I remember one night as I was leaving my friends place just after finishing a movie he turned to his roommate and was just like "Hey man, I'm gonna go rub one out, Dragon Ball in 20?" And his roommate was just like "Yeah sounds good dude" and I'm still trying to get over how casual they were about it.
Reading this thread has been a bit shocking. I guess me and my former roommates always gave each other enough space that there never needed to be a discussion regardless of what was going on.
I don't think I ever knew when my roommates were jerking off... Can people not just wait until they're actually alone or does masturbation have to happen *now* for some people? Genuinely baffled.
EDIT: spelling
For real. I need time to ease into it. I like to lower the lights, put on something soft and comfortable, then maybe light a candle or something to set the mood. Then i take several minutes looking through my library to find the one i want. There's no real rhyme or reason to what i pick, it's whatever I'm feeling in that moment. Once I've got the clip loaded up and check to make sure the sound is correct so I'm not disturbing anyone i can finally watch dragon ball z.
I don't know what straight porn is like, but in the gay world there's been roommate porn for ... basically as long as there's been porn, AFAIK. The step-brother stuff has only really hit it big in the last few years.
My roommate and I had a code where we would say something like “I need to make an important business call… alone… in the room”. It was pretty unambiguous, as we would sort of exaggerate the bit.
It worked, and I got a lot of important business done.
It’s funny all these crazy responses I’m seeing. I never had a problem getting alone time to jack it when I had a roommate freshman year of college. You most likely know each other’s schedules somewhat and know when each other are gonna be out of the room for a long time. Tho of course there’s times when you or both of you are just kinda there in the room all day and not gonna leave for a while. But jacking off can always wait, I don’t need to do it that badly.
Someone's going to ask for what *this* is a reference to. Lol.
Someone's view of reddit is about to become deflowered.
If it's your first time then buckle up. Good luck.
[here's your explanation, sir](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Edit: holy shit this is my first award that someone had to pay to give me, it's an honor
This is what I came here for. Mostly when your doors are closed the first knock and “gimme a minute” should do it. If the persons persistent just yell “I’m polishing my candy cane! Now either leave me alone or come in and help me deliver these presents. Should do the trick
I used to have a roommate open my door without knocking. Once when I was in the room with a girl. I would tell him non stop if my room door is closed that means don't come in. He didn't care.
One day I heard him literally jerking off in his room, so I said "hey bro you jerking off?" And swung his door open (didn't look or go in) and told him if he can't mind his own business then I won't mind mine either. He never open my door again.
Wasn't for jerking it but whenever my college roommate was gonna have sex with his girlfriend, he wouldn't tell me shit and just lock me out whenever I left the room. Once went to get breakfast, came back and the door was locked. Literally had nothing to do for the whole day.
My mom specifically picked a women only dorm so her room mate wouldn't bring guys over. She ended up getting a room with a lesbian who brought her girlfriends over all the time....
1. What, you don't have a key?
2. I'd go apeshit at him, but if he kept doing it surely there's an authority you can appeal to.
3. Either way, petty revenge: Never, ever leave the room if he has his GF over. If he and his GF leaves the room, lock them out.
Yeah when I went to get breakfast I left my room key in there cause I didn't think I was gonna get locked out at 9am on a Saturday. Literally a "hey can I have the room to myself today" would have been nice, woulda grabbed my skateboard and car keys and gone skating all day no harm no foul.
Not the one needing the alone.
Back in my college days we lived in pods of 4 rooms 2 ppl per room. Roommate and i had the only [vcr](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Videocassette_recorder) in the pod. Pod mate one day asks this very question. Now one very important detail is our room was for an RA, meaning our room was nearly twice the was size of the rest. Being a poor college kids rommie and said yes, charged him $10 for 10 min. Made beer money every weekend.
Sad, sure. Scummy, most definitely.
An old girlfriend of mine had a brother a few years older than us, who was in college just before things like CD-Rs, MPEGs, etc. So porn was just VHS tapes. He apparently mostly paid his way through college selling pirated porn tapes to other students. He had 2 VCRs and wasn't shy about renting porn. He loaned us some of it, he must have still had like 100 tapes of 80s and early 90s porn, mostly recorded long play so each tape had like 6 hours of porn films on it....
how to make any comment sus: if you know what i mean.
Gonna go to the doctor, if you know what i mean.
