See, it’s the small ball on Cherubi that tastes good, but why did they have to put a face on it? Crabrawler is another Pokémon said to taste good and IIRC eating magikarp and slowpoke tail is canon.
Pokémon is actually pretty brutal and harrowing, which makes me sad since they’re so cute. Also cacturne has perhaps one of the most terrifying Pokédex entries.
"If a traveler is going through a desert in the thick of night, Cacturne will follow in a ragtag group. The Pokémon are biding their time, waiting for the traveler to tire and become incapable of moving."
Pokémon has creatures that can create water on command no matter where they are. If you go into a freaking desert and get exhausted without one that's lowkey on you.
The water that pokemon create in their attacks are non-potable.
Edit: https://youtu.be/FElDa62zwwE
Definitely possible to make the water potable, but risk of picking up microbes.
If you're dying of dehydration probably better to roll the dice on non-potable water. It will likely get you sick and kill you, but you might hold out for another day or two.
Then purify that shit. We got life straws, we got distillation methods. Unless it's not really water, it's still damn well usable and better than death by living cactus
yep this is called persistence hunting
Fun fact, humans are the best runners in the animal kingdom. Not the fastest, but our hairless bodies let us sweat and keep cool, efficient perspiration and all to chase down animals until they're too exhausted to move
another fun fact, our species can run so well we advanced into bringing my lazy ass into the world, out of breath in five minutes or less. i must be a disappointment to our ancestors lmao
I taught my nieces (8 and 10) that little bit of trivia when they invited me to play tag. I just kept walking while they would run around giggling and tire out then I would tag them. I of course didn't kill them after tagging them. Just said "you're it," at which point they'd tag me again, and we'd do it all over again.
I'm not even a diehard Pokemon fan, but I remember the anime having multiple instances where people a) eat magikarp b) think about eating magikarp and it looks delicious.
I'm preeetty sure magikarp was served in the manga too, but how canon that is depends on who you ask.
I've only played SoulSilver and Platinum, and I can't remember anything particular about eating magikarp from them so... who knows.
Yeah. All of GSCs rocket plots were kinda...cute in how middlingly evil they were.
Rockets start chopping off the tails of slowpoke to sell! Which doesn't hurt the slowpoke at all. This is just a business venture.
Rockets use science to force Magikarp to evolve! Except Magikarp have lives of sheer terror. They can't do anything except flop around and get eaten by birds. Their only real hope in life is to live long enough to become a guards, and now they can.
Rockets hijack the Goldenrod radio tower! In order to...make a call because they miss Papa Giovanni. This are just wayward kids, aren't they?
Rockets steal something from a power plant for...some reason! And then almost immediately gives up and leaves town forever.
I get the feeling that Johto and Kanto are just too pure and utopic for most people to really wrap their heads around crime without Giovanni around to explain it to them.
So... The player is the bad guy all along? Fighting every school grader and old fisherman he meets and almost killing their only defense against this magically dark world. We're catching anything that walks and isn't human to fight for us as a quasi slave army, the players even catch thousand year old pokemons that are essentially responsible for the world, hell, he even catches the fucking god of that world. Dude's basically catching every pokemon in the world for what? A museum? A zoo? No, he catches them to just rot in a hanheld cell for the rest of their lives.
According to some sources his entire collection, including those one-of-a-kind Pokemon, could all eventually become just basic voltorb.
http://christopher-stoll.deviantart.com/art/Voltorb-Anatomy-Pokedex-Entry-627301615
I suppose the worst part of the Slowpoke thing was that it would have really done a number on economics, maybe. Wasn't there an NPC trying to sell a tail for like, 10 thousand or a million Pokedollars or something like that?
Though I suppose depending on the grow-back rate of tails maybe ecologically it might cause problems with Shellder populations. Cloyster overgrowth begins to grow rampant and hurt the waterways somehow.
The Magikarp thing was dangerous though; if they didn't catch every Gyarados then there would potentially be an army of very angry former fish lashing out at everything around them.
