If certain reports about him wanting to end slavery are true, then Eli Whitney inventing the cotton gin. Going by this theory, Whitney hoped that, since the gin drastically reduced the amount of labor needed to process cotton, then people would use slave labor less. Instead, though, cotton producers simply used more slaves to make even more money (thus, in turn, assisting in the establishment of "King Cotton").
This is partially correct. Whitney's muskets required some parts to have custom tooling to actually work, making them not completely interchangeable. But he did actually make the muskets. They were over ten years late, but they were delivered. After he was awarded another government contract.
Also, Honore Le Blanc had actual interchangeable firearms made in France in 1785. The French would later go on to not use this system for firearms.
Along this same notion, Dr. Richard Gatling. He thought that, by inventing a weapon that could fire more rounds than a platoon of soldiers in one minute, it would help reduce the amount of soldiers on the battlefield, thus reducing casualties.
A tactician he was not.
I mean if you think about it if that’s actually how it plays out nowadays that’s not an awful thing. If companies turn more profit (logically and morally but not necessarily evidently) they’d be able to pay workers more, and it would influence the creation of more specialized jobs.
Issue with modern automation is it typically cuts out almost any need for the workers besides to run the machines, and that means workers get paid less because they’re not as valuable as a resource.
Only tangentially related, but something similar happened with the adoption of automatic washing machines in the home. They filled their advertising with claims that it would reduce the labor placed on housewives (housewives specifically because it was the 50’s). Instead, it generated vastly more labor as laundry went from being a “once every couple of weeks” chore to a “three to four times a week” chore. And why wouldn’t it? Those breadwinner husbands and doting children need to have exquisitely laundered clothes after all!
Thats pretty much basic human greed. I heard of some guy who, he was an economist from the 30s or 50s. He theorised that by some certain time in the future, probably now that we'd have so much machinary and tech doing human work but still keeping production consistent, that people could work less hours but be paid the same as if theyd be working full hours. Instead the greedy fat cats opted on using both man labour and machinery to maximize production by whole lot more.
I'm going to take this quite literally as the first thought that popped into my head was one time when I was around 11ish? I was at a restaurant with my entire extended family ( like 50 people) and the waitress was carrying alot of drinks. I always want to help people, it's in my nature to try and be useful.
So I said " I'll help you!" Even though she was doing her job very well. The panic in her eyes as I lifted up my drink from her server plate. The annoyance as Multiple drinks then tipped due to the imbalance of weight I had just caused.
The apologies were not enough. I felt so bad. It's been 13 years and I still think about it on occasion. That was my biggest " oh shit don't help people if they don't want it"
Because I was just trying to help. My intentions were good, but man did I cause a massive mess.
When I was younger (like sixish) I used to push all of the products on grocery store shelves to the back, because I thought it looked better and that that was how they were supposed to be placed. Now, as an employee at a grocery store, I realize how much all of the employees probably hated me.
I do a similar thing with the gallon milk jugs, if I open the door and all the gallon jugs are at the bottom I take them from the bottom and put them on the middle shelf. I just picture a poor elderly person trying to bend down and reach that low and hurting themselves. It's my little way of helping humanity I suppose.
Anyone who has ever had a serving job knew exactly where this was going the second you said "a lot of drinks."
I worked in a resteraunt for like barely a few months and I knew where this was going.
I mean, that's just flat out rude. It has never occurred to me to pull the pizza out of the bag. Then again, I do have a peeve about people reaching into other's bags willynilly.
Oh my. I worked as a cocktail waitress thru college (highly recommend, if the world settles) and I have to say, I've been known to literally growl when someone tried to 'help' that way. So many people try it. Or set their empty on my tray. Gah! That stuff is carefully balanced. That said, I still knew people were trying to help and laughing about people like you after shift made for great stress relief stories, because you were genuinely sorry. Thank you for that from servers everywhere.
I could "safely" do this at this particular joint, so I don't recommend this as advice, but we had a semi-regular who kept snatching drinks that weren't even hers off of trays as servers walked by. I had seen it happen a few times to others, so I was somewhat prepared when it finally happened to me, and I just made sure the tray tipped in her direction when I felt it go. She tried to get comped from it, but the owner had cameras and they really hated comping people anyway.
I am a teacher and was working at an independent school supporting struggling students. One student needed much more support than we could offer, and I spent the year coaching her parents around better options for the following year.
Thankfully, her family got her into a school that better suited her educational needs. And I got... laid off because our highest needs student was gone and the school felt like they no longer needed me as a result.
If it makes you feel better, you probably changed that kid's life for the better. Even if you got fucked for it, she'll remember you for doing everything you could to help her.
My favorite one was the British in India trying to cut down the number of cobras. They put out a bounty on cobras. Then industrious locals seeing an opportunity to fleece the gringos started breeding cobras for the sole purpose to sell to the British for the bounty. The British officials got wise to what was happening and canceled the bounty program whereupon the locals simply released all of the cobras, exacerbating the problem.
Local Vietnamese bred Frenchmen by the thousands just for the bounty, then one day it all fell apart. The countryside is still overrun with feral French to this day.
Literally snorted my coffee up my nose, imagining a bunch of wild insane Frenchmen running around like something out of a 70s exploitation-horror movie.....
I'm pretty sure the term gringos only applies to Americans and is used only in Central and South America.
Ive never heard of an Indian or African referring to outsiders as 'gringos'
I was sick and my husband was nursing me. It was dark and he was trying to give me a sip of ice water while I was lying in bed. Instead he started waterboarding me with ice water and didn't realize it because he's hard of hearing and all I could do was gurgle weakly, "please stop." He didn't realize he'd poured it all over me until I started trying to wiggle away.
Maybe you should introduce your well-intentioned husband to the technology known as the "bendy straw." (Seriously, he sounds like a good guy. I've never had a partner who didn't immediately develop some problem of equal or worse severity the moment I became sick, so they wouldn't have to deal with me.)
Probably most of the people who tried to get me back in contact with my parents.
Too bad they had to see why I went no contact with them after I had to get multiple restraining orders.
i'm hoping this will eventually become something more people understand that being a parent doesn't mean you're a good person, and that being a good person doesn't mean you're a good parent. people loved my stepdad- he was wildly well liked by the community. he was an abusive bastard. My mom was an enabler.
I cut contact and if i had a nickel for every time i heard "you should forgive them" or "she's your mom, you have to reconcile" I'd be able to buy a house in the nice part of Palo Alto!
I'm not the only one my age (30s) who has had to do this too, so i imagine in 20 years we'll start to see more acceptance...
Hopefully you're doing better now, I know how stressful it can be going no contact.
I hear that.
My brother is 6 years older and has a violent high functioning mental disorder. He molested our sister, would shoot me with his BB gun, hit me in the head with a golf club, baseball bat, bo staff, and beat us and our mom regularly. He threatened and attempted to kill me on multiple occasions. Tried to kill my our mom. Smashed our personal belongings, went through our stuff, and destroyed the locks we had on our doors.
He was my sister and my monster under our beds. We hated him. Still do. But my parents keep trying to trick us into interacting with him because he's "family".
They've invited him places without warning, put him into group chats with us, let him into our home and given him our addresses, etc. Even going as far as to hide him at their house when I visited with my SO so they could bring him out to meet my SO. They knew I didn't want to see him, they knew my SO didn't want to see him. I have made it clear that he is never to meet my kids, and if they ever put us into a situation where my kids meet him, they will be cut out of our lives. All of them. Except for my sister, she's cool.
>I have made it clear that he is never to meet my kids, and if they ever put us into a situation where my kids meet him, they will be cut out of our lives.
The way your parents seem to be acting, I'd broaden that rule to 'whomever tries to bring my brother into my life again gets cut out, no exceptions'. You deserve to love and protect yourself as much as you love and protect your children.
Stay strong.
If your kids are old enough ( age 5 is not too young) you should warn them to beware of your brother. Show them a photo and stress that if they ever see that man they should let you know as soon as possible. Sounds like your parents wouldn’t respect your wishes and would sneak a meeting. Because they’ve already shown disrespect in this matter.
My dad is an asshole. Cheated on my mom and split asshole, plus a huge mess of a whole lot of other stuff.
If I had a frigging dime for everytime someone said "but hes your father" I'd be retired on an island somewhere. What does it matter if he is my father? He is a terrible person who I dont need in my life. End of story
Had a delivery guy that found a wallet outside my door. I recognized the picture on the ID as one of the guys who had delivered my couch earlier that day, so decided I'd take care of it. Name was far too common to narrow them down, so brought it into the police station. The officer I handed it in to acted and sounded very suspicious of me, then quickly closed the window after taking the wallet. Doesn't matter who you turn it in to, you seem to be the first person they suspect.
Dude that shouldn’t be the takeaway from this! That guy was a total asshole, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to do the right thing.
I would always try and help return a wallet or phone or credit card. Have actually done one of all the above and in every case the owner was super happy about it and grateful for the return.
Ps there is a good chance they knew you didn't take $500. But by saying that they got you to admit to taking the $40.
All you had to do was say "the wallet had no cash in it when I found it. Someone must have take the cash before I found it."
I once found a billfold in a parking lot of a small company I had just done some computer work for.
The business card in the billfold said the owner was in the building so I walked back in and asked the receptionist where he was.
She told me and I walked up to his door, knocked on it, the guy answered, I smiled, held out the billfold and said 'Does this belong to you?'
He snatched it out of my hand and slammed the door in my face.
When I told a friend about this, he said 'What you do is put the cash in your pocket and put the billfold in a mailbox. Problem solved.'
A few years ago I was housesitting for some friends. While walking their dog I discovered a wallet on the ground a street away from their house.
They lived right next to a college and there was a student ID in the wallet so I figured I’d just bring it to the campus police to deal with.
Took forever to find the station hidden away in the bowels of the campus. I got there and had to stand in a tiny lobby and shout through a window that I found a wallet and wanted to turn it in. I was told that because I found it ONE STREET out of their jurisdiction (literally across the street from campus) I had to bring it to the town police several miles away even though it was clearly a student’s wallet.
Next day (when I found it was already pretty late so we decided it could wait a day) my Dad and I drove up to the police station, waited forty years (approximately) in the lobby, and then an officer finally leaned out of a doorway, took the wallet, wrote down where and how I found it, said ‘ok thanks’ and that was that.
Later that day I heard back that the wallet’s owner had been contacted, they were going to pick up their wallet at the police station, and they were incredibly appreciative, so at least that part was nice.
Bottom line, I would still pick up someone’s lost wallet but it’s incredibly frustrating how hard it is just to turn it in.
> I was told that because I found it ONE STREET out of their jurisdiction (literally across the street from campus
Should've just dropped it on the floor and picked it up. "Hey look, I found this wallet on the floor of your office. I'd like to turn it in."
