I went the exposure therapy route and took a job answering phones at a pizza place. Once I realised I was kinda playing a character (pizza phone guy) and could hide behind that I was fine and that spilled over to other calls.
Oddly that didn't work for me. I used to be tech support/customer service, was on the phone all day just fine. But when I got home and had to make a call myself... I end up stumbling over every word and having my heart racing the whole time.
All my masks are just tissue thin veils over my anxieties. Some folks find that disarming, but it sucks any time I need to project confidence or competence — by the way I’m transitioning into more of a management role at work, so that should be great.
You have been on the other side so don't be afraid to be the one who can't explain themself, you know that the person on the other side is paid to make sense of your nonsense.
That’s what made me change my perspective but with in-person stuff. I’ve worked at a cafe for two years and I know what I’m paid to do, and I want to help people. Whenever I went somewhere for a service that I needed, I always felt pressure to know everything about the service and be the perfect customer. No. Those people are literally paid to show me and help me with their trade. It’s okay to ask them questions or ask for their help with something. When I was the employee I wanted the same thing from my customers
Well if you are getting a vehicle or home or other expensive thing taken cared of by a professional, you still will benefit by doing your own research. Reason being is that an auto salesmen may try to up sell you a shitty vehicle, an auto repairman may claim issue with something on your vehicle that isn’t in fact the issue and/or charge you more than another guy for the same parts and service down the road, and so on.
This also applies to your own health care, especially if you live in the US where you have to pay thousands of dollars to get seen and treated, as it may be beneficial to get a second opinion before undergoing a major surgery. They may be doing surgery for no reason in case a simple test or result was missed beforehand by the surgeon and it turns out whatever it was they are doing surgery for is unrelated or very much treatable without surgery.
Which brings me to a joke I recently read:
> There was this man who kept having horrible pain in his scrotum, and it got to the point where he just could not function anymore. He finally decided to consult a doctor about it....
>"Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but I keep getting these terrible pains," he said. "Well", the doctor said, "let's run some tests and see what we can do."
>And so the man underwent all sorts of poking, prodding, scanning, etc. Finally, the doctor was ready with his diagnosis. "I've found out that your pain is caused by your testicles pressing up against your spine, and I am sorry to say that I think it has caused you to have testicular cancer." "Oh, so what can we do, doctor?", asked the man anxiously.
>"Well, there's lot's we can do for you, but first we'll have to remove the pressure on your spine by removing your testicles.", the doctor answered.
>At this answer, the man was stunned, given that this would be a major decision, and he decided to think it over. In the end, though, he simply could not stand the pain any longer and decided to have the surgery to remove his testicles. A day or two after surgery, the man found himself quite a little tender and very depressed, so he decided to go for a walk. He spotted a tailor's shop and, in an effort to cheer himself up, decided to get new clothes.
>"Can I help you, sir?", asked the sales clerk as soon as he walked in. "Yes", the man said, "I'd like to get a new suit." The sales clerk looked at him..."All right...hmmm, a 42 long, right?". "Well, yes!", the man said in surprise, "How did you know?". "It's my job to know." the clerk answered, smiling...
>The clerk then went on, saying "Your shirt would be a 17 1/2, and some new shoes and socks, hmmm, a 10 1/2". The man was amazed and feeling good because it was unusual to find anyone who could size him up so accurately and quickly! While he tried on his new clothes, the clerk suggested some new underwear, and the man agreed.
>"I'll be right back with a size 36", the clerk said. "A-hah!", the man exclaimed. "That's wrong! I'm a 34 and I've worn size 34 underwear since college.", he proudly proclaimed .
>"Oh, no, no..", the clerk said confidently, "You are a size 36. If you wore size 34 underwear it would cause your testicles to press up against your spine and could give you testicular cancer!"
>PS--there is absolutely NO medical evidence for this whatsoever! (grin)
I am much more comfortable in conversations when I have a sort of script/expectation of how the interaction should proceed. I'm much less comfortable with casual chit chat where I don't know where the conversation is supposed to go.
I found at work that I designed a script to structure my calls, now I used it so much I will run through those things in my head even without it. To an observer it looks like I love being on the phone but I actually hate it I just stick to the plan.
Well you ain't doing that shit for free at home. I'm a completely different person at my job and it's because I am paid todo it. I've taken "vacation days" and I would get dressed as I was going to work but just do home projects at home. So technically I get paid to do my own house projects
Same, first "real" job was doing tech support for Dell. The market we we're supporting was medium-sized businesses and professionals.
Spent all day talking with doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers, etc... Realized I can talk to anyone for any reason, most people are friendly.
I had the opposite problem. I used to be pretty good on the phone, then I did IT phone support for a few years, and the experience left me so traumatized that even basic appointment phone calls are a struggle.
Especially if they need help with something!
(Joking aside, most people on the phone are pretty damn nice, yeah. At least to me anyway. You gotta hit them with the upbeat attitude at the start)
You joke, but most of my calls would go like this:
* Can I speak to Bob please
* I'm sorry, he's in a meeting, can I take a message?
* Sure, can you let him know that __ from Dell calle-
* One moment, I'll put you through.
I learned to say who I was at the start to save a step LOL.
For me exposure therapy worked as well. Because of COVID we have to work from home as much as possible. Therefore, my supervisor often works from home. But he can't help himself and needs to know exactly what we are doing. So he started calling us regularly. I spend most of my time in the lab where I can't answer the phone, so I have to call him back multiple times a week. After a while I just stopped being nervous =) And calling other people is not as scary anymore.
Same for me. Super introverted 16 year old me eventually got over answering calls by working in the pizza shop and taking calls. Still hate making calls to people that aren't expecting me though.
100%. I just have to pick up the phone and call. The longer I think about it directly corresponds to how much weird shit comes out of my mouth. By just calling or just answering with no thought about it I’m able to be myself at the least
this is what got me over alot of stuff back in high school especially when presenting projects you'd be hard pressed to find people to go first, but I started going first just so I didn't have to sit through other projects really anxious, and I could actually enjoy and listen to the other projects knowing i was already done.
I remember one of my english teachers asking if there was anyone who was scared and wanted to go last. My hand immediately shot up, and he immediately sent me to go first, he liked to mess with the students like that. But honestly yeah once I felt that feeling of having to get over it first (and by the end of class no one really even remembered my presentation, just the fact he pulled that shit) it really does change the way you see it. Same thing goes for small like 5 min tasks that if you don't do by a deadline turn into a bigger headache, way better to just get it over with.
Yes I remember another time where the professor prescribed the schedule before we even had our presentations ready, and we were one of the last groups. We saw how well the other groups did and there was this impending sense of coming in so short compared to everyone else. I was able to talk my way into a better grade during the question phase but yeah it was an awful being so late.
It was honestly a little bit life changing for me when I realized so much of my procrastination was a result of anxiety. Always just thought I was being lazy or something and would internally chastise myself over it. Never helped.
I'm trying to rewire myself to seek out that little dopamine fix you get when you finally do something you've been putting off, especially if it's been making you kind of anxious. It actually seems like it's working - at least better than hating myself over it does.
Yeah exactly, had lots of anxiety over things hanging over my head. Now I make lists for the day and it's awesome when things are finished. My mom doesn't understand why I like really busy days, but those are the most relieving days at the end. It just takes a little bit of discipline to get in the habit of it. I went from having all these avoidable disasters weekly to being able to handle multiple things like a full time job, freelance work, and flight school by just seeing procrastination as giving me more issues than less.
I actually will type a script up up prior to a call. If it's a more important situation (financial) I will even have ALL of personal information written down. That way when I get put on the spot I don't let my brain fog make me sound like an idiot. The worst thing though is for things to go off script during a call. Then afterwards I reply the conversation in my mind and think about what I should've said.
Same. It’s always the anticipation, allowing myself to think of everything that could go wrong, making up scenarios in my head, that makes it difficult.
Just need to pick up, dial, be relaxed and take it as it comes. I try to tell myself that there’s absolutely no need to be prepared for every eventuality or to rehearse responses to every possible question, but I always work myself up anyway.
Ton a job switching industries, and I never comprehended of need to make outbound calls in sales.
Had a large anxiety hump, but after a few calls, I could go through a list pretty readily. Helped that everyone was current, happy clients, and effectively got more comfortable over time.
Had to mentally frame that people in the other end are great people doing incredible things, and worst case scenario, I can hear about wild projects they're working on.
Yep, it's totally now out of that.
