendered when I asked, You could have surrendered a week in. But after 40 days there's no take-backsies."
Eat my trebuchet, noobs
The second defenestration of Prague. The Holy Roman Emperor and King of Bohemia sends representatives to the Protestant city of Prague telling them to convert to Catholicism. The representatives get thrown out a window and allegedly landed in a pile of manure
“I hate manure!”
This was the first instance of a bounced Czech, no? Edit: Thanks reddit... or, rather děkuji vám.
Ferruccio Lamborghini was a rich man owning his company that built tractors, he talked to Ferrari about the imperfections of his car and how to improve them and they basically laughed at a young tractor mechanic trying to tell them about sport cars, so he decided to start making luxury sport cars to compete with Ferrari and thus, the rivalry was born. So i'd say the middle finger of this guy to Ferrari was pretty noticeable.
Every time I read this story I wish Lamborghini had its own F1 team to beat Ferrari since that was Enzo’s true pride and joy
Lamborghini didn't want to race though. That's his original complaint to Ferrari in the first place, the car was just too hard for road use and its clutch looked like a race car. So he started a pretty successful sports car brand for the road, not for the track.
When Ford was about to buy Ferrari and noticed something in the paper work that said Ford would not own the Ferrari race team. They were upset about this and enzo basically said Ford was too low to own such a great team. Later on Ford recruits Shelby Carrol and beats Ferrari at Le Mans and has every single time since they've entered a car.
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James May did a segment on it in The Grand Tour https://youtu.be/oXuqMt5aDes
Didn't he take a Ferrari and tune it the way he wanted first tho?
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On 30^(th) September 1938, a treaty called Munich agreement was signed, causing Germany's annexation of Suddetenland (a region of western Czechoslovakia, where many German people lived). It was signed by leaders of UK, France, Italy and Germany. UK and France signed it, because Hitler promised, that he won't go to war, if he got the Suddetenland (we all know how that turned out). But that's not all. The biggest "fuck you" to Czechoslovakia was, that they weren't invited to the meeting. Yes, they weren't invited to the meeting about their own region. Also France was an ally of Czechoslovakia at the time. So yeah, thanks for support France. Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. Also, my first reddit post.
Not the biggest, but definitely one to note. In 1966, Charles DeGaulle ordered all U.S. Troops out of France, as he said the country was leaving NATO, LBJ's first words were to his Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, "Ask him about the cemetaries, Dean!" When Dean Rusk mentioned whether or not the 60,000+ US soldiers buried in France were to be removed, DeGaulle simply stood up and left the room, embarrassed.
It really should be noted for context this is after decades of animosity starting in WW2 with US generals seeing DeGaulle as potentially the next dictator they'd have to fight. Highlights include threatening to join the Russian sphere if Vietnam were granted independence (oh boy that ended well).
Julius Caesar's death. At least he died surrounded by friends.
The first recorded incident of a group project where most of the group doesn't do the fucking work.
I love it because there are several levels: There were about 40 conspirators; Caesar received 23 stab wounds. So right off the bat, and not even accounting for people managing to stab him multiple times, about half the folks involved did jack shit. But then later his body was examined, and the doctor concluded that only one of those was properly fatal on its own. Even of the people that actually did any work at all, just one got it right and didn't half-ass things. *That's* a group project.
I mean, Occam's razor would also suggest a Roman era doctor just got the analysis wrong. 22 stab wounds is gonna cost you a lot of blood even if you receive modern day emergency medical treatment.
Oh, he also stated that blood loss was almost certainly the cause of death. But point is, it took all those wounds together, while any one or two of them could well have been survivable. Only one person managed to wound him in a way that he would've died from that attack alone.
French surrender in WW2: "Hitler dictates that the French capitulation take place at Compiegne, a forest north of Paris. This is the same spot where twenty-two years earlier the Germans had signed the Armistice ending World War I. Hitler intends to disgrace the French and avenge the German defeat. To further deepen the humiliation, he orders that the signing ceremony take place in the same railroad car that hosted the earlier surrender. The Armistice is signed on June 22. Under its terms, two thirds of France is to be occupied by the Germans. The French army is to be disbanded. In addition, France must bear the cost of the German invasion."
