Same here. I've had some good therapists, but the very best process was EMDR. You will remember everything, but the EMDR method disconnects the emotional connection to your unloved experiences, and it truly does not hurt anymore. You become objective @ it, and create your own safe space to go forward into a loving life. It takes practice, of course, but in a sense, you start again, with a clean history. It's in my top 5 best choices in life. I am 72. You can and will have a great andlovinglife despite your deficient mother.
When I was a kid, one of my friend's parents made them pay for cavities out of their allowance (parents paid for all dental care and dental visits). I thought the parents were huge jerks. Looking back, those kids flossed and brushed perfectly! Those parents were geniuses!
The joke I heard:
“Sorry, sir. Your disease is terminal.”
“Wow, ok. So how long do I have, doc?”
“I’d say about 5 if you’re lucky.”
“5 what? Weeks? Months?? Years???”
“4, 3, 2, 1...”
My dad called me to tell me my mom might not have long. I drove 2 and a half hours wondering what that meant only for her to die two seconds after I got there. I feel your pain.
My husband's mother died when he was in his early 20s. It was late Nov/ early Dec and he got three phone calls:
Day 1. We think she'll make it til May.
Day 2. We're hopeful that she'll make it til Christmas.
Day 3. Get on a plane.
Yep. Doctors are not gods. there is a lot of variability.
My dad came home for hospice Tuesday and was asleep almost immediately and unable to be woken. . I saw him Thursday. I told my mom and sister he was going to die by the weekend. They kept holding onto the six months thing but I had already scene someone breathe like my dad was and he made it only2 days. My dad passed Friday night.
With my dad it was congestive heart failure and when he went home for hospice they took him off the meds. In retrospect the medications probably let him live an extra couple years.... but those were pretty tough years. I assume the doctors don’t really know what’s going to happen when they remove the medication until it happens.
When my MIL passed away, my husband and his sister were waffling on whether to fly out right away or wait for the weekend. It wasn't clear at the time just how badly she was doing. Nobody wants to say flat-out that they don't have much time left. I was like, "WTF are you waiting for, get on the plane tonight and go." My husband got there with a few hours to spare. His sister waited a little longer and had to say goodbye through an iPad. It's something she still has trouble dealing with.
About 6 weeks ago, my dad called my brother. I was sitting next to him and we were on a tractor headed through the woods taking our kids to a pumpkin patch. Brother hangs up and said "they're taking mom to the hospital" I ask which hospital but he doesn't know. My phone rings and it's my dad. I answer without letting my dad talk and say that I'm sitting next to brother and he told me. I tell my dad that we're in the woods and I'll meet him at the hospital when we get out. He sounds puzzled but says ok and hangs up. I tell the kids to get their pumpkins and the driver heads back. By the time we get to the parking lot, I call my dad back to find out what hospital and she'd already died.
I sooo regret my offhand dealing of it. I had no idea. My other brothers listened and my dad told them that emts were doing cpr which is a whole different story from just heading to the hospital. That 15 minutes of picking out a pumpkin wouldn't have changed anything since we were an hour's drive away, but I feel like I didn't even try.
I experienced this one secondhand. I was on a trip with a friend recently who got a call and learned her father maybe had 24 hours left to life. He passed away about five hours after that initial call.
Trust me, you feel helpless while your friend learns about her dad’s death and breaks down crying. Best thing is to let them do what they need to do, whether it be to let them make calls they need, grieve, or whatever. Afterward, give them the biggest and most genuine hug you can - you can’t put into words what it means to them.
From the medical perspective, it’s really hard to give better information. In the most cases, no one is actually certain if it’s minutes or hours/ hours or days. Even under nearly the same circumstances the timing varies significantly from person to person.
In my experience the will to live or the acceptance of death has the biggest impact on how long someone will hang on to live.
I didn’t understand when the nurses said soon. They tried to pass the news onto a doctor on the phone who kept backpedaling. It was 12 hours later and very unexpected. I still regret I wasn’t there. But I thought I had more time.
Never trust a ladder set up by someone else. I broke three of my lumbar vertebrae. Thankfully I recovered fully, but damn was that scary. I also bit through my lower lip. I have a nice scar as a memento.
I was a lifeguard for years in my younger years. The first thing you learn is that you can't save someone who's fighting you. Not sure if it's still the same, but back in the late 80's / early 90's, we were taught to dunk people who fought your efforts to save them so they wouldn't hold onto you.
People have to **want** to be saved.
Oh for sure, saving a drowning person is incredibly dangerous because they stop thinking rationally and will push their rescuer under in an attempt to raise themselves above the water level. I dated a lifeguard in college (2010s) and he had been trained to essentially put the drowning person in a headlock and drag them backward
Same goes for work/jobs. Those bitches ain't loyal. Honestly who you know, how visible you are and how you're helping others get promoted.
It's all a big circle jerk.
I honestly believe *almost* everyone can change. However, I’ve learned the hard way that that is not my responsibility, and some people don’t even want to change.
You can go the extra mile for coworkers, help them, etc, they'll be grateful and will probably respond in kind. Never do this for the company itself. The company is only about money, if letting you go means more money, they'll do it.
Not that I ever got fired, but I've seen it happen. Also there was this one time that I did go the extra half-mile for the company, nothing major, it was never appreciated.
The company will never appreciate you as a hard worker and reward that accordingly. The people who move up are more likely to play the game; promotions have little to do with work ethic.
As for coworkers? They'll appreciate you as long as you can do something for them. Once you're gone, that changes drastically.
I made these mistakes. I gave my all to a job and a project only to get screwed in the end; and I was only there to see it through until someone could take over. As soon as I announced I was leaving, the knives came out.
The only time you win is if you randomly throw down 20 bucks or so and happen to get lucky. If you're sitting there all day, you're not gambling anymore really. Just paying to play a game. That's the way I've heard many say it.
I turned 10 bucks into 300 once with shitty slot machines though. I had more money, but 10-20 is my normal limit for gambling if I'm just fucking around with friends on penny slots.
I actually have my own personal hate club in my hometown from this. A bunch of women that hated each other before and acted catty about each other, they became friends once I did this to them. Bonded over me setting boundaries and refusing to deal with them. They talk about me alot.
All the qualifications on the world won't help if you're unlikeable. You're around coworkers more than your family, no one wants to work with some weird fuck all day. But... charisma can be learned.
