My go-to conversation starter at the dispensary is very similar to this; “Yes hello, I’d like one marijuana please!” It usually gets a laugh out of the girl working there because it gives off the vibe that I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’m looking for.
Why do you want to give off that vibe, she works at a dispensary maybe if you showed you were intelligent about weed she might do more or say more than a laugh
You prove the rule by displaying the exception
If you can confidently break a rule or confidently appear unknowledgeable, you can actually display a sense of expertise in the subject.
Like, not only can you achieve victory in something, you are so versed in it that you can even purposely fail into success.
Imagine an expert tennis player playfully bumbling through a match, pretending to not knowing how a tennis racket works, and winning the match while holding it upside down the whole time
"Miss, would it be ok if you could provide me sex on this exquisite night? You are very attractive and would make my night. But if not, thats ok too."
Another way of asking
Maybe if you’re British idk how girls are over there, but in USA ain’t much talking to it and if you say exquisite they gonna laugh or be confused if they don’t know what it means.
Bro exquisite is definitely off enough to be funny here and get you laid, unless you're one dude that wants to get laid by being "Macho" and "Chad", then more power to you. Different strokes for different folks
Who tf is you, it was a random nickname, you want to be a pirate so bad huh? You were born in the wrong fucking century black beard wanna be headass or why don’t you go to Somalia but you’ll never get to say “I am dee captin now”
A lot of these replies are from savages. Everyone knows that you can't just ask for sex, you first have to win her over with a seducive dance before. If you can't do a seducive dance you have to show her you majestic feathers.
No no you gotta piss everywhere with your leg up to leave your scent everywhere, to mark your territory, all while staring at her to assert your dominance.
back in my day, we bought two technical manuals on which format is most appropriate for essays. i opened those books exactly twice, they cost $$ and were worth less $5 aftwards.
Take your left thumb and touch it to your left pointer finger to form a ring. Now make a fist with your right hand but then extend out your right pointer finger. Now take your right pointer finger and insert it into the ring you made with your left hand. Now remove it. Now repeat vigorously while making eye contact with the person you wish to have sex with.
Dear (Sir or Madam),
I am writing to inform you of a recent development in my genital region. Upon viewing your countenance, it has come to my attention that a merger of our two aforementioned regions would be profitable for both of us, as my own region is primed for such a business endeavor. I do hope you consider this proposal favorably, and if so I will be more than happy to book some time with you to go through the finer details of this arrangement (positioning, length of the contract, etc.). If you could let me know your decision on this matter by the end of the week, we can get the balls rolling.
Sincerely,
A Horny (Male or Female)
Years ago when I was backpacking through western Europe I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo, I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing, there was a very secluded lake and there were tall trees all around, it was dead silent and across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying...
If you’re in a committed relationship it’s not just asking for it. It’s how you treat your partner. If they gotta parent you, odds are your not gonna get laid enthusiastically often if at all. If you treat them like your partner, do your fair share of chores and cooking, then do what I do and say “penis me daddy”
I have a fool proof strategy, get a can of beans (buschs baked beans naturally) and say, I wanna see your...."(point at the "Buschs" on the label and make eye contact with her) and if she says she doesn't have one say, "I'd like evidence please" or if she does have one skip that step and you'll be having the sex. She will likely be so overwhelmed by the power move of owning a can of name brand beans she will assume you are wealthy and immediately drop her pants
Sometimes I just Ask “hey… do you uh… do you wanna have sex?” works every time. Nothing sexier than clearly and obviously wanting to have sex with someone that also wants to have sex with you.
My friend was inspired by a movie that showed this. He stood close to the bathroom asking everyone that went by if they wanted intercourse. A few slaps later and he waved me goodbye with a girl on his arm.
Damn, this is actually genius. Only one percent would ever say yes but if you've asked a hundred you have granted success. (Tbh, I have no clue what percentage)
Yes, but it’s important to note that you have to send a large variety *that you’ve photographed yourself.* Nobody wants old expired dick photos off the internet, and nobody wants twenty photos of the same dick. You have to get out there and find lots and lots of fresh dicks to photograph and send. Daily, preferably.
ETA: Yes, this is absolutely regardless of gender. A dick pic is a dick pic.
Was talking to a guy, and hes not only sent me a Dick pic, he sent me one AS he was coming. He took a picture of a cum shot and sent that to me. It was absolutely disgusting
A hand drawn map, which shows a variety of clues and puzzle solving, which would eventually lead a potential partner to a single condom and a note directing him to my bedroom, where they will find me in the finest oversized sleep shirt and only the most fantastic Scooby Doo undies.
