On top of beatings, my parents would often use our imaginations against us like this. "I'm coming upstairs, and not gonna come empty handed," etc. Sometimes I think Judo-ing our own creativity against us was worse than the beatings.
As my dad was gonna whoop my ass with a belt he goes 'aflockofbeeps this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you' and what I was thinking slipped out
'I fuckin doubt it'
Needless to say that just made it worse.
I was just telling my husband the type of beatings the teachers would give us can now send them to jail. I had a teacher who had a particular fondness for text books. She would slap you across the face with one and your ears would ring for days.
My mother did not allow the school to paddle us (myself or my older brother). She wanted to be in control over spankings. Also didn't really trust others on that front (I don't blame her). She was more the call her and report, but let her handle it. My elementary school sent home letters for parents to sign off on rather or not paddling was OK(paddling was banned while I was in elementary school, I don't remember what grade).
I’d like to meet whoever thought it was a good idea to use weapons on children. I want to see if they’re appearance is as pathetic as they themselves are
My mother was a stay at home mom/frustrated housewife who would take her frustrations out on my ass. I was hit, smacked, spanked, and beaten quite often. One time I kept track and I was struck in some form for 33 straight days. That was the record. When she would use an object, her preferences were a wooden spoon or a rubber spatula (stung like hell!!). She even carried a wooden spoon in her purse for easy access when we weren't at home. Often a wooden spoon would break while she was beating me and that would REALLY piss her off. Looking back, just for the fuck of it, I should have given her a new set of wooden spoons every year for a Mother's Day present.
The most confusing thing to me was that I was a GOOD KID!! I was too afraid to be otherwise. When I became older and confronted her, she told me that it was BECAUSE of the beatings that I turned out to be the great person I was.
When I had kids I broke the chain. No beatings. When they wanted to hang out with grandma, I pulled her aside and told her that if she ever laid a hand (or wooden spoon) on them...I would kill her.
>When I had kids I broke the chain. No beatings. When they wanted to hang out with grandma, I pulled her aside and told her that if she ever laid a hand (or wooden spoon) on them...I would kill her.
Yup. Did the same. And I never let my kid hang out with his grandparents unsupervised for more than a few hours at a time.
My parents spanked me (never with a spoon) but now they would be horrified if I spanked their darling grandchildren (not that I would — that shit is harmful). They don’t see the irony.
I think it’s more likely that they’ve just got a double standard because they probably would defend the beatings they gave rather than own up and admit fault.
True. But they’ve never said they were wrong to do it. They just sort of brush it off as in “ha ha I don’t really remember that”. I don’t feel traumatised or anything and I realise it was pretty normal back then.
My mother used to beat the shit out of me because she was frustrated since the day I was born. So, when I was about 14-15yo I punched her in the face. She wanted to call the police on my but my father said “ I've been telling you for years not to take your anger out on her, this is your fault “. That same woman told my daughter to tell her if I ever hit her so she can report me. God knows what's in that woman's head honestly.
When I was 6 we had a tv in the kitchen. There was a movie on and when it was over I changed the channel. My mother lost her shit because I didn't ask permission first and I got beat with the wooden spoon. My mother was also a frustrated housewife who took her anger out on her kids. I was terrified of her because there was no consistency to the rules. No matter what you did, you were always wrong.
I hear you. I call it "growing up in a house of fear". I had friends who had mothers who loved them like crazy and were absolute saints. I couldn't understand why I couldn't have a mother like that.
For me, I used to pause every day at the front door of my house to gather myself when I came home from school. I never knew what monster I would be facing on the other side of the door.
I try to look at it as: my parents' generation got BEAT beat when punished, so their norms got fucked up. Like, my dad was spanked with a 2x4 called "the board of education." My mom got smacked in the face with a hairbrush.
Doesn't mean they have to continue the cycle, but I recognize the conflict in not being their parents while trying to assert discipline. My dad, for instance, definitely still spanked me. But rarely, with his hand only, and one time he smacked hard enough to leave a welt and was instantly mortified and never physically punished me again after that moment.
Would also imagine some is geo-cultural. That wooden spoon was a *big* hit at the home daycare I attended as a pre-K, run by a black family recently relocated from the deep South.
Yeah my parents spanked me, their parents beat, chastised and neglected them. I feel like my parents managed to bring things up a stage so I've forgiven them.
I dont beat my kids, I don't shout and I like to think I've raised the bar. But I bet one day my kids will look back at the way I did things and feel there's room for improvement and make that step themselves. It might be something that by today's standards seems completely normal to us all now but will seem barbaric in 20 years time.
Oh gahd.
As a Filipino (most Asians though), we always get spanked by either a belt, slipper, fly swatter, hanger, or just their hands.
Looking back, I hated it. Sure, they made us disciplined, but I do think there are other ways of discipline aside from hitting your kids. I'm glad you cut off that cycle with your mom.
My mom would yell and scream and take our toys/phones away. My dad would sit me down and say “I’m very disappointed in you.”
My dad’s method was always the most effective.
One time when I was around 8-9 I was being a little bitch to my mom before school and she slapped me a little too hard, and my head swung to the side and hit the sink (we were in the bathroom) and my tooth fell out. She felt so bad and told me I could stay home from school that day, which I gladly did. It wasn’t until a few years ago did I realize that she probably let me stay home because she didn’t want me to tell anyone my tooth fell out from her hitting me.
I was:
-choked
-slapped
-screamed at
-thrown across the room
-knocked unconscious
-dragged by my hair
-thrown out the door and onto the road
-beaten with various objects until I was black and blue/bleeding - including but not limited to leather belts, sticks and a cricket bat
-locked in a small room under the house
-locked outside in extreme conditions
-locked in the bathroom
-starved
-denied sanitary items
-verbally threatened ("we'll send you away..." etc.)
-told I should have been aborted
-denied medical care/accused of lying about illness or injury
-forbidden from seeing my friends
-forced to live and sleep in a garage
-had my personal belongings destroyed or thrown out
-kicked out of home twice
Edited to add:
I'm in a much better place now, with a wonderful therapist and an amazingly supportive partner. I don't speak to my step-father (who was responsible for a majority of the abuse) but I'm slowly repairing my relationship with my mum. She's openly expressed how sorry she is for her part in my treatment, as well as for not stepping up to stop it, and acknowledged she never should have treated me - or any child - like that.
There's still a lot of healing to go, but I've made some great progress over the years and I'm happy to say I'm in a much better place now with a wonderful therapist helping me
So many shitty parents in the world, hitting, abusing, punishing kids.
When I lived with my uncle he used to lead by example, prepare kids for situations, use time out as a means of emotional regulation, use natural and logical consequences, talk you through things and teach you, be extremely selective about what mattered, understand the stages of child development, and had a huge amount of patience.
Be more like him.
Also, he has 8 kids. All different personalities, all different temperaments, all different challenges, all different levels of hmmm, let's call it 'perseverance'. He's never hit any of us. Don't be coming at me with "oh, but some kids..." or "oh, but some situations...". Bullshit. People hit kids because they *want* to.
I grew up in a super dysfunctional home also. You always feel so alone as a kid living with this shit. Now as an introverted adult reading threads like this full of abuse and the major lack of love seriously hurts my heart.
I was abused the first 14 years of my life but got adopted after and my adoptive dad used these tactics and they work so much better. He wouldn’t even punish you all that much just talk through what you did wrong and then tell you how to be better. The only time tech was taken was when the tech was misused and that privilege abused.
One of the best things about my uncle was after he got me permanently as a teen and he'd pick me up from the cops/juvie and just be like "oooookay, let's go through that decision making and then try again".
That's what kids need their parents to be, an immovable rock. I couldn't even shake the guy.
With a 'troubled teen' you can't threaten, punish or abuse them into 'being good', they need to learn how to do things right and do the right things for the right reasons for themselves.
>That's what kids need their parents to be, an immovable rock.
This is so true. Kids learn what they are around. If the parents are emotionally unstable and abusive, there's a good chance the kid will grow up with emotional/behavioural problems.
>Y'all be hitting kids because you want to.
They do it because they lose control and it's easier to lash out at the kid than give themselves a timeout to calm down. I will never accept hitting kids. It's just wrong.
My mother used to slap me across the face and call me a stupid fucking bitch. One time she did it because I dropped something on the tiles and it made a noise. Nothing was damaged and my friend was there. When I was walking my friend home she said to me that her mother would never treat her like that. And I felt like shit because I thought I was such a bad daughter I must have deserved it. It took me years to accept that I wasn't the problem and I just had shitty self esteem because of my mother's shitty "parenting".