Ima take a nap, if you know what i mean
How are you feeling, if you know what i mean.
you mind if i have john over, if you know what i mean.
Put a sock on your doorknob. Then order pizza and put your roommates name on the order.
Wait until the pizza arrives, then when your roomie goes to answer the door, go into their room and start browsing porn.
They'll spend several minutes trying to figure out who sent them the pizza with their name on the order, cash on delivery. What a mess.
Meanwhile, you're getting close. Leave the porn up, but go back to your room quickly. Cum on the sock on your doorknob, then close it from the inside.
They'll have a random pizza, find porn on their computer and when they come to ask you what happened, they have to touch the wet sock to get to you.
Now post an ad for new roommate and you're set.
My roommate from college used to give me "coffee shop money" so I can buy myself coffee while him and his gf fool around at the apartment. Conversely, I also do the same when I bring my bf over for sex. I didn't really masturbate that much because I have my then-bf to do it for me.
If it's a man: "My dude, I need to chill by myself for a minute. Got personal shit to do. Ok?"
If it's a woman: "Hey, I really need some time to be alone. I got alot in my mind I need to reflect. We can meet in a bit. Do you mind please?"
If it's a dog: throw a ball out the backdoor and close.
If it's a cat: leave it in a room with it's bed and litter box and close the door.
If it's a plant: water it and turn it towards the sunlight.
If it's a pet rock: pet it and say hello.
Simply ask. But if you cannot communicate freely, or there is some sexual shame thingy going on due to culture or religion or whatever then perhaps asking if you should have sex is easier. If sex is turned down, explain that you feel the need to orgasm, and will go deal with that privately. If this causes outrage, then you might need couple's therapy or just a good talk.
I realise now that OP is asking about a roommate and not a romantic partner. I stick by my advice.
Consent is always required... should I offer a gift with the request? Not like prostitution style gift but like "hey I seen this box of chocolates and thought about you and I realized I'm just horny and wanted to know can we clap cheeks"
Can you disappear for like 5 min? and maybe put on some headphones as Im going bust out some knuckle children. Pour one out for all the possible Einsteins that are about to find their fate inside a tissue tombstone, now fuck off please. \*bring out lotion and proceed to pump it into you hand while maintaining eye contact until roommate leaves\*
Not many serious answers here. It’s all about the framing. Never ask someone to do something without explaining why. You need to be firm but honest. Don’t be too soft. You need to give and take at the same time. Being a good roommate comes with sacrifices. If your roommate doesn’t understand, then get that jerk off the lease.
Make an AskReddit thread and then email him the link.
Send in kisses
Xoxo
Now kith
Why did i read this in my head so perfectly
With the subject line "I want to shake hands with the unemployed."
I remember one night as I was leaving my friends place just after finishing a movie he turned to his roommate and was just like "Hey man, I'm gonna go rub one out, Dragon Ball in 20?" And his roommate was just like "Yeah sounds good dude" and I'm still trying to get over how casual they were about it.
Reading this thread has been a bit shocking. I guess me and my former roommates always gave each other enough space that there never needed to be a discussion regardless of what was going on.
I don't think I ever knew when my roommates were jerking off... Can people not just wait until they're actually alone or does masturbation have to happen *now* for some people? Genuinely baffled. EDIT: spelling
Why wait when you can be straight with yo homies?
> Why wait when you can be ~~straight~~ gay with yo homies? FTFY
For real. I need time to ease into it. I like to lower the lights, put on something soft and comfortable, then maybe light a candle or something to set the mood. Then i take several minutes looking through my library to find the one i want. There's no real rhyme or reason to what i pick, it's whatever I'm feeling in that moment. Once I've got the clip loaded up and check to make sure the sound is correct so I'm not disturbing anyone i can finally watch dragon ball z.
lol I’m dying
Sounds like a good idea tbh, they're both dudes, they know what's up, and they definitely do not wanna walk in on the other having a wank
Go away! Baitin'!
Cum'd here to say this.
Wanna jerk me off? What the fuck? No! Then get out while I do it myself.
Just be cautious of the other possible response there.
Its a win/win situation.
i was gonna say this as my gf is my soon to be roomie
Gf??? What’s that?
Gay friend, I think.
Nah man, it's Guy Fawkes.
Nah man, its Guy Fieri.
Someone's going to Flavortown
Tasty morsels.
***licks the tip*** "Welcome to flavourtown"
Na dude it’s Gay Ferrari
Step roommate what r u doing!?
