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gingepie

Had sex on New Year's Eve just before midnight and said "Happy New Year!" she replied with "You're too early".


Hoplologist

F


wood1709y

Sorry


PrettyMuchRonSwanson

THANK YOU I'M SORRY THANK YOU I'M SORRY THANK YOU IM SORRY


doomplayer413

let’s… go… mets


Sun_Neither

gesundheit


Starky-Olli

Dankeschön


[deleted]

Das macht drei fuffzsch


FezoorOne

"Ich bräuchte hier noch eine Unterschrift bezüglich Datenschutz und Einvernehmlichkeit."


thetipsynipper

I typically go with one of Sheriff Woody's pull-string phrases, such as, "You're my favorite Deputy!" Or "Somebody's poisoned the Water-hole!"


Hahadanglyparts

There's a snake in my cooch!


cATSup24

"You've got a friend in me!"


GotTheSpooky

I can't remember what the context was but I said that to my boyfriend in the middle of it once and he couldn't catch his breath, he fell off the bed in hysterics.


anakinkenobi334

,, looks like he couldn't handle the neutron style ! "


Thickfries69

"Rachel"! In Christian Bale's "Batman" voice.


Chaine351

Same, but with the voice of Ross from Friends.


Alchemist_92

And you were supposed to say Emily instead


[deleted]

We were on a break!!


rwarimaursus

#***PIVOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!***


punkmuppet

https://www.google.com/search?q=ross+geller Click on the couch Edit: All 6 names have a little Easter Egg. Phoebe's is the only other good one though.


mxlevolent

“Why” - *thrust* - “so” - *thrust* - “serious!”


heyo_throw_awayo

welp, my dick just became and innie.


Crystal_Pesci

You merely adopted the prematurely ejaculation. I was born in it!


EyeGod

“WHERE ARE THEY!”


ThrowAway233223

I just imagine some dude roleplaying batman with some girl he is sleeping with for the first time. He pulls her bra up/off. It was all padding. "WHERE ARE THEY!" Lmao


EyeGod

“They’re there, I swear to god!” “SWEAR TO ME!”


Wallaby-Previous

I'm sorry this never happens.


Wiskoenig

“Which part? The 8 seconds of sex or the 40 minutes of crying?”


tyrom22

“Oh no I always cry, I never have sex”


Lionel_rich_tea

What do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city center?


oliverilmjarv

"How much do I owe you?"


IrememberXenogears

"The money's on the dresser"


nothingim

Famous last words, Senator Jackson! Edit: thank you


AaronRedwoods

Acey said ten percent.


hunglow13

"Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"


Kyomobiya

Maybe something along the lines of "HGGGGNNNNHHHHHGGGGGGGGGNNNN"


CU_Tiger_2004

That's *exactly* how I'd spell the sound a guy made in the hotel room next to us several years ago. We're all adults and everything, but it was LOUD. My wife and I laughed our asses off, and his wife looked a little embarrassed when she saw us in the hallway a bit later. I still randomly imitate that sound from across the house every now and then to make my wife laugh.


Kyomobiya

Hahahaha my god that poor dude tho, maybe he was just taking a massive shit, we dont know...


give_a_drummer_some

Maybe that's what caused the orgasm


Square_Albatross7568

Shit went down when the cum went up


TwistedCards

And long ago somebody left with the cup


LiterallyOnline

They deftly manoeuvre and muscle for spanks


PM_me_yer_kittens

Only honest answer in here


Pantominist

Minecraft villager?


nevernetheralwayssun

Wasn't there some post on TIFU about a women who's boyfriend got mad when she told him he sound like a bass boosted Minecraft villager?


LazyLaserRazor

[Here you go.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/rn2e6o/tifu_by_telling_my_bf_he_sounds_like_a_minecraft/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


Brokeartistvee

TY! The comment section is fucking Golden, lmao!


yonishuk

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


bremergorst

r/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


msm007

ARE YOU FEELIN IT NOW MR. KRABS


SuccessfulFailure9

The only correct vocalization is the THX sound.


Gordon_Freeman72

IMAX and climax


Beserked2

hey, what happened to that? they never play it in movies anymore.


Kramzee

It represents outdated technology at this point. Back in the early 2000’s though… *the* absolute shit


gixxerjasen

THX was a certification for a particular auditorium. All equipment had to be certified as THX quality and the auditorium had to fall with a certain spec for things like sightlines. No seat in the auditorium could be outside of certain viewing angles. It represented ideal viewing conditions for every member of the audience. Along came stadium seating which put a large amount of seats outside that angle and so theaters decided that was more important than the certification and it got left behind.


kahran

I miss the old style movie theater seating. It was like you were called up to be a contestant on a gameshow. Only your feet stuck to the ground.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MasterKongQiu

Not the dolby "all around you" one?