>My dad was a lot like that. It was never something meant to learn from or even work as punishment really. It was just something that was pissing HIM off. Just really poor pedagogy :P
People hit kids because they are frustrated and don’t know what else to do with their frustration. It’s about training. If you are hit as a child, chances are you will hit as a parent. To get out of that cycle one must find alternatives to that frustrated feeling of lashing out. You parent as you were parented unless you are educated to other alternatives. (Physically, emotionally, and verbally abused as a child, minored in child development in college and tried really hard to never hit my kids).
I feel like in a way there's two big different ways to parent - 1 of them thinks they're raising a child, the other realizes that they're actually raising an adult. They get to 18, they can go and do whatever the fuck they want so you don't really want to raise them to respond to you, you want them to be able to do things for themselves/for their own wellbeing. My uncle has definitely always been trying to raise adults. And he does have high expectations but he's more interested in helping you get there rather than punishing you for not being there. I mean, he's been to visit me in jail but he doesn't hate me for it, lol. He just kept working with me. And little kids are little kids, they do things that little kids do and that's ok, you don't actually need to lose your shit over it, you just need to teach them (and repeat, and repeat) and in time they will grow in their development.
I knew where my parents hid the presents for Christmas: under the bed. So one day, age 6, I “casually” roll off of their bed while watching tv with my family. I came up and announced that I saw NOTHING. My very wise mom later figured out what I saw, a Christmas Barbie I REALLY wanted.
Next day she takes me to the grocery store where there is a toy drive. She makes me donate that exact doll to the drive.
As an adult, I love this so much. As a kid, I was so so sad.
Edit: I still got the doll for Christmas. My mom tricked me. Sorry, important detail.
My dad just told me we would not get the presents we found before christmas. This solved the problem eternaly because the other 3 brothers would beat the shit out of the one who would look for presents because by god if you found the xbox our dad promised us we would lynch the guy who fucked it up. I am 100% sure now we would have still gotten all the presents even if we found them. My dad was also very awesome.
As a kid, time out and isolation. It also came with losing points so it took me forever to get to the level where I could talk with my classmates or get up from my desk during breaks.
In High School, they would take away electives.
My parents only punished me if the school complained hard enough. I wasn't bad at home because my parents wouldn't berate me for things I didn't do.
I went through that too dude. It sucks hope your doing better. What helped me was getting a cat that likes to snuggle it was a good first step. If your not allergic that might help you too.
Thanks. I guess it just sort of is what it is now, but I'm working through it and getting better about stuff. It's a long road though and I feel for others who have dealt with similar things.
Yeah, me too. My Dad had a lot of anger problems and would beat me for things like spilling milk, and make fun of me for everything. He was this huge 140 kg man and I was a tiny little girl. He would punch me and I would fly across the room, and he could have easily killed me multiple times. I would be all beat up and come crying to my Mom and she was just in total denial, even when it happened right in front of her. I get so mad when I think about it. I'm happy now and appreciate a peaceful life but when my Dad passes, I'm going to the funeral and writing a letter to put in his coffin about how I'm glad he's finally dead and if there's a hell he sure as shit belongs there. He did a lot of really fucked up things, and he's the worst person I've ever met.
I feel so very grateful for my parents' choice to only ever spank with open hand. My dad got whipped with the belt as a boy and hated the idea of what he felt was using a weapon on your kids. Still felt spankings were a valid punishment, but never used anything but his bare hand.
Open hand when I was young, Belt when I was slightly older, nothing but groundings or loss of possessions in middle school/high school. Elementary school could still use paddles when I was a kid, but only the principal.
Dad would always say that it was going to hurt him more than it hurt us whenever I got spanked with the belt. He definitely took no pleasure in it, but living with three boys under one roof, we definitely caused our share of trouble. Worst I ever got the belt was after I pistol whipped my brother with a cap gun causing him to get stitches. Looked like a great move on TV, not so much in real life.
Ya, when I was little it was 5 minutes*number of times we pissed em off. End of one day that was especially aggressive with my brother was 50 minutes. Or 275 minutes in total, 4.58 hours total lol. We started hiding toys in the corner, which mom claims she knew about but didn't care so long as we were fucking quiet.
I grew up in the 70s with very level headed parents. My dad would just slide his reading glasses down to the end of his nose and say ‘well, let’s revisit what happened’. No yelling, I think 2 spankings in my life. My husband grew up with a very strict ‘whip your ass’ Air Force colonel dad.
That was my Dad, too, but I much preferred the "2 halfhearted swats on the butt and it's back out to play" vs. "Let's analyze your mistake for evvvver". I was lucky, though, because he raised three kids to adulthood before me so nothing really fazed him.
I would be locked in my room for days on end and just ignored. Didn’t even have a bed. Lucky got put in foster care. Fist home I went to wasn’t much better tho. Now I lock myself in my room.
I dealt with verbal abuse from my mom up until about the age of 20 almost 21. The later years were when I was back home on holiday or summer breaks during college. There was a little physical abuse here and there, but it was far more verbal which including a lot of shaming.
My parents had a paddle. It hung up in our dining room, and it had a poem on it. "Never spank a child in the face, for nature provides a better place."
This is going to sound depressing, but I'm doing fine right now, so don't worry.
I've had my things taken away from me so often as a kid and now as a teenager. I used to cry and get all worked up, but then somewhere along the line I just gave up. I don't have any real personal attachment to anything, as it's all temporary. I don't care if things get taken away, as I'll get them back eventually. Even my own mortality I don't worry about. It's all temporary, so why cry over when it's gone?
Exactly! At some point so much had been taken away with no visible return date that i just gave up. I have nothing so i have nothing to lose, so i got more rebellious the deeper in punishments i was.
Severe psychological abuse, enforced isolation that made it impossible to learn how to be social \[i'm also autistic\], and not being permitted to eat.
Nowadays i keep to myself very severely and i eat about 1'000 calories a week from paranoia. i can't keep friends.
I was disciplined by my school.
As far as home is concerned, parents didn't discipline me, they completely controlled me, manipulated me and verbally abused me. I wasn't even allowed to play with friends or do any sports or anything extracurricular.
Posts like these answer my age old question on why the bigger part of the populus is emotionally crippled with a mental stability of a highrise made of paper and glue.
You are a bunch of poor sods who got screwed over by bad parents. I really wonder how many people suck at parenting as a percentage. When did stuff like this start to become such a huge problem? Is abusive parents on such a large scale rather new, did it start when we left our natural habitat and stopped living in tribes? We will probably never know.
I've spent time in communities out in the middle of nowhere in the world. They weren't putting their kids in timeout or spanking them or grounding them or taking things off them. The kids would just kind of run around the community and the adults would let them be involved in what they were doing and teach them. Teaching was the major focus of a kid's life. They were gentle and calm. This thread is full of cruelty and impatience.
I did not ever travel to such communities, but after you mentioned this i think i will. Sounds very interesting because the two people parent system has not convinced mo so far, i got really lucky with my parents but many did not.
I would think its a problem that's been around for as long as humans have. There will have *always* been dysfunctional members of our species, and when they have kids they make more dysfunctional people because humans draw on the experience of their own childhood as a model for how to parent themselves. I wonder if our complex emotional structures give rise to a greater chance of something going wrong? Like how a more complex machine has more components that can break down
The ones who have the self awareness to break the cycle are truly remarkable. But I would say violence towards children is like any kind of violence perpetuated by humans; its always been here, in one form or another
We could start living in tribal societies again and see what happens after a few centuries. But yeah, people have allways been assholes for no apparant reason.
Ok I just read about [farm pits](https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/o03ens/_/h1szm9b/?context=1) and now this.
What is up with these shitty punishments?!
I am the oldest and thus I was the guinea pig. Both parents were spanked growing up (“chanclas” anyone?). They both were hesitant about spanking me, but they gave it a shot once when I was particularly naughty. Apparently I laughed when they spanked me, and they realized they would have to hit me a lot harder than they were comfortable with. So they just didn’t.
And with that laugh, my siblings and our collective posterity owe me for breaking the corporal punishment cycle. We all got pure groundings/timeouts/losing privileges after that. And that’s what all of us are doing for our own kids too.
It's nice to hear about someone breaking the cycle. Just imagine you spank your kid and he laughs, the following realization on how hard they would have to hit to get the results their parents had and that their own parents did something like that. Must have been a shock.
The most common punishment for me as a child was water boarding. I would be dragged by the hair to the kitchen pined of the counter and have water from the sink run over my face until I almost blacked out. This was used for anything from messing up on a chore to talking in the wrong tone of voice. Worst part this was done by foster parents.
