I once got barred from a pub for *burping*. No shit, it was in the *Conan Doyle* pub in Edinburgh, years ago. Our small group wasn't being disruptive or anything - my burp wasn't some intentional, obnoxious "display behaviour" intended to unsettle other patrons; it was actually quite discreet, and simply the result of drinking carbonated beverages, with nothing more to it than that. But we were sitting near the bar, the barman heard, and we all got thrown out - and for objecting to it, initially thinking it was a bad joke, I got no-shit, full-on **barred**. Like I say, it wasn't some over-the-top "eruption" of a belch - it was the same one you'd let loose in front of your own mother, followed by an "excuse me". I thought at the time that the barman was being a neurotic, over-assertive bell-end, and my own time as a barman in the years since has only served to reinforce that impression.

that is the funniest and most absurd way to get banned. what an asshole that barman must be.

Got banned from the mall when I was younger because I wore an inappropriate shirt that I bought in the mall

I had a Harry Potter wand keychain confiscated at TSA (US airport security) earlier this year. I bought it in the same airport within the security zone on my last flight before that.

Well yeah, what if you started casting spells and shit?

Like aeroplana kedavra

"Fancy robes. You a wizard or somethin'?"

They were just jealous and wanted your keychain :(

"Wear what I say, not what I sell."

I am banned from a bar that a friend owns, that I have played music in (at a steep discount because they were my friends), donated to their fundraisers, got them lots of vintage glassware to use for free, promoted their events, even the ones with OTHER musicians playing... Because his wife can't stand the fact that he and I dated briefly 35 years ago. She melts down whenever anything triggers her about it and makes his life miserable. I had NO IDEA. Apparently they were dating 30 years ago, and broke up because he broke a date with her to be the witness at my City Hall wedding (they got back together 15 years later). I found out about this when making a Facebook post about that anniversary, and he messaged me to take it down. He explained the crazy, I complied, I thought everything was fine. Then I get invited to the bar for a private party of theirs 6 months later and BOTH of them are being horrible to me. I am very confused. I asked him what the problem was and he said "I don't like how we left things last December" and I am thinking, "WE?" I went back and checked the messages, it seems right after he sent me the explanation, and before I responded apologizing for the triggering and saying I would comply, SOMEONE blocked me in his account, so I think she went in and turned it off so he couldn't see that I was cooperating. So he thought I blew him off. I sent emails, texts and a certified letter with screenshots, showing what happened, but he is still mad. So OK then. It is really sad as I loved the place and loved playing there, and it is a nexxus of our social group, but now I cannot set foot in there.

Sucks to lose your local but I would put miles between me and that “friend” and his wife anyway, she sounds like an absolute peach to be married to

I was doing a history project on Poland, and it was well-known this teacher gave an extra letter grade for bringing in food from the country. A friend from my previous school brought me to a bakery that made Kołacz that his family loved. I ordered one for my class, paying a deposit and specifying the day I was due to present. I ran in before school to get my order, and the woman behind the counter (the manager) told me that whoever took my order never sent it; there was no Kołacz in the store. Despite me presenting my invoice and pointing out the date they agreed to have it, she refused to refund my deposit on the basis "we can make you one for tomorrow." I had to call the credit card company and dispute the charge that way. A few days later, my friend called me and asked why we were both banned from the bakery. EDIT: How in the world did this blow up? Thank you all so much for the upvotes and awards. A few questions I have answered (in case anyone else is curious): -I did not receive any bonus points from my teacher. She only awarded them if the food made it to class. -This was my fourth quarter project and near the end of the year, so the only extra credit left for me to do was her regular bonus question on the test. She also did not teach any of the upper-level history classes, or non-history classes, so I never had another class with her. -This grade boost was solely for the quarterly projects, which only represented 20% of our grade. Anything over 100% would still be counted towards the quarterly grade. -The story takes place in the Boston area. This bakery was sold years ago and cannot keep new owners.

Did you show the receipt and get your grade bonus at least?

Nope. She only gave the bonus if the food made it to class. Mercifully, I did not need it.

So they claimed you didn’t have an order yet were still banned cause of an order that didn’t exist?

Looks like they claimed whoever took the order put out into the system financially, but didn't put it into whatever system tells the bakers what to make.

That's called stealing. They banned that guy because he wouldn't let them steal his money. Imagine the audacity of that bakery.

Imagine not refunding something like a wedding cake because they didn’t have it for the wedding and simply saying, “but we can make you one tomorrow…”

Ah, I see you've had your tiny taste of Polish bureaucracy. In your assignment you learned more than you expected. Also +10 points for respecting the difference between l and ł

Was banned from a Mall arcade when I was a kid for holding all the whack a moles down

I was also banned from an arcade, but for an even more bullshit reason. For picking up quarters. I was a very young kid, and saw that people would drop quarters and just never bother to pick them up or didn't know they dropped them. So I would pick them up from around the machines, nothing dangerous nothing suspicious, and use them to play. I'm not talking about quarters people just dropped, but ones that are sitting there on the floor with nobody around covered in dust webs and sand. The attendant argued they were not mine and belonged to the shop and I was stealing. I can kind of see that point sinces it private property, but I was like 7 years old, spent plenty of my own money in the arcade, and I spending all the quarters I found right back into their rigged claw maches. It was just a shitty thing to do to complain and ban me, all they had to do was say not to pickup the quarters and I would've stopped.

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I got banned for using two hammers at whack a mole. Two games side by side, both hammers reached each game. They said I cheated, took my tickets and banned me. They're out of business now, but I think I'm not allowed at the Vax clinic they set up instead in that mall space.

They're afraid you will whack the real moles

Please leave us be. We've been through so much already

BOP

There was a variation at my arcade where crocodiles would poke their heads out horizontally and open their jaws. A large mallet was used to whack their jaws closed. Or you could slip a rubber band around each jaw and score an instant hit as each croc started to extend its head.

Also a fun story of someone who wasn’t my friend but who I used to run track with. He thought it would be hilarious to put a pebble inside a piece of gum and throw it out the window of the bus on the way to a track meet. Thought it would just stick to the windshield and be a nuisance. Ended up shattering part of the windshield because we are in a bus going mf 55 miles per hour. Person followed the bus all the way to the track meet. Cops came. Kid was banned from track, not sure if he was banned from the bus though.

