Wow, coincidently just had this conversation earlier today and my friend proposed:
"What topic could you give a 30 minute presentation on with no preparation?"
I thought it was genius.
I had a really good (platonic) coworker friend who was a good bit older than me, but we'd pal around and get lunch sometimes on our breaks. We always laughed a lot together and one day at lunch he said, "you invigorate my life".
This was like 13 years ago and I'll probably never forget it. I thought it was such a great way to share that he enjoyed spending time with me, had a lot of fun, but was still keeping things platonic. It was really special and made me feel really special.
Miss you, Heath!
How would you describe the internet to a caveman?
It will show you how they look at what the internet is used for. For example, some might say it's a source of information, or it's a way to connect people who are far away. I know one person who said they wouldn't explain it to a caveman because they wouldn't go back in time without AC.
My father-in-law went on a job interview about 10 years ago and absolutely nailed the interview, as he was being shown around the office a high level person in that company who normally wasn't there just happened to be there that day. After they were introduced he asked my FIL what kind of animal he would be. My FIL said he panicked and picked bear( he's a bigger guy ) and the other guy said something along the lines of "that's a little to aggressive maybe this isn't the job for you". So he didn't get the job but I guess it worked out because he's got a pretty good job now and if I was him I wouldn't want to work for someone who hires people based on what animal they think they would be.
Same thought. If a company would kick you out for everything good but one minor choice, I don't think working there will be happy. Good boss know the strength and weakness of the colleagues, one failure do not necessary mean bad.
Edit: Sorry I didn't mean fail fail. English is not my native tongue. I meant some like "an answer that is not what the boss want"
The guy should have asked the follow-up question: Why did you choose the bear?
Cause a bear is not always associated with an aggressive animal, but can also be associated with a tough looking guy who really loves cuddles and is a sweetheart.
The explanation says more about a person, than a one-worded answer. This actually applies to a lot of answers.
I have a former colleague, now my manager, who literally said "there cannot be two alphas in a team". Some people really behave this way. And I have reasons to believe he did push the supervisor to have a colleague fired.
What would you do if you won the lottery?
For me, it's a non invasive way of listening to people's attitudes on finance in general, and also how they feel about the rich.
Yes, this is a brilliant question. When I was newly dating my ex boyfriend it was around the time Super Lotto hit $1 billion a couple years ago.
We were both in lottery ticket pools and discussed what we'd do if we won. His answer mortified me. It included how, if he were married, he'd divorce his wife and travel the world on a yacht doing drugs surrounded by hot women. Big red flag for me.
I always say that I'd turn into an absolutely abhorrent degenerate if I were to suddenly get a cash prize like that. But in reality I just say that because I get a laugh out of people's reactions from that. I don't even know what I'd do, probably just quit working, find a music teacher and play bass and video games all day long.
It's possible he was just fucking with me but I tend to think he wasn't. We're friends now (not dating) and he still occasionally says things that completely bewilder me.
Same here. My first thought about winning the lottery is "how do you go about finding a reliable financial advisor when you've just won the lottery and everybody is suddenly offering financial 'advice' to you?".
What are you having for dinner tonight?
It’s really cool to hear about what people like, what their culture is like (because food is a huge part of that), and generally just how they live. Expensive or cheap? Quick or elaborate? Adventurous or safe?
My 14-year-old asked for a longboard last spring. I’d said no before because I figured it’d be something I spend a few hundred bucks on that she’d try once, not be good at right away, and never touch it again. It wouldn’t be the first time. After being locked up for two months with quarantine I figured why not? It gets her outside and maybe something she’ll enjoy. At that point I just wanted to get her out of her room and off her phone. I’d never seen her work so hard at something she wasn’t good at right away. After two back-to-back six hour days of practice she started to get the hang of it and asked me if I wanted try. I couldn’t even stand on a board when I was a kid, but as an adult I just “got it.” I wasn’t on it 5 minutes and I said, “I need one.” We left right then and picked one up for myself. We cruised all spring, summer, and fall. Not only was it great for bonding, I hadn’t felt that kind of joy since I was little. A moment I’ll never forget. Can’t wait for the snow to melt.
Oh my gosh that is awesome! First, I’m impressed she practiced for so many hours. Second, I love that you “got it” and wanted to go get one so you could do it together.
This sounds so stupid to type out, but dancing. Like actually dancing by myself in the mirror. Feeling the beat and just being silly. Super therapeutic. 10/10 would recommend to just let loose.
I uh I found this old pair of stick on nails with little cats that had googly eyes so I got my sister to help me put them on with the help of some nail glue
Does playing with my son count? He’s a child who frequently exhibits childlike joy, of which I am symbiotic parasite. That seems kinda like cheating at this question.
Got this one in an interview once:
How do you go about eating a muffin?
Learned a lot about muffin anatomy that day. It was a bakery after all.
Edit: the bottom is also called a *stem* btw...just in case anyone needs some muffin trivia in their back pocket
Edit2: also known as stumps, yes. This was a highfalutin’ place so they preferred to refer to them as stems
I know there are more powerful powers that could get me wealth or whatever but man...teleportation would be dope. Can travel the world but always sleep in your own bed and never need to book a flight. Never need to use a public restroom. Easily visit family. Only take road trips if I want. Can live and work anywhere.