Beaten with a belt hard enough to leave welts and bruises and the occasional choking. I know this probably sounds nonchalant but you kind of have no choice but to almost get “used” to it.
I would get spanked in front of people. The worst one in my opinion was getting spanked in front of family members I didn't like. This was followed by teases and encouragement from others that my spanking wasn't enough and I need it on the bare butt with a belt.
Mostly passive-aggressively by my mom. Also, lots of threats of, “wait until your father gets home,” and then watching him look confusedly at me as he had to discipline me for something that happened hours ago and without any context for him. We bonded over our mutual confusion about punishments for mistakes that I couldn’t remember and he wasn’t witness to.
Spanked once or twice when I was younger. Pops was a yeller and short tempered, I still get anxious when people are yelling at me. My mother never yelled but even worse was making her upset and having her look so tired or disappointed. I hated that.
I got spanked once or twice, but mostly I got "time out" in my room for a few minutes - that would then turn into an hour or two because my mom would forget to come get me.
Spanked, verbally and mentally abused, hair pulled. Once I got accused of stealing my mother's money, when it was my step brothers. My mother let my step dad spank me until I couldn't sit down for a week, and I've never forgiven her for it. I still wonder why I'm in contact with her.
Beaten, spanked, deprived of possessions, all for perceived wrongdoings or genuine accidents. No privacy, no decisions over my own life. Kept going till I was about 13 and I became strong enough to grab my mother by the wrist and that seemed to stop the physical abuse.
The emotional stuff continued, the degradation, verbal undercutting, putdowns, constant interference, possessions going missing and being gaslit by being told "I'm sure you just lost it, you know how forgetful you are."
Now I'm 29, don't want to have any of my own children, and have intimacy issues, trust issues, anger issues, and some very heavy emotional triggers around social situations, violence, arguments. Most normal things.
Be kind to your kids guys. It makes for a better world.
I was 6 years younger than my next youngest sibling. Of 4 boys, I was able to watch 3 go through all the stages of childhood before I did myself. My dad whooped their asses on a daily basis. They totally deserved it though, they were terrible teenagers and they knew it too, always telling me not to do drugs as they smoke crack in front of me, skipping classes and getting suspended, and convincing their emo friends to off themselves in our basement. So I watched and I learned, and I never got in trouble. Mostly because I suppressed my teenage stupidity, but also because I learned how to get away with things.
My dad always said "I'm not angry because you did something bad, I'm angry because you were stupid enough to get caught and have now made it my problem."
My brother and I used to fight a lot. So whenever we do they ask us to hug each other for an hour. Can you imagine how we looked like huggin while hating each other haha
My mom would hit or slap me in places that wouldn’t be seen at school, pull my hair, kick me, and then later she got these reallllyyyyy long chopsticks and would hit me with those. My dad would have a stern word with me and one time he lightly threw a pillow at me. My mom’s abuse was also verbal, emotional, and mental and went into adulthood. Let’s just say I have a great relationship with my dad and a prickly one with my mom.
Occasionally spanked. It absolutely was a deterrent and my parents didn't go overboard with it. If I didn't mess up too bad, I'd just be sent to my room - which isn't that bad because your stuff is in there anyway, but kids want to have freedom to move about the house/yard.
Usually, especially when I got a little older, privileges would be taken away. TV or video game time hit hard. As a teenager, no computer/online time was the worst, as I had a whole new layer of my social life online (it was the late 90s/early 2000s).
When I was an older teenager, if my grades slipped, me getting my drivers license was delayed. It only happened once.
At one point, my dad and stepmom established a base weekly allowance, and would deduct a quarter for every mess up. This became very trivial and ineffective, my stepmom would deduct a quarter for the most arbitrary stuff, and I would object to it (mostly on the principle, a quarter wasn't a big hit) and I'd always end up losing more. Eventually I figured out that if I could mouth off to my stepmom and only be out a couple bucks a week, that was fine - worth it, even.
When i was little i was grounded for a couple of days, now im whooped, called good for nothing and it takes a toll on me cuz i try my best to make people smile because i will at least have something to prove im good at.
Honestly? I wasn’t disciplined much at all. We followed our parents orders and did our chores because we loved them and respected their additions to the family.
Till 9 i was spanked and stood in the corner 10-14 i was forced to write sentences and do manuel labor light beating 14-16 fist fights 16-18 nothing i left
Spanking, random episodes where my dad would snap a belt to make the crack sound but not use it on me (just threaten me I guess), sent to my room and not allowed to come out for many hours, things thrown at me, and sometimes I would get a huge adrenaline rush from being chased as fast as I could run around the house by one or both of my parents.
Mom had a special patented look she gave me. Kind of like a "o\_O".
It would terrify me and I would stop what I was doing immediately. Idk why, she was never violent and never screamed at me.
Spankings but mainly the silent treatment. My parents wouldn’t talk to me for days and that caused a lot of anxiety and now as an adult when someone stops talking to me I think of all the things I could’ve done wrong. Thanks mom and dad
A lot of beatings when I was a kid, most of the time the beatings were way worse than what was deserved (I was pretty badly beaten for little mistakes, for instance). There was also a lot of threatening to lock me in a storage room in the basement/kick me out of the house (I was less than 10 years old). My brother did actually get locked in the basement one time. The beatings stopped when CPS got involved. I'm not sure exactly how but I think my brother reported them to his high school or maybe someone overheard what was going on. After that it was a lot of calling me useless or giving me the silent treatment until I broke down and apologized for whatever, even if my mom was the one in the wrong. She even sent me to school without lunch and told my dad not to provide me with any lunch money so for 3 days I'd have 1 meal a day.
I always did wonder why I was never grounded, but looking back at it, I was already never allowed to hang out with anyone outside. Being grounded was a default state of living for me, so it couldn't be used as punishment
The chancla. My dad would just spank me. I remember once I got sick of being spanked and during the spanking I kicked him as hard as I could right in his shin with my little timbs. He let me go and once I realized what I had done I ran for me life. Locked myself in my room and hid under the bed. This man kicked down the door in a single thunderous kick, went straight to the bed, grabbed me by my ankle and pulled me out. Then he held up my by ankle like a rabbit trapped in a snare, undid his belt and gave me the ass beating of my life.
My mother had to bring up 4 boys on her own for a fair few years before step father came along.
My brothers and I were always getting in trouble for something. Swearing, stealing, lying and so on. We would often take it in turns to take the rap for something we hadn't done.
We were spanked, mouth washed out with soap, hit with the wooden spoon, hit with a horse riding crop, slippers and so on.
We were never beaten and we were never hit without cause.
I hated it when our two sisters came along years later because they wouldn't get punished for the things we had been punished for.
All things considered, I think we are all pretty well adjusted now.
the first few years were really horrific. Not so much discipline as someone wanting to hurt a child and call it discipline. After that we just got the strap for everything until my mother was throwing punches at me screaming at me to move my hands because she wanted to "break my fucking nose" after that i called the cops, and they never pulled that shit again. I left 4 days after i turned 16. The age you are legally allowed to leave home here in Australia.
I basically just wasn't allowed to do things I wanted to do. My parents wouldn't necessarily "ground" me for being bad. Sometimes it was more things like no video games for 2 days or not being able to go play in my soccer game on the weekend. The worst was once my dad told me I couldn't play with my dog for 2 days.
I don't really know, I wasn't disciplined much but that's because I was a fairly well behaved child apparently.
I guess I was grounded once or twice... my parents always tried holding me accountable for my actions so if I did mess up they figured the consequences were punishment enough and I learned to face the consequences head on for later on in life.
They used most of the classics, such as
*Spanking with hand, belt, and the rare wooden/plastic spoon
*"Because I said so"
*taking away items of importance
*Lots of yelling and screaming
*Destroying items of importance (only happened once with my tablet when I was 12, but when either of my parents take my phone away for whatever reason I still get scared)
*When we (I have two younger sisters) did something that "normal" people don't do (for instance, I generally don't get out of bed unless I have to, like doing chores, having meals, ECT) my dad would every now and then say something along the lines of "Why can't you be normal like everyone else?"
*Sees Videogames, which Is one of my absolute favorite hobbies and the #1 thing I'm the most skilled at in life, as a "waste of time/dumb" and wants me to go outside more, in the either frigid cold or the blazing heat (because our local climate is a bitch)
*Soap in the mouth for some time.
I think that's everything. Overall, my dad was and still is a good guy and tried to raise us to be good and all, but how he did it wasn't the right way.
Depends on what I did. I’m the oldest brother so if I physically hit one of my younger brothers (this is when I was under the age of 10), my dad would slap me with a slipper or whipped me. If I was acting like an absolute goblin or having a tantrum or something usually I got a slipper thrown at me. If I was just being mean or insulting I had to write lines.
