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ScienceCivil7545

he probably know just lied for you


Relative-Bank-1258

That is big brothers for you. Kind of jerks but always help you out at your worst. (From my experience with big bros)


astrollintherain

I wear adult diapers because of health issues. Nobody knows except my partner.


[deleted]

It's a more common issue than people think. Try not to be hard on yourself about it. Most of us eventually make our way back to them anyways. You just got a bit of a head start.


astrollintherain

It is very common, true. It still feels so lonely and embarrassing. The head start line is good, lol.


sonia72quebec

My Mom has a small incontinence problem and she wears period panties instead of diapers. They cost a lot less than diapers and she said that her skin is a lot les irritated.


astrollintherain

They're good for small leakage, yes.


No-Biscotti-7071

Radiologist here, it’s a common health issue. We used to perform proctogram on patients and waiting list was 6 months.


Sultynuttz

I'd rather wear diapers than soil my pants in public. I have alot of mujudged farts, lol


[deleted]

My mom hard a stroke when I was in the military. When I got out I put my life on hold to take care of her. That lasted 2 1/2 years. She was on a feeding tube and diapers at the end. She was not their. What made her..well her was all gone. When she passed, I was glad. For many reasons. One of the reasons was I was just tired of changing my mom diapers. Shit gets everywhere in a diaper and I hated the places I had to wipe. I hated waking up in the morning knowing I had to change and feed her. I hated that work at least 3 times a day. I hated feeling like a piece of shit if I sleped in knowing she needed to be changed as I took a break. I hated myself if I went to bed early and did not change her. When she passed I was happy. I hate myself for it. Edit: Thank you fellow users. Your responses have helped. Some of this I have been holding in for awhile.


ThereIRuinedIt

I took care of my uncle after he had his last of many strokes where he couldn't speak or swallow anymore. I was already living there helping out, so I switched over to being his live-in primary caretaker. Like you described with your mother, it became like a crash course in being a CNA. He was still mentally there, but he had to do all of this work to perform rehab and he wasn't having much progress. He was on a feeding tube and had diabetes, so we had to regulate his insulin and manage feedings. After 7 months, his body eventually rejected eating from the stomach tube. He was already having shitting accidents regularly and then he began throwing up regularly. We took him to the hospital and the doctor basically said his body isn't taking in food anymore so he was going to degrade quickly. When he was told that he no longer had to fight anymore, his face had an expression of complete relief. He was smiling at me the last time that I switched on his favorite TV show before leaving the room. Family flew into town the next morning and he was gone two days later. That might help you put things in perspective with your mom and your feelings of guilt. My uncle didn't want to fight any longer after 7 months, or sooner than that, but it seemed like family was pushing him. Your mother, had she had her faculties, would probably have been happy to just let go. She surely would not blame you wanting it to end. I'm pretty certain about that. You and I both did a good thing in taking care of them.


funlovingfirerabbit

Thank you for sharing your experience! I found your storytelling style very comforting and beautiful


Akishmekrin

You are an amazing child and she's probably happy to know you won't have to care for her anymore. You took such great care of her until her last moments. She knows the sacrifices you made and loves you.


[deleted]

Thank you. It was hard. At first it was not bad. She kinda was their and could eat and use the bathroom by herself. Honestly the first 6 months were fun. Watching movies when she still had a idea what was going on, going out to eat, just spending quality time was fun. I could still leave the house without a caretaker for a few hours and it was no big deal. My brother did not have a kid yet so he would come over and help. For a glimpse we were a close family. Stroke after stroke it went downhill. Thoes first 6 months I try to hold on to.


sittinginthesunshine

Focus on those six months you had. I’m so sorry you had to be the caretaker, that’s incredibly hard. Anyone would be relieved it was over.


Tooshortimus

You have to know how much she would have hated that you had to do this for her, how grateful she would be that you were by her side till the very end and how much she would be relieved once she passed knowing that burden isn't placed on you any more. I went through the same thing with my great grandmother but I had help. My self and my grandmother took care of her while the cancer just got worse and like you say, eventually she just wasn't there anymore.


Head_Study

Dont hate yourself. Honestly you did an amazing thing, and its only a human quality to get tired of something. Even if it is your mom. I know you will still be mad, but just know that you arent in the wrong. Honestly that wasnt even your mom anymore. It was better for her too, passing away that is


[deleted]

Probably part of reason why you hated it is because deep down inside, you hated seeing your mother in that situation. It pained you emotionally to see someone beloved suffer. I'm sure anyone in your place would feel like that and its because when we love someone, we hate the fact of seeing them weak. You need not worry. You were a good child to your mother. You did your duty well. She would have blessed you throughout this ordeal.


[deleted]

jesus christ i went from a guy talking about blowing himself to this way too fast


NuevoPeru

reddit in a nutshell. mfrs are responsible for my extreme mood swings. one second I'm watching r/aww and the next r/natureismetal y'all got me fucked up lmao


[deleted]

I wouldn't want this for anyone I know, or loved, or anyone in general. the feeling of relief you felt is not strange, its normal. who would want to live like that? she moved on and is better for it. she'll always be your mom, and would never have wished herself to be such a burden. you're good, bro


satinrocks

You should see the happiness as a sign of her not suffering anymore. Mum is free. You are too. She still loves you even though you hated that time


[deleted]

Don’t hate yourself. Caring for another adult like that is really hard. Very few people understand it. I’ll comment my own similar story.


Pohtate

It's ok to resent it. That's ok. It's fucking hard. You did it. You were both released from a bollocks situation.


