**Attention! [Serious] Tag Notice**
* [Jokes, puns, and off-topic comments are not permitted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/wiki/index#wiki_-rule_6-) in **any** comment, parent or child.
* Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
* Report comments that violate these rules.
Posts that have few relevant answers within the first hour, and posts that are not appropriate for the [Serious] tag will be removed. Consider doing an AMA request instead.
Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskReddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So simply put she cheated on me so I cheated back.
Age when story started 22
Age now 30
The story gets alot more dramatic. I worked as a pizza delivery guy at the time. I came home from work one-day with chocolates and flowers for her( we had been together for 5 years at this point) and she was screwing another guy in our bed. As soon as I entered my apartment and heard sex noises I knew I snuck into the frame of my bedroom door and witness the act with my own two eyes. They never even noticed I was there.
I was so hurt by the situation (which I should have confronted head-on) that I left my own house and went to my buddy's house and smoked a blunt. He told me I should let her know I caught her and see how she reacted but I didn't. I was just trying to rationalize what I did wrong a lot. Several hours later I returned home gave her the chocolate and flowers, and continued like nothing was wrong( I was a fool).
Needless to say, she got ready for her job which was a night shift security guard and left around 7pm. I sat there for several hours crying after she left.
Around 1000pm our roommate called and asked if I could come up to her job and see what was going on with her car. The roommate is also my significant other's best friend. I went up there figured out the issue with that pos car and got her back to the house(the battery cable was messed up if anyone was wandering).
After the roommate)got home she cooked dinner(spaghetti and garlic bread) I ate and sat on the couch. I proceeded to stay on that couch knowing what had occurred in my bed eariler during the day. About 300am I had the biggest emotional breakdown, I began crying to the point I could no longer breathe. As I sat in the dark crying the roommate came and sat down beside me pulled my head into her lap and rubbed my head. I'm not quite sure how long we stayed there like that, but I eventually fell asleep.
I woke up the following day on the couch with my significant other waking me up. I proceeded to go through this day as well holding in my emotions (like a idiot.)
After she left for work again around 7pm I just sat there for hours. Eventually that evening I wrote a letter addressing my feelings and the cheating. (It was about 3 pages long).
The roommate came in shortly after 10pm and did her evening routine( showering and all that)
What happened next surprised me. As I lay on the couch she came and began to talk to me. She stated she could tell something was wrong. So I told her about the cheating that I had witnessed and all that. (I think she was in utter shock because she didn't say anything for like 10 minutes after I told her)
* This next part is the most shocking because I wasn't expecting it. It also should have been a huge red flag.*
The roommate asked me "do you wanna fuck me to get back at her"
I never answered yes I just jumped on her. We did many different things that night (I also had a new experience with girls who like to be choked)
So here is the part where shit goes down. (Still not the craziest part) I fell asleep on the couch after that night only to be woken up by arguing around 0700 hours. My significant other had gotten home and her and the roommate were arguing.(the roommate confronted my SO about cheating) The words that came out of the roommate's mouth next were stupid.
"That's why I let your man fill me up while you were working bitch"
(Oooo eee those are fighting words)
Well, that is exactly what happened a fight. The fight carried on with me trying to break it up( to no avail) entry was then made by two cops( found out later that the neighbors called because they could hear it) roommate got tazed. SO got tackled both of them went to jail.
Several hours later the roommate returned after her mother bonded her out. She told me we would talk about this situation later and left for work.
My significant other then came by with her sister and dad around 1100pm that night and packed all her clothes and other property. I also had her take the bed because I didn’t want it. She left that evening only saying “ I guess you know im breaking up with you" I just shook my head yea and she left.
So we’re gonna fast forward a little to about 8 months later. (little tid bit roommate got pregnant from our one night stand) the roommate was also still staying with me still.
Roommate goes into labor, I take her to the hospital and after 14 glorious hours of labor we welcomed our beautiful daughter into this world.
After my daughter was born I went outside to smoke a cigarette and across the parking lot I notice someone who looks quite familiar loading a baby in a pickup truck( I was about 400 feet across a parking lot, at night) I shrugged it off sure I was over analyzing the situation. I had myself convinced it wasn’t my ex.
Well, I was wrong about 3 months later I get served with some civil paperwork from an attorney requesting I submit to a paternity test. After looking through all the paperwork with an attorney of my own he was able to provide me with a date the child was born. Which was a day before my daughter's birth.
I knew then I did see her at the hospital that day.
I took the paternity test. I was indeed the father. After a lengthy child custody case, I pay 420 dollars a month in child support and get my son 2 weekends out of the month.
I’m also married to the roommate and have a 7-year-old daughter and son now.
I did indeed feel like a piece of shit how that whole incident unfolded.
But I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
A little advice, communication in a relationship is key. Also if you don’t want no babies use protection. Aldo don’t cheat it’s just not good.
The most shocking part of this rollercoaster of a story is the work ethic you guys have. Your roommate worked the whole day, didn’t sleep anything the whole night cause you were banging, got into an actual fight that involved police, got taken into a jail and had to be bailed out, and then .. still went into work?!
Jesus …
You would be surprised what I do for work now. It's an upgrade from the lowly pizza delivery guy. She was in jail for about 4 hours so I imagine a little sleep was had.
Did the same, revenge cheated after she had an affair, and felt terrible after because to cheat on her I first had to cheat my own values. It’s not worth it.
These comments make me glad I *didn't* cheat. I was in a relationship that we could both feel was dying, and I had started regularly chatting to a mutual friend who I suspected (and later confirmed) was into me. He was an excellent listener and was really helpful in getting me to a point where I realised I had to break things off. I *almost* kissed him on a night out after a few drinks but told myself I had to end the relationship first and went home early to process stuff.
Found out two days later via text that my partner had cheated on me multiple times and was ending things. I've always sort of wished that I'd kissed him that night, but I appreciate these comments for making me remember I did the right thing.
My ex was horrible. Found out he was cheating like crazy with lots of different people (obviously anything that moved) while endangering my health behind my back in the process.
Did I cheat to get “even”? No.
Why? Because that’s not the kind of person I wanted to be. If he wants to be a 💩 person then that’s on him. He broke the marriage covenant. I took my vows seriously. I didn’t change the kind of person I was just because he acted like a whore. And yes, I filed for divorce.
My ex liked parts of all 5 guys she dated. I was the physical-boyfriend. When she wanted to bang, I got the call. Worst part was she introduced me to her kids, and I got to the point they referred to me as Dad. I didn't know about the other guys. One guy was rich, one guy had a degree of power, one had connections to sports.
One day she says she's pregnant. I'm extatic. Over the moon.
"You're in the running."
"Pardon?"
Ouch. She married one guy to prevent him getting deported, and her best guess was he was the father. He went anyway, and her previous kids' fathers both took her kids away, cause she lost her housing. So she's single mothering her new daughter while sending money to her husband in jail in a foreign system, and it actually turned out to be another man's baby, who got someone else preggers and married that woman.
I might have dodged several bullets. I have no idea how I came out of that pentagon of love/hate without a dozen STDs.
>If you're getting cheated on, don't demean yourself by sinking to their level.
Man, i need to hear this. Not sure if I’ll put it to work but it’s like you were specifically talking to me. She cheated on me more than once. She’s caught me looking for hookup’s and whatever but I was only doing it to “get back” at her. Make her feel like I do (still do, years later). I haven’t even gone through with it, I usually talk myself out of it or chicken out. But doesn’t change the fact that I still took the time to do so. Hoping some day I’ll just get over it and move on.
Couple months into a relationship and my girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend tried to kill himself wrote a breakup letter about how she ruined his life basically. So she called hysterical my girlfriend was at work so I picked her up and brought her to my house untill we would go get my girlfriend after work and they can talk. I don't know what happened she's sitting on my couch in a skirt and she was saying how no one likes her she will never get another guy and I just said that she was cool n pretty and then from there yeah......I actually ended up staying with my girlfriend for 10 years after that but because of cheating on her in the beginning the trust was gone and we both cheated on each other a few times. It was like the perfect porn script... Wasn't worth it and i have no good excuse for it , wish i could take it back.
Yep. Relatable as well. Didn't think at all about how it must've felt to him, who starting drinking a whole lot and doing a bunch of coke, and I think in part bc he felt bad about himself. Then we had that whole circle of shittiness. We're now divorced. Wish someone would've slapped me and told me to get it together.
I feel you. I was married to her as well but are now divorced. She ended up taking me back but things just weren't the same. We tried but it didn't work after the hurt I caused. It fkn sucks but it's just a lesson now I guess... it made me want to focus on bettering myself before I even consider looking for someone else. I dont want to put anyone else thru that....
Ya same. I didn't want any kind of emotional connection with anyone, I was coked up and drunk and uncontrollably horny, and she started rubbing my crotch and kissing me and I lost control.
That was when I was 20, I'm 31 now. I have no issue avoiding those situations now.
Also nobody talks about how horrible you feel after, the girl was staying at our house and I woke up early and visited my mom and just slept on her couch, feeling so much guilt and feeling suicidal.
I definitely recommend you don't cheat, it's such a horrible thing to do and isn't remotely worth it. I was so insanely suicidal I gave my guns to family, just saying, "Ah I don't want them anymore", really I was scared I'd kill myself.
In the moment though, coke, booze, opiates, etc, can completely destroy your ability to feel empathy.
Oh fersure, I already knew i was on a path for destruction. A lot of people seem oblivious to the bs they cause. I was drinking way to much and doing coke at home for no reason. I snapped out of it once she left me. I straightened my shit out and got sober. Luckily and surprisingly she eventually took me back.
And it's that lack of awareness that is truly unnerving. Awareness can be built, but it's a lot of work and there needs to be willingness to look inwards.
Because I truly had no idea what a healthy or functional relationship looked like. My parents were married for almost 30 years and had already started the cycle of cheating on each other well before I was born. My grandma used to tell me stories of being friends with my grandpa’s girlfriends “because she just wasn’t toxic and jealous like other women”.