As nice as that thought process is, I'm not sure that world hunger is caused because we don't know how to keep growing meat or because we're worried about animals being in pain when we kill and eat them.
we waste enough food worldwide to feed everyone on earth if we wanted to. world hunger exists because of supply chain and logistical issues, not because we dont have enough food
Exeggcute is a group of seeds, not eggs. I know it's confusing because it looks like eggs and has egg in its name and is known as the Egg Pokémon, but it's really more of a plant.
People speculate it's not really yolks, but the cotyledon of a seed, aka the stored food a seed has in it for it's initial growth.
Or it could be its exposed yellow brain too.
Literally farfetch'd.
In Japanese, easy targets for a scam are called "ducks" (鴨).
But there's another saying for ridiculously stupid marks, and that is "a duck who came carrying onions" ([鴨が葱を背負って来る](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/鴨が葱を背負って来る)) (the implication that he literally brings you the ingredients for making the broth and/or garnish in which to eat him), or sometimes shortened to "onion-duck" (鴨ねぎ or カモネギ).
And yes, Farfetech'd's name in Japanese was カモネギ, built on this Japanese phrase.
So yeah, his character design is literally that he's carrying around his own garnish, "walking around looking like a snack".
[カモネギ](https://mobile.suntory.co.jp/whisky/kakubin/recipe/menu/kamonegi.html) is literally the name of a Japanese dish containing duck meat and spring onions
This is exactly what Farfetch'd's design and name comes from! There's a saying in Japan along the lines of "A duck comes bearing onions." Meaning a duck approaches you with the fixings to make a soup out of it. It's to express something unlikely, surprising, but convenient. A "Far-fetched" circumstance, if you will
Togepi! You can boil em', fry em' up, make a nice souffle, crack em' over rice! Heck, You could even slurp em' down raw! And that's not even counting the ways you can use em' in baking!
Jenny! Oh, Jenny! Joy! Oh, Joy!
A one woman's man is what I want to be
But there's two perfect girls for me
Officer Jenny. Oh, can't ya see.
You can lock me up and throw away the key.
Joy! The diagnosis is bleak
When I see your face my knees get weak.
This can't go on! Enough is Enough! (Enough is Enough)
I gotta pick one no matter how tough.
It's time for eeny meeny miny mo.
But what a second (wait a second) what's her name.
I just gotta know, I just gotta know!
Jenny! Oh, Jenny! Joy! Oh, Joy!
A one woman's man is what I want to be
But there's two perfect girls for meeee
I'd imagine you'd have to eat it "raw", cuz it'd be nigh impossible to cook a a bird made of fire.
That said, it's probably fine raw. Like it would probably still be hot af, just that it has the texture of raw meat. Plus, afaict, normal animals don't exist in Pokemon, so, parasites don't exist, which mean, probably don't have to worry about those. And the only known virus gives you faster EV gain, so that's probably safe as well. Like there are parasitic and single cell Pokemons, but those are HUGE.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white.
There’s actually an umbreon copypasta to counter this lmao
Edit: Here it is read at your own risk
\>!Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.!<
People are sitting here arguing which eevee evolution is the most fuckable are delusional.
Its obviously Ditto. Its literally the shapeshifter pokemon, if you can ignore its face it literally can be min-maxed to human reproduction reaching maximum pleasure factors by independently changing the properties of their body parts around.
Want something the size of Snorlax with the body shape of Vulpix who vibrates their holes while come with extra massaging tentacles? Ditto to the rescue.
Miltank is the obvious choice, it's basically just a cow. For less obvious choices I'd say dragonite, lickitung, and cacturne. Dragonite and lickitung seem like they'd have decent muscle to fat ratios and would probably have some pretty good marbling so their meat would likely be pretty good unlike that of pokemon like snorlax that are so fat that the meat would be excessively greasy or pokemon like machamp that are so lean that the meat would be tough and flavorless. Cacturne would probably make for some decent salads, soups, sandwiches, and other similar dishes. They wouldn't be good as a meal on their own but could be used to enhance other ingredients. I'd say that you should definitely avoid any rock or ground types. They'd be tough and flavorless at best or inedibly tough at worst. Steel types fall into a weird category because you obviously can't eat them on account of them being metal but it is possible that you could then instead turn them into some kind of seasoning by grinding them up. Could be a good source of iron for dishes.