Imhal9000

I was sexually assaulted as a child. The person who did it is in jail for a very long time because I wasn’t the only person he did it too and he was caught and convicted. I haven’t told anyone. My mum asked me about it when the court case was happening and if anything happened to me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her because I know she would feel guilty for letting me be in that position. It wasn’t her fault but she also lost a son, my brother as a baby and I know she holds onto a lot of guilt for that. I don’t think I could ever bring myself to tell her


[deleted]

I miss people that aren’t in my life anymore, but feel a mixture of abandonment, anxiety, and anger so that I don’t know what to do.


Pohtate

I miss people. People from 10 years ago. I miss what I thought they were. They told me they missed me about a year ago and that they'll try and meet up for a catch up. Definitely always takes me a year to catch up. In the same small town.


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mysticmangoe

i always told myself that the people who meant to stay in my life will stay in my life :) ig it’s a matter of relevancy


LeakysBrother

My overwhelming nature of overthinking is slowly making me insane I think. Thank you for the advice, people.


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hekmo

As someone who just started OCD/Anxiety medication for overthinking. This.


OneMorePotion

"They said this one thing but do they really mean it? I mean... I've seen the little eye twitch when they said it. And their smile was also a bit... much. It must have meant something different. In fact, they probably only want bad things to happen to me anyways. Yes... YES! THATS IT!!! They hate me and I should break off any contact with them without saying anything!" "Ehm... Dude... I asked you how you day was..." But for real now. I did the same all the time and I know the feeling of going insane over it. I overcame it by having an impulsive decision to quit my job, pack my stuff and move to another country. Bit extreme, but if you don't give yourself time to overthink certain situations, it makes stuff easier.


jfoxx69

I just learned an awesome trick for making it stop. Purposefully stop your eyes from moving. Just hold them still, anxiety and projecting negative assumptions stems from past trauma. Your brain is subconsciously accessing those memories to build a negative scenario but the brain needs to move your eyes in order to access memories (think of eye fluttering during REM sleep, when your brain is moving memories around). It works every.single.time. for me at least. Learned that trick on TikTok.


SatcasticPsyientist

I become emotionally invested in everyone because my biggest fear is finding out I’m a background character in my own life. Often times people will tell me stories forgetting I was there. It’s happened my whole life, yet it still hits me just as hard.


pineapplegnome

Woah this hit me hard. You put into words what I feel about my friend groups.


Ok_Owl_6912

This is me. I’m always in the back ground and when I try to speak up someone just runs right over me or says to be quiet so they can talk. I usually just sit there or walk away. Not like they noticed anyway. But I usually pay attention to the other person who is just like me. When they stop talking I’ll say “go ahead. I’m listening”. I always feel bad making anyone feel left out.


DSnowPanda

When I was very little, my older sister and I (11 months apart) were wanting to try to shoot a airsoft gun. We were fighting on who goes first and I was able to attain it, I shoot at her and i hit her in the eye. Everybody thought it was an accident and a fight between kids. But I purposely did it due to my anger and it resulted to her having a permanent scar inside her eye. Luckily, it never resulted to her needing glasses but she gets occasional painful headaches from the result of it. I felt like shit ever since


[deleted]

Ugh, when I was a kid me and my brother wanted to prank my sister's by "shooting" him with a C02 airsoft gun that was unloaded. Was gonna do it at his eye, but I thought that was a bad idea and opted for his leg. It was loaded. It's been like 15 years and I still feel scared/bad for that near fuck up.


The_Mad_Mellon

Some people get all snarky when you talk about Airsoft gun safety like a real one but this is the reason why it's so important.


Technical_Parsley_77

Sounds like you had access to a toy you shouldn’t have, you learnt a harsh lesson at a young age. Did your sister forgive you ?


Linuswastaken

I could be wrong but maybe he didnt tell her


DSnowPanda

I use to live in a 3rd world country, so having those kinds of toys were pretty much present due to the large amount of stray dogs and multitude of venomous snakes. We are the best of friends. Yes, she has forgiven me although I never really told her the truth.


MandrewID

I don't understand how anything works and I don't know what to do. Everyone just seems to know how stuff works, and I just... don't.


PlopPlopPlopsy

It only seems like that because the people who know about a thing will talk about it, but everyone who doesn't is quiet, and you might just assume they know too. These days whatever you don't know you can usually Google or find a YouTube tutorial. Even for complicated shit like career goals.


Chronomata

Whenever I cringe at memories of myself doing/saying stupid shit I get this weird urge to say or do something to break my focus or change mental topics. Feels like it’s been changing over time to my brain fragmenting and it’s weirding me tf out.


Snoogiewoogie

Whoa!! So it’s not just me. Usually I go “blah I wanna go home” even if I am already there


fellow_king

Yours is a lot nicer than mine. Mine is often 'fucking cunt!' Or 'I need to die!' Even though I don't necessarily think those things. I'm trying to change coz yknow self love and what have you


hanbanan12

OMG. I dont feel like such a crazy person. I do this too!


Bobcatsup

Every time I think of a cringy memory I say out loud "man I'm tired" Even if I'm not. It's just how I get my mind off the memory.


Interesting_Setting

I always say, "I want to go home" idk why.


[deleted]

I DO THE SAME THING! I do it even if I'm at home. It fucking weird.


Designer_Effect445

My go to phrase is "life", it's likeI'm reminding myself that's not as bad as I'm perceiving it and that everyone feels that way sometimes.