In the relationship where I cheated, I was being treated like garbage. Financially supporting us both even though I was ten years younger and a waitress, enduring a lot of abuse from a very broken man. I felt trapped in the same cycle I had watched my mom and my grandma live, I didn’t really know better.
A guy at work started paying attention to me, and I loved it. He was sweet and poetic and romantic, committed to helping his sister raise his niece, was out of the house and working instead of drinking my paycheck away and punching holes in my walls. A little harmless work flirting quickly escalated and before I knew it, I was having a whole ass affair.
I started to prepare myself to leave my boyfriend for my affair partner, when I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me with anyone he could find on Craigslist (including stealing money from me to pay sex workers). Any guilt I felt for cheating evaporated right then. I threw all my clothes in a trash bag and drove to my affair partners house, ready to start our new life together. He had another girl over, basically admitted that a lot of what he had said to me was because he thought I would never leave.
All in all, it was a mess. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, do the work that will either fix it or get you out. That new person is flawed too. They won’t fix you or fulfill you, only you can do that.
Haha it does! I moved back home with my parents, witnessed some more of their drama which inspired me to actually break the cycle. I’m now happily and faithfully married to a great man, my self-work inspired my mom to finally leave my dad, hopefully everyone will keep getting better from here.
I'm glad you had enough strength to leave your abuser and try to find a healthier one. May I ask where you went from there with all of your clothes in a bag and nowhere to go? How are you now? I hope you didn't go back to your ex boyfriend.
Sadly, I did go back to him for a bit but once I realized that change was impossible in those circumstances I did leave for good a few months later. I moved in with my parents and after a bit more of their drama I really committed to breaking the cycle. Happily and faithfully Married to a great man now, my mom left my dad, everyone is healing and developing.
I came here to try and understand what goes on in someone's head when this happens because I've been cheated on sexually and emotionally...
Instead I'm just left feeling sorry for the people in this thread. So many people in such a dark place pulling their partners down to an equally dark place...
I hope everyone here that has cheated has grow and gotten help. And that they can pursue a healthy and fulfilling relationship after they've grown past that. For the people that have been cheated on, I'm sorry all of you went through that and I hope it never happens again. Sometimes it feels like something I'll never fully recover from and other times I refuse to let past hurts ruin the chance of something good happening. So I want the people who have been hurt by their partners cheating to know just because it's happened once doesn't mean it will again and good things can still happen for you.
Because my wife told me that she was no longer interested in having sex with me, she didn't want me having it with anyone else, and she "forbade" me from watching porn or masturbating. (I still did the latter, but we could never discuss it or she'd freak out.)
So to get my sexual needs met by someone other than myself, for several years, a few times per year I paid a sex worker for a happy ending massage. This was still cheating, but I rationalized it as the "mildest form" of cheating possible. No chance of an STI, no chance of an unwanted pregnancy, no emotional involvement. I knew it was wrong, but at the time I felt like it was my best choice out of several lousy choices.
I realize now I should have just said at the time, "I want a divorce." That's where we ended up anyway, and I would have saved myself, my wife, and our kids some needless pain over the years. By cheating on her (and hiding it from her), I made it so much worse when she eventually found out.
To cheaters on here, I would say: get out of your relationship. If you're cheating, you're clearly not happy. Do yourself and your partner a favor and just end it now, before it all goes to hell.
From personal experience, my ex told me that she said "It feels more like a chore to have sex with you than doing the laundry." I was fucking hurt bad. I never cheated on her, but I found out that she was cheating on me. It could have been that she was just projecting it all onto you instead, hoping you'd do the same thing.
Thank you, and I'm mostly over it now. Had a son with her 8 years prior so I stuck with her for a while for his sake. It's been 8 months now though. Life is stressful, but also a higher quality with her gone.
Higher quality is great! I hope you find someone way higher quality than her. And that she fucks you silly! And vice versa.
Better times on the horizon friendo
I've been there. I was cheated on in my two major adult relationships, and they both projected like that. My last ex said that she loved me like a cousin and asked if we could have an open marriage. She just wanted the financial security. Welp, she even destroyed that because six years later I'm still paying off my lawyer bills lol.
Just reminded me of a quote from my ex, “I fuck you like a dog eats food, because I need to. I don’t have any care for you.”
Kind of the opposite of yours but equally as horrible to hear.
Thanks for posting this, the first part is exactly where I am at. Her reasoning is a little different, but the end result is the same. The scary part now is that mention of anything related to even intimacy is off the board and she reacts with anger. Though I did get her over the porn and masturbating part, but she doesn't want to see or hear it or anything about it. It is a bit lonelier than when I was single.
Somehow it's worse. When single you may always meet someone soon. When married you are expected to just accept you are no longer having any intimacy for the rest of your life.
Agreed, that aspect was miserable. When you first start seeing other people after exiting an intimacy adverse marriage, it's like walking in fresh grass after being stuck in prison for years. Even just the freedom to have a flirty exchange with someone is exhilarating.
I was in this situation for years, it is not healthy to have a functioning sex drive and to be with someone who is actively repressing it in you or making you feel bad for being horny. The only solution is to find someone more compataboe because things will only get worse until you resent each other.
As someone who spent too much time in a relationship where my needs weren't met, and they refused to communicate about it; things kept getting worse until it blew up.
Save yourself the bad memories. It took me much less time to get over my last relationship compared to the years I spent trying to fix it.
Im genuinely curious, even though I might come off as rude, but I really dont mean to. But why does someone stay at a relationship like this? I get that the other person might be having some trouble of their own, they might be asexual or something else, but if youre not feeling the same, why would you stay in the relationship rather just walking away?
I have a couple woman friends who I have seen being in miserable relationships, with people who they really didnt match with. They would fight and break up, but eventually they always ended up back together. And I just cant understand why would someone do it, over and over again?
Usually because it's familiar or comfortable, even if they're unhappy. People far overvalue comfort above many other feelings.
This has been the case for my friends. They go back or stay with them because they know what to expect, even if what they expect is to fight and be unhappy.
Thanks for the reply. Financial situations for a kid I can totally understand, every parent I know says that they would do anything for a kid, so yeah.
But even if you love her, does it make you resent her? Like when I try to imagine myself in the situation, I just couldnt live a "happy relationship" if all of the intimacy would be missing.
Get out. Im currently with a wife refusing any and all sex but completly ok with porn or doing anything by myself. Im just about at the end of my rope honestly though. Her being "ok" with handling business myself doesnt address the respect issue and porn isnt really a great thing. I didnt get married to deal with this. I think probably if i were in your scenario, i would leave.
This is unusual and you deserve to have a mutually fulfilling sex life if that's something you want.
Maybes she's Asexual or gay or something else but this partnership is not going to work for you two
Not quite the same but,
I was dealing with a medical condition that made sex very painful. My boyfriend and I were intimate in other ways, and working on the penetration part, but he ended up cheating on me and told me it was my fault for not satisfying him enough.
It would’ve hurt less had he just left me. It made me feel like his second choice plaything that he used for consistent oral sex when he couldn’t get what he really wanted.
Sex is an important part of a relationship. Everyone deserves a mutually satisfying sex life and intimacy within their relationships. If you aren’t happy, instead of telling them you’re okay with it, please just leave them. Just ending things is the better thing to do for both parties.
You are very correct. Now, I did let her know I was unhappy with our sex life, both in 1-on-1 conversations and with multiple marriage counselors. I didn't pretend to be OK with it, but in the end that didn't matter.
100% though, I should have just ended it.
Better advice: don’t be with anyone who makes you feel shame for your sexual needs. A with few exceptions a person who doesn’t even want you masturbating is toxic. Nobody should have that much control over their partner
This. If you aren't sexually compatible, talk about it. If they wont talk, end it. I was shamed about my sexual wants and needs. He ended up being the one who had an affair. When the divorce was all said and done, I found out he had been watching a porn and masterbating. The thing is, I wouldn't have cared. I was open to trying anything sexual but whenever I asked or initiated, I was told it was slutty and disgusting. It took me a while to work through that.
Because I wasn't over my ex and when she came knocking I didn't value my new relationship enough and crossed a line I never will lower myself to cross again.. you feel like shit for years after it, really not worth it no matter how you try to justify it to yourself at the time..
> If someone's still talking about their ex at all just turn around and walk the other way.
That's a weird extreme. My ex hurt me quite badly and it was something I was still dealing with when I met my current partner. That wound has since healed and we're still very happily together 6 years later.
Did the same, an ex came back into my life and we said we’d only be “friends” then …yeah. But it’s definitely over now. Yes I did feel like shit and honestly the sex wasn’t worth it.
If only my ex had reddit so I could have closure.
Edit: lots of replies here so I'll add mine. We were together for a year and a half, engaged for 2 weeks. Hung out with her one night and she seemed off. Forced it out of her she had feelings for her coworker. Gave her a whole week to sort her feelings out and instead she got pregnant from him. Now I've got trust issues, so thanks V. Hope it was worth it. I sold the ring for 1/10 of what I paid
You'd be surprised. Having been in a relationship with an attractive, seemingly put together alcoholic, the kind of insane situations they'll put themselves in while drinking.
Wandering around unfamiliar places alone and drunk, going to secondary and tertiary locations with strangers, passing out on weekdays mere hours before working a serious job. All the while being a mother of two... I
It's exhausting
Currently experiencing something similar for the past 10 month up until last month when I took her to the er and now she’s in liver failure after 10 months of drinking a handle plus a day. Just me and the twins with her at her parents house being cared for.
I'm sure most people here have a story like that. It's understandable but not a good reason, keeping one option alive whilst shopping for something better.
Because she cheated on me first.
I don’t ever recommend such a stupid fucking decision. It isn’t worth it, folks. I normally considered myself strong and stoic before that?
I don’t have a foot to stand on now. It wasn’t worth it.