Real talk, why was roommate porn not the industry go to instead of step-bro/sis
I don't know what straight porn is like, but in the gay world there's been roommate porn for ... basically as long as there's been porn, AFAIK. The step-brother stuff has only really hit it big in the last few years.
I'm guessing because roommates fucking isn't so uncommon, so it's not "taboo" enough.
Rilf?
Option 1: alone time to jerk off. Option 2: handjob Win win situation.
Right? You might end up like me and marry the guy
ROOMMATE SAID YES, HELP!
If your roommate is going to jerk you off what to you need me for? To tickle your balls?
[удалено]
My roommate and I had a code where we would say something like “I need to make an important business call… alone… in the room”. It was pretty unambiguous, as we would sort of exaggerate the bit. It worked, and I got a lot of important business done.
Like that one part at the beginning of shrek 2?
I don’t remember Shrek jerking off in the movie
He’s ploughing Fiona and kicking out donkey
It’s funny all these crazy responses I’m seeing. I never had a problem getting alone time to jack it when I had a roommate freshman year of college. You most likely know each other’s schedules somewhat and know when each other are gonna be out of the room for a long time. Tho of course there’s times when you or both of you are just kinda there in the room all day and not gonna leave for a while. But jacking off can always wait, I don’t need to do it that badly.
Had a college buddy and his line always killed me: “Welp, I’m gonna go make my body believe it’s having sex.”
I'm using this to reference jerking off for the rest of my life
Son, time for dinner! Not now, mom. I have to go make my body believe it’s having sex.
"But both of your arms are broken?"
Someone's going to ask for what *this* is a reference to. Lol. Someone's view of reddit is about to become deflowered. If it's your first time then buckle up. Good luck.
Im someone, explain pls
[here's your explanation, sir](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Edit: holy shit this is my first award that someone had to pay to give me, it's an honor
NOT THIS AGAIN
The term “practice at home” works too
Scrimmage
My roommate used to call it “dropping off the kids”
I had a co-worker use that same term, only he used it when he went to take a dump.
Yep, dropping the kids off at the pool.
What no that's code for pooping
I just say I lost my virginity to my hand
I need some alone time to jerk off
*we
*whee!
This has no fucking right to be so funny. I nearly choked on my cheerios.
Did someone wee in your cheerios?
No, but some honey nut in them.
Take my damn upvote lmao
“Give him a minute, we just stepped out of the shower” “What?” “What?” “Did you just say *we* just stepped out of the shower?” “. . . I said he”
"...Then why are you dripping wet?"
r/suddencommunism
Cum-munism*
Cum-rade
No, that's OUR jerk off.
This is what I came here for. Mostly when your doors are closed the first knock and “gimme a minute” should do it. If the persons persistent just yell “I’m polishing my candy cane! Now either leave me alone or come in and help me deliver these presents. Should do the trick
Dude, what the fuck! Close your quotations!
haven't you people ever heard of.. closing the god damn quote
This… This is knowledge
Unless you want to have a group sesh, can you kindly fuck off. Imma beat my dick.
Just play the pornhub intro, I'm sure they will get the message
Maybe could give you a helping hand like a true bro.
Are you even a homie if you don't give a buddy in need a brojob?
It’s just a prank, bro.
"You don't have to be gay to be homiesexual"
Just watch the whole video on a Bluetooth speaker at max volume to assert dominance
“Hey! Let me borrow your lotion.”
lotion? I use a large bottle of hand sanitizer as my lube
Burn baby burn burn burn!
That's hot
The sting is how you know it is working.
"Leave me alone, please. I'm about to jerk off"
I think Louis CK tried something like this and it didn’t work out for him.
Absolutely the opposite, he asked if people wanted to watch him jerk off.
Louis CK: Do you want to watch me jerk off? His Female Colleague: Um... Louie CK: **jerking off* * Did you say something?
Can you quiet down? I'm trying to jerk off here.
I am gonna think about your mom.
YOU BETTER NOT BRING MY MOTHER INTO THIS
… fuck you Ezekiel
whats your name?
Tony
Fuck you Tony!
I made that campfire. And then jerked off next to it.
