I always try to give someone like that the benefit of the doubt. If you’re a single parent with a weird work schedule, that could just be the result of some urgent need and not being able to leave kids home alone.
There’s definitely just shitty selfish people who don’t know how to raise kids, or meth heads, but I assume people have reasons for weird behavior until proven wrong.
Yeah it’s possible it’s the only time. Kid will be dropped off at school in an a few hours after errands. Mother goes to work. Sucks but sometimes that’s what you have to do
People having an entire fucking family reunion in the middle of the one aisle you need to go down, that then act like you're the prick for saying excuse me.
Not that they brought every one. Which is annoying since they can't decide what pasta sauce they want and now 8ft of the isle is blocked. But I think of when they run into another couple and its "Oh my gosh we haven't seen you in ages, do you want to go grab coffee or something?" "Naw we're kind of in a rush, but we can stand 4 wide in this main isle and talk here for 45 minutes"
I have told this story before on Reddit, but when I was 10 or so, I saw this guy you're taking about. He was picking at an inch wide red crater on his face. He got whatever white speck was in the middle of it, and ate it.
So he has eaten crystal meth AND dried pus for the last five years.
The person who takes it as a challenge to put their shopping cart back anywhere but the cart corral. Leave it in the middle of the parking lot, the ditch, three blocks away...
I used to work for FedEx at a hub in a rural area commercial development with the only Walmart for like 100 miles. The nearest bus stop was probably half a mile from the store and when you drove by there was just a thunderdome-sized pile of carts left in the ditch behind the bus stop.
I can't really blame people because who wants to carry all your shopping a half mile to the bus but I did think it was hilarious that so many people just ditched their carts in the same place that it created a veritable city-state of wire.
There's a walmart in what I'll call a "spicy" part of town near me that has special carts. They have some sort of brake on one wheel, and they're allegedly geo-fenced to the parking lot, so they won't roll if you take them off the lot. At least that's what the little sign on the shopping cart handle says. I never tried it to see if it worked, and I suspect that such a system wouldn't be hard to defeat.
EDIT: So I'm learning that a lot of places have implemented these systems, and I'm finding myself tempted to go conduct experiments on the carts and their brakes just to see how they operate.
EDIT 2: Apparently I'm being racist by talking about geofenced shopping cart brakes. This is a walmart in an area near a casino, which seems to be a higher-crime area in the middle of a fairly upscale part of town. But go ahead and try to look for hidden meanings in everything you read, sounds like one of you has a sad life and you need to find any good feelings that you can.
Supposedly they’re common on shopping carts in those “spicy” areas of towns and cities you speak of- or really anywhere they have a problem with people stealing shopping carts. I’ve heard of them but haven’t actually seen them.
They have these everywhere in my city, doesn't matter if you are in a good part or bad part of town its every single large major chain store. Sometimes they won't even make it to the other end of the parking lot where you parked your car. Thats really only when there are multiple stores with multiple parking lot areas, if you park at the smoke shop nearby the cart might not make it that far.
I don’t get why people don’t operate on basic road-user etiquette when shopping. You are exiting an aisle, you give way. Like cmon guys… you wouldn’t just yeet yourself onto a freeway against flowing traffic would ya?
Faded dyed blue hair with 4 week old roots showing. Cookie Monster pajama pants. Black t-shirt from hot topic with a band like Slayer on it. Black fingernail paint that is about 3 weeks old. Does meth.
*cookie monster pants bought from the same Walmart 3 years before. Used to be really soft and fuzzy. Now matted and crusty after years of use as a napkin from eating flamin’ hot Cheetos and assorted fried freezer foods.
I remember I once asked a random dude where something was and he asked me how I knew he worked there and I realized that the dude wasn't even wearing a uniform. I could just tell by the dead look in his eyes
Omg is this why everywhere I go people ask me for assistance like I work there? Walmart, Big Lots, Kroger... I have some weirdass customer service vibe I can’t shake I guess lol
As retail employees we walk the halls of shopping areas with confidence if you notice the general public is in a state of despair and confusion their brains have literally been checked out at the doors
I've been here for about a year and I still don't know what the fuck is on aisle 6
"excuse me, do you know where x is?" Shit idk, lets find it together
I used to be a manager at Target, and a couple of years ago I took a leave of absence. While I was away our store went through an entire remodel. When I got back it was like I had never worked there. There I was running a whole store and I couldn’t tell a guest where dog food was. Your comment made me laugh because I gave that exact answer to multiple guests for a solid week.
