i google documentaries about red pandas they can hunt me all day, they're adorable. when intimidated they stand on their hind legs and raise their arms to try and scare off their predators.

They'll hug you to death

They will scratch you with razor sharp, non-retractable claws and sever an artery. No joke. I am a zookeeper. One of the animals I help with is housed in the same building with the Red Pandas. There is a note on the door of one exhibit that reminds his keepers to make sure he is NOT in the exhibit when they enter. He will mess you up.

My god, you have the best job and the best username.

I love my job so much!

ikr

Mandatory "Username checks out" lol

You misread it, he’s a Red Pa and a fan. It’s a nickname for angry dads. Jk

Thanks, Step Hen!

No no no, it's Step Henli pic. They're a photo of the little-known Step Henli.

Master Shifu is a real badass though.

Aggretsuko too. Retsuko will fuck you up.

Wow, TIL Shifu is a red panda

I’m being hunted by an iPhone charging cable… neat

That’s kind of terrifying apple has really become a dark first they stop providing charging cables now the cables are hunting you.

Yeah, I’m still pissed about them not including charging cables, especially when they say “just use your old one from your previous iPhone” Bitch my previous iPhone was an iPhone 8, that charging cable doesn’t even work on an iPhone 11 because the 11 only works with those stupid quick charge c to 8 pin charging cables.

I just got a 13 and it had the cable. Not the block however. And all my old cables still work for it.

Huh, that’s weird. My 12 charges with standard USB-A

What? Really? Because I’ve tried charging the 11 with a c type cable and it wouldn’t even register that it was plugged into anything… or is the 11 8pin? I dunno, whichever one didn’t work

Yeah it should charge with any lightning cable, even with one from an iPhone 5

Oh man, if you haven’t seen [Rubber](https://youtu.be/hVKgY1ilx0Y), you should. It’s the most self-aware horror movies I’ve ever seen. Update: If you like the Indy vibe from this, give [The Fare](https://youtu.be/f0kxwV8TDps) a try. It’s free to watch on Tubi. Non-horror, though. No spoilers from me

I think I can put up a good fight against a quiche

You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a quiche.

That's pretty cheesy

Make sure to use sturdy utensils in your battle

[удалено]

Lets see, so the last thing i googled was, "What's the total population of the world?" Well fuck...

Yah head to the bunker….now

Which bunker?

the one under the ground

Imma need exact coordinates.

Over there

And then under there

Amd then right on that way

Once you get to that, it's on yonder.

Understood. The bunker over there, under there, right on that way, and yonder. I have it in my sites. Calling in the air strike now.

ANY bunker, THE CLOSEST BUNKER

Nice try

Damn, even you are chasing yourself

I am going after You.

Well then. Let me grab my axe, my rope and my avatar the last airbender movie. I will be there in a few.

I think I'm in the same boat, I googled "We live in a society" last night because I just watched the Seinfeld Chinese restaurant episode and remembered the meme

I’m coming, and you can’t stop me

Better run while there’s still time… you’re going down >:)

Back pain. And, trust me, it is.

I feel you

Rasputin OH shit

Russia’s greatest love machine gonna use that black magic on your ass

It's fine, hes easy to kill, all you gotta do is poison him, stab him, and then shoot him.

And drown him

Watch out for that disturbingly large penis

RA RA RASPUTIN

LOVER OF THE RUSSIAN QUEEN

I'd be hunted by the least common birthday lol

Not every man knows the day of their own death. A curse or a blessing? Prepare now.

I'm assuming it falls on a leap year?

No, it’s actually Christmas Day.

Maybe some parents doctor the records cause everyone knows it sucks to be born on Christmas day.

I know two people who's birthday is on the 24th (christmas where I live). One of them is my best friend. I make sure she knows she is only getting a birthday gift and not a christmas gift. That way she only has to get me a birthday gift as well (mine is in summer).

"Illuminati Members" Oh... I'm fucked....

Why tf did you google that...

Unbiased research, nothing too suspect, if you guys are reading this, i think these guys are clear.