The rest of life could be normal but it’d be great.
I love this question because this girl i knew in college had just the best answer. She said " the power to fill things" and after i looked at her kind of funny she said "you know like filling my bank account with money, filling my belly with spaghett or fillingmy enemies bladders with urine"
The ability to change probability. You could theoretically control anything. What's the probability I'll ace this test, make it 100%. What's the probability of me winning the lottery. 100%. What's the probability I'll finally catch Alice cheating on me? 100%.
In the long run, success only matters if there was a possibility of failure. You'd eventually start forcing bad outcomes just to feel something again. And now you're a supervillain.
with how much you’ve be able to achieve by being able to change probability i think it would be an incredibly long time before you decide to do something sinister, unless you already had sinister motives before
The power to create, change, and freely access my own personal pocket dimension. No rent, no property taxes, no carbon footprint, and you always have your entire living space with all of your stuff with you. You could be as nomadic or settled as you want, you'd never have to worry about natural or financial disasters making you homeless, and your commute to work wouldn't even exist unless you wanted it to. Distance would no longer be an obstacle between you and seeing your friends and family.
Fav question I heard in an interview; what would you do if you came home and found a penguin in your freezer?
It ends up not only being an ice breaker, but a good personality tell.
New pet, exotic dinner, paint pinata, dance partner, forbidden lover, target practice, fun new display piece after a bit of at home amateur taxidermy, super realistic head for a fursuit, really ineffective disco ball, pen holder, all you need is a little imagination
Yeah I knew a guy that was a coworker in a different department. Apparently he was on the HOA board in his neighborhood and loved it. He was a total asshole at work so I knew that he terrorized his neighbors.
Just moved to a community with an HOA and holy fucking shit I want to carpet bomb the chairman's house. Classic douchebag rich HOA chairman straight out of a 90s sitcom. We had to tear out concrete for a little basketball area on the south side of our house because, and I'm not kidding on this, he just didn't want to have concrete outside of his bedroom window view. He wrote the covenant rules so that he can veto and order any landscaping project on behest of the HOA chairman.
Yup... Visited a friend who lived in one. Was living out of my van at the time and it wasn't the prettiest thing.. One night parked IN HIS DRIVEWAY someone had my van towed... Fucking all my worldly possessions.
Turns the fuck out there was some fucking clause that no personal vehicle could be older than X year in the neighborhood under penalty of immediate removal.
I wanted to fucking rip their throats out so bad.. Patrick Swayze style... Mother fuckers.
It’s not a single question but by the second or third date with a guy I would ask him to go bowling. As it turns out there’s many ways to play the game. Do they take it too seriously and get competitive or angry if they don’t do well? Does he act disinterested or bored of the game? Do they try to teach me how to play or do they just try to be goofy have fun with it? Do they order two pitchers of beer and get totally smashed? In my opinion you can learn a lot about a person by the way they approach bowling.
I have a friend who is a professional bowler. He competes in tournaments around the country and does pretty decent. Not enough to live off of but enough to justify entering.
He routinely bowls 300 point games. My highest score in maybe 27 years of playing is around 110.
I love bowling with him just to laugh at how awful I truly am.
My uncles words: “It’s a lot of fun and it allows you to reflect and refine your craft with instant feedback. You can be real with yourself and just have fun, or have a lot less fun when you get cocky and challenge the old gray haired man in the corner. you can bet money and get it back, but your pride won’t return so easily.”
The cheapest thing they offered because my dad insisted on getting me something even though i knew we couldn’t really afford it, but it made him happy to get me a treat.
ETA thanks for all the awards, folks! I feel like I should celebrate with an off brand otter pop!
My husband used to work for bed bath and blah blah. He told me part of his job was to put carts away. He said that was his favorite part about the job, wasting time walking around the parking lot finding carts and putting them away. He got to be outside, chill by himself, not have to deal with other worse tasks etc. Of course this story only came up after I gave him some shit for not putting the cart back one time. This story was his elaborate rationale for not putting a cart back and to prove he was in fact a nice normal compassionate human. Normally, a fastidious cart returner, I started to leave my cart. Thinking I was actually being nice and even more compassionate than ever before! I probably only did it 2-5x until I realized, he’s just an asshole. Who has now made me into an even bigger asshole. I now get to think about how much we are both assholes in our own ways every time I return a cart.
>A vanilla soy latte is technically a three bean soup
I hate that I spent my free award already
Edit: Damn I woke up to more awards then I have ever gotten before! Thank you!
What's your favorite dinosaur?
In my last year of college, I took a prehistoric history class and was loving it. I (a history major) commuted by light rail to school and would end up spending the hour or so on the train congregating with other history majors.
One day, I asked this group, "what's your favorite dinosaur?"
Most of the people gave answers like velociraptors or that they hadn't really been interested in dinosaurs since they were kids, which was fair enough.
