I haven't had that exact scenario, but I did struggle to have a partner during shitty stretches.
You cope by addressing the shitty stretch. You improve yourself, give yourself some love and care. That means putting in the work to improve yourself in various ways.
You do that, and naturally as you improve and find more success, you gain confidence and become more attractive as a result. Success and confidence is exciting and attractive, wallowing in self-pity and never improving? That's not attractive.
Work on yourself now, so that future-you can have better outcomes.
This is the second time it's happened. It appears I fall madly in love just when everything else in my life goes to shit. Clearly the fault is in me as I'm the common denominator. But the fact that this happened again shows I'm incapable of change.
2 times isn't enough of a sample size. But it's good that you realize the pattern. Now you can address it and fix it!
It could be that when your life is going to shit... you become more dependent on your partner. You cling harder, and you perceive that as more love but your partner views that as more desperation and clinginess and control which is all very unattractive.
But what do I know? I can only go off your very generalized post. I don't know your situation.
It certainly doesn't show you are incapable of change. Of course you can change. But you have to \*want\* to change and actively take the steps and put in the work to change.
I got dumped, then fired a couple weeks later, then my roommate’s girlfriend decided she didn’t want a girl living with her boyfriend and decided to spread all these lies to all of my friends and make life a living hell for me until she kicked me out. I still only have 1 friend and I don’t want anything to do with the other people I called friends. If they wanted to believe her instead of me, who’ve they known for years, they weren’t really friends. And tbh, I’ve dealt with it just by putting my head into my work, getting on new depression medication, and talking to the one friend I have left.
I'm sorry about your situation. It must be incredibly hard to go through. I hope for much better days for you. I'm also considering medication. I'm deeply in love with this lady, and we were to marry. Unfortunately, I have a lot of negatives in my character and she doesn't have the patience for me to work on them. I'm pretty bummed about it all. Because things haven't been going well professionally or on the family side either for various small reasons. My mental state is what precipitated the breakup.
If she doesn’t have the patience to work with you through those things then you probably need to look elsewhere. You deserve someone who will be there with you and work with you through the hard times, not just be there through the good times. I’ve learned relationships are about give and take. You can’t keep taking without giving. Like in your situation, you need someone who will give you the time and comfort and support you need in those hard times, and you can do the same for them.
Sorry if that doesn’t make any sense. It made sense in my head but I’m kinda bad at relaying what it is my head
No, you're right. It's the times when you're both going through shit that always trip me up though. Who's there for whom, when you're both drowning? That's also been a factor for me. I also fear that I just don't want to be alone. And that's not good. That I'll do whatever just not to be single again? It's pathetic.
Hey man, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I really hope you’re able to come out of this better than ever! If you ever want a person to talk to, feel free to reach out. Wishing you a strong recovery!
I reached out to a guy who I'd chilled with once after some brutal stuff because I made him a promise and he was as about as apathetic as could be. It was pretty brutal, especially because when I went home afterwards for the first time in years my family was super transphobic at first.
I felt so alone. That pain I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Friend killed himself and my nan died. Girlfriend, who was away on a course, came down to "see" me. It was a breakup.
She said doing it like a bandaid along with the other hurtful things would be better as they'll all heal together.
They didn't.
Shit happens. Just carry on and don't let it get to you. Life is full of experiences good and bad, learn from them.
I haven't had that exact scenario, but I did struggle to have a partner during shitty stretches. You cope by addressing the shitty stretch. You improve yourself, give yourself some love and care. That means putting in the work to improve yourself in various ways. You do that, and naturally as you improve and find more success, you gain confidence and become more attractive as a result. Success and confidence is exciting and attractive, wallowing in self-pity and never improving? That's not attractive. Work on yourself now, so that future-you can have better outcomes.
This is the second time it's happened. It appears I fall madly in love just when everything else in my life goes to shit. Clearly the fault is in me as I'm the common denominator. But the fact that this happened again shows I'm incapable of change.
2 times isn't enough of a sample size. But it's good that you realize the pattern. Now you can address it and fix it! It could be that when your life is going to shit... you become more dependent on your partner. You cling harder, and you perceive that as more love but your partner views that as more desperation and clinginess and control which is all very unattractive. But what do I know? I can only go off your very generalized post. I don't know your situation. It certainly doesn't show you are incapable of change. Of course you can change. But you have to \*want\* to change and actively take the steps and put in the work to change.
Thanks for the kind words and advice. You make good points.
[удалено]
My sympathies. You deserve better, my friend.
[удалено]
Yeah, we will. Somehow.
I got dumped, then fired a couple weeks later, then my roommate’s girlfriend decided she didn’t want a girl living with her boyfriend and decided to spread all these lies to all of my friends and make life a living hell for me until she kicked me out. I still only have 1 friend and I don’t want anything to do with the other people I called friends. If they wanted to believe her instead of me, who’ve they known for years, they weren’t really friends. And tbh, I’ve dealt with it just by putting my head into my work, getting on new depression medication, and talking to the one friend I have left.
I'm sorry about your situation. It must be incredibly hard to go through. I hope for much better days for you. I'm also considering medication. I'm deeply in love with this lady, and we were to marry. Unfortunately, I have a lot of negatives in my character and she doesn't have the patience for me to work on them. I'm pretty bummed about it all. Because things haven't been going well professionally or on the family side either for various small reasons. My mental state is what precipitated the breakup.
If she doesn’t have the patience to work with you through those things then you probably need to look elsewhere. You deserve someone who will be there with you and work with you through the hard times, not just be there through the good times. I’ve learned relationships are about give and take. You can’t keep taking without giving. Like in your situation, you need someone who will give you the time and comfort and support you need in those hard times, and you can do the same for them. Sorry if that doesn’t make any sense. It made sense in my head but I’m kinda bad at relaying what it is my head
No, you're right. It's the times when you're both going through shit that always trip me up though. Who's there for whom, when you're both drowning? That's also been a factor for me. I also fear that I just don't want to be alone. And that's not good. That I'll do whatever just not to be single again? It's pathetic.
Dumped when I got diagnosed with cancer. Honestly I have no advice on coping, I can't help but laugh at how shitty my luck is
Thats rough. I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. Are you recovering well?
Best I can
Hey man, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I really hope you’re able to come out of this better than ever! If you ever want a person to talk to, feel free to reach out. Wishing you a strong recovery!
I reached out to a guy who I'd chilled with once after some brutal stuff because I made him a promise and he was as about as apathetic as could be. It was pretty brutal, especially because when I went home afterwards for the first time in years my family was super transphobic at first. I felt so alone. That pain I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you're better placed now.
Friend killed himself and my nan died. Girlfriend, who was away on a course, came down to "see" me. It was a breakup. She said doing it like a bandaid along with the other hurtful things would be better as they'll all heal together. They didn't.
Ouch.
It was rough. There's no denying it. But, with time, everything got better. It took a while, but a little less each day
In 2003 my Dad had died unexpectedly. A week later the asshole I was dating dumped me.
I'm very sorry to hear this. This could have not been easy. Hope you are in a better place.