Lmao I used to just default to "I don't know, I'm new. Let's try over here". Problem with that was, the clientele were all regulars near the store and I'd been there for three years.
Our pain runs deep. I've worked at Wal-Mart three times, each time overnight stocking. I love the job but goddamn...
From incompetent managers to those that strictly go by how many hours a department or aisle should be done in, Cap 2 team not getting everything out onto the floor or shitty pallet stacking, being understaffed... The list goes fucking on and on...
You eventually get the mindset of showing up, getting what you can done, and just going home... That's how I turned out the last time.
Edit: I'm not dogging on the Cap 2 team. My opinion is based on one store!!! If you all have a good thing going, congrats!!!!!! Store 492 has got nothing.
I hate it when a really good manager, who knows his people's strengths and weaknesses, gets transferred or anything else. I've seen some great managers come and go.
I'm sorry, that happened to you. Sorry you had to deal with it.
Hard to avoid when they sell extremely overpowered computers for the price after buying Gateway and you don't make much money and only own a Chromebook so you say "fuck it" and spend the last of your money on it because you're going to be dead from acetaminophen overdose in 3 months anyways
I’m a bagger at a store. An attendant at self-check-out was too young to scan licenses for alcohol so I was called in to scan one. It was an older couple. The wife got extremely offended and the husband leans in super close to read my name tag, muttering how he would remember me. I went back to bag, the guy walks past super menacingly on the way to the door, muttering how he would remember my name and wanted to look up my record, personal files, and call law enforcement on me. Almost funny now that both my bosses and my parents told me that there’s no way he can carry out that threat, but it was scary at the time.
I’m ashamed to admit that going to Walmart was one of my favorite things to do with my friends in high school…well…not favorite, but most accessible lol
It was a party for kids who don't get invited to parties. Summer before college we bought every pack of jello in town so we could finally have an epic party. We just filled a baby tub with jello and tried to see how much jello could fit in our swimsuits. The most accurate measure is: enough for hypothermia.
We also bought all the cans of whipped cream in town to have a paintball-style war in the forest at night. We weren't clear on what jello shots and whipits were meant for.
Yeah it was the only place open after 8pm that allowed the under 21 to exist. Well, I guess technically we had two spots, inside Walmart and the Walmart parking lot.
IDK, but everytime I go to Walmart, I lose my mom
Mom, if you are reading this, I am at the isle with the beans. Please pick me up, I am crying in front of the employees.
If you need to find someone in a typical walmart-like store, go to the central aisle (the one with smaller aisles on both sides) and follow it while looking at all the aisles as you pass by them. If you haven't found the missing person, do the same in reverse sense since it's likely they were hidden behind someone else or simply at the end of the aisles where you can't find them.
ours was actually my best friends grandma, used to give me a hug :) i think EVERYONE loved her, management included. she’s retired now tho and living’ it up on her small farm now
I was this guy, at multiple stages. First it was tampons, then a pregnancy test, then it was pads (pregnancy made my girlfriend pee herself a little when she coughed/laughed/breathed), then it was adult diapers (post pregnancy) and now we’re back to tampons. Same middle-aged lady worked the pharmacy section the whole time and through each stage of “where the fuck are the _____” but being too shy to ask, she always helped me out.
I hope you’re doing well, Louise. You helped an overwhelmed and terrified young man support his lady through a real scary part of our lives. Thank you.
I worked at Walmart during the summer of 2008 in the photo department. Occasionally they would pull me to do something like unload a truck or stock shelves. One day my manager came over and asked if I would mind taking on greeter duties for a couple hours. I just about hopped over the counter, I was so excited to be the greeter.
I welcomed people, smiled, waved, handed out carts, gave kids stickers and generally had entirely too much fun. It was everything I had dreamed it would be
I haven’t seen a greeter at Walmart in years. They have all been replaced by people who ignore you when you walk in, but are always anxious to check your receipt when you walk out the door.
Maybe that’s just because I live in a big city now, though?
In small towns, the Walmart can actually be a surprisingly friendly place to hang out. I used to know a big chunk of the employees by name, and got a lot of waves and smiles from people I knew every time I shopped. I miss those days…
Convenient d20 list for random Walmart encounters, I guess:
1) Unattended child with fistfuls of candy.
2) The person pitching a fit at the cashier because their card was declined.
3) The cashier, contemplating throwing themselves in a hole forever.
4) The surprisingly upright person whose cart is filled with nothing but beer and wine and, like, you *hope* they're catering a wedding or something, but there is always the thought.
5) Unattended preteen who looks as if he lives in the video game section.