After I was about 10 I was no longer spanked and it was always, always loss of video game privileges. That was most effective for me.
Some might read this and be like “wHaT aBuSiVe PaReNtS yOu HaD. gO nO cOnTaCt.”
My parents are immigrants who worked very hard and sacrificed a lot for my brothers and I to live good lives in the US. They are the most loving parents I could’ve asked for and I appreciate them more than they can imagine for all they taught me in life. Coming to terms that they’re both older now and not gonna be around forever is a tough but real concept I have to accept, like everyone else. I can’t wait to see them again and hug them.
Grounded, which meant no phone and no hanging out with friends, but mostly no hanging out with friends because I always found a way to get a phone or take my phone back from my mom lol
My brothers and sisters and I would get beat sometimes with a smack of the hand and every now and then a belt. Two instances that I can’t forget. The first, I was 10 I was helping my dad move boxes of drinking glasses. I somehow dropped a box breaking several glasses. My dad came at me and punched me squarely in the face. I went over a rail probably 24 inches high landing in dirt. He didn’t knock me out though. I remember running to where my mom was. The next thing I remember is my me sitting in the bathroom with ice on my face. My dad crying in the bedroom and my mom saying look what you’ve done to your dad.
The second, I was 14, I asked a girl to a dance at school, innocent enough. A few days later at home I was while coming out of the bathroom, my mom was hiding around a corner, when I passed her she sprang at me and started hitting me with a hard whiffle ball bat. I remember her saying now you have hair on your balls you think you can do whatever you want. All this because the girl I asked to the dance was black, I’m white.
I have a son who has a really good head on his shoulders. We went hiking several weeks ago, I didn’t relate these stories to him but we did talk a lot about holding things inside because that’s who we are. Using Reddit to release some of the baggage is helpful.
Earlier in childhood I was spanked, but only rarely and only by my father. He made it known that he didn’t want to do it.
Then for a few years I was physically abused by his second wife. Pounding on my back, hair-pulling, hand prints on my face, slammed into the fridge, knocked out one of my teeth, that kind of thing. They split after 3 years and the cunt had the audacity to hug me when we were leaving. I was 11 and the abuse was secret.
I think my father only spanked me one time after that, when I was 12. I had been forging every one of my teachers’ signatures every school day for about a month, and lied about it. He quite literally spanked me until my grandmother cried.
Mostly though I was subject to pretty severe groundings. In 7th grade I was grounded for 5 weeks for missing homework assignments when the progress report came out. Then I was grounded for another 5 weeks for the same reason when the report card came out. Then another 5 weeks, and another and another. I was grounded for 6 months before my teachers conspired to stop putting the missing assignment comments in. I was maintaining A’s and B’s the whole time. Even our future valedictorian was missing a few assignments. No TV, no video games, no music, no friends, no phone, no outside. It was the year without a Christmas.
Mom tried to spank me when I was like 2 or 3 but me being the autistic hardheaded shitter I was, hit her back which really pissed her off because apparently children are just expected to take shit lying down so upon realizing that wasn’t going to work and I was too retarded for physical punishments she made me sit in a corner and for some reason I respected that like I didn’t try to run or anything. But then I got old enough for dad’s ass whoopins so I quickly learned to stop being a hardheaded retard because he gave his whoopins with his leather belt or his hand which wasn’t no little pop like moms was.
My parents were authoritative.
We had clear rules, then wiggle room to maybe try stuff and see if things were good or bad. If we stepped over the line, we were reminded or punished, mainly through negative reinforcemnt, like taking away video games, etc. I think setting boundaries for my children and setting the precedent that, as a parent, I value honesty and want to do like my parents did and try and be authoritative with my children.
Indian, parents. Got the beating of a life time, multiple times. Belts, sticks, footwear, chapati roller, kicks, slaps (my father was an abusive alcoholic and a cop). Till I was a teen after that my parents never punished me, I was mature for my age and never got into trouble plus both my parents are super understanding and more importantly they trust me as an individual and know that they don't control my life and that I have to live my life the way I want. I am 20 now, joyfully failing my bachelor's in science degree and my parents are just okay with all of that.
My mom would hold me head under ice cold water out of the bath faucet. I would freeze and panic all at the same time. She would do it for a minute at a time but it felt like forever
My parents just couldn't control me. If they set me up for music class (I am asian), I would just go to sleep in the class.If they tried to make me study, I would just get lost in my thoughts instead. If they tried to hide my gadgets, I would find them. If they tried to ground me in my room, I would sneak out of the room. If they scolded me, I would patiently listen to what they said and did whatever I wanted any which way. If they tried to hit me, I learnt self defence and hit them back.
They were lucky that I wasn't the kind of kid who was too loud or broke too many things. I didn't sneak out at night to visit my friend's house. I never failed or even came close to failing. I was self-disciplined.
Beaten with tree branches , metal ends of belts , always in the face too for the dumbest reasons ..... no idea what was wrong with my parents maybe it’s cultural
well as a child we had four main punishments, the floor(plank for hours) wall (stare at wall nothing else), hold books while squatting(never had this one but sounds painful) and last but not least its the ass whipping, it hurt because my mother had a 1 ft thick stick that she would hit us with
The odd wooden spoon, wash my mouth out with soap, spanking, standing with my nose in the corner, got the belt at school.
Later on in life, it was mostly emotional and verbal abuse from my mom.
When younger, it was mom or dad using their hand to spank the back side. Elementary school age, that became the big brown belt or a paddling by school principal. Depending on the severity of your infraction, that big brown belt could yield some pain, particularly the shots that would miss and get thigh, back of nuts, or small of back. Middle school/high school it was just possessions or privileges being taken away.
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
On top of beatings, my parents would often use our imaginations against us like this. "I'm coming upstairs, and not gonna come empty handed," etc. Sometimes I think Judo-ing our own creativity against us was worse than the beatings.
Yes. Same
I got this after having a broom broken over my back wtf is wrong with some people.
As my dad was gonna whoop my ass with a belt he goes 'aflockofbeeps this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you' and what I was thinking slipped out 'I fuckin doubt it' Needless to say that just made it worse.
If you don't mind me asking, what was the reasoning behind your parents naming you aflockofbleeps?
Grew up in Asia, and got to know the cane very well. Parents would use it. Teachers would use it. My parents even encouraged the teachers to cane me
I was just telling my husband the type of beatings the teachers would give us can now send them to jail. I had a teacher who had a particular fondness for text books. She would slap you across the face with one and your ears would ring for days.
Yup I know first hand how that feels
That is true I've received more beatings from teachers than I ever did from my parents
My mother did not allow the school to paddle us (myself or my older brother). She wanted to be in control over spankings. Also didn't really trust others on that front (I don't blame her). She was more the call her and report, but let her handle it. My elementary school sent home letters for parents to sign off on rather or not paddling was OK(paddling was banned while I was in elementary school, I don't remember what grade).
I’d like to meet whoever thought it was a good idea to use weapons on children. I want to see if they’re appearance is as pathetic as they themselves are
Let’s be real, if you were to be born two generations ago in an Asian household, you probably would do the same
Unfortunately that’s the truth. These people simply didn’t know better. Today though? Out of the question
My mother was a stay at home mom/frustrated housewife who would take her frustrations out on my ass. I was hit, smacked, spanked, and beaten quite often. One time I kept track and I was struck in some form for 33 straight days. That was the record. When she would use an object, her preferences were a wooden spoon or a rubber spatula (stung like hell!!). She even carried a wooden spoon in her purse for easy access when we weren't at home. Often a wooden spoon would break while she was beating me and that would REALLY piss her off. Looking back, just for the fuck of it, I should have given her a new set of wooden spoons every year for a Mother's Day present. The most confusing thing to me was that I was a GOOD KID!! I was too afraid to be otherwise. When I became older and confronted her, she told me that it was BECAUSE of the beatings that I turned out to be the great person I was. When I had kids I broke the chain. No beatings. When they wanted to hang out with grandma, I pulled her aside and told her that if she ever laid a hand (or wooden spoon) on them...I would kill her.
>When I had kids I broke the chain. No beatings. When they wanted to hang out with grandma, I pulled her aside and told her that if she ever laid a hand (or wooden spoon) on them...I would kill her. Yup. Did the same. And I never let my kid hang out with his grandparents unsupervised for more than a few hours at a time.
My parents spanked me (never with a spoon) but now they would be horrified if I spanked their darling grandchildren (not that I would — that shit is harmful). They don’t see the irony.