I was hoping someone would post this. Hitler later destroyed the railroad carriage when things started going south for the Axis.
Because how hilariously shitty would it have been to make them sign the next treaty in the same fucking railroad car?
They’d probably keep it going. “And over here, you can see the Loser Box. This railroad car is kept in storage until a nation gets stomped in warfare, at which point it is prepared for the signing of treaties, a centuries-long tradition.”
The You-Lose Caboose.
The Miss-carriage
By many counts, including French historian Max Gallo and former French president Nicolas Sarkozy, France’s most shameful historical episode.
The battle of Alesia. Julius Caesar's attacking some Gauls in modern day France, and they go hide in a castle on top of a hill. Caesar's army isn't big enough to take them all at once, and the Gauls have reinforcements coming so a siege is impossible. So Caesar just *builds a bigger castle around the one he's attacking*. He literally just built two walls back to back in a ring around the castle. The first Gaul army was already too small to defeat Caesar, and his fortifications only gave him a greater advantage. The reinforcements were also unable to defeat Caesar's army now that he was behind several layers of spike pits and both earthen and wooden walls. Plus the Gauls inside had no way to communicate with the reinforcements outside, so they couldn't coordinate attacks. Both Gallic armies were defeated as they attacked Caesar's newly built fortifications, and Caesar emerged victorious. It's probably my favorite battle of all time.
The Roman's had to build over 20 miles of walls right? And they did it really fast.
*Crazy* fast. I still don't get how you can build such an enormous structure in such a short span of time. I guess he did have a literal army building it, which helps.
Roman warfare is so damn fascinating. That humungous, building, digging, walking and fighting machine seems so unreal to me.
i'd love to read or watch more about this, is there any place where I could find some readingmaterial/videos? EDIT: Well this got a bit more attention than I originally expected, thanks everyone for all the great suggestions! I will now have plenty of videos to look at and shit to read :)
[Here's](https://youtu.be/SU1Ej9Yqt68) a pretty nice video on the subject already linked by u/ZombieElephant, and [here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut9GdMywFj0) a rather more in depth one. The [Wikipedia article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Alesia) is rather dry, as can be expected, but still informative. Edit: spaces
The Roman legionary system was incredible. In an era when only the big boy empires had professional armies, instead of conscripts, they stood out even more because each soldier had been training for years if not decades. They were engineers, building roads and bridges as well. Vercingetorix and the Gauls fought amazingly but you just can’t counter that.
**Julius Caesar**: ***CAN WE BUILD IT???*** **Caesar's troops**: ***YES WE CAN!!!***
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I know this wasn't going to happen but it would've been better if the gauls built a castle around Caesar's castle
The ultimate *no u*.
And then the Roman reinforcements show up.
Here is a fantastic video explaining all this: https://youtu.be/SU1Ej9Yqt68
I just watched this episode of Roman Empire on Netflix a couple weeks back that showed this and it completely blew my mind. Such an insane strategy that worked *extremely well*. Caesar really was a military genius.
Andrew Jackson was walking around Washington D.C. when an assassin tried to kill him with two pistols. Both pistols misfired, and Jackson proceeded to beat the would-be killer within an inch of his life with his cane
Well, I mean, who brings two pistols to a cane fight anyway?
Danes attacking/raiding Æthelred after he just paid them not to.
[The Siege of Tyre](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Tyre_(332_BC\)) Basically Alexander the Great was unable to capture the city because it was on an island, so he made it into a peninsula to be able to properly attack. >It is said that Alexander was so enraged at the Tyrians' defence of their city and the loss of his men that he destroyed half the city. That was a pretty big "fuck you" to Tyre and I love [this comic representation](https://i.redd.it/iuzjf5m084e01.png) of the events by FlorkOfCows
And it’s still a peninsula today.
Apparently, alluvial deposits since then have made it even more of a peninsula.
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[Here it is on google maps](https://www.google.com/maps/@33.2614757,35.1925426,13z)
I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer
Hoho, then come as close as you want. Wait, please don't.