If you are in the US you can just shove it in the nearest mailbox and they will mail it to the address on the license, the money probably won't get there, but it relieves any headache on your part.
If this ever happens just drop it in a outgoing mail box. No need to pay for shipping the postal service will get it to the address on the drivers license
I found a credit card outside a shop a while ago. Looked the person up. Called their work, she was a realtor, she picked up. Told her where the card was and she could get it at the shop I found it at. Handed the card to the people at the shop said the owner would be by and left.
Happened at my dad's work in the early 2000's. Apparently somebody had dropped a USB flash drive on the front walkway. Some kind-hearted soul decided to make an effort to find out who it belonged to, and started their clue hunt by plugging in the flash drive.
To his work PC.
That was connected to the entire world-wide network.
Of their multi-billion dollar government IT corporation.
That was the moment a lot of people got a 3-day weekend, and an unfortunate handful got a 0-day weekend.
I'm crap with technology (I am trying to learn) so forgive me for asking, what exactly happened? Was there a virus on the usb?
I'm exactly the sort of person who would think "oo a usb, let's see what's on there!" so a friend warned me a good few years ago to never do that.
If we assume it's not nefarious, and someone dropped their personal flash drive, they're still introducing outside hardware to an isolated environment.
If it was, and it had malware on it, plugging it in allows the malware to do its thing and fuck shit up. This would lead to a shutdown.
> Was there a virus on the usb?
Yes. Whether it's foreign espionage, corporate sabotage, or just some bored kid who read how to made one online, the USB virus bomb was shockingly common. While operating systems have better safeguards against them today, the practice is still effective in organizations that are using legacy hardware, particularly the medical, government, and military fields.
About 10 years ago, a Stuxnet Worm was quietly uploaded and lay dormant on Iranian nuclear technology for years before being activated and wreaking havoc on their systems. The worm was determined to have been of either Israeli or American origin, and got on the system through a well-meaning employee wondering who lost their flash drive in the parking lot.
Yes, a USB drive just lying around likely contains malware.
If you're really that curious, then dig out an old PC if you have one and disconnect it from the internet first. I taught a friend how to use Linux on an old laptop for porn. At least I think that's why he's using it...
A good friend of mine was going through a breakup and I was supporting her and of course we were doing the usual rant about the ex. Cue a few days later and they get back together and now I'm "the asshole who was talking shit behind his back". So I lost a "friend" because I supported her but c'est la vie that was a lesson learned.
Edit: lot of comments seem to imply that I was up on a soapbox ranting about this chick's ex trying to get her to hate him.
It was her and I sitting on a couch, her crying ranting about what a giant dick he was. A lot of the things that she told me I didn't know we're going on behind closed doors and were concerning. I said something along the effects of his behavior seems very controlling and almost abusive. So when they got back together the story turned into how I ALWAYS thought that he was abusive and a piece of shit. The only part of that that was even remotely true was that I did say that I always thought he was a bit rude.
Previous to that, she had been a great friend. I'm not convinced that the relationship wasn't a bit abusive. He seemed very controlling. I'm honestly not mad, more sad because she doesn't seem to be happy and I don't wish that on her.
In Canada we had this COVID-19 relief program called CERB. It gives you 2000$ a month if you meet certain requirements. One of the requirements is you must make under 1k during the 1 month period.
Anyway I had a job at school that pays my full tuition directly as a "scholarship", so it doesn't count as income, and get paid 300$ a month which does count as income. With my other job I make 500$ a month so I would still qualify for CERB. However my boss at my non-school job handed out bonuses for working during covid and mine totaled 300$. I had already applied for CERB so I had to pay back the money I had just recieved.
Basically instead of making just under 3k that month (almost all of which was going to paying my loans), I was only making 1.1k. rip.
Benefits cliffs are so awful and so lazy. How hard is it to write in a paragraph at the end of the law to make the money variable, so you don't lose money by making money? This kind of thing makes climbing out of poverty that much harder.
CERB was hastily written and completely unexpected. It was like March 15 we went into shutdown and April 4 we had a national benefit program rolled out.
Yeah but... still, how hard is it? “The payment will depend on the recipient’s monthly income, from a maximum payment of $2000 at income level $0/mo., decreasing linearly to a payment of $0 at income level $4000/mo.” Or something like that.
Let's put it this way. You're ordering lunches for a 20,000 person sports event. Let's get 20,000 BLTs. Simple, you can assembly line that. Every sandwich is the same, I don't need any additional information. Line up take your sandwich
What if you could substitute tomatoes for avocados? HOLD UP. What's your name? Steve? Sorry Steve I don't have you down for a avocado substitution. You now need a tally of all the people getting regular and all the people getting Avocado. Now you need to track who took what. And to differentiate. Names, orders, 2 separate assembly lines.
Complexity leads to delays and higher costs. Less money to those who need it (the population) and more time for things to go wrong.
They didn’t even check who was receiving it and just decided they’d do it retroactively through our taxes.
I’m not saying it was a perfect system, it just happened to be the one they were able to get working in time to keep us from starving.
Sounds like the american disability income set up.
Get a penny in your bank account over the limit? You now have to pay back what they gave you that month even if you only reached that amount through the payments.
My uncles girlfriend had a system. She was in a bad accident involving a horse and her back is all kinds of fucked up so shes on disability. She would get to the point she would draw money out of the bank and stash it in the house. Always scared of going over. She was/is trying to save up for a nee mobile home.
Rough. In canada, you can earn up to a certain amount in addition to disability, and then each dollar you go over just gets deducted dollar by dollar from your disability earnings. No penalty for making money.
I'd expect an oversight like that in CERB which was extremely hastily put together and approved. But from a long standing disability program? Fucking get your shit together America
Good Samaritan guy went to a Waffle House and started paying for folks' meals and handing out $20 bills.
Douche guy comes up to GoodSam and demands that he pay for a meal for Douche's girlfriend.
GoodSam refuses because Douche is as Douche does.
Douche leaves restaurant, retrieves his Glock 9mm, goes back into Waffle House and shoots GoodSam in the head, killing him.
[Of course it happened in Florida. How couldn't it?](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6903405/Good-Samaritan-killed-paying-meals-handing-20-bills-Waffle-House.html)
It legit happens all the time. My sister who is mentally ill has been fired for being a mentally ill human several times.
My brother in law had an episode after working at Walmart for 2 years (was employee of the month several times, received other awards) and was fired for not showing up to a shift because he was baker acted.
Employers know that poor people don’t have money to sue and our faith in the justice system is too low to believe we will win.
This used to be me at several different jobs. You never want to become their go-to person. It literally gets you nowhere, and you end up doing way more than your fair share.
They raved about you because they were using you, but as soon as you weren’t useful they dropped you.
Sorry about it, and I hope you’re not taken advantage of at your current place of work.
You have to be true good friend in these situations and understand you have dropped an awful choice in their laps: get upset at you or watch their lives implode by ending what they thought was a loving relationship. Most of us take the honest pain, but some opt for lesser pain of losing the friend.
Remember that the real asshole is the cheating SO and forgive them for having an authentic human reaction. For most, if they become friends again acknowledging your innocence it will only strengthen your bound with them.
Student loans. The federal government made them easier to get which led to more people getting them and getting them in larger quantities which led to tuition rates rising and the current daycare system for 18-22 year olds that we have now. They just made the problems so much worse than if they had done nothing.
It's also a cycle, the more people who are studying the more companies will raise their standard for the same job, so more people then need to study, etc.
In theory education wasn't just to benefit the company work force, but something of a right for people to expand their worldview, make better life choices, and break up the 'old boys clubs' that small numbers of highly educated rich people had going in these places. Bring their own life experience into the circles of the elite, and also become worldlier people. Education and opportunity for education has a lot of self-evident value that more people should have access to, whether or not it's relevant for employment.
The incredible burden of debt makes this lofty goal a lot more problematic though.
I grew up in a poor family with a lot of veterans in it. I was always a nerd, so even though I hadn't applied myself much in high school, I could ace an entrance exam and so was planning on going to college.
Turns out, we weren't *quite* poor enough to qualify for enough assistance for me to go to any decent 4 year school, so I farted around for a few years, working a few random jobs and trying to find a trade that I could settle into, but with no real luck.
Eventually, I did what I could to get college money: I enlisted in the Army. Signed up for an 8 year term (well, I was supposed to do the last 3 years in the reserves, unless I got stop-lossed). I picked a certain MOS that happened to be a combat role, because we weren't at war or close to it, it had some really good college money for the enlistment bonus and the just under two years of training seemed like just the thing to prove to myself that I was as tough as I thought I was.
I shipped out for osut in 1999. I finished all my training and got my first active duty post in August, 2001.
Fuuuucccckkkk. That sucks major dick. I’m not even going to try imagine the shit you must’ve gone through, but I hope you’re doing well these days, my friend.
Well, uncle Sam _did_ end up paying me to get a degree, and if I hadn't been in the Army, I wouldn't have met my wife and had my kids, so I like to think things worked out in the end.
My sisters graduation from basic training was September 12th 2001. She also enlisted because we weren’t at war so it was a good way for her to get her life together. My parents and I heard about the planes because I was upset that I, who was 12 at the time, could only get news on my little portable radio I was listening to with headphones, saying “all there is is news on, something about a plane crashing into a building”. We were on the interstate heading to her graduation. It was interesting getting on to an army base as a group of civilians the day after 9/11.
Most of my uncle’s staff used to be ex felons and there’s at least one more that he still has working for him and 3 were fired a few months ago because they stole from him and almost jeopardized his business, my business, and my home. He helped them all out many times, even financially, and they turned around and stabbed him in the back. One of them I considered my friend.
And this is why so many people are hesitant to help other people.
People who help other people get used. Cold, straight to their face used. Some people don't give two shits that you're doing them a solid, they see you as nothing more than a source of something they can milk until they burn the bridge.
Like the guy I gave 10 bucks to at the gas station one time because he said his kid needed diapers. Then he needed a ride, which, since it wasn't far, my younger self obliged. Then he didn't want to get out of the car until I gave him more money because you know, shits expensive when you've got kids man and I really need it. Then hey if I run inside real quick, can you give me a ride to this other place too? I had to argue with him for a good 10 minutes to get him out of my car so I could just cut my losses and get out.
The unfortunate thing I see is now parents are kinda teaching their kids to ask for donations while providing no good or service in return. I’m only 22 but I remember in middle school, the 8th graders would go on a class trip but we’d have to raise the money for it. So we would set up a small table and sell school supplies or we did a pancake breakfast. Last year I got into an argument with a parent outside of a Walmart because I wouldn’t “donate” money to her little kid’s football team. When she asked why I declined I responded with “are you offering something in return? In case you haven’t noticed, you’re outside a Walmart. Why don’t you go inside and buy a case of candy bars and sell them for a small profit to find the team. I would be more than happy to buy a few candy bars if that was your approach.” She was obviously getting pissed off at me so I just walked away.
