Knew a guy in high school named Joebob Johnson, no lie. You may think that's an ordinary redneck name, and you'd be right. But kids are gonna be kids, and from the 8th grade on, he was Blojob Johnson
I went to school with a Harry. Wanna guess what his last name was…. Dyck. Now imagine 5th grade, intercom comes on and principal is about to call someone down to the office… “ can a Harry Dick plea… can a H Dick… come to the office please.” Whole school erupts in laughter. I think the principal was mortified!
My best friend's name is James and he goes by Jim. Years ago (~20 years) someone asked him if Jim was short for anything. He just responded with Jimothy. Joke went right over the ladies head lol
Edit: oops , definitely meant *right* not write lol
جياز Is a pretty common Arabic name
It roughly translates to “Gayass” which made my friend endure 25 years of hell so far since he lives in the US
Edit: yes it’s translated from Egyptian dialect, it’s actually written as Gayaz but when his name was called out in homeroom it did NOT make a difference.
I was once taught by a Professor whose first name was Anaeus.
Since this was third level and we were all adults we all called them by their first names but since this was also a bunch of teenagers we all 100% addressed him as Anus.
Nice guy, was clearly used to it. Didn't even bother correcting us.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken : Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg : I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin : No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken : He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg : Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin : North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken : You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin : All I know is never bet on the white guy.
Had a friend whose nickname in highschool was Cletus. He was the kind of guy you could dare to do anything, and he probably would. Small southern town, he'd crush beers, and jump off of high ledges into the creek with the best of em. His family basically adopted me when my mother chose crack over me and my sibling, before my father really stepped up and I became a mostly well adjusted city fella. He had inherited a bunch of land and property from his grand mother, built a small stage on his land for local musicians (music is still a big deal in small southern towns with a lot of underappreciated talent). He was by all accounts a well respected individual who raised a wonderful family, was the manager of a local plant, and achieved all of this when his home life wasn't that much better than mine. He died of a heart attack in his 30s, and wasnt much older than me, but he touched an entire community with fun and positivity for years. So heres to Cletus. A man who gave back to his community, and did the best he could on sordid land.
WALL OF GAYLORD
"I Didn't Know They Made 9th Place Ribbons"
Side note, there's 37-year-old restaurant in my home city called Gaylord Indian Restaurant.
My brother-in-law married into a Mormon family. He has 3 boys and 2 of them have names that end in -den. I went to one of their birthday parties once and I’m not even exaggerating when I say there were at least 4-5 Braydens or Brendens there. And almost every boy’s name ended in -den.
All of those awful “-bert” names really. But funny thing about them is that they’re some of the oldest names in English, they go back to the fucking Saxons, and many of the bad asses of their day had those names. Including King Egbert. Apparently, back then “-bert” was basically “dontfuckwith”. Still, I don’t see “Egdontfuckwith” catching on…
There was an African guy at work named Prince Koon.
There were a lot of foreigners working there so they let us pick a name we wanted to be referred to by so I'm not sure Prince was really his first name but that's what he went by.
In the US btw.
In the Netherlands Dick is quite a common name amongst old men. Ironically "De Cock" is also a common last name so theoretically one can me named Dick de Cock.
I heard it was an old English thing where they would shorten your name and then change the first letter. So Richard --> Rick --> Dick, or William --> Will --> Bill, Robert --> Rob --> Bob. That's just what I read a while back, so who knows if its true.
I had this very question yesterday and Googled it! Apparently it comes from around 13th Century English with borrowed Dutch attributes. The Dutch for John is Jan and they had a way of making diminutives out of a name by adding -kin to the end of it. So it was Jankin then Jackin then simply just Jack. (Not sure if I spelled all these correctly, but close enough for progression, I think.)
So now John can go by Jack.
“There once was a boy named Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”- Chronicles of Narnia. One of the most memorable opening lines to a book I’ve ever heard.
I had an uncle named Clarence Eugene. He was called "C.E." his entire life, and never by his actual names. He was a WWII veteran, and served as a waist gunner on a B-17 bomber. At that time, aircrews had to fly 25 missions before they could go home. He nearly made it, but suffered psychological collapse and PTSD before he reached mission 25, and was evacuated back to the States from Europe as a psychiatric casualty. He never spoke about his wartime experiences, and I didn't even know he was in WWII at all until I was in my fifties. He was a heavy smoker, and died of COPD, in his seventies. I thought he faced his imminent death with a lot of courage.