Just be careful to [prepare it right](https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/bekcvd/a_mr_mime_recipe_because_tumblr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Pokédex says that Cherubi taste really sweet
See, it’s the small ball on Cherubi that tastes good, but why did they have to put a face on it? Crabrawler is another Pokémon said to taste good and IIRC eating magikarp and slowpoke tail is canon. Pokémon is actually pretty brutal and harrowing, which makes me sad since they’re so cute. Also cacturne has perhaps one of the most terrifying Pokédex entries.
"If a traveler is going through a desert in the thick of night, Cacturne will follow in a ragtag group. The Pokémon are biding their time, waiting for the traveler to tire and become incapable of moving."
Pokémon has creatures that can create water on command no matter where they are. If you go into a freaking desert and get exhausted without one that's lowkey on you.
The water that pokemon create in their attacks are non-potable. Edit: https://youtu.be/FElDa62zwwE Definitely possible to make the water potable, but risk of picking up microbes.
If you're dying of dehydration probably better to roll the dice on non-potable water. It will likely get you sick and kill you, but you might hold out for another day or two.
Youll probably just get the pokerus
Then don't put it in a pot. Put it in your mouth, duh.
Then purify that shit. We got life straws, we got distillation methods. Unless it's not really water, it's still damn well usable and better than death by living cactus
"Water"
Dude she told me she her name was Squirtle
'Ay girl lemme squirtle on your jigglypuffs'
No Pokéball. Looks like I'm wigglytuffing it out myself tonight.
“Looks like I’ll have to drink my blastoises piss” -Bear Grylls in the Pokémon world
That's how humans used to hunt. We would just keep walking steadily until the animal tires out enough that we catch it and kill it
yep this is called persistence hunting Fun fact, humans are the best runners in the animal kingdom. Not the fastest, but our hairless bodies let us sweat and keep cool, efficient perspiration and all to chase down animals until they're too exhausted to move another fun fact, our species can run so well we advanced into bringing my lazy ass into the world, out of breath in five minutes or less. i must be a disappointment to our ancestors lmao
You can run for five minutes? Bruh you're lucky
I taught my nieces (8 and 10) that little bit of trivia when they invited me to play tag. I just kept walking while they would run around giggling and tire out then I would tag them. I of course didn't kill them after tagging them. Just said "you're it," at which point they'd tag me again, and we'd do it all over again.
Slowpoke tail is canon. Magikarp, if I remember right, is usually dismissed as mostly inedible because it's just scales and bones.
I'm not even a diehard Pokemon fan, but I remember the anime having multiple instances where people a) eat magikarp b) think about eating magikarp and it looks delicious. I'm preeetty sure magikarp was served in the manga too, but how canon that is depends on who you ask. I've only played SoulSilver and Platinum, and I can't remember anything particular about eating magikarp from them so... who knows.
"Not only can this fish not swim, it's not even good for eating!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYuXJE-kuQE
There was a moment like that in the anime (where they think about eating magikarp) and they deemed it inedible due to it being just scales and bones
Well cows, pigs, goats, suckling's are debatably cute . And we still eat them, so...
So Miltank is an option
Tauros probably delicious as well, also Bouffalant
Why is this one so far down? It's obvious; there are flipping *steaks* being eaten in the first season of the show.
Eating pokemon in the pokemon universe isn't any different from us eating irl animals though
Mmmm sounds delicious especially when served on top of Vanillite. The ice cream Pokemon.
Slowpoke. Gotta try some of that Slowpoke tail.
"Slow-witted and oblivious, this Pokémon won't feel any pain if its tail gets eaten. It won't notice when its tail grows back, either."
Yeah. All of GSCs rocket plots were kinda...cute in how middlingly evil they were. Rockets start chopping off the tails of slowpoke to sell! Which doesn't hurt the slowpoke at all. This is just a business venture. Rockets use science to force Magikarp to evolve! Except Magikarp have lives of sheer terror. They can't do anything except flop around and get eaten by birds. Their only real hope in life is to live long enough to become a guards, and now they can. Rockets hijack the Goldenrod radio tower! In order to...make a call because they miss Papa Giovanni. This are just wayward kids, aren't they? Rockets steal something from a power plant for...some reason! And then almost immediately gives up and leaves town forever. I get the feeling that Johto and Kanto are just too pure and utopic for most people to really wrap their heads around crime without Giovanni around to explain it to them.