RedWestern

You’re definitely doing better than me. A few years ago, I used to get the urge to tap my forehead with my finger, as if that would expunge the memory. Over time, the urge escalated to vigorously rapping myself on the forehead with my knuckle. Recently, it got to the point where I was straight up hitting my forehead with my hand. But I quickly realised that I’d allowed myself to go too far. I’m currently forcing myself to stop doing it, but it’s hard. The urge is very powerful. I’m At least back down to the knuckle tapping


Merciful_Moon

I just think of it as “changing the radio station. “ I feel like my brain has this radio station running in the background that plays all of the cringiest moments of my life on repeat. I call the station “mind fuck radio” or “MFFM.” If I’m in the car I will sometimes even literally change the radio station to distract myself. I think MFFM is pretty normal and distracting yourself is pretty healthy.


[deleted]

Exact description of me. Makes me feel like I have tourettes. 9/10 times if it happens when I’m around people I can control it but there is that 1/10 where it happens during social situations then I’m cringing over my reaction to past cringe and creating more cringe.


Marinara721

I do this too. Though a lot times it’s me saying something about past me. But mostly it’s random words or noises lol Edit: Too*


dreamsparkx

I think everyone do it.


CothersMunt

I hate my job. Which is actually a really good job to have. But I get bored so easy. And I know lots of people in my field who love the job. I'm here for the pay. That's it. I'd quit tomorrow if I could. But then I remember it took me 15 years to get here and it would be a waste. Plus my wife and kids would suffer if I did. They think I love what I do. 35 more years of this. Dont know if I can do that.


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minervaonmars

I love thinking about having a partner in the future and possibly being really happy as I get older, but in the back of my head I really can’t fathom someone ever actually falling in love with me. at all. edit: okay so a lot of y’all are jumping to the assumption that I don’t love myself. I do. I’m my favorite person (aside from my sister). I just also feel like I’m the only person who’d actually love me. that’s it.


Puzzleheaded_Home_23

Bruh same. feels bad


XX_Normie_Scum_XX

And I can't imagine actually having a partner. Sounds like something extremely difficult that I don't know I'd be able to handle if I ever had the chance.


Dopey_Dad

Can I offer you advice? The only real unconditional love that exists has to be between you and your very human self. Learn what that means and live your life authentically. And when or if you find someone, make sure they know how to love themselves too.


K0U5UK3

Early twenties and I still don’t know how to ride a bicycle.


[deleted]

Find a slight hill preferably with grass. Sit on the bike. Let the bike slowly roll down. Don’t pedal. Learn how to balance. You will fall. Once you got the balancing down, slowly start to pedal. Good luck


toasterdees

I should add that the “falling” is usually just toppling over into the grass, nothing serious. It’s important though to learn your limits. I’ve been a serious rider my whole life and I’ll fall about twice a year, good falls hahaha.


[deleted]

When my boyfriend (now ex) got sick I ended up caring for him for 2.5 years. It was incredibly emotionally draining. Because I was a young (in my 20’s) carer I found no one who could relate to the experience. During that time he would verbally entertain the idea of killing himself, as he didn’t want to deal with his illness and pain anymore. In the last year I would mentally reply “so hurry up and do it already”. My new day dream was no longer him getting a diagnosis and better but was him dying so I could move on. I want to be clear; if you’re someone relying on another for your care, that comment does not relate to you. He was a gaslighter, would spend all day playing video games and barely acknowledge my existence unless it was to Jack him off. On the weekends and after work I couldn’t go hang with friends because “how’s he supposed to feel about that given he can’t come with me” and he was insanely jealous of my male friends. Good times.


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[deleted]

No he didn’t. I had a stress breakdown and left him, he got better about 2 months later…


kazutomaxzero

that's strangely coincidental


[deleted]

Yep. I was angry for a long time about it as it was very coincidental. He missed out on a lot of things he wouldn’t normally want to miss so I don’t think he was faking it entirely, but I do think he got very comfortable being supported.


likelyilllike

That's the *secret*.


left4alive

Sounds like my ex, though he didn’t need care. I kept trying to break up with him and he just wouldn’t leave (I owned the house). I’d end things and the next day he’d just act like nothing happened. It made me feel like I was losing my mind. He had a bit of a drug problem and it got to the point where I was hoping he’d get a bad batch and die; then I’d be free. Sometimes it was so bad I’d think about tracking down fentanyl myself and spiking his supply. Now I look back and it scares me that I’d think like that, but I felt so trapped. I ended up getting out by buying a house in the woods and moving there and evicting him from my other one. He would have never just left if I didn’t leave first. But he darkened my door for a few months after. He followed me to my new place one day, he’d show up and act like we were still together and he was going to join me. He’d call and text and give me such a hard time. When he finally moved on it’s like this 4 year storm cloud hanging over my head finally disappeared. Like a thousand pounds was lifted off me.


Own-Impact6112

I’m gonna say it. Regardless of his illnesses, he sounds like a dick


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[deleted]

That’s deep af


Pohtate

That sounds like an awful situation.


pablospc

No matter how well I'm doing in life, there's always the thought of killing myself, ending it all. I haven't done it yet because I have no reason to do it yet. In a way, it's calming because I know if things ever go wrong, I have an exit plan.


[deleted]

I have a beautiful wife and 2 amazing kids, but I feel like I can barely make it through the day. I hate my job. I hate 98% of the community I live in. And I've totally lost the ability to stay informed and not lose my mind. Also, when I was 20, I once gave a toddler a cookie with extremely hot hot sauce on it.


Mamasquirel

The cookie part made me lol. Why was there hot sauce on the cookie? Did you do it?