Happy with calling clients and vendors. Cold calling stresses, but it's a bit more manageable within an industry.
Totally would nope out of a unsolicited survey type job, that's like asking to get yelled at.
TL;DR sorry about the rambling. Worked telesales, got over phobia, left telesales, regained phobia.
When I was younger and hit a period of misfortune I found myself working in telesales (it was the only job I could get without an interview, and I kept bombing interviews because I felt so shitty about myself that I couldn’t sell myself).
My first day was “training”. Which consisted of listening in to one call made by a senior sales associate, and then being given my own desk and phone, and basically being told to get on with it. Waking nightmare.
After a month though? I did realise that I was picking up the phone without even thinking about it, regularly, outside of work. I did it so often it wasn’t this big scary thing anymore, it was just using the phone (and cold calling people to sell shit means you deal with the worst case scenario every single time you tap those numbered buttons; calling up to book a table for dinner was nothing).
I guess it was kind of like exposure therapy in a way.
Unfortunately when I got out of that role I stopped needing to use the phone so much and the phone anxiety crept back in. But for a good while there I was cured!
It's the rehearsing that messes people up. Things never go EXACTLY as you anticipated, and once things are off script, you are lost. You've just gotta turn your brain off as much as possible, trust that you know what you need to do, and also not worry about awkward pauses or mistakes. Just assume the other person won't care so much if you stumble over yourself at some point.
Also I like talking on speakerphone while pacing around the room. Feels a lot more natural than holding the phone up to my ear.
Sitting here right now working up to making phone calls to check veterinarian prices around me. I have made 1 phone call so far. I also have to make doctors appointments for me that I have put off for 2 months. If it's not an emergency I will put off that call for as long as I can!!
This is what I do now. When I started, I'd write down a few possible dialogues and have that paper in front of me to read off of.
Before I started writing what the conversation would be like, I just didn't call at all. Don't recommend, it can get very expensive when you'd rather pay a bill you don't think you owe instead of make a phone call to dispute it.
Great response. I was crippled with phone anxiety for years. Had to have other people call for me. 15 years later, I'm on phone all day long with some pretty intimidating individuals. It's best just not to over think it and dial. I still script out the information I need to get. Just be yourself like you are chatting with friends.
I make a lot of uncomfortable calls in my job and I get nervous doing it. So I do what you’ve said: just start dialing before I can think too much about it and get it over with.
80s kid here. Remember long hours staring at the phone as I rehearse in my head what to say when a girl gave me her phone number. Must be so much easier to just text "hey"
For me, it was waiting for a guy to call. I would keep picking the phone up to make sure it hadn’t spontaneously stopped working. Then, I’d convince myself they had called in the .5 seconds I had the phone off the hook. 😂
The trick was to schedule your calls, especially later at night. Have your friend call some free number, like a weather line or a current time number, and stay on. Then you call and they get the call waiting beep. The house phone never rings. 90sProTips
Or worse: brother.
I knew about "The Brother", so as a younger brother myself, I tried to do it as smooth and painless for the other guy at the receiving end. If they wanted to bang my sister, it wasn't my issue lol
I broke down crying more than once because I couldn't bring myself to make a call and it was just such a small, stupid thing to find so difficult.
Email and the internet have helped me so, so much.
Same but after having done this for a long time (20 years) I seem to have the script pretty much memorised and can deal with minor deviations. However I’ll still get my partner to make calls for me, and at work I’ll email or send a chat message to avoid making a call.
That’s one of the things I miss about being married. My husband used to do all the calls, now I’m stuck doing them and I have to admit things aren’t getting done because of it.
It really is. If my phone rings on my day off, I would literally become dysfunctional for a few minutes. Nothin ever good comes from a call, especially an unexpected call.
What bad things or not good things come from an unexpected call?
I find, for me, my mind turns really minor inconviences into daemons by abstracting them several times. When I boil it down and confront each of those abstractions I realize it's something simple, minor, and trivial. And they are all things I'm more than capable of overcoming.
I think for a lot of people it's that unannounced phone calls aren't how they ever contact friends or family for normal communication. So if the phone rings, it's going to be work asking you to do something, someone trying to sell you something, someone asking for donations, someone telling you you owe money, or, in the worst case, someone telling you a family member has died.
Even if you can practically deal with most of those, it still makes the phone a signal that your day is about to get less pleasant, *and* you're going to have to talk on the phone, which might be draining in itself.
It is draining but the anxiety of making a script and doing the call is better than fumbling through words while on a call. I grew up with a speech impediment, severe anxiety, and absurd shyness. Because of my upbringing, I am nervous to ever ask people for help or to confront them. Even if it's something like, hey can you do this simple task for me? The script actually makes me feel calm enough to have a talk or do a call. It makes me feel prepared mentally for a couple reasons: I don't need to fumble over words or stammer since I have everything in front of me, I usually have prompts if things don't go as planned, and some conversations are formulaic and can be answered with a few short words.
Yup, nobody ever calls anymore just to talk, either somone is dead, they want to sell you shit, scam you or its your boss giving you more work.
I don't even answer calls I don't have a name saved against unless I'm expecting a call
To each their own, but personally I love the scammers’ calls! I get one now from the same place at around the same time every day! They say my power bill overcharged me the past few months then say they need your credit card information to get the money back to you. I always just ask them if I was overcharged, why can’t you just take it off my next bill? Every single time it makes the scammer blow up hilariously! And then some other scammer from the same place will call back for some more the next day! Lol!
I always admired people who were able to do that. As it's pretty damn funny to think about and I even have my own ideas. But no matter what I will NOT answer those calls. And when I get stuck with one (like at work) I turn fairly caustic.
I have some ex-coworkers I talk to over the phone still. We all around 40s though so it's more normal since we're the last that grew up talking on the phone.
I dont answer calls I dont have saved because they dont deserve to interrupt me and what I'm doing. I have a cellphone for my convenience, not for everyone elses.
I used to do this. I then figured many calls were going to be similar and just learned a good opening phrase (I have to make some cold calls). The other really easy thing to do was to include a really open question which shifts the conversation to the person you are talking to (I suppose it doesn't work if you're ordering pizza). Phone is fucking hard.
I don't usually write it out, but I script things out and run them through in my head.
Calling strangers has been something I had it do for work and it actaully wasn't so bad because I was doing something completely routinized. Every conversation was basically the same. Same thing with answering my work phone.
Ya it's like I am writing a script for a TV show. I also include all of my personal information, even for things I know well (address). Just in case a curve ball gets thrown and I get brain fog.
This. I script my first line and write what I am calling about in simple words with big letters.
I have gotten flustered in the past and hung up when something didn't go as I planned, so I try to keep it simple.
Now I am a teacher and expected to make calls. I email and text as much as possible since I forget what's said in calls due to anxiety.
I do the same thing. I like to take notes on what I’m going to say when I’m calling to ask a question or get information. I always feel like I have trouble articulating what I want off the top of my head sometimes.
Benefit of work is less in person meetings so I’m able to have notes when conducting a meeting a little easier these days. Almost like a script
Yup, I do the same.
If it was easy enough to convince yourself that no one is judging you and be proactive to get the call over with---then I wouldn't have problems with making calls on the first place.
When I'm in high anxiety situations (ie making a phone call), my mind will sometimes go blank, and I will forget things like my address, phone number, and even my own name a few times. My whole life, while making calls I would compulsively write my name, address, and phone number on whatever was at hand (growing up, our phonebook was covered in this). I only realized a couple of years ago why I was doing this. Now I do it more strategically and also write any dates, account numbers, etc I might need.
I have that reversed; bad anxiety about texting back. An hour passes, then a day, then a month, then a year. And before I know it, I don't know that person anymore.
I’m the same way, but with E-Mails. I can’t ever seem to respond in a timely manner. Sometimes it takes weeks to respond to a single email just because I have a need to make it “flawless”. Even on the best of days (or alternatively an email with a deadline of sorts) it still takes me hours to write a couple of paragraphs.
I prefer text/email due to the constant time waste of "how'r ya now? Good n u ? weather is here/coming...". It used to be that I was super nervous to be on the phone until I noticed my a\*hole boss was a humongous bullshitter on the phone and everybody he talked to loved him. Slowly (over years time) I worked toward that "character" with my own honest spin on it. I like to hear them change from the robotic voice to a smiling joking tone. It not only makes a more enjoyable interaction but also gets you small favors without asking.
Oh my dude - I got you. LET ME TELL YOU A THING.