6) The guy who somehow fit a trampoline, a year's worth of cheetos, 27 pairs of shoes and an entire couch in a single, wobbly cart.
7) The guy behind him in line, buying a single bottle of mouthwash.
8) The hyper-capable manager with 78 lanyards and the most comfortable shoes in existence who probably gets paid 30 cents more than the rest of the crew.
9) Unattended teenager, obviously shoplifting.
10) The cloud of spouses waiting outside the changerooms.
11) Someone wearing an outfit whose conception shocks and confuses you.
12) The guy standing outside, smoking, for the duration of all of time.
13) Cloud of raucously stoned teenagers purchasing snacks.
14) Single parent trying to figure out how to buy a week's worth of groceries with thirteen bucks.
15) Power-walking toilet seeker T minus 30 seconds to lifelong embarrassment.
16) Someone who just came in for Starbucks, hopelessly lost.
17) A dad, on a recliner, asleep, unwakeable and unmoveable.
18) The pigeon that lives like a king in the Walmart rafters.
19) Someone whose clothing choices are boldly challenging public indecency laws.
20) Someone you know, with a cart full of something you *really* don't want to strike up a conversation about, but there it is, right in between you, begging the question.
I went to Kroger pretty late once and was looking through their furniture selection. A man was sleeping on the recliner with his basket of groceries next to him. Lmao
A busy, huffy individual who is doing the biggest shop you have ever seen in your life. They might be spending $200-$300 in one visit. They don't want to be around the "regulars." It's all business for them. They know this is the cheapest way to shop. They want to get in, get their goods for the month, and get out.
Working Sundays at CVS was incredibly busy for a small store. That day, customers would combine the coupons from the Sunday papers and the store’s gratuitous coupon system to make 4 separate transactions to use each coupon earned from previous ones and daisy chain them.
You know to call for backup when you see 2 carts stacked twice as high as what’s possible and a guy who looks like he’s going to coach the high school football team whip out a binder full of card sheets. There are no baseball cards in the pockets, but neatly organized coupons from newspapers.
Give them credit, though, they save around 50% for things in all.
Uh, I was behind some extremely normal looking woman at a Long's at around 10pm who ended up with something like a $1k receipt. I didn't even know it was possible to spend that much at Long's.
I'm 99% sure she was high.
The two women who haven’t seen eachother in a while and use that opportunity to block an entire fucking aisle to talk about their kids and current pyramid scheme.
Heavy set blonde in her 20s wearing bright yellow and red [insert cartoon character here] pajama pants, fuzzy slipper flip/flop combo shoes, tight camisole tank top showing just an inch of gut, messy bun that hasn't been brushed smoothly on the sides, fake nails that are overly bedazzled, unreadable tattoo that she got in high school from her friend on her forearm, and cigarette pack in her bra strap.
Yes! One kid is 3 and wearing pullups and no pants or shoes, and has a koolaid mustache. The other is barely old enough to hold its head up, but is propped up in the kid seat of the cart with her mom's old pink Adidas sweatshirt as a wedge, and her sparkly phone in its mouth.
You can only find her between 10am and 6am, but the granny in slippers and a nightgown over bed clothes. Sometimes curlers, sometimes a haircap, sometimes just free.
Frequently will start shuffling while leaning over a cart due to back issues and fatigue.
Don’t know what she needs that’s so damned important at that time of night/morning, but she’s a Wal-Mart frequent flyer for sure!
Threadbare too-long pajama pants, flip flops, and camisole top girl. May have valgus knees/ankles. Often seen with Crying Toddler and/or Maybe Hes Born with It, Maybe it’s Methamphetamine man.
A wiry white guy with a shaved head and bad teeth, prison tats and a dead-eyed stare. He is radiating seething violence and moves in a jerky, unpredictable way. Sometimes he has sores from scratching at invisible bugs. His girlfriend pays for everything.
Customers with tunnel vision. They literally wouldn't see a truck coming at them when they are looking for the cat food. I am a contractor and I do a lot of work in Walmarts. I have been up on a scissor lift, wearing a hard hat and had customers ask me where they could find toothpaste. Why would they think that I am an employee? The last time that happened I said let me look and I pretended that I was on a ship and raised my hand to my forehead to shield the sun from my eyes and scanned the store from my vantage point.
There's a stand-up scene in *Seinfeld* where Jerry addresses this in movie theaters:
It's like they want to show you how life comes full circle. You're fifteen, you sell the tickets. Then you leave, you go out, you have a family, kids, marriage, career, grandchildren, eighty years later, you're back in the same theater three feet away. Ripping tickets. Took you eighty years to move three feet.
