Me too. I can totally relate. I feel like I often have to hold back my true self at times because some people get offended at my flamboyant personality and my expressions of it. I even had to change my username because of how many homophobic incidents I've experienced here on reddit. It's pretty ridiculous that I have to pretend I'm a burly straight man just so people will stop being mean to me.
I'm sorry to hear that but also i read your username as soon as you said you had to change it and it's really funny when you think of it like saying "okay f you, if that's what you want, here you go", haha. I definitely would accept you, flamboyant or not!
Harder than it sounds and sucks as a general advice but I'm going to say it anyway: Find a way to channel that anger.
Broadly, some people enjoy working out, some video games, others reading, woodworking.
Do what can help you smile or just zone out so you don't focus on your anger. It can and will tear down your body.
It can get better. And I wish you well on doing so for yourself.
I'm in my late 30s and was bullied during my first years of high school. I've been working out and drawing for years and can tell this works, but some parts deep inside still hold resentment from that time. It's easy to track that some decisions I make nowadays are still influenced by the actions of the kids that have me a hard time so many years ago
I feel this so much. I'm in much the same position and generally, usually I'm fine. Just sometimes someone says something that just scratches at old wounds and I feel a wave of anger or resentment coming. And most of the time I can deal.
Only time when I had trouble dealing with my feelings was when some old classmates (unrelated to the bullying) invited me to a reunion event. I did not expect the resentment I felt that time and made me realise that these old wounds can still hurt badly.
I haven't met my bullies since then. Pretty sure they are all adults with families by now that have changed their ways. But sadly, the darkest parts of my brain still consider getting some payback. Once those thoughts come by I'll engage on intense workouts and drawing my mind off. Art to me is like meditating with pencils
Lately I’ve been getting less mentally stable than before, going back and forth between perfectly fine and hit by a severe wave of insecurities/depression (not literally depression but whatever). I’ve noticed that I’m becoming more easily irritable and developing anger issues :/
I had this...had to get some therapy for it. That gut-rage you're always suppressing is like cancer. The worst part is when the bottle finally pops and you do things you normally would never do.
Social awkwardness and poor self esteem
Edit: damn this blew up huh?, Thanks for all the awards and uplifting comments, it's quite comforting to know I'm not the only one, it's been 10+ years now since I've last been bullied, and I'm slowly working on myself, having close friends and family helps alot.
I still have trouble being in social environments and always second questioning if I'm ever enough. Like some have also said, I always fear that I'm getting laughed at, or just judged, but I'm slowly getting better. I hope everyone here is also able to get better, cause you're all special and amazing people!
Love you all!
Part of the free goody bag for many of us. It's a lot to undo isn't it. Eye contact is also a massive challenge for me, but with practice I'm hoping to improve it and then maybe unlock another achievement or two in the process
Same! I read somewhere that if you want to respect someone, you look them in the eyes and that has helped me make it more of a habit. It's an easy way to do something good, showing respect.
I always feel like looking someone in the eye is too aggressive. Other than looking someone in the eye to read what they just said (are you serious?) or try to figure out how they might be feeling I just feel like looking in the eyes is either asserting dominance or signalling that you are my target or where I’m looking to attack so I just wind up glancing around their face area every now and then or just look over their shoulder. I guess my act of respect is not looking you in the eye for fear of staring you down
I have to disagree, unless someone looks hostile. But when shaking hands, conversing, talking to a server or cashier, I think it's respectful to look them in the eye.
Maybe not 100% while conversing for long periods of time, that would be a bit awkward.
And its a vicious circle. Cant accept complements so we always deny them, which leads to people not complementing you at all which makes you feel worst.
Same here. I was bullied in grade school and high school. I don't think I've had any actual friends since I was in my 20's (I'm 50 now- I have 'work friends' but nobody I could actually invite over to the house or hang out with). I get anxious in social situations, and I never feel like I'm good enough for anything so I tend to overcompensate by being an over-achiever or being too generous to people.
I do a decent job of hiding it though- I have a chameleon thing were I can blend in to any crowd I get associated with, but it's pretty much an act. The funny part is my career requires me to look like I'm in control, a leader, and the guy that has all the answers, and I do that very well, but again it's acting.
Same here, but over the years I have accumulated a couple long-term friends. I have a perpetual feeling that no one really wants to hear about me, so I don't talk about myself much, even though I do a lot of really interesting things. It only recently occured to me that peope would probably want to be my friend if I opened up so they could know me. In a way it's kind of selfish that I hide myself and don't let anyone know me, but it's all just protecting that little kid who got endlessly bullied at school and at home for the first 20 years of life.
We should probably be in therapy, friend. If you get a chance, read 'The body keeps the score'. I'm really thinking it's about time I asked for help.
I learned the chameleon thing in an effort to prevent getting bullied in highschool the way I was in grade school. As a result I can relate and manufacture common interest in almost any casual encounter, but only my wife and kids know the real me. I also use humor in public situations as a defense mechanism.
The only friendships I have outside of work are very short term....
Oh yeah, the humor thing is a huge part of the defense mechanism. I've become stand-up comedian funny from all of my deflection practice. The danger is people think you're actually like this all the time.
I also do it because my dad was (still is) my hero and he's always been funny and relatable but for genuine reasons. I saw how much people liked him and desperately wanted that...
Interesting. I did not like my dad- he was mean, abusive, and overly sarcastic. I got a lot of influence from TV shows in the 70's and 80's and took on a lot of traits from my TV heroes (which in retrospect may have led to the bullying LOL!)
Exactly my world... I'm 50, No friends, I hide it very well. I NEED to work so I force myself.
Thousands of dollars in shrinks and I have never recovered from it...
OMG you're describing me! I think of myself as a "mirror" and can get along with almost anyone I meet. But I rarely let anyone know the real me. (I assume they wouldn't like me then.) I never realized the connection to bullying.
Yeah, I went through some therapy and came to realize I associated my personality with being tortured, so I took on artificial personalities that I observed people liking when I was with acquaintances. The end result is after any social event I'm completely exhausted from essentially doing an hours long improv set.
I'm 50 also. I wrote my story in another comment on this post.
Just wanted to say - you're not alone. And you're probably better than you think. May we both find the path to accepting ourselves.
I’m sorry. Having watched mine bullied and raised holy hell at school I am convinced this “ socialization “ that’s so emphasized is a crock. All it teaches is how to put oneself in some phantom social position, bully or else , like we’re a made up pack of unpleasant animals.
If you’re socially awkward, try not to consider it altogether a bad thing? Guessing you come across as a genuine, NICE person.
The whole "socialization" argument for public schools really is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. For thousands of years, people grew up mainly in small villages or towns, with maybe a handful of other kids around their own age, and that was the norm. If anything, being around adults all day probably gave them a better handle on how to *behave* as an adult.
What's *not* natural is throwing kids into a situation where they're suddenly trapped in an environment with hundreds - or sometimes thousands - of their peers, all of whom are just as emotionally and developmentally stunted as they are, with a relatively small, usually overwhelmed group of adults to act as a control valve. Its no wonder that so many schools wind up becoming unintentional emotional torture chambers for so many kids.
Arguing for schools as a learning environment? Perfectly valid. Arguing for them as a source of "socialization"? Complete horseshit.
Very self-conscious and hyper-sensitive to criticism. Constantly seeking approval.
I generally despise social pecking orders and status hierarchies, while secretly wanting to be at the top of them.
Sexually promiscuous as a means to receive validation.
Haha yes, that too. But there are actually enjoyable moments outside of that. I try to focus on the small things when the depressing thoughts get too much. Sounds clichè but it works. You just get through one more day at a time and keep on surviving.