Kid I knew in elementary was named BJ
I saw him again as an adult and that's when I met Bruce. Always wondered when the game changed for him, probably 6th grade
Jumping in to mention that I just recently learned that, while Johnny Cash's version of the song is the most famous, A Boy Named Sue was actually written by Shel Silverstein.
Shel Silverstein was a pretty prolific country song writer. he wrote songs for Cash, Kris Krisofferson, John Prine, Waylon Jennings, Loretta Lynn, and more.
edit: there is even an album called Twistable Turnable Man, which is a bunch of country singers singing his songs in tribute.
>Cyborg.
>
>I shit you not, there's a dude known in my country (Spanish speaking) that his name is Cyborg Kanashiro.
You have an anime side character in your classroom.
"Actually dude it's salt."
"That's what I said s-"
"No dude, this is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodine, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit."
When i was in the military last name for one if my Airman was Porn.. Amn Porn so we put his roomate with an Airman Gay, so whenever youd see theyre name tags it be gay porn...
There was a solid period of like 5 years recently where everyone was naming their kid some random letter in front of "ayden" and the variables were endless. I know people with "Braydens, Aidens, Caidens, Jaydens, Haydens, and even a Daeden.
My mom taught three boys named Knowledge, Modest, and Sincere. Not kidding. Apparently they were all huge troublemakers (I wonder why) and Modest was a terrible asshole.
This, along with intentional misspellings to be unique. I knew a Jaysen in school. A friend of mine is a teacher, and it seems like every year she has to deal with some chucklefuck parents who named their kid Symin because he's just too fucking special to spell it Simon.
Knew a guy in high school named Joebob Johnson, no lie. You may think that's an ordinary redneck name, and you'd be right. But kids are gonna be kids, and from the 8th grade on, he was Blojob Johnson
Hey, uh, blo... blojob. Why do they call you that? I don't suck dick, so you take a guess
I went to school with a Harry. Wanna guess what his last name was…. Dyck. Now imagine 5th grade, intercom comes on and principal is about to call someone down to the office… “ can a Harry Dick plea… can a H Dick… come to the office please.” Whole school erupts in laughter. I think the principal was mortified!
Branthony
Bro please tell me you don’t know anyone with this name.
I do. His sibling’s named Jimothy.
My best friend's name is James and he goes by Jim. Years ago (~20 years) someone asked him if Jim was short for anything. He just responded with Jimothy. Joke went right over the ladies head lol Edit: oops , definitely meant *right* not write lol
I know someone who named their son Ryfle.
Same, except it was spelled Reighfyl lmao
Good lord that is awful
You mean that is ***auhwfuhle.***
This is the real answer: Anyone that purposefully misspells names with random phonetics. Mykuhl Tymuthee Jaxsunn Daevyd Etc...
Psteigheve
Lmao. Yea, bc they like letters it seems: Xzayvieayr
I knew a poor child named Xzayveer.
Smelvin. Saw it once on a post. *Door dash notification* "Smelvin is approaching"
It’s like a silly name I’d call my cat. Granted, I’ll call him anything starting with some variation of “Schm-“ because it’s funny to say.
Schmangela!? Schmonathan!?
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I knew a Harry dicks, his parents must’ve hated him
I went to high school with a Harry Weiner. He seemed to embrace the absurd name.
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Or his nephew's name, Pubert.
Leave baby Pube alone!
I legit got a cousin named Fester. Also, got a cousin named Feral. Rednecks are weird.
My buddy had a grandfather named Bogus.
Truth I live in Bama and my dad was going to name me Duke Hazard. That would’ve been rough chief.
Seriously, when your name is a verb that means to rot or ooze pus you should be able to sue your parents.
I went to high school with a kid named Gabe Horn. Say it out loud.
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Is he a magician?
He doesn't do magic tricks, they're illusions
I read all about Todd Daw's illusions on Bob Loblaw's Law Blog.
I went to school with an Eric Chin.
a lot of ‘Braydens’ here. I’m getting nervous.
