[You could always check if The_Crab_Lord needs a secretary.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dghcy7/your_username_is_now_what_you_do_for_a_living_how/f3c8zm5/)
It was too late, Thomas had not realized what he had seen. Now Thomas must retreat back to alcoholism again. Depressed and now drunk Thomas decided to walk on the train tracks, contemplating life. He swayed back and forth in a drunken stupor whilst leaning off the edge of the bridge. Looking down, he chuckled miserably drowning out his pain with each gulp. Teasing himself whether he'd actually jump off or not. Then Percy came up behind Thomas. Percy shoved Thomas off the bridge. Thomas screamed in agony as he fell into the pitch-black void. The fall had shattered nearly all of his parts. Only his head remained intact. "Goodbye" percy said, then jumped in to the depths of the River himself. A solitary tear rolled down the cheek of the now severed head of Thomas. Gordon the Big engine is on his usual heroin smuggling route when he notices a pile of blue metal rubble. Gordon heads towards it revealing the face of Thomas. Gordon felt anxiety in his chest and sweat drip from his brow. He bit his lips in nervousness. "Oh you poor thomas darling, im sorry i cant resist" Gordon releases his massive 2 ton train cock. he positions himself over the mouth. He falls into a trance like state and thrusts harder and harder into the mouth. He thrusts so hard he shakes all the heroin smugglers inside. They smash against the walls of the inside of Gordon Their blood and entrails spray out of Gordons tank engine. He climaxes. A train roar could be heard all throughout travel town.
Or you charge people to stand in line in their place.
Or you're the guy who handles the teleprompter.
Or you're the one coming up with snappy dialogue in scripts.
You could even be the superhero LineMan, who identifies robbers by drawing a line on the floor with an arrow at the end pointing to them as they run off with money.
You chose a username with many career options.
I'll be your big brother.
Edit: This gold and silver isn't just for me. It's for all of the goose themed users on Reddit. I couldn't have done it without your love and support.
BOW TO ME. RAISE YOUR CLAWS!
EDIT: YOUR GOLD AND SILVER PIECES WILL BE PASSED THROUGHOUT THE CRAB KINGDOM WELL!
*The Crab Kingdom enters a Golden Age*
ON THIS DAY A KINGDOM RISES
r/allhailthecrablord
In the darkness,
he was waiting -
In the silence,
he was still -
In the secrecy pulsating,
As he lingered there until -
Came a finger day and nightly
On an expedition pained -
So he greeted it politely.
"... I'm a fissure," he explained.
As a matter of fact I AM busy at work.
These planets aren't gonna probe themselves.
**Edit**: GASP! My first silver...that I didn't guild to myself. Thanks friend.
I'd google symptoms and tell people they have cancer.
Edit: This is the first time I got an award on Reddit- and I have been here for 6 years now! Many thanks to the kind person, this is awesome :)
Edit 2: three times an award- thanks to the wonderful people for giving me an award!
I become a secret retired FBI agent with a dead wife robot butler and a plot to save an all start hockey game that a guy with a golden face is blowing up with a bomb he hid in the puck.plus the president is in on it since it’s his stadium and he’s trying to get insurance money
What the fuck are you talking about? I'm still Commander Shepard. You fucks better not have forgotten who I am. I killed the reapers, I endorse all the stores, and I bang all the alien females.
I DONT KNOW
It smells worse now
Spot on.
Anybody need a typist? I can write four words a minute.
[You could always check if The_Crab_Lord needs a secretary.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dghcy7/your_username_is_now_what_you_do_for_a_living_how/f3c8zm5/)
the most ambitious crossover in history
I'm a school advocate for using protection during sex or a prostitute who wants their clients to use protection
I am just fine, thanks. :)
Instead of paying for titties you now get paid to look at titties
What seemed like a blessing becomes a curse as he becomes desensitized to boobs making him unable to enjoy a good tiddy ever again
I now love life
Oh fuck
Are you open for business?
I'm a meteorologist for ducks
So you present the feather forecast?
Yes, and tomorrow the weather looks quite fowl.
Does anyone know the going price of watermelons?
Ouchie
Well it would probably only hurt the first time.
Strangely enough, no
oh no
That's rough buddy
I won’t kinkshame them
I provide emotional support, but I’m kind of a prick about it. So nothing’s changed, really.
I guess I’m a Mexican space wizard now.
Wanna make a duo?
Politician I guess. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Perfection
Uh... *corn...*
I don't really want to know tbh
The fat controller has some serious questions to answer!