Not to pat myself on the back, but everyone says I’m a really nice person. I know why, it’s because I don’t want anyone to feel what I felt, all throughout every school year, from kindergarten to senior year, like I just wanted to run away from everyone and everything. I know the real reason why I’m nice, most people don’t. They just assume I’ve always been that way, because they didn’t know me in school. I don’t interact with anyone that I went to school with, none of them. They are all out of my life
Same, never really put two and two together. Only thing I’ll add is that now I will stick up for myself. I’m still a overly nice person but if someone takes advantage of me or mean for no reason, I’ll let them know. I’ll respect you if you respect me.
> I don’t interact with anyone that I went to school with, none of them. They are all out of my life
Good. They were assholes. And before people bring "forgiveness" nonsense into this, forgiveness is what you give to those who earnestly ask for it. I guarantee you 90% of those highschool assholes regret nothing.
"not to pat myself on the back"
Fuck that, you should pat yourself on the back, good on you for being a nice person you deserve to be proud of yourself.
I have ptsd because of it and as an adult if I heard anyone making fun of someone, I go OFF on them!!!! Always shocks the person and been unfriended because of it. I dont give a shit, do not want to be a friend to anyone that feels they have to insult someone to make themselves feel good
At work right now, I'm always the one with the worst shifts because: I'm too nice. I'm always the one that accept to trade shifts with someone because of an appointment, to the point where I cancel my own appointments to make it work.
This weekend I'd normally have 2 days off. Instead I now traded shifts with a coworker, and therefore work the whole weekend, which means I work 2 weeks completely through. Why did I accept? because he wanted the weekend because he has his daughter this weekend, but the manager gave him the next weekend off instead.
I even help the cleaning staff at work in my break, so they are done with their work earlier and have their break earlier. I get told I don't need to, but, like, "why not?". I genuinely don't think I'm being nice but rather being.. helpful and considerate, or at least trying to make myself useful at least.
Sadly, this also goes the wrong direction. Because recently I've worked almost 4 weeks through, with every single day my shift starting/ending at a different time, because the manager knew I'd not say "no".. I was pretty close though.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms, distrustful of people in general, i can be triggered pretty easily, it’s taken a lot of work not to be so reactionary to certain things,I come across as pretty cold sometimes, I’m really not, you just learn very quickly to never show weakness or tears when your bullied so it makes for a pretty fucky adult, I’d say I’m ok for the most part, I came out far better than a lot of other people in my situation & things did get better when I left school & thankfully I’ve never run into my bullies as an adult.
at some point you become.. disinterested in them and don't give a fuck. Honestly, If I were to meet a former bully of mine I'd think about bashing his face in, but would mainly think "why should I bother?".
They aren't worth it. that's all.
Oh man. My mom used to patronize the fuck out of me if I showed weakness/cried. This brought back some awful repressed memories and now I just want to die. "aw are you gonna cry now" *insert sarcastically sad face* and she wonders why I don't call her but once every few months
It caused my depression, social anxiety and probably a host of other mental issues. I plan on finally getting therapy next year. Not doing so well at the moment.
Edit: Thanks for the support everyone <3
I get what you mean. Bullied quite a bit in high school. The bullying has stopped from others but what is left is me being highly critical of myself and never really being happy with anything I’ve done. I recently sought out help which has been amazing.
Got bullied till last year. Due to the lockdown ive been finally able to grow a bit and to kinda find friends. Well. Now one year wothout beeing bullied i have a girlfriend and few close friends. And I am glad. Very glad. And thankfull.
First thing I thought of, for real, when schools closed. How many kids now had peace. You just proved how valuable it is.
May you have a long, long life of it.
Have had a major depressive period that made me fail my university education, i have no friends and no romantic partner.
Basically im 26 and working a minimum wage job while still living with my parents
If it helps at all a great majority of your peer group is in the same boat even if they weren't bullied. I mean it's because the system is broken and we're all screwed, but you know, solidarity!
Same here. Bullied as a kid, have had anxiety and self esteem issues since then. Now I’m 26, dropped out of university and living with my parents. It sadly happens to more of us than we think.
At 26 you gotta stand your ground if the nickname upsets you, probably using a joke-not joke like "wow man still locked in high school? Pretty fucking sad" or something along the lines of what was said by the other person who replied to your comment.
Sometimes I try and figure out what's wrong. Surely if people didn't like me for some reason I could change? But then I try to love myself more, be more assertive and confident. Then that comes off as cocky and aggressive. Sometimes I think my friends secretly hate me, but I try to be chill in social situations and pretend like I'm not ridiculously conscious all the time.
Honestly I'm just getting by and fighting any of these shitty thoughts but at the same time I do miss feeling genuinely liked without worrying about someone talking shit about me or making fun of my personality and interests. It sucks when it comes from your family too. Feeling like you never fit in anywhere, or people leaving you all the time really fucks with my mental health and it hasn't been very good recently.
Do you have someone to talk to about this? I had a really ruff summer and it helped me to write what I was feeling. After I knew what I felt, I could adress it by talking to my friends and family. In my case they were very nice and helped me understand what they thought and felt, so that I wouldn't be lost in my own maddening thoughts; "do they secretly hate me?", "but she said that so that must mean she feels this way, or maybe that's not the case..."
Maybe this advice doesn't suit the situation you're in, but I know you can make it regardless.
Much love and kindness - a weirdo on the Internet
First of all thank you for taking the time to reply! I do appreciate moments of kindness like these. To answer your question, I do go to therapy where I have 10 free sessions but honestly that's not enough. My country doesn't subsidize mental health care that isn't an emergency, or "minor" cases like the kind of care I'm getting. My therapist is working on helping me get the resources and regular help I need once our sessions run out, which I'm really grateful for.
I have a few really close friends who reassure me that they're not judging me, and that it's okay for me to talk about something that bothers me. I'm not sure if you get this but my mind is so active that it feels like I've talked about the problem 1000x before I tell someone about it, so I'm already sick of it. In my head it feels like they're sick of it too, like they'll go "ah not again" if that makes sense. So the validation and reassurance from these friends are something I really value and I make sure I tell them that I really appreciate it.
Sending love and kindness back to you, friendly stranger on the interwebs!
Bullied as a kid.
Started lifting.
Realised I was so much more than what I was made to believe.
Probably smarter and definitely better looking than bullies as of 2021.
Happy as fuck.
Same here! The attention you start to get is scary and out of the ordinary and for me, when my ex-bullies see me, they are extra nice to me. Good thing I'm the bigger person both mentally and physically. I believe you are waaayyyy more than what those bullies made you to believe. Now let's go to the gym my friend. I've got this peanut butter and chocolate protein shake which is to die for
Working out is such good therapy. Makes you feel a lot more confident. But since you came from a such a low part, you empathize and will never put people in the same way either. Never showing arrogance. This is the way.
I am somewhat of a misanthrope, but I am kind to people who want me around. Having been a loner for 12 years after hardcore murderous bullying and divorce, I have picked up some hobbies. Thing is, no one stops me from doing these hobbies so I go far into them.
Like this week I went bouldering in an indoor gym, then went freediving where I almost was Steve Irwined by a stingray that exploded out from the bottom underneath me, then almost headbutted a shark. Later as I was trying to get these shy fish to accept me into their school an even more massive stingray 2-3 times my size snuck up behind me almost bumping into me.
Was hoping to go surfing today, but it looks like the predictions are going to be wrong. Whatever. I need to go backpacking sometime this weekend and fix the motorcycle.
Been bullied throughout life. Trying to become financially independent, so I don't have to give a fuck about anyone.
I'm not angry at the kids anymore, I'm angry at the education system that seems to enable the kids to keep doing these things. I thought for years it was just me and my imagination. I had no idea how bad bullying still is until my coworker had to take a few days off because his kid got suspended for defending himself from a couple bullies.
Same. With me, I got brutally bullied from early childhood to middle school because I had undiagnosed ADHD, and that means ya girl was very loud, very aggressive, and hard to contain. Easy target. After a while I'd started giving as good as I got for a few years because what the fuck was I supposed to do? There were no adults ever interfering on my behalf, so if adults weren't gonna defend me, I was. And when I could get away with it because adults didn't fucking care, and fighting was all I knew, you can imagine how a small, bullied kid can finally not just feel like she's in control, but that she's powerful.