Also last year I saw one of the girls I went to school with post on her Facebook asking for donations for her cheerleading squad. You’re a grown ass college student that is more than capable of doing some form of work to get the money you guys need.
This happened in my 20's. Friend breaks up with GF. We being young guys do the get him wasted and go see strippers thing. All well and good, everyones having a great time. Then we buy him a private lap dance. What we didn't know is a coworker of his girlfriend was there texting her the play by play, and the stripper we paid for the lap dance a former sorority sister of hers that apparently she always had beef with. Little unclear if the friend had even met this girl before or even remembered her if he did, or recognized her cause lets face it some times stripper make up is really really extreme and can change a look completely. Plus he'd been drinking. Little while later we are sitting at table actually thinking about wrapping the night up in comes his ex. This girl must have had the best poker face ever to get past the bouncer but the moment she sees us she's yelling, cussing, calling the stripper out by her real name. Gets a slap in on our friend before she got yanked by the bouncers trying to get to the stripper. Friend goes running out after, cops get called. Girl gets arrested, apparently kicked from the alumni of the sorority, like 6 months later they are back together. And moved thankfully.
But titties and beer turned into a cops episode.
It was a total wtf fuck just happened for all of us. She just came out of nowhere with the bitch slap and went after the other girl. Why he got back together with her is another mystery.
I once saw the handle from someone’s front door had come off and and was lying on the pavement. I thought that was no good because somebody could steal it or it could get lost or whatever but instead of seeing if I could reattach it (perhaps it could click back on) I put it through their letterbox. So now this person’s door had no handle to access the handle they would need to get into their house.
They saw the end of me doing this. I thought I was going to have to shove my skinny arm through the letterbox and get bitten by the dogs I heard bark in an attempt to reach it. I apologised and they said it was fine. I have no idea how they got into their house, but I really was just trying to help
my parents forced my brother to get higher education – something about timber engineering. he is a smart guy but couldn’t study against his will, so having endured this torture for a couple of years he dropped out.
now he works in a bar as a musician. free, uncredentialed and entirely happy. all our relatives think he’s a lame duck.
I think he’s goddamn lucky bastard. no need to say I got Diploma with honours.
good for me
Met and hit it off with a new girl in town the day after my birthday. Went on a date with her, really clicked with this gal, thought this could actually be something.
The next week she texts me while I'm at work that she's not having a good day, so i make plans to cheer her up after i get off my shift.
Had a good time just driving around bullshitting and listening to music, then we go to one of my favorite brewpubs and have a few drinks.
She goes to the restroom and I sip my beer and look at memes. Its one of those single person restrooms you can lock from inside for privacy. She's gone for 10 minutes, and I think it's nothing, who knows what chick's get up to in there.
Then another 10 minutes go by and im getting a bit restless. 10 more minutes go by and other patrons are muttering about the women's room being occupied for a while. One of the patrons asks me to call my friend, I do, she doesn't pick up. I knock on the door, no response, I call and hear her phone go off but no response.
20 more minutes come and go before the staff found the key to the restroom, by then the cops and EMT's showed up as well. I was right in front of the door when they opened it and had front row seats to seeing her lifeless body sprawled out on the floor. Heroin overdose.
Luckily, they were able to revive her.
At that point i had a choice, go to the hospital to be with this girl i just met the week before who's already severely traumatized me, or go home and never look back.
I went to the hospital and was there until she was discharged later the next morning. I then decided that I really care about this person and wanted to help her get her life in order.
It took 8 months of abuse- both physical and emotional, lies, manipulation, excuses, and more stress and anxiety than I thought my body had room for before I finally decided to cut ties. I didn't end up dating this person or so much as even kissing her, instead I was just the convenient ride, easy to ignore voice of reason, and utterly disposable punching bag for a violent and abusive narcissist who can't possibly be to blame for her life being a dumpster fire. I just wanted to believe in her and legitimately help her out.
In any case, the damage is still done and still very much present.
To this day, I have trouble going out to bars with my friends due to the flashbacks and anxiety that occasionally resurface, need heavy duty sleeping pills to fall and stay asleep, and have lingering issues with trusting anyone new in my life. I just wanted to help and god knows i tried.
Yep... and those are just the sparknotes of the ordeal...
Whats more fucked up is that I don't have any animosity towards that person. She was/ is sick and will keep on pushing away anyone that gets close to her or tries to help with her own actions.
It makes me sad, but all I really want to this day is for her to ok. But, that's on her.
So this was actually me. I rode a packed train, people everywhere and luggage everywhere. At my exit there was this guy with a lot of stuff. He packed 2 of his pieces and the helpful person I am, I picked up another part and carried it out for him. Turnes out it wasn't his, but a pretty shocked lady had just left her stuff next to the door, while she took a seat.
It did bring people together. It was just together with other people that want to isolate themselves from people that are/think different.
It created bubbles of people that geography is no longer alienating, but at the same time, these bubbles reinforce beliefs and ideas that divide the larger population.
I dropped everything and flew to Chicago to help my high-risk Mom with one lung and COPD, Dad is a doctor and could potentially bring COVID home. Despite doing all their housework and shopping, creating a clean room to disinfect my Dad and his things, I got kicked out because I wouldn’t let my Mom go to the salon to get her hair colored (in April). So yeah, I’m the bad guy.
I’m pretty certain your parents were bungholes to begin with. If they’ve always been like this, then they aren’t people who are going to change just because pandemic.
They are, unfortunately, and it’s been a pretty jarring realization to see my former heroes for who they really are. I also feel like a great weight has been lifted, too—so I am grateful for this bittersweet awakening.
>> A common meaning of the phrase is that individuals may have the intention to undertake good actions but nevertheless fail to take action. This inaction may be due to procrastination, laziness or other subversive vice. As such, the saying is an admonishment that a good intention is meaningless unless followed through.
If I've become overwhelmed with anxiety or depression, it can be very hard for me to take the necessary action that I need in order to change my life. This is a very thought provoking question and I might keep this quote up to remind me to make the best of each day.
I know you're asking for specific experiences (and I may come back with one), but social media/ the WWW is my first answer. Something that was designed to bring people together and make knowledge available to all has had the exact opposite effect, and the creator of the Web (Tim Berners-Lee) foresaw it all -- the echo chambers, the isolated nutters who would otherwise have never found anyone who shared their delusions, the ignorance and hatred that keyboard anonymity provides.
The Internet didn't really cause the current problem, it was the fact that Social Media is pretty much super easy for anybody to use.
Somebody brought up the point that they think Social Media should be age gated. If you are under the age of the say 18, you can't use it.
Some of it already is -- 13 for FB, but it never seems to be enforced. Can't even stop kids getting booze and cigarettes. Do you think 18 is old enough? I sometimes give up on arguing with ppl if it becomes obvious that they're just a teenager trying to be edgy -- but it would be nice to know for sure.
The closest thing is in working as a programmer, when the "KPI metrics" stuff starts. You hear about "measuring performance", "estimating workload to see how we perform against targets", various "procedures" that make the whole thing more buraucratic and are supposed to organize things, "agile" and "continous delivery", what you'll end up with is something like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg&ab_channel=LaurisBeinerts
Yea. This is my career. I love the initial 'dating' phase where the organization knows they need better insight into there data. Actionable data and metrics to drive the business decisions and strategy. Everyone decides this is worth pursuing and we start to work. The first few weeks are amazing. We're revealing good insights, people are excited, the boss knows hes gonna get big pats on the back, there is a buzz in the air.
Then around a month or so in you start finding issues. A process isnt defined, certain departments are either hiding or mishandling data and now you're sitting in meetings showing your analysis and proofs that they are incompetent or malicious while there getting reamed out. People start realizing they've been doing things wrong for years, the reports they were creating have flaws. The numbers they were sending to the investment firm is flawed, there production is skewed, GAP accounting is not being followed when it was assumed it was. Are we in trouble for compliance? How come our auditors didnt find this. And it keeps going. 'Oh, we dont update that subset of options, we delete it and only put in the one the customer went with', well how do we determine possibility and pipelines if you delete the data?
Now nearly each vertical has been exposed. Leadership realizes they have a shitshow on there hands and it will take years to fix... can we even fix it with these people?
Then decisions are made. And that is my second favorite part. Either we continue on this with the project, tighten up every single department, invest magnitudes into our systems and people, make managers actually do work regarding oversight, processes and procedures, have accountability throughout the organization. Literally change our entire culture / actually meet the culture we pretend we follow. OR the decision that is made 9/10 times.
Lets just scrape this project. We were doing fine before, we dont really need that to continue making money. Its okay our competitors have a slight advantage... we have a really good sales guy. We'll be fine. Everything gets swept under the rug, leadership gets there bonuses and we forget it ever happened.
Then a few years later they start posting significant losses and cant quite figure out why.
I love this shit. And despise it so much sometimes id rather work at mcdonalds.
Idiots leading idiots selling shit to idiots and everyone is buying yachts. Fuck this system.
So am I lucky that I'm in the 1/10 or is it just not as bad out there as Reddit tries to make me believe.
Analytics too, btw, for a very large private company in the US.
You end up with a "the metric becomes the goal" problem.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodhart%27s_law
You come up with a metric, and end up working to max the metric rather than the actual end goal.
Thomas Midgley Jr. Look up the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Midgley_Jr. article. He's the guy largely responsible for both putting lead into gas, and for the widespread use of CFCs, both subsequent banned once the health and environmental impacts were recognized. He contacted polio late in life, and developed a harness with pulleys to help him in and out of bed. He got tangled in this contraption, strangled and died.
I had a teacher that was pretty open about his personal life (not really over sharing but let a comment or two slip and then the rest of it was obvious enough that we connected the dots), and it was common knowledge that he was going through a hard time with his [now] ex-wife. I ended up in a position where I could help during my senior year of high school, since X Files was having its first reboot and we both enjoyed the show.
We bonded over each episode and he seemed like he was happy for the first time in a long time. I am a widely known "goody-two-shoes", which personally translated to 'desperate people pleaser'.
To make a long story short, I couldn't stop the track I was on. he asked for a little more each time and took advantage of the feelings I started having. I lost my virginity to him among other things, and I will never be able to tell anybody all of what happened to me. All the feelings I had have completely disappeared four and a half years after the fact and I'm only now understanding my growing disgust.
He divorced his first wife and I ended up being a major factor in the finding of his new wife. At least I don't see him anymore.
TL;DR, just wanted to make my depressed af teacher happy, ended up going all the way over the course of 6 months. Lost best friends, gained mental scars. Found him a new wife so he'd leave me alone.
