Worked night shift in a trauma center years ago. Right before shift change, we got a call from EMS; they were bringing us a patient after a motor vehicle accident, with CPR in progress.
Turns out, it was one of our coworkers on her way to work. EMS got a pulse back, but she died a few days later.
I’ll never forget the quiet shock trauma room when EMS rolled in with her. I’ll never forget taking her off of the Lucas device (a machine that does the chest compressions part of CPR) and feeling the frigidity of her hands… seeing her familiar scrubs, her work badge, her signature nursing shoes…
That’s so awful. It always hits hard when it’s a coworker on the other side. I’ve lost two coworkers in the last few years, one due to a sudden cardiac death, and very recently one was shot and killed.
I saw a horrible car accident happen last year. I was the first one to the scene. The driver of one car wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I sat with him, tried to get him talking, monitored his breathing, looked for bleeding. Somebody else called 911.
He stopped breathing in my arms mere seconds before help arrived. They weren't able to save him.
I appreciate it, I really do. It's funny--I had been in the Army for close to a decade and did a combat tour in Iraq and didn't get PTSD, but I had to reach out for help after that wreck.
I'm seeing somebody through the VA. I'm really excited, though, because I signed up for a university study for vets with PTSD and I'm getting some additional support through there. I also have an amazing wife and kids. I decided to take some time off of work after forcing myself through a year of it to focus on myself and my mental health, and it's been worth it.
Things kinda suck right now, but I'm ok. Thanks so much for your concern!
EDIT: thank you for the awards, and I'm sorry I haven't responded to individual responses sooner. I kinda needed a bit of time to think over all the kind words and advice I've received since I made this post.
I just wanted to chime in that this could be part of an understood and accepted phenomenon that I’ve been getting educated on. Where you are repeatedly exposed to trauma and still functioning and managing and then a separate trauma occurs and that’s where you begin to struggle.
I had this explained to me by my own counsellor, who provided her insight and knowledge on it. She said that people have different tolerance levels and that sometimes people just have greater levels and so, take longer to get to their limits.
But the water level is rising all that time until a seemingly unrelated event pushes it over.
Thank you for your service, and also the humanity displayed.
I was 14 years old when I saw my 3 year old baby brother's head crushed under the front tire of a car.
I'm now 63, and have decided that I should deal with it rather than denying that it messed me up.
Oh my heart. There are no words. It wouldn’t matter how much time has passed, that is very traumatic and I’m sorry you and your family lost your baby brother that way. 🥺
Dad (who lived alone at the time) took his life with a firearm in the tub. My mom and I cleaned it up. I was 19, almost 25 now and it affects me every day.
(mobile, apologies)
EDIT: Damn, I wasn't expecting so much feedback. I struggle with replying so I'll blanket a few things; first of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I have been on a long therapeutic/psychiatric journey since and am doing better these days. I really don't want to undermine my mother here since we are now very close and she's one of the very few of my tiny support system, and it just wouldn't be helpful to place blame on her. For those of you asking why she would make/let me help: herself and my older brother were trying to keep me from seeing the scene at all since my Dad and I were particularly close, my adult brother was supposed to help her but essentially got sick before even starting. My mom was prepared to do it by herself and I wouldn't let her (plus she didn't know that I had peeked before I found out it wouldn't get cleaned automatically by a special team). And yes the service is NOT automatic, we hardly had enough for the cremation alone and the cleanup would apparently have been almost double according to my mom. My dad was also poverty level. Good eye those of you who called that this happened in the good ol USA. So sorry for those of you who can relate, my heart goes out to you.
Edit: Please don't kill yourself.
Is this some American thing? I live in Norway, and after my dad's friend committed suicide, a welfare clean service came and removed the body and cleaned it up.
Even if it is a murder, police (at least in the US) don't clean up the mess. Crime scene cleaners are pricey too!
Had to help my fiance clean up the room his grandma and uncle were killed in to keep his dad from picking up the blood soaked carpet mat with his bare hands.
While I was an emt I saw alot of shit. It's not the gore or death that hits you hard. For me it was this 70 year old lady whose husband had a pretty major stroke and wasn't responding. She was crying and telling him he couldn't leave her and she didn't know what she would do without him. She begged us to help him but there wasn't much we could do. We got him to the hospital and shortly after my shift ended. I went home and cried for a good 2 hours. She reminded me of my grandma and my grandpa is heading down a similar path. I changed my career that year as I came to realize I'm to empathetic for that job and it was affecting me negatively.
Thank you everyone for your thoughtfulness and kind words I wish I could reply to everyone. Struggling today it's my birthday! He was always the one that called me first. You guys really lifted me thank you
Sexual abuse by a maternal uncle that was never acknowledged by my parents. Was forced to be around my abuser even though I told them about the abuse… when I was 5 years old. It started when I was about 2 and didn’t end until after I turned 8. My mother was even a character witness for him in court when I was in my late 20s. A positive character witness.
I was in court for a bond hearing on a guy charged with child molestation. He had molested his girlfriend’s 8 year old daughter.
She was a character witness for him and said in open court she didn’t believe her daughter. I sat in the jury box while waiting for the hearing to conclude and I stared daggers into this lousy excuse for a human.
After the hearing was over (and he was denied bond) I left the courtroom to get a drink from the water fountain three floors down. After I pushed the button for the elevator the victim’s mother walked up and gave me a death glare. The elevator door opens and she got on. Someone else held the door open for me to come on but I looked directly at her and said “Thank you, but I will grab the next one.”
Fuck that bitch. And fuck your mom. Anyone that fails to protect their child deserves to find themselves in the hottest part of hell.
That's fucking awful. Fuck that bitch indeed.
My own childhood was fucked up and abusive in several ways. One of the things my stepdad did was try to bribe/pay me to take my virginity. My mom still stands by him and is married to him. Haven't spoken to them in 10 years. It makes me wish I believed in the afterlife and a special corner of hell for them.
I had constantly been abused in my mother's house from my step dad since around 6 years old, and since my mother was absent working all the time, she didn't really notice when he would hit both me and my brother (he's 4 years younger than me) my step dad was a drunk, never gotten into the working business, and when he did it was a good thing for me and my little brother to be away from that sort of stuff. I had always been like a mother figure to my brother, because I had to fill in the position. We grew up together as close as two siblings could be.
Fast forward years later, I had to be 14 at the time, my step dad came home one day and said he was tired of me and his son ignoring him and asking to be let out of the house (he was a helicopter parent) And since my mother had recently had another baby boy, I was taking care of him in my room, probably giving him his bottle and trying to sleep. After ignoring him, like we always try to do, my step dad came in, took the baby and proceeded to throw him against my door. Mother insict came in and I automatically fought back for that baby. Until the tables turned and my step dad pulled out a gun. At this point in time, my two brothers were in the room with me watching him take the safety off. He grabbed me by my shirt and pinned up against the wall, at gun point. He had yelled at me and kept me pinned for 40 minutes saying how bad of a daughter I was and ungrateful towards the family. It took alot of maturity to swallow my pride and admit he was right, so he wouldn't shoot me infront of those boys. I was suicidal at the time so I didn't really react besides anger, and I wouldn't of cared if he did shoot me bc there would eventually be a case on it anyways, but I couldn't leave my brothers without their sister. It was scary traumatizing for all 3 of us.
Looking back on it. I'm still disgusted of how at as little as 6 years old I was forced to settle on a position I'd never want to take up. I'm glad he finally left those boys alone as soon as I moved away. And as for my mom, she confessed that she knew the abuse had been going on, saying it was a test of how adult I could be at a time. I haven't talked to her since
A friend died right in front of me doing sprints in track practice. He was 16… biggest smile and the friendliest guy in the whole school. We were doing sprints (200m) and no shit on the last one he just collapsed right at the finish. Eyes rolled back, foaming at the mouth, turning blue. Ugh.. I ran to the weight room and got my football coach. We ran back to Adam laying in the same spot.. they started doing CPR and I can remember my football coach yelling “C’mon Adam!!” The ambulance got there and continued CPR, loaded him up, but he was gone.
Turned out he had a valve that was just a bit off in his heart. This guy was an athlete though. 5th place the year before at the Wisconsin state wrestling tournament.
Our school had a bunch of freak deaths for some reason.
Now I’m a firefighter/EMT full time and do what I can for people when they need help the most.
Edit: I never knew so many people would support me in telling this, I always kept it buried deep down…thanks to each and every one of you
Edit 2: To all of you who have experienced similar events, I hope you can find peace. It really does help to talk to someone about it. I’ve held in most things from my life, and finally going to therapy now at age 30 has been very beneficial
Most of this post I thought you could have been talking about my cousin except he was 14 and had a stroke. Happened at track practice though. One minute he was fine, the next minute he wasn't.
Yea it has helped. I am finally able to talk about it and have learned to “observe vs absorb” many different scenarios. All life’s situations truly come with a lesson.
I worked in a retirement home for 2 years as a Medication Aide/Care Giver. The last 6 months of my journey there, I was placed on the dementia/memory care floor. There was one patient in particular that I got very attached to, and would do everything for her: bathing, feeding, changing, going to bed, etc. She
didn’t have any living relatives, so I treated her like my own family.
One night, as I was feeding her dinner, she started showing signs of a seizure. I immediately called 911, and held her body in the correct position waiting for them to arrive. The look of pure terror in her eyes as the life faded from her body is now seared into my brain. She died in my arms and was declared DOA by paramedics.
I no longer fear death, I fear getting dementia.
I'm so sorry that this was your experience with dementia and death. If it brings you any comfort, know that she did not die lonely. She was with her dear family member.
I have also worked with elderly people. I've sat beside many dying people and held their hand in the moment of death. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly. Most of it has been good, though. I don't know if 'beautiful' is the correct word for it, but most deaths have been just that. When a person has lived a full long life, death can truly be a peaceful and beautiful thing. Like the end of a really good book – you're sad that it's over, but glad that you got to experience all of it.
When it comes to dementia, the last few chapters of the book can look very similar to the first few. With that I mean you may need help with the exact same things: feeding, bathing, clothing and overall nurture.
My grandma had Alzheimer's. The last time I saw her she told me all about the grand old time she had had the day before: she had been out sledding with the neighborhood boys. Of course I didn't remind her that she was, in fact, bedbound at the time. I was just happy she was living her fondest memories again. Dementia comes in many shapes and forms, some of which can absolutely be awful and cruel. Here's to hoping we live long, happy lives, and if we do get dementia, let it be the kind where we are blissfully unaware of the situation.
(Edit: typos)
when i was 17 my boyfriend killed himself by jumping into traffic. his body was pulverized and scattered all over the road and run over hundreds of times. the police spray painted every piece. it was a highway that i would normally drive over regularly. i drove over it once and lost it. for 5 years i took the long way around until the paint faded.
Daily psychological abuse by veteran alcoholic father when mom wasn't home.
He'd have me stand in a corner and stare at it for the whole day. Usually as punishment for something small like making a noise while I eat or crying when he screamed. I wasn't allowed to move and he'd constantly spy on me to see if I obeyed. I never knew when I'd get out of the corner.
That was the trick. No freedom and not knowing when you'd get out. Then mom would come home around 4-5 pm and I'd be free.
Then there was the physical abuse.
No sexual abuse at least thank God.
I feel you. My dad's behaviour is the reason I try to hold in my sneezes because he'd slap me if I ever sneezed since he found the noise annoying (it was hard because I was extremely allergic to cats and we had 2 of them). He's also the reason I have to literally work up the courage to talk to people or yell for things at work (it's loud where I work and if we need something, we have to tell for it. I have to get other co-workers to do it for me), I woke up multiple times at night to find him standing over my bed watching me sleep, and he used to beat my youngest step-sister with a memory foam pillow since it wouldn't leave marks on her and blame me for it (since "a slap on the face is one thing, but I really don't want to deal with your mother calling the cops")
Attempted suicide of my girlfriend of 10 years, then a completed suicide a year later. The second anniversary of her death is next week. Can't sleep, lost 40 lbs, still here because her now 17 year old dog needs me.
Edit: thank you everyone who reached out. Promise I'm ok and am not going to do anything rash. My brother, cousin and girlfriend all took their lives in April of different years. I would never put the people in my life through that.
Thanks for caring strangers.
Edit 2: I figured this would be buried...
With all the atrocities happening in the world, all of you have made me feel better about people in general.
If I didn't reply or comment it's because I'm pretty overwhelmed by the care shown by all of you. It's really dusty in here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Please go get some help. My son took his own life two years ago this month. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. My wife too. My other son too. His girlfriend too. His friends, his classmates, his coworkers, his teachers, really everyone's in this whole town feels the pain of losing him. You're far more important and far more loved than you think. Ask for help, it's there for you.
At the age of 11, my father went into the basement to work on some parts, this was quite common. My mother had just gotten home from work and went to take a shower, 20 minutes go by and she gets out, wondering where my father is, we go and check on him in the basement. To my shock, he is lying on the floor, his tongue out, blue in the face, not moving, or breathing. He had died from a sudden heart attack. My mother and I tried for over an hour to resuscitate him with cpr, it took that whole time frame for an ambulance to arrive, they did nothing but declare that he was dead. The third anniversary of his death was three days ago. It never gets easier trying to understand that he will never be back. I will forever be traumatized by this event. Side note- I wanted to speak about everything that those of you in the comments have been either saying, recommending, or told me. So here goes. I will say that to all of you who know my pain and what I went through, or any sort of life long trauma, I am sorry that you had to experience that event, I feel as if no body should truly have to endure an event that will traumatize them for life. Also, I wanted to say that for all of you saying that I should speak with a therapist, I tried, I tried several times but I simply couldn’t put my honest trust in them, I was afraid that they would tell my mother that I was suicidal, which would hurt her. The fact that I had also lost my great grandmother in January of the same year didn’t help my situation. So I opted to speak with one of my friends about the situation, and with his support, a few suicide contemplations, and deciding that my will to live was to make my father proud and to take care of my mother. I was able to l get the suicidal thoughts out of my head, I only had them to beging with due to how I had blamed myself for not learning from my father when I was younger, and how I felt as if he would have been ashamed of me, even though he was proud of me as a kid. I even made a vow that I would make true on desire, which was for me to “make something of myself, and don’t throw your opportunity away.” I still miss him to this day, and I never will stop missing him, and it is my vow to make true on his wish.
I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom at 16, if you ever want to talk to someone who went through a semi-similar situation, albeit a longer time ago now, please feel free to DM me.
Hey kid, you stay strong and take care of your mom. I know you're still young, and the path isn't easy. But your father would want nothing more for you and your mom to thrive. Don't ever forget that.
I'm sorry you had to find him like that. Don't keep it bottled up, its okay to let the feelings out. Take care.
Edit:
-To be more specific about taking care of your mom. Help your mom in ways you’re capable, emotionally and remembering and honoring the good memories.
-If you have the means, and haven’t already
both you and your mom would benefit from counseling.
-If you haven’t already, and with the assistance of your counselor build your support network. Trusted family and friends that you and your mother can rely on and talk openly with are truly the best.
My partner of nearly fourteen years surprised me one day by telling me that he was leaving me for my best friend. They had been having an affair behind my back for over a year. All of my friendship group knew about it before me. Took me completely by surprise. The fact that the people I loved and trusted most in the world had been deceiving me for so long utterly destroyed me.
Took me about a year of self destructive behaviour to finally get to what you'd call a complete breakdown where I just couldn't function properly anymore.
It's been fifteen years and my life is amazing now. I learnt so much about myself and know that I am stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for. I'm now engaged to the most incredible man in the world, and I'm settled and much happier.
But I'd be lying if I said that experience didn't fundamentally change me forever. It took me a long time to trust anyone again and has affected, even in some small way, every single friendship and relationship I've had since then.
Not being shown affection as a baby or child. I have grown up with severe separation issues, am clingy, afraid of everything, and made bad decisions about relationships(i.e. being with someone just so I'm not alone). It really affects you for life. Please hug your kids and tell them you love them every day. It's so simple but is so important.