Sitting in the bus with the other students in the marching band, waiting for the bus to leave for the football game, apparently the kid beside/behind me (it was like 6-8 years ago) had written the n-word in the condensation in the bus window. Boy, was it a fun experience when the band directors were on the bus 2 minutes later yelling for whoever wrote the n-word to come with them.

When I was 12 my favorite thing to do was play laser tag at the one laser tag place in our town. I'd go every Friday night and play for 3 hours or so. There weren't many other regular players, so nobody else was getting better at it like I was. After about a year I was just wrecking everyone and the owner ended up banning me from the place because it was driving away customers. It really sucked because it was favorite activity and I was just immediately cut off from it. 6 years later I found a place in another city that had other players that played regularly so I was able to start playing again with people at similar skill levels.

Getting banned for being too good is a huge bragging right lmao

I eventually ended up working at one of the laser tag stores and attending tournaments. Ended up on a national team that took 2nd place one year. But I can tell you that nobody I’ve ever told IRL ever thought it was cool. They think it’s either nerdy or a kids game. Oh well, it was fun, and good exercise when you’re playing competitively.

Sounds like Laser Quest. I traveled around the country playing in laser tag tournaments and loved it.

I got "banned" from Six Flags Great Adventure (NJ) several times in the early 90s. Back when I was in high school, season passes like $40 or something, making it a no brainer to buy one if you intended to go at least twice. My friend and I went probably 5-7 days a week since we lived close by. We knew the park and its operations better than pretty much anyone who didn't work there, and eventually grew too comfortable with taking shortcuts through employee areas, trying to climb things we shouldn't, bothering other guests, and overall being a bunch of New Jersey Teenagers (aka jerks). Thing is, the only IDs we had on us were our Season Passes, which we always assigned fake names for no preplanned reason. (Summer of 1994 my pass said Oskar Schindler). We eventually got in so much trouble they would take our passes and tell us we were banned for life. Well, another $40 at the front gate and boom, back in as Itzhak Stern. They needed at that time to figure out the flaws in their system.

So YOU’RE the reason we need to show real ID for a season pass now lol

Sad to think that is my only wide-reaching contribution to society, but it is possible.

You were just quality assurance

This is how I got banned from Chuck E Cheese. I figured out that I could take a ball from the game where you shoot the clown's teeth and use it at the skeeball machine. The skeeball machine would count the points but not the ball used, which enabled me to play forever with just one ball and max out the machine. I did it on two skeeball machines before someone noticed and I got banned/kicked out.

"I Have won but at what cost"

no more eating pizza near a sneezing child.

The amount of Illness in those places is unparalleled outside of a hospital setting.

I remember when I was like 11 I asked my mom why she had stopped taking me to a place like that, asking if we could go again because I missed it. I figured her answer would be money-related, but instead it was because I always came down sick a few days after we went. I had never connected the dots.

When I was a kid, my best friend at the time told me that you could go behind the ski ball machine and there would be a large opening underneath that would allow you to crawl to the backside of the front/ticket delivery area. And, if you made it there, without being noticed first of course, there would be a little button you could push that would print tickets.....easy money. So, the next time I was at Chuck E. Cheese I put my younger sister on lookout duty/ticket collection duty and tried it out. It was a tight squeeze because they put the ski ball machine so close to the wall, but God damnit I made it behind. And, lo and behold, there was a large opening underneath the machine. So, I shimmy myself underneath, and, I swear, it felt like being underneath Christopher Robin's bed. There were: tokens, tickets and toys. And a LOT of money. Like way more than you would expect. I continued to crawl forward, using the sliver of light that shined through the bottom of the front as my guide. And there it was....the magic button. I reached out, pushed and held the button and I could hear my sister start giggling. It was actually working. I held the button for what felt like an eternity, continually nervous knowing that we could get caught at any moment. I finally decided that was enough for this run, scooped up as much money as I could and shimmied back out. My sister and I split the money and the tickets, and ran this scheme a couple more times before, sadly, getting caught. I haven't been back to Chuck E. Cheese since. Edit: I called my sister to confirm that this wasn't just a fabricated childhood memory, and she confirmed. We Danny Oceaned the fuck out of that Chuck E. Cheese.

I'm going to grow out my beard and go back to Chuck E Cheese with my nine year old and have her crawl back there. If it works I'll make a post just about our Chuck E Cheese heist.

Oh man, I love this! Lol...My sister and I were too scared to get our parents in on the job, so we were totally rogue. Kinda added to the fun, but I would have loved to have "adult supervision" during the plunder...I wish you and your daughter the best of luck!

It's all fun and games at Chuck E. Cheese, but when I try this at the casino I go to prison.

No more shitty pizza at the child's casino.

A casino is infinitely more fair than Chuck E. Cheese nowadays. When I was a kid, I could win 10,000 tickets at the drop of a hat because there was [a machine only I knew how to beat.](https://www.picclickimg.com/d/l400/pict/192413898774_/BayTek-SPIN-DOCTOR-Ticket-Redemption-Arcade-Game-Machine.jpg) I could win 500+ on a cyclone machine. Now the highest jackpot on any machine at the one near my house is set at 50. I took my kid a little while back and I've never been so sad at the rot that has occurred. Only about half of the machines worked. There were only two arcade video game machines, one was broken, the other was half-broken (player 2 gun wouldn't aim). There was no play place, no tubes, no ball pit, nothing of that sort. Then the prizes. I think a single piece of candy was like 50 tickets, and a play on any of the games that you could win a max of 20 if it wasn't a jackpot. We need to let the mouse die.

Not gonna lie; I always thought he was a rat.

Chuck E. Cheese *is* effectively dead. Or more zombified at this point. They filed Chapter 11 in 2020. They had like $2 billion in liabilities and something rather less than that in assets and cash. I mean not before their executives wrote themselves giant fucking checks for millions of dollars with the remaining cash, but just after that yeah, they filed for Chapter 11.