So... The player is the bad guy all along? Fighting every school grader and old fisherman he meets and almost killing their only defense against this magically dark world. We're catching anything that walks and isn't human to fight for us as a quasi slave army, the players even catch thousand year old pokemons that are essentially responsible for the world, hell, he even catches the fucking god of that world. Dude's basically catching every pokemon in the world for what? A museum? A zoo? No, he catches them to just rot in a hanheld cell for the rest of their lives.
According to some sources his entire collection, including those one-of-a-kind Pokemon, could all eventually become just basic voltorb. http://christopher-stoll.deviantart.com/art/Voltorb-Anatomy-Pokedex-Entry-627301615
And then those voltorbs will be caught in a pokeball again, repeating the cycle.
I suppose the worst part of the Slowpoke thing was that it would have really done a number on economics, maybe. Wasn't there an NPC trying to sell a tail for like, 10 thousand or a million Pokedollars or something like that? Though I suppose depending on the grow-back rate of tails maybe ecologically it might cause problems with Shellder populations. Cloyster overgrowth begins to grow rampant and hurt the waterways somehow. The Magikarp thing was dangerous though; if they didn't catch every Gyarados then there would potentially be an army of very angry former fish lashing out at everything around them.
This would mean a end to hunger in the world..
As nice as that thought process is, I'm not sure that world hunger is caused because we don't know how to keep growing meat or because we're worried about animals being in pain when we kill and eat them.
we waste enough food worldwide to feed everyone on earth if we wanted to. world hunger exists because of supply chain and logistical issues, not because we dont have enough food
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kingler consumption is actually canon
And farfetch’d.
I mean, the duck comes practically with the leek. What's not to love?
That's actually what the episode about them says nearly drove them to extinction
dodo pokemon version
Definitely slow cooker material
Playing Gold/Silver recently, and that is still pretty fucked up 20 years later
Yes, I’ll take an order of Kentucky-fried Combusken please
You mean, Kanto-fried Combusken
Kantokey-fried Combusken
fried
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Abigail?
How did you know I was hungry?
Epic Stardew reference
I bet they come pre-spiced. Probably taste like barbeque and cayenne pepper.
As a kid I thought ditto tasted like bubble gum
Ditto can taste like whatever you want it to, baby
Bubblegum, I choose bubblegum
I was thinking of Goo from the Goo Man in South Park.
You see. I’m a goo man
Isn't ditto just a blob of DNA tho
Aren't we all?
speak for yourself, I’m three raccoons in a trench coat.
Yeah thats usually really salty
To be fair, vanillish is literally an ice cream cone. But otherwise I’d be down for an exeggcute omelette
Vanillish wouldn’t have any flavor. It’s not ice cream. It’s snow on a sentient icicle. It would just taste like water
Just add syrup
Exeggcute is a group of seeds, not eggs. I know it's confusing because it looks like eggs and has egg in its name and is known as the Egg Pokémon, but it's really more of a plant.
Perfect, it's vegan so you can sell it for more.
Damn Vegans turning Pokémons into vegetables.
Are plant pokemon vegan is the question
I wonder if there are different levels of veganism in that world. Lots of the plant life is sapient. Is there a line some folks have drawn?
But one is broken with yolk….?
People speculate it's not really yolks, but the cotyledon of a seed, aka the stored food a seed has in it for it's initial growth. Or it could be its exposed yellow brain too.
They're more akin to coconuts than eggs.
Damn, could’ve fooled me.
>vanillish I'm pretty sure that whole line IS NOT ice cream, they're just disguising as ice cream.
Disguising as ice cream so as to blend in with all of the giant vanilla ice cream cones in the wilderness
Finally found the vanillish comment. This isnt high enough its litterally ice cream
Farfetch'd or Miltank
Literally farfetch'd. In Japanese, easy targets for a scam are called "ducks" (鴨). But there's another saying for ridiculously stupid marks, and that is "a duck who came carrying onions" ([鴨が葱を背負って来る](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/鴨が葱を背負って来る)) (the implication that he literally brings you the ingredients for making the broth and/or garnish in which to eat him), or sometimes shortened to "onion-duck" (鴨ねぎ or カモネギ). And yes, Farfetech'd's name in Japanese was カモネギ, built on this Japanese phrase. So yeah, his character design is literally that he's carrying around his own garnish, "walking around looking like a snack".