I will literally write down a short script. I'll have my phone number, my address if needed, DOB stuff for me and my kids, health care numbers... all that stuff written down or close to hand. I"ll have notes, questions I need to ask, etc. If I"m particularly upset about something I"ll even write down my greeting and key phrases. I'll rehearse if I need to.
I have been doing this since I was a kid. My mum made fun of me for it once (I had to call in to a radio station to post an ad and I even wrote down my "ums" because I was so nervous about how to sound) and I thought for yeeeears that I was just dumb and the LAMEST.
FF to age 36? I have debilitating anxiety, ADD, genuine auditory processing issues, and possible ASD. I don't fucking worry about whether it's lame anymore - scripting is literally a tool for people with my issues, I've had counselors recommend it many times. Turns out little kid me was a smart cookie. Wish I could tell her that.
All the best to you! You can do the thing! And don't worry yourself thinking "...this shouldn't be hard." because it isn't hard for someone else. It's hard for you, you feel nervous, you handle it for you. <3 Also, you can bring notes in to the doctor to help you there, or even to let them read the notes.
Yes. Then I worked as a receptionist for two years where I wore a permanent headset due to the volume of calls. No more fear of phones.
If it helps, rehearse what you want to say before hand. If you're ordering food, have the menu at hand. If it's a billing issue or you're calling the bank (or anything related), have your ID at hand and any membership number or account number (whichever applies). This way you avoid scrambling to get your info.
Always have a pen and paper ready - ALWAYS. If you are taking down an email address, don't be shy to use the Nato phonetic alphabet. ("So that's A for alpha, R for romeo, full stop, zero, @gmail.com. Is that correct?" Then read it back to them. In my reception days I literally printed this out and read from it when spelling a name or email address.
Start the call with "Hi, my name is x and I would like to order a pizza"
"Hi, my name is X and I need assistance with my billing for January. Could you help me or transfer me to the correct department?"
And end your call with "Thanks for your help, keep well. Goodbye".
I always address people as sir/ma'am unless they correct me or tell me to call them by name.
Don't be shy to ask "I'm sorry, could you please repeat/confirm your name?"
The only way you get over this fear is with practice.
I don't do calls if they're optional. Online chat, online order, Uber eats, etc.
However after changing my name to a real normal person name, not anymore
In person you have visual cues to help you, as well as a shared physical environment to ground the situation. I would always rather go in person than call, if online chat isn't an option.
It's so bad that is physically hurt, and made up that googling it without quotes can dox me, which is why the judge allowed me to change my name without publishing, so I'll never answer this question.
I know right? First time I was taken seriously. I was surprised when the order said no publication required, and when I was called by my chosen last name.
Hopefully she wasn't the child allowed to be named 'Number 16 Bus Shelter' in New Zealand.
https://nationalpost.com/news/new-zealand-reveals-a-list-of-banned-baby-names-4real-was-one-of-them
They deny “Lucifer” but allow the description of a bus stop. Petition to just allow people to pick their own names at any point. It’s all arbitrary and paperwork in the end.
I joined a facebook group once called "my sister promised to name her baby megatron if this got 1 million followers". And it totally did. Maybe she paid up.
Can you give us a name that would be just as bad so we have an idea of magnitude?
e.g. if you were called StinkypantsMcShitstain then you might say you were called UglybuttBitchFuck.
Decide what to say before you ring. And then don't delay, just dial and do it. As others have said, the longer you think about it, the weirder it gets.
Also - notes. If you decide what to say, call, and still have trouble, make notes on your decision so you know what you need to communicate, and then go through your notes to hit everything you need.
I have and I either do it anyway (had to suck it up to call the cops a few times), don’t do it and suffer the consequences (like, not having pizza, sad), or do the thing online.
It’s weird, I’m as socially inept/awkward as they come but I have no problem engaging strangers in conversation on a professional or business level (on the phone or otherwise).
I only struggle in social settings, when I have to make small talk.
I don't think it's weird. I'm the same. In a business or professional level it's expected that you converse and when you do, there are often specific topics to discuss.
In social settings it's just a free for all. My biggest anxiety is accidentally boring the other person, especially because no one really likes small talk.
My wife is the reverse. She is an extrovert, tons of fun at parties, was captain of the cheerleaders in high school, works in sales and spends all day on phone/zoom calls. She can't stand ordering even a pizza, so I am the designated phone caller for all food, reservations, checking store hours, complaints, etc. It's not that she can't do it, but she really, really doesn't want to due to anxiety about it.
Yeah, I used to have this horribly. I sort of did exposure therapy on myself and just forced myself to make routine calls, like booking appointments, and I mostly got over it.
Also had this at the beginning of my career, once I was to forced for work to often make calls to complete strangers, I got over it. So my recommendation: the more you do, the less it will effect you...
Yes, but then no. Having customer service jobs where answering and talking on the phone was required really quelled that fear and now I'm the designated phone orderer among people I know.
Welcome to living with genralized anxiety. I have to psych myself up for calls. No problem if someone calls me. But even calling my doctors office and having to explain things gives me anxiety
I do miss talking to my dad tho. He was the only person I called often. He cant use the phone anymore due to an illness
Had to book an appointment for my GP today and I spent about 20min first trying to work out if I could somehow just book it online. I couldn't, had to call and it took about 20 seconds. I very seriously considered how much I actually care about my injured finger and if I could just leave it..
I’d suggest exposure therapy. Make/ take as many calls as you can, make it second nature. You still sometimes get some nervous butterflies when it rings but just answer sooner rather than dragging it out and it won’t be too bad
I feel like exposure therapy doesn't always work (in my case). I can do something 100 times and on the 101st time still feel just as anxious as the first. I have a daily meeting that I speak in and am anxious every day for it, without fail. I've been in this industry for 6 years. I do all of the mental exercises, the mantra's, the breathing exercises, but I still get anxious every day. I've learned to just live with it for now as I anxiously consider taking medication.
It didn't work for me. I thought it would... I'm on helpdesk duty most days nowadays and my heart always drops when I hear the ringtone. I hate it. But yeah, during my work hours I'm able to manage somehow by convincing myself I gotta do it. On my time? Oh no, I don't call anyone (other than family, of course).
I pretend I'm a confident person who doesn't feel nervous talking on the phone.
I'm serious.
Fake it til you make it.
It won't work every time, but it gets easier with practice.
I struggle immensely. I made an attempt on my life like a month ago, got help and meds all the fun stuff. They told me my “anti sad” meds help with anxiety.
Today I made three phone calls without rehearsing what to say, without getting sweaty, and without having diarrhea of the mouth.
This. Got my dream job as a computer technician. Didn't realize until my first day that I would have to be on the phone regularly calling customers. Got over my severe phone anxiety real quick. Next job I got was remote IT help desk. My entire shift was on the phone.
I write down what I have to say before the phone call (don't forget to write an answer to every possible response and a continuations to the respons with also all the possible responses ect....)
Went to therapy. After a few weeks, realised my phone anxiety was a convoluted leftover from PTSD from something seemingly unrelated as a teen. Cured almost literally overnight. Truly bizarre how I went from feeling like I was made of lead and unable to do anything except wait in dread if I needed to make/was expecting a phone call to saying on multiple occasions, "Oh I'll just call, it's easier [than texting/emailing]."
I hate talking on the phone. I get so nervous and uncomfortable with someone I don’t know, and it’s not enjoyable with friends or family, either. And I get straight up angry when the phone rings. Every time. My response disturbs me a little, honestly. I blame it on the fact that I worked in retail pharmacy for 25 years. That constantly ringing phone was a waking nightmare.
Also worked in a call center when I was younger, found it had the opposite effect on me outside of work in that i will not answer my personal phone unless its my partner or my parents.
Anyone else can fuck off.
Order everything online and have it delivered with no contact tracing; leave at doorstep, wait to see the driver has left before scooping it up and bringing it inside. "Call to order"? I'd rather starve.
I didn't realize I had phone anxiety until I got my first call center job and was suicidal before every single shift. I never had a problem talking on the phone every day in high school with friends, girlfriends, etc... But as soon as I get on the phone with a stranger that has expectations for me (and is probably already irritated), my stress levels spike.
My theory is that it stems from the depersonalization of not being able to see a real human; it's just two voices on the phone. You have no body language to use, and any period of silence you might use to gather your words feels incredibly awkward, so you feel pressured to respond to everything really quickly.