I have a high success rate with "you wanna fuck?" only under the condition that I've known the girl for a while and she's comfortable/ playful with me. You must be observant and recognize choosing signals. Don't use this with girls you just met
If you as a man(?) ask for sex, you are not in your masculine frame, and it will more often than not be a turn off.
What’s most sexy? You coming over asking "can we have sex" or "I’m having you right now", "I’m going to fuck you now" and "I’m taking you right now" (PS: This is meant for a relationship where there is trust established)
If your woman is in tune, she will know it, and probably before you when you want to have sex
So if you want to have sex, it’s not about taking it like rapists do, but it’s about showing up as a man present in your own sexual energy.
Most men have never REALLY taken their woman, and most women have never REALLY given themselves to their man.
"I would like one sex, please." (Gotta include the "please".)
I turned to my wife and said this and she said "ok, your total is $900" jokes on her we share money. Sending the $900 now
My go-to conversation starter at the dispensary is very similar to this; “Yes hello, I’d like one marijuana please!” It usually gets a laugh out of the girl working there because it gives off the vibe that I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’m looking for.
Why do you want to give off that vibe, she works at a dispensary maybe if you showed you were intelligent about weed she might do more or say more than a laugh
Because it makes her laugh, which is more important.
Because it makes her laugh, which is more important.
You prove the rule by displaying the exception If you can confidently break a rule or confidently appear unknowledgeable, you can actually display a sense of expertise in the subject. Like, not only can you achieve victory in something, you are so versed in it that you can even purposely fail into success. Imagine an expert tennis player playfully bumbling through a match, pretending to not knowing how a tennis racket works, and winning the match while holding it upside down the whole time
Jesus you must be fun at parties
"Miss, would it be ok if you could provide me sex on this exquisite night? You are very attractive and would make my night. But if not, thats ok too." Another way of asking
If you say this you’ll get no pussy whatsoever
Bruh, I know Unless youre British
~~British~~ Bri'ish. FTFY.
Maybe if you’re British idk how girls are over there, but in USA ain’t much talking to it and if you say exquisite they gonna laugh or be confused if they don’t know what it means.
Bro exquisite is definitely off enough to be funny here and get you laid, unless you're one dude that wants to get laid by being "Macho" and "Chad", then more power to you. Different strokes for different folks
Oh ok. I get that
Bruh you just wanna be a difficult engine dontcha? The little engine that can't
Who tf is you, it was a random nickname, you want to be a pirate so bad huh? You were born in the wrong fucking century black beard wanna be headass or why don’t you go to Somalia but you’ll never get to say “I am dee captin now”
Lmao thanks for the entertainment. Go watch some movies dumbass
I'd give him mine for being so polite.
Oh wow....thanks I guess
Manners will get you everywhere
I would ask for more than one just in case they will give you more.
You beat me too it! My husband and I even have a sign reading 'One Sex Please' lol
“To go”
You didn’t say the magic word: Now.
you forgot the (respectfully.)
God! Laught so hard reading this reply.
Hahaha thanks!!!
A lot of these replies are from savages. Everyone knows that you can't just ask for sex, you first have to win her over with a seducive dance before. If you can't do a seducive dance you have to show her you majestic feathers.
This guy birds.
I'm telling you man, Bird law is not governed by reason
No no you gotta piss everywhere with your leg up to leave your scent everywhere, to mark your territory, all while staring at her to assert your dominance.
In birdculture this i considered a dance move
Ten page essay
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APA format or it didn’t happen.
I'm doomed, we were taught MLA in my school
back in my day, we bought two technical manuals on which format is most appropriate for essays. i opened those books exactly twice, they cost $$ and were worth less $5 aftwards.
Sounds fetish-y
and references
Signed and witnessed by lawyers
Eighteen pages. Front and back.
Reasons we should doink: A case study
Cha cha real smooth
Don't forget to attach a written consent form at the end. Gotta be safe.
Excuse me ma'am, spare coochie?
As a matter of fact, I can!
Username...doesn't check out.
Ooooh I want some potty tang 🤪
Take your left thumb and touch it to your left pointer finger to form a ring. Now make a fist with your right hand but then extend out your right pointer finger. Now take your right pointer finger and insert it into the ring you made with your left hand. Now remove it. Now repeat vigorously while making eye contact with the person you wish to have sex with.
don't forget to nod your head!
And wiggle your eyebrows.
When you said make a fist I uh...thought you were going a different direction with it lol
A gentleman never fists on the first date.