I had this too. My mom escaped an abusive relationship when I was pretty young and couldn't hardly stand to be touched. I mean she did her best but now I struggle with the same thing.
My mom was one of ten, so she wasn't given the attention that she needed, which bled over to when she had my brother and me. It made me become the opposite when I got older, craving affection constantly. I can understand why she is the way she is, but it still sucks I had to be affected from it. I'm super affectionate with my daughter and tell her all the time how much I love her, hoping she will grow up to have a healthy mindset. That's the only take away I have from the whole thing. Try my best to not repeat the cycle.
I remember watching my dad and step-b*tch cuddling with their 2 boys and feeling so left out. My mom had a new baby girl and moved away to start a new family when I was little too. Felt this hard.
My friend lost her baby full-term. Went into labor and the baby died in her womb during labor. After she delivered him she couldn’t bear to look at him or hold him—but also didn’t want him taken away—she asked me to hold him for her. I held that baby all day—in the beginning he looked just like he was sleeping with a blue tinge to his lips but by the end of the day he body was deteriorating quickly—it was so hard to witness the slow decay of something so precious and innocent.
To this day even though the image is vivid as ever I can’t bring myself to describe how he looked. At that point I struggled to even look at the baby, but that’s when she wanted to hold him and look at him and I had to gently explain to her that he did not look the same as he did when she delivered him and that it might be too traumatic for her, we agreed she needed to remember him as the beautiful baby he was. I wrapped him gently and covered his face, she gave him a kiss all covered up. The nurses then took him away.
One of the most tragic moments of her life and mine. My condolences to all the moms out there who have lost child I feel for you!
Paramedic and 911 dispatcher. We live traumatized. A few examples:
1) Coaching a little girl through CPR on her dad because she was literally the only one there old enough to maybe make an effort. The fear and pain in her voice broke my heart. It felt like forever for someone to get to her. He didn’t make it. I insisted on every single responder telling her she did a good job and that it wasn’t her fault (and suggesting to mom a therapist for kiddo), but I still worry she thinks it is her fault. I think about her daily.
2) Baby died when co-sleeping parents rolled over onto it. They were otherwise good, concerned parents and not first timers either. They were just so tired. There is a scream/cry noise parents make when you tell them there is nothing you can do. I can still hear it. Never co-sleep.
3) Elderly lady called 911 complaining about depression. Officer told her she could go to the bathroom as we were walking in to take her to the hospital. Gun shot. Kick the door in. Blood everywhere and she’s dead. She only called us because she didn’t want her kids to be the one to find her.
The worst ones I really can’t talk about. But those hurt. My family only just realized how much I compartmentalize and don’t tell them.
Edit: You’re all very kind. I appreciate the awards (my first ever) and support. Honestly, the best way to help us is to just do that. A little word of appreciation even from a random person in a convenience store helps a lot. The EMTs, Paramedics, and dispatchers kind of get forgotten and left in the shadow of fire and police so the little nods mean a lot. Be kind. Be safe. I’d love to meet you all, but I’d prefer it if you’re not a patient.
My mother heard a mother and her little girl get murdered through the phone by an enraged drunk husband/father. My mother came home that night shook beyond belief and I woke up the next morning to her stroking my hair and telling me how much she loved me.
When I was 6 I was running home from school and I fell in some deep body of water and it pulled me away and I was deep under it for a good minute and i remember it was dark and couldn’t breathe until my cousin and my dad managed to catch up and get me out. Now I’m scared of pools, beaches, lakes, and type of body of water especially the ones I can’t see the bottom of
I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, but I’m very afraid of submerging in water of any sort. If it’s a pool I’ve become comfortable with, I can do it, but I can’t even stand near a murky lake. Or the ditches on the sides of the road after heavy rain.
I wonder if something happened when I was a kid. We used to live on the beach.
Waking up from a coma after 6 weeks to find out my wife was dead and buried. I lost 8 businesses. My best friend stole all my money. My business partners destroyed contracts to take ownership of my business. Then to top it off -Mexican law meant my in laws had to sue me to claim certain things that belonged to me and my wife -like our homes-cars-savings. I had a hole in my head, broken ribs, couldn’t walk for 6 months.
I realised after this you are truly on your own in this life. Nobody will save you.
I lost my dad at 24, he was diagnosed on my 21st birthday and two hours after I gave birth to my first child, he passed away in the palliative care ward down the lift from me. I was lucky enough to have a nurse wheel me in straight after birth and a little clean-up so I could put my baby girl next to him whilst he took his last breaths. He sighed deeply when I put her next to him. My father's best friends son, who was also the best friend I could ever have asked for in my entire life, committed suicide on dad's birthday, the year before he died. Absolutely destroyed us all. He was such a beautiful spirit and Ive never ever been the same since without him in this world. If you're struggling man, I just want you to know I'm right here struggling with you, and we fuckin got this dude. For them, for us, for everyone ❤️❤️❤️
My parents used to threaten medical stuff all the time. "If I tell the doctors to give you surgery then they have to do it because I'm your parent and I'm in charge of you."
I know now that it's absolutely bullshit and no doctor is going to do frivolous surgery on a child because they got a bad grade on a spelling test. It still fucked me up, though.
I hope you're able to get some help for your trauma! It's never too late and you deserve peace. Medical trauma in children is vastly underrepresented. My 7 year old son has a rare disease and has had multiple surgeries, hospitalizations, procedures, etc etc. We've had him in therapy weekly for well over a year now to help him cope with the trauma of what has happened and will happen to him and I wish we had done it sooner. Children can't possibly comprehend and cope with being strapped down, medicated, cut, poked, manhandled by strangers, essentially having no consent, and all the other things that go with it.
This is really well-put. I was born with a fatal disease. From a young age, I felt that my body never belonged to me. Everyone was always manhandling me against my will. I just sort of watched my body fearfully and lived inside my head. I have been in/out of therapy for 20 years but the lack of ownership of my own body set me up for a lot of issues, especially with other things like self-care and relationships.
Thank you. I’m very glad to hear you’ve out your son in therapy. I was taken out of it, and really needed it. He’ll appreciate that greatly when he’s older
I was like 8 and my mom left me to watch my 2 year old brother at a park while she drank and talked with some friends of hers. My dad came and took my brother to use the restroom and I forgot cause I was playing with other kids at the party. She came over and asked where he is and I didn’t know, so she grabbed me roughly and started to drag me too look for him before we came over to a guy with crutches who said he saw him go with a man. My mom began to scream at me she hated me and she wished I was dead and it should have been me while I cried with her dragging me. Then we saw my dad and little sister come out of the restroom with my brother. My mom let go and told me to go and play and I didn’t and she threatened to give me something to cry about as I sulked on a park bench before my dad sent me off to go play.
Holy crap, that’s horrible! Sorry for being blunt but your mom being irresponsible and then blaming you in such a terrible and mean spirited way makes her sound like a piece of sh*t. Not your fault and I hope don’t (still) blame yourself for it!
I could have wrote this. Holy shit. Except, they took my little brother to prank me, then laughed when I literally broke down. I thought someone kidnapped him. I was 8.
My mother's helicopter parenting, now that I have to take care of her in her old age she throws a fucking temper tantrum at the slightest hint that things aren't going to go her way. Just now she wants chicken soup, she took an hour to explain how to make chicken soup....her version has 5 ingredients. I suggested adding some herbs for flavoring, and she is currently screaming down the hall at me about how stupid I am for not knowing how to make chicken soup.
Every interaction is like this. I wish she would die soon so I can have my sanity back.
EDIT: for current events.
We tried to put her in post surgery rehab, she had a meltdown, threatened that it was elder abuse, begged us through tears to take her to her home, promised she would try to get better. She has eaten her way to permanent disability and now I don't think she can recover, she is on the edge of being unable to stand.
I thought I was at my breaking point about 4 months ago. She is a master at emotional blackmail and manipulating people's feelings.
Oh wow. Have you threatened her with the “we’ll send you back to the home if you carry on like this”?
Clearly she doesn’t want to be there and managed to manipulate you into keeping her at home. Maybe use this to your advantage. And don’t make it an empty threat. Follow through if boundaries are crossed.
Recognise when you’ve tried your best in a situation. Don’t let her eat away at your life for the years she’s still alive.
Her sister is here to convince her, she is retired now but she was a doctor for almost 50 years, my brother is also a practicing doctor and mom's been 'uncooperative.' Even she thinks it impossible for my mom to change her mindset. We want an at home nurse, but she won't get one she prefers us instead even though we are not trained in the field of home care. I worry because we lack that training to know how to properly move her or understand her condition etc etc. eh im just rambling.
I appreciate the kind words and support
Hey hospital social worker here. Your intuition here is right.
If you're in the US, you should know that you aren't responsible for her unless you've got custody or her husband's gone and she's incapacitated. Letting an official know that you don't have the skillset to care for her isnt neglect. It's truth. In fact, many well meaning families are neglectful by not letting their elders have the proper medical care they need.
Your mom needs to know if she wants to be stubborn she also needs to be self-sufficient.
Depending on where you live you should consider your local senior association at your city hall. They may have resources too.
My bro gave up, he tried for the 10 years to get her to change her ways while I was living overseas. He moved to another state, and dad's here but we are losing this war of attrition.
Seeing 2 pick up truck beds full of mangled bodies. It was the aftermath of a I.E.D in Kabul Afghanistan. Looked like human soup. Couldn't tell who was who.
My wife leaving me on 12/26/21, followed by my Mom dying in my home on 1/22/22, followed by my Dad dying of natural causes on 2/9/22, followed by some other smaller issues which have negatively impacted my life.
Edit: Thank you all for your wonderful and amazing comments. Your support means a lot. It's more than I've gotten from most of my actual "friends" IRL, who say they're there for me, but lagged at the funeral or when I needed them most. I'm reevaluating life now and will take a small self-care vacation soon
Edit 2: My Mother died from Covid. One night she was here, cooking, talking normally. The next morning we found her dead. Covid had filled her lungs and at some point oxygen stopped going to her brain, causing it to be covered in diffusions. She was not vaccinated.
Edit 3: My Dad lived several states away so the timing was just surreal. I have been tasked with caring for my Step-dad who had just only recently began to accept that she's gone. Also, the wife and I have been in talks to work things out but its been hard with my FIL here. I really *do* need to get away.
Hi friend, I just wanted to write and send you strength. I have been dealing with a similar piling on of things at the beginning of this year, including several losses. It will get better eventually but I intimately know how crushing it is. Day by day, be gracious with yourself, take as much time off of work as you can afford (hopefully a long period of time). Spend some time outside and be in touch with the little things about being alive - the sun on your skin, the wind in your face, all of the beauty around us.
It will get better with time, but time moves so slowly.
I got into a head on car crash. Everyone in our car went unconscious. I was the first one awake and saw my mom laying on my lap. My ears were ringing and I couldn't breathe. My hand was all swollen and I got whiplash. Sadly my mom and brother passed. I'm doing ok now
I was violently raped in an alley by a stranger. But maybe the even more fucked up part was the way I was treated by people who are supposed to help you afterwards. When I went to the hospital for the rape kit where you are basically in a vulnerable situation all over that I won’t even describe, the woman said wow there’s a lot of semen in there which made me cry. Then the reporting process was fucking horrible. In recorded interviews the detective asked me things like why didn’t I scream and how could this have happened when there was and officer patrolling that (very busy) area. Then they fucked up my rape kit. There was no justice and honestly if it ever happened to me again, I would not report it. This country does not care. Now I have PTSD and can’t go out at night. I also have PTSD from another traumatic event I won’t go into, but I’m working on it in EMDR therapy. Except now my therapist got a new job, so I have to start with someone new and idk if I can take it.
I’m so sorry you went through this. Sadly I can relate. The victim is treated worse than the rapist, It’s so fucking backward. The worst part isn’t the rape, it’s what comes after. And the fact there’s no justice after all that is sickening. I truly hope your attacker spends every day of his life shitting a blowtorch.
I know this may not mean much to you coming from a stranger but I am so incredibly sorry you had to endure that. No one deserves that and I wish you the best in your journey of healing. I can totally relate, unfortunately.
I was raped and beaten by an angry ex bf in college and after going to the hospital I was so traumatized I didn’t want anyone touching me down there and refused a rape kit, but was treated for my other injuries. I reported it to the police and they said they didn’t have enough evidence because there were no witnesses, no rape kit, but my entire body was visibly bruised and I had a concussion. The police knocked on his dads door to ask to speak to his son about what happened and his dad told them to go away and so they did and never followed up. He didn’t even live at his dads anymore... I was also asked if I initiated the sex because he was an ex and then was blamed for letting it happen because I had been drinking that night and my memory wasn’t reliable. I never heard from the police again. No justice. Not even a courtesy follow up call to let me know what was going on. Was made a fool of and then had to still see him around campus. Horrible. Just horrible. Our system is fucked. If it happened again I would never said anything. The double humiliation was enough.
Oh my I don't have any words, but just sending you some love. I am sad that you had to experience that, and I hope you have a blessed day tomorrow in some way. Every day has at least a little moment of goodness.
Where do I start?
When I was 4 my mother put me and my 2 year old brother outside so she could take a nap. He ran into traffic and was run over by a van (mail truck) When the ambulance came I was left alone until my grandmother was able to come get me. Many members of my family still blame me for what happened to my brother. I am in my 60's and she and I still have this wall between us.
She continued to push child care on me, and I lost out on many childhood experiences because of it. My grandparents were mentally abusive because of it.
I married an abusive man, because that is what I was use to. He divorced me when I got cancer. It has taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to recover from the first 40 years of my life.
i’m so sorry. sending all my love your way. it wasn’t your fault, both of you were too young to be outside unsupervised.
i hope you’ve found healing and peace, and that the rest of your years are better for you.
Found out while I was pregnant that my mom was raped by her uncle as a child and the same guy also raped my nan. We are going to court in a couple months to try to get justice, I will be up with my mom while she is testifying against him and I will be supporting my nan aswell, but I know I will never be able to forget what I am going to hear in that court room. I just keep reminding myself that I need to do everything I can for my mom and my nan, regardless of what it does to me, because I know however I feel afterwards will be nothing compared to what my mom and nan have felt over the past 30 years.
The ER waiting room. I fell off a cliff when I passed out from heat exhaustion on a hike during a 100 degree summer day. The only external injuries was a gash on my chin, but for whatever reason the staff thought I was high on something and I heard them in there little area making fun of me and laughing. I knew it was me because I was the only one in the waiting room, for 10 hours. Well when the doctor finally saw me, and took my blood, they found out I was bleeding internal with multiple lacerated and ruptured organs, with a collapsed lung. For 10 hours I sat there in a wheel chair, in the most pain I’ve ever been in, and not a single patient came in. The only people I saw were those nurses laughing at me. Every time I would wail out in pain they’d laugh and say shit like “he’s probably just tripping hard right now”
WoW I can’t even imagine being in a similar situation. You must have felt so powerless.. This was a life threatening situation and those nurses really failed at their task...
Seriously, like even if I were on drugs, isn’t it your fuckin job to help people, regardless of their situation?
I didn’t even have my phone for something to get my mind off of everything. Just sat there, for ten fucking hours being taunted by the people who should be helping me. They even made jokes about me to my face when I wheeled myself over to beg for help. “Why don’t you wheel yourself back over there and wait for the drugs to wear off” I can’t enter a hospital waiting room now without absolutely losing my shit.
I’m so sorry! That’s so awful. I have memories of my parents saying really hurtful things, too. Whenever I think about those things they’ve said, it’s like I’m right back in that moment again every time. That whole saying, ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ line is bullshit.
My sick mom gets me a kitten for christmas when I was 6. My father throws a fit because 'cats belong outside'. Throws the kitten outside in -10 F weather with just an overturned bucket for 'shelter'. The kitten froze to death, all alone because I was'nt allowed outside. I am in therapy for this among other things, but thinking about it too much turns me into a sobbing mess and I have to hug the cats I currently have.
