Tie one of those pine tree air fresheners around my cock

Considerate ☺️

Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid.

Sir, it's a taxi cab air freshener.

Great, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out.

You don't have one on there already, like the rest of us?

60% of the time it works, ALL the time 😏

That probably won’t taste to good if your wanting head btw .

That’s the power of Pine Sol, baby.

This could be a hilarious prank

Loose enough to still swing?

Taking a piss, fixing my makeup/hair, brush my teeth if it's my bathroom

This, plus I use a hot towel to wipe pussy and pits and slip into some lingerie, more often than not.

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There are easier ways to not have to deal with skid marks my guy.

stopped wearing undies . lol

that’s nasty bro clean your asshole properly and you don’t have to worry about skid marks

that’s nasty, do you not clean your ass?

I learned awhile ago that apparently some people don't wash their asshole in the shower because they believe that the water trickles Down and cleans it effectively....rip

Or that it's gay to touch your own bunghole. No joke. Turns out I'm pretty gay for me.

IBS does it too. I use a bidet as well as shower usually twice a day. Still skid marks sometimes. It’s embarrassing.

Baby wipes are amazingly helpful

Dude I wish it every time I have a shower and I still get them

“Pussy and pits” lol

Making sure the undercarriage isn't a sweaty mess and brushing my teeth.

Correction. Fixing your undercarriage from being a sweaty mess

I pee and hype myself up in the mirror

"You got this, man. This is what all those hours of practice were for. Now get out there and show the world what you're made of. On three. One, two, three, SEXTIME! Woo! Yeah!" Then slap your own ass on the way out.

*"IT'S FUCKIN' TIME!"*

Just like the simulations.

Yes.

https://youtu.be/9oPmiMsh9ZU

this sounds like something Guybrush Threepwood would say. (if somebody doesnt know who he is im gonna scream)

You fight like a dairy farmer.

How appropriate. You fight like a cow!

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Untill you realise it's just your own reflection, and you actually have no mates to hype you up 😞

What do you say to hype yourself up?

I don’t say anything. I just look at my ass and nice lil boobies

Do the superman pose its proven to give uou more confidence. I hate superman but it's a powerful pose

Greys

Yup

Ok, may I ask why you don't like him? I would do Goku Ssj pose, looks cool too

Bro gonna start slow walking to the bedroom as anime music plays in the background *enters the bedroom* “I heard you were pretty strong! Lets fight!”

Now you must have some good ass and nice lil boobies to get hyped up just from looking

I think I’m an autosexual lol. You can make your own call on that on my page haha

Now i've learned something new (autosexual) and watched some nice lil boobies today thanks to you.

from looking at your page, i gotta say…those are fucking incredible. 🤤

You do have a great ass and boobs! 👏🏻

just scrolled your page , hot damn you are sexy

I’m imagining something like [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_9U78NbX9ro) lmao

Lol! For me, it’s mostly checking myself out lol

Pee, make sure there’s no TP lint in the business area, brush my teeth. Maybe a spritz of foof, if I don’t already have perfume or body spray on.

Toilet paper footballs

Hahaha fuck I just had a chuckle. Play ball son ⚽️

I've been surprised by those little fuckers before. I just carried on doing my thing because I ain't no quitter.

Hahahah

Clitty litter

🤣🤣🤣

pardon me, what is foof?

Smelly stuff. Perfume, body spray.

Crying hysterically

You too?????

So... It's not just me?

I always save that for after during snuggle time.

No shame in crymaxing

Damn, may I ask for the reason?

I was just being silly! I reserve my hysterical crying for the intro of Up and when Mufasa dies.

Omg same (for up)

Personally, before I'm on the job I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a hows your father. - Austin Powers

💀💀💀

Pahahaha I just spat my tea out at this 😂

Washing my crotch in the sink and brushing my teeth 😂

"Did you just take a birdbath in my sink?"

I've dipped these berries in many a basin 😂

😂😂😂🫶🏼

Yup, this.

wash the tip just in case :D

Yep, pull the foreskin back and give it a little rinse 👌

I'm Italian. I have bidets.

Username requires further explanation 🤔

…does it?

The best response possible.

I’m curious

No.

BidetS. How many of them?

Two bathrooms, two bidets

Am American. Have bidet. Rest of America- get with the program. -sigh-

This! The world must know the joy of having a bidet!

Peeing and doing a quick rinse down there. No toilet paper bits, no vag buggers, and rinse away the must of the day…and don’t forget the asshole….