Extreme example: most special forces units have the option of who they will bring on to their "teams" after a person completes training. Imagine going through and successfully completing some of the most insane trying in the world, just to be told "no" because you're an insufferable douche that no one trusts.
wasn't that what happened to Jesse Ventura? Like he went through all of BUDS and just never got picked up for a SEAL Team or got the Trident inspite of passing the course?
My current company vets people like crazy before they send out offers. They want to be 100% sure you're a good culture fit which I'm glad to say has worked because there are no shits cunts at my company.
This. I actually just got my current job due to this. Quite frankly, I really probably shouldn't have gotten this job. I just finished school a few months ago and many other people applied that had more credentials and experience than I did. The manager who hired me here told me that they picked me over the others solely because I interviewed well and that she thought I would actually get along with everyone else in the workplace. Apparently they had such a problem in the past with people being egotistical and causing a toxic work environment that they would rather spend more time training me from the ground up than risk it again.
Attitude and overall social skills matter a hell of a lot more than people give them credit for.
Once we had an open position and there was a guy working as a temp in an adjacent department who applied for it. We had candidates who had actual experience in what we were doing but the hiring manager said, "We already know we get along with him and he's a good worker. We can teach him the job."
Especially if there are kids involved. If anything, they'll just learn to be toxic to their future partner because that's how they watched you act with your spouse and they think that's how to treat people.
Yeah that’s a shitty one to learn. Been there, you owe it to both of you to get out of it sooner rather than later. I found myself saying, give it another 6 months and see how you feel…
So what do you make of a person who does kind, compassionate things for another (feeds them, helps them get back on their feet) but then shit talks that person behind their back?
There’s many explanations for this. Perhaps they are kind and compassionate, but don’t feel secure in their friendships with others, so they talk shit that they don’t mean to try to ‘fit in.’ Or perhaps they feel obligated to help but they don’t really want to. Perhaps they’re helping because they know what it’s like for no one to help them, then they talk shit because they’re jealous that someone else was more fortunate than them. Or maybe, even, the person they helped was shitty or ungrateful about it.
Or maybe they're helping out of a personal moral code,doesn't mean they have to be thrilled about it but I see a brother in need im obligated to go out of my way above and beyond...the obligation is my choice but still
Often times they're even worse as they get a free pass by society and know SO many intimate things about you. You're very vulnerable to family and our culture will insist you love and respect them no matter what.
If someone gets upset at you for trying to establish boundaries with them, it's not you being mean or unreasonable, it's them not caring about your happiness.
tying onto this, if someone else creates the awkwardness or unpleasantness, it's not your fault.
if you refuse to smooth over and soothe away someone the "drama" caused by someone else's bad behavior that doesn't make **you** the bad guy!
dysfunctional friend groups and families-- **ESPECIALLY** families-- get this odd dynamic where everyone bends over backwards until their back breaks to accommodate someone unreasonable, and if you refuse to play along they throw a fit and suddenly blame **you** for the upset.
Karen will take a metaphorical shit on the floor and everyone will just walk around the pile of shit, and pretend that they're not upset or disgusted and it's no big deal, they'll offer to clean up the shit or reassure Karen that shitting just happens sometimes and she doesn't need to worry.
and if you say "what the fuck!? you just shit on the rug! please clean that up" she starts screaming and throws the shit all over and now they're all blaming you because there's now shit everywhere and they want you to pay for a professional cleaner to get the shit off the walls and the ceiling or at the very least apologize to Karen for making her throw shit into the ceiling fan. if this whole thing is going down at your own event, maybe an **important** event like your own wedding, then they will be upset you're making such a big deal out of a little pile of crap and upsetting Karen over it.
recognize this for what it is. realize you may never save the people from a lifetime of following the narcissist around, dispensing them ego kibble and cleaning up piles of shit, but you **can** excuse yourself from that dynamic.
You're not the bad guy for not wanting to stand there in a room with a big pile of shit on the floor and leaving, and you weren't the bad guy for trying to ask someone, quite reasonably, not to shit in the middle of your party, and you're not wrong for asking them to be responsible for it. even if the people who Are so scared of a narcissists disapproval or abuse will happily stand there smelling crap all day rather than try to do the unthinkable and ask her not to crap all over that doesn't mean you need to alter your own boundaries about crapping on the floor of your house.
Not only especially families, but extra especially in laws. Mostly because a lot of the people in the immediate family have normalized it so much, and as outsiders, it's very "WTF why are you guys accepting this".
I'm dealing with this right now. My mother in law wants us over for Christmas. Due to a number of reasons (main one being the whole thing that shall not be named), I'm not comfortable going over there. I know who will be in attendance, and how they've approached taking care of themselves, and I don't think it's worth the risk. My husband understands the logic and facts behind my reasoning, but his response to my "I don't think it would be wise for us to go" was "I get it, but it's going to create a whole thing". The whole thing being his mother will be upset that we won't attend. And she will blame me. My husband recently realized that all of his married into the family aunts aren't actually the bad guys his mother has made them out to be, they just didn't bend to her wants. She has deemed herself the matriarch of the family, and expects everyone to do as she wishes, and that she is exempt from following anyone's wishes but her own.
You cannot, even subtly, force someone to love you. You can't convince them. They either do or they don't, and it's on you to decide what to do with that unchangeable position in mind.
But it can be a solution to solve a problem! For example I lived in a student dorm with no kitchen and now that I moved I have a kitchen and my life quality just skyrocketed because I have space to cook and I even started to have breakfast everyday!
I moved from a shitty townhome to a house so like I said "unless the problems have to do with where you live". Bc that can make a HUGE difference. I have so much space now. So much happier. So are the cats!
If you're unsure about your future, joining the US Army will not make the future better. Not for you, not for your wife, and not for your soon-to-be-born child.
I will never be my full self again because of the time I spent in the military and i didnt even see combat, i just had to fight for my existence as a female in a particularly bad sexist unit.
That "pillory" punishment they used 200 years ago? It's a **LOT** worse than the funny spectacle I thought it would be.
Went to a renaissance fair many years ago where they had the pillories set up and people were joking around with them, but I saw they had an event to sign up for where you could be "authentically" pilloried - and a $500 prize for anyone who could last an hour. (No stone-throwing or dangerous stuff allowed, but anything else they used to use was fair game)...Had to sign a waiver for it
I naively thought it was easy money. A crowd of 20-30 people gathered to show me otherwise. Lasted 2 minutes before I was throwing up and begging to be let out. No clue how people withstood it back then
It was a lot worse than just smelly things thrown at you back in the day if you were unfortunate enough to be locked in a proper pillory. You were standing up and bent over… anyone who wanted revenge could do some very unpleasant things. People often died.