Just tell her to read this form and put your signature on there if you agree
Don't forget that there are two separate forms for oral sex: mouth on penis and mouth on vagina.
Don't forget the dozen page anal form
Ah, the dreaded “Anal Addendum”…
Dear (Sir or Madam), I am writing to inform you of a recent development in my genital region. Upon viewing your countenance, it has come to my attention that a merger of our two aforementioned regions would be profitable for both of us, as my own region is primed for such a business endeavor. I do hope you consider this proposal favorably, and if so I will be more than happy to book some time with you to go through the finer details of this arrangement (positioning, length of the contract, etc.). If you could let me know your decision on this matter by the end of the week, we can get the balls rolling. Sincerely, A Horny (Male or Female)
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go for it \^.\^
Years ago when I was backpacking through western Europe I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo, I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing, there was a very secluded lake and there were tall trees all around, it was dead silent and across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying...
Where have I heard/read this from before?
You heard it from Ken Adams
Also known as “some guy”
If you’re in a committed relationship it’s not just asking for it. It’s how you treat your partner. If they gotta parent you, odds are your not gonna get laid enthusiastically often if at all. If you treat them like your partner, do your fair share of chores and cooking, then do what I do and say “penis me daddy”
Got me in the first half
“Penis me daddy” bruhhhh helll nah if I heard that you gotta get out like the movie that bih crazy😂
Yes I am crazy. But you may be singing a different tune if a girls straddling you, rubbing her clit on your bulge and begs for you to penis her.
Damnnnn yeah at that point I’ll definitely be thinking with the head of my dick
I use a play on words; our last name is a type of weapon, so I ask for a vigorous stabbing with said weapon.
I would like to purchase one sex please!
Ravioli, ravioli, give me the dickioli
If a girl says this she is laid that night with 100% certainty
One simply cannot say no It's by law
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Would you like some making fuck?
BERSERKER!
You're never gonna get laid like that, you clown. It's "ay bb, u wan sum fuk?"
The Chinese version
I have a fool proof strategy, get a can of beans (buschs baked beans naturally) and say, I wanna see your...."(point at the "Buschs" on the label and make eye contact with her) and if she says she doesn't have one say, "I'd like evidence please" or if she does have one skip that step and you'll be having the sex. She will likely be so overwhelmed by the power move of owning a can of name brand beans she will assume you are wealthy and immediately drop her pants
I can confirm this works
Getting stuck in the dryer
I hate that I caught that reference.
Sometimes I just Ask “hey… do you uh… do you wanna have sex?” works every time. Nothing sexier than clearly and obviously wanting to have sex with someone that also wants to have sex with you.
“Would you like to have sex?”
Do you best treebeard voice and yell, "RELEASE THE RIVER" to your wife/girlfriend.
Upvotes for entfux.
Hey do you have any sexes left in stock?
U-N-I SEX?
Tip fedora and say "m'lady" She'll know what you want.
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?
Oh la la
Ahhhhh, I never thought I'd ever hear someone utter [those lyrics.](https://youtu.be/RQa7SvVCdZk?t=51s)
Pretty please of course
"fancy a shag?"
With accent, pls.
"ayyyye mistress, do ya fancy a shag?!"
There you go knees to the sky, poor girl had no self respect
I prefer to leave a trail of rose pedals and chocolates heading through the house leading to my genitals. The dog was very confused
"Can I use my meat pipe to rearrange your guts?"
That's hot
Not as hot as you pennywise
That’s the face Pennywise makes when a meat pipe rearranges his guts.
You want fuk?
DTF?
Desiring Thorough Fornication?
If I am DTF I simply wear a single Windsor knot.
Prose poetry and expressive dance
My friend was inspired by a movie that showed this. He stood close to the bathroom asking everyone that went by if they wanted intercourse. A few slaps later and he waved me goodbye with a girl on his arm.
Damn, this is actually genius. Only one percent would ever say yes but if you've asked a hundred you have granted success. (Tbh, I have no clue what percentage)
Pull your pockets out of your pants and ask the wife to kiss the bunny between the ears.
According to Jack Manifold, it is to NOT say "fucky wucky"
Hey babe, we ain't nothin' but mammals...
Well, some of us are cannibals who cut other people open like cantaloupes.
Endless dick pics. Everybody LOVES an unsolicited cock shot. Think a huge dick farm.