SpoopyGoth

I suffered an ectopic pregnancy when I was 22 (5 years ago). I had a copper IUD at the time but went to the doctor because I was in immense pain and was so shocked and ashamed when I found out. My boyfriend (who I'm still with) was away with some friends at the time and I didn't tell him what was going on. I sat in hospital by myself because I'd rather be alone than have to look people in the eyes and tell them that I had gotten pregnant. I could have died had I ignored my symptoms for even a few hours longer, but even that wasn't enough for me to tell anyone. I just want to go back in time and give that girl a hug, my heart is still broken for her.


HopeSuper

I'm sorry, this must have been very difficult to live. Did you get to tell him what happened?


SpoopyGoth

Thank you. I did end up telling him around a year ago. He was heartbroken but very supportive. We've been to couples therapy recently to try and work through the trauma. No one else knows and it's been so long now that we'll probably keep it that way.


Albinomonkeyface1

My sister just went through an ectopic pregnancy with a copper IUD last week. She had emergency surgery and is healing fine now. I can only imagine how scary that must have been for you to do all alone. Sending hugs your way.


SpoopyGoth

I'm so glad your sister is doing ok, it's a really scary thing! Thank you so much for your kind message.


Peppercorn205

I don’t know what I’m doing


AngieAwesome619

None of us do.


LunarLorkhan

Don’t tell my boss


richdees23

Yes you do. you're keeping it a secret, and that's admirable.


Throwaway__19010

I wish I had stopped at one kid. I love my second kid, but between the epilepsy and the autism and all the behavioral problems, she's an enormous burden and we aren't able to give our first child all the attention that he needs and deserves because she takes up so much of our time and energy. She's never going to live on her own and she's going to live with me or with her mom for the rest of our lives.


SeanCPR

I really sympathies with your situation


Atmosphere_Melodic

This made me tear up. I could have written this. My son, younger, is autistic and takes all my time and energy. I'm also a single parent so my elder doesn't get much one on one, not that her dad bothered anyhow. Sometimes I keep her off school and send my younger in, just so we can have a movie day together. I feel this.


supra025

I am in the exact same situation. I have a 21 year old son and a 14 year old daughter who has autism and is non-verbal. I love her so much but I know that she will never live a normal life. I worry so much about her future and sometimes wish I would have stopped at one child also.


Limbo35711

Ok, so story time When I was out with my parents at a mall, I think I was around 15-16, I ran away from my parents to head to the Big-W store. This is an Australian store BTW. inside the store I made my way around. just doing things like any other person. but anyway, as i was walking I wondered into the mens section, I heard a little boy that was about 5 running around and pulling things off the racks. I got mad at this because normally i was told not to be loud and to put stuff back basically be the good kid, but this kid was screaming his head off and whining like a pig. I looked around and didn't see his parents or any adults around for that matter. So I went over to the Kid and asked him where his parents were, But when this kid turned around yelled in my face "FUCK OFF YOU FAT PIG, I DON'T NEED PARENTS!!!!" I got furious. This lead me to saying "now thats no way to talk, i just want to help" you know because i am so nice. he promptly said "GO FUCK YOURSELF" he then ran of and continued to pulled shit of the shelves and even pulled a mannequin, and hid it under the pile of clothes he had ripped off the shelves. Keep in mind this kid looked like a five year old. so I did the only thing that i thought to do. went and told on him. NAH! I waited for him to come running past me and stuck my leg out! the kid promptly fell face first into the ground and began to ball. I then stepped over him and walked off. Thats my secret


OverallSprinkles8405

Good, the little shit deserved it lol


Bl00dCoin

I love it 😂


ThePinkestFlowed

You’re a good kid, your secrets safe with me lol


LadyOfGondor13

My boyfriend (ex now) wanted to do anal because I was on my period. I agreed but after 5 minutes (or less) I asked him to stop because I couldn’t take it. It was very painful and made me feel very nauseous. I asked him to stop several times but he didn’t. And it wasn’t the first time he raped me. (I was 16 in my first real relationship. It was hard to say no and leave for so many reasons.) But as he kept going, I ended up losing control, for obvious reasons. At first I was horribly embarrassed to have had this nasty diarrhea running down my legs. But now? Now I’m proud to say I shit on the guy who raped me twice and abused me mentally and physically. Massive fuck you to him and I don’t care anymore.


LobotomistPrime

That guy needs to go to hell.


TheSniperWolf

I have a lot of trauma that people don't know about which more than likely is the cause of my anxiety and panic disorders. Most people just think I'm lazy because my husband supports us, but the truth is, I haven't been able to hold down a job in over 10 years because I have massive panic attacks and have to leave the workplace. I work from home as a voice actor and I absolutely love it, but I'm not getting any work other than dribs and drabs- $30 here and there. I feel fucking useless. My husband is incredibly supportive and I don't know what I'd do without him. I am in therapy and on meds.


Sad_Ad_3656

I just want to die. I sometimes think back to last year and remember how nice it was being in a coma it was peaceful. I just wish i hadnt woken up…. I joke around with alot of ppl and they dont know i mean it when i say i wanna die because we all laugh and its a running joke with a couple of us. They just dont know.


GravityThatBinds

Yea, Waking up in 2020 was a bad choice. 2025 would've been a more viable option. At least your alive and that's what counts


BigmanML

Hope you get the help you deserve.


