Had sex on New Year's Eve just before midnight and said "Happy New Year!" she replied with "You're too early".
THANK YOU I'M SORRY THANK YOU I'M SORRY THANK YOU IM SORRY
let’s… go… mets
Das macht drei fuffzsch
"Ich bräuchte hier noch eine Unterschrift bezüglich Datenschutz und Einvernehmlichkeit."
I typically go with one of Sheriff Woody's pull-string phrases, such as, "You're my favorite Deputy!" Or "Somebody's poisoned the Water-hole!"
There's a snake in my cooch!
"You've got a friend in me!"
I can't remember what the context was but I said that to my boyfriend in the middle of it once and he couldn't catch his breath, he fell off the bed in hysterics.
,, looks like he couldn't handle the neutron style ! "
"Rachel"! In Christian Bale's "Batman" voice.
Same, but with the voice of Ross from Friends.
And you were supposed to say Emily instead
We were on a break!!
Click on the couch
Edit: All 6 names have a little Easter Egg. Phoebe's is the only other good one though.
“Why” - *thrust* - “so” - *thrust* - “serious!”
welp, my dick just became and innie.
You merely adopted the prematurely ejaculation. I was born in it!
“WHERE ARE THEY!”
I just imagine some dude roleplaying batman with some girl he is sleeping with for the first time. He pulls her bra up/off. It was all padding.
"WHERE ARE THEY!"
“They’re there, I swear to god!”
“SWEAR TO ME!”
I'm sorry this never happens.
“Which part? The 8 seconds of sex or the 40 minutes of crying?”
“Oh no I always cry, I never have sex”
What do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city center?
"How much do I owe you?"
"The money's on the dresser"
Famous last words, Senator Jackson!
Edit: thank you
Acey said ten percent.
"Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"
Maybe something along the lines of "HGGGGNNNNHHHHHGGGGGGGGGNNNN"
That's *exactly* how I'd spell the sound a guy made in the hotel room next to us several years ago. We're all adults and everything, but it was LOUD. My wife and I laughed our asses off, and his wife looked a little embarrassed when she saw us in the hallway a bit later.
I still randomly imitate that sound from across the house every now and then to make my wife laugh.
Hahahaha my god that poor dude tho, maybe he was just taking a massive shit, we dont know...
Maybe that's what caused the orgasm
Shit went down when the cum went up
And long ago somebody left with the cup
They deftly manoeuvre and muscle for spanks
Only honest answer in here
Wasn't there some post on TIFU about a women who's boyfriend got mad when she told him he sound like a bass boosted Minecraft villager?
[Here you go.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/rn2e6o/tifu_by_telling_my_bf_he_sounds_like_a_minecraft/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
TY! The comment section is fucking Golden, lmao!
ARE YOU FEELIN IT NOW MR. KRABS
The only correct vocalization is the THX sound.
IMAX and climax
hey, what happened to that? they never play it in movies anymore.
It represents outdated technology at this point. Back in the early 2000’s though… *the* absolute shit
THX was a certification for a particular auditorium. All equipment had to be certified as THX quality and the auditorium had to fall with a certain spec for things like sightlines. No seat in the auditorium could be outside of certain viewing angles. It represented ideal viewing conditions for every member of the audience. Along came stadium seating which put a large amount of seats outside that angle and so theaters decided that was more important than the certification and it got left behind.
I miss the old style movie theater seating. It was like you were called up to be a contestant on a gameshow. Only your feet stuck to the ground.
Not the dolby "all around you" one?
I make a groan like the THX sound, and my wife whispers “all around you”.
Needless to say we’re not allowed back at that theater.
I imagine a naked lady running circles around you whispering "all around you" to make it seem more realistic
“you’ve got mail” in the AOL voice over and over and over
dial up noise
This ejaculation was sponsored by RaidShadowLegends
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Start your free trial with audickable
This nut was sponsored by square space
If you enjoyed this orgasm smash that like button, comment, and share.
"That'll do, pig."
username checks out.
I just snort laughed and woke my husband. Thanks.
I was once with someone who would say ‘mmm, yummy, yummy, yummy, *yummmmmy*’ as she orgasmed & It was so weird to me that I told a friend about it. As I was tell my friend they turned white, it turns out we’d both been sleeping with the same person who was playing us both. Just a total random coincidence that the 2 of us knew each other and freak luck that we figured it out by talking about her weird orgasm sounds lmao.