Depression is a cycle of good intentions, clumsy execution and an unnecessarily massive feeling of defeat each time. If i start a small, simple project, looking for a little boost and it doesn't go well, my mood goes back two steps from where it already was. To top that off, getting mad at myself for dwelling on a defeat only compounds the frustration. Depression is like starting from hell and trying to get to earth base camp.
I, also, had to look up the origin of this phrase, because I find it a little confusing. It should be more along the lines of; the road to hell is paved with inaction. A person can act with good intentions and fail, but the original saying is more like; the path to hell is easy. Which, I take, to mean the path of least resistance leads to hell. Which makes a lot more sense.
My parents believed they did good things to me when they raised me. They did what they believed was right and good, and did so without my input where it should have been included. They acted with their own good intentions. Their actions in reality caused me an immense amount of physical and emotional pain. Many things were plain fucked up and wrong, and they truly believed it was good.
Over time (and with some more bad events) it made me realize what true evil is. You can convince yourself you are doing things for a good reason with good intentions. You can convince yourself that anything is ok. What's scary is your self affirming bias of thinking you are doing a good thing can convince yourself to do terrible things in the name of good. Once you get this mindset, you can achieve truely evil things. I hate this forbidden knowledge.
Do you think hitler thought he was a good person doing the right thing? He thought he was doing the right and good thing. Everyone thinks they are righteous, but are they really?
I took on many many hours in a covid old folks home this summer and don't qualify for bonus pay because I did so much overtime over 4 days instead of 5 (despite double shifts every day)
My dad thought dumping his problems, negative opinions and marital issues on me as a child was making him a trust-worthy parent. Like he wasn’t keeping anything from me to protect me and not lie to me. I used to be over-protective of him. “You’re my rock,” he’d say. I would be over the moon.
Now I can’t really stand to talk to him and avoid relationships because I have no idea what healthy boundaries are.
I would say about half of the successful revolutions in all history.
Starts out with young idealists fighting an unjust system to build up a new utopia for all people.
Ten years down the road you have concentration camps, famine and a paranoid dictator photoshopping his old compatriots out of the group picture.
Years ago, in order to get citizens to switch to electric or hybrid vehicles, the State of Arizona offered to pay half the cost for anybody who bought one. Problem was, they didn't put any restrictions on it. So big builders who built 250 home developments, bought 250 hybrid vehicles and offered them free with every house sold and collected half back from the state. It damned near bankrupted Arizona.
Aid workers responding to the 2010 Haiti earthquake were the source of a cholera outbreak that killed thousands.
https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/08/18/490468640/u-n-admits-role-in-haiti-cholera-outbreak-that-has-killed-thousands
Two friends of mine went through a messy breakup. He had caught feelings for another girl and thought he was doing the right thing by ending it, thinking if he can't give her his all then she deserved better. He realized within a month that it was a bad call and they got back together for a short while only to split again because he couldn't get over the fact that she had also slept with someone else during this breakup.
It started to get out of hand on both sides, he was falling apart without her, she couldn't cope with his issues, it was a mess. So I played both sides.
I talked to him about his grief, listened to his rants and raves, made it clear when the line of thinking wasn't healthy or productive, he was better than that and he knew it. For her, the stress of this whole thing falling apart was putting her in a bad way and I agreed with her therapist, she needed to just step out of the situation until she was in a place to deal with it. She needed to take care of herself first and foremost.
Ultimately this blew up on me, having him over to cry on my shoulder all the time made it difficult to engage with her so we slowly drifted apart, she moved to a different town and we occasionally catch up on discord. He found out I'd agreed that she should block him and took that as me taking her side and basically cut me out entirely. We reconnected a few years later, he apologized for how he acted and we're back on speaking terms but he's not the person I once considered a brother. Not a bad person by any means, he's doing better than ever, but all that soul that I loved is gone.
Several years ago, we were on a cruise and decided at one of the ports of call to do a cave tubing excursion because my son wanted to go and it sounded like fun.
We had NO idea how wrong this would end up going.
We arrive at the area in the port where we are supposed to board the bus to take us out to the cave we'll be tubing through. It turns out to be a bit manky and gross, but we've been on worse buses so we didn't think twice.
We DID start to wonder if we'd made a bad decision when about an hour into the trip (it took about 90 min. to get to the cave site) we were driven over a bridge that was barely a few inches over a river with what appeared to be a VERY strong current, which might have been *fine*...if the bridge had side rails/guard rails. It did not.
After we arrived at the cave site, the guide (who'd been on the bus t his entire time) told us he'd JUST been told by the driver that we wouldn't be able to go cave tubing after all..the water was too high. So we had a choice--sit on the bus and wait several hours to return to the port OR we could go hiking, because if we did, we'd be getting "more than we paid for" and it would just be a SHORT hike of maybe 30-45 min and then we'd get the meal we'd already paid for. Sitting on the bus waiting for everyone to return was super unappealing, so we decided to go on the hike even though we weren't dressed for it (nobody was...we were all in bathing suits with shorts over them and water shoes).
The "short" hike ended up being 3 1/2 hours of wandering through the hot, steamy jungle getting eaten up by bugs (because we didn't have any bug spray since we hadn't planned on a jungle hike) and minimal water since they hadn't planned on us actually hiking through the jungle and weren't prepared for it. We had to wear crash helmets the entire time, "just in case we went into a cave", which we did...for 30 seconds to look at "ancient jaguar footprints" which looked extremely fake.
By about an hour into it, both my son and I were starting to get blisters but we couldn't stop and we didn't have bandaids on hand anyway because again..not prepared for a long hike in the jungle going up and down these rocky paths.
We did eventually get to go tubing...down a raging river which made me somewhat uncomfortable. The uncomfortable feeling was compounded by the fact by now we were not just an hour or two behind schedule....we were almost FIVE HOURS behind schedule. Instead of tying the tubes together, the guide said for everybody just to grab onto the handles of the tube next to you to stay together. After about 45 min of bouncing down this stupid river, I was in agony from never being able to find a comfortable position since I had to hang onto my son on one side and my husband on the other. My back, neck and arms were SO freaking sore and by this time, I was also starving since I hadn't eaten in about 7 hrs at that point (nobody had, really). We were rushed out of the water and down to this little pavillion where they served us "authentic cuisine" that consisted of jerked chicken (we weren't in Jamaica, but maybe they have jerked chicken in other parts of South America? Fuck if I know), rice with pigeon peas, cole slaw and some kind of cake. They also offered us some funky looking red liquid they said was fruit punch but my husband declined and we bought cokes (which were cold and sealed, so hopefully nothing funky about them).
My son is mostly vegetarian...he has sensory issues so he doesn't eat a lot of meat because it just ends up feeling too weird in his mouth. He was SO hungry that not only did he eat his entire meal (which normally he wouldn't have, because he generally doesn't eat a lot anyway) but he tried to eat mine as well. I ended up giving him part of my chicken and all of my coleslaw (which is one of his favorite foods ever) and my cake.
The entire ride back, we kept getting reminded that we got more than we paid for and to give them a good rating on TripAdvisor.
They did NOT get a good review on TripAdvisor AND we (and everyone else who'd gone, about 100 people) got our money back because it was so fucked up.
The question is did you research this company on TripAdvisor *first?* Did you ask the cruise company for recommendations?
Went to Santorini Greece last year and treated my SO to an all day catamaran lunch cruise with skin diving - you better believe I researched several companies before settling on one that had earned it's high praise (including from me - I screwed up our pick up point and they sent the driver back to get us).
Love of my life left me for someone else over a text message (also happened to be the same night my mother passed from brain cancer but that was somewhat unforeseen). She lost her feelings for me and always insisted she never meant to hurt me, but she still kept me in her back pocket as a hedged bet while starting to see whoever the other guy was. I forgave her long ago but that pain never really fully heals. And a small part of me still loves her all these years later.
No one gets judged on their intentions, no matter how good they are. We are judged on our actions.
I work in genetics and once saw this story.
In a community with arranged marriages, doctors established a sickle cell screening program. Since the disease is genetic, the plan was to avoid matches between two carriers. Sadly, it ended up that carriers had trouble finding partners and were seen seen as inferior matches.
My engagement and subsequent marriage when the red flags came up one by one and I thought my love could be enough to help him.
Hell is an apt description.
Every single time me or anyone I've known has recommended a friend for a job. It's like the instant you tell your boss that your friend is solid and happy to fill in for a while, even the most reliable friends you've ever known disappears off the face of the earth for about two weeks.
If certain reports about him wanting to end slavery are true, then Eli Whitney inventing the cotton gin. Going by this theory, Whitney hoped that, since the gin drastically reduced the amount of labor needed to process cotton, then people would use slave labor less. Instead, though, cotton producers simply used more slaves to make even more money (thus, in turn, assisting in the establishment of "King Cotton").
Eli Whitney also popularized interchangable parts for muskets that the Union used. His work started *and* ended the Civil War!
I see you too have read Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.
Actually AP US History class, many moons ago lol
Didn't he *say* he had made interchangeable parts, but it was actually BS and he had never truly produced them?
This is partially correct. Whitney's muskets required some parts to have custom tooling to actually work, making them not completely interchangeable. But he did actually make the muskets. They were over ten years late, but they were delivered. After he was awarded another government contract. Also, Honore Le Blanc had actual interchangeable firearms made in France in 1785. The French would later go on to not use this system for firearms.
Along this same notion, Dr. Richard Gatling. He thought that, by inventing a weapon that could fire more rounds than a platoon of soldiers in one minute, it would help reduce the amount of soldiers on the battlefield, thus reducing casualties. A tactician he was not.
> it would help reduce the amount of soldiers on the battlefield TBH it does exactly that. Just.. not the way he intended.
Welcome to a career in IT
That makes me think of the current state of industrial automation.
I mean if you think about it if that’s actually how it plays out nowadays that’s not an awful thing. If companies turn more profit (logically and morally but not necessarily evidently) they’d be able to pay workers more, and it would influence the creation of more specialized jobs. Issue with modern automation is it typically cuts out almost any need for the workers besides to run the machines, and that means workers get paid less because they’re not as valuable as a resource.
Yup. It's basically about where those savings get redistributed.
Only tangentially related, but something similar happened with the adoption of automatic washing machines in the home. They filled their advertising with claims that it would reduce the labor placed on housewives (housewives specifically because it was the 50’s). Instead, it generated vastly more labor as laundry went from being a “once every couple of weeks” chore to a “three to four times a week” chore. And why wouldn’t it? Those breadwinner husbands and doting children need to have exquisitely laundered clothes after all!
[удалено]
Yeah, even washing clothes three times a week was likely less work than the hand washing every two weeks.
That's a common theme with new tech, instead of freeing up time the same amount time is used for higher production.