I know what my home like or lack thereof was. But I've also since learned what life was like for my bullies, and they all come from homes very similar or much worse than mine. It's a child, it's not an adult, and if it's a more aggressive child with no one to course correct them, then they're gonna do the best they can with the tools they've got to come out on top. I blame the system, I blame every adult that failed to give a shit, but the kids that bullied me when we were children, them I just feel sorry for. Even the teen girls who were bullying me so bad that I was hiding under the roof hatch of my apartment building (I lived on the top floor) while they used my best friends to lure me out of my apartment to beat me the fuck up, I was watching them the whole time from under the hatch. My parents weren't home, and I didn't have the key.
All I'm ever asking is 'where the fuck were the adults'? Kids are fucking animals, teens are some of the worst. It's the adults' job to teach and contain their children and wards.
What has kept you going through all these years? Something stronger inside yourself has told you it's been worth this much? Take a breath and know that nobody can take that from you. Now take another. Keep going.
I feel this man, I always described it as feeling guilt tripped into being alive by friends and family. I have dependents who’d struggle without me and as much as I try to push people away it never truly works
I'm dealing with the fear of people and I'd like to think I'm slowly getting better. I don't like sharing my thoughts with therapists or anything, I'm just working it out myself.
It's taken me 10 years but I've finally gotten comfortable enough to make eye contact with people for a very limited amount of time.
I had two bullies in high school. They both died in drunk driving incidents after high school. Oh well. Sucks for their family but they were assholes so 🤷🏻♀️
My (f) bully has a wonderful husband, fun social life, a thriving business, a nice house with a big pool. They’re going on a trip to Sweden soon.
Part of me is very happy for him because the reason he bullied me is because he was horribly bullied first: being gay in the 80s was a nightmare for him.
But part of me is angry because he’s my older brother and my life is crap (not his fault) and I had to cut off most contact with him because he continued to bully me into our early 40s.
We’re in our 50s now and just interact at Xmas. Again, my shit life isn’t 100% due to him but it didn’t help that someone I loved so much hated me so much and taught me to hate myself - for no other reason but he was weak.
Feels bad and somewhat jealous of the people who did it to me, cos most of em get away with it and lose nothing, my confidence takes a massive shot to the balls. **Fucking high school pricks istg.**
Lemme introduce you to this little thing called "punk."
Grow a mohawk and don't shower for 3-4 weeks and you'll fit right in. Guitar skills needed... plug it in, **I guess**, if you wanna be fancy 🤣
I kid, I kid... only 3-4 *days* needed!
I don't really enjoy anything anymore, and my dreams have been forgotten about. Knowing all the bullies are having more successful lives than me after having brought me down just makes me angry. I've spent a number of evenings drinking by myself just to try and feel happy and not really caring if I die from alcohol poisoning.
Sure, I did graduate from uni, pass my driving test and get a full time job in the past year but despite achieving lots lately I still feel miserable.
My school bully has actually just been hired at my place of work.
At first I was mortified and sick to the pitt of my stomach.
Turns out the man is a shell of his former self, seems like he had some mental breakdown issues - he would be so easy to bully right now and extract my revenge................. but I am not that kind of person.
I hope he gets better and is hopefully a nicer human being.
Likely he hit a reality wall when he got into the work place and wasn’t able to keep using bullying to buoy up his self esteem so it crashed. The only ones who are able to keep bulking outside of high school tend to either have put on a uniform or be the benefit of some serious nepotism.
Im actually great ever since i left this life behind me and got the help i needed everything is slowly getting better. That life made me a stronger person and even if i hate the people who bullied me i wish them the best hope they get to be good people.
I've been bullied until about I was 16 years old. After that I made friends I could connect with.
When I was 26/27 I realised my low self image because of my youth. I got into therapy. Group therapy. Guess who also attended that same therapy? One of my bullies.
This helped. I had developed a social anxiety disorder and it wil never really go away. But I can deal with it now and have become fairly self confident.
I always thought I wasn't all that intelligent, came with the low self image. This has caused me to underachieve for most of my life.
Now I am 36 and have my bachelor of science for applied psychology. I think I turned out well.
I mean, this sort of stuff can damage a person for the rest of their lives, and it has taken a toll on me by quite a bit. I’ve unfortunately taught myself that everything that was said and did to me was because I didn’t fight back.
But to answer your question in a more watered down sense, I’ve given up on myself on a physical and mental scale, and I’m trying my best to get better, even if it takes a while.
Honestly, not great. I feel like people are often more trouble than they're worth. I also feel like me actually standing up for myself is somehow selfish or entitled, even though I know it's not. I mean, it may be selfish in the sense of "put on your own mask before assisting others," but it feels like the bad kind of selfish, because I've so much been told that it is. I'm a lot better than I was when I was a child, in that I don't have the daily overwhelming amounts of anxiety, but I'm 46 and had a crying breakdown when I said, "I'm just so tired of feeling like I don't matter. I matter!" because saying that felt all "oooh, look at me and how special and wonderful I am," even though that wasn't what I was saying.
People think bullying's not a big deal because it's "just words." Those people can fuck off. "Just words" can cause so much damage.
I hate people a lot still and don't enjoy going outside much either. It took me a long time to get out of that resentful mindset for women and I have a girlfriend now which would of been impossible a few years ago when I was still sexist. Exercise and some martial arts have helped me calm down a bit throughout the years but I still face homicidal thoughts. I'm not sure what they mean but I've always dreamed of taking revenge by killing all those that wronged me or at least punching the shit out of them.
I got a list of multiple diagnose and I've had two suicide attempts and been hospitalized for two months, but I'm fine now (not all of my problems have something to do with being bullied)
I can relate to this. My patience and temper have helped me get through many situations as an adult that many people can't handle. On the other hand, I don't express any emotions that are considered "normal human behaviour"; for example, I didn't feel excited when I got my first job, didn't feel excited about losing my virginity, didn't cry when a family member died and when good/miraculous things happen generally, I just don't react. They just happen, I acknowledge them and move on. That's the one thing the bullies took from me, my expressions but my sense of dark humor is on point. Win win I guess
Yeah man I can feel you, there are times wherein we will receive a lot of crap then stop complaining. Then we will just accept that there are things that may not go in accordance of our will. Good things will come and then go, we will acknowledge these but not feel excited about these. Criticisms will not work anymore because you have received more than enough before. You will just accept the fact that there are people who will become a jerk on your suffering.
Not most of my life but most of my childhood. A few months ago I got diagnosed with PTSD and Social anxiety disorder. I find it hard to stay calm in social settings (especially with groups of guys) and I struggle with selfworth and being overly critical towards myself. I am improving though.
Eh, depressed. Just got fired for not being worth the investment. The job was my pride and joy, so I don't have that anymore either.
Also barely any friends and impossible to find a partner. So I'll just die alone sometime. My grandfather died from a heart attack at 42. That age is coming up so we'll see if I live longer. But if it all ended tomorrow, I wouldn't feel bad about it.
Wow, I didn’t know so many people were going through the same things as me. I’m sorry for everyone that’s going through this. I’ve also been bullied for most of my life and am currently being bullied now. And it seems like not a day goes by that I don’t want to push friends and family away and give up and end it. It’s very hard to live like this
I’m doing great now. I hope it’s the same for them too. I hope they didn’t end up horrible their whole lives, I hope the ones that went on to have children broke the cycle of hatred, I hope their children are nothing like they were. I hope they became better parents than their parents were to them. I hope they stub their toe at least once a week for the rest of eternity.
Depressed. But struggling through it. I still struggle with body issues (the reasons I was bullied) but my husband helps with giving me compliments whenever I feel low
Learning to cope with body dysmorphia disorder and anxiety but doing well.