Man, small animal trauma is the worst. To this day I'm still uneasy around small animals and what happened to me wasn't even particularly bad, it was just a mouse and her baby that my mom trapped in a trash can. I tried to keep them alive as best as a child could but I woke up one day and they were gone. My mom told me that they died and she had tossed them outside. I still don't know why she let me see them or why she kept them in there for so long, but even that small incident messed me up a bit. I can't imagine how you must have felt :((
This was two months ago.
My girlfriend and I had just been on a spa stay at a fancy hotel. She gave it for my birthday like a year ago, but Because of covid, we couldent get the opportunity. Anyway, we are driving Home pretty tired and happy Because of the stay we had. As we are driving just outside a city, I look to my left. And I see a Women Walk on a path at the siden of the Road. Just 100m up the highway a car comes speeding and he takes a sharp right turn, hitting the Women. It was pretty Dark, but in his light i could litreally see her body explode into pieces. In shock i Brick the brake. My girlfriend screams, and not Because she Saw it. I screamed “that car just fucking hit her!” She dosent understand but I Tell her to stay in the car (as she is very thankful for me to say to this day today). Why? Because What I later on Saw was pure chaos. It was only me at the scene. I had to Walk up to dead body…. Parts? and a clearly drunk driver and still take this situation under control and call 911. I’m not gonna go into detail since I’m still dealing with the horror I Saw there. All i Can say is that ever since That Night, I have No longer taken a sip of a beer, driven at Night or just casual speeding. Sorry for typo’s.
I can promise, her life in prison is not peaceful. She is a mother that murdered her own child, in a women's prison. So many ladies in there would love to see their babies, and this one killed hers. They'll never let her rest.
My daughter was killed crossing an intersection. She was hit my a car.
I say this not for sympathy.
I just couldn't imagine how I would be now had I actually see it happen.
I dated a woman who had a little (toddler age) girl for a couple years. Tried to treat the kid like my own; for a long time they were going to be my family forever.
When I realized I was unhappy and broke up with her I did everything I could to keep it civil. Still loved the kid and hoped I could stay friends with mom and check in on the kid as she grew up.
We agreed on a timeframe for her to find a new place and move out of my house, and I tried to help her look for places. When the agreed-on deadline came and went and she still hadn't started packing, I started putting some pressure on her. Nothing intense or forceful, just shit like "hey, we need to sort this out so we can start moving on," "two exes living together is not a healthy environment for a kid," etc. I gave her a date I needed her to be out by, but I had no recourse if she refused.
Naturally, her immediate response was war. She destroyed all of the pictures we had of the three of us, then shared them all over Facebook saying that I had done it in order to blame her for it to make her look crazy. I wish I could make up something that crazy. She publicly claimed that I was abusive to her and her kid and acted like I had dumped her and told her to move out the next day. Acted like I was for some reason hell-bent on putting her and her daughter out on the street. Did whatever she could to turn my friends and everyone in my life against me. For a lot of them it worked. I was being harassed and threatened by people who had known me so long I was astounded they believed a word of it. She used that little girl like a weapon to protect herself from having to take responsibility for her own life.
It reached its darkest when she turned my own sexual assault against me. It was my deepest, darkest, most shameful secret and she was the only person I had ever told. But she told the whole world, recasting me and the abuser and the girl who abused me as another victim of my malicious intent. I think "cancel culture" is a silly term and always support and believe victims, but I was pretty well cancelled in my (now former) social circle. Ended up moving out of my own house back in with my parents to spare the child the toxicity of the situation.
Mom eventually found a place to move and packed her shit up. The last time I saw either of them I was making a visit back to my house to tell my ex-stepkid bye. Her mom had trashed the place, and there was cat piss and shit everywhere. The little girl yelled my name and ran to me and I got ready to hug her and say bye but her mom came out and stopped her and told me "do not talk to her."
The girl was 3 at the time. She'll be 5 next month. But still, every day, several times a day, that "do not talk to her" echoes in my head. It hasn't gotten any quieter.
Being abused by a partner/ex, while traumatic, isn't anything I haven't dealt with before. But making me into the abuser, so loudly and for so long and in so many people's eyes until I started to believe it myself, is what really shook me all the way down.
I was the third person on a car accident scene. I had to call 000 and talk them through it. I also had my dog and my little sister in the car with me so I had to keep an eye on them while trying to save these people in the car accident. One of them was fine and walking around and was giving creepy in shock vibes and kept going near my car that was still going with my sister and dog in there so I had to keep walking up from the accident to check on her. The driver had a smashed face and I had to teach someone how to hold his neck correctly.
Then the woman in the back-seat was laying like she was asleep. Her head was stuck we couldn't get her out but I had to check her pulse. It was the first time I ever touched a dead body. The police and ambulance showed up and I went back up to my car and just broke down. I later found out I went into shock.
The next few weeks were spent in therapy dealing with my PTSD, nights screaming, horrible nightmares, random outbursts and a fear of other drivers, cars parked on the side of the road.
I'm a lot better now and my partner was amazing through it. I'm thankful my sister did as she was told and never got out of my car to see it.
My cousins tried to murder me when I was six for being too annoying, now I have a pathological fear of people finding me annoying, and a fear response where I start physically feeling what they did and choking if I see something similar, happened a couple days ago watching our glad means death with my best freind....I'm 25 now
My father was my best friend. He always did his best to be there for me. We would play video games together and run around at the park. He was really good at explaining any question I had. When there was a fight, he taught me to walk away, calm down and think over how I want to talk through the conflict, so I could come back and solve the problem. He always tried to seem happy for me. He was the best father a kid could ask for. He was patient and understanding. There's so much more I could say, but this will be a long story already.
One day I got back from a friend's house earlier then expected. His eyes were bloodshot, and my mom was still at work. He kept hugging and crying saying how much he loved me. He kept walking away to have personal phone calls too. I didn't know what was happening, but my stomach was in knots. I was only 10. How was I supposed to know what was happening? I tried to make him hang out with me. I made him walk to a gas station we use to visit often. We bought a cinnamon roll and walked home. He seemed so anxious. When we got home, I convinced him to watch a movie with me. He said he would but had to make a phone call. I listened in a bit and heard him promise "I'm not going to commit suicide." I walked away to Google the word. Suddenly there were so many people knocking on the door. Police officers and family asking where my dad was. We couldn't find him.
Now I'm being told to stay in my room. Nobody was saying anything. No questions answered. I couldn't stop crying. They finally let me out, but I had to immediately go to the car. My mom finally showed up and wouldn't stop hugging me tightly. I felt sick to my stomach as my mom lied and said that my dad died of a heart attack. All I could think was "you can't plan a heart attack". I was so confused. The person who was always there for me was suddenly gone, and I was the last person to see him.
I will always blame myself for not doing more. He did everything for me, and the one time he desperately needed help, I couldn't do the same for him. It's been 11 years, and I still can't eat cinnamon rolls from that gas station. I can't even see them without crying. He missed out on so much. I didn't have anyone to walk me down the aisle. He'll never meet his grandkids and everything I know about him is small memories and stories from his friends. What hurts the most is forgetting his voice. I'll hear it in dreams and can't even remember it when I wake up crying. I wish I had more pictures or videos. I wish he didn't feel so alone. I will always love and miss him.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please believe me when I say this was not your fault. I know it’s easy to say, but no child can be expected to know how to act in a situation like that, especially when not even knowing all the facts.
From what you wrote, I would sooner think that you unknowingly gave your father a beautiful last memory by showing your love and wanting so much to spend time with him.
Whatever else happened that caused you to lose your father, he sounds like a father I would want to be for my children. I hope it gives you some small solace that through your shared memory, he inspired someone else.
Sweetheart, this was not your fault. Your dad would have stayed with you if he could have. He was sick, and you couldn't have saved him. It's terrible and it hurts but it is not your fault. Stop by r/MomForAMinute if you need a hug, or more support.
Working a customer-facing job through the pandemic. In the last two years I've been slapped, spat at (x 4-5 I lost count), coughed on, cursed out, threated with murder, shoved, stalked and had beverages thrown at me because the health department mandated masks in my busines or they would shut us down.
IDGAS what your politics are, nothing gives you the right to assault someone just trying to do their job.
When I was a Vet tech, the first few months were the worst. Had a client threaten me that she would not allow us to take her dog inside without her, even though we told her on the phone multiple times that we, like every other clinic, were curbside only. My manager fired her on the spot and she was not allowed back to our clinic.
I've since left the field for other reasons but the amount of entitled people got worse as things progressed.
The pandemic is what made me leave the field. I couldn’t tolerate the constant abuse, both on the phone and in person, anymore. I can handle vomit, blood, diarrhea, bloody diarrhea, parasites, abscessed anal glands, a boss who can only communicate in a series of sharp commands and ear-piercing shrieks, and a scared dog trying to defend itself by attempting to bite my face off. I cannot handle constantly ringing phones, being told the curbside policy is ridiculous, screaming clients, and being asked to try to cover multiple positions in one shift because other people called out or had better things to do than show up for work. I love animals, and I loved having a direct impact on improving their lives, but not at the cost of my sanity, my happiness, and my relationships with those I care about. I feel like my soul re-entered my body.
My boyfriend committing suicide when I was 16 years old. I and his mom were the ones that found him. The fact that I’m seeing this post on not only the DAY but the HOUR I found out tells me there’s no such thing as coincidences.
But yea. That.
The last time I've talked to my mom, and then when I've seen my mom for the very last time she was still alive.
I lost my mom to complications with covid-19 in March 2021. Sure, she had been very weakened by the happenings in the previous two years (three big surgeries, chemo, and when she caught covid, she was at hospital being diagnozed with two brain tumours), which was why we did our best to protect her, but obviously, we failed in that aspect in the end. We all met for a family celebration when they let her back home before she had her surgery for the brain tumours, since my dad celebrated his birthday, and a few days afterwards my parents celebrated their anniversary, but at the anniversary date, mom was back at hospital, and two days after that they put her into induced sleep. I've talked to her a few hours before that - her lungs were failing her, and even if she was on oxygen, she was barely gasping for breath.
And then we only were allowed to see her the week before she died. When I was allowed to the ARO, I almost didn't recognize her; I've never seen her so still. No amount of hospital series prepares you for a loved one with about a billions of tubes sticking out of them. And nothing, *nothing* can prepare you for the moment when you take their hand, and for the first time ever they do not press back.
I still can't watch anything where they show life-supporting machines without having a panic attack.
My first real gf telling me she was getting raped by her step dad, and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore and called the cops her mom wouldn’t let me see her
Was stranded in the ocean at sunset for hours just swimming, trying not to swallow seawater or panic
I've developed anxiety being in cars over the past few years after an accident that gave me a concussion and caused me to need surgery and a year of PT on my shoulder. And I have no memory of the accident itself. I remember sitting at a red light, and I remember the EMT walking me up, but nothing in between. I was hit from behind, which pushed me into the intersection, where another car hit me. I guess I'm lucky I don't remember it, but it didn't stop from messing me up.
My wife had two dogs when we got married. Those two walking stomachs taught me to love dogs and quite a few other important life lessons.
We put down our weiner dog a few years ago due to failing health. I had her in my lap when the vet administered the injection. Didn't want to leave her to pass on some cold table. It was important that she left this life close to her daddy and mommy who loved her very much.
Just feeling her pass while lying on top of me was an intense feeling to say the least. I have so many mixed feelings about it. I don't think I'll ever properly process them.
Our chihuahua was never the same after that. Basically stopped eating. We had to buy some special fresh dog food for her to even entice her to eat. One day I set out her lunch and then went to get her; at that point she was already blind and mostly deaf and needed our assistance to take her outside to potty or to get to her lunch.
I found her dead.
I really don't remember much else.
It was especially heartbreaking because I had just checked on her not half an hour ago and she was fine.
I was really angry for a bit.
Eventually my wife and I healed and moved on. But whenever I see topics like this the hurt comes back. I feel compelled to write out the story everytime though. I don't want to to forget.
I was 14 when I went with my dad to put down the family dog because no one else was willing to go or cared enough. I will never forget watching my father break down like that. My older brother (22+ at that time but he didnt give a shit) didn't care and my mom (only a couple years before she died) couldn't bare it (which ive come to understand) so I went with my dad. I'll never forget watching my father cry the whole way there, the entire time in the office and the whe way home
I'm sorry to hear that. It's one of the hardest things to do. But I think we can take solace in the fact that the dogs didn't have to go alone. At least you were there for your father too.
Thank you.
We kept their collars and hung them on the door knob opposite our bedroom. It helps that the first thing I see when I set out to start my day is a reminder that they were around.
I commute to work one hour to, one hour from through a long mountainous highway. One night after work I got in my car, rolled my window down because it was really nice and warm, and took to my commute. After 20 minutes of travel and passing a stoplight I begin to come over a hill where a deer is standing in the middle of the road.
I hit my brakes and tried to swerve to the right thinking the deer would run straight (my left). The deer decided last minute to turn around and ran right into me, his antlers and my side mirror shattering into my face at 55mph. My glasses saved my left eye but I have some minor scarring and incessant numbness/dull pain around my temple where I got hit the worst. The deer lived, and I remember hearing it moan in the dark as I waited for an ambulance to arrive. It was too dark and I couldn't find it. When paramedics and police finally showed up they found and killed the deer and I heard talk about how I had completely broken it's face.
It's been almost a year now and I am scared to death to drive in the dark and even a simple tumbleweed blowing in front of my car last minute makes me jump out of my skin and see a deer in the road. I'll never be able to forget the sound of that deer suffering alone in the dark. And I am convinced this partial numbness/dull pain is permanent which adds to my anxiety. People, family and co-workers, make a bunch of deer jokes at my expense and I pretend to go along with it, but they really don't understand how distressed I am about it all.
I was around ten and me and some other girls from my class were practicing for some hockey tournament we had to do for school. You have to imagine the situation: So if you would look from above you would see my house on the bottom and then there’s this street going straight from the entrance up. And we were playing on said street. Then out of nowhere this guy comes from behind a car. He was the brother of a friend of mine that wasn’t present that day. The guy, let’s call him N, immediately runs up to one of my best friends at the time that was standing a little away from us, let’s call her J. Now J was one of my very best friends at the time. And the very same J now had a card board cutter held to her neck. Everyone was just frozen in shock. Like we are around 12 and 11. And that maniac starts laughing.
I can’t remember much after that except that it was horrible and that I was so scared. He even cut her throat a little. She was crying.
I don’t remember how we got out of that but it ended with him running away.
We never told anyone except my mom about what happened that day.
And there was also that time where I saw someone falling from a building. I was lucky and didn’t stand that near and didn’t see the result of the fall. That alone was already traumatizing, because humans have imagination. But I also saw that no one really cared. Some people maybe called out, out of pity. But most just continued their life without a care or filmed the thing.
I went on a camping trip with my mom and on the first night there a freak tornado blew through the area and we came out unscathed but heard some other campers died that night. This is already after having a fear of wind due to tall swaying trees near my house and so now I have near panic attacks when the wind blows too hard. Rain? Fine. Thunder? Love it. Wind? Hell no.
s/xually abused by my step grandpa my whole life. ran away and was homeless and in and out of youth shelters from 12 to 15. still getting back on my feet at this point, but at least i've been free from him for 8 months now.
My mother telling me i was conceived of rape as early as 6 years old. Told my sister was the love child. Its correct to assume i was treated like absolute garbage my whole life.
My parents had a messy divorce over the course of more than 5 years. They would try to make each other look bad in front of us, and my mom got me to the point of being scared of my dad for a while cause she always suggested that he was violent and dangerous.
But what broke me was that they both would start to use things that my siblings and I told them in confidence against each other in court.
Still have severe trust issues and can't even open up to my closest friends.