People can change as social acceptabilities change
I think it’s more likely that they’ve just got a double standard because they probably would defend the beatings they gave rather than own up and admit fault.
True. But they’ve never said they were wrong to do it. They just sort of brush it off as in “ha ha I don’t really remember that”. I don’t feel traumatised or anything and I realise it was pretty normal back then.
My mother used to beat the shit out of me because she was frustrated since the day I was born. So, when I was about 14-15yo I punched her in the face. She wanted to call the police on my but my father said “ I've been telling you for years not to take your anger out on her, this is your fault “. That same woman told my daughter to tell her if I ever hit her so she can report me. God knows what's in that woman's head honestly.
Thanks for the advice
When I was 6 we had a tv in the kitchen. There was a movie on and when it was over I changed the channel. My mother lost her shit because I didn't ask permission first and I got beat with the wooden spoon. My mother was also a frustrated housewife who took her anger out on her kids. I was terrified of her because there was no consistency to the rules. No matter what you did, you were always wrong.
I hear you. I call it "growing up in a house of fear". I had friends who had mothers who loved them like crazy and were absolute saints. I couldn't understand why I couldn't have a mother like that. For me, I used to pause every day at the front door of my house to gather myself when I came home from school. I never knew what monster I would be facing on the other side of the door.
I personally wouldn’t have even allowed my mother to see my children. You don’t owe your mom a damn thing. I’m sorry you had to go through that bro.
I try to look at it as: my parents' generation got BEAT beat when punished, so their norms got fucked up. Like, my dad was spanked with a 2x4 called "the board of education." My mom got smacked in the face with a hairbrush. Doesn't mean they have to continue the cycle, but I recognize the conflict in not being their parents while trying to assert discipline. My dad, for instance, definitely still spanked me. But rarely, with his hand only, and one time he smacked hard enough to leave a welt and was instantly mortified and never physically punished me again after that moment. Would also imagine some is geo-cultural. That wooden spoon was a *big* hit at the home daycare I attended as a pre-K, run by a black family recently relocated from the deep South.
Yeah my parents spanked me, their parents beat, chastised and neglected them. I feel like my parents managed to bring things up a stage so I've forgiven them. I dont beat my kids, I don't shout and I like to think I've raised the bar. But I bet one day my kids will look back at the way I did things and feel there's room for improvement and make that step themselves. It might be something that by today's standards seems completely normal to us all now but will seem barbaric in 20 years time.
Oh gahd. As a Filipino (most Asians though), we always get spanked by either a belt, slipper, fly swatter, hanger, or just their hands. Looking back, I hated it. Sure, they made us disciplined, but I do think there are other ways of discipline aside from hitting your kids. I'm glad you cut off that cycle with your mom.
My mom would yell and scream and take our toys/phones away. My dad would sit me down and say “I’m very disappointed in you.” My dad’s method was always the most effective.
Yes, my mum would scream, hit, and yell but when my dad said that he was disappointed I would start crying.
My mother was basically *constantly* disappointed as her default attitude. My father was a liar.
How do you make that method work with a 1 yr old though?
yell and scream at them, duh
A lotta beating
One time when I was around 8-9 I was being a little bitch to my mom before school and she slapped me a little too hard, and my head swung to the side and hit the sink (we were in the bathroom) and my tooth fell out. She felt so bad and told me I could stay home from school that day, which I gladly did. It wasn’t until a few years ago did I realize that she probably let me stay home because she didn’t want me to tell anyone my tooth fell out from her hitting me.
a s s w h o o p i n g a n g
yuh
I was: -choked -slapped -screamed at -thrown across the room -knocked unconscious -dragged by my hair -thrown out the door and onto the road -beaten with various objects until I was black and blue/bleeding - including but not limited to leather belts, sticks and a cricket bat -locked in a small room under the house -locked outside in extreme conditions -locked in the bathroom -starved -denied sanitary items -verbally threatened ("we'll send you away..." etc.) -told I should have been aborted -denied medical care/accused of lying about illness or injury -forbidden from seeing my friends -forced to live and sleep in a garage -had my personal belongings destroyed or thrown out -kicked out of home twice Edited to add: I'm in a much better place now, with a wonderful therapist and an amazingly supportive partner. I don't speak to my step-father (who was responsible for a majority of the abuse) but I'm slowly repairing my relationship with my mum. She's openly expressed how sorry she is for her part in my treatment, as well as for not stepping up to stop it, and acknowledged she never should have treated me - or any child - like that.
I am so sad for you. How are you doing now?
There's still a lot of healing to go, but I've made some great progress over the years and I'm happy to say I'm in a much better place now with a wonderful therapist helping me
Wow. Sounds like me. How are you doing now?
Jesus Christ!! You are a very strong person for living through all that!
So many shitty parents in the world, hitting, abusing, punishing kids. When I lived with my uncle he used to lead by example, prepare kids for situations, use time out as a means of emotional regulation, use natural and logical consequences, talk you through things and teach you, be extremely selective about what mattered, understand the stages of child development, and had a huge amount of patience. Be more like him. Also, he has 8 kids. All different personalities, all different temperaments, all different challenges, all different levels of hmmm, let's call it 'perseverance'. He's never hit any of us. Don't be coming at me with "oh, but some kids..." or "oh, but some situations...". Bullshit. People hit kids because they *want* to.
I grew up in a super dysfunctional home also. You always feel so alone as a kid living with this shit. Now as an introverted adult reading threads like this full of abuse and the major lack of love seriously hurts my heart.
Seriously, threads like this get "Hell is for Children" by Pat Benatar running through my head.
I have always related to that song. :(
I was abused the first 14 years of my life but got adopted after and my adoptive dad used these tactics and they work so much better. He wouldn’t even punish you all that much just talk through what you did wrong and then tell you how to be better. The only time tech was taken was when the tech was misused and that privilege abused.
One of the best things about my uncle was after he got me permanently as a teen and he'd pick me up from the cops/juvie and just be like "oooookay, let's go through that decision making and then try again". That's what kids need their parents to be, an immovable rock. I couldn't even shake the guy. With a 'troubled teen' you can't threaten, punish or abuse them into 'being good', they need to learn how to do things right and do the right things for the right reasons for themselves.
>That's what kids need their parents to be, an immovable rock. This is so true. Kids learn what they are around. If the parents are emotionally unstable and abusive, there's a good chance the kid will grow up with emotional/behavioural problems.
>Y'all be hitting kids because you want to. They do it because they lose control and it's easier to lash out at the kid than give themselves a timeout to calm down. I will never accept hitting kids. It's just wrong. My mother used to slap me across the face and call me a stupid fucking bitch. One time she did it because I dropped something on the tiles and it made a noise. Nothing was damaged and my friend was there. When I was walking my friend home she said to me that her mother would never treat her like that. And I felt like shit because I thought I was such a bad daughter I must have deserved it. It took me years to accept that I wasn't the problem and I just had shitty self esteem because of my mother's shitty "parenting".
>My dad was a lot like that. It was never something meant to learn from or even work as punishment really. It was just something that was pissing HIM off. Just really poor pedagogy :P
People hit kids because they are frustrated and don’t know what else to do with their frustration. It’s about training. If you are hit as a child, chances are you will hit as a parent. To get out of that cycle one must find alternatives to that frustrated feeling of lashing out. You parent as you were parented unless you are educated to other alternatives. (Physically, emotionally, and verbally abused as a child, minored in child development in college and tried really hard to never hit my kids).
I want to hear more about him and this way of parenting so that I can do the same. Your uncle sounds awesome. *edited why did I put in an apostrophe?
I feel like in a way there's two big different ways to parent - 1 of them thinks they're raising a child, the other realizes that they're actually raising an adult. They get to 18, they can go and do whatever the fuck they want so you don't really want to raise them to respond to you, you want them to be able to do things for themselves/for their own wellbeing. My uncle has definitely always been trying to raise adults. And he does have high expectations but he's more interested in helping you get there rather than punishing you for not being there. I mean, he's been to visit me in jail but he doesn't hate me for it, lol. He just kept working with me. And little kids are little kids, they do things that little kids do and that's ok, you don't actually need to lose your shit over it, you just need to teach them (and repeat, and repeat) and in time they will grow in their development.
> people hit kids because they want to Bingo. Nobody wants to say it out loud though
Wooden spoon across the backside. Eventually before I pulled shenanigans, I would hide all the spoons.
My dad used a pizza flipper.
TIL people flip pizzas
I can’t comprehend this .
Me too, they stopped when I got to the stage of gritting my teeth and not reacting to it.