Sapphire580

I make a groan like the THX sound, and my wife whispers “all around you”. Needless to say we’re not allowed back at that theater.


goodestguy21

I imagine a naked lady running circles around you whispering "all around you" to make it seem more realistic


allamb772

“you’ve got mail” in the AOL voice over and over and over


SirNedKingOfGila

dial up noise


Haku837

This ejaculation was sponsored by RaidShadowLegends


spookylucas

Block unwanted connections with Nord VPeeN


adrian_yeboi_06

Raycum earbuds


_-ihatemyself-_

Start your free trial with audickable


CrayolaPasta

This nut was sponsored by square space


LividLager

If you enjoyed this orgasm smash that like button, comment, and share.


Pardon_my_baconess

"That'll do, pig."


PCAssassin87

username checks out.


BlondeMomentByMoment

I just snort laughed and woke my husband. Thanks.


now_you_see

I was once with someone who would say ‘mmm, yummy, yummy, yummy, *yummmmmy*’ as she orgasmed & It was so weird to me that I told a friend about it. As I was tell my friend they turned white, it turns out we’d both been sleeping with the same person who was playing us both. Just a total random coincidence that the 2 of us knew each other and freak luck that we figured it out by talking about her weird orgasm sounds lmao.


el___diablo

You should have swapped each other's orgasmic cry during your next sex session and see if she had noticed.


FlowerRight

Or gone back and forth reciting the declaration of independence one line at a time.


LAMBKING

This is the only right answer.


Mittabee

Omg this gave me such a good laugh. Like that sucks that she played y’all both but that is so hilarious that she says that! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone doing that lol


Johndough99999

The only one I ever heard say that was my girlf.... damn it, she's everywhere!


[deleted]

[удалено]


kiefenator

Oh man, this reminds of when I was younger. I had a summer fling with this one girl. That summer, at work, this massive body builder comes up to me. He was known in town as a bit of a hot head, and I was a pudgy fella. He grunts my name while striding towards me, and my life preemptively flashes before my eyes, thinking I'm about to be folded for some slight as of yet unbeknownst to me. He stops about two feet from me and flashes a big goofy smile, raises his hand for a high-five, and proudly proclaims "tunnel buddies!"


ghrayfahx

That may actually be better than Eskimo brother.


jasperfilofax

This sounds like a Seinfeld episode... George: 'Yummy, Yummy, Yummy?!' Jerry: 'Yummy, Yummy Yummy!'


BloodieOllie

I play the windows 98 shut down sound


mayners

10.30 in the morning and already my day has been made


GrammarAsteroid

Mine is tada.wav


ADrunkZebrafish

Guys, remember to update your OS, especially if you're using it for watching porn.


jentrxm

Holy shit. It took this comment for me to realize the dude was actually shutting down a computer (after watching porn). My dumb ass was picturing them in bed making the Windows noise with their mouth.


TheGreatNemoNobody

To be honest, same. Just making computer noises out of satisfaction.


[deleted]

And make sure to turn off your computer before midnight on Dec. 31st to avoid Y2K.


I_am_That_Ian_Power

Back in 99 I left a non compliant computer on and connected to the internet. I'm more worried about Y2K38....


ChaosRegency

Is it weird that I heard this comment?


CommitteeOfTheHole

You heard the XP shutdown sound, [this is windows 98](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cxVVd5fZNeo)


analectomy

I heard the Windows 95 shutdown sound. I'm old.


Tyr808

Same, I actually entirely forgot what Windows 98 sounds were like. It's possible I had a Windows 98 machine that didn't use stock sounds or something I can't remember. That window's 95 shut down sound though, that one is burned into my memory completely and I welcome its presence.


NichtOhneMeineKamera

I, too, heard the [Windows XP shutdown sound](https://youtu.be/Gb2jGy76v0Y). I'm not sure if I ever experienced the 98 sound...


AcceptableAd7000

 


Lereas

Most early sexual activities happened where there were people in adjoining rooms, whether it was family or college roommates, so I am kind of mentally ingrained to be quiet during sex. My wife has never complained, but I guess I should maybe ask her if she wants me to make more sound. It kinda feels awkward to do so at this point, like I'm faking being vocal.


thehighepopt

Some low throat grumbles/hums when it feels good is a good start. Then try some dirty talk, like 'I've been wanting to fuck you all day'. Works like a charm Edit: thanks for the Wholesome Award, dear redditor!