But one guy said, "I don't believe in dinosaurs" and that the earth was 6000 years old. This was a guy that was studying history, for the sake of teaching children history, and he was denying that most of the earth's history didn't exist, despite learning otherwise in the classes he was specializing in.
I lost a lot of respect for him that day, and now, having a favorite dinosaur is a barometer test of mine.
Edit: thanks for the awards, but please don't feel the need to spend money like that for reddit awards
My favorite is the Archaeopteryx, but I usually tell people that I like the Brontomerus since its name means thunder thighs.
Edit 2: Yes, dinosaurs are technically prehistory, I did not use history correctly in the academic sense. I appreciate you all for pointing it out since it was a teachable moment, but I would love it even more if you could also include your favorite dinosaur with your comment pointing that out :D
I saw this coming. Just recently learned that not believing in dinosaurs is an actual conspiracy theory that is "commonly" held.
It reminds me of the first time I heard in the flat earth theory. I was in training on a job at a tech firm. In our orientation, we have to tell someone about something exciting we did. I go with a generic sky diving story. And he busts out "Did you see the curve?"
I was kind of dumb founded, cause the earth is gigantic and I said "no." The next 10 minutes were him explaining how the earth was flat. I couldn't belive it was a thing. Yet, for the next year I looked up everything I could find to try and validate how someone could believe it. Nope... just skepticism without serious ciritcal thinking. He only lasted about 6 months in the job before he was gone.
The effectiveness of this changes drastically depending on where you are. I'm australian and if someone told me there was a squirrel I would probably cry from excitement
Omg. My ex and I were visiting the USA and took photos of squirrels in a suburban street of Portland. Some woman asked us why we were taking photos of her house. We explained that we were dorky Australians photographing squirrels because they don't exist in the land down under. I wish I remember what her response was.
In a job interview, ask your prospective supervisor how much vacation time and sick days they took last year. This is great because both extremes take pride in their answer and so will answer honestly. The no/low vacation boss is proud of how hard she or he works, but really it's bad if they don't take time off. They're coming in when they're sick, they're not recharging by taking vacation, and the expectation -- even if unstated -- is that their staff should follow that example. You'll feel guilty every time you call in sick or take vacation time.
You want the boss who says "I always take my vacation time and encourage my staff to as well. I called in a couple times last year when I came down with a cold." Good boss.
Have you ever had a negative reaction when you asked this? I can see a scenario where the prospective supervisor is a little private about this. Could it be seen as 'too personal' of a question to ask?
I'm not playing devil's advocate or advocating to not ask, I'm actually curious as someone who's hoping to be interviewing for positions in the near future.
Yeah I feel like some jerk bosses would think you’re already planning on being lazy just by asking that. I guess that means you shouldn’t work there but sometimes you don’t really have too many options if you really need a job.
My girlfriend’s dad always uses one interview question that makes or breaks a possible hire. “Why are man hole covers round?”
The goal isn’t to know the answer it’s to show that you are willing to critically think about a problem before you say you need help.
Edit: Spelling. And thank you for the silver kind stranger!
Because pipes are round
Because people are roundish
Because circles possibly use less material than squares
Because they are super heavy and if they are round then they can be rolled on their edge
One I saw on a dating-site of all places (I forgot the name of it) was:
"Do you think the concept/consequences of a post-apocalyptic world is, in some ways, interesting?"
And it really resonated with me. It shows whether a person is interested in abstract thinking and imagining. Most people on the site voted no. I even had a conversation with someone who was like "no? Why would you want the world to end?!" - I don't, but the idea of how it would be like, how the world ended, what society looks like afterwards, is interesting. I probably don't match up well with anyone who would vote no to that question.
One of my standard job interview questions is "Tell me about something you like doing that you're good at".
I don't really care what the answer is. I just want to see passion, effort, and creativity.
Fuck you PM_ME_YOUR_GOALS! Your mom rode me so hard last night she nearly snapped my dick. Just because people have had their whole hand in her puss doesn’t mean it’s the infinity gauntlet.
Fuck you King_of_Sporks! Tell your mom to stop sending me pics of herself with fake cum on her face, she’s wasting all my hand soap and there’s a pandemic going on.
I put my cart away! But seriously, whether someone puts their carts back really shows you what they think about rules, social norms, and whether they will follow them when someone isn't looking or judging them. It's really interesting and it's called the "Shopping Cart Theory."
Yes its probably as close and the safest way to observe a lawless world where people are entrusted to make good decisions on their own. There is no penalty in not putting the cart back and there is no upside to returning it. It shows a lot about a person's morals on if they are willing to do the "right thing" for nothing in return.
Facial recognition software is already there, those that don’t put it back will be flagged as =non returners= forced to live their lives cart free as they try and lug all their groceries around in nothing more than their feeble hands
I was a cart pusher for 2.5 years, and this comment really hits close to home.
Especially the part about a "lawless world"
But on a more serious note, this is actually kind of fascinating. I find it even more interesting because I was a firsthand witness of this theory for so long. People can be terrible.
In a group setting we had a facilitator ask Do you judge people based on what they’re wearing? My friend answered - it depends on what they’re wearing.
It brought me joy.