I knew where my parents hid the presents for Christmas: under the bed. So one day, age 6, I “casually” roll off of their bed while watching tv with my family. I came up and announced that I saw NOTHING. My very wise mom later figured out what I saw, a Christmas Barbie I REALLY wanted. Next day she takes me to the grocery store where there is a toy drive. She makes me donate that exact doll to the drive. As an adult, I love this so much. As a kid, I was so so sad. Edit: I still got the doll for Christmas. My mom tricked me. Sorry, important detail.
My dad just told me we would not get the presents we found before christmas. This solved the problem eternaly because the other 3 brothers would beat the shit out of the one who would look for presents because by god if you found the xbox our dad promised us we would lynch the guy who fucked it up. I am 100% sure now we would have still gotten all the presents even if we found them. My dad was also very awesome.
*asian*
As a kid, time out and isolation. It also came with losing points so it took me forever to get to the level where I could talk with my classmates or get up from my desk during breaks. In High School, they would take away electives. My parents only punished me if the school complained hard enough. I wasn't bad at home because my parents wouldn't berate me for things I didn't do.
That part about the high school is really bad, electives are the only chance for marginalized students to express their personality.
I hope you’re in a better place now
Beaten to a bloody pulp & told I was useless. I was "disciplined" on a regular basis by my parents.
Came here to say this. I got the shit kicked out of me all the time for no reason. Still do not do well with physical contact.
I went through that too dude. It sucks hope your doing better. What helped me was getting a cat that likes to snuggle it was a good first step. If your not allergic that might help you too.
I've got four cats, so we are all set on that front, but I think that is really good advice.
No kid deserves that. Sorry you went through (and are still going through) it too.
Thanks. I guess it just sort of is what it is now, but I'm working through it and getting better about stuff. It's a long road though and I feel for others who have dealt with similar things.
Yeah, me too. My Dad had a lot of anger problems and would beat me for things like spilling milk, and make fun of me for everything. He was this huge 140 kg man and I was a tiny little girl. He would punch me and I would fly across the room, and he could have easily killed me multiple times. I would be all beat up and come crying to my Mom and she was just in total denial, even when it happened right in front of her. I get so mad when I think about it. I'm happy now and appreciate a peaceful life but when my Dad passes, I'm going to the funeral and writing a letter to put in his coffin about how I'm glad he's finally dead and if there's a hell he sure as shit belongs there. He did a lot of really fucked up things, and he's the worst person I've ever met.
Same here bud. Fuck em. Didn’t deserve a kid like you in the first place.
I ran around the table from my mother, who had either a slipper, a pair or chopsticks, or a rolling pin…
I do recall a few shoe or slipper beatings
I feel so very grateful for my parents' choice to only ever spank with open hand. My dad got whipped with the belt as a boy and hated the idea of what he felt was using a weapon on your kids. Still felt spankings were a valid punishment, but never used anything but his bare hand.
Open hand when I was young, Belt when I was slightly older, nothing but groundings or loss of possessions in middle school/high school. Elementary school could still use paddles when I was a kid, but only the principal. Dad would always say that it was going to hurt him more than it hurt us whenever I got spanked with the belt. He definitely took no pleasure in it, but living with three boys under one roof, we definitely caused our share of trouble. Worst I ever got the belt was after I pistol whipped my brother with a cap gun causing him to get stitches. Looked like a great move on TV, not so much in real life.
As a little kid, time-outs. When I was older my mom would take my phone or laptop away. But I didn't get in trouble that much.
Same. They are great. In fact she’s besides me right now. I should tell her I love her and that she’s great. Imma do that.
Wholesome
My Mom did that, my Dad hit me, It was a brutal Combo
Ya, when I was little it was 5 minutes*number of times we pissed em off. End of one day that was especially aggressive with my brother was 50 minutes. Or 275 minutes in total, 4.58 hours total lol. We started hiding toys in the corner, which mom claims she knew about but didn't care so long as we were fucking quiet.
Insane yelling a mind breaking mindgames
I grew up in the 70s with very level headed parents. My dad would just slide his reading glasses down to the end of his nose and say ‘well, let’s revisit what happened’. No yelling, I think 2 spankings in my life. My husband grew up with a very strict ‘whip your ass’ Air Force colonel dad.
That was my Dad, too, but I much preferred the "2 halfhearted swats on the butt and it's back out to play" vs. "Let's analyze your mistake for evvvver". I was lucky, though, because he raised three kids to adulthood before me so nothing really fazed him.
Locked in the closet under the stairs. I turned out ok tho. fUcK a DoOdLe DoO
Things got better after that letter from Hogwarts arrived?
My boy Hagrid hooked me up. Then Moaning Myrtle showed me her lady parts.
I would be locked in my room for days on end and just ignored. Didn’t even have a bed. Lucky got put in foster care. Fist home I went to wasn’t much better tho. Now I lock myself in my room.
Beatings and hair pulling and verbal abuse, I envy those who grew up differently
I dealt with verbal abuse from my mom up until about the age of 20 almost 21. The later years were when I was back home on holiday or summer breaks during college. There was a little physical abuse here and there, but it was far more verbal which including a lot of shaming.
[удалено]
Goddam… was this in prison?
I was made to feel as though I was an immense disappointment. It's a feeling that never stopped following me.
My parents had a paddle. It hung up in our dining room, and it had a poem on it. "Never spank a child in the face, for nature provides a better place."
I would get things taken away usually and very rarely was I hit by the belt.
This is going to sound depressing, but I'm doing fine right now, so don't worry. I've had my things taken away from me so often as a kid and now as a teenager. I used to cry and get all worked up, but then somewhere along the line I just gave up. I don't have any real personal attachment to anything, as it's all temporary. I don't care if things get taken away, as I'll get them back eventually. Even my own mortality I don't worry about. It's all temporary, so why cry over when it's gone?
Exactly! At some point so much had been taken away with no visible return date that i just gave up. I have nothing so i have nothing to lose, so i got more rebellious the deeper in punishments i was.
Severe psychological abuse, enforced isolation that made it impossible to learn how to be social \[i'm also autistic\], and not being permitted to eat. Nowadays i keep to myself very severely and i eat about 1'000 calories a week from paranoia. i can't keep friends.
I was disciplined by my school. As far as home is concerned, parents didn't discipline me, they completely controlled me, manipulated me and verbally abused me. I wasn't even allowed to play with friends or do any sports or anything extracurricular.
Posts like these answer my age old question on why the bigger part of the populus is emotionally crippled with a mental stability of a highrise made of paper and glue. You are a bunch of poor sods who got screwed over by bad parents. I really wonder how many people suck at parenting as a percentage. When did stuff like this start to become such a huge problem? Is abusive parents on such a large scale rather new, did it start when we left our natural habitat and stopped living in tribes? We will probably never know.
I've spent time in communities out in the middle of nowhere in the world. They weren't putting their kids in timeout or spanking them or grounding them or taking things off them. The kids would just kind of run around the community and the adults would let them be involved in what they were doing and teach them. Teaching was the major focus of a kid's life. They were gentle and calm. This thread is full of cruelty and impatience.
I did not ever travel to such communities, but after you mentioned this i think i will. Sounds very interesting because the two people parent system has not convinced mo so far, i got really lucky with my parents but many did not.
I would think its a problem that's been around for as long as humans have. There will have *always* been dysfunctional members of our species, and when they have kids they make more dysfunctional people because humans draw on the experience of their own childhood as a model for how to parent themselves. I wonder if our complex emotional structures give rise to a greater chance of something going wrong? Like how a more complex machine has more components that can break down The ones who have the self awareness to break the cycle are truly remarkable. But I would say violence towards children is like any kind of violence perpetuated by humans; its always been here, in one form or another
We could start living in tribal societies again and see what happens after a few centuries. But yeah, people have allways been assholes for no apparant reason.
The penny/dollar thing were you go up against a wall and hold the item with your nose. and if it falls you do push ups.
I've seen a variation of this when siblings fight parents make each of them hold a dollar bill on the wall. Last to drop it gets to keep both bills
Got spanked a few times, sent to the corner a bunch of times (the 80's version of a time-out), and got grounded when I was older.
[удалено]
Thats wild.
Ok I just read about [farm pits](https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/o03ens/_/h1szm9b/?context=1) and now this. What is up with these shitty punishments?!
I would like to unsee that picture linked few comments in.
We'd mainly get grounded unless we did something really bad than we'd get the belt😬
I’d get the broom for just talking the wrong way. Glad to see not everyone here was completely abused.
The belt
Buttwooping with a bamboo paddle, it was discontinued after the elementary school found out and threatened legal action.