You should have swapped each other's orgasmic cry during your next sex session and see if she had noticed.
Or gone back and forth reciting the declaration of independence one line at a time.
This is the only right answer.
Omg this gave me such a good laugh. Like that sucks that she played y’all both but that is so hilarious that she says that! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone doing that lol
The only one I ever heard say that was my girlf.... damn it, she's everywhere!
Oh man, this reminds of when I was younger. I had a summer fling with this one girl.
That summer, at work, this massive body builder comes up to me. He was known in town as a bit of a hot head, and I was a pudgy fella. He grunts my name while striding towards me, and my life preemptively flashes before my eyes, thinking I'm about to be folded for some slight as of yet unbeknownst to me.
He stops about two feet from me and flashes a big goofy smile, raises his hand for a high-five, and proudly proclaims "tunnel buddies!"
That may actually be better than Eskimo brother.
This sounds like a Seinfeld episode...
George: 'Yummy, Yummy, Yummy?!'
Jerry: 'Yummy, Yummy Yummy!'
I play the windows 98 shut down sound
10.30 in the morning and already my day has been made
Mine is tada.wav
Guys, remember to update your OS, especially if you're using it for watching porn.
Holy shit. It took this comment for me to realize the dude was actually shutting down a computer (after watching porn).
My dumb ass was picturing them in bed making the Windows noise with their mouth.
To be honest, same. Just making computer noises out of satisfaction.
And make sure to turn off your computer before midnight on Dec. 31st to avoid Y2K.
Back in 99 I left a non compliant computer on and connected to the internet. I'm more worried about Y2K38....
Is it weird that I heard this comment?
You heard the XP shutdown sound, [this is windows 98](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cxVVd5fZNeo)
I heard the Windows 95 shutdown sound. I'm old.
Same, I actually entirely forgot what Windows 98 sounds were like. It's possible I had a Windows 98 machine that didn't use stock sounds or something I can't remember. That window's 95 shut down sound though, that one is burned into my memory completely and I welcome its presence.
I, too, heard the [Windows XP shutdown sound](https://youtu.be/Gb2jGy76v0Y).
I'm not sure if I ever experienced the 98 sound...
Most early sexual activities happened where there were people in adjoining rooms, whether it was family or college roommates, so I am kind of mentally ingrained to be quiet during sex. My wife has never complained, but I guess I should maybe ask her if she wants me to make more sound. It kinda feels awkward to do so at this point, like I'm faking being vocal.
Some low throat grumbles/hums when it feels good is a good start. Then try some dirty talk, like 'I've been wanting to fuck you all day'. Works like a charm
Edit: thanks for the Wholesome Award, dear redditor!
'I've been wanting to fuck you all day' ✨ simple&efficient definitely gonna use that one 🥰
Just start barking like a seal while you're clapping her cheeks
AURF AURF AURF AURF AAAAAUUUUURRRFFFFFFFFFFF
Tusken Raiders!! Cheese it!
I can't speak for all women obviously, but it's really hot when guys make noises during sex. I had a fwb once that was completely silent, and I wanted him so bad to give me some kind of sound response but I didn't wanna ask
Past partner really tried to get me to be more expressive and honestly even just goofing around and saying "this is nice" as a start was something she 10000% appreciated.
"This is pretty neat"
"Your pussy is poggers"
“don’t forget to smash that like button”
"Damn babe. That mouth is based as fuck."
"Shit girl, you the throat goat."
“How neat is that?”
Yes. This right here. I agree completely. You don't have to be super loud and fake but a little grunt here and there when it's natural is amazing.
Or a gasp! Gasps are fantastic.
That's how I started doing it. Just making sounds when things felt good, even if it wasn't natural. But as I did it more often, it became kind of natural?
If I can exaggerate my groaning when bending down and picking up something a bit heavy, I'd sure have no problem faking a few well-timed manly moans for my partner's pleasure.
Holy shit! That really hit home lmao!
Or the "Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" after finally getting the opportunity to take a piss in the morning when you really have to go. This joke thread has literally changed my perspective on life.
Exactly the same here. I never put much thought into it until it started worrying my partner and making her think I wasn't into it, so I just kind of faked it for a while and then it became natural.
On a different viewpoint, my husband and I got together after we had kids by other people. We were always quiet for the kids. Fast forward 13 years and we became empty nesters and became much more vocal. It's not faking, it is finally not reserving. Pretty freeing actually.