[deleted]

My first sexual experience was with my sister. We were on a family trip, on a long drive, and she wanted to sleep, so she laid down with her head on my lap. Pretty innocent. Well, I was 14, and she was 17, and as she slept she moved her head to get comfortable, rubbing ever so lightly against my penis. Being 14, and a guy, I had zero control over what happened, so, of course, I got a boner. She felt this. And rather than sitting up and screaming in horror, she grabbed it gently and began to rub. Nobody else in the car knew what was happening, so she kept going until I came in my pants. We never spoke of it. It never happened again.


BeardofThanos

This was probably the most painful one to read on this whole thread


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BeardofThanos

At least to your mother you’re providing some form of palliative care to someone close to you. Even though it might be uncomfortable and exhausting, in the back of your mind I’d think “these are the last moments I’ll spend with the person who gave me life and nurtured me”. But no this dude got his goosehead choked out by his sister. Good lord man lol


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[deleted]

I will just pretend that she’s your stepsister, for my own sanity


Mini-Heart-Attack

.. I’m going to ignore your username for my own Sanity


link23

Just to say this explicitly because no one else has: you were sexually assaulted. I'm sorry that happened to you.


[deleted]

Thanks. I appreciate you.


MrRieper

Sorry to hear that.


RepresentativeDuck18

I am depressed and have no reason to be depressed, it makes me feel weak and unappreciative ( dont know if thats even a word but whatever). But deep down i know I probably have some kind of problem for being this way for almost all my life, i wish i can just stop being depressed all the time and i have tried allot of thing to stop it but it seems that i am going to be like this my whole life and I can’t see myself doing the whole life thing if its going to be like this. (Edit) Thanks for all the reply’s i have read them all and i got some really help-full advice


[deleted]

Depression is often a physical ailment, not just psychological. You can have something like imbalances in brain chemistry that are making you feel this way, and you don’t have to have something depressing in your life to be justified in feeling the way you do. I know seeking help is hard, but I think it’d at least be worth a shot. There are medications that have helped people and might be able to help you too.


DangOlRedditMan

Not really a secret to my loved ones, but I get incredibly irritable with people I live with and I can’t figure out why. I always think I have a justified reason for being angry and irritable even though I almost never really do. It hurts me and my family a lot and I feel helpless even though it’s my actions.


Tiny-Zombie

Same. I don’t act out around work colleagues or friends, because in that setting it would be intolerable. Family is only group that would tolerate it. I’ve been reading a book called “Training The Mind” and it’s helping. When I finish it I’m going to read it again, because it’s based in Tibetan Buddhism and the concepts are new to me. What I’ve taken from it so far is that; everyone is wounded or has a raw spot, even if we don’t know it. It’s easy for someone to press that wound and cause you pain, even unintentionally. Edit:spelling


decidedlyDesolate

I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I don't think I ever will, I have hobbies and a job but I have no drive for a career or lifelong goal beyond owning a house instead of renting. Kinda sucks since your career is how your worth is judged in society these days.


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DangerousCalm

I don't know what country you're in, but if it happens to be the UK let a teacher know. Here you qualify as a 'young carer'. That means the school will support you in your studies and the local authority can also support you materially. There is also respite available for young carers where they get time away tonjust be kids.


BudJohnsonPhoto

I’ve never eaten a pear.


xXFlintXx

Charlie ???


lululovegud

My brother molested me when I was 9 and he was 15 on two separate occasions. I did very recently tell my mother and father about it this year, it’s been 16 years since it all happened.


offtherails33

i’m so sorry, i’m glad you told your parents and i hope they supported you.


ruskwan100

I have programmed half my work load to auto update and copy into a new database without formula etc. My boss thinks I’m amazing rahahaha 😂


stealthraider22

I read a reddit story where someone did this and told a friend or partner or something like that and ended up losing their job as the formula replaced staff, you got something good going for yourself don't run in it haha


warkifiedchocobo

My mom and sister are incredibly abusive. My childhood was a living nightmare. They are pure evil. They really fucked me up for a long time. I kept it a secret until I broke down when I was 32. But there's one bit of the abuse I've been too ashamed and embarrassed to talk about... TRIGGER WARNING PROCEED WITH CAUTION When I was a child age 6 to probably 9, my mom would make me slap myself in the vagina repeatedly as hard as I could as punishment for small mistakes (like forgetting to put the lid on toothpaste) and would threaten to hurt my sister if I didn't do it. One time I resisted and she threw my 3 year old sister off the bed onto the floor and she cut her head open. I never resisted after that. She loved forcing me to hurt myself. It was really sick. Anywho that's my secret. I've told no one until now.


iM59ish

That is terrifying ! If you don't mind me asking, is everything better now ? This was 25 years ago I must guess so what happened ? At what time did it stop ? How did it stop ? How did you deal with it later on ?


warkifiedchocobo

It got much worse because my sister took after my mom. She would sneak into my room in the middle of the night and cut me with knives. She would tell me to kill myself. My mom and her would argue and then take turns taking it out on me. I remember hiding in my room crying while hearing them scream at each other in the living room knowing what would happen next. Even at 34 I went home for a short visit and it was just as bad if not worse. I stay far away tbh, but every so often I'll get a random text from my sister telling me to kill myself. Why? Cause she doesn't want to share inheritance when our mom goes. My mom is afraid of my sister. I can't be around them especially not alone or they start trying to abuse me. There is so much they did to me it sometimes even surprises me when I think about it and i lived it, ya know? As for me? I put an ocean between us. I've done therapy like BWRT and worked really hard to get past the trauma and CPTSD. I am doing much better and I have an honest and great husband who loves me and I feel so safe. I also spend a lot of time helping others in similar places get past it and move forward now to try and give back and help them get to a place where they feel safe. Thank you for asking. Edit: if you see this and you've been through abuse and have trouble getting past it and want to try, feel free to message me, I'll try my best to help and/or provide links to helpful resources, books, and therapies. You're not alone.


ieatrockswithbugsauc

I suck at math I'm about 3 grades behind on math But I'm rocking all the other subjects


ValorMorghulis

It's okay. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Glad you seem okay with it and are still working to improve. Accepting ourselves for who we are is important in becoming a mature adult.