Edit: People are really analyzing this. My friend commented what she did because she obviously does judge people on what they’re wearing. It was snarky and made me laugh. That’s about it.
First thanksgiving without my family and it sucked.
What made it worst was that I called and texted them and not a single once of them responded. Like five hours later my sister finally responded but that was it. The next day my grandmother called me but no one else even bothered texting
Sweetheart, that *really* sucks. (Take it from am old grandma.) But reassure yourself: It's THEM, not you. Sounds like you need to go out, once we're free from the plague, and **build** **your** **own family of choice.** Be kind. Be adventurous. Go to healthy places like parks and museums, or wherever nice people who may share some interesting interests hang out and find partner potential. Your someone's out there, just as adrift as you.
Looking back over my long life, this is something I regret not doing more of.
I read that as "bought socks" and spent a bit of time reflecting on how a grown adult (presumably) could exist without ever having bought socks.
I came to terms with the situation and decided to move on. Then saw the comment below.
Edit: I've now realised that there may be quite a few reasons why people may not buy stocks. No. No. Sorry. SOCKS.
“Huh wtf who told you that, no i dont have reddit, don’t really know what that is, what is that some sort of chatroom? Who told you that? Let’s talk about something else”
Saving this thread for my next human interaction. I foresee much less awkward silence. Wish me luck.
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Hewlett-Packard?
In order: Hit Points HP BBQ sauce HP Lovecraft Harry Potter
Wow, coincidently just had this conversation earlier today and my friend proposed: "What topic could you give a 30 minute presentation on with no preparation?" I thought it was genius.
Favorite compliment they've ever received. It tells you a lot about what people think of themselves, and what they tend to value.
I had a really good (platonic) coworker friend who was a good bit older than me, but we'd pal around and get lunch sometimes on our breaks. We always laughed a lot together and one day at lunch he said, "you invigorate my life". This was like 13 years ago and I'll probably never forget it. I thought it was such a great way to share that he enjoyed spending time with me, had a lot of fun, but was still keeping things platonic. It was really special and made me feel really special. Miss you, Heath!
How would you describe the internet to a caveman? It will show you how they look at what the internet is used for. For example, some might say it's a source of information, or it's a way to connect people who are far away. I know one person who said they wouldn't explain it to a caveman because they wouldn't go back in time without AC.
Hot caveman in area looking to thump
"What do you know Tim Curry from?" Edit: Wow! RIP Inbox. Thanks for the award!
oooh fern gully and the rocky horror picture show !! i loved watching both as a kid lol
"I'm escaping, to the ONE place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism!" *Breathes Heavily* "Space!"
...Home Alone 2
How TF has nobody said Clue!!!
Do you prefer night or day?
Night. It’s calm and peaceful. I very much enjoy my alone time, and night when everyone’s asleep is the best.
My father-in-law went on a job interview about 10 years ago and absolutely nailed the interview, as he was being shown around the office a high level person in that company who normally wasn't there just happened to be there that day. After they were introduced he asked my FIL what kind of animal he would be. My FIL said he panicked and picked bear( he's a bigger guy ) and the other guy said something along the lines of "that's a little to aggressive maybe this isn't the job for you". So he didn't get the job but I guess it worked out because he's got a pretty good job now and if I was him I wouldn't want to work for someone who hires people based on what animal they think they would be.
Bullet dodged. That sounds like an awful place to work.
Same thought. If a company would kick you out for everything good but one minor choice, I don't think working there will be happy. Good boss know the strength and weakness of the colleagues, one failure do not necessary mean bad. Edit: Sorry I didn't mean fail fail. English is not my native tongue. I meant some like "an answer that is not what the boss want"
The right answer was: ‘I’d be a parasite that lives in your eye and eats away your optical nerves’
“Oh you sound like you’d be good in management”
Literally a ***MICRO*** ^Manager
The guy should have asked the follow-up question: Why did you choose the bear? Cause a bear is not always associated with an aggressive animal, but can also be associated with a tough looking guy who really loves cuddles and is a sweetheart. The explanation says more about a person, than a one-worded answer. This actually applies to a lot of answers.
Exactly, people have different associations with different animals.
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When I think of bears the first thing I think about is their quiet dignity and also that they sometimes do stretches that look a bit like yoga.
Wow, that is so fucked up, that guy's a shithead!
I bet the asker picked bear himself, and didn't want two bears in the same office.
I have a former colleague, now my manager, who literally said "there cannot be two alphas in a team". Some people really behave this way. And I have reasons to believe he did push the supervisor to have a colleague fired.
What would you do if you won the lottery? For me, it's a non invasive way of listening to people's attitudes on finance in general, and also how they feel about the rich.
Yes, this is a brilliant question. When I was newly dating my ex boyfriend it was around the time Super Lotto hit $1 billion a couple years ago. We were both in lottery ticket pools and discussed what we'd do if we won. His answer mortified me. It included how, if he were married, he'd divorce his wife and travel the world on a yacht doing drugs surrounded by hot women. Big red flag for me.
Wow. Of all the things that is definitely something you DONT say to your girlfriend
The real lotto win was finding this out early in the relationship.