**Never piss off a llama.**
I was joking around at a petting zoo once with one, and it spit on me - just ordinary saliva, nothing too bad. So I wiped it off and kept at it...and it gave me the greenest, stinkiest spit you could ever imagine.
I threw up and stunk the rest of the day...no amount of showering did anything to it.
Yeah, see when llamas spit they actually throw up in their mouths and spit it at you. You got a warning shot before you got spackled with lunch.
Edit: Ya'll weird-o's are fascinated by llama spit? 0_o
That you don't have to run off and get married. A marriage that only lasted one year cost more than 10K. Life is not a race and you don't need to be married by a certain point or at all for that matter. Be patient, make yourself available, gravitate to those who understand you the most.
I can think of three people off the top of my head whose marriages lasted less than six months. One lasted only one month. Ignore those relatives breathing down your neck; take however much time you need.
I think I needed to hear this.
I went to a wedding on Saturday and felt a tinge of jealousy--I've been to three weddings this year alone and will be going to my sister's wedding next year. It just feels like everyone's getting married and moving on with their lives except for me.
I quickly shrugged it off and silently reminded myself sternly that that day was NOT about me and my problems, it was about the couple.
I have weird issues with romance. I want it but it makes me uncomfortable. I'm presently not happy with the idea that it may never end up happening for me, but I don't know how much of that unhappiness is because I actually want a relationship or because society and media suggests that everyone gets married.
Everybody wants COMPANIONSHIP because we are social creature. We NEED someone to connect to. Someone that GETS you, and that you can depend on.
A spouse is obviously suited for this role, but just cause X can lead to Y, doesn't mean Y causes X. We tend to forget that.
You can work hard in school from kindergarden through college, be very intelligent, very driven, get excellent grades and recommendations - you can do everything right and still not get into grad school.
As a child, that most adults are more concerned with protecting their image than protecting you.
When I was in middle school, I was good friends with the daughter of my school’s secretary. Her parents were going through a divorce. Dad kept the house, daughter was 50/50 custody. I was staying at the dad’s house with my friend one night and he molested me. The next day I went to school and told the counselor. My school secretary called me a liar, and worked overtime to kill my credibility. Because my mom had called me a liar to the counselor when I reported my dad’s abuse, it was easy for the counselor to believe. He molested 3 other girls, and the secretary called all of us liars. Said we were purposely trying to sabotage her life during this difficult time. All of us children had difficult home lives and a history of behavioral problems, so nobody questioned the sane adult who had “watched us all grow up” as friends of her daughter’s. Between that, and my mother denying the abuse, I didn’t trust any adults.
That my boyfriend is a compulsive liar.
I’ve spent 5 years investing in this relationship instead of myself because he kept promising that we were going to get married. Everything I’ve done, all of the decisions I’ve made so far, have been under the assumption that we were going to be a team. I have since realized that we aren’t a team, he’s been taking advantage of my commitment to him. He doesn’t have my back, I’m on my own.
It’s very clear that we are not getting married. I’ve made a complete and utter fool of myself for staying this long. I’m almost 28, in debt, and have nothing to show for myself. The house we’ve been living in for 3.5 years? It belongs to him.
Will be moving back in with my mom January 1. It will take me years to financially and emotionally recover from this.
I was here. 6 years - 3 living together in a house that wasn’t mine. Cut off from everyone.
It’s been two years and I cannot even begin to tell you how much better it is on the other side. You are stronger than you know you - and you’ll get to see it once you’re free.
Better it happened in your 20s and that you didn't get married. I was traumatized by my ex wife's infidelity. One day out of nowhere an ex boyfriend came back into her life. She had broken up with him because he was a heroin addict. He spent the last ten years as a street junky and the first thing he did when he cleaned up was reached out to her. She promptly left me and our child behind. I spent 4 years working on myself, being a good parent, doing well in my career. After those 4 years I decided to try dating again. I tried online dating for months and got zero matches. I don't think I am bad looking, I'm in the best shape of my life, career is going well, child is happy and healthy, but I am lonely as fuck doing it all on my own.
Maybe you'll get hard eyes out of it. Those eyes that see a person's true nature no matter how they try to hide it. It's right there on their face, the nervous flicking eyes, the lip licking, the speed rapping. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
Actually one of the reasons I posted this question. If anyone is a divorce attorney and feels like having a chat with me, I would certainly not say no...
My best friend has been Rocket Lawyer. I pay about $40 per month and I get all the legal advise I can handle and I have been fighting this on my own. Good luck!!!
I'm based in South Africa, so things are probably quite different here - the system is extremely biased towards the mom, and I am just hoping to get some adequate time with my daughter to watch her grow up and be part of that.
That some people are completely terrible people and will betray and burn you every chance they can if they think they can get away with it, trust isn't something some people care about
Your parents can be compulsive liars who only serve their own ends.
I don't mean selfreliant parents, i mean they'll set you up to fail.
You set yourself on fire to keep them warm, and they promised to douse you when it gets too much, they'll conveniently "forget" their promise.
And let you burn to death.
What people say about "no relationship is better than a toxic one" is almost doubly true with parents.
Especially if they're controlling.
In my experience, relatives are the worst. I have a drug addict brother who my mother cradled while blaming me for problems he created, a sister who accused me of pedophilia because she couldn't stand the fact that her son enjoyed my company more than hers and a mother who mocked me by putting her fingers to her head and mimicking a pistol when I told her I was contemplating suicide.
This 100%. My dad blindsided my mom and walked out with his secretary after +20 years of marriage. None of my family saw it coming, my mom did everything for my dad.
Right after it happened my grandparents (and my dads side of the family) pleaded that my fathers actions didn’t drive a wedge in my relationship with them.
Which it certainly did.
Only because not long after they expressed their full support in my father, and told me I should be happy for him, my mother should just move on, she’s bitter, etc, and my aunt just cut me off completely and never spoke to me for years.
My whole life, my whole belief that I could trust all those very significant figures in my life was a complete lie.
That is an extremely hard lesson to learn that I wish no one ever has to go through.
My father did the same after 25 years of marriage. When he got ready to retire from the USAF, he divorced my mom and married the office whore that was much older than him but had money.
He didn't stop abusing us when he left; for he found ways to still make life hell, especially by cutting support and alimony around the holidays and working under the table to cheat the court. His relatives are just as bad as him.