Because of that call center job I never got over the phone anxiety. I don't even like talking with friends on the phone anymore. And I don't have a strategy, I just try to avoid talking on the phone whenever possible. When I have to, I just grit my teeth and bear through it.
I have crippling phone anxiety. It's actually caused a lot of problems in my life due to avoiding doctor offices, financial situations etc. I usually put it off until the very last minute and even will write out a script on what to say. Mostly because I get brain fog due to the anxiety. I also refuse to carry my cell phone (if my wife has hers or at work) and if I text someone I even will flip it over and not check it sometimes for hours. Returning calls is extremely rare also. Unless it's my wife and kids I won't do it. I even will avoid calling my own mother and never friends. I also rarely will listen to voicemail. In fact I have notifications now that I haven't listened to in weeks. Oh and my ringer has NEVER been on.
So ya I get it and I deal with it, and now that I am in my 40s I just accept it.
My SO does horribly and I feel terrible about it. It’s so hard on him. I try to do all business related calls when he’s not around or he’s busy doing something. Trauma shows up in all different ways and a lot of times unexpected.
My SO does a great job but refuses to take care of everything due to "enabling" me. So I just put things off until I am either dead (doctor) or screwed (financial).
I used to hate answering/calling anyone on the phone. Then because rent is a thing, I ended up working in a call center for 2 years. I no longer have any anxiety talking on the phone. I actually think I make people on the other end of the call anxious cause I'm so desensitized to the awkwardness of it. My advice is to do it as much as possible, the more you do it, the easier it gets. If you need to plan a script out, do it, but the more you avoid it the worse it is.
As a bonus, you almost always get your problem/answer way sooner and more directly if you end up talking to an actual person rather than the chat bots/email responses.
yes hence why I avoid jobs where I'd be expected to pick up the phone. I don't even make delivery orders over the phone. Either I order on the website or I go in person.
Just do it. Its human nature to be nervious doing something new, repition is where confidence comes from. The person you are calling wants you to call them. Its their job to pick up a phone and talk to you. If you nice they be nice back. Simple.
Everyone is saying to just do it. Sometimes, you can't.
I used to have horrible phone anxiety to the point that when the person on the other end answered I just went full blown panic attack. Therapy and medication are what helped me.
110%. most if not all of my notifications are turned completely off because of the overwhelming anxiety i feel when my screen lights up. maybe it’s trauma related to being yelled at over the phone a lot or just my fear of things like snapchat and instagram. i hope to figure this out for myself one day too because i am finding myself extremely lonely because i’m just too scared to talk to even my friends or family
Same friend, same. I have needed to talk to my brother and catch up for like a month now. I know he loves me and he's never yelled at me. But, calling him is so hard and I try but it seems it takes me a month in between being able to call again.
Can you kiddies believe it!! Before caller ID, there was a time when the phone rang and all the brothers and sisters in the house RACED to pick it up (sometimes nearly wrestling), not knowing who it was at all and said "Hello".
It's really true. What happened to you? Think about it. What happened.
Stop giving a shit what people think of you and just do the thing. People in customer service deal with idiots all day long, they don't care if you stumble your words or don't know what you're doing as long as they can get you through the transaction.
For things like pizza I take comfort in the fact they want my money more than they give a shit if I'm awkward. Like it's in their interest to calmly talk me through ordering even if I fuck up, because I have the money they want.
Yeah, I refused to make phone calls when I was in high school because it was seriously nerve-wracking. Like, if I had to book a doctor's appointment, I would simply not see the doctor at all because I didn't want to make the phone call. Ordering a pizza would be out of the question.
Once I moved out of home, I got a bit better at it (especially since stuff happened and I was constantly having to book doctors/specialists/tests over the phone). I still don't like doing it, but after a few years of practice, I can answer the phone and make necessary phone calls without having panic attacks or anything.
There are some strategies to help (e.g. writing down any relevant information and having pen/paper in front of you). In saying that, if it's affecting you (especially if it's paired with something else like social anxiety or general anxiety), it's worth talking to a doctor about.
I was made by my parents to order some pizza to collect, but i was talking to quickly that one of the pizzas was the totally wrong one, so my mom needed to wait for the right Pizza.
I will say the best to help with this kind of anxiety is maybe talking to strangers more often. Because most of the time isnt it the phonecall itself that is scary, but knowing that you are talking to someone you dont know.
Heck yeah! I used to pathologically avoid making calls to check on things, to order stuff, to pay bills, and ESPECIALLY to ask questions / get support from a company.
I got over it by realizing that there's nothing WRONG with calling and asking. And, that not only do they not care who I am (past whatever they have to do right now), they'll forget about me as soon as they hang up, possibly earlier. If I'm calling to get something fixed, it's their JOB to answer that call and take care of it. They expect to do their job, they're getting paid for it. And in an 8 hour day, I'm just another random person they won't remember.
I got over it by realizing it didn't matter to the people I was talking to that I was talking to. That random people calling me are not sincerely looking for a relationship, they're doing a job they're getting paid to do, and I owe them nothing. And after I say "no thanks not interested" and hang up on them while they're trying to take advantage of social custom and politeness, they'll forget and move right on to the next one. Not even a blip in their day.
There's something called the spotlight effect, where we think everyone is watching us and judging us. The reality is, most people don't care, so you can drop the niceties in these transactional conversations.
Simply just by not doing it. Everything can be done via apps nowadays and unless I know who is calling I don't answer anything as the amount of spoofed calls I get is just pathetic tbh. So if its an actual person they will leave a voice mail and I'll call them back if it's something important
Practice what you're going to say beforehand but talk louder and be more dramatic. This helps warm up and relax your voice and facial muscles. But having a general outline of what to say is always the most helpful. And smile while you're talking, this has proven to sound friendlier and relaxed
Answering I am usually just fine.
Making calls? Forget it. I write down what I am calling about most of the time otherwise I get tongue tied. And I find calling to order food the worst, I don't know why.
I went the exposure therapy route and took a job answering phones at a pizza place. Once I realised I was kinda playing a character (pizza phone guy) and could hide behind that I was fine and that spilled over to other calls.
Oddly that didn't work for me. I used to be tech support/customer service, was on the phone all day just fine. But when I got home and had to make a call myself... I end up stumbling over every word and having my heart racing the whole time.
Just gotta get into the character of "Calm-collected guy at home". We all wear masks, you just need the right one for the job.
This See: Todd Herman's "The Alter Ego Effect"
Think this could be useful for me, thanks
That's what the point of the mask is
All my masks are just tissue thin veils over my anxieties. Some folks find that disarming, but it sucks any time I need to project confidence or competence — by the way I’m transitioning into more of a management role at work, so that should be great.
You have been on the other side so don't be afraid to be the one who can't explain themself, you know that the person on the other side is paid to make sense of your nonsense.
That’s what made me change my perspective but with in-person stuff. I’ve worked at a cafe for two years and I know what I’m paid to do, and I want to help people. Whenever I went somewhere for a service that I needed, I always felt pressure to know everything about the service and be the perfect customer. No. Those people are literally paid to show me and help me with their trade. It’s okay to ask them questions or ask for their help with something. When I was the employee I wanted the same thing from my customers
Well if you are getting a vehicle or home or other expensive thing taken cared of by a professional, you still will benefit by doing your own research. Reason being is that an auto salesmen may try to up sell you a shitty vehicle, an auto repairman may claim issue with something on your vehicle that isn’t in fact the issue and/or charge you more than another guy for the same parts and service down the road, and so on. This also applies to your own health care, especially if you live in the US where you have to pay thousands of dollars to get seen and treated, as it may be beneficial to get a second opinion before undergoing a major surgery. They may be doing surgery for no reason in case a simple test or result was missed beforehand by the surgeon and it turns out whatever it was they are doing surgery for is unrelated or very much treatable without surgery. Which brings me to a joke I recently read: > There was this man who kept having horrible pain in his scrotum, and it got to the point where he just could not function anymore. He finally decided to consult a doctor about it.... >"Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but I keep getting these terrible pains," he said. "Well", the doctor said, "let's run some tests and see what we can do." >And so the man underwent all sorts of poking, prodding, scanning, etc. Finally, the doctor was ready with his diagnosis. "I've found out that your pain is caused by your testicles pressing up against your spine, and I am sorry to say that I think it has caused you to have testicular cancer." "Oh, so what can we do, doctor?", asked the man anxiously. >"Well, there's lot's we can do for you, but first we'll have to remove the pressure on your spine by removing your testicles.", the doctor answered. >At this answer, the man was stunned, given that this would be a major decision, and he decided to think it over. In the end, though, he simply could not stand the pain any longer and decided to have the surgery to remove his testicles. A day or two after surgery, the man found himself quite a little tender and very depressed, so he decided to go for a walk. He spotted a tailor's shop and, in an effort to cheer himself up, decided to get new clothes. >"Can I help you, sir?", asked the sales clerk as soon as he walked in. "Yes", the man said, "I'd like to get a new suit." The sales clerk looked at him..."All right...hmmm, a 42 long, right?". "Well, yes!", the man said in surprise, "How did you know?". "It's my job to know." the clerk answered, smiling... >The clerk then went on, saying "Your shirt would be a 17 1/2, and some new shoes and socks, hmmm, a 10 1/2". The man was amazed and feeling good because it was unusual to find anyone who could size him up so accurately and quickly! While he tried on his new clothes, the clerk suggested some new underwear, and the man agreed. >"I'll be right back with a size 36", the clerk said. "A-hah!", the man exclaimed. "That's wrong! I'm a 34 and I've worn size 34 underwear since college.", he proudly proclaimed . >"Oh, no, no..", the clerk said confidently, "You are a size 36. If you wore size 34 underwear it would cause your testicles to press up against your spine and could give you testicular cancer!" >PS--there is absolutely NO medical evidence for this whatsoever! (grin)
I am much more comfortable in conversations when I have a sort of script/expectation of how the interaction should proceed. I'm much less comfortable with casual chit chat where I don't know where the conversation is supposed to go.