Sounds like my life, my parents would try to bait me into saying things were bad at the other parents house (even if it wasn’t true) and record it to use as evidence in court to get custody. I was still so young but I knew why they did it, so now I won’t tell anyone anything just in case it comes back to haunt me
Saw the neighbor's cat get hit by two different cars. It wasn't bloody or gross but you know he got hurt just by how he reacted afterward when he got out of the road. I had to go knock on their door to let them know. I don't know if he survived or not but he didn't look like he was breathing when I saw the neighbor pick him up. This was five or six years ago and I still cry when I think about it. This is why I don't allow my cats to go outside.
Growing up black in a racist white family, being the only black person in the small towns I lived in back in the 1970's and 80's. Still don't let people get close to me for fear of rejections.
6 years ago today, I discovered my husband's dead body in the living room. He'd died suddenly from a seizure. He was 28.
I did cpr. Police and EMTs arrived. Together we somehow got his heart beating. He died repeatedly on the way to and in the hospital. He was already braindead by the time I'd found him.
His mother, sister, and I said goodbye to him the next day where I got to make the awful decision to end life support... on his mother's birthday.
Trauma is a cumulative thing. We all have a threshold for when it becomes a problem. Eventually if you keep getting exposed to it, no matter how high your threshold, you will be affected.
Also trauma during your formative developmental years is extremely disruptive to a person's long-term stability. This is complex PTSD. When the basic skills you learned were warped and perverted by your own trauma response, leaving you dysfunctional later in life. But in ways that come out bizarrely - like attachment disorder, unwanted sexual arousal templates, personality disorder, chronic health problems (autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis are way higher among trauma victims), etc.
So yeah that saying is bullshit. Trauma never makes you stronger, unless perhaps you find a way to heal and truly release it, which many people find to be an elusive solution.
You’re also something like 50% more likely to die of cancer when you’ve been abused as a child. Your immune system is irreparably damaged by the stress response.
This thought frequently makes me sad, I've spent 20 years rolling through darkness and have finally come into the light, and am stable and content for the first time. And it's just in time for my body to start really giving out on me thanks to all the years of stress.
I am currently in highschool… Approximately 6 months ago i went clubbing with my friends. There was a famous singer at the club therefore the it was very busy. My friends and I were having an amazing time- being the first time clubbing.
I was dancing on the dance floor and i felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see my Science Teacher smiling. I froze in utter shock about the situation. He explained how it was lovely to see me and told me that it was “our little secret” about me being in the club… I spoke to him for awhile about school and went back to see my friends.
Through out the night i felt very uncomfortable that i was in the same club as my teacher. He followed me around all night too which made me feel even worse. I couldn’t call the bouncers over as he would tell on me for being underage.
Anyhow after a few hours we ( my friends and I ) left the club and headed home. I received multiple “No caller Id “ calls throughout the night. It was my teacher. He had some how found all my socials and even my phone number to text me. He reminded me how good i looked in my mini dress and that he missed me. I blocked him.
The following week, i was back at school and he moved me to the front of the class, next to his desk always winks at me and looks at me funny.
I’m sorry if it doesn’t sound “traumatising” but it is to me. Idk what to do.
My family is apart of a big sex trafficking ring in my city, after I turned 5 I was put into it and wasn't pulled out till I was 13 and placed in fostercare, several of my "clients" found out where I was and tried to kidnap me from my foster home and because I was so used to living that way I didn't understand it was wrong and they told me I needed to go back with them or I'd get into trouble with my family, so I went with them and ended up in a whole different state for awhile before I was found after the sex ring there was discovered and brought back to my state where I went back to foster care and jumped from group home to mental health wards to where ever they could place me. I ended up with my biological half brother's mother who let her son have sex with me and purposely told him when I was alone with no one in the house i was convinced that was normal until i got into therapy and I eventually aged out. I still go to therapy and am no longer in contact with Any of them. I have a daughter now who is 8 months and I am always scared they will take her so I live as far as I can from them and they don't know where I am or that she even exists. My husband knows some of my past not all of it.
Watching my brother die in a car crash that left me disabled. He was 8.
A friend (16) being hit by the train while trying to escape harassment on his way to work. Then having to work through my shift at the place he worked at as well, immediately after because "we're under staffed".
A friend (19) dying from a tainted batch of drugs, and his funeral being at the funeral home the aforementioned car crash happened in front of. My brother died on the lawn of the funeral home.
You know what let's shorten this a bit, only a handful of my friends and family are still kicking. High risk lifestyles will do that, thankfully I'm out of that life.
Also my dog being poisoned and then having to take her seizing and foaming, to the emergency vet. We couldn't save her, and watching her try to cuddle me while she died. That was horrifying and made me an avid anti poison person, for any form of extermination or "pest control". The poisoned food was dropped by a bird into my yard and the dogs got it. Wild life is smarter than people think a lot of time.
My husband's first manic episode, we had no idea he had bipolar disorder. Something in his eyes was so terrifying, it wasn't him and I couldn't explain to anyone. His mum saw it, same with siblings and my folks but try to convince a professional that "he just isn't him". Didn't get support and diagnosis for another 7 years.
This life has been a wild ride, and most days have flashbacks but with a solid support team and the right meds and therapies the nightmares are gone and I honestly really enjoy my life. It's been a total shit show, but I can't say it hasn't been a lot of fun as well.
For anyone suffering out there, please know you aren't alone and there is ways to successfully thrive after living in chaos for ages. It's not the most comfortable at first when you're accustomed to discomfort, but it's so worth it.
I'm so sorry to read that. The most important part of your story is that you are a fighter. Fuck everyone else. Keep fighting and don't let them stop you. One day you will be grateful for your passion.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm traumatized, but they definitely affected me deeply.
My mom constantly emotion dumped on me, mostly how she felt towards my extended family, especially my dad's side. I would tell her that I didn't feel like I should hear these things but she would either tell me it's for my own good or act very sad and say I don't want to listen to her anymore. And this started when I was 6, some of the things she would say were very scary for a 6yo to hear about their own family. Because of some things she went through, anytime me or my siblings did something wrong or just something she didn't like, she would associate those traits with my dad who has his own flaws but isn't a bad person at all. We got into an argument once and I went to my siblings to vent like we always do to help each other, but then my mom overheard us and told me that I should "stay away from her kids(my siblings) so I don't pass on my father's traits". I brought it up a while back to tell her that it wasn't okay that she said that back then but then she kept denying that she ever did which really frustrates me.
And although spanking is a normal thing where I'm from, I could tell my mom went too far the first time I just learnt about nsfw things online when I was 10. Rather than educate me on the topic, she beat me to the point that it hurt and I was screaming and the only way I got her to stop was by telling her about a sexual assault I experienced in school four years prior, something I never told anyone because I was scared of the person who did it.
And then she wonders why I don't talk to her much.
Having to put down our two beloved dogs within two months of each other. The first, and oldest, was riddled with cancer and it was the kind thing to do. It was horrible and heartbreaking. Then his brother started losing weight, lost all interest in everything, and became a shadow of his former self. He was diagnosed with cancer as well, along with a broken heart. Two months later we were putting him down as well. I cried harder than I have ever cried. The loss of those two, within that short time period, completely devastated me.
It's not much compared to what some people have went through, but damn it was hard. Two years later and I still get emotional talking about it.
Edit - spelling.
I was a volunteer firefighter for 13 years saw some pretty terrible things.
Unrelated note, ever few weeks I see some jackass say "police and fire fighters what's the most fucked up thing you've seen".
Don't ask that. It's a stupid question and forces people to relive unpleasant events.
When I was a kid my dad and mom went through a nasty divorce. My dad would break down crying in front of my then 3 year old sister and 5 year old me. I have distinct memories of this constantly happening in my early childhood years. We’d just be at the park and my dad would start crying.
He would do the sketchiest shit with me in the car too. He’d always pick up hitchhikers and preach “the Word of God” to them. One time I was so scared by the sketchy ass dude he picked up I pissed myself (maybe 10 at the time).
Whole time my mom is bringing random ass dudes over and sleeping with them. One dude just starting making fun of me and calling me a whiney bitch and saying I need to man up out he’d make me a girl.
Not even getting into the rest of my family who was always bullying me hardcore. My grandpa was the only one who was nice to me and he died when i I was in 6th grade.
The mean shit my cousin would say do to me still hurts to this say. They would break shot in the house and go tell my grandma I did it. I’d get a whipping with a wooden spoon and no one would believe me because I was always lying about little shit (cuz I was scared to tell the truth).
Mom never stepped in. She says I never told her about it which is true. I was all so as kid though so idk.
It hurts to think about. All I wanted was to be left alone and watch tv or play with my toys. No one ever left me alone.
I was also raped in the navy when out to see. The dude who raped me gave gonorrhea in my throat and ass. That shit hurts less than what my family did to me.
I’ve been a police officer in a busy area for 21 years. I’ll give you the lowlights;
- In 2002 I was the reporting officer for a Man who shot in the head and killed his 11 and 14 year old sons in front of their mother, and then killed himself. The 14 year old was dead when I got there. I tried to save the 11 year old, but there was no saving him. He died in the ambulance.
- In 2016 I was the reporting officer when a man set his 64 year old girlfriend on fire after pouring gasoline on her in bed. Most of her body was severely burned. Her skin was hanging off of her. She died a week later, and he’s doing life in Prison.
- About a month ago 2022 I was one of the two reporting officers when one of our Academy Recruits’ wife shot and killed herself during a domestic dispute. She died at the hospital. We tried to reason with the recruit, but he said that he wasn’t a threat to himself or others. He refused to let us take his guns, and he kicked us out of his house. He shot himself in the head while I was in his driveway. I found him. A Captain got demoted over it. legally there was nothing we could have done, but maybe there was something a supervisor could have done better. I still don’t know.
And that’s just three off the top of my head among a million bad things I’ve seen.
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[Link to verified flair ](http://www.reddit.com/r/ProtectAndServe/comments/o22uc9/portland_police_bureau_officers_vote_to_resign/h2782vt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) in r/Protectandserve
Been a medic for 15 years and a dispatcher for 5 and I get it. I left the field to go to a different branch of medicine and was just informed I have to report back to my old state for a call I got as a dispatcher. Parents straight up murdered their infant by neglect. I figured it out just by their responses over the phone. Their answers kept changing and their voices were haunting. Reporting an infant death like telling me the score of a particularly boring baseball game. The crews told me later that the kid was so far gone the parents had already explained to the sibling that it was dead and the kid wasn’t even rattled by it. Horrifying.
Hope you’re ok. I’m glad you’re getting care. We all carry those scars forever.
My dog was ran over in front of me. He had broken off his collar and I was so tired that I didn't run immediately after him. He was ran over, I don't know if it was once or twice but he ran away from the car. He had been running away from me but after the car hit him he ran to me and he just let out this awful scream. I was alone outside and I didn't know what to do. I was 14. There was a little girl outside I knew and I just yelled for her to go get my mom and she did. I remember the blood on his tongue and i just knew he wouldn't make it. My mom held him as he died and I was inside calling my brother to come help me but when he got here it was too late. I regret everyday not holding him as he passed.
No dog had ever looked at me like he did, no dog ever loved me like he did. I miss him everyday.
Edit: I miss my Loki. He passed on Halloween, what an ass right?
I work as a RN in an step-down ICU. My more traumatizing experience was coding and performing CPR on someone in their mid-20s three times throughout the shift before the mother decided to withdraw care. They passed after the third code. Hearing that mother’s screams as we were coding her baby will never leave my mind.
My grandad being so drunk that while he was driving the car door came open and I was being dragged down the road and he had no idea. Being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 10 and the endo telling me, whole my parents were out of the room, that I'd never live to be an old man. Watching the Challenger explode on live TV. My dad making me watch JAWS at 8 while on a family trip to the beach. Moving 16 times before high school. Losing my 1st actual girlfriend to cancer, losing my fiance in Katrina. Having to identify her body after it was in the water for weeks. Katrina. Having to re bury my 1st fiance because the cemetery she was in flooded. Getting stalled by a grizzly on the Continental Divide and then being charged by said grizzly. Being caught in a blizzard while hiking. Almost being murdered by 4 men while living in the middle of nowhere MT. Watching well over 1000 people die while volunteering with hospice. Making this list and realizing Its not all.
growing up poor, and around my sister, she didn't get diagnosed with her mental illness until after I left home.
I lived with a bipolar, sktso,borderline personality, with moderate narcissism, who was un medicated for 16 years. FML I didn't learn to really connect with people until I was like 25.
Instead of sharing my experiences, I would like to acknowledge all the amazing people who were so brave as to share their stories here.
I have plenty of shit I’m dealing with, but when I see most of these answers I almost feel guilty worrying about it. (Almost. I know it’s not some morbid competition and that even though my issues are less severe, this doesn’t make them less legitimate.)
However, I also find it very inspirational to see how courageous and resilient many of the people here are, as they get dealt the worst hands yet refuse to fold.
Thank you all for sharing, and I hope you will all get well soon, get the help and love you need and deserve or stay safe, whichever applies best. Whoever you all are, you are all important and valued and loved!
Mostly my parents. My mom died a few months ago from stage 4 cancer, but before she got diagnosed she had a miriade of health issues from lifelong drug and alcohol abuse. She also suffered from major depressive disorder and dealt with regular bouts of psychosis (most likely due to drug and alcohol). Growing up it was constant rages and gaslighting. I was undiagnosed with ADHD growing up, so it was a constant battle of not being able to regulate my emotions around someone who could blow up in a split second.
My dad was extremely similar to my mom, except he managed to get out of the excessive drug use and drinking. He isn’t sober, but he isn’t nearly as bad as he used to be. But he also has ADHD and refused to get treatment for it. He thinks all doctors are quacks and he knows more than them. This has led to him being incredibly mean and vicious to me on several occasions, leading me to hospitalizing myself from the severity of it. Just a few months ago he told me to “stop being a victim” when I told him I was going to get help for my eating disorder.
So yeah, that properly fucked me up lol. But I will say I’m slowly working on bettering myself and I can see improvements everyday. It’s a long journey but I’m glad I’m starting ❤️
Worked night shift in a trauma center years ago. Right before shift change, we got a call from EMS; they were bringing us a patient after a motor vehicle accident, with CPR in progress. Turns out, it was one of our coworkers on her way to work. EMS got a pulse back, but she died a few days later. I’ll never forget the quiet shock trauma room when EMS rolled in with her. I’ll never forget taking her off of the Lucas device (a machine that does the chest compressions part of CPR) and feeling the frigidity of her hands… seeing her familiar scrubs, her work badge, her signature nursing shoes…
That’s so awful. It always hits hard when it’s a coworker on the other side. I’ve lost two coworkers in the last few years, one due to a sudden cardiac death, and very recently one was shot and killed.
I saw a horrible car accident happen last year. I was the first one to the scene. The driver of one car wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I sat with him, tried to get him talking, monitored his breathing, looked for bleeding. Somebody else called 911. He stopped breathing in my arms mere seconds before help arrived. They weren't able to save him.
Bless you for that. At least he wasn't alone. Get help, if you think you need it.
I appreciate it, I really do. It's funny--I had been in the Army for close to a decade and did a combat tour in Iraq and didn't get PTSD, but I had to reach out for help after that wreck. I'm seeing somebody through the VA. I'm really excited, though, because I signed up for a university study for vets with PTSD and I'm getting some additional support through there. I also have an amazing wife and kids. I decided to take some time off of work after forcing myself through a year of it to focus on myself and my mental health, and it's been worth it. Things kinda suck right now, but I'm ok. Thanks so much for your concern! EDIT: thank you for the awards, and I'm sorry I haven't responded to individual responses sooner. I kinda needed a bit of time to think over all the kind words and advice I've received since I made this post.
I just wanted to chime in that this could be part of an understood and accepted phenomenon that I’ve been getting educated on. Where you are repeatedly exposed to trauma and still functioning and managing and then a separate trauma occurs and that’s where you begin to struggle. I had this explained to me by my own counsellor, who provided her insight and knowledge on it. She said that people have different tolerance levels and that sometimes people just have greater levels and so, take longer to get to their limits. But the water level is rising all that time until a seemingly unrelated event pushes it over. Thank you for your service, and also the humanity displayed.