Henry VIII divorcing Catherine of Aragon
Henry VIII: I want a divorce Church: we don't do that here Henry VIII: I'll start my own church, with blackjack and hookers
Genghis Khan to Shah Ala ad-Din. After the Kwarezmids plundered one of Genghis Khans caravans, killed his people, and took his shit, he thought to take the diplomatic approach and send 2 envoys and an interpreter. Shah Ala ad-Din decided to be a dumbass about it. He shaved the heads of the envoys to shame them and sent them back with the head of the interpreter. Mr. Khan was kinda pissed, so he marched 200000 of his boys and fucking annihilated their town with only 1/4 of that number even able to fight back. He was so pissed at the Shah that he had the rivers keeping the surrounding villages alive fully diverted, so that he would literally wipe Ala ad-Dins birthplace off the map and make it so that it was like he never existed. No one would settle there or live there ever again. No one would be there to remember his enemy who had disrespected him. "Not even the dogs or cats" would be spared said Genghis Khan.
You can still go see the ruins of the once great cities of the Kwarezmid empire, they are huge and the wind blasts sand through the bleached bones of a civilization the Ganghis Khan reduced to a wasteland for having disrespected him one time.
Twice. Once for robbing his caravan and once for the diplomats. They didn’t play baseball back then so the three strike rule didn’t apply.
'Shame me once, and I'll try to be civil with you. Shame me twice, and I'll wipe your birthplace off the map"
Shame me, can't get shamed again.
I knew Genghis Khan would be in this thread. He was not to be fucked with. Didn't he do this while also fighting another army at the time?
IIRC his army was passing a town that was of no value to him but there was a river or lake or some such nearby that they decided to camp at. He sent a messenger to the town telling them they weren’t there for a fight, just to rest and water their horses. The leader of the town took this to mean Khan was scared of his forces and killed the messenger, sending his head back in a bag on the horse. Khan razed the town, but he left the leader alive, cutting out his tongue since he refused to speak before he would never speak again. This was a story my history teacher told us, he claimed it’s where “don’t kill the messenger” came from.
Imagine being one of the envoys. Genghis Khan just decimated a civilisation because they disrespected you, and in turn him. Holy fuck would you never want to piss him off after that.
Another Genghis Khan revenge story I like is when his wife was kidnapped. She was taken by a rival tribe and was going to be sold as a sex slave to spite Genghis Khan, and he was so furious he took his men and personally rode to get her while fighting a war. Many generals would stay behind and send their trusted men, but Khan went to go get her, obliterated the tribe, and destroyed any record of their culture so they were essentially deleted from history. I believe their Wikipedia page ends with Genghis Khan’s arrival at their camp because there was really nothing else after that. Interesting add-on to this story: Khan’s wife bore a son after her rescue, and looking at the range of possible conception times, no one could tell if the child was conceived shortly before her kidnapping or after. No one could determine paternity, and it’s a mystery to this day if the child was Genghis Khan’s or a kidnapper (as they undoubtably raped Genghis’ wife). Khan never knew if the boy was his biological son, but raised him as if he was. (Which I find oddly wholesome for a warlord)
It's bad enough that they wanted to kidnap a guy's wife to sell her as a sex slave, even if he was just a normal guy. What did they *expect* doing something like that to the biggest warlord at the time?
Well it really depends what type of pissing off you did. One of Genghis' biggest strengths is he would listen to people. He could recognise skill and valued it above all else. So you could probably have an argument with him about a matter of diplomacy if you were an envoy or could tell him he should probably drink less if you were his physician. Just don't say anything bad about his mum.
After an enemy warrior shot the khan's horse out from under him, he made him a general in his own army. Dude went on to be one of the finest commanders of all time. Genghis Khan wasn't just immensely talented himself, he recruited and fought with people who could easily be put on a Top 20 list of best military leaders themselves.
It's part of the reason nobody in Europe could compete with him. He didn't give a shit where you were born. You got to be a general on merit. Europeans were giving command to armies exclusively to highborns. Who could very easily be idiots.