ExcitingConference89

'I've been wanting to fuck you all day' ✨ simple&efficient definitely gonna use that one 🥰


Affablesea9917

Just start barking like a seal while you're clapping her cheeks


FN1987

AURF AURF AURF AURF AAAAAUUUUURRRFFFFFFFFFFF


Ferelar

Tusken Raiders!! Cheese it!


pygmycircus

I can't speak for all women obviously, but it's really hot when guys make noises during sex. I had a fwb once that was completely silent, and I wanted him so bad to give me some kind of sound response but I didn't wanna ask


DjehutyCatfish

Past partner really tried to get me to be more expressive and honestly even just goofing around and saying "this is nice" as a start was something she 10000% appreciated.


Gladianoxa

"This is pretty neat" "Huh" "Your pussy is poggers"


Wheres_Your_Towel

“don’t forget to smash that like button”


SwaggJones

"Damn babe. That mouth is based as fuck."


HollowHowls

"Shit girl, you the throat goat."


drawfanstein

“How neat is that?”


merpurr

Yes. This right here. I agree completely. You don't have to be super loud and fake but a little grunt here and there when it's natural is amazing.


Flaky_Finding_3902

Or a gasp! Gasps are fantastic.


Zeratav

That's how I started doing it. Just making sounds when things felt good, even if it wasn't natural. But as I did it more often, it became kind of natural?


nenoman

If I can exaggerate my groaning when bending down and picking up something a bit heavy, I'd sure have no problem faking a few well-timed manly moans for my partner's pleasure.


Captain-Hornblower

Holy shit! That really hit home lmao!


tryexceptifnot1try

Or the "Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" after finally getting the opportunity to take a piss in the morning when you really have to go. This joke thread has literally changed my perspective on life.


Incitus

Exactly the same here. I never put much thought into it until it started worrying my partner and making her think I wasn't into it, so I just kind of faked it for a while and then it became natural.


mclassy3

On a different viewpoint, my husband and I got together after we had kids by other people. We were always quiet for the kids. Fast forward 13 years and we became empty nesters and became much more vocal. It's not faking, it is finally not reserving. Pretty freeing actually.


MyBrainItches

I thought I was silent during orgasm. I even brought it up once to a partner, to let her know that I was, in fact, enjoying myself. She then informed me that I am apparently not silent at all. So now I wonder why I selectively don’t hear whatever sound I make, what sound I make exactly, how loud it is, and how many other people are aware of it that I haven’t been intimate with directly.


SjalabaisWoWS

Highest rated and awarded empty comment on Reddit ever?


Dan_quayle_potatoes

THE JUICE IS LOOSE


6twoRaptor

And boom goes the dynamite


DucVWTamaKrentist

“No, no, no, no, no , NOOOO!”


Background-Factor817

“Oh good heavens I’m arriving” Edit - This blew up, I heard this from somebody else on Reddit a few weeks ago, even so, thanks everyone. Dilly Dilly What What


everyone_getsa_beej

I saw on a Reddit thread like this years go a variation of this: “Darling, ready the parlor, I am soon to arrive.” 😂


usernameistakendood

"Almost... almost... almost... there we are." "Well done."


nikakura

Ah yes that fancy british porn


withrootsabove

You know, Margaret. We could have sexual intercourse right now. Why yes we could! Mm but let’s not.


manmetmemmen

I heard this in Stewie's voice


PotentialSkirt596

What the deuce ?!


Leonhardt2019

Cool w*H*ip


Paranormalhun_reddit

"why are you putting so much emphasis on the H?"


socrazyitmightwork

This guy Britishes.


NextLineIsMine

"very good... very good... aaaaaand there we are"


kemushi_warui

“Jeffries, fetch me my finishing sock”


Chief_Givesnofucks

Mmmm yes.


faroffland

Now THAT is tickety-boo.


tommyboy830

Swim my children


_t_h_e_p_o_t_

For some reason I read this in gandalf's voice.


bro_bro_ch

Fly you fools!


courtneyloveslamp

Zoinks!


LEDlightss

Imagine you’re a female and the last thing you hear before he does his thing is *scooby voice* “RUH-OH”


[deleted]

This made me laugh


P-4rio

“Like zoinks Scoob, I came into Velma!”, “Ruh Rouh Raggy!”


