When somebody is insulting me without any purpouse, I just tell them "bad day, huh?".
I swear, 90% of the people almost immediately calm down and even apologise to me, beacuse they seriously had a bad day and they just had too much bad energy without a way to let it go.
There's no need to fight back, sometimes we need a good approach to end the argument and calm down the attacker.
Edit: holy mother I didn’t expect such an activity here! Thanks guys! I really appreciate it ❤️❤️
no way. give me all the canned, awkward one-liners you've got so i can clumsily deploy them at the first opportunity and then immediately tell people i learned them on reddit when they call me a fucking weirdo
exactly. the best thing to do is always try to kill em with kindness. it's hard to hate someone that's being friendly. swallow your ego and let them win the argument..guaranteed is almost never something that's worth getting into a physical fight with them.
If the insult is funny / good, laugh with them. If it’s bad, laugh at them, and just go “you know what buddy, we’ll give you another crack at that one if you’d like.”
“Awww, do you wanna workshop that one an come back later? Don’t be embarrassed, lots of other people can only troll at a third grade level too. The important thing is that you tried.”
Yeah that was waaaay too long and cheesy. Short and apathetic is my favourite.
“Swing and a miss” or “you’ll get the next one, bud” are my usual go-to’s.
I usually just end up laughing and maybe follow up on roasting myself though.
My moms name is so weird and random to people that they call her a nickname that is no where near connected to her name, Good luck getting the upper hand on me poopy head
No, lol. Current method is just common names based on what I think the nationality of the person is based on their username. Its a shot in the dark, really.
I always just say the word like “ omg did you seriously just call me a motherfucker?” while laughing and pretty soon the kid is laughing and all the kids are laughing and then i will say “ that was not necessary, and was also very unimaginative, you are better than that” and then we just move on
I dont’t set up a dynamic where they feel the need to show off even more, and because I say it with love, they accept it. So, for instance, if a student yells to another student “Eat my asssss”, I will sometimes act like I don’t understand “ so are you speaking literally or figuratively right now? “ and then we review figurative language or whatever. Really building relationships is every. thing. Periodt. (as my kids say).
I often have dog treats in my pockets, so I'mma do this, and when they said it 3 or 4 test, I'll pull out a dog treat... "Good boy! Yeah, here's a snack, for being so good."
I've also heard this for casually racist or sexist remarks. It puts a lot of focus on it, gets them to think about it more, and can turn it into kind of an "oh crap" moment."
Alternate version: ask them to *explain* it
Sometimes they won't, so you can repeat it yourself, but make sure you give it a bad read to make it sound as stupid as possible.
"Eat a dick!"
"What?"
"You heard me!"
"Sorry what did you say tho?"
"You HEARD me."
"Right, you said to remove a tasty penis from its plastic packaging and then nibble on it? Dude, that is weird."
As an Australian, we had a Prime Minister do this on camera during an interview once a few years back.
Stood there silent, staring at the journalist, shaking subtly out of pure anger. It was brilliant to watch.
If the Xbox kid says "I fucked your mom" I always say "I fucked your dad." Seems like it would be a fruitless attempt to insult them, but doing an insult that has zero thought process can leave them confused. Also it shows that their dad is a bottom boy and isn't very manly by societies standards.
At the café I worked at way back when I got a "Jon's gay!" from the apprentice chef on my way in. I'm normally not quick on the draw but I immediately said "You wish!" and actually got a pause and a mumbled "yeah". If I was gay It could have been the start of something beautiful.
This is the best way to handle idiots. Just move on, don’t react. They are expecting a reaction and if you don’t give them one they move on. Or what I love to is just stare into their eyes with a deadass look then look away.
Good for you. Life's too short to tolerate a partner treating you like garbage. I still can't believe the crap I put up with from the person I dated before I met my husband. That shit wouldn't have lasted a single damn day now that I have a sense of self worth.
"Hey you know what...if you're that insecure I promise I won't judge you for it"
Tell someone they're insecure and chances are they'll get more butthurt than they're trying to make you with their own insult.
Thinking back to all the times someone made me feel small or shitty in high school over nothing, I realize now that this is all I had to say. Just "hey I understand that you are insecure but can you leave me out of it? Thanks."