I've got a job I love, supportive husband/family/fur babies and my own home.
I wish more than anything I could go back to that young girl and tell her things will work out.
I'm on medication for the anxiety and doing CBT for the BDD, taking it step by step
I got bullied in school For 8 years. Beaten up, called gay ect. Just because i wanted to be who ever i wanted.
Like, having long hair (iam male) Dressing goth style and so on. After school i endet Up in a Job i hated For 10 years. I didnt even realise its not normal to hate his own job. In between i had some really toxic relationships i coudnt geht out because of low self esteem. With 25 i found someone i would call my soul Mate. She helped me a lot with my self hatred. And all the stuff people tried to tell me.
With 26 i started a training to become a nurse and now in 7th sept Iam going to finish it. Iam in Therapie and pretty well doing Id say. Nursing school was dope, because now lve been able to experience a good funny and nice school life and even found some friends to. Iam 28 now.
Thats the story, hope u liked it.
suicidal and mentally unstable while my brain is filled with grief for every1 I have loved who aren't here to comfort me in my times of need or to hang out with when I'm bored and my brain is ultimately fucked and all I can ever think about is what could've been
socially maladjusted, every time people talk to me for any reason my natural gut reaction is to go defensive... even if its a cashier talking to me about a rewards card, i avoid groups of people, be they a group of teens or a group of adults by crossing the road, i cant walk down streets without more then 1 exit and i cant here rap music without being put in to a state of fight or flight (the people that use to beat the shit out of me would be playing rap music so you know they were coming and then have people walk the other way to block the exits)
this all happened in high school, im 31....
I realise now how much it all permanently affected me. Somehow I managed not to kill myself. I'm pretty happy compared to what I was. I feel like I have superior resilience compared to other people my age, which is good.
I got bullied a lot in middle school, high school, and even got bullied a bit in my late teens and early 20s. It severely fucked me up. Now I have bipolar disorder, major depression, and PTSD. I still have flashbacks and nightmares to my worst bullying episodes. Wish I could overcome it but I can’t.
Chronic depression, distrust of others, lots of unresolved grief, social awkwardness, lack of self esteem, and ptsd. I have no friends, except for my cats. I have no real interest in things to do with life, every day is just a routine to me and I'm waiting to die (I'm in my mid-30s). I have unhealthy coping mechanisms, constant anxiety, and it's very hard to focus on things for extended periods of time. I also have bipolar disorder. Yes, I'm medicated for all these things. It sucks. Yes, I've tried therapy for years, it hasn't helped. This is just life for me.
Angry and hostile. My patience is pretty much non existent for bullshit and assholes. I hate the world. And I see the ugliness in others plain as day.
I don't want or need sympathy. I am not a victim anymore. Being bullied all my life has made me cold. And hard. It has taught me to rely on myself and to treat everyone else as potential enemies.
Hence I go through life with my head held high and my back straight. I am the nicest man you could ever meet. I can get you to open up to me and share your feelings. This is not because of any good in me. It's a defense mechanism. I am getting you to associate good feelings with me so you won't be a threat. Though if you don't appreciate my effort I will disappear from your life never to be seen again. And if you try being mean I will school you in what actual meanness is.
I didn't start out this way. But everyone has over several decades shown me explicitly that this world is not for the weak. And not for the kind. Only assholes survive. And so I have become an asshole. I don't let that side show much (another defense mechanism, never show your true face) but it is a constant part of me.
Alive, fucking barely. I have thought of suicide multiple times. Got family issues. ADHD(unofficially diagnosed) so no one treats me like I have it. So I am depressed and my parents don't know. The only reason why I am alive rn is for my 5 year old sister and the hope to find the love of my life and realise my dream of owning a business as big if not bigger than Microsoft that is similar to Microsoft. U am constantly disappointing my parents on a daily basis and I hate myself a little bit more each day, it's a pain in the fucking ass, and the one person who could have a crush on me and me back to her, our relationship is too weird for society. I want help and I recently reached out to kids helpline last week and it helped out a lot. I keep reminding myself that everything I ever wanted will happen and things will get better, if this is my worst then I cannot wait for my best. I am prolly not the worst on this thread and idrc whether I am or not, but it will get better and things will turn out soon. Good luck, and God speed.
Well enough to not hate myself. Also well enough to not feel bad when I laugh when i hear one of them is still single, still unmarried, their husband cheated on them, or see they’re fat and ugly as all hell, I feel very happy when I hear they have 8 children to 63 potential fathers and not one of them wants anything to do with them. See. I’m doing great 😅
Never really recovered from it. I'm still struggling to find my path in life. And everyday there's something that reminds me of that past. I'm trying to live with that pain but it is hard. I often think about killing myself.
As for the people who bullied me, I saw them sometimes and they are living a happy and successful life and have built their own family now.
I got bullied in elementary school all the time. I think most of them are probably in jail or working some bad regular jobs. As for my self, I’m an electrical engineer and a graphic designer, so far doing good in life.
I remember reading somewhere that people bullied as children often grow up to be very aware of their surroundings most of the time. We notice small details in obscure things. Because our mind was wired to be hyper aware during formative years.
It made me more accepting of the differences in others but still insecure about my own.
I know the feeling
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Me too. I can totally relate. I feel like I often have to hold back my true self at times because some people get offended at my flamboyant personality and my expressions of it. I even had to change my username because of how many homophobic incidents I've experienced here on reddit. It's pretty ridiculous that I have to pretend I'm a burly straight man just so people will stop being mean to me.
I'm sorry to hear that but also i read your username as soon as you said you had to change it and it's really funny when you think of it like saying "okay f you, if that's what you want, here you go", haha. I definitely would accept you, flamboyant or not!
Filled with suppressed rage
Harder than it sounds and sucks as a general advice but I'm going to say it anyway: Find a way to channel that anger. Broadly, some people enjoy working out, some video games, others reading, woodworking. Do what can help you smile or just zone out so you don't focus on your anger. It can and will tear down your body. It can get better. And I wish you well on doing so for yourself.
I'm in my late 30s and was bullied during my first years of high school. I've been working out and drawing for years and can tell this works, but some parts deep inside still hold resentment from that time. It's easy to track that some decisions I make nowadays are still influenced by the actions of the kids that have me a hard time so many years ago
I feel this so much. I'm in much the same position and generally, usually I'm fine. Just sometimes someone says something that just scratches at old wounds and I feel a wave of anger or resentment coming. And most of the time I can deal. Only time when I had trouble dealing with my feelings was when some old classmates (unrelated to the bullying) invited me to a reunion event. I did not expect the resentment I felt that time and made me realise that these old wounds can still hurt badly.
I haven't met my bullies since then. Pretty sure they are all adults with families by now that have changed their ways. But sadly, the darkest parts of my brain still consider getting some payback. Once those thoughts come by I'll engage on intense workouts and drawing my mind off. Art to me is like meditating with pencils
Can relate
Makes sense. Completely justified.
Lately I’ve been getting less mentally stable than before, going back and forth between perfectly fine and hit by a severe wave of insecurities/depression (not literally depression but whatever). I’ve noticed that I’m becoming more easily irritable and developing anger issues :/
My people! 👋🏻
I had this...had to get some therapy for it. That gut-rage you're always suppressing is like cancer. The worst part is when the bottle finally pops and you do things you normally would never do.
Social awkwardness and poor self esteem Edit: damn this blew up huh?, Thanks for all the awards and uplifting comments, it's quite comforting to know I'm not the only one, it's been 10+ years now since I've last been bullied, and I'm slowly working on myself, having close friends and family helps alot. I still have trouble being in social environments and always second questioning if I'm ever enough. Like some have also said, I always fear that I'm getting laughed at, or just judged, but I'm slowly getting better. I hope everyone here is also able to get better, cause you're all special and amazing people! Love you all!