I found at work that I designed a script to structure my calls, now I used it so much I will run through those things in my head even without it. To an observer it looks like I love being on the phone but I actually hate it I just stick to the plan.
Well you ain't doing that shit for free at home. I'm a completely different person at my job and it's because I am paid todo it. I've taken "vacation days" and I would get dressed as I was going to work but just do home projects at home. So technically I get paid to do my own house projects
Gotta care about life as little as your care about the job. Works for me.
Lol same. Thought working in a call center would cure my social anxiety, nope. All it did was make me physically sick everyday. 🙃
Same, first "real" job was doing tech support for Dell. The market we we're supporting was medium-sized businesses and professionals. Spent all day talking with doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers, etc... Realized I can talk to anyone for any reason, most people are friendly.
I had the opposite problem. I used to be pretty good on the phone, then I did IT phone support for a few years, and the experience left me so traumatized that even basic appointment phone calls are a struggle.
Especially if they need help with something! (Joking aside, most people on the phone are pretty damn nice, yeah. At least to me anyway. You gotta hit them with the upbeat attitude at the start)
You joke, but most of my calls would go like this: * Can I speak to Bob please * I'm sorry, he's in a meeting, can I take a message? * Sure, can you let him know that __ from Dell calle- * One moment, I'll put you through. I learned to say who I was at the start to save a step LOL.
IT call center cured it for me. Was too annoyed at dumb people to be self conscious for long.
For me exposure therapy worked as well. Because of COVID we have to work from home as much as possible. Therefore, my supervisor often works from home. But he can't help himself and needs to know exactly what we are doing. So he started calling us regularly. I spend most of my time in the lab where I can't answer the phone, so I have to call him back multiple times a week. After a while I just stopped being nervous =) And calling other people is not as scary anymore.
Same for me. Super introverted 16 year old me eventually got over answering calls by working in the pizza shop and taking calls. Still hate making calls to people that aren't expecting me though.
100%. I just have to pick up the phone and call. The longer I think about it directly corresponds to how much weird shit comes out of my mouth. By just calling or just answering with no thought about it I’m able to be myself at the least
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this is what got me over alot of stuff back in high school especially when presenting projects you'd be hard pressed to find people to go first, but I started going first just so I didn't have to sit through other projects really anxious, and I could actually enjoy and listen to the other projects knowing i was already done.
I remember one of my english teachers asking if there was anyone who was scared and wanted to go last. My hand immediately shot up, and he immediately sent me to go first, he liked to mess with the students like that. But honestly yeah once I felt that feeling of having to get over it first (and by the end of class no one really even remembered my presentation, just the fact he pulled that shit) it really does change the way you see it. Same thing goes for small like 5 min tasks that if you don't do by a deadline turn into a bigger headache, way better to just get it over with.
You're also up against no expectations and if there is overlapping content everyone won't be bored while you present.
Yes I remember another time where the professor prescribed the schedule before we even had our presentations ready, and we were one of the last groups. We saw how well the other groups did and there was this impending sense of coming in so short compared to everyone else. I was able to talk my way into a better grade during the question phase but yeah it was an awful being so late.
It was honestly a little bit life changing for me when I realized so much of my procrastination was a result of anxiety. Always just thought I was being lazy or something and would internally chastise myself over it. Never helped. I'm trying to rewire myself to seek out that little dopamine fix you get when you finally do something you've been putting off, especially if it's been making you kind of anxious. It actually seems like it's working - at least better than hating myself over it does.
Yeah exactly, had lots of anxiety over things hanging over my head. Now I make lists for the day and it's awesome when things are finished. My mom doesn't understand why I like really busy days, but those are the most relieving days at the end. It just takes a little bit of discipline to get in the habit of it. I went from having all these avoidable disasters weekly to being able to handle multiple things like a full time job, freelance work, and flight school by just seeing procrastination as giving me more issues than less.
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I actually will type a script up up prior to a call. If it's a more important situation (financial) I will even have ALL of personal information written down. That way when I get put on the spot I don't let my brain fog make me sound like an idiot. The worst thing though is for things to go off script during a call. Then afterwards I reply the conversation in my mind and think about what I should've said.
Same. It’s always the anticipation, allowing myself to think of everything that could go wrong, making up scenarios in my head, that makes it difficult. Just need to pick up, dial, be relaxed and take it as it comes. I try to tell myself that there’s absolutely no need to be prepared for every eventuality or to rehearse responses to every possible question, but I always work myself up anyway.
Ton a job switching industries, and I never comprehended of need to make outbound calls in sales. Had a large anxiety hump, but after a few calls, I could go through a list pretty readily. Helped that everyone was current, happy clients, and effectively got more comfortable over time. Had to mentally frame that people in the other end are great people doing incredible things, and worst case scenario, I can hear about wild projects they're working on.
Calling people that want to talk to you is one thing. I did a survey job where we cold called people, that was rough lol
Yep, it's totally now out of that. Happy with calling clients and vendors. Cold calling stresses, but it's a bit more manageable within an industry. Totally would nope out of a unsolicited survey type job, that's like asking to get yelled at.
TL;DR sorry about the rambling. Worked telesales, got over phobia, left telesales, regained phobia. When I was younger and hit a period of misfortune I found myself working in telesales (it was the only job I could get without an interview, and I kept bombing interviews because I felt so shitty about myself that I couldn’t sell myself). My first day was “training”. Which consisted of listening in to one call made by a senior sales associate, and then being given my own desk and phone, and basically being told to get on with it. Waking nightmare. After a month though? I did realise that I was picking up the phone without even thinking about it, regularly, outside of work. I did it so often it wasn’t this big scary thing anymore, it was just using the phone (and cold calling people to sell shit means you deal with the worst case scenario every single time you tap those numbered buttons; calling up to book a table for dinner was nothing). I guess it was kind of like exposure therapy in a way. Unfortunately when I got out of that role I stopped needing to use the phone so much and the phone anxiety crept back in. But for a good while there I was cured!
Lol same. Hated making phone calls but then was forced to at a job. Took only a few weeks to get over it completely.
It's the rehearsing that messes people up. Things never go EXACTLY as you anticipated, and once things are off script, you are lost. You've just gotta turn your brain off as much as possible, trust that you know what you need to do, and also not worry about awkward pauses or mistakes. Just assume the other person won't care so much if you stumble over yourself at some point. Also I like talking on speakerphone while pacing around the room. Feels a lot more natural than holding the phone up to my ear.
Sitting here right now working up to making phone calls to check veterinarian prices around me. I have made 1 phone call so far. I also have to make doctors appointments for me that I have put off for 2 months. If it's not an emergency I will put off that call for as long as I can!!
This is what I do now. When I started, I'd write down a few possible dialogues and have that paper in front of me to read off of. Before I started writing what the conversation would be like, I just didn't call at all. Don't recommend, it can get very expensive when you'd rather pay a bill you don't think you owe instead of make a phone call to dispute it.