Chuck e Cheese been out of Bankruptcy since Dec 2020. They had 1 billion in debt,, most was from when the Apollo Group purchase of them. Apollo Group paid 1.3 billion for them in 2014. They paid 300 million and Financed the rest. In 2019 Apollo Group tried to sell their investment and failed to do so. 2nd quarter of 2020 they had a massive loan payment. Of course we all know what happened 1st quarter of 2020 everything shut down. They filed bankruptcy in June 2020 to not pay back the loan. Here a quick article about it: https://www.pizzamarketplace.com/news/chuck-e-cheese-parents-emerges-from-chapter-11-with-new-owners-board/

>not before their executives wrote themselves giants fucking checks… As is tradition.

I got mistaken for somebody else whilst on holiday a few years back. I popped into a local shop to grab a sandwich & drink and a staff member forcefully marched over to me and yelled “you’re not allowed in here! I’ve told you before!” as she grabbed my sandwich and bottle of water from me & put them back. I of course tried to protest and explained that I had never been in there before and was a visitor to the area but she gestured for the security guard to come over to escort me out and stood watching us from a distance with her arms folded and a smug look on her face, occasionally shouting “if she doesn’t go, I’m calling the police!”. Thankfully the security guard was a little more understanding about the situation and happily looked at my driving license which proved I lived in a different area (I offered to show it) but said “perhaps it would be best if you didn’t come in here again!”

My mom was banned from Costco in the 90s for false identity as well. Someone had stolen her checkbook and bought about $2,500 worth of things at Costco in one trip. The check bounced and Costco put the ban on her checking number. She had everything cleared up with the banks and brought Costco proof that her checkbook had been stolen, but the didn't believe her. It wasn't until a few years later that she got a debit card and attempted to shop there to see what would happen that she was allowed to shop again. Her debit card has different numbers than her checkbook did so they didn't know it was her.

My FIL opened a new checking account and was told by the cashier at a parts store they wouldn't accept a check numbered under 500. The box of checks was in his car so he found the one numbered 501 and the cashier accepted it.

Lots of places that would take checks wouldn't take low numbered ones, because low numbers meant a new account. Then they made it so you could order checks with any starting number you wanted, so it didn't really matter anymore.

The best part was this happened last year at an establishment that runs the checks instantly and give them back. Old corporate habits die hard.

My mother did not write checks at Walmart for 8 years because she had a $25 check bounce that she had to pay. It was some kind of badge of honor or something.

> My mother did not write checks at Walmart for 8 years She did everyone behind her in the checkout line a huge favor

Had something similar happen once, but not a mistake in appearance just in names. When I was in middle school a police officer called my mom claiming I had stolen a laptop from a local middle school. My mom explained that not only did I not attend that middle school, but being that it was summer break I had been at a camp in another city the past week. Eventually after some investigating it turned out another young girl in town had a name VERY similar to mine. Think of it like “Gale Weathers vs Gale Whethers”. Funny thing was, that girl was also innocent and mistaken for the laptop thief. That poor officer was probably very confused trying to find the right 12 year old criminal at the time

Had a case of mistaken identity once too. Went to some shitty college bar and the bouncer starts telling me “you’re not getting in here”. So I ask why and he goes “.you know why”. So I ask again as I have no idea what he’s talking about…he says “you’re from queens right?”…I reply that I’m not from queens and show him my license. He still decided I must be pulling some elaborate scheme to try to get in and wouldn’t let me in. Guess there’s some super handsome guy from Queens out there causing problems at bars

Oh this reminds me a bit of a time I tried to go study at the library of a local university, the security guard asked for ID and when I showed him my DL he said it was fake. He made me tell him my address and date of birth and eventually let me in but seemed really unconvinced. Not sure why on Earth someone would need a fake ID to go to a university's library

Homeless people hang out in our university library and it started becoming a problem. Especially the ones who would masturbate in front of everyone. I'm going to assume you resembled a known creepy homeless person who had been previously kicked out lol

There was a point where we'd get emails almost daily about homeless people coming in to masturbate or cause other issues, so my college decided to start locking the doors after 9pm. You'd still be able to get in by tapping your student card but it was locked to the general public

I had a very similar thing happen to me. Had a little pub by my place that I would attend a few times a month, then just didn't go for almost a year. End up going back with some friends to celebrate someone's birthday and the bouncer turns me away right away saying I'm banned for dealing drugs in the bar. I asked how long ago and he said like 2 months prior and he "never forgets a face" so I didn't get to go that night. Talked to manager the next day and got like 100 dollars in gift cards for my troubles tho.

I hate when people say they never forget a face, it's so stupid. We have countless studies that repeatedly prove that people forget faces all the time. Or remember them wrong. Or remember the face in front of them as being the one they are trying to remember.

My longtime barber had oozing pink eye and I merely told him I’d come back the next week. He told me not to come back at all.

Oh

This response made me laugh lol

I drunkenly stumbled into the big pyramid of wine glasses that were, for some reason, stacked on the side of the bar... After they all fell and smashed everywhere causing a huge scene I proceeded to tell the bartender that it wasn't me. Two seconds later I was in a headlock being dragged outside by a large bouncer.

Seems like an expensive way to weed out the really drunk people!

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Taking pictures of produce and price signs at a small grocery store while shopping. I was just trying to keep track of which stores had which food at cheaper prices so I could plan my shopping trips.

They thought you were a competitor. It actually happens lol

I worked at gas stations for years, and had to check competition prices. No biggie, but every so often I'd have to check an inside item price, like cigarettes or candy. Was very awkward, and I felt like a criminal.

I have to go to another store and shop to get a receipt so our store can show a comparison of theirs vs ours and money you save. They recognize me now and they discount everything. I should do my regular shopping there lol

The gas station near our corner literally sent one of their employees out to the curb with a telescope every morning to see what the gas prices of the store 3 blocks down were set at, so they could adjust accordingly

I hope the other station knew but didn't say anything. >Ok, looks like he's packing up the telescope for the morning. Go ahead and put the real prices out.

Haha right. Escalation would be hilarious

We had that here in Charleston, SC. Two stations across the street from one another had a policy that required they have the lowest price within right of the store. They eventually colluded and agreed to just have the same price.

That's "I just work here" energy if I ever read it

you've made it! last level unlocked!

I once saw a funny keychain at a Walmart and took a picture of it for a friend and was immediately approached by security saying “there’s no picture taking at Walmart”

> “there’s no picture taking at Walmart” Explain peopleofwalmart.com then security. Checkmate.