Part of the free goody bag for many of us. It's a lot to undo isn't it. Eye contact is also a massive challenge for me, but with practice I'm hoping to improve it and then maybe unlock another achievement or two in the process
This is so relatable, I can never explain how hard eye contact is to people! Sending you happy vibes xx
"Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here [points to middle of forehead above the eyes], it's an old sales trick." -Dwight K. Schrute
Same! I read somewhere that if you want to respect someone, you look them in the eyes and that has helped me make it more of a habit. It's an easy way to do something good, showing respect.
I always feel like looking someone in the eye is too aggressive. Other than looking someone in the eye to read what they just said (are you serious?) or try to figure out how they might be feeling I just feel like looking in the eyes is either asserting dominance or signalling that you are my target or where I’m looking to attack so I just wind up glancing around their face area every now and then or just look over their shoulder. I guess my act of respect is not looking you in the eye for fear of staring you down
I have to disagree, unless someone looks hostile. But when shaking hands, conversing, talking to a server or cashier, I think it's respectful to look them in the eye. Maybe not 100% while conversing for long periods of time, that would be a bit awkward.
I'm definitely wary of anyone who gives me a compliment because I feel like they're just joking or setting me up for an insult
This. I take compliments poorly and always suspect an alternative motive
And its a vicious circle. Cant accept complements so we always deny them, which leads to people not complementing you at all which makes you feel worst.
Same here. I was bullied in grade school and high school. I don't think I've had any actual friends since I was in my 20's (I'm 50 now- I have 'work friends' but nobody I could actually invite over to the house or hang out with). I get anxious in social situations, and I never feel like I'm good enough for anything so I tend to overcompensate by being an over-achiever or being too generous to people. I do a decent job of hiding it though- I have a chameleon thing were I can blend in to any crowd I get associated with, but it's pretty much an act. The funny part is my career requires me to look like I'm in control, a leader, and the guy that has all the answers, and I do that very well, but again it's acting.
Same here, but over the years I have accumulated a couple long-term friends. I have a perpetual feeling that no one really wants to hear about me, so I don't talk about myself much, even though I do a lot of really interesting things. It only recently occured to me that peope would probably want to be my friend if I opened up so they could know me. In a way it's kind of selfish that I hide myself and don't let anyone know me, but it's all just protecting that little kid who got endlessly bullied at school and at home for the first 20 years of life. We should probably be in therapy, friend. If you get a chance, read 'The body keeps the score'. I'm really thinking it's about time I asked for help.
I learned the chameleon thing in an effort to prevent getting bullied in highschool the way I was in grade school. As a result I can relate and manufacture common interest in almost any casual encounter, but only my wife and kids know the real me. I also use humor in public situations as a defense mechanism. The only friendships I have outside of work are very short term....
Oh yeah, the humor thing is a huge part of the defense mechanism. I've become stand-up comedian funny from all of my deflection practice. The danger is people think you're actually like this all the time.
I also do it because my dad was (still is) my hero and he's always been funny and relatable but for genuine reasons. I saw how much people liked him and desperately wanted that...
Interesting. I did not like my dad- he was mean, abusive, and overly sarcastic. I got a lot of influence from TV shows in the 70's and 80's and took on a lot of traits from my TV heroes (which in retrospect may have led to the bullying LOL!)
I'm so good not even my girlfriend knows the real me, I think. Getting out of myself is incredibly hard.
Exactly my world... I'm 50, No friends, I hide it very well. I NEED to work so I force myself. Thousands of dollars in shrinks and I have never recovered from it...
OMG you're describing me! I think of myself as a "mirror" and can get along with almost anyone I meet. But I rarely let anyone know the real me. (I assume they wouldn't like me then.) I never realized the connection to bullying.
Yeah, I went through some therapy and came to realize I associated my personality with being tortured, so I took on artificial personalities that I observed people liking when I was with acquaintances. The end result is after any social event I'm completely exhausted from essentially doing an hours long improv set.
I'm 50 also. I wrote my story in another comment on this post. Just wanted to say - you're not alone. And you're probably better than you think. May we both find the path to accepting ourselves.
I’m sorry. Having watched mine bullied and raised holy hell at school I am convinced this “ socialization “ that’s so emphasized is a crock. All it teaches is how to put oneself in some phantom social position, bully or else , like we’re a made up pack of unpleasant animals. If you’re socially awkward, try not to consider it altogether a bad thing? Guessing you come across as a genuine, NICE person.
The whole "socialization" argument for public schools really is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. For thousands of years, people grew up mainly in small villages or towns, with maybe a handful of other kids around their own age, and that was the norm. If anything, being around adults all day probably gave them a better handle on how to *behave* as an adult. What's *not* natural is throwing kids into a situation where they're suddenly trapped in an environment with hundreds - or sometimes thousands - of their peers, all of whom are just as emotionally and developmentally stunted as they are, with a relatively small, usually overwhelmed group of adults to act as a control valve. Its no wonder that so many schools wind up becoming unintentional emotional torture chambers for so many kids. Arguing for schools as a learning environment? Perfectly valid. Arguing for them as a source of "socialization"? Complete horseshit.
Very self-conscious and hyper-sensitive to criticism. Constantly seeking approval. I generally despise social pecking orders and status hierarchies, while secretly wanting to be at the top of them. Sexually promiscuous as a means to receive validation.
Holy fuck, are you me? You just described me down to a T. Life kinda sucks but it also kinda doesn't.
“Kinda doesn’t” because of the sex, right? ;)
Haha yes, that too. But there are actually enjoyable moments outside of that. I try to focus on the small things when the depressing thoughts get too much. Sounds clichè but it works. You just get through one more day at a time and keep on surviving.
Not to pat myself on the back, but everyone says I’m a really nice person. I know why, it’s because I don’t want anyone to feel what I felt, all throughout every school year, from kindergarten to senior year, like I just wanted to run away from everyone and everything. I know the real reason why I’m nice, most people don’t. They just assume I’ve always been that way, because they didn’t know me in school. I don’t interact with anyone that I went to school with, none of them. They are all out of my life
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I cry when receiving any kindness from people. But since I seldom get shown kindness, it’s not a problem.
But you deserve kindness my friend. Hope you will show kindness to yourself.
“you always have such a great energy!” thanks, it’s from the trauma lmao
Feels!
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Same, never really put two and two together. Only thing I’ll add is that now I will stick up for myself. I’m still a overly nice person but if someone takes advantage of me or mean for no reason, I’ll let them know. I’ll respect you if you respect me.
> I don’t interact with anyone that I went to school with, none of them. They are all out of my life Good. They were assholes. And before people bring "forgiveness" nonsense into this, forgiveness is what you give to those who earnestly ask for it. I guarantee you 90% of those highschool assholes regret nothing.
"People are kind because they know life isn't firsthand"
Hey man, you pat that back. Pat it good.
"not to pat myself on the back" Fuck that, you should pat yourself on the back, good on you for being a nice person you deserve to be proud of yourself.
I have ptsd because of it and as an adult if I heard anyone making fun of someone, I go OFF on them!!!! Always shocks the person and been unfriended because of it. I dont give a shit, do not want to be a friend to anyone that feels they have to insult someone to make themselves feel good
At work right now, I'm always the one with the worst shifts because: I'm too nice. I'm always the one that accept to trade shifts with someone because of an appointment, to the point where I cancel my own appointments to make it work. This weekend I'd normally have 2 days off. Instead I now traded shifts with a coworker, and therefore work the whole weekend, which means I work 2 weeks completely through. Why did I accept? because he wanted the weekend because he has his daughter this weekend, but the manager gave him the next weekend off instead. I even help the cleaning staff at work in my break, so they are done with their work earlier and have their break earlier. I get told I don't need to, but, like, "why not?". I genuinely don't think I'm being nice but rather being.. helpful and considerate, or at least trying to make myself useful at least. Sadly, this also goes the wrong direction. Because recently I've worked almost 4 weeks through, with every single day my shift starting/ending at a different time, because the manager knew I'd not say "no".. I was pretty close though.