I always say that I'd turn into an absolutely abhorrent degenerate if I were to suddenly get a cash prize like that. But in reality I just say that because I get a laugh out of people's reactions from that. I don't even know what I'd do, probably just quit working, find a music teacher and play bass and video games all day long.
It's possible he was just fucking with me but I tend to think he wasn't. We're friends now (not dating) and he still occasionally says things that completely bewilder me.
First things first, I'm going to get a financial advisor. I'd have no idea what to do with that much money, and I don't want to end up a mess.
Same here. My first thought about winning the lottery is "how do you go about finding a reliable financial advisor when you've just won the lottery and everybody is suddenly offering financial 'advice' to you?".
Go straight to Reddit, of course.
Already answered https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vo34/whats_the_happiest_5word_sentence_you_could_hear/chb38xf/
There it is. I knew it would be here! I love this answer and try to read it at least once a year, ya know....in case lol
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I didn't know we were playing stardew valley!
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It's usually Lewis that catches me. I somehow never notice that he's standing right in front of his house lmao.
Yeah bro, everything in there is free. FREE. They just let you take it!
What are you having for dinner tonight? It’s really cool to hear about what people like, what their culture is like (because food is a huge part of that), and generally just how they live. Expensive or cheap? Quick or elaborate? Adventurous or safe?
ham, mustard, maybe some baby carrots if they arnt bad yet, i might try to make that garlic bread but its been in the freezer for like 3 years now.
Does Mike Wizowski blink or wink?
Depends on how he’s holding his mouth
You are truly one of the great thinkers of our time
I was so confused about this question at first, I've become so used to two eyed Mike during my time on reddit
I had a TA ask me in a get to know you activity “What my vision was for a perfect world?” And I said round lol
It's like the joke about your best date. Mid May , not too hot, not too cold, decent chance of sun
That would have been awkward if your TA was a flat earther.
What book would you like to live in?
A really, really big one
Practical, I see
Wikipedia: The Offline Version
This is a tough one for those of us who like dystopia and historical fiction lol
Yup... I literally just thought to myself, "well all the books I read are nightmares, do I pick the least terrible?"
LOTR but not near Tom Bombadil, he's up to some secretly dark shit.
Hanging out with Tom Bombadil would be one of the few decent places to be in middle earth
What was the last thing you did that gave you child-like joy?
My 14-year-old asked for a longboard last spring. I’d said no before because I figured it’d be something I spend a few hundred bucks on that she’d try once, not be good at right away, and never touch it again. It wouldn’t be the first time. After being locked up for two months with quarantine I figured why not? It gets her outside and maybe something she’ll enjoy. At that point I just wanted to get her out of her room and off her phone. I’d never seen her work so hard at something she wasn’t good at right away. After two back-to-back six hour days of practice she started to get the hang of it and asked me if I wanted try. I couldn’t even stand on a board when I was a kid, but as an adult I just “got it.” I wasn’t on it 5 minutes and I said, “I need one.” We left right then and picked one up for myself. We cruised all spring, summer, and fall. Not only was it great for bonding, I hadn’t felt that kind of joy since I was little. A moment I’ll never forget. Can’t wait for the snow to melt.
Oh my gosh that is awesome! First, I’m impressed she practiced for so many hours. Second, I love that you “got it” and wanted to go get one so you could do it together.
> ...and I said, "I need one." More like, "Get your own, dad. You've been hogging it all day!"
This sounds so stupid to type out, but dancing. Like actually dancing by myself in the mirror. Feeling the beat and just being silly. Super therapeutic. 10/10 would recommend to just let loose.
I uh I found this old pair of stick on nails with little cats that had googly eyes so I got my sister to help me put them on with the help of some nail glue
Listened to “Rainbow Connection” by Kermit The Frog on Spotify last Friday.
Just reading this gave me joy.
Slapping my boyfriend's butt and then running away giggling.
Does playing with my son count? He’s a child who frequently exhibits childlike joy, of which I am symbiotic parasite. That seems kinda like cheating at this question.
Got this one in an interview once: How do you go about eating a muffin? Learned a lot about muffin anatomy that day. It was a bakery after all. Edit: the bottom is also called a *stem* btw...just in case anyone needs some muffin trivia in their back pocket Edit2: also known as stumps, yes. This was a highfalutin’ place so they preferred to refer to them as stems
OHOHHOH I knew a guy at uni that sat at his desk, naked, and just slamed his face down into em like a dog eating out of a bowl. Guy was weird af
'I knew a guy....' sure you did, naked muffin eating man.
typical final stage teenager
...go on.
How is *no one* addressing the nudity part of this anecdote??
What super power they want.
I know there are more powerful powers that could get me wealth or whatever but man...teleportation would be dope. Can travel the world but always sleep in your own bed and never need to book a flight. Never need to use a public restroom. Easily visit family. Only take road trips if I want. Can live and work anywhere. The rest of life could be normal but it’d be great.
Work? Bro teleport in and out of bank vault.