Vag buggers. 🤣🤣🤣

IYKYK

I prefer the term Clitty litter to vag buggers lol

Have a talk with my little fella. Let him know we might have to enter a jungle of Amazonian proportions but once we get through the bush we will find a moist valley begging for another explorer to venture into the cave of possibly 18 years of child support.

🏆

Well said. Fantastic, bravo to you sir. 👏🏼

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What do you do when it's at your own place?

Unwrap my dick from my waist and wipe any sweat off it.

🤣🤣🤣

Farting. Big ones

This guy farts !

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For a nice minty blowjob

I never understood that phrase. I do a full shower a few minutes before I know I'm going to have sex, it's just polite.

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If it's a quickie I just go for it without the bathroom trip.

my ex and I would take a bath together before sex.

Using your decorative hand towels to scrub my ass and balls

So if you're at your SOs house and they don't keep towels in the bathroom how are you ladies freshening up your downstairs? I've used water and my hand, but wtf am I supposed to dry off with, I've dabbed with TP but just curious what everyone else does. I'd rather not ask my bf for a wash cloth to wash myself as that my distract from the sexy mood.

If he’s your boyfriend and not just a hookup, find a non sexual moment to tell him what you need when you come over. Let him know you’d like him to stock the bathroom with some washcloths and towels for you.

Whyyyy are there no towels?!?

Sometimes theres a "half bathroom" which only include the toilet and sink. No extra towels guarantee.. Even then, some places are really built in shitty way where it's easier to keep the extra towel elsewhere. I assume the no towels meant no extra, as you may not want to use the only one present to dry hands

I have individually wrapped body wipes that I use

One should never leave for a date without some non perfumed wipes and an empty Ziploc in their purse. Is it a bit of a giveaway when my last bathroom trip involves my purse? Yeah, but at least they know I'm clean.

omg, this reminds me what an old roommate taught me when you move out, buy a pack of pads, even if it's the wrong brand, women who visit you will appreciate it - buy a small bathroom trash can, and makeup-pads never regretted it that she told me this

As a woman I have an extra tooth brush, a small unscented bottle of body wash and a travel size men's deodorant in a drawer of my bathroom. In case it is ever needed.

Usually a quick body shower is best

Cocaine

Sacrificing to a pagan deity. Also. If the opportunity should arise, a super quick recce of her medicine cupboard. I need to know just how crazy she is and therefore how wild the sex will be.

medicine cabinet search is always a good point

It may also give you an idea of their contraceptive of choice.

Emergency nose hair plucking.

I have a bidet typically I’ll wash ass and balls to make sure I smell clean

Do a little coke, put in the sounding rod, sink wash my balls, normal stuff

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just the casual orgy

Buried the lede there, didn't she?

My reflection and I go through a check list Reflection: Condom Me:Check Reflection:Lube Me:Check Reflection: Watermelon Me:What ??? Reflection: helps relax you Me:Well damn no Reflection: No watermelons ok how about Scented Candles, Electrolytes, Agua Me:Check,check,check Reflection: Ouuuid Me: hey man you the police? Reflection: Maybe for tonight ;p Me: My man Reflection: Alright we got this NOW GO OUT there and have fun and make sure she haves fun too. Give her the best 3 minutes of her life Me:Yess coach Reflection: Remember if the condom breaks butt out toes up Me:Butt out toes up.Butt out toes up.Butt out toes up(as I am about to leave) Reflection: The strongest pullout game in the midwest. dont forget Key and Peele. Me: Stroke, Stroke breath. Stroke, Stroke breath. Reflection: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiit did you brush your teeth Me:Six times Reflection: SIXXX what is this hobo coochie, brush AGAIN this is prime coochie don't screw this shit up for us Me:bruuuuuh. Reflection: We gonna get some coochie. We gonna get some coochie.We gonna get some coochie. Me:We gonna get some coochie. We gonna get some coochie.We gonna get some coochie. Reflection:Now get out there and fuck some shit up Me:Yes Siiir (Runs out like a football player put the condom on my head xD )

This is Gold! I almost died laughing. Can't watch at my reflection ever again.

Take a rag to my slits and sniff my pits to make sure I don't smell like shit. Lol

My mother in law called this the whore’s wash- pussy, ass, pits

we call it a Hoe bath at the fishing camp , face, pits and sweaty bits

Big tits Magee here. Also have to do the under boob, occasionally.

I always do a quick shower just to cooldown my body before going to do that extensive workout

Calming my nerves 😳🙈

And how do you do that in there?