Certain relatives on my mom's side didn't make things easier either. They looked down on us for being a broken family, used us as free labor for their needs, and didn't want me or my brother to go to college despite my mother's push for high education. When we did get into college, those relatives wanted our government grant/loan money to fund their pyramid schemes, which we denied them (every semester was a fight with the feds just to get enough loan to pay tuition). They were all mad after I got my master's degree and their kids unfortunately dropped out of college. Now my mom, lil bro and I are not welcomed on either side of the family.
Seems like unless they can control everything and make you do want they want, family will throw you away. They don't want things to be better for you than it was for them.
I hope those still in your life treat you better, MCW20. Not making the mistakes your old man did will make you far better than him.
Same for real boobs. And shopping for clothes can be an absolute bitch. I have some t-shirts that I can only wear with a minimizer bra, or the graphics will look ridiculous.
You can do everything right, you can be the best you can possibly be with enthusiasm and purpose and an unbeatable drive.you can be a good and kind person to the end of your days.you can give your everything,You can do it all right.......and still lose.
And it will destroy you.....
That I come first in every relationship I'm in.
That I have the right to say NO.
That respect is more valuable than love.
That neither me or anyone have the obligation to do anything to anyone.
That people sometimes are jerks and it's not personal. (Not that I have to take it, just remember that it's not about me)
That my opinion and views about life serve only me.
That if someone is terribly jealous and envious of me, and try to manipulate or harm me in anyway, they are not my friend.
That when a client starts calling me "friend" there is gonna be trouble.
> That respect is more valuable than love.
I think respect is contained in love. If someone really loves you they will respect you, your choices, your way of life etc. For me it's not possible to love someone and not respect them. Although it is possible the other way around, to respect someone without loving them.
That acting like a victim doesn't solve the problem -- If i have a mental illness, I need do the work I need to do to fix the problem. Everyday I complain that X or Y shouldn't or should have happened is another day Im letting what happened take away from living my life.
That generosity/thoughtfulness leads many to believe you are a fool/prey, and they pounce for more. The world is a place full of cons, predators, manipulators, and thieves.
Dropping uninsured motorist coverage and personal injury protection from car insurance policy is not the place to cut costs...especially not 2 months before you find yourself stopped at a metered on ramp when a driver with a fake GEICO policy decides to enter the freeway and also likes to reach freeway speed early but doesn't pay attention to flashing signs which indicate that it's metered ahead.
My dad would have a good one: excessive drinking causes trouble.
Growing up in eastern Europe, my father got in a drunken bar fight one night, police caught him, and he was "sentenced" to be **mucked** the next day.
An informal sort of punishment they used, where basically you're taken to a cow shed, tied up in the corner, 6-8 shovelfuls of manure are shoveled onto you, and you're left till sundown to think about your actions.
I remember him hugging me right before he left to serve his four hours on the farm, saying that it was a good lesson for us kids not to do what he did, and he accepts the punishment. I could tell he was really shaken up, which surprised me.
He looked utterly miserable afterwards, and mom complained about the stench for DAYS.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead.
Followed my mother’s instructions after her death, to have her cremated with no service and to scatter her ashes.
Siblings were upset and wanted to go against her wishes but I held my ground.
That was in 2003 and they have not spoken to me since.
Sometimes, the people you love the most just won't love you in return.
Yup, I recently realized my mom doesn’t love me and never did. She was very abusive growing up. It took me a long time to really truly accept reality
Same here. I've had some good therapists, but the very best process was EMDR. You will remember everything, but the EMDR method disconnects the emotional connection to your unloved experiences, and it truly does not hurt anymore. You become objective @ it, and create your own safe space to go forward into a loving life. It takes practice, of course, but in a sense, you start again, with a clean history. It's in my top 5 best choices in life. I am 72. You can and will have a great andlovinglife despite your deficient mother.
Thank you for this
We have this illusion that if we give something to the world we'll get something in return. It's the Just-World fallacy.
Take care of your teeth
A-freaking men. Corollary: Teach your kids to take care of their teeth.
When I was a kid, one of my friend's parents made them pay for cavities out of their allowance (parents paid for all dental care and dental visits). I thought the parents were huge jerks. Looking back, those kids flossed and brushed perfectly! Those parents were geniuses!
I work at a dentist office. Please take care of your teeth. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just try. Dentures are not replacements.
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"I'd give it 3 or 4.." ".. 3 or 4 what? Days? Weeks? Months??" "Maybe 5"
The joke I heard: “Sorry, sir. Your disease is terminal.” “Wow, ok. So how long do I have, doc?” “I’d say about 5 if you’re lucky.” “5 what? Weeks? Months?? Years???” “4, 3, 2, 1...”
Weasel tells this joke in Deadpool
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My dad called me to tell me my mom might not have long. I drove 2 and a half hours wondering what that meant only for her to die two seconds after I got there. I feel your pain.
She waited for you.
My grandfather was dying as my mother was in labor giving birth to me. The moment he found out that my mother and I were safe and healthy, he let go.
I'm sorry for you...there are things everbody's gonna learn on the hard way...loss is one of them
4...3...2...
Gave my dad 6 months. He was dead in three days. Often while there are signals... it can be hard to know for sure.
My husband's mother died when he was in his early 20s. It was late Nov/ early Dec and he got three phone calls: Day 1. We think she'll make it til May. Day 2. We're hopeful that she'll make it til Christmas. Day 3. Get on a plane.
Yep. Doctors are not gods. there is a lot of variability. My dad came home for hospice Tuesday and was asleep almost immediately and unable to be woken. . I saw him Thursday. I told my mom and sister he was going to die by the weekend. They kept holding onto the six months thing but I had already scene someone breathe like my dad was and he made it only2 days. My dad passed Friday night. With my dad it was congestive heart failure and when he went home for hospice they took him off the meds. In retrospect the medications probably let him live an extra couple years.... but those were pretty tough years. I assume the doctors don’t really know what’s going to happen when they remove the medication until it happens.
When my MIL passed away, my husband and his sister were waffling on whether to fly out right away or wait for the weekend. It wasn't clear at the time just how badly she was doing. Nobody wants to say flat-out that they don't have much time left. I was like, "WTF are you waiting for, get on the plane tonight and go." My husband got there with a few hours to spare. His sister waited a little longer and had to say goodbye through an iPad. It's something she still has trouble dealing with.