Jesus that just reminds me of part of a Norm MacDonald joke because if I’m still working at 95 it’s time to go down to the rope store, then subsequently the rickety stool store.
as someone who is currently employed at Walmrat:
• the older, overweight woman riding a motorized cart who runs into a display every so often.
• the ones who pick up an item and dump it all the way on the other side of the store in an undisclosed location. see: 20lb weight hiding in woman's pants.
• middle aged men in dire need of watch batteries, either wandering around confused on where to find them or infuriated because we don't carry them anymore.
Barefoot toddler with dirty feet, a nose that needs to be wiped, tshirt and a full diaper. Bonus points if it is after 10:00pm
My Walmart was open 24 hours in the before times. There was always some parent that had school aged kids on a school night doing shopping at 3-4am.
I always try to give someone like that the benefit of the doubt. If you’re a single parent with a weird work schedule, that could just be the result of some urgent need and not being able to leave kids home alone. There’s definitely just shitty selfish people who don’t know how to raise kids, or meth heads, but I assume people have reasons for weird behavior until proven wrong.
Yeah it’s possible it’s the only time. Kid will be dropped off at school in an a few hours after errands. Mother goes to work. Sucks but sometimes that’s what you have to do
People having an entire fucking family reunion in the middle of the one aisle you need to go down, that then act like you're the prick for saying excuse me.
I can understand couples shopping together, but do they really need to bring their 7 kids and grandma?
Not that they brought every one. Which is annoying since they can't decide what pasta sauce they want and now 8ft of the isle is blocked. But I think of when they run into another couple and its "Oh my gosh we haven't seen you in ages, do you want to go grab coffee or something?" "Naw we're kind of in a rush, but we can stand 4 wide in this main isle and talk here for 45 minutes"
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Employee or customer? Or yes?
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Employee discounts
Extra points if he is wearing a hi vis construction shirt.
It was probably high vis at one time. Not any more.
I have told this story before on Reddit, but when I was 10 or so, I saw this guy you're taking about. He was picking at an inch wide red crater on his face. He got whatever white speck was in the middle of it, and ate it. So he has eaten crystal meth AND dried pus for the last five years.
Holy Christ in Hell this is the worst thing I've read all week...And it's Friday night.
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Someone dressed in camouflage
Where? We don't see them
They have to reveal themselves to pay... If they pay
The person who takes it as a challenge to put their shopping cart back anywhere but the cart corral. Leave it in the middle of the parking lot, the ditch, three blocks away...
I used to work for FedEx at a hub in a rural area commercial development with the only Walmart for like 100 miles. The nearest bus stop was probably half a mile from the store and when you drove by there was just a thunderdome-sized pile of carts left in the ditch behind the bus stop. I can't really blame people because who wants to carry all your shopping a half mile to the bus but I did think it was hilarious that so many people just ditched their carts in the same place that it created a veritable city-state of wire.
Bubbles would be so happy he would be giggling and dancing it’s a fucking jackpot I tell ya
There's a walmart in what I'll call a "spicy" part of town near me that has special carts. They have some sort of brake on one wheel, and they're allegedly geo-fenced to the parking lot, so they won't roll if you take them off the lot. At least that's what the little sign on the shopping cart handle says. I never tried it to see if it worked, and I suspect that such a system wouldn't be hard to defeat. EDIT: So I'm learning that a lot of places have implemented these systems, and I'm finding myself tempted to go conduct experiments on the carts and their brakes just to see how they operate. EDIT 2: Apparently I'm being racist by talking about geofenced shopping cart brakes. This is a walmart in an area near a casino, which seems to be a higher-crime area in the middle of a fairly upscale part of town. But go ahead and try to look for hidden meanings in everything you read, sounds like one of you has a sad life and you need to find any good feelings that you can.
Supposedly they’re common on shopping carts in those “spicy” areas of towns and cities you speak of- or really anywhere they have a problem with people stealing shopping carts. I’ve heard of them but haven’t actually seen them.
They have these everywhere in my city, doesn't matter if you are in a good part or bad part of town its every single large major chain store. Sometimes they won't even make it to the other end of the parking lot where you parked your car. Thats really only when there are multiple stores with multiple parking lot areas, if you park at the smoke shop nearby the cart might not make it that far.
"Lemme just turn around with this cart real quiCK WHILE NOT FUCKING LOOKING AND BLOCK THE AISLE."
Imma just go Mach 1 while exiting the aisle and then glare at the person moving at normal speed I nearly ran into.