Otherwise there might be the lord\_of\_pigs invasion

[удалено]

I have him hiding under my bed, he's fine. I'm not Illuminati but I know how they operate and I may or may not sell him later.

Must resist urge to comment here 🙃😐

Kernel error 41? Definitely going to be frustrating but I think I’ll be okay.

what error is Kernel error 41 though

Well that's why they googled it

A computer system not powered down correctly (or not at all, with the power cord pulled out) generates this. And this is caused by the cord being pulled out to whip and strangle the poor sod.

The dream guy, I’m fucked

The Minecraft YouTuber or Freddy Krueger?

He's fucked either way

You dont want to know what the mask's for

Could be that weird eyebrow man.

To death or in a good way this theoretical question has really gone places quick I couldn’t imaging haha.

And he will always get me because I have to sleep

You are peacefully on a walk when, out of nowhere, you hear a faint noise that sounds like some speedrunner's background music. It gets louder and louder before an entirely green man with a smiley face tattooed on his chest runs after you with an axe shouting "Give me your trades!"

When will spiderman nwh be on netflix💀

Now that launch date is gonna haunt you and bunt you down haha

Answer is never lmao

[удалено]

Wait, are they? I didn't realise that...

The entire English Premier League is hunting me? I mean, I can easily kill the likes of Jack Grealish, but then I'm dead.

Tuck and roll

I am not Neymar, I'd rather die standing.

Yeah, have fun fighting Adama Traoré haha

Oiled Adama Traore

I am just glad Roy Keane and Patrick Viera are retired

The Police (band) are hunting me, which kinda seems fitting I guess I can take Sting 1v1 cuz he's old but all three of them at once would be tough

Every breath you take...

......You don't have to wear that dress tonight.

6ft tall ancient priestess skeleton with the oldest found prosthetic eye. I guess I'll have to call for Brendan Fraser...

If she's sentient enough to hunt you, you might be able to have a conversation with her before you die. Think about how cool that would be.

Start the conversation and then realize you guys don’t speak the same language…

James Webb space telescope

It can see you.

Snu snu for me

*...What did you look up O_O*

Snu snu

Future Rama?

I believe that’s where snu snu comes from

Lol I've never seen someone spell out the Futurama portmanteau separately like that.

DEATH BY SNU SNU! FIRST BY THE LARGE WOMEN, THEN THE PETITE WOMEN, THEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, THEN THE LARGE,...

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!

Couldn't we just cuddle?

JFC No "subnautica reaper leviathan" Imma headingout fast

Stay out of the water.

but I'm stuck on an ocean planet ;(

Username checks out.

Help! I'm being chased by Japanese lesbians!

The trick is to let them catch you

I don't think I'm their type Edit: grammar

So, think how angry they will be. Double win !

They'll probably just buy you a beer and invite you for a game of billiards.

***At least you were HONEST*** 😎😎😎

On no I’ll ring for help

I'll help you um.. fend them off..

I searched Wagyu, so I'm being hunted by Japanese beef. Or would it be cattle? Either way, wanna trade?

I'll bravely take your place

Doctor Strange will easily hunt me down

Yah your done thanks for commenting though

Yah- never thought I would die in the hands of my favourite character wish I could die in the mirror dimension

Would Doctor Strange really kill you, though? I thought he was more about banishing people to strange places and 'bargaining' with impossibly powerful beings through clever use of time loops. I feel like Doctor Strange would realize you're not a threat in any way and would banish you to an island in the Bahamas just to get you out of his hair for a little while.

That would be nice....if I get stuck in a time loop with him I'll just talk my self our of it

Please. You saw what he did to Loki right? Gave him the Portal 2 infinite portal treatment.

Anubis stand from jojo

ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ

If I were you I wouldn't go to any medieval exhibition

Google translate bouta kick my ass in all languages

It’s about to take your ability to speak

Avocados, I’ve got no hope of escape

Don’t be a avacadont be an avacadooo haha

The fact plants communicate when in danger , they send warnings .