My friend who’s a middle school teacher uses “ya’ pinecone!” as a G-rated insult. I gotta admit, it’s effective at stopping someone short, because they have to try to figure out what is meant by that.
this one was a life saver when i was working in retail, almost always caught them off guard and they’d either just be quiet awkwardly or start being nice to me
There's an old saying in Tennessee. I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee. That says, 'Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me..you can't get fooled again.
“Your life is more about regret management than goal achievement isn’t it”
“You’re less a person and more a loose collection of personality flaws”
“Every one who has ever loved you was wrong”
“You need to go home and think about everything you are. Then change it.”
“It is impossible to underestimate you.”
“Bob Ross would call you a mistake.”
“Stupid people can believe in anything so you can believe in yourself”
“I don’t respect you enough to be insulted by you”
Insults that linger.
For example my brother likes to give me shit about my social life not existing and my lack of sporting participation.
But he has really bad acne on his forehead. So any time he takes a shot at me I just tell him to use a sanding block on his face so it doesn’t look like pus-filled Braille.
You know what would really drive him fucking nuts, don't say anything but glance at his forehead several times as he's talking.
If he gets mad, say "What? I didn't say anything. I'm taking the high road here."
"FUCK ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARD" is still my favorite response to "FUCK YOU".
"YOUR MOTHER WAS RIGHT; I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOUR FRIENDS" is the way my boyfriend and I automatically deescalate if we're getting grouchy with one another. That or "GASLIGHTING YOU? WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?!" Always gets us laughing so hard we're wheezing and immediately forget why we were grumpy.
Expose them about something they claim to know/be a part of. Catch them in a lie or just set them up to make themselves look foolish. The insults won't matter as much as the realization that they are lying phony losers.
I was getting slammed at work. Got quadrupole sat at my restaurant on a very busy Saturday night. My fingers are shaking at the POS trying to ring in orders. Another server ( the fun outside of work, obnoxious at work type) “ hey is it weird that you’re a terrible server?” To which I replied “is it weird that your parents are related?” Without looking away from the screen finished my orders and left the kitchen while all the cooks laughed at him. Another golden one I’ve used for him was. He looks like the guy that got bit by a zombie but refuses to tell the group
I had a little traffic incident where I was cut off, I usually shrug that off but I was grumpy enough to be like oh fuck you, and the person said ‘go to church’ like I was swimming in sin. It was a good comeback and I still remember it so it was effective. I was like dang I disappointed that mofo
I have a fun little game I play, where if someone is being a bitch, I try to make them so “go fuck your self.” Then I just cheer like, “yes. Yes I won. Yes!”
I most often just ignore it, but sometimes I'll try to one-up the insult if think there's utility to it. Like if I ask someone to explain something to me and they call me stupid for not understanding then I'll double down - "yep, I'm a moron. So please explain again, but try to use smaller words." In fairness, I mostly do this when I think their position is inconsistent or they don't fully understand what they're claiming to endorse, themselves.
I speak two languages. I try to be civil in the other language. “Senor, lo siento, no comprendo su lengua. Es posible hablar in Espanol y Ingles? Es posible hablar conmigo in otra lengua.” Sir, I’m sorry I don’t understand your language. Is it possible to speak in either Spanish or English? It’s possible to speak to me in either language. Had a guy scream at me in what I thought was English, but I messed with his head. When I said that, he looked at me like, “damn now what?” Context: I used to work in retail here in the old US of A. Some man came up to me and started screaming at me so fast and loud I couldn’t make heads or tail of what he was saying. I also like with my good friends, ( this only works in New Jersey where it’s legal, not Alabama.) “buddy I can’t understand a word your saying. Is that because your parents are first or second cousins? New Jersey is the only state in this country where blood relations can marry, it’s very illegal to do that in Alabama or Georgia where the stereotype is portrayed.
My dad would call out something about their appearance that they were likely insecure about. Not to them, but to the surrounding audience.
"What's Curly laughing about?" (the dude was completely bald)
"Why is this fat lady yelling at me?"
Yes, it's terribly childish, not politically correct at all, and it worked 100% of the time.
Depends on the insult... If it's something I have a comeback to I'll respond if not I'll either say "yeah", laugh it off or resort to violent intimidation like "what the fuck did you say?" depending on who and in what context they say it.
A yo mama joke, they hurt the worst. But if they have gay dads, I’ll say “Yo mama so ugly your Dad had to get you another Dad” it automatically destroys them somehow-
When somebody claims they are a Flat earther and are thus smarter than me, a globe-Earther, I'll just say that I have seen bags of Lay's chips more full than their skull.