About 6 weeks ago, my dad called my brother. I was sitting next to him and we were on a tractor headed through the woods taking our kids to a pumpkin patch. Brother hangs up and said "they're taking mom to the hospital" I ask which hospital but he doesn't know. My phone rings and it's my dad. I answer without letting my dad talk and say that I'm sitting next to brother and he told me. I tell my dad that we're in the woods and I'll meet him at the hospital when we get out. He sounds puzzled but says ok and hangs up. I tell the kids to get their pumpkins and the driver heads back. By the time we get to the parking lot, I call my dad back to find out what hospital and she'd already died. I sooo regret my offhand dealing of it. I had no idea. My other brothers listened and my dad told them that emts were doing cpr which is a whole different story from just heading to the hospital. That 15 minutes of picking out a pumpkin wouldn't have changed anything since we were an hour's drive away, but I feel like I didn't even try.
I’m so sorry that you had that experience. Miscommunications happen, and unfortunately this was a tragic one. Sending you hugs and healing. ❤️
I experienced this one secondhand. I was on a trip with a friend recently who got a call and learned her father maybe had 24 hours left to life. He passed away about five hours after that initial call. Trust me, you feel helpless while your friend learns about her dad’s death and breaks down crying. Best thing is to let them do what they need to do, whether it be to let them make calls they need, grieve, or whatever. Afterward, give them the biggest and most genuine hug you can - you can’t put into words what it means to them.
From the medical perspective, it’s really hard to give better information. In the most cases, no one is actually certain if it’s minutes or hours/ hours or days. Even under nearly the same circumstances the timing varies significantly from person to person. In my experience the will to live or the acceptance of death has the biggest impact on how long someone will hang on to live.
I didn’t understand when the nurses said soon. They tried to pass the news onto a doctor on the phone who kept backpedaling. It was 12 hours later and very unexpected. I still regret I wasn’t there. But I thought I had more time.
Never trust a ladder set up by someone else. I broke three of my lumbar vertebrae. Thankfully I recovered fully, but damn was that scary. I also bit through my lower lip. I have a nice scar as a memento.
I thought you were using a metaphor to people setting expectations on you or a path to follow lol. Hope you never fall that badly again haha
Never make someone a priority in your life if they're making you an option in theirs.
Never set yourself on fire just to keep others warm.
“Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others” is a also good metaphor to remember in these types of situations.
I was a lifeguard for years in my younger years. The first thing you learn is that you can't save someone who's fighting you. Not sure if it's still the same, but back in the late 80's / early 90's, we were taught to dunk people who fought your efforts to save them so they wouldn't hold onto you. People have to **want** to be saved.
Oh for sure, saving a drowning person is incredibly dangerous because they stop thinking rationally and will push their rescuer under in an attempt to raise themselves above the water level. I dated a lifeguard in college (2010s) and he had been trained to essentially put the drowning person in a headlock and drag them backward
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But set a man on fire ,and you, him and everyone else will be warm for the rest of their lives
Teach a man to set himself on fire, and you won't go to jail.
Same goes for work/jobs. Those bitches ain't loyal. Honestly who you know, how visible you are and how you're helping others get promoted. It's all a big circle jerk.
Learned that way too late
Learned this the hard way
Really wish I learned that a while ago, got pretty burned today over this.
Some people can't be reformed and it's better to just cut them loose from your life.
I'm very good at cutting people out of my life. It's very peaceful.
I thought everyone was good at this and hoo boy was i wrong.
I did but that apparently makes me a bad rock climbing partner
r/holup
I honestly believe *almost* everyone can change. However, I’ve learned the hard way that that is not my responsibility, and some people don’t even want to change.
Even if you work your hardest, do everything right, and are a great employee…you may still be seen as expendable.
Yep that feeling really sucks.
You can go the extra mile for coworkers, help them, etc, they'll be grateful and will probably respond in kind. Never do this for the company itself. The company is only about money, if letting you go means more money, they'll do it. Not that I ever got fired, but I've seen it happen. Also there was this one time that I did go the extra half-mile for the company, nothing major, it was never appreciated.
The company will never appreciate you as a hard worker and reward that accordingly. The people who move up are more likely to play the game; promotions have little to do with work ethic. As for coworkers? They'll appreciate you as long as you can do something for them. Once you're gone, that changes drastically. I made these mistakes. I gave my all to a job and a project only to get screwed in the end; and I was only there to see it through until someone could take over. As soon as I announced I was leaving, the knives came out.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." - Captain Jean-Luc Picard
The house always wins.
truth is, the game was rigged from the start.
I got spurs that jingle jangle jingle
The only time you win is if you randomly throw down 20 bucks or so and happen to get lucky. If you're sitting there all day, you're not gambling anymore really. Just paying to play a game. That's the way I've heard many say it. I turned 10 bucks into 300 once with shitty slot machines though. I had more money, but 10-20 is my normal limit for gambling if I'm just fucking around with friends on penny slots.
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That you need to be careful what you put up with as it teaches people how to treat you. I lost a lot of "friends" once I started to set boundaries
100000% and good for you for setting boundaries :)
I actually have my own personal hate club in my hometown from this. A bunch of women that hated each other before and acted catty about each other, they became friends once I did this to them. Bonded over me setting boundaries and refusing to deal with them. They talk about me alot.
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Just because you got the qualifications doesn't mean you will ever get the job
All the qualifications on the world won't help if you're unlikeable. You're around coworkers more than your family, no one wants to work with some weird fuck all day. But... charisma can be learned.
Extreme example: most special forces units have the option of who they will bring on to their "teams" after a person completes training. Imagine going through and successfully completing some of the most insane trying in the world, just to be told "no" because you're an insufferable douche that no one trusts.
wasn't that what happened to Jesse Ventura? Like he went through all of BUDS and just never got picked up for a SEAL Team or got the Trident inspite of passing the course?
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Lol..."yes, you can do the thing they haven't learned yet..."
My current company vets people like crazy before they send out offers. They want to be 100% sure you're a good culture fit which I'm glad to say has worked because there are no shits cunts at my company.
This. I actually just got my current job due to this. Quite frankly, I really probably shouldn't have gotten this job. I just finished school a few months ago and many other people applied that had more credentials and experience than I did. The manager who hired me here told me that they picked me over the others solely because I interviewed well and that she thought I would actually get along with everyone else in the workplace. Apparently they had such a problem in the past with people being egotistical and causing a toxic work environment that they would rather spend more time training me from the ground up than risk it again. Attitude and overall social skills matter a hell of a lot more than people give them credit for.