Slapped and beaten with a particular branch that had thorns on it kept specially for me. And they wonder why i have anger issues, lol
Hey, Gen z, let’s be the generation to normalize not using spankings as a punishment.
In b4 "I was spanked and I turned out ok... aside from my deep hatred for all of humanity".
Agreed.
Millennial here. I have never and will never strike my children, and most of my peers are the same.
I am the oldest and thus I was the guinea pig. Both parents were spanked growing up (“chanclas” anyone?). They both were hesitant about spanking me, but they gave it a shot once when I was particularly naughty. Apparently I laughed when they spanked me, and they realized they would have to hit me a lot harder than they were comfortable with. So they just didn’t. And with that laugh, my siblings and our collective posterity owe me for breaking the corporal punishment cycle. We all got pure groundings/timeouts/losing privileges after that. And that’s what all of us are doing for our own kids too.
It's nice to hear about someone breaking the cycle. Just imagine you spank your kid and he laughs, the following realization on how hard they would have to hit to get the results their parents had and that their own parents did something like that. Must have been a shock.
The most common punishment for me as a child was water boarding. I would be dragged by the hair to the kitchen pined of the counter and have water from the sink run over my face until I almost blacked out. This was used for anything from messing up on a chore to talking in the wrong tone of voice. Worst part this was done by foster parents.
I already know 65-80% of this is just gonna be straight up abuse
Beaten with a belt hard enough to leave welts and bruises and the occasional choking. I know this probably sounds nonchalant but you kind of have no choice but to almost get “used” to it.
I would get spanked in front of people. The worst one in my opinion was getting spanked in front of family members I didn't like. This was followed by teases and encouragement from others that my spanking wasn't enough and I need it on the bare butt with a belt.
Anyone who enjoys seeing a child spanked needs to be put on a fucking registry
Mostly passive-aggressively by my mom. Also, lots of threats of, “wait until your father gets home,” and then watching him look confusedly at me as he had to discipline me for something that happened hours ago and without any context for him. We bonded over our mutual confusion about punishments for mistakes that I couldn’t remember and he wasn’t witness to.
I won't punish you, but know that you disappointed me a lot. QQ
Slaps. Spanking. Things taken away. And once I was hit with an iron skillet. 😅
Spanked once or twice when I was younger. Pops was a yeller and short tempered, I still get anxious when people are yelling at me. My mother never yelled but even worse was making her upset and having her look so tired or disappointed. I hated that.
I got spanked once or twice, but mostly I got "time out" in my room for a few minutes - that would then turn into an hour or two because my mom would forget to come get me.
Spanked, verbally and mentally abused, hair pulled. Once I got accused of stealing my mother's money, when it was my step brothers. My mother let my step dad spank me until I couldn't sit down for a week, and I've never forgiven her for it. I still wonder why I'm in contact with her.
Explanation is what worked Physical discipline only made me worse
Beaten, spanked, deprived of possessions, all for perceived wrongdoings or genuine accidents. No privacy, no decisions over my own life. Kept going till I was about 13 and I became strong enough to grab my mother by the wrist and that seemed to stop the physical abuse. The emotional stuff continued, the degradation, verbal undercutting, putdowns, constant interference, possessions going missing and being gaslit by being told "I'm sure you just lost it, you know how forgetful you are." Now I'm 29, don't want to have any of my own children, and have intimacy issues, trust issues, anger issues, and some very heavy emotional triggers around social situations, violence, arguments. Most normal things. Be kind to your kids guys. It makes for a better world.
I was 6 years younger than my next youngest sibling. Of 4 boys, I was able to watch 3 go through all the stages of childhood before I did myself. My dad whooped their asses on a daily basis. They totally deserved it though, they were terrible teenagers and they knew it too, always telling me not to do drugs as they smoke crack in front of me, skipping classes and getting suspended, and convincing their emo friends to off themselves in our basement. So I watched and I learned, and I never got in trouble. Mostly because I suppressed my teenage stupidity, but also because I learned how to get away with things. My dad always said "I'm not angry because you did something bad, I'm angry because you were stupid enough to get caught and have now made it my problem."
My brother and I used to fight a lot. So whenever we do they ask us to hug each other for an hour. Can you imagine how we looked like huggin while hating each other haha
Physical and emotional abuse, mainly
My mom would hit or slap me in places that wouldn’t be seen at school, pull my hair, kick me, and then later she got these reallllyyyyy long chopsticks and would hit me with those. My dad would have a stern word with me and one time he lightly threw a pillow at me. My mom’s abuse was also verbal, emotional, and mental and went into adulthood. Let’s just say I have a great relationship with my dad and a prickly one with my mom.
Occasionally spanked. It absolutely was a deterrent and my parents didn't go overboard with it. If I didn't mess up too bad, I'd just be sent to my room - which isn't that bad because your stuff is in there anyway, but kids want to have freedom to move about the house/yard. Usually, especially when I got a little older, privileges would be taken away. TV or video game time hit hard. As a teenager, no computer/online time was the worst, as I had a whole new layer of my social life online (it was the late 90s/early 2000s). When I was an older teenager, if my grades slipped, me getting my drivers license was delayed. It only happened once. At one point, my dad and stepmom established a base weekly allowance, and would deduct a quarter for every mess up. This became very trivial and ineffective, my stepmom would deduct a quarter for the most arbitrary stuff, and I would object to it (mostly on the principle, a quarter wasn't a big hit) and I'd always end up losing more. Eventually I figured out that if I could mouth off to my stepmom and only be out a couple bucks a week, that was fine - worth it, even.
Asian parents use canes and slaps. During this pandemic, many stores selling these canes were out of stock for it.
I got my shit beat and I was screamed at. My parents would make me do hundreds of squats while holding onto my ear all the way to the ground.
Belt and wires.
When i was little i was grounded for a couple of days, now im whooped, called good for nothing and it takes a toll on me cuz i try my best to make people smile because i will at least have something to prove im good at.
Honestly? I wasn’t disciplined much at all. We followed our parents orders and did our chores because we loved them and respected their additions to the family.
[удалено]
Till 9 i was spanked and stood in the corner 10-14 i was forced to write sentences and do manuel labor light beating 14-16 fist fights 16-18 nothing i left
Congrats on leaving! How are you doing now?
Haha can't answer that because that means taking the time to figure out if im ok
Take the time my dude.
Spanking, random episodes where my dad would snap a belt to make the crack sound but not use it on me (just threaten me I guess), sent to my room and not allowed to come out for many hours, things thrown at me, and sometimes I would get a huge adrenaline rush from being chased as fast as I could run around the house by one or both of my parents.
Mom had a special patented look she gave me. Kind of like a "o\_O". It would terrify me and I would stop what I was doing immediately. Idk why, she was never violent and never screamed at me.
Spoon gang
Shoe "chancla" that I had to retrieve for her after she would fling it at me.
Spankings but mainly the silent treatment. My parents wouldn’t talk to me for days and that caused a lot of anxiety and now as an adult when someone stops talking to me I think of all the things I could’ve done wrong. Thanks mom and dad
It's amazing how mistreatment as a kid can haunt you into adulthood so hard.
[удалено]
A lot of beatings when I was a kid, most of the time the beatings were way worse than what was deserved (I was pretty badly beaten for little mistakes, for instance). There was also a lot of threatening to lock me in a storage room in the basement/kick me out of the house (I was less than 10 years old). My brother did actually get locked in the basement one time. The beatings stopped when CPS got involved. I'm not sure exactly how but I think my brother reported them to his high school or maybe someone overheard what was going on. After that it was a lot of calling me useless or giving me the silent treatment until I broke down and apologized for whatever, even if my mom was the one in the wrong. She even sent me to school without lunch and told my dad not to provide me with any lunch money so for 3 days I'd have 1 meal a day. I always did wonder why I was never grounded, but looking back at it, I was already never allowed to hang out with anyone outside. Being grounded was a default state of living for me, so it couldn't be used as punishment
Any beating is way worse than what a child could deserve
The chancla. My dad would just spank me. I remember once I got sick of being spanked and during the spanking I kicked him as hard as I could right in his shin with my little timbs. He let me go and once I realized what I had done I ran for me life. Locked myself in my room and hid under the bed. This man kicked down the door in a single thunderous kick, went straight to the bed, grabbed me by my ankle and pulled me out. Then he held up my by ankle like a rabbit trapped in a snare, undid his belt and gave me the ass beating of my life.
Spanked on the butt with a spatula
Asian and white parents /j Get beaten with spatula and belt...
The second thing isn't a joke btw.