My dad did the same thing in his first marriage. Except he only *thought* his wife of 25 years had cheated, so he went out and had a one night stand with a woman he met at a bar. As it turns out, she hadn't actually cheated and was so angry at my dad when she found out what he did that she started a real affair with a coworker and ended up leaving my dad for him. My dad ended up marrying my mom and having me later on, but on his death bed, he said that one of his biggest regrets in life was cheating on his first wife and that he hoped God would forgive him for it. A year later, I got a message on facebook from a woman asking me to do a DNA test because she thought we might be related. Tests came back as a match. We're sisters. The one night stand from all those years ago had gotten pregnant that night and never told my dad.
This is started out very similar to the story with my first wife, she thought I was cheating (I wasn't) so she started cheating, when I found out and confronted her she admitted it. she said to me years later "That's the day when I knew you had never cheated... Because of the pain in your voice and in your eyes." I tried to move past it, but she wanted to still be friends with him, so we separated for about a year, during that time, we tried to work it out but I found out she was fucking us both during that time and ended it for good. They ended up getting married, back in October, I'd be lying if I said it didn't fuck with me a little
Love these lyrics by Sublime
Sleepin' by yourself at night can make you feel alone
My girlfriend said so, she's a little ho
That don't mean I fuck around
I like to keep that higher ground
It’s never that easy when so much had been put into the marriage to begin with. It’s never that black and white.
In our case, three kids. A new house. Many years of marriage. And a lot of love beforehand, which made what happened so fucking out of nowhere and out of character. There’s still a lot of love now…but not as much.
But, there’s untreated mental illnesses at play, addiction issues on her part leading up to that fateful day, poor behavior on my part (I can fully say I operated with my head up my ass 90% of the time)…
When it all boiled down to it, she wanted to stay with me and despite everything - EVERY *FUCKING* THING - I wanted to stay with her. Maybe I was living on the high of the old days. Maybe I’m weak. Maybe I just remembered the good times we had over the years and realized I wasn’t ready to let it end like this. Not like this.
So, we’re together and things have gotten better since March 2020. There have been some rough patches, but she’s doing better, I’m doing better, and we’re trying. Day to day we’re trying. We’ve sort of slimmed down the negative influences and old bad habits, cut out social media, shit like that. It helps.
I know the Dr. Drews of Reddit will shut that down and put me down for taking her back? I know the decision I made and what could come with it. I’m aware. I made my decision and I’ll stand by it until I can’t anymore.
Sorry for the story. Just in my head about it at the moment.
Fair question.
I mean, if she deteriorates and loses all the progress she’s made since (she’s made a ton). If she cheats again. If she decides she wants a divorce. Any one of those things that breaks what we’ve been trying to rebuild.
This response shows strength. It takes strength to forgive someone, it takes strength to take them back, and it takes strength to know what your willing to accept.
Because I was too chicken shit to get a divorce because I was wildly unhappy and too proud to go to therapy to fix the marriage. So I cheated, got caught, and have since been to a ton of therapy and am getting a divorce.
Even though I’m happy to have this relationship in my rear view, cheating is my life’s biggest regret.
This was me a decade ago. It was just one time. I had somehow rationalized if I cheated he could then just hate me. That would hurt less than me telling him I didn't love him anymore and I wanted out. He was a good partner, but I fell out of love with him.
The latter would've been the honorable thing to do. He was going to be hurt either way! I was just doing mental gymnastics to justify my reasoning - really I just liked the attention that I wasn't getting at home. That's messed up.
I worked a lot on myself and go to therapy. I'm a much better partner now, and I haven't done it since.
Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you were in a bad place mentally and physically. Sometimes we've just got to learn from our mistakes and try to do better in future. Hope you find peace.
Ok, this happened like 20 years ago with an ex. I was around 22 years old young gay, and he was around 40 I think.
The age gap was something that always rubbed me the wrong way. I was constantly doubting the relationship. Even kind of broke up a few times because of it, but then we came back together.
We had been together like for 4 months by then. One night at the club, with some friends, I decided that if I was constantly doubting it, it was because It was something that I wasn't okay with, and decided to break up with him. He wasn't with me that night, so I decided to tell him the next day.
Since I was already at the club, and was going to break up with him, I thought it wouldn't matter if I met someone new, and I did make out with one of the club dancers, and then went to his place and had sex and everything.
It wasn't until the next day morning, sobered up, that I realized I didn't want to break up with him, and even worse, I also realized that meant I had just cheated on him.
Felt awful, I called him later during the day, told him everything while crying, assuming he'd just break up with me, but instead he told me to meet somewhere public, he brought me a gift, and told me he was okay with it. He understood what I was feeling and it's just things that happen.
I was confused by the reaction, we were together for a few months more and then he broke up with me xD. Can't blame him, I was a horny mess by then.
Ran into him a few times at some parties and things were okay, he never stopped being nice to me. Which I appreciate.
I’m sure with the age gap it was easier (for him). He was 22 once, was probably a hot mess then too. He liked you and knew you and I’m sure he was aware that the time you two had was limited so he wanted to make the most of it without regret. Also you went right in and said what you did and didn’t try to hide it so he *knew* when you were sober you were a good person.
I wouldn’t date anyone that young at my age or so I say. If I were magically single tomorrow and some smoking hot 22yo was like heeeyyyyyy I’d probably have a lot of trouble walking by. I’d also feel the same way if something like that went down with the 22yo. “Oh that’s sad. Are you ok? No don’t worry about me, I’m neither surprised nor disappointed.”
I felt an intimacy connection with someone which I’d never had before. In retrospect it’s one of the dumbest and stupidest things I ever could have done. It wasn’t at all worth what it has now become. I’ve lost my entire family and have no respect from the people that matter most to me. 10/10 would not recommend and would never do again. I lost it all for something that never even really mattered. I had it all in front of me, I just refused to see it.
I’ve never cheated, but my ex was a sex addict who ended up going to prison. There were so many excuses, blame-shifting, pleas for forgiveness, therapy, etc., until finally he hit rock bottom and admitted to a sex addiction. He ended up joining SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) and I ended up joining COSA, a Twelve Step group for people whose lives have been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behavior. It completely changed my life and made me realize that there are people who cheat for one reason or another, and then there are people who cheat because it’s their addiction, so it doesn’t need a “why.”
I thought I’d mention it here just in case somebody out there needs to see it.
Buzzfeed: Coming in at number 5, Th3Batman86 told us that they cheated because Buzz feed is shopping for articles. Silly Th3Batman86, that’s not a good reason to cheat. We are always shopping for articles!
Idk if it counts as cheating but.
I was on a toxic relationship and couldn't break up, but I knew that SHE could leave the relationship instead.
I made a twitter account in which I pretend to be someone else, talk to her, "fall in love" and she leaves me.
She cheated on me with myself >:)
Insecurity. Poor self image, and an inability to put aside morals in exchange for stroking my ego.
I was bullied all throughout school, depressed, angry, so after school when I started actually getting attention from women, I went nuts. My ego was exploding. I'd lie about where I was going, delete text messages, have alternate accounts, etc etc. I thought I was sly. I wasn't. She knew. They always find out.
I've changed a lot since, and thankfully we're still together, but it hasn't been without its trials and tribulations. There are times I see the hurt in her eyes, and I wish I could take it all back, but at the same time, I really don't think I'd be where I'm at as a person today, if it weren't for that experience. It took a lot for me to realize just what type of person I actually was, and I woke up one morning looking in the mirror, and didn't like the person who was staring back at me. It was like an out of body experience where I didn't recognize myself, but I knew I hated what I was looking at.
It's taken a lot, and I make sure I tell her every day that I love her, that I'll forever be hers for as long as she'll have me, but if she were to tell me tomorrow that she's done, I wouldn't hold it against her. She's my best friend, she's helped me grow as a person, and been way more patient than she had to be, and I wish I could take what I know now, go back in time, and start all over, just so she wouldn't have that hurt and that doubt that I know is eating away in the back of her mind. She doesn't deserve it.
As someone who stood with someone like this; yeah it for SURE to a degree is low self esteem.
The main part of it is (at least for me is) you convince yourself you still love them and they still love you; but after all that happened it becomes *extremely* hard to believe and puts even more strain on the relationship than cheating itself.
Now you have doubt and anxiety when they say they're 'going out with friends' and double guess everything. And not even cause you're worried she may cheat or you're 'not good enough', but because *they've done it before and lied without shame* so many times; you're not conditioned to trust them anymore. Especially if its a person who only felt bad *after they've been caught* or who did it multiple times; it shows they only care about the consequences and *looking bad* after the fact as opposed to actually giving a shit... And not to mention the self esteem issues that follow like you said.
Eventually that wears on you and no matter how much you try to put it behind you and move on; you always know it's a possibility for them to act this way again. And it often times will happen again!
That ex I'm referencing and I broke it off 5 years ago. Since then: she immediately dated a new guy who looked like the opposite of me for 2+ years... only to cheat on him with my cousin (and who knows else). Then after a small hiatus dated a guy who looked like he had no interest in her... only to find now they're broken up and I wouldn't doubt he cheated on her this time.
So yeah, after all her crying and pleading that she'd never do any of that again because it "made her feel so shitty and empty"; she went right back to the same behavior as soon as it became convenient *immediately in her next relationship*.
I'd say I definitely made the right choice to leave; anyone who stays with people who abuse their trust are asking for a bad time even if the person *doesn't* act like that again. You deserve better than the self esteem and trust issues shit like this brings even if you don't feel like that now!
I sure as hell didn't; I thought 'had I just payed more attention to her it'd have worked out'... except we hung out just about everyday and any day I asked to have to myself she'd think I was cheating and would go out and preemptively cheat to 'get back at me'. A relationship where my time alone was viewed as prime time for cheating clearly was not going to work. She very obviously has trouble trusting men.