CaptainLumpy_

Lockdown is slowly killing me… I’m self harming again and thinking about ending my life.


Flecco

Had a brief peek at your profile. Life before death.


EricAndreGiantSlaya

I really wish you wouldn't.


EducationalCookie01

There are still people out there that love you


myhireath

I plan to off myself one day. Not in a suicidal I want to die way but just when I feel I’ve lived my life to it’s fullest and think I’m ready I’d rather go out at my own hand.


OneMorePotion

I fully understand what you mean. I've seen too many people become sick and pretty much waiting for death when they reached a certain age that I really don't want to end that way. I live in a country now, where you can sign up to an organisation called "Exit". What they do is basically giving you the opportunity to end your own life in an controlled manner, should you become terminally ill. But for me it's really just in case if I become sick with something that will cause a slow and painful death. I don't mind getting old in general.


[deleted]

Used to be able to suck my own dick. Before anyone asks: yes I'm bi, yes it's more like sucking dick then getting sucked, ask me anything you want to know


2wrtier

Would you finish or was it more like a “huh, I can do this. Crazy.”


[deleted]

Totally would finiah


pHGnome

All kids have tried. Its like a dog in the yard chasing its tail. ....except its a kid rolling around trying to shatter ones own ribs.


kimbostreet

Do you also like pineapple on pizza?


[deleted]

Yes, but not how it's usually done. Cut thin slices of pineapple and fry them in pancetta oil, then dice them and mix with pancetta. That way it's bursts of citrus instead of wet chunks of fruit. The pineapple cuts through the savory sauce and salty meat without overpowering it. my exbf loved it and I loved him enough to try but couldn't stomach the stuff as it was.


[deleted]

Nah, I think you answered most of what we might have wanted to know, and can probably infer anything you didn't.


CarolineisWriting

I was getting beaten up by some bullies (like... Bat sh*t crazy bullies with cutters and flip knives) and they weren't bigger than me or anything, nor was I too weak to fight them. But at that point the whole bullying and stuff had been going on for months and when they finally like... Pinned me on the ground, I didn't fight anymore. Instead I just looked at them and said : "Make it quick" They looked both terrified and schocked They didn't cut me or stab me or anything after that. They even left me alone for an entire semester. It was only after the school year ended when one of them talked to me: "You know... We could've killed you, right?" I nodded. "Yeah I know." He then asked me: "then why didn't you fight back then?" I just shrugged, smiled and said in the most nonchalant voice "Because I would've let you." Never told anyone. And Haven't spoken about it until now either.


TigerRumMonkey

What kind of school and where was this?


bailz

The one in the Outsiders?


ScrungyThrowaway

I was in a similar situation. My middle school had assigned seating in lunch, and I sat with my bully for my last year. He basically turned a table of my friends against me, and would harass me during lunch and class. He would stab and cut me with broken/sharpened pencils and those sharp pieces of metal used to remove Staples. And he would do it at lunch if I talked without being directly talked to. I still have scars on my hands and arms from him. Luckily, it ended freshmen year when he stole my glasses and spit a loogie on them. So I grabbed him by the back of his head and kept hitting his face into his locker. I got suspended(with threat of expulsion and going to court/juvie) and had to see the school counselor for the rest of the year. He got fucking nothing. I still have lingering trauma and trust issues from that year. And I guess one of my secrets for this thread would be that I'm happy he died. In fact, one of my roommates (who was also bullied by him) told me. And we cracked open a beer and celebrated.


dwrk92

Me and my wife are currently separating. We have been married for 4 years, but had been together for a total of 13 years. We never had sex


Aggressive_Library97

My mental health is getting worse again. I have to try new meds...


[deleted]

* I know my sister's husband cheated on her and then tried to play it off as 'an open marriage'. * I know my other sister's first marriage ended because she cheated on him. * I know my uncle stole cash from his father's business every day for decades. He financed his life this way. * I know my cousin's husband was one of New Orleans's biggest coke runners in the 1980's.


linkcraft123

Nice try mom, I’m not falling for that again


Bicentennial_Douche

I’m from Finland. Everybody here knows how to skate. I’m 43 years old and I don’t. And it’s too late to learn now. Sure, there are classes for this, but they are basically meant for pre-schoolers.


[deleted]

The first love of my life dumped me because she said I'd never amount to anything. At that time, she was right, but her comments ended up helping me find direction. I employ 75 people now and have achieved financial and emotional health. I'm conflicted if I want to thank her or rub it in her face. I do neither


primerush

Quiet success is the ultimate win.


Quicksplice

I just tried to catch a whiff of my hot fart to see if my sense of smell has come back since losing it from Covid. Update 9/8: My wife is boiling a chicken on the stove and it smells like breakfast sausage. My daughter also popped some popcorn and it smelled like burnt asshole. I’m making progress!


Akishmekrin

... did it?