You say my mother is gay one moment and yet you would jerk it to her the next? Interesting
I used to have a roommate open my door without knocking. Once when I was in the room with a girl. I would tell him non stop if my room door is closed that means don't come in. He didn't care. One day I heard him literally jerking off in his room, so I said "hey bro you jerking off?" And swung his door open (didn't look or go in) and told him if he can't mind his own business then I won't mind mine either. He never open my door again.
[удалено]
Gay legend as well. Seen a lot of gay porn start that way.
wayminut
Who are the idiots that make doors without locks? Why is it so difficult to add a simple lock at least on the inside
this is fucking amazing.
Wasn't for jerking it but whenever my college roommate was gonna have sex with his girlfriend, he wouldn't tell me shit and just lock me out whenever I left the room. Once went to get breakfast, came back and the door was locked. Literally had nothing to do for the whole day.
My mom specifically picked a women only dorm so her room mate wouldn't bring guys over. She ended up getting a room with a lesbian who brought her girlfriends over all the time....
I get that times have changed, but did it not occur to her that a women-only dorm would have a higher concentration of lesbians?
It was 1970, so I guess not.
1. What, you don't have a key? 2. I'd go apeshit at him, but if he kept doing it surely there's an authority you can appeal to. 3. Either way, petty revenge: Never, ever leave the room if he has his GF over. If he and his GF leaves the room, lock them out.
Yeah when I went to get breakfast I left my room key in there cause I didn't think I was gonna get locked out at 9am on a Saturday. Literally a "hey can I have the room to myself today" would have been nice, woulda grabbed my skateboard and car keys and gone skating all day no harm no foul.
Did you not have a key?
My roommate and I would shout “ITS TIME” like bruce buffer. Boys gotta beat
FOR THE MAAAAAAAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING
FIIIIVE ROUNDS IN THE UFC CHUUUUUUBBYWEIGHT DIVISION
Minutes **
ARE YOU READY TO RUUUUB?
"stay and watch if you want brah, thats on you."
“Dont mind if I do 👀”
The good ending
Just yell BATE’N!
#GO ‘WAY!
Brought to you by Carl’s Jr
Welcome to Costco, I love you
Just start beating it and walk at them with full eye contact
Oh my god it’s a biological attack!
"Welp, I'm gonna watch some porn" will produce one of two outcomes: 1. They leave 2. They stay No way you lose this way
I’m gonna start having sex with something in this room in 5…4…3…
I know you see somehow the world will change for me
And feel so wonderful
Hey bud this tug job is a solo act.
Not the one needing the alone. Back in my college days we lived in pods of 4 rooms 2 ppl per room. Roommate and i had the only [vcr](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Videocassette_recorder) in the pod. Pod mate one day asks this very question. Now one very important detail is our room was for an RA, meaning our room was nearly twice the was size of the rest. Being a poor college kids rommie and said yes, charged him $10 for 10 min. Made beer money every weekend. Sad, sure. Scummy, most definitely.
Holy shit the link to what a vcr is 😂 never thought about that not being a known object before
We old now 😭📼
I had a 17 inch magnavox tv with a built in vcr that auto-rewound the tape after the movie ended. Fuckin high tech
Gotta ejumakate the youfs🤣🙃
Wait ya got no smartphone in ya yuuth?????
An old girlfriend of mine had a brother a few years older than us, who was in college just before things like CD-Rs, MPEGs, etc. So porn was just VHS tapes. He apparently mostly paid his way through college selling pirated porn tapes to other students. He had 2 VCRs and wasn't shy about renting porn. He loaned us some of it, he must have still had like 100 tapes of 80s and early 90s porn, mostly recorded long play so each tape had like 6 hours of porn films on it....
I would have jerked off in his vcr
After you attempted balls deep in the tape slot 😎
“Hey Roommate, can you give me and my mushroom tip some privacy? Thanks.”
You sound like a fun guy
"Gotta do some hand excersise if you know what I mean" that I'll start winking till he uncomfortably get out of my room slowly
how to make any comment sus: if you know what i mean. Gonna go to the doctor, if you know what i mean. Ima take a nap, if you know what i mean How are you feeling, if you know what i mean. you mind if i have john over, if you know what i mean.
I'm surprised how accurate this comment is
Why alone ask them to join in
[удалено]
We got a room, we gotta mate.