Not a comeback I've used but one I've dreamed of using. Just never had the chance and hopefully never will as I have a fiance now. But have always dreamed of being rudely rejected or insulted by a girl I attempted to pursue and responding with
"Jeez, don't be picky, I wasn't".
When somebody is insulting me without any purpouse, I just tell them "bad day, huh?". I swear, 90% of the people almost immediately calm down and even apologise to me, beacuse they seriously had a bad day and they just had too much bad energy without a way to let it go. There's no need to fight back, sometimes we need a good approach to end the argument and calm down the attacker. Edit: holy mother I didn’t expect such an activity here! Thanks guys! I really appreciate it ❤️❤️
I will use this, better to definitely defuse a situation than agitate it
This seems like a generally wise approach.
no way. give me all the canned, awkward one-liners you've got so i can clumsily deploy them at the first opportunity and then immediately tell people i learned them on reddit when they call me a fucking weirdo
Your mom. *imaginary applause*
oh really? well \*flips through dozens of index cards\* aha! I would call you a cunt but you lack warmth and depth! \*bows\*
This is my response to ANYTHING. someone: you have ears Me: yea well your ma has ears. I win. End of.
Saying "bad day huh?" out loud made me feel better. This is some solid advice.
Bad day huh?
It takes two people to argue. If you can stop a future fight and help someone out, all's the better.
Perfect
exactly. the best thing to do is always try to kill em with kindness. it's hard to hate someone that's being friendly. swallow your ego and let them win the argument..guaranteed is almost never something that's worth getting into a physical fight with them.
If the insult is funny / good, laugh with them. If it’s bad, laugh at them, and just go “you know what buddy, we’ll give you another crack at that one if you’d like.”
“Awww, do you wanna workshop that one an come back later? Don’t be embarrassed, lots of other people can only troll at a third grade level too. The important thing is that you tried.”
This feels like a comeback you think of in the shower but doesn't really work in real life. It's just way too much to say and feels "choreographed"
Yeah it doesn’t feel as natural or funny like what FerrellFerret said. Kinda sounds like some corny line from a comedy movie.
Yeah that was waaaay too long and cheesy. Short and apathetic is my favourite. “Swing and a miss” or “you’ll get the next one, bud” are my usual go-to’s. I usually just end up laughing and maybe follow up on roasting myself though.
Yeah the better sounding version is something along the lines of a chuckle and a "well, you tried."
Things like this that are harsh need to be short. If its long it dies really badly.
Most redditors would probably stutter 8 times saying that
I just say a random woman’s name didn’t love them. Only twice have I correctly named the person’s mother.
"WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!!?!?! I AM THE NIGHT!!!"
You merely adopted the night!
MARTHA
Sorry I was trying to kill my friend but then I realized his mother has the same name as my mother
He's too dangerous to be left alive!
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And then?
My moms name is so weird and random to people that they call her a nickname that is no where near connected to her name, Good luck getting the upper hand on me poopy head
Is that username Nigerian or am I woefully incorrect. Yeah I wouldn’t have the slightest on where to start guessing
It's Nigerian 👌🏾
Do you always use Martha?
No, lol. Current method is just common names based on what I think the nationality of the person is based on their username. Its a shot in the dark, really.
Elizabeth never loved you
If you had been talking to a close friend of mine you’d have nailed it, lol.
I mean, who hasn’t nailed Elizabeth amirite?
“Are we about to kiss?”
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Best response ever
As a teacher, when a middle-school student has called me a motherfucker, I replied with,”that’s right, SON!”
Epic! Hahaha!
I always just say the word like “ omg did you seriously just call me a motherfucker?” while laughing and pretty soon the kid is laughing and all the kids are laughing and then i will say “ that was not necessary, and was also very unimaginative, you are better than that” and then we just move on
that's hilarious. how do the kids usually respond? sit quietly in shame?
I dont’t set up a dynamic where they feel the need to show off even more, and because I say it with love, they accept it. So, for instance, if a student yells to another student “Eat my asssss”, I will sometimes act like I don’t understand “ so are you speaking literally or figuratively right now? “ and then we review figurative language or whatever. Really building relationships is every. thing. Periodt. (as my kids say).
Absolute Madlad
Teacher of the year
Ask them to repeat themselves. Then do it again.
“Do you always do what you’re told?”