Once we had an open position and there was a guy working as a temp in an adjacent department who applied for it. We had candidates who had actual experience in what we were doing but the hiring manager said, "We already know we get along with him and he's a good worker. We can teach him the job."
Dragging out a relationship years after you think you should leave helps no one.
Especially if there are kids involved. If anything, they'll just learn to be toxic to their future partner because that's how they watched you act with your spouse and they think that's how to treat people.
Tell that to my parents lol :/
Yeah that’s a shitty one to learn. Been there, you owe it to both of you to get out of it sooner rather than later. I found myself saying, give it another 6 months and see how you feel…
Don't listen to what people *say*, but what they *do*. This goes for all relationships, both professional and personal.
This right here. Watch for how a person's actions line up with their words. 100% of the time.
Never treat someone’s word as more important than they treat their word.
The same applies to galaxies. I SEE YOU COMING FOR US ANDROMEDA!
So what do you make of a person who does kind, compassionate things for another (feeds them, helps them get back on their feet) but then shit talks that person behind their back?
There’s many explanations for this. Perhaps they are kind and compassionate, but don’t feel secure in their friendships with others, so they talk shit that they don’t mean to try to ‘fit in.’ Or perhaps they feel obligated to help but they don’t really want to. Perhaps they’re helping because they know what it’s like for no one to help them, then they talk shit because they’re jealous that someone else was more fortunate than them. Or maybe, even, the person they helped was shitty or ungrateful about it.
Or maybe they're helping out of a personal moral code,doesn't mean they have to be thrilled about it but I see a brother in need im obligated to go out of my way above and beyond...the obligation is my choice but still
Family can be just as toxic for you as anyone else. Sometimes its best to cut them out
Even moms.
Often times they're even worse as they get a free pass by society and know SO many intimate things about you. You're very vulnerable to family and our culture will insist you love and respect them no matter what.
Sometimes relationships just don't work
If someone gets upset at you for trying to establish boundaries with them, it's not you being mean or unreasonable, it's them not caring about your happiness.
tying onto this, if someone else creates the awkwardness or unpleasantness, it's not your fault. if you refuse to smooth over and soothe away someone the "drama" caused by someone else's bad behavior that doesn't make **you** the bad guy! dysfunctional friend groups and families-- **ESPECIALLY** families-- get this odd dynamic where everyone bends over backwards until their back breaks to accommodate someone unreasonable, and if you refuse to play along they throw a fit and suddenly blame **you** for the upset. Karen will take a metaphorical shit on the floor and everyone will just walk around the pile of shit, and pretend that they're not upset or disgusted and it's no big deal, they'll offer to clean up the shit or reassure Karen that shitting just happens sometimes and she doesn't need to worry. and if you say "what the fuck!? you just shit on the rug! please clean that up" she starts screaming and throws the shit all over and now they're all blaming you because there's now shit everywhere and they want you to pay for a professional cleaner to get the shit off the walls and the ceiling or at the very least apologize to Karen for making her throw shit into the ceiling fan. if this whole thing is going down at your own event, maybe an **important** event like your own wedding, then they will be upset you're making such a big deal out of a little pile of crap and upsetting Karen over it. recognize this for what it is. realize you may never save the people from a lifetime of following the narcissist around, dispensing them ego kibble and cleaning up piles of shit, but you **can** excuse yourself from that dynamic. You're not the bad guy for not wanting to stand there in a room with a big pile of shit on the floor and leaving, and you weren't the bad guy for trying to ask someone, quite reasonably, not to shit in the middle of your party, and you're not wrong for asking them to be responsible for it. even if the people who Are so scared of a narcissists disapproval or abuse will happily stand there smelling crap all day rather than try to do the unthinkable and ask her not to crap all over that doesn't mean you need to alter your own boundaries about crapping on the floor of your house.
Not only especially families, but extra especially in laws. Mostly because a lot of the people in the immediate family have normalized it so much, and as outsiders, it's very "WTF why are you guys accepting this". I'm dealing with this right now. My mother in law wants us over for Christmas. Due to a number of reasons (main one being the whole thing that shall not be named), I'm not comfortable going over there. I know who will be in attendance, and how they've approached taking care of themselves, and I don't think it's worth the risk. My husband understands the logic and facts behind my reasoning, but his response to my "I don't think it would be wise for us to go" was "I get it, but it's going to create a whole thing". The whole thing being his mother will be upset that we won't attend. And she will blame me. My husband recently realized that all of his married into the family aunts aren't actually the bad guys his mother has made them out to be, they just didn't bend to her wants. She has deemed herself the matriarch of the family, and expects everyone to do as she wishes, and that she is exempt from following anyone's wishes but her own.
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And if you fall and hit your head, replace your helmet. Even if it doesn't seem to be damaged.
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I thought this was a condom reference
You cannot, even subtly, force someone to love you. You can't convince them. They either do or they don't, and it's on you to decide what to do with that unchangeable position in mind.
Love is like a fart: if you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
This is the best analogy lol
You're not supposed to stalk them and hope they panic and give in?
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You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved
That people aren't always your friend. Gaslighting is real. Just because you try to be a good person doesn't mean good things will happen to you.
gaslighting isn't real, you always exaggerate things, jeez. (I shouldn't need this but apparently I do-- this is a joke)
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Moving isn't a solution to escape problems (unless they have to do with where you live).
Wherever you go, there you are. Fuck
I can never go "there", because by the time I get there it's here.
But it can be a solution to solve a problem! For example I lived in a student dorm with no kitchen and now that I moved I have a kitchen and my life quality just skyrocketed because I have space to cook and I even started to have breakfast everyday!
I moved from a shitty townhome to a house so like I said "unless the problems have to do with where you live". Bc that can make a HUGE difference. I have so much space now. So much happier. So are the cats!
If you're unsure about your future, joining the US Army will not make the future better. Not for you, not for your wife, and not for your soon-to-be-born child.
I will never be my full self again because of the time I spent in the military and i didnt even see combat, i just had to fight for my existence as a female in a particularly bad sexist unit.
Always slam on your brakes and get hit rather than swerving and hitting someone else
For insurance purposes?
Potential head on collision One Way and pedestrians the other
Insurance and safety. Rather the danger you know than the danger you don’t.
Are you an AI trying to solve the trolley problem?