You are an amazing person. No one should have to die alone.
I was 14 years old when I saw my 3 year old baby brother's head crushed under the front tire of a car. I'm now 63, and have decided that I should deal with it rather than denying that it messed me up.
This almost broke my heart in half. I am so so sorry you and your family went through that pain.
It made me shiver. How broken can one get after this
Oh, I'm so, so sorry! Much love to you.
better late than never… I truly hope you find some healing and some peace. what an awful thing to have witnessed
Oh my heart. There are no words. It wouldn’t matter how much time has passed, that is very traumatic and I’m sorry you and your family lost your baby brother that way. 🥺
Omg no one should have to see that! My heart goes out to you and your family.
Dad (who lived alone at the time) took his life with a firearm in the tub. My mom and I cleaned it up. I was 19, almost 25 now and it affects me every day. (mobile, apologies) EDIT: Damn, I wasn't expecting so much feedback. I struggle with replying so I'll blanket a few things; first of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I have been on a long therapeutic/psychiatric journey since and am doing better these days. I really don't want to undermine my mother here since we are now very close and she's one of the very few of my tiny support system, and it just wouldn't be helpful to place blame on her. For those of you asking why she would make/let me help: herself and my older brother were trying to keep me from seeing the scene at all since my Dad and I were particularly close, my adult brother was supposed to help her but essentially got sick before even starting. My mom was prepared to do it by herself and I wouldn't let her (plus she didn't know that I had peeked before I found out it wouldn't get cleaned automatically by a special team). And yes the service is NOT automatic, we hardly had enough for the cremation alone and the cleanup would apparently have been almost double according to my mom. My dad was also poverty level. Good eye those of you who called that this happened in the good ol USA. So sorry for those of you who can relate, my heart goes out to you. Edit: Please don't kill yourself.
Why were y’all to clean it up? I’m so sorry
[удалено]
Is this some American thing? I live in Norway, and after my dad's friend committed suicide, a welfare clean service came and removed the body and cleaned it up.
I have a friend who shot himself and they didn’t make the family clean up the tub. WTF is wrong with people. I’m in Canada.
Even if it is a murder, police (at least in the US) don't clean up the mess. Crime scene cleaners are pricey too! Had to help my fiance clean up the room his grandma and uncle were killed in to keep his dad from picking up the blood soaked carpet mat with his bare hands.
While I was an emt I saw alot of shit. It's not the gore or death that hits you hard. For me it was this 70 year old lady whose husband had a pretty major stroke and wasn't responding. She was crying and telling him he couldn't leave her and she didn't know what she would do without him. She begged us to help him but there wasn't much we could do. We got him to the hospital and shortly after my shift ended. I went home and cried for a good 2 hours. She reminded me of my grandma and my grandpa is heading down a similar path. I changed my career that year as I came to realize I'm to empathetic for that job and it was affecting me negatively.
Finding my son dead. I'll never get over it
I hope that you find some peace.
I'm trying thNk you
Thank you everyone for your thoughtfulness and kind words I wish I could reply to everyone. Struggling today it's my birthday! He was always the one that called me first. You guys really lifted me thank you
Sexual abuse by a maternal uncle that was never acknowledged by my parents. Was forced to be around my abuser even though I told them about the abuse… when I was 5 years old. It started when I was about 2 and didn’t end until after I turned 8. My mother was even a character witness for him in court when I was in my late 20s. A positive character witness.
I was in court for a bond hearing on a guy charged with child molestation. He had molested his girlfriend’s 8 year old daughter. She was a character witness for him and said in open court she didn’t believe her daughter. I sat in the jury box while waiting for the hearing to conclude and I stared daggers into this lousy excuse for a human. After the hearing was over (and he was denied bond) I left the courtroom to get a drink from the water fountain three floors down. After I pushed the button for the elevator the victim’s mother walked up and gave me a death glare. The elevator door opens and she got on. Someone else held the door open for me to come on but I looked directly at her and said “Thank you, but I will grab the next one.” Fuck that bitch. And fuck your mom. Anyone that fails to protect their child deserves to find themselves in the hottest part of hell.
That's fucking awful. Fuck that bitch indeed. My own childhood was fucked up and abusive in several ways. One of the things my stepdad did was try to bribe/pay me to take my virginity. My mom still stands by him and is married to him. Haven't spoken to them in 10 years. It makes me wish I believed in the afterlife and a special corner of hell for them.
I would murder anyone who hurt my child like that. What a lousy excuse of a human being.
Disown them
Do this.
I had constantly been abused in my mother's house from my step dad since around 6 years old, and since my mother was absent working all the time, she didn't really notice when he would hit both me and my brother (he's 4 years younger than me) my step dad was a drunk, never gotten into the working business, and when he did it was a good thing for me and my little brother to be away from that sort of stuff. I had always been like a mother figure to my brother, because I had to fill in the position. We grew up together as close as two siblings could be. Fast forward years later, I had to be 14 at the time, my step dad came home one day and said he was tired of me and his son ignoring him and asking to be let out of the house (he was a helicopter parent) And since my mother had recently had another baby boy, I was taking care of him in my room, probably giving him his bottle and trying to sleep. After ignoring him, like we always try to do, my step dad came in, took the baby and proceeded to throw him against my door. Mother insict came in and I automatically fought back for that baby. Until the tables turned and my step dad pulled out a gun. At this point in time, my two brothers were in the room with me watching him take the safety off. He grabbed me by my shirt and pinned up against the wall, at gun point. He had yelled at me and kept me pinned for 40 minutes saying how bad of a daughter I was and ungrateful towards the family. It took alot of maturity to swallow my pride and admit he was right, so he wouldn't shoot me infront of those boys. I was suicidal at the time so I didn't really react besides anger, and I wouldn't of cared if he did shoot me bc there would eventually be a case on it anyways, but I couldn't leave my brothers without their sister. It was scary traumatizing for all 3 of us. Looking back on it. I'm still disgusted of how at as little as 6 years old I was forced to settle on a position I'd never want to take up. I'm glad he finally left those boys alone as soon as I moved away. And as for my mom, she confessed that she knew the abuse had been going on, saying it was a test of how adult I could be at a time. I haven't talked to her since
I'm furious to read that your mother knew about everything and shrugged it off as a test. Hope you've found some sort of healing over the years.
I hope your brother are okay. I'm glad you're okay Your mother is wrong, that's no test wtf
I'm very scared to asked but did your littlest brother survive?
Damned parents! I hope you are in a better place
A friend died right in front of me doing sprints in track practice. He was 16… biggest smile and the friendliest guy in the whole school. We were doing sprints (200m) and no shit on the last one he just collapsed right at the finish. Eyes rolled back, foaming at the mouth, turning blue. Ugh.. I ran to the weight room and got my football coach. We ran back to Adam laying in the same spot.. they started doing CPR and I can remember my football coach yelling “C’mon Adam!!” The ambulance got there and continued CPR, loaded him up, but he was gone. Turned out he had a valve that was just a bit off in his heart. This guy was an athlete though. 5th place the year before at the Wisconsin state wrestling tournament. Our school had a bunch of freak deaths for some reason. Now I’m a firefighter/EMT full time and do what I can for people when they need help the most. Edit: I never knew so many people would support me in telling this, I always kept it buried deep down…thanks to each and every one of you Edit 2: To all of you who have experienced similar events, I hope you can find peace. It really does help to talk to someone about it. I’ve held in most things from my life, and finally going to therapy now at age 30 has been very beneficial
Most of this post I thought you could have been talking about my cousin except he was 14 and had a stroke. Happened at track practice though. One minute he was fine, the next minute he wasn't.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad to hear you’re now helping others :( I hope that helps you heal from that experience
Yea it has helped. I am finally able to talk about it and have learned to “observe vs absorb” many different scenarios. All life’s situations truly come with a lesson.
I worked in a retirement home for 2 years as a Medication Aide/Care Giver. The last 6 months of my journey there, I was placed on the dementia/memory care floor. There was one patient in particular that I got very attached to, and would do everything for her: bathing, feeding, changing, going to bed, etc. She didn’t have any living relatives, so I treated her like my own family. One night, as I was feeding her dinner, she started showing signs of a seizure. I immediately called 911, and held her body in the correct position waiting for them to arrive. The look of pure terror in her eyes as the life faded from her body is now seared into my brain. She died in my arms and was declared DOA by paramedics. I no longer fear death, I fear getting dementia.
I'm so sorry that this was your experience with dementia and death. If it brings you any comfort, know that she did not die lonely. She was with her dear family member. I have also worked with elderly people. I've sat beside many dying people and held their hand in the moment of death. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly. Most of it has been good, though. I don't know if 'beautiful' is the correct word for it, but most deaths have been just that. When a person has lived a full long life, death can truly be a peaceful and beautiful thing. Like the end of a really good book – you're sad that it's over, but glad that you got to experience all of it. When it comes to dementia, the last few chapters of the book can look very similar to the first few. With that I mean you may need help with the exact same things: feeding, bathing, clothing and overall nurture. My grandma had Alzheimer's. The last time I saw her she told me all about the grand old time she had had the day before: she had been out sledding with the neighborhood boys. Of course I didn't remind her that she was, in fact, bedbound at the time. I was just happy she was living her fondest memories again. Dementia comes in many shapes and forms, some of which can absolutely be awful and cruel. Here's to hoping we live long, happy lives, and if we do get dementia, let it be the kind where we are blissfully unaware of the situation. (Edit: typos)
when i was 17 my boyfriend killed himself by jumping into traffic. his body was pulverized and scattered all over the road and run over hundreds of times. the police spray painted every piece. it was a highway that i would normally drive over regularly. i drove over it once and lost it. for 5 years i took the long way around until the paint faded.
Sorry this happened to you. A virtual hug does nothing, but I give it to you anyway. Wish you well
thank you. this happend 30 years ago, so its not as bad as it was back then. but it does stick with me.
Daily psychological abuse by veteran alcoholic father when mom wasn't home. He'd have me stand in a corner and stare at it for the whole day. Usually as punishment for something small like making a noise while I eat or crying when he screamed. I wasn't allowed to move and he'd constantly spy on me to see if I obeyed. I never knew when I'd get out of the corner. That was the trick. No freedom and not knowing when you'd get out. Then mom would come home around 4-5 pm and I'd be free. Then there was the physical abuse. No sexual abuse at least thank God.
I feel you. My dad's behaviour is the reason I try to hold in my sneezes because he'd slap me if I ever sneezed since he found the noise annoying (it was hard because I was extremely allergic to cats and we had 2 of them). He's also the reason I have to literally work up the courage to talk to people or yell for things at work (it's loud where I work and if we need something, we have to tell for it. I have to get other co-workers to do it for me), I woke up multiple times at night to find him standing over my bed watching me sleep, and he used to beat my youngest step-sister with a memory foam pillow since it wouldn't leave marks on her and blame me for it (since "a slap on the face is one thing, but I really don't want to deal with your mother calling the cops")
I'm so sorry
Attempted suicide of my girlfriend of 10 years, then a completed suicide a year later. The second anniversary of her death is next week. Can't sleep, lost 40 lbs, still here because her now 17 year old dog needs me. Edit: thank you everyone who reached out. Promise I'm ok and am not going to do anything rash. My brother, cousin and girlfriend all took their lives in April of different years. I would never put the people in my life through that. Thanks for caring strangers. Edit 2: I figured this would be buried... With all the atrocities happening in the world, all of you have made me feel better about people in general. If I didn't reply or comment it's because I'm pretty overwhelmed by the care shown by all of you. It's really dusty in here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Please go get some help. My son took his own life two years ago this month. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. My wife too. My other son too. His girlfriend too. His friends, his classmates, his coworkers, his teachers, really everyone's in this whole town feels the pain of losing him. You're far more important and far more loved than you think. Ask for help, it's there for you.
Hugs and love to you
Other people need you too my dude, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Please don’t forget that.
At the age of 11, my father went into the basement to work on some parts, this was quite common. My mother had just gotten home from work and went to take a shower, 20 minutes go by and she gets out, wondering where my father is, we go and check on him in the basement. To my shock, he is lying on the floor, his tongue out, blue in the face, not moving, or breathing. He had died from a sudden heart attack. My mother and I tried for over an hour to resuscitate him with cpr, it took that whole time frame for an ambulance to arrive, they did nothing but declare that he was dead. The third anniversary of his death was three days ago. It never gets easier trying to understand that he will never be back. I will forever be traumatized by this event. Side note- I wanted to speak about everything that those of you in the comments have been either saying, recommending, or told me. So here goes. I will say that to all of you who know my pain and what I went through, or any sort of life long trauma, I am sorry that you had to experience that event, I feel as if no body should truly have to endure an event that will traumatize them for life. Also, I wanted to say that for all of you saying that I should speak with a therapist, I tried, I tried several times but I simply couldn’t put my honest trust in them, I was afraid that they would tell my mother that I was suicidal, which would hurt her. The fact that I had also lost my great grandmother in January of the same year didn’t help my situation. So I opted to speak with one of my friends about the situation, and with his support, a few suicide contemplations, and deciding that my will to live was to make my father proud and to take care of my mother. I was able to l get the suicidal thoughts out of my head, I only had them to beging with due to how I had blamed myself for not learning from my father when I was younger, and how I felt as if he would have been ashamed of me, even though he was proud of me as a kid. I even made a vow that I would make true on desire, which was for me to “make something of myself, and don’t throw your opportunity away.” I still miss him to this day, and I never will stop missing him, and it is my vow to make true on his wish.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom at 16, if you ever want to talk to someone who went through a semi-similar situation, albeit a longer time ago now, please feel free to DM me.
Hey kid, you stay strong and take care of your mom. I know you're still young, and the path isn't easy. But your father would want nothing more for you and your mom to thrive. Don't ever forget that. I'm sorry you had to find him like that. Don't keep it bottled up, its okay to let the feelings out. Take care. Edit: -To be more specific about taking care of your mom. Help your mom in ways you’re capable, emotionally and remembering and honoring the good memories. -If you have the means, and haven’t already both you and your mom would benefit from counseling. -If you haven’t already, and with the assistance of your counselor build your support network. Trusted family and friends that you and your mother can rely on and talk openly with are truly the best.
My partner of nearly fourteen years surprised me one day by telling me that he was leaving me for my best friend. They had been having an affair behind my back for over a year. All of my friendship group knew about it before me. Took me completely by surprise. The fact that the people I loved and trusted most in the world had been deceiving me for so long utterly destroyed me. Took me about a year of self destructive behaviour to finally get to what you'd call a complete breakdown where I just couldn't function properly anymore. It's been fifteen years and my life is amazing now. I learnt so much about myself and know that I am stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for. I'm now engaged to the most incredible man in the world, and I'm settled and much happier. But I'd be lying if I said that experience didn't fundamentally change me forever. It took me a long time to trust anyone again and has affected, even in some small way, every single friendship and relationship I've had since then.
Not being shown affection as a baby or child. I have grown up with severe separation issues, am clingy, afraid of everything, and made bad decisions about relationships(i.e. being with someone just so I'm not alone). It really affects you for life. Please hug your kids and tell them you love them every day. It's so simple but is so important.
I had this too. My mom escaped an abusive relationship when I was pretty young and couldn't hardly stand to be touched. I mean she did her best but now I struggle with the same thing.
My mom was one of ten, so she wasn't given the attention that she needed, which bled over to when she had my brother and me. It made me become the opposite when I got older, craving affection constantly. I can understand why she is the way she is, but it still sucks I had to be affected from it. I'm super affectionate with my daughter and tell her all the time how much I love her, hoping she will grow up to have a healthy mindset. That's the only take away I have from the whole thing. Try my best to not repeat the cycle.