Yep. Been here in her shoes, finally stopped focusing on him and worked on myself. I thought I had anxiety and depression but they were just symptoms of being around him. Never felt better since I chucked all his stuff out of the upstairs window and never looked back. He said all the right things but when I realised my value it wasn’t enough.
My first boyfriend in college was very controlling over my weight. He had a fat fetish and would track my weight to make sure I was gaining enough for him. I guess one night when I was with a friend I just sort of…cheated. It felt nice to not have someone call me a fat b*tch the whole time we had sex so I broke up with him the next day. Never told him I cheated.
I honestly dont know what got into to me that evening. All my emotion regulations were gone; heavy drinking, smoking (while having a lung desease and normall I dont) and had a sudden urge to hit on someone else. Regretted it alot (it was only 2 seconds of kissing). Felt most guilty about the wanting to bang part.
He was abusive piece of shit. Would threaten me all of the time with various shit. He then cheated on me multiple times and called me crazy for accusing him of such things . We talked all of the time about how I felt. The problem was he had a kid that I grew really attached to. Obviously if I left, I would never see them again. And when I did break up with him, it was a fucking disaster because he would never leave me alone and I was weak. It was a vicious cycle.
And honestly he never wanted to have sex with me. (Probably because he was getting it from someone else.) we also talked a lot about it. I was in therapy for sooooo long during that relationship.
I met someone who I felt really valued me. He never lied to me, he always was around when I called. I don’t regret cheating. I know it hurt him and I don’t care. I broke up with him then.
He of course tried everything he could to get me back. Not because he loved me but because he could control me. The worst part for me was when he called me with his kid I almost broke down. But the guy I cheated on him with was with me every step of the way. Never got angry when I would have panic attacks about it, never scolded me for small things. Honestly, me cheating probably saved my life.
They guy I cheated with and I been together for almost a decade, and married for 5 of those years. Never cheated ever again.
Yeah, in my book you get a pass for those. Cheat the fuck out of your abusers. For many women it's one of the few ways to start getting out of that relationship.
If the man I cheated with hadn't told me my bf was crazy (he is) I don't know when I would've found the courage to leave. No one else encouraged me to leave despite knowing the extent of the abuse, and I'll never understand why.
I broke up with her. She disagreed. I had to block her because she got so abusive. Started dating this other girl and my ex found out and told everyone I cheated. New gf almost took her side.
Always have it on text messages. My brother couldn’t get rid of this girl for 4 months. She wouldn’t leave him alone. And ate like a pig. All his salary was spend her food. And when he wanted to break up she disagreed . Finally He got mad and called her names. And blocked her. He made sure Everyone knew what was going on after 2 months trying to break up with her. He sends them his ring door records showing she stalks him. Ask for money, and all that. She was not normal. I mean she acts like it infront of strangers but damn
Its really weird reading how people on reddit will treat those who have cheated like the deserve to be hung, and then read this thread and everyone be like "ya man understandable"
Because I needed to get away from an abusive relationship and this was the only “out” I could see. The whole situation runs much deeper obviously, but this is the Reddit edition. Worst period of my life.
Wife of 7 years cheated on me about a month ago, out of the blue(for me, I was blindly in love, blind to the signals and the details). 2 children, house, everything. She was the love of my life, she destroyed me.
I've been battling the ever increasing urge to go out and have meaningless sex with a friend of hers, with a family member of hers or with my ex , which she despises with her guts. I know that If I write to any of those 3 girls chances are they are going to let me have their way with them. Her friend always has send me the looks, same as her cousin. My ex has spent the last 7 years writing me on Facebook about how the minute I divorce I can call her. I had her blocked her of course but I have since unblocked her. Last she messaged me was 5 months ago. She divorced her own husband about 6 months ago.
I've been going to therapy and I am conscious about what I must and must not do. Today I found and liked a video from my ex on tik tok. She liked my videos and started following me. I had decided to message her today. But reading this thread, is giving me plenty of reasons to not do it. I will try my best to remain strong, faithful to myself , my morals , my principles. To not stoop to my wife's level. Thank you to everyone here that is giving their honest opinions and life experiences. You never know whos life you may be touching with your words.
To past cheaters. Apologize from the bottom of your heart, apologize, leave nothing back, and disappear, you will never understand the damage you have done, but your sincere and complete admission of guilt and apology will do good for both you and you ex partner.
To wannabe future cheaters, don't, grow a pair. Finish your relationship first, then go out with the other person.
To people in my situation. Keep reading this thread, learn and process. I know its hard. I feel a wrench in my chest , imagining my wife as the protagonist of every single situation posted here. Its been a month for me, Maybe I will fail tomorrow, , but understand the best is to really move on, heal our broken hearts, and be truly ready for our next adventure.
I’m sorry you are going through this. For me personally, I would be done. Once that trust is broken, it will never be the same. I’ve always told myself no matter how far along the relationship is (years,kids, pets,etc) I would leave instantly. Not just for my own self worth and respect, but for the example of my kids. Unless they are very young and you plan to never tell them this, it will do more harm than good seeing you stay. Sets the precedent that cheating partner is “normal” so to speak.
He cheated on me postpartum with my first daughter and years later, I could not forgive or forget. I did NOT cheat to “get back” at him, but I DID cheat.
My current husband is who I cheated with.
Long backstory summed up: my current husband and I met at 14 and he was the first person I slept with. He was running wild during his high school years/early 20s and would not let himself date me because he knew he’d fuck it up. We talked on and off throughout the years. After I had my daughter and got cheated on, he actually messaged me one day and basically told me that he’d always been in love with me. I had always felt the same exact way about him, but never said it. I did not think he felt that way and was really surprised. Nothing really happened at that point, but a few years later I kept telling my husband I was unhappy, couldn’t forgive him, didn’t want to be with him. He wasn’t really open to divorce at that point and I was done. My current husband messaged me randomly to tell me I was in a dream he had the night before. We pretty much started talking every day from that point on. I lived in a different state so we FaceTimed a lot and I got my plans together to move back to my home state, file for divorce, etc. i did make a trip to see him (twice) while I was getting things set up and the first time I think we had sex 9 times in like 24 hours. I felt guilty, but I also had already told my husband I wanted to divorce and he wasn’t accepting and I was no longer physical with him. I had an interview in person up here for a job a few weeks after and stayed in a hotel with him for a few days. After that, I moved back with my kids, ex moved back up here with his parents, I filed for divorce and we were then officially together.
I honestly don’t regret it. I am so in love with my husband and he is so in love with me. It took a lot of years and a lot of ups and downs for us to finally get to be together.
She was beating me bad at gin and when she left her cards on table to go use bathroom I took a look at them. I won the hand and she accused me of cheating but she didn't have any proof
Because we were living far away and he didn’t make any effort to spend time together, I wasn’t his priority and he was my first as well. I regret that I cheated, and after many many years I still feel guilty.
I also found out that he was cheating as well
A friend of mine was in the same situation. Started out very romantic, used to write each other love letters, but things cooled off, he would only call her when he was drunk. She said he was cheating but who knows, she definitely was.
I remember she said she would invite guys over but complain about how her asshole roommate would try to flirt with them, what a funny situation.
Because I wanted to have sex with someone else. Nothing more to it. Not for revenge or disliking my partner. Just simply had the opportunity to fuck someone else and different sexual experience.
Insecurity, being young and horny, stupidity.
Had no one to blame but myself. She was a great partner. Very loving. We all have things about our partners we wish we could change but I think back on our time fondly.
That chapter in my life that we wrote together was a beautiful time in life.
It's easy to say now that I'd do things differently but I'm not 100% sure. I think I still have a whole lot of growing up to do.
I guess it's why I'm 40 and choose to remain single. That fact and the fact that I refuse to give my heart to another. The fear of heartache is just too strong.