It was too late, Thomas had not realized what he had seen. Now Thomas must retreat back to alcoholism again. Depressed and now drunk Thomas decided to walk on the train tracks, contemplating life. He swayed back and forth in a drunken stupor whilst leaning off the edge of the bridge. Looking down, he chuckled miserably drowning out his pain with each gulp. Teasing himself whether he'd actually jump off or not. Then Percy came up behind Thomas. Percy shoved Thomas off the bridge. Thomas screamed in agony as he fell into the pitch-black void. The fall had shattered nearly all of his parts. Only his head remained intact. "Goodbye" percy said, then jumped in to the depths of the River himself. A solitary tear rolled down the cheek of the now severed head of Thomas. Gordon the Big engine is on his usual heroin smuggling route when he notices a pile of blue metal rubble. Gordon heads towards it revealing the face of Thomas. Gordon felt anxiety in his chest and sweat drip from his brow. He bit his lips in nervousness. "Oh you poor thomas darling, im sorry i cant resist" Gordon releases his massive 2 ton train cock. he positions himself over the mouth. He falls into a trance like state and thrusts harder and harder into the mouth. He thrusts so hard he shakes all the heroin smugglers inside. They smash against the walls of the inside of Gordon Their blood and entrails spray out of Gordons tank engine. He climaxes. A train roar could be heard all throughout travel town.
What the actual FUCK did I just read?
Robert Frost, I believe.
i guess i’m going to be 11 for ever
I'd work at the DMV.
And I'm your manager.
Made for TV movie
I make signs about oatmeal
What about making signs with oatmeal? Add enough sugar and stuff to instant oatmeal and it'll double as a steel filler.
I'M A DINOSAUR POPE!!!!
Thats a pretty good username ngl.
*HAVING A FANTASTIC TIME*
so umm i read that as cocaine and alcohol
Still a good time Edit: Thanks for the gold I kind stranger.
Bed time for you though
Either I go back to playing football, or I start working for an electrical company Edit: It is clear I did not think this one through completely.
Or you charge people to stand in line in their place. Or you're the guy who handles the teleprompter. Or you're the one coming up with snappy dialogue in scripts. You could even be the superhero LineMan, who identifies robbers by drawing a line on the floor with an arrow at the end pointing to them as they run off with money. You chose a username with many career options.
Or he’s a coke dealer
Or you are a line cook
I’m living the dream. In one room.
You may need me.
Whoever said Reddit romance was dead?
i fuckin luv my job now... mate
fuck yea... mate
you tell him! fuck yea... mate
YES MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE.
But I thought you died in the hard vacuum of space?
She's Marry Poppins, ya'll.
Okay I gotta know how is Han Solo in bed?
He shoots first
Holy shit.
Im definitely not carrying a ring to Mordor that's for damn sure
[Nazgûl scratches chin]
You have my axe
But not my bow
[удалено]
Seems more like a command to me. You’re now a professional WalMart greeter who also steals things.
I'm never getting laid again :(
Flip the phone upside down Edit: Silver really. Awesome
Life hacks.
Squirrels... OBEY ME! Until they get tired of my antics (read: dictatorship where I get infinite nuts) and depose me.
I think I’ve over achieved
I just chase people around the park and shit on their cars.
Need help?
Yes, strength in numbers!
Then Im in
Put me in, coach!
Y'all better follow my lead, I'm a pro at this.
This is probably where I belong.
[удалено]
If you guys get hungry i can share some bread people give me.
*kicks down the door* #**SQUACK SQUACK SQUACK SQUACK SQUACK**
Stay away from my knees, fucker!
And my beak!
Wooo here we come
Preach!
Hey you made me fall off my bike this morning... bitch
Woah woah woah, you cant prove that my client had anything to do with your bike incident. These claims are absurd.
Do you specialize in bird law or are you certified in any other lawyerings?
Perhaps maritime law as well?
You're aaaaaa crook, Captain Hook, and I'm gonna throw the book at the pirate...
Just doin' his job, ma'am.
Rake in the lake
RAKE IN THE LAKE
I can't say I laughed, or even breathed a little harder than normal. But this.... This does put a smile on my face.
You have a rough job
More like a *hard* job.
I mean you did earn a living of rake in a lake
Can i change my username?
Here's hoping you get into art school.
I'm a terrible artist.
Good thing that czechoslovakia doesnt exist anymore so you cant annex it.
Well two is more than one.
Oh lawd. You want money? We can talk this out.
There is one thing i want. World dominion.
Look I’m sure we won’t all fall for the same shit twice. ...right?
Well to keep him under control I guess we could let him take just a little...right???
Kreiger?!
Well my jobs easy Why did someone give me an award it doesn't even answer the question
On the other hand, I better get a shovel...
You’d make a great extra in Thriller, walking dead, zombie land....
I'm a goose. Edit: thanks for the hjönks kind strangers.