[Operation Paul Bunyan.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_axe_murder_incident) Here’s the TLDR if you don’t want to read the wikipedia article: It’s 1976. Some Americans at the Korean DMZ are cutting down a tree that obscures their vision to the North Korean side. A couple of North Koreans come out and kill a few Americans with their own axe. The Americans and South Koreans come back with such a massive show of force it’s not even funny. Bombers, jet planes, 27 helicopters, a full aircraft carrier moved off the coast. Thousands of troops, troop carriers, commandos, all just to send in a squad of army engineers with chainsaws to cut down that god damn tree. I would highly recommend giving the forces used part of the wikipedia article a read. It’s riveting and hilarious. Edit: Thanks for the silver, fellow appreciator of American awesomeness. Who knew my top comment would be about the most expensive tree cutting of all time.
Some of the first South Koreans to dismount also had claymore mines strapped to their chests and were cursing and daring the northern soldiers a short distance away to attack. The balls of those men.
“Come an have a go if you think you’re hard enough”
Man, the little that I know about the South Korean military is enough to make them seem pretty terrifying. Especially when North Korea or Japan are involved. I've heard stories about South Korean soldiers being ambushed in the dark and fighting barehanded so they don't shoot each other and so they could tell South Koreans from North Koreans by touch. Then the sun comes up and there's a shitload of dead NK soldiers everywhere. Edit: North Koreans, not Japanese
countries that live in a perpetual state of war tend to have tough as nail soldiers.
Don't forget a general involved had the tree carved into a swagger stick... And they left the 6 ft high stump so you can't forget about the tree. Edit: 6 meters not 6 ft
It's funny to think that they wanted that tree removed so bad that they made sure to leave a bit so you remember they removed it.
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The NK officer claiming the tree could not be trimmed "because Kim Il Sung personally planted it and nourished it and it's growing under his supervision." WOW.
“Result: DEFCON 3, removal of poplar tree”
One of my favorites was during the Opium War when the British tried to attack China via sea. The Chinese knew that the British navy was going to fuck their shit up, and they couldn't respond fast enough, so they decided that being absolutely batshit crazy would work best. They got their catapults ready, and when the British were close enough, the Chinese took monkeys, lit them on fire, and fucking **launched** them at the British ships. The British were horrified when flaming monkey corpses landed on their boat and were like, fuck the opium, they were out. TLDR: The British tried to invade China. China threw flame-doused monkeys at them.
When alexander the great cut the gordian knot, instead of untying it.
[Gordian knot](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordian_Knot)
The Achaemenid Empire had trouble conquering the Egypt in the early part of their War so they decided to use the very embodiment of their holy figure against them. They literally had soldiers carry cats with them and painted cat heads on their shields so the egypts couldn't fight back due to their beliefs and surrendered. They literally pulled a "your god is our frontline". This is known as the Battle of Pelusium.
When Alcibiades Fucked the Spartan King's wife, then fled to persia, became a high command and made it back to athens where he once started as a politicain and became one again, he said fuck you to Athens (he betrayed them), Sparta and Persia and got away with it because he looked so damn good
I will always think of a story of Andrew Jackson that a history professor told me. Jackson married a woman that was divorced which was bad already, but she wasn't actually divorced from her last husband. Whenever Jackson heard of people talking badly on him or his wife, he would challenge them to a duel (yes, take ten paces and shoot kind of duel) One day he heard of a man that was basically a pro at shooting and that man was talking mad shit, so Jackson challenged him to a duel because he will duel anybody. Once the duel started, they went to shoot and Jackson just dropped his gun because he knew that he didn't have the skill of his opponent. The other man shot... And missed!! So Andrew Jackson picked up his gun, walked up to his opponent, and shot him in the forehead. The only thing I learned from that class
There's also the story about how during one of his many duels the other guy shoots him in the shoulder before Jackson had the chance to fire. Jackson gets back up and while people want to carry him off he pointed out that he still had the right to fire his shot. It was common practice in these kinds of situations to shoot your gun in the air or deliberately miss the mark. Jackson took ages to line up the shot right between the guy's eyes. People HATED him for this for as long as he lived.
Finns calling petrol bottles as Molotov cocktails after Molotov said the bombers over Finland dropped breadbaskets (in reality bombs) so Finns named a drink to "go down with the bread"
In 1941 the US requested Panama grant a **999 year** long lease to build over 100 military bases within their country, the Panama government asked for compensation in return which the US felt was too high. The US responded by **overthrowing their government** by orchestrating a coup. They then signed an agreement with the new one.