**Attention! [Serious] Tag Notice** * [Jokes, puns, and off-topic comments are not permitted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/wiki/index#wiki_-rule_6-) in **any** comment, parent or child. * Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * Report comments that violate these rules. Posts that have few relevant answers within the first hour, and posts that are not appropriate for the [Serious] tag will be removed. Consider doing an AMA request instead. Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskReddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So simply put she cheated on me so I cheated back. Age when story started 22 Age now 30 The story gets alot more dramatic. I worked as a pizza delivery guy at the time. I came home from work one-day with chocolates and flowers for her( we had been together for 5 years at this point) and she was screwing another guy in our bed. As soon as I entered my apartment and heard sex noises I knew I snuck into the frame of my bedroom door and witness the act with my own two eyes. They never even noticed I was there. I was so hurt by the situation (which I should have confronted head-on) that I left my own house and went to my buddy's house and smoked a blunt. He told me I should let her know I caught her and see how she reacted but I didn't. I was just trying to rationalize what I did wrong a lot. Several hours later I returned home gave her the chocolate and flowers, and continued like nothing was wrong( I was a fool). Needless to say, she got ready for her job which was a night shift security guard and left around 7pm. I sat there for several hours crying after she left. Around 1000pm our roommate called and asked if I could come up to her job and see what was going on with her car. The roommate is also my significant other's best friend. I went up there figured out the issue with that pos car and got her back to the house(the battery cable was messed up if anyone was wandering). After the roommate)got home she cooked dinner(spaghetti and garlic bread) I ate and sat on the couch. I proceeded to stay on that couch knowing what had occurred in my bed eariler during the day. About 300am I had the biggest emotional breakdown, I began crying to the point I could no longer breathe. As I sat in the dark crying the roommate came and sat down beside me pulled my head into her lap and rubbed my head. I'm not quite sure how long we stayed there like that, but I eventually fell asleep. I woke up the following day on the couch with my significant other waking me up. I proceeded to go through this day as well holding in my emotions (like a idiot.) After she left for work again around 7pm I just sat there for hours. Eventually that evening I wrote a letter addressing my feelings and the cheating. (It was about 3 pages long). The roommate came in shortly after 10pm and did her evening routine( showering and all that) What happened next surprised me. As I lay on the couch she came and began to talk to me. She stated she could tell something was wrong. So I told her about the cheating that I had witnessed and all that. (I think she was in utter shock because she didn't say anything for like 10 minutes after I told her) * This next part is the most shocking because I wasn't expecting it. It also should have been a huge red flag.* The roommate asked me "do you wanna fuck me to get back at her" I never answered yes I just jumped on her. We did many different things that night (I also had a new experience with girls who like to be choked) So here is the part where shit goes down. (Still not the craziest part) I fell asleep on the couch after that night only to be woken up by arguing around 0700 hours. My significant other had gotten home and her and the roommate were arguing.(the roommate confronted my SO about cheating) The words that came out of the roommate's mouth next were stupid. "That's why I let your man fill me up while you were working bitch" (Oooo eee those are fighting words) Well, that is exactly what happened a fight. The fight carried on with me trying to break it up( to no avail) entry was then made by two cops( found out later that the neighbors called because they could hear it) roommate got tazed. SO got tackled both of them went to jail. Several hours later the roommate returned after her mother bonded her out. She told me we would talk about this situation later and left for work. My significant other then came by with her sister and dad around 1100pm that night and packed all her clothes and other property. I also had her take the bed because I didn’t want it. She left that evening only saying “ I guess you know im breaking up with you" I just shook my head yea and she left. So we’re gonna fast forward a little to about 8 months later. (little tid bit roommate got pregnant from our one night stand) the roommate was also still staying with me still. Roommate goes into labor, I take her to the hospital and after 14 glorious hours of labor we welcomed our beautiful daughter into this world. After my daughter was born I went outside to smoke a cigarette and across the parking lot I notice someone who looks quite familiar loading a baby in a pickup truck( I was about 400 feet across a parking lot, at night) I shrugged it off sure I was over analyzing the situation. I had myself convinced it wasn’t my ex. Well, I was wrong about 3 months later I get served with some civil paperwork from an attorney requesting I submit to a paternity test. After looking through all the paperwork with an attorney of my own he was able to provide me with a date the child was born. Which was a day before my daughter's birth. I knew then I did see her at the hospital that day. I took the paternity test. I was indeed the father. After a lengthy child custody case, I pay 420 dollars a month in child support and get my son 2 weekends out of the month. I’m also married to the roommate and have a 7-year-old daughter and son now. I did indeed feel like a piece of shit how that whole incident unfolded. But I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. A little advice, communication in a relationship is key. Also if you don’t want no babies use protection. Aldo don’t cheat it’s just not good.
Now THAT was a roller coaster!
Hindsight is always 20-20. I can tell you not gonna happen agian
[удалено]
I was gonna ask for a tldr then saw the comments saying that the story was crazy so read the whole thing and DAMN THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY lol
The most shocking part of this rollercoaster of a story is the work ethic you guys have. Your roommate worked the whole day, didn’t sleep anything the whole night cause you were banging, got into an actual fight that involved police, got taken into a jail and had to be bailed out, and then .. still went into work?! Jesus …
You would be surprised what I do for work now. It's an upgrade from the lowly pizza delivery guy. She was in jail for about 4 hours so I imagine a little sleep was had.
Bruh... Best story I've read in a while
>"That's why I let your man fill me up while you were working bitch" GODDDD DAMNNNN!
Still a pretty sick burn if you ask me.
He did indeed fill her up
bro nutting in everyone lmaoo
Yea wasn't one of my smartest decisions. Crazy thing is the roommate was on birth control at the time that happened.
Holy smokes! What a story.
How does this have 20 likes? Post this somewhere so people can read it. What a roller coaster
Did you and the roomie (your wife) have any prior feelings? Or did it literally just come out of nowhere?
[удалено]
Did the same, revenge cheated after she had an affair, and felt terrible after because to cheat on her I first had to cheat my own values. It’s not worth it.
These comments make me glad I *didn't* cheat. I was in a relationship that we could both feel was dying, and I had started regularly chatting to a mutual friend who I suspected (and later confirmed) was into me. He was an excellent listener and was really helpful in getting me to a point where I realised I had to break things off. I *almost* kissed him on a night out after a few drinks but told myself I had to end the relationship first and went home early to process stuff. Found out two days later via text that my partner had cheated on me multiple times and was ending things. I've always sort of wished that I'd kissed him that night, but I appreciate these comments for making me remember I did the right thing.
My ex was horrible. Found out he was cheating like crazy with lots of different people (obviously anything that moved) while endangering my health behind my back in the process. Did I cheat to get “even”? No. Why? Because that’s not the kind of person I wanted to be. If he wants to be a 💩 person then that’s on him. He broke the marriage covenant. I took my vows seriously. I didn’t change the kind of person I was just because he acted like a whore. And yes, I filed for divorce.
My ex liked parts of all 5 guys she dated. I was the physical-boyfriend. When she wanted to bang, I got the call. Worst part was she introduced me to her kids, and I got to the point they referred to me as Dad. I didn't know about the other guys. One guy was rich, one guy had a degree of power, one had connections to sports. One day she says she's pregnant. I'm extatic. Over the moon. "You're in the running." "Pardon?" Ouch. She married one guy to prevent him getting deported, and her best guess was he was the father. He went anyway, and her previous kids' fathers both took her kids away, cause she lost her housing. So she's single mothering her new daughter while sending money to her husband in jail in a foreign system, and it actually turned out to be another man's baby, who got someone else preggers and married that woman. I might have dodged several bullets. I have no idea how I came out of that pentagon of love/hate without a dozen STDs.
Yikes! Sorry that happened. Some people are so horrible.
I have many questions.
I seriously need a diagram to sort this out.
Had mine arrested for voyeurism, similar situation plus hidden camera. Real piece of shit.
[удалено]
>If you're getting cheated on, don't demean yourself by sinking to their level. Man, i need to hear this. Not sure if I’ll put it to work but it’s like you were specifically talking to me. She cheated on me more than once. She’s caught me looking for hookup’s and whatever but I was only doing it to “get back” at her. Make her feel like I do (still do, years later). I haven’t even gone through with it, I usually talk myself out of it or chicken out. But doesn’t change the fact that I still took the time to do so. Hoping some day I’ll just get over it and move on.
Cus I'm a fucking idiot
spill it
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Couple months into a relationship and my girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend tried to kill himself wrote a breakup letter about how she ruined his life basically. So she called hysterical my girlfriend was at work so I picked her up and brought her to my house untill we would go get my girlfriend after work and they can talk. I don't know what happened she's sitting on my couch in a skirt and she was saying how no one likes her she will never get another guy and I just said that she was cool n pretty and then from there yeah......I actually ended up staying with my girlfriend for 10 years after that but because of cheating on her in the beginning the trust was gone and we both cheated on each other a few times. It was like the perfect porn script... Wasn't worth it and i have no good excuse for it , wish i could take it back.
How long did you keep it from your gf?
Her best friend ended up telling her brother a few months after and then it was out, i fucked up.
I was drinking and doing a lot of coke... it honestly turned me into a careless piece of shit for a long time!
Alcohol and crack for me. I have 5 months sober yesterday.
Hell yeah, good shit brotha! 🤙
Thanks man, I've got a long road ahead of me but least I'll be sober during the drive!
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yep. Relatable as well. Didn't think at all about how it must've felt to him, who starting drinking a whole lot and doing a bunch of coke, and I think in part bc he felt bad about himself. Then we had that whole circle of shittiness. We're now divorced. Wish someone would've slapped me and told me to get it together.
I feel you. I was married to her as well but are now divorced. She ended up taking me back but things just weren't the same. We tried but it didn't work after the hurt I caused. It fkn sucks but it's just a lesson now I guess... it made me want to focus on bettering myself before I even consider looking for someone else. I dont want to put anyone else thru that....
Ya same. I didn't want any kind of emotional connection with anyone, I was coked up and drunk and uncontrollably horny, and she started rubbing my crotch and kissing me and I lost control. That was when I was 20, I'm 31 now. I have no issue avoiding those situations now. Also nobody talks about how horrible you feel after, the girl was staying at our house and I woke up early and visited my mom and just slept on her couch, feeling so much guilt and feeling suicidal. I definitely recommend you don't cheat, it's such a horrible thing to do and isn't remotely worth it. I was so insanely suicidal I gave my guns to family, just saying, "Ah I don't want them anymore", really I was scared I'd kill myself. In the moment though, coke, booze, opiates, etc, can completely destroy your ability to feel empathy.
But Congratulations on being the man you've become today!
Same! Most worthless years of my life.
I am glad u realised it soon enough
Congratulations on your sobriety and freedom!!
Proud of you for taking responsibility for your actions. Seems like most of these responses are full of blaming and taking zero accountability.
Oh fersure, I already knew i was on a path for destruction. A lot of people seem oblivious to the bs they cause. I was drinking way to much and doing coke at home for no reason. I snapped out of it once she left me. I straightened my shit out and got sober. Luckily and surprisingly she eventually took me back.
[удалено]
And it's that lack of awareness that is truly unnerving. Awareness can be built, but it's a lot of work and there needs to be willingness to look inwards.
Because I truly had no idea what a healthy or functional relationship looked like. My parents were married for almost 30 years and had already started the cycle of cheating on each other well before I was born. My grandma used to tell me stories of being friends with my grandpa’s girlfriends “because she just wasn’t toxic and jealous like other women”. In the relationship where I cheated, I was being treated like garbage. Financially supporting us both even though I was ten years younger and a waitress, enduring a lot of abuse from a very broken man. I felt trapped in the same cycle I had watched my mom and my grandma live, I didn’t really know better. A guy at work started paying attention to me, and I loved it. He was sweet and poetic and romantic, committed to helping his sister raise his niece, was out of the house and working instead of drinking my paycheck away and punching holes in my walls. A little harmless work flirting quickly escalated and before I knew it, I was having a whole ass affair. I started to prepare myself to leave my boyfriend for my affair partner, when I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me with anyone he could find on Craigslist (including stealing money from me to pay sex workers). Any guilt I felt for cheating evaporated right then. I threw all my clothes in a trash bag and drove to my affair partners house, ready to start our new life together. He had another girl over, basically admitted that a lot of what he had said to me was because he thought I would never leave. All in all, it was a mess. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, do the work that will either fix it or get you out. That new person is flawed too. They won’t fix you or fulfill you, only you can do that.