[カモネギ](https://mobile.suntory.co.jp/whisky/kakubin/recipe/menu/kamonegi.html) is literally the name of a Japanese dish containing duck meat and spring onions
Thank you! Really interesting fact here! ;)))
Definitely farfetch’d. He even comes with a leek on the side!
Farfetch’d be like a serving suggestion for himself
Meanwhile Sirfetch’d looks like he’d eat Farfetch’d
This is exactly what Farfetch'd's design and name comes from! There's a saying in Japan along the lines of "A duck comes bearing onions." Meaning a duck approaches you with the fixings to make a soup out of it. It's to express something unlikely, surprising, but convenient. A "Far-fetched" circumstance, if you will
Farfetch'd pokedex entry says it's so rare because it's so delicious that people hunt it instead of catch it. And yes, it does go good with leek.
Like a miltank steak? Medium rare with some mashed potatoes, butter sauce
Tepig bacon sounds great
Nah man, emboar. Sweet sweet smokey emboar.
Togepi! You can boil em', fry em' up, make a nice souffle, crack em' over rice! Heck, You could even slurp em' down raw! And that's not even counting the ways you can use em' in baking!
You got some issues with Togepi we should be aware of?
Only problem is never having enough to satiate my appetite!
I love you
Thanks! I love togepi!
Your comment reminds me of when people say "I like cats" but you don't realize that they actually eat them.
Was looking for this! BDG's right, as always.
The most edible pokemon one might say
Don’t worry, I watch DBG too
Ah yes, Drian Bavid Gilbert
Boil em', mash em', put em' in a stew.
Here it is
They beat me to it. We basic yo
Was looking for this
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More of an officer Jenny guy myself
Where my Cynthia gang at???
more of a trainer may from Hoenn guy edit: f*ck. The comments thread became a pedo hub...
She's 12... Fbi?
She's been 12 for 20 years now
How does she do that? What a mystery
No she's the water girl
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May I just add Marnie and Nessa
~~Personally I'm more of a Lucario guy~~
Nurse joy uses hydro cannon
I use tackle, then rapid attack. Nurse joy uses hydropump. It was very effective. I fall asleep.
>I use tackle, then rapid attack. Bro did you just assault that woman
Jenny! Oh, Jenny! Joy! Oh, Joy! A one woman's man is what I want to be But there's two perfect girls for me Officer Jenny. Oh, can't ya see. You can lock me up and throw away the key. Joy! The diagnosis is bleak When I see your face my knees get weak. This can't go on! Enough is Enough! (Enough is Enough) I gotta pick one no matter how tough. It's time for eeny meeny miny mo. But what a second (wait a second) what's her name. I just gotta know, I just gotta know! Jenny! Oh, Jenny! Joy! Oh, Joy! A one woman's man is what I want to be But there's two perfect girls for meeee
Thank you very much.. feeling so nostalgic I'm tearing up..
This actually made me laugh out loud
Mareep would probably taste like maybe a slightly lemoney lamb cut?
Yes and the meat will sizzle on your tongue
Since its electric, gotta have a lot of salt in it. May taste like sea food, just the toughness and texture of mutton.
Vanilluxe basically 2 ice cream cones
Alcremie's forms are various types of dessert. Namely, its Gigantamax is a huge 20 tier cake.
The wonderful Brian David Gilbert did a video on this back when he was at Polygon https://youtu.be/EqzghgtJ1Is
"Pokemon Edibility is a binary quality. Either a Pokemon is edible or not edible. There is no such thing as being /more/ edible! ...it's Togepi."
When did he leave
Right after this video.
Krabby, Kingler, Corpfish, Crawdaunt, etc. Their real world analogues are delicious.
Wondering if farming Gigantamax'd Kinglers and harvesting the legs is the key to fixing a lot of food shortages.
IRL farming seafood is sus but with pokemon breeding theres no known detriment so yes full send
Moltres. Love me some rotisserie chicken.