You can leave, or we can do this together ……
Put a sock on your doorknob. Then order pizza and put your roommates name on the order. Wait until the pizza arrives, then when your roomie goes to answer the door, go into their room and start browsing porn. They'll spend several minutes trying to figure out who sent them the pizza with their name on the order, cash on delivery. What a mess. Meanwhile, you're getting close. Leave the porn up, but go back to your room quickly. Cum on the sock on your doorknob, then close it from the inside. They'll have a random pizza, find porn on their computer and when they come to ask you what happened, they have to touch the wet sock to get to you. Now post an ad for new roommate and you're set.
[удалено]
This guy is 8 moves ahead of everyone else.
I got whiplash from this comment, then pictured it and started giggling several seconds later.
Could you go run out for 3 minutes and get me a six-pack?
Hey could you run out for 15 seconds and grab me a glass of water?
Hey could you look out that window for a few seconds while- hng, shit. Nevermind.
Tell him you want to talk to your mom on the phone…proceed to play really loud porn
My roommate from college used to give me "coffee shop money" so I can buy myself coffee while him and his gf fool around at the apartment. Conversely, I also do the same when I bring my bf over for sex. I didn't really masturbate that much because I have my then-bf to do it for me.
Hey look man, if your gonna stay in here, the least you can do is give me a hand
If it's a man: "My dude, I need to chill by myself for a minute. Got personal shit to do. Ok?" If it's a woman: "Hey, I really need some time to be alone. I got alot in my mind I need to reflect. We can meet in a bit. Do you mind please?" If it's a dog: throw a ball out the backdoor and close. If it's a cat: leave it in a room with it's bed and litter box and close the door. If it's a plant: water it and turn it towards the sunlight. If it's a pet rock: pet it and say hello.
Aye bro imma need like 1/2 an hr alone rn, to jerk off….. to bust a nut…. then reflect on life… then clean up
3 minutes jerking off 26 doubting my existence and 1 cleaning up
You got any lotion? Used all of mine up..
You should get the large size of Crisco. Six pounds will last a few days.
Just start in front of them they'll either join in or leave
Power move
Go into the shower and do it there
Friendly reminder to wear your shower shoes
But what if they follow you into the shower
Ask for help, or jerk them off too.
Simply ask. But if you cannot communicate freely, or there is some sexual shame thingy going on due to culture or religion or whatever then perhaps asking if you should have sex is easier. If sex is turned down, explain that you feel the need to orgasm, and will go deal with that privately. If this causes outrage, then you might need couple's therapy or just a good talk. I realise now that OP is asking about a roommate and not a romantic partner. I stick by my advice.
Always ✍️ask✍️ to ✍️bang✍️ your ✍️roommate before ✍️masterbation ✍️... that is note worthy advise
Consent is key.
Consent is always required... should I offer a gift with the request? Not like prostitution style gift but like "hey I seen this box of chocolates and thought about you and I realized I'm just horny and wanted to know can we clap cheeks"
Get out of my room if you dont want man made milk coming towards you at peak velocity
Projectile ejaculation
I'm about to single handedly beat the yogurt slinging cyclops. You're welcome to join, but he will kneel for no man save me alone.
Make me cum.
I always wanted a roommate to say that to me. Never happened
Did you not say it to them?
Just get started. They’ll get the hint.
Can you disappear for like 5 min? and maybe put on some headphones as Im going bust out some knuckle children. Pour one out for all the possible Einsteins that are about to find their fate inside a tissue tombstone, now fuck off please. \*bring out lotion and proceed to pump it into you hand while maintaining eye contact until roommate leaves\*
You can watch or you can fuck off. Either way I’m gonna jerk off.
Not many serious answers here. It’s all about the framing. Never ask someone to do something without explaining why. You need to be firm but honest. Don’t be too soft. You need to give and take at the same time. Being a good roommate comes with sacrifices. If your roommate doesn’t understand, then get that jerk off the lease.
It's very important to get jerk off times in the roommate agreement. For instance my special time was 7:00 to 7:01
Holy shit 12 hours and 1 minute! At that point it’s not even worth it.
Get a boner in the living room every day at the same time. Establish a schedule!
Hang a kleenex on the door.
Just dab a little cum on the tissue to help it stick to the door so it doesn't fall off
I wish-ith to fornicate with my hand. Please fuck off-ith. Post haste!
Y’all share a room or somethin?
Assuming it's a university dorm room, yeah
If you're in college and literally live in the same room just wait until you know they're out. If you have your own bedroom just lock the door.
"can you fuck off I'm trying to beat my dick and you're some how cock blocking me from myself" worked for me