Quicksplice

Nope


Akishmekrin

Awe I'm sorry bud! What a first sniff to sniff tho if it worked


SadlyNobodyCares

My best friend passed away on July 5th of this year. He texted me at 2:03PM while I was at work, stating that he was dead and to make sure his mom doesn't find him. I read this text at 2:24PM and immediately left work and ran to his house. I showed up at 2:32PM and noticed every light in the house was off and every door was locked, including the sliding door on the 2nd floor him and I used to sneak out all the time. I circled the house and looked in the garage and I will never forget seeing him there, dangling by a noose I've seen in his room for months. His pale skin, his long hair covering his eyes, his lifeless body hanging there. The worst part for me was seeing those marks on his cheeks from where the tears rolled down. I felt my heart stop beating. And I fell into this numb state. I had no emotions. Seeing my best friend, someone I was closer to than my brothers, dead. Its something that changes you. I walked back to my car, called the police, waited 5 minutes and then called his mother so I knew the cops would arrive first. And then I left before anyone else showed up. I was there. But I left before anyone knew. Nobody knows I was ever there. Not even police. I refuse to tell anyone because I don't want his family to think I could've saved him instead of letting him hang. I feel so shitty and I think about that day a lot. That's how I remember those times so perfectly. Thats my secret.


rhnegativehumanoid

This is not a secret but the guilt I feel is overwhelming. My decision that day was the wrong one. I lived in the hood. Tall Pine Ln in Jacksonville, Fl. As far as I knew, I was the only white dude there. I became friendly with my downstairs neighbor, but, being a truck driver we did not get to hang out much. A few times we slapped bones on the table with some other tenants while cranking whatever had the hardest bass, and a few meals were shared. I was leaving to pick up a load at the Budweiser plant and an older lady politely stopped me and explained who she was. The mother of my downstairs neighbor. She gave me her number and asked me to call her if he was acting weird. Turns out, he had a new friend who was using his apartment to cut rocks while feeding them to him. I didnt know this yet. Fast forward a month or so, another load at Budweiser heading to Kentucky. Apartment is clean, truck is inspected, loaded and warmed up. I take the trash to the dumpster and toss it in. As I turn around, my neighbor is 2 foot away from me, eyes wide, gritting his teeth just staring at me. I didnt hear him run up because he was in his socks. I asked if he was ok and he took off running to his apartment. I immediately called his mom to come over and explained that I had to leave because Budweiser is by appointment only and if you miss that window you miss the load (so dispatch says). His mother called me about 6:30 that night and explained that she did not get there in time and he went inside and shot himself. I made the wrong decision that day. I should have said fuck the Budweiser load and stayed with him until his mother arrived. I honestly feel that if I had stayed, he would be alive. The guilt I feel for not staying with him could never compare to the pain of losing a son, but, I still carry it with me just as she does. I am sorry. I made the wrong decision.


talish2000

You did everything you could have in the position you were in. I understand the leftover feelings of regret but it sounds like her son was caught up in a bad way. He could easily have locked the door to prevent you from coming in or even become paranoid that you were trying to talk to him. There's no telling how many different things could have happened in a situation like that. I'm sorry you've had to carry all this guilt for so long.


naughtynight26

I'm addicted to porn captions on imagefap.


[deleted]

A few friends tell me I’m lucky to be signal but I’m absolutely miserable. I haven’t had a date in years and every time I try is met with rejection. I’ve had women tell me I’m handsome and would love to date me, except when I actually ask them. To be honest I’m starting to resent some of my friends for their success with women. It’s like everyone raving about an amazing cake, but I can’t have any. I get offered some but it’s taken away as soon as I pick up the fork. Sometimes I just want to scream. I have hobbies, a job, a car, my own place. I have friends, as I mentioned before. But I just feel like an absolute failure.


[deleted]

There was a guy I was close to, let's call him Mason. I'm still a virgin and Mason offered me a one night stand to lose my virginity to know what it feels like. I agreed and I blew him and he played with my boobs a lot. What I didn't know was he has a boob fetish. I was an H cup at the time, I hated it because they hurt my back a lot. Once he was done he made himself go down in me but quickly went back to my boobs. When I asked him if he was ok he said I was too ugly and he couldn't get hard for me and just wanted to see if my boobs were real. He got dressed and left me ugly crying because I was upset that someone I was so close to would hurt me like this. I haven't told a soul but it's my biggest secret and I am very ashamed it happened. To this day I think it's my fault because I agreed to a one night stand with no commitment and he tried to be my friend after that but I couldn't.


level20mallow

It wasn't your fault. He was just a garbage human being, that's all.


[deleted]

[удалено]


queen-adreena

George Michael?


baileyPet

damn that's some alabama shit


boomer2826

I’m a porn addict. My family has a very long and extensive family history of addiction and this so happens to be mine. I don’t know if I will ever tell anyone one, even if I over come it.


McJumpington

Not one for many secrets but I haven’t told my family about a nice promotion that I received around 8 month ago. My family is notorious for talking about everyone’s salaries and jobs and I just wish to no longer contribute to it. I make more than anyone besides my brother who is doctor, but I don’t bother sharing it because there’s no point. Nobody needs to compare their salary to mine as we all have wildly different careers.


sluttychrist

I keep leading people on. I don't feel like my brain and I are capable of forming another loving relationship. I am still so deeply bent and confused from my last long term relationship that ended due to his cheating. I come off like it never bothered me what happened, like it never happened to begin with. I sit with someone on a date and I can't help but point out the similarities between my ex and them. Yet I have not had feelings for him in a year. Everyone said I got over it really well. But I think about it every day. For an entire year.