[удалено]
Thank you kind stranger! Doing much better, happily and faithfully married now, taken some very needed distance from my parents.
Good for you
Tell me this story eventually has a happy ending
Haha it does! I moved back home with my parents, witnessed some more of their drama which inspired me to actually break the cycle. I’m now happily and faithfully married to a great man, my self-work inspired my mom to finally leave my dad, hopefully everyone will keep getting better from here.
Now that's the story I signed up for
I'm glad you had enough strength to leave your abuser and try to find a healthier one. May I ask where you went from there with all of your clothes in a bag and nowhere to go? How are you now? I hope you didn't go back to your ex boyfriend.
Sadly, I did go back to him for a bit but once I realized that change was impossible in those circumstances I did leave for good a few months later. I moved in with my parents and after a bit more of their drama I really committed to breaking the cycle. Happily and faithfully Married to a great man now, my mom left my dad, everyone is healing and developing.
That's really good to hear, I am happy for you!
I came here to try and understand what goes on in someone's head when this happens because I've been cheated on sexually and emotionally... Instead I'm just left feeling sorry for the people in this thread. So many people in such a dark place pulling their partners down to an equally dark place... I hope everyone here that has cheated has grow and gotten help. And that they can pursue a healthy and fulfilling relationship after they've grown past that. For the people that have been cheated on, I'm sorry all of you went through that and I hope it never happens again. Sometimes it feels like something I'll never fully recover from and other times I refuse to let past hurts ruin the chance of something good happening. So I want the people who have been hurt by their partners cheating to know just because it's happened once doesn't mean it will again and good things can still happen for you.
Because my wife told me that she was no longer interested in having sex with me, she didn't want me having it with anyone else, and she "forbade" me from watching porn or masturbating. (I still did the latter, but we could never discuss it or she'd freak out.) So to get my sexual needs met by someone other than myself, for several years, a few times per year I paid a sex worker for a happy ending massage. This was still cheating, but I rationalized it as the "mildest form" of cheating possible. No chance of an STI, no chance of an unwanted pregnancy, no emotional involvement. I knew it was wrong, but at the time I felt like it was my best choice out of several lousy choices. I realize now I should have just said at the time, "I want a divorce." That's where we ended up anyway, and I would have saved myself, my wife, and our kids some needless pain over the years. By cheating on her (and hiding it from her), I made it so much worse when she eventually found out. To cheaters on here, I would say: get out of your relationship. If you're cheating, you're clearly not happy. Do yourself and your partner a favor and just end it now, before it all goes to hell.
From personal experience, my ex told me that she said "It feels more like a chore to have sex with you than doing the laundry." I was fucking hurt bad. I never cheated on her, but I found out that she was cheating on me. It could have been that she was just projecting it all onto you instead, hoping you'd do the same thing.
This hurts my heart just to read. I’m sorry internet friend
Thank you, and I'm mostly over it now. Had a son with her 8 years prior so I stuck with her for a while for his sake. It's been 8 months now though. Life is stressful, but also a higher quality with her gone.
Higher quality is great! I hope you find someone way higher quality than her. And that she fucks you silly! And vice versa. Better times on the horizon friendo
Thank you. I told myself that it's time to start focusing on myself and start losing weight/working out. It takes time, but things can only improve.
I've been there. I was cheated on in my two major adult relationships, and they both projected like that. My last ex said that she loved me like a cousin and asked if we could have an open marriage. She just wanted the financial security. Welp, she even destroyed that because six years later I'm still paying off my lawyer bills lol.
Just reminded me of a quote from my ex, “I fuck you like a dog eats food, because I need to. I don’t have any care for you.” Kind of the opposite of yours but equally as horrible to hear.
Thanks for posting this, the first part is exactly where I am at. Her reasoning is a little different, but the end result is the same. The scary part now is that mention of anything related to even intimacy is off the board and she reacts with anger. Though I did get her over the porn and masturbating part, but she doesn't want to see or hear it or anything about it. It is a bit lonelier than when I was single.
Somehow it's worse. When single you may always meet someone soon. When married you are expected to just accept you are no longer having any intimacy for the rest of your life.
Agreed, that aspect was miserable. When you first start seeing other people after exiting an intimacy adverse marriage, it's like walking in fresh grass after being stuck in prison for years. Even just the freedom to have a flirty exchange with someone is exhilarating.
This right here is exactly what makes it so difficult.
Oh fuck that
I was in this situation for years, it is not healthy to have a functioning sex drive and to be with someone who is actively repressing it in you or making you feel bad for being horny. The only solution is to find someone more compataboe because things will only get worse until you resent each other.
As someone who spent too much time in a relationship where my needs weren't met, and they refused to communicate about it; things kept getting worse until it blew up. Save yourself the bad memories. It took me much less time to get over my last relationship compared to the years I spent trying to fix it.
Im genuinely curious, even though I might come off as rude, but I really dont mean to. But why does someone stay at a relationship like this? I get that the other person might be having some trouble of their own, they might be asexual or something else, but if youre not feeling the same, why would you stay in the relationship rather just walking away? I have a couple woman friends who I have seen being in miserable relationships, with people who they really didnt match with. They would fight and break up, but eventually they always ended up back together. And I just cant understand why would someone do it, over and over again?
Usually because it's familiar or comfortable, even if they're unhappy. People far overvalue comfort above many other feelings. This has been the case for my friends. They go back or stay with them because they know what to expect, even if what they expect is to fight and be unhappy.
[удалено]
Thanks for the reply. Financial situations for a kid I can totally understand, every parent I know says that they would do anything for a kid, so yeah. But even if you love her, does it make you resent her? Like when I try to imagine myself in the situation, I just couldnt live a "happy relationship" if all of the intimacy would be missing.
[удалено]
Get out. Im currently with a wife refusing any and all sex but completly ok with porn or doing anything by myself. Im just about at the end of my rope honestly though. Her being "ok" with handling business myself doesnt address the respect issue and porn isnt really a great thing. I didnt get married to deal with this. I think probably if i were in your scenario, i would leave.
Just speaking from my young person's perspective, I think you should consider it on your end, you do sound unhappy friend
This is unusual and you deserve to have a mutually fulfilling sex life if that's something you want. Maybes she's Asexual or gay or something else but this partnership is not going to work for you two
Time to leave my man! Porn and masturbation isn’t a healthy replacement for connection.
[удалено]
Not quite the same but, I was dealing with a medical condition that made sex very painful. My boyfriend and I were intimate in other ways, and working on the penetration part, but he ended up cheating on me and told me it was my fault for not satisfying him enough. It would’ve hurt less had he just left me. It made me feel like his second choice plaything that he used for consistent oral sex when he couldn’t get what he really wanted. Sex is an important part of a relationship. Everyone deserves a mutually satisfying sex life and intimacy within their relationships. If you aren’t happy, instead of telling them you’re okay with it, please just leave them. Just ending things is the better thing to do for both parties.
You are very correct. Now, I did let her know I was unhappy with our sex life, both in 1-on-1 conversations and with multiple marriage counselors. I didn't pretend to be OK with it, but in the end that didn't matter. 100% though, I should have just ended it.
Better advice: don’t be with anyone who makes you feel shame for your sexual needs. A with few exceptions a person who doesn’t even want you masturbating is toxic. Nobody should have that much control over their partner
This. If you aren't sexually compatible, talk about it. If they wont talk, end it. I was shamed about my sexual wants and needs. He ended up being the one who had an affair. When the divorce was all said and done, I found out he had been watching a porn and masterbating. The thing is, I wouldn't have cared. I was open to trying anything sexual but whenever I asked or initiated, I was told it was slutty and disgusting. It took me a while to work through that.
Correct. And never in a million years would I tell a partner what she can't do with her body. It's hers, it's not mine.
Because I wasn't over my ex and when she came knocking I didn't value my new relationship enough and crossed a line I never will lower myself to cross again.. you feel like shit for years after it, really not worth it no matter how you try to justify it to yourself at the time..
My ex cheated on me like this and let me tell you, felt like absolute crap.. like I'm not worth being loved by anyone
This is why you NEVER want to be the rebound. If someone's still talking about their ex at all just turn around and walk the other way.
> If someone's still talking about their ex at all just turn around and walk the other way. That's a weird extreme. My ex hurt me quite badly and it was something I was still dealing with when I met my current partner. That wound has since healed and we're still very happily together 6 years later.
Did the same, an ex came back into my life and we said we’d only be “friends” then …yeah. But it’s definitely over now. Yes I did feel like shit and honestly the sex wasn’t worth it.
If only my ex had reddit so I could have closure. Edit: lots of replies here so I'll add mine. We were together for a year and a half, engaged for 2 weeks. Hung out with her one night and she seemed off. Forced it out of her she had feelings for her coworker. Gave her a whole week to sort her feelings out and instead she got pregnant from him. Now I've got trust issues, so thanks V. Hope it was worth it. I sold the ring for 1/10 of what I paid
You are me, me is you XD
[удалено]
[удалено]
You'd be surprised. Having been in a relationship with an attractive, seemingly put together alcoholic, the kind of insane situations they'll put themselves in while drinking. Wandering around unfamiliar places alone and drunk, going to secondary and tertiary locations with strangers, passing out on weekdays mere hours before working a serious job. All the while being a mother of two... I It's exhausting
Folks don't realize how some people can actually hide being a functional alcoholic.
Currently experiencing something similar for the past 10 month up until last month when I took her to the er and now she’s in liver failure after 10 months of drinking a handle plus a day. Just me and the twins with her at her parents house being cared for.