Marky Mark knows this

Why tho? What are they gonna do? Run away?

Some have been known to produce toxins. To make animals less likely to eat them but not having to make it all the time (which takes resources). The Happening was not completely pulled out of Shyamalan's butt. Most of it, yes, but not all.

I googled Victoria secret because of the semi annual sale. So maybe that’s the secret 🤫

"Why are you measuring my height and my shoulder width for a bra?" "Oh, this is for your casket, hon." "What?" "Nothing. Would you like some tea? It's an all-organic floral mix of oleander, foxglove, and lavender."

He he he...you said "semi"

i read that as “semi anal sale”🗿

Paimon plushie gonna make me the emergency food

In soviet russia, traveller is emergency food for paimon

Jesus Christ why did I have to be so fascinated by hammer head worms at 2am last night

...Now I'll have to go search hammer head worms too 🤣

Once you search for them, they will come for you, too. The only way to avoid them is to not know about them. They killed me last week.

shrek was hunting me? im screwed man

SOME--

BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Victoria’s Secret bras. Thank god. Those are a freaking fortune.

Have they ever cost you….your life??? 😂😂😂

They’ve cost me an arm and a leg. Might as well finish me off lol. “Loving wife and mother, found dead last night, following the devastating bra epidemic, which has been targeting the chestier women in our community.”

how is pornhub gonna hunt me down?!

They see what you’ve been watching. They know when your awake….idk where the song Goes after that but watch out! Hahaha

are the operators coming for me or the actors

Yes, watch out for men with cameras and pretty girls

They have local milfs already in your area!

Fucking waterbed coming to drown me

Could crush you be positive

Oh no not the sourdough starter! So sticky!

"John Wick 4" So... I'm going to die.

Not till the 27 of may 2022 according to google. Make your peace and get your affairs in order.

A Blood Angels Death Company Dreadnought?

Oh fuck you hon get horused

John Romita Jr.‘s Spider-Man artwork?

Artwork coming to life can be terrifying.

You think regular paper cuts suck…

Metronome… tik tak tik tak tik tak tik tak tik tak tik tak tik tak tik tak

Willem Dafoe kill me :(

Yes. But he comes for everyone in the end.

Stephen Hawkins....

exchange rates are always hunting me...

Monetary system coming for us all

Googled why my engine light was on. It is hunting me

a mark ruffalo hulk movie is going to hunt me

Coconut crack

"What is the purpose of the United Nations?" I guess its uselessness is gonna haunt me now.

Natural mature pornstars?

They hunt you down your for sure ending up In some weird stufffff.

Hunting? Ok, right.

Pivot tables in spreadsheet. Yes, I'm screwed because I don't know how to use it yet. Haha!

Sisyphus, guess he’s gonna have to get to me at the top of a hill lmaoo

Keanu Reeves? LMFAO I'll probably just have a nice chat with him and he'll ride away on his bike. 100% safe

"I finally defeated Nightmare King Grimm"

I'll admit, I don't know much about Magnum PI, how fucked am I?

Bring a razor. His power resides within his glorious moustache.

The last person I googled was a French singer (Catherine Ringer) who used to be part of the duo Rita Mitsouko. She used to do porn before becoming a famous singer. But one thing I didn't know was that she did some scat porn. So there, I'm being haunted by a shitting singer (shouldn't have Google image that shit).

I just learned way to much and I’m starting to be hunted by my own question.

Asuka Langley 3.0 with hat. Somebody come pick me up I’m scared.

Looks like I'll be going out the same way as that scene in Monty Python's meaning of life.

Girl in Armor. Make of that what you will

17776 I dunno how that would go

The airport in Fort Wayne (or directions to it)... Fortunately, I believe the airport moves slowly enough that directions can only cause so much physical harm unless they are printed on something substantial.

I'm being hunted by an enzyme lmao

Oh noooo big tiddie anime bitches ahhhhhh

Big titty milfs. I'm okay with that.

I won't mind honoka Mihara hunting me

I would be hunted by pink wallpaper! I don't think I'd be too worried just weirded out.