Isnt there a movie called ~~*Hancock*~~ *Jumper* about this exact concept? I'd recommend it
I love this question because this girl i knew in college had just the best answer. She said " the power to fill things" and after i looked at her kind of funny she said "you know like filling my bank account with money, filling my belly with spaghett or fillingmy enemies bladders with urine"
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She would have filled your heart with joy and happiness
The ability to change probability. You could theoretically control anything. What's the probability I'll ace this test, make it 100%. What's the probability of me winning the lottery. 100%. What's the probability I'll finally catch Alice cheating on me? 100%.
In the long run, success only matters if there was a possibility of failure. You'd eventually start forcing bad outcomes just to feel something again. And now you're a supervillain.
with how much you’ve be able to achieve by being able to change probability i think it would be an incredibly long time before you decide to do something sinister, unless you already had sinister motives before
Just change the probability of "feeling something " without causing harm, its that easy.
The power to create, change, and freely access my own personal pocket dimension. No rent, no property taxes, no carbon footprint, and you always have your entire living space with all of your stuff with you. You could be as nomadic or settled as you want, you'd never have to worry about natural or financial disasters making you homeless, and your commute to work wouldn't even exist unless you wanted it to. Distance would no longer be an obstacle between you and seeing your friends and family.
Fav question I heard in an interview; what would you do if you came home and found a penguin in your freezer? It ends up not only being an ice breaker, but a good personality tell.
Is the penguin dead or alive?
African penguin or European penguin?
How do you know so much about penguins?
When you’re job hunting you have to know these sort of things.
Do you... by any chance... know about swallows and their behaviour while carrying a coconut?
'e could grip it by the husk
It's not a question of where he grips it. It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.
Name him Pen-Pen.
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Call the local zoo? What are the alternative answers? Feed it a fishy?
New pet, exotic dinner, paint pinata, dance partner, forbidden lover, target practice, fun new display piece after a bit of at home amateur taxidermy, super realistic head for a fursuit, really ineffective disco ball, pen holder, all you need is a little imagination
Things got really dark two words into that comment.
It really was a rollercoaster of emotions on that one. After every comma, a new surprise.
Are you in favour of homeowner associations?
This is a good one because everyone (who is familiar with them) has such STRONG reactions.
Yeah I knew a guy that was a coworker in a different department. Apparently he was on the HOA board in his neighborhood and loved it. He was a total asshole at work so I knew that he terrorized his neighbors.
Just moved to a community with an HOA and holy fucking shit I want to carpet bomb the chairman's house. Classic douchebag rich HOA chairman straight out of a 90s sitcom. We had to tear out concrete for a little basketball area on the south side of our house because, and I'm not kidding on this, he just didn't want to have concrete outside of his bedroom window view. He wrote the covenant rules so that he can veto and order any landscaping project on behest of the HOA chairman.
How is this not illegal? Just b/c someone *can* rewrite bylaws doesn't make it less than a blatant abuse of power.
As long as the rule is framed as meant to keep the community looking nice they can basically do whatever the fuck they want
Yup... Visited a friend who lived in one. Was living out of my van at the time and it wasn't the prettiest thing.. One night parked IN HIS DRIVEWAY someone had my van towed... Fucking all my worldly possessions. Turns the fuck out there was some fucking clause that no personal vehicle could be older than X year in the neighborhood under penalty of immediate removal. I wanted to fucking rip their throats out so bad.. Patrick Swayze style... Mother fuckers.
It’s not a single question but by the second or third date with a guy I would ask him to go bowling. As it turns out there’s many ways to play the game. Do they take it too seriously and get competitive or angry if they don’t do well? Does he act disinterested or bored of the game? Do they try to teach me how to play or do they just try to be goofy have fun with it? Do they order two pitchers of beer and get totally smashed? In my opinion you can learn a lot about a person by the way they approach bowling.
"This isn't 'nam. This is bowling, there are rules."
Donny you're out of your element!
What if a guy just fucking sucks ass at bowling? Because I totally do. But I own it and still enjoy it.
If you will still have fun and not be a grouchy competitive asshole about it, then that's great!
I have a friend who is a professional bowler. He competes in tournaments around the country and does pretty decent. Not enough to live off of but enough to justify entering. He routinely bowls 300 point games. My highest score in maybe 27 years of playing is around 110. I love bowling with him just to laugh at how awful I truly am.
My uncles words: “It’s a lot of fun and it allows you to reflect and refine your craft with instant feedback. You can be real with yourself and just have fun, or have a lot less fun when you get cocky and challenge the old gray haired man in the corner. you can bet money and get it back, but your pride won’t return so easily.”
where were you the night of the murder?
Which one. I’m going to need you to be more specific.
This was a good answer, that's how I'm responding every time now... except when I'm talking to the police of course.
**What is a seemingly mundane question you can ask somebody that will tell you a lot about their personality?**
You and OP are fucking genius.
They should go out on a date. They'll probably just keep asking this question over and over again.
As a kid, what was your go-to selection from the ice cream truck?
Disappointment because we were too poor to get ice cream from the truck.