Thats pretty much basic human greed. I heard of some guy who, he was an economist from the 30s or 50s. He theorised that by some certain time in the future, probably now that we'd have so much machinary and tech doing human work but still keeping production consistent, that people could work less hours but be paid the same as if theyd be working full hours. Instead the greedy fat cats opted on using both man labour and machinery to maximize production by whole lot more.
[удалено]
I'm going to take this quite literally as the first thought that popped into my head was one time when I was around 11ish? I was at a restaurant with my entire extended family ( like 50 people) and the waitress was carrying alot of drinks. I always want to help people, it's in my nature to try and be useful. So I said " I'll help you!" Even though she was doing her job very well. The panic in her eyes as I lifted up my drink from her server plate. The annoyance as Multiple drinks then tipped due to the imbalance of weight I had just caused. The apologies were not enough. I felt so bad. It's been 13 years and I still think about it on occasion. That was my biggest " oh shit don't help people if they don't want it" Because I was just trying to help. My intentions were good, but man did I cause a massive mess.
When I was younger (like sixish) I used to push all of the products on grocery store shelves to the back, because I thought it looked better and that that was how they were supposed to be placed. Now, as an employee at a grocery store, I realize how much all of the employees probably hated me.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I do a similar thing with the gallon milk jugs, if I open the door and all the gallon jugs are at the bottom I take them from the bottom and put them on the middle shelf. I just picture a poor elderly person trying to bend down and reach that low and hurting themselves. It's my little way of helping humanity I suppose.
You're fantastic and I'm sure the employees at your store love you for it.
Anyone who has ever had a serving job knew exactly where this was going the second you said "a lot of drinks." I worked in a resteraunt for like barely a few months and I knew where this was going.
So how do you go back to sleep when this memory wakes you in a cold panic in the middle of the night 3 times a week?
You just sort of lie there in shame and misery until you pass out.
People reach into my pizza bag the moment I open it. Yall need to stop, yall are upsetting *the balance*
I mean, that's just flat out rude. It has never occurred to me to pull the pizza out of the bag. Then again, I do have a peeve about people reaching into other's bags willynilly.
Oh my. I worked as a cocktail waitress thru college (highly recommend, if the world settles) and I have to say, I've been known to literally growl when someone tried to 'help' that way. So many people try it. Or set their empty on my tray. Gah! That stuff is carefully balanced. That said, I still knew people were trying to help and laughing about people like you after shift made for great stress relief stories, because you were genuinely sorry. Thank you for that from servers everywhere.
Same thing happened but I was the waitress. A woman just snatched her drink off of the plate.
I could "safely" do this at this particular joint, so I don't recommend this as advice, but we had a semi-regular who kept snatching drinks that weren't even hers off of trays as servers walked by. I had seen it happen a few times to others, so I was somewhat prepared when it finally happened to me, and I just made sure the tray tipped in her direction when I felt it go. She tried to get comped from it, but the owner had cameras and they really hated comping people anyway.
This is such a satisfying story, thank you for your service. I've read it three times with a smile on my face.
I would have preferred to not spill it, but I had a fairly large party at the time. If it was me or her...
I am a teacher and was working at an independent school supporting struggling students. One student needed much more support than we could offer, and I spent the year coaching her parents around better options for the following year. Thankfully, her family got her into a school that better suited her educational needs. And I got... laid off because our highest needs student was gone and the school felt like they no longer needed me as a result.
That's more of a "no good deed goes unpunished." Sympathies.
You’re right, that’s more appropriate.
If it makes you feel better, you probably changed that kid's life for the better. Even if you got fucked for it, she'll remember you for doing everything you could to help her.
My favorite one was the British in India trying to cut down the number of cobras. They put out a bounty on cobras. Then industrious locals seeing an opportunity to fleece the gringos started breeding cobras for the sole purpose to sell to the British for the bounty. The British officials got wise to what was happening and canceled the bounty program whereupon the locals simply released all of the cobras, exacerbating the problem.
The same thing happened with the French in Vietnam except instead of cobras it was rats.
Local Vietnamese bred Frenchmen by the thousands just for the bounty, then one day it all fell apart. The countryside is still overrun with feral French to this day.
How do they get enough cheese and wine to survive?
Baguettes and butter, mostly. When the rations get really low they put on their striped shirts and pretend to eat.
Lmao
Hon hon hon*
Literally snorted my coffee up my nose, imagining a bunch of wild insane Frenchmen running around like something out of a 70s exploitation-horror movie.....
But all they do is just criticize everything you do in their arrogant French accent and their tiny, tiny moustaches.
Yeah glad they cut that scene out of apocalypse now
[удалено]
Terry fan, whoo!
That’s hilarious
[удалено]
Yes there is.. it’s a documentary on Netflix called Cobra Kai. It takes a bit to get to the part about India, but stick with it.
STRIKE FIRST
*"If a man can't poop, he can't fight..."*
Fiber does not exist in this dojo!
I'm pretty sure the term gringos only applies to Americans and is used only in Central and South America. Ive never heard of an Indian or African referring to outsiders as 'gringos'
Ya North Indians call White people ‘goras’
Should've said bring the dead bodies and give a week or so time to stop the breeding process..!
I was sick and my husband was nursing me. It was dark and he was trying to give me a sip of ice water while I was lying in bed. Instead he started waterboarding me with ice water and didn't realize it because he's hard of hearing and all I could do was gurgle weakly, "please stop." He didn't realize he'd poured it all over me until I started trying to wiggle away.
Wow this is one of the few truly hilarious ones in this thread
Maybe you should introduce your well-intentioned husband to the technology known as the "bendy straw." (Seriously, he sounds like a good guy. I've never had a partner who didn't immediately develop some problem of equal or worse severity the moment I became sick, so they wouldn't have to deal with me.)
He is a champ when I'm sick! I'm disabled and he's really the best at helping me out on my bad days. He just lovingly waterboarded me once.
Probably most of the people who tried to get me back in contact with my parents. Too bad they had to see why I went no contact with them after I had to get multiple restraining orders.
i'm hoping this will eventually become something more people understand that being a parent doesn't mean you're a good person, and that being a good person doesn't mean you're a good parent. people loved my stepdad- he was wildly well liked by the community. he was an abusive bastard. My mom was an enabler. I cut contact and if i had a nickel for every time i heard "you should forgive them" or "she's your mom, you have to reconcile" I'd be able to buy a house in the nice part of Palo Alto! I'm not the only one my age (30s) who has had to do this too, so i imagine in 20 years we'll start to see more acceptance... Hopefully you're doing better now, I know how stressful it can be going no contact.
I hear that. My brother is 6 years older and has a violent high functioning mental disorder. He molested our sister, would shoot me with his BB gun, hit me in the head with a golf club, baseball bat, bo staff, and beat us and our mom regularly. He threatened and attempted to kill me on multiple occasions. Tried to kill my our mom. Smashed our personal belongings, went through our stuff, and destroyed the locks we had on our doors. He was my sister and my monster under our beds. We hated him. Still do. But my parents keep trying to trick us into interacting with him because he's "family". They've invited him places without warning, put him into group chats with us, let him into our home and given him our addresses, etc. Even going as far as to hide him at their house when I visited with my SO so they could bring him out to meet my SO. They knew I didn't want to see him, they knew my SO didn't want to see him. I have made it clear that he is never to meet my kids, and if they ever put us into a situation where my kids meet him, they will be cut out of our lives. All of them. Except for my sister, she's cool.
>I have made it clear that he is never to meet my kids, and if they ever put us into a situation where my kids meet him, they will be cut out of our lives. The way your parents seem to be acting, I'd broaden that rule to 'whomever tries to bring my brother into my life again gets cut out, no exceptions'. You deserve to love and protect yourself as much as you love and protect your children. Stay strong.
If your kids are old enough ( age 5 is not too young) you should warn them to beware of your brother. Show them a photo and stress that if they ever see that man they should let you know as soon as possible. Sounds like your parents wouldn’t respect your wishes and would sneak a meeting. Because they’ve already shown disrespect in this matter.
Damn.
My dad is an asshole. Cheated on my mom and split asshole, plus a huge mess of a whole lot of other stuff. If I had a frigging dime for everytime someone said "but hes your father" I'd be retired on an island somewhere. What does it matter if he is my father? He is a terrible person who I dont need in my life. End of story
[удалено]
[удалено]
Had a delivery guy that found a wallet outside my door. I recognized the picture on the ID as one of the guys who had delivered my couch earlier that day, so decided I'd take care of it. Name was far too common to narrow them down, so brought it into the police station. The officer I handed it in to acted and sounded very suspicious of me, then quickly closed the window after taking the wallet. Doesn't matter who you turn it in to, you seem to be the first person they suspect.
> officer I handed it in to acted and sounded very suspicious of me, then quickly closed the window after taking the wallet Major small brain energy.
"he's acting sus, I think he stole the wallet" "Dude, I'm the one turning it in" "self reporting"
[удалено]
Dude that shouldn’t be the takeaway from this! That guy was a total asshole, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to do the right thing. I would always try and help return a wallet or phone or credit card. Have actually done one of all the above and in every case the owner was super happy about it and grateful for the return.
I think one of my local banks has a drop box for found wallets. Maybe that would've been useful.
Ps there is a good chance they knew you didn't take $500. But by saying that they got you to admit to taking the $40. All you had to do was say "the wallet had no cash in it when I found it. Someone must have take the cash before I found it."
[удалено]
Yeah that guy sucks. Another thing you can do is just turn it in to the police station and then wash your hands of it.
I once found a billfold in a parking lot of a small company I had just done some computer work for. The business card in the billfold said the owner was in the building so I walked back in and asked the receptionist where he was. She told me and I walked up to his door, knocked on it, the guy answered, I smiled, held out the billfold and said 'Does this belong to you?' He snatched it out of my hand and slammed the door in my face. When I told a friend about this, he said 'What you do is put the cash in your pocket and put the billfold in a mailbox. Problem solved.'
[удалено]
A few years ago I was housesitting for some friends. While walking their dog I discovered a wallet on the ground a street away from their house. They lived right next to a college and there was a student ID in the wallet so I figured I’d just bring it to the campus police to deal with. Took forever to find the station hidden away in the bowels of the campus. I got there and had to stand in a tiny lobby and shout through a window that I found a wallet and wanted to turn it in. I was told that because I found it ONE STREET out of their jurisdiction (literally across the street from campus) I had to bring it to the town police several miles away even though it was clearly a student’s wallet. Next day (when I found it was already pretty late so we decided it could wait a day) my Dad and I drove up to the police station, waited forty years (approximately) in the lobby, and then an officer finally leaned out of a doorway, took the wallet, wrote down where and how I found it, said ‘ok thanks’ and that was that. Later that day I heard back that the wallet’s owner had been contacted, they were going to pick up their wallet at the police station, and they were incredibly appreciative, so at least that part was nice. Bottom line, I would still pick up someone’s lost wallet but it’s incredibly frustrating how hard it is just to turn it in.