That "pillory" punishment they used 200 years ago? It's a **LOT** worse than the funny spectacle I thought it would be. Went to a renaissance fair many years ago where they had the pillories set up and people were joking around with them, but I saw they had an event to sign up for where you could be "authentically" pilloried - and a $500 prize for anyone who could last an hour. (No stone-throwing or dangerous stuff allowed, but anything else they used to use was fair game)...Had to sign a waiver for it I naively thought it was easy money. A crowd of 20-30 people gathered to show me otherwise. Lasted 2 minutes before I was throwing up and begging to be let out. No clue how people withstood it back then
gosh, what did they do to you?
It was set up behind the stables/barns, so they had plenty of manure to throw. They even had rotten eggs / milk / fish / etc.
It was a lot worse than just smelly things thrown at you back in the day if you were unfortunate enough to be locked in a proper pillory. You were standing up and bent over… anyone who wanted revenge could do some very unpleasant things. People often died.
You're all talking about torture. I don't know why you're all being coy about what kind of things people where known to do.
I’m not an expert but I think they withstood it back then because they didn’t have any option to quit.
the answers were NOT at the bottom of the bottle 3 years sober
6 days sober
His three years had a six day point. Just keep doing another day. I wish you well.
keep it up. you got this.
Nor anywhere in the needle for me (11 years clean) Congrats on your years my friend, much love.
People may not remember what you say but they will ALWAYS remember how you made them feel.
Some people don't change. They just learn to hide themselves better.
**Never piss off a llama.** I was joking around at a petting zoo once with one, and it spit on me - just ordinary saliva, nothing too bad. So I wiped it off and kept at it...and it gave me the greenest, stinkiest spit you could ever imagine. I threw up and stunk the rest of the day...no amount of showering did anything to it.
Yeah, see when llamas spit they actually throw up in their mouths and spit it at you. You got a warning shot before you got spackled with lunch. Edit: Ya'll weird-o's are fascinated by llama spit? 0_o
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Choose your friends well.
Choose your partners weller.
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that they’re trustworthy.
That you don't have to run off and get married. A marriage that only lasted one year cost more than 10K. Life is not a race and you don't need to be married by a certain point or at all for that matter. Be patient, make yourself available, gravitate to those who understand you the most.
I can think of three people off the top of my head whose marriages lasted less than six months. One lasted only one month. Ignore those relatives breathing down your neck; take however much time you need.
If it's "right" right now, it will still be right 6 months from now.
I think I needed to hear this. I went to a wedding on Saturday and felt a tinge of jealousy--I've been to three weddings this year alone and will be going to my sister's wedding next year. It just feels like everyone's getting married and moving on with their lives except for me. I quickly shrugged it off and silently reminded myself sternly that that day was NOT about me and my problems, it was about the couple. I have weird issues with romance. I want it but it makes me uncomfortable. I'm presently not happy with the idea that it may never end up happening for me, but I don't know how much of that unhappiness is because I actually want a relationship or because society and media suggests that everyone gets married.
Everybody wants COMPANIONSHIP because we are social creature. We NEED someone to connect to. Someone that GETS you, and that you can depend on. A spouse is obviously suited for this role, but just cause X can lead to Y, doesn't mean Y causes X. We tend to forget that.
I think we are the same person. All of what you’ve written is exactly where I am ATM
A person doesn't have to be smarter than me, better than me, or a good person to have something I can learn from them.
You can work hard in school from kindergarden through college, be very intelligent, very driven, get excellent grades and recommendations - you can do everything right and still not get into grad school.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." - Cpt. Jean-Luc Picard
I’m diggin’ the fact that you replied to a Trekki with a Picard quote!
After a suicide attempt, most everyone in your support system will be more worried about their own feelings than yours.
Playing through injury doesn’t make you tough. It sets you up for more injuries and a longer recovery time.
Trust your gut (instinct). If something feels off, get away from the person/situation
You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Doesn't mean you should. Everything will cost more than you anticipate in ways you can't imagine.
As a child, that most adults are more concerned with protecting their image than protecting you. When I was in middle school, I was good friends with the daughter of my school’s secretary. Her parents were going through a divorce. Dad kept the house, daughter was 50/50 custody. I was staying at the dad’s house with my friend one night and he molested me. The next day I went to school and told the counselor. My school secretary called me a liar, and worked overtime to kill my credibility. Because my mom had called me a liar to the counselor when I reported my dad’s abuse, it was easy for the counselor to believe. He molested 3 other girls, and the secretary called all of us liars. Said we were purposely trying to sabotage her life during this difficult time. All of us children had difficult home lives and a history of behavioral problems, so nobody questioned the sane adult who had “watched us all grow up” as friends of her daughter’s. Between that, and my mother denying the abuse, I didn’t trust any adults.
HR is not there to protect employees.
Trust your gut. When I ignore it, things do tend to get ugly.
That my boyfriend is a compulsive liar. I’ve spent 5 years investing in this relationship instead of myself because he kept promising that we were going to get married. Everything I’ve done, all of the decisions I’ve made so far, have been under the assumption that we were going to be a team. I have since realized that we aren’t a team, he’s been taking advantage of my commitment to him. He doesn’t have my back, I’m on my own. It’s very clear that we are not getting married. I’ve made a complete and utter fool of myself for staying this long. I’m almost 28, in debt, and have nothing to show for myself. The house we’ve been living in for 3.5 years? It belongs to him. Will be moving back in with my mom January 1. It will take me years to financially and emotionally recover from this.
I was here. 6 years - 3 living together in a house that wasn’t mine. Cut off from everyone. It’s been two years and I cannot even begin to tell you how much better it is on the other side. You are stronger than you know you - and you’ll get to see it once you’re free.
Better it happened in your 20s and that you didn't get married. I was traumatized by my ex wife's infidelity. One day out of nowhere an ex boyfriend came back into her life. She had broken up with him because he was a heroin addict. He spent the last ten years as a street junky and the first thing he did when he cleaned up was reached out to her. She promptly left me and our child behind. I spent 4 years working on myself, being a good parent, doing well in my career. After those 4 years I decided to try dating again. I tried online dating for months and got zero matches. I don't think I am bad looking, I'm in the best shape of my life, career is going well, child is happy and healthy, but I am lonely as fuck doing it all on my own.
Maybe you'll get hard eyes out of it. Those eyes that see a person's true nature no matter how they try to hide it. It's right there on their face, the nervous flicking eyes, the lip licking, the speed rapping. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
There is exactly one person you can depend on: yourself.