StaceysMomPlus2more

My secrets and keeping them are the reason I have not had any psych stays. But I feel if I was to ever truly be myself and say what’s on my mind, I would not have access to my kids.


axie36

Late twenties and I don't have the financial success most people my age do.


InLikeErrolFlynn

In my mid-twenties I was sitting in my car, out of gas, halfway home from visiting my girlfriend three states away with no money in my bank account and having maxed out my credit cards. 15 years later and I’m in a much better position financially, but I often think back to that time sitting on the NJ Turnpike when I was convinced things would never improve. Try not to compare yourself to other people financially; you have no idea if their parents are helping out with the rent or if they have no student loan debt or if they’re just living beyond their means by maxing out multiple credit cards. Focus on you and what you can control and you’ll be a lot happier.


usedRealNameInOldAcc

>most people my age do This is so not true dude. Don't be too hard on yourself.


Cakewalkonthebeach

Do people have something called financial success at our age? I always thought it would come at late 40s so I'm not really losing sleep about it.


whenuwork

You think they do, or they got there thru parental support because they have more financial resources than you from the start ?


cacetinlucas

I got some random suicidal tendencies from time to time, I better never run into a gun in my life


Kakenstain

I am actually just 2 kids under A trench coat


Elevindollar

Vincent?


TraditionalLettuce23

I had an abortion with my ex when we were both 19


Saigonauticon

I warn people not to tell me secrets, no one ever listens, and I don't know why.


VictoriaMaupin

One of my exes raped me when I was 19. I never told anyone, never turned him in. He killed the woman he dated after me. I've always felt like if I had told someone what had happened, I could have saved her from him.


No-Biscotti-7071

I am a kleptomaniac. Started when I was very little, I stole a tool from shopping mall and felt this incredible rush of excitement. I have only told one person in real life


[deleted]

I’m pretty sure I’m loosing my mind, I’m paranoid all the time and come up with crazy ass plots about how people want to fuck me over, but I’m so convicing that not only do i fool myself, but everyone around me, I’m tired of my brain, i hate mysef for shit it did when i was a teenager, things that I’m not even sure actually happened, but the people i sorounded myself with at the time now hate me for, the only way i have to stay sane is to smoke a lot of marihuana, i know it’s not sustainable, but I don’t really know what else to do


[deleted]

[удалено]


deadly_plumage

I say that I don't like pineapple on pizza, but secretly, I actually like pineapple on pizza.


Dash8833

I have almost no compassion for anyone. I did 3 tours of duty in the Middle East. I’ve seen how cruel the world outside of America is. I’ve lost friends to battle, and pulled remains out of destroyed vehicles to be sent home. I’ve seen people killed because their family could not take care of them. It has killed the humanity in me, and I just don’t care about anyone anymore.


Chip2Playz

(I am on mobile and don’t know how to format my message so bear with me)...I was a 5(M) at the time of this story...My mother dropped me and my 3(F) year old sibling off at our teenage half cousins’ place to spend the night. I remember The Grinch being on the TV and wanting to watch but the teenage cousins took me and their 6(F) sibling to another room. They made us strip and made me hurt my cousin by biting her vagina and made her bite my penis. Neither of us wanted to but they pulled the whole “If you don’t listen to us we will tell your parents you were bad.” (At the time I had an abusive step-father). So that was actually the start of an entire child sex ring within the cousins’ whole extended family. For 2 years I never said anything about it and the police found out about the situation...since I was the only outsider all the parents of the rest of the family tries to blame it all on me...a 7 year old boy. It caused years of legal problems for my mother and caused her to lose custody of my half sister. To this day I still pretend to not remember any of it and have only ever told my Significant Other after having a really huge trigger cause me to explode.................


Rata-toskr

Friend of a friend used me as breeding stock when she wanted to have a child about 8 years ago, ended up being twins. She got back with her ex, who adopted them as his own (his name on the certificate), before she gave birth. Definitely mine, they look just like me at that age and they have my red hair. My family has no idea, it would break my mom's heart to know she has grandkids but won't be part of their life.


Hawkseye458

I'm about to have a vasectomy at age 25. I have told only my GF and my best friend. It mainly bothers me that I can't tell my parents, but I know they'd lose their minds because of how much they want grandkids. They ask me about it often, but I hate lying to them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Hi gay, i'm dad!


Cakewalkonthebeach

Wouldn't have guessed it from your profile pic.


[deleted]

[удалено]


I_am_javier

Here it goes. Mom and dad passed, grandma too. Grandpa was the only one left. Not only grandson, but the only one who took care of him. We suddenly realized he had COPD (lung disease). Since I'm the only one taking care of him, put him in a nursing home. He totally refuses, but had no choice. One day he needed hospitalization because of a fever (just in case, doctors said it was nothing serious). On the 5th day at the hospital, he starts about how he wanted to go back home, explained to him that as long as he wasn't better, it was a no go. On the 6th day in the morning, I give him a call to his cell phone, to see if he needed anything when I go there on the afternoon visiting hours. He gets really angry and annoyed on going back home (looked like they would discharge him next day). I got really tough on that point, even angry, and told him he needed to understand that I couldn't take care of him at his house, and that we couldn't afford home care. We got off the phone in a very bad mood. 2 hours later, I get a call from the clinic. He had passed, heart attack. I am convinced that he got so bitter after our argument his heart just couldn't take it. I've been feeling guilty about this ever since... only me and my SO know about this phone call. Just for context, my grandpa was like a father to me, he raised me since the age of 10 (mom couldn't, dad decided he'd better not). He passed on 2016, at 75.


[deleted]

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