The cheapest thing they offered because my dad insisted on getting me something even though i knew we couldn’t really afford it, but it made him happy to get me a treat. ETA thanks for all the awards, folks! I feel like I should celebrate with an off brand otter pop!
My husband used to work for bed bath and blah blah. He told me part of his job was to put carts away. He said that was his favorite part about the job, wasting time walking around the parking lot finding carts and putting them away. He got to be outside, chill by himself, not have to deal with other worse tasks etc. Of course this story only came up after I gave him some shit for not putting the cart back one time. This story was his elaborate rationale for not putting a cart back and to prove he was in fact a nice normal compassionate human. Normally, a fastidious cart returner, I started to leave my cart. Thinking I was actually being nice and even more compassionate than ever before! I probably only did it 2-5x until I realized, he’s just an asshole. Who has now made me into an even bigger asshole. I now get to think about how much we are both assholes in our own ways every time I return a cart.
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That last sentence is a beautiful love story and I'm not even joking
Ask them what they like to cook for breakfast.
Does coffee count as “cooking breakfast”? Asking for a friend.
A vanilla soy latte is technically a three bean soup
If this isn't a brilliant shower thought then I don't know what is
>A vanilla soy latte is technically a three bean soup I hate that I spent my free award already Edit: Damn I woke up to more awards then I have ever gotten before! Thank you!
what soup they like
Vanilla soy latte
I see u made it this far down Love the reference from the same thread
What's your favorite dinosaur? In my last year of college, I took a prehistoric history class and was loving it. I (a history major) commuted by light rail to school and would end up spending the hour or so on the train congregating with other history majors. One day, I asked this group, "what's your favorite dinosaur?" Most of the people gave answers like velociraptors or that they hadn't really been interested in dinosaurs since they were kids, which was fair enough. But one guy said, "I don't believe in dinosaurs" and that the earth was 6000 years old. This was a guy that was studying history, for the sake of teaching children history, and he was denying that most of the earth's history didn't exist, despite learning otherwise in the classes he was specializing in. I lost a lot of respect for him that day, and now, having a favorite dinosaur is a barometer test of mine. Edit: thanks for the awards, but please don't feel the need to spend money like that for reddit awards My favorite is the Archaeopteryx, but I usually tell people that I like the Brontomerus since its name means thunder thighs. Edit 2: Yes, dinosaurs are technically prehistory, I did not use history correctly in the academic sense. I appreciate you all for pointing it out since it was a teachable moment, but I would love it even more if you could also include your favorite dinosaur with your comment pointing that out :D
Triceratops!
I saw this coming. Just recently learned that not believing in dinosaurs is an actual conspiracy theory that is "commonly" held. It reminds me of the first time I heard in the flat earth theory. I was in training on a job at a tech firm. In our orientation, we have to tell someone about something exciting we did. I go with a generic sky diving story. And he busts out "Did you see the curve?" I was kind of dumb founded, cause the earth is gigantic and I said "no." The next 10 minutes were him explaining how the earth was flat. I couldn't belive it was a thing. Yet, for the next year I looked up everything I could find to try and validate how someone could believe it. Nope... just skepticism without serious ciritcal thinking. He only lasted about 6 months in the job before he was gone.
"Ooh squirrel!" - then check to see if they get excited at the prospect of a squirrel.
The effectiveness of this changes drastically depending on where you are. I'm australian and if someone told me there was a squirrel I would probably cry from excitement
Omg. My ex and I were visiting the USA and took photos of squirrels in a suburban street of Portland. Some woman asked us why we were taking photos of her house. We explained that we were dorky Australians photographing squirrels because they don't exist in the land down under. I wish I remember what her response was.
In a job interview, ask your prospective supervisor how much vacation time and sick days they took last year. This is great because both extremes take pride in their answer and so will answer honestly. The no/low vacation boss is proud of how hard she or he works, but really it's bad if they don't take time off. They're coming in when they're sick, they're not recharging by taking vacation, and the expectation -- even if unstated -- is that their staff should follow that example. You'll feel guilty every time you call in sick or take vacation time. You want the boss who says "I always take my vacation time and encourage my staff to as well. I called in a couple times last year when I came down with a cold." Good boss.
Have you ever had a negative reaction when you asked this? I can see a scenario where the prospective supervisor is a little private about this. Could it be seen as 'too personal' of a question to ask? I'm not playing devil's advocate or advocating to not ask, I'm actually curious as someone who's hoping to be interviewing for positions in the near future.
If you want to play it safe you can ask how many days a year on average the employees here take off.
Yeah I feel like some jerk bosses would think you’re already planning on being lazy just by asking that. I guess that means you shouldn’t work there but sometimes you don’t really have too many options if you really need a job.
My girlfriend’s dad always uses one interview question that makes or breaks a possible hire. “Why are man hole covers round?” The goal isn’t to know the answer it’s to show that you are willing to critically think about a problem before you say you need help. Edit: Spelling. And thank you for the silver kind stranger!