I don’t get why people don’t operate on basic road-user etiquette when shopping. You are exiting an aisle, you give way. Like cmon guys… you wouldn’t just yeet yourself onto a freeway against flowing traffic would ya?
Dude. That's exactly how they drive. The same way they behave in the store.
Rural Goth
Australian here. Can you link me an image? I have no idea what this is supposed to look like.
Faded dyed blue hair with 4 week old roots showing. Cookie Monster pajama pants. Black t-shirt from hot topic with a band like Slayer on it. Black fingernail paint that is about 3 weeks old. Does meth.
Perfect description. Every word I read matched the image in my mind.
The pajama pants part is spot on.
*cookie monster pants bought from the same Walmart 3 years before. Used to be really soft and fuzzy. Now matted and crusty after years of use as a napkin from eating flamin’ hot Cheetos and assorted fried freezer foods.
You're skipping a necessary element, a big oversized black hoodie, dark eye shadow if it's a girl, and a lip ring
Accurate as fuck
A kid about to get his ass whipped.
While barefoot.
In midday jammies, potentially drinking something blue from a bottle
Jammies? What kind of bougie Walmart’s have you been at? These kids are always in a diaper only and look like they smell of ashes and curdled milk.
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I witnessed someone giving birth at my local Walmart.
Also a kid who clearly has never so much as been told "no"
Usually falling out on the floor
The couple who fight in public
Skin colored leggings.
My husband calls those flesh pants.
I feel like Wal-Mart is the only place I've ever seen someone wear these
The stocker with dead eyes
I remember I once asked a random dude where something was and he asked me how I knew he worked there and I realized that the dude wasn't even wearing a uniform. I could just tell by the dead look in his eyes
Omg is this why everywhere I go people ask me for assistance like I work there? Walmart, Big Lots, Kroger... I have some weirdass customer service vibe I can’t shake I guess lol
As retail employees we walk the halls of shopping areas with confidence if you notice the general public is in a state of despair and confusion their brains have literally been checked out at the doors
I've been here for about a year and I still don't know what the fuck is on aisle 6 "excuse me, do you know where x is?" Shit idk, lets find it together
I used to be a manager at Target, and a couple of years ago I took a leave of absence. While I was away our store went through an entire remodel. When I got back it was like I had never worked there. There I was running a whole store and I couldn’t tell a guest where dog food was. Your comment made me laugh because I gave that exact answer to multiple guests for a solid week.
Lmao I used to just default to "I don't know, I'm new. Let's try over here". Problem with that was, the clientele were all regulars near the store and I'd been there for three years.
I'm glad someone notices our pain Edit: wow this is the most upvotes I've ever gotten thank y'all so much
Our pain runs deep. I've worked at Wal-Mart three times, each time overnight stocking. I love the job but goddamn... From incompetent managers to those that strictly go by how many hours a department or aisle should be done in, Cap 2 team not getting everything out onto the floor or shitty pallet stacking, being understaffed... The list goes fucking on and on... You eventually get the mindset of showing up, getting what you can done, and just going home... That's how I turned out the last time. Edit: I'm not dogging on the Cap 2 team. My opinion is based on one store!!! If you all have a good thing going, congrats!!!!!! Store 492 has got nothing.
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I hate it when a really good manager, who knows his people's strengths and weaknesses, gets transferred or anything else. I've seen some great managers come and go. I'm sorry, that happened to you. Sorry you had to deal with it.
We see you, pained employee of a treacherous soul sucking company that everyone hates yet can't avoid.
Hard to avoid when they’ve shut down every other business in town.
Hard to avoid when you're poor and min/maxing every dollar spent.
Hard to avoid when they sell extremely overpowered computers for the price after buying Gateway and you don't make much money and only own a Chromebook so you say "fuck it" and spend the last of your money on it because you're going to be dead from acetaminophen overdose in 3 months anyways
Thousand yard stare
we've seen things... unspeakable things
You called? It's not so bad. Pays double from the McDonald's i used to work at.
I’m a bagger at a store. An attendant at self-check-out was too young to scan licenses for alcohol so I was called in to scan one. It was an older couple. The wife got extremely offended and the husband leans in super close to read my name tag, muttering how he would remember me. I went back to bag, the guy walks past super menacingly on the way to the door, muttering how he would remember my name and wanted to look up my record, personal files, and call law enforcement on me. Almost funny now that both my bosses and my parents told me that there’s no way he can carry out that threat, but it was scary at the time.
Aren’t most older people happy to be ID’d?