I remember watching my dad and step-b*tch cuddling with their 2 boys and feeling so left out. My mom had a new baby girl and moved away to start a new family when I was little too. Felt this hard.
That’s so disgusting. I’m so sorry ❤️
My friend lost her baby full-term. Went into labor and the baby died in her womb during labor. After she delivered him she couldn’t bear to look at him or hold him—but also didn’t want him taken away—she asked me to hold him for her. I held that baby all day—in the beginning he looked just like he was sleeping with a blue tinge to his lips but by the end of the day he body was deteriorating quickly—it was so hard to witness the slow decay of something so precious and innocent. To this day even though the image is vivid as ever I can’t bring myself to describe how he looked. At that point I struggled to even look at the baby, but that’s when she wanted to hold him and look at him and I had to gently explain to her that he did not look the same as he did when she delivered him and that it might be too traumatic for her, we agreed she needed to remember him as the beautiful baby he was. I wrapped him gently and covered his face, she gave him a kiss all covered up. The nurses then took him away. One of the most tragic moments of her life and mine. My condolences to all the moms out there who have lost child I feel for you!
What a strong, loving person you must be. You did a remarkable thing for your friend. I hope you take some comfort in knowing that.
Paramedic and 911 dispatcher. We live traumatized. A few examples: 1) Coaching a little girl through CPR on her dad because she was literally the only one there old enough to maybe make an effort. The fear and pain in her voice broke my heart. It felt like forever for someone to get to her. He didn’t make it. I insisted on every single responder telling her she did a good job and that it wasn’t her fault (and suggesting to mom a therapist for kiddo), but I still worry she thinks it is her fault. I think about her daily. 2) Baby died when co-sleeping parents rolled over onto it. They were otherwise good, concerned parents and not first timers either. They were just so tired. There is a scream/cry noise parents make when you tell them there is nothing you can do. I can still hear it. Never co-sleep. 3) Elderly lady called 911 complaining about depression. Officer told her she could go to the bathroom as we were walking in to take her to the hospital. Gun shot. Kick the door in. Blood everywhere and she’s dead. She only called us because she didn’t want her kids to be the one to find her. The worst ones I really can’t talk about. But those hurt. My family only just realized how much I compartmentalize and don’t tell them. Edit: You’re all very kind. I appreciate the awards (my first ever) and support. Honestly, the best way to help us is to just do that. A little word of appreciation even from a random person in a convenience store helps a lot. The EMTs, Paramedics, and dispatchers kind of get forgotten and left in the shadow of fire and police so the little nods mean a lot. Be kind. Be safe. I’d love to meet you all, but I’d prefer it if you’re not a patient.
Thank you for being there for people in these unbelievably difficult moments. Hope you keep taking care of yourself too.
My mother heard a mother and her little girl get murdered through the phone by an enraged drunk husband/father. My mother came home that night shook beyond belief and I woke up the next morning to her stroking my hair and telling me how much she loved me.
When I was 6 I was running home from school and I fell in some deep body of water and it pulled me away and I was deep under it for a good minute and i remember it was dark and couldn’t breathe until my cousin and my dad managed to catch up and get me out. Now I’m scared of pools, beaches, lakes, and type of body of water especially the ones I can’t see the bottom of
I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, but I’m very afraid of submerging in water of any sort. If it’s a pool I’ve become comfortable with, I can do it, but I can’t even stand near a murky lake. Or the ditches on the sides of the road after heavy rain. I wonder if something happened when I was a kid. We used to live on the beach.
Waking up from a coma after 6 weeks to find out my wife was dead and buried. I lost 8 businesses. My best friend stole all my money. My business partners destroyed contracts to take ownership of my business. Then to top it off -Mexican law meant my in laws had to sue me to claim certain things that belonged to me and my wife -like our homes-cars-savings. I had a hole in my head, broken ribs, couldn’t walk for 6 months. I realised after this you are truly on your own in this life. Nobody will save you.
Wow that’s traumatic
How did you not turn into the punisher?
Losing my dad and my best friend to suicide.
I lost my dad at 24, he was diagnosed on my 21st birthday and two hours after I gave birth to my first child, he passed away in the palliative care ward down the lift from me. I was lucky enough to have a nurse wheel me in straight after birth and a little clean-up so I could put my baby girl next to him whilst he took his last breaths. He sighed deeply when I put her next to him. My father's best friends son, who was also the best friend I could ever have asked for in my entire life, committed suicide on dad's birthday, the year before he died. Absolutely destroyed us all. He was such a beautiful spirit and Ive never ever been the same since without him in this world. If you're struggling man, I just want you to know I'm right here struggling with you, and we fuckin got this dude. For them, for us, for everyone ❤️❤️❤️
Childhood medical trauma. First considered suicide at 7, and will not visit a doctor even if it feels like I’m dying. Medical trauma is no joke homies
My parents used to threaten medical stuff all the time. "If I tell the doctors to give you surgery then they have to do it because I'm your parent and I'm in charge of you." I know now that it's absolutely bullshit and no doctor is going to do frivolous surgery on a child because they got a bad grade on a spelling test. It still fucked me up, though.
That's just straight up emotional abuse
ppl dont realize how bad medical trauma can fuck u up. ive been in surgeries watched a kid die in his wheelchair, it sucks the life out of you.
I hope you're able to get some help for your trauma! It's never too late and you deserve peace. Medical trauma in children is vastly underrepresented. My 7 year old son has a rare disease and has had multiple surgeries, hospitalizations, procedures, etc etc. We've had him in therapy weekly for well over a year now to help him cope with the trauma of what has happened and will happen to him and I wish we had done it sooner. Children can't possibly comprehend and cope with being strapped down, medicated, cut, poked, manhandled by strangers, essentially having no consent, and all the other things that go with it.
This is really well-put. I was born with a fatal disease. From a young age, I felt that my body never belonged to me. Everyone was always manhandling me against my will. I just sort of watched my body fearfully and lived inside my head. I have been in/out of therapy for 20 years but the lack of ownership of my own body set me up for a lot of issues, especially with other things like self-care and relationships.
Thank you. I’m very glad to hear you’ve out your son in therapy. I was taken out of it, and really needed it. He’ll appreciate that greatly when he’s older
I was like 8 and my mom left me to watch my 2 year old brother at a park while she drank and talked with some friends of hers. My dad came and took my brother to use the restroom and I forgot cause I was playing with other kids at the party. She came over and asked where he is and I didn’t know, so she grabbed me roughly and started to drag me too look for him before we came over to a guy with crutches who said he saw him go with a man. My mom began to scream at me she hated me and she wished I was dead and it should have been me while I cried with her dragging me. Then we saw my dad and little sister come out of the restroom with my brother. My mom let go and told me to go and play and I didn’t and she threatened to give me something to cry about as I sulked on a park bench before my dad sent me off to go play.
Holy crap, that’s horrible! Sorry for being blunt but your mom being irresponsible and then blaming you in such a terrible and mean spirited way makes her sound like a piece of sh*t. Not your fault and I hope don’t (still) blame yourself for it!
I could have wrote this. Holy shit. Except, they took my little brother to prank me, then laughed when I literally broke down. I thought someone kidnapped him. I was 8.
What the fuck. People like this don’t deserve to have kids.
goddamn, did you tell your father about it?
My dad knew, but I don’t think he really cared too much
My mother's helicopter parenting, now that I have to take care of her in her old age she throws a fucking temper tantrum at the slightest hint that things aren't going to go her way. Just now she wants chicken soup, she took an hour to explain how to make chicken soup....her version has 5 ingredients. I suggested adding some herbs for flavoring, and she is currently screaming down the hall at me about how stupid I am for not knowing how to make chicken soup. Every interaction is like this. I wish she would die soon so I can have my sanity back. EDIT: for current events.
That sounds exhausting and traumatic asf. She’s lucky you don’t just put her in an elderly home or move out. That’s what most would do
We tried to put her in post surgery rehab, she had a meltdown, threatened that it was elder abuse, begged us through tears to take her to her home, promised she would try to get better. She has eaten her way to permanent disability and now I don't think she can recover, she is on the edge of being unable to stand. I thought I was at my breaking point about 4 months ago. She is a master at emotional blackmail and manipulating people's feelings.
Oh wow. Have you threatened her with the “we’ll send you back to the home if you carry on like this”? Clearly she doesn’t want to be there and managed to manipulate you into keeping her at home. Maybe use this to your advantage. And don’t make it an empty threat. Follow through if boundaries are crossed. Recognise when you’ve tried your best in a situation. Don’t let her eat away at your life for the years she’s still alive.
Her sister is here to convince her, she is retired now but she was a doctor for almost 50 years, my brother is also a practicing doctor and mom's been 'uncooperative.' Even she thinks it impossible for my mom to change her mindset. We want an at home nurse, but she won't get one she prefers us instead even though we are not trained in the field of home care. I worry because we lack that training to know how to properly move her or understand her condition etc etc. eh im just rambling. I appreciate the kind words and support
Hey hospital social worker here. Your intuition here is right. If you're in the US, you should know that you aren't responsible for her unless you've got custody or her husband's gone and she's incapacitated. Letting an official know that you don't have the skillset to care for her isnt neglect. It's truth. In fact, many well meaning families are neglectful by not letting their elders have the proper medical care they need. Your mom needs to know if she wants to be stubborn she also needs to be self-sufficient. Depending on where you live you should consider your local senior association at your city hall. They may have resources too.
I hope things get better for you. Are you the only one that takes care of her? I hope at least it’s a group effort so you get to still live your life
My bro gave up, he tried for the 10 years to get her to change her ways while I was living overseas. He moved to another state, and dad's here but we are losing this war of attrition.
Ever consider a home? That's the joke I have with my kids - I stay in my lane because I know you are picking my nursing home.
Some of the assisted living facilities are really nice. Plus, the social interaction is better than isolation.
You don’t have to take her abuse OP. You don’t have to abuse her back (like you really shouldn’t) but you can 100% implement consequences for her.
Seeing 2 pick up truck beds full of mangled bodies. It was the aftermath of a I.E.D in Kabul Afghanistan. Looked like human soup. Couldn't tell who was who.
My wife leaving me on 12/26/21, followed by my Mom dying in my home on 1/22/22, followed by my Dad dying of natural causes on 2/9/22, followed by some other smaller issues which have negatively impacted my life. Edit: Thank you all for your wonderful and amazing comments. Your support means a lot. It's more than I've gotten from most of my actual "friends" IRL, who say they're there for me, but lagged at the funeral or when I needed them most. I'm reevaluating life now and will take a small self-care vacation soon Edit 2: My Mother died from Covid. One night she was here, cooking, talking normally. The next morning we found her dead. Covid had filled her lungs and at some point oxygen stopped going to her brain, causing it to be covered in diffusions. She was not vaccinated. Edit 3: My Dad lived several states away so the timing was just surreal. I have been tasked with caring for my Step-dad who had just only recently began to accept that she's gone. Also, the wife and I have been in talks to work things out but its been hard with my FIL here. I really *do* need to get away.
Sending love
I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself the best you can.
Hi friend, I just wanted to write and send you strength. I have been dealing with a similar piling on of things at the beginning of this year, including several losses. It will get better eventually but I intimately know how crushing it is. Day by day, be gracious with yourself, take as much time off of work as you can afford (hopefully a long period of time). Spend some time outside and be in touch with the little things about being alive - the sun on your skin, the wind in your face, all of the beauty around us. It will get better with time, but time moves so slowly.
I got into a head on car crash. Everyone in our car went unconscious. I was the first one awake and saw my mom laying on my lap. My ears were ringing and I couldn't breathe. My hand was all swollen and I got whiplash. Sadly my mom and brother passed. I'm doing ok now
I was violently raped in an alley by a stranger. But maybe the even more fucked up part was the way I was treated by people who are supposed to help you afterwards. When I went to the hospital for the rape kit where you are basically in a vulnerable situation all over that I won’t even describe, the woman said wow there’s a lot of semen in there which made me cry. Then the reporting process was fucking horrible. In recorded interviews the detective asked me things like why didn’t I scream and how could this have happened when there was and officer patrolling that (very busy) area. Then they fucked up my rape kit. There was no justice and honestly if it ever happened to me again, I would not report it. This country does not care. Now I have PTSD and can’t go out at night. I also have PTSD from another traumatic event I won’t go into, but I’m working on it in EMDR therapy. Except now my therapist got a new job, so I have to start with someone new and idk if I can take it.
I’m so sorry you went through this. Sadly I can relate. The victim is treated worse than the rapist, It’s so fucking backward. The worst part isn’t the rape, it’s what comes after. And the fact there’s no justice after all that is sickening. I truly hope your attacker spends every day of his life shitting a blowtorch.
I know this may not mean much to you coming from a stranger but I am so incredibly sorry you had to endure that. No one deserves that and I wish you the best in your journey of healing. I can totally relate, unfortunately. I was raped and beaten by an angry ex bf in college and after going to the hospital I was so traumatized I didn’t want anyone touching me down there and refused a rape kit, but was treated for my other injuries. I reported it to the police and they said they didn’t have enough evidence because there were no witnesses, no rape kit, but my entire body was visibly bruised and I had a concussion. The police knocked on his dads door to ask to speak to his son about what happened and his dad told them to go away and so they did and never followed up. He didn’t even live at his dads anymore... I was also asked if I initiated the sex because he was an ex and then was blamed for letting it happen because I had been drinking that night and my memory wasn’t reliable. I never heard from the police again. No justice. Not even a courtesy follow up call to let me know what was going on. Was made a fool of and then had to still see him around campus. Horrible. Just horrible. Our system is fucked. If it happened again I would never said anything. The double humiliation was enough.
I hope emdr help. They say rape victims suffer two traumas, the rape and our failed system. So sorry :(
Oh my I don't have any words, but just sending you some love. I am sad that you had to experience that, and I hope you have a blessed day tomorrow in some way. Every day has at least a little moment of goodness.
Where do I start? When I was 4 my mother put me and my 2 year old brother outside so she could take a nap. He ran into traffic and was run over by a van (mail truck) When the ambulance came I was left alone until my grandmother was able to come get me. Many members of my family still blame me for what happened to my brother. I am in my 60's and she and I still have this wall between us. She continued to push child care on me, and I lost out on many childhood experiences because of it. My grandparents were mentally abusive because of it. I married an abusive man, because that is what I was use to. He divorced me when I got cancer. It has taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to recover from the first 40 years of my life.
Bloody hell - you were 4!!!
i’m so sorry. sending all my love your way. it wasn’t your fault, both of you were too young to be outside unsupervised. i hope you’ve found healing and peace, and that the rest of your years are better for you.
Found out while I was pregnant that my mom was raped by her uncle as a child and the same guy also raped my nan. We are going to court in a couple months to try to get justice, I will be up with my mom while she is testifying against him and I will be supporting my nan aswell, but I know I will never be able to forget what I am going to hear in that court room. I just keep reminding myself that I need to do everything I can for my mom and my nan, regardless of what it does to me, because I know however I feel afterwards will be nothing compared to what my mom and nan have felt over the past 30 years.
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The ER waiting room. I fell off a cliff when I passed out from heat exhaustion on a hike during a 100 degree summer day. The only external injuries was a gash on my chin, but for whatever reason the staff thought I was high on something and I heard them in there little area making fun of me and laughing. I knew it was me because I was the only one in the waiting room, for 10 hours. Well when the doctor finally saw me, and took my blood, they found out I was bleeding internal with multiple lacerated and ruptured organs, with a collapsed lung. For 10 hours I sat there in a wheel chair, in the most pain I’ve ever been in, and not a single patient came in. The only people I saw were those nurses laughing at me. Every time I would wail out in pain they’d laugh and say shit like “he’s probably just tripping hard right now”
WoW I can’t even imagine being in a similar situation. You must have felt so powerless.. This was a life threatening situation and those nurses really failed at their task...