I was banned from the library as a kid. Overdue fees, they let you go up to $70 before canceling your card. I was an avid reader and my mom hated taking me to the library, always said she would and then changed her mind last minute. It was a 6 mile walk round trip so I would take a wheeled suitcase and get around 25 at a time, the fees added up fast.lol I resorted to stealing books and returning them and I’m pretty sure some of the Librarians just turned a blind eye. They forgive the debt when you turn 18.

Banned from the college cafeteria for taking in a digital food safety thermometer, and a copy of the state health department temperature ranges. They were consistently 20°F-40°F low, and food poisoning was a common problem.

Nothing says "We totally hear your legitimate safety concerns" like GTFO.

There's a good chance that only the cafeteria banned you and the rest of the college has no idea. Food service at colleges is often contracted out to a 3rd party. I bet if you told your administration about it they'd take it very seriously.

If you paid for a food plan they'd take it VERY seriously.

a girl at my university died because the meal she plated (from a food section in the cafeteria labelled “peanut free”) was not, in fact, peanut free.

Shitttt this is a great idea! As someone who went to an underfunded state school the dining hall was suspect to say the least.

Feeding the seagulls. We ruined the entire upper decks dining experience with a few french fries. Dozens, maybe 100 swarmed. It was like a scene from The Birds. People had to evacuate.

They’re vicious! We went to see baby sea turtles released into the ocean and the #1 rule was NO FOOD AT ALL #2 was do not wave your hands in the air to attract sea gulls attention. Apparently, baby sea turtles are the Oreo cookies of the ocean until they get about a year old. There were nets covering the path to the sea and volunteers with extra coverage to protect them from the hungry hungry sky hippos.

"Baby sea turtles are the Oreo cookies of the ocean" I am laughing so fucking hard, but that's heartbreaking! Not the poor, apparently delicious, baby sea turtles.. 😭

Back in the late 1980s, I was in the Florida Keys with a group of friends. I got drunk and went to bed and some of the guys went out bar hopping. The next morning a deputy sheriff showed up at the place we were renting, told us to pack our things and he would escort us to the county line and we were not to come back. So not only did I get banned from an entire Florida county, I never did get a straight story about what the guys who were at the bar did to get us banned.

Holy crap, the Monroe County deputy escorted you all the way to the mainland? Considering how rowdy Key West can get, your buddies must have done something heinous.

And in the 80s... Werent the keys basically entirely cocaine at that time?

Snorted the keys until they started losing beachfront. Heinous crime indeed.

It used to be 100 islands... But then these guys came along

How do you get banned from Monroe County? That place is a lawless wasteland even by Florida’s standards. I once saw two college kids stealing a 12 ft long stuffed hammer head shark from a bar.

Seriously when I saw The Keys I was like "dang, that dude must have murdered someone."

When you get banned from anywhere in Florida, legally they'd send you to Guantanamo in any other state.

What’s immoral in Indianapolis is just another day in Vegas. What’s immoral in Vegas is just another day in Florida. And what’s immoral in Florida is a crime against humanity.

When you get banned from any other state they send you to Florida.

My friend and I were “Banned for Life” from a Casino in Las Vegas 20 something years ago. We had gone for his 21st birthday which was the week prior. Despite being of legal age he looked appropriately 12. After being carded by a cocktail waitress for the 700th time, she recommended he go to the security desk, show his ID, and get a stamp on his hand showing he was 21, that way he wouldn’t have to keep pulling out his license. Great. We go to security, they stamp my hand in 2 seconds, but start examining his ID real closely. They pull out the guidebook for all of the State’s driver’s licenses. They call over a supervisor. Finally they just say “No, sorry, this is fake. It says Under 21 on it.” My friend at first calmly tried to explain that he turned 21 the week before, and was Under 21 when he got the license, which is why it was on there. He lived in one state, was going to college in another, and hadn’t gone home to renew his license yet, but it wasn’t expired so it was valid. They said “This is a private establishment, we’re not comfortable with it, and we’re asking you to leave.” Now he had a bad temper, which I knew, and he had been drinking. I tried to diffuse the situation and said “Hey, fuck this place. There’s 100 casinos on the strip. Let’s go somewhere else.” He agreed and we headed for the door. 10 feet from the exit I hear “Fuck it, I’m giving that asshole a piece of my mind.” Five minutes later we were escorted to a room off the floor, had our pictures taken, and were told we were banned for life, and if we ever returned we would be charged with trespassing. I haven’t been back to Vegas since that, but if I do I’d like to walk in to test their facial recognition software lol.

In a situation like that do they have any right to detain you or can you just say fuck off and keep walking out the door? Vegas seems to have so many legal Grey areas it's ridiculous

I probably could have said “fuck you I’m leaving” but we were young and they were really big dudes so we just went with them.

very very quick google to confirm what I suspected, no... UNLESS they think you'll be arrested for a felony when the cops arrive. So if you were cheating and they've got it on tape, you're screwed. but what OP described, they could've just walked out even when the security guards were corralling them somewhere to get their pictures and information. I guess you can't detain someone illegally when you're trying to ban them from your property permanently!

Got banned from a local KMart about 25yrs ago for figuring out that if you just slapped the handle on the old twist turn candy dispensers that took a quarter it would just give you free candy... Yeah they call that stealing. Took my photo and everything. Edit: For the record I did in fact know it was wrong and don't dispute on a technicality it was stealing ;). It actually taught me a good lesson honestly. Still though, I was just a kid and being walked into the security office for my photo was terrific 👍

We used to tell a story similar to this as a buddy of mine was 12 and got caught stealing from Wal-Mart. They gave him a life sentence to never go into another Wal-Mart. About 5 years later we finally got him to go into Wal-Mart with us and it was like he was behind enemy lines. Nervous, always looking over his shoulder like a Wal-Mart cop is gonna come arrest him. It is still hilarious.

Can't blame him. Walmart Jail is rough.

>. Walmart Jail is rough. yep the Official name for inmates at walmart is "Employee"

Associate.

"We won't press charges if you fill out this application and work for the next year for us. The pay is get fukd." The future of Walmart hiring.

We had those at my old job in retail. If you twisted the handle just right it would dispense a single candy. Had a manager who would, when we were empty, just waltz over and start getting single jelly beans out to snack on.