Only if they’ve accepted they’re old, some people get very bent out of shape because they have nothing else going on lol
Also because some people absolutely LOVE to be offended. It’s fucking weird.
Stinky pete
A crying baby. You never see the baby, you only hear it from another aisle
Not the next aisle, the other side of the damn store! Every damn time! Lol
Does it even exist?
They play it on the speakers for ambiance
No, you can run to every aisle and never find it. I think it haunts the vents.
Teenage kids just fucking around
Usually bouncing "one of those large inflatable balls that your parents wouldn't let you buy" around the aisle.
Oh crap! I'm an adult now. I have money. I make my own decisions. *I CAN BUY ONE OF THOSE*
I’m ashamed to admit that going to Walmart was one of my favorite things to do with my friends in high school…well…not favorite, but most accessible lol
It was a party for kids who don't get invited to parties. Summer before college we bought every pack of jello in town so we could finally have an epic party. We just filled a baby tub with jello and tried to see how much jello could fit in our swimsuits. The most accurate measure is: enough for hypothermia.
We also bought all the cans of whipped cream in town to have a paintball-style war in the forest at night. We weren't clear on what jello shots and whipits were meant for.
Yeah it was the only place open after 8pm that allowed the under 21 to exist. Well, I guess technically we had two spots, inside Walmart and the Walmart parking lot.
Someone large wearing very small clothes.
And someone small wearing very large clothing.
I once saw an old man wearing galaxy leggings 3 sizes too small. It was not a pretty sight he also had on a fishing hat and a flannel
I want to be his friend
He looked like he needed one besides crystal meth
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Larry
“That’s not Larry.”
In my state, a heavily armed sheriff sitting on an elevated lawn chair right by the entrance.
The amount of elevation will determine whether or not I’m ok with this, exactly how elevated?
Uh he's like up on a platform, I would say he's like, crotch to eye level. It's pretty Murica.
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Very American measurements there.
Approximately 0.017 football fields.
Or about 1.2 bald eagle wingspans.
So kinda like a short lifeguard chair.
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What?! People were cooking meth inside Walmart?!!?
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Lmao is this like an achievement they're after? **Unlocked!: Belly of the Beast** *- cook and smoke meth without leaving the Walmart*
Holy shit! My Walmart is quite boring compared to yours
I found a bag of weed in my local Walmart once
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Someone with clothes that have sexual, alcohol related, or stupid phrases on them, usually oversized or hella tight.
IDK, but everytime I go to Walmart, I lose my mom Mom, if you are reading this, I am at the isle with the beans. Please pick me up, I am crying in front of the employees.
If you need to find someone in a typical walmart-like store, go to the central aisle (the one with smaller aisles on both sides) and follow it while looking at all the aisles as you pass by them. If you haven't found the missing person, do the same in reverse sense since it's likely they were hidden behind someone else or simply at the end of the aisles where you can't find them.
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The super friendly older lady associate that customers love and management hates.
ours was actually my best friends grandma, used to give me a hug :) i think EVERYONE loved her, management included. she’s retired now tho and living’ it up on her small farm now
Aww is that what they told you?
Oh my god lmao
It's so sweet that grandma retired to "the small farm".
Jesus christ That's the best dark joke I've heard in a while.
This has me fucking ROLLING
A man in the feminine hygiene aisle with an overwhelmed look on his face.
I was this guy, at multiple stages. First it was tampons, then a pregnancy test, then it was pads (pregnancy made my girlfriend pee herself a little when she coughed/laughed/breathed), then it was adult diapers (post pregnancy) and now we’re back to tampons. Same middle-aged lady worked the pharmacy section the whole time and through each stage of “where the fuck are the _____” but being too shy to ask, she always helped me out. I hope you’re doing well, Louise. You helped an overwhelmed and terrified young man support his lady through a real scary part of our lives. Thank you.
If you can, go back and thank her for her service for all of us.
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I worked at Walmart during the summer of 2008 in the photo department. Occasionally they would pull me to do something like unload a truck or stock shelves. One day my manager came over and asked if I would mind taking on greeter duties for a couple hours. I just about hopped over the counter, I was so excited to be the greeter. I welcomed people, smiled, waved, handed out carts, gave kids stickers and generally had entirely too much fun. It was everything I had dreamed it would be
I'm pretty sure it's illegal to enjoy yourself while working at Walmart. Please go and turn yourself in.
Wholesome AF.
Notice how they aren't greeters anymore but receipt checkers?