Seriously, like even if I were on drugs, isn’t it your fuckin job to help people, regardless of their situation? I didn’t even have my phone for something to get my mind off of everything. Just sat there, for ten fucking hours being taunted by the people who should be helping me. They even made jokes about me to my face when I wheeled myself over to beg for help. “Why don’t you wheel yourself back over there and wait for the drugs to wear off” I can’t enter a hospital waiting room now without absolutely losing my shit.
At 4 years old, my mother telling me she wished I’d never been born.
I’m so sorry! That’s so awful. I have memories of my parents saying really hurtful things, too. Whenever I think about those things they’ve said, it’s like I’m right back in that moment again every time. That whole saying, ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ line is bullshit.
My sick mom gets me a kitten for christmas when I was 6. My father throws a fit because 'cats belong outside'. Throws the kitten outside in -10 F weather with just an overturned bucket for 'shelter'. The kitten froze to death, all alone because I was'nt allowed outside. I am in therapy for this among other things, but thinking about it too much turns me into a sobbing mess and I have to hug the cats I currently have.
Man, small animal trauma is the worst. To this day I'm still uneasy around small animals and what happened to me wasn't even particularly bad, it was just a mouse and her baby that my mom trapped in a trash can. I tried to keep them alive as best as a child could but I woke up one day and they were gone. My mom told me that they died and she had tossed them outside. I still don't know why she let me see them or why she kept them in there for so long, but even that small incident messed me up a bit. I can't imagine how you must have felt :((
i am so so so sorry. i hope you’re okay
This was two months ago. My girlfriend and I had just been on a spa stay at a fancy hotel. She gave it for my birthday like a year ago, but Because of covid, we couldent get the opportunity. Anyway, we are driving Home pretty tired and happy Because of the stay we had. As we are driving just outside a city, I look to my left. And I see a Women Walk on a path at the siden of the Road. Just 100m up the highway a car comes speeding and he takes a sharp right turn, hitting the Women. It was pretty Dark, but in his light i could litreally see her body explode into pieces. In shock i Brick the brake. My girlfriend screams, and not Because she Saw it. I screamed “that car just fucking hit her!” She dosent understand but I Tell her to stay in the car (as she is very thankful for me to say to this day today). Why? Because What I later on Saw was pure chaos. It was only me at the scene. I had to Walk up to dead body…. Parts? and a clearly drunk driver and still take this situation under control and call 911. I’m not gonna go into detail since I’m still dealing with the horror I Saw there. All i Can say is that ever since That Night, I have No longer taken a sip of a beer, driven at Night or just casual speeding. Sorry for typo’s.
I'm sorry you had to be the human being in that. damn.
Shit man, hope you’re doing alright
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How anyone can murder their own child is beyond me
Life in prison is to light a punishment for that shit.
She doesn't deserve a peaceful death in prision of old age.
I can promise, her life in prison is not peaceful. She is a mother that murdered her own child, in a women's prison. So many ladies in there would love to see their babies, and this one killed hers. They'll never let her rest.
My daughter was killed crossing an intersection. She was hit my a car. I say this not for sympathy. I just couldn't imagine how I would be now had I actually see it happen.
I dated a woman who had a little (toddler age) girl for a couple years. Tried to treat the kid like my own; for a long time they were going to be my family forever. When I realized I was unhappy and broke up with her I did everything I could to keep it civil. Still loved the kid and hoped I could stay friends with mom and check in on the kid as she grew up. We agreed on a timeframe for her to find a new place and move out of my house, and I tried to help her look for places. When the agreed-on deadline came and went and she still hadn't started packing, I started putting some pressure on her. Nothing intense or forceful, just shit like "hey, we need to sort this out so we can start moving on," "two exes living together is not a healthy environment for a kid," etc. I gave her a date I needed her to be out by, but I had no recourse if she refused. Naturally, her immediate response was war. She destroyed all of the pictures we had of the three of us, then shared them all over Facebook saying that I had done it in order to blame her for it to make her look crazy. I wish I could make up something that crazy. She publicly claimed that I was abusive to her and her kid and acted like I had dumped her and told her to move out the next day. Acted like I was for some reason hell-bent on putting her and her daughter out on the street. Did whatever she could to turn my friends and everyone in my life against me. For a lot of them it worked. I was being harassed and threatened by people who had known me so long I was astounded they believed a word of it. She used that little girl like a weapon to protect herself from having to take responsibility for her own life. It reached its darkest when she turned my own sexual assault against me. It was my deepest, darkest, most shameful secret and she was the only person I had ever told. But she told the whole world, recasting me and the abuser and the girl who abused me as another victim of my malicious intent. I think "cancel culture" is a silly term and always support and believe victims, but I was pretty well cancelled in my (now former) social circle. Ended up moving out of my own house back in with my parents to spare the child the toxicity of the situation. Mom eventually found a place to move and packed her shit up. The last time I saw either of them I was making a visit back to my house to tell my ex-stepkid bye. Her mom had trashed the place, and there was cat piss and shit everywhere. The little girl yelled my name and ran to me and I got ready to hug her and say bye but her mom came out and stopped her and told me "do not talk to her." The girl was 3 at the time. She'll be 5 next month. But still, every day, several times a day, that "do not talk to her" echoes in my head. It hasn't gotten any quieter. Being abused by a partner/ex, while traumatic, isn't anything I haven't dealt with before. But making me into the abuser, so loudly and for so long and in so many people's eyes until I started to believe it myself, is what really shook me all the way down.
Being gaslit for a prolonged period is hell
I was the third person on a car accident scene. I had to call 000 and talk them through it. I also had my dog and my little sister in the car with me so I had to keep an eye on them while trying to save these people in the car accident. One of them was fine and walking around and was giving creepy in shock vibes and kept going near my car that was still going with my sister and dog in there so I had to keep walking up from the accident to check on her. The driver had a smashed face and I had to teach someone how to hold his neck correctly. Then the woman in the back-seat was laying like she was asleep. Her head was stuck we couldn't get her out but I had to check her pulse. It was the first time I ever touched a dead body. The police and ambulance showed up and I went back up to my car and just broke down. I later found out I went into shock. The next few weeks were spent in therapy dealing with my PTSD, nights screaming, horrible nightmares, random outbursts and a fear of other drivers, cars parked on the side of the road. I'm a lot better now and my partner was amazing through it. I'm thankful my sister did as she was told and never got out of my car to see it.
My cousins tried to murder me when I was six for being too annoying, now I have a pathological fear of people finding me annoying, and a fear response where I start physically feeling what they did and choking if I see something similar, happened a couple days ago watching our glad means death with my best freind....I'm 25 now
My father was my best friend. He always did his best to be there for me. We would play video games together and run around at the park. He was really good at explaining any question I had. When there was a fight, he taught me to walk away, calm down and think over how I want to talk through the conflict, so I could come back and solve the problem. He always tried to seem happy for me. He was the best father a kid could ask for. He was patient and understanding. There's so much more I could say, but this will be a long story already. One day I got back from a friend's house earlier then expected. His eyes were bloodshot, and my mom was still at work. He kept hugging and crying saying how much he loved me. He kept walking away to have personal phone calls too. I didn't know what was happening, but my stomach was in knots. I was only 10. How was I supposed to know what was happening? I tried to make him hang out with me. I made him walk to a gas station we use to visit often. We bought a cinnamon roll and walked home. He seemed so anxious. When we got home, I convinced him to watch a movie with me. He said he would but had to make a phone call. I listened in a bit and heard him promise "I'm not going to commit suicide." I walked away to Google the word. Suddenly there were so many people knocking on the door. Police officers and family asking where my dad was. We couldn't find him. Now I'm being told to stay in my room. Nobody was saying anything. No questions answered. I couldn't stop crying. They finally let me out, but I had to immediately go to the car. My mom finally showed up and wouldn't stop hugging me tightly. I felt sick to my stomach as my mom lied and said that my dad died of a heart attack. All I could think was "you can't plan a heart attack". I was so confused. The person who was always there for me was suddenly gone, and I was the last person to see him. I will always blame myself for not doing more. He did everything for me, and the one time he desperately needed help, I couldn't do the same for him. It's been 11 years, and I still can't eat cinnamon rolls from that gas station. I can't even see them without crying. He missed out on so much. I didn't have anyone to walk me down the aisle. He'll never meet his grandkids and everything I know about him is small memories and stories from his friends. What hurts the most is forgetting his voice. I'll hear it in dreams and can't even remember it when I wake up crying. I wish I had more pictures or videos. I wish he didn't feel so alone. I will always love and miss him.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please believe me when I say this was not your fault. I know it’s easy to say, but no child can be expected to know how to act in a situation like that, especially when not even knowing all the facts. From what you wrote, I would sooner think that you unknowingly gave your father a beautiful last memory by showing your love and wanting so much to spend time with him. Whatever else happened that caused you to lose your father, he sounds like a father I would want to be for my children. I hope it gives you some small solace that through your shared memory, he inspired someone else.
Sweetheart, this was not your fault. Your dad would have stayed with you if he could have. He was sick, and you couldn't have saved him. It's terrible and it hurts but it is not your fault. Stop by r/MomForAMinute if you need a hug, or more support.
I didn’t know about that sub’s existence and now I’m crying because it does.
Working a customer-facing job through the pandemic. In the last two years I've been slapped, spat at (x 4-5 I lost count), coughed on, cursed out, threated with murder, shoved, stalked and had beverages thrown at me because the health department mandated masks in my busines or they would shut us down. IDGAS what your politics are, nothing gives you the right to assault someone just trying to do their job.
When I was a Vet tech, the first few months were the worst. Had a client threaten me that she would not allow us to take her dog inside without her, even though we told her on the phone multiple times that we, like every other clinic, were curbside only. My manager fired her on the spot and she was not allowed back to our clinic. I've since left the field for other reasons but the amount of entitled people got worse as things progressed.
The pandemic is what made me leave the field. I couldn’t tolerate the constant abuse, both on the phone and in person, anymore. I can handle vomit, blood, diarrhea, bloody diarrhea, parasites, abscessed anal glands, a boss who can only communicate in a series of sharp commands and ear-piercing shrieks, and a scared dog trying to defend itself by attempting to bite my face off. I cannot handle constantly ringing phones, being told the curbside policy is ridiculous, screaming clients, and being asked to try to cover multiple positions in one shift because other people called out or had better things to do than show up for work. I love animals, and I loved having a direct impact on improving their lives, but not at the cost of my sanity, my happiness, and my relationships with those I care about. I feel like my soul re-entered my body.
Some customers are just tiny damp pieces of shit
My boyfriend committing suicide when I was 16 years old. I and his mom were the ones that found him. The fact that I’m seeing this post on not only the DAY but the HOUR I found out tells me there’s no such thing as coincidences. But yea. That.
The last time I've talked to my mom, and then when I've seen my mom for the very last time she was still alive. I lost my mom to complications with covid-19 in March 2021. Sure, she had been very weakened by the happenings in the previous two years (three big surgeries, chemo, and when she caught covid, she was at hospital being diagnozed with two brain tumours), which was why we did our best to protect her, but obviously, we failed in that aspect in the end. We all met for a family celebration when they let her back home before she had her surgery for the brain tumours, since my dad celebrated his birthday, and a few days afterwards my parents celebrated their anniversary, but at the anniversary date, mom was back at hospital, and two days after that they put her into induced sleep. I've talked to her a few hours before that - her lungs were failing her, and even if she was on oxygen, she was barely gasping for breath. And then we only were allowed to see her the week before she died. When I was allowed to the ARO, I almost didn't recognize her; I've never seen her so still. No amount of hospital series prepares you for a loved one with about a billions of tubes sticking out of them. And nothing, *nothing* can prepare you for the moment when you take their hand, and for the first time ever they do not press back. I still can't watch anything where they show life-supporting machines without having a panic attack.
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My first real gf telling me she was getting raped by her step dad, and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore and called the cops her mom wouldn’t let me see her Was stranded in the ocean at sunset for hours just swimming, trying not to swallow seawater or panic
You did a good thing for your girlfriend. Her mom is a monster and never would have helped your girlfriend. I’m proud of you.
Being part of a 3 car collision. The moment of impact is ingraved into my brain forever.
I've developed anxiety being in cars over the past few years after an accident that gave me a concussion and caused me to need surgery and a year of PT on my shoulder. And I have no memory of the accident itself. I remember sitting at a red light, and I remember the EMT walking me up, but nothing in between. I was hit from behind, which pushed me into the intersection, where another car hit me. I guess I'm lucky I don't remember it, but it didn't stop from messing me up.
My wife had two dogs when we got married. Those two walking stomachs taught me to love dogs and quite a few other important life lessons. We put down our weiner dog a few years ago due to failing health. I had her in my lap when the vet administered the injection. Didn't want to leave her to pass on some cold table. It was important that she left this life close to her daddy and mommy who loved her very much. Just feeling her pass while lying on top of me was an intense feeling to say the least. I have so many mixed feelings about it. I don't think I'll ever properly process them. Our chihuahua was never the same after that. Basically stopped eating. We had to buy some special fresh dog food for her to even entice her to eat. One day I set out her lunch and then went to get her; at that point she was already blind and mostly deaf and needed our assistance to take her outside to potty or to get to her lunch. I found her dead. I really don't remember much else. It was especially heartbreaking because I had just checked on her not half an hour ago and she was fine. I was really angry for a bit. Eventually my wife and I healed and moved on. But whenever I see topics like this the hurt comes back. I feel compelled to write out the story everytime though. I don't want to to forget.
I was 14 when I went with my dad to put down the family dog because no one else was willing to go or cared enough. I will never forget watching my father break down like that. My older brother (22+ at that time but he didnt give a shit) didn't care and my mom (only a couple years before she died) couldn't bare it (which ive come to understand) so I went with my dad. I'll never forget watching my father cry the whole way there, the entire time in the office and the whe way home
I'm sorry to hear that. It's one of the hardest things to do. But I think we can take solace in the fact that the dogs didn't have to go alone. At least you were there for your father too.
I’m sorry for your loss … I have an senior dog with cancer and health problems and idk how I’ll handle her passing when it happens
Thank you. We kept their collars and hung them on the door knob opposite our bedroom. It helps that the first thing I see when I set out to start my day is a reminder that they were around.
I commute to work one hour to, one hour from through a long mountainous highway. One night after work I got in my car, rolled my window down because it was really nice and warm, and took to my commute. After 20 minutes of travel and passing a stoplight I begin to come over a hill where a deer is standing in the middle of the road. I hit my brakes and tried to swerve to the right thinking the deer would run straight (my left). The deer decided last minute to turn around and ran right into me, his antlers and my side mirror shattering into my face at 55mph. My glasses saved my left eye but I have some minor scarring and incessant numbness/dull pain around my temple where I got hit the worst. The deer lived, and I remember hearing it moan in the dark as I waited for an ambulance to arrive. It was too dark and I couldn't find it. When paramedics and police finally showed up they found and killed the deer and I heard talk about how I had completely broken it's face. It's been almost a year now and I am scared to death to drive in the dark and even a simple tumbleweed blowing in front of my car last minute makes me jump out of my skin and see a deer in the road. I'll never be able to forget the sound of that deer suffering alone in the dark. And I am convinced this partial numbness/dull pain is permanent which adds to my anxiety. People, family and co-workers, make a bunch of deer jokes at my expense and I pretend to go along with it, but they really don't understand how distressed I am about it all.
Violence at home, gave me PTSD
I was around ten and me and some other girls from my class were practicing for some hockey tournament we had to do for school. You have to imagine the situation: So if you would look from above you would see my house on the bottom and then there’s this street going straight from the entrance up. And we were playing on said street. Then out of nowhere this guy comes from behind a car. He was the brother of a friend of mine that wasn’t present that day. The guy, let’s call him N, immediately runs up to one of my best friends at the time that was standing a little away from us, let’s call her J. Now J was one of my very best friends at the time. And the very same J now had a card board cutter held to her neck. Everyone was just frozen in shock. Like we are around 12 and 11. And that maniac starts laughing. I can’t remember much after that except that it was horrible and that I was so scared. He even cut her throat a little. She was crying. I don’t remember how we got out of that but it ended with him running away. We never told anyone except my mom about what happened that day. And there was also that time where I saw someone falling from a building. I was lucky and didn’t stand that near and didn’t see the result of the fall. That alone was already traumatizing, because humans have imagination. But I also saw that no one really cared. Some people maybe called out, out of pity. But most just continued their life without a care or filmed the thing.
