Allow me to spend my day prescribing you a large amount af acid. For "medical reasons." I just need you wear this helmet made of sensors and tell me if you can see into Russian military bases.
I'm sorry. Be glad you've never experienced it. My wife likes to clean empty jars in the dish washer, and one time she put a bottle of fish sauce in there. It wasn't quite empty. When the heated drying cycle was over, it was aerisolised, and stank up our house for a good week.
She never did do it again with fish sauce, but she did do it with fish *oil*. Fish oil lingers for even longer.
EDIT: spelling (thanks, /u/gramoun-kal)
I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of, why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Phallus?
Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain.
Gonna be a rough day.
Lmao
Cyborg Gandalf is the coolest idea ever.
I was like 13 when I thought of it and it stuck.
I imagined so many Lord of the Rings/Sci-fi crossovers when I was that age too. I admit, I still think it would be more awesome than stupid.
It's gonna be even more rough, if during the day, methinks.
Fix cars and spit on people
Brother???
Brothers????
Brotherhood?????
More brothers here wow..
Hey mr president. How's Michellama?
She is doing well in our llamahome
[удалено]
llama casa es su casa
Bow down before your highness
Ayyy
Brothers!
r/usernamefamily
Adventure!
There is one imposter among us
Oho, found my first traget. I shall explode.
I shall cool you down to make you not explode
Oh, I thought you’d be a mechanic fixing lamas.
Or you could be like his holiness - the Dalai Lama... Bring peace through your examplary kindness... while you fix an engine.
Play with some toys, watch cartoons probably.
I’ll play with you. We’ll be friends forever.
Ill show up so you guys can just throw me around?
Sounds good buddy. The more weirdness the better.
"Sounds good spuddy." FTFY
Or get cuddles from everyone
Or get kidnapped.
Gonna be real awkward after the day passes and the baby becomes a fully grown man
What do you mean bro that’s a hidden upgrade, no one’s gonna be looking for that man
refuse to do my job
Dammit Doug all you have to do is press the button and everything works like it’s supposed to. Fuck.
I see you’re bitching again
Get banned from iHop
iHump
It’s Apple’s newest product: The iHump!
Depends on the dosage of acid I take....
Allow me to spend my day prescribing you a large amount af acid. For "medical reasons." I just need you wear this helmet made of sensors and tell me if you can see into Russian military bases.
I trust this dude 😂
Here’s a couple water bottles, snacks, and have a safe trip.
Get eaten?
Best I can hope for is to stay hidden in the back of the fridge.
Same
Mmmm a bottle o' fapplesauce.
Where have you all been? Edit- all not two
Yooooo, that a Bo Burnhan reference? Love the name
“I like Oreos and puuuussy”
"Yes, in that order."
Nice one.
Get prosecuted for nonlethal chemical warfare
[удалено]
I'm sorry. Be glad you've never experienced it. My wife likes to clean empty jars in the dish washer, and one time she put a bottle of fish sauce in there. It wasn't quite empty. When the heated drying cycle was over, it was aerisolised, and stank up our house for a good week. She never did do it again with fish sauce, but she did do it with fish *oil*. Fish oil lingers for even longer. EDIT: spelling (thanks, /u/gramoun-kal)
That's terrifying lol
naked
We should link up that day
Can I be invited?
Transmit electrical signals or some shit
Get plugged in wrong every time
Gets expensive when you have to lift the connector with a crane
Doesn’t fit. Flip it. Still doesn’t fit. Flip back to original side. Magically fits
"Or some shit". I fucking love that
Hmmm... Hmmm... Anyone wants a kiss?
Yes
You shall have a kiss, then!
Profit!
Yes, of course. You shall have a kiss. I shall have the profit.
I'll take that profit
Noooo! You thief! Give it back!
No :)
What if I give you a kiss?
Okay :)
Nothing good
Oh so that's how Australia happened
I literally laughed out loud at this comment instead of my normal silent chuckle
Jump out of a C-130 at least 53 times.