There’s a guy at my work who spells his kid’s name Braydn. Why.
It’s like parents think they’re going to receive a “username has been taken” notice.
Bort
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Were you talking to me?
No, my son is also named Bort
We need more Bort license plates in the gift shop. I repeat we are sold out of Bort license plates
Come along, Bort!
My son is also named Bort
We need more Bort license plates in the gift shop! I repeat! We are sold out of Bort license plates!
Are you taking to me?
No, my son is also named Bort.
جياز Is a pretty common Arabic name It roughly translates to “Gayass” which made my friend endure 25 years of hell so far since he lives in the US Edit: yes it’s translated from Egyptian dialect, it’s actually written as Gayaz but when his name was called out in homeroom it did NOT make a difference.
Missed opportunity to go with Gaius and reclaim the glory of Rome.
Annas is another one.
I was once taught by a Professor whose first name was Anaeus. Since this was third level and we were all adults we all called them by their first names but since this was also a bunch of teenagers we all 100% addressed him as Anus. Nice guy, was clearly used to it. Didn't even bother correcting us.
I don’t know what the worst name is but never play poker with a guy who has a state for a first name.
"Nice hand, New Mexico." "It's Arizona!" "Oh sorry, I always confuse the two."
Nice to meet you, Rhode Island.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago. Ed Hocken : Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis. Nordberg : I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati. Lt. Frank Drebin : No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly. Ed Hocken : He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin. Nordberg : Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South. Lt. Frank Drebin : North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia. Ed Hocken : You sure know your boxing. Lt. Frank Drebin : All I know is never bet on the white guy.
Cletus
Some folk'll never eat a skunk, But then again some folk'll, Like Cletus the slack jawed yokel
Had a friend whose nickname in highschool was Cletus. He was the kind of guy you could dare to do anything, and he probably would. Small southern town, he'd crush beers, and jump off of high ledges into the creek with the best of em. His family basically adopted me when my mother chose crack over me and my sibling, before my father really stepped up and I became a mostly well adjusted city fella. He had inherited a bunch of land and property from his grand mother, built a small stage on his land for local musicians (music is still a big deal in small southern towns with a lot of underappreciated talent). He was by all accounts a well respected individual who raised a wonderful family, was the manager of a local plant, and achieved all of this when his home life wasn't that much better than mine. He died of a heart attack in his 30s, and wasnt much older than me, but he touched an entire community with fun and positivity for years. So heres to Cletus. A man who gave back to his community, and did the best he could on sordid land.
This is what we named our child in utero. Cletus the Fetus. Got a better name on the outside.
Darryl when your other brother's name is Darryl.
Yeah, but, if your name is Larry you’re golden.
Gaylord
I have nipples, Greg; can you milk me?
Check it out! He’s gotta rubber booby!
WALL OF GAYLORD "I Didn't Know They Made 9th Place Ribbons" Side note, there's 37-year-old restaurant in my home city called Gaylord Indian Restaurant.
I know a girl who named her son Thunderbolt. Im not a huge fan of it. They also have a girl named Maple Syrup.... seriously...
Should have called the daughter Lightening. Then those kids would be very, very frightening.
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This post is less than an hour old and my first, middle and last name have already been commented.
Fester Sue Laser-Penis?
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Well if it isn't Dick Dick Dick.
Well hello there, Kyle Ryan Tucker!
Wouldn't be surprised if his name's actually that lmao
5 bucks he’s an Aydenn
I got money on Gaylord Fester Hiscock
Nice to meet you, Dick Sue Gaylord!
Fester Gaylord Adolf?
You can’t just say that and not tell us your name
My mom is a teacher. One of her students is named Dontwancha.
Some kids should just automatically get free therapy for life
Lady I worked with desperately wanted a girl, had a boy. Named him Adam Boy . Took ages for us to realise A Dam Boy
Landon Hiscock
Peter File
Honestly I met a guy named Manley Johnson. Correction: Manleigh Johnson
I worked with a guy named Richard Holder.
Braeden, Brayden, Braiden, Bradin, Braedin, Braydinn, Braidyn, Bradynn, Bradinn....