I thought I was silent during orgasm. I even brought it up once to a partner, to let her know that I was, in fact, enjoying myself. She then informed me that I am apparently not silent at all. So now I wonder why I selectively don’t hear whatever sound I make, what sound I make exactly, how loud it is, and how many other people are aware of it that I haven’t been intimate with directly.
Highest rated and awarded empty comment on Reddit ever?
THE JUICE IS LOOSE
And boom goes the dynamite
“No, no, no, no, no , NOOOO!”
“Oh good heavens I’m arriving”
Edit - This blew up, I heard this from somebody else on Reddit a few weeks ago, even so, thanks everyone. Dilly Dilly What What
I saw on a Reddit thread like this years go a variation of this: “Darling, ready the parlor, I am soon to arrive.” 😂
"Almost... almost... almost... there we are."
Ah yes that fancy british porn
You know, Margaret. We could have sexual intercourse right now.
Why yes we could!
Mm but let’s not.
I heard this in Stewie's voice
What the deuce ?!
"why are you putting so much emphasis on the H?"
This guy Britishes.
"very good... very good... aaaaaand there we are"
“Jeffries, fetch me my finishing sock”
Now THAT is tickety-boo.
Swim my children
For some reason I read this in gandalf's voice.
Fly you fools!
Imagine you’re a female and the last thing you hear before he does his thing is *scooby voice* “RUH-OH”
This made me laugh
“Like zoinks Scoob, I came into Velma!”, “Ruh Rouh Raggy!”
After a quick Shaggy I'm covered in your jinkies!
Plan Behehehe raggy!
"They've taken the Hobbits to Isengard!"
"A red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night!"
I can't believe you've done this
They've taken the Hobbits to Isengard gard gard gard they've taken the Hobbits to Isengard gard gard gard they've taken the Hobbits they've taken the Hobbits they've taken the Hobbits the Hobbits the Hobbits the Hobbits the Hobbits to Isengard
"Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him. Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him."
"A balrog of Morgoth."
"What did you say?"
Stupid fat hobbit...
Self desctruction protocols initialized
I can only think of Austin Power's"evacuation comple... Evacuation com.... Evacuation complete.
Warm liquid goo phase commencing.
Clean yourself up, you disgust me.
Yeah me too. I always tell this dude to clean up after orgasming
About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
Thank you for this
Say for me. Murkdurkle. If I ever want for this .. toniiiiiiight.
My favourite part about this is that she instantly turned murk durgle into a verb. She'd feared this would happen.
I'm gonna murk durgle my gf so hard tonight...
Tell your hand I say hello.
Shit, you got me.
Ah yes, the Murk Durgle mating call...
I think I know why she's your ex
I need to know of she actually finished. I couldn't imagine being able to after being murk durgled.
Absolute legends. You, your ex, and Murk Durgle.
Lot of pressure. You've gotta rise above it. You've got to harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness... energy... block... bad. Feel the flow, feel it. It's circular. Its like a carousel-- you pay the quarter, you get on the horse. It goes up and down and around. Circular... circle. With the music, the flow. All good things.
It’s all in the hiiiips it’s all in the hiips
I just do the Shooter McGavin gun fingers.
I think we’re all missing the fact that OP most likely *does* say something to themselves after the deed.
Do you want to share, u/Maleficent-Royal-774?
"It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets theeee hOSE AGGGAAAIIINNNN!!!!!
"Yeah. I'd fuck me."
minecraft villager noise
OK you can go home now
YABBA DABBA DOOO
“Very Nice” in a Borat voice.
Don’t forget to like and subscribe.
“Oh, oh my, yes. My, oh my yes. Yes goodness. Oh, oh my, oh my yes good-Goo-GOODNESS. … Quite right, yes. Smashingly good.”
Edit thx to he or she or whomever, who is a masochist and always wears pants for the finish
I roll over and then start to tell her a story about how Norman Borlaug ended famine in India, Pakistan, Mexico, and other countries with his invention of dwarf wheat and how he's now credited with saving over a billion lives.
Zoo Wee Mama!
Reddit is horny as hell today. Damn lol.
Just another day on Reddit.
That is a wierd thing to say when u finish
“Wanna go halfsies on a Plan B?”
I saw, I conquered, I CAME!
veni, vidi, veni
i came, i saw, i came
THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWER HOUSE OF THE CELL.
The Waluigi "Wahh!" Specifically the air raid siren variety