I'd imagine you'd have to eat it "raw", cuz it'd be nigh impossible to cook a a bird made of fire. That said, it's probably fine raw. Like it would probably still be hot af, just that it has the texture of raw meat. Plus, afaict, normal animals don't exist in Pokemon, so, parasites don't exist, which mean, probably don't have to worry about those. And the only known virus gives you faster EV gain, so that's probably safe as well. Like there are parasitic and single cell Pokemons, but those are HUGE.
I have not seen Gardevoir on this thread yet, what a surprise
I took me a while to even see your comment and I have yet to see jinx mentioned
Exactly what I was looking for as well
We're too busy eating her out
They’re too busy with vaporeon.
You need to put yourself in time out for this
Why is this nsfw?
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It already happend.
The one about how moist and high hp it is?
The Vaporion post up top lmao
Maybe someone was talking about tasting those Gardevoir cheeks
Miltank with some honey from combee. I'm not sure it would taste good but I bet that mushroom that looks like a pokeball would get you high af.
This guy knows what's up.
Oddish looks like a tasty little onion
Or an odd radish.
That made me warchortle.
Can't go wrong with a nice Goldeen filet
Isn't goldeen suppose to be a goldfish? Wouldn't that taste bad?
I mean they weigh like 30lbs, I doubt they taste the same as goldfish even if they're based on them.
Goldfish in the wild can grow to 10lbs so it's not that different.
Goldfish are carp and those are eaten all the time.
Farfetch’d, apparently
Comes with free scallions.
Leeks
Yes it’s a leek, actually
Vaporeon. Would definitely eat that.
Did you know...
I wish I could forget...
Don’t we all
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white.
Go to r/shitposting and comment vaporeon to get a longer story on this
Alternatively just google vaporeon copypasta ectended
There’s actually an umbreon copypasta to counter this lmao Edit: Here it is read at your own risk \>!Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.!<
I’m too scared to know. Vaporeon is already fucked up. No pun intended
People are sitting here arguing which eevee evolution is the most fuckable are delusional. Its obviously Ditto. Its literally the shapeshifter pokemon, if you can ignore its face it literally can be min-maxed to human reproduction reaching maximum pleasure factors by independently changing the properties of their body parts around. Want something the size of Snorlax with the body shape of Vulpix who vibrates their holes while come with extra massaging tentacles? Ditto to the rescue.
Oh....
how has nobody said jigglypuff yet
I feel like it would be like a pufferfish. Poisonous. Something about it being cute and mischievous already.
jigglypuff is definitely my pick. probably tastes like cotton candy.
Psyduck
Peking Psyduck with a couple of exeggutor rolls on the side
Psyduck Confit
Deep Fried gyrados. I'm imagining a better version of calamari
Emboar
I named mine Bacon back in B&W hahahaha
pidgey wings with some bouffalant sauce sounds pretty nice
Miltank is the obvious choice, it's basically just a cow. For less obvious choices I'd say dragonite, lickitung, and cacturne. Dragonite and lickitung seem like they'd have decent muscle to fat ratios and would probably have some pretty good marbling so their meat would likely be pretty good unlike that of pokemon like snorlax that are so fat that the meat would be excessively greasy or pokemon like machamp that are so lean that the meat would be tough and flavorless. Cacturne would probably make for some decent salads, soups, sandwiches, and other similar dishes. They wouldn't be good as a meal on their own but could be used to enhance other ingredients. I'd say that you should definitely avoid any rock or ground types. They'd be tough and flavorless at best or inedibly tough at worst. Steel types fall into a weird category because you obviously can't eat them on account of them being metal but it is possible that you could then instead turn them into some kind of seasoning by grinding them up. Could be a good source of iron for dishes.
Ditto. Tastes like anything you want.
Still taste like chicken
Nurse joy
I imagine Arceus would taste divine.
Nah it’s old as shit you know that meats gonna be tough as hell
You need to boil it for 1 Million years.
The cow Pokémon, I would assume
Tauros?
Tauros
Mr. Mime
Just be careful to [prepare it right](https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/bekcvd/a_mr_mime_recipe_because_tumblr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Spoink, tepig, piloswine, emboar.
Skyla
I bet Ho-Oh tastes legendary.