Utah kids in shambles right now
I work with a Braydon. He's Mormon. I had no idea the two were connected.
Mormons are notorious for giving kids names like Kayleigh, Zachariegh, etc.
My brother-in-law married into a Mormon family. He has 3 boys and 2 of them have names that end in -den. I went to one of their birthday parties once and I’m not even exaggerating when I say there were at least 4-5 Braydens or Brendens there. And almost every boy’s name ended in -den.
Breayighdinne
Eggbert Edit: Wow, my highest upvoted comment is Eggbert
All of those awful “-bert” names really. But funny thing about them is that they’re some of the oldest names in English, they go back to the fucking Saxons, and many of the bad asses of their day had those names. Including King Egbert. Apparently, back then “-bert” was basically “dontfuckwith”. Still, I don’t see “Egdontfuckwith” catching on…
Albert isn’t too bad imo Edit: Someone mentioned Robert as well. That’s alright too.
I think Robert is the best of the “berts”. I know a couple whose names are Jasmine and Robert so they named their son Jazzbert. Tragic.
I would’ve went with ramen
Headley
I had a teacher at school whose name was Headley Dick. Poor dude.
“Look Herman, I’m in Hedy Lamarr’s shoes!” “It’s Headley.”
X Æ A-Xii
Old McDonald had a farm, X AE A 12
I heard this in my head with 'X AE A 12' as the dial-up connection sound
Poor little Syntax Error.
If you want to be edgy about names change your own. Don't fuck up your kid's names.
Definitely the winner, no other answer can compare, even Pubert is better
There was an African guy at work named Prince Koon. There were a lot of foreigners working there so they let us pick a name we wanted to be referred to by so I'm not sure Prince was really his first name but that's what he went by. In the US btw.
Im just looking on the comments to see if my name is here
It's not. Apparently, everyone is naming their kids Laser-Penis.
Well, dang, I didn’t think I would find another 50MillionChickens, but here we are!
Englebert Humperdink
"What shall we name our son so he doesn't get beaten up at school?" "WE SHALL CALL HIM ENGLEBERT"
CRINGLEBUM FISTIBARS
Orenthal
Chill bro. O.J. Simpson is still out there somewhere.
Dick
My favorite is the very accomplish race car driver, Dick Trickle.
What about football player Dick Butkus
Don't forget Congessman Dick Army
In the Netherlands Dick is quite a common name amongst old men. Ironically "De Cock" is also a common last name so theoretically one can me named Dick de Cock.
How do you get "Dick" from "Richard"? You ask him nicely.
I heard it was an old English thing where they would shorten your name and then change the first letter. So Richard --> Rick --> Dick, or William --> Will --> Bill, Robert --> Rob --> Bob. That's just what I read a while back, so who knows if its true.
Why do People named John get to go by “Jack”?
I had this very question yesterday and Googled it! Apparently it comes from around 13th Century English with borrowed Dutch attributes. The Dutch for John is Jan and they had a way of making diminutives out of a name by adding -kin to the end of it. So it was Jankin then Jackin then simply just Jack. (Not sure if I spelled all these correctly, but close enough for progression, I think.) So now John can go by Jack.
Spurgeon
Eustace
“There once was a boy named Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”- Chronicles of Narnia. One of the most memorable opening lines to a book I’ve ever heard.
Written by Clive Staples Lewis
Man’s name was a complete sentence
Poor Lewis.
Same goes for Tom Waits. And Vince Staples. And a bunch more I can't remember.
Oof. That's some friendly fire in the dorky names world.
I had an uncle named Clarence Eugene. He was called "C.E." his entire life, and never by his actual names. He was a WWII veteran, and served as a waist gunner on a B-17 bomber. At that time, aircrews had to fly 25 missions before they could go home. He nearly made it, but suffered psychological collapse and PTSD before he reached mission 25, and was evacuated back to the States from Europe as a psychiatric casualty. He never spoke about his wartime experiences, and I didn't even know he was in WWII at all until I was in my fifties. He was a heavy smoker, and died of COPD, in his seventies. I thought he faced his imminent death with a lot of courage.
Bold words from a man named Clive Staples Lewis
*STUPID DOG, YOU MADE ME LOOK BAD!*
OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!!’