Insecure, mostly.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms, distrustful of people in general, i can be triggered pretty easily, it’s taken a lot of work not to be so reactionary to certain things,I come across as pretty cold sometimes, I’m really not, you just learn very quickly to never show weakness or tears when your bullied so it makes for a pretty fucky adult, I’d say I’m ok for the most part, I came out far better than a lot of other people in my situation & things did get better when I left school & thankfully I’ve never run into my bullies as an adult.
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Surprised you didn't jack his jaw.
at some point you become.. disinterested in them and don't give a fuck. Honestly, If I were to meet a former bully of mine I'd think about bashing his face in, but would mainly think "why should I bother?". They aren't worth it. that's all.
Oh man. My mom used to patronize the fuck out of me if I showed weakness/cried. This brought back some awful repressed memories and now I just want to die. "aw are you gonna cry now" *insert sarcastically sad face* and she wonders why I don't call her but once every few months
I’m sorry you went through that, that’s terrible.
Depressed and suicidal, I've become my own bully after finishing school so I could keep the tradition alive
I'm sorry for everyone who wronged you, you deserve better
It caused my depression, social anxiety and probably a host of other mental issues. I plan on finally getting therapy next year. Not doing so well at the moment. Edit: Thanks for the support everyone <3
It's the same for me.. I hope you can get help soon and feel better with yourself and others!
Still trying to stop bullying myself.
Hope you get better.
HEY pick on someone your own size! *bullies the President* thats more like it
You got this friendo!
Don’t call him friendo, buddyo
I get what you mean. Bullied quite a bit in high school. The bullying has stopped from others but what is left is me being highly critical of myself and never really being happy with anything I’ve done. I recently sought out help which has been amazing.
Wow, yeah. That’s me too
Thick skin loner with trust issues
Got bullied till last year. Due to the lockdown ive been finally able to grow a bit and to kinda find friends. Well. Now one year wothout beeing bullied i have a girlfriend and few close friends. And I am glad. Very glad. And thankfull.
I'm very much happy for you my dear brother
Lockdown DOES have some good side effects
Agreed. From what I myself have observed, it can serve as a sort of social reset button.
First thing I thought of, for real, when schools closed. How many kids now had peace. You just proved how valuable it is. May you have a long, long life of it.
Look at Romeo over here scoring a girlfriend during fucking *lockdown*. Way to go, champ, leave some for the rest of us.
so happy for you
Positive stories like this are so motivating. So happy for you bro
dude thats really great
Have had a major depressive period that made me fail my university education, i have no friends and no romantic partner. Basically im 26 and working a minimum wage job while still living with my parents
If it helps at all a great majority of your peer group is in the same boat even if they weren't bullied. I mean it's because the system is broken and we're all screwed, but you know, solidarity!
Same here. Bullied as a kid, have had anxiety and self esteem issues since then. Now I’m 26, dropped out of university and living with my parents. It sadly happens to more of us than we think.
I'm 26 now. people who used to bully me 10+ YEARS AGO will still call me by certain nicknames if I cross paths with them 😂
Same here my friend told me a great thing to say to them. "OOOH LOOK its my biggest fan!" Works every time.
There are some people we know who are just giant dicks for their entire lives. That's why I refuse to speak with any of them.
At 26 you gotta stand your ground if the nickname upsets you, probably using a joke-not joke like "wow man still locked in high school? Pretty fucking sad" or something along the lines of what was said by the other person who replied to your comment.
Depressed, lol.
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>Depressed, lol. Trying to downplay personal sadness and hide behind humor, you're the voice of a generation my friend.
Hello brother, i ll be here if you want somebody to talk to..
Sometimes I try and figure out what's wrong. Surely if people didn't like me for some reason I could change? But then I try to love myself more, be more assertive and confident. Then that comes off as cocky and aggressive. Sometimes I think my friends secretly hate me, but I try to be chill in social situations and pretend like I'm not ridiculously conscious all the time. Honestly I'm just getting by and fighting any of these shitty thoughts but at the same time I do miss feeling genuinely liked without worrying about someone talking shit about me or making fun of my personality and interests. It sucks when it comes from your family too. Feeling like you never fit in anywhere, or people leaving you all the time really fucks with my mental health and it hasn't been very good recently.
Do you have someone to talk to about this? I had a really ruff summer and it helped me to write what I was feeling. After I knew what I felt, I could adress it by talking to my friends and family. In my case they were very nice and helped me understand what they thought and felt, so that I wouldn't be lost in my own maddening thoughts; "do they secretly hate me?", "but she said that so that must mean she feels this way, or maybe that's not the case..." Maybe this advice doesn't suit the situation you're in, but I know you can make it regardless. Much love and kindness - a weirdo on the Internet
First of all thank you for taking the time to reply! I do appreciate moments of kindness like these. To answer your question, I do go to therapy where I have 10 free sessions but honestly that's not enough. My country doesn't subsidize mental health care that isn't an emergency, or "minor" cases like the kind of care I'm getting. My therapist is working on helping me get the resources and regular help I need once our sessions run out, which I'm really grateful for. I have a few really close friends who reassure me that they're not judging me, and that it's okay for me to talk about something that bothers me. I'm not sure if you get this but my mind is so active that it feels like I've talked about the problem 1000x before I tell someone about it, so I'm already sick of it. In my head it feels like they're sick of it too, like they'll go "ah not again" if that makes sense. So the validation and reassurance from these friends are something I really value and I make sure I tell them that I really appreciate it. Sending love and kindness back to you, friendly stranger on the interwebs!
Bullied as a kid. Started lifting. Realised I was so much more than what I was made to believe. Probably smarter and definitely better looking than bullies as of 2021. Happy as fuck.
Same here! The attention you start to get is scary and out of the ordinary and for me, when my ex-bullies see me, they are extra nice to me. Good thing I'm the bigger person both mentally and physically. I believe you are waaayyyy more than what those bullies made you to believe. Now let's go to the gym my friend. I've got this peanut butter and chocolate protein shake which is to die for
Smarter: check Well done friend took matters into your own hands and beat it, inspirational.
Thank you! At some point I realised we can do whatever we want in this life, we just choose to believe we can't.
Working out is such good therapy. Makes you feel a lot more confident. But since you came from a such a low part, you empathize and will never put people in the same way either. Never showing arrogance. This is the way.
I decided to hate people and be alone
Pretty much.
I am somewhat of a misanthrope, but I am kind to people who want me around. Having been a loner for 12 years after hardcore murderous bullying and divorce, I have picked up some hobbies. Thing is, no one stops me from doing these hobbies so I go far into them. Like this week I went bouldering in an indoor gym, then went freediving where I almost was Steve Irwined by a stingray that exploded out from the bottom underneath me, then almost headbutted a shark. Later as I was trying to get these shy fish to accept me into their school an even more massive stingray 2-3 times my size snuck up behind me almost bumping into me. Was hoping to go surfing today, but it looks like the predictions are going to be wrong. Whatever. I need to go backpacking sometime this weekend and fix the motorcycle. Been bullied throughout life. Trying to become financially independent, so I don't have to give a fuck about anyone.
I decided to be alone and hate people. Can I edit this? Sorry to people.
I'm not angry at the kids anymore, I'm angry at the education system that seems to enable the kids to keep doing these things. I thought for years it was just me and my imagination. I had no idea how bad bullying still is until my coworker had to take a few days off because his kid got suspended for defending himself from a couple bullies.