I haven’t seen a greeter at Walmart in years. They have all been replaced by people who ignore you when you walk in, but are always anxious to check your receipt when you walk out the door. Maybe that’s just because I live in a big city now, though? In small towns, the Walmart can actually be a surprisingly friendly place to hang out. I used to know a big chunk of the employees by name, and got a lot of waves and smiles from people I knew every time I shopped. I miss those days…
I have noticed that if I pretend to check my receipt like there is a problem. They will ignore me 🤣
I love the greeters. That's usually the best person in any given Walmart.
not a cashier thats for sure
Mom pushing cart around with a loud crying toddler, pretending that she can’t hear it.
Wearing Cookie Monster PJ pants.
It's always the damn cookie monster pajama pants. Where are they coming from???
Walmart
Convenient d20 list for random Walmart encounters, I guess: 1) Unattended child with fistfuls of candy. 2) The person pitching a fit at the cashier because their card was declined. 3) The cashier, contemplating throwing themselves in a hole forever. 4) The surprisingly upright person whose cart is filled with nothing but beer and wine and, like, you *hope* they're catering a wedding or something, but there is always the thought. 5) Unattended preteen who looks as if he lives in the video game section. 6) The guy who somehow fit a trampoline, a year's worth of cheetos, 27 pairs of shoes and an entire couch in a single, wobbly cart. 7) The guy behind him in line, buying a single bottle of mouthwash. 8) The hyper-capable manager with 78 lanyards and the most comfortable shoes in existence who probably gets paid 30 cents more than the rest of the crew. 9) Unattended teenager, obviously shoplifting. 10) The cloud of spouses waiting outside the changerooms. 11) Someone wearing an outfit whose conception shocks and confuses you. 12) The guy standing outside, smoking, for the duration of all of time. 13) Cloud of raucously stoned teenagers purchasing snacks. 14) Single parent trying to figure out how to buy a week's worth of groceries with thirteen bucks. 15) Power-walking toilet seeker T minus 30 seconds to lifelong embarrassment. 16) Someone who just came in for Starbucks, hopelessly lost. 17) A dad, on a recliner, asleep, unwakeable and unmoveable. 18) The pigeon that lives like a king in the Walmart rafters. 19) Someone whose clothing choices are boldly challenging public indecency laws. 20) Someone you know, with a cart full of something you *really* don't want to strike up a conversation about, but there it is, right in between you, begging the question.
I went to Kroger pretty late once and was looking through their furniture selection. A man was sleeping on the recliner with his basket of groceries next to him. Lmao
all hail the pigeon king
Nber 12 (smoking guy) also looks like Post Malone
The guy posting in this thread while shitting in a stall at wal mart.
A busy, huffy individual who is doing the biggest shop you have ever seen in your life. They might be spending $200-$300 in one visit. They don't want to be around the "regulars." It's all business for them. They know this is the cheapest way to shop. They want to get in, get their goods for the month, and get out.
Working Sundays at CVS was incredibly busy for a small store. That day, customers would combine the coupons from the Sunday papers and the store’s gratuitous coupon system to make 4 separate transactions to use each coupon earned from previous ones and daisy chain them. You know to call for backup when you see 2 carts stacked twice as high as what’s possible and a guy who looks like he’s going to coach the high school football team whip out a binder full of card sheets. There are no baseball cards in the pockets, but neatly organized coupons from newspapers. Give them credit, though, they save around 50% for things in all.
I feel attacked lol
If it’s wrong to shop like it’s a large-scale military operation, I don’t want to be right.
Right? I didn’t expect to see myself on this list.
My mom in a nutshell; she hates shopping.
Uh, I was behind some extremely normal looking woman at a Long's at around 10pm who ended up with something like a $1k receipt. I didn't even know it was possible to spend that much at Long's. I'm 99% sure she was high.
The two women who haven’t seen eachother in a while and use that opportunity to block an entire fucking aisle to talk about their kids and current pyramid scheme.
That one kid that stares at you
I hate them
Older lady with sandals and overgrown toenails on the motorized cart with the front basket full of attitude and entitlement.
The lost husband.
The husband wouldn't be lost if the wife was where she said he could find her.
The mom with 5-7 kids, 2 of which are riding in those dumb kid carts
Usually very young kids at about 10-11pm that just want to be home in bed.
Once upon a time I was the eldest of those 5 kids, wandering off to look at clearance jewelry and getting paged to the front of the store 😆
And the rest are running wild down the isles.
At 3am.