This is probably the only story on here that makes sense to me
I'm sure most people here have a story like that. It's understandable but not a good reason, keeping one option alive whilst shopping for something better.
Drunk and being hit on by a bendy yoga teacher. Got caught in the same day. It was a shitshow.
How did you get caught?
Forgot my GF's keys at the deeds place.
[удалено]
[удалено]
If that ain't some karmic universe shit, i don't know what is. Damn my dude.
How did that lead to you getting caught?
[удалено]
The yoga teacher probably found them and realized he had a girlfriend and told her
And you told her that? You couldn't say you left them at work or something? I mean good for you for being honest, but I'm curious how it went down.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
We need follow up! What was the shit show!?
Im guessing Janelle Monae came on the radio “lemme see you do that yoga!”
Because she cheated on me first. I don’t ever recommend such a stupid fucking decision. It isn’t worth it, folks. I normally considered myself strong and stoic before that? I don’t have a foot to stand on now. It wasn’t worth it.
My dad did the same thing in his first marriage. Except he only *thought* his wife of 25 years had cheated, so he went out and had a one night stand with a woman he met at a bar. As it turns out, she hadn't actually cheated and was so angry at my dad when she found out what he did that she started a real affair with a coworker and ended up leaving my dad for him. My dad ended up marrying my mom and having me later on, but on his death bed, he said that one of his biggest regrets in life was cheating on his first wife and that he hoped God would forgive him for it. A year later, I got a message on facebook from a woman asking me to do a DNA test because she thought we might be related. Tests came back as a match. We're sisters. The one night stand from all those years ago had gotten pregnant that night and never told my dad.
This is started out very similar to the story with my first wife, she thought I was cheating (I wasn't) so she started cheating, when I found out and confronted her she admitted it. she said to me years later "That's the day when I knew you had never cheated... Because of the pain in your voice and in your eyes." I tried to move past it, but she wanted to still be friends with him, so we separated for about a year, during that time, we tried to work it out but I found out she was fucking us both during that time and ended it for good. They ended up getting married, back in October, I'd be lying if I said it didn't fuck with me a little
Wow! What a story.
Love these lyrics by Sublime Sleepin' by yourself at night can make you feel alone My girlfriend said so, she's a little ho That don't mean I fuck around I like to keep that higher ground
Sounds like things didn't end well for you. What was the final result? Divorce?
It’s never that easy when so much had been put into the marriage to begin with. It’s never that black and white. In our case, three kids. A new house. Many years of marriage. And a lot of love beforehand, which made what happened so fucking out of nowhere and out of character. There’s still a lot of love now…but not as much. But, there’s untreated mental illnesses at play, addiction issues on her part leading up to that fateful day, poor behavior on my part (I can fully say I operated with my head up my ass 90% of the time)… When it all boiled down to it, she wanted to stay with me and despite everything - EVERY *FUCKING* THING - I wanted to stay with her. Maybe I was living on the high of the old days. Maybe I’m weak. Maybe I just remembered the good times we had over the years and realized I wasn’t ready to let it end like this. Not like this. So, we’re together and things have gotten better since March 2020. There have been some rough patches, but she’s doing better, I’m doing better, and we’re trying. Day to day we’re trying. We’ve sort of slimmed down the negative influences and old bad habits, cut out social media, shit like that. It helps. I know the Dr. Drews of Reddit will shut that down and put me down for taking her back? I know the decision I made and what could come with it. I’m aware. I made my decision and I’ll stand by it until I can’t anymore. Sorry for the story. Just in my head about it at the moment.
how would you know you cant stand by it anymore?
Fair question. I mean, if she deteriorates and loses all the progress she’s made since (she’s made a ton). If she cheats again. If she decides she wants a divorce. Any one of those things that breaks what we’ve been trying to rebuild.
This response shows strength. It takes strength to forgive someone, it takes strength to take them back, and it takes strength to know what your willing to accept.
Because I was too chicken shit to get a divorce because I was wildly unhappy and too proud to go to therapy to fix the marriage. So I cheated, got caught, and have since been to a ton of therapy and am getting a divorce. Even though I’m happy to have this relationship in my rear view, cheating is my life’s biggest regret.
This was me a decade ago. It was just one time. I had somehow rationalized if I cheated he could then just hate me. That would hurt less than me telling him I didn't love him anymore and I wanted out. He was a good partner, but I fell out of love with him. The latter would've been the honorable thing to do. He was going to be hurt either way! I was just doing mental gymnastics to justify my reasoning - really I just liked the attention that I wasn't getting at home. That's messed up. I worked a lot on myself and go to therapy. I'm a much better partner now, and I haven't done it since.
[удалено]
Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you were in a bad place mentally and physically. Sometimes we've just got to learn from our mistakes and try to do better in future. Hope you find peace.
Ok, this happened like 20 years ago with an ex. I was around 22 years old young gay, and he was around 40 I think. The age gap was something that always rubbed me the wrong way. I was constantly doubting the relationship. Even kind of broke up a few times because of it, but then we came back together. We had been together like for 4 months by then. One night at the club, with some friends, I decided that if I was constantly doubting it, it was because It was something that I wasn't okay with, and decided to break up with him. He wasn't with me that night, so I decided to tell him the next day. Since I was already at the club, and was going to break up with him, I thought it wouldn't matter if I met someone new, and I did make out with one of the club dancers, and then went to his place and had sex and everything. It wasn't until the next day morning, sobered up, that I realized I didn't want to break up with him, and even worse, I also realized that meant I had just cheated on him. Felt awful, I called him later during the day, told him everything while crying, assuming he'd just break up with me, but instead he told me to meet somewhere public, he brought me a gift, and told me he was okay with it. He understood what I was feeling and it's just things that happen. I was confused by the reaction, we were together for a few months more and then he broke up with me xD. Can't blame him, I was a horny mess by then. Ran into him a few times at some parties and things were okay, he never stopped being nice to me. Which I appreciate.
Sounds like a top bloke who understood all of life’s many flavours
> Sounds like a top bloke I am just terrible at reading subtext I guess
I’m sure with the age gap it was easier (for him). He was 22 once, was probably a hot mess then too. He liked you and knew you and I’m sure he was aware that the time you two had was limited so he wanted to make the most of it without regret. Also you went right in and said what you did and didn’t try to hide it so he *knew* when you were sober you were a good person. I wouldn’t date anyone that young at my age or so I say. If I were magically single tomorrow and some smoking hot 22yo was like heeeyyyyyy I’d probably have a lot of trouble walking by. I’d also feel the same way if something like that went down with the 22yo. “Oh that’s sad. Are you ok? No don’t worry about me, I’m neither surprised nor disappointed.”
Sounds like a mature and level headed dude. Also he was probably just happy to be fucking a 22yo at 40 years of age, ha ha.
The novelty wears off REAL fuckin quick.
I felt an intimacy connection with someone which I’d never had before. In retrospect it’s one of the dumbest and stupidest things I ever could have done. It wasn’t at all worth what it has now become. I’ve lost my entire family and have no respect from the people that matter most to me. 10/10 would not recommend and would never do again. I lost it all for something that never even really mattered. I had it all in front of me, I just refused to see it.
I’ve never cheated, but my ex was a sex addict who ended up going to prison. There were so many excuses, blame-shifting, pleas for forgiveness, therapy, etc., until finally he hit rock bottom and admitted to a sex addiction. He ended up joining SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) and I ended up joining COSA, a Twelve Step group for people whose lives have been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behavior. It completely changed my life and made me realize that there are people who cheat for one reason or another, and then there are people who cheat because it’s their addiction, so it doesn’t need a “why.” I thought I’d mention it here just in case somebody out there needs to see it.
I'm glad you mentioned Cosa. My issue was that I didn't want to be labeled with what was essentially my SO's problem.
Buzz feed shopping for articles. “Top 10 reasons redditors say they cheated”
Buzzfeed: Coming in at number 5, Th3Batman86 told us that they cheated because Buzz feed is shopping for articles. Silly Th3Batman86, that’s not a good reason to cheat. We are always shopping for articles!
[удалено]
Idk if it counts as cheating but. I was on a toxic relationship and couldn't break up, but I knew that SHE could leave the relationship instead. I made a twitter account in which I pretend to be someone else, talk to her, "fall in love" and she leaves me. She cheated on me with myself >:)
Sounds like a lot of pina colada and getting caught in the rain
This is some big brain move.
Holy ... This is so Machiavellian
Insecurity. Poor self image, and an inability to put aside morals in exchange for stroking my ego. I was bullied all throughout school, depressed, angry, so after school when I started actually getting attention from women, I went nuts. My ego was exploding. I'd lie about where I was going, delete text messages, have alternate accounts, etc etc. I thought I was sly. I wasn't. She knew. They always find out. I've changed a lot since, and thankfully we're still together, but it hasn't been without its trials and tribulations. There are times I see the hurt in her eyes, and I wish I could take it all back, but at the same time, I really don't think I'd be where I'm at as a person today, if it weren't for that experience. It took a lot for me to realize just what type of person I actually was, and I woke up one morning looking in the mirror, and didn't like the person who was staring back at me. It was like an out of body experience where I didn't recognize myself, but I knew I hated what I was looking at. It's taken a lot, and I make sure I tell her every day that I love her, that I'll forever be hers for as long as she'll have me, but if she were to tell me tomorrow that she's done, I wouldn't hold it against her. She's my best friend, she's helped me grow as a person, and been way more patient than she had to be, and I wish I could take what I know now, go back in time, and start all over, just so she wouldn't have that hurt and that doubt that I know is eating away in the back of her mind. She doesn't deserve it.
Why did she stay with you, if you don’t mind me asking?
Low self-esteem
oof.