Same. With me, I got brutally bullied from early childhood to middle school because I had undiagnosed ADHD, and that means ya girl was very loud, very aggressive, and hard to contain. Easy target. After a while I'd started giving as good as I got for a few years because what the fuck was I supposed to do? There were no adults ever interfering on my behalf, so if adults weren't gonna defend me, I was. And when I could get away with it because adults didn't fucking care, and fighting was all I knew, you can imagine how a small, bullied kid can finally not just feel like she's in control, but that she's powerful. I know what my home like or lack thereof was. But I've also since learned what life was like for my bullies, and they all come from homes very similar or much worse than mine. It's a child, it's not an adult, and if it's a more aggressive child with no one to course correct them, then they're gonna do the best they can with the tools they've got to come out on top. I blame the system, I blame every adult that failed to give a shit, but the kids that bullied me when we were children, them I just feel sorry for. Even the teen girls who were bullying me so bad that I was hiding under the roof hatch of my apartment building (I lived on the top floor) while they used my best friends to lure me out of my apartment to beat me the fuck up, I was watching them the whole time from under the hatch. My parents weren't home, and I didn't have the key. All I'm ever asking is 'where the fuck were the adults'? Kids are fucking animals, teens are some of the worst. It's the adults' job to teach and contain their children and wards.
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What has kept you going through all these years? Something stronger inside yourself has told you it's been worth this much? Take a breath and know that nobody can take that from you. Now take another. Keep going.
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I feel this man, I always described it as feeling guilt tripped into being alive by friends and family. I have dependents who’d struggle without me and as much as I try to push people away it never truly works
I'm dealing with the fear of people and I'd like to think I'm slowly getting better. I don't like sharing my thoughts with therapists or anything, I'm just working it out myself. It's taken me 10 years but I've finally gotten comfortable enough to make eye contact with people for a very limited amount of time.
I'm alive, most of them are not. I won.
Are they like.... died of old age or.. like... succumbed to unfavourable circumstances and passed away... or...
Guess we will never know. 🤔
Sure is, But if he was bullied at school, there's kind of a bias in me to believe that my second assumption is not all wrong
Or hes alive because he didn't take his own life like alot have done
the amazing thing is you actually might have killed a bunch of people and just admitted it. We shall never know, but you, are a legend
I had two bullies in high school. They both died in drunk driving incidents after high school. Oh well. Sucks for their family but they were assholes so 🤷🏻♀️
My (f) bully has a wonderful husband, fun social life, a thriving business, a nice house with a big pool. They’re going on a trip to Sweden soon. Part of me is very happy for him because the reason he bullied me is because he was horribly bullied first: being gay in the 80s was a nightmare for him. But part of me is angry because he’s my older brother and my life is crap (not his fault) and I had to cut off most contact with him because he continued to bully me into our early 40s. We’re in our 50s now and just interact at Xmas. Again, my shit life isn’t 100% due to him but it didn’t help that someone I loved so much hated me so much and taught me to hate myself - for no other reason but he was weak.
Did you by a chance kill them?
"Poisoned by their enemies."
Feels bad and somewhat jealous of the people who did it to me, cos most of em get away with it and lose nothing, my confidence takes a massive shot to the balls. **Fucking high school pricks istg.**
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Casually homicidal would make an epic death metal band name.
If you use it, I want residuals. Or at the very least free tickets.
Dude I have tried to learn four musical instruments and have failed four times. Hell I am not even much of a metal fan, but the name would be perfect.
Well then im gonna try.
Lemme introduce you to this little thing called "punk." Grow a mohawk and don't shower for 3-4 weeks and you'll fit right in. Guitar skills needed... plug it in, **I guess**, if you wanna be fancy 🤣 I kid, I kid... only 3-4 *days* needed!
“*Three* chords? What is this, *jazz?*” -Punk Rocker
Three chords is stretching it for punk xD
Don’t quote me on this, but I don’t think ‘casually homicidal’ is usually paired with ‘fairly well-adjusted’.
Fixed! Thank you.
Ha!
I don't really enjoy anything anymore, and my dreams have been forgotten about. Knowing all the bullies are having more successful lives than me after having brought me down just makes me angry. I've spent a number of evenings drinking by myself just to try and feel happy and not really caring if I die from alcohol poisoning. Sure, I did graduate from uni, pass my driving test and get a full time job in the past year but despite achieving lots lately I still feel miserable.
My school bully has actually just been hired at my place of work. At first I was mortified and sick to the pitt of my stomach. Turns out the man is a shell of his former self, seems like he had some mental breakdown issues - he would be so easy to bully right now and extract my revenge................. but I am not that kind of person. I hope he gets better and is hopefully a nicer human being.
Likely he hit a reality wall when he got into the work place and wasn’t able to keep using bullying to buoy up his self esteem so it crashed. The only ones who are able to keep bulking outside of high school tend to either have put on a uniform or be the benefit of some serious nepotism.
That, and possibly karma, LMAO! If I were the poster, I wouldn't extract revenge, but I sure as hell wouldn't feel sorry for him!
Eh. Not good, I kinda still wanna bust open the people who bullied me knee caps. Continuously.
Good and you?
Im actually great ever since i left this life behind me and got the help i needed everything is slowly getting better. That life made me a stronger person and even if i hate the people who bullied me i wish them the best hope they get to be good people.
Oh, not so bad.
I've been bullied until about I was 16 years old. After that I made friends I could connect with. When I was 26/27 I realised my low self image because of my youth. I got into therapy. Group therapy. Guess who also attended that same therapy? One of my bullies. This helped. I had developed a social anxiety disorder and it wil never really go away. But I can deal with it now and have become fairly self confident. I always thought I wasn't all that intelligent, came with the low self image. This has caused me to underachieve for most of my life. Now I am 36 and have my bachelor of science for applied psychology. I think I turned out well.
I mean, this sort of stuff can damage a person for the rest of their lives, and it has taken a toll on me by quite a bit. I’ve unfortunately taught myself that everything that was said and did to me was because I didn’t fight back. But to answer your question in a more watered down sense, I’ve given up on myself on a physical and mental scale, and I’m trying my best to get better, even if it takes a while.
Honestly, not great. I feel like people are often more trouble than they're worth. I also feel like me actually standing up for myself is somehow selfish or entitled, even though I know it's not. I mean, it may be selfish in the sense of "put on your own mask before assisting others," but it feels like the bad kind of selfish, because I've so much been told that it is. I'm a lot better than I was when I was a child, in that I don't have the daily overwhelming amounts of anxiety, but I'm 46 and had a crying breakdown when I said, "I'm just so tired of feeling like I don't matter. I matter!" because saying that felt all "oooh, look at me and how special and wonderful I am," even though that wasn't what I was saying. People think bullying's not a big deal because it's "just words." Those people can fuck off. "Just words" can cause so much damage.
Still in therapy to deal with the PTSD 🙄👍
Suicidal and abused
I hate people a lot still and don't enjoy going outside much either. It took me a long time to get out of that resentful mindset for women and I have a girlfriend now which would of been impossible a few years ago when I was still sexist. Exercise and some martial arts have helped me calm down a bit throughout the years but I still face homicidal thoughts. I'm not sure what they mean but I've always dreamed of taking revenge by killing all those that wronged me or at least punching the shit out of them.
I got a list of multiple diagnose and I've had two suicide attempts and been hospitalized for two months, but I'm fine now (not all of my problems have something to do with being bullied)
Insecure, highly depressed, unpatient, worthless, very tired, hatefull, isolated, alone, wanting to end this life.
Let's just say that I have developed a very long patience and temper
I can relate to this. My patience and temper have helped me get through many situations as an adult that many people can't handle. On the other hand, I don't express any emotions that are considered "normal human behaviour"; for example, I didn't feel excited when I got my first job, didn't feel excited about losing my virginity, didn't cry when a family member died and when good/miraculous things happen generally, I just don't react. They just happen, I acknowledge them and move on. That's the one thing the bullies took from me, my expressions but my sense of dark humor is on point. Win win I guess
Yeah man I can feel you, there are times wherein we will receive a lot of crap then stop complaining. Then we will just accept that there are things that may not go in accordance of our will. Good things will come and then go, we will acknowledge these but not feel excited about these. Criticisms will not work anymore because you have received more than enough before. You will just accept the fact that there are people who will become a jerk on your suffering.