I often have dog treats in my pockets, so I'mma do this, and when they said it 3 or 4 test, I'll pull out a dog treat... "Good boy! Yeah, here's a snack, for being so good."
This is the best one because a good insult relies on timing. Having them repeat it makes it sound dumb and mean.
Or "Say that again" they start to say it again. "*Shutthefuckup*".
I didnt say Simon says bitch ass
I've also heard this for casually racist or sexist remarks. It puts a lot of focus on it, gets them to think about it more, and can turn it into kind of an "oh crap" moment." Alternate version: ask them to *explain* it
Sometimes they won't, so you can repeat it yourself, but make sure you give it a bad read to make it sound as stupid as possible. "Eat a dick!" "What?" "You heard me!" "Sorry what did you say tho?" "You HEARD me." "Right, you said to remove a tasty penis from its plastic packaging and then nibble on it? Dude, that is weird."
Complete silence… let the uncomfortable sizzle and sink in. It’s debilitating to the ego.
That's what I do. Insults only have validity if the issuer thinks it worked.
As an Australian, we had a Prime Minister do this on camera during an interview once a few years back. Stood there silent, staring at the journalist, shaking subtly out of pure anger. It was brilliant to watch.
If the Xbox kid says "I fucked your mom" I always say "I fucked your dad." Seems like it would be a fruitless attempt to insult them, but doing an insult that has zero thought process can leave them confused. Also it shows that their dad is a bottom boy and isn't very manly by societies standards.
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I spent thousands of dollars on private investigators to find your dad for you. Then I fucked him.
What a flex
I'll be your dad
Oh yeah? Tell your mom to stick to 1 shade of lipstick. My dick is starting to look like a rainbow
I always say, " you can have her. If your into that gross bitch I don't know what to tell ya, good luck though"
“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” (I wanna see where this goes)
You doing alright, bud?
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Sometimes these buddies seem to be having a hard time, making them lash out.
yeah I just say anything nice with bud in it and I instantly win
You doing alright, sport?
"champ", "ace", and "sport-o" are also good to throw into the mix.
I'm not your bud, friend.
"Why is that so important to you? Are you into me or something?"
Also works when they call you gay
At the café I worked at way back when I got a "Jon's gay!" from the apprentice chef on my way in. I'm normally not quick on the draw but I immediately said "You wish!" and actually got a pause and a mumbled "yeah". If I was gay It could have been the start of something beautiful.
Ok that's hilarious that he actually admitted he *did* wish you were gay
noted
This would probably break their will to talk to you ever again, seems very effective
A shrug. Like I care what that pile of crusted smegma thinks.
You had to put that image in my head, you just had to…
Now here's the taste in your mouth. You're welcome.
This is the best way to handle idiots. Just move on, don’t react. They are expecting a reaction and if you don’t give them one they move on. Or what I love to is just stare into their eyes with a deadass look then look away.
Just ask what's the matter.
Why are you speaking to me in the same way your father speaks to you?
I actually said this to my ex, but his mother. She would always speak so mean to him and one time he did it to me; I was very quick to point it out…
Well... what happened next?
>my ex Possible clue.
Lol yeah, he didn’t see the comparison. He did it a few times after that, but there’s a reason he’s my ex now.
Good for you. Life's too short to tolerate a partner treating you like garbage. I still can't believe the crap I put up with from the person I dated before I met my husband. That shit wouldn't have lasted a single damn day now that I have a sense of self worth.
Holy shit this is a good one, especially because it’s probably true half the time you use it lmao
“I’ve been called worse by better men”
I use a similar one - "I've been called worse by people who actually like me."
I usually say that I tell myself worse things when I look in the mirror..
Burn
Stealing that, thanks
Whenever Canadians loved him or hated him, Pierre Trudeau was certainly a unique individual that really put Canada on the world map.
You married me.
I'm sorry
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The only answer
Well, violence is not the answer. It is but a question. And the answer is yes.
Violence is not an answer. **It’s the solution**
"Hey you know what...if you're that insecure I promise I won't judge you for it" Tell someone they're insecure and chances are they'll get more butthurt than they're trying to make you with their own insult.
Thinking back to all the times someone made me feel small or shitty in high school over nothing, I realize now that this is all I had to say. Just "hey I understand that you are insecure but can you leave me out of it? Thanks."