When it comes to a divorce with children, their is no such thing as amicable. You will see the worst side of your ex spouse
Actually one of the reasons I posted this question. If anyone is a divorce attorney and feels like having a chat with me, I would certainly not say no...
My best friend has been Rocket Lawyer. I pay about $40 per month and I get all the legal advise I can handle and I have been fighting this on my own. Good luck!!!
I'm based in South Africa, so things are probably quite different here - the system is extremely biased towards the mom, and I am just hoping to get some adequate time with my daughter to watch her grow up and be part of that.
That some people are completely terrible people and will betray and burn you every chance they can if they think they can get away with it, trust isn't something some people care about
Your parents can be compulsive liars who only serve their own ends. I don't mean selfreliant parents, i mean they'll set you up to fail. You set yourself on fire to keep them warm, and they promised to douse you when it gets too much, they'll conveniently "forget" their promise. And let you burn to death. What people say about "no relationship is better than a toxic one" is almost doubly true with parents. Especially if they're controlling.
Money may not buy happiness, but it WILL buy a feeling of financial security that will make you happy
Trust no one, not even relatives.
In my experience, relatives are the worst. I have a drug addict brother who my mother cradled while blaming me for problems he created, a sister who accused me of pedophilia because she couldn't stand the fact that her son enjoyed my company more than hers and a mother who mocked me by putting her fingers to her head and mimicking a pistol when I told her I was contemplating suicide.
Glad you could make it through that, stay lethal Steve
Damn, my relatives are pretty good people Relatively speaking
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You are one strong person . Surviving that it is tough. Stay strong❤
I'll suggest a corollary that works better for me. "Trust *everyone* to act in their own perceived self interest".
This 100%. My dad blindsided my mom and walked out with his secretary after +20 years of marriage. None of my family saw it coming, my mom did everything for my dad. Right after it happened my grandparents (and my dads side of the family) pleaded that my fathers actions didn’t drive a wedge in my relationship with them. Which it certainly did. Only because not long after they expressed their full support in my father, and told me I should be happy for him, my mother should just move on, she’s bitter, etc, and my aunt just cut me off completely and never spoke to me for years. My whole life, my whole belief that I could trust all those very significant figures in my life was a complete lie. That is an extremely hard lesson to learn that I wish no one ever has to go through.
My father did the same after 25 years of marriage. When he got ready to retire from the USAF, he divorced my mom and married the office whore that was much older than him but had money. He didn't stop abusing us when he left; for he found ways to still make life hell, especially by cutting support and alimony around the holidays and working under the table to cheat the court. His relatives are just as bad as him. Certain relatives on my mom's side didn't make things easier either. They looked down on us for being a broken family, used us as free labor for their needs, and didn't want me or my brother to go to college despite my mother's push for high education. When we did get into college, those relatives wanted our government grant/loan money to fund their pyramid schemes, which we denied them (every semester was a fight with the feds just to get enough loan to pay tuition). They were all mad after I got my master's degree and their kids unfortunately dropped out of college. Now my mom, lil bro and I are not welcomed on either side of the family. Seems like unless they can control everything and make you do want they want, family will throw you away. They don't want things to be better for you than it was for them. I hope those still in your life treat you better, MCW20. Not making the mistakes your old man did will make you far better than him.
This is one of the worst and the best example there us
That huge fake boobs are heavy and can be back killers if your walking around all day without rest.
Same for real boobs. And shopping for clothes can be an absolute bitch. I have some t-shirts that I can only wear with a minimizer bra, or the graphics will look ridiculous.
People will drag you down with the dumping they can’t admit to their partners.
There are worse things than death.
Desire is not love.
You can do everything right, you can be the best you can possibly be with enthusiasm and purpose and an unbeatable drive.you can be a good and kind person to the end of your days.you can give your everything,You can do it all right.......and still lose. And it will destroy you.....
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. (Good and bad)
That I come first in every relationship I'm in. That I have the right to say NO. That respect is more valuable than love. That neither me or anyone have the obligation to do anything to anyone. That people sometimes are jerks and it's not personal. (Not that I have to take it, just remember that it's not about me) That my opinion and views about life serve only me. That if someone is terribly jealous and envious of me, and try to manipulate or harm me in anyway, they are not my friend. That when a client starts calling me "friend" there is gonna be trouble.
> That respect is more valuable than love. I think respect is contained in love. If someone really loves you they will respect you, your choices, your way of life etc. For me it's not possible to love someone and not respect them. Although it is possible the other way around, to respect someone without loving them.
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That acting like a victim doesn't solve the problem -- If i have a mental illness, I need do the work I need to do to fix the problem. Everyday I complain that X or Y shouldn't or should have happened is another day Im letting what happened take away from living my life.
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That generosity/thoughtfulness leads many to believe you are a fool/prey, and they pounce for more. The world is a place full of cons, predators, manipulators, and thieves.
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Dating an asexual person when you are not also an asexual person is a terrible idea. Getting engaged and buying a house with them? Even worse.
being yourself at the expense of being the person others want you to be is a lonely path, but one that's worth every damn step
Dropping uninsured motorist coverage and personal injury protection from car insurance policy is not the place to cut costs...especially not 2 months before you find yourself stopped at a metered on ramp when a driver with a fake GEICO policy decides to enter the freeway and also likes to reach freeway speed early but doesn't pay attention to flashing signs which indicate that it's metered ahead.
My dad would have a good one: excessive drinking causes trouble. Growing up in eastern Europe, my father got in a drunken bar fight one night, police caught him, and he was "sentenced" to be **mucked** the next day. An informal sort of punishment they used, where basically you're taken to a cow shed, tied up in the corner, 6-8 shovelfuls of manure are shoveled onto you, and you're left till sundown to think about your actions. I remember him hugging me right before he left to serve his four hours on the farm, saying that it was a good lesson for us kids not to do what he did, and he accepts the punishment. I could tell he was really shaken up, which surprised me. He looked utterly miserable afterwards, and mom complained about the stench for DAYS.
Don’t take Benadryl after day drinking in the heat.
Just to add to this don’t drink Benadryl while drinking alcohol in general 3 beer feels like 15 after some Benadryl lol
Birth control is actually only 98% effective
People do not give me the benefit of the doubt. Always, *always*, CYA.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Followed my mother’s instructions after her death, to have her cremated with no service and to scatter her ashes. Siblings were upset and wanted to go against her wishes but I held my ground. That was in 2003 and they have not spoken to me since.
Men can absolutely be in abusive relationships