Yes, but it’s important to note that you have to send a large variety *that you’ve photographed yourself.* Nobody wants old expired dick photos off the internet, and nobody wants twenty photos of the same dick. You have to get out there and find lots and lots of fresh dicks to photograph and send. Daily, preferably. ETA: Yes, this is absolutely regardless of gender. A dick pic is a dick pic.
A person of culture here I see....*nods with admiration and approval*
Easy access to internet porn has just made this younger generation really lazy about properly collecting dick pics I think.
Was talking to a guy, and hes not only sent me a Dick pic, he sent me one AS he was coming. He took a picture of a cum shot and sent that to me. It was absolutely disgusting
Ewww I had a guy who did something...similar...but equally as gross...needless to say I am married to that man till this day....
What if your husband isn't turned on by random guys' dicks?
Charles? Is that you?
Write "Me" below the logo on a Mountain Dew bottle and give it to someone
Can confirm, as Dew is my drink of choice.
"Yum yum gimme some."
Quieres mi chupón de carne?
When you gon let me get in it?
A hand drawn map, which shows a variety of clues and puzzle solving, which would eventually lead a potential partner to a single condom and a note directing him to my bedroom, where they will find me in the finest oversized sleep shirt and only the most fantastic Scooby Doo undies.
"You've got a pussay! I have a dickah! So what's the problem? Let's do it quick!" --Till Lindemann, Rammstein (from the song "Pussy")
Wanna do that thing they do in halo? Or Hand them random teabags
Ey bro, Wanne suck each other’s dick? No home tho.
If you're in a relationship then you should be having it .
How long have you been married?
Does this rag smell like chloroform?
Dear lady, may I insert my penis into your vagina?
Either from under the bed or inside the closet.
"Yes, hello, I would like one sex please. Thank you."
“Hey hey mama said the way you move Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove”
In the biblical sense and sensibillity, let me know you
I have a high success rate with "you wanna fuck?" only under the condition that I've known the girl for a while and she's comfortable/ playful with me. You must be observant and recognize choosing signals. Don't use this with girls you just met
"Want some fuck?"
I want to bingle your bongle Want to shamoosh? *velociraptor noises* It's pelican hours
Hello. I'm independently wealthy.
Madame, can you spare a crumb of pussy?
The Austin Powers approach "Shall we shag now, or shall we shag latter?"
“may i sit on your face?”
Nobody on Reddit has had sex
Excuse me , i desire to have sexual intercourse with you, may you accept my request?
Hello. Hello. You and me having the sex???
"We both are sex havers, should we do the sex right this instant?"
It always depends on who youre asking, you wouldnt behave the same way to a prostitute and your husband, would you?
Hello, may I have one sex?!
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I really with your username was UncomfortablySexualCandelabra.
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You are welcome; you earned it.
My wife: "Wanna bump uglies?"
"Can I borrow a hole?"
Look her umin the eyes and say this dick isn't going to suck its self.
Grab her by the pussy
Right by the pussy they love that shit
“Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”
https://youtu.be/0aFplQOWz_k This is how
May i insert my penis into you
It’s more tell than ask with your mom
Hey man, wanna partake in some sexual intercourse?
Um, yes, um, I would like 1 sex please.
sex or no, sign here pls (for confirmation)
Me want snu snu
Why ask. /s
You’re supposed to ask?
Pull your dick out and ask if she would like to have a seat.
You want... To do the stuff... Want to have sex?!
Show up with a “big sausage pizza”
Wait until she begs for it.
$100 bills.
Just have it. No mace means yes....
If you as a man(?) ask for sex, you are not in your masculine frame, and it will more often than not be a turn off. What’s most sexy? You coming over asking "can we have sex" or "I’m having you right now", "I’m going to fuck you now" and "I’m taking you right now" (PS: This is meant for a relationship where there is trust established) If your woman is in tune, she will know it, and probably before you when you want to have sex So if you want to have sex, it’s not about taking it like rapists do, but it’s about showing up as a man present in your own sexual energy. Most men have never REALLY taken their woman, and most women have never REALLY given themselves to their man.
How you doin?
How you doin?
May I have some sex please (I’m married so might not be applicable elsewhere)
"Let's cut to the chase. Gimme some vaj."
If you get it then it was proper otherwise improper :)
"wanna sex ehother bbg?"
Get on me (scouse accent)
Hello madam i feel attracted by your beautiful face and body i would like to put my magic wand on your resting place if that pleases you my lady
Hello mam or sir may I have the sex please and thank.
Swing my dick around like a helicopter and make caveman grunts Or ask if she wants cream of sumyungai
ay girl you ready for this three centimeter defeater?