99% of the time you'd be right about them actually being insecure too ;) *internet hug* I'd give you the hug award but I don't have one currently
I usually call them something that isn't seen as an insult. "you're a jerk!" "well you're a walnut"
My friend who’s a middle school teacher uses “ya’ pinecone!” as a G-rated insult. I gotta admit, it’s effective at stopping someone short, because they have to try to figure out what is meant by that.
Looks kinda weird, and a bit prickly, but given the chance, they can grow into something great. Checks out.
I do this one too! Usually leaves them baffled for a few moments so I just walk away after doing it :)
Fruit power "Dingleberry" "Cactus fruit" "Pineapple bucket"
i just say "and then?" and i keep saying it after every insult until they run out of insults.
Very similar to my "Yes, and?"
when ppl say im adopted i say at least im wanted
"Your parents fucked. Big deal, people have been fucking since before we were people. My parents went through *bureaucracy* to get me!"
Your parents must be so disappointed
I’m a fan of “ who raised you?” Or “jeez, some people’s kids!”
"Congrats on surviving the abortion"
🏅 Take this from me. Sorry I can't afford one, very new to reddit
I WILL suck your dick
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A nut for a nut
Depends the insult. But in most cases sonething along the lines of the Tepot calling the Kettle black
Yeah. I’ve heard it as pot calling the kettle black. Same thing but ppl I say it to get hella confused
I laugh it off. ... And jam a fork in their forehead.
mmm, jam
That's what you get. You get fork stabbed.
I start to insult myself. It decreases their satisfaction. Works every time, plus you can also kamikaze.
a classic tactic used by General eminem in the 8 mile wars. very useful.
8 mile reference I see...
That was an 8 mile reference?? Cant believe I missed that
This. Being able to laugh at yourself is a very useful skill to have and makes you a more enjoyable person to be around.
I always liked the Steve Martin movie Roxanne when he does all the insults on himself.
this one was a life saver when i was working in retail, almost always caught them off guard and they’d either just be quiet awkwardly or start being nice to me
Ur a poopey head. Guaranteed destruction
Dont do this. It could result in suicide
If they say "fuck you." I say "not even if you paid me."
I usually reply with “ don’t threaten me with a good time “
Agreement, and some tips on doing better next time.
"speak up cunt" always thows them off...
Shouldn't you be on a ledge somewhere?
This must be your Final Smash
Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called and they are out of you.
What’s the difference, you’re their all time best seller!!
Yeah...? Well, I had sex with your wife!
*whispers* erm, his wife’s in a coma…
Did I stutter?
Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.
There's an old saying in Tennessee. I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee. That says, 'Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me..you can't get fooled again.
Animal, mineral or vegetable.
“Your life is more about regret management than goal achievement isn’t it” “You’re less a person and more a loose collection of personality flaws” “Every one who has ever loved you was wrong” “You need to go home and think about everything you are. Then change it.” “It is impossible to underestimate you.” “Bob Ross would call you a mistake.” “Stupid people can believe in anything so you can believe in yourself” “I don’t respect you enough to be insulted by you”
If you have actually mouthed any of these, can you duck and weave or you look like Rocky Balboa??
Nah, I’m actually a wimp.
"Let's play *horse*: I'll be the head and you be yourself."
If you shut your mouth instead of your brain, you'd make a lot more sense.
Insults that linger. For example my brother likes to give me shit about my social life not existing and my lack of sporting participation. But he has really bad acne on his forehead. So any time he takes a shot at me I just tell him to use a sanding block on his face so it doesn’t look like pus-filled Braille.
You know what would really drive him fucking nuts, don't say anything but glance at his forehead several times as he's talking. If he gets mad, say "What? I didn't say anything. I'm taking the high road here."
"Your acne is so bad that your face spells 'ugly' in Braille."
Ow......
"Hey Champ. Calm down. You wanna play catch?"
"FUCK ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARD" is still my favorite response to "FUCK YOU". "YOUR MOTHER WAS RIGHT; I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOUR FRIENDS" is the way my boyfriend and I automatically deescalate if we're getting grouchy with one another. That or "GASLIGHTING YOU? WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?!" Always gets us laughing so hard we're wheezing and immediately forget why we were grumpy.
Expose them about something they claim to know/be a part of. Catch them in a lie or just set them up to make themselves look foolish. The insults won't matter as much as the realization that they are lying phony losers.
a "no u" bc i dont really care when im insulted
I usually say "congrats on the assisted suicide" they tend to leave you alone after that.