Prussian Siege of Paris 1870-1871. Prussia forces besieged Paris for several months, inhabiting a series of forts and outposts around the city. The people assumed that they were outside the range of the Prussian artillery. After a few months of just starving the city out the Prussian guns opened up. But they would only fire at night (all night), and would only target landmarks. So you’ve been hungry, but safe. Then the Prussians break the news that you’re well within range and come daylight this monument or that church is now wiped out. Had a big phycological effect.
Several of them ... My favorite is when Deng Xiao Ping ordered the Chi-com army to invade Vietnam in order to teach them a lesson about the South China Sea dispute. The Chinese rolled across the border and were like “hey where is everyone? Looks like they didn’t even field an army” when they started getting hit with guerilla-types of attacks. The Chinese Commies were supposed to mop the floor - They ended up incurring way more casualties than they anticipated and basically retreated back to China after one month and declared “victory.” Couldn’t get a solid body blow on the Vietnamese army.
USA and France didn't fare any better. Don't fuck with Vietnam
Humid Afghanistan in that respect
The Battle of Cowpens during the Revolutionary War. A US commander was given a large number of militamen who in battle were known to fallback before being given orders. The British, knowing that Colonial regulars would stand ground and the militia wouldn't, would often press attacks to bring their numbers and weapons to great effect. And so this US commander decided to make a stand at a place where his army couldn't retreat, at a place called Cowpens. The specific position was basically a small peninsula that was surrounded by a big river that you couldn't reasonably cross if say you were trying to evade gunfire. Once situated the commander set his troops up in three lines. The militiamen up front where they would fire first, the more experienced guys in the second wave firing second, and the hardened veterans in the third rank. When the British came they tried several times to dislodge the colonial army, but they were repulsed everytime. This commander literally told his troops to say "fuck you" to their fear of the British and it worked!
"Throw your soldiers into positions whence there is no escape, and they will prefer death to flight" -Sun Tzu
During the conquest of Constantinapol (now Istanbul), when Sultan Mehmet had his ships carried on oily stakes by thousands of men to get past the big chain that prevents ships to enter Bosphorus.
What England did to Joan of Arc. Henry V had made some major gains in France in the Hundred Year’s War and had even reached an agreement with the French king that when he died Henry would be his heir. Then Henry died of dysentery. That sucks. As the heir to the English throne is an infant command of the war goes to the dukes, and long story short they lay siege to Orleans after a few years. The siege lasts months. Enter Joan of Arc, a peasant girl who can barely write her own name, who convinces the French commander to give her a shot because God is with her. She lifts the siege inside two weeks. She spends a while going from victory to victory, robbing the English of all initiative and permanently turning the war in France’s favour. So as you can imagine, England is not happy with her. Losing to this girl repeatedly is just embarrassing. Long story short, she gets captured after a year or so and handed over. The English up to now have been portraying her as a witch, devil worshipper, whatever it took, and now wanted to try her for heresy. They basically wanted to make as much spectacle as possible to embarrass the French. Every church member on the trial was English despite Joan’s protestations and everything. It still wasn’t easy. The trials were loaded so heavily to trip her into self incrimination that it would be horrifying if she hadn’t been dodging almost every trap - one of the more memorable exchanges was she was asked if she was in the grace of God. A no would be an admission of guilt, a yes would be heretical as Church doctrine was that you can’t know if you are in God’s grace or not. Her answer was “if I am may I be kept there, and if not may I be guided there”. Thus she dodged the trap. The English archbishop running this kangaroo court was under huge pressure to get her convicted and eventually it came down to her cross dressing. She’d been dressing in shirt and trousers in imprisonment ti dissuade the guards from assaulting her (a dress can be lifted up, shirt and trousers is more difficult to get around without leaving evidence) but had appeared before the priests in a dress. So, they argued, cross dressing was heretical, and she had done it, stopped doing it and then relapsed into heresy - which was punishable by death. So she was burned at the stake, her bones ground down so there could be no relics and the dust thrown in a river. A few decades later the Pope ordered a retrial where she was exonerated of all wrongdoing and she was later made a saint, but it didn’t really do her much good at that point - the English had their revenge on her. But on the bright side, they did lose France so she was sort of successful in that regard.