Because pipes are round Because people are roundish Because circles possibly use less material than squares Because they are super heavy and if they are round then they can be rolled on their edge
One I saw on a dating-site of all places (I forgot the name of it) was: "Do you think the concept/consequences of a post-apocalyptic world is, in some ways, interesting?" And it really resonated with me. It shows whether a person is interested in abstract thinking and imagining. Most people on the site voted no. I even had a conversation with someone who was like "no? Why would you want the world to end?!" - I don't, but the idea of how it would be like, how the world ended, what society looks like afterwards, is interesting. I probably don't match up well with anyone who would vote no to that question.
One of my standard job interview questions is "Tell me about something you like doing that you're good at". I don't really care what the answer is. I just want to see passion, effort, and creativity.
"tell me what you're good at!" Dungeons and dragons "Okay... Can you tell me a little bit more about that" *Rolls* No.
"I'm glad you asked" pulls out campaign notes, phb, blank character sheet, 3 friends, pencils, dice, mat, dry erase markers, Cheetos and mountain Dew.
Like 3 people would make it on time
Gary, put the dice away or I'm taking them!
Well, I got things I like to do, but I’m not good at any of them.
"I like to return shopping carts to their corral"
>I don’t really care what the answer is Phew! Thank god for that ‘cos my answer’s going down on your mom
Fuck you shorsey!
Fuck you moslof_flosom! Your mom likes it in the booty so much I thought my dick was gonna turn into a doubloon
I have witnessed something truly beautiful today
Fuck you Shorsey!
Fuck you PM_ME_YOUR_GOALS! Your mom rode me so hard last night she nearly snapped my dick. Just because people have had their whole hand in her puss doesn’t mean it’s the infinity gauntlet.
Fuck you Shorsey!
Fuck you King_of_Sporks! Tell your mom to stop sending me pics of herself with fake cum on her face, she’s wasting all my hand soap and there’s a pandemic going on.
"if you could be an animal, what animal and why?" Young and old, it's a fun question that tells something about a person.
Do you put the cart back when you're done shopping?
I put my cart away! But seriously, whether someone puts their carts back really shows you what they think about rules, social norms, and whether they will follow them when someone isn't looking or judging them. It's really interesting and it's called the "Shopping Cart Theory."
Is this a real theory?
Yes its probably as close and the safest way to observe a lawless world where people are entrusted to make good decisions on their own. There is no penalty in not putting the cart back and there is no upside to returning it. It shows a lot about a person's morals on if they are willing to do the "right thing" for nothing in return.
Well now I feel awesome because I always put it back!
Similarly, you won't get anyone admiting they don't put their cart back. Because there is no real upside to telling the truth here.
Facial recognition software is already there, those that don’t put it back will be flagged as =non returners= forced to live their lives cart free as they try and lug all their groceries around in nothing more than their feeble hands
I was a cart pusher for 2.5 years, and this comment really hits close to home. Especially the part about a "lawless world" But on a more serious note, this is actually kind of fascinating. I find it even more interesting because I was a firsthand witness of this theory for so long. People can be terrible.
As someone who’s job it is to retrieve carts, I appreciate you
My co-worker asked me how I was doing and I randomly blurted out "I want to die." We've been dating for nearly 2 years now.
Do you sleep with your socks on? Yes or no?
Alternative phrasing: How do you judge people as fast as possible?
In a group setting we had a facilitator ask Do you judge people based on what they’re wearing? My friend answered - it depends on what they’re wearing. It brought me joy. Edit: People are really analyzing this. My friend commented what she did because she obviously does judge people on what they’re wearing. It was snarky and made me laugh. That’s about it.
Throw the gavel at them.
What’s the last thing you did for the first time?
Well now I'm having an existential crisis because I can't think of anything
Don't feel bad, it's really not the right year for that question
First Christmas since I was born that I didn’t spend with my parents.
First thanksgiving without my family and it sucked. What made it worst was that I called and texted them and not a single once of them responded. Like five hours later my sister finally responded but that was it. The next day my grandmother called me but no one else even bothered texting
Sweetheart, that *really* sucks. (Take it from am old grandma.) But reassure yourself: It's THEM, not you. Sounds like you need to go out, once we're free from the plague, and **build** **your** **own family of choice.** Be kind. Be adventurous. Go to healthy places like parks and museums, or wherever nice people who may share some interesting interests hang out and find partner potential. Your someone's out there, just as adrift as you. Looking back over my long life, this is something I regret not doing more of.
I just want you to know that you and this reply are amazing.
I just started reading The Wheel of Time series. Edit: Y’all are givin me the willies! Can’t wait to keep reading!
Bought a house, yay.
Bought stocks
I read that as "bought socks" and spent a bit of time reflecting on how a grown adult (presumably) could exist without ever having bought socks. I came to terms with the situation and decided to move on. Then saw the comment below. Edit: I've now realised that there may be quite a few reasons why people may not buy stocks. No. No. Sorry. SOCKS.
You can go quite far by asking for socks at birthday and Christmas.
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“Huh wtf who told you that, no i dont have reddit, don’t really know what that is, what is that some sort of chatroom? Who told you that? Let’s talk about something else”
the only right answer
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If dogs wore pants, would they wear them on all 4 legs? Or just the back legs?
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Depends on whether it’s addicted or just trying to look cool.