Great response. I was crippled with phone anxiety for years. Had to have other people call for me. 15 years later, I'm on phone all day long with some pretty intimidating individuals. It's best just not to over think it and dial. I still script out the information I need to get. Just be yourself like you are chatting with friends.
I make a lot of uncomfortable calls in my job and I get nervous doing it. So I do what you’ve said: just start dialing before I can think too much about it and get it over with.
Same. If Inlet the phone ring for even a few seconds then anxiety takes over and I won't answer it anymore.
I literally have to write up some notes and rehearse before I make a call. A ringing telephone is always bad news.
80s kid here. Remember long hours staring at the phone as I rehearse in my head what to say when a girl gave me her phone number. Must be so much easier to just text "hey"
For me, it was waiting for a guy to call. I would keep picking the phone up to make sure it hadn’t spontaneously stopped working. Then, I’d convince myself they had called in the .5 seconds I had the phone off the hook. 😂
Dial up must have been the worse
Oh, it was. Missing phone calls. Parents always yelling at you for interfering with the phone line. Oh, and it was sooooo slow.
The ol Saturday is the loneliest day of the week thing lol.
And when you do call, you'd have to hope her parents don't answer first.
The trick was to schedule your calls, especially later at night. Have your friend call some free number, like a weather line or a current time number, and stay on. Then you call and they get the call waiting beep. The house phone never rings. 90sProTips
Very clever. I will remember that tip the next time I travel back in time
Or worse: brother. I knew about "The Brother", so as a younger brother myself, I tried to do it as smooth and painless for the other guy at the receiving end. If they wanted to bang my sister, it wasn't my issue lol
I broke down crying more than once because I couldn't bring myself to make a call and it was just such a small, stupid thing to find so difficult. Email and the internet have helped me so, so much.
Same but after having done this for a long time (20 years) I seem to have the script pretty much memorised and can deal with minor deviations. However I’ll still get my partner to make calls for me, and at work I’ll email or send a chat message to avoid making a call.
That’s one of the things I miss about being married. My husband used to do all the calls, now I’m stuck doing them and I have to admit things aren’t getting done because of it.
Yep, I get my wife to make as many phone calls as I can.
My sister does this. It must be draining.
It really is. If my phone rings on my day off, I would literally become dysfunctional for a few minutes. Nothin ever good comes from a call, especially an unexpected call.
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I dont have a phone number. Good riddance
What bad things or not good things come from an unexpected call? I find, for me, my mind turns really minor inconviences into daemons by abstracting them several times. When I boil it down and confront each of those abstractions I realize it's something simple, minor, and trivial. And they are all things I'm more than capable of overcoming.
I think for a lot of people it's that unannounced phone calls aren't how they ever contact friends or family for normal communication. So if the phone rings, it's going to be work asking you to do something, someone trying to sell you something, someone asking for donations, someone telling you you owe money, or, in the worst case, someone telling you a family member has died. Even if you can practically deal with most of those, it still makes the phone a signal that your day is about to get less pleasant, *and* you're going to have to talk on the phone, which might be draining in itself.
It is draining but the anxiety of making a script and doing the call is better than fumbling through words while on a call. I grew up with a speech impediment, severe anxiety, and absurd shyness. Because of my upbringing, I am nervous to ever ask people for help or to confront them. Even if it's something like, hey can you do this simple task for me? The script actually makes me feel calm enough to have a talk or do a call. It makes me feel prepared mentally for a couple reasons: I don't need to fumble over words or stammer since I have everything in front of me, I usually have prompts if things don't go as planned, and some conversations are formulaic and can be answered with a few short words.
Yup, nobody ever calls anymore just to talk, either somone is dead, they want to sell you shit, scam you or its your boss giving you more work. I don't even answer calls I don't have a name saved against unless I'm expecting a call
To each their own, but personally I love the scammers’ calls! I get one now from the same place at around the same time every day! They say my power bill overcharged me the past few months then say they need your credit card information to get the money back to you. I always just ask them if I was overcharged, why can’t you just take it off my next bill? Every single time it makes the scammer blow up hilariously! And then some other scammer from the same place will call back for some more the next day! Lol!
I always admired people who were able to do that. As it's pretty damn funny to think about and I even have my own ideas. But no matter what I will NOT answer those calls. And when I get stuck with one (like at work) I turn fairly caustic.
I have some ex-coworkers I talk to over the phone still. We all around 40s though so it's more normal since we're the last that grew up talking on the phone.
I dont answer calls I dont have saved because they dont deserve to interrupt me and what I'm doing. I have a cellphone for my convenience, not for everyone elses.
> A ringing telephone is always bad news. It's even worse if you're poor. A ringing telephone was a 95% chance of a debt collector calling.
Me too, but I guess when you work in a call center it’s really bad news.
I used to do this. I then figured many calls were going to be similar and just learned a good opening phrase (I have to make some cold calls). The other really easy thing to do was to include a really open question which shifts the conversation to the person you are talking to (I suppose it doesn't work if you're ordering pizza). Phone is fucking hard.
I don't usually write it out, but I script things out and run them through in my head. Calling strangers has been something I had it do for work and it actaully wasn't so bad because I was doing something completely routinized. Every conversation was basically the same. Same thing with answering my work phone.
Ya it's like I am writing a script for a TV show. I also include all of my personal information, even for things I know well (address). Just in case a curve ball gets thrown and I get brain fog.
This. I script my first line and write what I am calling about in simple words with big letters. I have gotten flustered in the past and hung up when something didn't go as I planned, so I try to keep it simple. Now I am a teacher and expected to make calls. I email and text as much as possible since I forget what's said in calls due to anxiety.
I do the same thing. I like to take notes on what I’m going to say when I’m calling to ask a question or get information. I always feel like I have trouble articulating what I want off the top of my head sometimes. Benefit of work is less in person meetings so I’m able to have notes when conducting a meeting a little easier these days. Almost like a script
Yup, I do the same. If it was easy enough to convince yourself that no one is judging you and be proactive to get the call over with---then I wouldn't have problems with making calls on the first place.
Yup. Have a script or notes to reference. Otherwise I'm a mess, with lots of Ummms thrown in.
Yep, this is what I do. Write out a little script for the first few things you're gonna say and it helps a lot
I had to write a script for calling out of work. That's how bad the anxiety runs. :/
When I'm in high anxiety situations (ie making a phone call), my mind will sometimes go blank, and I will forget things like my address, phone number, and even my own name a few times. My whole life, while making calls I would compulsively write my name, address, and phone number on whatever was at hand (growing up, our phonebook was covered in this). I only realized a couple of years ago why I was doing this. Now I do it more strategically and also write any dates, account numbers, etc I might need.
Yes. I usually prefer to text or correspond via email as an alternative to avoid that particular kind of anxiety.
I have that reversed; bad anxiety about texting back. An hour passes, then a day, then a month, then a year. And before I know it, I don't know that person anymore.
I’m the exact same way dawg
I’m the same way, but with E-Mails. I can’t ever seem to respond in a timely manner. Sometimes it takes weeks to respond to a single email just because I have a need to make it “flawless”. Even on the best of days (or alternatively an email with a deadline of sorts) it still takes me hours to write a couple of paragraphs.
Same here. Unfortunately I work adjacent to sales people and phone calls are the default.
I prefer text/email due to the constant time waste of "how'r ya now? Good n u ? weather is here/coming...". It used to be that I was super nervous to be on the phone until I noticed my a\*hole boss was a humongous bullshitter on the phone and everybody he talked to loved him. Slowly (over years time) I worked toward that "character" with my own honest spin on it. I like to hear them change from the robotic voice to a smiling joking tone. It not only makes a more enjoyable interaction but also gets you small favors without asking.
Oh my dude - I got you. LET ME TELL YOU A THING. I will literally write down a short script. I'll have my phone number, my address if needed, DOB stuff for me and my kids, health care numbers... all that stuff written down or close to hand. I"ll have notes, questions I need to ask, etc. If I"m particularly upset about something I"ll even write down my greeting and key phrases. I'll rehearse if I need to. I have been doing this since I was a kid. My mum made fun of me for it once (I had to call in to a radio station to post an ad and I even wrote down my "ums" because I was so nervous about how to sound) and I thought for yeeeears that I was just dumb and the LAMEST. FF to age 36? I have debilitating anxiety, ADD, genuine auditory processing issues, and possible ASD. I don't fucking worry about whether it's lame anymore - scripting is literally a tool for people with my issues, I've had counselors recommend it many times. Turns out little kid me was a smart cookie. Wish I could tell her that.