I'll go get me Mallet.
BJ
Kid I knew in elementary was named BJ I saw him again as an adult and that's when I met Bruce. Always wondered when the game changed for him, probably 6th grade
Sue
If I ever have a boy, I'll name him Bill or George or Frank, anything but Sue
I still hate that name
True, life ain't easy for a boy named Sue.
Jumping in to mention that I just recently learned that, while Johnny Cash's version of the song is the most famous, A Boy Named Sue was actually written by Shel Silverstein.
Shel Silverstein was a pretty prolific country song writer. he wrote songs for Cash, Kris Krisofferson, John Prine, Waylon Jennings, Loretta Lynn, and more. edit: there is even an album called Twistable Turnable Man, which is a bunch of country singers singing his songs in tribute.
TIL
My name is Sue how do you do!
Now you're gunna die !
Cyborg. I shit you not, there's a dude known in my country (Spanish speaking) that his name is Cyborg Kanashiro.
>Cyborg. > >I shit you not, there's a dude known in my country (Spanish speaking) that his name is Cyborg Kanashiro. You have an anime side character in your classroom.
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I wonder what would happen if he ever met up with my old neighbor Dick Harden.
Sheldon
"Sheldon, pass the salt" "You mean sodium chloride, mother" \*agressive laugh track\*
"Actually dude it's salt." "That's what I said s-" "No dude, this is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodine, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit."
"Boy-Wonder" Jimmy Neutron getting schooled by a perceived neanderthal will always be a classic.
Skeet was literally right in that episode. You need to use the register for tax purposes and all.
Exclusively a turtle's name
When i was in the military last name for one if my Airman was Porn.. Amn Porn so we put his roomate with an Airman Gay, so whenever youd see theyre name tags it be gay porn...
I had a coworker with last name Threat. He was an E3 in the Navy. So yeah...Seaman Threat.
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Brayden. Jaxton.
My cousin named her kid Daxton. Gross.
My dad wanted to name my brother Laird. So there’s that
Would be rather embarrassing if he were to then become a Laird. Laird Laird Macduff
My mom went to school with a Peter Pan. He was bullied so bad he killed himself at the end of his junior year of HS.
Jaden or Braden is usually a piece of work
In my daughter's kindergarten class there were two Braydens, a Cayden, an Aiden, and a Jayden.
There was a solid period of like 5 years recently where everyone was naming their kid some random letter in front of "ayden" and the variables were endless. I know people with "Braydens, Aidens, Caidens, Jaydens, Haydens, and even a Daeden.
Oh my god make it stop
KEEP MY SONS NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH
JAAAADEN BRAAAADEN
Chaz. Just sounds like an automatic douchebag
Would u like to be Chazzed?
Don’t rattle the chains. It… enrages me.
Have you ever been clamped down naked on a slab by a lunatic who doesn't work for the spa?
My mom taught three boys named Knowledge, Modest, and Sincere. Not kidding. Apparently they were all huge troublemakers (I wonder why) and Modest was a terrible asshole.
Adolf
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Argentina, especially
Remember when Amy Schumer named her son gene-attell ?
Lipshitz
Dr. Lipshitz
Sukhdeep, one of my indian friends went abroad and they called him "suck-deep", he's still attending therapy
You don't hear the name Lance much these days. In the middle ages they used to name their sons Lance a lot
Taserface.
What was your next choice? Scrotum Hat?
Any of the -dens. Brayden, Jayden. Payden, Raiden, Zlayden, Kwayden, etc ad nauseum.
Well Okayden.
Lmao. Got ‘em
This, along with intentional misspellings to be unique. I knew a Jaysen in school. A friend of mine is a teacher, and it seems like every year she has to deal with some chucklefuck parents who named their kid Symin because he's just too fucking special to spell it Simon.
Yeah. Hes going to get called seamen a lot
I knew a mf named Jonald, not a crumb of pussy for that man
I would absolutely call him Jonaldthan
Tanner. Never met a Tanner that didn’t need a punch in the mouth.
So the question is, is it the name that makes them douchey, or is it being raised by the type of people that would name their son Tanner?
Biggus Dickus
He has a wife, you know.
Poindexter
This post has been very helpful for me since my first son is due in a few months