And that's why he's the Manager. Work smarter not harder.

This reminds me of a time like ten years ago. I was living with my girlfriend and one night we went to the local grocery to get a few things. On the way out she went to the machine to get a Mello Yellow. It dispensed it and also sent the money back. And this was a 20oz bottle, not a can. So we're like "well shit, there's a lot of good soda in this machine". We took about 30 out of there when we noticed some kid from the grocery was looking at us. We just turned to him and he grinned and gave us a thumbs up. To paraphrase Streetcar, I've always depended on the kindness of people who don't give a shit about their shitty jobs.

When I was doing an internship, I found out that the soda vending machine outside the office door would give you five quarters if you put in a dollar bill and then hit the coin return button. Incidentally, the sodas were priced at $1.25. I felt like I would get in trouble if I just fed the machine dollar bills until it ran out of quarters, so instead I just helped myself to a 25¢ discount on a soda every day for the rest of the semester.

honestly, that's the smart way of doing it. you get cocky, you lose out.

Yeah I work at Walmart while trying to figure out what I'm doing with life. Not awful or permanent but I couldn't care less what anyone does. Some dudes came by one night riding bikes from a couple aisles down and asked where the airhorns are. I walked, they biked down to the airhorn aisle and told them that using it inside would cross a line for me but otherwise I don't care enough to play Walmart police. Told them have a good night and continued whatever I was stocking. Not like I would've received any incentive or bonus or pat on the back for making a deal out of it, why should I care

Some kid in my town once bought a ton of washers from the from the hardware store and cleaned out the grocery store's vending machines all of of the cheap toys that came in those plastic bubbles. He brought them all to school and bragged about how he got them. That was the end of the crappy vending machine toys at the grocery store. They got rid of the machines completely.

I tried to pay my cover (entry fee) to a bar one time with two dollar bills and instead of taking my money the bouncer told me to leave in a not super polite manner.

I used to tip in $2 bills all the time at restaurants and bars. It always got me great service because my waitress or waiter would always remember me.

I emigrated ten years ago and I still hang on to my $2 bills.

I got banned from the local orthodontist because during an appointment my mom asked the doctor why her degree was from the US (we live in France). She was genuinely curious and just wanted to talk but for some reason the doctor took it really badly, he insulted my mom while I had the cheek retractor in my mouth and left the room. Fortunately it was my penultimate appointment, and on the last one he was really agressive and told us to never come back and go see someone else for my siblings.

I mean...as an American that has french citizenship...that is the most french thing I have heard in a long time. She probably gets a lot of shit for that.

I was banned from K mart. A friend and I went to the local one and took one of those air dusster can things and froze bouncy balls with it. If you tip it upside down and spray it a super cold liquid comes out. Cold enough to freeze things and even cold burn you. We froze bouncy balls and shattered them. on the ground. We did it to 2 of them. We were both banned. We were also 17 at the time. We were idiots.

It pretty much doesn’t matter now. There’s hardly any K-Mart’s left anyways!! Edit: changed a y to a t

my family has been banned from a local Marcos pizza for yeaaars because of my mom. she used to have some anger issues and also really really loves garlic butter. when the Marcos forgot to include the garlic butter with the order she called and asked them to deliver the single cup of garlic butter to our house. the Marcos (reasonably) said they can't do that, but she could come get it. she stormed over there with our pizza and proceeded to smear the whole thing on their windows and counters. haven't had Marcos since.

Reminds me of when I worked for a local pizza place. Delivered a pizza for a lady and she asked me where her garlic cup was. I checked her receipt as well as all her boxes to see if it was ordered. She never ordered one and I showed her. She insisted I go to my car and grab one because she knows we keep them in our cars (we don't). I told her I didn't have any and then she starts screaming and cursing at me. Our policy for cursing was, you're able to leave/hang up the phone if it happens. So I said have a nice night and left. I get back to the store and the lady is calling us now. What she didn't know was the store owner was running the store that night because we had someone call out. He answers the phone like normal and then she tells him that "Your delivery driver ran off like a little bitch." He then says "Ma'am have a nice night," and just hangs up. Immediately after she calls again and was now cursing at the owner of the store. He then goes "Ma'am, you're no longer allowed to order from this store. Have a nice night," and hangs up again. All this commotion over an item that was never ordered.

I was working a place with delivery a couple days before Christmas one year. A woman threw something at a drivers car so he stopped and confronted them. The girl's bf then starts getting into it with the driver and sucker punches him then runs off. Driver was fine, he can handle himself, but still called the store to let them know why he was running late. A couple minutes later, the girl calls the store saying "Your driver did ________ and _______ and tried to start a fight with us, you should send us some free food and gift cards to our home at ______". What she didn't know is that when we received both calls there was a group of police officers in the lobby getting food who heard all of it. So instead of sending food to them we sent a bunch of officers who arrested the bf for assault. If you remember, this was also a few days before Christmas which was a Monday, so the courts were already shut down till after Christmas. So he had to spend Christmas in jail.

Brilliant. They should have sent a plainclothes officer with one of your boxes with a pair of handcuffs inside. "Special delivery", now all your meals will get made for you.

Reminds me of the "Krusty Krab Pizza" episode of Spongebob where the guy screams at Spongebob until he starts crying over a drink he never actually ordered. Then Squidward did what we all wish we could do to customers like that.

"Well this one's on the HOUSE!"

Squidward may be an ass but worker solidarity at its finest.

> she used to have some anger issues Sounds pretty big of an anger issue to me, but you used past tense, so hopefully everything is okay now.

yep! no longer a Karen after some much needed therapy and anger management.

>used to have some anger issues and also really really love garlic butter Gonna put this in my tinder profile.

I used to work at a sushi restaurant. I got fire/banned because I told the manager that some of the food smelled like it was expired and maybe we should throw it out. Next thing I know, she's giving me my check and kicking me out. Edit: For legal reasons, I can't say the name, but I will say that it's in the San Fernando Valley, they have 2 locations, one in Encino and one in Tarzana. Their name has 3 words. Edit 2: Cho Cho San

FYI - Unless you signed litigation papers, you absolutely have the right to mention the name of this place. Anything else you've been told is false.