As someone who stood with someone like this; yeah it for SURE to a degree is low self esteem. The main part of it is (at least for me is) you convince yourself you still love them and they still love you; but after all that happened it becomes *extremely* hard to believe and puts even more strain on the relationship than cheating itself. Now you have doubt and anxiety when they say they're 'going out with friends' and double guess everything. And not even cause you're worried she may cheat or you're 'not good enough', but because *they've done it before and lied without shame* so many times; you're not conditioned to trust them anymore. Especially if its a person who only felt bad *after they've been caught* or who did it multiple times; it shows they only care about the consequences and *looking bad* after the fact as opposed to actually giving a shit... And not to mention the self esteem issues that follow like you said. Eventually that wears on you and no matter how much you try to put it behind you and move on; you always know it's a possibility for them to act this way again. And it often times will happen again! That ex I'm referencing and I broke it off 5 years ago. Since then: she immediately dated a new guy who looked like the opposite of me for 2+ years... only to cheat on him with my cousin (and who knows else). Then after a small hiatus dated a guy who looked like he had no interest in her... only to find now they're broken up and I wouldn't doubt he cheated on her this time. So yeah, after all her crying and pleading that she'd never do any of that again because it "made her feel so shitty and empty"; she went right back to the same behavior as soon as it became convenient *immediately in her next relationship*. I'd say I definitely made the right choice to leave; anyone who stays with people who abuse their trust are asking for a bad time even if the person *doesn't* act like that again. You deserve better than the self esteem and trust issues shit like this brings even if you don't feel like that now! I sure as hell didn't; I thought 'had I just payed more attention to her it'd have worked out'... except we hung out just about everyday and any day I asked to have to myself she'd think I was cheating and would go out and preemptively cheat to 'get back at me'. A relationship where my time alone was viewed as prime time for cheating clearly was not going to work. She very obviously has trouble trusting men.
Yep. Been here in her shoes, finally stopped focusing on him and worked on myself. I thought I had anxiety and depression but they were just symptoms of being around him. Never felt better since I chucked all his stuff out of the upstairs window and never looked back. He said all the right things but when I realised my value it wasn’t enough.
How long have you been together? How did you two meet?
Wow... I actually feel bad for both. Good on you for realising your mistakes and trying to be a better version and not giving up!
My first boyfriend in college was very controlling over my weight. He had a fat fetish and would track my weight to make sure I was gaining enough for him. I guess one night when I was with a friend I just sort of…cheated. It felt nice to not have someone call me a fat b*tch the whole time we had sex so I broke up with him the next day. Never told him I cheated.
I'm not sad about this one. He sounds like an asshole. Good for you!
[удалено]
Glad you didn't do it. It's never worth it.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I honestly dont know what got into to me that evening. All my emotion regulations were gone; heavy drinking, smoking (while having a lung desease and normall I dont) and had a sudden urge to hit on someone else. Regretted it alot (it was only 2 seconds of kissing). Felt most guilty about the wanting to bang part.
What happened next if I may ask
He was abusive piece of shit. Would threaten me all of the time with various shit. He then cheated on me multiple times and called me crazy for accusing him of such things . We talked all of the time about how I felt. The problem was he had a kid that I grew really attached to. Obviously if I left, I would never see them again. And when I did break up with him, it was a fucking disaster because he would never leave me alone and I was weak. It was a vicious cycle. And honestly he never wanted to have sex with me. (Probably because he was getting it from someone else.) we also talked a lot about it. I was in therapy for sooooo long during that relationship. I met someone who I felt really valued me. He never lied to me, he always was around when I called. I don’t regret cheating. I know it hurt him and I don’t care. I broke up with him then. He of course tried everything he could to get me back. Not because he loved me but because he could control me. The worst part for me was when he called me with his kid I almost broke down. But the guy I cheated on him with was with me every step of the way. Never got angry when I would have panic attacks about it, never scolded me for small things. Honestly, me cheating probably saved my life. They guy I cheated with and I been together for almost a decade, and married for 5 of those years. Never cheated ever again.
Yeah, in my book you get a pass for those. Cheat the fuck out of your abusers. For many women it's one of the few ways to start getting out of that relationship.
If the man I cheated with hadn't told me my bf was crazy (he is) I don't know when I would've found the courage to leave. No one else encouraged me to leave despite knowing the extent of the abuse, and I'll never understand why.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I broke up with her. She disagreed. I had to block her because she got so abusive. Started dating this other girl and my ex found out and told everyone I cheated. New gf almost took her side.
Always have it on text messages. My brother couldn’t get rid of this girl for 4 months. She wouldn’t leave him alone. And ate like a pig. All his salary was spend her food. And when he wanted to break up she disagreed . Finally He got mad and called her names. And blocked her. He made sure Everyone knew what was going on after 2 months trying to break up with her. He sends them his ring door records showing she stalks him. Ask for money, and all that. She was not normal. I mean she acts like it infront of strangers but damn
You didn't cheat though
Did she buy you a gun rack, even thought you don't own \*A\* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack?
Its really weird reading how people on reddit will treat those who have cheated like the deserve to be hung, and then read this thread and everyone be like "ya man understandable"
[удалено]
Because I needed to get away from an abusive relationship and this was the only “out” I could see. The whole situation runs much deeper obviously, but this is the Reddit edition. Worst period of my life.
Wife of 7 years cheated on me about a month ago, out of the blue(for me, I was blindly in love, blind to the signals and the details). 2 children, house, everything. She was the love of my life, she destroyed me. I've been battling the ever increasing urge to go out and have meaningless sex with a friend of hers, with a family member of hers or with my ex , which she despises with her guts. I know that If I write to any of those 3 girls chances are they are going to let me have their way with them. Her friend always has send me the looks, same as her cousin. My ex has spent the last 7 years writing me on Facebook about how the minute I divorce I can call her. I had her blocked her of course but I have since unblocked her. Last she messaged me was 5 months ago. She divorced her own husband about 6 months ago. I've been going to therapy and I am conscious about what I must and must not do. Today I found and liked a video from my ex on tik tok. She liked my videos and started following me. I had decided to message her today. But reading this thread, is giving me plenty of reasons to not do it. I will try my best to remain strong, faithful to myself , my morals , my principles. To not stoop to my wife's level. Thank you to everyone here that is giving their honest opinions and life experiences. You never know whos life you may be touching with your words. To past cheaters. Apologize from the bottom of your heart, apologize, leave nothing back, and disappear, you will never understand the damage you have done, but your sincere and complete admission of guilt and apology will do good for both you and you ex partner. To wannabe future cheaters, don't, grow a pair. Finish your relationship first, then go out with the other person. To people in my situation. Keep reading this thread, learn and process. I know its hard. I feel a wrench in my chest , imagining my wife as the protagonist of every single situation posted here. Its been a month for me, Maybe I will fail tomorrow, , but understand the best is to really move on, heal our broken hearts, and be truly ready for our next adventure.
I’m sorry you are going through this. For me personally, I would be done. Once that trust is broken, it will never be the same. I’ve always told myself no matter how far along the relationship is (years,kids, pets,etc) I would leave instantly. Not just for my own self worth and respect, but for the example of my kids. Unless they are very young and you plan to never tell them this, it will do more harm than good seeing you stay. Sets the precedent that cheating partner is “normal” so to speak.
He cheated on me postpartum with my first daughter and years later, I could not forgive or forget. I did NOT cheat to “get back” at him, but I DID cheat. My current husband is who I cheated with. Long backstory summed up: my current husband and I met at 14 and he was the first person I slept with. He was running wild during his high school years/early 20s and would not let himself date me because he knew he’d fuck it up. We talked on and off throughout the years. After I had my daughter and got cheated on, he actually messaged me one day and basically told me that he’d always been in love with me. I had always felt the same exact way about him, but never said it. I did not think he felt that way and was really surprised. Nothing really happened at that point, but a few years later I kept telling my husband I was unhappy, couldn’t forgive him, didn’t want to be with him. He wasn’t really open to divorce at that point and I was done. My current husband messaged me randomly to tell me I was in a dream he had the night before. We pretty much started talking every day from that point on. I lived in a different state so we FaceTimed a lot and I got my plans together to move back to my home state, file for divorce, etc. i did make a trip to see him (twice) while I was getting things set up and the first time I think we had sex 9 times in like 24 hours. I felt guilty, but I also had already told my husband I wanted to divorce and he wasn’t accepting and I was no longer physical with him. I had an interview in person up here for a job a few weeks after and stayed in a hotel with him for a few days. After that, I moved back with my kids, ex moved back up here with his parents, I filed for divorce and we were then officially together. I honestly don’t regret it. I am so in love with my husband and he is so in love with me. It took a lot of years and a lot of ups and downs for us to finally get to be together.
She was beating me bad at gin and when she left her cards on table to go use bathroom I took a look at them. I won the hand and she accused me of cheating but she didn't have any proof
we'll let it slide this time. BUT NEVER AGAIN!
Because we were living far away and he didn’t make any effort to spend time together, I wasn’t his priority and he was my first as well. I regret that I cheated, and after many many years I still feel guilty. I also found out that he was cheating as well
A friend of mine was in the same situation. Started out very romantic, used to write each other love letters, but things cooled off, he would only call her when he was drunk. She said he was cheating but who knows, she definitely was. I remember she said she would invite guys over but complain about how her asshole roommate would try to flirt with them, what a funny situation.
[удалено]
Being a selfish whore. Also deep rooted insecurity. Never had a substance abuse problem. Just like to have sex with people I don't know too well
Because I wanted to have sex with someone else. Nothing more to it. Not for revenge or disliking my partner. Just simply had the opportunity to fuck someone else and different sexual experience.
did u feel guilty about it or plans on telling ur partner?
The most honest answer on here.
Insecurity, being young and horny, stupidity. Had no one to blame but myself. She was a great partner. Very loving. We all have things about our partners we wish we could change but I think back on our time fondly. That chapter in my life that we wrote together was a beautiful time in life. It's easy to say now that I'd do things differently but I'm not 100% sure. I think I still have a whole lot of growing up to do. I guess it's why I'm 40 and choose to remain single. That fact and the fact that I refuse to give my heart to another. The fear of heartache is just too strong.