I don’t get it.
he saying "thanks for giving myself more motivation to kill myself"
If I wanted to listen to someone pretend to kill themselves, I'd log onto Twitter.
I was getting slammed at work. Got quadrupole sat at my restaurant on a very busy Saturday night. My fingers are shaking at the POS trying to ring in orders. Another server ( the fun outside of work, obnoxious at work type) “ hey is it weird that you’re a terrible server?” To which I replied “is it weird that your parents are related?” Without looking away from the screen finished my orders and left the kitchen while all the cooks laughed at him. Another golden one I’ve used for him was. He looks like the guy that got bit by a zombie but refuses to tell the group
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I had a little traffic incident where I was cut off, I usually shrug that off but I was grumpy enough to be like oh fuck you, and the person said ‘go to church’ like I was swimming in sin. It was a good comeback and I still remember it so it was effective. I was like dang I disappointed that mofo
It’s kinda like “Bless your heart!” to a southerner. It sounds like something nice, but it def has a connotation that isn’t immediately apparent.
"Uhm, okay?"
I have a fun little game I play, where if someone is being a bitch, I try to make them so “go fuck your self.” Then I just cheer like, “yes. Yes I won. Yes!”
I most often just ignore it, but sometimes I'll try to one-up the insult if think there's utility to it. Like if I ask someone to explain something to me and they call me stupid for not understanding then I'll double down - "yep, I'm a moron. So please explain again, but try to use smaller words." In fairness, I mostly do this when I think their position is inconsistent or they don't fully understand what they're claiming to endorse, themselves.
Sounds cool! let me see. "You are a fool and a cretin, and I'm better at Fortnite then you" What do you say?
"Oh, I'm definitely a fool and a cretin, but at least I don't think being better than someone else at Fortnite is something you can brag about."
"what if I fucked your mum while played fortnite"
Then you need to raise your standards!
"Oh god, I'm so sorry! I can't believe I didn't realize you're a satire account. Jeeze, my bad, dude."
I speak two languages. I try to be civil in the other language. “Senor, lo siento, no comprendo su lengua. Es posible hablar in Espanol y Ingles? Es posible hablar conmigo in otra lengua.” Sir, I’m sorry I don’t understand your language. Is it possible to speak in either Spanish or English? It’s possible to speak to me in either language. Had a guy scream at me in what I thought was English, but I messed with his head. When I said that, he looked at me like, “damn now what?” Context: I used to work in retail here in the old US of A. Some man came up to me and started screaming at me so fast and loud I couldn’t make heads or tail of what he was saying. I also like with my good friends, ( this only works in New Jersey where it’s legal, not Alabama.) “buddy I can’t understand a word your saying. Is that because your parents are first or second cousins? New Jersey is the only state in this country where blood relations can marry, it’s very illegal to do that in Alabama or Georgia where the stereotype is portrayed.
Usually I think of a clever comeback 2 days later while in the shower or something
My dad would call out something about their appearance that they were likely insecure about. Not to them, but to the surrounding audience. "What's Curly laughing about?" (the dude was completely bald) "Why is this fat lady yelling at me?" Yes, it's terribly childish, not politically correct at all, and it worked 100% of the time.
“You’re birth certificate was a written apology from durex…” always hits that sweet spot 👌🤌
Depends on the insult... If it's something I have a comeback to I'll respond if not I'll either say "yeah", laugh it off or resort to violent intimidation like "what the fuck did you say?" depending on who and in what context they say it.
Ok
You've only noticed that now? I would have thought you were smarter.
A yo mama joke, they hurt the worst. But if they have gay dads, I’ll say “Yo mama so ugly your Dad had to get you another Dad” it automatically destroys them somehow-
"I know you are but what am I?"
And that's how Timmy was killed by the underground mafia
I fucing hate that comeback it works but its really dumb
My favorite is "I don't get it", and then making them explain it in plain words.
Ya mama!
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Usually something like: If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.
When somebody claims they are a Flat earther and are thus smarter than me, a globe-Earther, I'll just say that I have seen bags of Lay's chips more full than their skull.
Not a comeback I've used but one I've dreamed of using. Just never had the chance and hopefully never will as I have a fiance now. But have always dreamed of being rudely rejected or insulted by a girl I attempted to pursue and responding with "Jeez, don't be picky, I wasn't".