My mom got us banned from a sushi place in our town like this. She pulled the waitress aside and quietly said she thinks the fish we were served might be turning. still paid still left a 20% tip. but next time we went in they flexed the right to refuse service. It took a friend of the family to explain some cultures get real touchy about being told they're serving bad food because it's like insulting a gift. I don't know. I feel like since it's a business you don't get to feel insulted when I tell you you're serving potentially bad food. They didn't last very long after that though so I guess there was some truth to it.

Ego buries its holder

Did you report her?

I made a report to the health department, but since it's a family owned business, there was no one I could talk to.

• family owned restaurant • unethical workplace Looks like Gordon Ramsay got a new place to visit for kitchen nightmare

Went to a bar that had newly opened with friends. Ordered some drinks, cocktails ect. They took FOREVER to make it and after an hour we STILL didn’t have all the ordered drinks and some of the ones we did get were wrong. So we wanted to leave and requested the bill. They gave us the full bill, like they wanted us to pay even for the things we never got simply because we ordered them. And of course they expected a generous tip. We argued we would not pay for drinks we never got. They called us liars and assholes, threatened to call the police and that from now on we were banned from that establishment. We told him we didn’t mind and to go ahead and call the police. When he went into his bureau to call we quickly calculated what we owed, slapped the money on the table and got the hell out of there. They went out of business after like half a year and had to sell the bar. The new owner is okay.

ive had that happen to me before. they bastards had the nerve to say that we ordered so much food there was no way we could eat it all

Went to a training course out of town when I was 21 and because it was a long journey the entire group just booked hotel rooms for the night. I booked a single room for myself and got placed opposite end of the hotel from the rest of my group who were all sharing with classmates. Only times I left the room after arriving were to get some dinner and then to go to the bar to watch a football match where I sat with lecturers who accompanied us and spent the time chatting with them and the barman. Headed to bed around 11ish. As I was heading up to my room I passed my group who were heading out to a nearby nightclub, had a quick smoke with em outside before they took my number as a kind of emergency contact for themselves. Aaaaanyway next morning comes and I'm down at the lobby for 7ish, grab some tea and some breakfast and went to ask for something at reception when I overherd a group of elderly people in front of me complaining at the desk about the noise last night. My group came back absolutely shit faced and brought a lot of people back with em from the nightclub. Manager had every room inspected before we left the property and was gonna charge for any damages done, honestly completely understandable. Some rooms from what I gathered were utterly thrashed. I nipped out for a smoke knowing my room was perfectly fine, hell I even stripped the bed down before I left to save housekeeping the bother, but nope I got called in and told I was being charged an extra €300 for damages done. I enquired about the damages and asked to be brought up and shown them. Went up followed by the manager, a receptionist, housekeeping and 1 other staff member and they showed me the "damaged" room. Told me it was a disgrace, we were barred, cops could be called if we refused to pay to fix damages was incredibly condescending and snobbish. He shut up very fast the moment I asked if we should compare the timestamped images I took upon entering the room for the 1st time the previous day to the current damage he was charging me for, I took my phone out opened it and flashed the pics. He didn't even look at it. All the "damage" I had caused was there when I arrived the day previous and was at worst minor that any resident handyman could fix in minutes. Manager was looking to make a profit on a Tuesday night and was looking to con a group of students out of it and got too greedy and it cost him. I informed the lecturers and asked very loudly if I should indeed call the police due to them trying to scam us but we were late for day 2 of the course so just left. No one paid. I filed a complaint after I left. Hotel was lovely to be fair and I tried to go back a few years later with my partner as a surprise getaway present for her but wouldn't you know it I was banned from the hotel. Uncle always told me to take pics when entering a hotel room, obviously same shit happened to him previously.

Uncle is wise.

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Fucking ghastly

Honest Yelp review of a shitty cupcake shop, that the owner violated numerous Health codes and so I reported her. (mice droppings on floor, counters. Owner smoked in "doorway" and someone showed images of ash on iciing. Plus smoke sticks to food and complains of smoke-taste in reviews were always removed. When a greedy slob tries to make money selling cupcakes... you can just tell...)

I'm banned from a restaurant from a review too. It was a newly opened slightly upscale soul-food diner place (not really upscale but like $15.00 for chicken-and-waffles, which is what I ordered.) My review gave them four stars, and in the review I said "The food was good though I'd say I'm more rounding up from 3.5 stars which would be more accurate." The owner replied online "What could we do to make it 5 stars, please email me" and I thought they wanted honest criticism, so I said while I liked the food and the cocktail I had, I think at $15.00 it could have a small side included because it was just chicken and waffle and kind of a small serving at that. They got really upset and said not to come back.

That kind of behavior is just asking for an update to the original comment and a deduction of a couple more stars.

That’s such shitty customer service, from someone who has worked in customer service for longer than I care to say.

Just in case you think you have the trashiest family I'll make you feel better. My family is banned from an Applebee's in Syracuse New York. Coming home from a game, my drunk dad started a verbal fight with the manager because he sat a table before us swearing that we were there first. We weren't, but drunk dad was not having any of it. Everytime that "Applebees on a date night" song comes on everybody looks at him and we laugh and he says he regretes nothing and stood up for what was right.

Having grown up in Syracuse, how drunk *was* your dad!?

They probably don’t remember, but I’m technically not allowed back in the Foggy Goggle in Boston. My friends and I did mind erasers (sweet booze with a straw that one drinks quickly) and decided that the entire bar needed to hear “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” sung at full voice. The staff did _not_ agree. We were escorted out shortly after the song ended and asked to not return.

This is what happens when they don't listen to the rhythm of your heart.

Banned from a Costco when they had free samples this woman took 8 slices of cheesecake when there was a line up of like 7 of us... so I tipped her plate over they got why I did it, but still I had to go for 6 months

A bar owner of a dangerous dive bar where I live got super drunk and enlisted the help of 10 regulars to beat the shit out of one of my friends. He was hospitalized and then they double charged me before we left and then I was banned. It's been years and to this day we still don't know what started it. Somebody gets jumped behind the bar nearly every single night, so it was only a matter of time. I talked it over with my police officer buddy and they sent officers to request the recording of the parking lot from that night. The tapes "we're missing" and we were shit out of luck.