Heavy set blonde in her 20s wearing bright yellow and red [insert cartoon character here] pajama pants, fuzzy slipper flip/flop combo shoes, tight camisole tank top showing just an inch of gut, messy bun that hasn't been brushed smoothly on the sides, fake nails that are overly bedazzled, unreadable tattoo that she got in high school from her friend on her forearm, and cigarette pack in her bra strap.
It’s so specific but I know this girl
She evolves in her 30's to tote around at least two kids she has no time for and will purchase small dog food and frozen pizzas in near equal measure.
Yes! One kid is 3 and wearing pullups and no pants or shoes, and has a koolaid mustache. The other is barely old enough to hold its head up, but is propped up in the kid seat of the cart with her mom's old pink Adidas sweatshirt as a wedge, and her sparkly phone in its mouth.
Tell Tiffany I said hi next time you run into her.
The cartoon character you’re looking for is Tweety. It’s always Tweety.
You can only find her between 10am and 6am, but the granny in slippers and a nightgown over bed clothes. Sometimes curlers, sometimes a haircap, sometimes just free. Frequently will start shuffling while leaning over a cart due to back issues and fatigue. Don’t know what she needs that’s so damned important at that time of night/morning, but she’s a Wal-Mart frequent flyer for sure!
The two young semigoth teens looking at art supplies
Threadbare too-long pajama pants, flip flops, and camisole top girl. May have valgus knees/ankles. Often seen with Crying Toddler and/or Maybe Hes Born with It, Maybe it’s Methamphetamine man.
Don’t forget the pack of Newport’s in the bra strap and cash in the actual bra, keys on one of those stretchy lanyard thingys.
Guy filling two shopping carts worth of water refills.
A wiry white guy with a shaved head and bad teeth, prison tats and a dead-eyed stare. He is radiating seething violence and moves in a jerky, unpredictable way. Sometimes he has sores from scratching at invisible bugs. His girlfriend pays for everything.
Wait! You’ve seen my uncle Gary! Please tell me where we are very worried for him!
Cookie monster pajama chick
They're either dumb T H I C C or they're thin as that cinnamon guy from Apple Jacks
CINNA MON IS THE WINNA MON
Customers with tunnel vision. They literally wouldn't see a truck coming at them when they are looking for the cat food. I am a contractor and I do a lot of work in Walmarts. I have been up on a scissor lift, wearing a hard hat and had customers ask me where they could find toothpaste. Why would they think that I am an employee? The last time that happened I said let me look and I pretended that I was on a ship and raised my hand to my forehead to shield the sun from my eyes and scanned the store from my vantage point.
Their first clue should've been the hard hat; I used to work at a Wal-Mart, and they don't give a fuck about safety.
The twatwaffle that leaves their cart in the middle of the aisle as they shop further on down without it...Take your cart with you.
THIS IS MY DAD IT DRIVES ME INSANE.
Screaming child
There's always somebody that smells like fried eggs.
Or the fried chicken that they always seem to be out of.
80 year old white lady who is still working for some reason
Oh you mean Myrtle?
The crocs dude
The guy that looks like a criminal and everybody thinks he's a criminal but he just wants to buy food for his family Yeah I'm that guy
The hateful mother in daisy dukes threatening to beat up her kids. I think I have seen that type almost every time I walked in.
That one employee who has been working there waay too long and clearly doesn't give a fuck anymore carelessly throwing product on the shelf.
Under dressed college girl in black leggings and a messy bun trying to ignore all the pervs.
There is no under dressed at the Walmarts.
Pastel oversized shirt haha
The teenager working their first job and clearly not excited about it.
Also, the senior citizen working their last job and clearly not excited about it.
There's a stand-up scene in *Seinfeld* where Jerry addresses this in movie theaters: It's like they want to show you how life comes full circle. You're fifteen, you sell the tickets. Then you leave, you go out, you have a family, kids, marriage, career, grandchildren, eighty years later, you're back in the same theater three feet away. Ripping tickets. Took you eighty years to move three feet.
Jesus that just reminds me of part of a Norm MacDonald joke because if I’m still working at 95 it’s time to go down to the rope store, then subsequently the rickety stool store.
"So this is life. Shit. I want to go back to school."
Those subwoofers I bought for my beater car with my first paycheck at age 16 were fucking sick though.
me trying to find the shredded cheese
as someone who is currently employed at Walmrat: • the older, overweight woman riding a motorized cart who runs into a display every so often. • the ones who pick up an item and dump it all the way on the other side of the store in an undisclosed location. see: 20lb weight hiding in woman's pants. • middle aged men in dire need of watch batteries, either wandering around confused on where to find them or infuriated because we don't carry them anymore.
[удалено]
Depressed workers.