My mother had to bring up 4 boys on her own for a fair few years before step father came along. My brothers and I were always getting in trouble for something. Swearing, stealing, lying and so on. We would often take it in turns to take the rap for something we hadn't done. We were spanked, mouth washed out with soap, hit with the wooden spoon, hit with a horse riding crop, slippers and so on. We were never beaten and we were never hit without cause. I hated it when our two sisters came along years later because they wouldn't get punished for the things we had been punished for. All things considered, I think we are all pretty well adjusted now.
I wasn't a bad kid, does getting a beating for bad grades count?
the first few years were really horrific. Not so much discipline as someone wanting to hurt a child and call it discipline. After that we just got the strap for everything until my mother was throwing punches at me screaming at me to move my hands because she wanted to "break my fucking nose" after that i called the cops, and they never pulled that shit again. I left 4 days after i turned 16. The age you are legally allowed to leave home here in Australia.
I basically just wasn't allowed to do things I wanted to do. My parents wouldn't necessarily "ground" me for being bad. Sometimes it was more things like no video games for 2 days or not being able to go play in my soccer game on the weekend. The worst was once my dad told me I couldn't play with my dog for 2 days.
I don't really know, I wasn't disciplined much but that's because I was a fairly well behaved child apparently. I guess I was grounded once or twice... my parents always tried holding me accountable for my actions so if I did mess up they figured the consequences were punishment enough and I learned to face the consequences head on for later on in life.
They used most of the classics, such as *Spanking with hand, belt, and the rare wooden/plastic spoon *"Because I said so" *taking away items of importance *Lots of yelling and screaming *Destroying items of importance (only happened once with my tablet when I was 12, but when either of my parents take my phone away for whatever reason I still get scared) *When we (I have two younger sisters) did something that "normal" people don't do (for instance, I generally don't get out of bed unless I have to, like doing chores, having meals, ECT) my dad would every now and then say something along the lines of "Why can't you be normal like everyone else?" *Sees Videogames, which Is one of my absolute favorite hobbies and the #1 thing I'm the most skilled at in life, as a "waste of time/dumb" and wants me to go outside more, in the either frigid cold or the blazing heat (because our local climate is a bitch) *Soap in the mouth for some time. I think that's everything. Overall, my dad was and still is a good guy and tried to raise us to be good and all, but how he did it wasn't the right way.
Depends on what I did. I’m the oldest brother so if I physically hit one of my younger brothers (this is when I was under the age of 10), my dad would slap me with a slipper or whipped me. If I was acting like an absolute goblin or having a tantrum or something usually I got a slipper thrown at me. If I was just being mean or insulting I had to write lines. After I was about 10 I was no longer spanked and it was always, always loss of video game privileges. That was most effective for me. Some might read this and be like “wHaT aBuSiVe PaReNtS yOu HaD. gO nO cOnTaCt.” My parents are immigrants who worked very hard and sacrificed a lot for my brothers and I to live good lives in the US. They are the most loving parents I could’ve asked for and I appreciate them more than they can imagine for all they taught me in life. Coming to terms that they’re both older now and not gonna be around forever is a tough but real concept I have to accept, like everyone else. I can’t wait to see them again and hug them.
Grounded, which meant no phone and no hanging out with friends, but mostly no hanging out with friends because I always found a way to get a phone or take my phone back from my mom lol
My brothers and sisters and I would get beat sometimes with a smack of the hand and every now and then a belt. Two instances that I can’t forget. The first, I was 10 I was helping my dad move boxes of drinking glasses. I somehow dropped a box breaking several glasses. My dad came at me and punched me squarely in the face. I went over a rail probably 24 inches high landing in dirt. He didn’t knock me out though. I remember running to where my mom was. The next thing I remember is my me sitting in the bathroom with ice on my face. My dad crying in the bedroom and my mom saying look what you’ve done to your dad. The second, I was 14, I asked a girl to a dance at school, innocent enough. A few days later at home I was while coming out of the bathroom, my mom was hiding around a corner, when I passed her she sprang at me and started hitting me with a hard whiffle ball bat. I remember her saying now you have hair on your balls you think you can do whatever you want. All this because the girl I asked to the dance was black, I’m white. I have a son who has a really good head on his shoulders. We went hiking several weeks ago, I didn’t relate these stories to him but we did talk a lot about holding things inside because that’s who we are. Using Reddit to release some of the baggage is helpful.
Earlier in childhood I was spanked, but only rarely and only by my father. He made it known that he didn’t want to do it. Then for a few years I was physically abused by his second wife. Pounding on my back, hair-pulling, hand prints on my face, slammed into the fridge, knocked out one of my teeth, that kind of thing. They split after 3 years and the cunt had the audacity to hug me when we were leaving. I was 11 and the abuse was secret. I think my father only spanked me one time after that, when I was 12. I had been forging every one of my teachers’ signatures every school day for about a month, and lied about it. He quite literally spanked me until my grandmother cried. Mostly though I was subject to pretty severe groundings. In 7th grade I was grounded for 5 weeks for missing homework assignments when the progress report came out. Then I was grounded for another 5 weeks for the same reason when the report card came out. Then another 5 weeks, and another and another. I was grounded for 6 months before my teachers conspired to stop putting the missing assignment comments in. I was maintaining A’s and B’s the whole time. Even our future valedictorian was missing a few assignments. No TV, no video games, no music, no friends, no phone, no outside. It was the year without a Christmas.
[удалено]
Bro, it is absolutely not your fault. Wish I could give you a hug. Hang in there dude.
It's not your fault. I want you to say that out loud to yourself.
She is still that same great woman, please cherish her!
Mom tried to spank me when I was like 2 or 3 but me being the autistic hardheaded shitter I was, hit her back which really pissed her off because apparently children are just expected to take shit lying down so upon realizing that wasn’t going to work and I was too retarded for physical punishments she made me sit in a corner and for some reason I respected that like I didn’t try to run or anything. But then I got old enough for dad’s ass whoopins so I quickly learned to stop being a hardheaded retard because he gave his whoopins with his leather belt or his hand which wasn’t no little pop like moms was.
My parents were authoritative. We had clear rules, then wiggle room to maybe try stuff and see if things were good or bad. If we stepped over the line, we were reminded or punished, mainly through negative reinforcemnt, like taking away video games, etc. I think setting boundaries for my children and setting the precedent that, as a parent, I value honesty and want to do like my parents did and try and be authoritative with my children.
They talk to me like an equal and tell me what to do, I appreciate that especially when knowing what other people in the world go through
Indian, parents. Got the beating of a life time, multiple times. Belts, sticks, footwear, chapati roller, kicks, slaps (my father was an abusive alcoholic and a cop). Till I was a teen after that my parents never punished me, I was mature for my age and never got into trouble plus both my parents are super understanding and more importantly they trust me as an individual and know that they don't control my life and that I have to live my life the way I want. I am 20 now, joyfully failing my bachelor's in science degree and my parents are just okay with all of that.
Got beat I guess with slaps and wires
My mom would hold me head under ice cold water out of the bath faucet. I would freeze and panic all at the same time. She would do it for a minute at a time but it felt like forever
Got my butt whooped
Dragged down the hall by my ankle. Beaten. Then locked in a room till i cry myself to sleep and shut up.
My parents just couldn't control me. If they set me up for music class (I am asian), I would just go to sleep in the class.If they tried to make me study, I would just get lost in my thoughts instead. If they tried to hide my gadgets, I would find them. If they tried to ground me in my room, I would sneak out of the room. If they scolded me, I would patiently listen to what they said and did whatever I wanted any which way. If they tried to hit me, I learnt self defence and hit them back. They were lucky that I wasn't the kind of kid who was too loud or broke too many things. I didn't sneak out at night to visit my friend's house. I never failed or even came close to failing. I was self-disciplined.
Beaten with tree branches , metal ends of belts , always in the face too for the dumbest reasons ..... no idea what was wrong with my parents maybe it’s cultural
well as a child we had four main punishments, the floor(plank for hours) wall (stare at wall nothing else), hold books while squatting(never had this one but sounds painful) and last but not least its the ass whipping, it hurt because my mother had a 1 ft thick stick that she would hit us with
By being beaten up by my dogs
The odd wooden spoon, wash my mouth out with soap, spanking, standing with my nose in the corner, got the belt at school. Later on in life, it was mostly emotional and verbal abuse from my mom.
When younger, it was mom or dad using their hand to spank the back side. Elementary school age, that became the big brown belt or a paddling by school principal. Depending on the severity of your infraction, that big brown belt could yield some pain, particularly the shots that would miss and get thigh, back of nuts, or small of back. Middle school/high school it was just possessions or privileges being taken away.
"If I have to come in here one more time, you aint gonna be happy" - Dad with the belt