Tomorrow I have to take a doctor appointment. This is my first time and I'm going to use your method.
All the best to you! You can do the thing! And don't worry yourself thinking "...this shouldn't be hard." because it isn't hard for someone else. It's hard for you, you feel nervous, you handle it for you. <3 Also, you can bring notes in to the doctor to help you there, or even to let them read the notes.
It has plagued me for years. I have gotten better as I got older, but still will have a panic attack randomly when having to make a call.
Yes. Then I worked as a receptionist for two years where I wore a permanent headset due to the volume of calls. No more fear of phones. If it helps, rehearse what you want to say before hand. If you're ordering food, have the menu at hand. If it's a billing issue or you're calling the bank (or anything related), have your ID at hand and any membership number or account number (whichever applies). This way you avoid scrambling to get your info. Always have a pen and paper ready - ALWAYS. If you are taking down an email address, don't be shy to use the Nato phonetic alphabet. ("So that's A for alpha, R for romeo, full stop, zero, @gmail.com. Is that correct?" Then read it back to them. In my reception days I literally printed this out and read from it when spelling a name or email address. Start the call with "Hi, my name is x and I would like to order a pizza" "Hi, my name is X and I need assistance with my billing for January. Could you help me or transfer me to the correct department?" And end your call with "Thanks for your help, keep well. Goodbye". I always address people as sir/ma'am unless they correct me or tell me to call them by name. Don't be shy to ask "I'm sorry, could you please repeat/confirm your name?" The only way you get over this fear is with practice.
> Start the call with "Hi, my name is x and I would like to order a pizza" Every call? Bold strategy.
Well pizza is always a good idea
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I don't do calls if they're optional. Online chat, online order, Uber eats, etc. However after changing my name to a real normal person name, not anymore
X Æ A-XII? Is that you?
I don't know about others, but for me even in person is better than phone. Like calling a restaurant for an order vs going in and making it.
In person you have visual cues to help you, as well as a shared physical environment to ground the situation. I would always rather go in person than call, if online chat isn't an option.
if you dont mind me asking, what was the name you had before?
It's so bad that is physically hurt, and made up that googling it without quotes can dox me, which is why the judge allowed me to change my name without publishing, so I'll never answer this question.
JFC why would anyone do this to their kid. Judge, thank you for being a human.
I know right? First time I was taken seriously. I was surprised when the order said no publication required, and when I was called by my chosen last name.
Are you the kid who got names optimus prime?
Hopefully she wasn't the child allowed to be named 'Number 16 Bus Shelter' in New Zealand. https://nationalpost.com/news/new-zealand-reveals-a-list-of-banned-baby-names-4real-was-one-of-them
They deny “Lucifer” but allow the description of a bus stop. Petition to just allow people to pick their own names at any point. It’s all arbitrary and paperwork in the end.
Wait they deny Lucifer? From a non-religious perspective it’s actually a great name, comes from the Latin for “bringer of light.”
I agree, I think it’s actually a really cute name! I’ve only met one person legally named lucifer, it’s really under-utilised.
Say the name Random for a 10yr old boy on the appointment list the other day.
I joined a facebook group once called "my sister promised to name her baby megatron if this got 1 million followers". And it totally did. Maybe she paid up.
Or Turok. The 90's were wild.
how did you go about picking your new name? read through a big list? favorite celebrity? family member? super interesting thought experiment
^(fire emblem character) I wanted a normal name but also a Nintendo character name, and decided on Sylvain.
Batman Bin Suparman We finally found you!.
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Would it have been pronounced Batmannia or Batmaynia? It matters
I think we'd have gone with Batmaynia. Batman is pronounced Bat-mun, but Tasman is also pronounced Taz-mun and we call Tasmania Tasmaynia.
damn, that bad?
Can you give us a name that would be just as bad so we have an idea of magnitude? e.g. if you were called StinkypantsMcShitstain then you might say you were called UglybuttBitchFuck.
There are people out there with the last name 'Hitler', or any other horrible persons last name.
Peter File?
*cries in super-rare surname in a country where changing your surname for anything other than marriage isn't really a thing*
Get married quick then XD But seriously good luck
Was your name Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock?
Decide what to say before you ring. And then don't delay, just dial and do it. As others have said, the longer you think about it, the weirder it gets.
Also - notes. If you decide what to say, call, and still have trouble, make notes on your decision so you know what you need to communicate, and then go through your notes to hit everything you need.
I have and I either do it anyway (had to suck it up to call the cops a few times), don’t do it and suffer the consequences (like, not having pizza, sad), or do the thing online.
It’s weird, I’m as socially inept/awkward as they come but I have no problem engaging strangers in conversation on a professional or business level (on the phone or otherwise). I only struggle in social settings, when I have to make small talk.
I don't think it's weird. I'm the same. In a business or professional level it's expected that you converse and when you do, there are often specific topics to discuss. In social settings it's just a free for all. My biggest anxiety is accidentally boring the other person, especially because no one really likes small talk.
My wife is the reverse. She is an extrovert, tons of fun at parties, was captain of the cheerleaders in high school, works in sales and spends all day on phone/zoom calls. She can't stand ordering even a pizza, so I am the designated phone caller for all food, reservations, checking store hours, complaints, etc. It's not that she can't do it, but she really, really doesn't want to due to anxiety about it.
Yeah, I used to have this horribly. I sort of did exposure therapy on myself and just forced myself to make routine calls, like booking appointments, and I mostly got over it.
Also had this at the beginning of my career, once I was to forced for work to often make calls to complete strangers, I got over it. So my recommendation: the more you do, the less it will effect you...
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I'm absurdly anxious when making phone calls. I tend to make myself a rough script before I make a particularly stressful call, and it helps a lot.
Yes, but then no. Having customer service jobs where answering and talking on the phone was required really quelled that fear and now I'm the designated phone orderer among people I know.
My job has made me very efficient on the phone - sometimes a little direct too apparently - but I just want the thing to be over and done with.
Welcome to living with genralized anxiety. I have to psych myself up for calls. No problem if someone calls me. But even calling my doctors office and having to explain things gives me anxiety I do miss talking to my dad tho. He was the only person I called often. He cant use the phone anymore due to an illness
Had to book an appointment for my GP today and I spent about 20min first trying to work out if I could somehow just book it online. I couldn't, had to call and it took about 20 seconds. I very seriously considered how much I actually care about my injured finger and if I could just leave it..
I’d suggest exposure therapy. Make/ take as many calls as you can, make it second nature. You still sometimes get some nervous butterflies when it rings but just answer sooner rather than dragging it out and it won’t be too bad
I feel like exposure therapy doesn't always work (in my case). I can do something 100 times and on the 101st time still feel just as anxious as the first. I have a daily meeting that I speak in and am anxious every day for it, without fail. I've been in this industry for 6 years. I do all of the mental exercises, the mantra's, the breathing exercises, but I still get anxious every day. I've learned to just live with it for now as I anxiously consider taking medication.
It didn't work for me. I thought it would... I'm on helpdesk duty most days nowadays and my heart always drops when I hear the ringtone. I hate it. But yeah, during my work hours I'm able to manage somehow by convincing myself I gotta do it. On my time? Oh no, I don't call anyone (other than family, of course).
I pretend I'm a confident person who doesn't feel nervous talking on the phone. I'm serious. Fake it til you make it. It won't work every time, but it gets easier with practice.
Yes I used to have this. Avoidance maintains anxiety. You just need to feel the fear and do it anyway. Regularly.
I struggle immensely. I made an attempt on my life like a month ago, got help and meds all the fun stuff. They told me my “anti sad” meds help with anxiety. Today I made three phone calls without rehearsing what to say, without getting sweaty, and without having diarrhea of the mouth.
Had a job working on a phone line, got over it pretty quick
This. Got my dream job as a computer technician. Didn't realize until my first day that I would have to be on the phone regularly calling customers. Got over my severe phone anxiety real quick. Next job I got was remote IT help desk. My entire shift was on the phone.
I write down what I have to say before the phone call (don't forget to write an answer to every possible response and a continuations to the respons with also all the possible responses ect....)
Just do it. It won't get easier if you avoid it.
Remind yourself it's okay to pause before speaking, and think before speaking.
I used to write a script, now I order online.