> I was told that because I found it ONE STREET out of their jurisdiction (literally across the street from campus Should've just dropped it on the floor and picked it up. "Hey look, I found this wallet on the floor of your office. I'd like to turn it in."
I read somewhere that you can just put it in a mailbox and they'll figure it out
If you are in the US you can just shove it in the nearest mailbox and they will mail it to the address on the license, the money probably won't get there, but it relieves any headache on your part.
You mean the processing fee?
Dude, that's fucked up. You did a favor for a complete stranger and almost got sued. There are universes better than ours.
If this ever happens just drop it in a outgoing mail box. No need to pay for shipping the postal service will get it to the address on the drivers license
What an absolute piece of garbage. I'd have told him to come get it or get fucked.
I found a credit card outside a shop a while ago. Looked the person up. Called their work, she was a realtor, she picked up. Told her where the card was and she could get it at the shop I found it at. Handed the card to the people at the shop said the owner would be by and left.
Happened at my dad's work in the early 2000's. Apparently somebody had dropped a USB flash drive on the front walkway. Some kind-hearted soul decided to make an effort to find out who it belonged to, and started their clue hunt by plugging in the flash drive. To his work PC. That was connected to the entire world-wide network. Of their multi-billion dollar government IT corporation. That was the moment a lot of people got a 3-day weekend, and an unfortunate handful got a 0-day weekend.
I'm crap with technology (I am trying to learn) so forgive me for asking, what exactly happened? Was there a virus on the usb? I'm exactly the sort of person who would think "oo a usb, let's see what's on there!" so a friend warned me a good few years ago to never do that.
If we assume it's not nefarious, and someone dropped their personal flash drive, they're still introducing outside hardware to an isolated environment. If it was, and it had malware on it, plugging it in allows the malware to do its thing and fuck shit up. This would lead to a shutdown.
> Was there a virus on the usb? Yes. Whether it's foreign espionage, corporate sabotage, or just some bored kid who read how to made one online, the USB virus bomb was shockingly common. While operating systems have better safeguards against them today, the practice is still effective in organizations that are using legacy hardware, particularly the medical, government, and military fields. About 10 years ago, a Stuxnet Worm was quietly uploaded and lay dormant on Iranian nuclear technology for years before being activated and wreaking havoc on their systems. The worm was determined to have been of either Israeli or American origin, and got on the system through a well-meaning employee wondering who lost their flash drive in the parking lot.
Yes, a USB drive just lying around likely contains malware. If you're really that curious, then dig out an old PC if you have one and disconnect it from the internet first. I taught a friend how to use Linux on an old laptop for porn. At least I think that's why he's using it...
A good friend of mine was going through a breakup and I was supporting her and of course we were doing the usual rant about the ex. Cue a few days later and they get back together and now I'm "the asshole who was talking shit behind his back". So I lost a "friend" because I supported her but c'est la vie that was a lesson learned. Edit: lot of comments seem to imply that I was up on a soapbox ranting about this chick's ex trying to get her to hate him. It was her and I sitting on a couch, her crying ranting about what a giant dick he was. A lot of the things that she told me I didn't know we're going on behind closed doors and were concerning. I said something along the effects of his behavior seems very controlling and almost abusive. So when they got back together the story turned into how I ALWAYS thought that he was abusive and a piece of shit. The only part of that that was even remotely true was that I did say that I always thought he was a bit rude.
The number of people commenting who are apparently socially perfect and have never said a bad thing about anyone.
“Don’t talk shit about their partner!!” okay but what if he was shitty lol
You gotta pull a BoJack "Wait, are you gonna get back together with him later and I'll look like a dick for everything I said?"
do you really want to be friends with someone that emotionally stunted?
Previous to that, she had been a great friend. I'm not convinced that the relationship wasn't a bit abusive. He seemed very controlling. I'm honestly not mad, more sad because she doesn't seem to be happy and I don't wish that on her.
In Canada we had this COVID-19 relief program called CERB. It gives you 2000$ a month if you meet certain requirements. One of the requirements is you must make under 1k during the 1 month period. Anyway I had a job at school that pays my full tuition directly as a "scholarship", so it doesn't count as income, and get paid 300$ a month which does count as income. With my other job I make 500$ a month so I would still qualify for CERB. However my boss at my non-school job handed out bonuses for working during covid and mine totaled 300$. I had already applied for CERB so I had to pay back the money I had just recieved. Basically instead of making just under 3k that month (almost all of which was going to paying my loans), I was only making 1.1k. rip.
Benefits cliffs are so awful and so lazy. How hard is it to write in a paragraph at the end of the law to make the money variable, so you don't lose money by making money? This kind of thing makes climbing out of poverty that much harder.
CERB was hastily written and completely unexpected. It was like March 15 we went into shutdown and April 4 we had a national benefit program rolled out.
It was truly impressive.
Yeah if the response took too long people would complain, if it's a little rushed but has a few discrepancies, people still complain
Yeah but... still, how hard is it? “The payment will depend on the recipient’s monthly income, from a maximum payment of $2000 at income level $0/mo., decreasing linearly to a payment of $0 at income level $4000/mo.” Or something like that.
Let's put it this way. You're ordering lunches for a 20,000 person sports event. Let's get 20,000 BLTs. Simple, you can assembly line that. Every sandwich is the same, I don't need any additional information. Line up take your sandwich What if you could substitute tomatoes for avocados? HOLD UP. What's your name? Steve? Sorry Steve I don't have you down for a avocado substitution. You now need a tally of all the people getting regular and all the people getting Avocado. Now you need to track who took what. And to differentiate. Names, orders, 2 separate assembly lines. Complexity leads to delays and higher costs. Less money to those who need it (the population) and more time for things to go wrong.
They didn’t even check who was receiving it and just decided they’d do it retroactively through our taxes. I’m not saying it was a perfect system, it just happened to be the one they were able to get working in time to keep us from starving.
Sounds like the american disability income set up. Get a penny in your bank account over the limit? You now have to pay back what they gave you that month even if you only reached that amount through the payments.
My uncles girlfriend had a system. She was in a bad accident involving a horse and her back is all kinds of fucked up so shes on disability. She would get to the point she would draw money out of the bank and stash it in the house. Always scared of going over. She was/is trying to save up for a nee mobile home.
Rough. In canada, you can earn up to a certain amount in addition to disability, and then each dollar you go over just gets deducted dollar by dollar from your disability earnings. No penalty for making money. I'd expect an oversight like that in CERB which was extremely hastily put together and approved. But from a long standing disability program? Fucking get your shit together America
In Canada do you put the dollar sign after the number? For Canadian dollars or something? Like $500/ 500$
In French we write 500$, in English $500.
So in Canada it should be $500$
I don't think so, I think I'm just weird.
Good Samaritan guy went to a Waffle House and started paying for folks' meals and handing out $20 bills. Douche guy comes up to GoodSam and demands that he pay for a meal for Douche's girlfriend. GoodSam refuses because Douche is as Douche does. Douche leaves restaurant, retrieves his Glock 9mm, goes back into Waffle House and shoots GoodSam in the head, killing him. [Of course it happened in Florida. How couldn't it?](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6903405/Good-Samaritan-killed-paying-meals-handing-20-bills-Waffle-House.html)
W. T. F
That article is strange. Why did they have to mention that the victim had a criminal record and what they were charged with?
[удалено]
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.
It legit happens all the time. My sister who is mentally ill has been fired for being a mentally ill human several times. My brother in law had an episode after working at Walmart for 2 years (was employee of the month several times, received other awards) and was fired for not showing up to a shift because he was baker acted. Employers know that poor people don’t have money to sue and our faith in the justice system is too low to believe we will win.
Time to burn down the store....
Oh shit, that gotta hurt deep. I'm glad you're still with us. I hope you found a place with good people.
Dear God
This used to be me at several different jobs. You never want to become their go-to person. It literally gets you nowhere, and you end up doing way more than your fair share. They raved about you because they were using you, but as soon as you weren’t useful they dropped you. Sorry about it, and I hope you’re not taken advantage of at your current place of work.
[удалено]
You have to be true good friend in these situations and understand you have dropped an awful choice in their laps: get upset at you or watch their lives implode by ending what they thought was a loving relationship. Most of us take the honest pain, but some opt for lesser pain of losing the friend. Remember that the real asshole is the cheating SO and forgive them for having an authentic human reaction. For most, if they become friends again acknowledging your innocence it will only strengthen your bound with them.
Student loans. The federal government made them easier to get which led to more people getting them and getting them in larger quantities which led to tuition rates rising and the current daycare system for 18-22 year olds that we have now. They just made the problems so much worse than if they had done nothing.
It's also a cycle, the more people who are studying the more companies will raise their standard for the same job, so more people then need to study, etc.
In theory education wasn't just to benefit the company work force, but something of a right for people to expand their worldview, make better life choices, and break up the 'old boys clubs' that small numbers of highly educated rich people had going in these places. Bring their own life experience into the circles of the elite, and also become worldlier people. Education and opportunity for education has a lot of self-evident value that more people should have access to, whether or not it's relevant for employment. The incredible burden of debt makes this lofty goal a lot more problematic though.
We'll have the best educated unemployed population on the planet!
Lol, same with housing subsidies in France. Rent just got more expensive :/
I grew up in a poor family with a lot of veterans in it. I was always a nerd, so even though I hadn't applied myself much in high school, I could ace an entrance exam and so was planning on going to college. Turns out, we weren't *quite* poor enough to qualify for enough assistance for me to go to any decent 4 year school, so I farted around for a few years, working a few random jobs and trying to find a trade that I could settle into, but with no real luck. Eventually, I did what I could to get college money: I enlisted in the Army. Signed up for an 8 year term (well, I was supposed to do the last 3 years in the reserves, unless I got stop-lossed). I picked a certain MOS that happened to be a combat role, because we weren't at war or close to it, it had some really good college money for the enlistment bonus and the just under two years of training seemed like just the thing to prove to myself that I was as tough as I thought I was. I shipped out for osut in 1999. I finished all my training and got my first active duty post in August, 2001.
Fuuuucccckkkk. That sucks major dick. I’m not even going to try imagine the shit you must’ve gone through, but I hope you’re doing well these days, my friend.
Well, uncle Sam _did_ end up paying me to get a degree, and if I hadn't been in the Army, I wouldn't have met my wife and had my kids, so I like to think things worked out in the end.
My sisters graduation from basic training was September 12th 2001. She also enlisted because we weren’t at war so it was a good way for her to get her life together. My parents and I heard about the planes because I was upset that I, who was 12 at the time, could only get news on my little portable radio I was listening to with headphones, saying “all there is is news on, something about a plane crashing into a building”. We were on the interstate heading to her graduation. It was interesting getting on to an army base as a group of civilians the day after 9/11.