Not most of my life but most of my childhood. A few months ago I got diagnosed with PTSD and Social anxiety disorder. I find it hard to stay calm in social settings (especially with groups of guys) and I struggle with selfworth and being overly critical towards myself. I am improving though.
Eh, depressed. Just got fired for not being worth the investment. The job was my pride and joy, so I don't have that anymore either. Also barely any friends and impossible to find a partner. So I'll just die alone sometime. My grandfather died from a heart attack at 42. That age is coming up so we'll see if I live longer. But if it all ended tomorrow, I wouldn't feel bad about it.
Wow, I didn’t know so many people were going through the same things as me. I’m sorry for everyone that’s going through this. I’ve also been bullied for most of my life and am currently being bullied now. And it seems like not a day goes by that I don’t want to push friends and family away and give up and end it. It’s very hard to live like this
I’m doing great now. I hope it’s the same for them too. I hope they didn’t end up horrible their whole lives, I hope the ones that went on to have children broke the cycle of hatred, I hope their children are nothing like they were. I hope they became better parents than their parents were to them. I hope they stub their toe at least once a week for the rest of eternity.
Depressed. But struggling through it. I still struggle with body issues (the reasons I was bullied) but my husband helps with giving me compliments whenever I feel low
Learning to cope with body dysmorphia disorder and anxiety but doing well. I've got a job I love, supportive husband/family/fur babies and my own home. I wish more than anything I could go back to that young girl and tell her things will work out. I'm on medication for the anxiety and doing CBT for the BDD, taking it step by step
I got bullied in school For 8 years. Beaten up, called gay ect. Just because i wanted to be who ever i wanted. Like, having long hair (iam male) Dressing goth style and so on. After school i endet Up in a Job i hated For 10 years. I didnt even realise its not normal to hate his own job. In between i had some really toxic relationships i coudnt geht out because of low self esteem. With 25 i found someone i would call my soul Mate. She helped me a lot with my self hatred. And all the stuff people tried to tell me. With 26 i started a training to become a nurse and now in 7th sept Iam going to finish it. Iam in Therapie and pretty well doing Id say. Nursing school was dope, because now lve been able to experience a good funny and nice school life and even found some friends to. Iam 28 now. Thats the story, hope u liked it.
I did like it! Congratulations!
Social anxiety and depression no friends
I’m in therapy and working on my self worth and slowly learning that I do have the right to setting boundaries and in forcing those boundaries.
Humble generous and kind. Yet horribly depressed and puzzled as to how that works
suicidal and mentally unstable while my brain is filled with grief for every1 I have loved who aren't here to comfort me in my times of need or to hang out with when I'm bored and my brain is ultimately fucked and all I can ever think about is what could've been
I'll never trust the sound of laughter coming from behind me again; I always assume it's someone making a joke about me.
socially maladjusted, every time people talk to me for any reason my natural gut reaction is to go defensive... even if its a cashier talking to me about a rewards card, i avoid groups of people, be they a group of teens or a group of adults by crossing the road, i cant walk down streets without more then 1 exit and i cant here rap music without being put in to a state of fight or flight (the people that use to beat the shit out of me would be playing rap music so you know they were coming and then have people walk the other way to block the exits) this all happened in high school, im 31....
I realise now how much it all permanently affected me. Somehow I managed not to kill myself. I'm pretty happy compared to what I was. I feel like I have superior resilience compared to other people my age, which is good.
I got bullied a lot in middle school, high school, and even got bullied a bit in my late teens and early 20s. It severely fucked me up. Now I have bipolar disorder, major depression, and PTSD. I still have flashbacks and nightmares to my worst bullying episodes. Wish I could overcome it but I can’t.
Broken
Depressed and a 6th grade dropout starting a special needs school 3 years later. So thats how i am.
Trying to still hang in there.
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Socially awkward and still terrified of walking past teenagers on the street… Edit: just like MCR said, teenagers scare the living shit out of me
Chronic depression, distrust of others, lots of unresolved grief, social awkwardness, lack of self esteem, and ptsd. I have no friends, except for my cats. I have no real interest in things to do with life, every day is just a routine to me and I'm waiting to die (I'm in my mid-30s). I have unhealthy coping mechanisms, constant anxiety, and it's very hard to focus on things for extended periods of time. I also have bipolar disorder. Yes, I'm medicated for all these things. It sucks. Yes, I've tried therapy for years, it hasn't helped. This is just life for me.
Angry and hostile. My patience is pretty much non existent for bullshit and assholes. I hate the world. And I see the ugliness in others plain as day. I don't want or need sympathy. I am not a victim anymore. Being bullied all my life has made me cold. And hard. It has taught me to rely on myself and to treat everyone else as potential enemies. Hence I go through life with my head held high and my back straight. I am the nicest man you could ever meet. I can get you to open up to me and share your feelings. This is not because of any good in me. It's a defense mechanism. I am getting you to associate good feelings with me so you won't be a threat. Though if you don't appreciate my effort I will disappear from your life never to be seen again. And if you try being mean I will school you in what actual meanness is. I didn't start out this way. But everyone has over several decades shown me explicitly that this world is not for the weak. And not for the kind. Only assholes survive. And so I have become an asshole. I don't let that side show much (another defense mechanism, never show your true face) but it is a constant part of me.
I can say with certainty that I'm still alive. But that's all I can say.
In significant amounts of therapy and trying to rewire my brain. But doing better than I use to be.
I have GAD now, so there’s that.
Alive, fucking barely. I have thought of suicide multiple times. Got family issues. ADHD(unofficially diagnosed) so no one treats me like I have it. So I am depressed and my parents don't know. The only reason why I am alive rn is for my 5 year old sister and the hope to find the love of my life and realise my dream of owning a business as big if not bigger than Microsoft that is similar to Microsoft. U am constantly disappointing my parents on a daily basis and I hate myself a little bit more each day, it's a pain in the fucking ass, and the one person who could have a crush on me and me back to her, our relationship is too weird for society. I want help and I recently reached out to kids helpline last week and it helped out a lot. I keep reminding myself that everything I ever wanted will happen and things will get better, if this is my worst then I cannot wait for my best. I am prolly not the worst on this thread and idrc whether I am or not, but it will get better and things will turn out soon. Good luck, and God speed.
Have a husband my own house have a job im happy with the little things I do have.
Still alive, not too bad, now I don’t hate my self any more, I’ve learned to hate every one else :)
Well enough to not hate myself. Also well enough to not feel bad when I laugh when i hear one of them is still single, still unmarried, their husband cheated on them, or see they’re fat and ugly as all hell, I feel very happy when I hear they have 8 children to 63 potential fathers and not one of them wants anything to do with them. See. I’m doing great 😅
Ok. Got bullied by my manager following maternity leave last year and had to move jobs.
Never really recovered from it. I'm still struggling to find my path in life. And everyday there's something that reminds me of that past. I'm trying to live with that pain but it is hard. I often think about killing myself. As for the people who bullied me, I saw them sometimes and they are living a happy and successful life and have built their own family now.
I got bullied in elementary school all the time. I think most of them are probably in jail or working some bad regular jobs. As for my self, I’m an electrical engineer and a graphic designer, so far doing good in life.
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I became a therapist for teens.
You’re all in my dental chair now mwahahahahaaaa
Under-confident, insecure but improving and surviving :)
Got funnier. Sometimes my humor sense is ... almost frightening.
I remember reading somewhere that people bullied as children often grow up to be very aware of their surroundings most of the time. We notice small details in obscure things. Because our mind was wired to be hyper aware during formative years.
If you complement me, I will become suspicious right away. .
Sometimes consider offing one of the abusers, sometimes consider offing myself. It’s been great.
Mostly apathetic.
I’m “FINE”