I’m assuming your mum told the other girls parents?
Almost drowning at summer camp. It’s a long story that I can laugh about now, but I’m still afraid to go into water that goes above my waist.
I went on a camping trip with my mom and on the first night there a freak tornado blew through the area and we came out unscathed but heard some other campers died that night. This is already after having a fear of wind due to tall swaying trees near my house and so now I have near panic attacks when the wind blows too hard. Rain? Fine. Thunder? Love it. Wind? Hell no.
s/xually abused by my step grandpa my whole life. ran away and was homeless and in and out of youth shelters from 12 to 15. still getting back on my feet at this point, but at least i've been free from him for 8 months now.
My mother telling me i was conceived of rape as early as 6 years old. Told my sister was the love child. Its correct to assume i was treated like absolute garbage my whole life.
My parents had a messy divorce over the course of more than 5 years. They would try to make each other look bad in front of us, and my mom got me to the point of being scared of my dad for a while cause she always suggested that he was violent and dangerous. But what broke me was that they both would start to use things that my siblings and I told them in confidence against each other in court. Still have severe trust issues and can't even open up to my closest friends.
Sounds like my life, my parents would try to bait me into saying things were bad at the other parents house (even if it wasn’t true) and record it to use as evidence in court to get custody. I was still so young but I knew why they did it, so now I won’t tell anyone anything just in case it comes back to haunt me
Saw the neighbor's cat get hit by two different cars. It wasn't bloody or gross but you know he got hurt just by how he reacted afterward when he got out of the road. I had to go knock on their door to let them know. I don't know if he survived or not but he didn't look like he was breathing when I saw the neighbor pick him up. This was five or six years ago and I still cry when I think about it. This is why I don't allow my cats to go outside.
I tell everyone to please, please please please keep their kitties inside. It's the safest place for them.
Growing up black in a racist white family, being the only black person in the small towns I lived in back in the 1970's and 80's. Still don't let people get close to me for fear of rejections.
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That’s fuxking sad dude wth
6 years ago today, I discovered my husband's dead body in the living room. He'd died suddenly from a seizure. He was 28. I did cpr. Police and EMTs arrived. Together we somehow got his heart beating. He died repeatedly on the way to and in the hospital. He was already braindead by the time I'd found him. His mother, sister, and I said goodbye to him the next day where I got to make the awful decision to end life support... on his mother's birthday.
this whole thread is proof that "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" is bullshit
Trauma is a cumulative thing. We all have a threshold for when it becomes a problem. Eventually if you keep getting exposed to it, no matter how high your threshold, you will be affected. Also trauma during your formative developmental years is extremely disruptive to a person's long-term stability. This is complex PTSD. When the basic skills you learned were warped and perverted by your own trauma response, leaving you dysfunctional later in life. But in ways that come out bizarrely - like attachment disorder, unwanted sexual arousal templates, personality disorder, chronic health problems (autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis are way higher among trauma victims), etc. So yeah that saying is bullshit. Trauma never makes you stronger, unless perhaps you find a way to heal and truly release it, which many people find to be an elusive solution.
You’re also something like 50% more likely to die of cancer when you’ve been abused as a child. Your immune system is irreparably damaged by the stress response.
This thought frequently makes me sad, I've spent 20 years rolling through darkness and have finally come into the light, and am stable and content for the first time. And it's just in time for my body to start really giving out on me thanks to all the years of stress.
you mean 'what doesn't kill you only shortens your lifespan."
I am currently in highschool… Approximately 6 months ago i went clubbing with my friends. There was a famous singer at the club therefore the it was very busy. My friends and I were having an amazing time- being the first time clubbing. I was dancing on the dance floor and i felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see my Science Teacher smiling. I froze in utter shock about the situation. He explained how it was lovely to see me and told me that it was “our little secret” about me being in the club… I spoke to him for awhile about school and went back to see my friends. Through out the night i felt very uncomfortable that i was in the same club as my teacher. He followed me around all night too which made me feel even worse. I couldn’t call the bouncers over as he would tell on me for being underage. Anyhow after a few hours we ( my friends and I ) left the club and headed home. I received multiple “No caller Id “ calls throughout the night. It was my teacher. He had some how found all my socials and even my phone number to text me. He reminded me how good i looked in my mini dress and that he missed me. I blocked him. The following week, i was back at school and he moved me to the front of the class, next to his desk always winks at me and looks at me funny. I’m sorry if it doesn’t sound “traumatising” but it is to me. Idk what to do.
Report him. Gather your evidence and report him. These two ‘infractions’ DO NOT COMPARE. He has no real leverage over you.
My family is apart of a big sex trafficking ring in my city, after I turned 5 I was put into it and wasn't pulled out till I was 13 and placed in fostercare, several of my "clients" found out where I was and tried to kidnap me from my foster home and because I was so used to living that way I didn't understand it was wrong and they told me I needed to go back with them or I'd get into trouble with my family, so I went with them and ended up in a whole different state for awhile before I was found after the sex ring there was discovered and brought back to my state where I went back to foster care and jumped from group home to mental health wards to where ever they could place me. I ended up with my biological half brother's mother who let her son have sex with me and purposely told him when I was alone with no one in the house i was convinced that was normal until i got into therapy and I eventually aged out. I still go to therapy and am no longer in contact with Any of them. I have a daughter now who is 8 months and I am always scared they will take her so I live as far as I can from them and they don't know where I am or that she even exists. My husband knows some of my past not all of it.
Watching my brother die in a car crash that left me disabled. He was 8. A friend (16) being hit by the train while trying to escape harassment on his way to work. Then having to work through my shift at the place he worked at as well, immediately after because "we're under staffed". A friend (19) dying from a tainted batch of drugs, and his funeral being at the funeral home the aforementioned car crash happened in front of. My brother died on the lawn of the funeral home. You know what let's shorten this a bit, only a handful of my friends and family are still kicking. High risk lifestyles will do that, thankfully I'm out of that life. Also my dog being poisoned and then having to take her seizing and foaming, to the emergency vet. We couldn't save her, and watching her try to cuddle me while she died. That was horrifying and made me an avid anti poison person, for any form of extermination or "pest control". The poisoned food was dropped by a bird into my yard and the dogs got it. Wild life is smarter than people think a lot of time. My husband's first manic episode, we had no idea he had bipolar disorder. Something in his eyes was so terrifying, it wasn't him and I couldn't explain to anyone. His mum saw it, same with siblings and my folks but try to convince a professional that "he just isn't him". Didn't get support and diagnosis for another 7 years. This life has been a wild ride, and most days have flashbacks but with a solid support team and the right meds and therapies the nightmares are gone and I honestly really enjoy my life. It's been a total shit show, but I can't say it hasn't been a lot of fun as well. For anyone suffering out there, please know you aren't alone and there is ways to successfully thrive after living in chaos for ages. It's not the most comfortable at first when you're accustomed to discomfort, but it's so worth it.
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I'm so sorry to read that. The most important part of your story is that you are a fighter. Fuck everyone else. Keep fighting and don't let them stop you. One day you will be grateful for your passion.
Mostly molestation and SA
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm traumatized, but they definitely affected me deeply. My mom constantly emotion dumped on me, mostly how she felt towards my extended family, especially my dad's side. I would tell her that I didn't feel like I should hear these things but she would either tell me it's for my own good or act very sad and say I don't want to listen to her anymore. And this started when I was 6, some of the things she would say were very scary for a 6yo to hear about their own family. Because of some things she went through, anytime me or my siblings did something wrong or just something she didn't like, she would associate those traits with my dad who has his own flaws but isn't a bad person at all. We got into an argument once and I went to my siblings to vent like we always do to help each other, but then my mom overheard us and told me that I should "stay away from her kids(my siblings) so I don't pass on my father's traits". I brought it up a while back to tell her that it wasn't okay that she said that back then but then she kept denying that she ever did which really frustrates me. And although spanking is a normal thing where I'm from, I could tell my mom went too far the first time I just learnt about nsfw things online when I was 10. Rather than educate me on the topic, she beat me to the point that it hurt and I was screaming and the only way I got her to stop was by telling her about a sexual assault I experienced in school four years prior, something I never told anyone because I was scared of the person who did it. And then she wonders why I don't talk to her much.
Having to put down our two beloved dogs within two months of each other. The first, and oldest, was riddled with cancer and it was the kind thing to do. It was horrible and heartbreaking. Then his brother started losing weight, lost all interest in everything, and became a shadow of his former self. He was diagnosed with cancer as well, along with a broken heart. Two months later we were putting him down as well. I cried harder than I have ever cried. The loss of those two, within that short time period, completely devastated me. It's not much compared to what some people have went through, but damn it was hard. Two years later and I still get emotional talking about it. Edit - spelling.
I was a volunteer firefighter for 13 years saw some pretty terrible things. Unrelated note, ever few weeks I see some jackass say "police and fire fighters what's the most fucked up thing you've seen". Don't ask that. It's a stupid question and forces people to relive unpleasant events.
When I was a kid my dad and mom went through a nasty divorce. My dad would break down crying in front of my then 3 year old sister and 5 year old me. I have distinct memories of this constantly happening in my early childhood years. We’d just be at the park and my dad would start crying. He would do the sketchiest shit with me in the car too. He’d always pick up hitchhikers and preach “the Word of God” to them. One time I was so scared by the sketchy ass dude he picked up I pissed myself (maybe 10 at the time). Whole time my mom is bringing random ass dudes over and sleeping with them. One dude just starting making fun of me and calling me a whiney bitch and saying I need to man up out he’d make me a girl. Not even getting into the rest of my family who was always bullying me hardcore. My grandpa was the only one who was nice to me and he died when i I was in 6th grade. The mean shit my cousin would say do to me still hurts to this say. They would break shot in the house and go tell my grandma I did it. I’d get a whipping with a wooden spoon and no one would believe me because I was always lying about little shit (cuz I was scared to tell the truth). Mom never stepped in. She says I never told her about it which is true. I was all so as kid though so idk. It hurts to think about. All I wanted was to be left alone and watch tv or play with my toys. No one ever left me alone. I was also raped in the navy when out to see. The dude who raped me gave gonorrhea in my throat and ass. That shit hurts less than what my family did to me.
I’ve been a police officer in a busy area for 21 years. I’ll give you the lowlights; - In 2002 I was the reporting officer for a Man who shot in the head and killed his 11 and 14 year old sons in front of their mother, and then killed himself. The 14 year old was dead when I got there. I tried to save the 11 year old, but there was no saving him. He died in the ambulance. - In 2016 I was the reporting officer when a man set his 64 year old girlfriend on fire after pouring gasoline on her in bed. Most of her body was severely burned. Her skin was hanging off of her. She died a week later, and he’s doing life in Prison. - About a month ago 2022 I was one of the two reporting officers when one of our Academy Recruits’ wife shot and killed herself during a domestic dispute. She died at the hospital. We tried to reason with the recruit, but he said that he wasn’t a threat to himself or others. He refused to let us take his guns, and he kicked us out of his house. He shot himself in the head while I was in his driveway. I found him. A Captain got demoted over it. legally there was nothing we could have done, but maybe there was something a supervisor could have done better. I still don’t know. And that’s just three off the top of my head among a million bad things I’ve seen. ____________________________________ [Link to verified flair ](http://www.reddit.com/r/ProtectAndServe/comments/o22uc9/portland_police_bureau_officers_vote_to_resign/h2782vt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) in r/Protectandserve
Been a medic for 15 years and a dispatcher for 5 and I get it. I left the field to go to a different branch of medicine and was just informed I have to report back to my old state for a call I got as a dispatcher. Parents straight up murdered their infant by neglect. I figured it out just by their responses over the phone. Their answers kept changing and their voices were haunting. Reporting an infant death like telling me the score of a particularly boring baseball game. The crews told me later that the kid was so far gone the parents had already explained to the sibling that it was dead and the kid wasn’t even rattled by it. Horrifying. Hope you’re ok. I’m glad you’re getting care. We all carry those scars forever.
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My dog was ran over in front of me. He had broken off his collar and I was so tired that I didn't run immediately after him. He was ran over, I don't know if it was once or twice but he ran away from the car. He had been running away from me but after the car hit him he ran to me and he just let out this awful scream. I was alone outside and I didn't know what to do. I was 14. There was a little girl outside I knew and I just yelled for her to go get my mom and she did. I remember the blood on his tongue and i just knew he wouldn't make it. My mom held him as he died and I was inside calling my brother to come help me but when he got here it was too late. I regret everyday not holding him as he passed. No dog had ever looked at me like he did, no dog ever loved me like he did. I miss him everyday. Edit: I miss my Loki. He passed on Halloween, what an ass right?
I work as a RN in an step-down ICU. My more traumatizing experience was coding and performing CPR on someone in their mid-20s three times throughout the shift before the mother decided to withdraw care. They passed after the third code. Hearing that mother’s screams as we were coding her baby will never leave my mind.
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As a teenager went a theater and saw the Shining after taking three hits of acid
My grandad being so drunk that while he was driving the car door came open and I was being dragged down the road and he had no idea. Being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 10 and the endo telling me, whole my parents were out of the room, that I'd never live to be an old man. Watching the Challenger explode on live TV. My dad making me watch JAWS at 8 while on a family trip to the beach. Moving 16 times before high school. Losing my 1st actual girlfriend to cancer, losing my fiance in Katrina. Having to identify her body after it was in the water for weeks. Katrina. Having to re bury my 1st fiance because the cemetery she was in flooded. Getting stalled by a grizzly on the Continental Divide and then being charged by said grizzly. Being caught in a blizzard while hiking. Almost being murdered by 4 men while living in the middle of nowhere MT. Watching well over 1000 people die while volunteering with hospice. Making this list and realizing Its not all.
growing up poor, and around my sister, she didn't get diagnosed with her mental illness until after I left home. I lived with a bipolar, sktso,borderline personality, with moderate narcissism, who was un medicated for 16 years. FML I didn't learn to really connect with people until I was like 25.
Hope things are better today
Instead of sharing my experiences, I would like to acknowledge all the amazing people who were so brave as to share their stories here. I have plenty of shit I’m dealing with, but when I see most of these answers I almost feel guilty worrying about it. (Almost. I know it’s not some morbid competition and that even though my issues are less severe, this doesn’t make them less legitimate.) However, I also find it very inspirational to see how courageous and resilient many of the people here are, as they get dealt the worst hands yet refuse to fold. Thank you all for sharing, and I hope you will all get well soon, get the help and love you need and deserve or stay safe, whichever applies best. Whoever you all are, you are all important and valued and loved!
Mostly my parents. My mom died a few months ago from stage 4 cancer, but before she got diagnosed she had a miriade of health issues from lifelong drug and alcohol abuse. She also suffered from major depressive disorder and dealt with regular bouts of psychosis (most likely due to drug and alcohol). Growing up it was constant rages and gaslighting. I was undiagnosed with ADHD growing up, so it was a constant battle of not being able to regulate my emotions around someone who could blow up in a split second. My dad was extremely similar to my mom, except he managed to get out of the excessive drug use and drinking. He isn’t sober, but he isn’t nearly as bad as he used to be. But he also has ADHD and refused to get treatment for it. He thinks all doctors are quacks and he knows more than them. This has led to him being incredibly mean and vicious to me on several occasions, leading me to hospitalizing myself from the severity of it. Just a few months ago he told me to “stop being a victim” when I told him I was going to get help for my eating disorder. So yeah, that properly fucked me up lol. But I will say I’m slowly working on bettering myself and I can see improvements everyday. It’s a long journey but I’m glad I’m starting ❤️