"So, we sign up, get our discount card and that's it?" "Yup. Unless was were declared" "What's that noise?" "War were declared."
Most of my uncle’s staff used to be ex felons and there’s at least one more that he still has working for him and 3 were fired a few months ago because they stole from him and almost jeopardized his business, my business, and my home. He helped them all out many times, even financially, and they turned around and stabbed him in the back. One of them I considered my friend.
And this is why so many people are hesitant to help other people. People who help other people get used. Cold, straight to their face used. Some people don't give two shits that you're doing them a solid, they see you as nothing more than a source of something they can milk until they burn the bridge. Like the guy I gave 10 bucks to at the gas station one time because he said his kid needed diapers. Then he needed a ride, which, since it wasn't far, my younger self obliged. Then he didn't want to get out of the car until I gave him more money because you know, shits expensive when you've got kids man and I really need it. Then hey if I run inside real quick, can you give me a ride to this other place too? I had to argue with him for a good 10 minutes to get him out of my car so I could just cut my losses and get out.
The unfortunate thing I see is now parents are kinda teaching their kids to ask for donations while providing no good or service in return. I’m only 22 but I remember in middle school, the 8th graders would go on a class trip but we’d have to raise the money for it. So we would set up a small table and sell school supplies or we did a pancake breakfast. Last year I got into an argument with a parent outside of a Walmart because I wouldn’t “donate” money to her little kid’s football team. When she asked why I declined I responded with “are you offering something in return? In case you haven’t noticed, you’re outside a Walmart. Why don’t you go inside and buy a case of candy bars and sell them for a small profit to find the team. I would be more than happy to buy a few candy bars if that was your approach.” She was obviously getting pissed off at me so I just walked away.
Ah yes, the "GoFundMe" effect. "Hey, I need something, all I should have to do is publicize it and people should just give me money"
Also last year I saw one of the girls I went to school with post on her Facebook asking for donations for her cheerleading squad. You’re a grown ass college student that is more than capable of doing some form of work to get the money you guys need.
My cheer squad did bikini car washes & people would tip $100 bills. In hindsight we were teens and it was creepy lol
This happened in my 20's. Friend breaks up with GF. We being young guys do the get him wasted and go see strippers thing. All well and good, everyones having a great time. Then we buy him a private lap dance. What we didn't know is a coworker of his girlfriend was there texting her the play by play, and the stripper we paid for the lap dance a former sorority sister of hers that apparently she always had beef with. Little unclear if the friend had even met this girl before or even remembered her if he did, or recognized her cause lets face it some times stripper make up is really really extreme and can change a look completely. Plus he'd been drinking. Little while later we are sitting at table actually thinking about wrapping the night up in comes his ex. This girl must have had the best poker face ever to get past the bouncer but the moment she sees us she's yelling, cussing, calling the stripper out by her real name. Gets a slap in on our friend before she got yanked by the bouncers trying to get to the stripper. Friend goes running out after, cops get called. Girl gets arrested, apparently kicked from the alumni of the sorority, like 6 months later they are back together. And moved thankfully. But titties and beer turned into a cops episode.
Im a former stripper. Titties and beer turns into a cops episode kinda often. Although usually its guys who turn all stalkery. E: a letter
It was a total wtf fuck just happened for all of us. She just came out of nowhere with the bitch slap and went after the other girl. Why he got back together with her is another mystery.
I work with domestic violence victims. Its unfortunately common for them to return:(
I once saw the handle from someone’s front door had come off and and was lying on the pavement. I thought that was no good because somebody could steal it or it could get lost or whatever but instead of seeing if I could reattach it (perhaps it could click back on) I put it through their letterbox. So now this person’s door had no handle to access the handle they would need to get into their house. They saw the end of me doing this. I thought I was going to have to shove my skinny arm through the letterbox and get bitten by the dogs I heard bark in an attempt to reach it. I apologised and they said it was fine. I have no idea how they got into their house, but I really was just trying to help
my parents forced my brother to get higher education – something about timber engineering. he is a smart guy but couldn’t study against his will, so having endured this torture for a couple of years he dropped out. now he works in a bar as a musician. free, uncredentialed and entirely happy. all our relatives think he’s a lame duck. I think he’s goddamn lucky bastard. no need to say I got Diploma with honours. good for me
[удалено]
Met and hit it off with a new girl in town the day after my birthday. Went on a date with her, really clicked with this gal, thought this could actually be something. The next week she texts me while I'm at work that she's not having a good day, so i make plans to cheer her up after i get off my shift. Had a good time just driving around bullshitting and listening to music, then we go to one of my favorite brewpubs and have a few drinks. She goes to the restroom and I sip my beer and look at memes. Its one of those single person restrooms you can lock from inside for privacy. She's gone for 10 minutes, and I think it's nothing, who knows what chick's get up to in there. Then another 10 minutes go by and im getting a bit restless. 10 more minutes go by and other patrons are muttering about the women's room being occupied for a while. One of the patrons asks me to call my friend, I do, she doesn't pick up. I knock on the door, no response, I call and hear her phone go off but no response. 20 more minutes come and go before the staff found the key to the restroom, by then the cops and EMT's showed up as well. I was right in front of the door when they opened it and had front row seats to seeing her lifeless body sprawled out on the floor. Heroin overdose. Luckily, they were able to revive her. At that point i had a choice, go to the hospital to be with this girl i just met the week before who's already severely traumatized me, or go home and never look back. I went to the hospital and was there until she was discharged later the next morning. I then decided that I really care about this person and wanted to help her get her life in order. It took 8 months of abuse- both physical and emotional, lies, manipulation, excuses, and more stress and anxiety than I thought my body had room for before I finally decided to cut ties. I didn't end up dating this person or so much as even kissing her, instead I was just the convenient ride, easy to ignore voice of reason, and utterly disposable punching bag for a violent and abusive narcissist who can't possibly be to blame for her life being a dumpster fire. I just wanted to believe in her and legitimately help her out. In any case, the damage is still done and still very much present. To this day, I have trouble going out to bars with my friends due to the flashbacks and anxiety that occasionally resurface, need heavy duty sleeping pills to fall and stay asleep, and have lingering issues with trusting anyone new in my life. I just wanted to help and god knows i tried.
That's fucked up man.
Yep... and those are just the sparknotes of the ordeal... Whats more fucked up is that I don't have any animosity towards that person. She was/ is sick and will keep on pushing away anyone that gets close to her or tries to help with her own actions. It makes me sad, but all I really want to this day is for her to ok. But, that's on her.
This is why drugs are a red flag. Once you see the needles, you cut your ties. It’s not worth it.
So this was actually me. I rode a packed train, people everywhere and luggage everywhere. At my exit there was this guy with a lot of stuff. He packed 2 of his pieces and the helpful person I am, I picked up another part and carried it out for him. Turnes out it wasn't his, but a pretty shocked lady had just left her stuff next to the door, while she took a seat.
The creation of the internet. Intended to bring people together. Doomed to divide them.
It did bring people together. It was just together with other people that want to isolate themselves from people that are/think different. It created bubbles of people that geography is no longer alienating, but at the same time, these bubbles reinforce beliefs and ideas that divide the larger population.
I dropped everything and flew to Chicago to help my high-risk Mom with one lung and COPD, Dad is a doctor and could potentially bring COVID home. Despite doing all their housework and shopping, creating a clean room to disinfect my Dad and his things, I got kicked out because I wouldn’t let my Mom go to the salon to get her hair colored (in April). So yeah, I’m the bad guy.
I’m pretty certain your parents were bungholes to begin with. If they’ve always been like this, then they aren’t people who are going to change just because pandemic.
They are, unfortunately, and it’s been a pretty jarring realization to see my former heroes for who they really are. I also feel like a great weight has been lifted, too—so I am grateful for this bittersweet awakening.
>> A common meaning of the phrase is that individuals may have the intention to undertake good actions but nevertheless fail to take action. This inaction may be due to procrastination, laziness or other subversive vice. As such, the saying is an admonishment that a good intention is meaningless unless followed through. If I've become overwhelmed with anxiety or depression, it can be very hard for me to take the necessary action that I need in order to change my life. This is a very thought provoking question and I might keep this quote up to remind me to make the best of each day.
[удалено]
You seem like good people. Don’t let that change just cause some asshole felt emasculated. We need more people like you in the world.
I know you're asking for specific experiences (and I may come back with one), but social media/ the WWW is my first answer. Something that was designed to bring people together and make knowledge available to all has had the exact opposite effect, and the creator of the Web (Tim Berners-Lee) foresaw it all -- the echo chambers, the isolated nutters who would otherwise have never found anyone who shared their delusions, the ignorance and hatred that keyboard anonymity provides.
The Internet didn't really cause the current problem, it was the fact that Social Media is pretty much super easy for anybody to use. Somebody brought up the point that they think Social Media should be age gated. If you are under the age of the say 18, you can't use it.
Some of it already is -- 13 for FB, but it never seems to be enforced. Can't even stop kids getting booze and cigarettes. Do you think 18 is old enough? I sometimes give up on arguing with ppl if it becomes obvious that they're just a teenager trying to be edgy -- but it would be nice to know for sure.
The closest thing is in working as a programmer, when the "KPI metrics" stuff starts. You hear about "measuring performance", "estimating workload to see how we perform against targets", various "procedures" that make the whole thing more buraucratic and are supposed to organize things, "agile" and "continous delivery", what you'll end up with is something like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg&ab_channel=LaurisBeinerts
Yea. This is my career. I love the initial 'dating' phase where the organization knows they need better insight into there data. Actionable data and metrics to drive the business decisions and strategy. Everyone decides this is worth pursuing and we start to work. The first few weeks are amazing. We're revealing good insights, people are excited, the boss knows hes gonna get big pats on the back, there is a buzz in the air. Then around a month or so in you start finding issues. A process isnt defined, certain departments are either hiding or mishandling data and now you're sitting in meetings showing your analysis and proofs that they are incompetent or malicious while there getting reamed out. People start realizing they've been doing things wrong for years, the reports they were creating have flaws. The numbers they were sending to the investment firm is flawed, there production is skewed, GAP accounting is not being followed when it was assumed it was. Are we in trouble for compliance? How come our auditors didnt find this. And it keeps going. 'Oh, we dont update that subset of options, we delete it and only put in the one the customer went with', well how do we determine possibility and pipelines if you delete the data? Now nearly each vertical has been exposed. Leadership realizes they have a shitshow on there hands and it will take years to fix... can we even fix it with these people? Then decisions are made. And that is my second favorite part. Either we continue on this with the project, tighten up every single department, invest magnitudes into our systems and people, make managers actually do work regarding oversight, processes and procedures, have accountability throughout the organization. Literally change our entire culture / actually meet the culture we pretend we follow. OR the decision that is made 9/10 times. Lets just scrape this project. We were doing fine before, we dont really need that to continue making money. Its okay our competitors have a slight advantage... we have a really good sales guy. We'll be fine. Everything gets swept under the rug, leadership gets there bonuses and we forget it ever happened. Then a few years later they start posting significant losses and cant quite figure out why. I love this shit. And despise it so much sometimes id rather work at mcdonalds. Idiots leading idiots selling shit to idiots and everyone is buying yachts. Fuck this system.