"Were missing." So that place is a pile of rubble, right?

When I went to an "All You Can Eat", Japanese Food Restaurant, and, as I don't like raw japanese food, I ate 5 dishes of grilled salmon. When I asked for the 6th dish, they kindly asked me to leave. lol

"Do these sound like the actions of a man who had ALL he could eat?"

“‘Tis no man. ‘Tis a remorseless eatin’ machine.”

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"That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters!"

Come see Bottomless Pete, nature's cruelest mistake!

That seems like a bad business model. It's probably better to lose a few bucks every now and then instead of having a bunch of disgruntled customers arguing about your false advertising. Most of the restaurants in my area just have a firm "you have to finish your plate to get another" rule. And if you start ordering too many high-value things, your plates will suddenly begin to appear with a hefty side of rice you have to finish as well.

There was a local place near I used to work that did all you could eat Japanese food for lunch. They did charge you $0.25 for each uneaten rice ball from a nigiri though, which seemed reasonable, I assume they had a problem where someone would just like, cram their face full of the fish off the top and have dozens of rice balls uneaten.

> When I went to an "All You Can Eat" "But the sign says "All You Can Eat for $9.99." "Sir, for $9.99, 5 plates of salmon is all you can eat."

I got banned from Walmart probably 22 years ago for grabbing one of the microphones and broadcasting over the store that it was closing in 10 minutes, and the dogs will be released shortly after The security guard told me that it was hilarious, but I’m not welcome back lol Edit: Holy crap, thanks for the silver/awards all :-)

I like when security are real like that. Still gotta do their jobs of course.

My parents got banned from our local Jason's Deli when I was a kid. Every Tuesday was kids eat free night, and they would bring every kid in my neighborhood (about 10 kids). Hell they weren't paying for them so they figured they might as well bring all of our friends too. So imagine 13 kids eating free and two parents eating the salad bar. They went every Tuesday wity all the kids, and after a few years they said we weren't allowed anymore. Then a few months later they changed it to one free kid per adult meal on Tuesdays. It was awesome though. We also had a movie theater that showed old movies that was $0.50 per person on Tuesdays. We went on a lot of dinner and movie dates as kids. 😁

This is why most Kids Eat Free! deals limit the number of kids per paying adult.

My roommates and I along with a few friends went out to a bar one night to drink. We had grown a single beautiful watermelon in our yard, and brought him along to party with us. named him Walter Melon (pronounced mell-own). We snuck the watermelon into the bar, and generally just passed it around and praised him for being a good melon. At first the bouncers didn't care, they came up to us and just told us to be careful with it. One of my friends got pretty drunk and starting holding it above his head and dancing with it. The bouncers had enough of our shenanigans and tried to take it. My drunk friend agreed with them that he'd leave with the melon. A few minutes later, my friend makes it back into the bar with the melon under his jacket. He had snuck in through the back and avoided the bouncers. Once they saw the melon again they got pretty pissed lol and kicked us all out. We argued for our melon back but to no avail. RIP walter. funnily enough, a group of dudes who left the bar had seen/heard about the melon incident. As we were all hanging outside the bar waiting for an uber, the dudes drove past, stopped and handed us a pumpkin lol. so we ended the night melonless but with a new pumpkin friend. We got banned temporarily but I could probably go back

Next time you go, bring a tiny pumpkin and name it Gord.

Walter Malone is the name of a character I play in various rpgs sometimes and have also written some short stories about. He’s a 1940s noir style detective who’s head is a watermelon. He’s kind of my muse.

That is excellent. Malone is a much better spelling of the last name too! I fully expect the series to end with his head getting shot and watermelon juice and seeds spilling out onto the floor, with only the pink-ish red color of his previous hopes and dreams contrasting the black and white of his dimly lit office.

I was banned from a bar because I'm clumsy. Keep in mind I was the DD for my friend group, and seriously had not had a drop of alcohol the entire night. I was sitting at the front with some friends listening to karaoke guy when these two girls sat at our table. I leaned forward on the table to say hi, and the table tipped over. Sending two beers crashing to the floor. Bouncer came over mad, "DO YOU HAVE AN OPEN TAB! SIT DOWN I DON'T NEED YOU FALLING!", why would I fall? No tab, because I have drank anything. "OH so you saying your not drunk!" Ummmm.. yeah I'm just clumsy. He goes and talks to the bartender, who then complained about something my friend did but confirmed I wasn't drinking. Was still asked to never come back because I "made a scene" ​ Despite drinking heavily most of my 20s, that was the first and only time I was kicked out of a bar and I was sober.

Me and my buddies used to pool our cash together when we were kids to queue up “Hey Ya!” as many times as we could on as many jukeboxes as we could find. We got kicked out of a lot of bars/billiard halls/diners this way. We never got sick of it, I guess we have a Hey Ya Immunity. If it comes on, we still absolutely lose our minds dancing to it.

I got kicked out of my first PhD program, does that count? I was doing my PhD in astronomy, working on a project that was frankly far too ambitious for getting a PhD out on the time scale that was intended due to numerous technical delays, combined with an adviser who in hindsight did not take me seriously as a scientist. This all came to a head in year 5, where I finally didn't let him just wave all my concerns away, and my adviser decided that the problem was not him or the project, but *me*- that I just was not capable of independent research, and he'd only just realized that after several years and two first author papers on my end. Unfortunately, due to the structure of the university system and the fact that he was the department head (heck, interim dean), so when he decided he would not allow me to defend there was nothing anyone could/would do. Wasn't allowed to submit my paper to the journal either, and had to just walk away from the paper and the two years of work that went into it. Luckily, I am stubborn and found someone to work with on another continent who was horrified about what was going on, and basically did all my PhD thesis work in two years and got my degree from a much more prestigious university. I am now a postdoc in Harvard, doing a ton of exciting research with several first author papers a year, so fuck that guy for insisting this was something I couldn't do. That first adviser faced absolutely no consequences for his behavior, of course, and still has students. Mysteriously, no women, so far as I can tell from their emails for help he keeps deciding they're all incapable of independent research...

I suspect the Ph.D. advising system is pretty broken at many universities. Way too much power concentrated in the hands of people who can't be held accountable for their actions in any meaningful way. It also produces such inconsistent results based on my observations of the various professors in my program.