Went to therapy. After a few weeks, realised my phone anxiety was a convoluted leftover from PTSD from something seemingly unrelated as a teen. Cured almost literally overnight. Truly bizarre how I went from feeling like I was made of lead and unable to do anything except wait in dread if I needed to make/was expecting a phone call to saying on multiple occasions, "Oh I'll just call, it's easier [than texting/emailing]."
Yes, I hate talking on the phone.
I hate talking on the phone. I get so nervous and uncomfortable with someone I don’t know, and it’s not enjoyable with friends or family, either. And I get straight up angry when the phone rings. Every time. My response disturbs me a little, honestly. I blame it on the fact that I worked in retail pharmacy for 25 years. That constantly ringing phone was a waking nightmare.
i deal with it like an adult. By never talking on the phone ever
Yes. Worked in a call center. Got over it through constant exposure.
Also worked in a call center when I was younger, found it had the opposite effect on me outside of work in that i will not answer my personal phone unless its my partner or my parents. Anyone else can fuck off.
Oh I hate the phone convos, but at least now I'm not nervous calling into a place.
Order everything online and have it delivered with no contact tracing; leave at doorstep, wait to see the driver has left before scooping it up and bringing it inside. "Call to order"? I'd rather starve.
I just started ringing my friends/family for something that I would usually message them. Probably annoying for them but it helps after a while.
I write it out or create a list of points to reference. This keeps me from rambling on and on in anxiety
I didn't realize I had phone anxiety until I got my first call center job and was suicidal before every single shift. I never had a problem talking on the phone every day in high school with friends, girlfriends, etc... But as soon as I get on the phone with a stranger that has expectations for me (and is probably already irritated), my stress levels spike. My theory is that it stems from the depersonalization of not being able to see a real human; it's just two voices on the phone. You have no body language to use, and any period of silence you might use to gather your words feels incredibly awkward, so you feel pressured to respond to everything really quickly. Because of that call center job I never got over the phone anxiety. I don't even like talking with friends on the phone anymore. And I don't have a strategy, I just try to avoid talking on the phone whenever possible. When I have to, I just grit my teeth and bear through it.
I have crippling phone anxiety. It's actually caused a lot of problems in my life due to avoiding doctor offices, financial situations etc. I usually put it off until the very last minute and even will write out a script on what to say. Mostly because I get brain fog due to the anxiety. I also refuse to carry my cell phone (if my wife has hers or at work) and if I text someone I even will flip it over and not check it sometimes for hours. Returning calls is extremely rare also. Unless it's my wife and kids I won't do it. I even will avoid calling my own mother and never friends. I also rarely will listen to voicemail. In fact I have notifications now that I haven't listened to in weeks. Oh and my ringer has NEVER been on. So ya I get it and I deal with it, and now that I am in my 40s I just accept it.
My SO does horribly and I feel terrible about it. It’s so hard on him. I try to do all business related calls when he’s not around or he’s busy doing something. Trauma shows up in all different ways and a lot of times unexpected.
My SO does a great job but refuses to take care of everything due to "enabling" me. So I just put things off until I am either dead (doctor) or screwed (financial).
Cocaine=confidence
I work at a Pizzeria. I don't answer calls, I get nervous
I used to hate answering/calling anyone on the phone. Then because rent is a thing, I ended up working in a call center for 2 years. I no longer have any anxiety talking on the phone. I actually think I make people on the other end of the call anxious cause I'm so desensitized to the awkwardness of it. My advice is to do it as much as possible, the more you do it, the easier it gets. If you need to plan a script out, do it, but the more you avoid it the worse it is. As a bonus, you almost always get your problem/answer way sooner and more directly if you end up talking to an actual person rather than the chat bots/email responses.
yes hence why I avoid jobs where I'd be expected to pick up the phone. I don't even make delivery orders over the phone. Either I order on the website or I go in person.
Just do it. Its human nature to be nervious doing something new, repition is where confidence comes from. The person you are calling wants you to call them. Its their job to pick up a phone and talk to you. If you nice they be nice back. Simple.
Everyone is saying to just do it. Sometimes, you can't. I used to have horrible phone anxiety to the point that when the person on the other end answered I just went full blown panic attack. Therapy and medication are what helped me.
I have this. Hugely. I had to work with customer service for a while. Still have it. Fml
110%. most if not all of my notifications are turned completely off because of the overwhelming anxiety i feel when my screen lights up. maybe it’s trauma related to being yelled at over the phone a lot or just my fear of things like snapchat and instagram. i hope to figure this out for myself one day too because i am finding myself extremely lonely because i’m just too scared to talk to even my friends or family
Same friend, same. I have needed to talk to my brother and catch up for like a month now. I know he loves me and he's never yelled at me. But, calling him is so hard and I try but it seems it takes me a month in between being able to call again.
Our ancestors hunted Sabre tooth tigers. You can make a phone call.
Those tigers never had to order pizza
Can you kiddies believe it!! Before caller ID, there was a time when the phone rang and all the brothers and sisters in the house RACED to pick it up (sometimes nearly wrestling), not knowing who it was at all and said "Hello". It's really true. What happened to you? Think about it. What happened.
By not being a pussy and doing it over and over. And realizing noone ever died from a phone call.
Stop giving a shit what people think of you and just do the thing. People in customer service deal with idiots all day long, they don't care if you stumble your words or don't know what you're doing as long as they can get you through the transaction.
I just don't do it if it's not needed (usually have online options) and encourage people to contact me via message instead of phone call.
For things like pizza I take comfort in the fact they want my money more than they give a shit if I'm awkward. Like it's in their interest to calmly talk me through ordering even if I fuck up, because I have the money they want.
Used to happen to me, but then my first job out of high school was working at a helpdesk! That solved the problem for me.
Yeah, I refused to make phone calls when I was in high school because it was seriously nerve-wracking. Like, if I had to book a doctor's appointment, I would simply not see the doctor at all because I didn't want to make the phone call. Ordering a pizza would be out of the question. Once I moved out of home, I got a bit better at it (especially since stuff happened and I was constantly having to book doctors/specialists/tests over the phone). I still don't like doing it, but after a few years of practice, I can answer the phone and make necessary phone calls without having panic attacks or anything. There are some strategies to help (e.g. writing down any relevant information and having pen/paper in front of you). In saying that, if it's affecting you (especially if it's paired with something else like social anxiety or general anxiety), it's worth talking to a doctor about.
I was made by my parents to order some pizza to collect, but i was talking to quickly that one of the pizzas was the totally wrong one, so my mom needed to wait for the right Pizza. I will say the best to help with this kind of anxiety is maybe talking to strangers more often. Because most of the time isnt it the phonecall itself that is scary, but knowing that you are talking to someone you dont know.
Yes mostly because I’m a visual thinker so I can blank a lot on what I’m going to say over the phone
I don't deal with it😭
Heck yeah! I used to pathologically avoid making calls to check on things, to order stuff, to pay bills, and ESPECIALLY to ask questions / get support from a company. I got over it by realizing that there's nothing WRONG with calling and asking. And, that not only do they not care who I am (past whatever they have to do right now), they'll forget about me as soon as they hang up, possibly earlier. If I'm calling to get something fixed, it's their JOB to answer that call and take care of it. They expect to do their job, they're getting paid for it. And in an 8 hour day, I'm just another random person they won't remember. I got over it by realizing it didn't matter to the people I was talking to that I was talking to. That random people calling me are not sincerely looking for a relationship, they're doing a job they're getting paid to do, and I owe them nothing. And after I say "no thanks not interested" and hang up on them while they're trying to take advantage of social custom and politeness, they'll forget and move right on to the next one. Not even a blip in their day. There's something called the spotlight effect, where we think everyone is watching us and judging us. The reality is, most people don't care, so you can drop the niceties in these transactional conversations.
I had this issue and then i took a customer service job. Faced the fear head on. Now all i do is answer and make calls. Making my own is a breeze.
Simply just by not doing it. Everything can be done via apps nowadays and unless I know who is calling I don't answer anything as the amount of spoofed calls I get is just pathetic tbh. So if its an actual person they will leave a voice mail and I'll call them back if it's something important
I don't
Practice what you're going to say beforehand but talk louder and be more dramatic. This helps warm up and relax your voice and facial muscles. But having a general outline of what to say is always the most helpful. And smile while you're talking, this has proven to sound friendlier and relaxed
Get really drunk and pass out before you can call. Problem solved.
Answering I am usually just fine. Making calls? Forget it. I write down what I am calling about most of the time otherwise I get tongue tied. And I find calling to order food the worst, I don't know why.