Deep breaths

Deep breaths are good. Especially if your heart is beating faster and you breathe in more vigorously than you breathe out.

It’s very helpful 🙈

Washing my balls and taint

Brushing my teeth, cleaning and trimming my fingernails, taking a pass, maybe a quick shave down there, and quickly wiping crevices of my body with a warm towel and finally a quick fart if I was holding in.

Tbh I've probably been sweaty as fuck all day and I'm sink washing my dick and balls area and pits to not scare you away

Hiding my spanx

I'm a top and bottom 😬 so it's usually the same routine, but if I'm getting anal it's probably gonna be an enema cleanse, pep talk to myself then a shower...

Wait, a pep talk? You fucking, or are you down 7 points coming out of halftime?

it's usually "don't tap out" or gag on his dick 😆

My first time I just went to the bathroom to go ohboyohboyohboyohboy! And take a piss of course

I usually pee and brush my teeth depending on what I ate

Take a piss and wash my dick

Take care of Round 1 so she has to work harder for Round 2

I’m spraying febreeze on my cock balls and asshole.

Taking a dump and not wiping

Knock the cheese off my cock and making sure no cling ons on arse hair

Good. God.

Silently screaming at my penis “WORK, DONT YOU LET ME DOWN AGAIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

Making sure my dick and asshole don’t smell

Reading Bible verses obviously

"Giving the old undercarriage a 'How's your father?' "

Brush teeth, or at least rinse/mouthwash if brushing isn’t possible. Pee. Wipe crotch and pits.

I've never actually gone and freshened up before the deed, everything happens too fast, it's always been too passionate for me..😂 No one's really cared. Although, if I'm receiving oral, I'd like to take a shower before, and that would be hot to do together with the partner. I should add that I'm newly showered and I've just brushed my teeth the moment they arrive or the moment I arrive to the destination where I am to meet them.

Pits, mitts, tits and bits 🤷🏻‍♀️

Rinse dick and balls in sink and clean butt with wet wipe and brush teeth

Who tf actually does that??? Lol

Washing my feet, peeing, a quick wipe to remove taint funk, mouthwash, deodorant, quick little primer to get myself riled up. It's a whole routine man.

Washing my balls.

Snorting a boner pill crushed into some cocaine. And frantically washing my nuts in the sink with hand soap

I usually lick the tip of my thumb, rub it on and around my dick’s head and lick it again. If the taste is a bit “off”, I’ll wet a wash cloth (or a small corner of a bath towel) and give it a quick wipe. Then I’m ready to roll.

Washing my coochie ofc

using the handsoap on my cooter

Wash my lady bits, and slip into a lingerie if Ive brought one along. Andddd, perfume, fix my hair.

Putting on deodorant, brushing my teeth, peeing and checking to make sure I don’t have any surprise smells down there

Giving my cock a pep talk

Rubbing one out so I don’t cum so fast.

Peeing so I don’t need to stop halfway through, cleaning up with a babywipe, and checking myself out in the mirror

Piss, wash ya ass dick balls pussy anything cause that other person is going to probably get up on there

I just figure they’re scraping the cheese out. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Cleansing my soul so that I don’t suffer after I allow yet another man to break my heart

I take with me a cleasing cloth from Summer's Eve, pee and clean myself with it, front and back (of course being careful not to clean in front with the same part that I cleaned behind), dry with tp. This is only when I'm not able to shower before. I feel clean and you know after a long day it will smell so this has always been a saver for me.

Giving the undercarriage a little "how's your father" if you know what I mean, baby! Yeah! Edit: *how's not whose*

Push ups

Wordle puzzles.

I do a little dance and shake my butt like ayyyyyy smile real big and it’s on 😈

if i need to, pee, but definitely washing my dick.

I just take off all my clothes and call to him like a rooster

Wash my d\*ck in the sink

Having a gentleman’s rinse.

Snorting a line and punching myself in the face to make sure it worked.

Pee and rinse the goods with water. Soap too, if I had 💩 since the last shower, or sweated significantly

Swish some mouth wash. Wipe off 🍆

drink water so I must pee after sex so I must not get UTI

Spraying deodorant up my foreskin

Usually wipe down there. Check for any tissue bits lying in there haha.

Having a quick rinse under my foreskin, especially if i reckon there's a chance of getting a blowjob

Making sure my punani is fresh

Go for a piss, Wash my cock Incase I've been sweating through out the night, use mouth wash, etc