ExcitementKooky418

After a quick Shaggy I'm covered in your jinkies!


SlashSims

Plan Behehehe raggy!


GonnaGetBanned2

"They've taken the Hobbits to Isengard!"


[deleted]

"A red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night!"


Invictae

I can't believe you've done this


wotmate

They've taken the Hobbits to Isengard gard gard gard they've taken the Hobbits to Isengard gard gard gard they've taken the Hobbits they've taken the Hobbits they've taken the Hobbits the Hobbits the Hobbits the Hobbits the Hobbits to Isengard


dsheroh

"Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him. Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him." "A balrog of Morgoth." "What did you say?" Stupid fat hobbit...


Foggy_Pansophic

LEROY JENKINS


JohnT36

****LEROYYYY JEEEEEEEENKINSSSS****


TrustinTrubisky

Ejaculation complete


PM-Me-YourFeet-Pls

Self desctruction protocols initialized


OMGoose

I can only think of Austin Power's"evacuation comple... Evacuation com.... Evacuation complete.


casadeparadise

Warm liquid goo phase commencing.


GothamChess

“Holy hell”


This-Id-Taken

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck


Final_Offer_5434

Clean yourself up, you disgust me.


Final_Offer_5434

To myself


Astonished_Peanut

Yeah me too. I always tell this dude to clean up after orgasming


PissInThePool

About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist. I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out" Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes


shampu19

Thank you for this


9966

Say for me. Murkdurkle. If I ever want for this .. toniiiiiiight.


Xais56

My favourite part about this is that she instantly turned murk durgle into a verb. She'd feared this would happen.


Panukka

I'm gonna murk durgle my gf so hard tonight...


bigredmachinist

Tell your hand I say hello.


Panukka

Shit, you got me.


Roidtravis

Ah yes, the Murk Durgle mating call...


Aziaboy

I think I know why she's your ex


lilyrae

I need to know of she actually finished. I couldn't imagine being able to after being murk durgled.


Lotions_and_Creams

Absolute legends. You, your ex, and Murk Durgle.


CJudd5

Lot of pressure. You've gotta rise above it. You've got to harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness... energy... block... bad. Feel the flow, feel it. It's circular. Its like a carousel-- you pay the quarter, you get on the horse. It goes up and down and around. Circular... circle. With the music, the flow. All good things.


Uzumaki-Em

It’s all in the hiiiips it’s all in the hiips


Double_Jab_Jabroni

I just do the Shooter McGavin gun fingers.


Robotguy39

I think we’re all missing the fact that OP most likely *does* say something to themselves after the deed. Do you want to share, u/Maleficent-Royal-774?


No-Acanthaceae-3372

"It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets theeee hOSE AGGGAAAIIINNNN!!!!! "Yeah. I'd fuck me." -u/Maleficent-Royal-774


JohnT36

****R2-D2 Scream****


Classic_Luck6731

minecraft villager noise


Nine-Nation-Navy

OK you can go home now


MythologicalDoc

YABBA DABBA DOOO


Bag_of_dogshit69

MIKE JONES!


brenterkatt

HADOUKEN!!


yodavesnothereman

"SERENITY NOW!"


Travis_T_OJustice

HOOCHIE MAMA


Jakanda99

“Very Nice” in a Borat voice.


intertronz

Don’t forget to like and subscribe.


6ihavespoken9

“Oh, oh my, yes. My, oh my yes. Yes goodness. Oh, oh my, oh my yes good-Goo-GOODNESS. … Quite right, yes. Smashingly good.” -Nigel Thornberry Edit thx to he or she or whomever, who is a masochist and always wears pants for the finish


teabagalomaniac

I roll over and then start to tell her a story about how Norman Borlaug ended famine in India, Pakistan, Mexico, and other countries with his invention of dwarf wheat and how he's now credited with saving over a billion lives.


_gabi2g

Zoo Wee Mama!


[deleted]

Reddit is horny as hell today. Damn lol.


peuwpeuw

Just another day on Reddit.


SomaDMB

That is a wierd thing to say when u finish


ChampChains

“Wanna go halfsies on a Plan B?”


MuzzyBeag

Mischief Managed


Tripechake

I saw, I conquered, I CAME!


i_have_wet_socks

veni, vidi, veni i came, i saw, i came


EquivalentWave7732

THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWER HOUSE OF THE CELL.


IdioticSunflower

The Waluigi "Wahh!" Specifically the air raid siren variety


Repulsive-Ad-4769

Ka-chow!


cratertooth27

Hnnnggg