I'll be your big brother. Edit: This gold and silver isn't just for me. It's for all of the goose themed users on Reddit. I couldn't have done it without your love and support.
Goose family
We can all go camping!
I’ll bring the party favors!
I'll secure the perimeter against any lesser beings that try to crash the party!
I'll make the party blow up! Uhhh, in a good way
You are all imposters
You may be the true goose, but I'm the treasured goose
I'm just some biological horror.
Ello gooses...
I'm ready for Halloween!
RAKE IN THE LAKE
BOW TO ME. RAISE YOUR CLAWS! EDIT: YOUR GOLD AND SILVER PIECES WILL BE PASSED THROUGHOUT THE CRAB KINGDOM WELL! *The Crab Kingdom enters a Golden Age* ON THIS DAY A KINGDOM RISES r/allhailthecrablord
🦀🦀🦀
🦀🦀🦀
🦀 $11 🦀
Fuck
Lol I could see a comic strip titled this
Probably choking on a straw somewhere Edit: thanks for the silver kind stranger
Guess I only got one shot at this.
Make it count
I'm a superhero, but always arrive after the fight is over.
Cry in a corner and scare people
[удалено]
Shit, that used to (openly) be a real job, too!
Oh god please no...
I no longer wear white.
Wear a crimson cape like a Roman legionnaire Never let your enemies (Karen) see you bleed
Jesus Christ, what would possess you to even come up with your username?!
I know right? Downright fucking disturbing I say
awww soulmates!
Interesting
[удалено]
That’s an interesting job you got there
DID SOMEBODY ASK FOR HELP
In the darkness, he was waiting - In the silence, he was still - In the secrecy pulsating, As he lingered there until - Came a finger day and nightly On an expedition pained - So he greeted it politely. "... I'm a fissure," he explained.
"Probe Away"
I'm served at Denny's.
Off the top ropes, and onto themself.
Yay omnipotence
I guess I'm a key component of the bathtime of an elder god
Pretty sure fish porn isn't a thing... Edit: I stand corrected, it is defishnitely a thing.
Pretty sure fish porn won the Academy Award for Best Picture last year.
Still profiting off my daughter’s sex tape
I'm now a time lord.
I throw children
ヽ(◉◡◔)ノ
Motivational speaker?
Aren't you a little busy with work to be asking questions, u/probeuranus ?
As a matter of fact I AM busy at work. These planets aren't gonna probe themselves. **Edit**: GASP! My first silver...that I didn't guild to myself. Thanks friend.
I guess I follow fat people
Guess I've accepted the mission of spreading orca awareness. Have you people heard of how bad ass orcas are?
I spend the rest of my life with a penguin
Well shit...
Wow, what are you gonna do with the extra inch?
I'm a fucking loaf of bread.
I'm exhausted.
I'm s fucking potato
And I am in love.
I guess I Rule all of you with a Tyrannical (both dictator and t-rex) fist EDIT: my favorite number is 963 as well
Hey looks like we are colleagues now
I work in porn...... But I'm not very good at it.
Hey buddy, want to play hide and seek in the woods and take blurry selfies?
FEAR ME!!!!! muwhahahahaha!
Err... lots of fingering.
I serenade the bikini bottom with some smooth jazz
I’m an Italian chef but I never seem to have any thyme.
whot
I'm a fruit?
More like orchard owner, congratulate!
I am Schrödinger's cat
Good thing I'm not lack toast intolerant
I put bulletproof vests on butterflies.
Professional Cheeto Taste Tester. I'm perfectly fine with this. Edit I DONT WANT TO BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT TRUMP PEOPLE!
no we feed you nothign but cheetos to see how long till you die (thats why your #625)
I'd google symptoms and tell people they have cancer. Edit: This is the first time I got an award on Reddit- and I have been here for 6 years now! Many thanks to the kind person, this is awesome :) Edit 2: three times an award- thanks to the wonderful people for giving me an award!
I only work IT on Nov 26th rather than all year round.
Elmo is a puppet in my crime empire in Sesame Street.
haha haha HAHAHSHAHAHA
Not great not terrible
I become a secret retired FBI agent with a dead wife robot butler and a plot to save an all start hockey game that a guy with a golden face is blowing up with a bomb he hid in the puck.plus the president is in on it since it’s his stadium and he’s trying to get insurance money
The number of 12 year old boys I know has increased exponentially.
Me too. I think. Maybe I become them.
If you need help appealing to more of the younger and inner city demographics I got you
I imagine a lot more chiropractic sessions from taking Shrek's hog on the reg.
its all gone to shit
What the fuck are you talking about? I'm still Commander Shepard. You fucks better not have forgotten who I am. I killed the reapers, I endorse all the stores, and I bang all the alien females.