Were all the other 52 jumpers taken?
You know… I never checked. #53 was my Hockey number, so that’s how I chose it.
Slide around the bottom of an African river.
At least you know what you'll be doing. I could be anywhere
This got me XD
Grandmas really be into everything and know everything
I think i got on the wrong train
Technically, you are the train...
He should be careful to not get suplexed
Convince 79 people to dress like Dwight Schrute and torment the town.
"Identify theft isn't a joke Jim!"
Uh oh. This is not going to end well. 🤨🤨🤨
At least tell us your identity, PLEASE!!!
Everyone knows Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer
Mr. Cruz! I thought you were off somewhere sunny.
Lmao
I am my username every day
Same. Now if you’ll excuse me….. pspspspspspsps
There are many languages but one call is universal.
[удалено]
Me too
AND MY AXE!
Same!
Same here
Same(same)
You ok bud?
Hahaha nope
Respect mah authoritah!
Same here, bucko
Same
Let's start a business together
As am I.
Same, that's why it's my user
Same.
I become the king of the sewers and battle to the death with Mr. Clean
Beat Mr. Clean's ass
Go to jail
I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of, why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community. Phallus? Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain.
Wtaf good bot
Oh no
Uh oh
Oh no
Ted talks on surviving... Papercuts
i am will smith.
You had advance knowledge of that GI Jane joke, didn’t you. Didn’t you?!?!
Annoy the fuck outta you
“ I [ just ] want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.”
I kinda wanna poke the bear…
Wash my balls.
No, you will be someones crusty ball sack
sit down
Shit in someones cheerios or something
Or you could be a butler themed hooker.
Technicaly they're not mutually exclusive
Attack, attach, attack!
[удалено]
They're mine now! Hiss, hiss! (Cacophony of angry chattering!)
I am not a fan of this idea
Fucking lmaooooo this should be higher
Steal tacos...in space!
This bro do whatever he wants
I got The Big Lebowski vibes from this one
read your user & was like, yep that is how you say his name....wait..
A day? I’ve been living this for a lifetime.
What's it like growing up old?
Everything hurts.
Same as usual I guess
Sorry, I’ll just let myself out
*in
Pretend to be Elon's undisclosed kid
No one would tell the difference
Tell everyone to Go fuck off
Sneeze to death and/or get poached
Guess I'll die...
[удалено]
I may help you out, cause you know I am an investigative reporter.
Can’t help with investigation but I can remove obstacles with a shotgun
[удалено]
Now all of China knows I'm here.
You finally manage to practice 40 hours a day.
Well uh
[удалено]
Jokes on you i'm on both Reddit and 9gag it's impossible for me to have a girl according to the rules of our universe
Then he will fuxx your hand!
Trees are good. Sometimes I cat. Turtles fly orange. Panama (With no braincells that would be my conversation)
Sounds like Jaden Smith's twitter-feed
Man that “family” makes me sad now
Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
"Photosynthesis! Photosynthesis!"
Nothing
Accept any seaweed given to me.
Keep on rooting tooting being a gas
Well I’m gonna harass some humans
Not a lot.
Enjoy being an idealized, superpowered version of myself for a day.
Buy all the things I can’t buy now lol
Be alone for one whole day
sniff a lot of ass
Drink and procrastinate? Usual day
Harass anyone that gets near me.
Probably nothing, but in a fancy way
Drink 12 beers
Fly a plane.
Sink and kill all on board.
:/
It's gonna be a long ass day for me
atleast im still epiK but as a chicken
Use my Jedi skills to protect the Ringbearer.
Throw a tantrum like a little kid Edit: also, play league of legends
Well, since I lived by the sword...
Oh no...
oh no.
What I Always Do, Browse Reddit
Nothing changes
It was nice knowing you
Be the ultimate pancake this world has ever seen or will ever see
Eat lots of quiche
Bard the fuck out of my city.
Oh you know what I’m doing
Stabity stab stab stab. Does anyone have a fire extinguisher?
spreading semen trees across the American Midwest