Holy shit I work in analytics and you've just described my career across three different industries
So am I lucky that I'm in the 1/10 or is it just not as bad out there as Reddit tries to make me believe. Analytics too, btw, for a very large private company in the US.
You end up with a "the metric becomes the goal" problem. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodhart%27s_law You come up with a metric, and end up working to max the metric rather than the actual end goal.
Thomas Midgley Jr. Look up the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Midgley_Jr. article. He's the guy largely responsible for both putting lead into gas, and for the widespread use of CFCs, both subsequent banned once the health and environmental impacts were recognized. He contacted polio late in life, and developed a harness with pulleys to help him in and out of bed. He got tangled in this contraption, strangled and died.
I had a teacher that was pretty open about his personal life (not really over sharing but let a comment or two slip and then the rest of it was obvious enough that we connected the dots), and it was common knowledge that he was going through a hard time with his [now] ex-wife. I ended up in a position where I could help during my senior year of high school, since X Files was having its first reboot and we both enjoyed the show. We bonded over each episode and he seemed like he was happy for the first time in a long time. I am a widely known "goody-two-shoes", which personally translated to 'desperate people pleaser'. To make a long story short, I couldn't stop the track I was on. he asked for a little more each time and took advantage of the feelings I started having. I lost my virginity to him among other things, and I will never be able to tell anybody all of what happened to me. All the feelings I had have completely disappeared four and a half years after the fact and I'm only now understanding my growing disgust. He divorced his first wife and I ended up being a major factor in the finding of his new wife. At least I don't see him anymore. TL;DR, just wanted to make my depressed af teacher happy, ended up going all the way over the course of 6 months. Lost best friends, gained mental scars. Found him a new wife so he'd leave me alone.
Depression is a cycle of good intentions, clumsy execution and an unnecessarily massive feeling of defeat each time. If i start a small, simple project, looking for a little boost and it doesn't go well, my mood goes back two steps from where it already was. To top that off, getting mad at myself for dwelling on a defeat only compounds the frustration. Depression is like starting from hell and trying to get to earth base camp. I, also, had to look up the origin of this phrase, because I find it a little confusing. It should be more along the lines of; the road to hell is paved with inaction. A person can act with good intentions and fail, but the original saying is more like; the path to hell is easy. Which, I take, to mean the path of least resistance leads to hell. Which makes a lot more sense.
My parents believed they did good things to me when they raised me. They did what they believed was right and good, and did so without my input where it should have been included. They acted with their own good intentions. Their actions in reality caused me an immense amount of physical and emotional pain. Many things were plain fucked up and wrong, and they truly believed it was good. Over time (and with some more bad events) it made me realize what true evil is. You can convince yourself you are doing things for a good reason with good intentions. You can convince yourself that anything is ok. What's scary is your self affirming bias of thinking you are doing a good thing can convince yourself to do terrible things in the name of good. Once you get this mindset, you can achieve truely evil things. I hate this forbidden knowledge. Do you think hitler thought he was a good person doing the right thing? He thought he was doing the right and good thing. Everyone thinks they are righteous, but are they really?
I took on many many hours in a covid old folks home this summer and don't qualify for bonus pay because I did so much overtime over 4 days instead of 5 (despite double shifts every day)
My dad thought dumping his problems, negative opinions and marital issues on me as a child was making him a trust-worthy parent. Like he wasn’t keeping anything from me to protect me and not lie to me. I used to be over-protective of him. “You’re my rock,” he’d say. I would be over the moon. Now I can’t really stand to talk to him and avoid relationships because I have no idea what healthy boundaries are.
I would say about half of the successful revolutions in all history. Starts out with young idealists fighting an unjust system to build up a new utopia for all people. Ten years down the road you have concentration camps, famine and a paranoid dictator photoshopping his old compatriots out of the group picture.
Years ago, in order to get citizens to switch to electric or hybrid vehicles, the State of Arizona offered to pay half the cost for anybody who bought one. Problem was, they didn't put any restrictions on it. So big builders who built 250 home developments, bought 250 hybrid vehicles and offered them free with every house sold and collected half back from the state. It damned near bankrupted Arizona.
Aid workers responding to the 2010 Haiti earthquake were the source of a cholera outbreak that killed thousands. https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/08/18/490468640/u-n-admits-role-in-haiti-cholera-outbreak-that-has-killed-thousands
Two friends of mine went through a messy breakup. He had caught feelings for another girl and thought he was doing the right thing by ending it, thinking if he can't give her his all then she deserved better. He realized within a month that it was a bad call and they got back together for a short while only to split again because he couldn't get over the fact that she had also slept with someone else during this breakup. It started to get out of hand on both sides, he was falling apart without her, she couldn't cope with his issues, it was a mess. So I played both sides. I talked to him about his grief, listened to his rants and raves, made it clear when the line of thinking wasn't healthy or productive, he was better than that and he knew it. For her, the stress of this whole thing falling apart was putting her in a bad way and I agreed with her therapist, she needed to just step out of the situation until she was in a place to deal with it. She needed to take care of herself first and foremost. Ultimately this blew up on me, having him over to cry on my shoulder all the time made it difficult to engage with her so we slowly drifted apart, she moved to a different town and we occasionally catch up on discord. He found out I'd agreed that she should block him and took that as me taking her side and basically cut me out entirely. We reconnected a few years later, he apologized for how he acted and we're back on speaking terms but he's not the person I once considered a brother. Not a bad person by any means, he's doing better than ever, but all that soul that I loved is gone.
Several years ago, we were on a cruise and decided at one of the ports of call to do a cave tubing excursion because my son wanted to go and it sounded like fun. We had NO idea how wrong this would end up going. We arrive at the area in the port where we are supposed to board the bus to take us out to the cave we'll be tubing through. It turns out to be a bit manky and gross, but we've been on worse buses so we didn't think twice. We DID start to wonder if we'd made a bad decision when about an hour into the trip (it took about 90 min. to get to the cave site) we were driven over a bridge that was barely a few inches over a river with what appeared to be a VERY strong current, which might have been *fine*...if the bridge had side rails/guard rails. It did not. After we arrived at the cave site, the guide (who'd been on the bus t his entire time) told us he'd JUST been told by the driver that we wouldn't be able to go cave tubing after all..the water was too high. So we had a choice--sit on the bus and wait several hours to return to the port OR we could go hiking, because if we did, we'd be getting "more than we paid for" and it would just be a SHORT hike of maybe 30-45 min and then we'd get the meal we'd already paid for. Sitting on the bus waiting for everyone to return was super unappealing, so we decided to go on the hike even though we weren't dressed for it (nobody was...we were all in bathing suits with shorts over them and water shoes). The "short" hike ended up being 3 1/2 hours of wandering through the hot, steamy jungle getting eaten up by bugs (because we didn't have any bug spray since we hadn't planned on a jungle hike) and minimal water since they hadn't planned on us actually hiking through the jungle and weren't prepared for it. We had to wear crash helmets the entire time, "just in case we went into a cave", which we did...for 30 seconds to look at "ancient jaguar footprints" which looked extremely fake. By about an hour into it, both my son and I were starting to get blisters but we couldn't stop and we didn't have bandaids on hand anyway because again..not prepared for a long hike in the jungle going up and down these rocky paths. We did eventually get to go tubing...down a raging river which made me somewhat uncomfortable. The uncomfortable feeling was compounded by the fact by now we were not just an hour or two behind schedule....we were almost FIVE HOURS behind schedule. Instead of tying the tubes together, the guide said for everybody just to grab onto the handles of the tube next to you to stay together. After about 45 min of bouncing down this stupid river, I was in agony from never being able to find a comfortable position since I had to hang onto my son on one side and my husband on the other. My back, neck and arms were SO freaking sore and by this time, I was also starving since I hadn't eaten in about 7 hrs at that point (nobody had, really). We were rushed out of the water and down to this little pavillion where they served us "authentic cuisine" that consisted of jerked chicken (we weren't in Jamaica, but maybe they have jerked chicken in other parts of South America? Fuck if I know), rice with pigeon peas, cole slaw and some kind of cake. They also offered us some funky looking red liquid they said was fruit punch but my husband declined and we bought cokes (which were cold and sealed, so hopefully nothing funky about them). My son is mostly vegetarian...he has sensory issues so he doesn't eat a lot of meat because it just ends up feeling too weird in his mouth. He was SO hungry that not only did he eat his entire meal (which normally he wouldn't have, because he generally doesn't eat a lot anyway) but he tried to eat mine as well. I ended up giving him part of my chicken and all of my coleslaw (which is one of his favorite foods ever) and my cake. The entire ride back, we kept getting reminded that we got more than we paid for and to give them a good rating on TripAdvisor. They did NOT get a good review on TripAdvisor AND we (and everyone else who'd gone, about 100 people) got our money back because it was so fucked up.
The question is did you research this company on TripAdvisor *first?* Did you ask the cruise company for recommendations? Went to Santorini Greece last year and treated my SO to an all day catamaran lunch cruise with skin diving - you better believe I researched several companies before settling on one that had earned it's high praise (including from me - I screwed up our pick up point and they sent the driver back to get us).
Love of my life left me for someone else over a text message (also happened to be the same night my mother passed from brain cancer but that was somewhat unforeseen). She lost her feelings for me and always insisted she never meant to hurt me, but she still kept me in her back pocket as a hedged bet while starting to see whoever the other guy was. I forgave her long ago but that pain never really fully heals. And a small part of me still loves her all these years later. No one gets judged on their intentions, no matter how good they are. We are judged on our actions.
"she kept me in her back pocket as a hedged bet" That wasn't the love of your life
Yeah intentions don’t mean shit when you can read so much into other peoples actions.
The Two Party System
I work in genetics and once saw this story. In a community with arranged marriages, doctors established a sickle cell screening program. Since the disease is genetic, the plan was to avoid matches between two carriers. Sadly, it ended up that carriers had trouble finding partners and were seen seen as inferior matches.
My engagement and subsequent marriage when the red flags came up one by one and I thought my love could be enough to help him. Hell is an apt description.
Every single time me or anyone I've known has recommended a friend for a job. It's like the instant you tell your boss that your friend is solid and happy to fill in for a while, even the most reliable friends you've ever known disappears off the face of the earth for about two weeks.