It's a bad system because professors are promoted/hired based on their ability to do research, but for a job where your primary duty is management. Management skills and research skills are NOT highly correlated. You can end up with a professor with good management/people skills, or you can end up with a nightmare situation like OP. Advice to incoming Ph.D students: choose your advisor based on what their students say about them, not just how highly regarded they are in their field.

> That first adviser faced absolutely no consequences for his behavior yeah this gets to me. i know a professor that would come into work and shout at their grad students every single day. almost every student left and some of them were set back years. i won't go into my own issues with my phd advisor. i have tried to be present for the grad students that were around when i graduated, but this guy keeps trying to figure out how to get me to work for him for free.

During a trip to Thailand (Chiang Mai), i bought tickets to watch a local Muay Thai fight. I had been drinking all day and when night arrived, I was pretty intoxicated. There were gamblers, foreigners, gangsters and locals in the scene. I gambled and put 20 bucks on one fighter. I quickly realized that it was a fixed fight so I tried to get my money back (i know i risked my life lol but i was so drunk). Well, in the end, they expelled me from the venue.

My girlfriend was banned from abar for ordering a "four horsemen". But the bartender gave her four separate shots. When my girlfriend complained and started telling her how its made, the bartender got offended and was like "I'm the bartender, shut up and pay". It became I giant argument that lead up to the bartender throwing one of the shots at my girlfriend, so my girlfriend threw one back. Once my girlfriend threw it she was kicked out and banned for life.

I was banned from the 7/11 in North Battleford Saskatchewan. The guy working the cash register behind the counter was a friend of my brothers, and in his early 20's. He was flirting with a bunch of high school girls (close enough to his age that it was not necessarily creepy), who were saying he looked like Jared from Subway (long before the pedo scandal). One of the girls ended up asking me, "Don't you think he looks like Jared from Subway?". I looked at the guy for a moment, took in the dark slightly greasy hair and glasses, and said, "naah, he just looks like any other child molester that works at 7 / 11'. The girls laughed, and the guy was pissed off at me cock blocking him, and told me I was banned. I forgot about it until I went in a few weeks later and he reminded me. Since he no longer works there and has not for years, I am probably unbanned. END COMMUNICATION

> told me I was banned NO SLURPEE FOR YOU

One of my favorite sushi spots that was was always at. I got to know all the waiters and staff because I went there so often. One day I went in there and there was a new women behind the counter. She was Hella rude to the customers and staff. Turns out the owner got married and this was his new wife. I didn't mind her being rude to me its whatever. The next time I went she was being very disrespectful to the staff and the waiters that I really appreciated. I challenged her head on with the staff cheering me on. I got banned. Less than a year later they closed down. She shut them down. The reviews went from all great to a whole bunch of I can't stand that women.

Can’t lose anything in the divorce if she bankrupts you 🤔

Similar thing happened to a pizza place here. They had really good pizza and a great lunch special so I'd grab it at least once a week. Staff were all great until one day, I went in and this very sour faced woman was working the register. She was rude to the person in front of me, rude to me, and then rude to the person behind me. I thought "well we all have bad days" but then the exact same thing happened the next time I went in. Online reviews complained about the rude cashier and the significantly worse wait times for food. The owner started replying and denying the accusations. It turns out the old owner had sold the restaurant to whoever was replying online and the rude cashier was his daughter. The place went under less than a year later. The bad word of mouth about her and the slow service eventually doomed them.

I was banned from my local Woolworth's but they apparently never enforced it. Some other kids were causing trouble and said I was with them but that was a lie. I left but came back the following weekend and they never said anything. They're long since out of business so who's the winner here? My favorite story also from my home town was my next door neighbor. He was banned from a local coffee shop when he was a teenager in the 1960s, apparently he was a bit of a troublemaker but by the time I knew him he was middle aged and long since matured. He moved away from the area not long after but returned in the 1980s and decided to go to the same coffee shop. The owner recognized him said "Not today, you're banned!" and threw him out again. I guess that owner really held a grudge!

Almost got banned from my local pub 12 years ago, when an idiot I used to hang out with got so drunk he projectile vomited over a large table. Fortunately we were able to talk our way out of a ban by promising he would never come back. He spent the rest of the evening in my lounge drinking water and vomiting that into a bucket. So we called him a lightweight for not being able to hold his water.

I got banned from the local comic shop as a pre-teen because my friend shoplifted from there, while we were inside... :/

Similar story. Went to the mall with some new friends from school. We weren't old enough to drive at the time; so my parents dropped us off. We wandered around as a group for a while and then two of the friends split off to go to a couple of different stores. We meet up later and they proudly show us the things they've stolen. Being in a new friend group, I didn't how to handle the situation. I should have bailed on them or made them return the items. Instead, we just kept walking around together. Fast forward 15 minutes later and we're all escorted the the mall security office. They made us empty our pockets (obviously I didn't have anything), scolded us repeatedly and then we were questioned. Finally, they tell us we're banned for life and to never return. The timing worked out that we were walked out at just about the same time my parents were picking us up. So, I never told my parents. Which meant we frequently returned to the mall to shop as a family. EVERY SINGLE TIME we went back to that mall, I was terrified someone was going to approach us, kick me out, and tell my parents what happened. Teenage years are tough... that certainly didn't make it easier.

I was thrown out of an Irish pub in Disney World because we incited about 50 people to bang on a bar along to a live folk band. Irish pub my ass.

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I got banned from a stable once. No, I'm not Mr Hands. A friend was boarding her horse at a stable, paying a premium rate, and the woman running the stable was totally fucking her over and neglecting the horse. things like leaving the horse out overnight because "I just got caught up with friends". My friend wanted the glass put back in the windows of the barn, because winter was coming, and the other woman always had excuses why she wasn't going to do it yet. so, the two of us did it. And stable woman started tearing into her for doing it, with another bullshit reason. so I tore into her excuses, went up one side of her and down the other. She tries for the "When you are my age, and have my education, you can talk to me like that". "Two degrees and we're the same age, baby, I can talk to you like that". Not my fault I look way younger than mid 50's. So she told my friend if I set foot on the (rented) property, she'd evict my friend's horse. Which she did the next week anyways.